/ub/ - Überhengst

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The rage within me is starting to cause health problems. Every second of my life is consumed with thoughts of the enemy and what (((they))) are doing to us. I'm powerless and helpless in this disgusting clown country full of cucked faggots and there's nothing I can do to save this lost land. The fake virus here has turned everyone into a government bootlicker overnight. Nobody's willing to look at evidence or hear stories if they don't praise the government or exist to try and force sympathy out of others. Nobody wants to hear "those bastards are counting motorcycle accident deaths as covid deaths to inflate figures because of money" when everyone's too busy saying "waaaah poor me I can't go to the bar" or "Waaah poor me my obese granny got sick 5 months ago and it took her a week to recover, it's so scary and we've been scared all day because the TV said old people never recover and we're afraid she'll get sick again". Even people I thought I'd been redpilling on blacks and jews over months. Suddenly "we all need the NHS because muh virus and we need the vaccine because muh virus and we need to pwotect owh enn-eych-ess fwom da waycist covidiots who wanna charge old ladies and blacky-wacky pocky-wockies money for medical services". I fucking hate it. Even the bitch I'd been dating has gone woke and decided to stop seeing me/listening to me/reading my texts, so I blocked her. I feel like I'm an entire species apart from these apathetic soulless brainwashed supposedly-white niggers. Nobody wants to believe in the far-fetched and seemingly-delusional old myth that things were ever NOT this way. But where else could I go? Name one American place that would willingly oppose niggers, communists, Trump the jewish puppet, and the jewish fed. Name one country on the planet that says no to diversity, leftists, jews, marxism, and rapefugees. Name a site that isn't cucked beside this one, and an organization with the numbers and power needed to stop the jews. It all feels so fucking hopeless and I don't know what to do. I know I won't kill myself, because that wouldn't save anyone. But I don't know how I can save anyone.
38 replies and 15 files omitted.
quick note: I didn't know the hypocritical lefty who loves Singapore hated whites until I stopped talking to him about unimportant shit like ponies, and started talking to him about important shit like race and current events and asking if he'd stand with me even if the lefties turned on me. The fucker tried to guilt-trip me with these "All these notifications and emails are eating me aliiive!" that made me say "jesus dude take a break".
but he didn't take a break from the constant virtue-signalling with his lefty friends, he just took a break from me that still hasn't ended.
Some fucking friend he turned out to be.
It's funny how the Doomer is a "depressed guy" character who typically smokes and drinks and hates degeneracy yet is degenerate
but still not as degenerate as the stereotypical masturbator, the "coomer", even though they both masturbate daily.
The Coomer is a man visibly ruined by porn so the doomers can say "At least I'm not as bad as him".
And then there's the "Bloomer" who gains happiness somehow offscreen. Through becoming healthy and abstaining from degeneracy/short-term pleasure? Through making honest friends you appreciate and like, as you better each other every day? Through gaining an appreciation of nature? The fags who virtue-signal about their fake happiness with "I swear I'm full Bloomer now!" posts will never know.
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I drove through Utah last week and it got me thinking about the Mormons so I did some research. If I had to describe Mormonland, it would be a proto-fascistic theocratic nation-state. I'm not exaggerating, it's populated by people with far greater loyalty to their family and church than the US gov.
>breed like rabbits
>very industrious
>strong communities
>superficially based on Jewish christianity, but rejects some of the more jewish ideas in favor of a few rough parallels with paganism (belief in natural cycles over "God has no beginning", polytheism, love for nature, etc)
>"""lgbt""" teens would rather commit suicide than bring shame to family name (resistant to subversive jewish narratives)
>many thinly veiled racists that would probably come out as racially conscious if they see it become acceptable (mostly cuckservative boomers right now)
>no problems giving 10% of income to church (the church is woefully nontransparent about where this cash goes exactly, but it supposedly mostly goes to providing aid to other mormons, disaster relief, and building temples. Point is they are not a selfish or greedy.)
>strong knowledge and respect for ancestors
>historically love peace but will defend their homes and families with righteous violence when needed
>proud gun-toting americans
>0 tolerance for niggotry
>firm believers in self sufficiency and emergency preparation, could free themselves pretty easy from the jewish system
>have some claim to a homeland of Deseret, a large territory that covered Utah, Nevada, and some of the surrounding states before the US government cut it down to modern Utah
>harbor general resentment for US government
>religion has fostered tribal instinct into the modern day, balance between valuing the individual and sacrificing for the good of the folk
>white as fuck
Their beliefs are ridiculous and toxic, but I unironically think Mormons may be single largest hope that the white race has at the moment. If they could be separated from their exploitative and corporate Church and made racially conscious, they could start a new reich. Imagine if they declared independence. I think outright national socialism would be a fairly natural leap from the current situation.
too bad they're all nutjobs.
>breed like rabbits
So the white families have families of seven or more? Ten or more?
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This, mormons are fucking insane. It's a community based around a cult, started by a con artist.
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Holy mother of fuck.
You're telling me they're all part of the same family?
This isn't photoshopped?
How can a family this big exist?
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The Scottish clans were often bigger than this.
A lot of free time, no degeneracy and a easy environment (no constant bickering) to raise kids in is the ideal way to get a big family.
It really depends on the woman you are paired with, as they can fuck family's up the easiest, that and where you are living as most places nowadays make it hard to start a actual family.
Too bad there is no ideal women here or a good environment for children.
Guy in the middle with the corsage is the current """prophet""", russel nelson. All the people in the picture aren't his direct children, but they are in his family so grandkids, great grandkids, inlaws, etc. Still, you can see why I say they breed like rabbits.
Mormonism is literally 19th century scientology, the similarities are uncanny. But, in spite of or maybe because of this insanity, the mormons have made something beautiful. That's why I'm saying, if they can ditch the ufo cult and keep their momentum they could whip the jew and any of their goons six times from sunday.
this so much.
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call me a faggot if you want but this picture made me tear up. It makes me want to cry in a corner about the life I could have led and all the good I could have done and all the kids I could have had and raised in a better world with better women and no jews.
decades ago when i was on shitty lefty sites people would try and virtue-signal and weakness-signal about how much pictures of rainbows and kittens and dead people made them want to cry. I always hated it back then. Have they infected me?
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I feel it too, mate. We've lost an awful lot, it's natural and right to mourn it. All the more reason to fight to get that back, yeah?
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By some kind of means it shall be done.
We're not out, and I have full belief that (You)'ll be able to make it so.
Things are rocky. Finding people who would make good mothers and wives is tricky. The cost for being wrong is so very high.
I'm have to concede this to an Anon from a different thread. Making our own community (or taking over) might be the way to ensure such a good place exists.
If that isn't possible at least safeguard their soul and mind and body as the children head into the jaws of the enemy time and time again. It's so very far from ideal.
One way or another solutions will be made.
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I have felt this many times before, i have always pondered as to why humans are so emotionally driven and how they can be so cruel without reflecting back on what they have done, it's sort of like a curse of actually having a brain is that you know that not a lot of people do which saddens you because it would be a lot different if everyone actually used the most useful part of their own body.
I wish there was better women with blue eyes and blonde hair but it seems as if there is only certain ones that are complete bitches due to them having a inflated ego because of how they look, it disgusts me how so many people only care about they are seen socially, all of it could have turned out differently if people were not just sheep.
I was led to believe that i would have a good life and that i would not have to do anything as it would all come to me but those are just lies which people still hang onto from their childhood, i thought i was going to stay in school with the rest of my old friends and maybe get a girlfriend and hang out together with all of them but that is the opposite, i was expelled from my school at the age of 11 and all of my old friends have become degenerates, i didn't have success with any of the girls at that young age and so i spent most of my teenage years alone as there wasn't a way i could be around those young girls in a relaxed place with me and them so i spent a lot of time thinking from the start of adolescence about why i was always plagued with a sense of loneliness and perpetual misery, i hated it, i hated them and i hated the system as it didn't make sense why i was forced into things that i had to listen to all the bullshit and lies they spouted from their shit holes even though i was told that i would enjoy those dumb fucking classes and those piece of shit girls and all of the cunt teachers told me that i had no choice, so pretty quickly i became "naughty" all because i was forced into something i hated and then from all of those fucking indoctrination lessons i couldn't take it anymore and became violent from the stress of being forced to do something by those blind bastards that couldn't understand that if they keep poking a lion that he's going to get angry.
So i resented everything i was taught and hated those girls which i used to like, i still liked them but i became bitter from being constantly rejected and pushed into things by everyone.

