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Anonfilly Thread - Howdy Edition
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>Spoonfeed me. What's this thread about?
This thread typically consists of Anon gone filly, as he's thrust into a new life as a cute little pony.
>What's to be expected?
Fillies, cuteness, Anon-tier shenanigans, bitchy Twilight, desires to be the little filly, etc..

>Any archive of photos or stories?
Dropbox (Photos):

>I'm a contributor.
Great! For writers, just notify All Nighter Fgt Lone15, so you can have your green added to the Doc. For artists, animators, or any other content makers, you can store your fillies in the Dropbox for future viewing pleasure.
Some especially based faggot also recently compiled nearly every filly image ever created, which you can check out here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1AowOdwFzlbRk0FVZsRGRYe2hyKhzo2h3?usp=sharing
Assess how well you fit into the filly hivemind: https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/personality-quiz/?group=-LdS-38NvfIG9PHPrYB8
>I don't like this thread because of reasons.
You'll never know how it is unless you try a dose of filly.
Old-mare Thread: >>292891 →
658 replies and 395 files omitted.
F, poor filly
Slight change. Felt it needed sunbeams
Happniness is a warm poni
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>tf into anonfilly.
>You get orally >raped by a human Anon.
>You swallow all of the cum he had to produce for you.
>You notice your body heating up a little bit, but it rapidly cools as a horn and wings emerge.
>You find out that swallowing human cum turns ponies into alicorns.

Wat do?
Suck his dick until you turn into a biblically accurate angel consisting of nothing but wings and horns
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Now is it eating human cum or did we just discover we're the princess of head? Further tests are needed
>the princess of head
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>>301914 →
// I Do Not Like Them Anywhere
// Story: Trust Once Lost
// by Greenhorne

I took a moment to compose myself before I went back into the classroom. Not that it mattered anymore. Maybe I could just pretend that they all didn’t exist? It had never worked before, but who knows. Maybe this time they actually would leave me alone if I ignored them.

I took my seat at the desk and kept my focus on the blackboard. Cheerilee had drawn out a calendar on the board, and it was complicated. After I’d heard that there were one thousand days in a year I’d expected that the lengths of months would be similarly round numbers. Perhaps ten months of a hundred days each? That would have made sense. Instead, there were twenty four months in a year, each with either fourty one or fourty two days, plus another seven days at the end of the year that weren’t part of any month at all.

Rather than being ahead of other ponies my age, I found myself unable to even remember the months of the year. I really hoped I wasn’t going to be called on again to answer a question, since I would certainly make an even greater fool of myself.

This lesson was about how to calculate the number of days between two dates on the calendar. The example was calculating Twist’s age in days. She was eight thousand three hundred and fifty three days old.

Wait a minute.

If I’m eight or nine years old here, and a year is a thousand days, that means a year here is worth like... three earth years. A bit less, since it was three six five rather than three three three on Earth.

I lamented that I didn’t have the dexterity with this body to write out the math, but I could still estimate easily enough. Three eights were twenty four. Three nines were twenty seven. A bit less because slightly more than a third, although if I was eight or nine I could still be nine and a half.

My age hadn’t changed. It wasn’t that this body was younger than my body as a human, it was just that ponies aged painfully slow. 

Though it hardly mattered, I realised that I actually could figure out when my birthday was in this world by calculating the number of days I was alive as a human, and adjusting it to this world’s calendar.

I was making a number of assumptions here. I knew they used twenty four hour days here, and sixty minutes in an hour, sixty seconds in a minute. I could tell that by looking at the helpfully labeled clock which had both minutes and hours labeled (no doubt to teach foals how to read an analog clock). How long was a second? Was it the same as earth? How could I tell how long a second was? They felt the same subjectively. If acceleration due to gravity-


My eyes were closed in concentration so I didn’t see who was trying to get my attention. I ignored it.


I was suddenly reminded of the episode where Diamond Tiara tricked Applebloom into getting caught passing notes, and a flare of anger rose inside of me.

Snapping my eyes open I turned to face the direction of the sound, only to find myself glaring at... Applebloom.

“Green, you can’t sleep in class,” Applebloom whispered, “You’ll get in trouble.”

I swallowed and nodded, feeling guilty for the look I’d just given her.

At the end of class Cheerilee motioned to me with her head like she wanted to speak with me again, but I pretended not to see it. I didn’t want to talk to her.

The Crusaders were taking their assignment of guarding me perhaps a little too seriously. As we left the schoolhouse they made sure I was at the center of their little herd. It made me feel awkward to have one of them walking behind me, but whenever I lagged too much, Scootaloo would circle around behind me again. Her face was still bruised, and I wanted to keep her where I could see her.

“What are you doing here?” Applebloom accused.

Somehow Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had managed to sneak up on us without me noticing. Diamond ignored Applebloom and spoke directly to me. I felt my temper flare again.

“Mrs Cheerilee says I have to apologize to you.” Said Diamond Tiara.

“Ok.” I tried to keep my voice neutral.

“Aren’t you going to accept my apology?” She asked

“Please never speak to me again.” I said

Diamond Tiara huffed.

“Wow, I thought maybe you were cool but-”

I wanted to break her stupid face. In that moment, she was every bully I'd faced in my life.

“Fall down a well, Diamond Tiara.” I interrupted

She smirked.

My chest felt like it was going to burst if I didn’t scream. My coat stood on end. My eyes stung, and I felt like I was going to cry.

A painful spark arced from the tip to the base of my horn, and a pulse of air blew back Diamond’s mane for a moment.

My body felt numb. I was going to pass out.

Breathe. Don’t lock your knees. Focus.

Okay, kneel then, but don’t - 

The grass was so soft.

Just don’t close your-

“Green,” said Applebloom, “Are ya alright?”

Why was I on the ground? Oh right. I fainted.

