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Kaverns & Kobolds Two: The Electric Boogaloo
Welcome to the Kaverns & Kobolds Klub (/kkk/).

This source will be dedicated to posting resources and session logs for a whacky low-level 3.5e adventure featuring an all-kobold party, with the recurring theme of (((gnome))) genocide.
The game begins at lvl 1 using standard 3.5e rules, with a few houserules. The setting is generic and uses elements from various d&d settings. Characters begin at lvl 1 with 40 point buy stats, and all PCs recieve Dragonwrought and Dragontouched as a bonus feat!

Adventure Synopsis:
>For centuries, the kobolds of the Spawncamper tribe lived in rugged peace, amassing great wealth in the mines and only suffering occasional mass casualties from battles with neighboring goblinoids, gnomes, gnolls, dwarves, and really everything else. However, that changed just a months ago, when the tribe's clergy stopped recieving bonus spells from their almighty Lord and Savior: the Devil Kurtulmak. The Silence of Kurtulmak lasted for only one week, but the event shook the core of the tribe. In their search for answers, the tribal leadership determined that the cause for the silence was for the fact that they had failed to wage war on the neighboring gnomish kingdom of Glimmersburg for too many years. Intent on proving their devotion to their lord, the fanatic kobolds rallied their forces and planned an all out assault on Glimmersburg and its neighboring villages.
>The invasion resulted in catastrophe. While the Kobolds fought well and were skilled in the arts of gnome-slaying, they miscalculated the strength of the gnomish kingdom's alliance with the nearby dwarven clans, and were forcefully pushed back and outnumbered. They also never expected to be flanked by svirfneblin from the underdark blocking off their path of escape. Outnumbered and surrounded in three dimensions, the Spawncamper tribe suffered casualties like they'd never seen before, pushed to the bring of extinction. What's more, the war revealed veins of rich mineral resources that the kobolds had been mining, and the gnomes of Glimmersburg decided they would annex the territory of the spawncampers and get rid of the kobold nuisiance once and for all. In a last bid effort, the tribal leadership set off a series of explosive traps that collapsed the majority of the mines that had been taken over by gnomes, causing mass casualties on both sides, but buying some of the remaining kobolds time to escape. Spawncamper tribe was all but destroyed, with the few that survived scattering in every direction for survival. In a The Gnomes currently occupy what remains of the mines, and are intent on slaughtering every last one of them.
>But as the mighty Kurtulmak taught them, no battle with gnomes is over so long as one kobold survives. Soon, the gnomes of Glimmersburg will once again face the wrath of Kurtulmak and the blood of Tiatmat.
>And so, we begin with the position of our heroes. They are brave kobold warriors who fought in the Glimmersberg assault. Ranking high in their respective warbands, they've seen their share of work and battle following the three K's of Koboldism: Kruelty, Kowardice and Kunning. After strategically pushing their younger comrades into the meatgrinder, they set off a powerful Wyrm ditherbomb that collapsed the cavern of a battlefield while they hid in a storage cache where they stayed for days.
>Running low on resources, our heroes are set to emerge from their little fishbowl and make their own path. Perhaps they will seek revenge on the gnomes who destroyed their society. Perhaps they'll search the rubble for survivors. They might rebuild and repoulate the mines themselves, or leave the kaverns in search of better luck elsewhere. They might just cower in place until they run out of dead corpses and eat eachother. Perhaps they'll set off on their own adventure and the honest life of the average murderhobo. Only time can tell.

The /kkk/ runs on discord (for now) as a corner of the 'Official' /mlpol/ Horseplay Initiative. I started this adventure as a joke, but I've decided to use it to test methods and media for a multi-media Westmarches that I've been planning to create for this community. New members/players are always welcome:

This setting uses Action Points (Eberron style, not UA style), and any character who writes a log, session summary, in-character anecdote, artwork or other substantial contribution gets one free action point at the end of the session, so please write logs.
64 replies and 30 files omitted.
Kisara's Player
>Where last we left off...
>Almost everything that could go wrong did go wrong, and it can be traced back to letting a gnome escape us instead of executing him on the spot

>This time, we start off in the tunnel we left off in with a comatose retard dragon and a few more kobolds than we entered with!
>A success to be sure, but was it really worth it in the end?
>That all depends on what we get for rewards, of course!
>We return to Yusdrayl, Kisara bitching and moaning about how we almost died and lost our best shit while Vyth and Adooris give out the actual debriefing
>We fought the vast majority of the goblins, we killed almost as many, there were hobgoblins, a gnome stole our shit, et cetera
>At the mention of hobgoblins though, Yusdrayl perks up and quietly starts freaking out
>She still gets us our rewards, though!
>While she's searching though, Kisara asks if she has any gems that can be attuned for her helmet
>Yusdrayl doesn't, seeing as how she also has a helmet with no gem in its slot
>Oh well...
>She gets us our rewards, a medal of Io for each of us, with the color of medal we got matching our scale colors!
>Vyth got a green one, Adooris got a black one (even though she's violet, oh well) Kisara got a blue one to match her highlights, and Akara got a red one!
>Meepo also got a medal, but his was white because of his official title of dragon keeper and the dragon he was tasked with keeping is white
>Around this time, the door that we entered the kobold territory through starts banging
>The goblins want their dragon back!
>We and all the other kobolds in the area gather around the door and get into position, the guards flanking while Vyth hides behind a pillar, Adooris holds the line up front, and Kisara/Yusdrayl take up positions to unload magical hellfire into the oncoming attackers
>The hobgoblins finally SWAT the door down, and Yusdrayl vaporizes a line of them while the other kobolds start terrorizing them from the sides
>Adooris and Vyth get into the fray too, and Kisara throws spells like she always does
>The normal hobgoblins stream into the room though, and their big boss samurai gobbo finally arrives on the scene with his regular goblin cleric GF riding on his back to victory
>The guards directly next to the doors get massacred by him, Adooris tries to slow him down with a dwarfblight but only really hits herself and Akara, and the cleric gobbo immediately makes that decision useless anyway by adding a light source to the room
>We all pile damage onto bossman and his henchmen, managing to take down the mooks, but Samurai Crack's pocket pussy with legs hits him with that cure moderate and gives him back a bunch of HP in the meantime
>Kisara then remembers the first rule of warfare, kill the medic, and hurls some lightning at the Samu-rider, somehow killing her instantly
>This leaves bossman pretty open to getting gutted, which he does!
>Hooray, the remaining goblins have been routed and there's some ominous shadow looming behind Meepo, let's celebrate!
>Adooris springs into action and shields Meepo from this horror, but we're all shocked to find that its real target was the dragon!
>The shadow moves swiftly, and in a spray of blood the dragon's head is separated from its body
>Calcryx is dead
>Nothing of value was lost
>Is what Kisara thinks to herself, as gnomish laughter suddenly starts echoing through the room!
>Kisara charges up another spell and shouts "GIVE ME BACK MY GEM YOU ASS" before liquefying the presence before her, but as it turns out it's just an illusion!
>The laughter continues as everyone starts to look for the source, and Vyth tells us that the illusions are an ability of the gnome, but he has to be nearby to make them work
>The skeletons are ordered to close the doors, and Vyth makes a herculean spot check to find another shadowy figure hiding behind a pillar
>... Or not, as another illusion puffs up in a cloud of smoke
>We have a small exchange with this hidden bastard who then decides to taunt us by appearing right where we all can hit him, and it's him for real this time!
>Kisara tries to trip him with her whip, but ends up failing miserably
>To make matters worse, HE STEALS MY FUCKING WHIP
>I had better get that back too, I swear to fuck!
>Seriously, if I don't get back my now two pieces of good ass lost gear I'm gonna be pissed
>Vyth and Adooris also do what they can to try to blast this bastard before he can disappear, but he makes it out alive
>In her own fit of rage, Kisara then discharges every last spell slot that she has into the ground where the gnome disappeared, leaving a smoldering circle of burned stone from her electrical discharge
>Well, now everyone's up to speed on the gnome situation, at least...
>While the tribe is coping and seething over the loss of calcryx though, Vyth brings up some religious knowledge that lets us know some important shit!
>Particularly, where and when we can find this bastard next!
>He's going to be doing some kind of ritual in a public place a week from now during the new moon, and there's only one settlement public enough for his liking within that timeframe of travel; the town of Oakherst roughly a day's travel from here!
>We do have time between then and now though, so we work on one of our other objectives: forming the Neo-Spawncampers!
>We meet back up with Ukri and inform him of the developments, and we bring the crushers into this new area to form our new base of operations for the time being
>Ukri and Yusdrayl come to their agreements and rule the Neo-Spawncampers together, and the day closes off with 80-ish kobolds in a bigass sleep pile
>Our sleep is interrupted though when two kobolds start arguing about moss and Kisara decides to fan the flames with her own opinions before Yusdrayl shuts them up with a sleep spell
>The next day, we wake up and go about our mornings until Ukri pulls us aside and enlists our help yet again
>It's now our job to go and clear the rest of the dungeon
Kisara's Player
>So we do
>We gather our crap and head back into the dungeon, moving towards areas that we haven't explored properly yet
>As we pass through one of the rooms we had already been in though, we encounter a bunch of angry old biker gnomes with red hats!
>Well, we came here expecting to fight anyway, this isn't surprising
>What is surprising though is that these guys are able to resist damage!
>It becomes a small problem, but between Kisara's casting and Akara's kickass CQC expertise we manage to drive the redcaps back to hell
>Adooris then uses a prestidigitation spell to clean up the blood pools they spawned from while Kisara uses mending to partially repair a decrepit, yet still beautiful, mural of Io
>We then continue on, eventually finding a room with some skeletons in it
>Said skeletons are definitely undead, but aren't hostile to us as we haven't revealed ourselves to them yet
>We decide to let sleeping dogs lie though, and simply write two warnings on the door: (in draconic) DO NOT open, literal skeleton closet and (in common for any nosy adventurers) Treasure Room
>After this tomfoolery is over we eventually stumble across a room with a sapling in it!
>Said sapling then reveals itself to be an actual monster, but it... strangely doesn't attack us?
>Well, it does something to Adooris who foolishly approached it, but Vyth butchers it before it can actually do anything to hurt us
>We then continue along until we get to a room with a weird orb in it that plays music for some reason
>The music forces us to make will saves, and if we fail the saves we run back to the start of the dungeon where one would enter from the surface
>This seems like it's blocking off an important path though, so we brute force it by sending in our skellies to break the orb
>With our path unblocked again, we continue down this new route until we encounter a riddle
>"We come with the night, but leave when it's day" or something like that, but the point is the answer was the stars and we got it in one guess
>Fantastic, what do we win?
>A secret door hiding a long-ass hallway, that's what
>A hallway that has a pit trap that some nasty motherfucker pushes Kisara into!
>Bullying the (physically) weakest member of the party, how rude!
>Poor girl can't even climb out by herself, so she has to wait while Vyth and Adooris try to catch the little bastard that did this to her
>Beyond being rude though, the dickhead's not interested in interacting with us and simply leaves while yelling something about not having to watch the dragon priest anymore
>Weird, but ok?
>Anyway, Vyth and Adooris pull a slightly dejected Kisara out of the hole with some rope and we continue on into the final room on this floor
>This last room holds a sarcophagus, one in the shape of a dragon
>Not knowing anything about mummy curses or why they should be avoided though, we opt to pop the top and reveal a pissed off, somewhat emaciated troll!
>We use our nature knowledge and learn that trolls are weak to fire and acid, so we do what we can to fight this bastard
>Kisara starts off with some fire, which does some toasty damage
>The troll, however, bites the shit out of her with an attack of opportunity
>Shit, next turn I'm retreating
>Vyth does some acid stuff and Akara starts wailing on him while Adooris does her best to draw aggro and tank
>Kisara backs herself into a corner and Adooris ends up ODing on attacks, so things are looking a little hairy again
>However, together the three remaining kobolds finish off the troll and bring Adooris back to the world of the waking!
>And that's where we leave off, with the four of us in a room with the smoldering corpse of a dead troll who was apparently a dragon priest locked in a time-sealed sarcophagus for unknown crimes