Now i stick my dong in ponies to make sure i still feel pleasure and to make me remember that i still can feel happiness in the things that i do and even then i know that i truly want some imaginary girl that has everything i want but isn't there for me because that woman does not exist.
what a different view i had of myself back then, i believed that i would be normal but now i know that i could never have even been a part of any of those social groups, i couldn't fit into the misfits as i felt like i was not cared about.

Fuck, Europe has been turned upside fucking down.
We have truly lost everything but we have nothing to lose so we must carry on, even if we are heading to our doom i will not surrender until i get revenge for how much pain our people and i have endured, the world is at our mercy.
You can only find those certain types of woman in very specific rural places in the world.
If i was to guess the best place for our people to make a safe haven would be somewhere in Ireland as not every single place there is chock full of niggers other than Dublin, it's either there or somewhere in north America.
All of this happened in minecraft just to be clear.
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Aye, brother. We'll get it all back. We'll reclaim our birthright and save our daughters.
There are "homeschooling circles" where parents homeschooling their kids talk to others like them, and ensure their kids have face to face social interaction. They sometimes have events and conventions. I wish there was a redpilled homeschooling circle free from leftist scum.
When I was young the school system and my parents tried to push me into transgendering. My own parents would spread nonsense rumors about me to try and get sympathy from other parents, and everyone thought I was a badly-behaved child who'd piss the bed every night. There was this girl my age I used to know and things seemed to go well between us, but my parents ruined that by lying to her about me. Then again, if she's the type to believe what someone says about me instead of her own eyes and brain, should I want her anywhere near me? Maybe it's a good thing that I never saw her again.
After being bullied by abusive teachers who gaslit and shamed me to get others to bully me in primary school, I was sent to the "special kid" corner of a religious school. Lost a few years to that. I'd enter the building, I'd be left alone in a corner of an empty room, and I'd nap until it was time to eat. Unless abusive staff felt like harassing me or denying me the food I brought with me. And I had to bring food with me because the abusive staff loved denying me food during meal times until it was over and I was no longer allowed to visit the school canteen. If the police in this country were humans instead of dedicated pedophile protectors they would have shut that place down. It's not like I was quiet about the abuse I got from my parents or that school. Eventually there was this car accident when some bitchy female incompetent art teacher drove her car around slowly on school grounds and left the main path to go out of her way to nudge my legs with her car thinking it would be funny. I climbed onto a wall to evade her. I was fine but she screeched at me and got me expelled by claiming I damaged a clearly undented car. In retrospect I should have smashed her fucking windows and called it self-defence from a vehicle attack.
Anyway after being expelled I was sent to a school for retards. Was bullied by staff some more, I didn't play into their "adorable little retarded baby who wants to read Spot The Dog books all day and loves his school full of new mommies" fantasies so they'd abuse me and insult me and try to break my spirit. Mrs Morgan and Mr Type are pedophiles who kept pinching my ass and slapping it and screaming at me and insulting me and trying to make me strip in front of them when getting changed for swimming/football. All the women convinced themselves (because thought is too strong a word for women) that I was "too egotistical" for not kissing the ground they walked on. They thought I was too arrogant for thinking I can accomplish anything without their help. They were used to retarded kids telling them the staff here were the only reason they were mature adults now. This shit lasted years, I think I was stuck there until I turned 18 thanks to the govt giving out money to kids who stay in a school that gives out no qualifications past the age of 16. Peak UK politics there. All the money got swallowed up by my greedy boomerscum parents, of course. They were often in debt because they lived beyond their means and gave scraps to me and my sister. I wish my sister was still alive.
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Eventually I went to college. Level one english, maths, and IT with the badly-behaved kids . We had four IT teachers. A lazy woman, a feminist woman, an incomprehensible diversity hire from satan's sand land, and the only good man I've ever met in person. He was a cool dude, he hired me and some quiet indian kid as his teaching assistants just so we could both have a break from all the bullshit outside. No idea what the indian kid's deal was, he didn't ask me for my tragic backstory so I didn't ask him. Seemed impolite to pry. I actually had a phone as an adult in college, and it was useful for recording audio. Anyway feminist teacher believed Anita Sarkesian and kept insisting my early attempts to impress her with my coding knowledge were actually sexually-inappropriate propositions. I told her, "Please stop it with this sex talk. I don't want you to fall in love with me, I want you to send a letter of recommendation if I want to get hired somewhere and I need one" and that made her so pissed, you'd swear I told her men built society. I remember this one time she asked me to whisper some answer to a coursework-related question in her ear, I did, and she recoiled in horror and pretended I said something sexual. She sent out a report and got the headmistress (elderly 50+ doubleboomer scum) to listen to her side of the story and then lecture me with self-important word-salads during what was meant to be my turn to talk, good thing I had my phone recording damn near constantly in that hellhole or I'd be fucked every time the cunts lied about me. Staff working at the building I lived at loved to lie about me, and staff working at the college I visited loved to lie about me. You wouldn't believe how often a phone recording audio came in handy, how often staff lied to their bosses and upon seeing recordings and panicking in fear, had to claim "He paused the audio and swore at me then started recording again, that's why I was yelling and swearing at him!" and how often that feminist cunt tried to take my phone away from me once class started. Starting the recording and telling her my phone can hear and record everything even in someone's desk made her back down, even though she'd often insist it wasn't legal for me to record people without their consent. That disgusting cunt tried to ruin my life and she had the Peak Feminist attitude to talk to me about laws! I wish I still had those audio recordings so I could put them online and get that screechy abuser fired from her job, I'm now redpilled enough to know feminists deserve it. Feminists have no place in the work force or anywhere near kids. The bitch tried to get me expelled from college over sexual harassment claims, just because I called anita sarkesian a scam-artist when she brought her up in a "you should love these womens of tech" lesson unrelated to the basic-ass "take a screenshot to prove you can open word" lessons we were supposed to get. When I stopped trying to impress her after that she started blaming the poor behaviour of other students on me, especially when they harassed me with anti-white racial slurs. Diversity is an act of aggression boomers and doubleboomers forced upon their kids. Young people should be able to opt out of paying taxes because boomers shouldn't be paid to grow old by the society they tried to rape with Mudhammud and Obongo's help.
Anyway, year two of college. I was offered more level one english, maths, and IT lessons, just busywork. Or I could join the Creative Media course. These were my only options, I was told. And they told me in Creative Media classes I'd be taught how to draw, animate, 3d model, 3d animate, do sound bullshit and more. But when I joined the class it turned out to be an autistic boys-only class containing 6 or 7 kids surrounding one incompetent bitchy woman who expects praise and a boy's adoration normally reserved for showing up. The bitch would often show up with empty pockets+say I pickpocketed her. Every day we did unpaid work on that building's newspaper, which has 10ish copies of its weekly editions printed and distributed in-house. My only two friends in that class worked together on pages about Team Fortress 2 weapons. I worked on some pages about Mugen characters. I think I once did a page on Rare Akuma, and another one on Hatsune Miku.
The college gave me a therapist to tell absolutely everything to, and I did. I think that's why my time at college gradually got worse. He knew about the criminals abusing me and blabbed to them instead of the cops. Fuck him and fuck the incompetent spanish whore who replaced him.
If anyone's here wondering why I never told the cops about the abuse I got at home from physically, emotionally, and foodually abusive parents, I did. More than four times in my life(one when I was a kid at some youth club I never got to visit again, once when I was a brainwashed kid at retard school blindly trusting the staff and telling them everything, once when there was some woman who took me to mcdonalds after spending time at retard school and bought me a bacon big mac, and once when I was at Work Experience telling the guy I worked with everything because I had no idea how to socialize), people I told about my home life decided for themselves that the cops needed to be called.
And every time, the pedocops warned my parents that I was talking, and then left.
