/mlpol/ - My Little Politics

>>345011
>Why a sunset pic?
* Why not a Sunset pic?

>>345011
Sounds like a fun project that could evolve into some interesting stories.

>GG picks the ponies and tells you why
>inb4 everyone gets Starlight Glimmer

>>345034
Glad to hear it.

>>345011
Sounds fun.

>>345055
I'm glad.
>>345034
>>345055
So are you two interested in partaking or are you just spectators?

>>345058
I was thinking spectator as I don't know if I am able to write anything good. But I am willing to try. Never written anything before so I would probably be on preschool level when it comes to story arc and sentence building. But perhaps it could be fun (or a good challenge) for someone experienced to try to clean up and fix all the plot holes and confusion introduced by me. So If I was 2nd out and not had to write last part I could perhaps be useful.

>>345059
Okay, if you feel up for it, then I could team up with you and write the first part. Only if you feel up for it that is.
My best advice if you feel somewhat insecure is to not take it too seriously and just have fun but also to not get overwhelmed, like not seeing the forest for the trees. I find that when I get overwhelmed that's what usually happens to me.
>not had to write last part
I suppose I could be flexible and allow that but I'd urge you to give it a chance. An ending is just a resolution of something. Chances are that at that point in the story is aimed toward a resolution. So like a treasure hunt ends when the heroes find the treasure.
Having said that, I'd say that you don't need to worry about that. You can't be disqualified for ending a story anti-climactically, you will just be judged for it.

>>345060
Shure I'll give it a go if you want. A bit apprehensive that I will do some really bad narrative like:
>.. then Tina said "Hey", and Peter said "Hello", and Tina replayed "What's up", and Peter said ...
I am sure I will be available to avoid that worst cases, but how to keep it exciting and actually have progression and be a good read is what I am worried about.
Hopefully Glim Glam will be able to spank me hard and long while gazing dreamily into my eyes and whisper sweet songs of shame and encouragement if I wander too far off the path of acceptable narration.

>>345061
>but how to keep it exciting
Yeah, I know the feeling man but you'd be surprised by what people find interesting. Think about yourself. Is everything you read Shakespeare? I'd suggest you not worry about appealing to your audience by writing certain things, instead just try to continue the story in a logical progression.
<.. then Tina said "Hey", and Peter said "Hello", and Tina replayed "What's up", and Peter said ...
Kek.

>>345011
>The idea is that you're supposed to take over from somebody else not that you should plan a story together.
So we're effectively writting somethnig akin to an exquisite corpse, i see.
It is an interesting idea, i wanna play too, i hope more people join.

>>345068
> i wanna play too
Glad to hear it.
>exquisite corpse
I don't get it but I don't need to. Welcome aboard.

I'm down to join, but I'm not entirely sure how communicating with my partner is supposed to go. Other than that, no questions.

>>345126
That will be fine. You're not supposed to communicate with your partner. You just team up with someone and then you either continue the story or start it. You're actually not supposed to communicate beyond that. The idea is that you build upon or set the other person up.

Thanks for joining.

>>345134
I would like to hop in, but am not sure about the time frame. And to leave this hangin' would be heresy.
>>345015
>picrel

>>345141
Sorry guys, I'm back.
Glad to have you mekico! I thought I was an insufferable faggot;^P
If you're wondering why I didn't reply earlier, it was because I thought that since we have what seems to be five participants now, I'd get started and post the first part of the story for my team. Since I'm the guy who came up with this, I'd thought I needed to make the first step. It got delayed though. I have started today and written 300 words which I'm pleased with.

I guess we should decide upon teams? I thought I'd team up with Norway, >>345061 up there. You can for simplicity's sake team up with the one above you or below you in order of posting in the thread.

Also since we're five and five is an odd number and teams are supposed to be in pairs; I thought that, unless more people join and we become even, GG could team up with the odd-man-out. Only GG's teammate would be competing and rated, of course but GG may critique himself if he wishes to. Is this okay with you GG?

>>345244
>I thought I'd team up with Norway, >>345061 up there.
Let the writing begin.

>>345244
>You can for simplicity's sake team up with the one above you or below you in order of posting in the thread.
Alright, guess I'll focus on meeting the time frame over everything else, sounds fun either way.
>I thought I was an insufferable faggot
>>>/qa/7071 →

>>345244
Where is my insane british fanfiction man when one needs him

>>345244
Alright I now have some time for myself. Do we post it here in pieces or together collaborated?

>>345252
We post it in pieces. So the order of action for the participants are: 1) Team up with a partner. 2) Decide who writes the first part. 3) Follow this order of posting (A is you and B is the partner or vice versa): ABAB. 4) Remember to not talk about the story before it's finished.

FLASHING TEXT FOR ATTENTION
FLASHING TEXT FOR ATTENTION
FLASHING TEXT FOR ATTENTION

If Sven has no objections, I'm going to add a couple of conditions to this to make things slightly easier for myself.

1. However you and your partner actually go about writing the story, please put the finished product into a PonePaste and REPLY TO THIS POST WITH A LINK. I have intentionally made this post as ostentatious as possible so people will have no excuse for not noticing it. I will not be reading in-progress stories, nor will I be keeping track of which IDs wrote which specific parts; each story will be judged as a complete work and both partners will receive equal credit and/or derision.

2. Please pick a team name so I have something to call you. Or, if you don't want to do that, you can each pick an individual name and credit the story to "Mr. Faggot & Mr. Second Faggot." Either way, make sure I have some way to identify you.

3. As is usually the case with my reviews, I reserve the right to ruthlessly denigrate your work and call your sexuality into question.

So in a nutshell: pick a team name, write the story however Sven wants you to (I'm assuming each anon will just reply to his partner in this thread with each story chunk), and when it's done, one of you copy it into a ponepaste, make sure your team name is on it, and reply to this post with a link to the ponepaste.

Judging phase will begin whenever Sven (OP) says. Only stories submitted according to the above criteria will be read and judged, because I have decided to be a complete autist about this.

So I have no objections with the above post and I'll even make accommodate it by not replying to it so it hopefully only has submission replies on it.

>>345251
Nigel is very much welcome. He has potential as a writer. He just can't filter himself and focus on the main point of his stories. >>345250
I posted a reply in the /qa/ thread btw.
>Picrel
"What happened to my little Sunset. She used to post threads with cute ponies saying, 'I wuv U mlpol!' and now she's always so meeeaan. What's next will she wear a leather jacket with a spiked collar?"

>>345270
>Nigel is very much welcome.
Should be, "Yes, I agree. Nigel is very much welcome."

Also, GG, I know that this might be a too much to ask. You're already helping so much so I don't wanna push you to the brink but like could you perhaps say just one nice thing to each team?

>>345272
kek. I will see what I can do, but no promises.

honestly I was planning to go pretty easy on most of these submissions. The nature of the exercise means that most of these stories are going to be very rough and probably borderline incoherent, so I will be grading them on a pretty generous curve. As a general rule I try to be a bit nicer to writers on this board than I am to the "professional" authors. Not sure if it actually comes across this way, but I do try to be at least somewhat civil, and I also try to take the person's skill level and issues like ESL into account. It doesn't mean I won't make fun of something or call out a mistake where appropriate, but I figure people here are soliciting my opinion in good faith, so I really do make an effort to be legitimately helpful instead of just shitting on the person's work. The serious vitriol I save for the garbage I pull off of FimFiction.

>>345271
I kinda unironically wanna team up with nigel if I end up being the odd man out.
Simply because I like how insane that sounds.

>>345272
>say just one nice thing to each team
I like to think Glimmy has free reign to say whatever Glimmy wants to say.
A thousand years ago Glimmy judged some very weird story I wrote, and even though I expected to be crushed, I got a very short review that just made me laugh.
Along the lines of the text reading like the odissey and echoes of an eldritch being.

>>345245
>Viking pepe
>Comes home from being the first american settlers
>Tells everyone over mead about america
>No one believes
>Cry and consume shrooms

Here's what I have written so far. Remember that you shouldn't give me your thoughts after the story is written (maybe another day I'll have one of these were you're suppose to plan the story together). Maybe you guys think this is a dumb rule? I thought it woud be neat since you get to have full autonomy to do whatever with the sections your write, you just have to consider what happened before and what will. But I'm open to feedback on this.
But anyway, I just wanted to show you that I'm indeed writing something. I've had problems before with getting the words out you see.

>Be Shining Armor.
>You see slithering dunes of sand even in the horizion.
>The sun blazes down upon you and you exhale.
>You unicorn horn alight and with it you take a mouthful of cold water.
>Then you put the bottle back into your saddlebag.
>You look back and see the the four guardians of the Seventh Scroll of Temper.
>You can't believe that they wear thick cloaks in this heat.
>Even their faces are obscured.
>Half of them are white.
>The other half is black.
>Heh. They even have sown in flames on them, you think.
>Just ahead of them is the team's ambassador, Spring Dip.
>She also seems to handle the heat badly.
>She almost loooks nausues.
>You decided to do something and walk up to her.
”Hey, Spring,” you say.
>She looks up at you with wide eyes.
>”Yes?”
>This suprizes you.
>You didn't think you really sneaked up on her.
>She most have been lost in thought. Or is it because I'm a knight now?
”You look ill. You should drink more.”
”Yes.” She quickly nods and starts drinking heavily.
>You turn around to walk away but then look back at her and say, ”And by the way.”
>She immidiately stops her drinking and looks at you.
”You're under no obilagations to take my words as orders outside of combat situations. Even though, I'm a knight now. I don't have any authority over you.”
”Yeah, I know. Thank you,” she says while looking at the ground.
>You look at her for a moment before your eyes wander onto the four guardians behind her again.
>You adress the guardians, ”You gals thirsty?”
>The contours of their cloaks are tell you enough to know that they're mares.
>The group is a bit peculiar.
>You have noticed that the hoofprints they leave in the sand are slightly cloven.
>Their swell, obscuring hoodies stretch around their foreheads as if there's a bent bar going along their scalps.
>They shake their heads.
>You stand there for a bit, expecting them to elaborate but they don't.
>The eyes peeking out through the pairs of holes in their face-masks blink at you; you get the feeling they're giving you a deadpanned look.
>Your eyes get drawn to the black
>Each mare wears a belt that's tied to the shared chains between the mares and the box octagon box chained up between them.

Should we call ourselves team peninsula? What could go wrong?

>>345274
>As a general rule I try to be a bit nicer to writers on this board than I am to the "professional" authors. Not sure if it actually comes across this way
I think it does. I get anyway and you are usually nice.

>>345278
fucking lol, I completely forgot about this.

>>345277
>I just wanted to show you that I'm indeed writing something.
Will hold off writing until I get full text. But can continue the Viking pepe while waiting.

>Through hazy tear-filled eyes I sense I'm not alone
>Loke appears
>Try one of these shooms
>apprehensive-but-think-fuck-it.jpeg
>Grab a handfull and consume
>Visions of Lokes' ohshitohshitohshit.gif face

>>345278
I don't know how i managed to maintain a brainfart long enough to write all that.

>>345277
>>345282
>Your gaze are drawn to the octagon, black box, which this whole mission centers around.
>It's suspended in the air by taught chains tied to it and the four mares.
>Inside it the scroll is.
>Huh, you think as you notice how the last two team members have stopped at the descending slope of the dune.
>They stare down the slope.
>Curious, you walk up to them.
”What the?!” you exclaim.
>Down the slopes, there's a tempel.
>You turn to one o the pair: the green human dressed in chainmail and white clothes with sun motifs on.
”Ubersir Anonymous, what is the meaning of this?”

I'm still not done yet. Just wanted to show what I added so far.

>That was the last anyone ever saw of you
>Loke turned you into frogman
>Your fellow vikings thought you were a troll or näcken so they chased you out of town when you tried to talk to them
>Drift out on the open ocean on a makeshift raft
>As a frogman you survive longer underwater
>End up in japan
>Jap man sees you and tells others about you

We seem to be even in the thread by the way.
1) Myself
2) Anders Bering Brejvik
3) Lawn mower rider
4) "Ravage Luna all night loone"
5) An american >>345126
6) Another american >>345252

So since me and norway is a team you can continue the trend of teams associated with continents, as in team europe, team north and south america. Or, you can mix it in any fashion you like.

It's still fine for anyone to join, if we become odd we'll figure out what to do then.

>>345299
>So since me and norway is a team you can continue the trend of teams associated with continents, as in team europe, team north and south america. Or, you can mix it in any fashion you like.
Personally, am fine with teaming up with anyone here.
>>345270
>>>/qa/7077 →

I would like to write a shitposty clopfic with Nigel. We can be the Pan-Anglo Team.

Let's make glorious garbage together, my distant cousin. We'll shit this up like our diaspora shit up the modern world. With your autism and my drunken hostility, we're bound to 'tard rage our way to victory!

