/mlpol/ - My Little Politics

>>250820
~300,000 words...
Sure why not it'll be a fun ride. Any particular plan?
Will it be short snippets, or a collaborative effort?

>>250820
>God forgives... but Sonic the Hedgehog doesn't! Aided only by his electric guitar and titanic strength, Sonic clashes head-on in a fury of blood and burning rubber in his struggle against the wicked forces of Communism. Will he be able defy the overwhelming odds and save America from destruction, or will his quest for revenge ultimately destroy him?
lmao this is next-level autism. whoever did this is brilliant.

>>250824
We should do it one post at a time, just like pic related.

>>250830
Fuck yes.
No official turn order, but also no double posting.

>>250836
I'll start it off!
>War... War never changes. Except when it does, and the Recreational McNuke™ changed it dearly for a certain yellow mare.

Zala was dead to begin with. There was no doubt whatever about that. The register of her lynching was signed by the klansmares, the princesses, and Aryanne. Leslie signed it, and Leslie's name was good upon anything she chose to put her hoof to. Zala the zebra was dead as a door-nail.

>>250838
fuck, you nigger I was writing the first line

>>250839
too late, asshole!
(this post is not meant to be part of the story, in case anyone's braindead enough to not get that)

I see we're off to a great start already. Let's de-conflict.

Leslie's name, however, would come to be somewhat tarnished when the radiation from the McNuke brought Zala back to life as a ravenous, flesh-eating zigger.

>>250842
Luckily, this too was easily solved with a healthy application of homemade napalm and some healthy doses of concentrated speciesism.

But the damage was done. Word spread that Leslie's name created zombies. The Invisible Hand of the Free Market decreed that Leslie's career of signing things should be brought to an end. And then it charged her for the service of doing so, how else is a hand supposed to be incentivized to make decrees like that?

>>250845
Specisism in the morning always seems to bring a smile. Cold winds of starvation wisped away the napalm.
Leslie has seen such a thing once before.
The communists were nearing.

>>250848
Leslie immediately percieved that, with her large arsenal of constitutionally-protected weapons, now was the time for her to seek new employment in the field of killing communists. She went off to search for ponies who would pay her to do so.

>>250820
Nice thread for a fa...

>>250849
All of a sudden a platon of changelings appeared, transformed and fused together to formed a massive, singular entity. They called it a trojanhorse. The shadow it casted cloaked Leslie in darkness.

>>250853
The Trojan horse loomed over Leslie intimidatingly until it realized that she was already behind 7 proxies and a VPN and thus couldn't touch any of her bitcoins. The trojan horse then disintegrated back into a more effective changeling patrol before combining voltron-style into the RAINBUG FAGGOTRON 9001!

>>250854
"While I don't believe the government should interfere with what consenting sapient creatures do in the bedroom with each other, or with animals, or with inanimate objects," Leslie began, as she leveled her pocket-flamethrower at the FAGGOTRON, "You AIDSmongers are treading on me and my property, and I'm gonna Stand My Ground the fuck out of you."

The Faggotron blasted a homo-ray at Leslie, but the attack was no match for Leslie's shield of low time preference. Before Leslie had time to roast the abomination like a Flanksgiving turkey, the Faggotron an heroed, and Leslie was back on her journey, looking for a pony who would be willing to pay for her property rights enforcement services, when who did she see but

>>250857
you, the reader.

>>250859
(you) decided to take the mare up on her offer and buy some home defense, but (you)r broke ass couldn't afford it if it was free.

>>250864
Fortunately, Leslie offered to protect you anyway on the condition that you carry her guns on her search for employment and call her "mistress".

The reader just couldn't pony up anykind of payment.
"(You) want to come with, and hold my extended catalog of guns in exchange for protection?"
(You) being more broke than a gambler using his aunt'a uncle's boyfriend's grandpappy's inherited debt joined the lovely mare on her quest.
"Make sure to call me mistress for the duration of the contract."
The reader signed it without reading it all... poor poor reader.

>>250868
Leslie, however, was barely stifling laughter as she looks back on the lobotomy clause she had written in on page 123 that was rendered effective the instant the reader stopped reading the book and how it combo'd directly into the "endebted family line" clause written within the fine print of addendum 42.

>>250869
Meanwhile, in the Fortress of Doom, a small, deformed, wheelchair-bound, racoon-like creature by the name of Brederick Frennan gleefully rubbed his twisted claws together.

"Soon, Veronika," he was going on to the grey, communist mare sitting across from him, "We'll de-platform that fascist Leslie Faire from this life! And her little reader too!"

"But comrade," Veronika mused, "Our plan was to sendings more FAGGOTRONs to be of kill her. Now that the reader is with her, and since the reader is a tremendous faggot already, how is that going to workings?"

