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File: 1539500789416.png (461.3 KB, 1280x720, Sweetie_Belle_writing_in_f….png)

c2496 No.178720

What is NaNoWriMo?

>National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to creative writing.

>On November 1, participants begin working towards the goal of writing a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 PM on November 30.
>Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought about writing a novel.

Literally this is just sitting down and writing out a 50k word novel within the month of November. There are no prizes for victory and no penalty for defeat beyond the stench of failure that will cling to you for the rest of your mortal life.

The novel can be about anything you like. It does not have to be good. The plot does not have to make sense, your grammar and spelling does not have to be correct, and you do not have to show it to anyone or publish it if you don't want to. The only objective here is the creative exercise of forcing yourself to write a certain amount of words within a given time frame. The only requirements are that it be an original work of fiction, that it be a self contained work, and that it be composed entirely within the month of November, 2018. You can spend as much time as you need pre-November getting ideas together or outlining your story, the main rule is that you don't sit down and actually start writing the text before Nov. 1.

I've done this challenge myself multiple times and I think it would be a fun thing for /mlpol/ to attempt together. In the spirit of the board I would encourage stories that relate to either ponies or politics, but this is by no means a requirement; your novel can be about anything you want. The main thing is that we are all writing together at the same time. Nigel, all board drama aside you are more than welcome to join in on this, if anyone on this site could crank out 50,000 words of pure autism in the space of a month it's you.


Official NaNoWriMo Site:

Official /mlpol/ thread on NaNoWriMo Forum:
Thought it would be good for us to have our own thread on the official writing groups forum, although we don't necessarily have to use it.

Interestingly enough, there is already a thread for Right Wing Writers
I noticed it and skimmed it. Seems fairly uncucked, the fact that OP specifically said "right wing" and not "conservative" is encouraging.

You need to register an account on the NaNoWriMo website in order to use their forums, which I understand some anons may not be comfortable doing. This thread can be used just as easily for discussion, however the official site allows you to track daily word counts, share story snippets, and do other useful things. Use of the official site in conjunction with this thread is encouraged but not required. They are generally pretty good about free speech and the section of the forum the above threads are in is specifically for niche writing groups, so I don't foresee any problems for us. Use a proxy or VPN if you're paranoid.

1eea8 No.178726

Challenge accepted

4fe0f No.178745

I'm erect and ready to go.

4fe0f No.178768

Also don't call me Nigel or you're letting the hostile raiding Glimmigrant invaders win. My name is Battlebrit. Because it sounds like Battleship.

6da54 No.178773

All bong flags are Nigel until proven otherwise, Nigel. You just happen to be Nigel, so we call you Nigel. Now quit derailing the writing contest thread!

c2496 No.178782

No, my name is Battlebrit. It's mine now and you're not getting it back. However, if you'd like to join us in writing a novel you are absolutely welcome to do so.

480e9 No.178802

>The only requirements are that it be an original work of fiction
>In the spirit of the board I would encourage stories that relate to either ponies or politics
I don't get. Can I send in a story about ponies in this competition?

e60a0 No.178804

I have no idea if fanfiction is allowed. Regardless, even if it wound up being the best I doubt fanfiction would be declared the winner. Though, I suppose you could make up an original setting with equine creatures "inspired" by MLP.

4fe0f No.178846

But "Nigel" isn't British. He's an American (or was it Canadian?) tard pn /v/ who set up a bot to…
I know the bot‘s set up to get triggered when someone posts a pic that's also on Derpibooru, but does it alert him and tell him to post "fuck u barneyfag" or does the bot post that for him? Never was clear on that last part.
In any case, 50k words is child's play. I can double that in one month.

6da54 No.178867

No you fag, that's Lee Goldson, aka Barneyfag. How many times to I have to tell you that?

c2496 No.178868

You can definitely write fanfiction, there's no limitations on what you write beyond that it be fiction and that it be an original work. By original I mean that you yourself wrote it, if you want to use someone else's characters and universe that's fine. Also, it's not a competition and there are no winners, the exercise is simply to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

Also, you don't have to send anything in. You can upload samples of your text for people to read if you want but you don't have to post the whole thing, and the novels are not going to be judged or ranked. It's purely a creative exercise, not a competition.

26c99 No.178893

Maybe I can give it a shot

c2496 No.182199

File: 1541007853973.png (461.5 KB, 1280x720, Fluttershy_writing_on_the_….png)

Friendly reminder that NaNoWriMo officially starts at midnight tonight in whatever part of the globe you're in. If you are planning to write a novel, or hadn't been planning to write a novel but would like to try to write one now, you may commence writing after the clock strikes twelve wherever you live.

Remember: your novel doesn't have to be good, you don't have to show it to anyone if you don't want to, and there are absolutely no restrictions on what your story can be about. Write whatever story you want. If you've always wanted to try writing pony erotica, do that. If you want to write the next Turner Diaries, have at it. If you want to write a story that is not even tangentially connected to ponies or politics that is perfectly fine, just write a story. The goal is 50,000 words by the end of the month, but don't fret if you don't meet it; the exercise is just to have fun and motivate yourself to start writing. If you can manage to churn out 1667 words per day you'll likely be able to meet the deadline no problem.

Use this thread to post ideas, novel snippets you'd like us to read, links to your full text if your brave enough, brag about word count, ask for advice, brainstorm ideas, or just to generally shoot the shit about the process of churning out a wall of text in 30 days.