All in all, a fun session! I'm not a fan of losing yet another item to our first real BBEG, but knowing that we'll find him again and take him out in another few sessions to get our stuff back is comforting to say the least. As for the future, I hope we get another chance to break out Business Kisara to infiltrate this human town and see if we can potentially get the guard there to side with us against the gnome we're looking for! However, that would probably only happen after we're done clearing all the floors of this dungeon, which I'd imagine there are still two more. But hey, I do hope that we get another chance at entering a human settlement and getting up to some (mostly legal) fuckery there! Until then though, I'll see you all next week!

The hallway of traps seemed to prove more dangerous than I first thought. Meepo and I got to work disarming them. It was going well until I fell into a pit and got impaled on the spikes at the bottom. I was alive but hurt. I quickly bandaged my wound so I wouldn't bleed out and threw my rope up for Meepo to catch. Everyone worked together to pull me out. We balanced Calcryx across the pit and soon the rest of us followed.

When we got back it seemed Yusdrayl was ready for an attack. We did come through the exit closest to the goblin tribe, so that explains it. Yusdrayl seemed surprised that we actually got the dragon back and even more surprised that Meepo survived. Kisara wanted another gem for her helmet as a reward, and it did seem that Yusdrayl had one, but the gem from the helmet was missing. She told us there never was a gem in it, but we all knew she was full of it. I told her that I knew a gnome had stolen it.

We gave her our report of the quest. We entered through the back, killed most of the goblins and hobgoblins, grabbed the dragon and made it out. She didn't seem to really believe us, even as I explained how some skeletons I found did most of the work. She did react to hearing that there were hobgoblins among them. We did eventually get our reward, some colored Medallions of Io with each one corresponding to our colors. Except Meepo, he got a white one because he was the keeper of a white dragon.

It was then that we heard a banging at the door we had just come from. What was left of the goblins were coming. Everyone got into position. The door burst open and Yusdrayl used a spell that immediately killed half of them. The rush in, killing kobolds left and right. One of them, a samurai, is difficult to hit with anything and has a goblin shaman on it's back. Most of the hobgoblins run for Calcryx but one of them tries to break into the common room. Yusdrayl used some spell to fry it's brain and it falls over convulsing on the floor.

Three skeletons follow the hobgoblins into the room. They're three of the five that I left in the goblin tribe. They charge in and I reassert my control over them and send them back into the hall they came from. At this point I was entirely out of magic, but I still had Kurtulmak's Skewer. By this point everything was dead except for the samurai, that had ran onto grease and slipped down. I threw the Skewer at it, and it struck true. The skewer pierced it's chest, taking it's heart with it as it returned to me. I raised it triumphantly over my head, letting the blood run down the Skewer and drip down onto me.

I thought everything was over when I spotted a shadowy figure over behind Meepo. I threw the Skewer at it and missed. Adooris moved to try and save Meepo, but he wasn't the target. The figure pulled out a golden knife and in a single stroke cut the head off Calcryx. The figure then disappeared in a puff of smoke as it was struck down. It was that damned gnome. It's laughing was echoing all around us. I saw something out of the corner of my eye and threw my spear at it. It was another illusion. The gnome appeared in the center of us, but none of us hit it, except Kisara. Her whip didn't do as much as she thought it would and the gnome took it too before seemingly moving down through the floor. The mocking laughter didn't stop for minutes.

Before it disappeared I saw it's cloak with a dagger emblazoned on it. It was a cleric of Baravar Cloakshadow. I don't know if it purposefully showed it's cloak or not, but I do know where it's going to be. It's nearing a new moon, and the followers of the gnomish god have a ritual they perform on the new moon. It's done in a public place, and there's only one public place close enough. The human town of Oakhurst.

While Meepo wept and Yusdrayl threw a fit I acted. I grabbed Akara and went back to Ukri. It seemed he was getting impatient with us and had sent his familiar to see what was going on. I explained the situation to him and escorted him to Yusdrayl. I then went to the common room and promptly fell asleep. I was briefly awoken by an argument about moss sorting. It's ridiculous, everyone knows the best way to sort moss is by color. Thankfully Yusdrayl ended the argument with a sleep spell, then I followed them soon after.

I was awoken from the kobold pile after a while along with Kisara and Adooris. Ukri volunteered us to go scout out the rest of the ruins. Between the goblins and the curse it seems most of it wasn't actually known. It was a bit rude for him to volunteer us. I'd like a few days at least to rest and spend some time reading. Regardless we accepted, but not before adding a new corpse to my collection. Using the Nightcaller Whistle, I raised the corpse of Calcryx to aid us. Yusdrayl handed me a large key and each of us were given a firebug lantern and three health potions.

We entered the common room the goblins had previously inhabited, we were ambushed by some deathcaps. Fey, I hate fey. We killed them all without much trouble and checked the back room. It seems this is where the goblin shaman and the hobgoblins were when we killed the rest of them yesterday. There was a plant that got up and attacked Adooris before I ended it's life. There was a staircase leading down with light coming up from the lower levels, but we decided to explore the rest of this floor before moving down into the lower levels of the ruin.

The rest of this floor was on the other side of the tribes dragon room. Meepo was here, mourning the death of Calcryx. Adooris left Meepo some moss, but it seems he just needs time to help him. I thought that putting him on some work detail later might help him too.

We came to the tunnel that leads to the surface. There was a door here leading into an unexplored area and a closet of some kind. I sent one of the skeletons to investigate the closet and in it was more skeletons. I was at my limit for the amount I could control, so I just shut the door. Adooris carved "Do not enter" on the door in draconic while I stood on her shoulder and carved "Treasure room" into it at human height.

