You know what this is. If you wanna join, write a shortstory, any length will do and have it done before the end of sunday.
So grab a soda and start typing. Open pandora's box and unleash the autism within. God help us all...
/mlpol/ - My Little Politics
Archived thread
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>>243109
Since I posted I have already written two-hundred words of something that I had not even thought about before I posted the OP. So you can do it too Scootaloo just like you did when ponies told you that you would never learn to fly...
Since I posted I have already written two-hundred words of something that I had not even thought about before I posted the OP. So you can do it too Scootaloo just like you did when ponies told you that you would never learn to fly...
While I have some ideas I do not know if I can find the time and energy to do it this weekend.
>>243112
I guess that is okay. However, I like to do it this weekend. But we will see depending on how this goes I might do a sequel to this.
Anyway, you shouldn't feel any pressure to preform. I get that you don't got time but if you find yourself with an hour to spend just write something. Literally a bunch of text without any diretion is completely fine. Like, you don't have to do those ideas. Come up with some new ones that sounds fun.
Reegardless, what you choose to do. Thanks for stopping by. Goes for you too >>243109
I guess that is okay. However, I like to do it this weekend. But we will see depending on how this goes I might do a sequel to this.
Anyway, you shouldn't feel any pressure to preform. I get that you don't got time but if you find yourself with an hour to spend just write something. Literally a bunch of text without any diretion is completely fine. Like, you don't have to do those ideas. Come up with some new ones that sounds fun.
Reegardless, what you choose to do. Thanks for stopping by. Goes for you too >>243109
Shit, I had some ideas that would have been perfect for this thread, but this particular weekend is a no-go for writefagging for me.
>>243119
Well, this is becoming a sad trend.
Also, my own story will be done tomorrow. Damn. I really wanted to finish it today but I got distracted and now I'm falling asleep at the keyboard.
Here is what I done so far anway:
”So it is time to share poems,” Twilight said to the group. ”Anypony wanna share their's first?”
Her gaze went over the group one by one. When her gaze met Fluttershy's, she immediately took cover behind her mane. Rarity pretended to be busy with inspecting the nails on her hooves and Rainbow Dash was "very" engrossed in her book, Daring Do and The Jungle of Terror. The only pony in the group who meet her gaze wasn't a pony but a green man. His name was Anon and he gawked at the others for their weird behavior.
Twilight's gaze met his and he pointed at himself.
”Me?” he asked.
She nodded back to him.
Anon stood up from his chair. A chair that belonged to Fluttershy since they had gathered in her home.
Standing up, he brought out the piece of paper he had written his poem on. The paper was tucked up so he unfolded it and began reading aloud.
The other ponies weren't busy anymore and gave him all their attention.
”Once there was a guy named Hitler.
Now I watch movies starring that jew Ben Stiller.
This fucking hegemony, this fucking soup.
I think it is time for a coup.
Well, this is becoming a sad trend.
Also, my own story will be done tomorrow. Damn. I really wanted to finish it today but I got distracted and now I'm falling asleep at the keyboard.
Here is what I done so far anway:
”So it is time to share poems,” Twilight said to the group. ”Anypony wanna share their's first?”
Her gaze went over the group one by one. When her gaze met Fluttershy's, she immediately took cover behind her mane. Rarity pretended to be busy with inspecting the nails on her hooves and Rainbow Dash was "very" engrossed in her book, Daring Do and The Jungle of Terror. The only pony in the group who meet her gaze wasn't a pony but a green man. His name was Anon and he gawked at the others for their weird behavior.
Twilight's gaze met his and he pointed at himself.
”Me?” he asked.
She nodded back to him.
Anon stood up from his chair. A chair that belonged to Fluttershy since they had gathered in her home.
Standing up, he brought out the piece of paper he had written his poem on. The paper was tucked up so he unfolded it and began reading aloud.
The other ponies weren't busy anymore and gave him all their attention.
”Once there was a guy named Hitler.
Now I watch movies starring that jew Ben Stiller.
This fucking hegemony, this fucking soup.
I think it is time for a coup.
>>243125
It could be more of an all-purpose "writefaggotry that doesn't deserve its own thread" thread, wherein Anons show up to post stories that take a week or less to write. If you really want to keep the "write off" aspect we could have a poal at the end of each month over which story was the best of the month. The time-constraint wouldn't be so constraining that way, and it would be more likely that more of us could find a few days we could set aside for writing.
It could be more of an all-purpose "writefaggotry that doesn't deserve its own thread" thread, wherein Anons show up to post stories that take a week or less to write. If you really want to keep the "write off" aspect we could have a poal at the end of each month over which story was the best of the month. The time-constraint wouldn't be so constraining that way, and it would be more likely that more of us could find a few days we could set aside for writing.
During the Apple reunion, Applejack saw that her cousin, Silver Star Apple, was wearing a metallic silver hatWhen you have become obsessed with this meme that you bring it up at every opportunity. Nigel, what have you done to me?!;9. This hat made such a huge impression on Applejack so she thought, ” Hey, maybe I should get a new hat.” With this thought in mind, she went to Rarity and asked for help. This led us the present as Applejack is trying out hats with Rarity in her boutique.
”Rarity, darn it!” Applejack looked at the headwear she was wearing with annoyance. ”When ah said ah wanted a new hat, it didn't mean ah wanted sum frufru nonsense.”
Rarity just finished tying a red ribbon into a bowtie on sun hat Applejack was wearing. The Sun hat was pink and shaped like a heart. It also had bouquet flowers bond on it.
”Oh, but darlin! This look fits you perfectly! With a little TLC for you appearance and something to go along with this hat,-” She tapped the brim of the hat lightly with her hoof.”- you could be mistaken for a Manhattanite in no time,” Rarity practically yelled of excitement.
”Yee, but ain't no Manhattanite. Am I?” Applejack raised one of her eyebrows at her.
Rarity's cheek flushed pink as she looked away.
”Well, maybe. But you implore me to find you a new hat and so I thought that you would... Perhaps be ecstatic to try out something more out there.” Rarity pointed away with her hoof as she said the last word.
Applejack just continued to stare at her without changing her skeptical expression.
”Mmm... Alright, I catch what you are putting down.”
Rarity levitated the hat off Applejack and back on its shelf.
”But, you know, Applejack, this-” Rarity pointed at the sun hat now on the shelf.”-wouldn't happen if you gave me something to go on. As it is, I am fumbling in the dark here,” Rarity said.
”Yeah, you are right. But ah don't know as much about hats as you do. Ah know ah want something new but ah don't know what that is,” Applejack said.
Rarity was listening to applejack while she scanned the hat shelves for a new try.
”If you have no preference, darlin, I'm afraid we have to do try on new hats until we find a hidden gem.” Rarity's horn began to glow and she began to grab something on the shelf.
Applejack waved dismissively with her hoof.
”No, we don't need to do that. You know me, Rarity. Ah don't like to fancy up stuff that just needs to be practical and ah'm not one of those city ponies.”
Rarity had brought down a big white wig with rows of curls from the shelf with her magic during the time Applejack had spoken.
”Ah, so none of that dreaded frufru. Am I getting it so far?” She asked with a hint of playfulness in her voice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
”Rarity.”
”Arggh, cap'n. Hoist the colors!” Rarity held a hoof over her mouth as she tried to contain her giggles.
”Haw haw, very funny. Rarity, stop messin around. I can't be here all day,” Applejack said bit frustrated over her friend's antics.
Rarity still had a grin on her lips but stopped her giggling and straighten up.
”Aye aye,” she said as she levitated the black tricorn hat with a symbol on its brim representing a white pony skull and pair of crossing bones forming an `X´.
Rarity moved the hat back to its place on the shelf while Applejack watched her. Applejack was a bit disgruntled. They had not found any hat yet that Applejack had liked and several hours had passed.
