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File: 1553308153740.png (1012.87 KB, 1280x720, First place woah dash very….png)

df175 No.213469[View All]

So yeah, if you are new to this here is a brief rundown of what this thread is about and what happened in the last one.
In this thread wannabe writers posts their stories and those stories are then judged accordingly by a jury, which after some thought gives it a score. The Story with the highest score wins. Simple.
In the last thread,>>197973, an anon named Placeholder won with his short story about marines, who probably has never seen the sea, and therefore the abstract and conceptual cup of /MLPOL/ writefagging is currently in the Anonfilly camp. Hopefully, it will end up somewhere else before it becomes too gay. I shudder at the thought of what they might be doing with it.

For the competitors/writers.

This challenge is different from the previous one. Here we won't write short stories but actual novels. This means that both the minimum word count has been increased and the days you have at your disposal has increased. An entry has a minimum length of 10k words and then let's say that you have forty days to write it so the first of May will be our deadline.

There is actually an extra condition for this competition this time around to make it more interesting. The inspiration for it came to me when I was watching some anime review and the e-celeb said something about how the quality for the stories in anime is so low is because they go by a mold which, unless your name carries weight, your story must fit through. Basically, they think that since this kind of story was popular once we can simply rehash it again and again and they don't take their chances with something they don't know will get popular. There is probably a lot one could say about this, and it's totally fine to bring it up in the thread if you like, but the thing that I got stuck on was the underlying idea that quality is held back by this mold.

That is what I want to prove wrong and I am going to use you, unsuspecting sheep, to do it.

The scenario goes like this: You are an aspiring author who along others like you have been called into the headquarters of Netfux's new animation studio, which they own together with Hasbro (yeah, roll with it). They started it because they want a piece of that anime market. They have hired in an editor from A-1 pictures or whatever. You meet him and he tells you what you must write. He, who has been into anime too long, doesn't know that stories for boys doesn't necessarily need to be shonen [read: series of actions sqequnces] and has a few demands for your stories. You have to choose five tropes from a list of marketable tropes. These tropes must be in the story for it to be accepted but after that, it will be a jury who decided the fate of your work.

Also, not to forget, you are supposed to write it in my little pony universe because the producers for this cocktail of madness wants to cash in on the brony fandom as well.

So there you have it. You realize that even though you want to spend time expressing your own unique tales that this is a chance that you simply cannot miss. If you have an animation studio behind your creative work, you can let your dreams truly unfurl.

Here is that list:
1 The OP MC
2 The self-insert
3 Harem
4 The underdog
5 A concrete battle system
6 Mind games
7 Revealing female battle armor
8 The kududere
9 The Yandere
10 The Tsundere
11 The imouto character
12 The mentor
13 The school setting
14 The rival(s)
15 Discovery of character lineage
16 The character with some dark edgy power nobody else has
17 The artifact with enormous powers
18 Tournament Arc
19 Free for all/Battle royal
20 The character with a quirky gimmick
21 The redemption seeker
22 The avenger
23 The flashbacks
24 A great evil has risen again
25 And this evil will either destroy the world
26 Or take over it
27 A guy walks in on a naked girl and gets killed
28 Moe stuff
29 Constantly talking about one's goal and how one needs to get stronger in order to reach it
30 Training montage/or just scenes with characters practice is better.
31 The infuriating comic relief/or just the comic relief
32 The puppet master
33 Manicial laughing crazy edge character
34 The nerd A.K.A. the jew (every single time in every movie)
35 Pick a trope of your own choice just make sure to tell us which one you picked before you send in your final entry.

To summarise, to compete you need to write a story that has some anchor to ponies. It can be a ponies on earth story or a "Humans in Equestria" story both are okay. However, you can't write a story about some brony who lets mlp influence his average day that is not enough.
The other condition for your story is that it needs to be at a minimum of ten thousand words long. Another thing is that it must be made during the time of the competition but that's up to your conscious.
The last condition for this story is that is must be some kind of adventure/actions story since it is supposed to be in shonen format. I accept stories about characters playing sports for their action scenes, even playing games, and cat and mouse stuff but I draw the line against anything that isn't any of this.
You also have to choose five tropes of the thirty-five in the list above. Think about how to execute them well and remember that it is okay to subvert them and play around with them as well since that also counts as using them.
68 posts and 43 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

098f7 No.216085

I've been stressed as hell lately as well as my normal practice of procrastinating the fuck out of things, I know what I want to do but I don't know how to execute it in a way I feel is adequate. Not a bad spot to be in overall considering I'll have a lot of time to knock shit out next week, though.