If you would like more information on the NaNoWriMo project, you can visit the links posted in the OP post.

ee9dc No.182202

Who is ready?

ea5ed No.182330

ill write a thing for this month. Im moving so it;s gonna be hella hard to hit 50k words. I'll try and get it out but I think it'll probably be substantially less that 50k.

c9c0b No.182354

Joining this. I need to get back into the writing groove anyhow.

9e4be No.182356

While I'd love to do this, this month is rather intensive in studies and future planning. It may not count if I do something similar in the spring, but it's all about self-improvement.

c2496 No.182384

I am ready, hopefully others are too. I've knocked out 630 words as of the time of this post.

Welcome aboard!

I've actually done this challenge myself on off months before too, I usually just stick to the 50k words in 30 days restriction and pick a month. I did it once in July and once in September. There's really no restriction on how many crappy novels you can churn out in the space of a given year; you're only limit is the extent of your own autism.

52c9a No.182426

I will try to do this. I post my story on this thread. I will continue the story on Comet Toss I began in the write thread.

bab3d No.182429

Did you just say 50,000? Not 500,000?

08d22 No.182433

File: 1541119592162-0.pdf (40.88 KB, tmp_26319-Comet Toss in th….pdf)

ea5ed No.182496

3850 Words so far gaiboiz.
My story will probably only be 20k. Finishing up the first act now.

c9c0b No.182502

File: 1541167989754.gif (487.83 KB, 225x203, life fail anime bullshit.gif)

Literally 27 words so far.

bab3d No.182512

File: 1541170122323.png (5.5 KB, 238x201, words.png)

Because I, uh…

c9c0b No.182515

Are these new words for a new story, or finished words for an old story.

bab3d No.182540

New words for chapter one of an unfinished story I started last month.

bab3d No.182541

About halfway through last month.

08d22 No.182612

Will you guys post some teaser part here of what you have done so far?
So 55 kilowords in less the to days? If only I had a gif of intense typing on a keyboard:P
Do you need help with something? Post your problems if you have any mate.

60614 No.182626

I have very limited access to the net but a lot of ideas
I just drop it here once I got 50k plus a fitting ending

Sadly this clashes with the red pill challenge
What do?

9c5ce No.182628

File: 1541199577858.gif (20.02 KB, 243x184, 1539269663680.gif)

Here you go, courtesy of PiE.

c2496 No.182758

File: 1541226712664.pdf (91.88 KB, what the actual fuck am I ….pdf)

Here is what I have so far. At 3695 words currently.

27c68 No.182849

Yeah. At first my goal was 10K words for fun, then the opening bits got away from me and next time I blinked, I'd written 35k words. So I decided on 50k words.
But I'm tempted to try and hit 76k words, because that would make chapter one of my story longer than the entirety of Harry Potter book 1.
That'll send a fucking message.

480e9 No.182910

File: 1541287045838.pdf (46.97 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

Kek. Wonderful! What does the acronym PiE stands for?
>That'll send a fucking message.
That being?
Have mostly read it. I have begun writting down my feedback. Will post it tomorrow.
You can post parts here if you want any feedback.

Also updated version.

5cee1 No.182916

I have no clue. As I understand it, it's from Banned From Equestria (Daily).

f98cb No.182935

PiE is Ponies in Earth on /mlp/, I had just seen that gif there.

f2e84 No.182943

File: 1541312542326.png (208.87 KB, 768x941, 0F8A0FFC-6676-4ECE-8FFC-F4….png)

Not quite. PiE stands for Pajeets in Equestria. Indian anon comes to Equestria and asks ponies to open crotchbob and horsevagene.

480e9 No.183330

I have a little less than 800 words of a review of your story. I won't post it now though because those words seem more like a sketch of a review than an actual review.
But I will give you the gist of it here.
I really enjoyed the idea of your protag having tulpas following him around and commenting on what he does. It adds two extra characters but they can only interact with each other and the protag. I like this limit. It seems interesting. If you had not intended to do a shyamalan twist with those characters actually being tulpas, then I think you did this reveal well. The reveal was done subtly and just at the right time too. It wasn't too early and not too slow. I had realized that they were tulpas at the time that your main character explained it. I think it was the perfect timing.
I liked the name you gave them. How their personality deviates from their show canon counterparts. It fits that this autist has his own headcanon versions of them.
The branding and the tm stuff is great. I like how your text is so ambiguous and can be interpreted in so many different ways.
I will try to post the rest of my thoughts about it tomorrow.
And also update my own story.