Rarity put a new hat on Applejack's head. It was a neighponise rice hat.
”Here, Applejack this is eastern farmer's hat that the neighponies rice farmer wear. It is a practical hat that one can fancy up without losing it losing its original purpose,” Rarity said.
Applejack checked herself out in the mirror.
The hat was practical, she realized, as it gave one shade on a sunny day with its long and wide brim. It was like her stetson in that regard. However, there was one problem.
”Ah like it,” Applejack said. ”But ah dunno bout this here neighponise thing. I don't wanna have other Apples to think ah have plans to move an become a rice farmer instead for apples.”
Rarity pouted as she scratched her chin.
”That's fine, darlin. What in particular did you like about it? If you can point at something, then maybe I can find something else that tickles your fancy. Mmm?”
Applejack's eyes went up as she inspected the hat she was wearing.
”Ah suppose it is the same as with them other clothes but this time it is what I like about it. It ain't fancy just practical.”
”Mmm, yes it is very plain.” Applejack gave her a look. ”But then I understand, darlin. Something practical but not neighponise.”
Applejack nodded at the last part.
”Yes, something more western.”
Rarity nodded as well before she turned around and went to her hat shelf again.
She came back a bit later with a brown leather fedora hat with a gold star fasten in the front of it. The fedora also had a short brim.
Applejack put it on and look at herself in the mirror.
Applejack had a smirk on her lips as she changed her position from time to time to see herself in the mirror in different angles,
”Ah, like it, Rares.”
”Really?” Rarity sounded happy.
”Mmm... The best would be to get one just like this one but with a larger brim.”
Rarity nodded and walked to her hat shelf.
There she looked for one that fit Applejack's description and conditions but to no avail. Such hats were not on the shelf it seemed.
”Rarity, darn it!” Applejack looked at the headwear she was wearing with annoyance. ”When ah said ah wanted a new hat, it didn't mean ah wanted sum frufru nonsense.”
Rarity just finished tying a red ribbon into a bowtie on sun hat Applejack was wearing. The Sun hat was pink and shaped like a heart. It also had bouquet flowers bond on it.
”Oh, but darlin! This look fits you perfectly! With a little TLC for you appearance and something to go along with this hat,-” She tapped the brim of the hat lightly with her hoof.”- you could be mistaken for a Manhattanite in no time,” Rarity practically yelled of excitement.
”Yee, but ain't no Manhattanite. Am I?” Applejack raised one of her eyebrows at her.
Rarity's cheek flushed pink as she looked away.
”Well, maybe. But you implore me to find you a new hat and so I thought that you would... Perhaps be ecstatic to try out something more out there.” Rarity pointed away with her hoof as she said the last word.
Applejack just continued to stare at her without changing her skeptical expression.
”Mmm... Alright, I catch what you are putting down.”
Rarity levitated the hat off Applejack and back on its shelf.
”But, you know, Applejack, this-” Rarity pointed at the sun hat now on the shelf.”-wouldn't happen if you gave me something to go on. As it is, I am fumbling in the dark here,” Rarity said.
”Yeah, you are right. But ah don't know as much about hats as you do. Ah know ah want something new but ah don't know what that is,” Applejack said.
Rarity was listening to applejack while she scanned the hat shelves for a new try.
”If you have no preference, darlin, I'm afraid we have to do try on new hats until we find a hidden gem.” Rarity's horn began to glow and she began to grab something on the shelf.
Applejack waved dismissively with her hoof.
”No, we don't need to do that. You know me, Rarity. Ah don't like to fancy up stuff that just needs to be practical and ah'm not one of those city ponies.”
Rarity had brought down a big white wig with rows of curls from the shelf with her magic during the time Applejack had spoken.
”Ah, so none of that dreaded frufru. Am I getting it so far?” She asked with a hint of playfulness in her voice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
”Rarity.”
”Arggh, cap'n. Hoist the colors!” Rarity held a hoof over her mouth as she tried to contain her giggles.
”Haw haw, very funny. Rarity, stop messin around. I can't be here all day,” Applejack said bit frustrated over her friend's antics.
Rarity still had a grin on her lips but stopped her giggling and straighten up.
”Aye aye,” she said as she levitated the black tricorn hat with a symbol on its brim representing a white pony skull and pair of crossing bones forming an `X´.
Rarity moved the hat back to its place on the shelf while Applejack watched her. Applejack was a bit disgruntled. They had not found any hat yet that Applejack had liked and several hours had passed.
Rarity put a new hat on Applejack's head. It was a neighponise rice hat.
”Here, Applejack this is eastern farmer's hat that the neighponies rice farmer wear. It is a practical hat that one can fancy up without losing it losing its original purpose,” Rarity said.
Applejack checked herself out in the mirror.
The hat was practical, she realized, as it gave one shade on a sunny day with its long and wide brim. It was like her stetson in that regard. However, there was one problem.
”Ah like it,” Applejack said. ”But ah dunno bout this here neighponise thing. I don't wanna have other Apples to think ah have plans to move an become a rice farmer instead for apples.”
Rarity pouted as she scratched her chin.
”That's fine, darlin. What in particular did you like about it? If you can point at something, then maybe I can find something else that tickles your fancy. Mmm?”
Applejack's eyes went up as she inspected the hat she was wearing.
”Ah suppose it is the same as with them other clothes but this time it is what I like about it. It ain't fancy just practical.”
”Mmm, yes it is very plain.” Applejack gave her a look. ”But then I understand, darlin. Something practical but not neighponise.”
Applejack nodded at the last part.
”Yes, something more western.”
Rarity nodded as well before she turned around and went to her hat shelf again.
She came back a bit later with a brown leather fedora hat with a gold star fasten in the front of it. The fedora also had a short brim.
Applejack put it on and look at herself in the mirror.
Applejack had a smirk on her lips as she changed her position from time to time to see herself in the mirror in different angles,
”Ah, like it, Rares.”
”Really?” Rarity sounded happy.
”Mmm... The best would be to get one just like this one but with a larger brim.”
Rarity nodded and walked to her hat shelf.
There she looked for one that fit Applejack's description and conditions but to no avail. Such hats were not on the shelf it seemed.
>>243225
She glanced back at Applejack to see if she was bored on waiting for her. Applejacks were found by her still inspecting herself in the mirror.
Rarity's eyes caught something behind Applejack, which when she saw it and realize that it was the hat she was looking for, she began to laugh out loud.
Applejack look at her like she had gone nuts. Since she didn't wanna appear nuts in front oof her friend, she calmed down and walked over to her.
”What's gotten into you all of a sudden?” Applejack asked.
”I realized which hat is perfect for you.”
Happy to hear it but still not convinced that the painful hat testing was over, Applejack asked, ”Really?”
”Yes,” Rarity answered. ”You wanted a practical hat just like this one-” Rarity pointed to the fedora Applejack was wearing. ”-but with a larger brim. Then look no further. Here is your ideal hat.” Rarity gestured towards a hat that had been laying on her couch for a couple of hours now. It was Applejack's old Stetson hat.
Applejack look at it for a long period of time, then she took off her current hat and bite onto her stetson. She then yanked it up and threw it into the air, where it twirled, before landing perfectly on her head.
”YEE-HAW!”
She glanced back at Applejack to see if she was bored on waiting for her. Applejacks were found by her still inspecting herself in the mirror.
Rarity's eyes caught something behind Applejack, which when she saw it and realize that it was the hat she was looking for, she began to laugh out loud.
Applejack look at her like she had gone nuts. Since she didn't wanna appear nuts in front oof her friend, she calmed down and walked over to her.
”What's gotten into you all of a sudden?” Applejack asked.
”I realized which hat is perfect for you.”