The first time, I was still brainwashed by my parents so I did as my parents said and lied. I called myself a liar and said my parents are lovely and I got all those bruises from falling down. But from every time after that, I would repeat it in the face of wilfully-ignorant cops every time they asked over and over hoping for the answer they wanted. Yes, my parents beat and abuse me. Yes, I'll even say it in front of my parents if that's what it takes. I've bitched about my home life on MLP Forums's live advice thread for more than 3 years. People knew. People did nothing. Some promised lies first.
Friends, I'm glad you made it here. I don't really know what to say. The obvious holy shit that's awful.
Have some poners because I don't have the words.
Traitors before enemies.
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additional pain:
this fucking diversity hire was agony. Let's call her Nematode Fatass.
Normally a college teacher is meant to use a checklist full of things like "can take a screenshot" "can understand how to turn a computer on" "can make a document in word" and then teach how to do these things by having online education resources we could be using at home right now, mostly free ones like CodeAcademy, do all the work for them.
At least that's how it worked for the teachers at that school.
But Nematode...
The loudmouthed fat whore from some shitty sand land...
She would show us the list she was supposed to privately use to grade our performance, in powerpoint on the projector, and loudly and slowly read it out loud, fucking a word up now and then.
So this bitch would say we should "CAN MAKE AND UNDERSTAND TO MAKE A MULTIMEDIA" and we'd have absolutely no fucking clue what this sandy-slitted rejected Borat character actually wants us to make. She wouldn't listen to our questions or answer them clearly. She had no fucking clue what she was teaching. You could raise your hand but she'd insult you for it and move on to the next "CAN MAKE AND TO UNDERSTAND, THE MAICROSOFT-PAINT SCREEN SHOT" thing we were supposedly supposed to just know before we had to deal with this insult to the white man's concept of what a school should be.
And even though my class was full of obnoxious childish idiots who half-assed everything and only ended up here because they went to average schools and failed every qualification test multiple years in a row (except for a handful of kids who actually tried. i hope they're still doing ok) we all secretly knew she was a fucking joke.
we'd even complain
to each other about her when waiting for ten, twenty, even thirty minutes outside locked classroom doors. Our bitchy teachers loved showing up and bringing the keys, and bitching if anybody was "late" to the obligatory stand-near-the-door sessions before lessons. Did you move ten feet away to a more comfortable chair to sit on instead of standing at attention or sitting near the door? "How dare you! Reeeee! Laziness and unsightliness and immaturity and toxic masculinity like this will never let you get a job once you're kicked out there into the harsh, brutal, painful real world only kewl chicks like me can prosper in!"
Fuck women.
And fuck this one in particular.
I hate her almost as much as the fat bitch from the special school who thought packing on the pounds made her attractive and thought trying to sexually harass me into doing zumba with her and dancing/singing for her would make her happy.
but back to nemachode
We'd all just use her lesson periods as a chance to finish off work from other teachers, except for me. Because I finished my work fast, and every good site on the internet was blocked(plus your computer activity was constantly monitored by pricks somewhere on the school who loved to piss you off by forcing your web browser to redirect to some "you must obey da rooles!" website when visiting a site that wasn't rule-breaking and related directly to your lessons), I would browse pinterest for memes about Attack on Titan and other animes I liked back then.
But of course, this jewed society has pathologized honesty and the expectation that others will be honest to you and the capacity for logic, and they have named it Autism. So I had to take a worthless boomer "support worker" with me who'd endlessly bitch at me and harass me whenever I used pinterest. These pieces of shit often caused more trouble for me than the teachers. Constantly interrupting me, insulting me, talking down to me, trying to agitate and humiliate me. Sometimes they'd get up in my face or grab my wrists and talk down to me in this wannabe-authority tone. They were that kind of old boomer. You know the type. Elderly fourty to sixty boomers who think they're a lot more intimidating and knowledgeable than they actually are. The kind of people who pick fights with teenagers, lose, get their limbs broken on purpose when a slight shove makes them stagger ten feet and take a big comedic fall, and end up having the courts take their side if their victim was whiter than them. The kind of people who make you think "Oh, so that's why so-called 'hate crimes' against the elderly are on the rise. Some deserve it for abusing the young personally, and the rest also deserve it for abusing the young by importing niggers and betraying their country". The elderly deserve to rot in the streets and suffer the cold and starvation they'd happily inflict on younger homeless white men. They don't deserve pudding and doctors on the taxpayer's dime. In a just society, those generations of traitors would be strapped up in A Clockwork Orange-style machines 24/7, forced to watch footage of niggers being niggers, mudslimes being mudslimes, savage subhumans being savage subhumans to white people. And every time the white person in the videos get hurt, they would be tazed until they developed empathy for whites. If nothing else, this would keep the scum from voting woke.
back to Nematode
she would often say this "CAN MAKE AND UNDERSTAND TO MAKE A MULTIMEDIA" shit and we'd have no idea what she meant. So when we had no work from other teachers to do, we'd just randomly guess at what she meant and use trial-and-error plus the "No no no no no! that is not right! you must make a multimedia!" bullshit from her rants upon seeing her kids guessing to figure out what she did or didn't want.
it was very stressful for all of us
sometimes we'd wait around and do nothing during her classes, and hope teachers we had later that day would explain what she wanted better. you know, one of the three white ones with a coherent grasp on english.
sometimes we'd all get up and walk out of her classroom in unison. But that was only when shit got really bad, and when we had her later in the day when we were all tired of this bullshit and there wasn't much time left for oldfags to waste boomervoicing at us. Teachers later that day would berate us for "not giving her a chance" and "making her feel unwelcome" but holy shit, fuck that noise. Sometimes I think I wouldn't have been willing to believe redpilled stuff if I hadn't met such blatantly incompetent nonwhites in my lifetime.
we eventually figured out what multimedia meant to her, btw.
By "make a multimedia" she meant "Create a powerpoint document with slides detailing a fictional video game you could make, since that would incorporate MULTIpul types of MEDIA god i fucking hate boomers why did a boomer get input on what teenagers are taught in college".
I threw out some generic bullshit about a Code Geass game idea where by day you befriend show characters by choosing the right dialogue options as happy music plays, and by night you customize your mech by switching out its weapons, and then you control a mech with many weapons in big warzones and the music gets faster and more intense as you get closer to victory. Basically if Custom Robo shagged Dynasty Warriors and its unique interesting offspring with excellent potential was taught to like a generic visual novel during the daytime segments.
Some day I might actually make that but about an original IP where the plot doesn't stupidly divide daily-life characters from relevant plot events. As much as I loved Code Geass in my youth, it's a fucking mess of a story/franchise that never brings its clashing elements together into a cohesive whole. The only consistent thing about CG is its boner for excess and bigger boner for pizza hut. Does have some cute chicks though. A fun ride but not a very deep one. I'd love to ride and be very deep inside C2 and Kallen.
Honestly, looking back on my life I keep asking myself things like "Why did I put up with the abuse for so long?"
and my only answer is "I was raised to believe that's what a good little white boy does, especially one who thinks working hard and ignoring abuse will help him get a job, and getting a job will give him the money he needs to move out from his family and live alone somewhere away from what he instinctively knows is disgusting sin"
I even gave months of my life away in unpaid labour for Work Experience programs. One for a charity store where I tried my hardest since the old bags running it kept offering me a paid position (but eventually gave it to a lazy woman who just showed up because "I'm such a good worker so they didn't think they needed to pay me". That day, I learned what being friendzoned felt like) and one for a random generic restaurant that serves beans and sausages and bacon and potatoes and crap like that. Good thing I had a social worker with me to help me carry heavy bags of potatoes to the cleaner, but it's a shame he wasn't allowed to help me stand on one spot for half an hour or more peeling potatoes, or help me dry boiling dishes straight out of the dishwasher with thin raggedy washcloths. Eventually that restaurant decided to (while I was away from the building as I only worked for them one day a week - they didn't think this through very well) stuff a bunch of their own towels down the toilet and blame me for it. They still managed to get me fired, because white boys have no rights when their parents are in on the abuse.
I remember this one time when this thot classmate of mine at some horse-riding class, who also attended the same autists-only youth club as me where I made some equally nerdy friends, tried to claw my face off (I yelled for help and put my boot on her chest and shoved her away across the room and onto a couch for her to fall on, then people showed up to hold us both back from each other) accused me of assaulting her because an online friend of mine beat her in an anime-themed roleplaying fight on Blingee.

