Anyway, Gareth takes the boar spear that conveniently exists and conveniently wasn't destroyed in the collapse of the tower, and was apparently bequeathed to him by his father (about whom we still know virtually nothing). The subchapter ends with this unfortunately worded passage:>His father's spear groaned underneath Gareth's grip.>Just like his father.
meaning is clear enough, but the wording implies that the father has "groaned" underneath Gareth's "grip" at some point in the past. Obviously I'd
never do anything as low-brow as make gay jokes about an author's OC but...you know, I'm just sayin'. Someone
theoretically could do that here. :^)
Anyway, after a page break, we return to Celestia. All she saw of the fight is that the roof of the tower was knocked off, and Gareth was standing on top of it. So, once again, she thinks he's dead. And, coincidentally, so do the assembled nobles, who are now beginning to suspect they might have backed the wrong horse, so to speak.
Larms, meanwhile, keeps raving like a lunatic, apparently oblivious that he's losing the room. Purple Dart notices something in the rafters. We don't see what it is, but he clearly has some sort of plan in mind. He nudges Celestia, who takes the cue and begins talking to Larms to distract him from whatever Purple Dart is gearing up to do. Then, she lowers the shield suddenly, and this happens:>The Colonel took to wing before the shield vanished, forehooves extended. Larms's eyes widened before squinting back into a glare. They collided in a thud of flesh-on-flesh. A spiral of shed feathers followed the Colonel as he span out into a nearby column, cracking it and bringing loosened rafters down around him. With a furious roar. Larms surged forward in a blur.
I really wish I could get inside the author's head a little, at least to get a glimpse of the visuals he imagines and see how they compare to my own imaginings of what he describes. Here, it's once again very difficult to follow what is physically happening. From what I understand, Purple Dart noticed that there were some loose rafters or something above them, so he tackled Larms, pushed him into a pillar, which broke and then brought the rafters down upon the two of them. However, I had to read this passage a couple of times to extract this meaning from it; the wording is jumbled and confusing, and there are, as ever, some strange errors that make it doubly difficult to read.>A spiral of shed feathers followed the Colonel as he span out into a nearby column
"Shed feathers" I think is technically correct, but it has an odd sound here that I'm not wild about. I can't explain why exactly, but I don't care for the wording; it's one of those "art not science" things. More importantly, though, "spun" is the past tense of "spin." "Span" is a dimensional reference: life span, leg span, the span of a chasm, and so forth.>With a furious roar. Larms surged forward in a blur.
"With a furious roar" should not be its own sentence. The author probably meant to type a comma here, but once more, this is the sort of error that really ought to be caught during proofreading.
Also, one last thing: at the end of this passage, we have Larms roaring and surging forward; however, this happens after he crashes into a pillar and a section of roof caves in on top of him. Did that not hurt him at all? And where is Purple Dart? We lose sight of him after this.
Anyway, Larms, apparently uninjured, tries to bum-rush Celestia (probably not the smartest thing for an Earth Pony to do to an alicorn, but it's pretty clear that Chucky is mentally unbalanced at this point so it makes enough sense I suppose). In any case, Celestia fires a blast of power at him, which inexplicably does no damage to him whatsoever. He leaps through it and punches her in the gut (this is a difficult move to visualize a horse performing on another horse, btw, so more description might be warranted).>Burning air forced itself out of Celestia's lungs. Weakness sapped at her body, sending her to her knees.
Once again, air does not force itself out of anything. If you're punched in the gut, it's called "getting the wind knocked out of you." The air is being forced out as a result of the impact; it doesn't move on its own. This is the second time I've seen soulpillar use this expression (that I've noticed), and it's an inaccurate description of what's happening. Along with his overuse of the word "flopped," it's a habit he should try to get out of.>Larms, huffing and panting, trotted over to her and planted a forehoof on her neck. "You brought this upon yourself." He lifted a hoof, readying to crush her skull.
Again, this seems highly implausible. Unless Celestia is severely weakened from overuse of her magic (which I suppose could be the case here), or Chucky Larms is supposed to be some kind of martial arts expert, I really don't see a one-on-one physical brawl between an immortal alicorn princess and a mudpony half her physical size playing out this way.
Right on cue, a sudden blast of mysterious energy from somewhere off to the side hits Chucky before he can deliver the finishing blow.>Air rushed back into Celestia's chest. She gasped, pushing away and lashing out with a simple blast of magical energy.
Since this is meant to be a dramatic scene, a "simple blast of magical energy" may not be the best choice of words.>Larms lost his footing, sent careening into a wall.
This is terrible English right here. "Larms lost his footing and went careening into the wall" would probably be the most expedient correction for this.>The rainbow energy pinned him, charring his fur for a full second before dissipating, letting him slide down and into a steaming heap. The stench of burnt hair filled the silence.
Again, this is meant to be a dramatic moment, and I'm not sure calling attention to the smell of burning hair is the best way to convey the feeling the author wants.