/mlpol/ - My Little Politics

If you want to see the latest posts from all boards in a convenient way please check out /overboard/
Note: JS is reccomended to be able to post effortlessly, but I am working on a system where that won't be needed.

By clicking New Reply, I acknowledge the existence of the Israeli nuclear arsenal.
Select File / Oekaki
Password (For file and/or post deletion.)

large (4).png
Glim Glam Steams Up Edgequestrian Style Hams, Part IV
311585 311622 311701 311813 314691 322378
For anyone who stumbles across this thread and is wondering what it is, this is a literary review thread for pony fanfiction. We take an MLP fic, read through it, and shit all over it discuss its literary merits.

We are currently reading Fallout: Equestria by kkat.

Thread number four. We are nearing the end of the tunnel, thank God.

Previous thread: >>304714 →

Currently on Chapter 38: Peace in Our Time

Continuing from previous post.

>>311555 →

Page bweak. Littlepoop falls unconscious, has a flashback, and drones on about how shitty she thinks her life is for literally eleven paragraphs. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Littlepoop wakes up in a filthy, unfamiliar bed in some abandoned cottage somewhere. I'm sure kkat is writing from personal experience here. She whines for several more paragraphs about how miserable she is, even claiming to have PTSD from losing a rib, even though she stated earlier that it had been healed with magic and she will sustain no permanent injury other than a scar.

>The heart-rending blow of watching Applejack step out of that elevator… and realizing that Applesnack had intended to propose to her that very night, and she was anticipating it… oh Goddesses.
This is another continuity error along the lines of what I pointed out in the previous chapter. By her own admission, she did not view the orb whose events she is referencing here until after Canterlot, and unless she's been losing herself in orbs during battles again, she would not have had time to view it between their escape from Canterlot and the present. She should not have witnessed these events yet.

LP can hear her friends talking in the next room. Apparently they found some new armor for SteelHooves from somewhere, or found some armor they could use to repair his existing armor, or something along those lines, because they are discussing rehabilitation for him. He can't move properly at present, but should be fine in a bit. Also, Xenith is there, so presumably they are back at Glyphtown or whatever that place was called.

Anyway, SteelHooves gives a schmaltzy speech about how Applejack learned to love zebras, and so he figures he could learn to love them too. You may or may not remember that SteelHooves doesn't like zebras, or doesn't trust them, or something. At least I think that was a thing with him. Anyway, the significance seems to be that he's over it now, and he and Xenith can be friends I guess. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Littlepoop is still sick or injured or something, so is Velvet, and SteelHooves presumably hasn't learned to walk again yet, so it seems they will need to rest for a couple of days. Xenith comes in and rubs ointment into Littlepoop's horribly painful bum-wounds, and tells her that she is not allowed to get out of bed until she is rested enough to stand on her own and keep down solid food.

For some reason, LP is in a huge hurry to resume her mission all of a sudden. It's been about twelve chapters since Red Eye first gave her the task of killing the Goddess, and told her that there was a bomb in Tenpony Tower that would explode if she didn't do his evil bidding incidentally, how is that situation coming along, anyway? bomb still tick, tick, ticking away?. Since that time, LP has done nothing but goof around and go on side missions, stopping to help every random pony she bumps into, no matter how trivial and mundane their problem is. She's still done absolutely fuck-all in terms of progress on this mission, though to her credit she did finally complete the mission the Goddess tasked her with, when she agreed to do a mission for her instead of killing her, which was the original mission.

So, what's the big hurry all of a sudden? Why not rest, take a few days off, heal your injuries, which for some reason you can't just shrug off by downing a potion this time around? You were willing to spend several days goofing around in Tenpony immediately after Red Eye gave you this assignment, so what exactly is the issue?

Anyway, they talk about Xenith's daughter for a bit. Seems like she's being basically written out of the story so that Xenith can rejoin the party. Since she wasn't much of a character in the first place, I don't think anyone is really going to miss her that much. After this, Littlepoop proceeds to mumble to herself about the usual nonsense until eventually the scene ends.

She embarks on one of her annoying little self-doubt episodes, bemoaning that she is about to lead her friends on a mission but she doesn't even know what the plan is since she erased her own memory. Then, she remembers that she is Mary Sue, the Chosen One, and nothing bad could ever possibly happen to her.

>I’ve told everypony their parts, and just their parts.
>Every pony...
>…because the Goddess couldn’t read zebra minds.
>A smile broke across my muzzle. Ooooh, I was a clever pony!
Has it been established that the Goddess can't read zebra minds? This is actually a serious question; I really can't keep track of even half of the ridiculous rules that have been introduced into this story thus far, but kkat is generally more less consistent when it comes to these kinds of details. Anyway, it looks like LP's plan is going to revolve around Xenith somehow.

Page break. It looks like someone else might have pointed out the continuity error with the memory orbs to kkat, because this scene starts with an angry rant from Calamity about LP viewing a box of memory orbs while he was off getting the Fart Cruiser. If I'm interpreting it correctly, the idea is that LP watched all six of the orbs while she was in the warehouse, sometime between Calamity's exit and the basement explosion.

This one is a draw, as far as I'm concerned. +1 to kkat for recognizing and correcting a continuity error, -1 for doing it in an idiotic, clumsy and illogical way.
439 replies and 199 files omitted.
>The Followers of the Apocalypse
Just more stolen Fallout iconography. https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Followers_of_the_Apocalypse
The FOTA in Fallout were a secular tribe formed in the Boneyard(settlements made within the destroyed Los Angeles), with the goal of educating humanity about the horrors of the Great War, hoping humanity would never repeat those atrocities again. Then they stopped preaching in favor of doing medical treatment and charity. They're also partially responsible for Caesar and Caesar's Legion in FNV but this story decided to make Zebra Caesars a thing and make them a pre-war thing.

In Fallout Equestria, before the megaspells went boom, Fluttershy was a pony who constantly preached in favor of peace and single-handedly ran an organization called the "Ministry of Peace". From what I recall it mostly made posters of Flutters begging poners to "Do Better" and not do war and be mean and shit, except it somehow also invented Megaspells on its own, even though Applejack's gun-inventing (i think?) ministry needed to work together with Twilight's ministry of Arcane Science to invent... was it energy weapons or Power Armour?
Anyway you'd think a pony like that plus the kind of war Equestria went through plus the naturally-good nature of Equestrians would have resulted in an anti-war movement, maybe an organization like the FOTA forming before the war, or after it.
For fuck's sake, First Aid boxes around the Wasteland still have Fluttershy's Cutie Mark on them.
But letting Fluttershy inspire a generation to detest resource wars/holy wars and want peace and/or inspire the creation of the FOTA or even build it directly...
That would mean not letting Kkat's shitty fucking OCs take all the credit for everything good that ever happened in the Edgequestrian Wasteland, a shithole where ponies decorated homes with gore and made kids and slaves battle in thunderdomes when not raiding or raping each other or living off canned corn for over 200 years.
Twilight made the Alicorns, Velvet made them Good(TM).
Applejack made guns, Edgequestria's heroes used them for Good(TM).
Twilight built the surveillance tower and emergency radio broadcast system at Tenpony, but the tower ended up full of cartoonishly retarded rich poners while Homage used the surveillance system and radio for Good(TM).
The Pitt was a lawless hellhole before Red Eye came along to spread the ways of slavery and thunderdomes for "Goodish", but he's still mean to LP so he's Evil(TM) and LP killed him for Good(TM) and now Gawd is going to build a "Better" country for Good(TM).
Fluttershy invented nuke megaspells, and LP used one for Good(TM) against The Goddess aka Trixie but mutated by Twilight's fuckups.
Everything bad in Edgequestria can be blamed on canon characters, and everything good is something to thank an OC somewhere for.
What a blatant way to suck off your OCs at the expense of FIM, Kkat. No wonder your fandom's a distinct entity separate from FIM willing to throw canon chars under the bus whenever their Fallout Equestria knockoffs - oh sorry "Side stories" - need an excuse for something bad to exist or happen.
I almost miss the trashy fanfic I wrote years ago where canon characters gushed openly about my OC. It was less disrespectful to canon than this, probably. I guess it depends on your point of view. I still can't believe I thought that shit would get audiences to stick with him as he grows and becomes less of a cunt. If I want audiences to think there's something good in him I should show him doing good things, and show him doing more good things as the heroes make him nicer.

Also I should have said this sooner but Kage is a really fucking stupid name for a Griffon. Either it's the Japanese "Kage" as in shadow, which is an edgy retarded name no Japanese person over the age of 10 would use, or it's "Cage" but spelled with "Xtreme Kool Lettrz". Which is retarded for different reasons.
A man named cage, whose mercenary organization fought slavers... That's just lazy.

Also, it's ironic that LP knows and cares so little about Stern due to a lack of screentime, even though Kkat already put Memory Orbs into this story, which could give Gawd the perfect excuse to pull one of those flashback orbs out of nowhere and give it to LP so she could experience Gawd's memories of being fucked over by the memorably evil Stern at some point in her life, right? These lore orbs and even random documents and audio logs are the perfect excuse to make an omniscient narrator out of LP's limited single-person first-person perspective but Kkat just doesn't get it.
Done projecting?

Take it to /sp/
Are you suggesting a new lolcow thread?
Ngl, the idea has merit
>What do you think of these final chapters of Fallout Equestria?
I don't know. Before GG's break, I could jump in and drop out of the story whenever I wanted but now it was bit harder. I assume it's because the plot has developed somewhat or it could just be that I didn't give it enough of a try.
It seems to me that LP is gathering, or that they have gathered, al the acquaintances from her journey and intend to march on The Black Gate with this army. Who's black gate? I don't really know. It's probably Red Eye's.
But if I read more I'll probably get the gist of it.
This finale sequence is meant to sort of be a merger of Fallout 3 and New Vegas's endings, so yet another big reference.

The Fallout 3 bits are how you suit up for an offensive about the enclave establishment, with the intent of wresting control of their core, important magical machine. The New Vegas bit is how you gather all the factions you helped along the way and some important characters to lead the final offensive assault.
321374 321384

Finally, LP gets down to brass tacks. One of the literally-whos, an NPC named Morning Frost, was apparently stationed at Neighvarro once, so she has a map of it on her PipBuck. Not sure why she has a PipBuck, but since I have no idea who this character is, I can't really say whether or not it's appropriate for her to have a technical device usually reserved for the stable ponies. At any rate, Neighvarro is about what you'd expect: a large, heavily guarded floating fortress being patrolled by a large airship (I believe these things are called Thunderclouds or Thunderheads or something like that) and four raptors.

Anyway, there is nothing else to do except work out some technical details. The rest of this conversation is just rambling autism, so for the sake of expedience here is a quick summary of what is discussed:
>Twilight Sparkle had some kind of cloud walking spell, which Spike now has for some reason, that will enable all the pones participating in the Neighvarro raid to walk on clouds
>Xenith is going to make bloodwing talismans for everyone, but will not be participating in the raid as she needs to find Stern and kill her because revenge I guess
>Stern and Xenith have some kind of history that apparently makes this revenge a big deal; I guess Stern murdered Xenith's family or something (this sounds familiar but I don't remember where it was mentioned)
>the Applejack Rangers that LP recruited on her way here, despite being obviously the most valuable fighters in terms of firepower and training, are not going to be participating in either the Neighvarro raid or the attack on Fillydelphia; they have been given the garbage detail of guarding Spike's cave
>the reason Spike's cave needs to be guarded is because Spike won't be in it; they need to use him to get them past the Enclave battleships and into Neighvarro
>a group of literally-whos called the Wasteland Crusaders are also going to stay behind and guard Spike's cave (I have literally no idea who these characters are, but they were mentioned by name so I'm going to assume they're important)
>Spike can break through one of the shields surrounding Neighvarro, but there is a second one that he can't break for some reason, so LP needs to figure out a way past it

The scene ends with some more cringey sex banter between LP and Homage.

Page break, "today."

Velvet Remedy breaks into some broadcast station that is in the cloud fortress I guess. For some reason she is now an ultra bad-ass ninja, and is able to quickly subdue everyone in the room using her anesthetic spell. She goes over to the broadcast station and fires it up, once again overriding Homage's broadcast signal. There are any number of perfectly reasonable technical questions about how and why something like this would work that I'm just not even going to bother asking. The rest of this scene is pretty ridiculous.

Velvet goes on air and announces to everyone in the wasteland still listening to the radio that she is about to start singing. Before she can make good on this threat, however, a bunch of soldiers burst in and interrupt her, proving that there may actually be something resembling a God in this post-apocalyptic hellhole.

>Velvet Remedy looked put out, pouting with her lower lip and fluttering her eyes. “But boys, I don’t need guns or magic. I have something with me that’s much more powerful than those.” Velvet smiled pleasantly. “Kindness.”
Have I mentioned that I really, really hate this character?

Anyway, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, an alicorn suddenly appears out of nowhere and BTFOs all of the guards.

Page break, "yesterday."

We rejoin LP at some indeterminate point in the future and/or past. She is telling Spike that she wants to show everyone the Gardens of Equestria spell, because reasons I guess.

>I expected resistance. Instead, Spike agreed readily. “I’ve already shown Ditzy Doo,” he confessed. “As one of the spirits of the Element of Harmony, she deserved to know.”
So Ditzy Doo is one of the Elements of Harmony now? When did that happen? What element is she supposed to be? How did Spike figure this out? Literally nothing about this shit makes any goddamned sense.

Anyway, she takes them all into the Butt Sex Room, which has since been repurposed into an Elements of Harmony room, and shows them Spike's big fancy computer. They all ooh and ahh over the Elements and whatever.

>Ditzy Doo sat at the pedestal holding the Element of Laughter, staring reverently at the necklace with the little balloon-shaped gem.
>Calamity was the first to speak. “The spirit o’ Loyalty?” He seemed overwhelmed. “That’s… a lot. Ah’ll try t’ live up t’ that…”
So...Derpy is the Element of Laughter and Calamity is the Element of Loyalty? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this? Sure; why the hell not?

I'm honestly not sure why Spike had such a difficult time tracking down bearers for these Elements; it seems like LP is just handing them out at random to her various friends. Maybe it's a trick that only works when Mary Sue does it.

>“Kindness?” Velvet Remedy sounded faint. “But… Are you sure?” She leaned closer to me, speaking hesitantly. “In case you haven’t noticed, Pip, I can be a bitch sometimes.”
We have noticed that, Velvet; thank you for pointing it out. Also, it looks like Velvet is supposed to be "Kindness." Welp, that's three of them down. Who will LP pick as the Elements of Generosity, Magic and Honesty? Ms. Crabtree? Chef? The 1991 Denver Broncos?

However, it seems we won't get to find out immediately. Instead of addressing who will carry the remaining three elements, the conversation devolves into some rambling autism about whether or not Fluttershy has actually become a tree. Once this is concluded, LP announces that their job tomorrow will be to find the bearers of the remaining elements. I'm assuming this just means they are supposed to go down to the bus station and find three random ponies who would like to earn five bucks.
321384 321394
large (6).png

>Meanwhile, I had unpleasant news to break to the others. “After tomorrow, your top priority will have to be finding the two remaining ponies with the virtues needed to use the Elements of Harmony and set off the Gardens of Equestria. By your estimation, Calamity, you’ll have about a year before things get really bad. I hope you can do it by then.”
It's interesting that she says "finding the two remaining ponies." By my count we have three elements still unfilled:

>Velvet Remedy - Kindness
>Ditzy Doo - Laughter
>Calamity - Loyalty
Yep, that's only three out of six that are spoken for.

Given the absurd amount of significance this story places on its "hero," the logical assumption would be that the Magic element will be filled by LP herself. However, it sounds like her plan is to sacrifice herself inside the SPP, leaving the Gardens of Equestria to be set off by her friends in her absence. Also, she has hinted numerous times that she considers Homage to be the actual wasteland hero for some reason. Though it's never been clear what she bases this on (other than the fact that she wuvs her so much), we can probably assume that Homage will be the Magic element instead. So I guess that just leaves Generosity and Honesty? Who the fuck even knows; I've completely given up trying to follow kkat's logic.

>“Wait,” Calamity waved a hoof. “Y’all say that like yer not comin’ with us.”
>My heart felt like it was being squeezed. “I’m not,” I said, feeling tears. “I can’t.” I explained to them, as I had to Life Bloom, that the Single Pegasus Project needed a pony. And that saving Equestria required that pony to stay.
>“Why you?” Velvet complained.
This is actually a pretty good question. Seems to me that the keyword in "Single Pegasus Project" is "Pegasus." I've never entirely understood why LP is supposed to be the one going into the box, just like I've never understood why Homage was selected to be the hero of the wasteland. The only explanation is that, as the author's beloved Mary Sue protagonist, it is naturally LP's job to valiantly sacrifice herself for the good of all; the fact that she's not a Pegasus and thus fails to meet the literally one requirement for participating in the Single Pegasus Project seems to be beside the point.

>I sighed heavily. “Because of all this.” I glanced around at the Gardens of Equestria. “Because, in the end, I’m expendable. And you’re not.”
Because reasons, basically. Seriously; I know I've said this a thousand fucking times now and you're all probably getting tired of hearing it, but this makes absolutely no sense.

Presumably, when LP says she is expendable compared to her friends, she means that all of them are meant to be bearers of the Elements of Harmony, whereas she is not. But how was any of this determined? The logic for selecting the Element bearers has never been clear. Why does Ditzy Doo embody Laughter better than any other pony in the wasteland? Because she "laughs at adversity" or some hokey shit like that? Why is Velvet the embodiment of Kindness? Because she likes Fluttershy and occasionally helps others? Why is Calamity Loyalty? Because he doesn't have enough of a personality to question just why he's been palling around with this psychopath Littlepoop for all this time?

And for the last bloody time, just what exactly are Homage's qualifications to be the Element of Anything? Other than being LP's girlfriend, there is nothing remarkable about her at all. She has spent most of the story doing literally fuck-all except sitting in her comfortable penthouse gibbering about bullshit on the radio. If any character in this story is expendable enough to be tossed into a magic weather machine and forgotten about, it's Homage.

Anyway, the conversation takes a predictable turn from here. LP gets all bleary-eyed and angsty, talking about how useless and unremarkable she's always been, and how she's finally "found her virtue," which, since she doesn't say what it is, I'm going to just assume is "being a self-righteous cunt." Velvet cries, and Calamity is also sad, but accepts LP's decision. He gives her his hat as a parting gift, and Velvet gives her the Fluttershy orb, because if there's one thing LP doesn't have enough of, it's memory orbs.

At this point Spike suddenly realizes something. I can't make hide nor hair of this autism, so I'm just going to dump what he says verbatim:

>“I told you that your group wasn’t the one that was needed because it was obvious to me that you and SteelHooves weren’t ever going to be Bearers,” he explained rapidly. But it takes more than just being loyal or honest to be a Bearer…”
Why exactly was it obvious that LP and SteelHooves were not bearers? This has never been explained, any more than it has been explained why the others actually are qualified to be bearers.

>“…just like it doesn’t require that the Bearers be perfect paragons of their Virtue. There’s more to it than that.” He looked at us all. “I mean, it’s not like the ‘destined few’ just happened to all live in Ponyville. Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity... I’m sure there were plenty of ponies with the same virtues, but it wasn’t enough to just have the virtues. That wasn’t what made them suitable to be Bearers.
>“It was only when they accepted the call to act, and became friends in the process, that they became worthy in the eyes of the Elements.”
So basically, if I'm reading this correctly, pretty much anyone can be an Element of Harmony, so long as they kinda-sorta embody that element, and have five friends who kinda-sorta fit the other ones. How has it taken 200 years to find six ponies that meet these incredibly general requirements? Like I said; just go down to the bus station and grab six ponies.

Anyway, Spike keeps babbling for awhile, but the long and short of it is that Littlepoop's role is to be the "spark" that brings the elements together. As to what this means, we will have to delve into it in the next post.
Funny how leftists fundamentally see niceness as a type of manipulation that can be used to get their way and make powerful others do things for them.
It even works that way in their fiction.
Sheer cowardice is all that keeps Kkat from admitting LP was written to be the element of Magic. She has tremendous magocal power, has friends, and brought all her friends together and supposedly brought out the best in them. She has Twilight's role as "the spark that brought her friends together" and yet Kkat feels actually calling her the element of magic would be the straw that breaks the camel's back and makes everyone cry "Marey Sue".
large (7).png

The way it's explained is rather convoluted, but I think I'm basically starting to see where kkat is going with this. In the canon series, during the initial battle with Nightmare Moon, the magic of the Elements of Harmony only kicks into gear when Twilight Sparkle realizes that her friendship with the other five is the spark that makes the magic work. At this point the sixth Element, Magic, reveals itself, and they can BTFO Nightmare Moon.

Here, Spike explains that the nature of the "spark" is different every time. For Twilight, the spark was an epiphany when she realized how the Elements worked. This time, the spark is apparently a pony: good ol' Mary Sue herself. The basic idea is that you bring five of the six Elements together along with the spark, and then the sixth Element reveals itself. It's not entirely clear if the sixth Element is going to be Magic again or some new thing, but I suppose we'll find out in time.

>At that moment, I finally realized what most of you probably figured out right from the prologue: the true meaning of my cutie mark.
Yeah, totally; the prologue was absolutely 1000% crystal clear about that. But, uh, you know, for the sake of people who aren't quite as quick on the draw as you and I, could you maybe explain how all of that endless droning on about the technical specs of PipBucks explains the true meaning of LP's PipBuck cutie mark, and how that has anything the fuck to do with the present situation?

>A feature not to be forgotten: PipBucks keep track of the location of tagged objects or people. If a pony somehow got lost, it could help find them.
>Like I had found the Ministry Mares. Their stories, which cried out to be remembered. And through the statuettes created through Rarity’s sacrifice, the mares themselves.
>Like I had found Velvet Remedy, even without the aid of a tag. And I had found each of my friends… and a whole lot of good, heroic people, many of whom were gathered in the main room of this very cave.
>I had gotten my cutie mark when I had found that little foal and reunited him with his parents, the first worthwhile thing I had ever done in my life.
>My special talent was finding the right people.
This is a stretch. Even by the standards of this story, this is a stretch. A big stretch. Huge, even.

In kkat's defense, I can kind of see how this logic would might make sense to someone with a gamer's mindset. If I remember correctly the "PipBuck" is this story's analog of the "PipBoy," which serves as the user interface for one or more of the Fallout games. The map is probably the feature that is going to be used most often by the player, so they might logically associate a PipBoy with a map or with the concept of locating things in physical space. However, kkat's logic is again based more on the reader's external knowledge of the Fallout games more than on the internal logic of this story.

The prologue that is supposed to make all of this so bloody obvious is mostly just LP droning on for pages upon pages about all of the features this device has, one of which happens to be a map. The device does plenty of other things, and she uses most of these features as often or more often than the map. For instance, without the auto-aiming bullshit this character would have died many times over before she even made it to Appleoosa. She is constantly using it to listen to audio, both the recordings she finds all over the place and her girlfriend's radio show. And, though I've never been 100% certain about this, I think she uses it, or at least some device that attaches to it, in her hacking of terminals.

Taken purely in the context of its use in the story, a PipBuck isn't really symbolic of anything other than itself; it's a multi-function gizmo comparable to maybe a smartphone, that is designed to do any number of things, including but hardly limited to finding people. Granted, cutie mark symbolism tends to be a little vague in the MLP universe for instance, Rarity's mark could easily be interpreted to mean that she is an expert jewel thief, but expecting the reader to instantly connect an image of a PipBuck with the concept of finding people ponies, whatever is, again, quite a stretch.

Now, if the PipBuck's sole feature was its map and locator system, this would make sense. However, that would mean that LP would not be able to rely on it to hack terminals and aim guns and listen to music and do all the other crazy shit that she can do. This, of course, would mean that kkat would need to think up another way for LP to win gunfights, or else have someone besides his beloved Mary Sue be the expert fighter, and it's hard to imagine him going for that. It would also mean that his entire system of revealing the world's intricate backstory would need to be rethought (which would be a good idea, but again it's hard to imagine kkat actually doing this). But I digress.

In any event, none of this changes the fundamental idea that LP's job is (apparently) only to bring the Elements together; she is (apparently) still not an Element herself. So, in her own words, she's still "expendable."

Page break, "today."

Calamity blows up Neighvarro's solar array. As a side note, it's curious that in this supposedly impenetrable fortress they have encountered almost no opposition so far, save the battleship that Spike effortlessly blew up, and the single platoon of inept guards that Velvet's alicorn (apparently) took out by herself.

>Calamity sniffed at the air. “Well, what do ya know. It’s like the end o’ an empire… with radishes.”
I don't get this joke. Was the solar array made out of radishes? Are there radishes nearby? Do burning solar arrays smell like radishes for some reason? We need a little more to go on.

Anyway, it looks like I spoke too soon about the lack of opposition. Spike is still fighting some of the raptors apparently, and I guess Calamity blew up the array in between fighting some pegasi that are chasing him.
321411 321466

Oh, before we go on, I actually have one more quick observation about LP's cutie mark business.

Her explanation of her mark is that her "special talent" is finding people, and that the PipBuck symbolizes this because of its radar function. However, she relies entirely on said radar function to people and/or things, just as she relies on its auto-targeting system to fight her battles for her, and (presumably) relies on some kind of app she installed on it to hack terminals for her, and so forth.

The PipBucks are standard issue in the stables as I understand it, meaning that literally anyone who has one of these could use its features to do literally everything that LP has done in this story; thus, nothing she uses it for really counts as a unique ability. Thus, if you really think about it, her special talent is really just relying on this device to do everything for her. Thus, her cutie mark is actually appropriate for her, just not for the reason she (or kkat) thinks. Noodle that one for awhile.

Anyway, back to the present, by which I mean tomorrow. Calamity gets shot at by some pegasi recruits that he doesn't want to kill, because they're his old brothers from the Enclave and all that. So, he dodges them instead, heading for some kind of side door or something that turns out to be locked. Then, suddenly, the door bursts open and a guard jumps out. Calamity whangs him over the head and ducks through the door, dragging the guard in with him. Presumably his pursuers have been outwitted, as they don't appear to follow.