That is not a typo.

This subhuman roastie got mad that abusing me on facebook got a friend of mine to say "fuck you" and challenge her to an internet roleplaying fight.
This subhuman roastie also has writing skills that begin and end at "blood go everywhere and fire go everywhere as the demon sage says "I WILL KILL YOU"
i seriously
i would stand beneath God's testicles and swear that I am not lying here, and then get out of the splash zone while shooting a gun upwards because fuck the jewed christian god, Druidism for life.
This piece of shit roleplayed in the profile comments on Blingee, and some other anime roleplaying website. it had this "I wish i was old facebook and Myspace" kind of look to it.
Her rich parents took her straight to some doctor who diagnosed the pretending-to-be-dazed Narcissistic Personality Disorder pathological liar with head trauma. And then took her straight to the police.

When the retard eventually accidentally admitted to the cops that she attacked first, the cops acted like this was a big embarassment they all wanted to forget about and no legal punishment happened to Natasha. Or the bitch Ashleigh who helped lie on her side about what happened. Which is a shame because they both fucking deserve to be jailed after how they both tried to ruin my life over something so disgustingly petty and unimportant. The first of those two I met, years before this went down, was Ashleigh. She was an abuser and seducer who knew she could get what she wanted out of people (and get her precious little feelings protected) if she pretended to be shy. badly. She fucked her disguise up almost every day, but people overlooked it because they wanted to believe this default sim-looking plank of wood was a cute and dynamic character.

Pics related, they're the kind of things you make on Blingee. My life was almost ruined permanently by the kind of person on that site who's considered lower than the kind of person who makes these for fun.

Oh and of course, she got me banned from the youth club and got to keep going to the youth club. Even after the investigation ended with the privileged bitch admitting to the cops that she committed crimes.
And I never got to see any of my friends from this youth club again because natasha kept insisting I'd tried to rape her.
Yeah, this bitch. Who roleplays on blingee.
This disgusting unappealing spoilt brat with a permanent "red-dyed feminist bitch face" on top of one of those over-stylized desperate tryhard "I have black lip piercings and my hair costs more than everything you're wearing combined" hairstyles/outfits to her. This piece of subhuman filth who thinks liking Black Veil Brides and Breaking Benjamin makes her a hardcore metalhead. This fucking insult to life itself who bullshits everyone about demonic possession and blood phobias that come and go when convenient and mafia parents and alien abductions when she's a spoilt little rich kid who does erotic roleplay with grown men on the internet and grew up on a horse farm because she wanted horses when she was a kid.
To this day, my online friend blames himself for what happened no matter how often I say "You aren't her father. You didn't raise her. How she behaves isn't your responsibility" to him.