There was a large stone door in here that looked like it had been sealed for centuries. We opened it with the key Yusdrayl gave us. Being cautious I had one of my skeletons enter. It seemed safe so we entered. It was then that we noticed the glass orbs in alcoves around the room. Only one of them was active and it started playing music. Adooris copied the notes then ran out of the room. She charged to tunnel to the surface, threw open the door and promptly fell down the pit trap right on the other side. It seemed the music had some magical properties to it beyond it's source.

I ordered one of the skeletons to take the orb and leave the room with it while one of the other ones held to door to the surface shut. The instant the orb was touched the music grew louder and louder, and rose in intensity. This time Kisara and Adooris made ran for the exit, but before they could push the skeleton aside the orb left the room and went silent. Adooris pocketed the orb and we went on ahead.

I accidentally triggered a trap and an arrow launched out of a hidden hole and bounced right off my armor. It seems it's been so long that the arrowhead had fallen off. In the next room was a dragon statue made of white marble with blood red veins running through it. The statue looked like it was a newer addition compared to everything else in the room. It had possibly one of the easiest riddles I've ever heard for us and another door opened when we answered correctly.

The next room had a large pit in the center and four alcoves with three of them containing statues made of the same marble as the dragon. These statues were of what I think were elves. It's not that the statues weren't detailed, I just haven't seen many elves in my life. We entered the room when Kisara was pushed into the pit by an imp. The imp transformed into a giant wolf and I struck it with Kurtulmak's Skewer. It then transformed back into an imp and flew off, saying something about being free of a contract and a dragon priest.

The only way forward was a small tunnel at the bottom of the pit. Being kobolds, we easily squeezed through and entered the room at the end. It was a small room containing a massive sarcophagus in the shape of a dragon. We spent the next hour or so hacking the locks on it off when a giant arm broke out of it and swung at us. It then climbed out. It looked to be an old gray troll. It had glowing red eyes and was covered in bandages covering it's entire body, and it was angry. It bit Kisara and knocked Adooris out, but eventually it went down. I wasn't convinced it was dead until it's corpse was mulched and burnt to a crisp.
164372 164375
Meet Balsag, the bugbear.
Is he sweaty?
A bit. He hunts thoqquas near magma roots in the Underdark.
(that's why he has the tactical loincloth)
>Balsac, The Jaws of Death.
Hmmm, I only drew the giant teeth on a whim, but I guess it matches his name.

Also, if any of you lurkers are interested in joining, the link is in the OP.

Before finally dying, the troll whispered to us, "Thank you." After it finally died after about half an hour of stabbing it's unconscious body, we looted it. It had a bunch of gems, jewelry, a potion and a wand. We decided we should head back and rest a little, but on the way back to the tribe we found that our skeleton closet trap had worked. Some gnomish adventurer's corpses littered the ground. They didn't really have much but it was good to find a trap that we made had killed some gnomes.

As we were going back to the tribe Meepo seemed to be working on something for our upcoming raid. He was working away diligently and he seemed to really want us to let him work. Adooris tried to take one of the gnome corpses and make it look like the gnome we were after, then hung it's corpse as a training dummy for Meepo. Meepo thanked her but said he didn't need it.

When we got back to the tribe we gave our report. Yusdrayl was very concerned about the glowing purple hole we found. She asked if anything came out of it and we told her about the plant thing that attacked us. Everyone present found our skeleton closet trap funny. We then told her about the troll we killed and how it was supposedly a disgraced dragon priest. She asked if we found anything on our journey and traded us some spike mines for any gems we found.

After a rest in the kobold pile I meditated while my companions got themselves and their gear unstuck. We traveled to the glowing hole. Some kobolds had already cleaned where the goblin tribe died. We arrived at the hole and most of us climbed our way down the mass of vines leading downwards. I say most of us as Kisara somehow convinced Akara to carry her down.

When we got to the bottom there were two plant things and two skeletons. The skeletons seemed to ignore us but the plants didn't. As we killed some of the plants the skeletons decided to defend them. It didn't work as I just commanded them to follow me from now on.

We went north and found a bugbear butchering something. The bugbear was almost pale white and had a large mace next to it. Adooris fired her crossbow at it and missed. It got ready to charge but then Kisara asked who it was. It paused for a moment and we spoke with it. He introduced himself as Balsag and he spoke at length about how he was a great hunter, and looking at him he was wearing the pelts to prove it. It took quite a bit of effort to stop from laughing at his name. I admitted to being the one to destroy the goblin tribe, but he didn't seem to broken up about it, in fact it seemed he didn't like them either. He told us of an elf that lives down here somewhere. We parted ways politely.

Exploring to the east this time we were ambushed by a group of plant things. They were no match for us, but I think one of them got a hit on Adooris. Throughout the ruin we had been finding goblin corpses, most of them had head wounds caused by a massive blunt weapon of some kind. In the room with us was a rat strapped to a table with various wooden tumors growing on it. Kisara poked one with a stick which just caused the rat to twitch in pain. We left it there and continued on.

We came to a large temple, abandoned for some time. The floor and walls were made of a red stone and the walls were covered in a thick glowing moss. I collected some of it, while Kisara decided to try some. I chided Kisara on her inferior moss collecting and sorting habits. While we were arguing she shoved a bunch of the moss into her mouth and yelled back at me through the moss. After this she started glowing.
Kisara's Player
>Where we last left off...
>Killed a troll and found out he was a dragon priest imprisoned for crimes unknown

>The troll dies, and turns to elf much to our surprise
>He rasps out a final "thank you" before passing on completely
>We then stand around for a bit gathering ourselves and our thoughts before unknown screaming cuts through the silence
>We rush to the source, only to find that some gnome adventurers cucked themselves by opening the skeleton closet!
>Kisara yells out a spirited "lmao get fucked idiots" before the skellies are herded back into their closet and the trap is reset
>Of course, we then go to report our findings to Yusdrayl
>Along the way, we find Meepo making a surprise tool to help us later
>Plot twist: it's high explosives
>After that detour, we report to Yusdrayl/Ukri and tell them about the skeleton closet
>Everybody within earshot laughs
>We also show off our haul from that section of the dungeon, and Yusdrayl wants the gems we got
>She offers us actual fucking land mines for them!
>10d6 damage 3 times? You'd be stupid not to take that!
>After that, we spend some time discussing tactics
>Oakherst has a lot of people, so guerrilla warfare is our recommended tactic for blowing this town wide open
>After that, we get some random crap for rewards and plan out our next foray into this craphole of a dungeon
>With our plans complete we take a rest and Kisara donates some level 2 spells to charge our spellflinging spears
>When the rest is over, we go back to exploring the one place we haven't in this pit
>The purple hole
>We begin climbing down, with Kisara tied onto Akara because she would've fallen to her death otherwise and find a temple of Chronepsis somewhere along the way
>The purple of the hole turns out to be a glowy fungus, which we ignore for the most part
>What we don't ignore are some cloaked dudes, a couple more trees, and some skellies at the bottom
>Adooris just walks right up to the trees again, like some kind of dummy with a death wish
>Unsurprisingly though, the trees are angry!
>Kisara burns one to ash, another tree charges Adooris and tries to grab her but whiffs it
>The enemy skellies are active now, and also charge Adooris with swords drawn
>one hits, and Vyth rebukes the skellies in return to make them ours
>Akara does his thing and bashes the last tree to sawdust
>Now, with time to observe our surroundings, we check a room to the north
>There's a big guy (for us) in there cutting shit up
>He's a big hairy goblinoid, so probably a bugbear
>There are also a couple of dire rats in a corner
>Adooris tries to shoot the bugbear in a surprise round but misses, causing him to get up and draw his weapon
>Kisara then asks who he is to try to take him offguard again
>Mr. bugbear introduces himself as Balsag
>"Nice to meet you, ballsack!" (much snickering)
>After that, we enter a conversation with him thinking it'll just be a formality before the fight
>As it turns out though, the conversation allows us to avoid the fight!
>Ballsack answers our questions helpfully, if requiring some monetary compensation at times
>We learn that there's an elf somewhere in this level of the dungeon, and we also learn of some settlements in the underdark
>Ballsack also tells us about his favorite prey, the thoqqua; this big worm thing that lives in the underdark despite coming from another plane
>Kisara tastes some of the blood, and finds that it's good!
>And to finish off making this friend, Vyth introduces himself formally and offers a handshake that Balsag accepts!
>Next on our list is to go to the east
>We find a number of rooms with a considerable number of gobbo corpses strewn about, along with a tied up rat full of tumors
>Kisara pokes at the rat for some reason, probably to see if the tumors were anything nasty, but nothing happens
>Well, nothing happens besides Akara yelling about us being attacked from somewhere
>It's a pack of 9 trees, but a few are taken down very quickly
>Adooris is then grappled by one, and Kisara is almost grappled too
>Kisara AoO's it for 1 damage because she's not meant for melee, and does some real damage with an electro ball on her turn
>Vyth gets his skellies and the dragon corpse to attack the remaining trees, killing them off
>With nowhere else left to go, we go south
>And we find a bunch more goblin corpses for some reason, spooky
>Adooris has to do IRL stuff though, so the actual session cuts here
>RP happens between Vyth's player and me though, it's another argument about how to sort some of the funny glowing moss around this area because apparently it tastes otherworldly
>The RP finishes off with Kisara glowing from eating that much of the moss, Vyth having collected some of it for posterity, and the two of us deciding that soap is priority number two during the upcoming raid