Happy to hear it but still not convinced that the painful hat testing was over, Applejack asked, ”Really?”
”Yes,” Rarity answered. ”You wanted a practical hat just like this one-” Rarity pointed to the fedora Applejack was wearing. ”-but with a larger brim. Then look no further. Here is your ideal hat.” Rarity gestured towards a hat that had been laying on her couch for a couple of hours now. It was Applejack's old Stetson hat.
Applejack look at it for a long period of time, then she took off her current hat and bite onto her stetson. She then yanked it up and threw it into the air, where it twirled, before landing perfectly on her head.
”YEE-HAW!”
>>243139
I suppose but I fear that it will result in that either this thread dies or it becomes like the drawthread where it sporadically twitches. While that thread has been more active lately it is still true. But I suppose this thread is already dying as it is.
>we could have a poal at the end of each month over which story was the best of the month
I think this is a nice idea but instead of for the month it could for the entire thread like a toplist. So there was always one story on top and new stories or old could challenge it for it at the next poll.
However, for me I think I am done with this for a while. >>243109 >>243112 >>243119 >>243139
While I appriciate that a few anons showed up and so on, I do think it is clear that this type of thread isn't working. Well, at least not right now.
The simple fact of this thread is that this board, as the world outside, run on supply and demand and there is no demand for this thread. Our currency is (you)s and is only given to wanted things so once we know this it is easier to come up with a solution to this problem.
The solution is quality. So that's what I will be doing. If you anons want to have another one of these threads or so on, then tell me alright? I'll be easy enough to find since I am always lurking in threads about writting or make one yourself.
Glimglam, if you see this post, I would want you to review my next story. I love your reviews and I would like to have my next story reviewed by you. I have about six thousend words planned out, which will be part in a longer series.
Within the comming week I will have out the first part of it. You don't have to promise to review or read it or anything, just check it out will you. See for yourself if you wanna do it.
The thread for it will be called, "Black Fluff" and the pic I'll use will be pirate related.
I'll top myself on this one.
I suppose but I fear that it will result in that either this thread dies or it becomes like the drawthread where it sporadically twitches. While that thread has been more active lately it is still true. But I suppose this thread is already dying as it is.
>we could have a poal at the end of each month over which story was the best of the month
I think this is a nice idea but instead of for the month it could for the entire thread like a toplist. So there was always one story on top and new stories or old could challenge it for it at the next poll.
However, for me I think I am done with this for a while. >>243109 >>243112 >>243119 >>243139
While I appriciate that a few anons showed up and so on, I do think it is clear that this type of thread isn't working. Well, at least not right now.
The simple fact of this thread is that this board, as the world outside, run on supply and demand and there is no demand for this thread. Our currency is (you)s and is only given to wanted things so once we know this it is easier to come up with a solution to this problem.
The solution is quality. So that's what I will be doing. If you anons want to have another one of these threads or so on, then tell me alright? I'll be easy enough to find since I am always lurking in threads about writting or make one yourself.
Glimglam, if you see this post, I would want you to review my next story. I love your reviews and I would like to have my next story reviewed by you. I have about six thousend words planned out, which will be part in a longer series.
Within the comming week I will have out the first part of it. You don't have to promise to review or read it or anything, just check it out will you. See for yourself if you wanna do it.
The thread for it will be called, "Black Fluff" and the pic I'll use will be pirate related.
I'll top myself on this one.
>>243300
>I do think it is clear that this type of thread isn't working.
Finally you get it.
You define the framework, the load work, and the schedule. What kind of fun is that?
It is like everyponer has to spin around you while you call the shots. No sane equine will agree to that.
>I do think it is clear that this type of thread isn't working.
Finally you get it.
You define the framework, the load work, and the schedule. What kind of fun is that?
It is like everyponer has to spin around you while you call the shots. No sane equine will agree to that.
>>243300
I have a story in the works fren. It just takes some time.
The (You)s flow in not only predetermined by subjective quality, but by happenstance, and luck.
Lurkers lurk reading, watching, and waiting for the next creative work. That's not always a bad thing.
>>243301
It's a nice challenge sometimes. Life just tends to butt in altering the possible times available. The amount of work that can be done within the timeframe. The creative loops, and backflips of being confined with a topic.
I will say that not everyone has the time.
See >>243119 >>243112
And for every poster there tends to be thrice the lurker. Source: my ass, I don't actually know how many lurkers there are.
>>243108
This weekend just happened to be inconvenient for a couple of writefags. The amount of lurkers that might post is also a possibility.
Ongoing works have a higher chance of continuing.
Most don't post for every story, every artwork, or every contributing idea, but many many anons do appreciate it.
Unless something is truly outstanding, or strange, or resonant with others, or lucky there might be a few (You)s. Many more just enjoy it as it is.
Some don't have much to say alot of the time it boils down to "just keep doing it I really like it".
>>243225
Nice story, a good dynamic with Rarity, and Applejack.
>>243124
Very nice. I would like to see the finished story.
I have a story in the works fren. It just takes some time.
The (You)s flow in not only predetermined by subjective quality, but by happenstance, and luck.
Lurkers lurk reading, watching, and waiting for the next creative work. That's not always a bad thing.
>>243301
It's a nice challenge sometimes. Life just tends to butt in altering the possible times available. The amount of work that can be done within the timeframe. The creative loops, and backflips of being confined with a topic.
I will say that not everyone has the time.
See >>243119 >>243112
And for every poster there tends to be thrice the lurker. Source: my ass, I don't actually know how many lurkers there are.
>>243108
This weekend just happened to be inconvenient for a couple of writefags. The amount of lurkers that might post is also a possibility.
Ongoing works have a higher chance of continuing.
Most don't post for every story, every artwork, or every contributing idea, but many many anons do appreciate it.
Unless something is truly outstanding, or strange, or resonant with others, or lucky there might be a few (You)s. Many more just enjoy it as it is.
Some don't have much to say alot of the time it boils down to "just keep doing it I really like it".
>>243225
Nice story, a good dynamic with Rarity, and Applejack.
>>243124
Very nice. I would like to see the finished story.
>>243305
>I have a story in the works fren. It just takes some time
Okay, I look forward to it.
>The amount of work that can be done within the timeframe. The creative loops, and backflips of being confined with a topic.
That's what I have been thinking. But I do agree that I have push this too far sometimes. Especially in the second competition. I totally went to far there but I think that I handle it well because when someone actually pointed out how unnecessary all the restrictions were I took it to heart and actually removed them.
Yeah, yeah. I know I'm not a wictim or anything. I just want to tell you my perspective.
So anyway, that's the reason why I had my last attempt at this, this thread >>241972 → , have the Canterlot theme. Not so much because I wanted to restrict the writting but to because and empty canvas can be just as restricting, at least to me. So I wanted to give some inspiration by doing so. However, this thread is the one I'm most proud of since I feel like I got back to the root of what made the first one so good.
>Some don't have much to say alot of the time it boils down to "just keep doing it I really like it".
That is something that is easy to not get. I mean, I don't know how many people have read some of my storiesattempts. Most of the time I kinda assume that perhaps one of the mods has basically seen it and thought to himself, "Sigh, here he goes again." I think it is very easy as a content creator to assume no none cares if it doesn't get recongnition.
But it is the truth afterall because I have done the same many times myself.
>Nice story, a good dynamic with Rarity, and Applejack.
Thanks.
> I would like to see the finished story.
Then I'll finish it tonight.
>I have a story in the works fren. It just takes some time
Okay, I look forward to it.
>The amount of work that can be done within the timeframe. The creative loops, and backflips of being confined with a topic.
That's what I have been thinking. But I do agree that I have push this too far sometimes. Especially in the second competition. I totally went to far there but I think that I handle it well because when someone actually pointed out how unnecessary all the restrictions were I took it to heart and actually removed them.