Embarrassed, I quickly got up. The world was spinning a bit and I felt nauseous.

“I’m fine.” I said. “What happened to Diamond Tiara?”

“She, uh,” Said Scootaloo, “She kinda called you a blank flank loser and went to tell Ms Cheerilee that you attacked her with magic.”

My horn hurt.

“Great.” I said.

“That was so cool,” Said Scootaloo, “Your eyes were all glowing and then it was like wumf and everything got blown away from you and even I could feel the magic and I’m a pegasus! I think Diamond was scared there for a moment.”

I sighed.

“All I’ve done is show her that she can make me so upset that I faint.” I grumbled.

“Why do ya hate Diamond Tiara so much?” Asked Applebloom. “Ah mean, ya’ve only just met her.”

“I don’t like bullies.” I said. “I thought maybe I was over it, but whenever I see a bully, it just comes back.”

I wanted to cry again.

“Don’t worry Green!” Said Sweetie Belle, “We’ll help you find your cutiemark and you won’t have to worry about getting bullied anymore.”

“Were it so easy.”
303237 303239
Solves everything.
Oof, I wonder if Filly is going to be demoted into kindergarten level to ease into her body and powerlevel.
Magic Kindergarten!
I wonder what fate is worst for Twilight, being demoted to Magic Kindergarden with Anonfilly, or regretting creating the "school of friendship" if Anonfilly ever enrolls.
Maybe try discussing either scenario.
>You find out human cum turns anypony who drinks it into alicorns.
>You find out you’re so good at sucking d*cks that you are made the princess of head.
>it's not like you liked sucking dicks.
>It just sort of
>Be normal Anonfilly
>Heading back to Purple cunt's place.
>The cool gal she is actually taught you the spell to get your dick back, and it's on your mind.
>It's a fairly clear street, then Rainbow 'cocksoppet' Dash crashes into you.
>Your unihorn going right up the cooter.
>Like so far up all you see is a winking clit, and it's fucking scary.
>A damned meatboi trying to break the blue barrier with its red and pink coloration.
>So scary the horn goes zippy zap.
>It does the first spell you've been thinkin' aboot.
>The red boxing glove clit punches right out boops your nose
>as you are about to yell in terror
>it goes in and down to the base the whole whopping 34 inches of magical meat
>The horny horn keeps shooting in panic at the situation.
>Then it expands from a pencil dick to a barrel keg.
>Then two big fat ones sock you in the eyes from the magical blue beyond.
>As you start to choke Rainbow dickin' Dash starts to move
>In an instant the rods reaching down to your depths pulses with life that's now also fleeting from your eyes.
>This is how you die, not cumming inside Rainbow Dash, but Rainbow Dash cumming inside you.
>The least the blue speedy fast could do is return the favor in your final moments.
>As if hearing your final wishes, she sucks your clit where your dick used to be. Fucking magic portal shit.
>As you shake and shudder from everything that happens, and your mind straining agasint the death to come
>She cums
>From the very end to the tippy top everything turns white.
>"Anon!? The fuck did you do to get here?"
>Still white, but also Celestia too. What a trip.
"Hunh, I'm not chocking. Dunno Sunslut, where is this? The land of the dead?"
>"Land of the- No! This is where ponies who go above and beyond who fundamentally change the world become alicorns. Anon, you're an alien with multitudes of technologies and a whole world to pull from. So what did you do."
>On one hand saying you were so baller at sex you became a sex god, on the other literally anything else.
>"You know what I'll just look-"
>It was too late, Princess Celestia sat stunned as her waterworks ran faster and faster at every mishap.
>"Anon, you're now the princess of Head in every offical document that's what it'll be signed as. I just want you to know the decision wasn't easy to choose that name, but after the crayon incident with Blueblood I think you'll find it in your heart to understand why."
>That's a low dirt blow.
>"Not as dirty as your new princessly duties."
>Oh shit she can read your mind!
>"No, that's just how well I know you."
>Suddenly a blue pegicorn apears with a rainbow mane.
>She when speedyfast through time and space, as per usual, through the land of the dead back around to the land of the living
>Past Discord's pad, and shooting through the stars. The exact details were a little murky, but the long and short she was worried about you.
>So thus Rainbow crash'ntumble Dash became the princess of Awesome (Loyalty).
>Equestria basks in the two more Alicorns, they can't help but wonder who will be next.
>"Hello cheeky scrubs."
"Hi, I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle not cheeky scrubs."
>Be Twilight Sparkle
>The not really hidden pasture with farms and beautiful buildings is a good sign of the fast bonds Equestria and this tribe will have.
>The Kirin apparently have a long lost sister tribe founded by Awunawneehmus.
>Bit weird, but the culture difference is so great these kirin are banned from public discourse, and even freely entering the kirin village.
>"Sup you slick cunts. What slutiness you up to now tripfag Johnson."
>"'Bout to eat tendies ur mum made after I railed her last night the loose cunt."
"How could you say something like that to your friend!"
>"Calm down newfag, he's only a leaf."
"Calm down! That's despicable!"
>"Exactly cunt, that's what the dog said behind the maple tree."
>"See when a leaf and dog maybe a bit of vegemite get togther he pulls out the cunt buster and sticks it in."
>The foul mouthed kirin pulls out a set of poster sized pictures.
>Puts his-
>"Please stop."
>"That's what the dog said."
>This is serious, maybe I should have brought everypony along.
>"Thinkin' of bringing in some redditors to fill out your opinion."
>A different kirin seeing the commotion begins to speak.
>"Aye, BIBIE got the best bants around. Even if rehashing old bits gets stale sometimes."
"Bib E? What does that mean? What's a bant."
>"Best Image Board In Equestria. There you've been spoonfed."
>"Did someone say Twilight fucking Sparkle?"
>"Oh shit the oldfags are up."
>Oh they have nametags, those kirin over there have Anonymous engraved on it.
>They might be older than princess Celestia with that much floof.
>"Twilight Sparkle, well looks like we did it Anonfillies, now comes the hard part."
>Togther they nod.
[b]>"To have the momfu!"