>>345316
I am a bit surprised at how many poners would like to team up with nigel, can't say I am the exception. Can't help but think about the atrocity that my...less-than-stellar writing could add to nigel's usual autism. But oh well, Uruguay already called dibs. You guys sort your teams out and whomever is left out can start panicking at the prospect of teaming up with me. Unless am the one left out and I have to face my nemesis once again.

>>345328
I would not mind teaming with you, partner

>>345328
>>345347
Team Abomanación?

>>345347
Glad to hear it fam. So, we wait and see if somebody else joins, if that's not the case, we keep the regional basis for the teams?
>>345350
Close enough.

>>345353
>So, we wait and see if somebody else joins, if that's not the case, we keep the regional basis for the teams?
I don't think anyone else from central America posts here, you're like a wildcard mexanon.
Sure, we can wait.

>>345356
>central America
M-Mexico's actually North America, W-we huwhite, mate. haha, fokin jewuruguayans man. Jokes aside, I meant latin america as a region. heh heh

>>345299
So, who doesn't have a partner yet? I already have a ponepaste if we need one, so I'm down to team with whoever needs it/wants it; until then, I guess I'll just remain a placeholder for some future team.

>>345328
I would have partnered with you, but I feel like you deserve better. I just want to be kind of hands off and shitposty with whatever I help write.
No one who's serious at all should partner with me, seeing as how non-committal, incompetent, and very not serious I am. I just want to funpost without ruining it for my partner.
I'm the same anon that got drunk and wrote a low effort clopfic in the roleplaying thread a while back, if that entices anyone. Just know that my presence and sobriety can't be honestly guaranteed.

>>345366
Mexico is actually central america. Kek. I totally mixed it up, heh.

>>345386
I mean north America. Sure it's kinda central as well.

>I would have partnered with you, but I feel like you deserve better.
Feelin' that feel.

>>345397
We can totes be Team America, if you'd like. Just be aware of my previous warnings and you can be the conductor to my engineer on this inevitable trainwreck. If not, that's perfectly fine by me. No hard feelings, poner.

I have abandoned my misplaced hopes of making sperghetti and NEET balls with Nigel. Pic not related

>>345384
>but I feel like you deserve better
If you say so. Like, I'll do my best, but I kinda feel like I may drag down Uruguay anon a bit.
>>345386
I won't derail here with the details, but...

>>>/mlpol/345425 →

>>345444
>I kinda feel like I may drag down Uruguay anon a bit.
I'm crashing this plane with no survivors

>>345399
Lets start this thing. No peaking GlimGlam it contains spoilers and small horses.
>In the Ponyville Hospital.
>Blueish white room, receptionist overdosing on xanax probably and you have a leaky anus.
>You're Anon aka Anon.
>"Here for the emergency services again?"
>Your bowls explain rapidly.
>"Alright then same room as the usual."
>Horseland is not kind, it's brutal in nearly everything.
>You're standing in the corner keeping your shit together for the doc.
>The one exception is the inhabitants and that's by conscious application, habits and altered perceptions of reality unique to every horse pony.
>"Alright Anon take these every hour on the hour for seven hours. Lay down first no matter where you are. When you start the hallucinations and lowered inhibition is simply the hostile magic leaving your body."
>He hoofs over the bottle.
>"As always do what you need to do."
"Yeah, I'll take it or more or else. Thanks doc."
>Better to not consider the or else as the man putting his body on the line to keep Equestria's most dangerous villains sealed.
>You're out in less than three minutes with the medicine.
>The scrunching and pitying looks make the trek home quick.
>The local currency bits, booze and breads as part of your job making sure to stay alive means a nice nest egg and too much time to kill.
>However shit always happens in horseland.
>Evil milf bughorse is in your house. A Chyssy emotimagicvore sissy something.
>"Mwahahaha it's too late for you now fool. When I-"
>You brush past she chokes on her words, if you're going to die might as well be on the throne and not in the muck.
>Besides horseland has a strange habit of ensuring the butt monkey sticks around to maximize its cosmic humor.
>Splats on tile behind, restroom ahead.
>When magic induced hallucination hits getting up is hard, thus not a public menace.
>Otherwise anything is fair game for the next ten minutes.
>Weirder stuff happens with more, but you've have more important business to take care of first.
>Locking the bathroom, covering it with the right sock on the inside and finishing the business you pop five of the little suckers.
>The wretching wench out there means it'll be another Tuesday.
>Slowly everything is brighter, darker trying to reach out and tell you what poker chips to buy at the store to win the lottery as whispers and ideas form.
>It's the closest thing to internet and board culture as you'll get here.
"Alright faggots spill, who's the hand rubbing mastermind this time."
>The once white walls warp as if to contain the shitholes of the internet.
>Yet nothing but bots and glowniggers shitting up the place.
"Rainbow Dash wants to come inside what do!"
>This requires some bait.
>Immediately breaking many of them.
>"HUFF HER HOOVES!"
>"It was Anonymous! I had nothing to do with it!"
>"Checked."
>Checking."
>"That's not digits idgits."
>Your toes feel like singing while dipped in salsa.
>Better to start with no context.
"So anyway no shit shitass, buggy mc four hooves bows in my passing."
>Thumps on the door begin. Flexing your cultivated cultured snowpitty posters, even if they are cancer new fags.
>"Aw shit you're gonna get Celestia'ed."
>"Pics or it didn't happen."
>"Just whip it out proud."
>"YEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!"
>Your job gets easier when they get some 'tisms going on.
>Threads cracking as the bathroom door bulges.
>Unintelligible buzz yelling is heard.
"Shut up horse I'm busy shitposting!"

>>345469
Well, I guess we're Team America then.

Alrighty, someone please let me know if I'm totally fucking this up. I already fucked up my format twice. Pls be patient, am retarded and whatnot.

Some time goes by as you sit upon your porcelain throne.

"How long will this last," you wonder aloud to yourself.

You hear the familiar tapping of keratin against the bathroom door.

"Anonymous! You will not ignore me like th-"

"Shut the fuck up, bug horse," you cry as another roiling surge hits your colon harder than you hit your dick on a lonely night.

*FRAHP-A-DUNK*

They just keep coming.

>ZIGGERS TONGUE MY ANUS!

Your body shudders as another shitpost violently releases itself with such force and velocity that you are ever so slightly propelled upwards.

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

*WRAWP*

>Cope harder, marecel!

Another wave hits you, this time so hard that you find your toes curling and your bowels tightening.

"Oh god, here comes the big one," you think.

*KER-KRAK-A-DOOM*

Your asshole goes into shock as yet another shitpost violently rockets from your bowels, launching you off the toilet and into the bathroom door, an arc of shit trailing your vile ascent.

You body goes limp as it crashes down to the cold tile floor.

Just before you blackout, your asshole howls defiantly.

>CLEAN IT UP, JANNY!

An eery silence haunts the bathroom when you awaken some time later

"How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? Days?"

There's no telling in this pastel hellscape.

You meekly drag your hands across the floor and up to your eyes, rubbing them to adjust your vision.

You scan the bathroom to assess the damage. The once pristine white wall against which the toilet sits has been thoroughly desecrated with what looks like a modern art masterpiece.

You then look away from the fecal Rohrshach painting only to see the blurry visage of none other than Chrysalis herself gazing down upon your wretched self with a look of snide superiority. She isn't even disgusted, just amused.

Her lips curl into an almost predatory grin.

You try to speak, but the words die in your throat. Why bother?

"Really, Anonymous? Shitposting again," she questions you with a smug tone.

"Don't you have anything better to do with your life?"

You can't even muster the strength to offer a retort. Your eyes slide shut and you faint yet again.

>>345469
>>345486
So one one hand I'm grateful that I have anyone willing to participate in my thread and that you doing so well together. On the other, your posts clearly don't include the premise of the thread that was in the OP.

There are four ways to deal with this: Either you keep going and I simply inform GG to dock some points for your team because you didn't include the premise; you keep going but you somehow involved the premise with your last two posts, you start again with the premise in mind, or I drop the rule. I don't really like the last option because of different reasons but if everyone thinks it unnecessary, I can.

Otherwise, this is some shit.

>>345487
>Otherwise, this is some shit.
Or, your writing is the shit.

Golly gee, theres nothing I love more when reviewing a story than to have to click every goddamn line cuz >muh formats

>>345487
I knew I was forgetting something
>you somehow involved the premise with your last two posts,

>>345490
Final version will be ponepaste

>>345487
Fuck. Sorry about that, Sven. I forgot all about the premise. Instructions were forgotten; nutsack is stapled to neighbor's forehead.
>>345491
Do what you want to do and I'll follow your lead, partner. I'm just posting for fun as opposed to competition, so it's not a big deal for me either way.

>>345493
Alright, starting over.
Spoilered stuff is spoilered because it contains small horses.
Your name isn't important the mission is. You've failed the main mission, but the secondary opportunity arises even more so. Waiting once more in the shadows of the soul to strike at the sun princess again if indirectly.

You're Obsidioness the temple's master, only sphinx on this continent, and Celestia's old friend. Which means sticking your properly proportioned head through the window of the too small room.
You've got the now ruined Seventh Scroll of Temper, but not without casualties. Which brings you here to the Jagged Bay Tropic Equestrian colony hospital.
"Will Paladin Anonymous be alright doctor?"
It's not like you care about Celestia's glorified warrior mailstallion, but it would be rude to have him die under your care.
"We don't know. Tartarus, it's a miracle those medical records survived being soaked or we would be completely blind."
The other thirteen scrolls delt with mental or spiritual changes, but the seventh changes the body. No Equestrian, nobody, has survived the physical changes for more than a week.
At least according to hearsay, folklore and ancient documents.
At the end every being cracks.
A new voice breaks the doom and gloom.
"What's up doc why the long face?"
Instead of the doctor replying you, Obsidioness, the mistress of riddles and mild hearing and vision problems do.
"The paladin Princess Celestia sent is about to die from the deadly artifact of power."
"No shit?"
"He'll be broken by the strain of no new magic. All for ever increasing physical power, control and flexibility."
"No more forced musical numbers?"
Looking towards the door where the intruder should be you reply.
"No innate magic at all!"
Nopony or creature was there. You glance to the bed.
"Thank fuck Celly did those procedures before hand."
It's the human. Of course it's the human.

You're Anonymous.
The main reason why you're a paladin is so you keep worshipping those sunny cheeks of Celestia's without being lynched by adorable ponies. Now you're thinking of them all dressed up, awww.
"All's well that ends well you got a soggy scroll, I get to be harder than diamonds and everybody is happy."
The lion cat pony sphinx speaks up.
"No you fool, if you get severely injured at all and you don't kill yourself before the end of seven days it will be permanent. Forever in annoying pain and you can do nothing about it. Then Celestia will harp about it for the next decade and waste my time looking for an impossible cure."
"You mean I'll be immoral and clapping them mountains every day forever will happen, fuck yeah."
The horse pony doctor coughs, annoyed at the implication that paladins worship Celestia.
"Anyway where's my armor of badassitude?"
All paladins have badass armor.
"The scroll melted it."
"Bullshit magic woo woo stuff got it. Just keep my bits together keep my toesies away from furnishings and not drink for a week which is the hardest part of this."
The large sphinx visibly sags along with the doctor. It's useful because then everyone underestimates the fully trained personal paladin of the princesses.
Besides if you told them what you do with the moon pony and book pony too they'ed go on crusades as mass panic sweeps the nation. Which means less worship time.
Which is bad.
Also fewer ponies.
Which is also bad.
But more costumed ponies which is good.
Saddly in the life of Equestria's only living human such sacrifices have to be had...
Unless you convince them to hold a themed costume party.
And horseland pulls through making silver linings as yet another controllable piece of weather.

Seems the second mission has a time limit now, and yet any inconvenience will lay low the alicorn's asset. In this tropical hole there is plenty of options and the training extends those options further.
Soon false goddess you'll feel our wrath even if it costs this body's life.
"Mwahahaha!"
"You alright doc?"
"Y-yes the stress of failing our princess and then knowing everything will be fine. It's so... freeing."

>>345493
>horse pussy
Purple knows.

So Norway, again this isn't done yet. I just wanted to show that I'm doing something.