27c68 No.183919

Can I get some feedback on this gun I've written about?
With how wonderful this weapon was, he felt a crushing sense of pressure on him to use it effectively and prove that he was worthy of it. The next bullet slid into place, ready for action, and while his weapon was still a work of art, a real piece of precise magical engineering that still pushed the boundaries a bit with its customization, so to speak, it seemed positively mundane when compared to hers. His semi-automatic pistol had the same anodized titanium coating, but thanks to the consistent electrical charge that had been used on it, rather than the carefully-controlled and precisely-varied one used on Radiant Emerald’s, the whole thing was a consistently bright golden shade that, in his personal opinion, held all the benefits of gold without any of the downsides, such as gold’s weight, softness, and all-around general crappiness. The weapon’s barrel was tipped with a nickel-finished fluted compensator of stainless steel. What the weapon lacked in glowing lines and moving images inlaid upon giant gemstones, it made up for with its black polymer and steel 100-round-total twin-drum magazine. And its black-coated steel underbarrel flashlight attachment, which matched his marefriend’s gun’s light in intensity and size, but not in currently-selected colour. A dignified pure white was the colour he could choose to unleash from his flashlight at any moment, and to his surprise, this flashlight internal mechanisms were actually compatible with his Pip-Buck’s operating system, letting him turn said light on and off using his Pip-Buck. Three rows of seven diamonds ran along either side of the pistol’s comfortable Black Mamba snakeskin grip, equidistant from one another vertically and slightly further apart from one another horizontally, as if you’d taken the pattern seen on the ‘Six’ side of dice and ‘Turned it up a notch’ while keeping the pattern intact. Speaking of the snakeskin grip, while it looked and felt like skin taken from a real Black Mamba – According to written accounts of this pre-war technique needed to make these, at least, as Sunrise had never seen a Snake before outside of pictures in books – The skin had been magically transmuted out of regular fabric, reconstituted into the desired form. Black Sun was the name of this weapon, and while this model of weapon was completely unfamiliar to a pony used to hitting shooting ranges with nine millimetre revolvers and improvised pipe pistols, he was a quick study.

c2496 No.183935

Cool, thank you for your input, I look forward to hearing more of your notes. Attached is the current update if anyone wants to read. I have the next few days off so I will try to give yours a read. It will have to wait until I get a bit of sleep, though.

I encourage anyone else who has been participating so far to post what you have, if you would like some feedback.

c2496 No.183940


This paragraph is actually quite good. Description is one of your better talents and it is good to see it well-utilized here. I feel like you might be going a little over the top with detail, but not so excessively that I would definitely say it needs to be shortened. It's a stylistic preference I suppose; this much detail could probably be fine and even beneficial if you tell the rest of the story this well and are attempting to write for an audience that is likely to be interested in the guns the character uses. I guess my advice would be to go over the details you include and try to evaluate which details are important to include and which are not. For instance:
>Three rows of seven diamonds ran along either side of the pistol’s comfortable Black Mamba snakeskin grip, equidistant from one another vertically and slightly further apart from one another horizontally, as if you’d taken the pattern seen on the ‘Six’ side of dice and ‘Turned it up a notch’ while keeping the pattern intact.
This sentence is probably a bit verbose. There are so many words here it actually becomes more difficult to visualize what you're describing because there is a lot to keep track of. This may be an example of some detail you could stand to cut. For instance, do we really need to know how many diamonds are on the grip and exactly how they are laid out? Unless the layout is symbolic somehow, you can probably get away with describing it more generally. If the symbol resembles something in the story you've already described, like an insignia or a cutie mark (assuming this is a pony story), you could probably just say that it's laid out in that shape. Also, I'd advise not making the reader do math saying "three rows" is fine, but as soon as you introduce multiple dimensions it starts getting visually complicated. Instead of mentioning the three by seven layout numerically, the die analogy is a much better and much more direct way of communicating visual impact. The same with describing the distance between them; is mathematical precision really that important here? Also, you can probably leave out mentioning that it's Black Mamba snakeskin at this point since you begin to describe the skin in detail a sentence later. Good description is important but so is word economy; you don't want the person reading it to have to work too hard to visualize what you want them to see.

Here is how I personally would write it, if it helps you any:
Three rows of diamonds ran along either side of the pistol's comfortable snakeskin grip, laid out like the 'Six' side of a die with an extra row added.
Again, I left out mention of the Black Mamba bit since you go into detail about it later, but you could probably say "comfortable Black Mamba snakeskin grip" and "comfortable snakeskin grip" interchangeably and not have it get too awkward; I just prefer the more compact version.

c2496 No.183943

File: 1541624372109.pdf (143.03 KB, what the actual fuck am I ….pdf)


oh shit I forgot to attach it. silly me.

480e9 No.183958

File: 1541634304661.pdf (48.6 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

Will read it tomorrow. I also need to sleep.
>Pdf short update
baby steps

480e9 No.184298

File: 1541799744233.pdf (52.92 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

New update.

c2496 No.184330

Read the current version. Here is my opinion thus far.

I'll start with a few minor, nitpicky things. First and foremost I would suggest using a word processor that has a spellchecker when you write. From >flag I get the impression that English is probably a second language for you so I am willing to be more forgiving of grammar than I would be with a native speaker. However, when you're misspelling common words like "metal" or "skull" it detracts a bit from readability. Not trying to be overly dickish but it's very noticeable; if you asked a stranger to read this and give you notes without providing any background or context the spelling errors are likely the first thing they would point out. I'm assuming the date stamps represent when particular blocks of text were written, and if that's the case I notice that entries after November 1 the text is better constructed. My recommendation would be to go through the whole document once you're done writing and check grammar and spelling before releasing it in any sort of public format, or maybe have someone read it and highlight mechanical errors.

Anyway, as to the story itself. The perspective choice here is good, I like the way you describe the story from the perspective of a pony on the dizzytron. Even with the aforementioned mechanical problems I can very clearly visualize what is happening at every point in the narration. I also like that you don't initially state that your character is an Earth Pony, you simply narrate events as the pony is seeing them as she attempts to accomplish a feat using the resources at her disposal. This is good because it immediately pulls in the reader and piques curiosity. The reader will be asking questions like "Why doesn't she just spread her wings?" or "Why does she need a parachute?". Then the answer becomes clear as the story progresses. However, once the answer is revealed it piques further curiosity, because now the reader is wondering what exactly is an Earth pony doing at the Wonderbolts academy in the first place? The scene ends with Comet being summoned to Canterlot for an audience so now the reader is even more intrigued. This is a very good way to begin a story, by laying out an interesting scene without giving too much explanation as to who these characters are or why they are doing what they are doing.