The room he enters turns out to be full of batteries or something; not sure what the significance is, but this seems to impress Calamity.

Page break, "last night."

Littlepoop, despite her earlier whining about how she is never going to see Homage again and would do anything just to hear her voice again, chooses to spend this last moment she's been granted apologizing to her. Not for the obvious reason you'd expect, ie the fact that she made a decision to die without seeing her again and didn't tell her about it the last time they spoke, but because she failed to meet her own lofty expectations for glorious Mary-Suedom. There are still ponies in the wasteland she hasn't saved, and her efforts to be a hero haven't been nearly heroic enough, and blah blah blah eat the pudding.

Anyway, Homage tells her to stop being so glum, because it turns out she's not actually going to die at all. Her plan is to plug herself into the SPP, which uses the same network of radio towers that Homage relies on for her broadcasts. Thus, she will be able to communicate with Homage any time she wants. Well gee whiz, I guess that all just works out fine and dandy then, doesn't it?

So, once again, it seems that kkat's effort to introduce (real) sacrifice into his story has fallen flat, due to his outright refusal to have his protagonist suffer any (actual) loss. All this time, we've been led to believe that she will be sacrificing herself nobly for the good of all, severing herself from the love of her life and plunging into the cold abyss of death in order to save the wasteland. However, this noble act turns out to be a huge nothingburger as usual; she's not sacrificing herself, at least not in the mortal sense, and she won't even be separated from Homage.

As far as I can tell, this effort isn't going to actually kill LP or even harm her in any way that actually matters. I was until recently under the impression that throwing herself into the SPP would somehow cause her to fuse with it or be consumed by it or something; that her body would die, and she would basically merge with the machine and become a disembodied consciousness like SteelHooves' old retarded grandpa wanted to do. From the way it's being described here, it sounds like all she's really doing is just locking herself inside the cockpit. Did they not put a door handle on the inside or what?

And, naturally, kkat can't help but end the scene with yet another cringey sex joke: Homage offers to start showering outside so LP can watch.

Page break, "today."

With the guards thwarted, Velvet is now free to sing her dumb songs over the radio.

Meanwhile, LP is listening to this garbage while running down the hallway inside the fortress. She has her invisibility thing on again, so she encounters no opposition whatsoever. Mighty convenient, that.

>I reached the cell block with a few minutes of invisibility to spare. A quick sweep of the area told me all I needed to know. The cell doors had no accessible locks. They were operated entirely from the terminal in the guard office. It had a cloud-interface.
>Fortunately, I could do those now.
It seems that she can now suddenly hack cloud terminals for some reason. Mighty convenient, that.

Anyway, she hacks easily-hackable terminal #4,648 and locates the cell of "Fluffykins." You may or may not remember that Fluffykins is the name of the ally that the hellhound promised would help them. Apparently, the prisoner they need to help them bring the cloud fortress down is being held within the cloud fortress itself. Mighty convenient, that.

The info she finds is a disposal order; apparently, the Enclave intends to execute Fluffykins this very afternoon. However, it would seem that LP and her friends broke into the fortress just in the nick of time. Come on, everyone, say it with me:


Anyway, whatever; she goes to the dumb hellhound's stupid cell and opens the door somehow and lets her out, then hands her a note with some instructions from the other faggot-ass hellhound on it.

Page break, "last night."

>Tonight was the last night before a big battle. One that would define the future of Equestria. And many of them might not be coming back. The party had been Silver Bell’s idea, naturally. But none of them were going to spend their last night reading a good book.
Thanks to kkat, I certainly won't be.
This might be a sad thing to post, but...

Not even the concept of the Enclave's Operation Cauterize is truly original.
>"Operation: Cinder is to begin at once. Resistance. Rebellion. Defiance. These are concepts that cannot be allowed to persist. You are but one of many tools by which these ideas shall be burned away."
―A posthumous message from Emperor Palpatine, to a select group of Imperial officers
Operation: Cinder was the code name for the orbital bombardment campaign devised by Galactic Emperor Darth "Creamy Sheev" Sidious, who sought to punish the Galactic Empire (His own side) for failing to prevent his death.
Following the Emperor's demise during the third Star Wars movie, his posthumous instructions were relayed to loyal Imperial officers.
They targeted various planets across the galaxy, including Vardos, a world known for its loyalty to the Empire, and the Emperor's homeworld of Naboo. Although Naboo was saved during the Battle of Theed, Vardos was devastated by satellites that ravaged its ecological balance.
Operation: Cinder was the first part in the Emperor's Contingency; the Empire was to be rebuilt in the Unknown Regions while Sidious was secretly revived on Exegol.
The plan was undermined by Grand Admiral Rae Sloane, who killed the Emperor's protégé in a battle.
The widespread destruction caused by Operation: Cinder also resulted in Iden Versio and Del Meeko—Imperial Special Forces commandos of Inferno Squad—defecting to the New Republic Defense Force.
Despite these setbacks, the Contingency succeeded in ensuring the Empire's revival as the First Order, a military junta determined to recapture the Imperial legacy by ending the New Republic Era offscreen just in time for the Disney Star Wars sequels.
large (8).png

Anyway, it looks like all the NPCs in Spike's cave have decided to throw a gigantic party, because why the hell not? LP is trying to get some shut eye, but Spike comes in and wakes her up and tells her to join in the festivities, so she does. A good time is had by all.

Life Bloom passes LP a "gift" he created at her behest; apparently she intends to give it to Fluffykins when she meets him in the previous scene, which, even though we've already read about it, won't actually happen until tomorrow. Have I mentioned that the way kkat structured time in this chapter is retarded?

Anyway, we still don't know exactly what the gift was, but it will probably become apparent later on. The rest of this is just LP and Calamity gibbering back and forth about the ethics of saving hellhounds and how Calamity's brother was apparently a douche.

Page break, "today."

We rejoin Calamity in the future, ie the present, ie the past, ie I don't even know anymore. He is presently futurely? stealing batteries or something from that storage closet we left him in, when suddenly his dad walks in. Initially his dad thinks he's just some random Enclave recruit, but Calamity announces himself.

What follows is a scene that could potentially have been a pivotal moment in Calamity's character arc, had the author bothered to actually give him one. As it stands, it's mostly a confusing confrontation between Calamity and some sketchy nameless character that is apparently his father, whom we've heard about in passing but have never seen. It's evident that these two characters don't see eye to eye on most subjects, and presumably their tense relationship played a significant role in shaping who Calamity is today. However, it's hard to actually give a fuck, since Calamity is basically a background pony, and his father, much like his brother, has not had a significant enough presence for us to form much of an opinion.

Anyway, they yak for a bit. Calamity's father is even more of a hee-haw redneck stereotype than Calamity himself, but other than yell he doesn't do much. There's no fight here; Calamity just maintains a condescending indifference while his dad yells at him about whatever. I don't really have any reaction to it; it's just a low-energy confrontation between a character we barely know and a character we don't know at all. There's a bit about Calamity's mother at the end, but we know even less about her than we do about the rest of his family, so it's hard to really feel anything there either. Naturally, kkat takes the opportunity to toss in a random show reference that is completely inappropriate for a moment like this:

>“Ya got her mane, y’know,” his father said softly, letting his traitorous son past. “Ah really liked her mane.”
>Calamity spread his wings and flew away, saying nothing.
Whatever. If kkat isn't going to put any effort into writing this shit, I'm not going to put any effort into reviewing it. Moving on.

Page break, "this morning."

The time to depart for battle has come. This moment would have more poignancy if we didn't already know what was going to happen.

I know I've mentioned this repeatedly already, but I really don't understand why kkat chose to write these scenes out of sequence like this. I remember I also complained earlier, when LP was losing random fragments of time and everything kept skipping forward in a surreal way. However, there ultimately turned out to have been a reason for that: LP had actually lost fragments of her memory, so she was simply recounting events the way she remembered them. As much as I hate to give kkat credit for anything at this point, I'll admit it was a more or less clever way of handling that.

Here, though, we have yet to see any reason why events should be structured this way. Kkat has chosen to tell us the story of the battle concurrent with the story of the day before the battle, when they were sitting around planning the battle. Why? Not only is it confusing, it takes away any impact that either storyline might have. The battle scenes have been mostly disjointed and lacking punch due to us having no frame of reference for what's going on. The planning scenes all take place after we've already read the battle scenes, so all it does is fill us in after the fact. It's like writing a story about a trip to Disney World, opening with a scene about riding Splash Mountain, and following it with a scene about standing in line for Splash Mountain.

In the late 90s there as a movie called Memento. I don't remember what it was about exactly, but its primary claim to fame was its gimmick: it started with the ending, and told the story backwards until it finished with the beginning. It wasn't a terrible movie as I recall, but the annoying thing was that it immediately spawned a whole slew of copycat projects; suddenly, telling a story backwards became this trendy thing to do, and everyone was doing it, regardless of whether or not it was appropriate for the story being told. That's basically what this reminds me of.

Generally speaking, unless there's some concrete reason why your story needs to be told in a non-linear way, the most sensible thing to do is to just order your scenes chronologically. It makes things much easier to follow, and enables you to properly build suspense and tension and so forth. Kkat basically sabotages himself here; his battle scenes are incoherent and lack punch, and by the time he rewinds to explain what we just saw (and the characters are about to see), we've already seen it and don't care anymore.

Anyway, they saddle up Spike and head out. They fly past the remains of a Pegasus stable, because those existed apparently, and a Pegasus city. Oddly enough, despite the supposedly heavy security of the Enclave and the 200 year old taboo about traveling through the cloud barrier, nopony seems all that concerned about the gigantic dragon flying around up here.
Starlight Sparkle flows better, I agree
Just for that, I'm going to use this image for every single one of my posts from now on until the book is finished.

Page break, "ten minutes ago."

Good, the two timelines are moving closer and closer together. Hopefully we can be done with this nonsense soon, unless kkat decides to randomly have his "past" storyline bypass the "present" entirely, and the sequences alternate between "today" and "a week from Tuesday."

Anyway, this scene is short. The Twilight Society fires up their Celestia One spell, and uses it to surgically target the "worst, the most dangerous, on both sides." As usual, we get no explanation for how "worseness" or "dangerousness" is determined, and nothing about how this spell works, even at a black-box level. We are simply told that the Twilight Society feels that they "did the right thing."

Page break, "right now."

Seriously, this had better be it for these idiotic time jumps. Anyway, we're almost at the end of the chapter, so let's sally forth.

>My hoof hit the hard red barrier, sparks of energy crackling out from it. The shield felt as solid as a steel wall under my hoof.
>I reared up and slammed my hoof against the shield surrounding the S.P.P. Central Hub once again, and fell on my tail when I rebounded.
>I wasn’t going through!
>But… But I had been so sure! I was three-fifths alicorn. More importantly, I had something nopony who had attempted this had brought: I had a perfect replica of the soul of Rainbow Dash!
Seriously? Was this her actual plan?

She just assumed, because she has that silly statue of Rainbow Dash in her backpack, and also because kkat's taint turned her into some kind of alicorn mutant or something I guess, that she would just be able to effortlessly waltz through this ultra-powerful shield that has baffled the greatest minds in Edgequestria for 200 years? Seriously, the arrogance of this character is just unreal. If I remember correctly, someone once even tried bringing the severed head of Rainbow Dash to this shield, and even that wasn't enough to bypass it. Well, whatevs; at least we get to watch LP eat a nice big slice of humble pie for once.

>If the bones of Luna hadn’t been enough to get through, if the Enclave’s goal to use the severed head of Rainbow Dash had been attempted and failed, then it stood to reason that the shield’s bypass was designed to register something much more important than mere genetics.
>I had to be the one who could get in. I had been promised this. I had it all worked out!
>This was my purpose. My destiny!
Seriously, how delusional can she get? It's like I said before, this character is completely nuts. None of what she says here makes any sense. Why does she believe that this would be her purpose or her destiny? Who promised this to her? If the shield requires a deeper connection to Rainbow Dash than mere genetics, then why would she even imagine that she was qualified to pass it? She has no connection to Dash at all from what I can tell. This whole thing just smacks of some gigantic delusion of grandeur.

LP has convinced herself that it is her holy calling to save the world, and she intends to do just that, no matter what reality has to say about it. Well I'm sorry, bitch, but that's just not how these things work. Only King Arthur can pull the sword out of the stone, so if you tug on the sword and it won't come out, all it means is that you ain't King Arthur. I'm sure your kindergarten teacher always told you that you were special, and this must be a giant blow to your self-esteem, but I'm afraid that's just the way it goes sometimes.

>I began to cry. Right now, so many were fighting, probably dying, because they had faith in my plan. Faith in me.
>How could I have been wrong? Again?
>Sunshine and rainbows, she had promised. I heard the sound of explosions and massive energy discharges from the remaining Raptors. My crying became weeping.
Lol, it was almost worth slogging through 650,000 words of unreadable dreck just to enjoy this moment. Poor little Mary Sue, it must be so crushing for her to learn that she's not the center of the observable universe after believing it for so long.

Seriously though, I do have a couple of notes. First of all, "my crying became weeping" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. What I think the author means here is that she was crying, and now she's crying even harder. However, "crying" and "weeping" are essentially synonymous with each other; I'd probably say something along the lines of "my crying turned into bawling," or something to that effect.

Second, I'm a little curious about this line:

>Sunshine and rainbows, she had promised.
Who exactly is "she"? I'm sure this is just referencing something from earlier that I'm not remembering, but I honestly can't think of anyone that might have promised her that any of this would work. To my recollection, this entire plan was cooked up by LP and LP alone; nobody told her that she could pass this shield, she just assumed that she could.

>Don’t listen to her! the potted plant had insisted. She just wants you to fail.
The potted plant? What the fuck is she on about? She got this idea from a talking plant? I'm lost.

Alright, I enlisted the help of my old friend Ctrl-F, who directed me back to Chapter 37. There is a particularly autistic scene in which LP dives into a memory orb belonging to Pinkie Pie, and ends up having a pseudo-conversation with a coked up Pinkie, because Pinkie is hallucinating talking to LP in the future, and is giving her advice. Or something. This is apparently where she was told that everything would come up "sunshine and rainbows."

The scene is even harder to follow the second time around, but as far as I can tell, there's nothing in here about passing this shield or anything specific. Pinkie merely assures her that if she "faces the fire" then everything will work out for the best in the end.

Well, I guess I can understand LP's disillusionment. I mean, if you can't trust the drugged-out hallucinations of a centuries-dead crack addict, then who the hell can you trust?
321514 321585

Anyway, as much as I'm enjoying watching LP twist in the wind, I think we all know that this isn't going to last. This should be roughly the point where she racks her brain, finds the crucial piece of the puzzle that eluded both her and everyone else who has attempted to bypass this shield in the last 200 years, and pulls some ridiculous solution out of her ass that saves the day. Let's read on and see what moronic illogical thing she comes up with.

She goes over Pinkie Pie's delusional ravings from the memory orb as if there ought to be some kind of crucial clue in there, and zeroes in on the bit about "facing the fire." Considering kkat's total lack of imagination, I'm just going to assume that the solution will probably involve literal fire.

>“Spike!” I shouted, waving my forearms desperately! “I need you!”
Yep, that definitely seems to be the direction this is headed. Also, ponies don't have forearms.

She calls Spike down, and tells him that she needs him to breathe fire on her. Naturally, he considers this request to be ill-advised, and refuses. LP now has to try to convince him:

>“I lied,” I told him.
>“What?” He looked confused, hurt and deeply worried. In the middle of all this…
>“I lied about Twilight Sparkle,” I confessed, my heart ripping apart.
>I told him the truth. The whole truth, every awful, soul-wrenching detail.
>“All…” Spike stammered finally, his voice just a whisper. “…all this time…”
Remind me, what exactly is "the truth" about Twilight Sparkle again? Is it something actually serious, like she fingered Spike's butthole and then wiped it under his nose while he was asleep one time, and that's why everything smelled like poop that one day? Or is it just another nothingburger truth, like "the truth about Fluttershy" was for Velvet? As in, she invented some bombs and did some horrible stuff 200 years ago in an era when literally every other canon character was inventing bombs and doing horrible stuff, and LP felt like she needed to shield one or more of her friends from discovering this because it might destroy their perception of their favorite pony?

Oh, who the hell even cares? Whatever the "truth" about Twilight Sparkle is, it serves its purpose well enough here. Spike gets pissed off and blows fire on her exactly like she wanted, because like every other character in this shitpile he apparently has an IQ several degrees below room temperature and can't see through even the most transparent manipulation.

>I was blinded by the blast of greenish flame. The pain was beyond unbearable. I screamed, and my lungs filled with fire. I could feel my skin bubbling and searing away.
If it turns out that LP was completely wrong about everything, and gets burned to a crisp and dies right here, without saving the wasteland or accomplishing anything else of note in all of her pointless, empty life of mayhem and destruction, I will literally take back every gay joke I have ever made about kkat and propose this book be nominated for a Hugo award.

Anyway, LP's fate is, of course, left ambiguous for now. Her last thoughts are of some random bullshit that Homage said to her at some distant point in the who-gives-a-fuck past, and the scene ends with her losing consciousness. End of chapter.

Chapter Forty-Five: The Virtue of Littlepoop

Today's fortune cookie:
>“But it was not until the end of this long road that the Stable Dweller learned the true meaning of that greatest of virtues: sacrifice.”
Well, I can't speak for the Stable Dweller, but about the only thing this long road has taught me the virtue of is alcohol.

Anyway, this is it; the final chapter. Just 10,519 more words to go, and we're at the epilogue.

As with all of the preceding chapters, this one opens with another rambling monologue from Littlepoop. This one, of course, deals with the concept of sacrifice. It's nothing but the usual pseudo-philosophical drivel that we've come to expect from kkat and his obnoxious little mouthpiece; however, I will quickly go through the bits that caught my eye.

>Every day is a struggle against the forces that attempt to compromise and erode anything good in your heart. It helps to have a cause, a purpose; but I have seen too many who have put their faith in those alone and been lead grievously astray.
As I've stated I don't know how many times, there is a gulf the size of the Grand Canyon between LP's view of herself and how she actually comes across. If she has ever had anything resembling a cause or a purpose at any point in this endless clusterfuck, I would be hard pressed to explain what it is. She's in no position to be criticizing how anyone else deals with life in the wasteland, or anywhere else for that matter.

>Raiders are those who failed to weather the moral ravages of the Wasteland. Velvet Remedy was wrong: they do have a reason for existing. The Wasteland is the cause to their effect.
As I've also stated I don't know how many times, the "raiders" are one of the silliest, most comically overstated edgelord elements of this story, and their existence makes no sense.

"Evil" is not some miasmic substance floating around in the air, turning anyone who breathes it into a mindless psychopath. There are only actions and the results of actions; the goodness or evilness of any action can only be evaluated subjectively based on results. The writer's job is simply to understand the motivations and personalities of his characters, and determine which actions they would be likely to take. If he does this correctly, the reader can make their own assessments of which characters are good and which ones are evil without needing to be told.

With that in mind, what exactly is the motivation of the raiders? What drives these otherwise normal ponies to suddenly don ridiculous Mad Max cosplay and run around disemboweling strangers for no reason? The "horrors of the wasteland?" That's not good enough. These guys are the horrors of the wasteland, so what was the prime mover there?
I'm sure what I suggested earlier about the Raiders could have worked. If they started life as farmers or adventurers or worthless idiots or town-dwelling twats before failing at life and running into a choice between starving and becoming gangs of thieves, these gangs could have fought over territory. Some criminal gangs could devolve into tribes with superstitions and mythologies as hazing initiation rituals to weed out the wimpy grow crueller with time. Some gangs could rely solely on violence as a lifestyle and culture while others run drugs and sell slaves for food money with violence reserved for making examples of anyone who pisses them off. And over time the "typical" practice of sticking enemy bodies/heads on sticks around the borders of your land to show you mean business (and attract big Radroaches to eat) accelerates into making examples of those bodies/heads to scare other gangs into leaving you alone and scare nearby functional settlements into fearfully paying you tributes of food and purified water to leave them alone. Some motherfuckers invent thunderdomes to keep their skills sharp with practice duels when not making a big show out of duelling captured enemies to death/offering them a spot in the gang if they win. Some motherfuckers make a big gore pit with a trap door out of their town's destroyed sewer systems and love shoving enemies into it to die. Eventually assorted Raider tribes become so edgy and evil they've forgotten all the perversely barbaric showmanship in their rituals and evolving cultural traditions over 200 years initially started as a tool to avoid violence and get what they want (food) without risking their lives.

Also, it pisses me off that LP is relying on Spike's teleporting fire right now. That's such an obvious thing to try. How did nobody try this in over 200 years? Plus we saw Spike's fire obliterate an Enclave soldier ages ago. So as an audience unless we've watched the show and know Spike used to be able to teleport things we'd have no idea he can teleport things now until it's used as an asspull to solve this retarded issue.

Question: if LP found the frozen severed head of Rainbow Dash when running through an Enclave base and kept it, then leapt into Red Eye's Alicorn goo with herself and Calamity and an Earth Pony friend (Steelhooves? Maybe Life Bloom if he was an earth pony?) while clutching RD's head and statuette, and the resulting part-RD alicorn was able to access the SPP, would that make for a better story?
For such a tale to work I think the story would have needed to focus harder on these chosen three characters and their character growth over the course of the tale so we can feel something about their resulting fusion. I'm sure a competent author could make the audience cry at how Calamity's final thoughts as an individual would be of his love for Velvet.
But I still think it would be less retarded than relying on how taint conveniently made LP part-alicorn for no reason when taint usually fucks poners up. Sure that plan failed LP but it's retarded that the universe put her in a position to try it in the first place. She had Spike on her side long ago, asking him to teleport somepony into the SPP (maybe calamity?) should have worked back then making all the bullshit that happened after the heroes met "Watcher" aka Spike pointless.
321634 321649

>I had finally discovered my virtue.
Yes, and unfortunately, since you're still talking and the book isn't over yet, it doesn't seem to involve being burned to a crisp the way I had hoped. Looks like kkat can kiss that Hugo goodbye.

Anyway, she's been saying for some time now that she's discovered her virtue, but I'm still not quite clear on what it's supposed to be. We learned in the previous chapter that her "special talent" is using her PipBuck to find people finding people, but I don't think that "special talent" and "virtue" mean the same thing in this story. My best guess is that her "virtue" will have something to do with selflessness or sacrifice, since that seems to be the kind of character that kkat believes he's writing about.

>I should have realized it when I first looked into the mirror of the soul. But I was too blinded by what I saw -- a blood-coated, dying raider -- to recognize what the mirror was actually showing me: the first time I truly acted in the spirit of sacrifice.
Yep, called it.

Anyway, the long and short of all this is that LP, continuing to trace the downward nautilus path of her own delusions, now genuinely believes that her purposeless murder-spree across the wasteland has been an act of noble self-sacrifice. She has more or less always believed this, but her most recent epiphany seems to have banished the last vestiges of self-doubt she was struggling with. Her narcissism stat is completely maxed out; nothing can stop her now. She has become GigaSue, Destroyer of Worlds.

>I believe in Pinkie Pie, in sunshine and rainbows. But of all the Ministry Mares, I think it has been Rarity, not Pinkie Pie, that I’ve felt the greatest connection to. The mare whose last act was to save her dearest friend. Who tore apart her own soul for those she loved.
I'm highlighting this passage mainly as an example of kkat's autismo, rambling writing style. This guy cannot pick a subject and stay on it to save his life; he just bounces around from thought to thought and word-vomits whatever idiotic thing pops into his head. Here, watch:

>My feelings are not surprising, for sacrifice and generosity are closely tied. But generosity is a much grander virtue with a much wider scope. I am not generous. I have never given anything but myself; and upon reflection, my sacrifice was often selfish -- a vehicle to protect those I love from facing harm even when it was their right to do so. My mistakes in Fillydelphia are perhaps the most brutal example.
Initially, she was talking about "sacrifice" and how this is her virtue. She then brings up Rarity for no good reason at all (her personal connection to any of the M6 is tenuous at best), which leads her off on a tangent about generosity. She then re-focuses on herself (which is really all she ever thinks about or talks about), babbling about how her acts of sacrifice were selfish and therefore she doesn't embody generosity. Did anyone ever ask if she embodied generosity? Did anyone ever ask her to compare herself to Rarity? The answers are "no" and "no." So why is this in the book?

Everyone who has ever attempted to write anything has probably wound up rambling at some point. I may even be rambling right now. However, the important thing is to learn how to focus your thoughts so you can avoid it as much as possible. If you don't catch it while you're writing, try to catch it in revision. Almost this entire opening monologue could have been cut. Anyway, my point is: try not to ramble.

>After my final discourse with Red Eye, I began to realize that I had been like an over-protective mother, stifling the growth of those I loved. Only now, finally, was I learning to let go. And still, it was the hardest and most painful thing for me to do. Sending my friends into battle against the Enclave without me… putting Ditzy Doo, the spirit of laughter and one of the most beautiful souls in the Equestrian Wasteland, on the front lines… it tore my heart out to not merely allow others to sacrifice, but to ask them to.
Or, alternatively, you could follow LP's example and do the exact opposite of not rambling.

Seriously, look at this shit: Red Eye -> being an over-protective mother -> learning to let go -> sending her friends into battle -> Ditzy-goddamned-horse-fucking-Doo -> the spirit of laughter -> heartbreak. This is her thought process. What is the point of telling us all of this? What are you trying to communicate, you loony twat?

>No, I was not truly generous. I was not Rarity, not even Red Eye.
>Nor was I truly Applesnack. But sacrifice lies in that space between generosity and perseverance -- between the desire to give so that others don’t have to and the drive to never give up, no matter the danger, no matter the cost.
"Am I like Rarity? Or am I more like Applesnack? Red Eye, maybe? No, after spending nine and a half paragraphs mumbling to myself about it, I don't think I'm really like any of those characters. So which character am I truly the most like? Ms. Crabtree? Chef? The 1982 Denver Broncos?" Blecch. Friendly reminder that this drivel is unironically one of the most highly-regarded works in the entire fandom.

What I think grinds my gears about this more than anything else is not just that she rambles, but how utterly narcissistic and self-absorbed this character is. She's not really talking about Rarity or Applesnack or her friends or anyone else she mentions here; this whole monologue is just about herself, and her perception of herself, and how much she's learned about herself, and how she's grown, and yada yada yada. It's nothing but vapid self-affirmation masquerading as deep reflection. We might as well be reading some millennial girl's Facebook posts.

Anyway, it just rambles on and on like this, and there's no point in delving much deeper. Here's a quick rundown of the topics she covers from here: corrupted virtue, friendship, Monterrey Jack, generosity again, sacrifice again, facing the fire.

Anyway, while it's still not clear what's actually happening yet, we are given the (hardly surprising) impression that even though LP "died" at the end of the previous chapter, through some kind of deus ex machina she has both survived and managed to bypass the shield.

>Faith doesn’t require you to be willingly blind or dogmatically stupid. I knew as I faced the fire that it was going to be more painful than anything I’d suffered before, and I was almost certainly going to die. But I also knew there was a chance, if only just a chance, that death might be… survivable. And Pinkie Pie had promised me sunshine and rainbows. Faith does require that you take risks. Sometimes, you have to risk everything.
If I were compiling selections from LP's memoirs to use as evidence to have her committed into psychiatric care, this one would probably be the centerpiece.

Let's back up and take a closer look at this:

When LP was poking around in the ruins of Canterlot, she came across an old memory orb belonging to Pinkie Pie. The memory shows an obviously drug-crazed Ponk having a bizarre hallucinogenic conversation with herself. Now, the fact that she addresses Littlepoop by name in the memory serves as pretty strong evidence that LP is witnessing something magical, intended specifically for her; there is likely a psychic connection between Ponk and Littlepoop, and LP is right to assume that there is an important message for her in here. However, the actual message Ponk gives her is completely vague: "face the fire."

"Face the fire" could mean any number of things in any number of situations. Maybe she's supposed to rescue a friend who finds herself in a dangerous situation. Maybe she is supposed to stand up against bullying or peer pressure. "Facing the fire" could be a metaphor for virtually any kind of difficult challenge.

Now, it's worth remembering that kkat is probably a middle-aged man who has spent the bulk of his adult life sitting in his mother's basement wearing adult-sized footy-pajamas and playing video games, and as such he is probably too autistic to think in metaphors or to use metaphors in his writing. However, even if we were to assume that the phrase "face the fire" means that LP will, at some point in the story, need to literally face a literal fire, there are still an endless number of things that this prophecy could refer to. Maybe there's a burning building that she needs to go into; maybe some final objective will be blocked by a pony armed with a flame thrower; maybe she'll find herself in a hopeless situation where arson is the only escape, and there is a very real possibility that she will die in the conflagration. Hell, maybe all it means is that one day she's going to have to hack through an extremely difficult firewall.

Point is, there is no way of knowing exactly what "face the fire" could mean, because it could mean literally anything. Nothing in Ponk's message suggests a specific situation or set of circumstances in which this message would be directly applicable.

Now, this kind of vague-message-that-turns-out-to-be-foreshadowing is a common enough device in fiction. However, the way it usually works is the character will be given a cryptic message which makes no sense at the time, but as soon as they encounter the situation it applies to, the meaning suddenly becomes clear. Unfortunately, the best example I can think of off the top of my head is the M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs (spoilered in case you haven't seen it and for whatever insane reason you actually want to): Based Mel Gibson is a former priest who lost his faith while watching his wife die. His wife's last words were "tell Michael to swing away," which he interpreted as just brain-tumor-induced gibberish and evidence that there is no God. However, towards the end of the movie, there is an alien attacking him, and his son Michael is standing behind it with a bat. He tells Michael to swing away, which he does, and it BTFOs the aliens and saves the day. Faith in God: restored. Is this a completely moronic story twist? Of course, and M. Night Shyamalan should be tarred and feathered for it. But, at the very least, it makes sense. Character is given a cryptic message, dismisses it as nonsense, suddenly finds himself in a situation where it applies, and uses it to solve an important problem and overcome a personal hurdle.

With Ponk's prophecy, this is not how it works. When she is trying to break the shield, LP has no indicator that she needs to face any fire. The shield is not made of fire, there is no fire present in any other aspect of the problem, and there is nothing indicating that fire would be helpful. Neither literal nor metaphorical fire has any relevance here.

So here is what happens: LP wants to break this shield that no one in 200 years has been able to break. Being the arrogant Sue that she is, she just assumes she will automatically be able to do it, because destiny and stuff. She comes up with a perfectly idiotic plan that pretty much anyone with half a brain could tell her was not going to work: basically, just walk up to it while carrying that stupid Rainbow Dash statue, assuming that fate or destiny or whatever would do the rest, because friendship and magic and whatever. Naturally, this plan fails.

Now, instead of simply realizing that her plan was stupid, or maybe just considering the possibility that she wasn't chosen by destiny to break this shield after all, she decides to suddenly call down her dragon friend and order him to set her on fire, for no reason beyond that 8 chapters ago she watched a memory orb where an obviously deranged Pinkie Pie said some crazy bullshit about facing fire that could have meant literally anything. This isn't brave, nor is it heroic, nor is it a leap of faith or intuition; it's just flat-out random and insane. Only a lunatic would do something like this and think it would have any positive effect, faith or no.
I kind of want to call the "The mirror wasn't showing LP an edgy copy of herself, she was showing herself the first time she sacrificed for another: When she defended whatshisname from Calamity!" a clever twist but it falls apart when you think about it.
Even with Kkat's attempts to mislead the audience with LP's bullshit about hearing negative voices or feeling like bad poners tell her to do bad things or repeating "corrupted kindness" over and over, it still falls flat because LP's been sacrificing herself before this point.
She sacrificed her peaceful home in the Stable to go out and bring Velvet home.
She risked her life fighting the Raiders of Ponyville and exterminating them just because Watcher/Spike asked her to.
She's wearing Raider armour in that scene specifically because she took it from raiders after a load of self-sacrifice and life-risking.
Kkat wanted this big dramatic reveal that recontextualizes earlier information but it just doesn't work unless you come up with some stupid illogical argument for why earlier good deeds didn't count but this one did.
An idiot could but he shouldn't, he should get a job and learn to code instead.
If anything, this act of self-sacrifice should count the least. She sacrificed her comfortable stable life for the Wasteland. After escaping the Raiders she turned around and went right back into hell for Watcher. But when losing and dying to Calamity, she defiantly threw herself into his sights and glared just so she can feel like she's dying a hero defending another, without actually giving up anything heroic or giving anything up to guarantee the win. It was sheer fucking luck that Calamity happened to be nice and recognize her attempt to protect whatshisface for what it was BEFORE blasting her brains across five counties.
When all of this started I thought it would be cool to make a fixed version of FE but after all this text I've realized you'd make this story less awful by trimming unnecessary bullshit and you'd make it good by replacing the bullshit with better ideas.
But at that point it would be a fundamentally different tale.
not a meandering confused mess but a cohesive quest with a goal and a non-sueish protagonist with an arc and motivations and a realistic level of importance and competence that only goes up when he earns it.
How you fundamentally change it...
By ripping off Fallout and FIM better or ripping off an obscure source your target audience would never know of like an old DS strategy game?
By giving the hero more entertaining powers and battles or removing the focus on violence?
By making the hero someone you can enjoy looking at and reading about, or someone you can't stand and then forcing the hero to grow out of it?
That's up to you. Almost anything can objectively improve the story but choosing what to go with is too subjective to certainly say what would make this objectively "Fallout Equestria the definitive superior fanmade edition".
How beholden should any good Fallout+Ponies crossover writer be to the ideas of FE when Kkat is such a faggot?
321678 321679 321955

Anyway, kkat seems to have more or less realized how random his idea was here, because he attempts to justify it with wacky kkat logic. Unfortunately, his explanation just makes it worse:

>I said I would burn It, Rarity had insisted to Applejack after the other mare had called her on still having the Black Book. And I tried… I even tried to have Spike burn it. All that did was send it to Princess Celestia.
>The Black Book. A soul jar bound with a living soul. If It could survive the trip, soul intact, then there had been a chance, if just a chance, that so could I.
So basically, because this magic zebra book was able to survive being burned by fire, that must mean that LP can also survive being burned by fire, because...uh...friendship...and, uh, destiny...and...uhhhh...something about sunshine and rainbows...and...uhhhhhhh...wait a minute. What exactly is kkat trying to say here?

Anyway, whatever; hopefully it will all become at least somewhat clear if we keep reading.

Following the deus-ex-machina-bullshit playbook to the letter, LP awakens, completely unburnt and unscathed, in a completely new location. She looks around a little, and finds that she is inside some kind of refrigerated chamber that does indeed appear to be the interior of the Single Pegasus Project. There are some computer terminals, a frozen bottle of soda, and a sign that says "winter vestibule" for some reason. And of course, because it just wouldn't be FoE if it wasn't, the room is full of fucking skeletons.

So, kids, I guess the lesson of this episode is this: whenever you find yourself in a hopeless situation, just do something completely reckless, nonsensical, impulsive and dangerous, and everything will just magically turn out the way you want it to, because fucking reasons. I can only imagine the look on Celestia's face when she finally reads Littlepoop's letter.

Anyway, whatever; she pokes around the dumb room and looks at all the skeletons and junk.

>I winced as my hoof came down on the metal clamp of a clipboard. Looking down at it, I was struck by nostalgic memories of Calamity and SteelHooves joking about Stubbornite.
Who? What? What the actual fuck is...oh, whatever; it's probably just some long-forgotten bullshit detail from 36 chapters ago. Why am I even asking?

>Spike had, to my knowledge, never sent anything to anypony other than Princess Celestia. I had only my faith in Pinkie Pie’s words that, this time, his fire would take me where I needed to be in order to bring sunshine and rainbows back to Equestria. I could not deny that the reason it might do so is because that location, and Celestia’s final resting place, might be one and the same.
Alright, I think I'm finally beginning to get a faint glimmer of what was on LP's mind when she had Spike set her on fire. Canonically, Spike has the ability to send messages to Princess Celestia by breathing dragon fire on them and incinerating them. So, if you carry this idea to its most ridiculous logical extreme, theoretically anything that Spike incinerates with dragon fire would be magically transported to wherever Celestia is. If you ignore the fact that there is no guarantee that this would still work if Celestia is no longer alive to receive the message, and the fact that there is no reason to assume Celestia's corpse would be located in this room of all places, and the fact that there is certainly no reason to assume that a living creature being transported in this manner would actually survive the journey, I guess it kinda-sorta makes sense, in an absolutely-pants-on-head-retarded sort of a way.

Incidentally, didn't Spike use his dragon fire to roast a Steel Ranger alive at an earlier point in the story? I actually seem to remember that event provoking some discussion about this power of his; in fact I think there was even something spoilered that related to the scene we're on now. If LP was able to survive this journey, then logically, shouldn't the Ranger have survived as well? Shouldn't there be a Ranger wandering around in here? Couldn't that Ranger just as easily activate the SPP and dick around with the weather in the same manner that LP plans to? And if this is the case, and Spike understands what his fire can do, wouldn't it stand to reason that he would want to be a little more careful about who and what he sets on fire? I mean, if his fire breath is basically a one-way ticket to the single most important location in all of Edgequestria, would he really be so cavalier about spitting it at anything and everything that pisses him off? Kkat probably thinks he's being clever here, but all he's really doing is opening up a series of gigantic plot holes I could probably make a gaping anus joke but at this point I can't even be bothered.

>The shield around the S.P.P. was designed to let either of the Princesses through. And I had never found Her bones in Canterlot. It seemed to me that if She had died there with Her sister, then Nightseer would have probably been wearing both. Although perhaps not; perhaps, as the alicorn’s name suggested, she had a particular affinity for the Princess of the Night and Moon.
So basically, LP just assumed that because neither she nor Nightseer were able to find Celestia's skeleton in Canterlot, that means it must be here, in the lobby of the SPP? As opposed to, oh I don't know, literally any of the hundreds of thousands of other places it could possibly be?

Here is my personal headcanon: Celestia died on the crapper, became an environmental storytelling skeleton, and LP burns herself alive only to end up transported to a mares' room stall buried under rubble, deep in the bowels of Canterlot.

Anyway, it turns out I got it slightly wrong; the other pony that Spike fireblasted here was an Enclave soldier, not a Steel Ranger. LP finds her corpse frozen nearby. Why LP survived the trip and this pony didn't remains to be seen.
those spikes are needles he blocked when an enemy tossed them at him.png
sandy vagina no jutsu.jpg
dont talk to me or my son ever again.png
his gourd of sand is shaped like that to remind people of tanuki nutsacks.jpg
Everyone reading this remembers last time Spike spat fire at someone while fully intending to kill them, and it melted that Enclaver without sending him/her(dont remember or care) anywhere, right?
Everyone reading this remembers how the Soul Jars (Objects somebody put a fraction of his soul into) are invulnerable specifically because somebody's soul-chunk is inside them, right?

KKat's insistence that "Because X happened before and you accepted it then you must accept it now" reminds me of when Kkat pulled off several once-impossible feats at once in the thunderdome.
Levitating radioactive liquid, using it as a shield to block bullets, self-levitation and levitating a passenger, opening a lock from the inside via telekinesis to make her lockpicking skills irrelevant*, these were all bullshit moments that made smart viewers scream "If she could always do that, why hasn't she done such absurdly useful things before?"

But those examples were still logical extensions of abilities that already existed and were established. What's preposterous was how far they were being pushed, and that they were all being pushed at the same time.

Using telekinesis on things you can't see? LP already used it to pull pins from grenades she was telekinetically carrying but couldn't see. I suppose it isn't much of a stretch to say she could do it again with something more complicated than a grenade.
Telekinesis can lift things. Can it lift yourself? Sure if you want your OC to fly. Can it lift sand or water molecules? probably if you're skilled. Can it keep radioactive liquid goo together forcefully enough to block bullets like you're Gaara Of The Sand and it's time for your bullshit sand shield fursona/momfu? Fuck it, sure, why not. Might as well give these OP abilities to your sue while you're at it.
Making lockpicking as a concept and the very existence of locks a moot point via instant easy telekinesis? Fuck it, sure, why not, locks were already meaningless for this whore. Who cares if it raises questions like "Who the fuck would bother with locks in a world where a third of the population can psychically unlock anything from the inside without needing to see it".

I don't know if Kkat forgot how the rules of his own story work, or if this is some intentional sleight-of-hand where he's hoping his fans will associate invincible objects with LP and believe she can be invincible if he mentions them closely together and suggests this BS should work, but it doesn't work.

Even if it all did work, it's still a pointless moment of faked death for the sake of shocking and confusing the audience's retards. Like the obligatory fakeout death most shit stories have.

It would be easy for LP to yell "Hey, Spike! Flame-breath me inside that thing!" and hope it worked. Would be fast and easy.
But no, she had to be dramatic.
Had to mislead the audience and pretend LP is just sooooooo brave and self-sacrificing for making this choice even though she's not facing any real danger.
Had to build up false tension in a desperate attempt to build hype.
Had to give her another fucking opportunity to monologue and call herself Sue supreme.
Had to piss Spike off with a single line, making him lose his shit and attempt to murder Lightbringer The Sue right then and fucking there in the middle of a war everypony designated "Good" by the author is fighting for her sake because they all sincerely believed in her ability to fix shit and save the day. Holy shit, did Kkat realize what this stupid moment does to Spike as a character? If it wasn't for bullshit plot armour, Spike would be responsible for roasting alive not just any pony, but a pony this world considers its last best hope, right in the middle of a battle she organized and planned from the start, just because she said she lied about Twilight once or something. If this blatant act of manipulation that effortlessly played Spike like a fiddle didn't work out the way LP hoped, this story would end in a tragedy for this world's inhabitants and comedy for us as the target audience shits themselves in shock and rage because they felt entitled to a ridiculously sappy happy ending where everything just effortlessly works out perfectly on its own now that enough designated good people have sacrificed themselves for special deeds we're told were good, special deeds so special only the sufficiently special and eternally deserving of praise could ever hope to do them, and all the bad people have been sufficiently murdered (The Liberal fantasy, really, minus the anti-white asswitzes and gulags and white slave plantations).
One more thing!

Remember how Princess Luna's corpse had been defiled in this story, and her skull was worn as a necklace by some edgy darkly-coloured Alicorn OC? I think LP also used that skull to kill the alicorn, I forget, and I forget if she remembered to bury Luna afterwards.

What the FUCK was Littlepip planning to do if Celestia's body had been similarly defiled, split apart, or was located deep underground, perhaps in a magically-sealed stone tomb with a lid so massive and heavy even her telekinesis couldn't break her out of it?

Then she'd just be trapped forever with Celestia's skeleton and nothing to eat.

I swear, if this Sue didn't have plot armour, she would have been gunned down for her supplies after stepping out of the vault faster than Spongebob and Patrick lost the Patty Wagon in the Spongebob Movie.
Does anyone here think this story would be improved if LP's meeting with Red Eye had him utterly destroy her narcissistic violent pussy libtard mindset and leave her questioning everything?

Even when she escapes, his words would haunt her, control her. Even when she tries not to do as he says, she's still letting him control her.

Only when she figures out a superior ideological alternative to absolute rule under Red Eye or Gawd or any other faggot OC can she actually beat him in an argument on politics.

I think if she had to grow like that, a scene where she beats him in the argument would be an excellent way to show her growth. Not that LP had any growth in the original but anyway back to the grind. Those titties won't animate themselves.
Surely there should be a scene where some villain is allowed to be right about LP, allowed to point out the hypocrisy she takes for granted, even if only so she can insist she's going to do what she wants anyway.

She never questions Gawd on what kind of society she wants to create, she simply takes for granted that because Gawd seems to be a decent (by her standards) creature, the civilization she creates won't be a shitshow.
She simply takes for granted that she and her friends are Good(TM) and any amount of murder and death they carry out for their own "greater good" simply must be for the good of the wasteland and its inhabitants. She fucking deserves a last-second story twist where it turns out Gawd was a cunt all along who wanted to create a cruel civilization full of everything LP hates like slavery and rape. She's so eager to throw her life away for the wasteland without any fucks given about what the wastelanders might want, she deserves to be told by Homage over the radio, minutes after a permanent paralytic immortality-granting "And I Must Scream"-style entombment within the SPP, that Gawd's a cunt who's taking over the world in the resulting power vacuum with the Enclave and Red Eye's twats gone.

Kkat tried so hard to make Red Eye into this charismatic, powerful, dangerous foe with infinite resources, infinite supplies of soldiers willing to die for him and infinite supplies of prisoners to pull out of his ass, and so on. Kkat did every cheap trick he learned from cheap stories and bad video games (strong guy, unfair resource advantages, generic take-over-the-world motivation, a hint of a cliche theme to set the character apart from every other similar villain out there) he knew of. And yet he isn't allowed to put up any real opposition against Littleshit The Sue or point out anything wrong with her plans. He can't even find fault in her! Or challenge her ideas through dialogue.

Would it really be so hard for Kkat to write Red Eye saying "In this wasteland, it's kill or be killed! There are no Alicorns, no gods, and no masters! Everypony is free to do whatever they want in chaos, and this is chaos. But I can bring order! I can bring stability!"

"By force!" LP should say. "Governmental power should come from the consent of the governed, not from the threat of force! Your nation of ex-raiders turned slavers is actually full of cunts who create inefficiency by abusing slaves, also slavery is bad for many economic reasons I'm going to list for at least six thousand more words-"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch! The Wasteland is a playground for strong ponies like you, it's a shooting gallery where you can gun down anypony at any time and quip about it afterwards. No guilt, no regret. You can't fire a gun into a crowd of Wastelanders without hitting at least one rapist, cannibal, raider, or cannibalistic rapist raider. Ponies can do whatever they want in a world of chaos, and you love gunning down ponies that choose violence and theft because it makes you feel morally superior, even if they only chose theft and violence out of desperation! If a pony's choice is to starve on the spot or steal from another, what right do you have to gun him down for not choosing the slow death?"

"Bullshit!" LP should say. "Everypony has a choice! The cloud covering is preventing large-scale farming but I've seen self-sustaining settlements that could handle many more good and useful members. There are still monsters to hunt for their meat, along with whatever they eat. We can still eat mushrooms and moss and bugs. Ponies don't have to gun each other down for 200 year old tins of beans! Still, I'd show more mercy to a petty thief than a Raider, one who makes a lifestyle and a career and even a tribal culture out of being a spectacularly disgusting serial murderer who makes gore art for fun. Are you telling me you don't think they deserve death?"

"They deserve to be worked to death in my mines, or my factories, or my Thunderdome! They should be used like resources for the greater good of the collective, dear Littlepip! Life is nothing but another resource to spend."

"What good is a collective if it won't let people choose whether they want to be a part of it or not, Red Eye? Nobody should own another's life, not a General, Slaver, or Government. The Wasteland's settlements thrive on a system of voluntary association and barter. Travelling badasses take on sidequests for rewards, it's great. We don't need large-scale armies or governments any more, we're making steps to rebuild the Wasteland into a better society without your cruel machinery!"

"You're just doing this because you're a bored twat who feels morally obligated to peek her nose into the business of others and kill whoever doesn't meet your standards!"

"Maybe," LP shrugged. "Serial rapists, slavers, mass murderers, none of them meet my standards. And if I don't kill them, who will? Maybe I'm just a bored wanderer who forgot why she was wandering in the first place thirty chapters ago. But I have the ability to set things right for others, so why shouldn't I do it?"

"Now you're speaking my language! I have the ability to build a new nation founded on slavery, industry, and glorious ruthless expansionism! We're a lot alike, you and I! We both feel we're doing this for our own greater goods."

"But you're just repeating the sins of the past! Governments caused the fall of Equestria, through cronyism and foolishness and war. Small self-governing settlements too economically dependent on one another to fight, this is the way forward for ponykind and zebrakind. No more warring nations, just homes."

"Foolish mare... When supplies are low, when times are bad, you fools will turn on each other and fight for scraps. Ideals die first when times are tough."

"My ideals will never die! Maybe I'm not some perfect goddess doing this out of the kindness of her heart, maybe I really do love the attention. But I'll fight for my better world anyway."

"As will I, Littlepip. As will I."
321962 321969
download (33).jpeg

>I… didn’t understand.
>Why was she here? And if she was, then why wasn’t the room full of propeller parts and everything else consumed by Spike’s breath?
At this point, it's starting to look like kkat has realized that his little dragon-fire-transportation angle makes things a lot more complicated than he had initially thought. He is now racking his brain, trying to remember all of the things that he has casually made Spike breathe fire on over the course of this story. He has realized at last that if books, scrolls and even ponies can transported hospitably to wherever Celestia's bones happen to be, and if Celestia's bones happen to be in the entrance chamber of the most powerful weapon in Edgequestria for some strange reason, then Spike's fire breath is a less than ideal weapon. Kkat basically has two options:

1) go back to every single place in the book where Spike has breathed fire on something or someone, and remove any instance that might complicate the story; or,
2) remove the fire-transportation angle entirely, and figure out another way for LP to get past the shield.

Unfortunately, kkat seems to have chosen a third option: hastily shart out a bunch of inner-monologue-diarrhea from LP, in which she attempts to wrap her head around how Spike's magic works, but ultimately concludes that she has no idea. Then, just move on with the story while leaving the problem completely unresolved. Kkat has a bad habit of acknowledging problems but refusing to try to solve them.

>I stared at the decomposing body of the mare in confused dismay. I had faced the fire of a dragon based on faith, thin evidence and a cripplingly desperate lack of options. If she was sent here the same way, then something must have made her different, just as something had made me different. But she wasn’t guided by a precognitive voice from the past. She wasn’t the Lightbringer. She wasn’t even a message.
Here, kkat seems to have realized that if LP can be burned by Spike's fire and survive the journey to Celestia, then logically the Enclave mare he burned earlier should have survived as well. However, if she did not survive, then logically LP should not either. This creates a conundrum for him: either both mares survived, which means that the Enclave mare should have been alive and well inside this SPP chamber all this time (which means she could have jumped the gun on LP and fired up the SPP on her own), or else neither mare survived, which means he needs to recruit a new protagonist to finish out the last chapter of the story. Instead of doing either of these things, however, he has once again chosen Option 3: just have the mare be dead for some mysterious reason, have LP wonder about it for a few paragraphs, and then move on without explaining it.

>Did forces such as destiny, purpose and intention play a part in dragon magic? If so, then it was not in the way ponies conceived of such things. Maybe they mattered in a more mysterious and nebulous existential way. I doubt Spike intended to send this mare anywhere… any more than he had planned to send the Black Book.
Here, kkat seems to be flat-out admitting that he didn't really think any of this shit through before he started writing, and that he really doesn't have an answer for why LP is alive and this other mare is not. It seems that the best thing he could come up with is "LP was chosen by fate or destiny or whatever, so she was protected; this other mare was just some random pony that Spike killed so she was not." At least that's what I'm getting out of this.

>I felt a sudden weakness in my knees as I glimpsed the breadth of my lack of understanding. I felt suddenly like I had taken my leap of faith without even grasping the idea of gravity.
Here, LP seems to be flat-out admitting that she doesn't understand how any of this shit works, either.

>The chill of the room began to seep in as I stood over the Enclave mare, deep in thought. I recalled part of a tale Spike had told us: how a hiccup had sent a bundle of scrolls tumbling down on Celestia’s head. It was an accident… but they were scrolls. Their purpose was to bear messages. The Black Book itself desired for its influence to be spread.
Here, kkat is saying...actually, I'm not quite sure what he's saying here. The Zebra Necronomicon made Spike dump some scrolls on Celestia's head, I guess? I really don't know.

>Or maybe this dead mare wasn’t who I believed she was, and I was just spinning nonsensical wheels in my head.
>How does she get in and out? I had asked Lionheart, looking at a pink-warped glass ball which had, centuries before, been designed to hold a small pet.
>Dragon magic.
>I winced, an unpleasant ache in the back of my brain. Dragon magic. One more thing to add to the list of Stuff That Makes My Head Hurt. Right up there between Enclave politics and rock farming.
>But still below pony-pulled train engines.
Here, kkat's autism has completely taken over, and he is once again bouncing randomly between various subjects that have nothing to do with each other.

Anyway, after she finishes gibbering like a mental patient, LP moves past the dead mare towards the door at the end of the room. But oh noes! The lock is made out of clouds. She has a spell that lets her walk on clouds, but it won't let her pick locks that are made out of clouds. So, she decides to look around for a key, which I guess is also made out of clouds.

Meanwhile, a security screen kicks on and an image of Nightmare Moon appears, telling her to stop doing what she is doing. She refuses, and continues to hunt around for the key. Then, it turns out that Nightmare Moon is actually Celestia. At first, LP thinks it is just an elaborate security system. Then, it turns out that it's actually the real Celestia, who I guess has become a computer program? Or maybe she's in some deeper part of the SPP, using the screens to communicate? I honestly don't know; hopefully it will get clearer as we read on.

As the conversation progresses, we begin to get a clearer picture of what's going on.

It appears that Celestia is still alive; she has been inside the SPP for all this time. She has been observing the wasteland using the equipment in here, the same system that LP was going to use to watch Homage shower. She appears to already know Littlepoop:

>“…But I do remember watching you before,” Celestia interrupted my epiphany, her voice taking on a motherly tone, almost gentle but not without an edge. “You are Littlepip, she of the colorful vulgarities, am I right?”
This is what Celestia considers to be the most memorable thing about Littlepoop? Not the murders, not the ridiculous overuse of teleportation magic, not the chaos and destruction she's sown everywhere she's gone? The naughty language is the thing that sticks out in her mind? Just checking.

>Of the…?! EEEP! Celestia knew me… and for that?! I wanted to hide. But there was simply not enough everything in the universe to bury myself under.
Cue the stock footage of bronies clip-clopping their hoovesies together and cackling like retards.

>“I put Luna to rest,” I told Her quickly, wanting to ease the harmful memory. “I burned Luna’s bones, and slew the monster who desecrated Her.”
>My words felt weak and pathetic in my muzzle, but the expression on Celestia’s face was of such undeserved gratitude that I found myself bowing before Her just to escape it.
Being the Mary Sue that she is, it's only natural that LP would be shown gratitude by the setting's literal god. And how humble she is, too! Truly a worthy heroine.

>“Rise, my little pony,” Celestia chided softly. “I am no one worth your deference.” I glanced up in surprise at Her melancholy words, not moving from my position. “There are too many dead because of me for any pony to show me such reverence. I would bow to you if I could.”
It just keeps getting better and better, don't it?

>My nerves felt covered in ice. My eyes burned. I felt the heat of a tear trickle down my right cheek as I began to cry for my Goddess.
Seriously; 161 Nazi officers were tried and convicted at Nuremberg for "war crimes," yet somehow this faggot is allowed to keep writing prose like this.

Anyway, they yak for awhile about how the war started. Celestia of course blames herself for what happened, and LP of course tries to convince her that it wasn't her fault, and it just sort of goes back and forth like this for awhile. It's all pretty maudlin; Celestia details how she and Luna were trying to save ponies during the gas explosion or whatever the fuck happened in Canterlot, and how Luna "died in her arms" ponies don't have arms btw, and so forth and so on. Cue the sad violin music. The long and short of it is that after her sister died and everything got kerploded, a grief-stricken Celestia fled to the Single Pegasus Project and took refuge inside.

>Celestia seemed mildly thankful for my effort. “...and as a reward, I have been trapped here, in My prison, My purgatory. Listening to the victims of My sins, unable to act. Unable to help.” She seemed to look past me, Her gaze shifting across the bones. “I’ve done what I could to prevent anypony from becoming like me. And to prevent those camped outside from gaining access to this place.”
Just out of curiosity, why hasn't Celestia fired up the SPP and did whatever LP and Red Eye both intended to do; take control of the weather and all that? This is such a glaringly obvious question that not even kkat could miss it, so I'm assuming he's going somewhere with this; still, I thought it was worth calling attention to.

Anyway, they keep on yakking. For some bizarre reason, kkat decides to call the reader's attention to the first broadcast that LP heard on the night she left the stable, the one about the guy whose son ate a poisoned apple and died. Apparently it has been playing non-stop in here since forever ago. The significance seems to be that the guy's son died from poison that Celestia unleashed; the zebras launched some recreational McNukes™ at Canterlot, and Celestia diverted them into Whitetail Woods, where they kerploded and infected everything in the area with radiation or taint or whatever. I guess it's supposed to be tragic; Celestia is forced to listen to a broadcast on endless repeat that showcases the consequences of her sin, or something to that effect.

In relatively short order, we are given an answer for the question I posed above. Apparently, Celestia decided to go the same route that SteelHooves' old retarded grandpa had planned on taking: she uploaded her consciousness into one of the Maneframe I still hate this word computers in order to become immortal. Since she's been alive for 1000 years, I had assumed she was basically immortal to begin with, but we'll put a pin in that for now. In any case, she is now a disembodied consciousness trapped inside the computer system; she can observe everything that goes on in Edgequestria, but she is incapable of action.

"But," I can hear you asking, "If Celestia is inside the computer, and the computer controls the SPP, then shouldn't she still be able to control the weather?" Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but kkat thought of that as well:

>None of that download-your-brain nonsense, Rainbow Dash had explained to Luna. I had them disconnect all that stuff. I want a living pony running Equestria’s weather, not some machine that thinks it’s a pony!
>“Rainbow Dash… Apple Bloom…” I said weakly. “Celestia… they disconnected the mental download system from the controls. That was part of the design.” I had known this, but I had imagined they would have removed that part of the Crusader Maneframe completely, not left it intact but severed.
So basically, it was all Rainbow Dash's fault. For some reason, instead of just trusting this system to a sentient computer that could run indefinitely, she wanted a live pony to be trapped in here until they died, working the controls manually.
>(which means she could have jumped the gun on LP and fired up the SPP on her own)

This could actually be an interesting angle of conflict, if done and set up better. The Enclave would ABSOLUTELY not want this system to fire off. So what if the mare who was sent back ages ago, a loyalist to the enclave, had sabotaged the system herself in an act of final sacrifice, and Littlepip had to undo said sabotage somehow with her pipbuck repair autism, giving her a purpose and also posing an interesting conflict where she's undoing the "final, noble sacrifice for their cause" of someone else? Dunno. Just gave me a thought.

And Celestia is indeed "alive as a computer program". This is one of the final references of the story, and this time to New Vegas's Mister House. Their consciousness is inside of this computer, somehow, despite presumably dying together with her sister in Canterlot to seal the Pink Cloud inside of the city. However to be fair i'm not sure if anything requiring her to be stuck in the city was stated, so that's a big shrug I guess.
322034 322048

>Spike had once asked me: Have you ever heard the old saying ‘The portal to hell is opened with the incantation of good intentions’? If there was a moral to their story, I guess that would be it.
>It was the story of Equestria’s fall in miniature. DJ Pon3’s words rang in my head. The one great reality of the Wasteland, the truth of the matter: every pony has done something they regret.
These passages are worth highlighting, simply because it seems like kkat has been trying off and on to work this in as a major theme. All of the canon characters seem to have tried to do good, and ended up doing bad instead. It's a rather simplistic message, but it's suited well enough to a setting like MLP, and is probably not terrible in and of itself. The problem is that the events of this story, particularly the pre-apocalypse portion, are so convoluted that it's hard to assess whether or not it actually applies.

"Oh, if only Rainbow Dash hadn't inexplicably severed the AI override controls on her weather machine, because for some reason instead of automating it she wanted to entomb a live pony in there until they presumably starve to death; otherwise Celestia wouldn't have gotten trapped inside with no power to control the weather after she diverted a nuclear explosion into the woods where it inadvertently poisoned some random guy's kid and also destroyed the world or something! Oh, if only the zebras hadn't flipped their shit because Nightmare Moon's armor was made out of meteors or something and then fired a bunch of nukes at some school that Princess Luna had built, where Celestia had placed a bunch of children in order to make some dumb joke to her sister about sending children to the moon; otherwise the ponies wouldn't have fired back and started a gigantic war with lots of blood and guts explosions, pew pew pew!" This isn't exactly the kind of life lesson that can fit into a one-page scroll to Celestia.

Anyway, from here kkat's autism once again takes control, and the conversation veers off sharply into some pretty ridiculous territory. Through a random autistic chain of reasoning, Littlepoop decides to suddenly ask about the Zebra Necronomicon, and it turns out that yes, Celestia had read it at one point and that is how she got the idea to alchemically transmute herself into a living computer program. For reasons that would only make sense to kkat, this makes LP suddenly think about dragon fire, and she asks Celestia if she learned how to use that too, and if that was how she sent messages back to Spike way back when. Celestia confirms this. She also irrelevantly adds that the dragon that used to live under Canterlot, the one that was transformed into Mouse, was the dragon that taught her how to do this.

>No wonder the shield around the S.P.P. Central Hub was so invulnerable. No wonder it had lasted so long. It was being powered by Celestia’s soul.
I thought the shield was something that Rainbow Dash had set up, and that it had existed already before Celestia even got there?

Anyway, with all that silliness out of the way, LP now decides it's time to get down to brass tacks and do the thing she came in here for. She opens the door to the weather control chamber, but before she goes inside, she asks Celestia to show her images of her friends, so she can at least verify that they are okay. Turns out everyone is fine: Ditzy Doo freed all the slaves in Fillydelphia, Xenith was wounded in her fight with Stern but is being tended to by her daughter, Gawd and the other griffons are forming some kind of government council for Nu-Edgequestria that has Life Bloom representing the ponies, Velvet is singing her dumb songs and playing nursie as usual, and Homage has been hiding out in a cave in the middle of nowhere for the last several weeks.

>Then, impossibly, Homage shifted. She looked up. Right up at the camera that was high on a tower so far away that she couldn’t possibly see it.
>Her muzzle opened. And she mouthed the words: “I love you, Littlepip.”
D'aww, how cute. It's so adora-worable that you can almost ignore how utterly preposterous it is.

>“Homage has been using the towers for a long time,” Celestia reminded me. “She knows them.” And somehow, my Homage… the mare who had seen ghosts, found weapons from space and had encounters with strange ponies who lived in blue boxes… could feel that she was being actively watched.
Well gee whiz, I guess that explains it perfectly. There's certainly egg all over my face now.

Anyway, Celestia now informs Littlepoop that, due to the autism about dragon fire that was covered a few paragraphs ago, she is able to send her back to the other side of the shield the same way she came in.

Since Celestia is a disembodied consciousness trapped in a machine, I find it a little curious that her magic would still work just the same as when she was a live alicorn. I'm also a little curious why, if this is indeed the case, she wouldn't still be able to operate the SPP's controls. The most basic form of magic, that can be carried out by even the most magically unskilled unicorn, is the simple manipulation of objects using a magic aura. If Celestia was capable of raising and lowering the sun and moon back when she was a corporeal alicorn, it stands to reason she would have had no trouble using magic to pull a few levers and push a few buttons. And if she is able to use the same magic now that she had when she was corporeal, it stands to reason she would still be capable of this action. Just food for thought.

In any case, it doesn't seem to matter much, because LP naturally declines Celestia's offer, electing instead to simply send a message back to Spike reassuring him that he didn't kill her when he set her on fucking fire, so he can stop worrying about that. However, that is not the end of it; the conversation meanders for several more paragraphs, and I will have to cover the rest of it in a new post because space.
I guess I should use this opportunity to be in somekind of faux-outrage at your quirky quip but I'll just point out the fact photoshopping in Glimarkle Spimmer into dfferent images isn't really the same as using the same image over and over again as you said you would.
It's really funny though. It creates this silly narrative of Spimmer running around the world.
Also, because I know you love Twist and anthro.
322035 322040 322115 322117 322133

The conversation meanders quite a bit from here, but the basic gist of it is that LP is now faced with her big moral dilemma. She can either abandon her deranged mission and return to the life she had, or she can give up that life in service to the world. If she does the first thing, she gets to go back to her friends and Homage and all that, but the state of the world does not change. If she does the second thing, the world is presumably saved, but she has to sacrifice the rest of her life in order to give that future to others.

Celestia points out that the choice is actually not so cut and dry. Her point of view, after 1000 some-odd years as a pony and 200 some-odd years as some kind of talking screen saver, is that you should just enjoy the life you have. She argues that the ponies out in the wasteland are probably going to die one way or the other, and there is really no guarantee that LP's actions are going to change anything for the better. Her advice is to just shrug off this whole insane idea and go lick her girlfriend's snootch.

This is a surprisingly well-reasoned point of view; it's amazing an idea this sane made it into this book at all. To be fair, though, kkat buries it under a pile of the usual sort of autism: there's a lot of meandering bullshit about Twilight Sparkle and other events from the show that have little bearing on anything that's going on, and ultimately LP rejects Celestia's advice anyway.

She decides to stay behind and go through with her silly mission, not because of anything that has to do with the moral choice that was presented, but because Celestia's disembodied consciousness is all alone up here without any friends. So, LP decides to stick around and be Celestia's friend, while simultaneously going through with her goofy plot to destroy most of the Enclave's cropland and screw around with the weather, because kkat is literally this autistic.

With this matter more or less resolved, Littlepoop goes inside the SPP's control room, where she finds Celestia's skeleton strapped into the controls. Whew, that's a relief; it's been almost an entire subchapter since I've seen a skeleton, and I was starting to get worried. Celestia now asks LP to burn the bones in some kind of ritualistic funeral pyre, which she does. Because she has severe autism, she also feels compelled to do the same with all of the other skeletons in the room, before ascending to the control platform. For some completely unexplained reason, the artificial weather inside the room changes from simulated winter to simulated summer once the burning is complete.

From here, the text meanders into an irrelevant side-monologue about Winter Wrap Up. Once this concludes, LP finally climbs into the goddamn driver's seat of the stupid pegasus thing. She opens her saddlebags and takes out a bunch of mementos that she wants to keep with her while she's in her weather-magician coma: Calamity's hat, her gun, those silly M6 figures, some crayon drawing that Silver Bell apparently did for her eons ago that I'd forgotten about, the ashes of that anonymous dead filly that she's still carrying around with her (because that's not creepy or anything), her raunchy memory orb, and so forth and so on.

At this point I really wish she would just flip the damn switch and get this over with already, but it seems that kkat wants to draw things out a little longer. Because she has severe autism, LP now asks Celestia to show her what Calamity is doing right now. Why she didn't ask to see him back when she was asking to see all of her other friends is beyond me. She asked for Life Bloom by name, even though he is a casual acquaintance at best, but the pony she apparently considers her best friend she forgot about until literal seconds before coma-time. Whatever, who cares; we're almost done with this.

In any case, Calamity is doing his usual bullshit: zipping around, dodging missiles, capping bitches left and right, and so forth and so on. Spike appears to have received LP's message about not being dead, so the two of them decide that now is the time to get back to Spike's cave. They reason that the Enclave will want to counterattack it because they all recognize Spike and know where he lives, and they need to get back there and protect it because something something the Gardens of Equestria. After pointlessly monologuing to herself about how similar she thinks she is to Scootaloo, LP asks Celestia if it will be possible to send her friends a last message. Celestia tells her that no, it's not possible; however, since LP is a skilled "toaster repairpony" nice to see that tired old joke making one last appearance, she can probably nigger-rig something.

This is good enough for LP, so she puts on some kind of memory-extracting helmet that is in here for some reason, and begins reciting:

>If I’m going to tell you about the adventure of my life -- explain how I got to this place with these people, and why I did what I’m going to do next -- I should probably start by explaining a little bit about PipBucks…

Aaaaand....that's it. That's the end of the chapter, and the story. Turns out this whole thing was just some narcissist's incoherent autobiography, dictated into some kind of wacky weather machine.

It's been obvious since Chapter 1 that the narrator was telling her story to someone; the mystery was just that we didn't know the who or the why. I've been intermittently wondering what the reveal was going to be; I've even suspected the whole text might just be an extremely long "Dear Princess Celestia" letter. Though I'm glad that kkat at least had enough sense to avoid such a brony-cliche ending, I still have to say: as far as big payoffs go, this one was pretty meh. There are no surprises here; presumably LP just climbs into the weather machine like she planned, and that's that.

Anyway, we still have an epilogue and some other shit to get through. Sit tight; we're almost done.
>Sit tight; we're almost done.
Wow! Glimmer! Great moves!
Wow! Glimmer great.
It's a good day to have a good day.
It's a good day to have a good day.
322038 322039
I feel that it's common for the ending of a long story to be lackluster for ametuers. They probably wrote from the seat of their pants till the end but since they're pretencious a normal ending isn't enough so they start spouting psuedo-philosophy.
To cover up that their ending is the normal, "Good guys win and bad guys lose."
322040 322049 322131
Though, a bit of an unfair assessment of me since I haven't even read GG's leastest recaps that throughly. I just assumed this would be the case.

>Celestia points out that the choice is actually not so cut and dry. Her point of view, after 1000 some-odd years as a pony and 200 some-odd years as some kind of talking screen saver, is that you should just enjoy the life you have. She argues that the ponies out in the wasteland are probably going to die one way or the other, and there is really no guarantee that LP's actions are going to change anything for the better. Her advice is to just shrug off this whole insane idea and go lick her girlfriend's snootch.
>This is a surprisingly well-reasoned point of view; it's amazing an idea this sane made it into this book at all.
Though, counterpoint (I might not really know all the circumstances to this still) to die to improve the well-being of the world is pretty good way to go. Really, the only problem is that she isn't leaving someone (A child of her own) to continue her bloodline. Otherwise, what should we die for?
Though, I guess one could argue that LP isn't that good and the idea that this character would sacrifice herself for others is questionable. But again, I don't feel as if I know her enough to make a statement like that but that could be why you feel this scene doesn't work, assume.
A thought occurs.

F1, you were chosen for a "get your Vault a new Water Chip" quest. Then it became "deal with the Super Mutant menace before it kills us all".
F2, you're looking for the Geck to save your irradiated tribal village and fighting the Enclave along the way.
F3, you're looking for your dad and happen to stumble into the Good Brotherhood's war with the Evil Enclave, eventually following the Brotherhood and your giant robot friend as they fight for you so you can get to the Magic Water Purifier.
FNV, you're a mailman shot in the head for your Platinum Chip because Benny is betraying House who needs the chip to hold onto his Vegas during the upcoming NCR vs Legion war for Hoover Dam. You're thrust into the role of the most important person who does sidequests for your chosen faction to prepare for your victory over the dam.

Fallout Equestria, a celebrity tricks you into taking her tracking device off and she flees the Stable. Fags blame you so you decide to head into the Wasteland to bring her back home. You immediately forget your goal and risk your life fighting slavers and raiders for no apparent reason until you eventually stumble into Velvet singing for and healing the slavers you're effortlessly genociding. Then you have nothing to do. Also you stumble upon Spike and the Gardens Of Equestria. So you decide to talk to the radio whore who loves you. She sends you to get her some CDs. At one point the Brotherhood Of Applejack's Steel Rangers slaughter your vault except not really and then decide to have a goodies vs baddies civil war over whether their organization should be goodies or baddies. There was a rock prison that never mattered again and wasted many words and LP blowing up a dragon meant nothing because Red Eye had a CyberTech Dragon the whole time. And at one point the Brotherhood sends you into Red Eye's lands as a slave hoping you'll work your way to the top and then kill him but you fail and flee with a zigger slave who's now your property and is conveniently unmindreadable. You go to the Goddess who tells you to get the Black Book and eventually your invisible zigger friend nukes her land with a nuke you somehow talked Red Eye into giving to you also you erased your memories of this dumb obvious plan. The explosion happened to catch some Enclave fags in it so they're trying to obliterate the whole wasteland like they think they're the fucking Fire Nation from Avatar showing off for Sozin's Comet. Red Eye always wanted to be a male alicorn but LP killed him and the boss of the Enclave and now she wants to take over a weather machine that will hopefully crown her god of the wasteland. She could have done this with Spike's fire breath at any moment but first she wanted a big war to distract the Enclave so she could see if being very similar to RD and carrying her Statuette would let her into the SPP even though supposedly a poner carrying RD's severed head couldn't get in. Ponies sacrificed and bled on the Day Of Littlepip's Bullshit based on a hunch when all LP had to do was ask Spike to teleport her to Celestia and hope for the best the second she met Spike. All of this could have been avoided. So much of this story was pointless and it doesn't feel like an intentional comedy or tragedy.

This isn't a story! It's just a sequence of events!
>seen ghosts, found weapons from space and had encounters with strange ponies who lived in blue boxes… could feel that she was being actively watched.
Holy shit, is that a motherfucking Jojo's reference? You know because Dio can tell when he's being watched?
It's also a reference to Fallout and Doctor Who. At this rate I'm surprised that stupid fucking Doctor Who cameo wasn't added into the story as a story-swallowing "Doctor Whoves" reference. Come to think of it if the Tardis exists in this story LP's goal should be to avert Edgequestria's destruction, unless the laws of wibbly wobbly writer retards say so.
The scene is incredibly maudlin. Celestia is the last pony who'd encourage another to give up on their dreams and not go for a heroic sacrifice. Even after fucking up, she'd still only offer "want to give up and go home?" if she was testing a pony to see if their heart was true.

Celestia is the last pony who'd ever say "we're all going to die some day so why not give up on the wasteland and bury your face into horse pussy until your heart gives out?".

In good sequels that use the "character from the original has become old and cynical and powerless" cliche, a young idealistic hero brings back their power and determination and hopefulness using a heroic speech full of trite cliches. Or the young hero calls the old faggot a faggot and gives up, only for the old faggot to fly in at the last second saving the day like Han Solo yelling "I changed my mind, kid!".

Celestia has been turned into a prop for this story. A plot device. An object to help LP make herself look good by saying "I want to be her friend". It's pointless. She didn't have to be here like this. She's just a way to force some last second exposition into the story and pay off some """chekovs gun""" about poison apples that never mattered because it never happened to a character who mattered. In the moment everyone assumed "virus or radioactive apples or poisonous pesticide" and moved on with their lives. Bur Kkat wanted to pretend this was some genius twist. It fuckinf wasn't.

also Kkat just read something about the Temptation stage of the Hero's Journey where the hero is offered the chance to give up and fuck off and chooses not to. Or more likely, he watched one movie or game or episode of a TV show that used this cliche and decided his "oh so noble and self sacrificing" OC would look even better if he ripped it off.

I recall seeing it used cleverly in Legend Of The Seeker. The hero didn't really get the chance to give up on his quest, he was just trapped in the villain's Genjutsu and made to think his quest was all just a dream so he'd hopefully give up vital intel to Rahl.
>Sit tight; we're almost done.
>Doesn't post.
Kek. Imagine not finishing what you start.
Add this, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/13565/naked-singularity to your list. I think it'll be up your alley. Hint hint: You're a fucking degenerate! :CCC
322143 322156

It's probably worth expanding a little on what I was talking about, since it basically touches on some stuff I was going to talk about anyway.

As I've said before, the problem with Littlepoop is that her motivations or goals have never really been clear. She just sort of wandered outside one day, decided that the world was hopelessly fucked-up, and took it upon herself to put things right. The author seems to take it as a given that the reader will just instantly see the sense in her point of view and agree with it, and that her character requires no motivation other than a vague desire to do the "right thing" and "save" the world.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I see Littlepoop as having an attitude similar to someone like Barack Obama. For no reason other than hubris, she takes it upon herself to fundamentally transform the world she lives in according to her own whims. Nobody asked her to save the world, and it never occurred to her to ask the world if it wanted saving; she just decided one day that she could make everything better, and assumed that destiny had given her carte blanche to do whatever was required to bring her ideals to life.

These kinds of people are the ultimate narcissists. They never recognize themselves as such, because they always see themselves as humble servants of some greater good. However, their arrogance always comes through in their actions. Look at Littlepoop: was there any logical in-world reason for her to assume that she would be able to penetrate the impenetrable shield, or that she would have any natural ability to operate the Single Pegasus Project which you literally have to be a pegasus to operate; it's in the name ffs and control the weather? The answer is no on both counts; yet she never once doubted that it was her destiny to do both of these things. Her only motivation is this arrogant belief that she alone has the power to re-create Equestria as an idyllic utopia, but she frames this as an act of humble self-sacrifice. God has called her to die for the sins of the world, and even though she doesn't want to die, she is willing to do so if it will redeem others; this is how LP and her creator fundamentally sees her role.

What I like about Celestia's remarks here or at least my interpretation of them; it's likely that kkat didn't intend for them to be taken this way is that she's essentially telling LP that she's full of shit. She points out that her actions may not produce the results she intends; she's basically destroying the only food source that the pegasi have, and her actions will completely upend life in the wasteland. There's no telling what ultimate effect this will have; it's entirely possible that she will make things worse, or that nothing meaningful will change. She implies that LP is probably sacrificing herself for nothing.

Here is exactly what she says:

>“Life,” Celestia remarked sadly, “is not always a gift. And death is inevitable. Or, at least it should be. Even my Sister died.” The melancholy in her voice was unbearable. “That’s the real evil of the Black Book. It changes that. It steals death from you and calls it a gift. It’s lying. I’ve lived so long, alone, watching ponies die. I’ve seen more than you could know. Please, trust Me when I say that the ponies you save by sacrificing yourself will die soon anyway.”
>I couldn’t believe my ears. This was not the Celestia that I worshipped. “What are You saying?”
>“I’m saying… isn’t it better for the gift of a slightly longer life to be given to those who have truly earned it, who deserve it most? Isn’t it better to hold onto those you love?”
Basically, the pones of the wasteland are the architects of their own fate. There's no miasmic evil floating around turning ponies into raiders and slavers and whatnot; they chose that life for themselves. She basically calls LP's entire worldview into question: maybe the world isn't just black and white, and maybe there isn't some magic switch you can flip that toggles between "wasteland" and "pastel utopia." Maybe the world just is what it is, and ponies are going to make their own decisions with or without her input. Above all, maybe LP isn't fate's chosen one. Maybe she doesn't have the power to change the world, and even more profoundly, maybe she shouldn't try to change it even if she did have that power. Maybe she should just set aside her wacky, purposeless, self-aggrandizing quest, and simply live life for what it is. Solid advice, imo.

Anyway, that's basically my take on it.

Epilogue: Of Forgiveness and Fallout

No more fortune cookies, it would seem.

Anyway, the epilogue starts off with a very large block of italicized text. Since LP's role as narrator is presumably over, I'm assuming this is going to be some kind of supplemental narration from the perspective of some other character, probably one of the nameless NPCs that Littlepoop labored so hard to save, that gives us a quick glimpse of what took place after LP's story ended. My best guess is that this will take the form of a letter, a journal entry, or some other type of communication.

>It’s been two weeks since the afternoon that Wastelanders everywhere have come t’ call the day of sunshine an’ rainbows. The day that massive surges of rainbow light an’ sound -- sonic rainbooms -- burst from twenty-three of the great towers, clearin’ away the blanket of clouds that had covered the skies above for all our lives, an’ the lives of everyone an’ everything born after the great war.
I find that "sonic rainbooms" are a bit overused in this story. I'll admit that the toxic-colored rainboom that Derpy pulls off at one point was kind of a neat idea, but it loses a bit of its novelty each time it happens. Once was probably enough.

In any event, my understanding of a rainboom is that it was an after-effect of Dash flying fast enough to break the sound barrier, and the rainbow color of the explosion was, at least partially, an optical illusion created by her rainbow-colored mane flying at an extremely high speed. Derpy shouldn't even be able to make one; her "boom" should be colored grey and yellow or the color of rotted flesh, or whatever she's supposed to look like in this story. I don't see any reason why the towers should be able to produce this effect.

Anyway, the yet-unnamed author goes on to explain that he/she will always remember seeing the rainbooms firing off, and the clouds clearing away, and the sunlight bursting through the dispersing cloud cover, and so forth and so on. The visuals are decent.

>And then, I spotted a balefire phoenix, her coat a majestic, iridescent emerald an’ gold, dancin’ an’ cavortin’ amongst the ephemeral rainbows forming all across the sun-drenched sky.
This pushes it a bit over the top, though. Velvet's bird doesn't seem to have played any significant role in the final battle; I'm not sure why it's being mentioned here other than providing a pretty visual.

Next, we get a quick synopsis of everything that happened after the rainbooms went off. Conveniently enough, the few remaining Enclave airships I'm not sure how many there are even supposed to be at this point; it seems like the Enclave fleet keeps getting totally wiped out, yet they always seem to have more ships are destroyed by the same force that takes down the cloud cover. Those that aren't completely destroyed begin firing on the civilian pegasi, who for some unexplained reason have suddenly decided to rebel against the Enclave. We also learn that a faction of Red Eye's troops have regrouped as some kind of new army, and they're determined to carve out their own empire, and blah blah blah. As ever, the motivations of these various factions remain vague.

>Hope brought t’ us by our Lightbringer, yes. And more importantly, hope brought t’ us by ourselves. By our embrace of our nobler nature. Over the last few weeks, the actions of so many of you have shown more brilliantly than the sun itself, so much that it’s made this ol’ DJ cry. Children, ol’ DJ Pon3 ain’t never been prouder of ya.
This seems to clarify that the speaker is none other than Homage. I should have known better than to assume that kkat would give any of his NPCs a significant speaking role.

Anyway, the rest of this is mostly fluff. Homage goes on to lecture her listeners about not being prejudiced against the pegasi, because they were (apparently) also victims of the Enclave. As I've said many times already, it was never quite clear what the Enclave was ultimately trying to do, or why they wanted to do it; we just get sort of a vague assurance that they're bad guys, and we should root against them. In any event, Homage draws a distinction between the Enclave and the regular pegasi, ordering her loyal followers to continue blindly hating the former while making an effort to befriend the latter. She also explains that the alicorns are not bad anymore, because reasons.

To save time and space, here is a quick synopsis of the other topics she covers:

>the Everfree Forest is no longer on fire
>the Applejack Rangers have announced plans to cultivate it somehow and turn it into farmland
>the Steel Rangers and the Applejack Rangers are no longer fighting, because reasons
>Fillydelphia remains a war zone for the time being, due to the continuing conflict between the Talons and Red Eye's remaining forces, who are still organized and fighting for some unknown reason despite Red Eye being dead
>Homage has somehow become aware that Celestia is still alive and is living inside the SPP with Littlepoop
>LP has successfully nigger-rigged some kind of communication system so that ponies on the ground can talk to both her and Celestia if they want
>Life Bloom has received an extremely long and convoluted message from Littlepoop, and is presently attempting to transcribe its autism into comprehensible speech
>presumably, this "message" is the 620,000-word-long clusterfuck we just finished reading

The author also subtly implies that Littlepoop is now essentially a Goddess on-par with Celestia herself. Also, it sounds like Homage has some kind of quest to fulfill; presumably she's going to do whatever-the-fuck with the Gardens of Equestria. It was never quite clear what her role in all of that was supposed to be, but LP seemed convinced for whatever reason that Homage is the true "wasteland hero."

When all this is concluded, she invites Velvet Remedy into the studio for an interview, which we will cover in the next post.
322147 322156
>Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I see Littlepoop as having an attitude similar to someone like Barack Obama.
Barack Obama seems to me like a corrupt man not a misguided idealist.
> For no reason other than hubris, she takes it upon herself to fundamentally transform the world she lives in according to her own whims. Nobody asked her to save the world, and it never occurred to her to ask the world if it wanted saving; she just decided one day that she could make everything better, and assumed that destiny had given her carte blanche to do whatever was required to bring her ideals to life.
>These kinds of people are the ultimate narcissists. They never recognize themselves as such, because they always see themselves as humble servants of some greater good.
When it comes to LP this might all be true and she might have both been a fool in her ideals and in the execution of those ideals, however, I don't think that people who sets out to change the world for the better need to do so out of hubris. Take Gandalf, his goal in middle-earth is to lead the world into a better place but he's humble. You can believe in your own capabilites and your values while fighting for an alturistic cause without being a narcissist.
that is one big pile of shit.JPG

As it turns out, Velvet's interview is nothing but she and Homage jerking each other off and trading cringey banter. It was probably meant to be a clever and humorous exchange, but the dialogue is badly written even by the standards of this story. Neither character speaks in the voice we're accustomed to hearing, and the jokes are just the usual kkat-cringe-fest about threesomes and whatnot. Here is a quick synopsis of the essential information:

>Velvet and Calamity will be accompanying Homage on whatever journey she is undertaking (presumably it has something to do with the Gardens of Equestria)
>Calamity had some kind of surgery recently (though hopefully not the same kind that kkat had)
>Velvet also has some kind of wacky plan to save Fluttershy (you may or may not remember that Fluttershy has been transformed into a tree and now presumably suffers a horrifying living death)
>this plan will involve some kind of potion that Xenith whipped up
>killing joke, which transformed Flutters into a tree in the first place, is no longer a problem, because reasons
>because they all have severe autism, they made some kind of tape recording that they think is going to somehow help wake Fluttershy up
>if it doesn't work and Flutters dies, they are going to erect a gaudy, ostentatious grave marker for Flutters and rig the tape to play automatically once per week for ten years, because that won't be annoying as all fuck or anything

And...that's about it. Homage rambles on about some more irrelevant bullshit, and concludes by playing one of Velvet's angsty jingles for the 7,000th time. Just for fun, I'll dump it here:

>“I want to calm the storm, but the war is in your eyes.
>How can I shield you from the horror and the lies?
>When all that once held meaning is shattered, ruined, bleeding
>And the whispers in the darkness tell me we won’t survive?”

>“All things will end in time, this coming storm won’t linger
>Why should we live as if there’s nothing more?
>So hold me ‘neath the thunderclouds, my heart held in your hooves,
>Our love will keep the monsters from our door.”

>“For I know tomorrow will be a better day.
>Yes, I believe tomorrow can be a better day…”

Wow, pottery. A morbidly obese self-harming thirteen-year-old could hardly have written better. Here it is set to music:

Welp, it looks like that's it; that's all they wrote of Littlepoop and her merry band of nitwits. I was kind of hoping the Epilogue would have tried to wrap up a few of the story's many loose ends; at the very least I thought we'd get a synopsis of the Gardens of Equestria business. It's still not clear what's supposed to happen there, or what exactly everyone's roles are, but apparently kkat decided to leave it to the reader's imagination. Either that, or he just assumed that we've been following his autism and will just instinctively understand where it was headed. I can't honestly say I give a rat's ass at this point, but it was a bit disappointing nonetheless. Kkat went to all the trouble of penning an epilogue, yet chose to waste the extra page space on Velvet blabbering about Fluttershy being a fucking tree. After that it just sort of peters out. Whatever; the entire story up until this point has been nothing but random, meandering bullshit, and I suppose there's no point changing horses at the very end of the race.

Anywho, that's it for the main story, but it looks like there's an Afterword as well, so we might as well take a look at that while we're here.

Afterword: Ten Years Later

>Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...
>Ten Years Later…

We switch to a third-person narration. A mystery mare is presently reading Littlepoop's autismo autobiography to a group of helpless foals. It probably would have been less cruel to make them fight to the death.

>“Then I began, thinking…” she said softly, reading the very last lines of the book. They were also the first lines, although she wasn’t sure if any of her listeners had noticed. The story had come full circle.
>“…If I’m going to tell you about the adventure of my life -- explain how I got to this place with these people, and why I did what I’m going to do next -- I should probably start by explaining a little bit about PipBucks.”
>“What?” whined the little apricot pegasus sitting in the center of the other foals. “That’s it? It can’t end there! That’s a lame way to end the story!”
I'm inclined to agree. It was a shit opening line, and it's even shittier as a closing line.

After some bickering back and forth between the children, we eventually learn that the mystery mare reading the story is none other than Fluttershy. Not Velvet, not Homage, not Derpy, nor any of the other main characters. We are hearing from Fluttershy, a minor incidental character whose only significant role was being part of the world's backstory.

Anyway, it's clear enough from the foals' banter that whatever the fuck LP's friends did with the Gardens of Equestria, it was successful. The world outside is described as peaceful and sunny, and most of the foals seem disinclined to believe that Equestria ever actually looked like the dark and edgy world described in Fluttershy's tale.

We learn that Fluttershy lives in a place called Junction Town, presumably built on the site of Junction R7, the fortress that LP acquired as a residence at one point in the distant past and then never did returned to. We learn that the ponies here call themselves the Followers of the Apocalypse for some faggy-ass reason, and worship Fluttershy for some other faggy-ass reason. Velvet Remedy is apparently their leader.

>She lifted a forehoof and waved. Fluttershy waved timidly back, her eyes catching the ornate golden PipBuck, encrusted with a nightingale-shaped gemstone, on Velvet Remedy’s foreleg. She remembered when that had been a necklace. Her necklace.
I'm not sure what the significance of this is meant to be. Velvet made a PipBuck out of Fluttershy's necklace? Why?
>Barack Obama seems to me like a corrupt man not a misguided idealist.
Why not both.jpg

>When it comes to LP this might all be true and she might have both been a fool in her ideals and in the execution of those ideals, however, I don't think that people who sets out to change the world for the better need to do so out of hubris. Take Gandalf, his goal in middle-earth is to lead the world into a better place but he's humble. You can believe in your own capabilites and your values while fighting for an alturistic cause without being a narcissist.
I'm not necessarily saying that every act of altruism is motivated by narcissism. I'm pretty cynical, but not quite that cynical.

The problem in FoE comes down to Littlepoop's motivation, or rather her lack of one. Kkat never really establishes what LP's stake in the world's fate is; he just sort of takes it as a given that this generic mare would just be so horrified by all the edge in Edgequestria that she would just naturally want to do whatever it took to purge the world of all its ickiness, and that this would serve as sufficient motivation for her. As has been brought up before, she's basically written like the main character in an RPG: a blank slate for the player to make into whatever the fuck kind of character they want to play as. In an interactive medium this works, because it allows the player to do what they want; however, in a novel it comes across as the protagonist just taking random actions for no reason, which can produce weird results. In this case, it made LP come across as narcissistic and insane rather than heroic, and the fact that kkat didn't seem to even notice this was one of his book's biggest flaws.

In LOTR, Gandalf was established as sort of a wandering guardian; his fate was entwined with Middle Earth and he frequently involved himself in its affairs, often at great risk to himself. He also knew the stakes of the quest that the party was on, and that they absolutely had to make it out of Moria alive if everything was to play out the way it was supposed to at least I think it was in Moria that Gandalf "died;" it's been a regrettably long time since I've actually sat down and read those books. His sacrifice was completely in-character and it made sense given the stakes, so it comes across as a noble act. The gulf between something like that and LP's obsessive, illogical, completely unmotivated quest to take control of Edgequestria's weather is wider than a Balrog's chasm :^)
khazad dum.jpg
>Why not both.jpg
I precieved him as corrupt materialist like every other politician higher up in their hierachy, however, I'm no Obama expert so it might just be my democracy cynicism that shines through which makes me think he was a puppet and a materialist form the get go. But again, I can guarantee that you know more about him than I do so maybe I'm wrong.
>I'm not necessarily saying that every act of altruism is motivated by narcissism. I'm pretty cynical, but not quite that cynical.
Well, then we agree on the essential point at least.
>Lp paragraph
Probably. She probably sucks. I don't doubt it. You would again know more about it.
>is wider than a Balrog's chasm
If I was you, I would had been you right now I'd be pedantic about this metaphor. I'd say that the phrase, "A Balrog's chasm," doesn't really make much sense. While it is true that, at least more than one of them, fell into a chasm; I'm unsure if these Balrogs felt possesive of them. So it's a good thing I'm not you ;^P
>"A Balrog's chasm," doesn't really make much sense
I know. I thought about that a few seconds after I posted it. I was referring to the chasm that Gandalf and the Balrog fell into, which now that I think about it probably wasn't all that wide. Depth was really the central feature there. In my defense, I've been up all night.
It's fine. I just wanted to prod you.
I'm excited for your final posts.
>maybe there isn't some magic switch you can flip that toggles between "wasteland" and "pastel utopia."
Ironically (I think? Still not sure how irony works) that's exactly what LP's final actions accomplish in this shit story. She makes everything better again, and eventually ponies who are allowed to use the Gardens Of Equestria flip that magic switch for her.
I can't imagine what Kkat's thought processes are right now.
Did he feel it would be too easy if LP organized sixish friends capable of using the Elements Of Harmony to de-Wastelandize the world?
If you hate the cloud covering so much, say that's an unavoidable consequence of turning the EOH on, which takes food-making power away from the Enclave naturally and gives it to the ponies.
He can't have thought this magic switch was too easy for LP because he introduced another magic switch in the form of the SPP anypony could use with Spike's help, given enough plot armor aka "Destiny".
The logic for how it all worked stumped Kkat but it would be easy to just say "Spike's fire breath sends things where they need to go. If he destroys something that needs to be destroyed, it doesn't go anywhere, it just stops existing. That Enclave bitch he burned? Needed to go to hell, according to magic and/or the universe and/or destiny so she ended up there. A letter to Celestia? Whether its writer wants it sent or not, if it gets burned by Spike it's going to Celestia. And Littlepip? She's going where she needs to be: Inside the chamber of the magic machine that fixes everything in return for one noble act of self sacrifice".
Just fucking say magic's a self-aware mystical force like Star Wars's The Force that can do what you tell it to and do whatever it wants, holy fuck, it's not hard to think of this shit.
Did Kkat think the Elements Of Harmony weren't good enough for LP, because they required six ponies to give nothing up while the SPP requires a sacrifice from the star of this shitshow?
That must be it. I don't like to speculate on the motives of trash media creators because it's easy to speculate that everything you don't like has an evil reason behind it. Plenty of reviewers of books and games out there say "He must have made this chapter to piss me off, he must have given this woman huge tits because he's a pervert who hates women, he must have put the option to kill innocents in this video game because he's a demon who hates babies kittens puppies and sunshine". But if you view this story's events with the assumption that Kkat wanted to do his best to precisely engineer a product to get Littlepip "Over" with the audience and make her this eternally-beloved self-sacrificing mary sue murderhobo supreme, a lot of bizarre inexplicable choices about this story suddenly start making sense.

Still, Kkat didn't even do a good job of that.
He should have said there's a virus going around in the Wasteland, a bioweapon made in a Griffon lab built by an evil Private Military Contractor that's running around fucking shit up in the Wasteland "For Science!".
Maybe the virus was supposed to devastate nations built for the sake of deterrence, maybe it was a failed attempt to make a drug to turn wimpy weak soldiers into hardcore killing machines without moral restrictions or self-preservation instincts. That would suit the "Good intentions can go bad" themes.
This virus dies in sustained sunlight but thrives in the darkness of the cloud cover. Afflicted ponies get edgier over time. They become stronger stupider edgy violent cunts with sharp rows of sharklike teeth and bleeding eyes and destroyed psyches. It's incurable, only death can release those afflicted with this sickness from their curse.
The Enclave don't give a fuck about the virus or how their cloud covering makes things worse because Power Armour makes you virus-proof and they rarely visit the surface world anyway. Any Enclave troop who does get infected faces the firing squad and is called a weak faggot who deserved it, though this policy causes infected Enclavers to conceal their infection and spread it amongst their troops and generals faster.

Therefore, LP is practically morally obligated to kill the feral Raiders for being feral beasts that spread the giga-rabies virus by existing, eliminate the Pegasus cloud covering for keeping the virus around, and eliminate anypony in her way. Maybe eliminate an evil-for-fun mad scientist too just for the hell of it, because a mad scientist doing evil shit for Science!(TM) is awesome and dark and the perfect excuse for anything horrific in post-apocalyptic settings like new viruses, zombies, monsters, and any awful event you want to come out of nowhere and ruin the hero's time. Bonus points if Doctor Sciencefag insists he's doing everything for the ultimate greater good: knowledge, and once LP kicks his ass she gets to use his sick resource-generating problem-solving superscience -inators to solve problems without needing the SPP or Gardens Of Equestria.

Obama's pure evil, he has to be. Remember "Operation Fast And Furious"? That wasn't a misguided idealist making the best out of a bad situation, that was a calculated operation planned from the start. Fucker armed the cartels with tracker-free guns and then his team preached for gun bans in areas harmed by his plan, or something like that.
Idealistic self-sacrificing heroes on a quest to save the world, whether it wants to be saved or not, seem to work best when their goal is unambiguously good, and preferably entirely apolitical.
Stopping Dark Lord Doom Badguy from taking over the world, or blowing it up, or summoning Satanic McCthulhu, anyone can get behind that. Hero can save the day, kill shit, and retire to his farm and hyperimpregnate his trad qt waifu.
But taking over and rebuilding the world in your own image, redistributing food via altering the effectiveness of farmland with a weathermachine, playing god? That's "What is your tax policy? Why should I support you, you power-mad conqueror?" tier.
I thought about saying something like...

>If Kkat wanted to get the audience to like and support LP, he should have tried harder to make her not just the biggest shooty cunt in the land of shooty cunts but also Equestria's only hope.

>LP shouldn't just be some faggot who feels she has the divine right to fuck with others. She shouldn't have the option of giving up. Maybe she should think "Maybe I should just let this shit wasteland die" during the obligatory story arc where Achilles fucks off to his tent and feels bad until it's time for his triumphant return to heroism. Circumstances should force her into her quest and give her no way out. Aside from an obligatory moment near the end where she undergoes "The Final Temptation" to give up her quest and then decides not to give up until the job's done, stop the sad music and cue the sweeping orchestral score that swells like my dick when I see Twilight Sparkle. The Wasteland shouldn't just be at war with itself, it should be facing certain doom unless she uses the Gardens Of Equestria/SPP/whatever in time. In a wasteland full of dumb cunts too wrapped up in their short-sighted little problems to think about the bigger picture, LP should be the wandering reluctant hero that gets wrapped up in a bigger deal than she ever expected. She should be reluctant until character growth makes her want to be a hero. Maybe she could have her ass saved by an inspiring badass who dies horribly and is murdered by the villain, making this personal for LP and giving her somepony to emulate. Of course, such a choice would make LP emulate the heroism of another which would get in the way of making her the object of dicksuckery for the author.

>But at the end of the day, that's what this story is missing, a time limit. And a sense of purpose tying all these bullshit events together but that would be harder to add than a ticking clock. We need a ticking clock to add tension and force LP to keep going no matter the odds. Something to weigh on LP's mind, kick her into action, stop her from taking those STUPID FUCKING vacations with Homage at Tower De La Cuntmunchera. Whenever LP feels doubt or fear, she should punt herself in the cunt and say "If I don't save this wasteland, everypony in it dies from Giga-AIDS or Super Poison Joke or starvation or whatever".

Then again, that change would make this story a more effective vehicle for getting LP "Over" with the audience. But it wouldn't necessarily make this story better.

I don't think the greatest writers in the world could turn this story into something good without fundamentally rewriting at least some of the core pieces of idiocy that makes FE what it is.

The pre-war story is a tale of a civilized industrializing nation struggling to help a barbaric race of failures who only want to get high on meth and worship their own hatred of the night sky+spooky shit+meteors+aliens until it and Fluttershy's foolishly suicidal altruism gets everyone nuked, and it feels wrong to end the Wasteland with the descendants of both races (minus the descendants not here because zigger nukes or zigger chemical weapons or wildlife mutated by ziggers or soldier ziggers or rapefugee ziggers killed their ancestors) united around an Equestrian campfire singing cum-on-you or whatever. Cum-by-you? Anyway, if this story is supposed to fundamentally be about good intentions going wrong, it feels absurd that the good intentions of the heroes never go wrong.
They never have to seriously analyze the consequences of their actions, or their motives, or their actions. They don't even have to figure out what their morals are or why they believe they're entitled to their murder sprees.
Despite all of Kkat's blabbering about virtues and having moral lines you won't compromise, one last line you refuse to violate except when you have to, the heroes have patently schizophrenic approaches to morality and what they feel morally obligated to do.
Remember when LP was determined to use violence to save Monterry Jack(even if it meant fighting and killing Guard NPCs), a pony who'd tried to rob LP at gunpoint at her comparatively most vulnerable (when she'd never touched a gun before and hadn't yet transformed into a gun expert instantly) and had almost gotten away with it, a pony willing to commit suicide by cop (with extra steps by confessing to a crime that couldn't be pinned on him, and happened outside the tower guard force's jurisdiction in an area of the wasteland this cheese-seller had no reason to visit while abandoning his family and cheese store) and leave his annoyingly LP-loving family homeless just so LP would have to look them in the eyes and say "Sorry but your dad thinks I'm to blame here"?
LP was willing to get herself banned from Tenpony Tower at best, shot to death or hunted down by bounty hunters/town guards eternally and slandered 24/7 on the radio for trying at worst, if it meant freeing one cunt who happened to have a name and a family. But any capital-R Raiders, or Slavers, or Cannibals, they can go to hell, even if they have families. They're not even life forms, they're targets she has yet to gun down in this gigantic soulless shooting gallery she calls home for no apparent reason.
LP felt morally obligated to save a faggot willing to practically shoot himself in front of LP just so she might feel bad when she told his family the bad news, if she didn't get somepony else to do that.
She felt morally obligated to save the whole fucking wasteland, but not all of the ponies in it, no, she felt obligated to slaughter all the Slavers and Alicorns and Raiders she can find, as if they're mindless killing beasts like Radscorpions.

Fallout Equestria makes me miss infuriatingly preachy books that can't stop soapboxing the author's ideology and political/personal views, because at least those tales have more substance than this sequence of terminally faggoted events.

>She found herself smiling, happy it had found a new Bearer. Although it had taken her a while to grasp the somewhat abrasive mare as a beacon of kindness.
>She wasn’t surprised that the Element had taken a new form. After all, before it was a necklace, it had been a heavy, round rock. And the book did help explain why the Elements chose this new appearance.
Oh, I see. Fluttershy's necklace transformed itself into a PipBuck because Velvet Remedy is the new bearer of the Kindness Element.

>The Book of Littlepip was a good book, she thought, despite some of the darker parts that she had to skim over when reading it to the kids.
Just out of curiosity, which parts of that book does she think are suitable for kids? Or anyone, for that matter?

>It had taken years for her to recover, and she had only been able to find herself again, to put herself back together, thanks to the constant attention and help of her friends -- both her new friends and her old ones.
We don't care. While she may be a significant character in the FiM cartoon series, in this story Fluttershy is an incidental background character at best. She factors into the world's history but not the events of the main story. Protip: the whole point of things like epilogues and afterwords is to tie up loose ends of the story, not to introduce new threads. If you can bring your story to a satisfying conclusion within the space of the main narrative, then you should just do that. If you can't, then an epilogue or a ten-years-later segment can help. However, continuing to drone on about random bullshit involving side characters after the story ends simply because you wanted to shart out more words is just a giant waste of everyone's time. This isn't quite as bad as that god-awful Equestria Girls thing that soulpeener needlessly appended to Sun & Rose, but it's definitely getting close.

>Velvet Remedy had been right. The little statues of her friends had helped her put herself back together. Without them, she probably would have remained broken, insane, forever.
Oh, goody. The fucking statues again. We sure haven't heard enough about these silly things.

Anyway, in typical kkat form, the narration begins to meander from here. We are needlessly informed that Fluttershy was gifted her set of the statues by Velvet, and that she carries them around in her saddlebag with her. We also learn that she sleeps with the petrified corpse of Angel Bunny at night, because that's not creepy or anything. You may or may not remember that Angel Bunny was turned to stone by a cockatrice or some shit; it was one of the hundreds of thousands of tiny, insignificant details scattered throughout the text that kkat expects the reader to remember 30 chapters after the fact.

>As she slid the book back into its place on the bookshelf, she again thought that, yes, it was a good book. Deeply painful at times. But it was nice to feel like she knew Littlepip. So many of her new friends did, and (despite some of her bad times) she seemed like such a nice pony.
>Fluttershy had tried to talk to Littlepip once. But even being in one of the tower stations made her very uncomfortable. The Single Pegasus Project, she had to admit, freaked her out. Littlepip had called it “peaceful”, but Fluttershy had panic attacks at the mere thought of the place -- of being trapped, unable to move, watching helplessly.
Seriously, kkat, are you going anywhere with this shit? Because I have places to be.

Anyway, whatever; Fluttershy used to be a tree but now she's not anymore. She seems to be recovering one day at a time. Good for her, I guess. She gibbers autistically to herself about Spike and eyepatches and the title of Littlepoop's insane autobiography and some other bullshit for a few paragraphs, and then she goes outside. She sees Silver Bell, who we learn is now apprenticed to some literally-who named Palette. I guess they make stained glass windows or something. Good to know.

Flutters keeps walking along and looking at stuff. She sees the children she just scarred for life with LP's terrible book; they are arguing about princesses or something. There's an alicorn filly among them, which subtly informs us that the alicorns have figured out a way to breed. It seems to have something to do with a potion that Xenith made using poison joke extract. I don't remember if that's something we're supposed to care about or not.

Anyway, doot de doot de doo, she keeps walking. She bumps into a few more NPCs whose names we are probably supposed to recognize, and we learn that food production has more or less returned to pre-war levels, though it is still necessary to keep LP strapped in to the weather machine to maintain it. There is also something called the New Canterlot Republic, which I guess is supposed to be some kind of new Equestrian government or something. Whatever has changed in ten years, I don't get the impression that politics in this setting have become any less vague or confusing.

>Rather, the national concern had turned once again to power. The Gardens of Equestria had given back their farmlands, but had stripped them of the radioactive materials necessary to run Red Eye’s engines. For now, most of the energy used by the NCR was generated from devices drawing on star batteries (a donation from Calamity, she had been told). But these resources were finite and heavily strained; the needs of the nation would soon far exceed the limited power they could produce.
Why do they need Red Eye's engines? I don't quite understand why stuff like this is still an issue. Seems like agriculture would be top priority at this point; they can worry about industry later.

>Fluttershy cringed at the notion that Equestria’s power might soon become dependant on irradiated rocks and other materials that could only be found in foreign lands. She’d seen the land she loved go down that road before. It did not end well.
Again, why would this matter? What needs to be powered?
322217 322218 322494

Fluttershy watches Velvet's pet bird eat a dead mouse, and then a bell rings and everyone goes to see what the fuck is happening. Apparently, the bell signifies the return of Calamity. She is happy to see him, because apparently he is going to escort her to Bucklyn Cross later this afternoon.

>She’d always been a weak flyer, even in her youth. And she wasn’t young anymore. The only pink in her mane now was from the streaks Silver Bell had put in it while practicing cosmetic spells.
>Fluttershy felt confident in flying across Junction Town, maybe even to where they were building the new castle. But not all the way to Bucklyn Cross.
The order of these two paragraphs should probably be reversed.

Anyway, Calamity swoops in and is greeted by Velvet. He tells her that the caravan he was guarding ran into some raiders, which he had to dispatch, and Velvet seems surprised that raiders would still be a thing. The rest of the conversation is just light banter.

Page break. It is now sunset, and Fluttershy is riding in a sky chariot being pulled by Calamity. Through their conversation, we learn that Ponyville is now occupied by displaced hellhounds. Seems a little strange that it would still be called Ponyville, but whatever.

>As Calamity guided the sky chariot towards those hills, Fluttershy knew where they were going. Part of her mind insisted on envisioning this place as it once was. She and her friends had once gone golfing on these very hills, back before the war was even a whisper. She remembered Angel had gotten bored and started gnawing on the canopy of their golf cart until she cajoled him to stop.
How exactly does a four-legged creature go golfing? This sounds like it might be a reference to something from the show, but I can't recall any episode in which the M6 ever played golf. In any case, it's a pretty dumb idea.

Anyway, Calamity touches down on this hill that apparently used to be a golf course for equines, but is now a cemetery, also for equines.

>The two pegasi approached the five tombstones. Fluttershy dropped the flowers at her hooves, letting Calamity pick up several of them to place at the gravestone of Elder “SteelHooves” Applesnack. She scooped up the others, and began reverently placing them at each of the other four graves which fanned out behind that first one as Calamity took a few minutes of quiet with his departed friend.
>A soft pang filled her heart as Fluttershy wished she had found the time to know Applesnack better. She stopped at the gravestone nearest to Applesnack’s, reading the inscription:
>Here Rests
>Brave, Loyal, True
>She gave her life that Equestria may blossom once again.
I don't think I mentioned this, but at the end of the Epilogue we learned that Strawberry Lemonade was killed in the battle. I know, I know; you're all deeply saddened by the loss of this barely-mentioned NPC. The world will never be the same without her.

Also, it makes sense enough that Calamity would want to visit SteelHooves' grave, but why exactly is Fluttershy coming along on this errand? SteelHooves would have technically been her contemporary, but it doesn't sound like they knew each other well or were close. She would have no connection whatsoever to Strawberry Lemonade, and as to the other three stiffs, the author didn't even consider them important enough to give names to. Why does she need to be here?

>The stallion was staring upwards and towards the east. She followed his gaze, spotting the gaunt, flying forms of two ghoul pegasi pulling a water-cart, leading the other water wagons as the caravan flew towards Junction Town.
>She knew one of those lead ghouls would have a golden PipBuck on her foreleg with seven diamonds arranged like bubbles. Ditzy Doo, the Bearer of Laughter. Who ever could have imagined?
Not only does Flutters know the exact number of diamonds on a casual acquaintance's PipBuck, but this is the kind of thing she's thinking about while visiting graves. How severely autistic can one pony be? Also: I still don't get why Derpy is supposed to be the Element of Laughter in the first place (though that hardly matters at this late stage).

Oh, also, we find out that Derpy is now for some reason married to Lionheart.

>As if reading her thoughts (a very disturbing notion!), Calamity stepped next to her, expressing, “Ah ain’t normally the religious type, but Ah’ve seen ‘nuff t’ know souls exist. So part o’ me likes t’ imagine that somewhere up there, SteelHooves an’ his gal are smilin’ down on those two.”
>Fluttershy nodded quietly.
>The winds continued to blow, making the trees creek and the water of the lake lap at the shore.
This is the end of the scene. It makes for a nice visual, but what exactly was the point of this? As I said before, Fluttershy really doesn't have a deep enough connection to any of these dead characters to justify an entire scene dedicated to her visiting their graves. Other than kkat presumably wanting to casually drop in some irrelevant side information about Derpy being married and whatever, I don't really understand why this scene was written.

Oh, also:
>making the trees creek
Should be "creak."

Page break. The two of them are now at Bucklyn Cross. We learn that nearby Arbu has since been turned into a prison. Personally, I think turning it into a restaurant would have been funnier, but what are you going to do? Anyway, we finally learn why Flutters had Calamity fly her all the way out here: she is planning to build a sanctuary for the hellhounds, because the ponies have hunted them to near extinction, or something. Isn't that just so Fluttershy? Cue stock footage of bronies applauding. The story concludes on this note:

>“In a world filled with misery and uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is a light in darkness.”
>Fallout: Equestria

Aaaand...that's the end of the text. Well, wasn't that special? Stay tuned for final thoughts; I'll return in a bit.
>this hill that apparently used to be a golf course for equines, but is now a cemetery
Hah. Of course it is.
>in the end, there is a light in darkness.”
I keep reading this as, "Light in the darkness," but I don't know. I think it's because, "The darkness," emphasizes a specific darkness but this sentence reads like this is a common-knowledge fact that you can find light in darkness. However, light is the opposite of darkness so there shouldn't be any light in it. Right?
I'll leave...
322244 322255
Mormon Mummy.jpg
Remember all that "Light in the darkness" stuff The Burned Man said about his Mormon God?
It feels wrong for Kkat to try and steal that shit for vague "Hope is good and Littlepip is the light" shit.
Once I read a "Rationalist" story where the hero kept calling himself "The lightbringer" just because he believed he was a smart guy destined to figure out smart solutions to problems hurting his world like "Many countries fight for control, child soldiers are the norm, people are cunts," and so on. But he'd never really thought of anything particularly clever and lacked solutions for problems he swore he was the only one thinking about. He lacked smart solutions to any of the problems he was presented with. He just went with whatever seemed best at the time and didn't prepare all that hard for bad situations. He had a few smart ideas but nothing spectacular. Despite overthinking things and filling the story with unreadable blocks of concentrated pseudointellectual neo-autism at a moment's notice, he wasn't really that smart, just surrounded by dipshit NPCs and occasional smart characters the author gifted the right to think clearly.
Kind of like this story, with how the enemy NPCs act in absurdly stupid ways so amateurs like LP can outwit and outfight them before LP became telekinetic OP hypergod sue supreme, and only named characters are allowed to think of blatantly obvious shit.
Oh, right. I haven't played the games but that's one of the npcs quest givers in Fallout New Vegas, right?
Did Kkat really just plaigarize the last sentence of his fic? That's actually pretty sad. What's the point in writing a story, fan-fiction or otherwise, if you're not even gonna make it a personal deal? I guess, he liked that qoute but still, I mean, not even a paraphrased version of it but an exact copy of it?
>he believed he was a smart guy destined to figure out smart solutions to problems hurting his world
>But he'd never really thought of anything particularly clever and lacked solutions for problems he swore he was the only one thinking about. He lacked smart solutions to any of the problems he was presented with
>Despite overthinking things and filling the story with unreadable blocks of concentrated pseudointellectual neo-autism at a moment's notice, he wasn't really that smart, just surrounded by dipshit NPCs and occasional smart characters the author gifted the right to think clearly
Dog-earing this for later
Joshua "The Burned Man" Graham isn't just one of the quest-givers, he's the star of the Honest Hearts DLC and he's Caesar's Legion's former second-in-command. When he failed at the first Battle For Hoover Dam he was burned alive and sparta kicked into the grand canyon but he got better and kept being Mormon. If I was still overexplaining everything I'd write it all here but https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Joshua_Graham
The worst part about Kkat plagiarizing his "It's comforting to know there's a light in the darkness" speech is that Joshua was talking about his religion. His God. While dealing with aggression from the Nigger Legs tribe.
But here's the story ripping off that pro-god line and using it after the darkness is gone to call Littlepoop the speshulest pony in the universe for sacrificing herself in a way literally any pony could have pulled off if destiny made them as fireproof as Littlepip.
Come to think of it downing some healing potion would probably be enough to let you survive being burned alive by Spike's fire anyway, it's destroyed battleships but those stupid fucking healing potions can fucking fix anything.

To elaborate, the character had just gone through a conversation with a captured bad guy in an attempt to interrogate the baddie.
Because yeah, it makes ALL the sense that the hero kid amateur ninja guy would be allowed to speak with a captured baddie and debate philosophy.
The baddie went into a "this world is cruel and darkness is the only way, you're a faggot from the nicest biggest village but it's done mean things before. also in this world it's kill or be killed" speech that threw the hero for a loop and made him doubt everything except his own ego.
I shit you not, the hero had this little crisis of faith moment only thinking "I'm the smart sexy mega-genius Lightbringer who will solve all the world's problems and bring light to this darkness because I said so!" could restore his faith in himself and help him cope with the "shocking" facts he just heard.
Now the characters said things like "Man, it sure sucks that we live on a continent with many rich cunts who hire ninjas to do their bidding and five big nations with ninja academies and many smaller nations without big ninja academies and child soldiers are the norm and bandits are everywhere and power+cruelty seems to be the only way you can defeat your enemies and scare them into not fucking with you"
But he had no real answers for any of these problems. Didn't consider a system of international sanctions from government alliances, or new types of ideologies with smaller governments and less governance, any way to subvert the rich and reduce their stranglehold on the economy, didn't think of a combination Forward Operating Base and Fortress for his country that could take in poorfag farmers and protect their livestock for taxes instead of leaving farmers to the bandits until they can afford to pay ninja to kill said bandits, couldn't think of a new method of warfare with new weapons like inventing flintlock pistols and eventually revolvers so rich cunts start preferring cheap armies of conscripted farmers to edgy expensive ninjas with tragic backstories.
Say what you will about "Maybe if one superhero/my nation took charge and conquered everything there would be peace under his absolute rule" but at least it's a solution to the problem of war and enemy nations.
Some may hate that option but it's certainly an option.
This faggot couldn't think of anything, he was just so certain he'd eventually think of something that it got him out of a downwards spiral mentally that almost made him lose it completely.
There was also this gigafaggoted bit where his girlfriend's dad tried to make him drink poisoned tea or something and they blabbered over it for at least a thousand words when the obvious solution was "Make a copy of yourself with magic just in case the tea is poisoned, magically swap yourself with it, drink the tea. If he slaps the clone to death and calls the real you a paranoid faggot, say he's paranoid for checking if you're a clone, edgy ninjas in a poorly-written world of smug edgy cunts respect paranoid faggots more than idiots willing to be poisoned to seem polite in front of their potential father-in-laws. If he bullshits you and calls you a faggot for not trusting him, say there's a chance he was replaced by an assassin impersonating him with magic because this is a fundamentally fucking broken setting where the three beginner-level spells any recently-graduated-from-the-academy child ninja can pull off are: Limitless physical transformation via absolute shapeshifting*, illusionary intangible copy creation, and limitlessly substituting yourself with any non-alive object or consenting person, and yet walking on water and walls is considered a higher-level technique for more advanced ninja kids, and yet all fights are still settled by which DBZ character is tougher and punches and fireballs harder eventually".
*many fans headcanon that shapeshifting "only makes you seem changed" because limitless shapeshifting is so OP yet nobody uses it. Many badfics say that Naruto's perfectly ordinary transformation spell now makes him special because everyone else is using a worse one and "by incorrectly trying to copy a fake shapeshift spell he invented a real one" just makes ALL the sense. But this headcanon doesn't line up with canon at all. This is a setting where anyone can shapeshift and nobody ever thought of using it outside of naruto and sasuke's double-shuriken-but-the-second-one-is-naruto trick. Oh and that time Gamabunta told Naruto to shapeshift him into something with "fangs and claws" and immediately thought of his own fox Fursona.
Well damn I took a long break from the site not sure when Glim Glam would get back and returned to see this God forsaken fan fic almost being finished. Crazy to think how much has happened since he started this story. Moved to a new state, working on becoming a certified plumber and service technician. Just glad this story is going to be over.

Glim's commentary has been a riot but after awhile the story just kept repeating the same stuff so there wasn't much new for us to comment on unlike Sun and the Rose. Really glad Glim and all of you stuck it out to the end though. All the MLP groups I'm in worship Fallout Equestria with a zealous reverence so it felt like a bastion of sanity.

Not sure what Glim will review next but here's to hoping it'll be a fun read like the last story when we were all being wow'ed by new developments and jokes like the ambassador pill or the main character being a rat catcher. Plus the sparks of good ideas and scenes that story had so it was fun to discuss the merits it had.

Hats off to you Glim Glam for finishing the fight and look forward to what you review next unless it's a story about an op lesbian unicorn or any lesbian stuff in which case I'll take a shotgun cocktail.
I don't enjoy killing.jpg
time for talk has passed.jpg
>Legate Graham
>Pic related
Man, it's crazy that the Raiders went to Vlad The Impaler's landscaping company. I guess they wanted to get aHEAD in the competition. Sorry if that joke was a bit gore-mless, I held it in for way too long.
I know there's a chance I won't like the answer to this question, but I want to ask it anyway. My rewrite of my old shit is almost complete, and I want to know how this shit stacks up to my old shit.
Glim, do you think Fallout Equestria is better or worse than the FIMfic I wrote almost a decade ago?
You know, the one with the hoverboards and the bad anticommunist rant and the clusterfuck of a backstory invented to justify all the OC's bullshit powers?
Now that I think about it, I think my old shit had a few of this story's mistakes.
Ranting about Pipbucks and the world's history just because the hero has a pipbuck and characters from history will show up eventually, VS ranting about hoverboards and my OC's backstory just because the hero has a hoverboard and characters from his history would have shown up eventually.
I wrote much of the mane six as annoying fangirls smitten with my OC, while in this story everyone's head over heels in love with Littlepoop except for the villains and the mane six become war criminals and morons whose ineptitude and good intentions doomed an equestria only Littlepoop's good intentions are allowed to save.
My OC started off overpowered and got stronger with each card he'd get (unless it was needed to make a villain threatening or a weird chapter possible), while LP started off pretending to not be overpowered and then she stopped pretending, eventually becoming a fucking half-alicorn unicorn and thinking this and her RD statuette with a chunk of Rarity's soul imitating RD's soul in it would grant her entry to the SPP.
Both stories made the Unicorn protagonist overpowered, but while the shit Star story had fun putting him in over-the-top anime fights, this story pits a regenerating canonically-plot-armoured fireproof half-alicorn boxcar-tossing blood mage and expert sharpshooter against a bunch of starving faggots with sticks and weak guns and under-utilized cheat abilities and at best gay power armour before pretending this is totally balanced. My fight scenes weren't shakespeare but at least some could be called fun.
Star was an irritating cunt even in scenes where he was supposed to be nice or cool to show he isn't always an irritating cunt, but Littlepoop is always an irritating cunt even in scenes where she isn't supposed to be one. But worse because she has that annoying fake-modesty shit. Whenever Star would use fake-modesty it would be a joke, he'd tell people to stop praising him and then tell them to continue if they did stop, comedy gold.
And while Starshit tried to justify his overpoweredness with a convoluted backstory involving ninjas and farms and thieves and foxes and more bullshit I had to cut from his new version so I really could "Shorten it to 20 words or less" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPmXmMpNuPU and at the time I thought he had to be strong because the story was about his growth(I made some particularly retarded assumptions on how stories "Had to be" based on what little I saw of stories before writing one)...
This story chooses to pretend the overpowered Littlepoop is actually nopony at all, even though she is pointlessly overpowered in a way that regularly harms the story, even though none of her overpowered abilities were necessary and anypony with destiny's blessing and Spike's help (or hatred) could have survived the trip to the SPP and fired it up.
LP was often wounded and then healed by bullshit magic potions and other healing items, Star was never wounded in a way that mattered sidestepping the issue entirely.
Both stories were written by idiots with a child's idea of what cool is, but I was a teenager when the Star story started while Kkat was over thirty and pushing fourty, maybe older.
unnamed (2).jpg
Squilliam Fancyson.

That's what this story needed to tie it all together.

Every time this story had to bend over backwards to blame some aspect of the Wasteland's awfulness on a beloved canon character, Squilliam could be there to take the heat.

Every time this story murdered or beheaded or tortured a beloved canon character, Squilliam could have been blamed for each one.

Kkat wanted so badly to blame human nature, pony and zigger nature, and the idea of evil itself on the environment and the important ponies who make it what it is. But there was always one option.

Squilliam Fancyson, immortal bastard running around with a machine gun ruining everything for his own fun. Spite for Rainbow Dash for being a more talented guitar player than he's a clarinet player convinced him to destroy everything she ever knew and cared about and then shit on her irradiated front lawn under the cover of clouds and dust. Because why derail a pony character like Fluttershy into inventing nukes or Applejack into inventing guns when Squilliam comes from a setting where Spongebob and Patrick can make functioning World War weaponry out of sand proving such weapons already exist and they know what they are? Everything this story ever did could be fixed by making Squilliam Fancyson responsible for everything bad that ever went wrong and then making Littlepip kill him in a sick nasty fight at the end with over four phases marked by transformations including one where he glows and gets wings and one where he drinks a radioactive smoothie of nanomachines and popeye's spinach to become a giant dragon and one where he becomes a gigantic squid unicorn bigger than the universe and he says "Now I'm a big guy" and she whips out her gun and says "for you. How about a kiss from this?" and he tries to bitchslap the planet into the sun but Littlepip uses her trusty revolver to shoot his giant hand into nothingness by fanning the hammer fast enough and then she fires her gun at the sun to ricochet her bullet off it into his eye and then she fires her Little Macintosh(tm) at his other eye and then fires it faster so the second bullet pushes the first bullet in midair making a bigger faster bullet big enough to penetrate his other eye and I'm fucking with you I don't actually think this would work at all. No, instead, the real culprit behind everything that ever went wrong should be Dio Brando, whose evolved stand The World Over Heaven lets him do whatever he wants and overwrite reality freely just like in Eyes Of Heaven only not gay. Dio was fucking bored and felt like fucking with FIM so he created Fallout Equestria but not even sans undertale could stop him from stealing the infinity stones and that magic book from Jackie Chan Adventures and the Ultimatrix's upgraded form The Absolutrix. It's called that because it's the absolute best watch possible. No wait that's stupid. Call it the Bestrix or the Perfectrix or the Magictrix or the Infinitrix or the Overclock. With the power of Axel's Overclock he becomes more powerful than Nick Bolton even with his tactical blactical black flashlight and hyperlink blocked. He can take your fucking kromer. He's even stronger than lunafell and her magictrix which is an omnitrix but with magic. Like he's more than 1000% of shaggy's power level and I'm kidding this is retarded, all of it, it's all fucking retarded. Some grown fucking man out there wept when Han Solo died and wept when he read Fallout Equestria and if I rewrite Fallout Equestria into something that appeals to big brain geniuses like us it won't have mass appeal like Fallout Equestria did. He cried when he saw what he convinced himself to love out of the sunk cost fallacy and if he saw a better version of FE he would zealously loathe it for not being the version all five hundred pounds of him feels nostalgic for. His dick's so small it inverted to penetrate his own asshole creating a quantum singularity of gayness. A singaylarity if you will. But if I made an even gayer piece of media he'd cum buckets for it. An even bigger gayer crossover with less artistic integrity and artstyle consistency than a child's first sprite comic on comicfury. Is art dead? Is there meaning in trying to make anything good or even your dream project if something with less soul would get more fame and money?

Although, all gayness asside, consider the following...

If the story started with LP being bullied by someone like Squilliam Fancyson only a pony, we'd feel bad for LP. If Filliam Ponyson left the Stable after LP left it specifically to murder LP in a lawless place and make life harder for her along the way it would make her adventure harder. Everything's too easy for Littlesue supreme, crank that difficulty from Couch Potato to Exterminator so things can be cool, that'll fix all the problems. Well at least some of them. Probably none of them. Self doubt consumes me and pretending to be invincible is my hobby because secretly I'm very lonely and entirely insecure. Every good hero needs a well written rival, someone to push them forward and measure their progress and success with. Like Sasuke before the author derailed him completely and ruined the story. Rewatching the kai recut of the show made me realize that's when shit falls apart for good for this character. Once he loses his revenge quest he breaks as a concept but becoming an object in the Orochimaru arc was the start of his downfall as a character. But that isn't happening here because Squilliam and Sasuke will be used as inspiration for a rival character who doesn't ruin the show. Littlepip needs an edgy evil rival character who's better than her at everything. Take all the "we're the same" villain speech shit from Red Eye and give it to the edgy rival OC who exists to be maximum Satsuki x100 with huge tits. Because rivals should look bigger than the hero and it would be funny if the edgy rival had milky way tiddies yet was still peak wasteland murderhobo supreme instead of LP.
322499 322522 322526

Final Thoughts:

Welp, at long last, we have reached the end of our journey. Checking the post dates of the original thread, I see that we have now spent over a year of our lives slogging our way through this ridiculous pony fanfiction; so, what have we gained as a result of this experience?

Well, on the downside, I have spent over a year of my life slogging my way through this ridiculous pony fanfiction. Considering all of the quality books on my shelf that I still have yet to read, that is a not-insignificant opportunity cost. However, on the upside, if anyone ever asks me: "What is the most objectively terrible work of fiction ever written in the English language, and why is it Fallout: Equestria by K 'my asshole is such a raging AIDS inferno that I can literally shit molten dildos' Kat?", I will be able to provide a thoughtful, detailed, well-reasoned response. It is also my hope that, as a result of my efforts, you can do the same.

So, after everything we've read, how would I summarize my view of Fallout: Equestria? It should be clear enough to anyone who has been following these threads that this story wasn't really my cup of tea, but does it have any redeeming "virtues" see what I did there? at all?

Well, let's try and start with the positives. As much as I hate to admit it, kkat probably deserves at least a small amount of credit simply for attempting a project this large and seeing it through to the end. As incoherent and poorly-written as this story is, it's clear that the author put quite a bit of work into it, and word-vomiting something of this size is admittedly not as easy as it looks. Also worth noting is that it maintains a surprising level of internal consistency.

Though the worldbuilding is shoddy at times, it's clear that kkat put quite a bit of forethought into mapping out the world's backstory before he sat down to write, and there are remarkably few continuity errors for a story of this size. To compare, Peen Stroke openly admitted in an interview that Past Sins was just word-vomited without any advance planning, and the result was that his text was mostly a complete mess. For all this story's size and complexity, kkat clearly employed a more disciplined writing method, and the results of this discipline can be clearly seen.

Taken purely as a work of MLP fanfiction, while I certainly wouldn't say that I thought this was good or that I enjoyed reading it, I'll admit that there are probably worse things out there. Having now read several of these pony stories, more than one of which are considered fandom classics, I think I can safely say that the bar for pony fiction is not set tremendously high, and kkat probably clears it as well or better than many of his peers. He is a more disciplined writer than Peen Stroke, his grammar is significantly better than soulpeener's (though I did notice a few glaring errors here and there), and he is a much, much better storyteller than Assman (though that is an extremely low bar to clear).

At the same time, however, there are areas where the other writers we've looked at clearly outshine him. Despite soulpeener's piss-poor grammar and tryhard prose, he managed to tell a (more or less) complete story from start to finish, while keeping the length reasonable and not veering off on too many silly tangents. By contrast, kkat's text is absurdly bloated and unfocused; if someone asked me to sum up what it was about in a few brief words (without referencing either Fallout or MLP) I don't think I'd be able to do it. There is no plot worth speaking of; it's just an endless narrative about an dull, undeveloped character wandering around a world performing increasingly nonsensical actions. As Nigel succinctly put it: it's not a story, it's just a sequence of events. Soulpeener's work also had better developed and more likable characters. Though I don't recall being overly fond of his protagonist, "Moody Rat-phobic Medieval Guy" didn't inspire anywhere near the level of visceral hatred for me that Littlepoop did.

As to Peen Stroke, his prose was generally a bit better than kkat's, and his work was at the very least the product of his own imagination. By contrast, FoE appears to be mostly a clumsy pastiche of storylines from various Fallout games with a thin coat of pony applied to it. Kkat has demonstrated little real imagination or creativity; his main talent is being able to keep track of an insane number of details. While Past Sins failed in that it missed its own point by a wide margin, FoE more or less makes the point it was trying to make (I'll get into this in detail in a minute); however, the point it attempts to make is far simpler, and it uses about 500,000 more words to do so than were necessary.

And Assman? Well, I remember saying that the thing I liked best about Friendship is Optimal is that it was short. I definitely can't say the same for FoE.

Anyway, however well it might hold up against other fandom works, if we treat Fallout: Equestria as literature we have to judge it a bit more harshly. Even before I became interested in MLP, I remember hearing bronies arguing that many of their fandom's works have genuine literary merit, and deserve to be taken seriously outside of the fandom. FoE was one I specifically remember being cited as an example on multiple occasions. For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature.

It's probably better to start a new post for this, even though I've still got a couple hundred chars left. I'll be drawing from an EqD interview with kkat that I found, for reference it can be accessed here:

I'll address this in a bit.
322502 322503 322519 322525
>Anyway, however well it might hold up against other fandom works, if we treat Fallout: Equestria as literature we have to judge it a bit more harshly. Even before I became interested in MLP, I remember hearing bronies arguing that many of their fandom's works have genuine literary merit, and deserve to be taken seriously outside of the fandom. FoE was one I specifically remember being cited as an example on multiple occasions. For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature.

I know you have another post coming, but I have a genuine question i've always been curious about: How do you feel about this fandom's overall level of quality when it comes to horsewords? You've judged "The best of the best" and found them to all be horribly lacking, to say the least. Do you know of any works you'd regard as genuinely great? Stuff you'd wager outperforms even above average when it comes to published literature? Or is this fandom as a whole populated with mostly trash?
I wonder who could be behind that post.
I bit bitter, aren't you?
Huh? I've been posting throughout this thread for months now as the only Canadian poster (I think) here. Im curious as to what Glim thinks of overall ponyfic quality, because to me it seems like there's a whole lot of "meh" and i'm not sure what ones would be considered quality. I guess I need to read a lot more pony fics to sift through it all and figure it out myself.
Despite all the fanfics I've read I think they were all at least a bit shit. They all had problems that got in the way of me recommending them to anyone as real literature. Even stories I liked or even admired as a kid, I can admit they aren't anywhere near the quality of a real-ass good book. Obvious mistakes (some I noticed back then, some I notice now thinking back on them) keep me from calling them perfect or genius like an excellent game or tv show or movie or book or manga can be. If I had more access to real books as a kid I would have read those instead upon experiencing good books, but my internet access was highly limited and the handmedown ipod I got from a friend as a teen could have text from fanfiction.net loaded onto it.
If I had to choose one for "least shit fanfic ever" candidate I'd choose The Sun Soul (a pokemon fanfic) for having worldbuilding and depth and being more than just a sequence of events in which a child of ten or younger travels a country fighting gym leaders and eventually the elite four and champion just because that's what kids in pokeymanz land do. This one's got a cool main quest that justifies the hero running around fighting strangers and it's got exciting twists. It even does something unexpected and ballsy like killing off the hero's girlfriend and giving him a new one and starting the story with Ash fighting Team Rocket only for them to turn out to be good guys and it had an ending much smarter than the usual "and then the hero defeated every baddie and lived happily ever after" thing. Even leaves things open for a spinoff featuring May and Hoenn I haven't read yet. May's character was a bit flat but she didn't have much screentime compared to others. Maybe it's recency bias talking but I just don't remember any fanfic for anything else I could unironically recommend.

Plenty of fanfics are still better than Fallout Equestria though. Especially that Smash Bros Brawl fanfic that's over four million words long.
>For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature
>This is the moment you've all been waiting forrrrrrrrrrr!
Well, this shitpost was shit. Too many refrences to shows you like for one, as if it was a commercial or something. Maybe you should ask John Elway about the ins and outs of shitposting.
>I removed the vid with the former post. Felt unfair since you have been trying to improve.

Sorry, I know you've asked this question a couple of times already, I've been meaning to respond. There have been quite a few posts made that I've meant to reply to but haven't.

I haven't come across anything that's impressed me terribly, but at the same time I haven't really read that many pony fics. Apart from what I've reviewed here, I've only read a couple of short random things that were linked on /mlp/ or something; it doesn't really seem fair for me to say that everything the fandom has produced is shit based on such a small sample of what's available. However, based on what I've read so far, coupled with what I know about the way that amateur writing projects in general tend to turn out, I do think it's fair to say that most of what the fandom has produced is probably shit.

One thing I have noticed is that lighter, shorter stories that are intended to be satirical or funny tend to be a little better. For instance, awhile back I remember someone suggested I read a short one called Would it Matter if I Was? or something to that effect. It dealt with Fluttershy being a changeling. While the story itself was pretty meh, I remember I also read a parody of the same story that I thought was better done than the original. Part of it is probably that it's easier to riff on something than it is to come up with an original idea, but I also tend to think that the less seriously you take yourself the better your chances are of producing something good.
322531 322532 322548

So, how to go about assessing FoE at a literary level? I don't see much point in rehashing the myriad small complaints I have about the text, as I feel like I've covered all of that pretty extensively. Probably a good starting point would be to ask the author what he thinks he was writing about, and then assess how close to the mark he actually came:

>Fallout: Equestria is a story about standing up against evil no matter the cost. It is a story about lighting candles in the darkness. About the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
>Fallout: Equestria is definitely not for everyone. It contains darkness and mature (in the true sense of the word) themes, not to mention a great deal of violence. However, these things are used in service to a story that puts the themes and morals of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to the acid test and shows how they stand up… and even shine.
Basically, from kkat's point of view, this story is a treatment of the same ideas found the FiM cartoon series: that strong friendships are the key to enduring whatever challenges life might throw at you, and that having the support of good friends can mean the difference between hope and despair. However, while the cartoon deals with these topics in a lighthearted format aimed at children, FoE attempts to address them from a more adult perspective, bringing in issues like death and rape and world destruction that would be inappropriate for a children's show.

So, let's tackle the issue of "mature themes" first. There's a common belief held mainly by hacky amateur writers and readers with no taste that just because a story has content that would be inappropriate for children, this automatically makes it "mature." This is demonstrably false; loading a story up with sex and violence doesn't give it more depth or maturity, it just means your story has a lot of sex and violence in it.

As a quick example off the top of my head, the Friday the 13th films are nothing but sex and violence, and I don't think many would critics would call those films mature, or argue that they had anything terribly important to say (though they are admittedly fun to watch). Meanwhile, The Lion King is a retelling of Hamlet, packaged as a G-rated cartoon aimed at children. There is violence and death in TLK, certainly, but it is tastefully downplayed. We don't need to see graphic depictions of Mufasa getting trampled or Scar getting eaten alive by hyenas for those moments in the story to have the intended impact. Conversely, if you cut all the tits and blood out of Friday the 13th, all you'd be left with is a weak story about a serial killer in a hockey mask. Which of the two stories seems more mature?

This might seem like a silly comparison, but it's important to keep this distinction in mind when looking at Fallout: Equestria. For all of kkat's claims about this story having mature themes, one of my earliest observations was that his treatment of good vs. evil was overly simplistic, and the excessive gore and violence did little to mask this. Personally I would argue that, far from being a more "mature" depiction of the FiM setting, FoE is quite a bit more juvenile than the cartoon. In trying to present itself as edgy and dark simply by amping up the gore and profanity, it becomes less mature, not more. If MLP:FiM is Equestria from a child's viewpoint, then FoE is the same setting from the viewpoint of a moody, edgy, comically self-important teenager.

In one of the earliest episodes, in which Littlepoop is captured by slavers who are then set upon by raiders, I remember being very confused. It was not clear who the "raiders" were, or why they were attacking; my initial assumption was that the word "raider" was meant to be taken at face value, and that these guys were just ordinary brigands or robbers. Their cartoonish, over-the-top sadism struck me as more comical than frightening, and it continued to be comical even after it became more or less clear what the deal with them was. Up until about midway through the story, when characters like Red Eye and the Goddess were being introduced, all of the villains were the same: just generic baddies who performed acts of wanton destruction and cruelty for no reason other than le edge.

If the Ponyville raiders had just been simple brigands who attacked weak ponies and took their stuff, it would be less edgy but more believable. It would be a simple and obvious cause-and-effect relationship: times are hard, supplies are scarce, you have to do what you can to survive. The Monterrey Jack character didn't do anything as horrid as what the raiders did, but his motivations were more believable; or at least they were, until kkat decided to graft all that weird shit about "corrupted honesty" or whatever the fuck to his character.

Realistically, in a world with scarce resources and no formal authority, unsavory trades like slavery and banditry would be commonplace, and presumably there would be an uptick in rape and child molestation and so forth simply because people who are into that kind of thing would no longer fear reprisal. However, it's unlikely that otherwise-normal people would suddenly start decorating their houses with guts and murdering people for the fuck of it simply because "friendship" and "harmony" had gone away.

Kkat uses overblown violence in the same way that Peen Stroke uses overblown sadness: he just dials it up to eleven and uses shock to compensate for an inability to move the reader in any other way. A more nuanced and plausible Edgequestria would have made for a much better setting, but the tradeoff would be that the bloody horror-show would need to be dialed back quite a bit. Kkat is either incapable of realizing this, or unwilling to make the trade; either way it shows a significant lack of maturity.
>In trying to present itself as edgy and dark simply by amping up the gore and profanity, it becomes less mature, not more.
>Realistically, in a world with scarce resources and no formal authority, unsavory trades like slavery and banditry would be commonplace, and presumably there would be an uptick in rape and child molestation and so forth simply because people who are into that kind of thing would no longer fear reprisal.
Mmm, maybe.

Looking forward to the rest.
Can anyone here remember all the times (or any time) friendship as a concept was important or useful in Fallout Equestria, as opposed to simply friendship with the correct people?
Leftist writers subconsciously (or consciously if they are subliminally messaging their target audience) tend to promote the idea that friendship isn't this wonderful universal thing but simply a way to get powerful useful individuals to do what you want, making you powerful.
I think that's why Golly Filly from late-season FIM never met a silly useless pony who emotionally helped her or in some other manner taught her how friendship can be good even if you can't exploit the hell out of it for personal gain. How friendship can be good without having to exploit the hell out of it for personal gain.
>Can anyone here remember all the times (or any time) friendship as a concept was important or useful in Fallout Equestria, as opposed to simply friendship with the correct people?
This. LP's group are hardly friends.
Come to think of it, did LP ever show any interest in anypony who wasn't obviously useful to her or in a position of power?
She didn't feel like getting to know Mouse And Whatshisname or Gawd and her Griffons as people. Just ordered them around once they joined her gay nigger faggot army.
She only felt like talking to Crane when she heard he was a powerful telekinetic and assumed he could give her tips.
She listened to the mayor of WhoCaresville rant about how "karma" fucked him over for letting Littlepip run around fucking up the Slaver operations even though she gave him a nuke or something, but she didn't bother with the politics of that other town that only existed to be destroyed by the Enclave.
Only felt like visiting Tenpony after she wanted to know how the radio whore knew so much about her and why she was sucking her useless lesbian negative-six-inch cock* so hard over the radio.

*You know what they say about small weak men with small dicks? Imagine a smaller weaker man with a negative six inch dick, and you've got what shit women effectively are when they reject cute helpful femininity and try to compete with men but can't intellectually/physically compete with the average man fairly because they're not in the top percentage of women. If women won't do the only job God wanted women to have (breedable housewife) and instead seek to pretend they're men the result is an inferior imitation of a real man full of neuroticism and rage and foul language and denial of the fact that she'll never measure up to even the men artificially placed below her literally or penisually. Littlepip's horny inner narration as an ass-obsessed lesbian isn't cute at all, lesbians are cute when they're adorable shy little sweethearts who blush at the thought of hand-holding before marriage and still want to be good women anyway. At most, one can be a tomboy(as long as she's a legit one with the positive qualities of a man and not just a failed woman eager to cosplay a man), but the other one has to be extra adorable to make up for it. It's the difference between idealized yuri sweetness and messy sloppy femoid pussylust, which this story has. Fucking hell, Homage's idea of post-fucking pillow talk is "You're going to fucking die out there in the wasteland lmao, you'll be eaten alive and forgotten after barely accomplishing anything". That's in the sex scene, just so Littlepip can reply to that Supervillain "Cancer always wins in the end" speech with a trite speech about never giving up even if it means "floating her body down the river styx to make the wasteland choke to death on her" or some shit.
322549 322578 322580

About the only nod to maturity I've found in the entire story occurs at the very end. The Afterword, which tells the story of a revived Fluttershy visiting some strangers' graves and then traveling to Bucklyn Cross to inform a bunch of Steel Rangers that she is opening a hellhound sanctuary, takes place about a decade after the events of the main story. It's a fairly standard "this is what the world looks like as a result of the hero's actions" segment that makes more sense as an epilogue than an afterword. Really, the author would have been better served by deleting the existing Epilogue, which consists of a dumb and irrelevant exchange between Homage and Velvet Remedy and little else, and using the "10 years later" story as the Epilogue instead. But I digress.

What I noticed is that, while Edgequestria has become noticeably less edgy during the interim period, there are still hints of trouble lurking in the shadows. The Enclave is apparently still something of a threat, Red Eye still has loyalists who continue to fight for his cause for some unexplained reason, removing radiation from the air has eliminated a vital energy source and this is causing conflict, and so forth. Basically the idea is that, while the bulk of the world's problems were solved by Littlepoop's actions, as well as whatever the fuck the "Gardens of Equestria" did exactly, there are still traces of old problems that haven't been completely resolved, as well as new, unanticipated problems that were unintentionally created when solving the existing problems. While there is still plenty of stuff I can nitpick, I'll say that it's actually one of the better-written sections of the text, and it was a more tempered and reasonable ending than the "everything is magically fixed" ending that I'd spent most of the story expecting.

Anyway, we'll tackle this part next:

>Fallout: Equestria is a story about standing up against evil no matter the cost. It is a story about lighting candles in the darkness. About the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
What exactly is the "evil" that Littlepoop stands up against? What exactly does standing up to that evil ever cost her?

As I said, kkat's treatment of the concept of good and evil is childishly simplistic. For the first half of the story, Littlepoop's only antagonists are random monsters and generic, cookie-cutter bad-guys who pop out of the shadows and attack her for no reason. I remember observing that these early battles resemble video game fights, in which swarms of generic baddies keep attacking the player until she can destroy the spawn point. There is never any attempt at humanizing these characters or even giving them a basic motivation for doing what they are doing; the raiders and slavers are just mindless zombies that do horrible things because they're horrible. Most of the early fight sequences are used as opportunities for gratuitous violence and edge, and to give the author's insufferable OC a chance to level up.

Kkat himself even seems at least partially aware of this:

>I recommend reading the first dozen chapters. They are short and easy to read. (The third chapter holds the worst of the gore in the story, so if you can get through that, you have nothing to worry about.) If the story hasn’t caught your interest by the chapter “Must Go On”, leave it be. You’ve given it a true chance. But if it has… well, then you are in for a treat, because the story only gets better and better from there.
Though he and I clearly have some different ideas about what "short and easy to read" means, what's telling is that kkat seems to acknowledge that the earliest parts of the story are basically just mindless level-grinding, and that you have to slog through twelve whole chapters before anything important even starts happening. Incidentally, the total word count through Ch. 12 is 85,009; this is enough text to constitute its own novel.

Eventually, once all the stuff about "virtues" starts becoming more central to what I will generously call the plot, we are given a little more of an explanation for why the raiders and slavers and whatnot behave the way that they do. Every pony apparently has a "virtue," a concept which is never fully explained, but is probably analogous to the Elements of Harmony concept from the cartoon series. Your "virtue" is what defines the core of your being, and following it is the path to a happy and meaningful life. However, a "virtue" can (somehow) become "corrupted," at which point you begin to follow a dark path that (somehow) reflects a warped or inverted version of your "virtue."

Again, like quite a bit of what's in FoE, the "virtue" idea is never fully explained, so we have to infer quite a bit. However, I think the basic idea is that, due to the lack of friendship (or something), ponies in the wasteland (somehow) had their virtues corrupted, and began to follow dark inversions of their virtues that (somehow) led them to conclude that shitting all over their mattresses, decorating their homes with intestines, and organizing caged death matches between foals was rational and sensible behavior.

Even if we take all of this at face value and just roll with it, we still don't have an answer to the fundamental question: why? By explaining the raiders' behavior in this way, kkat seems to open a path to redemption for them: it's not entirely their fault that they wound up the way they did, they just need some kind of guiding light to bring them back on the right path. Ditto for Red Eye and Trixie and the other "bad" characters; they aren't necessarily evil, just misguided. This is in line with the spirit of the show; most of the villains who appear in FiM are presented as misguided souls who can be redeemed by the power of friendship (or something). Okay, fine. But this still doesn't explain just what causes "virtue" to become "corrupted" in the first place.

I'll continue this thought in a new post.
You like how the story ended?
Get ready for another Charlie Brown football moment.
The hero sacrifices himself to turn on a big machine that de-irradiates the country and gives it pure drinking water, that's from Fallout 3 and its Geck/Project Purity thing in the main quest.
All Fallout Equestria did was copy it while changing pure water to food. The cloud covering problem is still solved. LP just goes into a weather controlling machine separate from the GOEden while in the original the GECK powered Project Purity which deirradiated all water*
Littlepip fights the Enclave and fights her way into The SPP instead of Project Purity but she still fights The Enclave to get into a thing that fixes most of the Wasteland's problems.
There are still enemies to shoot because in the Broken Steel DLC that lets you pay money for the right to continue playing Fallout 3 after the main story is complete, there are still enemies to shoot.
The only thing I can really call original is how the lack of radiation is somehow causing power/resource problems for some retarded reason. Does... Does Kcrap think nuclear power plants generate power by taking in radioactive waste goo barrels and burning it like coal to turn it into electricity? Fallout's exploding nuclear cars (which "inspired" this story's nuclear chariots so much, ghoul melee strikes can glitch cars into exploding randomly) don't use radiation as a fuel source. Radiation is generated as a byproduct when the nuclear engine is on.

*even though it's actually pretty easy to deirradiate water without needing magical scifi energy-blast machines that magically do impossible things. And even though there isn't much point deirradiating the Pachamac River - I mean Ptolomac - if you're only going to dump that purified water back into the irradiated riverbed. Bethesda just really wanted you to look for a GECK during the course of the story because you looked for one in fallout 2, and they wanted you to find a vault full of radiation and super mutants so you can befriend Fawkes the overpowered invincible OC with a gatling laser and no character depth. Bethesda's Fallout relies on iconography stolen from earlier fallouts and other scifi media, no wonder it inspired Kkat to steal Fallout and FIM to write this.
Speedrunning FOE idea

>be littlepip
>bored as fuck
>leave stable one day for literally no reason besides "i want adventure"
>oh shit oh fuck adventuring in the wasteland is hard, desperate non-edgy pitiable raiders are starving and trying to rob you and shooting them feels morally wrong
>get kidnapped and taken north of your stable straight to a Red Eye prison camp built out of a pre-war insane asylum that used magic to make PTSD cures for soldiers
>LP tries to flee and accidentally plugs herself into a memory alteration machine that fills her head with over sixty terrabytes of combat experience and gunplay stolen from mindwiped soldiers
>LP kills slavers epicly and is hired by Gawd's Griffons, former Red Eye mercenaries now working for the now-heroic enclave because Red Eye's violating Gawd's moral code also Gawd is a dude now and a pegasus because fuck griffons
>Gawd makes the plan to get Littlepip into the SPP Red Eye took over. LP is just a pawn in her game and an angry underling of Gawd calls LP a lucky talentless faggot who's only special because of her PipBuck and high luck stat
>Littlepip falls in love with Gawd
>Red Eye trying to become an alicorn to get into it and succeeds becoming a sick final bossfight while stealing a cryogenically frozen experimental lone alicorn babe's wings and horn but not absorbing her fully because if he did that would make him partly a girl and that's gay. All traces of gay were removed from this story.
>Red Eye says enslaving others is optimal and he stole the magic from countless slaves to become an alicorn. Gawd calls him a faggot and says friendship and kindness and teamwork and mutual cooperation are better
>Red Eye said the meteors that fell to earth ending equestria are a challenge from Gigasatan to become even crueller than darkness itself because only evilness can make you strong and then he injects himself with darkness to become buff
>now he's a big guy (for Littlepip) and worshipping Gigasatan gives him powers because he's evil. His shadow rises up to make him bulletproof or something so LP and Gawd have to get creative.
>LP and Gawd win a sick fight scene with Red Eye using the power of friendship and Red Eye kills himself in an ironic way by his own hand (hoof whatever) due to lacking friendship
>gigasatan betrays Red Eye and sacrifices RE to summon himself but LP fires a rainbow blast of friendship to kill gigasatan.
>LP takes over the SPP and eliminates the dusty cloud covering Red Eye set up over all the wasteland except his slave-filled farmland. Now rain washes the dust away. Or maybe Red Eye was using the SPP to make everywhere a desert except his farmland and LP fixes that instead while magicking away the dust cloud covering.
>story over, Gawd sacrifices himself to turn the SPP on saving the world, LP cries and rebuilds Equestria with the heroic enclave's help in his name. Or maybe the other way around, LP sacrifices herself and he carries on for her.

no alicorn army. No foal thunderdome. No gore decorating houses. No time spent working for red eye as a slave. No pre-war surveillance tower somehow full of snooty retards who make their living by trading luxuries like massages and small portions of irradiated scavenged beans to wastelander visitors who lack rights while they're in the tower and also the tower contains a secret society that put Velvet in charge of the radio tower just because her family has passed down a voice-sex-changing blackface-voice-impersonating spell down through her family line for generations. No killing joke or futanari potion made from it. No fluttertree or crackhead pinkie. No zigger or calamity or velvet or homage or radio or other stables or experiments or Scootaloo lore or Flutternukes. No giant dragon secretly in the rock breaking prison and no bonus giant cyberdragon and no Canterlot and no zigger nuclear war and no edgequestrian war backstory, LP is from the only stable in Edgequestria and Manetanner built it as a tax writeoff not expecting it to see use. But LP's ancestor snuck in and lived there in secret while pregnant for the lulz and free food and robot servants until one day meteors and the doors sealed automatically. Yep.

Speedrun. I skipped and cut out as much bullshit as I could think of while replacing anything convoluted ot unnecessary with the simplest thing possible or the easiest to explain.

It's no shakespeare but it's a FIMfic. They'll only be shakespeare if a professional patreon-having fanfiction author decides to rip off Lion King next.
>I recommend reading the first dozen chapters. They are short and easy to read.
>If the story hasn’t caught your interest by the chapter “Must Go On”, leave it be.
>You’ve given it a true chance.
No. At that point, It's been given way more than that.
While it's too hardcore to hook readers by the first sentence, as a writer you still have a responsibility to engage your readers. It's their time they spend on your story, not yours.
Well, in a way it's merciful of him not to hook his readers with false promises of potential in the earlier parts of the story since we know that it doesn't, "gets better and better from there."
322592 322637

Far from humanizing or redeeming the raiders, attributing their insane behavior to some kind of vaguely-defined corrupting force just buttresses the argument that they are nothing but mindless cardboard-cutout monsters that don't serve any purpose in the story beyond giving the hero something to shoot at. I observed fairly early on that a lot of this story is just mindless splatter-porn, and that its half-baked morality is only meant to provide the reader with a flimsy excuse for enjoying the senseless violence. The modern civilized world frowns upon reveling in such violence; however, there's still some residual animal part of the human imagination that enjoys it anyway.

In order to allow the reader to have their violence and condemn it too, a writer can designate a certain group of characters as "bad," and have most of the story's violence caused by and/or directed towards them. The baddies are always the instigators of any violent conflict, while the hero is never violent by nature; she is always just an ordinary person who, through some injustice perpetrated by the "bad guys," keeps getting roped into situations where she has to defend either herself or others. The more evil you can make the bad guys, the more righteous the hero's vengeance against them will appear, and the more the audience is likely to root for the hero and give your story a good rating.

In this way, the reader not only gets to enjoy the splatter-porn aspect of the story, they can double-dip and enjoy it from two perspectives. They get to vicariously partake in whatever original evil is being perpetrated by the bad guy, which is usually thrilling on some level, and then they get to watch the righteous hero ride in and brutally revenge herself upon the villain, which is not only thrilling but makes the reader feel like they somehow contributed to her victory by rooting for her. It allows the reader to indulge their thirst for mindless violence, while at the same time feeling morally superior for having done so.

This type of story is called "melodrama," and it's one of America's most successful and enduring varieties of entertainment. It should come as no surprise that most of it is pure lowest common denominator. The "bad guys" are usually thinly-veiled metaphors for whatever sort of person the writer expects the audience to hate already. At various points in history, this role has been filled by Indians, cowboys, blacks, whites, Republicans, Democrats, Jews, Germans, the Irish, Christians, Muslims, people who don't support the war, people who do support the war, rich people, poor people, immigrants, citizens, and so forth and so on; basically, whatever swath of the population has most keenly drawn the ire of the mob at the time of publication. Meanwhile, the hero represents the opinions and values of the average audience member, with the added benefit of being stronger, prettier/more handsome, wittier, smarter, more resourceful, and generally more "heroic" than the average audience member is likely to be in real life. In short, it's a type of story that validates what the reader already believes, and makes them feel like they've learned something or grown as a human simply because they read it and agreed with it.

In Fallout: Equestria, the baddies are all representative of things that the average reader can be safely expected to disapprove of. The raiders are mindless blood-gluttons who engage in pointless cruelty that goes quite a way past absurd. The slavers are cynical, amoral flesh-peddlers who engage in the icky-doo-doo practice of depriving cute widdle pony-wonies of their liberty-wibberty. The Enclave is a vague metaphor for American imperialism or something I guess, and Red Eye is just your typical, run-of-the-mill insane dictator. There's not really a whole lot of depth or moral ambiguity to any of these characters; it's a pretty safe bet that few readers are going to sympathize with a bunch of foal-murderers and slave-traders, so they're all safe to kill. Thus, the kind of person this story is aimed at, presumably bronies in the mid-to-low IQ range who share the same soft-liberal middle-American values as its author, are likely to derive at least some enjoyment from booing its assorted villains and cheering for its intrepid protagonist. This might be entertaining enough for some people, but is there anything actually valuable to be gained from watching an insane lesbian run around disemboweling generic thugs for roughly half a million words?

Well, here is basically what kkat thinks we can gain:
>these things are used in service to a story that puts the themes and morals of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to the acid test and shows how they stand up… and even shine.

Remind us again: what are those themes and morals exactly?
>the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
Woah, that's a lot of 'v' sounds. Reminds me of Velvet's voluptuous vulva vibrating vivaciously.

Anyway, if I'm following kkat's thought process correctly here, the basic idea is that having strong friendships is the key to weathering hardship and keeping yourself on the righteous path. It's a little simplistic, but it's more or less in keeping with the spirit of the show, so it's probably fine as a message for something like this. The story kinda-sorta communicates this message in the end, I guess. However, to me, the relevant question is: did kkat really need this entire 620,000-word convoluted clusterfuck just to convey a simple Aesop-moral that an episode of the show could have easily communicated in the space of 18 minutes? Did all of the over-the-top violence and gore really help to convey this message any better? Was all of the endless autism about meteors and megaspells really necessary? Did all of those purposeless side-quests and dungeon crawls help to drive this point home any better? Personally, I would say no, to all of it.
322594 322595
>The modern civilized world frowns upon reveling in such violence
It does?
The modern civilized world frowns upon those who engage in violence and aren't given permission from the ruling class to do so.
Niggers stab and rape thousands, muslims bomb and rape thousands, women gaslight and rape their way to the top and steal civilization and opportunities and cash and children from men with narcissistic-authoritarian aka feminist votes, antifa terrorists burn down buildings and tear down the dreams of small business owners, business as usual.
One white guy fights back against the invaders in any way, the system loses its mind.

By the way, does anyone recall the final words of any of the villains in this story?

I was thinking about how the final words of well-written villains usually say something deep about the character.

For example, Light Yagami's final words weren't just "oh shit oh fuck I don't want to die", there was also screaming for help from friends he lost or sacrificed along the way, which is deep. Limping away his mortal wounds bring him down and he can't think of a solution in time to save himself. He even dies on stairs symbolizing how he cannot ascend and won't go to heaven or hell.


But Red Eye, the rock breaking prison's dragon, Goddess Trixie, any significant raider or slaver or other villainous character... What were their final lines? Were they given the decency of good final lines and a decent death scene, or were they treated like afterthoughts to be disposed of once they could no longer serve their purpose as arbitrary obstacles in Littlepoop's way?
You might be right; depending on the situation violence is becoming more acceptable to more people. What I was getting at though is that, by the standards of middle-class liberal morality, reveling in violence for the sake of violence is generally frowned upon. However, "righteous" violence is another matter. If someone says that they read a story about a pony stomping another pony's skull into goop and really enjoyed it, that person comes across as mentally unbalanced. However, if they clarify that the pony getting his skull stomped in was an evil "raider," and the pony doing the stomping was exacting some kind of righteous vengeance because the raider had been organizing caged death matches between foals, then all of a sudden the skull-stomping becomes acceptable.

When I brought up the social acceptability of violence, I was talking about acceptability within the specific context of entertainment; however, this same hypocrisy extends into real life as well. Generally, people in modern, first-world civilizations will outwardly condemn violence, but at the same time will readily endorse extreme violence if it's directed against someone or something that they and other members of their social group find morally reprehensible. This tends to produce weird, contradictory positions: it's a moral outrage for a police officer to use lethal force against a dangerous non-white suspect, but an angry mob burning down a police station is an acceptable act of "peaceful protest." A normie Glen-Beck-tier conservative guarding his house with a rifle while an angry mob marches up the street is an unacceptable act of violence, but a Communist agitator clobbering "Nazis" in the head with a bike lock is fine. It's all rooted in the same basic idea: violence is deplorable except when it's being directed against someone that the herd has condemned for some reason or other; then it's fine and there are no limits.

This attitude is central to kkat's writing, and that's why I'm always hammering him so hard on Littlepoop's weird murderhobo morality. If kkat gets off on writing stories about pastel ponies disemboweling each other in excessively violent ways it's his own business; I don't take any particular offense to the violence in his story in and of itself. For me, the issue is the strange way he attempts to moralize it. His basic formula is this:
>some generic cookie-cutter baddie, a "raider" or a "slaver" or something, engages in some absurdly over-the-top act of sadism for no obvious reason beyond gratuitous violence
>Littlepoop and her friends happen by, are immediately horrified by the sadistic acts being perpetrated, and proceed to inflict equally over-the-top sadism on the perpetrator
>everyone still alive applauds the noble heroes for being so noble

What's curious about it is that kkat never attempts to explore whether or not his heroes' violent actions are justified, nor does he attempt to make any argument about why the raiders and slavers and whatnot in his story deserve to die. He just sort of takes it as a given that they do, in fact, deserve to die, and also takes it as a given that his readers will feel the same way. Incidentally, if you would like to see a considerably less subtle and more insanely autistic example of the same kind of thing, I'd invite you to check out Nigel's 35,000-word-long "Silver 'shove a plum up my bum and make me cum' Star walks into a party and starts randomly beating the shit out of Starlight Glimmer" story.
The moral hypocrisy reminds me of that time some big nigger attacked a white old man, tried to mug him or something, shoved him onto his back, and the white old man opened fire with his gun.
The white man got away with it thanks to Stand Your Ground laws.
A horde of niggers "protested"(Threatened violence that would be illegal if they were white) outside the local police station with signs jewish/whitefemale organizers likely wrote for them saying shit like "Justice for Trayvon". The name was Trayvon, right?
Truth is, Trayvon already got justice when he was gunned down for acting too black instead of remembering to act human. And the white man got justice when he wasn't made into an example by the antiwhite system for defending himself.

Also I know that Silver chapter was shit.
At the time I was going for "Upon seeing her he thinks she's still a villain and tries to take her down, like seeing a famous serial killer free at a violin recital, but then when he's told she's good now, he doubts that. They talk but he questions her about the commie shit because he hates commies and when she attacks him it gets her ass kicked and she's kicked out of his story" with that scene. How'd I do?
I don't remember if she was the first one to attack or not, considering how quick she was to age-regress her boyfriend for having responsibilities that dragged her away from him and brainwash the individuality out of the mane six minus Twiggles for not doing exactly as she wanted when they were supposed to be hanging out casually and having a good time it fits the poorly-thought-through clusterfuck her character was at the time.
I don't know if they fixed her character in later seasons, derailing(Applejack became a meme)+author favoritism made me drop the show. Seeing FIM consumed by the same Steven Universe-style "Friendship is nothing but one of many tools to get powerful allies on your side like Discord/Glimglam and forgiving all their sins is fine as long as they sorta try to be mostly good and serve your side" narrative just left a foul taste in my mouth.
I think they put her in charge of a friendship school for foreigners and had them steal the spotlight?
But now I know if I want the audience to walk away from a scene saying "Fuck communism" the audience needs to see communism destroy things they like and hurt characters they like. I can't just put my character in an argument with a commie for a bit.
The commie needs to unjustly win for a while before the final fight so the audience gets madder every time the commie gets away with being evil.
Plus looking back I really should have focused more on the idea that he wants to protect others from her, instead of just getting really mad at the commie for being a commie and not agreeing with him about the free market. Maybe if she fired a spell at him, he dodged, and it hit somepony he cared about, that could piss him off. If it was Apple Bloom I could have foreshadowed his family relation to Applejack, was I building that up to be a big twist in that version? Maybe there should have been a scene where he tried to get the conversation out of the party so there were fewer ponies around to potentially get hurt.

What I'm not sure how to handle is the black hole of confused bullshit that is Glimmer. It's like there's two of them: A socially-awkward lonely girl who likes kites and gets along best with other misfits like Trixie and Maud because they're popular amongst bronies (cough cough) I mean because they're weird in a way supposedly similar to hers even though damn near every FIM character is weird in their own way.
And then there's a scheming manipulator who knows social situations and the minds of others inside and out.
One struggles to handle any kind of social interaction so badly, fucking Trixie's the normal mature one who whispers something like "Are you okay? Do you want to leave?" in one scene of the show.
The other one's such an unparalleled master of bullshit, she can (in under a minute, right after travelling through time one more time after a long day full of constant levitation and repeated timewarping) convince schoolyard bullies and their victims to stop racing and become friends. In fact, she's so spectacularly suddenly hypercompetent, it magically saps competence from Twilight who fails to think of yelling "Hey, Rainbow, I'm clearly an Alicorn from the future, now do a Sonic Rainboom before everyone you know and love suffers a horrible fate thanks to Glimmer's timebending BS" loudly enough.
When we're first introduced to the hypercompetent manipulator on a pseudomoral crusade against talent as a concept, we don't know her stupid "My friend discovered his talent and moved away to improve it" backstory and that's for the best because it lets everyone conjure up hyper-tragic bullshit on a scale necessary to even slightly explain away lies of this scale. The "Staff of sameness" was just driftwood, she's actually an OP mage who flees from Twilight and pals. Next time we see her, she's flying better than the average Pegasus and fighting Twilight countless times for hours without ever showing any signs of getting tired, she's refucked the timeline countless times (or at least fucked the timeline once, then floated around in Cloudsdale every time the time spell Twilight casts sends them both to the past), it's bullshit.
You're left wondering "If she's so strong, why did she ever bother with lies? If time-fucking was on the table, why did she choose to fuck Twilight's life over specifically when she could have prevented her boyfriend from discovering his talent? What happened to all the show's talk of everypony being important if an autistic butterfly's wingbeat fucking the Sonic Rainboom up ruins Equestria for everypony?".
Glimmer's suddenly stronger than anyone so Twilight's "Only" option can be forgiving and enabling her.
Blaming Glim's OPness on a "Mary Sue Aura" Silver can magically disable seemed smart at the time.
How should I fix it differently?
I know that on one hand, if dogshit was produced what the shitter intended to produce is irrelevant. On the other hand if you know the goal was to produce muffins you can judge the resulting shit by the goal and figure out what went wrong and how.

Perhaps if Littlepip was a robot, and all she remembered about her Stable and the pre-war world was a load of nonsense built from conjecture and bad fanfics written by 200 year old dead ponies who hated the government?

Another glaringly obvious issue is that, if the value of friendship is supposed to be such a crucial part of the moral, the subject is actually addressed rather poorly throughout most of the text.

If the overall lesson that Littlepoop, and through her the reader, is supposed to learn is that building strong friendships is the key to finding and retaining one's virtue, then you would expect to encounter quite a few smaller lessons about cooperation and friendship peppered throughout the story. We should ideally have witnessed a number of episodes in which LP attempts to solve a problem on her own, only to discover that she is not up to the task for some reason or another, and ultimately has to learn that it's okay to lean on your friends. In a story about friendship-building, having the main cast solve the problems they encounter as a group should be a central part of the plot. It would also be consistent with the story's RPG-inspired format, since usually in an RPG you have a party made up of various specialists who combine their unique talents to get through situations that none of them could get through individually.

However, Fallout: Equestria is mostly a one-pony show. Littlepoop occasionally pays lip service to the idea of friendship, or conscripts her friends to perform various roles in her plans, but every time the group encounters a problem, it's always Littlepoop who thinks up the solution and carries it out (mainly) on her own. Since, as I've frequently complained, the author has very little imagination, most of the solutions she comes up with are pants-on-head retarded and usually involve some flagrant abuse of her obscenely overpowered levitation spell. Her friends occasionally play crucial roles in her schemes, such as Xenith planting the bomb under Tenpony or Calamity providing essential air cover, but LP is always the star of the show, and the others never have any significant input; they just follow LP's instructions.

As large and complex as this world and its backstory is, nearly everything in it revolves entirely around this one character. Some of this can probably be attributed to the first person perspective, since the only events we're witnessing are the events that she's involved in; however, very little happens that doesn't directly involve her. Almost every major event in the story is the direct or indirect consequence of some action that LP took. Even the backstory revolves around her; at one point Pinkie Pie is telepathically communicating with LP in the future, implying that her role as wasteland savior was preordained.

Also worth noting is that the other main characters are relegated entirely to supporting roles. They receive almost no development, and everything they say and do usually relates to LP or some problem that LP is trying to solve. They constantly fawn over her and praise her and take a meticulous interest in whatever is going on in her world, but she seldom returns the compliment. For instance, Calamity is a character who clearly has an extensive and complicated backstory, but the author only really gives us the broad strokes of it. Part of the reason that Autumn Blaze (or whatever his name was) made such a poor villain is that we were never really given a sense of who he was. Calamity mentioned in passing a couple of times that his brother was some kind of Enclave higher-up, and that they didn't get along, and that was about it. Then, suddenly, this guy appears out of nowhere and is immediately treated as a major character.

Bottom line is: FoE is not an ensemble show. It revolves almost entirely around Littlepoop, and her various friends and well-wishers serve no other role in the story other than to support her personal growth.

One last issue I'd like to address is the insufferable Mary-Sueness of the main character. The term "Mary Sue" gets bandied about a lot, and I'm as guilty of overusing it as anyone else. However, in the case of Littlepoop, the shoe definitely fits. Honestly, it fits her so well I'm thinking that, as I continue to review stories, any time I encounter such a character I'm going to call them a "Littlepoop" instead of a Mary Sue.

In the EqD interview, kkat is at one point offering tips to aspiring writers. Most of it is generally decent advice (though I'm not sure to what extent kkat actually follows any of it himself), but this one line stuck out for me:

>Be familiar with some of the pitfalls that writers, particularly new ones, fall prey to and make it a point to avoid them. For example: know what a self-insert character is and what a Mary Sue character is and put effort into making sure your characters aren’t either of those.
I don't know to what degree LP is a "self-insert" character, since I don't know that much about kkat personally, but I don't get the impression that he was writing her that way. "Mary Sue" is also one of those terms that doesn't have set-in-stone definition. However, I think I can make a pretty solid case for why LP fits the bill.

We should probably start by settling on a working definition for the term. The one provided by TVtropes is probably reasonable enough. Here is the article on it if anyone wants to have a look:

So, let's take a look at it one item at a time.

>The prototypical Mary Sue is an original female character in a fanfic who obviously serves as an idealized version of the author mainly for the purpose of Wish Fulfillment.
Original female character, check. However, as I mentioned, she probably isn't an idealized self-insert. An argument could probably be made that, being both female and a lesbian, she might represent some kind of wish-fulfillment fantasy for kkat.

>She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name.
This probably doesn't apply either, since LP is never physically described.

To be continued, almost out of chars.
Kkat believes in the current definition of a Sue generally agreed upon in the fanfiction community, and his belief that Littlesue can't be a Sue because she doesn't look like one illustrates the problem inherent to conflating writing mistakes and character traits with writer competence.

It isn't really the sue's sparkly eyes or multicoloured vibrant anime hair that makes her obnoxious, it was never about how she looked.

It's that patented level of author favoritism. Everything revolves around her, nothing is allowed to be bigger than her in a way that matters, everything exists for her, she inherits everything in the past that mattered, characters love her and are willing to die for her, the plot and setting and characters and rules all come second to her in importance, she never faces the consequences of any bad choice she makes in a way that matters, her in-universe appeal is universal and unquestioned, she might he a rookie who just started fighting and she might swear she's a clumsy oaf but suddenly she's slaying all her foes and impressing all the boys. She's a goddess masquerading as an ordinary plain-jane everywoman, she's almost as bad as Rey Skywalker from Disney's Star Wars.

It's easy for an author to say the secret to writing good characters is to avoid making bad ones. That's kind of funny. But imagine if "be careful not to make your character a sue" was the best writing advice you can give! Sues aren't sues because they have one too many positive qualities and one too few downsides to balance it out. Sues aren't sues because they look stupid. It's not the catgirl ears and tail and purple hair that makes a theoretical Pirates Of The Carribean swordfighter chick a sue, for example, it's the way she dominates the story and knows everything and shags Captain Jack Sparrow and outfights all men despite weighing 120 pounds soaking wet and ruins the story by existing in a state so "perfect" it compels the author to break the story and rules of canon for her. Sues aren't sues because they break rules like "one keyblade per wielder outside of very specific circumstances", they're sues because the author is willing to break rules like that for them not because the story requires it but instead for no real reason besides "lmao its my character she can he as OP as she wants".

Sues are sues because they actively harm the story they're in by being so overwhelmingly all-important and perfect that no real story can be honestly told. Any overpowered too-perfect bullshit character who ruins their story could be salvaged by a better author into a better character in a better story because it's not as much a problem with the character specifically as it is the level of amateurish story-breaking favoritism displayed by the author.

Some faggot will probably say "Littlepip is not godlike because she gets beat up sometimes" and "at least she doesn't have purple hair and rainbow cat eyes" and that's bullshit. She's not just a sue, she's more of a sue than many characters consoomers are willing to call sues! She could probably take on Itachi Uchiha and win by force choking him. She lacks any counter for his soul-sealing sword(then again"because destiny" allowed her to survive being burned alive so it would probably save her from that and his edgy black SuperFlame attack too. Yeah that guy's so OP in a world where fire spells do nothing he wields Fire 2TM) but he'd never get in range to use it and she could brute-force his reality-overwriting power like Gaysauce Coochieha did when fighting Danny McArmfullofeyes. Littlepip feels fundamentally dishonest as a character, like the author tried to figure out how he could get the audience to accept her preposterous power. There are excuses for damn near every ability she has, even telekinesis has the "trained with Crane for a bit" excuse, but none of these powers are vital to her as a character or her story. Like Glim said, her PipBuck can find things and it's what she relies on to find things. She never needed a Cutie Mark of a Cutie Mark or overpowered boxcar-lifting telekinesis or her repair skills or anything else because at the end of the day all she really had to do was get teleported by chad Spike and "destiny" into Weather Wizard's secret sex dungeon. Man I'm surprised they didn't think to call him or any other character Weathervain, that name would be sick for an evil Pegasus. Littlepip is the sueist sue who ever sued, and NONE of it was necessary for the story!

The moral of that old woman's 1960s fan-submitted unofficial fan magazine fanfic "A Trekkie's Tale" wasn't "stop making characters like Mary Kirk Picard Janeway Sue", it was "Stop writing stories like A Trekkie's Tale!".
Come to think of it, Littlepip is still Sueishly beautiful.

Not many people noticed this because obvious sues are easier to detect than more subtle ones, but obviously-beautiful sues with huge tits and random anime hair colours are outnumbered by supposedly-average-looking sues who are still treated like they're supremely beautiful anyway.
I hear some call them "middling sues" because they'd get a middling score on a sue litmus test instead of an "Unsalvageable mega-sue" rating. But young adult literature and especially unreadable woman's shit is full of this shit.
She swears she's plain and boring and ordinary and maybe even ugly. She might call herself ugly by whining about subjective physical traits that are appealing to some. Somebody who hates when her hotter female friends whine about spine pain and the envy of ugly girls and the attention of unwanted men told her to never write "I'm so beautiful it's a curse" so she goes for the opposite. "I'm so ordinary looking it's a curse".
And yet she's still beautiful despite what she tells herself. She never gets disfigured. She'd be more likely to be disemboweled and then get better. She never looks ugly, not even after spending months trekking across the country through sewers and swamps and deserts and hyper gore zones. Going months without showering never disgusts any characters who matter. Her scent can't be used to track her. She might supposedly be small and mousy and beneath notice and usually brown or black-haired but she can still catch the eye of ridiculously important attractive characters miles out of her league. In this story we have Homage the celebrity radio whore, and Velvet the celebrity singer once threw herself at LP to try and exploit her crush and piss Calamity off only to be told "No". It's a shame that scene wasn't used to make the characters grow in a way that mattered.
322653 322655
I've got a simple request, if there is to be more to this review series.
Please, let it be a fic that our resident sperglord hasnt read? Please?
Pretty sure nobody read the one I linked. Again, donno how I managed to get through basically the entire first (of three) books before moving on with my life. If you guys do go with it I'll probably go along with it.

what is the current "maybe" list anyway?
Actually, I have a fic to recommend, Glim:


I remember reading this as it was updating. It saw pretty decent success, but I was incredibly disappointed despite the critical acclaim it received. It read like the script of a crappy, generic-as-can-be zombie movie with forced drama and really bizarre characterization. I'm curious if i'm just crazy and missed something, or what. It's /only/ 110k words, so maybe you could check this out..
>Stop Nigel
You new here?

Though, this rant here is his old what's-a-Mary-Sue? deconstruction, which I actually like or think has merits; especially the Mary-Sues-are-dishonest part. It's similar to what E;R said about Rey in his Last Jedi review.
Though, isn't this typical? The core idea of his post can be intresting but due to his tangential speech pattern it's exhausting to read.
>Some faggot will probably say "Littlepip is not godlike because she gets beat up sometimes" and "at least she doesn't have purple hair and rainbow cat eyes" and that's bullshit. She's not just a sue, she's more of a sue than many characters consoomers are willing to call sues! She could probably take on Itachi Uchiha and win by force choking him. She lacks any counter for his soul-sealing sword(then again"because destiny" allowed her to survive being burned alive so it would probably save her from that and his edgy black SuperFlame attack too. Yeah that guy's so OP in a world where fire spells do nothing he wields Fire 2TM) but he'd never get in range to use it and she could brute-force his reality-overwriting power like Gaysauce Coochieha did when fighting Danny McArmfullofeyes.

Here is where it starts to get interesting:

>She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting.
Sooooo many checks here. At the beginning of the story, LP is an apprentice PipBuck technician, training under a guy who clearly doesn't take his job seriously, in an environment where there is little work to be done anyway. We can probably assume that she has a basic, working technical knowledge of PipBucks but is probably not a genius at it by any means, and there is little reason to assume she would have many other skills. Logically, this should be her area of expertise throughout the story, and the skills she develops should be built on this foundation and improve at a reasonable rate. However, after only a handful of chapters, she is a firearms expert with over 9000 confirmed kills, an expert hacker (incidentally, she starts out with this ability, and it's never explained why she has it; presumably it has something to do with her time spent tinkering with PipBucks), and a skilled safecracker who can quite literally pick locks with her mind-powers. She is also a non-pegasus who is somehow able to mind-meld with a complicated pre-war machine designed to be operated by a pegasus. This is one of the areas that kkat didn't 100% explain, but the implication seems to be that she somehow gains alicorn powers somewhere along her long, convoluted journey across Edgequestria. Also:

>may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting
I would argue that her preposterous levitation powers fall squarely in this category. Though it is canon in MLP lore that unicorns can levitate things, usually it's limited to small objects. I don't know that there are any hard and fast rules about it, but from the way this ability is depicted in the cartoon, the average unicorn's levitation beam is probably capable of a range and weight limit comparable to what an average human could do with their hands. The only notable exceptions are alicorns and magical prodigies. This means that by definition, LP's ability to levitate obscenely huge objects for unreasonable amounts of time across unreasonable distances (which happens many, many times throughout the story) makes her a magic prodigy on par with the greatest magical prodigy of the canon series, Starlight Glimmer. Her levitation powers therefore would count as a skill that is "rare or nonexistent" in the canon setting.

>She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing.
This is also a great big check. What I find most obnoxious here is that the author goes out of his way to try and present LP as flawed, but she is not seen this way by others, and her "flaws" usually work to her advantage an overwhelming majority of the time.

The most egregious example of this is, again, her preposterously overpowered levitation spell. It's bad enough that she has this power in the first place; however, the author rubs salt in the wound by treating this ridiculous superpower as though it were actually some kind of weakness. LP is forever whining about how tragically underpowered her magic is because she "only has one spell." This is another area of his lore that kkat doesn't really clarify, but from what I gather, a unicorn is only able to do a particular magic trick if they have learned a specific spell that teaches it to them. Presumably, this works according to RPG rules, where a given unicorn will have X number of spell slots and will have to choose which spells they want to learn. The basic idea seems to be that LP is magically "weak" because she only has one slot, and the spell she has in it is the most basic-bitch unicorn spell that exists.

This would all be fine, except for the fact that, again, the author decided to make this one spell she has obscenely overpowered. So yes, technically, LP is underpowered in that the only spell she can do is mundane and utilitarian; however, in practical terms, that one spell gives her a completely ridiculous advantage in nearly every situation. The phenomenon is comparable to a shrimpy, skinny, physically unremarkable guy who, for some completely unexplained reason, is able to pick up cars and throw them at people.

Also worth mentioning is that her PipBuck is handled the same way. Early on in the story, we are told that PipBucks are commonplace items and that everyone in LP's stable has one; she spends quite a bit of time whining about how she has a cutie mark of something so simple and mundane. However, conveniently enough, as soon as she leaves the stable, she discovers that no one in the wasteland but her has one for some reason, so the powers it bestows, particularly radar and auto-aiming her gun for her, give her yet another unfair advantage over her enemies right out of the gate.

LP's self-assessment that she is a boring, unremarkable plain-Jane with no natural talents or endearing qualities is basically accurate; however, what she leaves out is that through several extremely unlikely twists of good fortune she has a number of cheap-shit advantages over her enemies that enable her to become an ultra-badass without having to put any actual work into developing herself. The fact that, in addition to whining about how plain and boring she is, she is also endlessly whining about how bad her luck is, just makes her even more obnoxious.

This brings us to the most obnoxious character trait she has: her endless false humility. LP is constantly groaning about how she's just some nobody, and she doesn't want to be called a hero, and so forth and so on, even as she runs around toppling empires and effortlessly slaughtering enemies that by all logic ought to severely outclass her; meanwhile, every other character does nothing but gush over how wonderful she is.