>Be Shining Armor.
>There are slithering dunes of sand as far as you can see.
>The sun blazes down upon you and you exhale yet again.
>Your unicorn horn alight and with it you take a swig of cold water from a bottle.
>Then you put the bottle into your saddlebag.
>You look back and see the the four guardians of the Seventh Scroll of Temper.
>You can't believe that they wear thick cloaks in this heat.
>Even their faces are obscured.
>Half of them are white.
>The other half is black.
>Heh. They even have sown in flames on them, you think.
>Just ahead of them is the team's ambassador, Spring Dip.
>She seems to handle the heat badly.
>She loooks nausues.
>You decided to do something and walk up to her.
”Abassador Spring,” you say.
>She looks up at you with wide eyes.
>”Yes?”
>This suprizes you.
>You didn't think you really sneak up on her.
>She must have been lost in thought. Or is it because I'm a knight now?
”You look ill. You should drink more.”
”Yes.” She quickly nods and starts gulping down water.
>You turn around to walk away but then look back at her and say, ”And by the way.”
>She immidiately stops.
”Uhh, just so you know. I may be a knight now but everything I say isn't an order,” you stumble out.
”Yeah, I know. Thank you,” she says while looking at the ground.
>You look at her for a moment before your eyes wander onto the four guardians behind her.
>You adress the guardians, ”You gals thirsty?”
>The contours of their cloaks tell you enough to know that they're mares.
>The group is a bit peculiar.
>You have noticed that the hoofprints they leave in the sand are slightly cloven.
>Their swell, obscuring hoodies stretch around their foreheads as if there's a bent bar going along their scalps.
>They shake their heads.
>You stand there for a bit, expecting them to elaborate but they don't.
>The eyes peeking out through the pairs of holes in their face-masks blink at you; you get the feeling they're giving you a deadpanned look.
>Your gaze is drawn to the octagon, black box, which is the reason you're out in the middle of the desert in the first place.
>It's suspended in the air by taught chains tied belts attached to the four mares.
>Inside the box is the Seventh Scroll.
>You don't really know what it does or why Celestia all of a sudden felt it needed moving, but it's supposed to be a really powerful magical artifact.
>Huh? you think as you notice how the last two team members have stopped ahead of you.
>One of them is your commander and the guy in charge of the operation: Sir Anonymous, Personal Paladin of Princess Celestia or as he likes to call her, 'Celly'.
>The other one is the leader of the guardians but seemed to be more of a communicator for them than their squad leader from what you had seen thus far.
>They seem to stare at something behind the apex of the dune they stand on.
>Anonymous beckons you forward with a wave of his hand.
>”Shining, come look at this,” he says with a smile.
>He really is lax compared to the drill-sergeants that molded you in the military.
>It bothers you on some level.
>One can be too relaxed.
>The defense of Equestria isn't a joke, nor is your mission.
”Private!” you shout back but do as you're commanded.
>A chuckles and starts to dissappeard behind the dune as he descends on the other side.
>As you get of the sand hill, you almost jump.
>You can hardly believe it.
>An airship wreckage with it's hull partially submerged into the sand lies beneath you.
>The ship's hull is made of wood and had not poles for sail but a, now deflated, ballon that was buried in the sand.
>In the back it several huge propellers that spun lightly in the wind.
>You shake your head and then run down the slope to catch up with your commander.
”Is this suppoe to be on our route?” you ask.
>”What? No, hehe. And I don't have a route per say just going by stars at nightfall,” he says as his hands crawl in the air in anticipation for digging into the ship.
”Wait your going by the stars?!” you yelll.
>The fact that your commander is winging this mission is disturbingly not as surpising as you thought it would be to you.

I want to discuss a timeframe with you guys. In the OP I didn't include one because at the time I didn't know if anyone would join so it felt silly to make an arbitrary timeframe at that point. But now we have our teams, I was thinking it might be good with a timeframe to structure this around. At times, I was thinking that we didn't need one and that we just waited till everyone was finished but I also don't want this to be forgotten and run out in the sand.
I don't know what would be the best approach so if you have any opinions on the matter, please tell.

Kek, when I read that Anon was in the hospital again, I'd thought you would just make the same story again but change the reasons for why Anon was shitposting. This would have been okay too so it wouldn't be a problem or anything. Just funny.

>>345519
Forgot to reply to your post >>345496

>>345487
Bit confused now, I thought we were supposed to wait until the team before you had finished. Based on this:
>Yes, it's that writing chain idea that I keep pushing again, where one person starts a story and another person finishes it. Though, this is more like a tag-team author tournament, because each pair will not only write one section of the story but two.

Otherwise, I guess each team will be writing its own separate story. Or am I completely lost here?

>>345521
It may be unclear. To me I read it and get what I'm saying and I think it makes sense but could also be broken grammatically in some way.
I could have been clearer, sorry about that.

Yes, each team writes its own separate story. So in your case either you or Uruguay starts the story. Let's say you do. T stands for tacos and U for Uruguay.
Here's how you do:
T: writes 500-1k words and starts the story
U: does the same
T: writes again the same word count.
U writes again and ends the story
This is the story you send into GG.

Don't be afraid to ask for clarification if you didn't understand my explanation.

>>345522
Oh, okay. Got it now.
>>345461
So, who's kick-starting this party?

>>345523
I'll start, if you made up your mind, let me readden my instant ramen

>>345530
Great, whenever you're ready Maruchan-anon.

>>345531
Anon had been living in Ponyville for four years now, four glorious years of mares, moonshine, and shenanigans. Yet all was about to end, as soon as that dreadful letter from the princess fell into his hands.
So far, the day had been great, it had been a slow day at the spa so he was full of energy once his shift ended, not feeling particularly artsy nor feeling like getting drunk out of his mind at the bar, Anon headed out to visit Spike, his tiny lizard friend who had a thing for gems, and stolen chemicals from his caretaker's laboratory.
Throwing a few pebbles at one of the windows in a specific pattern, anon awaited a response. Soon enough, the window opened and the tiny lizard came out wearing a smug on his face. "Anon, dude! come in, Twily's not home!".

The air inside the room was heavy, the bed was a mess and the floor was covered in rocks, candy, and flasks filled with unknown chemicals.
Anon giggled excitedly, "Bro! She will fucking murder you when she finds out!"
Spike giggled back, already pouring the contents of a flask into a pipe "IF she finds out"
It took but a blow from the lizard's mouth to light up the pipe; A puff and a huff and the room was filled with a cloud of acrid smell.
"Damn dude" Anon coughed, waving his hand around "What the fuck is that crap"
Spike, just looked back at him, with emptiness in his eyes and a smug expression on his lips. Blinking one eye at a time, the lizard opened his mouth and in a low, raspy voice he replied:
"Quieres?"

A few hours had passed, and Anon was down on his all fours howling like a dog, Spike giggling like a maniac in a corner wearing nothing but some red panties on his head.
"Dude, I swear on my mum, this bitch thought she was a DOG, a fucking dog!"
Spike, held his stomach laughing, desperately trying to reply in some way as his mouth gesticulated yet nothing came out.- Until it came, the lizard let out a massive burp, falling flat on his back as fire shot out from his mouth, materializing a reddish-brown scroll held shut by a red lace and a golden emblem engraved with a heavily stylized "C". The room fell quiet in a second.
Anon quickly broke the silence and grabbed the scroll, throwing it Spike's way "Oh!, oh!, ohh! Mommy wants to check on baby lizard?" he taunted.
"Fuck you" replied Spike, already tearing open the scroll and reading its contents. The lizard threw an evil glance at anon, "You fucked up big time 'Nonny', the princess wants to see you".
"Princess Deez?" asked Anon.
"Ha ha" Replied spike, throwing the scroll his way "Seriously, look it up".
Anon held back a snicker, picking up the scroll "Come on dude, the princess? You want me to believe-".
Anon froze in place, his stomach dropped, his smile gone, his eyes a mix of confusion and despair:

"Dear Anon.E.Mouse:
Your presence is required in Canterlot, as to partake in an audience with Princess Q.M. Celestia (HRH).
Within this letter, you shall find attached the following documents:
To Whom It May Concern letter and Form 1144 from the railway association.
Please, make use of these documents to present yourself at Canterlot as soon as possible.
Sincerely:
Diamond Rose,
Equestrian ministry of internal affairs."

Anon looked back at Spike, whom just shook his head "I told you she would open her mouth dude, she's the element of loyalty and all"
"Shit, Shit SHIT" Anon exclaimed, tearing apart the scroll and falling down to his knees "My fucking life is over you fucking twat!"
"Woah, woah, calm down dude" Spike approached, putting a hand over Anon's shoulder "I'm just messing with you, dude, Celestia calls Twily all the time for weird shit, it's no big deal"
"R-Really?" Asked anon with a trembling voice
"Yeah! No big deal dude, she probably wants a massage from the famous Anon-E-Mouse! The best massagist in all Ponyville!" Spike spoke with excitement, going so far as to lift his arms as he spoke of Anon's great work at Ponyville's Spa.
Anon gave him a smile, the anxiety was eating him alive so he held onto those words like a motto.

The journey to the train station was a quiet one; For every joke, Spike threw his way, Anon would reply with a short laugh or a mindless one-liner, seemingly lost in thought as to pay his companion much attention.
Almost like fate, as soon as they reached the station, the next train to Canterlot arrived. They quickly said their goodbyes as Anon approached the ticket counter to present his documents. Apparently, said documents were a big deal, not only did the ticket master give Anon a weird look but also a whole room in one of the wagons, just for him, key-in-hand.

Reaching Canterlot station, a royal guard quickly approached Anon "You, you must be 'Anon' is that correct?"
Anon hesitated for a second, but knowing he was the only biped ape coming from Ponyville, he let out a sigh "That's right, what's up?"
"Follow me, the carriage is waiting, the princess wants to see you right away." The stallion stated, drily, already turning around to lead the way. Anon was, again, faced with a frustratingly uneventful ride, as the guards would refuse to comment on the nature of this meeting.

>>345532
Finally reaching the throne room, Anon was escorted through a long corridor over a red carpet, leading to the Empty Throne. He was instructed to wait there and was left alone.
Anon knew nothing of equestrian law, but somehow, being left alone in the throne room like that made him feel calm, they wouldn't just leave a dangerous criminal alone in the throne room, Right?
A door opens in the room, and a Tall, white alicorn graciously strolls out. Unmistakenly, this is princess Celestia.
Anon quickly kneels down as the royal alicorn approaches.
Celestia sat on her throne, looking down at her subject. "At ease, Anon, no need for formalities."
Once Anon stood on his two feet, she eyed him up and down, curiously examining his unique body.
Anon crossed his arms "So...?"
Celestia smirked "How impatient, to show such character in front of the Princess" Celestia stood up and walked down the stairs to take a better look at his guest, at his clothes and his interesting ape-like proportions.
"Mister Anon, I have summoned you this day for I'm in need of a very special character for the job"
Her gaze made him uncomfortable, her hot, moisty breath made him shiver any time she came too close, and the thought of her doing that to smell him disgusted him. He had a raging boner.
"I'm sorry, princess..." The look on the princess's eyes made him hesitate "Ahem, What kind of job are we talking about?"
She approached his lips with her massive, snow-white face, Anon arched himself back ever so slightly, avoiding a possible death sentence. The princess smirked, pulling herself back, and walking back to the throne.
"I need you to deliver a scroll to an old friend of mine."
Anon's face contorted in pure confusion "Pardon me?"
"I need you to deliver the Seventh Scroll of Temper from Canterlot castle to the Obsidioness temple, located in Jagged Bay, a tropical equestrian colony." Repeated the princess.
"Princess...I don't even know how to speak to you without ending up in jail so-"
"No need for formalities, Anon."
"...Right... Alright, look, Princess, I know you are this founder of Equestria big shot whatever but...Princess, I'm a fucking massagist I brush horses for a living, why me?"
"My little monkey, I have heard wonders about you from Ponyville-"
"You have?" Anon asked in surprise, getting only a disappointed look as a response.
"As I was saying, It is most natural for a princess to recognize a subject's potential. This is your chance to become something greater, in life, Anon-E-Mouse, I have chosen this task as a test for you to prove your worth as my newest Paladin."
Her speech wasn't convincing Anon, and he was ready to reject the offer. Until she mentioned becoming something greater, that is. Somehow, that clicked with something deep within Anon, something that, for some reason made him feel very emotional.
He smiled, and kneeled down before the princess "I accept, Princess, I shall deliver the Scroll and become your Champion"
Unfaced, the princess levitated a saddlebag seemingly hidden behind her throne and gently dropped it in front of Anon.
"You shall find the scroll, a weapon, a map, and thousand bits in this saddle. Go ahead, my champion, do not disappoint me."
Anon quickly stood up and without a word, threw the saddlebag over his shoulder, saluted the princess, and quickly ran out of the throne room, eager to start his journey into the unknown.

Celestia smiled, looking up to the chandelier hanging by the ceiling. A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane lay there, lazily.
"You were right, Princess, he didn't look up a single time"
Celestia giggled "Of course he didn't, they never look up."
The pegasus flew down, sitting on the carpet, in front of the princess.
"You sure all this is necessary, princess?"
Celestia nodded. "I have gotten many letters regarding mister Anon, Rainbow. I even requested many moles to filter information directly to me regarding his actions. This is the only way."

>>345531
That took An itty bit longer than i expected, but hey here it is, the first part. Sorry for writing in prose and third person, but it is just what I'm most comfortable with, i hope it's not too much trouble for you.
Also please don't feel pressured, this is all for funz~

>>345534
That's...very good, as I expected.
>i hope it's not too much trouble for you.
I'll just try NOT to shit on the carpet too hard.