Starlight Glimmer touched her nose and spoke up, "The answer is simple. We'll steal the reader's genitals and put them in our Bag of Dicks to nullify his faggotry. Then nothing will be able to protect Leslie Faire from the FAGGOTRONs!"

Nyx laughed along with her co-conspirators as the Legion of Doom approved Starlight's plan. But secretly, she was recording the whole thing...

>>250893
After the meeting was over, Nyx took her recordings and full of anticipation made her way to her room in their hideout. She couldn't wait till she could slick herself to the voices of the other memebers of the Legion of Doom. Obligatory, that's my fetish.jpeg

She jumped up in her bed and enwrapped herself into a cozy cacoon. With her front hooves sneaking down to her crotch and the camra's screen placed neatly infornt of her. She was now set for an evening that was in her mind the pinncle of debautchery but who show up to ruin her fun?

She noticed a shaddow that flew over her face. It as followed by a thud next to her. She turned her head towards it.

The second reader (him) was standing on one knee from the landing. The redbastard was the newest memeber of the legion and pain in Nyx's butt.

"Anon, what are you doing here?!" Nyx shouted as she levitated the camra behind her.

She was surprized when she found that Anon was neither responding to defend himself or shrinking back but instead seem to be counting on his fingers. Nyx's lips formed an inaudible "Wahh?" Anon then got a goofy grin on his face before he began breathing heavily and sweating bullets.

In the end he opened his mouth to speak.

"No U, nigger!" he said while his facial expression told you how proud he over his "witty" comeback.

"Wat?" Nyx said exasperated.

Anon then reach forward and booped Nyx on the nose.

"I just got trips. Check'em!!!"

And then he began to dance.

"PLEASE VISIT INFOWARS.COM," cackled a small white (supremacist) rat. But the rat saw Nyx masturbating to Anon's dancing and realized he was in the wrong thread before scampering away to warn Leslie Faire of the communist plot to steal your dick.

(You) looked at the Anarcho-Capitalist pony once more.
"Lesl-"
Leslie Faire had a certain look about her. Perhaps it was the news... or the lack of being paid for public service and a past time.
The informant scurried away before seeing if he would fund said project.
"Mistress-"
"(You)r dick is now classified as valuable goods. The commies have a high demand for (you)r member. (You)r penis is mine Anonymous this is a violation of the NAP."
Leslie always takes good care of her possessions-
Can't become even more distracted there is something important to say!
"With (you) near FAGGOTRONs well best not to speak of what depraved horrors will become of that. The price is too hig-"
"No I felt a disturbance in the GETS."
"This affects our monetary value in the present, or future how?"
Before (You), Anonymous, could speak a most terrible evil decends.
Griff kikes wielding claws, scissors, and saws.
"The Forehunters."

>>250901
>>250913
No green?

>>250966
Collaboratively written imageboard books are typically not in greentext. See the Daring Do trilogy, the Tracy Cage trilogy, and The Legacy of Totalitarianism in a Tundra. But the editors of these things tend to do so with as little effort as humanly possible so if you write a post in greentext it'll probably get thrown into the book as is.

Fuck, this post is going in the book too, isn't it?

>>250966
"But plenty of red, because let's kill Griffons!" Yelled a mysterious new arrival, a mare in a dark costume with a purple cape.

>>250969
But the newcomer quickly caught on fire and died in agony. Leslie twirled her pocket-flamethrower and grinned.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" you asked, "She was going to help us!"

Leslie shrugged, "Mysterious Mare Do Well was fucking shit."

Burning ponies... that disintegrates without a body? Seems like a shitty plot device to shoehorn in the pony again to chapter 31.
There's bigger concerns than reading ahead. It's dealing with the wheeler dealer foreskin peelers.
When in doubt use more fire.
Leslie's flamethrower sprayed the griffons. It slid off of them like water.
Bullets, and explosions! Nothing was working and (you)r wrist is starting to hurt handing Leslie her guns.
The sudden caped pony has given (you) an idea!
"You're are all dirty griffons!"
They recoiled sharp implements dropping.
"We've been found out!"
Only now as their true nature is revealed could the-
-BANG- -BANG- -BANG-
-griffons be harmed...
Heading her wisper "I love you kitchen gun."
Louder the black and yellow mare voiced.
"Time is money (you) know. Let's move onward."
"Yes, mistress."
"Make sure to reclaim the bodies the communist hunting season isn't over either."
The disturbance in the GETs! How could (you) have forgoten. Leslie needs to know about it.