I don't want to go on and on about my tragic backstory forever, because I'm trying to grow beyond it all and put it all behind me.
Plus someone here probably has a worse "Liberals abused me until I snapped and admitted the world needs a period of nazism to cleanse it of leftist rot, also when I was a teenager desperately in need of comfort this show was pretty good and a bunch of bronies love-bombed and seduced me and one even talked me into doing MLP BDSM erotic roleplaying with him when I was just a teenager and he kept insisting he'd talk others into saving me and driving me somewhere and finding a home for me" backstory than me.
sometimes I think I should publish the full names and countries of origin of the people who committed crimes against me.
Not everyone who ever did anything bad to me or sucked at their jobs, just the ones who actually committed literal crimes.
Is it really fair that these cunts get to have squeaky-clean reputations after all that they've done?
I don't know why I'm dumping all of this on you. I know I need advice from someone but I don't know what advice. I've probably put out enough hints online for someone to piece together my whole life at this point. I've been used and tricked and lied to and fucked over so much. All I had during the years of hell were my dreams of living alone and achieving my ambitions of making video games. But now that I'm living alone, it seems like if there isn't some technical problem in the way like a broken monitor or missing needed program or insufficiently strong PC, then it's a personal problem where I'm too pathetic to get shit done and figure out answers to the questions and problems that show up when I'm coding and drawing and composing and all that other shit.
Since I've already admitted I cry sometimes (not often), I might as well say watching MrEnter's video on Lion King 2019 made me want to cry, but I didn't. The part where current him talks to teenaged him about how he never thought he'd get this far or do what he ended up doing or "be on this side of the screen" got to me. I know it's just some stupid self-congratulatory self-indulgent skit because he decided whipping a gun out and shooting his possessed DVD would be too cliche for a youtube reviewer to do, and thought talking to a kid version of himself who loved this film as a kid (and needs shit like Stylization and Colour Use explained to him) would enhance the review. It did, the whole "Sherlock and idiot" routine really worked well as a framing device for giving the reviewer a way to explain obvious shit without making it seem insulting to those who know it already. I kind of wish he ended it there instead of making teenaged him show up to congratulate himself because he didn't really add much to the review besides that.
But seriously, I never thought I'd get this far. I've designed an iconic and excellent character that will lead a franchise and stand the test of time, once I get off my ass and finish her first of many games. I've composed music. I've got animation frames and coding that works. I even have a few friends.
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Reminder: Posting on an anon board is NOT an adequate substitute for professional help!
While technically yes, that's not necessarily true.
If you can find a psychologist that's redpilled do it. It will help. If you find them I highly recommend you do it. Or someone who is a real professional about it. For others keeping political beliefs out of it is a must.
Unfortunately psychology is a soft science filled with feelsie people one would find in HR and diversity hires.
If they are professional enough to set aside their own political beliefs to actually provide help they wouldn't be an extreme leftist.
For anyone considering that. Consider forms of self therapy. Creative outlets help. You can track your progress by how smooth you dance, or oither means.
Also psychologist is a medical doctor that can administer drugs. Psychotherapist is the psycho rapist, but seriously they can do therapies, and psych tests.
While studying for magic, the mind, and other stuff. There are ways to do self help. Some are dangerous to you. Some are intense and can do more harm tham good if done wrong. Some is things are good general practice.
Opening a dialogue with your unconscious, subconscious, and soul is always highly recommended. By dialogue I mean communicating in ways that you and the mental/soul stuff thats also you understands. Like memes, or symbols, or imagination, or dreams.
Also talking, and writing down about the events for your self and talking about it (even if no one is there) can help.
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Charming. Psychology as a field of legitimate scientific study is pretty much dead (I'll never forget the day my spanish assigned therapist asked me to tell her everything, so I did. And then afterwards she was stunned and at a loss for words. So she asked me to "communicate to her how I feel using movement". I facepalmed and considered flipping her off. But I didn't. It always felt like that stupid bitch was talking down to me with this insultingly childlike language. Her knowledge of psychology began and ended at "peepul wear armor and u shud be kind to urself uwu".
She never had anything helpful to say to me after I finished sessions of talking to her and ranting about whatever I could. Her useless "you should be nice and maybe people will be nicer to you" advice was never useful. It was just a pressure release for me, because ranting at an incompetent wannabe felt a little more fulfilling than ranting at a pony toy.
There's this one thing that still pisses me off. I forgot to mention the fifth time someone called the cops on my parents: The time I was in college and some woman who works at the building I lived at decided even if she couldn't get my parents jailed, she could at least get me moved away from them.
So I became homeless.
A homeless teenager with no income beyond something like fifty quid a month, forced to spend something like twenty seven quid every week/two weeks (i forget) on train tickets from whichever unexpected random room I slept in for a weekend in my country of origin to the college I visited in another country.
And once I had nowhere to go, the dorm building I lived at started treating me worse than before. Especially when I started actually befriending the other students who lived there. They took me out of my decent bedroom and moved me to a shittier smaller room on the bottom floor with an improperly-sized door next to the noisy living room, noisy kitchen, noisy door outside, and noisy hallway elderly women love to stand in when they shout at each other about vaginas and wanting to bone Thor from Avengers and whatever bullshit happened on today's Gavin And Stacy episode.
Why? It had a shower instead of a bath and they decided a shower would be better for me. I had no choice in the matter. I also wasn't allowed outside the college dorm building without supervision by one of the women there because I was supposed to do some health-and-safety test to prove I can cross roads safely, but giving women authority over men is like giving big guns to rapists at a gun-free child convention. Those fucking disgusting women loved to insist to themselves that I couldn't cross the streets safely (I fucking could, often right in front of their very eyes) therefore even though I spent at least one and a half years at that college, and even though I really wanted to go to places like the library alone and visit the DVD rental store with my friends, the whores in the building couldn't give me the certification they gave other students within weeks of showing up.
You know what's weird? Some women out there are people. Others are not. It's fine for you to say "A person is smart but people are dumb panicky animals and you know it". And the same applies to women, but more. Women are selfish, stupid, short-sighted and narcissistic creatures who think the whole world revolves around them and the pettiest drama they can invent and force upon you. Women with brains are such a tiny minority compared to women with overexpanded tear ducts and rage glands where their brains should be. The world would be a better place if society treated women like defective men who need to nut up and shut up. Would be better than this defective society that treats boys and men like defective women while encouraging women to act like they're...
You know what they say about short men with tiny dicks, and how they stereotypically act?
Well, imagine an even shorter man with a dick negative six inches in length. A dick that can't fuck, and can only be fucked. A redundant pleasure hole that will never have its main function (childbirth) utilized. That's the average woman, and most women are even stupider than her.
Alright, I'll bite. How do I communicate between me and my soul? Growing up I thought I lacked one because I'd never felt anything good towards anyone. It wouldn't be until much later in my life that I'd meet good people and realize I want to protect good people.
No u.
>I had a bad therapist therefore they're all bad
Yeah, and I'm sure you were completely open and in no way passive-aggressive, counter-productive, and were otherwise an absolute peach to work with. This might come as a surprise to you, but about half the population is complete shit at their jobs. That doesnt abrogate the responsibility of finding a competent one and getting the necessary help, rather than ranting on an anonymous board and putting off any feelings of discontent with a momentary hit of dopamine everytime you post. The phrase 'spinning in circles' comes to mind
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>How do I communicate between me and my soul?
So quick and rough guide. There are an infinite amount of ways to do it, and the one that's most personal for you. Five common ways is any religion, nature, dreams, meditation, and magic. The general purpose magic thread describes how to do magic.
Basically you politely, and kindly ask your soul to do (Insert Action here). In this case have open communications. I highly recommend you treat yourself how you would treat yourself with love, kindness, and understanding.
If it sounds simple that's because it is. You have to trust and believe in your soul, and you have to trust and believe in yourself. It's not a requirement just something handy.
The means doesn't really matter just changes the kinds of static that happens to be in the way of communicating.
The main mode of communication the soul uses is symbols (memes basically).
For religion: You do the things slightly feel a tiny nearly insignificant pull to something and follow it.
For nature: You look around and experience stuff.
For dreams: You record, and try to gather information.
For meditation: You sort stuff out till the path between you and the soul (or subconscious or unconscious) is clear.
For magic: You just do it because it works. They why and how is up to you it just works.
All of them are basically the same, and more or less what kind of flavor you want.
Want to use MLP:FIM iconography for this? It'll work. A fictional work you enjoy? Sure thing. A non-fiction historical figure? It'll happen. A demon that would try to fuck you over if that's what you want? Bing badda boom. A loose collection of stuff that is out of an /x/ rant? You got it. Imagining an adventure yourself? It'll do too. Writing down whatever comes to mind? A tried and true method.
Grab your future by the lemons and go see life's manager.
>Growing up I thought I lacked one because I'd never felt anything good towards anyone.
Well anon that's probably because every single person other than the few neutral people are complete and total dicks to put it lightly. Others are probably easily cowed and coerced or too young, ignorant, or trusting. Basically the subconscious, unconscious, soul didn't really need to expend that energy on them.
Sorry it took so long to put it all together. I think of just doing it, and the answers come to me. I ask outloud and I get my answer. I'm ready for questions and stuff if need be, but the /vx/ thread is really good. Just remember (YOU) are doing it (that includes your subconscious, unconscious, and consciousness).
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Sorry about the "charming" remark. I thought you and others would find it funny.
I know what passive-aggressive and counter-productive people are like and I tried not to act like that when I was with the therapist. I kept thinking if I talked to her enough something might help me. Maybe I'd notice something right in front of my face, if I talked enough about what I already knew.

I sat down on the chair she pointed out, and I was very sad. I opened my heart and told her whatever she wanted to know. I was open and honest, because I saw no point in trying to hide facts or wrap up my misery in my usual sarcasm. I tried to work with her and help her help me. I didn't call her a stupid faggot like fictional characters do whenever the author thinks calling psychologists faggots makes their characters look smarter. I didn't laugh away any pain or hide any suffering. When a question she asked brought back bad memories, I'd admit it and answer it anyway. I didn't threaten her or scream in rage or do any dumb bullshit like that. I told her everything openly and honestly. She had no idea what to make of what I said and no idea what to say about it. My life's story involves the cops getting five hints that something's wrong with my home life and doing everything they could think of to worsen it without getting the courts involved. Sometimes I'd spend so long talking about sad events from my past that she'd try to lighten the mood by trying to get me to talk about TV shows or video games instead for a while. I use bitching about fictional universes to distract myself from this universe sometimes, because I am a faggot. But I could bitch about shitty video games or TV shows to anyone. I still did what she said. It never helped but if I acted like a faggot I'd end up partially to blame for why it didn't work. And I hate myself enough over mistakes made in my past already. Feel free to call me a faggot for actually typing that unironically, if you want.