>>345538
Sorry brethren, I've been pretty busy.
Seems like it's alright now tho, will deliver soon.

>>345585
Same here on both acounts.

>>345585
Hey, it's fine, sib, work takes time.
I'm eager to see what you come up with!

>>345493
>I'm just posting for fun as opposed to competition, so it's not a big deal for me either way.
Yeah, this is the correct mindset if you ask me. I was kinda on the idea when I wrote that GG give you a horse to rate your story it was sorta because I was think about just having him review your story in the end. I think the event, the get-to-gether, and review part is the important part of this more than the competition. If I do something similar in the future, which I have lucid plans of (probably won't be team exercises next time though) then I might drop it. I also might plan to streamline the event. This thread's Op is too long and convoluted.

On that note, I'll post my finished post later today. I getting awefully close to that trap of perfectionism again. I have cut out all the none vital elements of it and now, I'll just finish it later.

>>345282
So Örjan, are you still here and are you still up for it because my post is done now.

>Be Shining Armor.
>There are slithering dunes of sand as far as you can see.
>The sun blaze on you and you exhale yet again.
>The sun is moving towards the horizon and you can tell it's the afternoon.
>You long for it to go down and the heat with it.
>Your unicorn horn alight and with it you take a swig of cold water from a bottle.
>Then you put the bottle into your saddlebag.
>You look back and see the the four guardians of the Seventh Scroll of Temper.
>You can't believe that they wear thick cloaks in this heat.
>Even their faces are obscured.
>Half of them are white.
>The other half is black.
>Heh. They even have sewn in flames on them, you think.
>Just ahead of them is the team's ambassador, Spring Dip.
>She seems to handle the heat badly.
>She looks nausues.
>You decided to do something and walk up to her.
”Ambassador Spring,” you say.
>She looks up at you with wide eyes.
>”Yes?”
>This suprizes you.
>You didn't think you really sneaked up on her.
>She must have been lost in thought. Or is it because I'm a knight now?
”You look ill. You should drink more.”
”Yes.” She quickly nods and starts gulping down water.
>You turn around to walk away but then look back at her and say, ”And by the way.”
>She immidiately stops.
”Uhh, just so you know. I may be a knight now but everything I say isn't an order,” you stumble out.
”Uhh, yeah, I know,” she says while looking at the ground.
>You look at her for a moment before your eyes wander onto the four guardians behind her.
>You adress the guardians, ”You gals thirsty?”
>The contours of their cloaks tell you enough to know that they're mares.
>The group is a bit peculiar.
>You have noticed that the hoofprints they leave in the sand are slightly cloven.
>Their swell, obscuring hoodies stretch around their foreheads as if there's a bent bar going along their scalps.
>They shake their heads.
>You stand there for a bit, expecting them to elaborate but they don't.
>The eyes peeking out through the pairs of holes in their face-masks blink at you; you get the feeling they're giving you a deadpanned look.
>Your gaze is drawn to the octagon, black box, which is the reason you're out in the middle of the desert in the first place.
>It's suspended in the air by taught chains tied to belts attached to the four mares.
>Inside the box is the Seventh Scroll.
>You don't really know what it does or why Celestia all of a sudden felt it needed moving, but it's supposed to be a really powerful magical artifact.
>Huh? you think as you notice how the last two team members have stopped ahead of you.
>One of them is your commander and the guy in charge of the operation: Sir Anonymous, Personal Paladin of Princess Celestia or as he likes to call her, 'Celly'.
>The other one is the leader of the guardians but seemed to be more of a communicator for them than their squad leader from what you had seen thus far.
>They seem to stare at something behind the apex of the dune they stand on.
>Anonymous beckons you forward with a wave of his hand.
>”Shining, come and take a look at this,” he says with a smile.
”Yes, Sir,” you salute him and gallop up the hill.
>As you reach the apex of the hill, you see the wreckage of a wooden airship on the other side.
>An airship is like any other galleon except for poles and sails it has a zeppelin-sized balloon.
>Three huge propellers spun in the wind behind the stern.
>Anon climbs up ontop the deck of the ship while you inspects the broken hull of the ship.
>Its broken.
>You jump aboard the deck.
>Anyway, you jump aboard and then you say, ”You think this ship was brought down by the parrot pirates?”
>”Possibly but unlikely. Maybe they were hired for an assassination job but otherwise you'd think they'd try to board the ship rather than make it crash.”
”Yeah, if... We find any... Bodies around here we might be able to discern what happened so far it seems like they abandon ship somehow. Parachutes?”
>You find the balloon.
>It's attached to a pipe protruding out of the middle of deck.
>Clearly, the pipe inflates it somehow.
>Now, it's deflated and is partly buried on the other side of the ship by sand.
>Anon opens a door that opens to a staircase leading down into the ship. ”Mm-hm.”
>You follow him down and find machinery for the both the fan inflating the ballon and the propellers in the back.
>Anon crawls around under pipes and pistons.
>He whistles.
>”The hull might be broken but the machinery is barely scratched. I would actually be able to get this baby up and running.”
>You roll your eyes. ”Yeah, right.”
>He smiles at you in surprized.
>You realize that you said that out loud to a superior officer and apologize immidiately.
>”It's fine. But really, in my previous life I was a mechanic. I could totes fix this.”
>You walk up on deck.
>The sun is setting.
>”We need to slap together a camp. Let's use the debri of the ship for a campfire.”
”I'm on it.”
>The others reach you as you're making a fire.
>You utilize your bubble shield spell.
>You're so adapt at using your bubble shield that it not only keeps enemies out but you also can increase the conccentration of oxygen inside it, making fires easier to start.
>A small blast of magic shoot out from your horn and hit the bundle of faggots below.
>They burn.

>>345740
The rest of it.
>As you sit and admire your work, Anon sits down next to you.
>”I can see why Celly kinghted you, Shining,” he says.
>You give him a weird look.
”How familiar are you with the Princess?” you ask.
>”Heh, I could as you the same thing. Heard from Celly that you and that Cadanza are thing now.”
>You blush.
>He grins at your reaction.
”Yeah, we are,” you say with a smile but then that smile falters, ”but lately I have mostly been helping her cope over her loss of Sunset.”
>He is silent for a moment before he nods with a grim look.
”...Yeah, the sun is also down. According to Celly Sunset was already jealous of Cadanza and this probably was the last straw.”
>You nod.
>As you sit there in the silence for while then, suddenly, your ears snap back towards the whirling sound of propeller blades.

>>345740
Will do my best to write a good continuation hoping I can do the story justice. Must wait until tomorrow evening though before starting to ponder and write. Will give updates on how it fares and perhaps post tidbits along the way like you did.

>>345742
>Will do my best
Sounds good. No pressure t. the guy who has been thinking thoughts like, "Will this just end like all those other times?"

>>345744
Kek.

>>345747
Actually, feels like wrong pic for the context of gangrape but whatever.

>>345493
>>345538
>>345744
So I don't mean to pressure you at all and if you recall, I took a while. I'm nott gonna throw stones in glass houses. I just thought I'd check in on how your doing.

Maybe I'll enable team speak afterall. Maybe it would be more fun to discuss where to take the story, then to build upon what you have been given. It would at least make the event more well talkative I suppose and I assume that would be a good thing. I'm all ears.

>>345803
Apologies to you and my partner. I just don't really know what to do with the premise at all and I've been pretty tired lately, but I'll try to put something out tomorrow.

>>345805
Don't you worry about it, take you time. Do you think, it would have been easier without the premise?

>>345803
>>345534
Sorry to both of you. Tbh, I did put off the writing that Friday, as I expected to have time on the weekend. So, no excuse there.
I'll deliver soon, and will do my best to wrap up the story quick and smooth on my second part.

Anon delivers

>>345807
Honestly, I don't think it's the premise. It's more of a "me" problem seeing as how I apparently lack the patience and talent to write anything but garbled shitfics.
I'm afraid I'll just need to forfeit if I can't come up with something tomorrow. I'm sorry yet again to my partner. If I give up, I hope you don't hold it against them.

>>345834
>garbled shitfics.
Well, it suppose to be for fun. You can just post a shitfic continuation. That's fun too. There was nothing wrong with this afterall:
>>345486

>>345818
It's fine. Don't worry about it and take your time.

>>345818
Remember it's a four part story, wrapping it up would defeat the purpose wont it? hshf
But hey take your time, writing takes time and efford.

>>345837
Thanks for your patience, I'll get right on now.
>>345840
Yeah, I meant the second part as in, the second part am supposed to write. Should've just said the fourth part instead.

>>345741
Tried to write something, but not sure how it turned out was not sure how to continue and how to handle the characters so took a little different twist. Let me know if you want me to write different story to complement yours or continue a bit on the way I did it or if you want to continue from where it is now. (third time is the charm - had to fix spell errors)

>Be airboat
>Do ariboat things
>Make "Brrrrrrrrrrrrr" sounds
>happyairboat.gif
>You never told anyone this but you like being an airboat
>Well it is not like you could tell anyone on the account you couldn't speak
>But can make "Brrrrrrrr" sounds, so happy
>Today you fly over desert
>Captain turns wheel left
>Captain turns wheel right
>You sway left and right going "Brrrrrrrrrrr" as you swoop over the desert landscape
>Wonder why they don't go straight like normal?
>Could they be looking or someone?
>But it is fun swooshing from one dune to the next zigzagging towards the center of the dessert so you don't really care
>Captain is new Captain you never seen before
>Old Captain would never do this kind of flying
>Old Captain would set sail towards the horizon
>Old Captain would drink and sing songs
>Old Captain would... also... steer you.. left.. and right....... after drinking.....
>Is new Captain drinking?
>But new Captain is not singing
>He is barking orders to the rest of the crew
>Could new Captain be mean drunk?
>You push the thought out of your mind as you pass the 33rd dune
>nice.dubs.png
>Four of the dunes have been slightly blue-ish
>Ten have had red hue
>Thirteen have been yellow
>And six have been orange
>Four minus Six plus Thirteen minus Ten is One
>...so all dunes are alike?
>You struggle to find the correct math
>There was some formula but you can't remember
>Was it pluss or minus and how did division work again?
>Borf used to talk a lot about it, but he has not said anything for many years now
>The other crew did not like Borf and his words of wisdom, but I did
>After the others boarded him up in my bow he stopped talking after a few days
>...not sure if they ever let him out when I come to think about it
>Dune 112th passed
>offbyone.jpg
>Damn
>Sun is setting and the dimming light makes the dunes cast long shadows
>Night is scary
>Still Captain steer you left and right
>Make soft and quiet "brrrrrrrrr" sounds so you don't wake up the ghosts
>Dark outside now
>See flash off light in the distance
>Captain barks some orders and steer you towards the light
>Be put on full speed
>You can't be quiet anymore Captain makes you go "BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
>Light gets closer and closer
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>pain.png
>An arrow smashes into your side
>What the hell?
>What did you do to deserve this?
>You are good airboat
>And then you see it
>The body of another airship
>They have killed it and ripped parts of its body
>Burning its body!
>ohshitohshitohshit.png
>Another arrow smashes into your side
>Followed by many more
>Really scared now
>Don't want to die
>Don't want to be burned alive
>Want to turn back but Captain refuses. Holds your wheel firm.
>Captain throws ropes out the sides and crew repels to the ground
>Then darkness
>The light on the ground is put out and only the stars can be seen
>Closing your eyes and start to hum to yourselves
>Try to think happy thoughts
>Try not to think of the dead airship and how you might die
>Try to think of clouds
>Try to think of Old captain and his songs
>Try to ....

>>345852
I actually think it's hilarious and it does indeed continue where my post left off, or a bit earlier in fact, so for me it's okay. However, It's a bit out there in terms of continuation and I'm your teammate afterall so I don't want people to feel that I'm using my authority as OP to cheat in this competition, though, again it's not very serious. So if anyone has some objections go ahead and tell me, otherwise I'll continue from here.

I think I wrote that I gave GG the role of judge for this thread so really it's actually in his hands as dictator to decide what is okay and what is not. I'm not blaming him though, misunderstandings happens and we've solve most of our problems ourselves so far.

>>345865
Thanks. If you want to I can continue the story of the airboat and make it into a continuation of yours. Adding a few hundred more words should make that possible and give you something to work out from so you don't have to come up with all the plot.

>>345867
No, it's good as it is. I have ideas for where to go from here, don't worry.

>>345867
Thanks anyway.
>>345849
>Thanks for your patience
np

>>345867
Haven't finished it but thought I post it to make you see what I done so far.