>>250974
Seizing the moment of silence given by the echo of Leslie's Kitchen Gun™ finally dulling, (you) speak up.
"Leslie, this is important! Somebody just called a get, meaning their power level just went up! Depending on what get it was, it could've gone up by more than 6 million!"
The yellow pony looks back at (you) with a disdainful glare before voicing her reply
"Power levels are for those without the means to kill already in their possession. Besides, what would it all even matter? Faust may have made all ponies, but Smith and Weston made them equal and I happen to be very good friends with them."
Leslie punctuates her point by kissing the barrel of her Kitchen Gun™ before turning back to the road ahead. However, (you) still know the magnitude of what (you) felt, and (you) don't like it at all.

"Well, come on little buddy," Leslie declared, "I bet one of those aryan ponies would be happy to pay me to kill commies. There's like ten million of the fuckers pressing in on Germaneia right now."

"I'm, like, two feet taller than you," you protested, "And isn't Germaneia a long ways away?"

"Only about a day's walk by the toll roads."

"But you don't have any money."

"You got that right. Come on, the free road is this way. It's got like five billboards every foot of the way, you can't miss it."

So, you pulled Leslie's bag of guns upon your shoulders, and trudged on after the scampering, libertarian mare.

Magic mas made billboards a terrifying experience.
"Here's how you can sharpen your horn in three easy payments!"
They speak, they entertain, and they don't go away until you press that little damned X.
"Come on down to Downtown's hound pound!"
Although with enough distance they sometimes fizzle out.
"Malaria? Cambodia? Hay fever? Snake oil enthusiasts choose Slither's brand!"
"Join the royal guard today."
"Anus leakage? Pipe leakage? Call Dr Plumber, and Plumber foday!"
Nice thing is how well lit the road is.
"Kill yourself."
"No you."
"Thinking about walking? Why not try the private road for you, and your thoughts."
"Anonymous-"
"Another long day at work? Try tear pillow to catch all your missed dreams."
"Little buddy-"
"Now hiring for experienced fags at the Flipped Stool!"
The pony that you contracted with stops right in front of you. Starring with her money winning eyes.
"Don't pull any homo behavior in Germaneia understand?"
Slowly (you) stopped planing writing a new thread about one of the billboards.
"Got it."
"We're only a third of the way there. So picking up the pace is a must."
"Fifty ways to solve this puzzle. Bread experts say otherwise."
Faster? With all these-
"Not able to get it up anymore? Little Tree's patented 'Pick-Me-Up' pumps you up for the whole day!"

>>251077
(You) click off of the dick pill ad as fast as you can to see that the mare's already a few yards down the road again, so you sprint through a few different mascots of varying appearance before getting smacked in the face by a magically projected phallus and fall flat on (you)r back. Leslie calls un-enthusiastically from ahead when she turns to check on you.
"Come on, didn't I say to hurry?"
"It would be easier to do so if some of these ads weren't tangible!"
"Then you should've bought the ad-free DLC. Now get moving before I get the ice pick!"
What would she even need an ice pick for? Oh, how you wished you had read the contract before signing!

>>251095
Up ahead, you noticed out a segment of road, sitting upon a bridge, without any billboards. Leslie saw it too, and groaned.

"Oh, no. Toll bridge."

"I thought this was the free road!"

"You can't put billboards on a bridge, dumbass," she explained, "How else are they supposed to monetize it?"

"It's. The. Free. Road."

"Well," Leslie hesitated, "There's probably a way to get by without paying..."

A big, green figure with trumpet like ears emerged from the swampy depths beneath the bridge and climbed up onto the dry land. He stood in front of the bridge and called out to you.

"Mah name is Shrek, and this is mah bridge," shouted the ogre, "Ye'll have to pay the toll tae pass."

Leslie faltered and scrunched her face in thought. You weren't sure why exactly she was hesitating now of all times. The logical course of action seemed pretty obvious to you.

"Ah, Shrek, my man" you replied, "There wouldn't happen to be any way we could pass without paying, would there?"

"Oh," groaned Leslie, "Now you've done it."

"Done what?"

Shrek grinned ominously.

>>251240
Sensing imminent danger, you turn back to Leslie- only to see that she's nowhere to be found!
"Get over here an' help me out, laddeh. Ah've got a throbbin' eshrektion that needs service, an' if ya do it well, ah'll let ye pass without payin'."
Now, only too late, do you understand Leslie's disappointment.

-ONE LESS-THAN-PLEASANT OGRE-SIZED ASS RAPING LATER-

You finally wander across the bridge bow-legged and wincing with every step and collapse into a mattress ad on the other side. While you're getting your brain back from the memory-repression station, your travel companion finally shows her face again.
"And that's why I didn't do that."
Wait, how did she get here? She didn't have any money and she clearly didn't fuck Shrek, so...
"How did you get across?"
"I swam. The bridge costs money to cross, but the river doesn't; you could've avoided getting seven different STDs if you had just followed me, but no, you had to be the smart one."
Leslie then turns back to the road ahead, muttering under her breath about how you're probably going to cost her more than you're worth while you trudge on behind, doing your best to make sure your own behind doesn't suddenly collapse in the process of walking.