Another fun session, if a little short. IRL stuff is more important though, so all's good! I look forward to seeing what comes next, and I really hope that our upcoming raid on Oakherst actually gets us to the gnome we're trying to kill, because we also heard from Balsag that he fled through the underdark. If he's going to be in one of those underdark settlements during the window of time we have and miss it, it'll be a bit of a letdown (for me at least), given the current buildup has us being pointed in two different directions. Who knows though, maybe this is one of those situations where no matter which town we decide to attack we'll still find our guy! Anyway, enough rambling; until next time!
My shit drawing of the failed dragonpriest

Kisara's Player
I also literally just realized that 1) not only did I not know what loredrake did as an archetype, and 2) that as a result of it I should have more spells than I do and that my spells should also be more powerful. Now that my dumbassery has been corrected, Kisara's going to be capable of a LOT more ass kicking!
Yeah, that's one of the perks of technically being a true dragon.
Just note that I houseruled that the combination of loredrake and greater draconic rite of passage can't increase your sorcerer level higher than your character level +1, but I'll allow it to make up for caster levels lost in prestige classes or through multiclassing.
Kisara's Player
noted, I'll make the proper readjustments
Meet Belak: the mad druid
>evil laugh in the distance...
Other highlights from this session.
Human adventurers, enthralled by the Lady's grace.
Badass levels off the charts

Fuck you. I murder your children for fun
Akara putting on his fake beard and speaking dwarven the moment nobody is looking.
Welcome to my dungeon.
Kisara's Player
>Where we last left off, Kisara was glowing like a fed and Vyth finished collecting some rare moss in the dungeon we're in

>From here, we go north since we're in a different room than I thought we were and find some tall cloaked thing scything grass
>It, a goliath hybrid skeleton, looks at us and screeches while Adooris and Akara moves between it and the party and activate total defense
>Vyth attempts to rebuke it and stuns it for the rest of us to wail on it, it dies again quickly
>After this we investigate around and find more moss, but no ways forward so we backtrack to the last room and go another way
>We move to next room, and there's a bigass mushroom sitting amidst glowing mist
>The mushroom, a plant-monster called a shrieker, is moving a bit in the fog
>After much debate, we decide to retreat and go a different way to avoid waking up the entire dungeon by fighting this thing
>We backtrack again and go a still different path, finding another room of skellingtons in the process
>They immediately aggro, but Vyth rebukes them and claims two for tactical purposes
>It's another dead end though, so it's time to backtrack a third time and check another room
>This next room has nothing in it, but there is a rumbling after we open the door
>A thoqqua pops out of the ground before us, slams Kisara from underneath, and grapples adooris who retaliates for some damage with an attack of opportunity
>It doesn't last long in a fight though, so we kill it quickly and harvest some meat and a truckload of gems from its corpse
>Vyth then moves into the room and, in the process, triggers a lava briar to start going apeshit
>Turns out the room wasn't empty
>It dies all the same though, so we grab an orevine seedling from the room and move to a new one
>Adooris breaches this time, and in the room we find 4 mushrooms idling around with some garden equipment
>They notice Adooris and start chattering to each other, but Vyth says something to the shrooms and they go back to their jobs
>Turns out they're myconids, and they throw around some spores to establish telepathic link with us and talk
>The shroom bois are happy to answer our questions, like their master being the one who trolled the dragon priest for accepting Chronepsis as his lord and savior
>They also inform us about some kind of "dark one" chained up down somewhere, and also hype up their master, "the lady", a lot
>Despite this, they don't actually know what the lady is
>We know it's not the elf though, since they tell us that the elf is merely a preacher
>Wanting to know more, we ask to be taken to them
>The myconids start spewing spores, growing 4 more to continue their work
>One complies though, leading us past the shrieker and down into a new hall
>At the end of it is a new room, holding a dragon statue and some red tiles dubbed as "the lady" by the myconid, henceforth known as Shroombro
>some undead pops up called a time wight and, unfortunately for us, even Shroombro is scared of it which means it's not supposed to be here
>This spectral bastard even shows up in jeans and a T-shirt, ready to kick our asses in comfort and style
>It hits us with slow, with only Adooris and Kisara making it through unaffected
>It then slams into Adooris, hitting her for some big numbers and a MINUS 1 LEVEL
>Vyth's skellies and dragon corpse pile in, dealing damage while Kisara retreats and fries the motherfucker with scorching ray
>Akara also does his thing, but Shroombro is stuck being scared instead of doing anything productive
>Another one of the bastards shows up though, hastes them both, and then hits Kisara for 9 hp and -1 level too!
>Vyth pokes the new one with his spear in retaliation, dealing immense damage with the help of Kisara's stored level 2 spell
>Adooris finally kills one the next turn, and Vyth kills the other to end the encounter
>Now Kisara and Adooris are just left down a level from the energy drain... oh well
>Next we search the room, and as it turns out the red tile has an inscription that makes it seem like it's used for rituals
>Nobody wants to try it, so Vyth steps on it and gets +4 to charisma from it
>It only lasts for 24 hours though
>Our next stop is a bigass library, and we get a tome from it that tells us about dragons and their history!
>Vyth takes it, now he gets +1 on knowledge rolls to anything regarding dragons
>Shroombro then leads us through a staircase on the other side of library and into a hallway with a locked door that Shroombro passes
>Noted for later
>The next room has more shrooms sorting some familiar and dangerous plants
>Shroombro leads us through though, even negotiating with some of the bastard trees to let us through
>And now, we finally get to the area we're looking for!
>A bigass room with a bigass evil tree near a few humanoids, one woman and man plus some cloaked dragonblood elf; presumably the priest
>Shroombro then starts negotiating with the priest about us for some reason despite being apparently scared out of his mind
>The cloaked bastard then starts talking to us directly in some draconic dialect, flawlessly I might add
>He asks if we're here to offer tribute, and we reply that we don't know what tribute would be, hoping that it's not exactly what we think it is
>Yeah, no
>We manage to dodge our imminent deaths again and bribe the creepy ass elf guy with a star sapphire to let us leave and "tell our leader of the news"
>With our freedom guaranteed for a time again, we grab Shroombro and leave as calmly as we can until we have the ability to run
>We tale the time to talk with him some more on the way out and find out that the gnome did come through here to the underdark, but came back around when calcryx died
>We don't know if he came back though, and figure that Shroombro probably shouldn't be conspired with against the lady and the crazy ass elf, despite his fear, due to his dedication
>So, we wave goodbye to Shroombro when he gets back to his post and go to explore somewhere else in the meantime
Kisara's Player
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>Said other place happens to be a bigass crack that we found a while back!
>We travel down it and find another thoqqua, but this one's way bigger than the last one
>We need to get Balsag's help with this
>So we go back to him, tell him about our find, and follow as he goes to a nearby room and starts trying to draw it out
>The big boi appears in a plume of stone, and immediately chunks Balsag for a good pile of dice
>Balsag rages and slams it for big money, doing more to it than I'm betting the rest of us did over the entire fight
>The rest of us do help to chip it down though, and eventually it dies (unfortunately after Adooris and Vyth go down too)
>The difference is, though, they have friends to pick them up afterwards!
>Balsag then hefts the worm corpse and screams loud enough to make some kobolds upstairs piss themselves before dividing up the loot
>We get our share of the meat and gems and then bid farewell to Balsag for now, but we're not sure if he'll be there when we go back down again because he looked like he was packing to leave for somewhere else
>Anyway, we head back up with our newfound spoils to report to Yusdrayl and get medical advice about what we now know was a tree poisoning Adooris a few sessions ago
>As it turns out, she mas mossblight; it's very deadly and requires many rare mosses applied correctly to treat it
>In order to properly administer treatment though, the mosses need to be first sorted by either taste or color
>There are no other options for how this can be done, despite me trying to find loopholes
>Adooris, wanting to stay as removed from moss politics as possible, has us try a remove disease crystal first, but it fails and only accelerates the progress of the disease
>As a result of this, she takes damage to both con and cha as the disease starts to actively deal damage to her body
>In a last-ditch effort though, Vyth forcefeeds her some moss sorted by color and her condition improves!
>With this scare out of the way, we finish reporting about the tree, Balsag, and the big thoqqua to Yusdrayl
>We also turn over the gems and some other valuables we got to her and Ukri for more loot
>The session officially ends here, but Vyth's player and I stick around and run some ideas IC past our fearless leaders about how to deal with the evil tree and come to an agreement about them accompanying us back down there to solve the problem once and for all
>The RP then ends with Vyth sleeping in the kobold pile, Adooris sleeping in her quarantine room, and Kisara sleeping just outside the quarantine room