>Be a real flagship.
>Your bow is straight and not curved.
>The seapony statue on it has a confident smile on her face.
>The pole in the front of the bow as at least nine meters long.
>Right now, your getting some sweet sweet landing.
>The harbour here in Jagged Bay can barely contain your massive hull.
>The wind makes you wriggle and whole bricks gets lifted up from the piers on your sides as your hull brushes against them.
>Whining and groaning can be heard from the piers.
>Shit is cash as fuck.
>Captain comes back abroad re-hoists the color: A white flag with black lion on it so other ships know you are Obsidioness' flagship.
>The crew load a bunch of waluable cargo on board.
>All dat bling bling.
>They pull up the anchor and your propeller starts to, BBBBBBBRRRRRR!!!
>You stronk!
>Bye bitch, you think as you leave the harbour.
>Sail a long time.
>Now in desert.
>Suddenly airships on the horizon, or well, heh, more like airboats.
>Have pirate colors red and white.
>Tch.
>When one boat gets too close, kablame!
>You fire one of your massive guns at them.
>Shot splits boat through the middle and it's guts just pours out from either half.
>But more of them are comming.
>Did they know you'd be here?
>You can't help but to flinch a little as you see this armada of boats.
>They seem to sense that they have an advantage and move in with cruel and sadistic looks on them.
>Your balls tear through one of their ballons and sents that boat plummeting into the ground below.
>Next you send a barrage of canonballs at a ship.
>You're a like tiger ripping away chunks of flesh from your prey till barely nothings left.
>An explosive ball hits it and it egnites the ballon.
>The boat is now a firey blaze and it's crash on the ground is much softer then the previous ones just because there isn't much left of it.
>The other boats hesitates after that display.
>That's right. Know your place, you think.
>But then it seems to occur to them that your reloading and they move in.
>Your hammered by shots from all sides but your hulll does not break: Damage, yes, very, but not broken.

>>345939
Still not done yet.
>They move in even closer and fly along, adjecent to you.
>You realize what their trying to do and try to desprately dive out of the way but they catch on quickly.
>Then the boarding starts.
>The crew of the ship fights back well but get overwhelmed soon enough.
>Things gets so dire that the Captain decides to crash you with no survivors.
>You have no choice but to follow.
>There's a fight for the wheel and you crash into the ground.
>You crashed mostly along the ground rather then vertically.
>The impact still breaks the hull of your bow.
>You feel like a chinless zombie.
>The boats lands around you.
>The raping being.
>They plunder your cargohold.
>If you was harbour tears would have exit your teardocks.
>Laughing propeller sounds can be heard as they finally decides to leave.
>The crew and the captain is gone, either they died or they were taken capture.
>In the begining you stay brave.
>Thinking that as the flagship some of Obsidioness' ships will come for you.
>But days and nights go by and no one comes.
>And with time you start to lose hope.
>Then, one day, a group of ponies and a bipedal, tall, green creature finds you in the desert that you crashed in.
>You go through a rolecoaster of emotions when the white unicorn stallion and the man search through you.
>Happiness to be found, the worry that they might do nothing with you, that renewed hope that they will tell someone else about you, then fear again that that person might not salvage you in the way you want.
>Your not sure what to think when they make up camp and burn some of your wood from your broken bow.
>Suddenly, you hear the familiar and distinct sound of an airboat in the distance.

>>345849
So, I apologize again for my ridiculously long delay. I promise i won't take long on the fourth part.
Also, am almost done here, just a few "fixes" here and there I can finish up by tomorrow.

“I must take the friendship express at once”, Anon whispered to himself as he frantically ran down the stairs, without peeking back at the castle.
Soon enough, he reached Canterlot's train station, he sat down to wait for the express' arrival.
A Mare arrived at the station, she suddenly approached the solitary homo sapiens, she side-stared at him with a mixed grin. On one hoof, she was full of disgust and of impossible smug on the other.
"They say when Zebras used to roam these plains, they were responsible for over 60 percent of all violent crimes”, said the mare, with her face turned to the other side in a purposefully rude gesture, “despite being only THIRTEEN percent of the population." Anon stared in confusion as the Mare approached him, she layed her hooves on the hoof rests of Anon’s seat and proceeded in a laughably cute, menacing tone. "Now there's only ONE! monkey in equestria, guess how many crimes he's responsible of..."
Anon blushed a little and replied slightly nervously "Uh...I've done nothing ille…" The sound of the approaching train interrupted the exchange and the Mare turned around and walked away. "I thought so. Lazy as a Zebra, dumb as a Yak and ugly as-as...a monkey".
The express finally arrived and Anon boarded in, not a particularly congested travel, he comfortably took seat.

The hours went by as the trip through equestria continued. The party with Spike had begun to take its toll on Anon that day, he started feeling sleepy; seeing that he still had a few hours ahead before the trip was over, Anon made sure no one was near him, and decided to take a nap.

“Oh man, this is going to be easier than I had expected”.
Anon fell asleep quick enough, in just a few minutes, he was back in what appeared to be a mundane apartment. “Is...is it over already?”. Anon could only see the old paint in the walls, a disorganized closet with half of its clothes falling out, and a Rainbow Dash plushie on his hand. Anon forced himself up between the messy sheets. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Anon held that plushie on his hand, staring at it for a couple of seconds in silence.
His attention was finally drawn by a cockroach making its way between the unfinished, rancid Dorito bags, and the near empty, yet spilled energy-drink cans.
Anon took a deep sigh before forcing himself up, he walked to his bathroom, making his best effort not to notice the tons of used paper still in the floor; He washed his face up with the cold water, and stared at the broken, dirty mirror. “Was it all...just a dream?”
The main door rang viciously, as if the doorbell’s switch had gotten stuck. “Who the hell?…”
Anon walked to the door, forcing the door open after the handle got stuck again. He stepped outside, to find no one waiting, the doorbell just stopped, and all he could hear now was despacito playing like if there was no tomorrow.
He was about to head inside once more, but for a letter he found lying on his porch. “From Anon-A-Miss...”, Anon head inside, sitting on his dusty armchair, he opened the letter.
“You ugly, lazy fuck! How much longer will it take you?!”, Anon had a weird feeling, like he could connect that letter to somebody else, someone from his weird, horsey dream, he just woke up from.

“It has been a month since you’ve last sent me any new progress. I could have signed up for some hanime studio already, but no, I decided to help my lit’ retarded brother with his glorified fapfic. Get up from your ass already! When was the last time you ever finished something?…”.

Anon felt stunned, like if something had just struck his deepest self, he dropped the letter on his dirty, cocacola-stained carpet. And walked up to his chimney, he took his rifle, a modified, full-auto, Lee Enfield No4 Mk1.
He loaded up the old bastard and stepped outside of his home. Making its way to the house where despacito was playing, Anon kicked the door open and hopped right in.

"You! Monkey! Explain yourself!" The mare yelled at Anon, Anon pushed the mare off of him “The fuck is your problem? Look, if it helps you, am on my way out of your candy ass nation, alright?”. “Uh...sure, but what are you carrying that weird scroll over there?”
Anon turned around, the scroll lay open, stretched across the train wagon, under the passenger seats, as a pair of foals read through the paper.
Anon rushed to retrieve the scroll, “The one time they dared take me seriously, what will she do with me?! Oh fuck!” Anon said to himself as he desperately rolled the scroll back in.
“Are you okay monkey?” Anon rushed towards the back wagons, as he continued nervously whispering about his fears with celestia.
“Why did I even agreed to do this? She could’ve just sent Rainbow Dash, why…?” paralysed, Anon stood in the middle of a solitary wagon, “Wait a minute…” Anon said to himself as his pupils dilated. “Why didn’t she sent her?”

The doors were opened on both sides of the wagon, a pair of royal guards entered the wagon, a
Their bodies started creaking as they slowly deformed, their hooves grew as their upper body underwent transformation, their skulls became slimmer and elongated, and their arms turned into slim mucous insectoid limbs.
The satyr-insectoid abominations, retrieved their imperial spears, transforming them into scythes.
Anon remained still, without issuing any reaction.
One of the monster, the one standing closest to anon, swung his weapon. Anon dashed down between the nearby seats, holding on to hig backpack, he pushed the satyr away, making it fall on his back.

[1/2]

>>346074
I'll just shut up and deliver from now on, before being rightfully ousted for my betrayal to the writefag spirit.
Here's the rest(no revision on this one yet):

The other monster rushed in from the side, swinging his scythe upwards, nearly striking Anon as he quickly managed to sidestep the attack, Anon grabbed the scythe’s handle as he punched the monster right in the face, driving it out of the way.
The unfortunate massagist, ran away as fast as he could whilst the monsters were still distracted, “what the hell are those?!” Anon yelled to himself as he approached the wagon’s exit, a satyr suddenly growled furiously behind him, prompting him to peek behind, the monster threw his weapon at their fleeing prey. Anon slid down as the scythe traveled over him, striking the door that anon attempted to reach.
The other satyr rushed forward as Anon scrambled to get back on his feet, rushing once again between the nearby seats, anon dodged the strike falling over the seat as the satyr struck the floor where anon used to be.
Anon stood up once more as the monster swung towards him, Anon managed to close the distance, and grabbed the scythe’s handle with both hands, he kicked the satyr back, taking away his weapon.
Anon stood up and swung down at the stunned monster, slashing its head off, the other satyr rushed behind him, attemting to retrieve the embedded scythe, before being impaled by Anon.
The massagist stood still a few seconds trying to grasp what just happened. Another satyr suddenly broke through the ceiling, caught by sursprise, anon dropped his weapon as the monster struck the floor, quickly recovering and swinging once more to the human.
Anon did not had time to move this time, Anon could only shrink back as the scythe approached him.

Strenuous sparkles appeared as the scythe struck a magical shield, suddenly manifesting around anon. A thunderous sound followed, as a burst of white lighting struck the satyr, pushing it to the wall, and busting the beast out of the train, leaving but the broken gap in the wooden wall.
Anon sticked to the floor, peeking back at the place where the spell had come from. The same mare who viciously bashed him earlier, levitated near the opposite doorway. Her appearance was slightly different this time, with numerous white stripes in her dark hooves, graying out in her white coat and turning white once more on her neck.
“W-what are those things?” The nervous mare asked Anon, galloping towards him. Anon quickly rushed to get uṕ, grabbing the embedded scythe behind him, “Behind you!”, the mare slid down as Anon threw his weapon with all his strength. The satyr growled in pain, hitting the floor soon after.
The agitated mare turned around, still laying on the ground. “You’re not too shaby, you know?”, said anon, extending his hand at the precipitated horse. The mare slowly extended his hoof as her eyes watered in front of the green man...”buagh” The unicorn snapped at the last second, drawing back her hoof and getting up on her own.
“Please, do not offer me your simian limbs ever again.” said the mare with her eyes closed, and her face, pointed upwards, dismissing the mysterious traveler. “You’ve already dragged me into enough trouble. Y-you...what was your name again?” continued the young filly.
“Name’s Anon-E-Mouse, Anon is fine if…”
“-Anon.E.Mouse...My name is ”
The mare lift a fallen scythe with her magic, keeping close above her “Did you hear that?”
“-I didn’t hear anything…” “It’s getting closer!”
A cloud of mist appeared in front of the pair, a monster, a sort of timberwolf emerged at full speed, jumping towards the mare.
Yelled in panic, generated a glowing magical stick near her neck. A loud crack was heard, as the monster closed its jaws on the stick.
Swung his weapon in a circular motion, striking the monster in the woody belly and trowing it to the air. Dozens of chopped wood pieces feel from the sky, some laying over the mare.
“Ahgggg, for Celestia, whyyyy?!”.
“Y-you serious?”.
“What? Do you monkeys mangle timberwolfs for a living or something?”
“Well, we have to chop wood sometimes, It isn’t like equestria is that much different on that regard.”
“Ugh! I am so tired of your ape cynicism! Why don’t you just…”

Yet another cloud appeared and the timberwolf inside it, rushed once more as the mare yelled out.
A loud bang crashed upon the wagon, as the timberworf was kicked back by the impact. The mare turned around, anon held a shotgun on his hands, the fuming barrel pointed at the fallen timberwolf.

“Wha-what is that?”, “It feels like a, shotgun? I wonder where’d celestia got this…”, The mare was suddenly surprised, pointing her hoof at the doorway behind anon, “Careful!”.

A third beast rushed in, this time towards anon, the misterious traveled quickly turned around, slamming the timberwolf with the shotgun’s butt and chopping its head off.
“It-it’s that a magical blade”, a blade had appeared in below the shotgun’s butt, golden like celestia’s magical aura, it dissipated soon after.

The mare advanced to the doorway and peeked back, staring at anon “It will easier to hop off this train from the back-wagon, are you coming with me?”

[2/2]

>>346074
>>346075
Noice. Have a Shimmey for a job well done. Haven't read it yet though.

>>346077
Thanks, I'll have it all polished by tomorrow.

>>345532
>>345533
>>345840
Sorry mate, I really can't put any excuse at this point, I should have considered this a bit more.
Alas, I am finally done.