>"I call dibs on Twiggles. Say Twilight could you adopt us please?"
>A headache begins to form.
>If only you had Applejack's cider to dull the edge.
>Instead they hoof over Kirin beer.
>It was 50/50 chance if it was piss filled or not
>It was all in good fun, for the keks.
>Somehow thosands of years ago they made nearly perfect recreations of your flank.

Inspiration what if Anonfilly was a kirin. What if she made her own group. What if it was modern image board culture. What if it was a really long time ago.
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woah lewd
whoa cute
>no winking clits
Absolutely disgraceful.
>Be Anon, probably
>Your head hurts from the sexy Pinkie Pie party last night.
>Somthing is rubbing on your little buddy, it's hard not all that pleasant really.
>Rubbing your hands over your face all you feel is hooves
>Your eyes shoot open
"What the fuck?"
>In the air bumping on the ceiling of your house is your dick in the shape of smug Pepe
>To your right is Pinkie and...
>that's horrifying
>Something about a balloon contest and making a hat
>That doesn't answer why the fuck you're a little pony with a firetruck long dick.
>Then Ponk touches you below the balls, into a wet cavern.
>Above the anus.
>Just another fucking day in Hoers land.
>inb4 somepony turns on the fan
>wat do?
File (hide): 368FC571B5B736A34C356EFEEE6A90D5-781967.m4v (763.6 KB, Resolution:1280x720 Length:00:00:03, Spoilered) [play once] [loop]
>you take your spaghetti dick and wrap it around the bed frame
>better yet this is the second floor of your house so it'll work
>wrapping the pe-noose around your neck it's time
>to neck yourself
>vid related (first spoiler)
>doing a flip off the window sill you made a slight error.
>You were a small filly, the spines of ponies were incredibly stretchy
>swinging out of house you run right into the wooden wall
>slowly sliding until you're three inches from the ground
>You can still breath
>if any pony asks, it was all under duress of a bad wakeup and nightmare
>it's been half a day and ponies are walking by and saying hello as if everything is normal.
>Fucking hoersland
>Not just that they start making puns of varying degrees of wit.
>"I see you're all tied up."
>"Hanging around outside when you should be at school."
>"That neck tie darling has some body to it."
>"Woowee we have a pully or two if yah ever need a job."
>"Anon if you wanted to go bungee jumping you should have invited me too!"
"That's what happened, now would someone please change me back to normal."
"At least help me down."
You're so cute.
That's hot.
freak the fuck out, then get your dick and put it back where it belongs before asking Ponk what the fuck is going on
>Be Green Clover.
>Your head hurts badly.
>You close your eyes and press your hooves to it, partially because the light is quite bright and partially because you think it might help with the pain.
>You can hear murmurs in the backlit dark behind your eyelids, a strange combination of yelling and galloping.
>Soon, you feel that you are alone.
>And warm, hot even.
>You start to sweat.
>The light is getting brighter beyond your lids.
>You focus on remnants of conversation you picked up before you were brought here.
>"Take her to the edge of the charted areas, if anything goes wrong she should be safe there."
>"Of course princess."
>She kissed you goodbye and gave you one last tight hug.
>Something tells you you won't see her again.
>Calling her that doesn't feel quite right.
>She did this to you.
>Oh god.
>God? Who's that?
>But she...
>Took you away.
>Before this, you mean.
>Literally took the...
>You out.
>Some of it is coming back, faded memories of the hospital, Little League...
>You concentrate through the heat, trying to recall as many things as you can.
>Some of it isn't returning.
>Maybe the spell that was keeping your memories from you was...
>You really have no idea.
>Well, you suppose it doesn't matter much if you get your memories back, considering the fact that you're probably going to die here too.
>The lesser elements, that was what you think she mentioned was the threat here.
>You open your eyes, even though you know it probably isn't a good idea.
>You have to see.
>Off in the distance, there's...
>Shouldn't a shockwave of this magnitude killed you?
>Shouldn't the heat have killed you?
>You look back, and see that the guards who took you here are convulsing on the ground.
>You walk over to one and touch him softly, and he wheezes before coughing up a thick globule of blood and mucus.
>Fuck, guess that's not going to work.
>You remember something called hands.
>Computers, shitty food, people...
>Most of them shitty but a few diamonds hardened by the pressure.
>This place isn't safe, but you have no idea where to go from here.
>The World's End Resort had plenty of food, toiletries, and pretty much everything a pony could want stockpiled.
>You're the last one alive now, you're pretty sure.
>You're not even sure why you would think that, but something in you tells you that it's true.
>There are forces beyond your understanding at work here.
>You lounge back in the lawn chair on the edge of the ocean, watching waves flow over the surface of the massive parabola and crash down into the tower of water.
>You're no nigger science man, but you speculate the odd gravitational phenomenon comes from the sun and moon being closer to this planet.
>That and the fact that the planet has probably mostly been destroyed.