All in all this is a good expositional scene and lays groundwork for what could potentially be an interesting story. I will be curious to see where it goes from here.

219a4 No.184369

I did state that she was an earth pony early in the text but you are right that is a better way to write it. Will edit it. Will update tommoow can only phone post today.

07651 No.185623

File: 1542150797998.pdf (56.23 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

So I will probably make changes to this update later since it is mostly 600 words of snoore text. But whatever it ain't about quality it is about quantity. This is more a warning for you guys: This update is pointless to the rest of the story and could be cut out so don't bother.

c2496 No.185914

File: 1542267140230.pdf (187.78 KB, what the actual fuck am I ….pdf)

>This update is pointless to the rest of the story and could be cut out so don't bother.
Got it. I will probably give it a read anyway but I will withhold comments until a more permanent version comes out.

Here's the current version of mine if anyone is interested.

c2496 No.186069

File: 1542313112843.png (193.49 KB, 1024x1012, scared_fluttershy_by_gamem….png)

Well, we're officially halfway through the month. Show of hands: who's still with us? How far along are you?

Officially, we should all be at about 25k words by the end of the day today. From past experience doing these, I'm guessing most of us are nowhere near that. But that's okay, because it's a journey, so don't freak out. You still have plenty of time to get caught up.

If you're still here and still participating, post your wordcount.

c9c0b No.186075

File: 1542313819338.jpg (221.16 KB, 1000x1000, 1468544761548.jpg)

Still here in the writefag trenches. Is it ok that it is not horse words? I can do that, I only got like 9056 words and a lot of free time coming up. I just need to change stuff.

c2496 No.186077

>Is it ok that it is not horse words?
Perfectly fine. Your story can be about anything you like. Also, don't worry too much about editing at this stage, the object of the exercise is just to get words on paper.

c9c0b No.186083

File: 1542314985266.jpg (8.7 KB, 245x326, f1S3BOc.jpg)

>the object of the exercise is just to get words on paper
Excellent. The writing is going to be messy, but I can probably get something out that resembles coherent thought. Time to get back to work.

Best of luck to you and all the remaining writers if any.

baa8a No.186105

Kinda late to start but I got an idea
Maybe it will work

c9c0b No.186121

Do it, even if it is somehow worse than mine you would have done it. Too many other fags that never do anything at all. Don't be that kind of faggot.

baa8a No.186133

Not being a faggot is hard work if you were born into a world of lies and degeneracy

c9c0b No.186138

File: 1542318832978.png (1.23 MB, 1600x900, Do it.png)

If your relatives could start two world wars, you can start a novel. Do it.

baa8a No.186140

Well I don't really know about that

c9c0b No.186145

In all seriousness just write. You don't need a plan, just make words. Who care if you end up with a proper novel or not? Make a plan as you go. Hell, make no plans at all. It can be pretty fun, and you do not need to make a serious effort. Just. Do. It.

baa8a No.186151

I meant starting two world wars
You make it sounds like we we're the bad guys
Although my knowledge of the time between Bonaparte's loss and the end of the first war is limited the second wasn't our fault

5cee1 No.186181

You can blame WWI on a form of proto-globalism, else it's either Serbia or Austria-Hungary.

cdaee No.186685

File: 1542463489904.pdf (57.78 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

cdaee No.186686

Yes, exactly. That is the key. Everything else comes afterwards.

cdaee No.186687

Tell us about it if you would. Then it will become closer to reality.
Mine is a horror story. If you have played Penumbra:Overture then I take a large chunk of inspiration from that.

cdaee No.186902

File: 1542489913744.pdf (75.14 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

Might add some more later.
Btw Burgeranon, Will you post it here? It would be intresting to read it and give you some feedback. I do give "some" feedback atleast. Maybe not much but some. I usually don't got the time for more. Well, actually that is a lie. I am just so lazy. Which is what I am trying to not be this time around. I am trying to update everyday from now on. let's see how that goes.
This goes out to everyone. Just post it here. Even if you start now you can still manage to get 25k till december and that is something.
Also leafy, nigel are you still with us?
I will read it soonish. Just you wait.

31f35 No.188708

File: 1543002654669.pdf (67.25 KB, Comet Toss in the clouds o….pdf)

>I am trying to update everyday from now on. let's see how that goes.
well…Now I am on a 4.5k word count.

c2496 No.188720

Awesome, glad to see you're still slogging away. I'm currently working on mine as well. I will give this update a read when I get a free moment.

9c2a5 No.188739

Fallout Equestria: Sunrise Stardust and The Burned World chapter 1 has been uploaded.
I decided to take the first 30K words of the unfinished 76K document and upload them as the first chapter.
Your thoughts?

31f35 No.188766

I might read it but it will be much later I am afriad. I have a lot to do before that. Well, done otherwise at managing to write something in the time frame.
Don't take this the wrong way. Have more chapters in your story. There is no point in having chapters if one of the is the size of a novel? You don't read a novel in one go.
The reasons why I recommand more and shorter chapters to you are for these reasons: Your readers will have a convenient place to stopp reading their book and, especially in novel on the web since they can use a book mark here, they can come back to where last tiem without needing to skim through searching for it.
I also think it is good against monotone writing and for pacing. It is similar to how one uses different types of sentences for example simple, complex and compound and compound-complex senteces.
You should also ustilaize it for building suspence by cliffhangers or other methods.
I am glad as well. I have intended to read the rest of your last update for a while now. I also want to give you the rest of my feedback. It will happen. Probably

31f35 No.188767

>when you actually go through your text before sending it, correcting its errors and send the draft anyway.