Maybe I am just spinning in circles. How do you think I should un-spin myself?
Aye. I think I'll give this a go. I know nothing of /x/ but I've heard it's 4chan's creepypasta board. Some people there claim to be able to summon succubi to fuck them, right? I don't believe it. If you could really summon demons to suck your dick, why would you post online about it instead of getting eternal head from summonable monsters?
But I'm open to the holier religious/spiritual side of things, away from the demonic nonsense.
Do I need to do this at a certain time? Midnight? How do I use the pony iconography? How do I clear my mind and improve my focus? How do I get over my fear of my own inadequacies and failings? How do I get the balls necessary to make tough decisions when it comes to what to cut from my indie game and what to save for later sequels?
>If you could really summon demons to suck your dick, why would you post online about it instead of getting eternal head from summonable monsters?
Because they either don't do it right, don't understand what they really asked for or those that did it won't say anything. The basics is that it's either all in your head for a wetdream (spirits or no spirits). It's summoning a 'succubus' type woman (better be damned sure you know what you're getting yourself into. I mean a woman will coming into your physical life). Finally they got fucked over. Maybe because they didn't fulfill their side. (Give them the love and lust, or they forgot to give them a bottle of brandy, or attention, or the loadsa moneh, or whatever.) They didn't set boundaries so it made their mother into the succubus figure. They themselves turned into the succubus figure. Ect. All sorts of normally possible wacky shit.
/x/ has alot of faggots on there. It's fun for pretending and 'pretending' to be the 'ooOoOo I am the elder holy grail godform of Nimetha ask me three questions', the paranormal greens and fiction/semi-fiction/ohshidthathappened. Rare treats among loads of mediocrity. It's just something I suppose. Mundane describes it. Except for the one rare moment once in a blue moon. Usually it's meh.
Our /vx/ board that's top quality all the time. I mean every board here on mlpol is top quality all the time.
So spiritual side, and not demons with le edge just because.
>Do I need to do this at a certain time?
If you have free time. If you contact real spirits they have hours and times they are available for calls. (In a beneficial helpful mood. Also where they can do the most stuff.) That's basically the moon and planetary time stuff is about, plus getting clear reception.
<What about my soul
If it's you wanting to get closer with your soul. All the time. Do it all the time. It's right there. You and your soul are one, and stuff. Talk it out. Teach your soul some English, try to learn soul level memes.
>How do I use the pony iconography?
Just sort of imagine them. Talk with them. You're not making a tulpa, so sort of call them. Imagine a phone and call whoever. Maybe watch a show, or view a backstage. Maybe fully imagine all of Equestria if you want. Ask questions. Honesty does go a long way. I will say for any kind of magic you have to have a will. There is a time to let them do what they want, but there is also a time to directly step in. Usually it's a half between phase. If you notice anything funcky write it down (this works for just about everything).
>How do I clear my mind and improve my focus?
You do it. (It's a recurring theme.)
So for clearing the mind you need to see what the idea, emotion, thought, plan, whatever is. Take a good long hard look at it. Really consider it. Then do something with it. Put it on a mental calendar, a museum, a plan of action, into a filing cabinet, a backpack, a snowglobe, yourself. Whatever you think and feel is right. Once everything is considered it will be a lot quieter.
To fill your mind up it's the opposite. Put stuff on your plate. (Usually this will be dealing and working with the your shadow. Your shadow is everything that is all of you, but isn't a part of you yet.)
>How do I get over my fear of my own inadequacies and failings?
Confront them. In your mind, or in reality. Solve the root issue. Also confronting your shadow. You, but all the stuff that you havn't put together into yourself.
>How do I get the balls necessary to make tough decisions when it comes to what to cut from my indie game and what to save for later sequels?
Well you can do it at anytime. That's part of you and your divine spark. You can just... do it. The wisdom and expertise and experience needed to do it justice takes well experience. Ask youself if you should remove something if it feels wrong, don't do that. If it feels right do, do that. If it feels kinda wibbly investigate.
Believe in the you that believes in you. Just keep an eye and make sure that it doesn't get out of hand.