Meanwhile, back at the Fortress of Doom, Starlight Glimmer observes the screen of an iPone X+™ that she bought with Twilight's money as it plays back the recent events.
"So the forehunters didn't work, the FAGGOTRON didn't work, what else can we do?"
Veronika pipes up from behind her with a suggestion of her own.
"Perhaps we could be givings the reader AIDs? Seeing as he is already tremendous faggot and has been violationed by Comrade Shrek, it would not be un plausible for him to contracting it."
For the second time today, Glimmer indulges in a self-boop while she contemplates the evil scheme.
"That could work, but how would we get the AIDs into the reader?"
Luckily for Glimmer, Veronika had a plan to go with the idea.
"We are awares of Leslie not having monies, so we pose as free hospital service to treat reader for STDs. When they takings bait, we extract blood of reader with dirtied needle and infect him like that!"
The pieces were all coming together now, and with one more added detail, Glimmer sets the plan in stone.
"And since they'll have to pass through Californeigh to get to Germaneigh on the toll-free road, we could only be charged with a misdemeanor if we're caught infecting him! Veronika, you're a genius!"
"Спасибо, comrade. Now, let us mobilisings our forces!"

>>251274
Once you and your companion finally get into San Fransiscolt, you really wish you hadn't. Dead bodies, homeless people, and gays line the streets, and you frequently aren't sure which group a given street-lump belongs to. Worst of all, your encounter with Shrek has left you with severe problems keeping your bodily fluids on the inside, and now you are bleeding from multiple orifices for no discernible reason. Leslie is dutifully ignoring this, as fixing it would cost money.
When the two of you pass a health clinic, you are accosted by a lanky queer, who says, "Come on in, my good immigrants! We have free health care!"
Leslie tries to push past him, but he bodyblocks her. "We have free treatments for drug addiction, gang violence, and..." he looks at you expectantly, "STD's, among other things."
"Come on, we're leaving." Leslie says, finally maneuvering around him, but you slip and fall in the puddle of human slurry that has formed beneath you for standing still too long. When you try to stand, you find that you can't, you just slip around.
"Come on, I can't keep going like this," you squeak out.
She is forced to admit to herself that you might really need assistance. But where? All the private companies in the state were nationalized by the black Jew, Secretary General Schvartzenigger, and she couldn't afford them anyways. The state-run facilities can do nothing intentionally successful, too, being structured around minority status rather than skill, so you can't use them, either. *Except,* she thinks, *we can.*
"Hey, do you offer abortions?" She asks the thing before her. "If so, how late?"
"Why, we offer abortions up to the three-hundredth trimester as part of the her-body-her-choice initiative!"
Leslie smiles and motions to you, saying, "We're illegal immigrants, so I can't give you any documentation, but this is my son and I want him gone."
As the stick of a pony drags you by the collar into the filthy clinic, its once-white walls reduced to rusty brown by years of strikes by the janitor's union, you try to understand what is going on. Fear takes over, and you would be thrashing about if you weren't exhausted from walking while fighting Shrek's cringe compilation of viruses. You do not notice that a needle is being passed around, taking blood from every AIDS victim in the clinic (meaning every patient and most of the staff) or that that is the needle which is put into your arm. The queer unceremoniously tosses you back outside and says to Leslie, "If he starts having breathing trouble or, don't come see us, it's the stuff we gave him working."
Leslie drags you into an alley and waits. It feels like hours, but eventually, you actually begin to regain your strength.
"What happened?" You ask, still groggy from the affair.
"From the looks of it, while you were in there, you caught one of the violent AIDS derivatives, like NIGS, which killed every other disease and took over. From there, you evolved a case of AIDSDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome Deficiency Syndrome) that killed the AIDS and AIDS-related diseases. Congratulations! You're healthy again."
You sputter out, "But how did you know that would happen?"
She just smirks and says, "Simple. Firstly, AIDSDS is the scourge of the Californeighan gay community for preventing them from dying of AIDS, and it usually appears when there is too much AIDS in one body. Secondly, socialists can't do anything right. Why would killing you be an exception? Now come on, I'm not keeping you around to sleep on the job!"

"WHAT?! HOW?!" Starlight glimmer shouted into her iPone X+.
The face of that lanky pony, their field agent, responded, "It's that black filly you sent us. We thought that she was the most AIDS thing we'd ever seen, but she's so much worse. She has AIDSDS and we didn't see it because it hasn't even been able to make a dent in the concentrated AIDS that permeates her body!"
Starlight shouted angrily and threw the iPone against the wall. It shattered, as she hadn't bothered to get a case for it. Thanks to Pie iPone iHub iSync, the replacement iPone she pulled from her bag full of them had all her data on it already. "What are we going to do now? That was a perfect plan!"