31f35 No.188768

I might read it but it will be much later I am afraid. I have a lot to do before that. Well, done otherwise at managing to write something in the time frame.
Don't take this the wrong way. Have more chapters in your story. There is no point in having chapters if one of them is the size of a novel? You don't read a novel in one go.
The reasons why I recommend more and shorter chapters to you are for these reasons: Your readers will have a convenient place to stop reading their book and, especially in novel on the web since they can't use a bookmark here, they can come back to were the last where without needing to skim through searching for it.
I also think it is good against monotone writing and for pacing. It is similar to how one uses different types of sentences, for example, simple, complex and compound and compound-complex sentences.
You should also utilize it for building suspense by cliffhangers or other methods.

9c2a5 No.188887

That sounds like a good idea. Besides, it'll let me level up my character more.
I was originally planning on making first chapter contain all Stable stuff and last over 75,000 words for the sake of dunking on JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book, but after my first chapter grew past 80K words, I decided to change tactics.

c2496 No.188949

File: 1543090590368-0.pdf (313.31 KB, what the actual fuck am I ….pdf)

File: 1543090590368-1.gif (2.56 MB, 444x400, 1530084721926.gif)

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I have finished my novel, the bad news is I undershot the goal and came in at a paltry 38,288 words. However I think the story I wrote is basically complete at this point, and while I could go through it and try to add in another 12k words worth of subplot or filler, I think I'd rather just admit defeat on the 50k goal and claim success on having completed a self-contained novel that I am going to tentatively say has some real value.

Anyway, I will continue to monitor and keep this thread alive through the end of November, and will likely devote the remainder of my NaNoWriMo this year to reading and commenting on works that others have posted, so if you've written something and would like some feedback on it, feel free to post. For anyone interested in reading what I've written, here is my unrevised draft. By all means tear it to shreds if you like, I want to know if it's actually any good or not, and the only way to determine that is to throw it in the fire and see if it survives.

Good luck to the rest of you. Keep plugging along, you've still got six more days.

c36c6 No.188953

Would love feedback from you my, American who cosplay as a Brit, friend. My story has yet gotten anywhere or rather the shift in tone and the plot hasn't really kicked in yet. But go ahead. All advice are good advice.
I think that it reasonable of you to not fill it with a bunch of filler. You are only missing 7k word. I say that is enough. Will read when I stop being a faggot and get to it.
I will probably use my own advice now that I think of it. My story could definitely need some chapters to it.

16114 No.189588

>7k word
Hehe, simple arithmetic. Nigga, ah know math. So I did the math and it turns out I have to work eighty hours per day.

904ac No.189675

File: 1543402480599-0.png (2.2 MB, 1920x1152, 1892823__safe_artist-colon….png)

>will likely devote the remainder of my NaNoWriMo this year to reading and commenting on works that others have posted, so if you've written something and would like some feedback on it, feel free to post.
Sorry to disappoint you but that isn't what will be happening. Instead, I will read your work and give feedback to it.
It is not that my story doesn't lead anywhere. It does and It has an ending. Its plot is basically finished already. The reason for why I won't focus on it now is because: 1) I won't make it in time. 2) You have already provided this site with a complete work once before without much attention given to it and I won't let that happen again. That is why I will dedicate some time to review your work.

I haven't read the entire story yet. We will get to it. So at the beginning of this review of your epic, there won't be any structure. I will jump back and forth as I please. Bare with me.

So to immediately contradict myself I will start to criticize the opening of your story. I do this to remain traditional since I did this once before on your other story.
It is both good and bad. The good parts are the first two paragraphs.

I will take the bad part first to get it out of the way. My main gripe is paragraph tree. It tells us that our mc is watching a homeless woman shiting on a street. I don't like it on a personal level. I have a bit of fondness over horror games such as Amnesia and Penumbra. However, I can't stand to watch slasher movies. I might be a bit of a goreophobiac. The same applies here. I get disgusted and using myself as the standard, I don't think others are not. While it certainly is a unique way to start and I can't say others don't get hook by it, I got discouraged to continue reading. The opening is also setting the tone for the rest of the book since we expect to get more of what we got in the beginning. We expect to get more shit. Evidently, that might not be ideal.

However, there is another side to this. Your setting is very bleak and so is your mc's outlook on his life. It fits then in a metaphorical way. One does, after all, say: This is shit when things are bad.

Do you like my reddit spacing? I got it from GlimGlam.;P

But you don't start with that even if you segue into it. I am a believer that the very first sentence is of high significance so I looked closely at it and examined it.
I like it honestly. Here is the entire full section for a better overview.
>The first thing I want to say, above all else, is that I hate the homeless. Literally and
figuratively. Everyone says that we should help the homeless, but I think that is a terrible idea. An absolute waste of time and money. Maybe that's a Problematic thought, maybe not. I don't even know anymore, but all I know is I think it's a bad idea.
Before this paragraph, the date and time of the current event are specified. I didn't notice it when I first read this story. It doesn't bother anything in your story. I only hope that it will come into play later in the story in some way.