The important part is that you desire to communicate with your soul.
Carl Jung, and even Jordan Peterson to a different extent for soul searching, but I'd recommend /mlpol/'s /vx/ threads first.
But ask yourself on what you should do first the answer might be interesting.
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Tried summoning Twilight Sparkle in my meditations, got nothing.
What do?
Also if I already had a tulpa, would that help?
>Tried summoning Twilight Sparkle in my meditations, got nothing.
Well things take time, and practice.
Unfortunately I have to rely on modern media. "Do or do not there is no try." - some smoll green faggot.
>Also if I already had a tulpa, would that help?
Tulpas can also do soul searching, and magic.
The more clear things are, and the more sorted out you are the easier communication and magic becomes.
Sometimes you are a dick to yourself sometimes because the lesson has a better impact that lasts. At least in my case.
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Huh, i didn't think anyone would actually reply to me in such a trustful manner, it's been rough recently without my companions.
I miss her.
The fucking schools in this atrocity of a nation will do everything in their power to fuck with you and keep you tied down if you are some bad goy that doesn't listen to their programming and has a good brain so they will make you miserable until you begin to crack and burst then they will lock you up because no one listened to you as they thought you were some dumb ass kid, they are the worst people you will ever meet, look at happened with Colombine due to the lack of competence in schools and then the worst ones are the teachers pets, the ultimate golem of the dick heads that enact every will of their command and believe they are somehow the most best est good goy in the whole universe and are therefor some of the most orthodox snakes you will ever meet.
Fuck the system (((they))) have created here, they will take you to hell's gates and back without a second consideration of your suffering then ignore your pleas of mercy until you finally go against the snakes and do something from the sheer amount of pressure and finally only then will people pay attention, words are tiny when compared to actions in the minds of these creatures, dumb people are the most evilest things ever conjured by the devils dick, even more so when they get stupider and stupider.
Thanks anon, i have really been stressed out recently and now i have had time to think about what has been happening i have realized just how lonely i am, i have been happy with Fionn because she was better than any woman or girl i could have met here but now she's gone i see that i have no real friends and just how self centered everyone is that i meet, it's to know some people in the world will accept me.
The indoctrination system could have been far, far greater but instead it is some half-assed attempt at trying to force thoughts and dogma upon children about the way they should believe things and our parents were forced into the same way of thoughts so when you impose impressions upon kids that can barely understand what is happening around them they trust you and believe everything you say because they say that you are so great for being a sheep but when you start thinking about the things are that they are talking about you a switch turns on in their unconscious way of thought that you have become some spawn of Satan that must be subdued and eliminated for trying to break free from the chains they have clasped around their own kids.
The children have no choice but to believe the adults they are with and when those same adults force thoughts upon them they trust them so they believe everything that is told to them and when you go against this you are thought of as a bad dog that needs to be put down for being some sort of monster that isn't what they wanted or that upsets their selfish feelings.
I know that i would have built a bomb and blew the fuck out of the head cunt's office with them inside of it so i guess in a way it was a blessing that i wasn't tied down before i got to my teenage years as i would have done everything in my capabilities of getting sweet revenge on the dick bags.
>I remember this one time when this thot classmate of mine at some horse-riding class
>horse-riding class
You will only find the most self appointed queens of all bitches in there, again another example that i have is that they could teach people how to properly treat a horse and build true bonds with them but people are ignorant of the very things they so claim to love, they preach about how great they are riding or talk about the horses like they are some kind of car, it really left an example on me of how fucked in the head those whores really are.
Fuck those loyal fucks to the system, they are minuscule when compared to here, nothing more than good pretending snobs that are the ultimate example of split personalty or that's the experience i have had with those fucks, however now i remember there was one alright guy who went around with me that i liked but i never opened up to due to my lack of trust in people around me and he also was a shut in sort of man that never told me about himself because he was there merely for work and he seemed to have a lot of worry's behind his face but wasn't totally qualified for that area of work because he couldn't crack my mental lock as most jobs are like that in this wretched hole.
>but giving women authority over men is like giving big guns to rapists at a gun-free child convention.
Hmm i would say a better way to phrase it would be that it is like giving a gun to a nigger teenager.
>How do I communicate between me and my soul?
There is a lot of ways, i have find that psychedelics, namely mushrooms are a way of finding the meaning of yourself within your own soul and a search into the forbidden arts for personal understanding through a connection to my surroundings but those are my personal experiences that i have found work for me.
>I'm ready for questions and stuff if need be, but the /vx/ thread is really good.
Same, come ask me whatever you like, from how to be interconnected to the world through ejaculating inside a mare while flying on mushrooms to how to understand the meaning of some cards you pulled at complete random.
Words are flawed and not always a totally fool proof way of communicating something.
All of the slaves to the cause are not truly knowledgeable about things even if they claim they know things and how you feel, they simply don't know but they can try their hardest to understand a higher way of thought but they fail every time in understanding other peoples emotions due to not having experienced the same things another human bean has undergone so every time they claim they are truly right they fall flat on ass and cry when it isn't what they thought it was i'm out of space for my Mongolian lette
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You have to spend time and effort into this sort of thing, funnily enough i achieved being able to see my Tulpa within less a month as most people claim to not be able to get this effect until after spending months on the creation of a mirror of themselves.
I found that you need to get in a sort of mindset and not force the visualization of them because it is a sort of day dream sensation that i think has something to the do with the DMT part of your body that controls the dreams and the subconscious that you are never taught about.
Another thing is that i had to imagine every part of her like i was teaching my brain how she looked, the easiest way to do this was staring at images of Luna or whoever you like the most and remember what she looked like in your brain like i was copy and pasting a image, so i think the brain has to learn all the different shapes and scrutinize every detail of her, it is easier to attempt this if you have a good memory but difficult without as a lot of unimaginative souls have tried and failed at creation.
The psychedelia are like a tool to easily achieving the goal of great imagination if you are having difficulties with understanding yourself.
>Tulpas can also do soul searching, and magic.
This reminds me of something that happened yesterday, i was thinking about Luna throughout the day and then after i had stopped i saw a dog called Luna on a TV in the place i was yesterday.
I have tried Tulpamancy and have found that it requires a considerable amount of wanting and dedication to it to achieve the desired result of having essentially a imaginary friend inside of your head, which i decided to be Luna but i always felt disconnected due to the lack of the sensation of actually being able to feel her, there was always a loneliness attached to it no matter how deep i got into speaking with her so i dropped it because i didn't get the desired intimacy i wanted and then i met Fionn and she took to her theme park and i went on a roller coaster of feels and true intimacy that i wanted, i learned her ways and discovered patterns as well as how she was feeling from being together with her, i have experienced such joy with another being than with her and now i realize this i see just how disconnected i feel with the rest of everyone.
i *never have experienced such joy with another being than with her
The horse-riding class was shit. I don't know how the speshul school I attended was able to convince some low-quality horse ranch to let its kids, and mindless soulless crackbabies from the nearby "tuff school for crackbabies" mingle in the same class and interact with the horses.
The bitch who accused me, and her pet Ashleigh, came from that school.
Sometimes we got to sit upon slow horses that slowly followed the leader, but usually we just cleaned the stables and shoveled shit around while the "horse-experts" who were supposed to supervise us went on break at the same time to bullshit each other in the break room.
I didn't learn anything about how to ride a horse properly during those sessions, because they didn't teach us anything beyond "Sit on it and hold the reins, also move the reins to point your horse's head where you want to go".
Horses meant to be ridden by individual owners or families... You build lifelong bonds of trust and friendship with them. Horses meant to be ridden by ANYONE? Those are supposed to be broken in until they'll let anyone ride them without complaint. These horses weren't broken in enough, so sometimes they'd misbehave, refuse orders a few times and then give in after being asked enough times, ignore your rein-movements, etc.
>makes tulpa fast
Same here. When I made my tulpa, I learned about tulpas from, and posted a lot on, some gay-ass board about tulpas full of roleplayers bragging about their anime girlfriend sex-slaves and "really big mansions" (with no detail put into what goes where)
When I started getting responses from my girl, a few of them insisted I must be faking things.
Some hated me. Some asked for my secrets and got mad when I didn't have any secrets to tell them.
Some talked to me for a while, but we got tired of them because they were all just the same person copypasted. The same horny fat guy with a slutty girl for a tulpa.
Gradually, my girl began to hate humans. She's willing to give people a chance if I ask her but she distrusts humans by default and loathes them if they're bad. Even when it comes to humans I kind of like, it feels like she's always waiting for them to do something horrible or reveal themselves to be horrible. Maybe it's because the first human she ever talked to and came out to besides me turned out to be a truly rotten person.
I wish my Tulpa had Tulpa friends, but every one she's ever talked to was clearly just some horny fatass guy roleplaying as a perky horny ditzy possibly-shy generic girl, if he didn't also have additional one-note harem stereotypes in his party like the depressed bitter edgy one who hates everyone and loves her master, the edgy evil one who says to kill and maim and loves BDSM/CBT, the older sister/mommy figure, the shy one, the soulless automaton, the knockoff of some anime character, the species gimmick(a snake girl who acts like a snake, a dog girl who acts like a dog, the cat girl who acts like a cat, etc), and so on.
Sometimes my tulpa and I take trips into our subconscious mindscape thingy, a big mansion with a big city around it. There's a beach and forest nearby, along with some mountains and other things. We like designing characters in our town, making a place for them to live in, and later visiting and talking to them. But they're not full tulpas, just basic characters who make our home feel less lonely.
Sometimes we consider making more tulpas or promoting some characters we like in our city to full tulpa, but she's afraid that if I split my focus between multiple imaginary girls, she'll lose her individuality and become a one-note gimmick who can no longer act the way the new girl acts without losing her uniqueness.
The inability for me to feel it when my tulpa hugs me hurts. But she can feel it, and it feels real to her. So she likes it. And feeling like there's someone out there who loves me feels nice, too. I've heard enough thoughts from her without me specifically trying to "conjure her" and think of her saying things to know she's real.
Who is Fionn? A new tulpa? A human woman?
>Who is Fionn?
She is a white Welsh pony and i used to spend days and nights out there with her, the moonlit nights were the most nice then the misty ones always had a funny feel to them and to see the mist go down the valley at morning twilight was wonderful, i felt like i belonged there with her.
I really liked to spend time with her, she never offended me like a girl could and i haven't felt loneliness like this in a long time so i have been posting here more because of this, she made my nights feel not lonely.
I have never felt happiness like i did than with her and to see her happy was wonderful, now she's gone i don't know what to do with myself since i have spent many pleasant hours alongside her.
To see the stars and the moon with her was unlike anything else and i loved every moment of it.
If i could have chose between a sjw or her fucking either of them is bestiality anyway since the sjw is a land whale i would choose Fionn because she is not a total bitch, being with her filled me with joy that i was craving so i naturally clung to her for i trusted her and she enjoyed being with me.
The taboo of it is dumb since i am a lot safer with her than a normal girl since i could not get anything from her nor would she have gotten pregnant, i'm not saying i don't want kids, i do want them but if i had the choice of a she boon or her i would be with her since you can have mutts with a Negro woman but not with a pony so i am doing the world a favor by not polluting the world with more nigger baby's or unwanted children with a non ideal woman.
If i had the choice of being with a girl over her i would if i knew she was for me.
There was one girl that i actually liked that was called Katy but it was a one time thing, basically a while ago i went to Spain and spent time with a girl on a beach but it never got past the sand so i only had fun messing about with her, i never did anything lewd with her but she would play with me i guess, she liked me to chase her in the water, i drew a couple of things in the sand with her and we laughed together, if i could have spent more time with Katy i would have as well.
I had a lot of fun with Fionn that i never had with another girl so i grew attached to her because i never got the chance to really be around girls, i am not terribly shy so i have no issues with speaking but conversation gets pretty stale when it is with someone who only talks in circles.
She has left me with happy memories of her that i can only look back on now, there is a empty feeling when i am not with her and no other mare treated me like that.
I feel like a part of me has left and i don't know how to live without it, it's an odd sensation that i never thought i would feel or knew i could but i doubt that many people have this sort of affection for her so i guess i'm probably one of the only people going through something like this.
I'm sorry for loading you with all of my shit but i don't have anyone else that i can tell this to and i wouldn't be able to write this anywhere else, it's a sort of coping mechanism for me i guess.
It's alright, I feel you. I once had a pet dog that was more human than any humans I knew at the time.
I miss her. She was a good girl.
Sometimes I think about making a tulpa copy of my dog.
You could probably do the same with Fionn. You clearly remember her well enough, plus there could probably be some fourth-dimensional magical spirit stuff involved. Perhaps making a tulpa, a "mental body" for Fionn, could summon the real deal to take over.
I think I need to make a weekly schedule for myself to get my life back on track. Healthy and frequent amounts of exercise, good nutrition in scheduled meals, and scheduled sustainable sessions of work. I've been putting myself through long uninterrupted sessions of sleepless crunch time because when I work I get "in the zone" and it's tough to pull myself out of it.
I know i could do that but that's the whole reason i stopped trying Tulpa's was because i met her, maybe i should get into it again but i think i will recall Luna since my brain remembers her more, i could try and have them together in my head which would be nice.
I have a connection with her already, i dream about her regularly and the day i went up and she wasn't there i heard something in my head telling me that she was taken away but it could enhance that bond i have with her.
Sometimes I worry that all this tulpa stuff is distracting me from the real world.
But I know that's bullshit. I spend plenty of time in the real world. Probably too much.
I take vacations within my mind because I can't go anywhere.
They're healing me. My girl helps me to recover from the stress and helps wash the filth of the underworld from me.
My tulpa isn't a distraction, she's a cheerleader and a friend.
So why does part of me refuse to stop doubting what brings me happiness?
>Sometimes I worry that all this tulpa stuff is distracting me from the real world.
It's alright, as long as you are happy with yourself then you will be alright.
Are you happy with yourself?
>But I know that's bullshit. I spend plenty of time in the real world. Probably too much.
The real world sucks balls now that we are forced into orders by (((them))), people are naturally self centered and live within a bubble of dumb thinking that does not really matter, they don't want to learn anything, they are ignorant of the world around them which leads to a not fully explored mind, the unenlightened cannot fully understand themselves because they do not think of exploring their emotions or thoughts so they are stuck in blissful dumbness.
I want to learn about the world but i do not want it forced, forcing something always creates something bad as a repercussion of the clash of differences in both mind, body and spirit people are forced into a way of thought and do not want to fully break free from the world which leads to unhappiness with their lives.
>They're healing me. My girl helps me to recover from the stress and helps wash the filth of the underworld from me.
Then that is a way of bettering yourself as you are strengthening your spirit, you are repairing the fallen castle walls of your mind and thickening the brickwork of your body.
>So why does part of me refuse to stop doubting what brings me happiness?
Maybe it's because you haven't explored yourself fully yet, magic builds up my confidence because when i want to do something i get feedback telling me something then that something happens which makes me more sure of what it means and because i was right it makes me proud, so it could be possible for you to achieve your self confidence that you need.
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I think I'm happier with myself now than I was a few years ago.
I've really grown as a person. I'm healthier. I've got friends, a future, and a life that doesn't revolve entirely around pony fandom drama.