66768 No.216130

Bro, same! Up top!
Life is pain…

6bb7a No.216135

I'm gonna be honest with you,Anon. I've been in a state of Depression for awhile now. i haven't written a Word yet.

d94dd No.216198

Mindmapped the entire plot of my story, which was nice to finally do. Got a bit more comfortable with my mindmapper while I was at it. The trick, as it turned out, was not to overly complicate it with every little detail, and let my imagination do it's damn job.
I'll follow up on this in a bit, since I think mindmapping is a good practice, one that I wish I had known about when I'd started writefagging.

d94dd No.216207

File: 1554947990792-0.png (126.65 KB, 605x540, 247812468.png)

File: 1554947990792-1.png (217.41 KB, 2560x1021, compendiumng in action.png)

So, you want to try and write something! But you've got a fuckton of ideas flittering around in your head, you can't get shit organized, your plan keeps changing, or some other excuse. And for whatever reason, you don't want to just jot it down in a text file.

Enter mindmapping.

In my mind, it's the literal interpretation of pic #1: creating a map of your story to follow along with. Connecting events, adding details, all of it done quite literally and in a way that's not just easy to follow, but easy to change as well.
If you do a lot of rewriting, or are prone to changing certain elements of your story a lot, mindmapping can be a real godsend, as you don't have to just erase everything you've already written: just make a new chain of nodes and keep your old storyline for reference on the side, reconnecting plot details as you go.
It's also great for structuring arguments, as well as aiding in critical thinking in general, if you're into that sort of thing.

Now obviously I can't very well show my map of what I've done for this thread's upcoming story, so for the sake of example I'll instead spoil a little bit of my side project for the friendly neighbourhood porn thread, courtesy of pic #2.
You can see how it works in this particular example: just making quick nodes, giving short descriptions, and tacking on extra details as needed. It's very easy to get into a flow of just making nodes and continuing to map things out. And like I said before, it's easy to 'rewrite'; just drop a new line of nodes. Way, way easier than keeping a table, or having a plot skeleton in a text file.

d94dd No.216208

File: 1554948051933-0.zip (30 MB, CompendiumNG-pt1.zip)

The particular mindmapper I'm using is CompendiumNG, an older bit of software developed with some actual academic background in issue mapping. Meaning it's easy to use, very powerful when dug into, and isn't made unusable by some programmer's rampant autism, since it actually needs to be used in professional environments. It also comes with very detailed documentation, so there's no need to dig through a Wiki to figure out how to use it.

d94dd No.216209

File: 1554948111239-0.zip (25.44 MB, CompendiumNG-pt2.zip)

It's no longer downloadable as the project is too dead to notice their build server's been retired, but I was able to compile the installer myself. Sharing it in two posts because /mlpol/'s reply form got really impatient with me trying to upload all at once.
You just need at most Java 8 to run it, in either Oracle or OpenJDK varieties. If you can run Minecraft, you can run CompendiumNG.

Hope this helps!

61d39 No.216230

File: 1554966851032.png (8.1 KB, 500x250, Oekaki.png)

All hail the mighty Action Curve may it save us from writing hell.


afdc3 No.216261

Inkscape is pretty damn good for mindmapping, I reckon.
It's what I use.

dc5bc No.216349

File: 1555031937557.jpg (183.9 KB, 1280x828, tumblr_ojby73dhTw1tv5myeo1….jpg)

I have written 3k words now. I expect the first chapter to sit on about 4k words.
The story's main plot points are established but not the details.

c7942 No.216471

File: 1555096759696.png (118.56 KB, 433x404, 1550234807172-1-1.png)

Man, I have done this now but I got to proofread and edit. Gaaayyyyy!

baead No.216524

I'm proud of that pic but fuck, I forgot to shop in a mouth trigger for the guns.

d9c30 No.217009

File: 1555283259406.pdf (75.19 KB, Glowing Hot Horseshoes.pdf)

So hehe, I am late mister. Plz, don't punish me.
I am sorry to tell you that I won't post that story. Well, for this thread anyway. Hope, that the story I will write instead is good enough for you.
Don't be stressed Anons. I say, having being seriously stressed over my repeated failures to plan this weekend. But seriously, this is suppose to be fun first and foremost. If any of you don't make it to the deadline, post what you got. It is not like Glimglam can't review a story with less words.
There will be more competition threads like this one or other types of threads like this one. However, there will be a longer pause before the next one since I want to think about how to improve it and so on.
Yeah, planning is something I have rescently started to really think cloesly about.
Intresting, I will look into it. I think this can really be helpful. Thanks!
Well, pacing is probably good to think about but I don't write "my stories" after them. Well, not intentionally anyway.
I will think about it. Regardless, thanks for your inpute.
Nice, thanks. Will look it up.
It is nice pic. Too bad about the triggers.
>Word Vomit Fest
Ehh, I cringe internally now when I look at that title name. *Sigh*

d9c30 No.217010

The pdf is not edited yet so it is what it is.

d9c30 No.217011

My descriptions are too long, I think.

61d39 No.218151

Just read it once so far it's looking good.
Using Chekhov's gun to cut down is a handy way to decide to keep something or not. Foreshadowing future events makes random pieces of information more meaningful on the second time reading it can also clue in the subconscious to events going on.
>I'm not a writer although I am trying harder to practice it.

61d39 No.218155

Use in building is almost always good. Whether it's the world, the characters, or meta stuff.
Every action has consequences and can reveal more about the character, or the world.
(Who is Character, and what would they do, and what happens during and after. Tends to answer most things)

098f7 No.218910

Alright, I concede… I was hoping to get some work done this week but I'm swamped with life related shit and faaaaar from where I need to be. Best of luck to the rest of you all, I'm sorry I can't deliver.

d94dd No.218971

File: 1556062425989.gif (42.16 KB, 500x471, 1479495525159.gif)

So, sorry to have to say this, but I'll have to take a rain check on my particular entry for this competition.
I've been buried by life lately and have been unable to invest time into writing until just a few days ago, and what I have done (which was actually pretty substantial) was for my other stories, just to get back into the flow of things.
So sadly, I won't be able to bring about my tragic story like I thought I would, at least not for this contest. I'll keep it on the back burner for any upcoming ones though, see if Father Time and Papa (((Coincidence))) treats me better by then. Consider yourself lucky, Lone ^:)

66768 No.219015

Okay, so I'm having some trouble getting the time to write as well. The deadline may need to be moved back a bit.

890d8 No.219068

I have an idea on how to dea with this. I will post it tomorrow. Until, then let's postpone the dealine for now.

fe351 No.219689

So the idea I have in mind is for us to post one chapter each second week so fourteen days from now we each post the first chapter of our stories. This way, we get more time to plan and make the story, we get a feeling of progress in the our project by doing this, and it doesn't become such a burden.

So what do you guys think? Do you feel up for trying again?

I had the same problem as you guys btw.

66768 No.219777

I've been making good progress actually, I think I might be able to post the entire thing in the next week or so as long as I work hard and take care of any necessary college shit quickly. I'm fine with just a deadline extension, dunno about the others.

e8f0c No.219885

File: 1556643010333.png (291.28 KB, 400x598, sigh let's get it over wit….png)

>I think I might be able to post the entire thing in the next week or so
Well, if you do that, I guess you win by default.

098f7 No.219962

>>219777 (Checked)
Yeah, looks like this is it for me. I might try the next contest, but for now I'll just be another writefag in the filly thread. You all stay frosty.

d94dd No.219964

Hate to keep piling onto the train like this, but at my rate I'm just trying to get back into my usual flow of things. In no real state to branch out and experiment with my not fun concept right now.
I remember when I was posting 2 story updates every week. Now I'm down to, what, once every month? Gotta get the fire back in me first, y'know what I'm saying?

7e7f5 No.220171

File: 1556825959722-0.jpg (15.65 KB, 400x242, fudge.jpg)

File: 1556825959722-1.jpg (104.4 KB, 899x806, 1556790039454.jpg)

Hey everyone, I haven't been following the thread all that closely but I still intend to duly perform my judgely duties upon the entries in this contest. Sounds like the deadline is possibly being extended, so I will just hang back for now until everyone's entries are uploaded and ready to go.