Also, after the session was over, the GM had us roll to see if the lost level stuck. Adooris was fine, but even with an action point used, I couldn't save myself from losing a level so while everybody else made it to level 5, I'm stuck down at the beginning of level 4 again... Here I was excited to finally get some level 3 spells to make up for the lost gem, but RNG almost never works in my favor :^)
Beyond that though, the session was fun and I look forward to burning down this faggoty elf's personal shit garden of evil plants! That, and hopefully we get some actual confirmation about where the gnome is so we can either kick his ass at the raid or lure him to the raid and kick his ass there anyway. See you all on sunday!
>wanting to stay as removed from moss politics as possible
There is no escape.
>everybody else made it to level 5
Only Vyth made it to level 5.
Kisara's Player
>only Vyth made it to level 5
oh yeah, something about bonus XP from the journal wiivai left
Adooris when she's forced to give her opinion on moss-collecting
5 skellymans was too much for a lvl 1 party.
Sketch of last session's thoqqua battle
Those have a lot of spokes.
DAY 27-32 (I lost count; it's been about a month)
The cresent moon wanes over a gloomy night sky.
16572270937322575119675547679328 (2).jpg
S0aVlJgYX-qOL6S6Rl0dDpdT6fZh3Do38rei4eIyDHg (1).jpg
Highlights for today:


>31 on a sacrifice check
Bad end caravan

Kisara's Player
>Where we last left off, we had escaped with our lives from some faggoty elf's garden of horrors and returned to the tribe with riches from a slain thoqqua, Adooris almost dies of mossblight, and Kisara gets reset back to the start of level 4

>We start off the session with the sacrifice of a gnome prisoner from the skeleton closet, and while we don't attract the entire tribe to the spectacle we still get a lot of participants in the ritual
>From it, we get the effect of divine power for 1 day
>After that, we get Ukri, Yusdrayl, Akara, and a couple high-level mooks to follow us down the purple hole
>On the way, we raise some more skellies up to a total of 10 now
>We then climb down hole, and oddly enough there's more vines than before
>Ukri doesn't make it though, he gets blocked by a barrier and gets cursed as well
>Yusdrayl's bodyguards get cold feet too, so it's just us and her then
>And Akara and the skellies, but ok
>We try to shore up our defenses by enlisting Balsag's help again, but he's already left for greener pastures
>Without much more choice, we move towards the tree
>A skelly opens the door for us and is immediately assaulted by trees, but we kill them all
>We move forward again and find a new myconid
>It starts sporing us, and it wants to know why we're here but Adooris and Kisara are now tripping due to its mutated effects
>Turns out, this big deformed mushroom is shroombro!
>The poor boy needs to be put down, and in his delirium he attacks us
>Adooris, Kisara, Akara, and Yusdrayl are all too zonked to do anything, leaving Vyth to 1v1 our fallen friend
>The skellies take down shroombro who's left to scream 'sorry' as he goes unconscious, but we stabilize him in hopes that he gets better
>Everybody recovers, so it's time to move on
>The next room has the shrieker again, so Kisara and Yusdrayl both fireball the room, killing the shrieker and most of the other things in there
>Not all though, so we kill them all just before shit comes from behind us
>A bunch of big yellow bois break down the door, caltrops don't even slow them down
>These zombie orcs then kill all our skellies, but we kill them in return
>A bigass nasty plant shows up just after them too though, so we run from it while plinking at it and plant one of our 3 mines to dissuade it
>That works and the plant pisses off, so we're fine when we find that locked door again
>We open it and find a tea set and a trapped book inside the room
>We continue moving forward, and finally get back to tree room
>We try navigating the forest ourselves, but get attacked by a passing bone tree and 4/5 of us get poisoned
>3/4 of us then heal up, with Adooris sacrificing her share of the antidote for Akara and leaving her with a negative dexterity mod
>We run past that tree and get within visual range of the faggoty elf and his two humans
>We then start the fight, but our fireballs deal less damage than optimal due to one being counterspelled
>The human fighter charges us, but it turns out he's undead so he's immediately rebuked and killed
>While that's happening, the faggoty elf entangles us with druid powers
>Kisara's now useless...
>Some more stuff happens, and the elf goes full furry mode
>The entanglement ends though, and Kisara immediately hits the other human, a caster, for big numbers
>Adooris is also hit by a big spell, but she does some weird psionic shenanigans to avoid dying to it
>The furfag elf is finally knocked down by Yusdrayl, but is stabilized through his own vigor spell though
>Vyth tries to coup-de-grace him, Kisara annihilates the caster, Adooris makes sure she doesn't die, and Akara actually finishes off the furfaggot elf
>Fight won, nice!
>Unfortunately, there's fire everywhere now
>So now we're in a room full of fire, an evil tree, and a few corpses
>Time to kill the tree!
>Vyth and Kisara both blast it with fire and acid, but it doesn't do much
>Adooris does psionic stuff, and finds out that the tree's supposedly calmed down some
>We're forced to settle with leaving things there though, so we dig our way around into a new room
>Said room contains a shrine and a tray, and the session ends there!

Nice! We managed to take down the faggoty elf and hopefully defuse his tree of evil, and it was a fun fight! All that's left to do now is probably just getting rid of the plant-based hazards and maybe trying to find out how to heal shroombro so he can be our resident gardener, but that'll probably take time. See you guys tomorrow!
Kisara's Player
Alright, so it's been more than a few days since the session since I forgot to write this sooner, and my notes were all deleted since I wrote them here and then they got deleted for some reason (I blame the tab being unloaded for ram purposes), so this is going to be somewhat short and probably a little incorrect. Please bear with me!

>Where we left off, we were in a new room after killing the elf and his minions

>We spend some time analyzing the room, and its walls depict a forest scene with kobolds and elves chilling while some sheep sit around nearby
>We look at the shrine and tray, and notice something's missing so we decide to check with the one guy who knows about this place left
>But first, we need to get rid of the bigass plant monster because that thing's going to make so many problems if we don't
>So we track it down and kill it in a surprise round (surprisingly enough), and then ice its offspring before they can become even bigger problems
>After that, we bring Shroombro back to the world of the waking and he tells us some more about this place, like how the elf wasn't the true priest and how the priest is more a mindset than anything else
>He also gives us some more limited information on stealy mcbignose, so that's cool
>We then take him down to that other room to see what the heck's going on there, and he gets turbopissed because that faggoty gnome apparently stole the tree's most prized possession
>So he also is responsible for pissing off the tree
>We offer to let shroombro help us kick his ass, but he respectfully declines
>He's still pissed, so we offer to do so extra hard for him
>We then opt to leave, and at some point during this Yusdrayl finds some magic geodes that we can use to repair our helmets!
>It'll take for fucking ever though, so we might as well just get our actual stuff back
>We make it out, upon which everybody swarms us like the heroes we are
>However, it turns out that there was time fuckery as we've been gone for well over a few hours
>A few days, actually
>And the tree's started growing into the main level, so we have to evac
>Ukri and Yusdrayl move the tribe into a nearby forest to get as far from this fuckery as possible, while we gear up to do some last minute recon on Oakherst before the raid where we get back our stuff and hopefully the maguffin that'll stop the tree from throwing its current hissyfit
>And that's where things stand for now!

A fun session, I enjoyed it and I look forward to a more stealth-oriented set of encounters in this upcoming one as we become the ultimate lifeform: Three Kobolds in a Trench Coat™!
Kisara's Player
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Today's entire session was a shower scene that got interrupted by a fae ambush. There's basically no elaboration. See you all next week!
That it was a shower scene doesnt diminish that it's recollection could be used canonically. For science.
Reeee, bost gobold prawn
Kisara's Player
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...is this you asking me to draw a lewd shower scene of my PC?
It is observably NOT me asking you to feature lewd lizzers pictures, cuz that would be bad for society.
<but it was>
Kisara's Player
Breaking news, local kobolds find mole corpse holding a lurking gnome near their campsite! The gnomish suspect was last seen red-hot and charging into the woods and remains at large, any knowledge as to this creep's whereabouts will be greatly appreciated.
An ample description will be rewarded with an action point, as usual.
Imperial Wyrmhunter, as Zags described it in his charcoal drawing.