Yeah, yeah. I know I'm not a wictim or anything. I just want to tell you my perspective.
So anyway, that's the reason why I had my last attempt at this, this thread >>241972 → , have the Canterlot theme. Not so much because I wanted to restrict the writting but to because and empty canvas can be just as restricting, at least to me. So I wanted to give some inspiration by doing so. However, this thread is the one I'm most proud of since I feel like I got back to the root of what made the first one so good.
>Some don't have much to say alot of the time it boils down to "just keep doing it I really like it".
That is something that is easy to not get. I mean, I don't know how many people have read some of my storiesattempts. Most of the time I kinda assume that perhaps one of the mods has basically seen it and thought to himself, "Sigh, here he goes again." I think it is very easy as a content creator to assume no none cares if it doesn't get recongnition.
But it is the truth afterall because I have done the same many times myself.
>Nice story, a good dynamic with Rarity, and Applejack.
Thanks.
> I would like to see the finished story.
Then I'll finish it tonight.
>Be Anonymous
>I'm on the prowl. A very important aspect of how this hunt goes. Prowling.
>Elbows digging deep into the mud with (eurgh) bugs, weeds, and creey crawlies. Crawling through the tall enough grass.
>Have to soldier on through.
>Fingers clawing earth; anchoring myself to the ground.
>A cool autumn's day. A Whispering breeze flashes through the trees, and grass.
>I'm ready.
>Palms sweaty.
>Psalms of spaghetti leaking out.
>I can't stop it now.
>Mulberry bush never suspected a thing as I impaled myself on it's fragile technicolor form.
>Raviolis squirting out to the tune of a sloppy victory audio rip.
>"Bravo. Well played."
>A musical record disc now in my hands! MwahahHAHA!
>"I know you all are desperate for Earth paraphernalia, but what really made you do this in the first place?"
>Was it the crippling desire to make a new home in the alien land?
>A compulsion to accept any quest?
>An unearthed fetish?
>Boredom?
>Ah!
"Being an agent of Chaos has good dental."
>It might be the quippy one liners, or the social stigma of being essentially superman...
>The griffs weren't even being like the soap and lampshade kin... some were, but not enough to warrant another holololol.
>Magical beasts just didn't rampage around anymore...
>The last villain was swarmed with shitposters. I never even got near 'em that time.
>This is a time of great peace, and it's driving me insane.
>Sure I could have just stayed inside, and do a hobby. Magic through awakened an itch inside me.
>Inside us all.
>And the dental plan really was killer.
>A horror slasher kind of killer, but it really is great.
>I may be covered in mud, mystery sauce, and a little bit of shame. But! This will be great for the reunion.
"See yo-"
>Hunh he already left at some point. Internal monologues aside getting clean.
>"What music did you bring writefag?"
"A high quality Discord reproduction from Earth."
>"Let's hear it then. Hopefully you didn't pick trash."
https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
"And that is how I lost my medical license."
>The tangerine pony therapist stops for a moment. Shock easily read on her face.
>"You're a doctor?!"
"Well no, but it does make getting alcohol, meat, and salt much easier."
>Her pen seemed to have snapped.
"Discord? You have another quest ready? I need another medical license."
>I'm on the prowl. A very important aspect of how this hunt goes. Prowling.
>Elbows digging deep into the mud with (eurgh) bugs, weeds, and creey crawlies. Crawling through the tall enough grass.
>Have to soldier on through.
>Fingers clawing earth; anchoring myself to the ground.
>A cool autumn's day. A Whispering breeze flashes through the trees, and grass.
>I'm ready.
>Palms sweaty.
>Psalms of spaghetti leaking out.
>I can't stop it now.
>Mulberry bush never suspected a thing as I impaled myself on it's fragile technicolor form.
>Raviolis squirting out to the tune of a sloppy victory audio rip.
>"Bravo. Well played."
>A musical record disc now in my hands! MwahahHAHA!
>"I know you all are desperate for Earth paraphernalia, but what really made you do this in the first place?"
>Was it the crippling desire to make a new home in the alien land?
>A compulsion to accept any quest?
>An unearthed fetish?
>Boredom?
>Ah!
"Being an agent of Chaos has good dental."
>It might be the quippy one liners, or the social stigma of being essentially superman...
>The griffs weren't even being like the soap and lampshade kin... some were, but not enough to warrant another holololol.
>Magical beasts just didn't rampage around anymore...
>The last villain was swarmed with shitposters. I never even got near 'em that time.
>This is a time of great peace, and it's driving me insane.
>Sure I could have just stayed inside, and do a hobby. Magic through awakened an itch inside me.
>Inside us all.
>And the dental plan really was killer.
>A horror slasher kind of killer, but it really is great.
>I may be covered in mud, mystery sauce, and a little bit of shame. But! This will be great for the reunion.
"See yo-"
>Hunh he already left at some point. Internal monologues aside getting clean.
>"What music did you bring writefag?"
"A high quality Discord reproduction from Earth."
>"Let's hear it then. Hopefully you didn't pick trash."
https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
"And that is how I lost my medical license."
>The tangerine pony therapist stops for a moment. Shock easily read on her face.
>"You're a doctor?!"
"Well no, but it does make getting alcohol, meat, and salt much easier."
>Her pen seemed to have snapped.
"Discord? You have another quest ready? I need another medical license."
>>243307
I have read it once but I'll have to read later because I don't konw what fuck just read.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZYgIrqELFw
I have read it once but I'll have to read later because I don't konw what fuck just read.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZYgIrqELFw
>write someting
>notice it's extremely boring
>cut out the worst parts
>it's completely nonsensical and anticlimactic
For the most enjoyable reading experience, I suggest averting your eyes.
>It was a beautiful day in Equestria
>of which there are far too many
>it's the kind of climate that turns respectable men into philosophers
>indeed, it was so bad that it was even turning yourself into a philosopher
>Humans truely were not made for this world
Hey, Twi?
>"Hmm?"
>(I'd tell you what she was doing, but it's Twi, so have a guess.)
>Even though you already asked, you need a minute to rearrange your thoughts
>it takes all of your mental prowess to condense the massive conundrum into a single question:
What is a tree?
>Having known twilight for a while, you know she's no slowpoke
>But even she's looking at you puzzled
>The silence between you stretches so wide that you can hear a pony gallopping on the other side of ponyville
>"Are you ok, Anon?"
...
Yes.
But what is a tree?
>"Well, that right there is a tree, and the library is a tree in fact; We're in one."
>Twilight's giving you the same look as that time you had to explain what a tulpa was
>This answers nothi-
>*BANG*,
DID SOMEPONY -
>, the door goes
- *pant* -
>you and Twilight reel back
- SAY "TREE"?
>suddenly: Applejack.
>After having calmed Twi of her 'Nam flashbacks (something about a burning library?), you are delighted to find AJ bring up the subject again:
>"So what were yall talking about?"
>"Anon was asking what a tree is."
>Applejack looks thoughtfully for a second, and then posits: "A tree is a big plant with a stick up the middle.".
>notice it's extremely boring
>cut out the worst parts
>it's completely nonsensical and anticlimactic
For the most enjoyable reading experience, I suggest averting your eyes.
>It was a beautiful day in Equestria
>of which there are far too many
>it's the kind of climate that turns respectable men into philosophers
>indeed, it was so bad that it was even turning yourself into a philosopher
>Humans truely were not made for this world
Hey, Twi?
>"Hmm?"
>(I'd tell you what she was doing, but it's Twi, so have a guess.)
>Even though you already asked, you need a minute to rearrange your thoughts
>it takes all of your mental prowess to condense the massive conundrum into a single question:
What is a tree?
