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Mixed Nuts: Gentoo
Ladies and Gentlemen! The festivities are about to begin!
What you see here is a bastardized TTRPG structured for online use. Primarily based on DnD 5e (but with LOTS of minor house rules and tweaks), what you are about to witness is a continuation of a story that began years ago, only to diminish into nothingness and ignominy.
But lo, I am a fan of closure, and so it is time for a new story. A new adventure, a new team of heroes, and a new team of villains.
That's right, this edition of Mixed Nuts features an online party (the heroes) pitted against an irl TTRPG group who will be playing the primary villains. It will be a phenomenal game of cat and mouse, with all manner of features and instances in between and surrounding.

In two days, the villain coalition will commence session one, after which the short-story/prologue/introduction post will drop, after which the game will kick off in full. Game days are intended to be 2x/ month on alternating weekend days, as works for the players and their schedules.

New players are welcome but out of necessity admissions are very restricted. If any individuals are interested in participating, they should post to this thread. Having said, one shouldn't get their Hope's up; no guarantees.

So pull up a chair, pour your favorite booz, and get comfy as all assembled attempt to kill one another, and attempt to entertain all comers throughout.

The silence and darkness that echoed through the halls of the floating Trump Tower, broken only by the rhythmic sounds of snoring, were suddenly pierced by a shrill alarm tone and an intermittently flashing red light. Awakening with a start, Lenos almost fell out of his seat. He did manage to catch himself, but not his mug of booz; his now drenched pantleg and a rapidly disappearing puddle being all that remained of its contents. He grunted, knowing the mug would refill its self when set right again, but it was the principle of the thing. With a prestidigitative wave of his hand, he extracted the booz from his clothes and whisked it all neatly into his mouth. With that unpleasantness addressed he looked at the tower monitor he had passed out at.


"What the fuck?" He blurted, as his hand dove into his robe to pull out his EDC.
Pulling out a small black tube with two tiny white knobs on opposite ends of the center, he twisted the knob specifically and then unravelled a long thin scroll and activated the prepared spell therein, casting Time Stop.

He had taken several liberties with his time and maximization abilities when crafting the scroll, as well as its counterpart, but even with all that he only had a few minutes in frozen time. He had ascertained during previous experiments that the tower computer operated on some sort of quantum level, and was unaffected by the spell, so he could gather sufficient analysis.
"What the fuck have you assholes done this time," he muttered, pouring over sensor data of the incident. "Just in time," he said, looking at the previous epicenter, as well as a second and similar discharge signature was beginning to appear. In addition, a third discharge had just formed as the time stop had taken effect.


Lenos continued to analyze the data surrounding the initial discharge, specifically moments leading up to it. After effectively rewinding surveillance and zooming in really close, he was quickly able to determine that the empty space where the discharge occurred had previously been occupied by Thez. Looking to a side panel he quickly observed where the new discharge was forming. Addy was there. He quickly poured through a few more displays before leaning back in his chair. His hand reached for the other knob on his EDC tube, and he unravelled the other scroll hidden inside. Laying the scroll out in front of him on the console he looked very long and hard at the nature of the Miracle which Infernius had called for. He had watched Infernius' divine magic countless times, and could generally predict what was happening based on the spell, but it had been years since the bull had cast that spell, and that was to complete the final solution.
But he also knew the shape and structure of Infernius' magic, and so he began to sketch a diagram using the inputs for the computer.

"This magic is quite astounding, little fellow," came a voice from behind him. A female voice, and one he didnt recognize.
"If you like that, you should see what this tower would do if we weren't in suspended time," he barked back without turning. His tone of voice was playful, but his face was set in a stern gaze, dimly illuminated by the computer monitor.
"I do hope you'll pardon my arrival. I'm otherwise not one to intrude uninvited. Great magics are at work; some, Im pleased to find coming from unusual sources. May I ask what your interest in this matter is?" The woman softly asked.
"This is my home, and these are my friends," he replied with the usual inflection of a dragon, which is to emphasize them as possessions.
"Quite," even without turning, he could hear her smile as she spoke.
Lenos finished his calculations, modifications, and specifications to the spell scroll, and then pulled out a leather bundle from a small pack at his back waistline. He then set the bundle on a precise circle that was among the additions to the scroll. Patting them affectionately - undoubtedly his finest piece of magical crafting - he readied the prepared spell scroll.
"The magic I was referring to is in that bundle, little friend." The woman said, still and unmoving throughout. She never said another word, and when Lenos finally would turn to look, she will be absent through whatever means she got there in still time at all.
But after this final statement, and with but a moment to spare; Lenos cast a wish augmentation to the Miracle spell that Infernius had just cast.
"Good luck, flank steak," he said.

An otherwise unassuming looking dwarf was walking down the main roads of Felderwin, in the heart of the Marrow Valley. He wore simple, unassuming traveling clothes with a pack of necessities, and he seemed to be looking for some place in particular. He had only been through the Tillage on perhaps 2 other occasions. He preferred to keep to the Menagerie coast where gambling was more permitted, but he was in the Empire on business, of a sort. His enigmatic client had directed him to be present in a particular building on a particular day and time. Not the strangest of contracts he had made with this particular client, he knew she would pay well and in ways he might not anticipate.
And so he found himself outside a large building. A house, and a large multi-level house at that, but with a wide set of double doors on the front that were slung open toward the outside. Without even approaching the door, he could see well inside the building. Large, plush furniture occupied most of the floor space, with even space to walk around, and all the furniture had some form of table attached. Had he been familiar with the town, he would know that it was quite peculiar that no one was in the main front room; he would know that the room was always packed with halflings, and the not infrequent human. The house had something of a reputation amongst the locals as a restaurant with few competitors in all the land, and that lines often formed during mealtimes, in spite of the unusual speed that guests were tended to.
But all this was not known to him. So when he entered to determine what the purpose of the contract was and found no one there, he was confused. He did hear some noise coming from the next level though, so he ascended the open-framed rear staircase that passed in front of a long, 3-story tapestry. The piece was finely embroidered including gold and precious threads, depicting an endless bounty of different foods and abundance layered one after another as though spilling forth endlessly from a large cornucopia. As he ascended he could tell this house was built for humans, but much of the furniture suggested halflings were the primary occupant. 'Ah, there are some now' he thought as he emerged from the top of the staircase, but his steps slowed as he got a better look. Looking at him like deer in headlights were about a dozen halflings holding crude weapons and tools, ringed around 4 seemingly unconscious Dwendalian Crownsguard. Before he could react, a couple of the halflings broke off from the group and leapt from the railing on the second floor to quickly heave the large double doors shut, and then latch them.
An older halfling, in plain worn robes turned to him and said. "You there. I bid you welcome to our home so long as you do not stand in opposition to the great lady Yondalla."
"I don't." He said truthfully.
"Very well. Then as our guest we will make all amenities available to you." He smiled cheerfully, in a manner that was darkly humorous, given that with a gesture from his hands his kin were busying themselves with typing up the crown soldiers.
And with a glance at the double doors, and the now slowly being piled around it furniture, he was anticipating that he might be here for a while.
"You got any beef roast?" He asked the old man, more as a test question than an actual inquiry.
"As many as you require, master...?"
"Bhardal, of the Gravefury dwarves."
"Welcome to our home, Bhardal of the... Gravefury dwarves," his slight pause betraying that he had never heard either name before, which was how Bhardal preferred it. "My name is Gelders, and we're the Cheerrywine family. We have converted this house over the years into a shrine of the Halfling mother, and are dedicated to providing for any and all guests that visit."
"We have food of whatever manner you require, as well as drink. There is a heated spa bathing area on the third floor, several bathrooms and kitchens, and you are welcome to any of the unoccupied rooms on the second floor, which if I'm notmistaken is about 12. Please pick whichever you like, simply retrieve the key from the inside of the door, step outside the room and use the key to lock the door. Ordinarily this process is done automatically, but our local guests had to leave in a hurry. But no need to rush into that. Let's get you settled." He reached out his arms and patted Bhardal's arms invitingly.
In another section of the multiverse, a young halfling female was just sitting down to third breakfast at a shrine to Cyrrollale, the daughter of the Hearth Mother of all halflings.
Like literally, in the lore the goddess birth-sourced the entire race. Like, EVERYONE. Genetically all roads lead back to Yondalla.
Well, not quite a halfling per say, though in some ways indistinguishable from halflings, this was a leprechaun. And she NEVER skipped ANY of the breakfasts.
And as she took a bite of the classically and innovatively delicious creations from this shrine, mentally she could visualize her clothes bursting off, revealing wide curvaceous hips and an exceptionally ample bosom. These mingling flavors causing increasing waves of ecstacy....
On the outside however, she merely dabbed her lips with a napkin and breathed a satisfied sigh, turning a bright smile on the junior priestess who had presented the dish.
The food was always of the highest caliber here, a welcome break from the dismal offerings of some of her more recent reviews.
"This dish meets your standards then Bridget?" The young priestess asked.
"Yes, it is sufficiently competitive in its flavor profile that warrants its inclusion as a seasonal dish," the leprechaun - Bridget - replied very specifically and precisely. For though she was a bit prissy and unnecessarily formal as a result of her noble upbringing, her profession was as a food critic.
"Now try it, after adding some of THIS," The young priestess challenged, producing a carafe with a bright orange sauce.
"What's this aroma?" Bridget thought to herself, drizzling the sauce on the already phenomenal dish, "And why is this so familiar?"
The almost brutal flavor that erupts in her mouth, yes she has definitely had something like this before. Where was it? It seems like forever ago.

However, in this case her actual clothes rip off, leaving her naked in her seat. The knowing priestess offers her a robe.
"Where did you... how did you think to combine those flavors?" Bridget asked after her convulsions of pure foodgasm had subsided. Where did she know this dish from? And why didnt she know what it was?
"It was leftovers!" The priestess said cheerfully.
That was it. Bridget could remember now, Adeline had done that same sort of dish once, combining random dishes in their entirety to try and make new recipes. It had been years since Bridget had last seen her, but this was definitely her style of cooking including the leftovers.
"Now, just one more dish for you to sample," the priestess smiled, "this one comes from the High Priestess herself."
She briskly stepped away, taking Bridget's used dishes, and returned shortly with a small tray on which was...

... a single cherry.
She sniffed it, verifying from the slight scent of moist cherry skin that it did seem to be a cherry. It wasnt cooked or processed in any way she could perceive, it still had the stem attached,... it was large for a cherry, but it appeared to be a cherry.
Internally, she is wondering if this is some sort of ruse; a practical joke of some kind or perhaps theres a group of mischievous youngsters about to erupt in laughter. It's just, it's a cherry.
On the exterior she glanced around with as little of an 'are you serious?' expression as possible before shrugging her shoulders and eating the cherry. Curious, she notices that theres no seed. It's a delicious cherry but...

... and suddenly she cant breathe. There IS a seed, and its caught in her throat!!
She feels a hand against her back as she doubles over, and suddenly she is not in her body.
She is about 10' from her body, observing herself choking. She feels no discomfort, and is entirely separate from the experience. But she still feels the sensation of a hand on her back, and as she turns to look, before her is a fierce halfling of resplendent golden hair. In her left hand is a shield made of mossed-over wood, with an oxide-green, copper emblem of a cornucopia on it.
She has no doubt who stands beside her at this moment.
"I am sorry to do this child, but there are artifices woven into the fabric of reality that require immediate action to address, in a place where I cannot go except but to send one who will do as I would have done in their place, but from the innocence of mortality. As fate would have it, Cyrrollale will be sending her own champion, though she technically doesnt have rank to send one. How curious fortune can be," the woman smiled. "But there is no time to waste. Dont alarm yourself with this scene, I'm playing a practical joke on the High Priestess. Your body is as unharmed as you appear now."
And as she says this, Bridget realizes that she is in her traveling clothes, with all her essential adventuring gear that would be suitable for possibly immediate combat.
"I dont have any say in this?" she asked.
"Heavens no, child. Another fellow, about as tall as you are, he was very specific with a wish spell," she smiled, and Bridget was overcome by a blinding light.

And then

We come at last to Barry; Capitol city of the Republic alliance of Nation States.
Three years have passed since we last visited the world of Mixed Nuts, and Football and American and National Socialism have spread far and wide. The Spartans of Sparintenar applied the concepts to their military discipline and became an unstoppable force in the war against the (((rats))). That Bitch was conclusively moved by what National Socialism offered her people. Now, Cardashill churned out quality entertainment that promoted classical values and the importance of a strong respect for heritage. The dwarves, the elves, all races found that there was something that National socialism offered to their people, and the international camaraderie and cooperation was awe inspiring; all under the careful deals and negotiations of Donald Trump, who could be found regularly at Mar a Lago, but otherwise throughout the world at a given moment.
The population has swelled to such degrees that a nearby dome city was found abandoned. The place appeared to have been run down long before it started collapsing, but whatever caused the place to be empty, there was no sign of life. Like, not even rodents went there.

But it made for an incredible urban development of Trumpian proportions! And with new land contracts, Barry was the largest city in the world, separated into multiple districts with efficient travel between district.
In one particular district, this one a shopping district, our story comes at last to three adventurers. The first is a stallion pony, with a black coat and a white mane. Just back from travel with his two other companions, his sword and shield are strapped to him, as is his armor. Black Scabbard is his name, and don't let him being a cute poner fool you.
The second is a stallion going by the name Kladaki. I dont have the best description yet, so I'll fill that in later.
Finally, there is a cowe. Standing upright in the manner of a satyr abomination, with a vibrant red mane falling on the shoulders of a leather coat which on inspection has way too many pockets, but otherwise garbed in a dark uniform in the style of an executive chef is Adeline Adolphine de Fatima Korragar Preston al Thez.

The trio has just returned from - and more specifically just got paid for - a recent job for a local merchant. Since the (((rats))) had been eliminated from the economy, free market transactions even on a local level were quite lucrative for both sides of the deal. With the money system tied to actual resources and value - not least of which was the appreciable value of labor - an unparalleled level of prosperity was shared amongst the people of Barry and throughout the nation states.
The three agreed to meet up in a couple days, as each had business they wanted to attend to. They will fill you in on what they were doing, if you ask them.

Addy however had only one thing on her mind. Cooking. That was always what was on her mind. Like Maud was for rocks, so she was for cooking but today was particular because today was her birthday. And not just her birthday either, it was her 'sister's' birthday as well.

It was unusual to be sure, getting to be able to live alongside a younger version of yourself and watch them grow and develop, potentially to grow stronger because of your influence, but it wasnt something she consciously thought of. But having gotten some solid cash and some unique ingredients, Addy was gonna do what she always did; prepare a feast. Pinkie Pie would approve of Addy's parties.
And these were the thoughts of cooking that occupied her as she turned from her companions (who were only supposed to settle in before getting their ass to the party god dammit!) and toward Infernius, Thez, Torcuil, Snek, and Liddy. She has a cowe tongue, and she's only just three, so the best she can say for 'Little Addy' is 'Liddy'. But complicated explanations about multiple timelines and realities makes adult Addy's brain hurt to try and grasp, so she just calls little Addy 'Sissy', and that's what little Addy calls her.
And as Addy turned toward her family and frens, Thez made a strange gasping sound.

You'd think I'd play this scene out a bit more, but no. No rest for the weary.

The sound is strange to describe. Like, almost like an alarmed yell, but as though part of the sound is missing, and the content of the yell is unintelligible. This draws everyone's attention, who can only watch as a grid-pattern of light appears across Thez' medium-grey skin. The grid lines widen and fill with light, enveloping Thez' skin in neat little box sections, until she is just a mass of light. And then, as suddenly as it began, the light vanished and she was gone.
Unsurprisingly, Infernius immediately starts to lose his shit, especially when his subsequent location spell fails.
And he really starts losing his shit when adult Addy exclaims in that same gasping tone. But he had already resolved to the only thing he could think to do, and seeing Addy about to OMGWTFBBQ? with as little warning as Thez and with no apparent explanation, that he could not abide.
And so he called out to Adolf Hitler, through the lord George Lincoln Rockwell. Infernius was held in the highest esteem for his work in spreading National Socialism and for beating back the (((rats))), and while his calls for aid to Hitler had diminished in frequency, it was as it should be; Hitler's will was manifest in the world, and as that continued, prosperity reduced the need for divine intervention.
But when Infernius called for a miracle, especially given the circumstances, you better believe he gets a goddamn miracle.
So as Addy's skin shows the same light-grid pattern that affected Thez, Infernius finishes a rousing appeal to Hitler.
As the magic corporealizes into bands of energy, another type of energy merges with and combines with the divine energy of Hitler. And that energy makes like Gurren Lagann and in a flash of warm yellow light (not the harsh whiteness that overtook Thez) Addy, Black Scabbard, and Kladaki all vanish without a trace.

"Happy birthday," Lenos mutters, his spell-amalgamation complete.
Wait. Hold on a second,....
He zooms in and rewinds the tape. What's that right there... it jumps onto Addy at the last moment.

"Snek said something was up today. I wasnt planning on joining you folks today, but he was quite insistent. Wouldnt take no for an answer. Said something about a dream," Torcuil said somberly, as the magic particulates evaporated. Infernius simply slumped to his knees, dumbfounded.
"Eeeeenith," Little Adeline said, trying to emulate Thez' nickname of 'I'nis', "Where'd ma n sissy go?"
"They're... they're preparing for your party Liddy. You'll see them later on. Me promise," he said, somehow rolling a nat 20 on his deception check and successfully reassuring the 3 y/o cowe.