Kisara's Player
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>POV: Kisara caught you spying
You'd better appreciate this anon, I didn't spend 4 hours drawing and abusing three of my colored pencils for nothing!
Nice work, Kisara.
Based and lewdpilled
DAY 34 (i think)
I've been tracking events based on a lunar calendar. Whatever it is, it's the day before the solstice, the last cresent before the new moon.
Meepo getting back to the citadel:
This session in a nutshell
Yusdrayl, sparing me the burden of having to write actual lines for her this session:
New places means new foods.
Briaxshulty cream is something that kobolds don't get to try very often.
Yusdrayl seemed to like it.
Kisara's Player
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>Where we last left off, we had just finished washing off our kobold smells as much as we could before our shower got interrupted by a bunch of fey (or one nosy anon if you choose to believe my picture)

>So we begin the session discussing how we'll go about scouting oakherst
>We decide our order of operations, get in our disguises (Kisara/Vyth/Adooris and Yusdrayl/Misc./Akara), and head into town to scout out a tavern first
>On our way over, an obviously drunk guy calls out to us and mistakes the being henceforth known as Kithoris for someone named Barney
>Kithoris respectfully corrects the man, and disengages from the conversation to join the being henceforth known as Yusara inside the tavern
>Adooris gets a bit mad that we didn't do any digging yet, given the NPC told us something about Barney losing his farm, but Kisara decided it would be better to waste as little time in the open where somebody could potentially reveal us to the relevant authorities
>We go inside the tavern, and some guard gives us the stinkeye over his full english but otherwise doesn't bother us thankfully
>Something that we noticed immediately though was a dorf and a halfling arguing with a gnome nearby
>The halfling is yelling at the dorf about some kind of breach of a moving contract, all the while the gnome is writing shit on a scroll
>The halfling does win the argument though, with the gnome and dorf leaving to come back tomorrow night for some reason
>The halfling then comes over to us, so we order some food and try to blend in for the moment
>The operative word being try, since Kithoris ordered a respectable half-stack of pancakes and some water for breakfast while Yusara ordered a full fucking cooked sheep and no drink...
>Kithoris then tries to open a conversation with the halfling lady and we learn that Oakherst is being ceded to Gnisrael with the humans being forced to move out for the most part
>We also learn some small pieces of information about the Silver Empire, being that they apparently have widespread use of actual silverware instead of wood or something
>The halfling lady then lets us go about eating our food, and those of us inside the trench coats sneak pieces of food and drink when and where they can
>I roll some dice and Kisara enjoys the pancakes, but doesn't enjoy the purified mineral water
>While we're eating though, some cloaked figure approaches us and tells us to meet it out back in kobold speak!
>As we go to leave though, Yusdrayl grabs some last-minute food off the table, including a pitcher of whipped cream
>We then go to meet the figure out back, and as it turns out it's Meepo!
>He looks way older and acts a bit different too despite only about a week of being gone for some reason...
>He seems pissed about getting ditched, but we explain the issue to him about the tree and needing to evacuate hurriedly and eventually things are forgiven
>Anyway, he's planted all the big bombs at the important locations to hit so we can blow them up with smaller bombs
>Another argument starts because it wasn't exactly clear that the explosives that were being used weren't going to tear apart the entire town, but we get past all the arguing after like 10 minutes and then have Meepo fill us in on things around town
>The big building that all the kobolds were being put into is gay baby jail, and there's a lot of big strong dudes in there locking it up tight
>Meepo planted bombs under the walls in preparation for a prison break during the raid
>It's about here that I get a sneaking suspicion that Meepo isn't Meepo
>There's no evidence though, as all of us get middling to bad sense motive rolls and when prompted to "ask Meepo something that only he would know," she proceeded to ask him about a running joke throughout her tribe that he was the focus of instead of an actual question
>Anyway, we continue going around and gathering information and decide to head to the other big, well-protected building next
>On the way there, we find a lady preaching a bunch of Pelor shit to a crowd
>She's getting heckled by a guard for not sucking Sigmar's dick though, so that's rude
>Luckily for her, that guard gets dragged off by another guard for a lunch date between his ass and more than a few pineapples, so the lady continues doing her thing unhindered
>We then keep walking uninterrupted until we get to the building, and it turns out that it's a bank
>Meepo then tells us that it's apparently guarded by magic walls, and it's somewhat implied to be the reason Meepo's weird now, so we move on to the market next
>While we're there, we see a gnome selling some familiar-looking weasels
>As it turns out, they're dire weasels that might be stolen from the spawncampers during the raid that broke them, so we buy them back from the gnome and make a note to steal the rest of his shit after we kill the dealer during the raid
>We end up coming to a deal after some diplomacy and disguise checks, and bring the weasels and some supplies we negotiated for out of the town with Meepo's help
>Kithoris and Yusara then dissolve back into their constituent pieces and they all go to report to Ukri again
>We then spend the rest of the session working out some raid plans, and it's decided that we go for the prison break first before going off to try to lure out the gnomish bastard that has our crap still
>It's also brought up that he'll likely be there with more clerics of his god than just him, but with any luck the raid will have them all spread out so we can focus on killing them one at a time
>After that's settled, the session ends there!

A fun time, and I enjoyed becoming The Ultimate Lifeform™ with the rest of the party! It may just be because I was the one actually doing everything, but I found the RP to be fun and the stealth to be engaging despite not getting much XP from it (though getting to level 5 from drawing a picture of Kisara standing naked in a river likely helped alleviate my endless hunger for experience points). Anyway, the raid's next, see ya then!
Kisara's Player
>mfw exactly 6000 characters
Highlight of today's session
Congrats, you're the new Flash Sentry. Hope it was worth it
Kobold (5).jpg
Someone had to take it.
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Literally what he used to justify his shit. As I said, congrats; you've come full circle.
Not to suggest you're a narcissist, but AM indicating you're behaving LIKE a narcissist. Kudos
Oh seethe harder faggot. Would you rather the retards in the flat earth thread take it?
I saw quads right in front of me, so I took those quads. I don't do it here that often.
Yes, your propensity to make excuses is well established. However, you're fully entitled to provide more evidence, if that's your preference.
>tl;dr Make all the excuses you want; you've become the thing you opposed. Hope you're happy with it, I'm sure he was.
fluttershy_roll_eyes_by_yanoda_d4xir6j-fullview (1).png
Whatever you say then.
Yeah, he said that too
Return Of The Skellymans
*clickity clackity*
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>Where we last left off, we had just returned from our scouting mission in Oakherst, finding that it had been bought out by Gnisrael and reporting this information to Ukri

>We actually begin in a brief interlude between leaving town and getting back to camp, where we're ambushed by a party of gnomes!
>We quickly kill them all, letting not a single one flee back to warn the town of our presence in the forest
>The rest of the day goes as discussed though, with us reporting our findings and weasels to Ukri before going off to do our own respective things
>Kisara takes rest of the day off, Adooris writes a letter and attempts to talk to the Pelor lady (potentially jeopardizing the raid, I'm not sure), and Vyth goes with Akara/Yusdrayl to make a new shrine to Kurtulmak
>In the process, he breaks a geode and ends up pissing off an earth spirit fey thingy called an oread
>Apparently, this thing's basically a mountain dryad and they fucked with its pet rock or something by turning it into a statue of Kurtulmak
>We spend some time fucking with it, but it then initiates combat
>It charms Vyth, and in response we go to battlestations
>Kisara fires off a warning shot that does some minor damage, and we end up negotiating with it through Akara doing what he does best (being a bitch)
>It wants us to donate some mineral/metallic stuff to compensate for fucking with its rock though, so, unfortunately, we do...
>Kisara gives it a 100gp copper ring to fuck off, Adooris gives it some gold nuggets we got from the gnomes, Vyth offers a buttload of onyx gems (still charmed, by the way), and Ukri/Yusdrayl cough up some gems and copper ingots
>With the current situation resolved, it lets us ask one question each
>Adooris: "what item did the gnome take from the tree?"
>Oread: "A token of the earth imprinted with the lady's face and tail (a coin)"
>Kisara: "why the fuck are you here?"
>Oread: "banished to the forest for committing mountain crimes"
>Vyth: "wanna fuck?"
>Oread: "lmao no"
>Yusdrayl: "Where's the good mining spots for shinies?"
>Oread: "a list of places for later"
>Ukri: "Is the tribe safe here?"
>Oread: "Not my problem"
>Akara: "[sniveling dwarven]?"
>Oread: "[incomprehensible fey]"
>We then have a small IC argument where Kisara demands to know what Akara said and, when denied, starts throwing insults while Adooris attempts to stand up to her raw Facts and Logic™
>Vyth and Ukri then animate some dead in preparation for the raid, and the session ends there

>Current gnome kill count: 325 dead plus 2 sacrificed for power

All in all, a fun session and I enjoyed being able to screw around with the oread and also fighting some more gnomes! It sucks that there's no session this week as the GM needs to tackle some IRL stuff, but I don't mind it. Next week's the raid, and I hope to see you all there!
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>Mfw I decide to use a humanoid-ish enemy but forget it has no languages in common with the party
Could wear a Translator Ring that breaks it dies or anyone tries stealing it
<scribble scribble
Are you sure? Look again
Nah, I don't ever retcon monster stats/equipment. Once initiative is rolled I stop editing the statblock.
Anyways, there was still an NPC that could speak Dwarven that was able to translate.
Ukri speaks Dwarven too, now that I think about it.
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Meet the super-scary, absurd-damage, borderline-unfair miniboss I made, that died with one hit because he failed a saving throw at the beggining of the encounter.
<Aye, it do be like that sometimes.
Maybe it was for the best. The energy-drain he was capable of might have really been a bit too brutal in the long run. Party still has to fight my *other* super brutal Rogue/Mage hybrid boss.
You don't fudge dice rolls to make fights last until a second or two after they stop being fun?
Kisara's Player
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the way he described the boss and due to the fact that it stopped being fun on turn 1, I'd say that the fight only lasting one round is completely justified. Anyway...