>Having known twilight for a while, you know she's no slowpoke
>But even she's looking at you puzzled
>The silence between you stretches so wide that you can hear a pony gallopping on the other side of ponyville
>"Are you ok, Anon?"
...
Yes.
But what is a tree?
>"Well, that right there is a tree, and the library is a tree in fact; We're in one."
>Twilight's giving you the same look as that time you had to explain what a tulpa was
>This answers nothi-
>*BANG*,
DID SOMEPONY -
>, the door goes
- *pant* -
>you and Twilight reel back
- SAY "TREE"?
>suddenly: Applejack.
>After having calmed Twi of her 'Nam flashbacks (something about a burning library?), you are delighted to find AJ bring up the subject again:
>"So what were yall talking about?"
>"Anon was asking what a tree is."
>Applejack looks thoughtfully for a second, and then posits: "A tree is a big plant with a stick up the middle.".
>>243307
I suppose I should comment on the fact that you break convention. The first thing you say is >be anonymous and then the rest of the of story is in second person perspective. But then again it ends with Anon talking to a therapist so maybe that's us talking about the past. I am willing to believe that due to it being sucha complicated tale. >I'm still not sure what is going on.
Okay, this is challenge but I'll do it. I think this story is actually about something and I will figure out what it is. I think am starting to decipher it but I'm not sure yet. Let's not move any piece before we know its mate.
>>243338
>write someting
>notice it's extremely boring
The story of my life.
>of which there are far too many
>it's the kind of climate that turns respectable men into philosophers
>indeed, it was so bad that it was even turning yourself into a philosopher
The horror! But at least there is no twitter so the desease is somewhat contained.
>"Are you ok, Anon?"
kek
>Twilight's giving you the same look as that time you had to explain what a tulpa was
Almost deserves its own story.
>calmed Twi of her 'Nam flashbacks (something about a burning library?)
kek
>>This answers nothi-
So hehe, I'm honestly curious to what Anon is after. If there is an answer or a deeper meaning to it please share.
So I guess AJ describes what three is in her simple manner and Twilight just points to things that has tree shapes and say, those are" but Anon is looking for answers to something else or is the question rhetorical?
I suppose I should comment on the fact that you break convention. The first thing you say is >be anonymous and then the rest of the of story is in second person perspective. But then again it ends with Anon talking to a therapist so maybe that's us talking about the past. I am willing to believe that due to it being sucha complicated tale. >I'm still not sure what is going on.
Okay, this is challenge but I'll do it. I think this story is actually about something and I will figure out what it is. I think am starting to decipher it but I'm not sure yet. Let's not move any piece before we know its mate.
>>243338
>write someting
>notice it's extremely boring
The story of my life.
>of which there are far too many
>it's the kind of climate that turns respectable men into philosophers
>indeed, it was so bad that it was even turning yourself into a philosopher
The horror! But at least there is no twitter so the desease is somewhat contained.
>"Are you ok, Anon?"
kek
>Twilight's giving you the same look as that time you had to explain what a tulpa was
Almost deserves its own story.
>calmed Twi of her 'Nam flashbacks (something about a burning library?)
kek
>>This answers nothi-
So hehe, I'm honestly curious to what Anon is after. If there is an answer or a deeper meaning to it please share.
So I guess AJ describes what three is in her simple manner and Twilight just points to things that has tree shapes and say, those are" but Anon is looking for answers to something else or is the question rhetorical?
>>243338
Applejack a great philosopher of the ages.
>>243439
So the basic premis is that anons get to Equestria. The magic changes them the important part is that it makes them desire to do heroic deeds. (Partial mind altering substance that magic does.)
Discord beinging an upstanding fellow, and wanting chaos done allows anyone to go on these 'quests'. The magic is already compelling Anons to do so, but he sweetens the deal by offering the one thing only he can do. Get stuff from Earth.
Anon get's lost in his mind doing such a quest that has certain requirements; prowling on that mulberry bush, then leaping on it. Since it's Discord's Quest anon leaks out spaghetti (in the shape of words).
Discord probes Anon on why he is actually doing any of this. (Later this prompts Anon to vist a therapist.) Anon spouts something. Then stands in place unmoving for an unknown amount of time lost in thought.
The reunion is why anon got the Rick Roll disc. (All for the sake of Rick Rolling in this thing.)
Something happens.
(For the sake of having a meet the medic line) Anon finishes his tale to the therapist the last straw to break the camel's back. (Inserted a reasoning for why anon has one in the first place. To fulfill how he lost it.)
He now wants another one due to those reasons
Applejack a great philosopher of the ages.
>>243439
So the basic premis is that anons get to Equestria. The magic changes them the important part is that it makes them desire to do heroic deeds. (Partial mind altering substance that magic does.)
Discord beinging an upstanding fellow, and wanting chaos done allows anyone to go on these 'quests'. The magic is already compelling Anons to do so, but he sweetens the deal by offering the one thing only he can do. Get stuff from Earth.
Anon get's lost in his mind doing such a quest that has certain requirements; prowling on that mulberry bush, then leaping on it. Since it's Discord's Quest anon leaks out spaghetti (in the shape of words).
Discord probes Anon on why he is actually doing any of this. (Later this prompts Anon to vist a therapist.) Anon spouts something. Then stands in place unmoving for an unknown amount of time lost in thought.
The reunion is why anon got the Rick Roll disc. (All for the sake of Rick Rolling in this thing.)
Something happens.
(For the sake of having a meet the medic line) Anon finishes his tale to the therapist the last straw to break the camel's back. (Inserted a reasoning for why anon has one in the first place. To fulfill how he lost it.)
He now wants another one due to those reasons
>>243452
Misclicked the new reply button. The spoilered part details the story structure, and why somethings are there.
The cycle continues.
Misclicked the new reply button. The spoilered part details the story structure, and why somethings are there.
The cycle continues.
>>243452
Well, even if I can't prove that I figured it out alone anymore due to that spoiler I will try to anyway. I think I got some idea.
Well, even if I can't prove that I figured it out alone anymore due to that spoiler I will try to anyway. I think I got some idea.
File (): 540B6488FB87495949774A052306C892-47111.jpg (46.0 KB, 640x1136, Pinkie pie eating bubbles.jpg)
File (): 1CAAC011B0F3FAED1B9FC9B6CD6661E2-1119320.jpg (1.1 MB, 1280x800, 1557366651422.jpeg)
Reviews and general criticism of whatever people wrote in this thread, because why not.
>>243124
There's not a ton to review here, obviously, but I do have a few things to say:
>Anypony wanna share their's first?
You don't need the apostrophe here, "theirs" is the correct way to write it. I know, English is a self-contradictory and stupid language sometimes, but there you have it.
>Rarity pretended to be busy with inspecting the nails on her hooves
I think I understand what you mean, but you may want to find a less awkward way to phrase it. Horse hooves don't have nails, unless you count the physical nails that are used to attach horseshoes, and I've never been entirely sure how that works in Equestria. I'd personally just leave "nails" out of it and say that Rarity was inspecting her hooves.
>Daring Do and The Jungle of Terror
Nice reference. Also, titles of books should be in italics.
>poem
Generally, poetry is either freeform (modern hipster poetry that doesn't rhyme or follow a meter) or traditional metered verse (set number of syllables per line, poem reads rhythmically, rhyming is optional). You seem to be attempting metered and rhyming verse here, but it's very, very awkward.
First, Stiller and Hitler don't rhyme, but it's clear you're attempting to rhyme them. You can sometimes get away with this when writing song lyrics, but with printed verse it's much harder to pull off. Unfortunately there aren't that many words that rhyme with Hitler, but Stiller is a long shot by any metric.
