Most people are expected to know what they want to do in life and for the most part, most do. Most of everyone I knew in high school automatically knew what they wanted to do in life and as soon as they left, they chased after it immediately. However, I just don't. I remember in school I remember everyone telling me "you have to know what you want to do in life as soon as you are an adult" but the problem is, I honestly don't know.
I guess this is because of a number of reasons but the biggest reason I think was that when I started to develop deep philosophical thinking and the sort, (around 13 I think, I don't care how late or early I was to that stage) my family was financially poor and got poorer over the years. All that was in our minds was survival. We wasn't in severe poverty since we had a house, water, electricity, internet, but my I remember my dad got laid off and searched for companies to work for since he was a coal miner and obongo's anti coal policies didn't help so the future for us was uncertain. Survival was all in our minds, including mine, and that's what our mindset revolved around really. Now being poor taught me lots of valuable lessons for life such as money management, managing expectations, values of hard work etc. so it set me up for the work force. However it also made me realize how harsh and unforgiving the world is and I developed a sort of nihilism that what I do on this earth wont matter much in the end though as a Christian I know something happen on purpose but not all things.
Also the idea of finding a field I must enjoy for the rest of my life bothers me. Am I really gonna like doing this one particular thing all my life? What if mid life I want to do something else? What if I'm just not material for the workfield I dream of working in and I can never get accepted into it? Also I know the big thing is to go to college and find something in there and I go chase after it but honestly, the idea of going to college makes me sick. Plus there just isn't much there I can feel fine with spending 4 years of my life learning and getting in tens of thousands of dollars in debt over. A trade school however I could do since its far more shorter and debt is way more manageable but still, I don't know what truly interests me.
Basically all I think of is survival and getting by. I don't think of anything greater since I have never known what that is like. Surviving and scrapping by has been all I've known in life. I work a part time job and most people I know absolutely loathe it and hate it to the core but me? I feel content honestly with hard work of that nature but I know I must look for more since many tell me that will get me nowhere in life but what? I still live with my parents and everything they have worked for was destroyed by the harsh times of this decade and sometimes I'm needed to help pay for their bills so for me my future is uncertain. I'm 21 and everyone else I know is out achieving in their dream careers yet here I am not even having a goal other than surviving. I think I'm lost but then again, as long as I have food in my stomach, a house to live in, water to drink, electricity to play vidya in my spare time, and internet to browse /mlpol/, that's all my brain is content about. I feel like a nomad thats looking for better hunting grounds and thats it. Is there more I should look for out there?
TL:DR I am lost and I don't have any long time goals in life.