>You know it isn't your first planet, not even your first of this planet, but you can't help but feel a pang of regret as you watch the occasional massive corpse of some unfortunate sea predator break the surface of the waves and fall hundreds of feet into the water below.
>You carefully bring the fancy glass (you can't remember what they're called, but they usually hold martinis in the movies) up to your lips and drink in the stinging, aromatic liqour.
>It's not as if you don't have water supplies, and even when you run out you can set up evaporation vessels to purify ocean water.
>Drinking just makes it easier.
>The world ended, and you weren't able to do anything about it.
>You were useless, stuck as a little filly both in body and mind.
>All because you wouldn't suck milk out of a fucking tit.
>You pour the remainder of the beverage into your muzzle and scream, throwing the glass.
>But of course, it doesn't even shatter against the sand.
>Just makes a bit of a 'tink' and rolls...
>Pathetic, you can't even rage properly.
>Maybe you were luckier than the others though, you got to enjoy some of the things that normal fillies do.
>Playing RPGs, having friends...
>The other green fillies bore more scars than you did.
>Aside from these marks on your flanks...
>Burned in, branded for all to see.
>But one of them was missing a leg, and they both had this awful stare, like something fundamental inside of them had been taken away.
>The worst thing that happened to you after your attempted murder of mind was that your best friend killed herself, even though you wouldn't know the significance of her death again until a few days ago.
>You felt guilty, but you kept telling yourself that none of this was your fault.
>But then again, you were the only filly who lost her memories...
>The path that you took was writtten by you and...
>You inhale sharply as sobs begin to wrack your body.
>Maybe if you cry for long enough, you can drip your essence into the sea.
>Food supplies are still holding out, but you've run out of all the things you love.
>In retrospect you should have saved them for last to give you a pick-me-up before you starve to death, but that's a long way away.
>You're lying down in one of many beds that you've slept in (they were almost all pre-made and you're lazy) when a sound comes from outside.
>Something alive?
>You hurriedly throw off the covers in a mess and gallop out the door onto the sandy beach, looking around.
>Something lands right behind you, and you feel incredible dread.
>You don't want to turn around, but you fear it'll kill you if you don't, so you do so in one quick motion.
>The corpse of a mare.
>Ms. Cheerilee.
>You frantically try everything you know to resuscitate her, but after about an hour you're too physically exhausted to continue.
"Why you of all ponies..."
>Your voice sounds strange in your ears, it's been forever since you used it.
>You hug the cold body of one of the few good ponies you knew from this place close.
>You're not sure if you're more filled with rage or pain.
>After all, her corpse couldn't have ended up here naturally like it did.
>Someone or something is fucking with you.
Fuck yeah green time!
Here's hoping for the best
<freak the fuck out, then get your dick and put it back where it belongs before asking Ponk what the fuck is going on
>Litte pony with a balloon dick shaped as a meme.
>Panko touching a naughty spot your personal pony pussy that didn't exist
>The room is still dark as the sun hasn't risen yet
>Keeping kalm
>Everything is just perfectly fine-
>Pink's hoof is lodged right up there with a grip of velvet covered steel.
>You can't move from the bed.
>You're reeling your dick in cartoonishly rope after rope of inches for bit- prefect pony waifus.
>A little haranguing and it's almost close enough if this was a sausage factory.
>Then ponk yawns.
>That's really almost cute, but you have problems
>The last few wtfbbq knots are undone
>"Yawn it's too early after the party we had."
"Pinkie, I need your help and an explanation."
>She jumps up, ready for anything.
>"Wowie Anon, just look at where all your man meat went."
"Ponks, please why am I a smole hoers."
>"I dunno, maybe that's why your penis is so fun to play with. It's full of man goodness!"
>Frankly you don't fully trust Purple after those mysterious tests not to just disappear your rod and memories.
>The poor pineapple pizza had it coming, but...
"Panko help?"
>If all else fails you'll do your best to put things back together.
>She's unnaturally quiet
>Her hair deflates
>"Sorry Anon, Twilight said yesterday might be the last day to be who you were before the fact you're alive at all is a miracle."
>She then starts to perk up.
>"You might remember all the times something like this almost happened now!"
>What does she mean you remember
>She leans in for a kiss
>A deep kiss
>Something clicks
"My face, my name, the last week. All these years and I never could remember."
>The these two weeks was about every pony you knew coming to terms with your illness, that you would be gone for good.
>More of a vegetable than living being.
>But you're still here, changed but unbroken.
>Fuck yeah green time!
Thank you every green poster.
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Wonder if some drawfag can make a version of this with a Chinese grandmother/factory worker being the presenter.
I'll take three right now!
303610 303611 303614