“I must take the friendship express at once”, Anon whispered to himself as he frantically ran down the stairs, without peeking back at the castle.
Soon enough, he reached Canterlot's train station, it was an unusually desolated day, in fact, there was no even a single pony in sight. With no trains on station yet, Anon sat down to wait for the express' arrival.
A mysterious Mare suddenly arrived at the station, her face concealed by a dark yellow hat, her opaque, white coat blending with the ambiance. The dark coat on her hooves was specially notorious as she walked elegantly down the stairs. Anon observed her in discretion when she suddenly approached the solitary homo sapiens, she aligned her hat revealing her young appearance, a shade of black coat was visible on her nose and the upper side of her muzzle. She side-stared the green human with a mixed grin. On one hoof, she was full of disgust, on the other, she dripped impossible smugness.
"They say when Zebras used to roam these plains, they were responsible for over 60 percent of all violent crimes”, said the mare, sustaining her grin, “despite being only THIRTEEN percent of the population!" Anon stared in confusion as the Mare approached him even further, even laying her hooves on the arm...*ahem*, hoof rests* at each side of Anon’s seat, the Mare proceeded with a laughable attempt of a menacing tone. "Now there's only ONE! monkey in equestria, guess how many crimes he's responsible of?..."
Anon gave her a slightly nervous reply "Uh...I've done nothing ille…" The sound of the approaching train interrupted the exchange, the Mare turned around and walked away. "I thought so. Lazy as a Zebra, dumb as a Yak and ugly as...a monkey".
Confusion aside, the express finally arrived and Anon made his way in, it wasn’t a particularly congested travel so he was able to take seat comfortably far away from other passengers.

The hours went by as the trip through equestria continued. The party with Spike from earlier had just begun to take its toll on Anon, he started feeling sleepy; seeing as though there were still a few hours ahead before the trip was over, Anon decided to take a nap.

“Oh man, this is going to be easier than I had expected”. Anon quickly fell asleep.

A couple of minutes transpired, after which, Anon woke up in what appeared to be a rather mundane apartment. “Wait, is...is it over already?”. Laying in bed, Anon could only see the old paint in the walls, a disorganized closet with half of its clothes falling out, and a Rainbow Dash plushie on his hand.
He forced himself up between the messy sheets. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Anon held the plushie on his hand, staring at it for a couple of seconds in silence.
His attention was finally drawn by a cockroach making its way between the unfinished, rancid Dorito bags, and the near empty, energy-drink cans.
With a deep sigh, Anon forced himself up, he walked to his bathroom making his best effort not to notice the tons of used paper still lying in the floor; He washed his face up with the cold water, and stared at the broken, dirty mirror. “Was it all...really just a dream?”
Someone viciously rang at the main door, as if the doorbell’s switch had gotten stuck. “Who the hell?…”
Anon walked to the door, forcing it open after the handle got stuck yet again. He stepped outside, to find no one waiting, the doorbell just stopped ringing, and despacito could now be heard playing loudly on his neighbor's house.
Anon was about to head back inside when he noticed a letter lying on his porch, and decided to check it out. “From Anon-A-Miss…” He went inside once more, sitting on his dusty armchair, he opened the letter.
“You ugly, lazy fuck! How much longer will it take you?!”, Anon grew confused, he could not remember anyone named Anon-A-Miss, but she somehow reminded him of a Mare, a Mare from his weird, horsey dream that he just woke up from.

“It has been a month since you’ve last sent me any progress. I could have signed up for some hanime studio already, but no, I decided to help my lit’ retarded brother with his glorified fapfic. Get up from your ass already! When was the last time you ever finished something?…”.

Anon suddenly remembered everything, stunned, he dropped the letter on his dirty, cocacola-stained carpet. “Sis?…”, Anon kept thinking for a few seconds, until it finally connected.
“The scroll...I need to deliver it at once.”
The music of his neighbor suddenly became so loud, that Anon started struggling to hear even his own thoughts. “Alright, enough!”, the green guy walked up to his chimney, taking his ol’ rifle, a modified, full-auto, Lee Enfield No4 Mk1.
He loaded it up and stepped outside of his home. Making its way to the neighbor’s party, and kicking the door open.

"You! Monkey! Explain yourself!" The mysterious Mare yelled at Anon with her hooves on his chest, he instinctively pushed the mare off of him, making her fall to the floor. Anon had apparently returned to the friendship express, “The heck is your problem? Look, if it helps you, I’m already on my way out of your candy ass nation, okay?”, said Anon, without major reaction to the change of setting.
“Uh...sure, but why is that weird scroll over there on your possession?”, said the Mare, still lying on the ground.
Anon turned around and saw the scroll lying open, stretched across the wagon under the passenger seats as a pair of foals read through the paper.
Anon rushed to retrieve the scroll, “This is bad, oh crap! The one time they dared take me seriously, what will she do to me?!” Anon said to himself as he desperately rolled the scroll back in.

[1/2]

>>346237
“A-Are you okay monkey?”, The Mare asked with a concerned grin. Anon rushed towards the back wagons, as he continued nervously whispering about his fear of Celestia.
“Why did I even agreed to do this? She could’ve just sent Rainbow Dash, why…?” paralyzed, Anon stopped in the middle of a solitary wagon, “Wait a minute…” Anon said to himself as his pupils dilated. “Why didn’t she sent her?”

The doors suddenly opened on both sides of the wagon and a pair of royal guards entered. They stood there, observing the human, before dropping their spears to the floor. The guards started growling and trembling, their bodies suddenly begun creaking. The guards’ bodies slowly deformed in front of Anon, their back hooves grew while their upper body underwent transformation, their skulls became slimmer and elongated, and their front hooves turned into insectoid limbs covered in mucous.
The satyr-insectoid abominations, retrieved their imperial spears, transforming them into scythes about half as large as their own height, which wasn’t much different to that of Anon.
The unlucky massagist stood still, without issuing any reaction from the monsters.
One of the Satyrs, swung his weapon and Anon dashed down between the nearby seats; holding on to his backpack, he pushed the satyr away, making it fall on his back.
The other monster rushed in from the side, swinging his scythe upwards and nearly striking Anon, leaving only a superficial cut on his forearm. Anon shoved his elbow on the monster’s torso, and pushed him out of his way.
Anon kept running towards the doorway, when he was forced to reconsider; he slid down as a scythe traveled above him, striking the door shut in front of him.
Anon scrambled back on his feet, as the unarmed Satyr rushed towards him. Retrieving the embedded scythe, anon turned around to face the incoming monster. The Satyr intercepted him, pinning him with his back against the door as the beast tried to take back its weapon.
Anon saw the other monster approaching and decided to act; he pushed the scythe upwards as he aligned himself to kick back the Satyr.
The gamble paid off, and the Satyr was pushed back, Anon swung the weapon with all his strength, and struck the beast in the neck, decapitating it.

Anon could not believe what he had done and when the other Satyr arrived, he was taken aback, and lost grip on his weapon trying to block a strike.

Anon fell on his back, as the Satyr swung down his weapon.
Strenuous sparkles appeared as the scythe meet a magical shield that suddenly manifested around anon. A thunderous sound followed, as a burst of white lighting struck the satyr, pushing it to the wall, and forcing the beast out of the train, leaving a huge gap in the wooden wall.
Anon remained in the floor, putting his eyes on the magical source. The same mare who viciously bashed him earlier, levitated near the opposite doorway. Her dark, blue mane was finally visible, but her appearance was slightly different this time, with numerous white stripes in her dark hooves, graying out in her white coat.
“W-what are those things?” The nervous mare asked Anon as she galloped towards him. “Behind you!” Anon warned the mare as a feral monster emerged behind her, a sort of timberwolf rushed at full speed, jumping towards the mare.
The Mare yelled in panic, trying to generate a shield as quickly as she could…
A loud bang soon followed, violently throwing back the timberwolf.
The Mare turned around, Anon stood there, with a fuming shotgun on his hands.
An eerie silhouette suddenly moved behind Anon. “Anon!”, The Mare yelled extending her hoof towards the human.
Anon turned around and slammed the weapon’s butt on the timberwolf, splitting its entire head.
The agitated mare covered her face, still laying on the ground,when anon approached her. “You’re not too shaby, you know?”, said Anon, extending his hand at the precipitated horse. The mare slowly extended her hoof as her eyes watered in front of the green man...”Ugh!...” The unicorn snapped at the last second, drawing back her hoof and getting up on her own.
“Please, do not offer me your simian limbs ever again.” said the mare with her eyes closed, and her face pointed upwards, dismissing the mysterious traveler. “You’ve already dragged me into enough trouble. Y-you...what was your name again?” continued the young filly.
“Name’s Anon-E-Mouse, Anon is fine if…”
“Anon.E.Mouse...My name is Radiant Falter”. The Mare kept staring at the shotgun, “Is that...magic?”
Anon finally noticed a golden magical blade on the weapon’s butt, before it suddenly dissipated in front of him. “Celly?”, said Anon as he kept inspecting the weapon.
“W-Who?”, Radiant asked in confusion. Anon remembered that the Mare was unaware of the situation, “Nevermind...hmm, anyways, you want me to bring you back to the safe wagons?” He asked the elegant mage.
Radiant lifted a scythe from the ground and walked to the doorway, “Come, it will be easier to hop off from the back wagons, we can reach Jagged Bay in two days.”
Anon smiled, took his backpack from the ground, and ran to the doorway.

[2/2]

>>346240
Well sleepy pone deserved it. My intentions are to get back to this thread, again.

>>346459
This pic is completely unrelated. I don't know what my thought process was here.

>>346237
Hey don't worry dude, i been away for a while because i got suddenly very busy girl, i just came here and saw all your posts, great job mexanon!
I'll make sure to read them all now, i can't promise I'll post the continuation soon (as in today/tomorrow) but I'll start working on it soon enough

>>346466
Good to see ya fren.
>I'll start working on it soon enough
Sounds great, it's nice to see this is still coming along. >>346464
>I don't know what my thought process was here.
Kek.
Probably something to the effect of neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh, neigher!

Yeah, I always worry that things like this won't finish but. There's seriously not that much left. I actually yhink this will work out for once. (I, for example, only have half a post left and then I'm done.)

>>345958
It should probably be shortened and proofread but this is the basic idea of my second part, Norway.

>The green bipedal fires off a barrage of arrows towards it.
>One of them, a white unicorn, fires off a purple beam up in the air.
>It forms into a giant purple dome around you.
>The cannonballs from the airboat shatter on impact with it but the stallion is visibly struggling to keep the shield up everytime it happens.
>The green man runs inside you and starts to mend things.
>He most be some kinda of wizard because soon you feel life inside of you again.
>You can fly again!
>All aboard and you lift off.
>The dome turns into a bubble shield around you.
>Your bow is broken so you feel like a chinless zombie but you are ready to fight this airboat that's the least you can do for your new captain who bothered to repair you.
>This faggot airboat is going down.
>You tackle him with your massive size.
>He swings to the side and back.
>Four cloaked equines among the ones onboard throw off their cloaks.
>They light up with flames; they are kirins.
>They put their horns together and a ball of fire starts to form from their combined fire output.
>They duck their heads and the sphere of flames fly through the air towards the airboat.
>Right before impact, a yellow mare with bacons for a mane uses her magic to redirect the magic.
>It kinda looks like unraveled a ball of yarn and now she holds a slithering snake of fire in the air.
>She sents it flying back your way.
>But the purple shield is reactivated again, blocking the flames.
>The magic fire runs down the shield like water and drips down towards the lands below.
>The purple shield flicker for a few moments.
>Oh, no!
>The white unicorn is tired after that onslaught of magic.
>The shield goes down and with it the fire on it... onto the you.
>It burns.
>It burns!
>Rope catch fire.
>Rope necessary to keep your hull attached to the zeppelin ballon above you.
>As the rope snap loose your new captain and his ”crew” board airboat and leaves you to your fate.
>Curse you!
>All the ropes detach themselves and suddenly you hang from your ballon with only one rope that's creaking.
>It breaks and you fall down towards the ground below.
>This time you're higher up than before.
>This time you know you won't make it and you will be beyond repair.
>Maybe, you think. Maybe, a flagship is nothing without a fleet of boats?
>Then you collapse in on yourself as you crash into the ground.

>>347136
Nice. Will read the full greentext (the combined three posts) and try to make an good continuation (hopefully conclusion) to the story.

>>347139
Yeah. Don't overthink it, however. I did this last post mostly in the mindest of wanting to have it over with, I'd wouldn't blame you for feeling the same way or just throwing some ending together. Any ending is fine.

>>347141
Sorry you felt that way. Hope my previous "continuation" wasn't the main cause for that. Have thought of a way to continue and hopefully find a good way to tie it all together.

>>347141
>Hope my previous "continuation" wasn't the main cause for that.
It wasn't. It's me. I have long struggled with getting things done.

>>347146
Fully understandable, and no worries. I know the feeling and I think it stems from caring a lot about the subject and it creates hinders because you can't fully relax when you try to do it. But I think I am on good way writing the continuation (but only Glim Glam will know for sure in the end I guess).