Why do I like this paragraph? Because it hooks the reader. You wonder why someone would hate the homeless since they don't usually cause anyone harm. Like compared to certain other groups, as long as they don't commit any crime, they are quite innocent. Now, I don't support his views but it is something that I think fits his character. He later shows himself to have given up on things in his life. I should probably give an example to prove my point here. I will return to do this later. My point is that a person how has lost all hope is probably quite cynical or can be cynical. Realizing, this text might be hard to follow let me explain. He is cynical because his belief is that the homeless are pretty much beyond saving. (Maybe, I should rewrite this paragraph so it is easier to follow. Nah.)

So I hope that you liked this review. Feel free to tell me what I wrote is complete utter rubbish. I ain't claiming to L levels of analytical.

9c2a5 No.189879

c2496 No.189900

>You wonder why someone would hate the homeless since they don't usually cause anyone harm. Like compared to certain other groups, as long as they don't commit any crime, they are quite innocent.
Clearly you've never been to Portland, Oregon lol. The homeless people out there are assholes.

In any event, I appreciate your comments. I understand the street-shitting scene may not be for everyone except Indians and I thank you for suffering through it. It was intended to be kind of an off-putting and shocking thing, and I put it right at the beginning on purpose, the idea being to immediately smack the reader in the face with something unusual and somewhat offensive to make them wonder what the fuck they're even reading. This whole story is actually kind of an experiment. Usually when I'm writing something I try to reign in my personal autism to some extent and conform to whatever people's expectations are likely to be for the genre I'm writing in. I wanted to try allowing it a little more free rein and do something more bizarre this time, in this case writing a detective story where the PI is an autistic weirdo who hallucinates ponies. In any case, if you're worried, feces don't factor much into the story overall and you won't have to put up with any similar scenes.

Anyway, your observations about the character's worldview and his sense of cynicism and despondency is more or less what I was trying to convey with him, so I will take it as a good omen that I am communicating what I was hoping to communicate. Thanks again for reading my book, I hope you enjoy it. Looking forward to hearing further comments from you. I haven't quite gotten around to reading yours yet but I hope to do it either later today or tomorrow.

c2496 No.199362

Rescue bump because there is still writing in this thread that I haven't read and still intend to give remarks on. Sorry, I got a bit sidetracked after the event ended.

f4cce No.199376

File: 1547934134850.jpg (237.85 KB, 1280x720, Alexander Hamiltion.jpg)

Why not save the file(s) to your computer? And potentially the whole thread for that matter. That's what I do. Not that I am complaining.

Anyway, I'm actually seriously trying to make your story into an audiobook or well I was. I kinda got side-tracked but I thought it could be funny. It is a bit of hobby of my to read fanfics, record it and then use them as audiobooks when I need to drive far. I even have been playing around with sound effects like a car screeching and stuff. I have been looking into fitting music for certain scenes and I also thought that it would be fun to have the songs mentioned in the story played in the background at the same time.

Also, unfunny joke coming your way but my autism forces me to tell it. Be prepared to cringe:I realize just now that your protag only has pegasus tulps. Is it because you hate ground-types you fucking gym-leader.

10fc3 No.199378

Hmm, if pegasi are flying/fighting, earth are rock/normal, and unicorns are psychic/normal you actually have an oddly balanced three starter set…
Alicorns are of course flying/psychic and complete cheese…
A trainer can carry six mons and there are the main six (plus bonus commisar pony)…
Griffons could be normal/flying
Dragons are dragon.
Yaks and buffalo are normal,
Sea pony/hippogriphs are water/flying
Changelings are bug/psychic but have dittos transform (broken af nerf soon plox)
Pokemon equestria is looking good tbh…

f4cce No.199380

Anon goes to Equestria catches the mall but not in sexual way this time. ;D

c1e9a No.199385

Thats what pony daycare is for ;^)

c2496 No.199387

Wow, I'm flattered you consider my story worth the effort, I'd love to hear the audiobook when it's finished. If you are planning to put that much work into it, you may want to wait for the revised text I'm currently working on. I found some continuity errors that needed to be addressed and a few parts that I felt were shoddily constructed have been rewritten. Also concerning the music I think I have just about all of the albums I referenced and I can get you the audio files if you would like.

I guess my reasons for choosing the Pegasi as tulpas was partly because their flying ability made it easier to include them as background entities that could float around the room, and partly because I wanted them to represent aspects of the MC's personality that he tends to repress in his outward behavior. The idea was that the tulpas would be entities he constructed as a way to deal both with his personal isolation and depression, as well as aspects of his subconscious mind that he would otherwise have no outlet for in his dealings with the world around him.

RD's personality holds most of his aggression and anger, that "toxic masculinity" that someone in his world would be pretty actively discouraged from letting out. Flutters contains his softer emotions and sense of human compassion, which ironically he is also pretty much forced to repress in a feminized world where he's condemned to an existence of isolation and irrelevance. That's part of why he's always arguing with her about Communism; he recognizes on some level that the world around him is wrong, and on some level he's attracted to certain Socialist principles even though he's a smart enough guy to realize that it's a pretty bad idea. However, since he accepts the world around him as is, he ironically fails to realize that he's pretty much already living under Socialism. He likes to imagine himself as an entrepreneur and capitalist because he drives Uber part time and has a webpage where he advertises himself as a private eye. His sense of self is as some kind of Philip Marlowe-style hard-boiled PI, even though he basically subsists off government handouts like other young men in his situation. Basically, he lives in a shitty world and has every reason to be depressed and miserable, so he deals with life by constructing an elaborate fantasy to serve as an interface between himself and the world.