>Where we last left off, Vyth and Ukri had raised some dead after we fucked around with an oread

>We start off the session by interrogating some gnomes
>Good intimidation makes all of them start shitting themselves
>All but one though, turns out he's a cleric of berefart bitchass
>Knowing this, we do everything we can to get as much information out of him as possible
>Kisara even eats his own disembodied arm after beating him with it, much to his horror and our amusement
>We eventually decide to just check his gear, and find a suspiciously magic paper
>We start breaking apart its magical defenses and even spring a magical trap on one of the prisoner gnomes causing the cleric to offer us an actual reading, but we decline and decode some more until we make another prisoner read it
>It's just some cryptic bullshit, something about dots at sundown or something
>This means nothing to us, but hopefully it gives us some way to find that one asshole
>We then skip forward to just before the raid, where we sacrifice all the prisoners as a solar eclipse begins at sundown
>Said solar eclipse lasts for way longer than usual, and still hasn't ended as of the end of the session
>When we arrive, we find Oakherst already under assault by gnolls, so distraction secured?
>All the kobold teams break off to do their jobs, and we start by going to rescue the captured kobolds
>We stealth our way into the human camp successfully, though it helps that it's already being fucked with by tons of undead
>And that Vyth disguised himself as a human child when we went in, meaning that him getting caught didn't break our cover
>We definitely fuck up at getting them out though, so that sucks
>The human Slavemaster then jumpscares us, starting combat with all of us but Akara being stuck cowering for one round
>Luckily for me though, Akara not being terrified shifts his focus and stops me from immediately being killed outright!
>Vyth then counters this fear bullshit by blackpilling him with the heartache spell, leaving him in the exact position we were in last turn
>Akara coup-de-graces that asshole despite a bunch of approaching enemy guards' best efforts, but he still almost gets shredded completely
>He survives though, leaving kisara open to fry 6 of the 8 not in melee with Akara
>Everybody but meepo takes on some guards, he's busy actually freeing the kobolds and getting them out of harm's way
>Akara goes down after a few too many hits though, so that's a big problem
>Vyth and Kisara finish off the remaining guards relatively quickly and help him back up though, so our hero doesn't die here!
>Meepo also finishes freeing all the bolds, so with Vyth's skellies fucking up the remaining humans, we decide it's time to cheese it
>We put Akara (while he's recovering) and the Slavemaster's corpse on the floating disk and bring them both out of the camp with us
>I know that I'm taking his whip for myself, the rest of his loot can be divided between Vyth and Akara
>As of there though, the session is over

>Current gnome kill count: 325 dead plus ??? sacrificed for power

Nicely done! We saved more kobolds (a few of them being revealed as more siblings of Kisara/Adooris/Yusdrayl after I completely miss an obvious hint), and we killed the worst boss we've had to fight yet with minimal pants-shitting! I'm hoping that that whip I get's going to have some kickass powers to use against the gnome, but if not then it still makes for a cool trophy for Kisara's growing horde. Onwards to the next part of this mission, finding that asshole cleric and putting him down to get our shit back and reclaim our pride! See you guys next week!
>We stealth our way into the human camp successfully, though it helps that it's already being fucked with by tons of undead
Perhaps I didn't describe this accurately. The zombies in the fort weren't attacking the marines; they were following their orders and marching out of the camp.
Pic semi-related.
Kisara's Player
>Where we last left off, we killed the slavemaster, freed some kobolds, and fucked up the major stronghold of human resistance to our raid (and I lost my session notes for this last one because my browser crashed...)

>This time, we're going back to the rendezvous point by a gnoll demon lady and her gagglefuck of retards, and she's definitely a bit scary but her entourage breaks and then she bugs out
>There are also some grosser than usual gnomes helping her out, and it's revealed that these assholes worship a somehow more evil gnomish deity that just wants to consoom
>We move on and report back, delivering the freed kobolds and the slavemaster's corpse
>We then get word that there's a bunch of dancing Israelis gnomes around the place, so we investigate
>Turns out they're all illusions, and the spots on the horizon hint has told us nothing yet
>We're at least on the right track with the gnomes and their ritual though, so that's good
>We're rudely interrupted by a gnoll necromancer and her ghouls though, so we have to waste more precious time and spells on dealing with these interrupting cunts instead of our true enemy
>And that's where shit ends

Until now! Hopefully we aren't interrupted again and can actually get to the bottom of this crap chute so we can make that one evil tree stop wigging out and get our home back, but if it's as I suspect and we don't, then... fuck.
Kisara's Player
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>Where we last left off, we beat the tar out of a gnoll necromancer and her goonsquad while making no headway on our investigation

>Now, we're still standing around and waiting for something to happen to yield new information
>The gnomes are illusions, we know that, now what else can we find out?
>Well, we can find out that we need to make listen checks
>Wait, never mind, it's just Yusdrayl and some of her own mooks
>Apparently she got worried about us being out here and gathered a rescue squad since four kobolds in a warzone is apparently a death sentence instead of a covert ops team
>We put her mind at ease by informing her that we survived the Spawncampers' collapse and killed every gnome there with only three of us, and she then opts to join us on what's left of the investigation
>Said investigation is also cut even shorter by a bright flash of blue and a sonic boom from the center of town, and upon knowledge rolls being made, we learn that the humans have just used the Emperor's Seal
>Said seal being activated means one of two things: either the remaining human population is being bugged out, or they're bugging in an entire subjugation force
>Either way, shit's FUBAR and we need to scram
>We abandon the investigation and start circling around Oakherst to meet back up at the rendezvous point, but along the way two things happen
>1: We get ambushed by more gnolls and the martials take them out quickly while at least Kisara decides that it's better to just run
>2: We notice a pattern in the illusory gnomes, particularly that they all seem to be situated behind shops!
>Perfect, there's our clue!
>We stealth our way over to a shop now and head in the back, finding the shopkeeper dead on the floor and a knife in his back matching the type of knife that we know is used by the assholes we're looking for
>We also find a secret tunnel under a trapdoor, but knowing what we do, we check it for traps
>The door is trapped, the tunnel's VERY trapped, and by the time we see the light at the end of the tunnel, we are paranoid of more traps
>Also, in fear of actually risking our lives in a real fight here, we wait outside the light and plan for a while since this seems like the place to find Dickhead Stickyfingers
>Such plans include splitting the party to get help while the rest of us forge ahead, sending one of Yusdrayl's guards to do the same, and even just full tactical retreating back to the rendezvous point to report our findings and bring the entire raid force down into the complex
>We don't settle on anything actually tactical though, since I have a fart in a jar that I saved from some optional fight we had a while ago!
>I yeet the "scroll" of what turns out to be cloudkill with a launch spell, and, since the DM thinks it's a clever use of the item, he allows it
>The gnomes in the room are all gassed, and since we completely misjudged just how much this spell would spread, we also retreat back up the tunnel until it stops chasing us at an incline
>Through some other knowledge rolls, we also learn that this spell will last for around 10 minutes and, so long as it's not forced to travel up an incline, will spread up to a 900-foot radius
>Well then!
>The gurgled kvetching of well over 300 gnomes eventually echoes up the tunnel to us, all the while Kisara starts laughing maniacally at her own spark of mad genius playing out somehow much better than even she expected until the 10 minutes pass and we get to explore what apparently is actually a full underground complex!
>We make our way into the first room, find a couple clerics of berefart who were BRAAAPed to death, loot their bodies, and find nothing of use to us, so we move on deeper
>As we move deeper, we find that this was more than just the site of some berefart bitchass cultists conducting a ritual, it was an entire gnomish safehouse in the event of a raid on the town!
>Minecarts of dead gnomes are passed, counted, and added to the total, gnome corpses are found in the middle of doing mundane things like buying, selling, and eating food (which Kisara of course steals and eats some of), and more of those clerics are found and their corpses looted to see if any of them are our guy
>Eventually, we make it to a place directly under the town center, what seems to be a full nexus of the gnomish refugee efforts littered with the corpses of various gnomes and more clerics, but still none of them are our guy
>Damn, we missed him!
>Oh well, maybe he's still up ahead?
>Well, I'd love to know, but Kisara just got tapped for well over her HP total and goes down, forcing me to action-point stabilize!
>And behind us, bloody and looking very worse for wear but nowhere near dead yet, is Klepto the Knobnose fully buffed out with all sorts of combat spells!
>Initiative is rolled and the fight starts, everybody who goes into melee with him either almost dies or, in the unlucky case of one kobold who got some unlucky rolls, outright dies
>This is also within the first turn, so this guy's probably going to TPK us and I make my displeasure known while the DM counters with the fact that this encounter was supposed to be very different and he was supposed to be much less bloodthirsty
>"He was supposed to throw mooks at you and make jokes to taunt us, but the cloudkill killed them all and he's understandably pissed" and whatnot
>Entirely fair, but I'm still salty
>Luckily though, Meepo scores an incredibly lucky triple crit after Akara and the mooks soften the gnigger up a bit, allowing him to effectively blow his head apart with a high velocity slug from his summoned shotgun!
>This ends the bossfight and we're, surprisingly enough, not entirely dead! Everybody picks up and we dust ourselves off, saying a few quick words about the fallen guy and hyping up Meepo for saving our asses
>The session ends there though, since the DM had no idea how to keep going after his boss died
Kisara's Player
An INCREDIBLY productive session! We've solved the ritual, killed damn near 400 gnomes, and we killed our first BBEG even if it was entirely by Lady Luck deciding that the dice love us today for some reason! Also, we got a relic of Kurtulmak that that asshole swiped a while back, it's basically a wearable bag of holding that we find all of our missing shit in! Hopefully we also find the missing coin so we can calm the evil tree back down and hopefully salvage what's left of our previous home, but if not we did just clear out a fairly large underground complex that was premade, so... Well. Anyway, now that this (what I consider to be) side mission is over, we can hopefully end off this other side mission and then continue about uniting every kobold tribe in the area into the Neo Spawncampers! Either way, I'll see you all next sunday for the next session and whatever comes next!