>>347136
Hopefully this is a good-ish continuation and ending.

>Awesome!
>Awesome to the max! Was all you could think.
>Perched on one of the cross beams you had had the perfect view of the battle.
>It had had it all.
>Explosions.
>Fire magic.
>Hoof to hoof combat.
>And one crazy looking green creature that seemed to love spandex a bit too much running around.
>Why Frank didn't want to stay and watch it all with you but flew away instead is beyond you.
>Old crew gone.
>New crew established.
>You knew this day would eventually come.
>Well... Time to say hello and introduce yourself you thought.
>You spread out your wings and gracefully glides down towards the deck.
>"Polly want a cracker." you squawked.
>Polly?
>Polly!!!!
>Why the fuck did you say Polly?!
>You knew this day would come, and you had sworn to yourself you would get rid of that stupid name on that day.
>Shit. The green thing had noticed you and was handing you a biscuit.
>"Here you go Polly" it said.
>Great. Polly it is until this airboat gets a new crew then.
>You grumpily chew down on the biscuit.
>It is surprisingly tasty. A bit stale, but tasty.
>
>The new crew was scrambling about getting all the rigging fixed up and trying to figure out how the navigation worked.
>You always felt a small bit of pleasure watching other creatures trying to navigate the airboat.
>"Current direction is South-South-East. Wind is southernly with a chance of rain in the morning" message ticket inn on your internal navigation sense.
>The magic of nature.
>If only nature had given you the power to kill with your thoughts you could rid yourself of this crew and have another chance ridding yourself of that stupid name.
>Sometimes nature is a cruel bitch.
>Well... Time to find a roofed spot to get some sleep.
>
>The sun was high on the sky when you woke up.
>what.the.fuck.png
>Some idiot had stuffed your cage (studio apartment) with biscuits and made a nameplate that said "/pol/ly".
>After finally fighting yourself free from the biscuits blocking the exit from your cage you realized the airboat no longer was in the desert.
>The airboat was anchored up against some strange triangular cubeish structure.
>You could see several of these structures some were only small peaks peaking up from the undergrowth, and others were giant buildings.
>The landscape was lush with vegetation and there was a beautiful sandy beachfront not to far away.
>"Forecast is clear skies. Soothing breeze from the East. Temperature is 22c/72f" your internal navigation sense told you.
>A perfect climate.
>
>There is hardly anyone on the airboat anymore, only a skeleton crew.
>All the cloaked ones, and most of the ponies including the green thing had departed.
>You wondered where they had gone.
>Then you wondered why you cared where they had gone.
>You never used to care or give any thought about what the crew did.
>What was in those biscuits?
>It had to have been the biscuits.
>Or at least that is the thing you chose to blame for now.
>Damn you, you tights wearing, codpiece toting, green bastard.
>Well... No need to prolong this.
>You know you will do it.
>You would fly out.
>Try to find them.
>Figure out what they were doing.
>Like the soft caring bird you've never been before.
>
>Directly besides the airboat there was a plateau with stairs snaking along the sides of the structure leading down to the lush undergrowth.
>"A fool's errand" you thought to yourself as you sighed and took flight following the stairs downwards.
>Once beneath the "undergrowth", which you realized was probably technically overgrowth from trees - from an airboat everything below looks like undergrowth, you could see lots of smaller buildings.
>How the hell are you supposed to find out where they are?
>What were you thinking setting off trying to find them?
>You are not a homing pigeon. Those freaks of nature, let them loose anywhere and they find their way back.
>Well I suppose they would not fare any better. Probably worse as they would just fly back home and accomplish nothing.
>
>As you fly from house to house you suddenly spot it.
>Outside the opening of one of the big stone structures you see two of the cloaked ones from the airboat standing.
>You are a God when it comes to finding things.
>A God!
>
>You fly into the opening of the triangular cubeish structure readying yourself for anything.
>Glowing orbs lights up the corridor.
>There are some nice pictures and carvings decorating the walls.
>After some bends and turns you see the corridor comes to a big room with two sphinxes standing outside guarding the entrance.
>After a small moment of hesitation, which you are ashamed of, you charge towards the entrance.
>At full flight speed you gracefully glide over the guards and enter the room.
>They didn't even notice you.
>They didn't care you were there.
>What kind of guards are they?
>Don't they know how much damage you could cause?
>
>At the far end of the room you see some kind of throne with lots of jewels and ornaments.
>In front of the throne a Sphinx stands doing some sort of ritual.
>Three of the ponies the green creature and four cloaked ones stands in front of the Sphinx.
>
>"I thank Thee for bringing me this. It will aid us well in this time. Celestia is truly ..."
>As the Sphinx rambles on you notice a fruit bowl in the corner besides one of the windows.
>Fruit will be a welcome change from crackers and biscuits.
>The juice from the fruit is delicious and you can feel it flowing down your throat.
>This really is a nice place.
>

>>347170
>>347171
This was great fun.

>>347170
>>347171
Do you want to proofread your text for grammar and spelling errors, or are you good? I'm currently reading through my own text parts and make small tweaks to such errors.
Since we're done, I'd thought I'd upload the whole thing to PonePaste after I done with that if you don't want time to look over your text.

>>347311
The text should be free of spelling errors (or so I hope) so just go ahead and use it as it is.
For full publish it should perhaps be read through and tweaked and all that. But it is probably good to have it as it is as a first draft so GlimGlam can really dive into it and give good pointers. Tweaking the text for better flow might also just end up making it worse.
tl;dr; I'm good using it as it is

>>347316
Okay, then I'll post it as fast as I read through my last part. I'm very much through with having GG commenting on my speeling.
>Random pony pic

>>346472
Uhm, do you know how I add tags to the paste when uploading to ponepaste? Like, I type in the "tag"-bar but I just don't get it.

>>347652
Press enter after each tag, it's working fine for me. Otherwise, it may be your browser; try enabling desktop mode if you're on mobile. (edit: It'll refresh the page, so make sure to copy your text before doing so)

>>346466
So, I don't mean to "pressure" you or anything, that would be hypocritical from me. Just asking for interest. How you doin' fren?

>>345268
Anyway, here's mine nad Norway's >>347171 entry: https://ponepaste.org/7721
I'm dying of laughter. I somehow almost locked myself out of it by accidentally typing in SAFE as the password for the paste when I was making the tags for the fic. I was lucky that that bar saved what password I'd typed last or I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was.

>>348548
Apologies for the delay. Here are my general thoughts on this.

The ESL issues in Sven's writing persist, but continue to improve. There are still some spelling and grammatical errors in this, but significantly less than what I've seen in the past, and I've noticed marked improvement with each successive fic. All in all, the writing quality is decent.

I'll get some nitpicky stuff I noticed out of the way before delving into the meat of the story:

>surprize
'Surprise' is the correct spelling. It's also the name of a G1 pony if that helps you remember: http://mylittlewiki.org/wiki/Surprise

>zigzagging towards the center of the dessert
A desert is a long, sandy expanse of land in which there is little precipitation and plant growth; a dessert is something delicious you consume as a treat after your main course.

Green Desert:
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x358b6e

Green Dessert:
[YouTube] The 7th Guest - Puzzle 2: Piece of Cake [Embed]

Learn the difference. It could save your life.

>Inside the box is the Seventh Scroll.
>You don't really know what it does or why Princess Celestia all of a sudden felt it needed moving, but you know it's supposed to be a really powerful magical artifact.
inb4 it gains you admission to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

>The other one is the leader of the guardians but seems to be more of a communicator for them than their squad leader from what you had seen thus far.
This is kind of a ramble. You could use fewer words to convey the same information.

>Anon climbs up ontop the deck of the ship while you inspect the broken hull of the ship.
It should be either "on top of the deck" or "atop the deck". Also, "the ship" is used twice and the repetition is unnecessary. Since you're still talking about the ship and a hull is naturally a part of a ship anyway, you don't have to add a redundant reference to "the ship" after "broken hull."

>He smiles at you in surprized.
Wat? Also, for whatever reason this phrase sounds familiar to me; I feel like it appeared somewhere in something else I was reviewing. It's possible you were intentionally making a joke here; if that's the case you can ignore my comment.

>Cadanza
I'm not sure if this spelling is intentional or not, but it actually opens the door to some mildly interesting side-autism. If you want to be a stickler about canon, this spelling is incorrect: the official name of this character per Hasbro is "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza." However, her less formal appellation, also per Hasbro, is "Princess Cadance," spelled with an 'a' instead of an 'e'. I notice this because it always gets highlighted as a spelling error whenever I type the name. According to the MLP wiki, the name has actually been spelled as both "Cadence" and "Cadance", but the latter seems to be the more accepted spelling.

If you wanted to get really nitpicky about it, "Cadence" would be the proper shortening of "Cadenza." It would also make for a consistent naming convention since "cadence" and "cadenza" are both musical terms. However, if she is canonically named "Cadance" (an intentional misspelling), then it would stand to reason that her full name should be "Cadanza" rather than "Cadenza." However, this feels wrong since "Cadanza" isn't a word and doesn't sound like it ought to be one if anything it sounds like it ought to be the ponification/princessification of Tony Danza, which might make for an amusing story of its own. So, it feels awkward in your text, but at the same time it also feels like it ought to be correct. The fault here seems to be Hasbro's.

>He is silent for a moment before he nods with a grim look.
”...Yeah, the sun is also down. According to Celly, Sunset was already jealous of Cadanza and this probably was the last straw.”
>You nod.
>You sit there in the silence for while then, suddenly, your ears snap back towards the whirling sound of propeller blades.
>
>Be airboat
>Do ariboat things
>Make "Brrrrrrrrrrrrr" sounds
>happyairboat.gif
>You never told anyone this but you like being an airboat
The change in styles here is abrupt. If I had to guess, I'd say that this is where the two of you traded off. Not only does the writing style change, but the change in mood and perspective is also quite jarring. This was clearly done to be shitposty and funny, so I'm inclined to let it slide, but still; it's jarring. This felt like one of those "and now for something completely different" Monty Python bits. I had to read a few more lines before I understood wtf was going on.

>She must have been lost in thought. Or is it because I'm a knight now?
>The other crew did not like Borf and his words of wisdom, but I did
If you select a particular narrative style, you have to be careful to keep it consistent. This green (as is the case with most greens) is written in the second person, like so:
>you open the door
>you get on the floor
>everypony walks the dinosaur.
To suddenly transition to "I" breaks the consistency of the narration.

The two lines I quoted are from different parts of the story. In the first one, the use of 'I' seems to be in the character's thoughts, so it's technically legal. You just have to make sure it's clear to the reader what's going on, like so:
>She must have been lost in thought
>"Or is it because I'm a knight now?" you think to yourself

The second instance is a blatant change in perspective, which needs to be corrected. Like so:
>the other crew did not like Borf and his words of wisdom, but you did

Anyway.

>Captain throws ropes out the sides and crew repels to the ground
crew rappels to the ground.

>Shit is cash as fuck.
If you want to reference this meme properly, it should read "shit is so cash." "socash.jpg" or "shitwassocash.png" would also be acceptable.

>Bye bitch, you think as you leave the harlot harbour.
Is there anyone in this town who hasn't dropped anchor in that harbor?

Anyway, next, we'll address the content of the story itself, which is...something. It's definitely something.

>>348896

Alright, so. As to the story itself.

This starts off on a pretty decent footing. A group of ponies are in the desert as opposed to the dessert, transporting something called "the seventh scroll" to some undisclosed location, by order of Princess Celestia. The story is told from the perspective of Shining Armor, who is tasked with leading the group, alongside Anon, who is apparently some sort of combination bodyguard and boytoy to Celestia. There is also a mysterious quartet of cloaked creatures, who seem to be the guardians of the scroll and accompany it wherever it goes. Shining Armor observes that they have cloven hooves and strange bar-like protrusions under their hoods, though their features are not visible. The implication seems to be that they are creatures other than ponies; possibly goats or cows or something. The remainder of the group consists of some other members of the royal guard.

The group travels across the desert for awhile. There is some interesting interaction between Shining and a mare named Spring Dip; it feels like the author may be setting up some tension or laying the groundwork for Spring Dip to be a significant character.

Anon calls out to Shining, who proceeds to follow him up to the top of a dune. Anon points to the wreckage of an airship below. After some speculation about where it might have come from, they go down to have a closer look at it. Anon inspects the ship's machinery and announces that he might be able to fix it. At this point, the pair observe that the sun is setting, and they decide to make camp and use some debris from the wrecked vessel to start a fire.

Some interesting conversation takes place here. In my review of Kassazz's Aryanne story, I observed that a good technique when writing short fiction is to try and tell a larger story than the one you are actually telling, but still keep the word count low and the focus on the primary action. This is done to nice effect here. From a brief exchange of a few lines of dialogue between Anon and Shining Armor, we learn several interesting things about what is going on in this story's world:

>Shining Armor has only recently become a knight and has just begun a relationship with Cadance and/or Cadanza
This suggests that the time period of this story predates the events of S2
>a character named Sunset (presumably Sunset Shimmer) has recently run off, causing some amount of grief for Celestia
This suggests that the events leading up to the first EqG movie took place around this time.
>Sunset had some kind of rivalry with Tony "Princess Mi Amore" Cadanza
I don't remember if this was canon or not, but in the context of this story it could be setting up something important for later.