If you are participating in this contest, please reply to this post with a link/file attachment of your final entry, or a link to your posts if your entry is already in the thread. Sven, if you would like to also make a post letting me know when the contest is officially over and the judgement can begin, I will then go down the list of replies and dissection shall commence.

54bb4 No.220189

I will get back to these later.
Placeholder, this is merely a suggestion but you could post these chapters in your story one chapter per week. The reason why I suggest this because I remember how KingBattleBrit wrote two novels about 50k each and they basically went under the radar. They might not been masterpieces but, while I can't speak for the Flip Ferarri one, the one with Tips"If John Elway created Denver Broncos, who created John Elway?"Fedora, the autistic hobby detective was actually good. I had some problems with it but when isn't that the case? They were also minor.

The point I am trying to make is that it was a longer work with a lot of effort put into it and I honestly think it didn't get the recognition it deserved. I mean I not blaming anyone. No one is obligated to read anything here. I just think that reminding people that your story exist isn't bad.

Most series released one episode per week to gain new readers. New readers are the one you catch by simply being present. While already existing fans would gladly binge anything you produce. New readers can get scared off from reading something huge since it is such a commitment. Like I don't even consider reading Fallout: Equestrian because of this but also because I don't think it will be for me.

But you do you.

069a3 No.220227

File: 1556870656867.gif (1.7 MB, 639x533, 1417763099161.gif)

>They might not been masterpieces

66768 No.220228

I understand your concerns, and I'm entirely willing to do the weekly posting framework (or however often it should be posted). When should I start, or should I start once I'm finished writing it all?

fca62 No.220412

File: 1556970610914.png (1.21 MB, 1146x947, 1526956888681.png)

btw Sven, sorry I kind of dropped the ball on this, but if you're still doing that audiobook project I've finally compiled all that stuff I said I'd get together. A lot of the music I had was copyright protected, a little ironic in the context of the story, and I had to figure out how to remove it. Then I got sidetracked and forgot about it until the other day.

Anyway, this zip file has the latest draft of the manuscript, as well as a "soundtrack" containing all of the albums referenced in the text. At least I think I got all of them, let me know if there's anything missing. I also designed a cover for the book which you can have as well.


8ba3b No.221846

File: 1557887181277.jpg (127.58 KB, 512x512, jdnh-1553651684-76233-512.jpg)

Np. I am the one who is sorry. I don't know why I never answer your posts in a reasonable amount of time. I feel so embarrassed about it. Like really bad.
I still want to do it but it is buried beneath the many things that I want to do. However, I feel optimistic about its completion. It shouldn't be that hard to accomplish but who knows?
Thanks for the zip file.
>copyright protected, a little ironic in the context of the story
Yeah, hehe.
I was thinking about making a progress diary thread on /ub/ to keep you updated on the project.
Anyway, nice to hear from you again.
Post them whenever you feel like it. If you know you won't change the beginning anymore, then you can post it even if you haven't finished it.
I am quite excited to read this story of yours.
It seems most contestants have forfeit including myself. The only one I don't know of their status is (you)>>216135 but I think it is safe to say that he won't. Otherwise, Placeholder is the only one with a finished or soon to be finished story. So he is the winner by default so whenever he has posted his entire story, he will post them with a weeks interval, you can post your review. You are still not obligated to do anything after all so you choose how you will post your review about his story. What I mean is that if you want to post a small review for each chapter he makes a big one for the whole story or nothing at all.
Well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to fate/stayponies. It looked promising.
I haven't read your main anonfilly story but have read a lot of your one-shots. They are often good so I will be looking out for them in that thread and yes, I will stay frosty.
>I remember when I was posting 2 story updates every week. Now I'm down to, what, once every month?
Hehe, I just imagine you doing one of those, "Retired athlete who is overweight trains to get back in shape" montages.
Mm, you do that. I have read some of that Flurry story that you are writing. I like the main idea if I have interpreted it correctly, which is: That the main pairing consists of two people who due to their social standing have trust issues. Yeah, there is probably a less convoluted way of saying that but you get my point.
However, I feel that the execution almost work. With emphasize on almost. To me, scenes and characters miss their mark just with hair. For example, Cadence and Anon's father (All Might) are too alike. They are basically replicas instead of being similar people. While it is fun to see them have chemistry and shared past while their partners look on confused as they spaz out, it also feels contrived. I don't really believe what I am reading. The same thing happens with Flurry and Anon. They are the same person and while I think that they can totally share the same issue the difference between them is their sex. I kind of just wish that this issue would express itself differently for each one of them because they are of different sex.
Another thing is the fact that Shining Armour is treated so shittily. Basically, neither his daughter or his soon to be son-in-law respects him. It is not like Anon will ask for his blessing before sexing his daughter up. I cannot, not be a disturbed by this and generally I begin to rut for their coming relationship to be a complete bust, you know. It doesn't help that Shing Armour is one of my favorite horses as in I like his mane.
Otherwise, while I still got some more complaints, I like it and I also believe that my complaints can possibly be addressed later in the story.
Anyway, it is too bad that you didn't manage to make it for this competition as with all the others I am curious about this tragedy you have conjured up.

This is a good time as any to tell you that I forfeit aswell. Fuck.

Also also. I am glad for the response I got for this thread. It was pretty nice.

8ba3b No.221852

Eh, I think my review of your work Canada-san came off a bit too negative and not representive of my feelings. I do, in fact, like a lot of stuff with it.
Like the setting. Humans are a nation in the same world as Equestria and they have feudal rulership system just like Equestria. Flurry andd Anon are princess and prince respectively and so on. It is a neat take and unusual.
There is more pros and cons but that I have but I don't got time to write it right now.
I don't really know why I wrote the cons first.
Just so you know I will be following it.

61d39 No.221870

Hunh, it has been two months. Time sure flies by.

66768 No.221908

Got it. I'll probably end up doing some tweaking here and there later on down the line as it becomes necessary, but I can post a bit from the beginning to hopefully get you all interested.

66768 No.221909

Here it is, the first blurb or so of my story- Accepting feedback.

>Be Twilight

>It's an average Wednesday night, not unlike the countless other Wednesdays you've lived through
>You're sat on one of the several couches placed in various rooms around your castle with a book on theoretical and applied magic sitting on a table in front of you
>How you'd love to crack it back open and continue reading, but you've got more important things to be working on right now
>Such important things include grading all the homework due for the end of the semester today
>You're still not sure why Celestia asked you to teach at her academy, but it gives you a reason to go outside, so…
>Hm, that brings up a thought: when was the last time you went outside for fun?
>Definitely some time ago, that's about as much as you can remember
>Was it at Spike's 756th birthday?
>Maybe it was during that oddly large phoenix migration last year…
>Oh right, it was when you went to the north pole to observe the close fly-by of that one comet!
>What was its name?
>Eh, you'll remember later
>Now where were you…
>Huh, guess you managed to finish grading those assignments while you were zoning out
>Well, time to read that book!
>You levitate it up to your face and-
>-And proceed to drop it as the castle quakes beneath you!
>What now…
>You open up a nearby window overlooking the city of Ponyville to find a particularly large hydra stomping about near 3rd street
>You're not sure how tall it is, but seeing as how it's currently in the process of chewing on the top of the 300ft wall bordering the Everfree Forest, it's pretty up there
>Not wasting any more time, you jump out the window and ready a spell
>It takes you a second to fly over, and in that time the hydra turns its attention away from the wall and towards the responder team currently trying to wrangle it back towards the hole it made
>They're failing to, of course, but that's why you're en route to the problem
>Once you get there, you get a much better idea of how things are going
>The responders aren't so much wrangling it as trying to move ponies away from it
>Good, that'll make your job much easier
>You land in front of the hydra and grab its attention with a quick laser before shouting up to the responder team
"Finish clearing civilians and then get yourselves out of here too, I got it from here!"
>You're still not comfortable with using the Royal Canterlot Voice™ even after learning how to do it centuries ago, but it definitely has its uses
>Particularly, being heard over loud things
>The responders wave in acknowledgement to you before leaving you to the hydra
>The hydra tries to give chase to a lagging pegasus, but you're already casting your spell
>Within an instant, the hydra is completely immobilized as you begin levitating it up and away
>At this point, you don't even need to watch it as it soars over the Everfree and lands back in the center of the forest
>This is the fifth time in a month that something's gotten past that wall, they should really upgrade it
>Well, you may be royalty, but you're not part of the city bureaucracy
>Your job here is done, so now it's time to actually go and enjoy that book!
>You fly back to your crystal tree castle, inspecting some of the damages the hydra made on the way in
>A sizable hole was left in the wall, but not low enough that anything else managed to creep in
>That's good, the last thing you want right now is for something else to happen that could take advantage of the weakened state of the city
>Fortunately, nothing happens for the rest of the night so you're free to spend it the way you want to!
>You power through the book in a couple of hours, only stopping briefly to reheat dinner in between chapters
>There wasn't much in it that you didn't already know and weren't already planning on proving in the coming weeks, but it was still a few days before the yearly magic summit starts on the first next month
>Plenty of time to gather research and perform experiments, especially since this will just be a formalization of things you've already done for fun
>And after that, you get to see what all the other bright minds of Equestria have done with their time!
>You may even get to see some past students, if you're lucky
>When you check the time, you see the clock resting firmly at around 10:30, so you decide to turn in for the night
>You slot the book back into its place on your shelf before heading back up to your room and climbing into bed
>However, once you get to your bed your thoughts threaten to keep you awake again
>This time, your midnight dwellings take you back to that thought about going outside for fun
>Is it really that big of a problem that you don't go outside much?
>Maybe, but it's not like you have any friends anymore
>Oh well, it's not your fault that you're immortal
>You could still go visit Spike over the weekend, he'd probably enjoy seeing you again
>But how would all of the other dragons take a pony showing up randomly to talk to an Elder Dragon?
>Eh, you should probably clear it up over a few letters first just to make sure
>… Maybe you should go out there and make some more friends?
>After all, that is what Celestia sent you here to do all those centuries ago…
>But how would that even work? Most ponies don't consider you to even be in the same ballpark as them, much less somepony to just walk up to and start up a conversation with
>That's it!
>Your experience and rank have definitely made you beyond friendship with the common ponies, but it certainly wouldn't come off as weird if you decided to take on an apprentice!
>It's settled; you're finding an apprentice to pass on your wisdom to and hopefully create another lasting relationship in the process!
>This is certainly something that you should put more thought into, but it worked for Celestia so why wouldn't it for you?
>Settled in your new plans, you finally find the peace of mind to drift off to sleep
>. . .

92b89 No.222044

File: 1557995121033.png (729.01 KB, 752x706, 1555110313050.png)

I think you do a good job in establishing Twilight's *Spoiler* current character that also fits with what the Twilight we know.
I guess it is done subtly as well or one can call it that. I don't really think it is purely subtle.
Like we nderstand that this is Twilight in the future due to hints spread out throught the text at no point does the narrative go, "By the way Twilight is centuries old," or well again not unprovoct.
Anyway, this is why I don't like inner monologue in writting because the informations you can get is not really subtle and it kind of cheats…
Look I don't have the time right now to continue so I will just post some positive and get back on track.

You also do a good job at explaing her motive for getting *Spolier* an apprantice.

And this is the path to take with a character which arc ended centuries ago I think. There is also a lot of paths to take with this sort of thing. I mean who wouldn't want to be Twilight Sparkle's apprentice. This move of your opens a lot of doors of for the story to go.

I have turned into Nigel. Pic, unrelated.

61d39 No.222066

Looks good! I'm also looking foward to the rest of the story.

The spoilers spoil. Also lots of guesses with no grounding.

Twilight has lots of personal problems. Waring between Before her friends and After her friends. The death of her friends changed her, possibly their children too ect.. Not sure if the other princesses are alive or active. I assume they are.
She is having trouble being who she used to be, cue title, this story I'm guessing will show Twilight's development or the New student / students development possibly both. Guessing now the student becomes an alicorn or dies.

Lot's of questions to be answered. How cannon did this start at? Why and how did it change? How are the events related?

66768 No.222207

I'll answer your spoiler questions that I don't plan on answering in the story itself since the OG prompt is still to make an episode or so of a TV show.
>where in canon does it start
Somewhere between midway through season 5 and before season 9.
>why/how did it change
It changed because quality drop finally made me stop watching the show after Flurry's introduction. In canon, it's probably because the commie never resurfaced and the royal sisters never felt the need to retire because immortality makes time mean nothing.
>how are the events related
The events are related because the friendship school never happened and Twilight was able to go about life with her friends as a part-time hero without any interruption (at least until her friends started to die off).

66768 No.222208

fuck, forgot the name

f0704 No.222209

File: 1558079732514.jpg (158.48 KB, 508x543, 5xcs-1521565247-404210-ful….jpg)

What I was trying to say in my last post about subtlty is more a me thing than a universal rule. It is part my style but I recommand it because it came from somesort of reasoning. My style and the reason for it is: To write in third person perspective and try to only write what is happening and chracter's thoughts. This means that things like Chracter's feelings can only be shown not told about the same about their motivations.

The reason I do this is so that I show don't tell at all times. This is quite diffcult in doing since it requires more thought but I think it will be more rewarding.

It seems I have no more time left.

I will write up what I want to tell you here:

1)boredom or sorrow after friends were lost. Why haven't Twilight thought about getting new friends before all these years.
2)Even iff it fitted in her chain of thoughts the way we learn information is by hearing Twilight's inner monlogue instead oflike we seeing how she doesn't go outsidemuch.
3) You did good in subtly displaying how Twilight defeated a hydra (a creature she ran from season 1) is nothing to her and that she is thinks more about getting back to her book than it.

Notes: Wall around ponyville.

d94dd No.222212

File: 1558090806783.png (213.69 KB, 1000x800, 1520707380203.png)

>They are the same person
Yeah, a definite holdover from my original plan for the tale to be short and smutty. There'll be some distinction as things progress, don't you worry.
>I begin to rut for their coming relationship to be a complete bust
Like I said in >>220953 , events of that particular nature are way down the line now. While it's pretty obvious they will pair up, how they do it is going to be the thing (I hope) will sell it.
>It doesn't help that Shing Armour is one of my favorite horses as in I like his mane.
Yeesh, you really wouldn't have liked my story for this thread, then. [dark cackling]

>I think my review of your work Canada-san came off a bit too negative
Nigga if I didn't want negativity, I'd have gotten my writefagging done over on Fimfic, and not imageboards. I started on imageboards expressly to avoid hugboxing of any variety, anything that could potentially coddle away mistakes and failings I would inevitably make.
If you or anyone else has problems with my stuff, just up and say it. If you think I'm going to be offended by your feedback, my reply is that I'm only offended by your low opinion of me. Not you specifically, you know what I'm sayin' dawg
>Just so you know I will be following it.
Merci beaucoup, monsieur Sven. Have some horrifying degeneracy as thanks.

61d39 No.222224

Looking foward to what you do.
I just need to read more to get more of an idea on what feedback is needed.

7e7f5 No.226138

File: 1560875023325.jpg (12.52 KB, 236x295, 6fe6a9e6d064cd277bcbf3b33a….jpg)

Hey, just a quick bump to let everyone know that I haven't forgotten about doing reviews for this project. I've been holding back since I wasn't sure if people were still finishing up their projects or whatever, but I feel like probably enough time has passed at this point. I'll likely start writing reviews this week sometime, and I'll just review whatever is in here I guess.

53ab5 No.226171

There is nothng in here though. Thanks anyway for your kind intent but there are no finsihed stories in this thread.

66768 No.226220

Thanks for reminding me that this still exists, I got caught up finishing off a semester in college and then I gave 40$ and too many hours of my time to Todd Howard, so I got pretty sidetracked away from writing. I'll get back to that!

7e7f5 No.226306

Sorry, I've been deliberately not reading the contents of the thread because I don't want anything to color my impressions of the works being posted. I can hold off if people are still finishing up their stories.

a5f72 No.226420

Np. Seems like a good idea actually.

If you want to you can review the unfinished stories that has been posted. Here are the post of those.
>>213660 >>214419 >>217009 >>221909

66768 No.230883

Checking in to say I still haven't forgotten, and to prove it have another block of words.

continued from >>221909
>Still Twilight, but now it's Friday and you're at the Canterlot Campus
>Class starts in a few minutes, but already all your students are present and accounted for so you decide to start class anyway
"Alright, class, I have all your tests here and will pass them out to you in a minute for your final exam. It shouldn't take that long, it's only 20 questions. However, it still covers everything you've learned, so don't underestimate it. Good luck!"
>Without further ado, you levitate all the tests to everypony in the room at once
>As you take a seat at your desk, you can already see pencils working through numbers and numerous faces steeped in concentration
>As much as you enjoy a good test though, you don't so much enjoy watching others take them, so your thoughts start to wander again
>Was it too short of a deadline to have the applications due on Saturday?
>Probably, but you've already gotten a few, so it can't be that bad… right?
>Eh, maybe, but then again, you're no stranger to bad ideas
>After all, most ponies probably would've called you crazy for entrusting the protection of the Elements of Harmony, magical superweapons made of gemstones, to an adult dragon, but in Spike's defense…
>Wait, this is another tangent
>Does it even really matter, though?
>It's either this or we watch a bunch of ponies take a test that we did in 20 minutes for two hours
>Tangent it is!
>You allow the tides of your consciousness to take you from subject to subject as your mind drifts aimlessly, any sense of course lost to idle thought, until the first pony comes to turn in her test
>It's a silent exchange, but her look says enough
>She did well on every other test, she probably did fine regardless
>The floodgates open up upon you after this first test is handed in as several others stand up within seconds of each other to turn in their own tests
>Nopony wants to be first…
>Soon enough, all the tests are in and all your students are packing up
"Alright, I'll have all your tests graded and sent back with your final grades by next week. One last thing before I dismiss you all, remember that applications for apprenticeship are due tomorrow at 11:59 with the essay attached. For those of you uninterested, I wish you the best of luck going forward and I hope you have a good break. Class is dismissed!"
>A few minutes early, but hey, there was nothing left to do and that time could be better spent elsewhere
>Not wanting to waste any time yourself, you gather up your own belongings into your bag and teleport home
>Once you get there, you waste no more time in immediately starting the grading
>It's not too much, all you really do is briefly scan each question to determine if they got the right answer and award the proper number of points
>Soon enough, you have the tests all graded and are able to add them into the students' final grades
>So, you do!
>That doesn't take much time, either…
>Oh well, 'next week' includes Monday, or whenever the mail service will have it all delivered
>After everything else is taken care of, you decide to start running through the submissions for apprenticeship that you've already gotten
>It's before the deadline, but that doesn't mean you can't start judging them already
>Now, let's see what the first one has to say!
>It's bad
>Well, it's good that they sent it in?
>A for effort?
>Who are you kidding, this gets an 'F' for effort
>Next submission is…
>Just as dreadful
>Sure it was a tight deadline, but you were able to do far better with far less time when you were younger!
>Come on, this submission is just a single paragraph!
>Granted, it's a two-page long paragraph, but it's still just a single paragraph
>Well, maybe there'll be some submissions tomorrow that better utilized their time
>Otherwise, you've got to choose between "gibe aprentiss plox" and literal chicken-scratch
>In the meantime, you're going to do something else that takes you far away from the combined product of roughly six brain cells
>If that's how they all handle pressured deadlines, then they certainly won't make it far
>You stand up from your couch and teleport down to a kitchen to make some tea
>It's a process that needs no explaining, so once again your mind goes off on its own
>Maybe you should've waited for the next semester to drop this on them?
>Maybe, but you can't go back on it now
>Not after all those students sunk all of <20 minutes into this
>More importantly though, it's a matter of pride and appearances
>You're not sure how long it's been since you've been publicly wrong or stupid, but it's definitely been a long time
>Of course, that also probably stems from the fact that you haven't gone out in public for a non-professional reason in literal years, but that just takes us back to square one without accomplishing anything
>Oh, the water's boiling
>Good, that means you don't have to hear yourself think for a few seconds while you do everything else!
>You finish preparing your tea and take it up to the castle library to settle back in with a good book
>. . .

53ab5 No.232064

I read it.
>Granted, it's a two-page long paragraph, but it's still just a single paragraph
I will explain myself when I find the right words and havee more time but this whole thing with the submissions being few doesn't seem believable to me.

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