I want an anon-daki for my Anonfilly plush now.
Anonfilly - sweating - shocked.jpg
>those hooves
>Be the fastest thing alive
>Running around at the speed of sound you've seen nothing about a terrible menace that means mean machines.
>Everything of his shut down once the time device going back to the start of Dr Robotnik's rise to infamy bridged the worlds.
>With everybody free from his clutches that looming worry hovers over quite a few old timeline Mobians.
>None of your friends have heard anything either, and usually that is a chance to kick back and relax for a little while.
>Tails is coming over
"Guess that means it's almost party time."

>Ponyville Crystal Castle
>Be Princess Luna
"Anonymous, Anonymous where are you?"
>Hushed foalish giggles come from underneath you.
>Try as she might the adopted brilliant foal still was a foal.
>The poor filly tries so hard to not bust out laughing from the foalish behavior.
"Hmmm, she's not to my left."
>You make grotesque comical movements as if searching the new royal hall.
Sweeping back you match words with actions.
>The barely held laughter sooths the soul
"Anonymous isn't to my right."
"That must mean-"
>Her laughs stop for just a moment.
"-she's right here!"
>One scoop and she's in your huggable grasp.
>Laughing with her, both of your burdens lighten.

>Be Anonymous
>A kind Doctor of multiple fields
>Concentrated condensed evil in physical form
>multiple inversions of personality
>An old boiled egg
>And now a filly
"I, I think I'd like the name Anonymous."
>The map table in the center of the room eats a lot of space, easily could hold one of your super computers.
>The purple equine Twilight Sparkle, a kindred soul in the sciences, nods.
>"If your sure."
>All the time as Doctor Ovi Kintobor you kept thinking of how much you can help everyone here
>Maybe introduce more prosthetics
>Maybe even the evil extractor-
>That failure still hurts despite its total success.
"Yes, turning over a new leaf would be best."
>You weren't any of them solely right now
>Just... a filly with a little extra experience.
>Maybe this is where you could do good.
>"A new leaf?"
"Mhmm, I'll draw you a picture momm- I mean Twilight."
>Close one.
>The Purple equine is getting so close
>a blueprint is a picture
>this is where you die insulting royalty
>quick use bribery with our tec-
>"That sounds delightful my little pony."
>Is this a hug?
>It is.
>Whatever happens you'll protect her smile, especially from yourself.
>A dark under current runs through you as you realize that anything that would ruin her smile would pay with the might of Doctor Ivo Robotnik!
>Maybe you can't quite bury the past yet, but that doesn't mean it's totally unreasonable.
>Just inhumane and immoral.
>This hug is exquisite
>and every part agrees, even if some after thought of destroying this so this moment in tine would be yours alone runs through
>you barely convince the evil to have more top quality hugs freedom, being alive, and you being good would lead to the best hugs.
>One day you'll be ready to journey inside, but not now.
>Now is hugs for good fillies.
>You are a good filly Anonymous.
>Because good fillies get good hugs.
// You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Green
// Story: Trust Once Lost
// by Greenhorne
“Wha’da’ya mean?” Asked Apple Bloom, “She’s only making fun of ya because ya don’t have a cutiemark. She does the same thing ta us.”

How could they be so naive if they were the same age as me?

“She’s bullying you because she wants to establish her place at the top of the hierarchy within the class.” I explained. “She wants everypony to respect her, and the way she achieves that is by finding insecure ponies for her to put down. Being ‘blank flanks’ is just an excuse to single you out from the rest of the class.”

“How can she get ponies to respect her by being mean?” Asked Sweetie Belle. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Ponies always want to be part of the group.” I said. “By excluding you, she creates a group consisting of ‘everypony else’ where she’s in charge of who is included. Ponies in the group feel good about being in the group and afraid of being left out - which is why they don’t help you when you’re being bullied.”

“But then how do we get her to stop bullying us?” Asked Scootaloo

“Well,” I said, “You could throw her down a well.”

The Crusaders looked horrified.

“That was a joke.” I added. 

I could see Cheerilee walking towards us from the schoolhouse, and my heart sank.

“You girls better get going,” I said, “You don’t want to be involved in this.”

“Involved in what?” Asked Sweetie Belle

“Me and Diamond were the ones fighting,” I said, “So there’s no need for you guys to get in trouble too. I don’t really care if I get suspended.”

“That... wasn’t really a fight.” Said Scootaloo. “You just kinda glared at her and then fainted.”

“Yeah,” I said, “But Diamond has been in there talking to her so she’s probably made up a whole story to get me in trouble.”

“We saw the whole thing,” said Apple Bloom, “We can tell her what really happened.”

“The truth doesn’t matter,” I said, “What matters is what Cheerilee will believe; She’ll just think you’re covering for me because you don’t like Diamond Tiara.”

“Well we’ll stick with you anyway,” Said Scootaloo, “Because we’re your friends.”

Damnit. It couldn’t be unsaid now. I didn’t want friends, but I couldn’t reject their offer of friendship, not without hurting their feelings. I was stuck now, with even more ponies that I had to keep happy. More ponies I couldn’t ignore. More ponies that I had to convince that I was okay to stop them from feeling bad. I just knew I was going to screw it up and end up hurting all of them.

The Crusaders misinterpreted my sudden withdrawal into myself and gave me a group hug.

“It’s alright.” Said Apple Bloom. “We’ll be right here with you.”

“Is using magic against a non-unicorn, like, a big deal?” I asked.


“I mean, if I kicked her, instead of using magic,” I asked, “Would I be in more or less trouble?”

“She’s an Earth Pony, she’d fold you like a lawn chair.” Said Scootaloo, “Err, no offence.”

Well, that was comforting. Not only couldn’t I do magic, but I was at a massive strength disadvantage.

“Are you okay Green?” Asked Cheerilee. “I heard you fainted.”

“I’m fine.” I said

It was essentially my catchphrase at this point.

“Really?” Asked Cheerilee

“Whatever Diamond Tiara told you is a lie.” I said

“What did she tell me?” Cheerilee questioned

Great, more games. She wanted me to incriminate myself before I knew what Diamond had said.

“She told you something to try and get me in trouble because she’s bullying me.” I said

“What makes you think that?”

“Look I don’t care.” I said. “Just kick me out of the class. I don’t want to be here anyway.”

Cheerilee sighed.

“Diamond Tiara says you threatened to throw her down a well.”

“I told her she should fall down a well, not that I would do it.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because she’s a bully.”

“And you think falling down a well would make her a better pony?”

“Only if it was fatal.”

Cheerilee winced.

“Green, please don’t joke about things like this.”

My throat was starting to hurt and I had to fight to avoid my words coming out strangled.

“I’m not joking.” I said. “I want her to leave me and my friends alone, and if she has to fall down a well for that to happen then so be it.”

Be calm. Be logical. Don’t cry.

“You can’t just threaten to kill ponies because they were mean to you.”

I fixed my eyes with hers.

Focus on the anger, don’t cry.

“I didn’t threaten anything.” I retorted. “I just think we would all be better off if she fell down a well and broke her neck.”

My voice broke on the last word. I kept staring Cheerilee down, wishing she wasn’t so much taller than me.

“You have to calm down.” Cheerilee instructed. “Why don’t we go back to my office and-”

“I don’t have to do anything!” I yelled. “I don’t even want to be here!”

I was gritting my teeth to stop my jaw trembling.


“Why don’t you go listen to Diamond Tiara again,” I said, “I’m sure she’s fucking calm. Then you can leave me the hell alone and stop making things worse.”

“I’m trying to help you.”

“Well, I don’t want your ‘help’!” I said. “You’re going to tell me to be ‘reasonable’ and try to get along with Diamond Tiara. I refuse.”

“Just because she was mean to you once doesn’t mean she’s irredeemable.” She said, “Ponies can change, Green.”

“Most don’t.”

“Well they’re not going to change if nopony gives them a chance.”

“That’s not my problem.” I said. “I’m not going to let her stab me in the back just because you think it would be nice if we were friends.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“This isn’t about Diamond Tiara,” Said Cheerilee, “Is it?”

“What’s goin’ on here?” Asked Applejack. “Are you alright Sweetpea?”

I just felt so tired. I lay back down on the grass again.

It wasn’t like anything I said mattered anyway.

“I’m fine.”
303774 303781


I mean realistically what else are you gonna do with a fat filly ass

great stuff in any case
>terrible menace that means mean machines.
I think you mean bean machines.
Either way fine green.

>Anthro faget
Howdy howdy, mothers and fuckers! Where we last left Anonymous...
>Emerald returns to the fold!
>Not only that, but she does so as a newly-appointed changeling spy!
>Twilight's not happy that Anon knew this and brought her into the castle though...
>No worries though, everything's fine and dandy now that ground rules have been established and boundaries set
>Also, Emerald's getting curious to Anonymous's true identity again
>Luckily for her, Anon tells her that Chrysalis has the answers she seeks as well as the disregard for Twilight's rules to spill the beans!
Now, let's pick back up where we left off...

>... Huh, no dream tonight
>What a shame, you wanted to tell Luna how things were going
>Well, maybe you still can
>After all, she managed to contact you that one time despite you not dreaming
Hey, Luna, you there?
>Well shit
>Guess that was a one-time emergency measure
>Oh well, it's not like this can't wait until some time later
>Time to return to the void!
>. . .
>Ahh, Saturday!
>Time for the tests to begin, and for you to finally see what happens with your brilliant ideas!
>You hop out of bed and go about your morning business, all the way until you go to the kitchen to find Twilight and Spike having breakfast
"Howdy, what's the schedule?"
>Twilight looks up from the papers in front of her and takes a drag of her coffee before responding
>"We start the testing at 10, all the subjects have been informed. First is the physical trial, then the mental trial. Anypony who scores more than a 150 on these two tests, both out of 100, is considered eligible. After that, a break for lunch, and then you tell the winners to go home since none of them will willingly spend the night with Chrysalis even if they're being paid to."
>You furrow your brow and huff in Twilight's direction, prompting Spike to speak up between bites of waffles
>"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure that at least one pony will accept."
"Thank you, Spike. That does make me feel better."
>"Enough feeling bad for yourself, the waffles are getting cold and I'm sure that you'd rather have them hot."
>That's a fair point, waffles are better when warm
>You're gonna have to wash the syrup out of your face, though
>Eh, fuck it
>You grab the plate that Spike left for you and sit down at the table, trying your best to prevent the inevitable
>Sadly, your efforts are in vain as your face fur still ends up sticky and maple-flavored
>So, you retreat to the bathroom to wash it off and then return to the kitchen
>After that, you fart around for a while until Twilight says that it's time to go to the field
"The field?"
>"Yes, did you think that I would just set this all up in my own backyard?"
"Well, no, but I didn't really know where you were putting it all together."
>"Then allow me to show you as soon as Spike gets back with the necessary materials."
>A few seconds later, the purple dragon himself walks in bearing a stack of papers, a sun visor, a clipboard, a pencil, a megaphone, and a whistle
>"Alright, this is everything!"
>"Good, we'll be right on time!"
>Spike takes his place at Twilight's side and all three of you teleport off to... some field, I guess?
>When the flash clears, you find yourself on a hill overlooking an obstacle course, a few dozen stallions, and most of Ponyville
>Twilight grabs the megaphone, clipboard, paper, and pen from Spike while he puts on the sun visor and the whistle
>You just sit there and try to look thoughtful yet imposing for the onlooking masses
>Twilight clears her throat, raises the megaphone to her lips, and addressed the assembled stallions
>"Alright, you all know why you're here, so it's time we got to the main event! This test will be split up into two trials, one physical and one mental, in which both will be graded out of 100 points. Behind you all, is the obstacle course. The optimal time to beat it in is two minutes and thirty seconds, and each second over that time will deduct two points from your overall score. Any of you who pass both trials with 150 points or more will be selected for the next round of screening. Understood?"
>The crowd lets out an assortment of agreements, some more enthusiastic than others
>"Fantastic! Up first is the obstacle course, and you will all be going through in alphabetical order, so please line up as I list your names..."

>The names of all the stallions are read out and they all organize into a line at the beginning of the course, leaving the three of you to get into observational position
>The stallions are fed through one by one, each of them doing their best but usually still falling short of the 2:30 time margin
>Some by mere seconds, others by up to a minute
>Only two managed to clear it before the margin, netting a surprised nod from Twilight
>Once all the stallions were through and all the numbers crunched, Twilight picks the megaphone back up for the last time today
>"That does it for the physical trial! You all have an hour for lunch now, and we'll all meet back up in front of my castle for the mental exam!"
>After this, she teleports all three of you back to the castle
>"And that hour applies to both of you as well, in case you were wondering."
>upon hearing this, Spike shoots you both finger guns and starts backing out of the room
>"Then I'll see you both in an hour!"
>Turning to Twilight, you pose a question
"So, how many can still make it out of the 33?"
>She flips through the papers attached to the clipboard, scanning each for no more than a second
>"... 21 of them."
"Alright, 21's not bad. How many of them do you predict will manage to get through the next test?"
>Twilight begins flipping back through her notes again, this time a little slower
>"Anywhere between none and all of them."
>Well that really narrows it down!
"Ok, so you don't want to make assumptions there but you will about the integrity of my plans. I see."
>"None of these ponies have given me a reason to judge their intelligence yet, don't blame me for using information you gave me to judge yours."
>The nerve!
>You resist the urge to push Twilight, and instead opt for what would be a particularly rude gesture back on Earth
"If I still had fingers, I'd be showing you one!"
>Twilight giggles in response, but still apologizes
>"I'm sorry, that was too far. You're not stupid, you're just naive."
"No, I'll fully admit that I'm stupid, it just hurts to get called out on it so brutally."
>Twilight wraps a wing around you and pulls you in next to her for a moment
>"You're not stupid, otherwise nothing you've put together here would've worked like it has. Don't sell yourself short, you're fine."
>After the motherly speech is over, you both follow the same path Spike did before you back to the kitchen and to a pair of sandwiches left in the fridge
>Note to self: thank Spike for sandwich
>The better part of an hour later, the three of you are assembled once again
>Spike, bearing yet more papers and a pen/clipboard, Twilight with her own assembled stack of papers and pencils, and you with...
>With a winning smile! :)
>Before the front doors are opened, you thank Spike for the sandwich and take your spot at Twilight's side
>When the doors are opened, you see the same mass of stallions waiting outside
>"Alright, I'm glad to see you're all here on time! If you'll all just follow me inside, I'll get you all set up and started on the next exam."
>Everybody follows Twilight in, and all of you are lead to a large room set up with enough desks for all the subjects
>They all take their seats, and Twilight makes another announcement after trading cargo with Spike
>"All of you will get a test, each with 25 questions and all of them randomly organized to prevent cheating. Each question answered incorrectly will get up to four points deducted from your score, from 100 down to 0 if all answers are completely incorrect. You all have an hour to complete the test, and any incomplete tests must still be handed in. Any questions?"
>Assorted negatives from the room
>"Great! Spike, if you please?"
>"Got it."
>Spike distributes the papers and pencils, and Twilight begins the test once all of them are distributed
>One more hour later, all the tests are turned in
>"Thank you all for your cooperation thus far, I'll now grade these and be back with the results. In the meantime, I'd like to ask you all to wait here, please."
>Twilight then pulls you out of the room with her, but gestures for spike to stay behind and keep an eye on the group

>Once the door is closed, you ask another question
"So, any estimates now?"
>"Still no, not until I've graded all of these."
"Fair enough."
>You grab hold of Twilight right as her horn lights up, sensing her teleportation coming
>Just in time!
>You feel the flash cross your mind and dissipate into the scenery of Twilight's office, giving you the signal that it's time to pull your hoof away
>Hint hint
>... You're stuck, aren't you?
>Twilight's disappointed sigh confirms this
>"Next time just ask if I can teleport you too, it'll stop things like this from happening and potentially being worse than it is now."
"What do you mean, worse than it is now? We're fused together right now, aren't we? I mean-"
>Twilight puts a hoof to your mouth to quiet you down before lighting up her horn a second time
>Instead of teleporting though, you see her become translucent and float away from you a short distance before re-materializing
>"It's a good thing that I learned a spell that grants me intangibility for situations like this, isn't it? Now, to grading!"
>Man, magic is stupid OP here!
>As twilight sits at her desk and begins the grading process, you walk up next to her and look around at the papers
>Looking over the questions, you see some pretty standard stuff for an IQ test
>Pattern recognition, numbers, shapes, words...
>You know, stuff that you'd probably have just thrown around guesses for as opposed to actually trying
>So, understandably, you just sit and watch as Twilight grades all of it
>When she's done with that, she does the final tally of scores and gives you the verdict
>"... And that's all. Five of the participants are eligible. Ready to give them the results?"
>You take a breath to steady your mind, preparing yourself for what comes next
"As ready as I'll ever be. Teleport us."
>Twilight nods and gathers the clipboard, igniting her horn yet again and enveloping you both in a violet aura
>Poof, and you're back in the test room!
>Twilight takes charge once again and makes another announcement, this time to tell those who failed the tests to leave
>Once all that's over, the chosen five remain seated before you
>You look to Twilight, she looks back and nods
>Deep breath in...
>You take a step forward, drawing the attention of all five assembled stallions, and begin your speech
"First, I'd like to thank all five of you for showing up and participating in this set of tests. Also, because undoubtedly you all have questions that need to be answered, I'll answer them for you before we move on to the second point I have."
>The five of them look between each other in obvious confusion, but one of them raises a hoof tentatively after a moment
>"Uh... Why is a filly being the one to tell us this and not Princess Twilight?"
"Because Princess Celestia specifically told me to do all of this, Twilight's just helping me. Before any of you ask about that as well, I'm legally forbidden from elaborating further."
>Two of the stallions groan, a third's shoulders slump, and the last two look between each other in further confusion at this, but you see no other indication of questions from any of them
"Now that that's out of the way, let's get on to the second point of why you're all here. I'm sure you all are aware of the treaty that was signed a while ago, between Equestria and the Badlands?"
>You notice looks of realization cross the faces of a few of the participants, with the others following not far behind
"Well, there was something Celestia promised to do as part of it, something which you all have been tested here to aid in."
>The looks of realization transition into a collective look of dread
"However, I believe in the idea of voluntary contribution. That's why I'm telling you all this now, instead of telling you to get on a train tomorrow. Any of you willing to do so and help maintain this new relationship between our nation and our southern neighbors, then stick around. Any of you not interested, feel free to leave."
>Another stallion raises his hoof while the other four exchange looks of disgust
>"Yeah, what do we get for doing this, because you're crazy if you think I'm doing this for free."
"I have been given a blank check to finance this. As long as it isn't a crazy enough number to get Celestia to breathe down my neck, you're probably fine."
>"And how big is that number"
"I'm not sure, give me your asking price and I'll make a guess."
>"10,000,000 bits, lowest I'll go."
"Then we may have a problem, as that's more than a thousand times what I myself am being paid for this and I'm assuming that that's going way out of ballpark for this kind of thing."
>Two of the stallions walk out immediately, the third shrugs and follows, and the fourth looks to the guy asking the questions for approval
>"No dice, let's bounce."
>And then the fifth ignites his horn, poofing away him and his friend to presumably somewhere outside

>You sigh and hang your head, not even bothering to hide your disappointment
>"I guess this means plan B is up, good thing you're going to see the doctor again about your nose this weekend."
"I mean yeah, but I was kinda hoping that this would actually work."
>Twilight comes over to your side and places a hoof around your shoulders, pulling you in while simultaneously pulling your head back up
>"Hey, at least now you can get that gold-plated statue of yourself and write it off as expenses, right?"
"I guess, but hey, at least I'm actually still getting paid for all this!"
>Twilight looks away for a few moments, but returns her gaze to you with a surprised expression
>"You know, that's right! Celestia never said you needed to actually get any ponies to chrysalis, she just said that for every one that you got here and that passed muster you'd be paid!"
"And with 33 attendees and 5 successes at 200 and 500 bits respectively..."
>"... That means you're getting 9100 bits for all of this!"
"Well, assuming Tia doesn't try to pull any 'rules as intended' BS."
>"And if she doesn't, then I guess I'll be the one paying whatever medical bills we'll need paid after you're done with all of plan B."
"You know, funny you should mention that, because I ended up having a conversation about this with Luna a long while back and we actually figured out that if anyone's going to be physically broken by this it's probably going to be Chrysalis."
>Twilight immediately withdraws herself from your side, looking at you with a grimace somewhere between mild disgust and moderate concern, with a dash of curiosity
"We humans are known for having incredible stamina in all respects, that's all I'm going to say on the matter."
>"Duly noted. All that being said, I'll go ask the princess about sending over your payment and send over the collected invoice I wrote up last night. I'll get back to you when I get a response, so-"
"Actually, I have a question really quickly."
>Twilight stops as she's walking away, turning slightly to look back at you
"Can I actually try these tests myself to see how I'd place?"
>Twilight finishes turning all the way towards you again and responds
>"I suppose, but you'll have to wait until the doctor gives you a clean bill on that nose to run the obstacle course. I'll go grab my master copy of the paper exam though, you can take that now. Well... Never mind, it doesn't matter."
>And with that, she begins walking away again
"What doesn't matter?"
>Twilight calls back to you without even turning around, continuing to walk out of the room and leaving you no choice but to follow her into the hall
>"I was just weighing whether or not you observing me grading these tests would affect your ability to take it legitimately, but it doesn't really matter if it's solely for fun."
"Oh, fair. See you when you have it, then!"
>And with all that settled, you wait for Twilight's return with either the master test or the money Celestia now owes you

>A few minutes pass, and you spend them wishing that you hadn't left your phone in your room
>Twilight ends up returning soon though, test in magic and pen in front of you
>"Alright, you also have an hour to finish it. You know the rules, and I'll also tell you that Celestia's gotten back to me. The bits should be here in a week, once she's had every lawyer she can find look over the the paper and redact as much as she needs to in order to pay you under the table properly."
>Without any further ado, Twilight gives you the test and sits down in front of you with a pocket watch and a book
>Alright, question 1...
>... Well then
>The fuck do you do here?
>It's one of the pattern ones, and it's got like...
>... Eh, it's A
>Question 2...
>You continue down along the test like this, choosing answers as you feel and bowing to every particularly strong whim along the way
>Hell, you even take the time to doodle a little on one of the pages while you debate on whether to choose B or C this time
>With your luck, the correct answer'll be D though
>At least it's not like this matters at all, this is purely for fun
>You pen in the last question and push the test towards Twilight, who in turn takes it and reads it over
>You get no visual cues about what she's thinking, only a nod every now and then
>"Alright, you got a score of 80 points. You also took 40 minutes to complete the test, in case you were wondering."
"Solid. Guess I'm not that dumb after all!"
>Twilight stands back up and smiles at you warmly
>"See? What did I say?"
"Now all I have to do is conquer the obstacle course and then I'll prove myself as the most powerful mortal on this planet!"
>Twilight raises an eyebrow at your comment, letting a smirk cross her face as she replies
>"What about dragons?"
"The most powerful reasonably-sized mortal on this planet!"
>"I'm not too sure about reasonably sized either... Could you really even fit through a door?"
"Quit taking this from me, I'm trying!"
>"How about the most powerful being willing to bed Chrysalis?"
>You sigh, imagining the size of the pool (or should you say puddle?) that puts you into
"I guess, but that doesn't sound very imposing."
>"Trust me, your height makes up for that. Even considering your stature right now, you're taller than most other foals in your relative age bracket."
>True, you do look down on all of your classmates, now that you think of it
>You follow Twilight back out of the room as you walk, considering these thoughts a little more
>However, there turns out to not be much more to consider
"So, what now?"
>"Now I go back to take care of whatever paperwork I need to. You're free to do what you want."
>You kinda thought there'd be more to today, especially with the time you've spent hyping it up in your head
>Alright... Time to go play games?
>Sure, okay
>You spend the rest of the day screwing around on your phone, taking a break when dinner time comes
>. . .
And that's all I have for now! Sorry that the hiatus was pretty long again, I'm putting most of my time and energy into college right now and trying and failing to do better than I have in my previous semesters. I'll get to work on "It's the Little Things" next, so expect that to happen sometime before Half-Life 3 comes out. In the meantime, comment and critique with anything you want to say so that I can try to make this better for you all, and as always, I hope you all have a great night!