Second, "metered" means that the poem can be read according to some type of rhythmic meter similar to how music is counted. This generally limits the number of syllables that each line can contain, and usually there should be some degree of symmetry between lines. It's simpler to demonstrate this by example, so here is a quick limerick I wrote:
There once was a man with a boner
Who stuck it right into a poner
The pony protested
At being molested
And henceforth Anon was a loner.
You'll note that the number of syllables in each line follow a pattern, and the whole verse can be read to the familiar "man from Nantucket" rhythm (they may not have this in Sweden but you can google examples). It can be broken down as follows:
Line 1: 9 syllables
Line 2: 9 syllables
Line 3: 6 syllables
Line 4: 6 syllables
Line 5: 9 syllables
You'll notice that lines 1, 2 and 5 have the same number of syllables and they all rhyme. Lines 3 and 4 both have six syllables and rhyme with each other but not with the other lines. You'll also notice that all the syllable groupings are all divisible by 3 which gives you a hint that this poem is meant to be read in a triple meter (3/4 or 6/8 in musical notation). Now, let's break down what you wrote in a similar way:
Line 1: 8 syllables
Line 2: 12 syllables
Line 3: 11 syllables
Line 4: 8 syllables
Rhythmically this verse is all over the place, I've read it multiple times and can't come up with a way to count it. Rhymes can sometimes give the reader a clue as to how the poem is meant to be rhythmically divided, but you need to establish a consistent pattern. You look like you're trying to establish 2-line rhyming pairs, as 1 and 2 seem (intended) to rhyme with each other, as do 3 and 4. If that's the case, you need to establish a pattern. For a verse like this, it would make the most sense to either have all lines in the poem contain the same number of syllables, or else have the first line of the pair have a set number and the second line have a different set number, and keep it consistent for each pairing. Here's an example of the latter:
I despise the vile Jew,
He smells like ass and stinky poo.
Oh that Hitler would return,
And make those stupid Hebrews burn.
You'll note that it follows a pattern of 2 line rhyming pairs, with the first line 7 syllables long and the second 8 syllables.
I find it helpful to imagine that you are writing a song, and try to make the lines of the poem conform to musical measures. Pick a song you like to listen to and try to fit the lines of your poem into the rhythm of the verses. It will usually start balancing out on its own if you do this. Another good method is to pick a common poetic meter like a haiku or a limerick and practice writing verses that conform to these patterns. Poetry is fun.
>>243225
>>243226
Once again I would like to implore you to consider signing up for Grammarly, or at least proofreading a bit before posting. There are a number of little errors in here that just drive me absolutely bonkers. I can't currently muster the autism to address them all, so I will stick to addressing content.
This piece is actually a pretty good exercise in writing conversation between two parties, and I'd encourage anyone who struggles with writing dialog to try something like this (*cough* Nigel *cough*). You do a good job of maintaining a distinct and character-accurate speaking style for both Rarity and AJ. However:
>Oh but darlin
Rarity is speaking here, but "darlin" is something Applejack would say. Rarity would pronounce it as "darling". This may be a typo so I can probably let it slide.
>Yeah, you are right
In this case, AJ is speaking. AJ would probably use the contraction "you're" as opposed to "you are".
>If you have no preference, darlin
Welp, you did it again, so I'm guessing it's intentional. Unless Rarity is being ironic here, you'll want to have her say "darling" and save the "darlin" for AJ.
>Arggh, cap'n. Hoist the colors!
Rarity is also speaking out of character here, but in this case it's clear she's doing it intentionally to be funny.
>with a symbol on its brim representing a white pony skull and pair of crossing bones forming an `X´.
This is a rather verbose way to describe it. I'd just say "pony skull and crossbones."
>neighponies
Neighponese (ese as opposed to ies). Don't forget to capitalize proper nouns.
>>243124
There's not a ton to review here, obviously, but I do have a few things to say:
>Anypony wanna share their's first?
You don't need the apostrophe here, "theirs" is the correct way to write it. I know, English is a self-contradictory and stupid language sometimes, but there you have it.
>Rarity pretended to be busy with inspecting the nails on her hooves
I think I understand what you mean, but you may want to find a less awkward way to phrase it. Horse hooves don't have nails, unless you count the physical nails that are used to attach horseshoes, and I've never been entirely sure how that works in Equestria. I'd personally just leave "nails" out of it and say that Rarity was inspecting her hooves.
>Daring Do and The Jungle of Terror
Nice reference. Also, titles of books should be in italics.
>poem
Generally, poetry is either freeform (modern hipster poetry that doesn't rhyme or follow a meter) or traditional metered verse (set number of syllables per line, poem reads rhythmically, rhyming is optional). You seem to be attempting metered and rhyming verse here, but it's very, very awkward.
First, Stiller and Hitler don't rhyme, but it's clear you're attempting to rhyme them. You can sometimes get away with this when writing song lyrics, but with printed verse it's much harder to pull off. Unfortunately there aren't that many words that rhyme with Hitler, but Stiller is a long shot by any metric.
Second, "metered" means that the poem can be read according to some type of rhythmic meter similar to how music is counted. This generally limits the number of syllables that each line can contain, and usually there should be some degree of symmetry between lines. It's simpler to demonstrate this by example, so here is a quick limerick I wrote:
There once was a man with a boner
Who stuck it right into a poner
The pony protested
At being molested
And henceforth Anon was a loner.
You'll note that the number of syllables in each line follow a pattern, and the whole verse can be read to the familiar "man from Nantucket" rhythm (they may not have this in Sweden but you can google examples). It can be broken down as follows:
Line 1: 9 syllables
Line 2: 9 syllables
Line 3: 6 syllables
Line 4: 6 syllables
Line 5: 9 syllables
You'll notice that lines 1, 2 and 5 have the same number of syllables and they all rhyme. Lines 3 and 4 both have six syllables and rhyme with each other but not with the other lines. You'll also notice that all the syllable groupings are all divisible by 3 which gives you a hint that this poem is meant to be read in a triple meter (3/4 or 6/8 in musical notation). Now, let's break down what you wrote in a similar way:
Line 1: 8 syllables
Line 2: 12 syllables
Line 3: 11 syllables
Line 4: 8 syllables
Rhythmically this verse is all over the place, I've read it multiple times and can't come up with a way to count it. Rhymes can sometimes give the reader a clue as to how the poem is meant to be rhythmically divided, but you need to establish a consistent pattern. You look like you're trying to establish 2-line rhyming pairs, as 1 and 2 seem (intended) to rhyme with each other, as do 3 and 4. If that's the case, you need to establish a pattern. For a verse like this, it would make the most sense to either have all lines in the poem contain the same number of syllables, or else have the first line of the pair have a set number and the second line have a different set number, and keep it consistent for each pairing. Here's an example of the latter:
I despise the vile Jew,
He smells like ass and stinky poo.
Oh that Hitler would return,
And make those stupid Hebrews burn.
You'll note that it follows a pattern of 2 line rhyming pairs, with the first line 7 syllables long and the second 8 syllables.
I find it helpful to imagine that you are writing a song, and try to make the lines of the poem conform to musical measures. Pick a song you like to listen to and try to fit the lines of your poem into the rhythm of the verses. It will usually start balancing out on its own if you do this. Another good method is to pick a common poetic meter like a haiku or a limerick and practice writing verses that conform to these patterns. Poetry is fun.
>>243225
>>243226
Once again I would like to implore you to consider signing up for Grammarly, or at least proofreading a bit before posting. There are a number of little errors in here that just drive me absolutely bonkers. I can't currently muster the autism to address them all, so I will stick to addressing content.
This piece is actually a pretty good exercise in writing conversation between two parties, and I'd encourage anyone who struggles with writing dialog to try something like this (*cough* Nigel *cough*). You do a good job of maintaining a distinct and character-accurate speaking style for both Rarity and AJ. However:
>Oh but darlin
Rarity is speaking here, but "darlin" is something Applejack would say. Rarity would pronounce it as "darling". This may be a typo so I can probably let it slide.