In this conversation, the author hints at some complex goings on in the broader world. Whether the purpose of this is to foreshadow later events or just to sketch in some detail beyond the edges of the setting, it's nicely executed.

Anyway, as they are discussing this, they suddenly hear the sound of propeller blades in the distance, and the scene ends in a break. From here........things take an interesting turn.

Out of absolutely nowhere, the perspective changes from Shining Armor to that of an airship. It's not immediately clear whether this is the same airship that was wrecked earlier, but eventually we can more or less figure out that this is the ship whose propellers were heard from a distance. We are introduced to several new characters, including an unnamed former Captain, an unnamed current Captain, who may or may not be drunk, and someone named Borf, who was apparently starved to death by his own crewmates in the forecastle.

The ship narrates in extensive detail the process of being steered, and speculates on whether or not the new Captain has been drinking. Several dunes are passed and counted, and then, suddenly, the ship is attacked. It realizes to its horror that the carcass of another airship is nearby. Presumably this is the ship that Shining & Co. have discovered.

There is another break, and the perspective now switches to a different ship. At this point I have lost all sense of just what the fuck is going on.

The second ship leaves some kind of slutty harbor, and then sails for awhile, and then turns into an airship (or maybe it was an airship to begin with) and flies across the desert. Incidentally, the new ship is revealed to be the Flagship of someone named Obsidioness. It comes across an undisclosed number of other airships engaged in some kind of aerial cannon battle. One of them fires, and the Obsidioness ship is drawn into the fight.

A confused and incoherent fight scene follows: lots of long, thick cannons blowing their loads, and big heavy balls swinging around and causing all sorts of damage. Eventually, for some reason, the captain of the boat (not the drunk captain; we still don't know what happened to that guy's boat) decides to crash the boat. The boat crashes. The boat's rear cargo hold is now violated by seamen. Seriously; it's a pretty graphic scene. Seamen all over the place, on the poop deck and everything.

Then, the big reveal: this is not a story of events that are presently happening in real time, this is the backstory of the crashed airship that Shining Armor & Co. came across. We now rejoin them in the present. Seriously, I have no idea wtf is going on anymore.

At this point, we once again witness the previous boat scene, except this time it's being told from the perspective of a different boat. The wrecked boat observes the other boat, the one with the drunk captain, approaching. For no apparent reason, Anon starts firing arrows at it; meanwhile, Shining Armor puts up a shield to protect both the group and the ship wreckage from the barrage of balls that the drunk captain has decided to unleash.

>>348898

Anon apparently fixed the airship sometime in between shooting arrows at some drunk sea captain and discussing Princess Cadanza's career as one of the most highly paid TV dads of the 1980s. They all climb on board, and the ship decides to repay Anon's kindness by fighting the other ship, because apparently this sentient airship can do that somehow. Meanwhile, the four cloaked creatures guarding the seventh scroll, which may or may not still be an important MacGuffin, are revealed to be kirins. They conjure some kind of magic fireball and hurl it at the opposing ship.

At this point, a "a yellow mare with bacon for a mane" appears and uses her own magic to deflect the fireball. As I'm sure we have all guessed by now, this pony turns out to be none other than Baconhead, a lesser-known G1 mare who was cut from the series due to poor toy sales. Originally a collaborative promotion between Hasbro and Oscar Mayer, her toy was ultimately discontinued when parents began complaining about the smell of rancid bacon wafting out of children's toyboxes. She retaliates with some magic of her own, and Shining can no longer maintain his shield. From here, things become a little confusing.

It's evident that the ship, from whose perspective we are still witnessing events, takes some pretty serious damage. The ropes which bind it to the inflatable-zeppelin part (not sure what this is called exactly) are burned, and the ship is now concerned about once more being wrecked. This is the part that confuses me:

>As the rope snap loose your new captain and his ”crew” board the airboat and leaves you to your fate.
Which airboat are they boarding? There are only two in the scene that I'm aware of: the one that Anon fixed, and the one that they're fighting. Is the implication that they all boarded the other airship, the one piloted by Baconhead? That would make the most sense, but it's worded a little ambiguously here, and it gets more confusing as the story progresses.

Anyway, the sentient flagship detaches from its zeppelin-thing, and falls to the ground and crashes. F, I think.

Another break. As if the perspective changes in this story weren't confusing enough already, we once again change perspective to a new character. For a few lines, it's not clear who the new narrator is supposed to be. Eventually, we learn that the narrator is a parrot. As far as I can tell, the parrot is on board the second airship, the one that Anon and Co were fighting and apparently boarded when their own airship went down. The parrot squawks, announces its name as "Polly," silently curses itself because it had meant to choose a different name at the first opportunity, and the scene ends in another break.

This scene is followed by several more short scenes spaced out with breaks. As far as I can tell, we're sticking with the parrot as narrator for the time being. Not a whole lot happens; the parrot watches the new crew of the airship get settled in, and flies up to the roof to take a nap. At one point it awakens to discover that its cage has been stuffed with biscuits and some joker has inscribed the name "/pol/ly" on the cage. I'm assuming this was Anon's doing.

As of yet, it's not clear what happened to Baconhead. My reading of the situation is that the Obsidioness airship, which Anon repaired, was fatally damaged during the firefight with Baconhead and crashed. Before it crashed, Anon et al boarded Baconhead's ship. Since Baconhead was clearly an enemy (though it hasn't yet been made clear why they were fighting each other), one would assume they would have to fight her and defeat her before taking control of her ship. However, we haven't heard anything more about her; she just sort of disappeared. Incidentally, all shitposting aside, I'm assuming that Baconhead is actually Sunset Shimmer, and her reason for attacking the party has something to do with what was foreshadowed earlier, the stuff about her and Cadance and Celestia. However, there's still a lot going on that hasn't really been explained.

Anyway, we go through several more scenes with the bird. We learn that the airship has traveled out of the desert into a lush forested region. It eventually makes a landing in what appears to be a city of some kind. Then, suddenly, it wakes up and realizes that everyone on the ship is gone. For reasons it can't fathom, it decides to fly off and look for them. The bird flies around, searching through the jungle and the various buildings, looking for the ponies. Then, he finds the ponies. Welp, that was easy.

The bird flies past the pony guards, down some hallways and into a throne room, where a Sphinx is conducting some kind of ritual. The situation appears to be that Anon, Shining, the kirins and whoever else was in their party originally have handed off the scroll-thing to whoever, and their mission is complete. The bird, however, is more interested in the bowl of fruit that is sitting on the table, so he flies down to it and eats some mangos and whatnot.

I forgot to mention this earlier because I didn't think it was an important detail, but there was a character named Frank who was mentioned at one point. Apparently Frank is a second bird who was on the ship as well, but flew away during the battle. Well, at this point he reappears and greets our narrator-parrot parrator?. They have a rather strange conversation; apparently, they were supposed to watch the ponies on the boat for someone. Something called "the Order" is going to be displeased; the ponies and Anon may be walking into a trap. This doesn't sit well with the parrot, and even though he was hoping to remain in this lush tropical paradise and give up the sea forever, he feels duty-bound to Anon and flies off to find him.

And...that's the end, apparently. I'll be back in a jiffy with my final assessment and a pony and so forth.

>>348902
>>348548

SPOILERED IMAGES ARE YOUR AWARD PONIES. FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT, DO NOT UNSPOILER UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE TEXT OF THIS POST COMPLETELY

Alright, so I've thought about it, and here is how I've decided to do this.

Each story will get a "final" pony per OP's original rule. Where appropriate, I also will award additional ponies as badges. The final pony will be whatever canon character I think best represents your story and/or my reaction to your story. The extra badges may be canon characters, background ponies, OCs, or just ridiculous ponies I made up/found somewhere. I will also include a final summary of my thoughts on the story, along with an assessment of how well your submission fit the criteria OP laid out. With that said, here are my thoughts on this story.

Submission: Team Peninsula

Overall thoughts:

This one was...strange. I was expecting a bit of shitposting due to the nature of the contest, but this one went off the rails in some interesting ways. The first segment of the story, involving Anon and Shining Armor exploring the desert and finding the ruined ship, is very clearly Sven's writing style, so I'm guessing he was the first writer. The beginning of the story was pretty good; it looked like it was setting itself up to be a fairly straightforward adventure story. Anon and SA had sort of a buddy-comedy thing going that could have been fun, Spring Roll or whatever her name was might have had some kind of dynamic with SA, there was some interesting backstory about Cadance and Sunset; this could have gone any number of interesting directions.

However, it seems that Norway decided to throw Sven a complete curveball and take things in a ridiculous direction that no one could have foreseen. The perspective switches, as jarring as they were, I actually thought added something to the exercise. It was pretty clear that Sven was not expecting this, and it took the story in some amusing and unpredictable directions, yet everything was still more or less wrapped up at the end. As confusing as parts of it were, I actually thought the last portion, told from the perspective of the parrot, was pretty well done.

The culmination of the main plot, the handing off of the scroll to the Sphinx-queen, which by all rights should have been a major scene, was turned into a minor event witnessed by a parrot, who was more interested in the bowl of fruit. The scroll itself, which was supposed to be the MacGuffin that the story moved around, turned out to be a pretty minor object that barely factored into anything. I actually found this clever; it reminded me a bit of that MLP episode (I think it was the 100th episode special or something) where the m6 had to fight some kind of monster or something, but the story focused on all the mundane shit that the background characters were doing while their fight was going on.

Presenting important scenes like the battle and the handing off of the scroll from some unusual perspectives, such as the airships and the bird, gave the story a surreal twist, whereas if the story had just been written the way it was set up, it would have most likely been a fun but more or less conventional adventure story. As confusing as it was, I'm actually glad you guys decided to experiment a little and have fun with the idea instead of just trying to be coherent.

My one significant structural gripe is the business with Baconhead/Sunset. One minute the group is engaged in this battle with her, then their ship gets destroyed, then they board her ship, and then the scene just sort of ends without resolving the fight. In the next scene they just inexplicably have control of a new ship, implied to be hers. She never reappears in the story; we are simply left to assume that they defeated her, or something. Literally kkat-tier storytelling; no es bueno.

Assessment:

>Synergy
Rather than being directly cooperative, it almost felt like you were trying to throw each other curveballs and intentionally move the story into places your partner didn't anticipate. However, it basically worked; taking the story in a weird direction made things a lot more fun and interesting. I'm going to say you handled the synergy portion well.

>Clear Beginning and End
Other than the business with Baconhead, pretty much everything that needed to be resolved was resolved. The story had a clear opening that established the characters' goal, which was ultimately accomplished, albeit in an absurd and roundabout way. Basically full credit here as well.

>Format not Style
The story was written in a standard greentext format, from a second-person perspective. Other than a couple of errors I highlighted, this format was adhered to from beginning to end by both writers.

>related to the premise
Again, in spite of how wacky it got, all of the elements included in the OP's original premise made it in here. I suspect the fact that one of the writers on this team is the OP might have had something to do with this, but nevertheless it's all in here: the Seventh Scroll of Temper, the Sphinx, Paladin Anonymous. The only thing that was missing is this part:

>But what they don't, is that there's been a leakage...
However, since this sentence is ESL as all fuck and I don't know what the hell it means, I'm choosing to ignore it.

Pony Badges:

This story has been awarded the following pony badges (drumroll please).

Pic 1: This ultra-rare G1 Baconhead, awarded for your inclusion of a lesser-known yet delicious character.

Pic 2: Pony Danza, awarded for your inclusion of 1980s sitcom icon Princess Tony "Mi Amore" Cadanza.

Final Pony (Pic 3): Derpy Hooves, because all of the perspective changes were the narrative equivalent of looking at the world cross-eyed.

And, that's about all I had. All that's left is for the rest of you faggots to hurry the fuck up and finish your stories; otherwise Team Peninsula wins by default.

Until then, I bid you all adieu.

>>348903
Oh, one more thing I forgot. In addition to the ponies, I've decided to award each submission a song as well. The song represents the music that I think would be appropriate to play over the ending credits of your story if it were made into a movie.

The song for Team Peninsula is:

Last Mango in Paris by Jimmy Buffet
[YouTube] Last Mango In Paris [Embed]

>>348896
>>348898
>>348902
>>348903
>>348904
This was an epic review to read. I laugh hard several times. I appriciate the extra effort you put into things.
Thank you.

>>348896
>>348898
>>348902
>>348903
>>348904
Great review. Like Sven I laughed many times and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I will go out on a limb and say I'm glad you liked the story. And in the spirit of the contest I will award you a Pony too.