Oh, also it has a title now: "Castles Made of Vapor."

>Pokemon equestria is looking good tbh…
Shh, Nigel will hear you.

43571 No.199389

Transformative magic would fundamentally unbalance Pokémon. Magic would let ponies give Pokémon the ability to speak English, letting them say what types they want to be.
Boom, we get shit like Flying Electric permanent mega Lucario, Wonder Guard pure Water Shedinja, and more.

c1e9a No.199391

We dont actually see a lot of transformative magic aside from changelings in the show though, remember the wizard duel episode with trixie? Even the alicorn amulet, ancient and forbidden magic cant do age transformations etc.

And even if transformation magic were commonplace in equestria its not like theyd need the pokemon IP to be insanely unbalanced
Got a problem? Just turn into a bug bear and eat the problem.

a69e6 No.204146

File: 1549940127773.jpg (111.91 KB, 600x600, Cross-Over.600.2473721.jpg)

Lol, 23 days later I answer. Sorry, man.

>Also concerning the music I think I have just about all of the albums I referenced and I can get you the audio files if you would like.

Yes, please. That would be awesome.

>you may want to wait for the revised text I'm currently working on. I found some continuity errors that needed to be addressed and a few parts that I felt were shoddily constructed have been rewritten.

When you have it done I can take it and do a reading of that version. I anyway need to re-read the story for it to sound right. It is to decrease the cringe factor by a small percentage. My reading can be a bit jerky otherwise.

>That's part of why he's always arguing with her about Communism

I thought it came from him having an autistic headcanon of Fluttershy. He interprets her kindness as Communism.

>He likes to imagine himself as an entrepreneur and capitalist because he drives Uber part time and has a webpage where he advertises himself as a private eye.

That's kind of funny actually. I didn't pick that up from the story though. That might be entirely on me, I don't know, but I didn't anyway.

>Oh, also it has a title now: "Castles Made of Vapor."

Will your revised version have chapters? In the beginning, I thought of using the timestamps as chapters and in terms of their general length, they work. But I feel like it is a bit harder to navigate through the story. To find where you left of you either have to search-read in the about the area you where last time or you have to remember the exact date and timestamp that you stopped reading. A number is a bit harder to remember than the name of a chapter as well. However, I don't think it is that much harder either. I just wanted to bring it to your attention. There is a uniqueness and creative factor here that shouldn't be underestimated and every little detail differentiating yourself from the rest is honestly a plus in my book.

My progress so far has been: Okay. When I posted this, >>199376, I had recorded little more than half the story. After that, I kinda got sidetracked and forgot about the project. Now, I am back on it again. I have estimated that it will take about two to three more hours of reading before I am done with my first take.

Also, are you doing some writting project right now? You usually have something going on.
Also, what do you think of this,>>204082, post? What should I do?

a69e6 No.204147

>Also, what do you think of this,>>204082, post? What should I do?


1d802 No.205821

File: 1550599771752.jpg (260.66 KB, 667x900, Fluttershy has great taste.jpg)

Hey, dude are you still here? Or are you dead? If you are dead, tell me. The point of this post is actually just to get your attention but I guess I will disguise it as a critic of your story.
So let's see what can I say on the top of my head. Well, I liked how you let your description of characters work as subtle jokes. Like how the three niggers were all walking stereotypes. That was great with all the clothes to match.
Your story has the problem that one doesn't, or at least this is how my experience was, get invested in it until spoiler alert: He gets hired as a private investigator. Before that I had put your story down and picked it up multiple times but after I had read that I couldn't put it downWell, I could but this is hyperbole.until I had read the entire thing.
I might comment on the mystery some other day.
While I wanted to add a loli to this post since I know you're a fine fellow with an extraordinary good taste. I can't because the CIA is apparently on this website trying their damnedest to trick enlightened people like us, >>205455. So I will remain hidden until they move on and suggest you do the same.
Here's something else that is really cute that only a handful of people in the world can get. Are you one of them?

f2acc No.205845

Did you finish Nanowrimo?

I was about to, but hard drive failure happened. Reinstalling Windows caused a BIOS corruption. I fixed that, but now there's an "Activate Windows" watermark stuck in the bottom right corner of my screen.

d0c6d No.205936

File: 1550649445585.jpg (156.15 KB, 1023x1020, 1550204903814.jpg)

No, I didn't finish it. The last update I did was this one, >>188708 so I am far way from the the goal.
To bad about hte computer.

f2acc No.206078

While I'm still here, does anyone here know how to get rid of "Activate Windows" watermarks? I tried searching myself but I didn't find shit.

c2496 No.206292

Hey. Yes, I am still here. Sorry, I've been intermittently active.

To answer some of your previous questions, the timestamps in the story are meant to be read as chapter headings. I've got the latest revision just about ready to go. I can put traditional chapter headings in there as well if it will make reading it easier. I'll also get the music collection compiled and put it all in a nice zip for you, I just have to find where I've got most of it stored. Should be a couple of days from now.

Appreciate the notes as always. I've been told in the past that my stories start off slow and don't become interesting until later. If you have any suggestions on how I could make the earlier portion more engaging I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. There's a detective novel by Raymond Chandler called The Long Goodbye that I used as kind of a jumping off point for this story, if you have any interest in seeing what I was originally trying to do. Elroy R. Tennbox is actually a sort of mutant anagram of the name of the corresponding character in Chandler's novel, Terry Lennox.

>Here's something else that is really cute that only a handful of people in the world can get. Are you one of them?

That is cute, although other than the obvious joke that Fluttershy would probably find a gigantic terrifying spider to be cute I fear I may be missing the reference. The comic format seems vaguely familiar to me and I suspect it may be a parody of something from a doujin, although I can't remember what it's from.

>Also, are you doing some writing project right now? You usually have something going on.

I'm actually working on a script for a visual novel game adapted from a story I wrote in 2012. Since I can't draw for shit I'm probably going to attempt soliciting help from one of the drawfags on the board once I get a little further into it.

As far as I know that watermark means you have an unauthorized copy of Windows and need to activate it. I'm guessing if you had to reinstall everything you'll probably need to re-enter your product key. If you were previously using a pirated key Microsoft may have caught on and invalidated it. I was using a pirated Windows 7 a few years ago and I had a problem where every couple of months Windows would install an update that would knock out my product key, so my options were either to turn off updates or hunt around for a new product key periodically. Eventually it got so tiresome I just wound up forking over the $50 for a legitimate copy of Windows.

d67f4 No.206302

>Reinstalling Windows caused a BIOS corruption
Extremely unlikely, but on the off chance that it did, it most likely nuked the SLIC key baked into it.
Far more likely is that you're using a non-OEM Windows edition that doesn't use SLIC keys. And no, you can't change that without reinstalling again.
In short, pirate Windows from a well known release group, and never deal with activation problems again.

ef2ba No.206897

That sounds good. What well-known release group would you recommend?

ef2ba No.206899

Also, can I get feedback on some text I wrote? I'd do the > thing but I don't like how green looks on this background.

Seventh Heaven Robotics, building machines stronger than the gods since 2278.

A pretty great establishment, a nice market stall for Custom Robot parts and frames in the massive pre-war market this floor sometimes felt like. At least, he was pretty sure that was what this place felt like. He'd never actually been to a pre-war marketplace. He would have loved to visit one, before the war, before the Megaspells fell. He would have loved to see all the different things on sale, from all the greatest minds in Equestria. He would have loved all the different ponies running around and buying them with those neat-looking pre-war coins called "Bits".

But there was one thing he would have loved a lot more than that. He'd often read of this thing in the Pre-War Era called a "World's Fair", where different countries all over the world sent out their delegates, their scientists, their famous celebrities, in a group guarded by their own guards, who existed to serve as living symbols of wealth rather than actual guards. All of these groups of the best minds the planet had to offer would be sent to Canterlot, like a worldwide version of the Equestria Games, but instead of competing in running speed, javelin tossing distance, or jump length, each of the foreign groups would set up a stall in one particular big building Princess Celestia owned, and they would compete with each other to show off the greatest and best thing their country, its culture, and its citizens were able to build.

You'd see technological marvels from some countries, pictures of big buildings and monuments alongside scale replicas of those things from other things, and no matter what amazing thing every other culture brought to this massive game of Show-And-Tell, it would always get absolutely, completely and utterly, violently and hilariously, spectacularly, sloppily, and soppingly dicked on by Equestria's latest technological marvels, arcane works of brilliance, and architectural triumphs. Each civilization would bring their best thing, whatever that best thing was this year, and Equestria would shit all over them by showing off what we naturally did better. We didn't even need to be told what other cultures were going to bring, so we could prepare something that would one-up them for the sake of political showboatery, we'd just see what they had and then show them what we did better on our own before they showed up.

It was a wonderful tradition, Sunrise believed. While it didn't exactly embody the best traits of Equestrian society, it one-upped all other major players on the world's stage in every field each country prided itself on, and embodied the spirit of fair competition while displaying Equestria's natural superiority. Sure, some might have hated working so hard on a project you thought would be great, only to see it effortlessly one-upped by a whole race of ultimate life forms, but they knew better than to admit this. After all, if they called this acted-out metaphor for global politics unfair, manipulative, or even rigged completely, they would look like sore losers. And if they refused to take part, well, that would mean showing weakness and practically bowing out of global politics altogether.

Before the war, Equestria was a great country in more ways than one, after all. A country over fifty-seven million kilometres squared in size, easily standing above all other lands as the crown jewel on this beautiful planet known as Planet Equestria, a wonderfully fertile sphere 160,000 miles in circumference. Globally, Equestria was first in education, first in science, first in literacy, first in magical studies, first in equine rights and worker protections, first in infrastructure when it came to the Major Cities and who-gives-a-fuck-th when it came to the far-away rural towns in the countryside that chose to stick to the simple ways, and first in so many other things…

However, we weren't first in everything.

Such as crime rates! Ha, that was funny. It's funny because Equestria had barely any crime at all. The law was typically broken around one to twenty times per week, an impressive feat when most other countries have thousands of crimes carried out per month.

But in all seriousness, while we Equestrians weren't the first in EVERYTHING, it sure as fuck felt like it quite often.

Ah, to be alive back then, and to see Equestria when it was still a testament to Equestria's kindness, high IQ, and love, rather than a grim reminder that too much of anything can kill you, even things like forgiveness, love, pacifism, and mercy.

44487 No.208176

>If you have any suggestions on how I could make the earlier portion more engaging I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.
I am going to give you my thoughts on this man. I am just slow.

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