>Yeah, you are right
In this case, AJ is speaking. AJ would probably use the contraction "you're" as opposed to "you are".
>If you have no preference, darlin
Welp, you did it again, so I'm guessing it's intentional. Unless Rarity is being ironic here, you'll want to have her say "darling" and save the "darlin" for AJ.
>Arggh, cap'n. Hoist the colors!
Rarity is also speaking out of character here, but in this case it's clear she's doing it intentionally to be funny.
>with a symbol on its brim representing a white pony skull and pair of crossing bones forming an `X´.
This is a rather verbose way to describe it. I'd just say "pony skull and crossbones."
>neighponies
Neighponese (ese as opposed to ies). Don't forget to capitalize proper nouns.
>>245357
>>243225
>>243226
>stetson
Again, don't forget to capitalize proper nouns. Also, Stetson is a brand name specific to our world, so you may want to consider either creating a horse-pun analog (sorry, can't think of a good one off the top of my head) or using a more general common noun (cowgirl hat, ten gallon hat, wide-brim hat, etc).
>That's fine, darlin
reeeeee
>Yes, something more western.
See, now here is where you'd want to drop the trailing 'g'. AJ would probably say "somethin' Western" whereas Rarity would say "something Western." It pays to put some thought into little stylistic points like this as it can add color to your dialog. AJ would also probably say "yeah" instead of "yes."
Anyway, minor quibbles aside, this is actually a rather cute piece of flash fiction. The dialog is well written aside from what I brought up, and you do a good job maintaining distinct speaking styles for each character. The conversation flows naturally and you don't bog the story down with anything unnecessary. The ending is great. All in all, nice job.
>>243307
Oh good, an American flag. Hopefully the grammar will be a little less awful than Sven's. Then again...
>creey crawlies
Assuming you mean "creepy" as the creey crawly has been extinct for 10,000 years.
>Crawling through the tall enough grass.
Tall enough for what? Unless you have an answer to that I'd just go with "tall grass"
>Fingers clawing earth; anchoring myself to the ground.
A semicolon isn't really appropriate here; a comma would do just fine. Although really you may want to rethink this sentence anyway as it's a tad awkwardly phrased. Maybe something more along the lines of: "Fingers claw at the Earth, anchoring me to the ground."
>A Whispering breeze
"whispering" does not need to be capitalized.
>Psalms of spaghetti
I.....wait, what?
Alright, well, this one is........interesting. This reads like something between a drug-influenced avant garde beat novel and the kind of note an autistic 12 year old might leave on his desk before heading off to school with a TEC-9 under his coat. I literally have no idea what the hell I just read, but if I ever figure it out I'll get back to you.
>>243452
Ok wow. I think after reading that explanation your text makes even less sense than it did to begin with.
>>243338
Next up is Mr. Toothpaste.
>I'd tell you what she was doing, but it's Twi, so have a guess
Got it, she's masturbating.
Anyway, the biggest thing that jumps out at me about this piece is that it starts out as a past-tense narrative and then abruptly switches to present-tense a couple of lines down. Greentext is a fairly informal medium and there aren't really hard and fast rules, but mostly it tends to be written in the present tense, and follows a general stream-of-consciousness narrative pattern, like so:
>be me
>get out of bed
>have to poop
>go poop
>go back to bed
as opposed to:
>one morning, I woke up
>I got out of bed
>almost immediately, I realized that I had to poop
>so I did the natural thing, and went off to take a poop
>then, I returned to bed
Again, I think greentext is one of those mediums where nearly anything goes, but when writing anything in general it's best to pick a voice and stick with it. As to the content, I'm not quite sure I understand what you were going for, although it's notably more coherent than the previous contender's entry.
Anyway, looks like I got everyone. Rather an odd assortment of writing in this thread, but rather fun I suppose. Not sure if I should try to score these or not, but I guess if I had to pick a winner I'd probably go with the story about Rarity and Applejack hat shopping, purely on the grounds that it's the only thing in the thread that even remotely resembles a complete execution of an idea. Until next time.
>>243225
>>243226
>stetson
Again, don't forget to capitalize proper nouns. Also, Stetson is a brand name specific to our world, so you may want to consider either creating a horse-pun analog (sorry, can't think of a good one off the top of my head) or using a more general common noun (cowgirl hat, ten gallon hat, wide-brim hat, etc).
>That's fine, darlin
reeeeee
>Yes, something more western.
See, now here is where you'd want to drop the trailing 'g'. AJ would probably say "somethin' Western" whereas Rarity would say "something Western." It pays to put some thought into little stylistic points like this as it can add color to your dialog. AJ would also probably say "yeah" instead of "yes."
Anyway, minor quibbles aside, this is actually a rather cute piece of flash fiction. The dialog is well written aside from what I brought up, and you do a good job maintaining distinct speaking styles for each character. The conversation flows naturally and you don't bog the story down with anything unnecessary. The ending is great. All in all, nice job.
>>243307
Oh good, an American flag. Hopefully the grammar will be a little less awful than Sven's. Then again...
>creey crawlies
Assuming you mean "creepy" as the creey crawly has been extinct for 10,000 years.
>Crawling through the tall enough grass.
Tall enough for what? Unless you have an answer to that I'd just go with "tall grass"
>Fingers clawing earth; anchoring myself to the ground.
A semicolon isn't really appropriate here; a comma would do just fine. Although really you may want to rethink this sentence anyway as it's a tad awkwardly phrased. Maybe something more along the lines of: "Fingers claw at the Earth, anchoring me to the ground."
>A Whispering breeze
"whispering" does not need to be capitalized.
>Psalms of spaghetti
I.....wait, what?
Alright, well, this one is........interesting. This reads like something between a drug-influenced avant garde beat novel and the kind of note an autistic 12 year old might leave on his desk before heading off to school with a TEC-9 under his coat. I literally have no idea what the hell I just read, but if I ever figure it out I'll get back to you.
>>243452
Ok wow. I think after reading that explanation your text makes even less sense than it did to begin with.
>>243338
Next up is Mr. Toothpaste.
>I'd tell you what she was doing, but it's Twi, so have a guess
Got it, she's masturbating.
Anyway, the biggest thing that jumps out at me about this piece is that it starts out as a past-tense narrative and then abruptly switches to present-tense a couple of lines down. Greentext is a fairly informal medium and there aren't really hard and fast rules, but mostly it tends to be written in the present tense, and follows a general stream-of-consciousness narrative pattern, like so:
>be me
>get out of bed
>have to poop
>go poop
>go back to bed
as opposed to:
>one morning, I woke up
>I got out of bed
>almost immediately, I realized that I had to poop
>so I did the natural thing, and went off to take a poop
>then, I returned to bed
Again, I think greentext is one of those mediums where nearly anything goes, but when writing anything in general it's best to pick a voice and stick with it. As to the content, I'm not quite sure I understand what you were going for, although it's notably more coherent than the previous contender's entry.
Anyway, looks like I got everyone. Rather an odd assortment of writing in this thread, but rather fun I suppose. Not sure if I should try to score these or not, but I guess if I had to pick a winner I'd probably go with the story about Rarity and Applejack hat shopping, purely on the grounds that it's the only thing in the thread that even remotely resembles a complete execution of an idea. Until next time.
>>245357
I haven't much to say when I saw this but I don't want to think that I didn't care either.
For the first of my fics you reviewed I only wanted to say that the poem is suppose to be made from an amateur, like Anon. While it is true that I did not know about the things you brought up, he was kinda suppose to be bad at it. However, I like that you did because now I learn about something intresting and the fic would have continued with more `experinced´ poets, like Twilight and Rarity so I would have failed eventually.
The story, btw, is about anon joining a literature club, which obviously is a reference or homage to the op's pic. The plot is that when the pony memebers of the club, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, read their poems aloud for the rest of the club, Anon will not notice what they are about. Both beacuse he is bad at poems and because is too dense. But the others do and they get more and more embarrssed about it.
The poems all have the same message and the poems goes from very subtle (Fluttershy) to explicit(Rainbow Dash) in conveying that message. The message is that they fuck Anon. While Anon doesn't get it, the others do an the joke is that the situation gets more and more awekward.
As for my other fic, there is't much I have to add. I am glad that you likd it and that you poitned out which character would drop the "g" in "ing". Very helpful.
I haven't much to say when I saw this but I don't want to think that I didn't care either.
For the first of my fics you reviewed I only wanted to say that the poem is suppose to be made from an amateur, like Anon. While it is true that I did not know about the things you brought up, he was kinda suppose to be bad at it. However, I like that you did because now I learn about something intresting and the fic would have continued with more `experinced´ poets, like Twilight and Rarity so I would have failed eventually.
The story, btw, is about anon joining a literature club, which obviously is a reference or homage to the op's pic. The plot is that when the pony memebers of the club, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, read their poems aloud for the rest of the club, Anon will not notice what they are about. Both beacuse he is bad at poems and because is too dense. But the others do and they get more and more embarrssed about it.
The poems all have the same message and the poems goes from very subtle (Fluttershy) to explicit(Rainbow Dash) in conveying that message. The message is that they fuck Anon. While Anon doesn't get it, the others do an the joke is that the situation gets more and more awekward.
As for my other fic, there is't much I have to add. I am glad that you likd it and that you poitned out which character would drop the "g" in "ing". Very helpful.
>>245358
Thanks for reviewing. I do appreciate it.
>Alright, well, this one is……..interesting. This reads like something between a drug-influenced avant garde beat novel and the kind of note an autistic 12 year old might leave on his desk before heading off to school with a TEC-9 under his coat. I literally have no idea what the hell I just read, but if I ever figure it out I'll get back to you.
kek
>Ok wow. I think after reading that explanation your text makes even less sense than it did to begin with.
Damnit the explanation should have done the opposite...
The one piece of information that should at least change the madness to make it a twisted kind of sense.
>>245036
>lot of info on such a short story. pretty impressive.
Wrote about the idea I had then looked back to fill in supplemental info. The fiddly bits of what the little meaningless story really ment.
But it really is very much up to interpretation on what it means.
Mostly trying to pull information apart to justify Discord becoming a quest giver.
The other Anon stuff is to flush out that idea... kinda... sorta.
Thanks for reviewing. I do appreciate it.
>Alright, well, this one is……..interesting. This reads like something between a drug-influenced avant garde beat novel and the kind of note an autistic 12 year old might leave on his desk before heading off to school with a TEC-9 under his coat. I literally have no idea what the hell I just read, but if I ever figure it out I'll get back to you.
kek
>Ok wow. I think after reading that explanation your text makes even less sense than it did to begin with.
Damnit the explanation should have done the opposite...
The one piece of information that should at least change the madness to make it a twisted kind of sense.
>>245036
>lot of info on such a short story. pretty impressive.
Wrote about the idea I had then looked back to fill in supplemental info. The fiddly bits of what the little meaningless story really ment.
But it really is very much up to interpretation on what it means.
Mostly trying to pull information apart to justify Discord becoming a quest giver.
The other Anon stuff is to flush out that idea... kinda... sorta.
File (): 4CADD26B581571A5B5FAB9FE5F144470-33075.jpg (32.3 KB, 474x323, landscape painting.jpg)
>>245781
I've been working on a pinkie pie horror story it's taking some time. From the anonfilly thread. The story structure should be sound. The execution so it didn't suck is the tough part. Other than that trying to do more on my first greentext story...
I've been working on a pinkie pie horror story it's taking some time. From the anonfilly thread. The story structure should be sound. The execution so it didn't suck is the tough part. Other than that trying to do more on my first greentext story...
>>245786
Nice, I have givn up on that one. Don't tell the fillies in the thread or they will call me a faggot.
>The execution so it didn't suck is the tough part.
Is it a bit finicky idea to make right?
Do you feel as you have Ponk's character down?
I'm working on a treasure hunting story/pirate story. I have been writting like pages on each characters and stuff. It suppose to be a shortstory, about six thousend words, filled to the brim with details like worldbuilding, indirect chractarization, and nice archs for each character. It is pretty ambitous project for me. But lately, I have been wanting to do something above and beyond.
It is a bit hard to makes sense of it all and I ahve spent a lot of hours on it. The main characters are: Red Ex, a earth pony; Preal Splash, a pegasus; and Adolf Hitler.
>pic
I had a picture that was perfect but I couldnät find it.
Nice, I have givn up on that one. Don't tell the fillies in the thread or they will call me a faggot.
>The execution so it didn't suck is the tough part.
Is it a bit finicky idea to make right?
Do you feel as you have Ponk's character down?
I'm working on a treasure hunting story/pirate story. I have been writting like pages on each characters and stuff. It suppose to be a shortstory, about six thousend words, filled to the brim with details like worldbuilding, indirect chractarization, and nice archs for each character. It is pretty ambitous project for me. But lately, I have been wanting to do something above and beyond.
It is a bit hard to makes sense of it all and I ahve spent a lot of hours on it. The main characters are: Red Ex, a earth pony; Preal Splash, a pegasus; and Adolf Hitler.
>pic
I had a picture that was perfect but I couldnät find it.
>>245787
Nice! I'm really looking foward to reading that.
>Do you feel as you have Ponk's character down?
Not as well as I really like. I know how it should be, but syncing the thoughts, and actions so it feels right is taking more time.
>>245781
Any kind of vague idea, or direction you want I can flesh it out into a structure. Just writing for the sake of writing my writen works don't normally take off.
Here's an interesting idea you might want.
Twilight is in a party with her friends. Mystery detective story. A secret santa kind of situation. The problem is that a gift is missing.
Twilight triedly enters from the princessly duties.
Their goal is to find it without figuring out who the gift was from.
The readers would know what gift Twilight got.
Applejack confirms that each friend except Twilight, and Rarity wrapped a present. (Spike wrapped them)
Rainbow Dash swapped presents with someone to add to the confusion.
Find out that the friends kept swaping presents before hand. (A false lead if any of them lost the presents)
The missing present is wrapped inside another present. Due to Twilight tiredly readjusting the gift, causing it to become undone.
In the end they draw sticks for the embedded wrapped gift.
It ends with a heart warming cliche message
Nice! I'm really looking foward to reading that.
>Do you feel as you have Ponk's character down?
Not as well as I really like. I know how it should be, but syncing the thoughts, and actions so it feels right is taking more time.
>>245781
Any kind of vague idea, or direction you want I can flesh it out into a structure. Just writing for the sake of writing my writen works don't normally take off.
Here's an interesting idea you might want.
Twilight is in a party with her friends. Mystery detective story. A secret santa kind of situation. The problem is that a gift is missing.
Twilight triedly enters from the princessly duties.
Their goal is to find it without figuring out who the gift was from.
The readers would know what gift Twilight got.
Applejack confirms that each friend except Twilight, and Rarity wrapped a present. (Spike wrapped them)
Rainbow Dash swapped presents with someone to add to the confusion.
Find out that the friends kept swaping presents before hand. (A false lead if any of them lost the presents)
The missing present is wrapped inside another present. Due to Twilight tiredly readjusting the gift, causing it to become undone.
In the end they draw sticks for the embedded wrapped gift.
It ends with a heart warming cliche message
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