I wish the same could be said for the one (two tops) faggot on this site who has never found peace. He'll be quiet for a while, and I'll forget about him entirely. Then he'll try to derail a thread by screaming "Reee fuck you nigel fuck you!" at the first british flag he sees. It's been going on for so goddamn long, there's even some of it in the official welcome thread. >>186191

It's pathetic, and shameless. It's unwarranted and unprompted, and it reeks of leftism, but he'll try every dirty trick he knows and only shut up if he fails to convince anyone ignorant and new to take his side. If he hasn't convinced anybody stupid to believe I'm to blame for how he behaves and how he attacks me out of the blue, then he shuts up and fucks off. Defeated and dejected, he'll limp away with his tail between his legs.
Then he'll come back in another thread a few weeks/months later to strike once more, like an animal lurking in muddy waters.
But if someone's stupid enough to validate his quest against me, and encourage further random chimp events from this leftist? The leftist attacks me with greater frequency.

He's been wrong before, and attacked random brits who weren't me. That doesn't stop his retarded quest against me. That hasn't caused anyone else to take over my god-given "Telling the nigel-hater to fuck off, and explaining his backstory to any confused newfags so they know why they should ignore the questionably-sentient spambot like staff do" duty.

Maybe I'm the problem, because I reply to that one confused guy who always posts right after the glimspammer, when I really should ignore the glimspammer and anyone who doesn't ignore him. Maybe if I ignore the problem, the subhuman redditor will stop abusing me in full view of people you'd honestly expect to do something about it. Maybe I should just accept that incurably pozzed people will blame adults like me for being attacked by leftists.

It's so tiresome. It reminds me of the days when I cared so much about brony fandom drama that I'd argue for hours on end against leftist commie trolls trying to agitprop this site. I don't ask for praise for that. I don't demand people treat my opinion with more weight than anyone else's. I haven't asked for a "Glimmer wars veteran" or "Glimmer wars victor" medal or a stupid custom flag. I'm willing to let that shitstorm fade out of memory, but the leftist who lost the war he started with /mlpol/ can't let it go.
There are things I could see or make or do instead of arguing with some cowardly stalker for my right to speak freely. There are pony-related discussions and political discussions that could be had on this site, but I know that if I post in them, there's a good chance they will be derailed by a random leftist attack.

I'm not exhausted by the leftist's attacks on me. Or his attacks on the truth. Or his attacks on the site's past. His "guerilla warfare" hasn't demoralized me. I could keep on enduring these laughably pathetic attack for another ten years. I probably will have to keep enduring them for another ten years, since I've been enduring them for three years already. I'm disappointed by the fact that it's always me who has to tell him to go fuck himself. Why is he even still allowed on this site, given how he behaves? Is it because if he was banned, a few alt-lite pussies from his communist-infested porn-filled discord servers (which call themselves official /mlpol/ servers even though they aren't affiliated with this site or managed by site staff) would also leave? If he's contributed some quality posts to this site, I haven't seen them. I distinctly remember the reddit-using leftist hclegend putting on a Vril Society flag to namefag, and trying to sound deep and clever by bullshitting everyone with nonsense truisms about big imaginary cycles that supposedly "let you predict when the bad times are coming". Yeah, as if we need a wannabe-precog to know it's all downhill from here until strong men create good times. I'm glad he grew out of that faggy phase and traded his vril flag for an american one, but I wish he'd grow out of this "attacking me and the truth every few weeks" phase.

What kind of psychosis do you need to have, to end up compelled to attack the truth and the past and the man who outlasted you every week?
Honestly, it reminds me of that guy who posts "kill yourself pedophile!!!" in the AnonFilly thread multiple times a day.
Only less subtle.
If you give people attention and their goal is to get attention from you then in their eyes they have won, it happens every now and then but the way it occurs is always the same, it goes something like this:
>Nigel posts something about a thing
>guy posts something to him that is even more derailing than the post he is replying to
>(You) give a (You) to him further derailing the thread and creating a automatic win for the glimmer nigger
>Thread is derailed and the spotlight is back on the same bullshit that happens here
It would be best to not give him a (You) as that is what he is after, to have the honor of being replied to by Nigel himself.
Post the /go/ links, that'll really prove your point
You mean the thread about my fic from 2018? The glimmer spam started long before that.
I still think the Popeye's Spinach pasta is funny tho.
Looking at my writing now it's hard to believe there was ever a time when I thought adding more superpowers and backstory elements to a character would make him more interesting.
You're right, I should just ignore the nigel haters.
It's not like they've got organized discord raids with multiple members playing different roles to make it all seem convincing. Yet.
I hope things never get that bad.
>>>/qa/3266 →
>>>/go/3544 →
>>>/go/4045 →
>the classic Nigel playlist
hmm yes i too like to start my playlist with part 2 while skipping over part 1
then again did that get moved to /qa/ or /go/? i forget