>Current gnome kill count: 683 dead, 6 sacrificed for power, and 1 asshole who's getting eaten as soon as we get back to camp whether he's cooked or not
>>I yeet the "scroll" of what turns out to be cloudkill with a launch spell, and, since the DM thinks it's a clever use of the item, he allows it
In all technicality, you didn't actually need to use that, since Cloudkill has pretty decent range. I just treated it as a +1 circumstance bonus to the caster level check (which I rolled secretly) needed to activate the scroll in the first place (failure could have meant a mishap that would have killed all of you instantly).
And you succeeded, and I learned why you don't give low level parties randomized scrolls of high level spells...
>will spread up to a 900-foot radius
Incorrect, actually. The Cloudkill spell simply moves 10 feet away from the caster every round. It was due to the simplified layout of the dungeon (which was based on a subway system) that the spell managed to drift through every corner of the tunnel. The widest part of the dungeon was ~40 ft across. Had you actually fought through the dungeon, it would have been a nightmare of close-quarters fighting with hidden rogues attacking you, while the mobs of kvetching gnomes ran around and created a trampling hazard.
I just told you it spread backwards and made you outrun the gas because I wanted to scare you Xp. Also the spell had defiler bonuses due to how Belak scribed it.
>find a couple clerics
Yes, there were several Clerics in the dungeon, all of which had Dark Road prepared that would have ideally been able to create a bridge across the Cacophonous Canyon where the exit of the dungeon leads and evacuate the civilians. However, all of them but the boss were below lvl 3, so they died in the gas. All of the ones outside the initial spell's effect failed their spellcraft checks to properly identify it as a Cloudkill spell (they thought it was just a Fog Cloud spell with hostiles hidden in it, and braced for battle), which meant that they too perished in the gas.
Erkey Timbers had his skills spread so thin that he failed his Concentration check to cast his own Dark Road, which meant he was pushed and trampled by a mob of panicking gnomes who fell into the gorge as the gas advanced on them.
>Klepto the Knobnose fully buffed out with all sorts of combat spells!
>"He was supposed to throw mooks at you and make jokes to taunt us, but the cloudkill killed them all and he's understandably pissed" and whatnot
Yep. One of three creatures in that dungeon who high enough level to not be instantly killed by the gas (the others were the Paladin and the Wizard you passed; they both failed their saves and died).
Erkey Timbers, if that was even his real name (it wasn't), was the sole survivor of the dungeon. Having lost a great amount of Constitution from the gas, and blinded by rage and fury. He forwent his planned illusionary deception/stalling routine and instead elected to buff himself with every combat spell he had, intent on murdering any mage that could have been capable of casting the spell that that slew his flock. After taking some nasty hits, he was defeated.

The session didn't really go as planned, but it certainly was fun.
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Funny genocide spell
Kisara's Player
>I just told you it spread backwards and made you outrun the gas because I wanted to scare you
tbh I think that actually worked better than just making it go forward, after all gas diffuses in every direction it can and, if it's heavier than air due to the magical toxins, that would mean it's supposed to flow downwards anyway, like how it was roleplayed during the session.
>had you actually fought the dungeon, it would have been a nightmare of close-quarters fighting with hidden rogues attacking you, while the mobs of kvetching gnomes ran around and created a trampling hazard
so yeah, a very good idea that we cloudkilled the place instead of trying to actually navigate it lmao
>One of three creatures in that dungeon who high enough level to not be instantly killed by the gas (the others were the Paladin and the Wizard you passed; they both failed their saves and died)
I shudder to imagine what those two would've been capable of if they had also survived alongside our target, it probably would've been a fresh higher level party against our severely depleted low-level party and thus an absolute slaughter. Good thing they died!
Kisara's Player
>Where we last left off, we managed to kill our great enemy and looted his corpse, retrieving our stuff and reclaiming our honor!

>Now, we're still in the tunnel and celebrating our triumph over this powerful foe, lulled into a sense of security by the stillness of the tunnel around us
>Such celebration was, unsurprisingly, cut short when we heard something coming from deeper within the tunnel
>It was... skittering?
>Mechanical skittering, and a lot of it!
>We're suddenly being run down by a horde of copper spiders and we have to get out of here yesterday!
>This thought is also punctuated by a deafening draconic roar from outside of our darkvision range, coming from an immense silhouette!
>This dragon then crawls forward, revealing itself to be a copper dragon whose eyes are heavily bleeding and is just as pissed off as the jerkoff we just killed
>It screams something about wanting to know who disturbed its lair, and we all stay quiet like the smart kobolds we were, while also making like trees and running the fuck away
>The dragon and its mech army pursues us, the dragon almost catching and instakilling Akara, but I blow my last wings of cover spell and save him from a particularly swift and gruesome demise
>We then manage to pull away from the dragon and exit the tunnels, returning to the shop we initially came from and noticing that the state of affairs has changed yet again
>Now even the gnolls are in full retreat, being assaulted by Minecraft's finest in the form of a bunch of big beefy golems
>Two of which were patrolling around the front and back of this shop respectively, one of which was standing between us and retreating back to the rendezvous point yet again
>However, this was an easy thing to overcome, as some good lore rolls gave us the reminder that golems short out from electricity spells and Kisara still had almost all of her level 0 spells!
>Kisara hides just inside a window and stealthily casts thunderhead, putting a dark cloud over the golem and leaving him in a state of shock as a small pack of kobolds charges out of the shop right in front of him!
>From there, we were unimpeded in getting back to the rendezvous point, but we found it deserted
>The bastards left us behind...
>A mistake they won't make again, once we prove to them just how good their A-Team (or maybe the K-team?) is!
>We track down the obvious trail of kobold prints as they file back to camp, but along the way we get interrupted by a bunch of ugly fucking demons
>The martials handle them while Kisara plinks at them with a crossbow, accomplishing roughly nothing in the process until they're all dead
>This then leaves us open again to getting to camp, which we manage to get back to in decent time, surprising everyone there yet again
>We're given a hero's welcome and we report our findings and lootings to Ukri who's suitably impressed, and we take our appropriate share of all the loot inside the asshole's cloak while moving on to our next mission the next day
>The K-Team then returns to the carved geode in the woods to talk to the Oread again and see which coin is the one we're looking for to calm down the tree, and after bribing her with 75PP worth of copper coins among assorted other coins, she answers us
>She pulls an exceedingly old looking gold coin from the pile, giving it back to us while taking all of the remaining coins into a hole under her rock while Vyth continues trying to get with her, and Kisara mockingly tries to help
>After that, with our new plan set, we get ready to delve back into the temple of Chronepsis and give the coin back to the tree and hopefully reclaim our new home!
>And the session ended there

Good session, and good escaping! Somehow we managed to outrun a copper dragon and live to see the next day, and now we just have to get to the tree and give it the coin to hopefully get it to go back to sleep and stop trying to dig its way to the surface. After that, we can hopefully retake our home and move on to the next kobold tribe in the area to make the Neo-Spawncampers one tribe stronger! See you guys... Well, in a couple hours, honestly.
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Highlights from last week's session
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Highlights from last session: