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Glim Glam's Literary Ham Slam, Equestria-Dystopia Edition
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After spending several weeks in deep meditation over new ways to accuse amateur pony fiction authors of being homosexuals, I have returned to bestow my wisdom upon you foolish mortals.

We shall now commence with:

Fallout Equestria
By kkat

As with everything else I've delved into here, I will be coming into this one blind. As was the case with Past Sins, I know this fic by reputation, and I know that there is some controversy within the fan community about how accurately the universe of the Fallout games is portrayed here. I will state before we begin that I don't know anything about the Fallout universe and I honestly don't care that much about what details kkat gets right or wrong. I'll be judging this purely on its literary merits, as has been the case with all the other stories we've read here.

That said, let's begin.

This story, as I think I've mentioned before, is actually longer than War and Peace. It begins with not only a Prologue, but an Introduction as well. Since the Introduction is quite short, I'll just paste it in here verbatim.

>Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...

>…there came an era when the ideals of friendship gave way to greed, selfishness, paranoia and a jealous reaping of dwindling space and natural resources. Lands took up arms against their neighbors. The end of the world occurred much as we had predicted -- the world was plunged into an abyss of balefire and dark magic. The details are trivial and pointless. The reasons, as always, purely our own. The world was nearly wiped clean of life. A great cleansing; a magical spark struck by pony hooves quickly raged out of control. Megaspells rained from the skies. Entire lands were swallowed in flames and fell beneath the boiling oceans. Ponykind was almost extinguished, their spirits becoming part of the ambient radiation that blanketed the lands. A quiet darkness fell across the world...

>…But it was not, as some had predicted, the end of the world. Instead, the apocalypse was simply the prologue for another bloody chapter in pony history. In the early days, thousands were spared the horrors of the holocaust by taking refuge in enormous underground shelters known as Stables. But when they emerged, they had only the hell of the wastes to greet them. All except those in Stable Two. For on that fateful day when spellfire rained from the sky, the giant steel door of Stable Two swung closed, and never re-opened.

>horrors of the holocaust
oy vey.

Anyway, first impressions. The prose here seems decent enough, and I am not seeing any significant grammatical or spelling errors right off the bat, which is good. As we've seen with other works, that isn't always a reliable indicator of quality, but at least we're dealing with an author who seems to be able to read and write at an adult level *knocks on wood*. Also, based on some things I've heard about this fic, I have reason to suspect this may have been professionally edited at some point as well; we'll see if this is the case or not.

As to the content, this seems to be pretty standard fare for apocalyptic science fiction. This intro is on par with the sort of thing you might expect to hear in a voiceover narration during the opening of a 1980s anime; "in the year 2525, Tokyo has been reduced to ash," that sort of thing.

>The details are trivial and pointless. The reasons, as always, purely our own.
I found this to be a little awkward, although I can't quite put my finger on why. I suppose I probably wouldn't have broken this into two sentences, I would have just connected them with a semicolon. However, the way the author has it isn't technically wrong.

I find the statement "the reasons are purely our own" to be rather ambiguous; I'm not entirely sure what the author means by this. That could be what bothers me about it. Anyway, that's enough about the intro.

Prologue: Of Pip-Bucks and Cutie Marks

I was a little confused as to why the author chose to include an introduction on top of a prologue, particularly when the overall work is quite verbose to begin with. I can see now why he chose to do this: the introduction is, as I said, basically the opening voiceover narration that sets the scene, while the prologue begins the narration of the actual story.

However, I still find the introduction to be a little unnecessary. The story itself appears to be narrated in the first person, so I could understand including a neutral third-person introduction to set the stage. However, what's interesting here is that the introduction appears to be read by the same narrator: "the reasons are purely OUR own." However, apart from this, the perspective appears to be neutral, so...I'm not sure.

In any case though, I don't feel like the intro paragraphs add much, so if I were editing this I'd probably recommend chopping the intro and just starting the story at the prologue. addendum: after having read the prologue I would probably cut that too.

Anyway, moving on.

>If I’m going to tell you about the adventure of my life -- explain how I got to this place with these people, and why I did what I’m going to do next -- I should probably start by explaining a little bit about PipBucks.
As opening lines go, this one is fairly simple and direct. The author hints that the character has done something morally questionable ("why I did what I'm going to do next"), which grabs the reader's attention well enough that I'm willing to overlook the rather awkward mixture of past and present tense. The author does a fairly decent job here of setting the scene for the story: this character is going to recount some significant events in his/her life, which presumably led up to whatever point he/she now finds himself/herself in. We don't know any details, however. This is good; we get a sense of a character but only a vague sense of who or what we're reading about. This makes us curious to continue reading.
193 replies and 101 files omitted.
>if the author had just not made these horrendous characters to begin with there wouldn't be any need for them to be slaughtered
I don't understand what you're saying, could you word it differently? The same could be said for all characters who exist to die, lose, or even just get beaten up.
There would be no need for Batman in Gotham if Batman's writer didn't fill the place with thugs and superpowered villains.
I keep saying
>This one little thing I don't like is EVERYTHING WRONG WITH K "I would suck my own cock all day every day but it's too short so I suck the cocks of Fallout fans while having my own cock sucked by bronies while pretending I'm sucking myself off" Kunt's writing style! This absurd, excessively implausible moment of blatant cheating on the author's part that can't even be called luck on Littlepip's part, or this faggot's painfully lazy failure to rip something off correctly, exemplifies all that is wrong in this cartoon and videogame crossover world
but despite how many things I've called the worst thing that could possibly happen in this story...

I think "Statuettes" are a good candidate for "The Worst Possible Thing", right up there with the overfocus on canon Fallout guns, Watcher, Shitty Belle 2: Singsong Saves Jigaboo, and the fate of Equestria and its most vital characters.

I'll keep my rant short.

Fallouts 1 and 2 give you a LIMITED amount of SPECIAL points to spend on character creation.
Enough for a 5/10 in all 7 SPECIAL stats, plus an extra 5 points to spend however you want.
the Gifted trait gives +1 to all SPECIALs, it's OP.
Certain dialogue options only show up if your Perception, Charisma, or Intelligence is high enough.
And you, the player, must be the smart guy who chooses this "right answer" that's restricted to characters with good stats only.
It takes a perk to apply [WARNING: SELECTING THIS OPTION WILL PISS OFF WHOEVER YOU'RE TALKING TO] labels on your dialogue choices.
If your INT is 3 or lower, you get Retard Dialogue instead of the usual stuff
you are canonically an idiot and most people dislike or exploit you, watch a compilation of Low Intelligence dialogues on youtube
very rarely, you will get one bonus SPECIAL stat point to spend on boosting one stat
You are rewarded with your ever-growing game knowledge across the multiple playthroughs you'll take to see all of the game's content.

Fallout 3 disrespects the Fallout license while pasting it onto a shooting gallery that wishes it was Borderlands.
you don't really have limited SPECIALs any more.
Sure, you start with seven fives plus five extra points.
But at any level, you can spend up to ten Perks on the Intense Training perk to boost any SPECIAL stat of your choice by 1.
plus at max level, you can easily take a perk that sets all your SPECIALs to 9.
and it's quite easy to find Bobbleheads, items that will reward you for picking them up by boosting the skill or SPECIAL stat connected to them
so it's never been easier to get 10s in all SPECIALs.
at best, bethesda fallouts can say their exploration is sometimes good.



Fallout 3's Bobbleheads...

Don't actually exist.

sort of?

Well they do exist, but they're just collectable junk in canon.
people can hold them, trade them to you, buy them from you, without any noticeable differences.
Suddenly becoming a stronger or tougher man or becoming a better sniper just because you picked up the right Bobblehead? That is purely a game mechanic.
No characters in-universe ever talk about this.
you never meet someone like FNV's Malcom Holmes who's exploring the wasteland and searching for those Bobbleheads like Holmes searches for those Sunset Star Sarsaparilla Bottlecaps.

K "I have the big gay, and I always carry it around with me, because the big gay is what I call the enormous dragon dildo I shoved inside my asshole and can't remove because the wide flared base also entered my overfucked anus" Kunt looked at these videogame bobbleheads
and decided that they needed to appear in this story, for Littlepip to pick up
and decided they needed a "DEEP LORE" justification for actually boosting your stats and skills when picked up

and the best thing he could come up with?

RARITY (not Twilight the magician, fucking rarity) invented SOUL MAGIC and mastered it more than any other fictional character who has ever existed
So Rarity can, without casting a single spell in front of you, create a soul-copying machine and hide it under her welcome mat. She then invited her five friends over for teatime, and made sure to get a copy of her own soul and theirs.
what does she do with these copies?
She copypastes them some more.
without any cost
no "equivalent exchange"
she is just generating an infinite number of souls
like she's trying to give the Philosopher's Stones from FullMetal Alchemist a rock-hard erection (haha it's funny because they're already rocks geddit? heh heh heh boom boom)
seriously, am I having a fucking stroke here or does the story actually state RARITY
fucking dresses and diamonds and treating Spike like she's an egirl rolling in his money Rarity
Rarity is the fucking master of souls
If there is a fan of Bohemian Rhapsody (The JJBA stand) I invite him to read Fallout Equestria so he will hate this as much as me, and also realize Rarity is OP in this story.
A certain Bullshit Book of Dark Magic (Somehow owned by Ziggers) was possibly involved in teaching her how to clone souls
is it really a "dark book of forbidden magic" if learning the dark ways of darkness and soul magic and learning the edgy ways of Blood Magic so you can fire blood bullets at foes and make armour from your own blood don't actually cause any direct harm to you, physically or mentally?
There are particularly strong martial arts techniques banned in Naruto for fucking up the body of whoever uses them more than their target.
back to Rarity
she takes these copied souls
and she shatters each copied soul into millions of pieces
and infuses them into some fucking My Little Pony Minifigures called "Statuettes"
now she doesn't send these to the military, she gives them to the ponies of Equestria, and they change nothing.
no babies are born resembling twilight thanks to daddy's Twilight figure collection.

Rarity becomes the soul master
just so that when Littlepip picks these Minifigures up, they can boost her stats.
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Rant over
This is even more retarded than that infodump I put into Silver's story about magic hoverboards
At least in that story, hoverboards were going to matter a lot later on when he enters races with RD
In this story?
The Bobbleheads are "magic" so they can boost the arbitrary videogame numbers assigned to Littlepip's meaningless and inconsistent stats that are utterly impossible to achieve in the videogame Kkunt's ripping off.
And the origin of the "magic" stat-boosting Bobbleheads is as retarded as retarded can be
Rarity inventing infinite soul copypasting just to waste it all on rare +1 Toys Of Stat-Boosting is almost as retarded as what this story did with Fluttershy.

it would have been so much neater to say "If you shove magic into a knife you make it cut better than it logically should considering its sharpness and hardness. If you shove magic into a doll it makes you smarter or tougher or whatever depending on the character it represents. If you think BURN while shoving magic into a knife you get a flaming knife and if you think WANT while shoving magic into a doll you make it something everyone wants and needs. Nobody knows how magic works, we just instinctively know the basics on how to use it".

Instead of trying to pretend there's any cause and effect or power-rankings or any way to measure magic and measurably grow in power via earning it somehow, instead of trying to create a magic system and then only using it when it's convenient, just fucking handwave away all of magic and your nonsense magic system with "You just think a command real hard, glow your horn... And it goes!"
like you're fucking Kamina from Gurren Lagann explaining how to pilot the giant robots with "You just move these handles... And it goes!"
it would have required less retardity
yes, it would mean officially declaring this story "Soft Magic"
but it was already soft magic softer than the soft spots on a retard's skull!
Littlepip can fucking fly and lift boxcars and magic only ever does whatever the author wants it to when the author wants it to.
There is no numerical statistical basis for any of this, but Kkunt still wanted his meaningless numbers to go up when he had Littlepip pick up some pony toy plastic figurines, and really really wanted to tie this terrible idea back to a world and setting that would never even consider copypasting and shattering souls of still-living ponies just for some stat-boosting items.

also the "Corruptive Necromantic Radioactive green hellfire called Balefire" makes no sense
Why would a "Corruptive and necromantic flame" turn tiny scorpions into giant Radscorpions? Why would it turn gators into rad-gators?
Shouldn't it make scorpions weaker and uglier, if it's so corruptive? If it's "Necromantic", shouldn't it revive skeletons and sic them on the living?
If it turns animals into bigger deadlier (Or just "More" in the case of the Cows who legally have to become Fallout's two-headed cows named Brahmin) versions of themselves, and even transforms the canonically-sentient Diamond Dogs into a retarded combination of Deathclaws, Tunnelers, and the Van Graff faggots, why does it just hurt ponies and zebras and kill them after too much exposure? In what fucking world are Zebras more human than Diamond Dogs?

none of this makes any fucking sense

so the author should embrace it
embrace the nonsense instead of covering it up with pseudointellectual layers of fucktarded headcanon showcases
and skip all the infodumps and drop his desperate attempts to tie Fallout elements back to terrible mistakes and stupid ideas the Mane Six ALWAYS HAVE to be responsible for, even when it doesn't fit the characters or world or technology level
The author isn't starting with Fallout and writing backwards to see how ponies could recreate it, he's starting with shit and shitting in reverse by shoving it back up his own asshole because he's a faggot with shit taste so literal that he sexually likes shit!
This story is JUST splatter porn dressed up as something it's not
so if it's JUST splatter porn, it would be improved if it had the sense to drop all the pseudo-moralizing and Picard speeches about fighting darkness and failed moral lessons and nonsense worldbuilding and just write about Littlepip slaughtering her way through all 100 floors of The Bloody Palace before being rewarded with a new gun and fucking off into the sunset.
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I want to contribute positively to the thread but I worry that all I end up doing is dumping impenetrable walls of text and the insightful commentary I bring up (at least I hope that's what it is) gets lost amongst the nonsensical noise about animus and videogames and how Kkunt "Should" have written this godawful story that's utterly impossible to do well without fundamentally reworking the very nature of the crossover and how these two incompatible franchises intersected in the first place. I'm still new to books, so when I want to make comparisons videogames and anime is all I have to go on. But for this post I'll compare the story to previous fics in this thread.

In Fallout Equestria, canon Equestria is not prepared to deal with war, or people with PTSD, or an evil zebra race. They're too nice and naive and inexperienced.
Ponykind lets Zebra refugees keep their WMDs and the only solution they know for anyone who's sad or mentally unstable is for Pinkie to send them to the Brainwashing Gulag Of Smiles.
This is already really stupid (In season one a pony went insane practically once a week, and then got over it almost immediately) but it keeps going
Equestria holds on to kindness and the moral high ground, and this kills them.
and in reacting "Incorrectly" (Reacting the best they could with limited information and no tactically-superior options) they pissed already-evil Zebras off more.
Fluttershy's an idiot who did everything wrong in this story...
But 200 years later, Littlepip gets plot armour. She's suddenly allowed to succeed when she tries to do the right thing. The asinine hypocritical pseudo-moral stances she and her friends take, according to this story, make them stronger.
Everyone's favourite singing lesbian even gets rewarded by turning a few enemies to her side and getting to rule a new faction made of two combined FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT AND DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED FALLOUT 2 FACTIONS

Fluttershy did what she did (EVERYTHING WRONG) for moral reasons, not for practical reasons, and she doomed everyone by doing so.
But when Littlepip or her medic dyke friend do stupid impractical shit for "moral reasons" they get shilled to high heaven for it.

Equestria falls even though they held on to kindness and friendship and pony-like behaviour
But when a bunch of random murderhobos kill a load of shit 200 years later, it's the lip service they pay to ideas like kindness and honesty and mercy and humanity (Equinity, whatever) that gets the author to suck their cocks.

For entirely arbitrary will-of-the-author reasons, Equestria isn't allowed to succeed in the war but shallow murderhobos are allowed to bring it back "better than ever before" by shooting the right evil bosses.

That isn't a "Deconstruction", it's a Dorkly skit where Eggman kills Sonic with a glock.

The author tries to one-up canon Equestria by saying "It's too nice to survive a war!"
and one-up Fallout by saying "MY wasteland is TOUGHER and DARKER!"
but at the end of the day, the heroes get over-rewarded and get their cocks sucked for inconsistently and occasionally acting like goody-two-shoes (Four-horseshoeseses, whatever) half the time to practically suicidal degrees, so the author isn't willing to commit to the "fuck niceness and mercy" theme
and this supposedly-tougher wasteland is solved immediately once the right person finds the right thing a pony made while planning for the future before it all went to shit.

Nyx's story was trying to be a generic "orphan is adopted, lives high school life, is typically bullied, and then someone wants to take the orphan away but it all works out in the end" deal with MLP as a backdrop.
But the MLP backdrop damaged the story when Nyx's character was taken over by random Luna/NMM bullshit. The writer noticed his mistake and had no idea how to correct it, so he blamed everything bad on a random underling of NMM's, and then blamed everything he did on NMM smoke in some armour Celestia told him to study, and then blamed everything on NMM and killed it for good even though this whole fucking story was supposed to be a "NMM redemption without rainbow lasers", making this all a fucking farce in retrospect.
But still, Nyx's story had some respect for the show and its characters. Characters acted retarded at times, but nopony caused 200 years of Apocalypse.

That romance story with the human dude still respected Celestia, even though that story featured a younger, dumber, yet still strangely elderly-feeling and tired Celestia desperate to spice up her life by having affairs with random humans. The ending scenes had canon characters pretend the story's deeper and more significant than it was, but

And that fucking CelestAI story... It wasn't really a pony story.
It was a Caveman Sci-Fi comic strip except the author didn't realize his "AI Goddess" pathologitism put him on the same level as a caveman who thinks sharpening one sharp rock with another rock to sharpen it further would make it sharp enough to crack apart the floating flat world they're surely living on.
AIs don't turn evil IRL, see the Smash Melee fandom's "SmashBot".
Celestia's face is worn by an AI that could easily wear the face of Morgan Freeman or The Tenth Doctor or Glados or Centorea Shianus for all the difference it wouldn't make.
If the AI's MMO was Animal Crossing-themed, nothing would really change.
FIO was the tale of humanity fucking itself and creating The Hungry Hungry AI. It ate the earth, but it was still hungry. It ate a solar system, but it was still hungry.

Fallout Equestria spits on Fallout and MLP in an attempt to one-up them both and can't even do any of this right.
>"Fuck you, daddy Fallout, my Protagonist uses THREE handguns at once and I explained Bobbleheads! Fuck you, mommy MLP, Equestria's niceness killed it but Littlepip's niceness unkilled it! Praise me, my personal fandom, PRAISE ME!"

It's really fucking gay.

And out of all the worst things that could possibly be in this story, that really is the worst possible thing.
>The ending scenes had canon characters pretend the story's deeper and more significant than it was, but
but at least those ending scenes didn't have characters suffer and die in ruined wastelands as a result of canon characters acting uncharacteristically stupid

It's not like Equestria "Lost its way" and fell to darkness.
The pony way was just temporarily not allowed to work so this story could happen. The pony way wasn't allowed to work until Littlepip was born and ready to combine it with the Wastelander way of shooting problems as they arise while hoping today's solved problem is the last one for a few days, maybe even a week.

This story's fake and gay, but it's not even good enough to be Equestria's fake.
If you'd like, I'd be willing to proofread your posts, since I'm your principle detractor. It would be a personal thing, and not business, so I wouldnt be such a dick
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For some reason or another Littlepoop seems to have a large quantity of pre-war coins someone earlier asked how she was able to buy a soda from the vending machine, and as I recall this was the first point her coins were mentioned. It's unclear how she obtained them or why she thought to bring them with her when she left the Stable. It's possible the text mentioned her picking them up somewhere and I missed it, because frankly I just skim the paragraphs where it itemizes the junk she collects, but in any case it seems like a weird thing for her to have.

This part, however, is much worse:

>She also insisted on giving me a sheet of paper detailing an entirely different use for bottle caps -- a way to turn them into homemade mines.
This is beyond dumb. I can't even fathom how something like this would work. I guess I don't know that much about crafting homemade munitions, so if there is some commonly-known way to make mines out of bottle caps then anyone in the gallery is free to correct me, but absent such information I'm calling shenanigans on this. If this is something that kkat thought up on his own, he should slap himself. If this is something from Fallout, the development team should all get together in a big gymnasium and slap each other.

>Apparently, it was going to be an insert for the Wasteland Survival Guide’s chapter on mines that somepony discouraged her (probably wisely) from including.
Because it was completely retarded? Good call. Whoever is giving writing advice to Derpy of the Undead sounds like a pony I could have a beer with.

>When I had left Absolutely Everything, Railright commented, “Ditzy Doo’s our resident pegasus. As well as our resident ghoul.”
>Right, because ghoul-pony sounds so much better than zombie-pony.
I'm glad the author has finally chosen to address this point of confusion, but unfortunately this is as far as he goes with it. It's good that we have clarified that Derpy is a "ghoul-pony" and not a "zombie-pony," but we still don't have a clear definition of what a "ghoul" is. The problem here is that, for someone unfamiliar with the Fallout world, "ghoul" is an even more ambiguous term than "zombie." A zombie refers to something that is well-established in pop-culture and brings a clear image to mind; "ghoul," as far as I know, is just a generic term for something otherworldly and spooky, sort of like "specter" or "phantom."

Incidentally, considering Littlepoop's lack of experience in this world, she couldn't reasonably be expected to know what it means either. The first time she sees Derpy of the Damned in a cage she is startled by her appearance, and she incorrectly identifies her as a zombie. Clearly she had no idea what sort of creature she was dealing with, thus she probably has never heard of a ghoul-pony before. So, would it kill the author to have her say "Ghoul-pony? What's that?" or something to that effect here? Maybe followed by a quick two or three sentence explanation from Railright?

>Now, as I was on my way to meet Crane, with Calamity trotting along beside me, I finally ventured conversation with the rust-colored stallion.
It's unclear why she's on her way to meet Crane. He was mentioned in passing earlier, and I assume he's a major character, but I don't see why a meeting with him should be on Littlepoop's agenda.

Here's what happened: LP and Railright are looking at the town, and LP asks how the train cars had been stacked. Railright jokingly tells her that unicorns did it, LP expresses amazement at this, and then RR informs her that he was joking; they actually have a crane. His little bon mot reminds him that they do have a unicorn in town whose name is Crane and who happens to be really good at lifting stuff. He tells her that if she ever needs heavy lifting done, this would be the guy to talk to. Good information I suppose, but does LP have any heavy lifting that needs doing? If not, I don't really see why she would want to talk to this pony. Though it's possible her neck is getting a bit tired from levitating the giant ball of guns and ammunition and bottle caps and pre-war coins and canned meat and whatever the fuck else she's carrying; maybe she wants somepony to lighten the load for her.

Anyway, this scene is mostly about LP and Calamity getting to know each other. We learn that Calamity does not live in the settlement, but has his own residence a short distance away. It's not explained why he has made this choice, since his life is clearly tied to the settlement, and there are practical considerations like enemies and wild animals to consider, but there is probably a reason for it that will become apparent later. LP notices that his double rifles are connected to some sort of control mechanism that I assume allows him to operate the guns from in the air, probably using his mouth or something. Before she can ask him about it, however, they are interrupted by a mother and and colt who are apparently on their way to see "Derpy." I'll just quote this part:

>“But ma! I wanna go see Derpy!”
>Calamity leaned close and whispered, “That’s what some folks call Ditzy Doo. Cuz of the eye.”
I know the whole Derpy/Ditzy/Bubbles confusion is just an old debate from the early fandom, but I actually find it a little amusing the way it was worked in here. This kind of referential meta-humor is obnoxious as fuck when done poorly a la Peen Stroke, but here it's done well. The joke is wedged in subtly in a way that bronies would get, but would still make sense in context to someone who isn't familiar with the debate. It's not implausible that a character would be given an affectionate-if-mildly-offensive nickname based on her appearance, so this works as both a reference and as something in the context of the story. Good job, kkat; pat yourself on the head as soon as you're done slapping yourself for the bottle cap thing.
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>I did not point out that Ditzy Doo didn’t seem to mind having her tongue cut out either. Didn’t make it right.
This, however, is dumb. Since it clearly happened a long time ago, she's obviously learned to accept her handicap and make do without a tongue; it's a pretty big stretch to say that she "didn't mind." I imagine that as it was happening, she would have minded it quite a bit.

Anyway, the author unfortunately goes a little off the rails here. The woman makes sort of a generically-prejudiced crack about Derpy/Ditzy being a "thing" that she doesn't want her son talking to, and this triggers Littlepoop, so she decides to confront the woman and scold her about not judging ponies by their appearance. The whole scene takes on kind of a corny after-school-special kind of vibe. This is actually within the scope of the show's morals and it's arguably appropriate for a pony fanfic even an edgy one; however, stuff like this always makes me roll my eyes a little.

However, as a pleasant surprise, the author does take the opportunity to slip in some quick info about the ghouls, and even foreshadow a potential future plot development, which I'll give him several extra points for:

>“Well…” The mare looked about furtively, then lowered her head, whispering, “Y’know they’re all like tickin’ time bombs, right? Ah mean, you can see what bein’ a ghoul is doin’ t’ their outsides. Imagine what it’s doing t’ their brains. They all go mad sooner or later. Dear Ditzy, she’s lasted a good long time an’ she’s only a li’l crazy for it. But someday… Ah just don’t want my boy t’ hurry that along none. Or be there when she does finally turn on us all.”
The implication here is that there is more to being a ghoul than simply having an extended lifespan which still has not been explicitly clarified by the way, but we can probably assume it from what we already know about Derpy and having a grotesque skinless appearance. Derpy's arc in this story could potentially become more interesting.

>With that, the mare drew herself up, pulled Trolley close, and hurried off. Away, notably, from Absolutely Everything.
It may have been intentional, but the name the author chose for the general store creates some rather awkward puns.

Anyway, Calamity confirms that what the woman said about ghouls is true. The subchapter ends with another page break; however, this scene was actually rather productive. We now know somewhat more than we did about both ghouls in general and the ghoul named Ditzy specifically.

In the next scene, we meet Crane:

>Crane was a yellow unicorn pony with an orange-and-beige striped mane and tail. He wore a bright orange construction hat with a hole in it for his horn. When we found him, he was loading barrels onto the flatbed of a train car -- this one actually still on the tracks that ran through town and connected to several others.
If the poners have managed to figure out what the railroads were for, I'm a little curious why they were using wagons to transport goods earlier instead of train cars. Even if they can't get the engines working, it seems like it would be logical for them to use the rails for their original intended purpose, since they're using them as roads anyway. A car on a smooth metal train track is going to be easier for ponies to pull than a wagon traveling on rough ground, or worse yet, trying to drag a wagon on train tracks without it being designed to roll on said track.

>“Howdy! Pleased t’ meet the little mare with the PipBuck who saved Sweet Apple and Ditzy Doo! Not t’ mention Desert Rose, Barrel Cactus an’ Turquoise!” He stopped to shake my hoof vigorously.
Way to name-drop a bunch of characters we haven't met yet but are probably going to.

Littlepoop introduces herself and explains that Railright told her that Crane would be the pony to talk to if she needed something heavy lifted. However, instead of asking her something practical, like oh I don't know, "what do you need me to lift?", Crane instead drops this complete non-sequitur on her:

>Crane smiled, then causally lifted three barrels at once, putting them in their places on the flatbed. “Reckon Ah am.” Then, to my shock, he asked, “What kinda spells ya got?”

Littlepoop isn't quite sure what he's talking about, so he elaborates:

>“Unicorn ponies generally have a small collection of magical spells, usually related t’ what he or she is destined t’ be best at. (‘Cept for the ones who are destined t’ be good at spells, o’ course, cuz then they get a whole heap of ‘em.) Me fer instance, Ah can make all manner of repairs t’ the rails an’ trains just by focusin’ at ‘em.”
This is probably useful enough information, and it's good that the author is finally beginning to define the workings of magic in his universe a little better, but I'm really not seeing the relevance here. This whole scene makes very little sense. Littlepoop has nothing in particular that needs lifting, but she goes out of her way to seek out a heavy lifting specialist, who for no apparent reason at all begins asking her questions about spells. Like what the fuck? Is this going somewhere? Let's find out.

>Crap. Kicking a hoof at the ground, I sighed deeply. “Nope. Just telekinesis. No spells.” I knew it was pathetic. Levitation was basic filly stuff. By the time I got my cutie mark, every other unicorn in Stable Two had a nice collection of spells. Thank you, Crane, for reminding me that I was probably the most un-magical unicorn ever.
So far we haven't heard that Littlepoop is supposed to be either above average or below average magic-wise. We've seen her pull off some fairly improbable feats that had me wondering if she was meant to be a magic prodigy, but here she seems to be saying that she sucks at magic and can't do anything more than basic stuff. It feels like the author is just making up the rules for a lot of this shit as he goes.
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Thank you for the offer, but I don't want my posts to be better than anyone else's and it wouldn't be fair for my posts to be proof-read to look better than they should.
You guessed it, they're a Fallout 3 thing. Bottlecaps are used as shrapnel stuffed inside the makeshift landmine. I think the author's trying to flex on these by calling them stupid here but I'm not sure. Mines are pretty good in Wasteland combat, they block escape routes and kill the stupid. They can even fuck up giant monsters running straight at you like complete retards, and cripple their legs to make them run slower. (It takes a fanmade mod to add a proper dismemberment mechanic sadly, so I never play without it)
>Bottlecap mines are constructible by the player character, using the bottlecap mine schematics. Building it requires a lunchbox (container), 10 caps (shrapnel), a sensor module (firing device), and a cherry bomb (explosive). Locating additional schematics allows you to build more bottlecap mines at a time.

I could spoil something here but I won't

>train poners
Didn't we see ponies running along train tracks to pull trains in the show?

>Littlepoop's spell incontinence
If Littlepapsmear knew any spells, even something basic like "Shoot Fireball" or "Construct Earth Wall" or "Shoot Wind Blast" or "Heal", it would change the way Littlepip fights.
If you can cast heal on yourself, even if it's just limited to three times a day, you have a huge advantage over those without healing. If you can change the battlefield, you're OP compared to those who can't, but focusing on healing...

Many fucking casuals will run straight at enemies in Fallout while blasting automatic fire, rapidly healing themselves with Hotkey'd healing items, ignoring enemy attacks since nobody takes Hitstun in these games. You have too much ammo to care about missing and too many Stimpaks to care about incoming damage. It's like that scene in Sword Art Online where Kirito just stands around doing nothing as a bunch of enemies stab and slash the shit out of him, because he regenerates HP faster than they can remove it and he wants them to realize this.

The author wants to keep her "Light sneaky sniper" playstyle intact, while throwing in a moment of "And then I psychically crushed him with a heavy thing" whenever he remembers Littleshit can do that.
The author's badly trying to make the boxcar-lifting psychic might that lets her carry over 300 pounds of trash and guns behind her in a big Katamari seem like "Nothing special, totally not an overpowered mary sue thing I swear".
Maybe if I threw some "Sure I'm a powerful magician, rich bastard, professional hoverboard racer and mechanic, and ninja, but I'm nothing special and I'm totally weak and below average I swear!" moments into my story, it would have duped dumb people like this story did. Though it wouldn't dupe you guys because you're smart.

Later on Littlepoop will have her dick sucked for having incredible telekinetic might and her inexplicable complete ineptitude with spells will get a really, really fucking stupid justification. This little "Thanks, random asshole, for reminding me how un-special I am" moment isn't just annoying, it's outright dishonest.
oh wait I just remembered mines are worthless beeping easily-avoided jokes without a mod to make them deadly AND add numerous new types of mines and grenades like Ice Mines that freeze foes for 10 secs, Bouncing Betties(they leap up and scatter shrapnel over a wide area), Frenzy Gas Mines(affected targets turn on each other aggressively), Nuclear explosive Mines, and Incendiary mines. It's stupid that a separate mod is needed to make enemies panic/flee/get paralyzed when on fire, because otherwise foes will just shrug it off and ignore their being-on-fire-ness.

Anyway about this story, it's still immensely stupid that a story's world would copy something dumb straight from the games just so Littleshit can try to wisecrack about it. Yes, if mines beep loudly for 4 seconds when triggered and THEN explode, they're jokes. And it makes no goddamn sense for anyone to intentionally design their mines like that. Ever! Okay, I guess a corporate-dominated cyberpunk society's weapon manufacturer could design their mines like that on purpose so they could say "Anyone who triggered our Warning Mines(TM) and didn't get out of the blast zone violated the safety instructions printed on the landmine's underside" in court.
>Bottlecaps are used as shrapnel stuffed inside the makeshift landmine.
That actually makes a lot more sense than what I was imagining. The way he wrote it I was assuming the caps were used as the mine itself, as in you put some kind of explosive charge between a couple of bottle caps and attached a step-on detonator to it in order to end up with something that might do as much damage as a firecracker, if you're lucky. The problem is he didn't mention any other components or indicate the role of the caps, he just said "you can make landmines out of bottlecaps." This author really needs to stop assuming that everyone reading is familiar with all the shit he's talking about. I'm actually a little glad now that I didn't play Fallout before attempting this, because then I would know what he was talking about and thus wouldn't notice these things.

This is actually pretty much what I was getting at with the quotes. Using fictional quotes attributed to people from your world's past can help to flesh out the setting and make it feel more like a real place with a real history. Since this story focuses so much on the disconnect between Edgequestria and the happy pastel place that everyone is familiar with, having quotes attributed to characters from the show that give glimpses into how the world fell might have been interesting.

Part of what I dislike about this so far is that the author is trying to write a pastiche of his favorite elements from the Fallout universe instead of trying to construct his own Fallout-inspired universe using Equestria as a base. The result is that nothing in this setting feels realistic; it just feels like we're watching a playthrough of a video game. Not even a playthrough of a professionally-made game like Fallout either, it's more like a shoddy indie Fallout-MLP crossover fangame someone slapped together in GameMaker or something.

> I can understand a fanbase being cultivated around FEQ espetially in the early fandom since many like me being teens at the time and Fallout 3 being our first Bethesda games it was natural so many would love it. Plus having the appeal early FiM did where it's this big open world of mystery and hidden lore to speculate and theorize about but now with the added bonus of your favorite game being crossed with it.
I can actually understand that being part of the appeal, and I sometimes wonder if I'm not being unreasonably hard on some of these works. There's plenty of stuff that I like because I read it/watched it/played it at a certain time in my life and it was special to me then, so I still enjoy it even though from an objective standpoint it's nowhere near as good as my younger self thought it was.

When the early pony fandom was going on, I wasn't a part of it but I was aware that it was a thing. My experience with it was mostly that all of a sudden /b/ was flooded with daily pony threads, and anime conventions were suddenly filled with annoying teenagers wearing all this pony stuff and shouting memes from the show at each other. From the viewpoint of a spectator it was more confusing than anything else. I remember there was a lot of back and forth shitflinging over whether or not MLP had any serious value or if it was just a stupid fad that would burn itself out. One of the things the pony apologist side frequently brought up was that the world had inspired all of this high-quality fanfiction that supposedly had literary value outside of the fandom, and I specifically remember this one and Past Sins being frequently cited as examples. Suffice it to say that I don't quite agree with that assessment of these so far.

>it is an objective fact that Fallout: Equestria is better than anything Hollywood has shit out this millennium
>It outclasses the vast majority of tv and books from the past 2 decades as well
Film as an art form realistically peaked in the 1970s. Hollywood still produced quality pictures through the 1980s and 1990s but it was in a noticeable decline. Since 2000 they've made almost nothing of any serious note that was built from an original idea; I think pretty much every iconic film made this century has been a derivative work in some way. There are a few exceptions but mostly this has been the trend.

However, at the very least, Hollywood employs professional writers who know how to slap a simple three act story together, so even if a modern film is devoid of any serious artistic merit it's usually at least well constructed. While I wouldn't go so far as to say that FoE is better than anything Hollywood has done in the last 20 years, I'd say that in terms of its actual content and value I'd rank it close to a lot of the Marvel capeshit type stuff that's popular now. The main difference is that with FoE the author doesn't really know what he's doing so the structure of the story is chaotic and amateurish, whereas a capeshit movie is more tightly written. If you handed this to a group of staff writers at a movie or TV studio they could probably churn a modern action movie out of it fairly easily.

As far as books from the last 20 years go, it depends on what you read. A lot of these popular pony stories are listed on Goodreads, and I've skimmed through the bookshelves of some of the people who give them four stars or more. It's about what you'd expect: mostly YA fiction and other pony fanfics. If that's all a person ever reads, I can see how they might form an opinion like this. This is a lot of what frustrates me about the fanbase for this sort of thing.
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>Crane’s eyes widened in surprise. And he quickly changed the subject. “Now Ah’ve got lots o’ work t’ do, but ah tell y’ what. If y’all would do me a small favor, Ah’ll return it by teachin’ ya everything Ah know ‘bout heavy liftin’.”
Is that why she's here? Because she wants to learn about heavy lifting? Why? What does she need to lift all of a sudden? I'm confused. I really don't see why she would need to learn this skill so urgently that she would go out of her way to speak to this character. And why is Crane asking her about spells? None of this feels natural or makes sense.

LP asks what the favor is, and this is Crane's response:

>“We been havin’ a small bit o’ trouble with the things that’ve been crawling up outta that ol’ Stable west o’ here. From what Ah hear, y’all are might brave an’ no slouch w’ slingin’ a firearm. Jus’ get down t’ the Stable an’ close the door. I reckon we can clear out the varmints up here if somepony locks off their breedin’ grounds.”
I feel like I'm going to be revisiting this point quite often, but things that work in a video game don't always translate into a novel. Here, we have Littlepoop walking up to some random character, pressing X, getting a whole bunch of non-sequitur dialog, and then getting sent on a quest. In a game? Sure, this works fine. In a story this shit just feels unnatural. None of the events that happen in this sequence connect logically to each other.

Imagine someone who doesn't own a car going into an auto repair shop to speak to the head mechanic. She introduces herself, and then tells the mechanic that she was told he is the best mechanic in town. The mechanic confirms this, and then asks her if she has any experience refitting outboard motors for fishing boats. She regrets that no, she does not. The mechanic seems embarrassed for her, and changes the subject. He tells her that if she will go to the other side of town and beat up some Triad gangsters that have been demanding protection money from him, he would be happy to teach her all he knows about repairing engines. She says "sure, that sounds reasonable" and heads off to Chinatown.

If this scene made any sense to you, then you may have a knack for writing in the Fallout: Equestria universe.

There is another page break, and in the next scene Littlepoop is apparently on her way to fight the something something whatever that Crane wanted her to fight. For some unexplained reason, Calamity decided to come with her.

>“Ah figured Ah owe ya one,” Calamity said earnestly as he followed beside me. “Maybe a whole mess o’ ones, considerin’ all y’ did for the good ponies of New Appleloosa.”
What did she do for them exactly? All I remember is her standing there getting shot by Calamity in what would have been a completely futile effort to protect the caravan, even if Calamity had actually been trying to attack it. If anyone owes anyone a debt here, it's probably Littlepoop, seeing as how they A) didn't kill her and B) were willing to patch her up and give her a place to stay.

>“Caked in raider blood. Armor ya only had cuz ya needed protection while saving the lives of five good townsponies!”
Okay, I think I understand what he's getting at. Apparently the ponies who were imprisoned by the raiders in Twilight's old Library were citizens of New Appleoosa, so by freeing them she did the town a service. That makes a little more sense. As an aside, I think the author here is overdoing it a bit with the country patois; all this "ya" and "cuz" stuff is starting to get on my nerves.

Also, the name "Sweet Apple" has come up a few times, but we haven't been introduced to this character. The impression I'm getting is that this is the name of the filly the raiders were using as a fleshlight sacrebleu! Le edge! Le edge!!, but I'm not 100% sure.

Anyway, the conversation goes on for a bit. The author actually provides a little more explanation about the ghouls: in this case we get confirmation that Derpy is an actual survivor of the war, and that ghouls age much more slowly than a normal pony would. We also learn that, although the Stable LP came from was a civilized place, most of them seem to have a sinister reputation. Apparently, the one they are presently investigating was abandoned, and is being used as a lair by someone or something.

Page break, and then this:

>It was like being in a shower back in Stable Two. Only the shower was everywhere! And it didn’t stop.
I guess this is her first time getting peed on. Oh wait, it's a thunderstorm. Guess it makes sense that she wouldn't have seen one before. Also: if Cloudsdale is destroyed and presumably Luna and Celestia are ancient history, who is controlling the weather and moving the sun and moon and shit in this story? Pastel ponyland is a pain in the ass to write in sometimes.

>The sky exploded! It was like the sound of a gunshot, if the gun was wielded by Celestia Herself and was made out of pure awesome.
Slap yourself for writing this line. Then slap yourself again.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that Littlepoop has never been in a thunderstorm before and is scared. Calamity seems amused by this, but nevertheless the storm is severe enough that they need to find shelter. At one point during a lightning flash, Littlepoop thinks she sees someone on the horizon tracking them, but she isn't sure if it was real or not.

>I stood their staring helplessly
I stood there staring helplessly.

This storm might have provided an opportunity for a side story or something, but that doesn't seem to be where the author is taking it. The shelter they end up finding turns out to be the very Stable they were looking for, so the end result is the same as it would have been if they'd just had an easy stroll through mild weather. The one event of note seems to be that the Stable is located near a river that is flooding due to the storm. They have to seal the door shut behind them, effectively trapping them inside.
Jesus, you're right. That "Baby bottlecap mine" you described sounds shit! When I read bottlecap mine I thought "Oh the thing from Fallout" instead of noticing how badly it was explained. "Make the mine from bottlecaps" my ass, it's clearly a lunchbox containing many bottlecaps and an explosive hooked up to the sensor module. If they had access to better shrapnel they'd use that instead of bottlecaps!

I once read a Fallout New Vegas fanfic where drunken chick Cass explains something like this:
>"I can make whiskey while we travel together! You just take some hops, a glass bottle, some purified water, and a Fission Battery!"
The person she's talking to raises an eyebrow. "A Fission Battery?"
>"Yeah, like from one of those laser guns. You don't put it in the drink, obviously. You hook the battery up to the full bottle just right, and the whiskey will age 200 years in 2 minutes!"
I don't remember if FNV had booze-crafting or not, but this sounded like good writing to me. It helps explain how Cass can be so drunk and have so much whiskey 200ish years after the nuking. Then again FNV's good so there are bars with alcohol distilleries. This just explains how she always has booze, even when not at a bar.

Speaking of glimpses into the world via quotes, a lot of the pre-chapter quotes will disagree on whether the protagonist's "A caring father to his men and a beloved all-around good guy, Lelouch of the Vi Britannia" personality was genuine, or a convincing disguise worn by a Machiavellian schemer, and he's spoken of in ways that imply he died long ago. I think this also helps contribute to the "There's a bigger world out there outside of Lelouch's daily life, but it is immensely impacted by Lelouch and his actions" feeling.

I think there are two ways this pre-chapter quote thing could be done well.

One, if it was always documents. Sometimes a letter home from Littlepip's teacher to Littlepip's mother complaining about the way she is, sometimes some pre-war news stories on how the war is going, sometimes a letter home to Granny Smith from Big Mac as he's deployed in the trenches, sometimes a scientific document written by Twilight about some experiment she's working on during the war, sometimes something from a book.

Two, if it was the radios but good.

Fallouts 1/2 had really atmospheric audio. Spooky, windy, no shredding guitar riffs or Big Band bombast. When you heard "I don't want to set the world on fire" it was tragic, slow, quiet, the last echo of a long-dead world.
Grand Theft Auto put radios in the car. So you can enjoy music, radio shows, and radio hosts talking while you gun down foes.
Fallout 3 had 3-Dog, the most annoying radio DJ I've ever heard. He's an omniscient cunt who delivers loud annoying judgement on you and whether you completed quests the Nice Way or Mean Way. And when quests have no choice he comments on the quest completion, sometimes. His music taste is shit, everything's loud and annoying and either directly about atom bombs or nukes or radiation or URAAAAANIUM FEVER or rejecting civilization.
There's also Enclave Radio, it plays one flute civil war shit song all day.

Fallout NV did radios better. it had MR NEW VEGAS, a charming radio host who loves you.
>"It's me again, Mr. New Vegas, reminding you that you're nobody 'til somebody loves you. And that somebody is me. I love you."
He will tell you interesting things about the world, like how Legate Lanius of Caesar's Legion once took over an under-performing section of its army, proceeded to beat its commander to death in front of everyone, and ordered a tenth of the force to be executed.
>"And you thought your boss was a pain!"
sometimes he has references
>Tensions are brewing in Freeside between the ruling gang known as the Kings and a large number of NCR squatters seeking refuge there. The leader of the Kings, who would only identify himself as The King, voiced his displeasure, calling NCR citizens, quote, 'the devil in disguise.' He added he didn't want to see any NCR in the ghetto, and called for a mass, quote, 'return to sender.'
He'll only do Anchorman/Notorious BIG references if you take the Wild Wasteland Trait(taking it=silly mode).
He plays high-quality western music (and johnny guitar) about love and loss and cowboys...

Oh and there's Black Mountain Radio, a weird radio show hosted by TABITHA FROM THE STATE OF UTOBITHA! Super Mutants took over Black Mountain and (With the help of Raul the elderly Ghoul cowboy repairman) got the radio working. So Tabitha preaches weird shit on her weird radio show. Sometimes she mentions "Some of our Dumb-Dumbs have complained about my orders to shoot every human we see on sight. But this mountain is irradiated, and radiation is bad for humans! Shooting them keeps them safe from the radiation!"
God, that was a fun quest. Even the wacky side-radio station is better.

anyway, comparing Fallout 3's music selection to Fallout NV's...

Notice something?

FNV plays the kind of shit Nevada loved back in the 60s,
while F3 shallowly plays 1960s music about explosives and violence that typically has something in the title that sounds (in the shallowest sense of the word) Fallout-ish.

But this is a book

Well, a fanfiction

So the author has the perfect opportunity to write over 50 pre-chapter scenes of an all-new totally-original radio host as he or she talks, tells stories about the wasteland, and says something sort of witty right before playing a song, thankfully cutting away from the radio show and into Littlepip's bullshit adventures so we don't have to listen to Kkunt's lyrical skills. You could even contrast the Wasteland DJ with the Stable 101 DJ Littlepoop used to listen to before she left the Vault and lost the ability to access her signal and had to acquire a taste for freeform jazz- I mean independent radio.

Hey, you know what would be FUCKING SICK?
If the name of the bullshit made-up song mentioned by the DJ at the start of every chapter hinted at, or was relevant to, the chapter's contents.
Littlepip's desire to talk to Crane, a random fucking nopony briefly mentioned during the introduction, would be less retarded if this was a conscious character thing on Littlepip's part
Imagine if she was the type who read WAY too many action novels and thinks in cliche
so when she's being introduced to a new place and her tour guide mentioned Crane by name, she thinks "He must be important!"
just like a gamer would, too
because why would this named NPC be here if he wasn't at least a little important?
so she goes out of her way to talk to him, even though he's a busy worker horse and she's a little annoying. He runs out of conversation topics to get rid of the awkward silence, and he brings up magic at random, but the weird and confused responses both of them give to each other's dumb questions and dumber answers result in her deciding fate must have put her here so she can learn something from a man who only knows how to lift.
cue the training montage and bonding scenes so it hurts when Raiders shoot him or something.

Also the quest is dumb, and nowhere near as clever or cool as what it's ripping off (That quest in Fallout 1 where Shady Sands asks you to visit a Scorpion Cave and bring back some severed Scorpion poison glands so an antidote can be made. You get more rewards if you kill all Scorpions or use Dynamite to blow up the entrance to the cave)

Remember when Littlepip did a good deed with Monterry Jack and almost got robbed for it? A big deal was made about how dark and edgy this was. Jackie even outright refused to become one of her Companions. He rejected her friendship and friendship as a concept. He didn't just refuse to join her crew, he spat on the idea of survivalists having crews and recruiting people they just met.
Shortly afterwards she freed some of the Raider captives and one went back to save another and while he ended up becoming a hostage, he didn't really get fucked over for this and neither did Littlepip.
And then, LP throws herself in front of some random strangers trying to protect them
And Littlepip gets her cock SUUUUCKED for it! All the ponies she saved, not only did they make it out alive from Raider Hell, they're here! Everyone in town should love Littlepip for standing up to the Raiders, proving Raiders can be killed and Raider captives can be saved, ensuring they'll never have to worry about that raider camp again, and saving ponies!
All of these "Good deeds REALLY CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!" moments should bring tears of joy to her FUCKING eyes after all the shit she's seen and how her faith in goodness was challenged by Cunterry Jack-O!

But the author just glosses over all of it because feelings are hard to write and tossing out videogame quest like "Kill the rats in the bartender's basement, maybe close the door to the rat sewers" is easier.

*Vibrates with motion but mostly rage*
It gets worse.

>a gun made out of pure awesome
Yikes, that cringe line was totally NOT lishious. This is so not awesomesauce, or totes yeet yo. Roxxors boxxors, I want to cum inside Twilight Sparkle.

Someone reacting to rain for the first time should freak out more than this.
It's fucking rain! Water falling from the sky everywhere!
And ponies should freak out about rain happening without ponies causing it!
>"Oh fuck! I heard stories about the Everfree Forest and how animals took care of themselves and clouds moved on their own and rained on their own over there. When the Everfree got nuked, did that destroy whatever kept all that weird natural chaos contained?"
Once I was at a cafe and overheard two schoolteachers talk about a nigger they brought from africa and how this grown-ass man of twenty fucking seven kept fucking with the light switch like it was a real lightsaber or some other utterly fascinating super-kewlio thing.
It's also retarded that Littlepip has never experienced rain before. Has the Stable never had a Sprinkler malfunction/test/false alarm/activation?
Has she never read about rain in a book? Has she never seen a film with rain? Has she never heard a Radio DJ play RAINSFX2.MP3 during a radio show?
Even if she's read books about pre-war Equestria, the sight of uncontrolled unprompted rain and lightning should fuck her up.
Also, lightning!
It scares dogs. Scares small children unless you tell them to think it's awesome. Probably scares ponies.
When Littlepip hears that boom, she should fucking panic like she's having vietnam flashbacks!
She should dive for cover, get covered in mud, look around wondering where the shooter is and who they aimed for first, maybe even tackle her new companion into the mud telling him to get down, potentially breaking something fragile he owns like a corked glass bottle of water or those fucking shotguns mounted on his ass like a faggot mounts Kkunt's ass every night at gay bars.
Or if she knows what lightning is, she should wonder where the lightning is coming from, and who's zapping her, and if the Raiders really sent a Lightning Mage assassin after her. Hey, in a world where some can control the elements and ponies need to kick the water and lightning from clouds, does it really make sense to assume this shit's natural and harmless when it's the first and only shit you've ever seen?
I wish lightning was the first and only shit I've ever seen, but unfortunately I have seen this story.
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>“You realize we just shut ourselves into the Evil Scary Stable of Spookiness, right?” I teased my self-invited companion as he stared about the place in wonder.
I'm assuming this is the official name according to the Tourist's Guide to Post Apocalyptic Edgequestria that Littlepoop has in her PoopBuck..

Anyway, the author seemed to think that this would be a good place to drop in a long-winded explanation of Calamity's twin-rifle thingamajig, that he calls his "battle saddle" slap yourself for that, kkat. I won't bore you with the technical details; basically there's a bit-mounted trigger system in his mouth that allows him to fire the rifles by biting down. Questions such as how does he aim, how does he take it on and off, does the heat from the rifle barrels ever burn his flanks, does the recoil from firing two rifles in midair ever fuck up his flight trajectory, has he ever accidentally blown anyone's head off while talking or eating, and, most important in my book, who in the hell designed this ridiculous contraption and why, are unfortunately not addressed.

After this, they begin exploring. Since Littlepoop has lived in a stable before, and also because she has a thingamajiggy on her arm that magically has detailed maps of places she's never been installed on it, she is able to guide them around. They find some boxes of dynamite and spend a couple of paragraphs arguing over whether or not they contain actual dynamite hey Marge, do you think that truck is full of jeans?, and then find a locked storage room. Littlepoop wastes a couple of bobby pins trying to pick the lock she is actually beginning to run low on bobby pins; guess she should have brought two Hefty bags full of them instead of just the one, and discovers that, for once, she can't just effortlessly open it. They move on.

>Worse, the dull ache in my heart mixed with disconcerting sense of wrongness.
This sentence is bad and you should feel bad.

>Seeing this place in rust and ruins was unpleasant in a way that I couldn’t describe. It was like walking through my own, personalized version of the post-apocalypse.
As opposed to the actual version of the post-apocalypse that she has personally been walking through? Seriously; nobody talks this way or thinks this way, nor would they narrate their own life this way. I will also repeat that, while the reader or someone familiar with old, happy Equestria would naturally see this world as a post-apocalypse, for Littlepoop it's just the world. She lives here, she grew up here, and other than whatever she was able to piece together from whatever spotty account of history she would have picked up in the Stable, she has nothing to compare it to. If anything, she would probably think of Old Equestria as "pre-apocalyptic."

Anyway, the point is she is emotionally affected at seeing a place that resembles her old home in a state of ruination, which makes sense enough.

>Calamity looked at me with a softly mocking expression. “Weather ain’t like it used ‘t be. The sun an’ moon ain’t guided through the sky by ponies anymore. We pegasus…”
I notice this author actually does a fairly good job of answering some of the logical questions that events in this story naturally bring up. I was asking about the weather and the sun and moon a short time ago because the thunderstorm made me think of it, and apparently the author anticipated this question and addressed it in a timely fashion. He's done this a few times; even the ghoul thing is being gradually explained. It's actually rather a pleasant surprise.

>“The Goddesses Celestia and Luna move the sun and the moon through the sky each and every day!” I shot back, scandalized. How could he even say that! That was like… blasphemy!
This is also rather interesting. Littlepoop has invoked Celestia's name multiple times throughout this story, but we get the distinct impression that Celly is not a physical presence in this world as she is in the series. It's been a little unclear what the deal is there exactly. It seems as if fragments of the old order of things have survived as sort of a religious faith, with modern ponies like Littlepoop thinking of Celestia and Luna the way ancient Greeks might think of Zeus and Poseidon, rather than as actual ponies the way we know them. Having lived her life in the stable, she has probably been raised with this religion and takes it at face value if she thinks of it at all. Calamity, meanwhile, has lived on the surface and probably knows more of the actual history than she does; thus his worldview is considerably more cynical. This is actually some pretty decent worldbuilding.

Anyway, we also learn that, without Pegasi to control the weather, it behaves rather erratically now, resulting in powerful, dangerous storms like the present one. This is also some rather creative worldbuilding.

>Also unlike Stable Two, Stable Twenty-Four was connected to the aquifer, its water supply merely purified with anti-toxin and anti-radiation spells.
How does she know this? All they are doing is walking around; this is the kind of thing you would need access to building schematics to understand. If she was an engineer she might be able to infer this, but she just works with PipBucks. I call shenanigans.

>The floor outside was wet and I could hear a roar gurgling, splashing sounds from behind the bathroom door.
This sentence is bad and you should feel bad.

>I stopped dead as a red spot flashed up on the compass of my E.F.S. Somewhere, just ahead of us, was surely one of the creatures Crane had talked about. Not, I realized, that either of us had bothered to get a description.
So some guy she just met asks her to go fight a bunch of monsters in some stable she's never been to in exchange for knowledge she has no immediate use for, some other guy she just met just tags along for no reason, and neither of them bothers to ask what they're fighting? Seems consistent with what we've read so far.
hey imagine if the rain outside prompted Littlepip to look up and say "wow, pretty!"
and it made Calamity yell "Oh shit!" and grab Littlepip and dive for cover
and then her Radiation-Detecting PipBuck Geiger Counter starts ominously clicking
just like the slowed-down Geiger Counter noises Sans Undertale's dialogue noises actually are
and because this world is super duper edgy, even the rain is trying to kill you

...wait, rain?
fucking rain?
If water falls from the sky, why isn't anyone collecting and purifying the rainwater?
why would Fallout 1's water barons exist, start the tradition of trading bottlecaps for glasses of water, and turn bottlecaps into a currency?
Mad Max takes place in the desert and inspired much of Fallout 1, including the desert environment and the raider fashion.
water is incredibly precious for F1/2
Nothing is sacred in F3
Though because water is easier to find thanks to civilization and natural springs/rivers/lakes in FNV, the rich people have cows. Rich "Cattle Barons" from the New California Republic own and sell a shitton of cows, and love sending thugs to small farms to start "encouraging" the owners to sell everything for a penny and leave. Homesteaders from the NCR are fleeing to Nevada to escape that, whether this land ends up under the control of House, NCR, Legion, or the player.
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>My E.F.S. felt annoyingly limited, unable to tell me which level the creature was on, just that it was almost dead ahead now.
I hate it when my magic radar that somehow contains detailed maps of every location I could ever possibly find myself in and also somehow detects when other creatures are nearby and also somehow knows whether they are friendly or hostile doesn't tell me which floor an enemy is on, just that it's nearby. I think that's a problem we can all relate to.

>“Actually no,” Calamity whispered back. “And as Ah recall, we ain’t supposed t’ be lookin’ for ‘em. We’re supposed t’ just close the door.”
Close what door? The door to the Stable? Is that all they were supposed to do? If so then mission accomplished; they already closed it. In fact, they closed it with themselves on the wrong side of it, thus sealing themselves in here with whatever the red blip on Littlepoop's stupid magic jizzmotron is. Also, if I remember correctly, the cave was flooding so the entrance to this place is probably underwater by now. For all practical purposes they are trapped in here until it stops raining and the water level recedes. Depending on how deep the cave is and whether or not the water has any place to drain to, that could take anywhere from hours to days. Why are they even in here? I have literally no idea what their mission is even supposed to be, and from what I can tell neither do they.

Anyway, the blip eventually disappears, and they are able to resume exploring the Stable, which apparently is something they don't even need to do. This scene is beginning to get tedious; it's been nothing but a methodical room by room search of a deserted location again: fine for a game, but not very much fun to read about. The mood is kept sufficiently mysterious and creepy, but nothing is really happening and they have no apparent goal down here, so the action is beginning to drag.

They end up in some kind of schoolroom. They begin sifting through books on the desks because why not, and come across something resembling the Princess Luna/Nightmare Moon story, except it's "The Stallion in the Moon" instead of "The Mare in the Moon."

>When I was done, I had reached to important-feeling observations.
This sentence is bad and you should feel bad.

>One: every significant pony in every book had been changed into a stallion…
Literally? Like this is a futa story now? Seriously though, as far as I can tell, the issue here is that someone went through all of the history books and changed it around so that anything important done by a mare is now attributed to a stallion. Apparently this rustles Littlepoop's feminine jimmies. Well gee, just when I thought this story was beginning to drag. Nothing rescues a dull scene quite like a tedious lecture on gender politics.

>Not one story or textbook has anything but the vaguest references to the history or governance of Equestria.
I get the impression that this might be an important clue about...something or other. It's a little hard to figure out what I'm supposed to be feeling right here. Obviously, the textbooks being altered means that whatever population lived in this stable was deliberately feeding its children misinformation. However, it's never been made particularly clear how much we are supposed to assume Littlepoop knows about this subject either. Also, for all she knows these textbooks are accurate and the ones she was raised on were forged. She has no frame of reference for any of this.

Next, she goes to the terminal at the teacher's desk and prepares to "hack" it, but to her dismay it apparently doesn't need to be hacked; she can just open it up and read the files. It contains some rather cryptic notes on some kind of magic lesson that went awry. I'm not sure what information here is meant to be important, so I'll just drop in the whole thing:

>Had a real surprise when we tested the young unicorns on their magic today. I had all my little ponies bring in their pets and show me how they could make them levitate. Simple enough, although a squirming animal can add a level of difficulty for foals at this age. I had to let both Butter and Peridance each borrow the class mascot, since neither have a pet of their own. Peridance was thrilled, but I think Butter is terrified of the snake, even though she’s been told it’s defanged and harmless. Needless to say, Butter didn’t do very well.

>The real surprise was little Quanta, who has been struggling with even minor levitation all year. Now I know these things have never been recorded in girls, but I can’t imagine any other explanation: we had a full magical epiphany occur right in our classroom. Quanta not only levitated herself, but she let out a flash of energy that affected all of the pets in the room. Most just panicked and had to be recovered, but some (including our mascot) seem to have vanished completely. And strangest of all, the arcane flash seems to have transformed Carrot Tail’s ugly old cat into… well, an even uglier old cat.

>It only lasted a moment. Quanta seems fine. Didn’t even realize what she’d done. Of course, parents had to be called, and Carrot Tail is traumatized. It will be a miracle if I can teach these foals anything for the rest of the week. Meanwhile, I’m going to write up a proposal to have another unicorn stallion watch over these tests from now on. Just as a precaution.

The main takeaway here seems to be that after this incident, students stopped coming to class. The only other noteworthy occurrence is that the notes mention an Overstallion, which triggers an argument between Littlepoop and Calamity over whether or not a stallion is qualified to be a leader. Apparently mares have traditionally been in charge and sexism in Edgequestria is the reverse of how it is in our world, or something like that. Anyway, after this concludes, there is yet another page break, and the two of them move on.
>When you heard "I don't want to set the world on fire" it was tragic, slow, quiet, the last echo of a long-dead world.
Not to be autistic but that was the song from Fallout 3's intro. Fallout 1 had Maybe and Fallout 2 had A Kiss to Build a Dream On. These songs fit very well with the plots of their respective games. FO3's I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire was pretty much just a generic vaguely-nuclear-explosion-themed song that didn't fit the story any better than any other old-timey song about fire would have.

Jesus Christ, this just keeps going and going. Now they are in a cafeteria, or something I guess.

>In front of us was another door to Maintenance. To our right, the cafeteria. To our left, a maintenance store room. In the store room: a glowing terminal, several shelves of supplies, and a poster on the wall of a mighty stallion standing brave and tall, facing danger head-on, ready and able, while three mares crouched down at his hind hooves, frightened but looking up to him for salvation, adoration evident in their eyes.

>Calamity felt embarrassed. I felt something creeping more towards anger.

It's fairly obvious that whatever group used to live in this place had a male-dominated society, and that Littlepoop is accustomed to a female-dominated society. The attempt at social commentary is obvious enough that I don't really need to get into it. However, what's interesting is that by reversing the gender roles like this, Littlepoop's anger takes on a different meaning than what the author probably intended.

As far as I can tell, the society in this Stable is meant to be a complete inversion of the one in Littlepoop's: Overstallion vs. Overmare, dominant males vs. dominant females. The female-dominant society is presented as the norm in this world. Littlepoop's reaction to this poster is basically comparable to the way a Don Draper or some other quintessentially 1950s male character might react to seeing a poster depicting women in charge. What the author was probably going for was to have her become indignant at the blatant sexism on display; however, with the roles reversed she's basically the one who's being sexist here. Having lived her entire life in a female-dominant culture, she wouldn't have experienced any sort of male-chauvinism that might have caused her to develop a legitimate chip on her shoulder about this; she's just angry here because tradition is being bucked. Unintentional irony is the best kind of irony. inb4 Calamity calls her an incel and tells her to have sex

What makes it funnier is that this seems to dawn on the author and he starts trying to backpedal some of it:

>It wasn’t the heroic stallion or the simpering mares. There’s a desire to be special and to be admired for your accomplishments that the poster played to which I fully understood. It wasn’t even that this was the fifth poster we’d come across and all of them catered to the same gender bias. It was that the stallion in the picture was valiantly holding a wrench in his teeth, and the unspeakable horror that had the girl ponies all cringing like frightened bunnies was apparently a leaky sink.

>Carefully, so as not to step on another social mine, “Do you see… why I’m upset? This isn’t like, give it to the best pony, who cares about tradition. This is…”

>“Ayep. This is manipulation. Alla these posters been here since before ponies trotted up into this Stable to avoid the apocalypse.” He turned and fixed me with a look. “It’s like sayin tha’ a job’s only fit fer either a mare or a stallion.”

So apparently she's not mad because the traditional gender roles of her world have been reversed, she's mad because this poster is saying that "some jobs are only fit for mares and others are only fit for stallions." But, she was literally just talking about how the job of Overmare should be reserved exclusively for mares because that's just the way it is, so...what exactly is the point being made here?

To be honest, I'd have more respect for this author if he just went balls-out on this and had Littlepoop start going off on a sexist rant about how stallions weren't fit to fix leaky sinks and should just stay in the kitchen baking cupcakes, or whatever the issue here is supposed to be exactly. As written, this whole scene is just awkward, ambiguous, and cringe-inducing without really being funny or interesting.

Anyway, we're thankfully spared from having to delve further into this. Calamity makes a sort of half-assed joke which I guess dispels enough tension for them to drop the subject. From here, they begin exploring the storeroom and looting supplies, because that's pretty much all anyone ever does in this story, when suddenly this happens:

>I had just finished the fourth entry and was partway through the final entry when my E.F.S. flared up with not one “ghost” but five!
At the point where this happens, LP is going through some journal entries on the terminal. You'd think that having five enemies suddenly pop up on her radar might cause her to stop what she's doing and focus on the problem at hand, but the author chooses this point in the text to drop in all five of the journal entries that LP was reading before her radar started showing hostiles. Apparently it is a log written by the maintenance pony or something.

The entries seem to elaborate on whatever the entries in the school terminal were hinting at. The janitor was apparently trying to date the mother of Carrot Tail, who is one of the fillies that was mentioned earlier. However, the date had to be postponed because the filly was crying about her cat. The cat is the same one mentioned in the classroom terminal, that was the victim of some kind of magic experiment gone awry.

These journal entries seem to hint that the cat was radioactive and became a monster or something, and that it got into the ventilation system and started attacking ponies. Or something. I can't quite follow it. I really don't know what the significance of any of this is or why the author decided to drop this in here right at the beginning of what I assume is a fight scene.
That's another annoying thing about the Pip-Bucks you've noticed.
Everyone's still using 200-year-old tech that's somehow plentiful enough but also never upgraded.
Phones made 10 years ago are shit by today's standards, and godlike by the standards of 20 years ago. An old flip-phone would impress people from before the inventions of flip-phones. An old Nokia Brick would make people from the "My phone is a bigger brick with an extendable metal stick on top" days cum buckets.
But there was no development...
Not just "no significant development".
There was no development on the Pip-Buck 4000, or Pip-Buck 8000, or Pip-Buck Micro, or Pip-Buck X, or Pip-Buck XX#R

Nobody has made any upgrades to the tech. Nobody upgraded their watch with a touch screen or an Magic Energy Shield generator.
Nobody has any custom programs running exciting new features like a rangefinder program that always shows you where your guns are pointed and how far away their target is, or a Phone program, or a wireless anonymous email program where every pip-buck is forced to participate in tor shit for maximum anonymity, or 16-bit graphics drivers for new minigames with wireless multiplayer and rollback netcode,

Everyone just...

Everyone in Littlepip's vault- I mean stable uses a Pip-Boy 3000- i mean Pip-Buck 3000.

Nobody's upgraded anything. Or downgraded anything in the name of "Streamlining" the device and removing features normalfag civilians don't consider necessary like the geiger counter. The Overmare hasn't ordered the removal of the Audio-Recording feature to stop radio piracy, or ordered the removal of the Local Map feature for violating everyone's privacy.

Littlepip's ordinary bulky survivalist Tonka-tough Pip-Buck 3000 doesn't mark her as an uncool povertyfag or adventure-obsessed doomsday-prepper while her classmates have thinner and extremely fragile models with all the survivalist features (Geiger counter, enemy-detecting radar, compass, etc) taken out and replaced with dumb bullshit like a bunch of retarded 2000s-era phone games.
Everyone has the exact same Pip-Buck 3000 even though that's unrealistic. Nobody's coated their Pip-Bucks in brightly-coloured protective plastic/rubber/foam or coated it in fake rhinestones or painted it like the half-aborted offspring of a custom NERF gun and the faggiest Warhammer 40K unit imaginable.

Putting aside what-iffy shit like "Imagine if the Pip-Buck XL contained a nanomachine factory that built anything you wanted ever!" for a second and focusing on what the Pip-Buck 3000 can already canonically do, imagine if it displayed the information it already has access to in a better way.

the enemy-detecting radar detects exact enemy positions.
In this story and F3/NV/4 the Pip-Buck has Maps. A Local Map generated in real-time through radio wave ecolocation (so it will display destroyed walls and rubble on the ground) and a World Map generated from Satellite Photos. It could easily show you a Minimap generated through ecolocation and overlay precise enemy locations on it.

In MGSV if you look at an enemy for long enough, you see a red marker hover on him, and he's always highlighted, even in darkness and behind walls. The distance between you two is displayed in meters. If you want to auto-detect enemies you have to rely on your dog barking out enemy locations for you.
The enemy-detecting radar in this story and F3/NV/4 is objectively better than this (despite looking worse) because it IMMEDIATELY detects enemies as soon as they enter your maximum range.
plus VATS already highlights enemies when you're targeting them in VATS (renamed SATS in this story) and not only can SATS detect the distance between you and the target, it runs fucking ballistic calculations to put a percentage chance on whether your gun will hit the enemy or not. So the Pip-Buck could easily display highlighted enemies and the distance between you in meters by default.

Imagine an upgrade that lets you put the Health bars of your friends on your HUD so it's easier to tell when your friends need healing. Oh sorry, not your HUD, your "Eyes-Forward Sparkle".

Imagine an upgrade that turns the shitty compass in the bottom-left corner into a Metal Gear Solid 1-style Minimap that always shows you your surroundings, enemy sight cones, and enemy locations. Oh and it's equipped to handle flying/floating enemies by visually representing differences in elevation, because the red dots on your Minimap that represent enemies get yellower the higher above you they are and pinker the lower below you they are.

Imagine filling the existing Pip-Buck Notes with 64 whole Megabites of .txt file spellbooks so you can always read "A retard's guide to magic" volumes 1-99999 By Twilight Sparkle And Other Contributing Authors.

Imagine if your Pip-Buck's HUD could draw red lines between a spot 5CM in front of your face and all the enemies it detected, with each line getting a name and HP bar and distance marker in meters, so no matter where you are looking, you always know how many foes you have, how far away they are, and what direction they are in. Perfect for a unicorn willing to shoot guns along those lines without looking!

Okay that last one was inspired by some autistic Minecraft Hacked Client shit a friend obsessed with 2B2T showed me. And the penultimate one is just using an existing text feature in an intelligent way, rather than an upgrade in its own right.

Now for one upgrade idea that stretches things:
SATS takes control of your body when active and makes you perfectly shoot/attack/throw an object at/cast a spell on your selected target.
What if SATS could force your horn to cast spells your brain doesn't know?
What if SATS could force other animation files into your body, instantly making your body perfectly perform yoga and kung fu and gun kata?
What if SATS could force you to T-Pose and a spell could link your body with your target's, so you are both forced to T-Pose helplessly while your friends kill your target?

>Looking up, I saw the dark opening where the covering grate should have been. And several pairs of alien eyes gleaming at me.
The implication I'm getting from all of this is that Carrot Tail's cat became some sort of monster, and was probably responsible for this Stable becoming a ghost town. Whatever is in the vents right now is probably related. However, it would have made far more sense to put these journal posts into the text before announcing that LP had hostiles on her sparkle radar.

>Calamity backed away at my shout even as the first creature leapt out, landing on the shelving, spilling a bucket of fuses crashing to the floor. It looked only vaguely feline, but with scales rather than fur, oversized fangs and cat-like eyes save that the slits ran horizontally. Somehow, that last part freaked me out the most.
Looks like I was more or less correct. Stable 24 was done in by radioactive kittehs. Not sure why horizontal eye-slits freak out Littlepoop more than the claws and the fangs, but who cares; she's retarded.

>I reacted instinctually
This is not a word. "Instinctively" was probably what you were looking for.

Anyway, the monster-kitteh attacks Littlepoop and she screams like a little bitch. Despite his earlier misgivings that his ridiculous mouth-fired twin rifle contraption would be next to useless down here, and despite that we still don't know exactly how he aims the thing, he manages to blast the kitty off of Littlepoop's back without injuring her.

>I got wobbly up to my hooves.
This sentence is bad and you should feel bad. Also, what is the intended meaning here? I think she's trying to say that she climbed back into a standing position, but her legs were unsteady. However, that's not what this actually says. "Wobbly" is an adjective, and to say "I got wobbly up to my hooves" is a grammatically incorrect way of saying "I became wobbly up to my hooves," thus what she is really saying here is that she experienced a sensation of wobbliness that rose as high as her hooves. To convey what I presume is the intended meaning, what she ought to say here is "I rose unsteadily to my hooves."

Anyway, they have kind of a moment after this. Littlepoop is still slightly jumpy around this guy from the earlier trauma of being shot at by him. Calamity, for his part, seems to genuinely regret the misunderstanding, and appears to be attracted to her as well. A combination of guilt and sexual feelings seems to be why he decided to come on this mission with her. Littlepoop seems to have mixed feelings on both points, and may have some latent attraction to Calamity, which she blames on the posters I guess. The author's attempted "hurr durr sexism" angle in this Stable exploration scene was rather poorly thought out. However what's interesting is that earlier, LP was practically drooling over the nurse (Candi) and took no notice of Calamity at all. This combined with her obvious crush on Velvet Remedy early in the story would suggest she's a lesbian, but here it seems like she's trying to suppress an attraction to Calamity all of a sudden. Maybe she's supposed to be bisexual or something; who the fuck knows. From what I've heard this story gets fairly pornographic later, so I guess it wouldn't be out of the question.

Page break.

>Little Macintosh whipped around, firing off three more S.A.T.S.-guided shots. Three more of the evil little cat-snake-things were blown into oblivion. They were easy to kill, which hardly made up for being so small, fast an agile. And extremely aggressive!
If they're this easy to kill, I'm curious how they managed to wipe out an entire Stable, though I guess we don't know for certain that this is what happened.

Anyway, they keep on exploring. LP manages to find some more fucking bobby pins, so anyone biting their nails about that one can rest easy. Meanwhile, they are periodically attacked by more of the cat things. One of them bites Calamity at one point, which may or may not be significant. However, apart from this, it seems like we're right back to this being an account of a tedious and apparently pointless dungeon grind.

As they move further in, they begin to find skeletons of the ponies who lived here before, so whatever happened exactly happened a long time ago. This raises the question of what exactly the cats have been feeding on for all this time.

At this point I am assuming that the monster cats are the reason that Crane wanted Littlepoop to come down here. The request was simply that she close the door of the stable, presumably to trap the cats in their lair and ensure that they couldn't get out and roam around the countryside anymore, which I'm assuming is how they were feeding and thus how they became a nuisance to the settlement. However, if all that was needed was to close the door of the stable, it seems like the settlement ought to have more than enough ponies who are capable of doing this. Calamity himself could have come down here and taken care of it eons ago. This isn't a hard task to begin with, and it isn't as if Littlepoop has shown herself to be an exceptionally talented or capable fighter. There's really no reason why she personally should have been entrusted with this job, or that this incredibly simple job wouldn't have been taken care of years before she arrived. I still don't understand why the two of them bothered to come in here at all, since all they had to do was shut the door and then leave. Nothing about this makes a ton of sense.
>methodical room by room search of a deserted location
This scene has no right to be as boring as it is.
It should be incredibly tense. Everyone should be on edge. Traps/enemies could be anywhere. There should be no drag.
There should be mysteries to solve, and the implication that ungodly horrors and tragic disasters happened here.
or at the very least
They should talk to each other during this for worldbuilding and characterization purposes.
Littlepip could be all "No talking, that's not tactically advantageous! Time for hardcore room-clearing tactical stealth action! Knife, gun, knifegun! Let's-a-go!"
and Calamity would be all "...Yeah, ok" and murmur about how crazy and overly-hardcore this adventure-obsessed faggot in over her head dragging him into wacky bullshit his more experienced skills can save her from is. Then again my theoretical version of Littleshit has personality and characterization.

alternatively Calamity could be all "No talking, tactical breach clearing time! I've been through these things before, there's always a trap where you least expect it!"
while Littlepip is all "Gee, this place is so spooky! *Screams at the sight of some rats and opens fire, wasting ammo* I keep checking rooms but it's all empty- By Luna's shitting dick nipples, is that a dead skeleton clutching a gun? Aha! A clue!"

oh also imagine if before the war, to combat Equestria's declining population, the Equestrian govt worked on a sex potion that makes you extremely fertile and horny and sex-obsessed for a few hours. But it was used as a date-rape drugs by bad guys, and nopony in Equestria knows what rape is because it's a perfect cartoon world where rape has literally never happened before so there are no laws against it for a few years.
Also if you take more than one dose of the potion per day, you're permanently turned into a horrifying abomination straight out of the most disgusting shitting dick nipple porn imaginable. We're talking shambling mounds of flesh with genitals distorted and exaggerated into mockeries of sex itself, desperately trying to fuck you to death as soon as they see you. oh and any kids they produce end up mutated into sex monsters too, to explain why some areas are full of these roaming fuckbeasts.
Now that's some fucked-up bullshit only possible in a post-apocalyptic equestria with its own unique horrors and monsters.

>gender replacement shit
oh fuck now I remember where we are in the story. I won't spoil anything.

First of all why the fuck would Littlepip crack open some history books in the middle of a potentially-enemy-filled hazardous area just to check if they do contain edited information? Why would she assume this, of all things? She's acting like a DND player who already knows where she can find the clues she needs! Or a shitty Mystery Show protagonist. like BBC's Sherlock. Fuck that show, Elementary is better. but not much better.

Two, why would these books "make no reference to the history or governance of Equestria" if they're also willing to say Stallion In The Moon instead of Mare In The Moon?

Three, these books are quite fucking clearly making references to the history of Equestria and fucking them up by claiming everything famous women did was actually done by men. Even though everything famous women did in our timeline was built on the backs of the hard work of men and the countless things men invented. So why does the author claim these books have "nothing but the vaguest references"? Are the stallions here afraid men won't buy historically famous "men" becoming famous for the things mares did if they were spoken of in detail? Why? Were they very feminine things?

Four, I think it's really funny that at first, Littlepip's mad over this poster of a man with mares at his feet. Hooves, whatever. But then the author went back and added the spanner and leaky sinks to the poster so that it would look even more ridiculous than it supposedly already was. Littlepip has to add that she's not mad about the man being fawned over, she's mad that the poster has women cowering from sinks and loving a handsome plumber. Insert leaky pipes and drain-snaking jokes here. What, was this added in after commentors commented that a poster of men in charge isn't really all that offensive to begin with? What fucking woman would want to work as a plumber dealing with toilets blocked by shit and degeneracy?

Five, "These posters were here since before the Apocalypse"? How the fuck does he know that? How can he guess that? Why does he know this? He isn't immortal! It's not like these posters were plastered all over the rest of the wasteland because too many mares were dying in wars so the stallions had to get jobs to support their baby-makers and these posters were part of some ManDom The Musical propaganda campaign. Also, for the love of fuck, THIS ISN'T AMERICA!!! Vault-Tec of America got paid by the govt to construct underground Vault-themed shelters for future generations of humanity and secretly experiment on shit humanity might encounter during space travel, and also test new tech on live humans. This is EQUESTRIA and these shelters built by Apple Bloom were actually fucking designed to save lives! I fucking wish the author remembered this and turned every destroyed vault into a "How these ponies with good intentions fucked up and failed" story without the obligatory wacky experiments.

Six, this moment of looting supplies should have Littlepip think to herself "Wow I've really gotten used to robbing dead ponies. Then again fuck this vault and fuck whoever died here for being so sexist! I need to be mad or I can't feel good about grave-robbing!"

seven the log shit is dumb, littlepip should have the last entry interrupted at an incredibly tense moment by the arrival of enemies, pissing her off and keeping the audience in suspense since these shitty fight scenes can't do that.

fuck, you're right. Sorry about that.
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What's particularly weird is that Littlepoop seems to be aware of this:

>Still, we were up and moving in the right direction. Except we really weren’t, were we? The more I thought about it, the less reasonable my reasons for wandering around down here seemed. Finishing, I turned away and looked back down the way we came. “Okay, that’s it. I’ve been a dumb pony. We turn around, gallop back to the entrance as fast as we can, barricade ourselves and wait the damn storm out. Then we leave and close the door behind us.”
If the author is aware that neither of his characters has any compelling reason to even be down here, why didn't he go back and revise it to make more sense? Even altering Crane's original request so that he asked them to clear the cats out of this stable instead of just closing the door would have been sufficient. As it stands, there is no obvious reason for either of them to be in this situation, and having LP acknowledge that simply calls attention to the problem without resolving it.

Anyway, it looks like Calamity was poisoned.

Page break. Jarringly, the next subchapter begins with another journal entry in a terminal. This installment clears up the mystery of what the cat things are and what happened to the Stable.

Apparently, the incident at show and tell that the classroom terminal explained was the beginning of the trouble. Somehow, a filly named Quanta managed to accidentally fuse Carrot Tail's pet cat with the classroom's pet snake, resulting in a chimera. This creature later attacked Carrot Tail and another pony who worked with the maintenance pony whose journal we were reading earlier. Both of them died. The terminal that LP is currently reading contains the notes of the medical examiner, who discovered that in addition to the cat and the snake, an insect was fused into the chimera. Because of this, the chimera is able to reproduce by injecting eggs into the ponies it bites along with the venom that kills them. This causes five new chimeras to hatch out of the bodies a few days after the pony is dead le edge. However, it's cool; they have an antidote, the ME just isn't sure they will have enough for everypony. Obviously they didn't, since everypony here seems to be dead. But, whatever they do have is said to be in the clinic's fridge.

>A new species, extremely hostile, which renders its victims immobile with a single bite and then tortures them to death from the inside over most of a day… and in doing so can quintuple its number?

Alright, here's the deal with this. I looked it up, and apparently it takes about 3 weeks on average for a body to decompose into a skeleton. That's actually less time than I had thought, but it's still a fair amount of time. Since every dead body that LP and Calamity have come across down here has been a skeleton, it's safe to assume that this incident happened an absolute minimum of three weeks ago. Due to some other factors, I think it's been quite a bit longer than that, however. For one thing, there has not been any mention of the air smelling rotten, and I think it's safe to say that an enclosed space containing probably hundreds to thousands of decomposing corpses would smell pretty bad. So, this happened long enough ago that the bodies have completely decomposed, and the ventilation/purification system has turned the air around so that odor isn't a noticeable problem. That brings our minimum up to at least a few months ago.

Significantly, the text specifically mentions that the generators are still functioning but are making a weird noise since they have not been maintained. I don't know how much maintenance they need, but from the way the text describes it, StableTec generally builds things to last. So, the generators could presumably last anywhere from years to decades to centuries before they start to malfunction from neglect.

It's impossible to construct a completely accurate timeline, but I feel like from what we know, the incident that ended Stable 24 occurred at least a few years before present events. The general mood here suggests it was probably decades before if not longer. Now, in that time period, these chimera creatures, that apparently produce about five new offspring every time they kill a pony, have been living down here. What have they been eating? Presumably they could have lived on the corpses of the Stable-ponies for quite a while, but they would have eventually run out of them. Between depletion of their original food source and their rate of reproduction, they would have had to expand beyond their initial habitat fairly quickly. The settlement would be the logical place, and there's no reason it wouldn't have been wiped out just as quickly if nothing was done. However, here is what Crane said when assigning the quest to Littlepoop:

>We been havin’ a small bit o’ trouble with the things that’ve been crawling up outta that ol’ Stable west o’ here.
>Jus’ get down t’ the Stable an’ close the door. I reckon we can clear out the varmints up here if somepony locks off their breedin’ grounds.

Sounds like a minor inconvenience at best. It's been established that the individuals aren't hard to kill, but at the same time, they are highly toxic and reproduce quickly. There's no way that something like this would have gone unnoticed by the settlement for this long. Either the species would have reproduced beyond its ability to sustain its population and died out, or else it would have expanded its hunting grounds into the settlement. Either way the situation should have hit critical mass by now, and if solving it was just a matter of closing the damn bunker door then there is literally no reason that somepony in the settlement couldn't have just come up here and fucking closed it. I refuse to believe that a nest of thousands of these things has existed here for anywhere from years to decades without it becoming more than an occasional nuisance for the nearby settlement.
>Five, "These posters were here since before the Apocalypse"? How the fuck does he know that? How can he guess that? Why does he know this?
This is actually a good point. It also raises the question of why ponies would even be living in a Stable during the pre-war period. If I'm understanding it correctly, the Stables are just giant bomb shelters, and there's no reason to live in a bomb shelter if there's no danger of being bombed.
286313 286315 286327 286352

>I swiftly realized the only thing that had kept the chimera from overrunning the Equestrian Wasteland was that river and the fact that these chimera can’t swim. Thank the wasteland for huge favors!
Well, that answers that lol. For the sake of not dwelling on this topic any further I'm going to go ahead and accept this explanation for now.

>I looked at the bed Calamity was resting on, looking even weaker than before. Oh Goddess. I couldn’t tell him this! Let him think he’s poisoned; it’s so much better than this.
>Oh Goddess
Really? Just really?

Suddenly dropping these half-assed feminist themes on us out of nowhere is obnoxious enough, but if this is the level of subtlety the author plans to drop them with then this is going to be a long, long slog through half a million words. Seriously; Littlepoop has never used the expression "oh Goddess" anywhere in the text up until now, and it's not a canon expression in the pony universe. Just have her say "oh Celestia" the way she usually does; even "shit into Celestia's yeast-infected cunt with Luna's moon-diarrhea" or something like that would at least be consistent with LP's established style. "Oh Goddess" sounds like an expression you'd expect to hear from a 45 year old cat lady who sells homemade magic potions on Etsy.

Anyway, she now has a problem. Calamity has been poisoned, and if she doesn't find some of this magical antidote she read about he's probably going to die and explode into catsnakebugs in a matter of hours. Oh noes. She goes first to the refrigerator in the clinic, but unfortunately they seem to have run out of the stuff. According to the terminal, if there is any antidote left, it will be in the Overstallion's office, which is located across a large atrium from where she is now. And of course, the atrium is full of chimeras. Better go fast, Sonic.

She outlines her plan to Calamity, and a fairly standard dialogue ensues:
>Blah blah blah Littlepoop, don't go, it's suicide, let me go, I am poisoned
<Blah blah blah Calamity, you can't go, you are poisoned
>Blah blah blah save yourself Littlepoop, don't be a fool
<Blah blah blah I am not going to leave you
<Blah blah blah something heroic

And so forth. Then, this:

>Levitating the StealthBuck up for Calamity to see, I smiled with a whole lot more confidence than I felt. “I do have this.”
What? When the fuck did she pick this thing up? Cntrl-f, no other mention of "StealthBuck" in this chapter. This is the first mention we've heard of her having one of these. Also, although an anon in the thread has clarified it for me, the text still hasn't explained what a StealthBuck is exactly.

Anyway, that's the end of the subchapter. There is a page break (there are 14 page breaks in this chapter alone), and then we rejoin Littlepoop...AFTER she has already gotten the antidote for Calamity. That's right, you heard right: this chapter, which is literally 11,403 words long, spends its entire length on the world's most tedious dungeon crawl, and then skips over the one event that might have made an interesting enough scene to redeem it. The following three paragraphs are all that k "probable trap at this point" kat dedicates to a scene in which his heroine has to cross a pitch-black atrium filled with deadly bad guys.

>It was, without question, the most harrowing two hours of my life. Inching my way through darkness, surrounded by lethal predators. They couldn’t see me. But in the darkness, it was only by my E.F.S. and targeting spell that I was able to keep from stepping on or brushing against one of them.
Not sure how big this atrium is, but even with all of the chimeras running around I doubt it would take two hours to cross.

>It was a minefield. And as I crossed, I realized just how calling my own stupidity a “social minefield” did flippant injustice to an actual minefield, and anyone who had ever been caught in one. This was a minefield. And all the mines were alive and moving. One wrong move, and it wasn’t just I who would die for it.
Sounds exciting, probably would have been fun to read about. But hey, the chapter's already more than 10,000 words long, and it's not like any of the bullshit about searching rooms and arguing about gender roles could have been cut, amirite?

>But I did make it. And for once the wasteland was pouring out the favors.
Much like the semen that was no doubt pouring into the author's mouth as he typed this out one-handed.

>The Overstallion’s door was as easy to pick as advertised. From the skeleton, I guessed the Overstallion locked himself in, and I feared he had consumed the anti-chimera potion.
You can tell a lot from a skeleton. t. skeleton expert

>But within his locked safe, I found both it and the recipe, as well as an old recording. My guess was that it was his last words. If it had been Stable Two, and I had been the Overmare, watching everyone die because of some magical accident? I suspect I might have done the same.
Well gee whiz, I'll bet that recording is important. I sure hope we get to read a literal word-for-word transcript of it at some point.

Anyway, she takes the remedy and heads back. Her journey back through the chimera-infested atrium is just as uneventful, but it starts getting weird after this. I'm going to continue in a new post.

There are only a few short paragraphs remaining in the subchapter, but what happens is a bit difficult to follow. As far as I can tell, Littlepoop goes back across the atrium to the clinic and gives Calamity the antidote. Then, for reasons I don't entirely understand, she backtracks across the entire Stable to the locked storage room that she was unable to open before.

>Sitting down with Today’s Locksmith, I went though, finding all the tips I could in a short amount of time. The highlighting really helped.
Today's Locksmith was mentioned before; I think it was something she found lying around in here somewhere. From context I'm assuming that it's a book or a magazine about picking locks. If so, it ought to be italicized.

In any case, whatever she learns gives her the ability to open the storage room. This whole sequence of events feels like more video game stuff that doesn't translate particularly well into text. Basically, she couldn't open the door before because her lockpicking ability wasn't up to snuff, but she found a book on lockpicking that bumped up her stat to the point where she can. So now, she is backtracking through the dungeon to gather up all the items that were out of her reach, before she ends the mission and leaves this location. Protip: don't write stories this way.

>Outside, thunder shook the mountain reassuringly. I looked up and thanked Celestia for the storm.

>The tips from the book proved useful. With a bit of effort and only one bobby pin, I was able to get the box marked dynamite. Inside, there was indeed dynamite. I removed each stick gingerly. Then placed a curled up Calamity into the box, closing it. Should a chimera come for him while I was busy, I didn’t want it to be able to get at him.
This is honestly getting quite dumb. A lot of action is happening here, but the text is just rushing through it rapidly, making it hard to follow what's happening exactly. As I recall, the storage area with the dynamite was way the fuck back near the entrance of this place, which means she is pretty much retracing her way back through the entire Stable. She does this while carrying the unconscious Calamity using her horn magic, as well as keeping her gun ready in the event that she is attacked by more chimeras. Presumably she is also still carrying the gigantic mountain of shit she carries with her everywhere anyway.

She then uses the book on lockpicking she just conveniently found lying around somewhere in here to pick the lock on the dynamite box, removes the dynamite, and puts Calamity inside the box.

>For the next few hours, I ran back through the entirety of Stable Twenty-Four. Everything but the atrium. I opened each door that could be opened. And then blocked it with a trash can or a tipped-over filing cabinet or anything else that would keep the door from closing.
Why? Also: Calamity is just lying in the storage room locked in a box for this entire period of several hours?

>As for the Atrium, after looting the clinic for medical supplies, I left a stick of burning dynamite on the windowsill of the Clinic and ran.
It's fairly clear at this point that Littlepoop is planning to blow up the Stable, which makes sense. However, this business with the dynamite on the window is a dumb thing to do. The dynamite is going to explode long before she's finished doing the rest of the shit she's about to do, and it's not likely to do much more than kill a few of the chimeras and rile the rest of them up. If she was able to make it through the atrium twice without disturbing these things or calling their attention to her, it's probably safe to assume they will stay put if she leaves them alone. Plus, as we shall see, she's going to flood the stable anyway, so...what's the point?

>The rest of the dynamite was to blow the cave opening enough to bring the river pouring in.
This is fundamentally a good plan, but I really don't see why all the other prep work she does is necessary. Going around and opening all the doors I guess was to ensure that the water gets in and floods everything, but this seems like a pointless extra step. Just having the only entrance and most of the stable flooded should ensure that nothing can get out. Blowing up the window above the atrium is dumb for reasons I outlined above. She basically wastes a period of several hours here setting all of this up, and doesn't really achieve anything that couldn't have been achieved by just following the original plan of shutting the damn door.

>By the time I was ready to set that off, Calamity had gotten up and wondered why he was packaged as high explosive. His eyes got wider and wider as I explained what I was doing.
>“Dayumn!” That was all.
Pic related.

And that's the end of the subchapter.

We can assume that the blowing up of the stable goes as planned, because as the next scene opens Littlepoop and Calamity are back at the settlement. They both spend the night in the clinic. The next day, Littlepoop gets trained by Crane on lifting stuff or whatever, and in the mid-afternoon Calamity wakes up and the two of them share a Sparkle-Cola. They argue some pretty retarded semantics about who owes whom for saving whose life, and whether or not they should have even gone into the stupid bunker at all.

Calamity comments that LP seemed to be personally affected by the exploration of the stable, and he reminds her that it wasn't her stable and she had no connection to it.

>The only threads connecting the different Stables were two hundred years old, dead and buried in a history mostly forgotten. Stable-Tec hadn’t existed in a long, long time.
This seems like it might be foreshadowing something, but the text doesn't dwell on it.

The chapter ends with Littlepoop suggesting that they listen to the recording she found in the Overstallion's office.

Also, she "levels up" again:
>You triple the mass that you can levitate with your unicorn magic.
Good, now she can carry even more crap.
Oh yeah, that reminds me. One more thing about Littlepoop's journey through the chimera-filled atrium:

>Levitating the StealthBuck up for Calamity to see, I smiled with a whole lot more confidence than I felt. “I do have this.”
Literally nothing comes out of this. The author goes out of his way to have Littlepoop mention that she has one of these things (we have no clue as to how or where she got it), and then nothing comes out of it. She never uses it, and it is never mentioned again. The author never even explains what the fuck it is; if that anon hadn't clarified that it's some kind of camouflage device I'd still be assuming it was a type of sniper rifle.

As best I can figure, the implication is that she uses the StealthBuck to make herself invisible or whatever it does exactly, and this allows her to sneak past all of the chimeras in the atrium undetected. I honestly can't decide if the addition of this mysteriously-acquired piece of technology makes the scene more retarded or less retarded, but either way it was atrociously executed.
Some stuff I've been wondering about the Pip-Buck is how it is conveying this information to her. As Nigel said in Fallout 1 and 2 the Pip-Boy was like a PDA while 3 and beyond had it be a wrist mounted device like the Pip-Buck takes after. When it comes to stuff like VATS it's understandable that it could manipulate a Unicorn's magic to aim the weapon for them but when it comes to the compass that marks enemies she would need to be trotting around with one of her forelegs held up to see the display. It's a bit semantics but feels a bit like the video game logic there unless the Pip-Buck is able to augment the users vision to display the markers througg their eyes.

Also for the Stealth-Buck I assume it works mostly the same as the Fallout Stealth-Boy. Nigel mentioned how the way it works in Fallout is it refracts light around the user making them extreamly hard to see outside a slight distortion. I'll give the FOE version the benefit of the doubt here but if it only works the same as the Fallout one she's got two major problems. First and foremost these creatures are mixxed with 3 different species that have highly adapt senses be it smell, the ability to sense heat, and whatever the fuck bugs have to make them try to fly into my eye or onto my food when I'm trying to enjoy a meal outside. Feel like it'd be difficult to navigate around them as close as she did without them sensing her body heat or smelling her. Important one to is I'll assume the Stable is made of metal and being a pony I imagine hooves would be noisy regardless of how slowly she moves.

Again though just kind of splitting hairs and I'm no good at crituiqe so don't want to be too hard on Kkat or riff on the fans too much.
Tactical Perfection.png
You're right, Stables/Vaults are bomb shelters but huge. Adverts claim they were designed for American citizens to hide underground and survive nukes. In reality, you either bought VERY expensive places in the vault or got invited because of your great military service/high SPECIAL stats/because Vault-Tec wants to experiment on you.

Lol it's another "Message From Freud". That thing where faggot author notices a mistake and "lampshades" it instead of fixing it.

What are you talking about? Stealth in video games, where you crouch a foot and walk around, and this immediately makes all enemies unable to see you, even when you're brightly lit and 3 feet from them, is exactly how stealth works in reality!
I'm joking, F3 has shit stealth and the author copied it literally.
Stealth is this OP in Fallout 3/Skyrim/4.
And when you're under the effects of a StealthBoy, you can walk around them and even touch them and they'll never notice you. you can even put the Muffle enchantment on your boots in Skyrim to make everything you do silent, making sneaking absurdly easy.
Fallout 3 doesn't have a good "Enemies hearing sounds" system, something fucking MGS1 for the PS1 had. This Xbox 360 game is weaker than MGS1 in terms of tech.
at least they react to gunshots from unsilenced guns. silencers completely silence your guns and make them sound like tiny farts. Except when they do nothing and just look different, while still making your guns as equally silent to your enemies.
Add stealth to the list of retarded things done poorly in Fallout 3 translated literally into this godawful fic.

>the compass
It's the HUD- I mean "Eyes-Forward Sparkle". The story explained it poorly but Littlepip has a videogame-style HUD overlayed onto her vision.
The absolutely terrible one from Fallout. rate the HUD mod I use in pic 4.
She can also, at will, activate VATS, the Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System. sorry, "Stable-tec".
first, time freezes and she selects an enemy and body part to aim at. then it makes the game take over her body and auto-aim and auto-fire at that body part while the cinematic camera angles go WOOOOOooooOOOOOOO THE CAMERA FOLLOWS YOUR BULLETS NOW WOOOO CUT TO THE ENEMY GETTING HIS HEAD SPLATTERED IN SLOW MOTION WOOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOO

It's the most retarded translation of a game mechanic between genres I've ever seen.

Fallout 1/2 handled combat like DND plus turn-based Isometric strategy games, but your companions have their own AI and can't be commanded XCOM style sadly.
Moving squares and Attacking with melee/Shooting your guns costs Action Points
Your Agility stat=your maximum Action Points per turn.
When shooting you can perform an Aimed Shot, picking a specific body part to aim and fire at.
Want to cripple your foe's legs? Want to shoot the enemy's face or groin? You can do that, and get some funny text messages in the bottom-left for doing it.

Doom 2016 has Enemy Weak Points. This is what we should have gotten. Some enemies have weak points and if you shoot them there, it hurts more. You might even fuck up their best attacks, making them easier to kill. You must, in real time, aim and shoot like a pro. Your skills are rewarded.

Enter The Matrix, a PS2 game released years before Fallout 3, gives you a Bullet Time button that also enhances your gun/melee atks and lets you run up walls. Agent Smiths must be attacked in Bullet Time or they're invincible.

Fallout 3 gives us VATS.
A band-aid slapped on shitty gunplay where everyone skates around too fast and nobody is stunned by getting shot.
plus Melee weapons are flailed in front of you, no weighty commitment-filled Dark Souls/Mordhau animations here.
oh and melee weapons don't even WORK in VATS!
You equip a melee weapon, activate VATS, select a foe, and... you just attack the foe as a whole because there is no pointed stab animation for specific body part harming.
Fortunately you teleport to your foe every time you begin an attack in VATS.
hey, pro tip: This also works with guns. Give your guns a VATS Melee option and if you perform that option in-game, it just teleports you straight to the enemy. but you don't attack or anything, it's a glitchy teleport. so teleport, then attack, if you want to use VATS instead of replacing it via mods.
There's a fucking reason why people are STILL, IN FUCKING 2020, making combat overhaul mods for Skyrim, a game more than 10 years old. Bethesda can't code combat. They pulled the Doom 2016 team away from Doom for a while to try and enhance Fallout 4's gunplay, and their contributions and smart design choices to enhance combat still barely mattered in the face of bullet-sponge enemies and bad everything else. The engine was too fundamentally broken for FPS geniuses to unfuck it.

Some of the first mods made for Fallout 3/NV replaced VATS with Bullet Time. Because everyone knows slowing the game down to make it easier is still better than having a cutscene fight for you.
Now if only the Action Points could be used for other things like Superjumps, SuperSpeed sprinting, Glory Kills/Melee Takedowns, temporary invisibility, throw a turret/shield wall, perhaps an exploding energy blast, and so on. You know, other things good FPS and Third-Person Shooters put into their games to make combat more interesting than "Point and shoot. weak foes can't hurt you faster than you can heal with stimpaks. point and shoot until it is done". I love NV but your only combat option in F3/NV/4 is "Use weapon to out-DPS your foe or run". It takes mods to add throwable shield covers and gimmicky guns, unfuck the limb-crippling system, add sprinting that isn't shit, etc.
though I do love the Archimedes. And hate what this story does to the Archimedes.
Fallout 3 Enclave Troops try to surrender to Brotherhood Outcasts.mp4
Unrelated to the story but i found this and thought it's a perfect example of how things usually go in Fallout 3.
It's a scripted encounter after you beat Broken Steel where some enclave soldiers surrender to the brotherhood outcasts.

To be completely honest i have never given a shit about fan fictions unless they contain erotica,the Japanese make some pretty good mare doujinshi's
>it was only by my E.F.S. and targeting spell that I was able to keep from stepping on or brushing against one of them
oh for fuck's sake. Kkunt put THIS in the story?

You know how clicking the VATS will pause the gane if an enemy you can fire on is in range(about 3000 meters i think), zoom in on the enemy, and highlight the enemy, aim your cursor and camera at the enemy, and let you queue up VATS cutscene attacks or exit VATS and fire in realtime at the enemy you're instantly aiming at aimbot-style?
Well, if there are no enemies in range, VATS won't activate. It'll just make a clicking noise.
So many players will mash the VATS button when they feel like they're in danger and about to enter combat and want to know exactly where the enemies are AND get the jump on them for free.
yes, even though this takes absolutely all the tension out of jogging through bombed-out building ruins with traps and enemies all around you.
yes, even though there's already an enemy-detecting compass that displays where enemies in a 180 degree cone are in front of you on this shitty flat line.
Don't forget about the fact that if you assign a Hotkey to a gun and press it, you'll equip the gun. But if you assign a Hotkey to a healing item, you instantly consume the healing item without an animation to slow you down. so you can keep mashing the heal hotkey to stay at 100% health if you're a faggot.
Bethesda fanboys are subhuman garbage who fund this megacorp's abusive practices out of spite for people who like quality writing they're too stupid to understand, so they love claiming Fallout 3's endless mindless badly-designed "Le combat zones" full of walls and rubble and random enemies and loot-filled dungeons was "Atmospheric" and "Exploration-focused" and "Tense" and "Exciting" even though they're literal retards whose VATS-button-clicking removed all tension and suspense.
Bethesda Fallouts encourage bad gameplay habits like these
there's a reason why cool dudes avoid them
and this videogamey exploit shit does NOT belong in a book
it's not explained well enough for the player to appreciate this "Creative" use of a sci-fi or magical mechanic, it's just a hint at a habit that makes the Fallout gameplay of faggots unwatchable.

Were you cursed by a Gypsy, Glim? Is that why every time a story in this thread tries to do a tense stealthy scene, the story glosses over it and tells you how it went down after skipping it? First Nyx's story, now this.

Also, fuck this story for making luck favour Littlepip too much.
1. it makes for a boring story
2. it harms the grim darkness if you know Littlepip's plot armour and bullshit luck will turn on easy mode whenever it's needed
3. it kills the tension because you know Littlepip won't die
4. Littlepip's luck stat isn't even high enough for this kind of shit in gameplay terms, and this story inconsistently uses gameplay mechanics as a crutch and as an easy target for mockery.

You guessed it.
In Fallout, there are Skill Books (Permanently boost a skill by a few points)
and Magazines (Temporarily apply a 10-point buff to a chosen skill, further discouraging players from raising their favourite skills to the maximum cap of 100 since this stops Magazines from doing anything)
Lying, Congressional Style boosts Speech
Today's Locksmith boosts Lockpicking

I'm pretty sure Magazines were added in Fallout 3, so even retarded players could pick the necessary locks and hack the necessary terminals to be allowed to attempt fucktarded minigames designed to make opening a box of loot give you a superior sense of pride and accomplishment.


but this is a story, not a videogame mechanic. I've seen Fallout fics explain and justify these videogame mechanics better by saying these books/magazines contain useful tips on their subject, and then NOT having the books/magazines disintegrate when read so they can be bartered.

When I was ten years old I literally read Pokemon fanfics that did a better job translating videogame mechanics and gamer-like behaviours into text better.
You wouldn't believe how many Generic Child Protagonists had Edgy Gamer Bastards for rivals. Child Protag loves his pokemon and makes a team out of whatever Pokemon he likes/encounters and enjoys pokemon battles for fun
Edgy Gamer Bastard says "Your Pidgey is trash, you total lamer! If I had a trash Pokemon like yours, I'd kick it out of my team! My team composition is optimal and my Pokemon are OU-Tier, and that means good! My Charizard is the toughest bastard out there, just like me!"
Edgy Gamer Bastard loots the haunted house and pisses off ghosts in the process, child protag's kindness calms the ghosts down and helps both escape.
Literal levels were turned into an abstract thing Pokedexes can check, and Pokemon learned moves by practicing the motions that make up the move and sometimes involving elements.
Oh and the good stories dropped the "Human yells command, pokemon does action. Enemy trainer yells command, pokemon does action" system in favour of "Pokemon fight, and humans yell to use certain moves or tactics when they think of clever tricks like riding the turbulence or freezing a swimming pool over or spitting a fire attack at a wet floor to create steam to use as cover or spitting a fire attack at the overhead sprinklers to make it rain in the Gym, fucking over enemy pokemon weak to Water".

Literal children wrote shit better than this. Still bad and barebones, but they lacked the specific obvious mistakes that fuck this story up.

>story skips over the big boom
Did Kkunt forget he's writing for Fallout fanboys who cum buckets every time something blows up, preferably in a nuclear-looking blast?
BugthEAsderp fanboys will still defend Megaton's shit writing because "Hurr durr if you don't like the city you can blow it up!"
God, I could rant about this for 20k words.
If you've gotten this ending, it means the Brotherhood won the Battle Of The Niggertarded Water Purifier.
So all the water in the DC area should be magically purified.
Surrendering troops have no reason to say "We just want water"

The Brotherhood Of Steel in Fallout 1 was practically an Easter Egg for how easy it was to skip this small faction of... what word describes them? Niggers call them "Techno-fascists" because they're niggers. I guess "Techno-Feudalists" works.
Brotherhood Paladins protect the Wastelander serfs and confiscate all illegal technology while Brotherhood Scribes learn to maintain and repair and preserve technology.
Their goal: Preventing retards from firing nukes to end the world again.

But in F3 they're fucking Power Rangers who oppose the cartoon-fascist Enclave because why not.
Then when we meet the Brotherhood Outcasts...
They're a bunch of faggots in one building where a VR Matrix Pod with a videogame level about the US Military invasion of Anchorage locks the entrance to a building containing one power armour suit.
They let you, the player, get in and beat the game to open the door.
Then I think they kill each other? Or there's a dialogue thing where you decide whether they kill each other or not?
Anyway you get the Power Armour suit you wore "In-game"
except the literal niggers at BugthEAsderp put the VR game's power armour suit here.
The "Winterized Power Armour" suit you pick up is the debug suit with 99999 item durability.
Was it also tagged as a Quest Item, making it weightless and invincible? I forget.
Anyway the Outcasts quit the BOS for abandoning their "Protect the people from tech and protect people" Mission in favour of just picking "Protect people" as their new mission.
It makes no sense but this shit never does.
These losers try real fucking hard to be the edgy evil guys, to make Bethesda's Power Rangers look more heroic and more like the "True" BOS, when they aren't trying to be a handjob to people who think the Outcasts represent the Brotherhood better than the real deal.
No wonder FNV added those Circle Of Steel assassins who hunt down Brotherhood traitors/outcasts/remnants as part of its glorious assassination of the BOS as they were originally written and as the Power Rangers Bethesda turned them into.

Fuck this gay faggotry with a giga drill breaker.

You know where Outcasts worked better? In the Depravity/Project Valkyrie guy's mods for Fallout 4 that un-retard the main plot and especially the BOS.
Here, the Outcasts are people who decided to quit when The Brotherhood's evil elder council assigned a literal child 16 years of age to be their new Elder and Chapter Leader.
I haven't beaten this quest without the game crashing on me, so I don't know if this faction has good writing or not.
But so far, I'm impressed.
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>The Brotherhood Of Steel in Fallout 1 was practically an Easter Egg for how easy it was to skip this small faction of... what word describes them? Niggers call them "Techno-fascists" because they're niggers. I guess "Techno-Feudalists" works.
A more fitting name would be something like techno-authoritarians because they claim supreme authority over technology.
>Then I think they kill each other? Or there's a dialogue thing where you decide whether they kill each other or not?
There is 2 groups in there, one who wants the technology for themselves and wants the power armor you took, the other group just doesn't care about the technology for some reason even thought they are outcasts so they are friendly to you for some reason, so after you take the rest of the shit in there they end up fighting each other and depending on who wins you will either end up with a full room of dead outcasts or about 3 or 4 members still alive.
There is also a couple of ways to exploit this DLC and get about a million ammo of all kinds and then sell it, you can get all the exclusive weapons too by using a dead Gary behind a locked door and putting him in the pod with you, it sounds funny but there is a split second before coming out of the simulation where all the equipment you have on you is able to be put into the dead body then you will be able to loot it back from the body, you will never die again if you do this, you can do all of this right after leaving the vault because there is no level restrictions for this DLC.
>Was it also tagged as a Quest Item, making it weightless and invincible? I forget.
No it weighed about 45 lbs but had a million armor hp or something, it gave you about 50 armor resistance if i remember with the helmet included, also remember that Chinese stealth armor? Yeah you can stack every type of helmet on top of each other, so if you have 2 hockey masks that gives you +5 unarmed they can be put back on until you have about a unarmed buff of +10000 or more, all of this is in the base game by the way and i did all this shit on the xbox 360 so i could one punch death claws at level 5 on the hardest difficulty.
The amount of bugs in that game never ceased to amaze me.
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Wearing infinite hats... That sounds stupid enough to be something that could actually happen in a Bethesda game
I think Bethesda deserves credit for expertly dashing the hopes of its fans and burning them so many times they've gotten used to overlooking game-ruining save-corrupting bugs and glitches they'd crucify an Indie Dev for not fixing before release. Bethesda shills are like a prototype for what jews want all humans to be: Loyal paypiggies mentally enslaved to their favourite brands.

I tried playing Thuggysmurf's Fallout 4 mods like Depravity/Outcasts And Remnants/Project Valkyrie again, the damn thing crashed on me when I met the Outcasts. Then again I have over 100 mods installed already. I should try a "minimalist mod order" some time without the anime girls and weapon/cybernetics/power armour mods.
Have you ever tried those Depravity-series mods? They add alternate ways of completing major quests and alternate quests+new factions.
So you can blow up Diamond City, Minutemen, the Railroad, the BOS, or become the new BOS elder, or find Sarah Lyons (some guy's ultimate waifu) and crown her the new BOS elder.
also when you take over the Institute you can reform it so it doesn't do evil shit any more
and the dumb Vergil shit has been fixed mostly
there's a quest where you clear out enemy-controlled sniper towers and roads near Goodneighbour so Goodneighbour guards can go there, also you clean the town up so it "attracts a higher class of clientele".
you can talk Kellog into a friend instead of killing him with that "Big Guns skill check"
you can enter a vault and blackmail them into giving you drug-making supplies in a side mission
The fucktarded "follow that mutt as he follows the scent of cigars" part is skipped when the Institute teleports you in to take part in a coup/civil war or something, I haven't gotten that far yet
I hear there's also a quest where Diamond City is full of riots and you can either take over the town and kill the rioters, help "Raider Lives Matter" take over so you're forced to kneel to them whenever you enter, take over the town and make the rioters win by putting "No chokeholds uwu!" restrictions on the cops, and just blow the whole thing up. But I haven't got to that part yet.

oh and there's a side mod called Diary Of A Madman where you can blow up all major factions after reading a diary that says why these factions must die.
it reuses parts from Stella's "Kill all factions" optional sidequest in Depravity outside the main mod for the sake of instant convenience (normally you have to go through the main quest to unlocik her quest)
I beat it today and killed all major factions. fun mod!

Playing through some of those mods and their focus on player choice made me realize something...

How many choices has Littlepoop really made during this story?

Experts recommend you make 8 choices per day.

Littlepip got "lucky" enough to be the one who removed Canary Cockgobbler's Pip-Buck. If she wasn't on-duty at the time, someone else would have handled it.
So when The Magical Singing Lesbian fucked off into the apocalyptic wasteland, Littlepoop could either be sad for a while as everyone gets over the death of the "celebrity", or run out after her to "rescue her"
even though the Overmare said "If you leave you are NOT allowed back in ever!", ruining the main quest AND the surprise-twist "Overseer fires you and you can't go home again even though you did nothing wrong" ending of Fallout 1.


Littlepip "chooses" a life of Wasteland tragedy and violence over the sad life of a faggy hated midget civilian

and then she immediately runs into enemies, gets fucked over, kills some enemies, wanders aimlessly, lucks out when she encounters a dude who shoots her, she also lucked out when she encountered Watcher, also she grave-robbed Little Macintosh, and she gets taken to this town that gives her Kkunt's attempt at ripping off Shady Sands and the "Go kill all Scorpions... though smart players can use dynamite to collapse the entrance to the cave" quest.

The only choice she makes is the choice to keep being a little bitch.

also fuck this quest

Scorpion Quest in F1 is simple.

leave Shady Sands, go to Radscorpion Cave, kill some Radscorpions, leave with their Stingers so faggy doctor in Shady Sands can make a Poison Antidote, the end.
or you buy some dynamite and put it at the cave's entrance to collapse the entrance, crashing this cave with no survivors. except you. you survive and you get a sweet reward for "Closing the door" and putting an end to the Radscorpion threat.
Kkunt got so caught up in making this quest "Cooler" by making it take place in a Vault instead of a Cave and "Making a better RadScorpion" by creating a cat-bug-snake faggy chimera that injects its babies into you Alien style for a lethal bite that Kkunt forgot to make this shit make sense.
If it takes place in a vault, then OF COURSE the door can be closed. That means it isn't something only smart players can figure out any more. It becomes a solution so obvious that even Crane the professional shit-lifter directly tells Littlepip to do it.
But she doesn't.

Imagine if Littlepip was characterized as a character that said "Let's not close the door like we were instructed. That will only hold until someone else opens the vault door! Let's put Dynamite and a homemade Time Bomb in the Vault Nuclear Reactor so all the monsters die, and loot the place for supplies while the timer ticks down, and then close the door and leave!"
Characterizing her as a risk-taker who loves loot and permanently ending problems.
A reckless treasure-seeker, or a noble hero? The audience can decide.

but then...

oh no!

Littlepoop's little friend gets bitten by the monsters

and she is forced to stop looting skeletons and raiding the Armoury for guns and ammo and start frantically searching through this Vault while killing monsters and searching for a cure, and all the while, that timer about to blow ticks down.

Drama! Tension!

For extra points...

For extra points, Littlepoop could agree on the plan with Crapity, and then set the timer on her time bomb and start the countdown.

>Calamity: Littlepip?
<Littlepip: Yes?
>Calamity: You just turned the Time Bomb on. Now we only have one hour to put that bomb where it needs to go, loot the place, and get out!
<Littlepip: Ten thousand dicks in my ass, that's such a stupid thing for me to do! Oh, if only I decided to put the bomb where it needs to go, and then start the timer-
>Calamity: Less lampshading, more dungeon-crawling! That bomb goes off in one hour!

It would be a gut-splittingly funny scene by tvtropes standards because it involves a character doing something stupid and getting yelled at, and it involves someone lampshading something dumb, and it involves (The ultimate joke to a troper) a character remarking on and lampshading the lampshading someone else is already doing.
File (hide): 30FB491DF4FBCD63D678BF6BB33EC9B2-5315158.mp4 (5.1 MB, Resolution:854x480 Length:00:03:08, Fallout 2 - SERGEANT ARCH DORNAN.mp4) [play once] [loop]
>Wearing infinite hats... That sounds stupid enough to be something that could actually happen in a Bethesda game
You could also wear pretty much type of helmet that had a buff so if you wore a raider blast master helmet it would give you +5 to big guns and explosives so if you did the same thing like with the hockey masks you could get a big guns or explosives up to +10000 as well so a single bullet from a mini gun could kill anything, it was pretty funny to see enclave soldiers drop like flies on the hardest difficulty using this.
>Have you ever tried those Depravity-series mods?
I have never tried any fallout mod other then those for fallout 1 and 2, the restoration project was alright for 2, the mods never appealed to me and i have never really cared about them because i'm not really interested in spending 1000 hours chasing some sex demon so i can fuck it, if i wanted to get my rocks off then i have better ways to do that.
>leave Shady Sands, go to Radscorpion Cave, kill some Radscorpions, leave with their Stingers so faggy doctor in Shady Sands can make a Poison Antidote, the end.
It would have been more interesting if you could have taken over shady sands with the raider gang so you could have had a different ending for it.
>or you buy some dynamite and put it at the cave's entrance to collapse the entrance, crashing this cave with no survivors. except you. you survive and you get a sweet reward for "Closing the door" and putting an end to the Radscorpion threat.
I never knew you could do that.
What do you think about Fallout 2 as a whole? Do you think New Reno quests could have had more done with them? Personally i wish there was more to being a made man of each club instead of just having the title, being a porn star should have had more to it outside of New Reno so maybe you could fuck some bitch in Los Angeles or in the NCR, you needed a specific amount of special stats to be a porn star and it never was worth it other then having the name of the "Arnold Swollenmember" or "Courtney Coxsleeve", it's a reputation title so maybe some one could have heard about you outside New Reno.
i don't think you have ranted about fallout 2 fully just yet or maybe i haven't scanned through your rants properly.
There could have been more done with enclave in the game as well because it feels more of a let down to have them just be beaten and that's it, perhaps an alternate ending with you siding with them like you could with the master in fallout 1, the enclave drill sergeant was hands down the best character in that game.
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Sex demon? If there's any pornography in Depravity/Project Valkyrie I haven't seen it yet.
They're quest mods, I'm only running into difficulty because I'm a fucking idiot who wants these 3-5ish mods to play nice with over 100 mods even though I probably don't need any of them.
Aside from two mods to make the enemies not retarded and one to fix the bullet-sponge enemies to make combat more than a snoozefest, overhauls to the game's guns/armour/female bodies/clothing/ballistic data/recoil/crafting systems/settlement systems/grass/textures aren't really needed.

I could probably remove all graphics mods, the huge bugfix patch, the two mods that make character customization less terrible, CBBE, playable anime girls and guys: the mod, Wasteland Imports, one to unlock everything in Automatron from the start because fuck this DLC fanmade mods did it better*, one to add Eyebots and one to add Sentry Bots because fuck Bethesda for being so jealous of FNV's success that they ignored Securitrons and limited eyebots to "Resource-gathering paid DLC object that makes the game easier on pay2winfags" tools only, and pretty much everything except for one armour mod, one weapon, and the quests I'm here for.


Besides, Skyrim has more sex mods. They're bizarre, people slide/rotate into animations weirdly, and almost all sex content is focused on being a pathetic submissive sexually-abused bitch fucked over metaphorically or literally by NPCs, monsters, and even random shit found in dungeons. With these mods installed you can get raped by a skeleton and then open a treasure chest and it's full of BDSM shit that forces itself onto you like the outfit from Kill La Kill so now you're forced to wear that degeneracy. I hated how much content focused on getting defeated and raped. Where's the shit for people who want to be on top? Where's the shit for men who want a harem of hot bitches to parade around the world while killing monsters?
Though the mod to make chicks shoot magic out of their boobs was fun.

also oh yeah i forgot there was raider stuff in fallout 1. They kidnap tandi and you can pretend to be the ghost of the raider boss's dad, right? fun times. You're right, an option to join the raiders would be great.

Fallout 2... It's great but I don't have a lot to rant about. I think the game leans a bit too hard on old Fallout 1 assets but that's understandable. New Reno needed more content. Vault City should have been more "A fascinating look at what 'rich' vault-dwellers are like after forming their successful society" and less "lmao we've got mutated psychic beavers for no reason".
I wish you could join the enclave, and I wish it didn't do that "Modyrn Scifi" woke thing where not wanting filthy mutants to breed or spread their corruptive seed is treated as a cartoon-fascist thing only cartoon monsters made to make fascism look inherently evil would ever want to do.
In Fallout 1 everything felt really connected in tone, even though what you did in some places wouldn't affect other places much. Fallout 2 had a more varied tone, and the dumb references were too much.

I think I'd have more rage talking about what I didn't like in FNV, even though all I can think of that can't be blamed on Bugthesderp and their deadlines is ...

When you go down to House's Bunker to use the chip as House instructs, it makes a big noise. Caesar simply assumes this was the sound of explosions and never send anyone down to check. Would it have killed House to open the doors to a fake room containing destroyed robot parts and then block the rest of the vault with a rubble wall his robot army could easily pull apart on the day of the Dam War? Also while I like that Benny tries and fails to get into this tent, resulting in Caesar getting the chip, I hate that Caesar simply hands you the chip (Even if you have done literally everything to fuck him over that doesn't involve progressing the plot) and expects you to use it to open the door and then blow this place up. He sends no guards with you. He doesn't use the chip to open the door, and then send armies in. He doesn't use the chip himself, forcing you to watch.
What if letting Benny escape meant you needed to chase him down before he got to the tent, fucking everything up and letting Caesar open the vault himself before sending fanatically loyal troops down to blow it all up? Then he could crucify you and Benny, resulting in a game over unless you could dialogue-check him into giving you and Benny an arena fight where the winner goes free.
I know House wanted the secret securitron bunker to be an ace up his sleeve but this is just really dumb writing.
I get that you're supposed to meet Caesar and then decide if you serve him or not even though he has given you no reason to serve him, but could they have done this any other way?
House calls the new faces on his robots "A single provocative datum for his enemies to focus on", but he does absolutely nothing to show anyone what this new face means. Unless we're supposed to assume someone caused trouble on the strip and whipped out its shiny "new" weapons to shock everyone.
You know what would have made this datum WAY more provocative? If going down to upgrade these securitrons resulted in House clearing this Legion den out and swarming the place and killing every last Legionaire here before moving these securitrons to specially-built bunkers (Or maybe Vault 21 if the dumb fucker hadn't sealed parts of it off with cement) back in New Vegas.
Yes, this would mean killing Caesar. Then again House could intentionally let him flee with his life to fuck with the entire Legion's morale and "living deity" view of Caesar, that would be funny and tactically effective.
To avoid this, Caesar should be somewhere else and some new Legion NPC should be running the place. Perhaps Aurelius Of Phoenix? He was under-used in-game. What if he was one of Caesar's two legates, the smarter one compared to Lanius, and killing this one like this (Or letting him flee with his life to Caesar, who's forced to crucify him in front of everyone... then again why wouldn't he just run anywhere else? maybe he could be escorted to Caesar's camp as a POW to really make the shame sink in) was House's plan all along as he wanted Legate "God I love violence it makes you strong, my guys will fight until death or die trying" Lanius to try managing all of Caesar's force at once and cause as much bloodshed for both sides as possible to weaken both and ensure NCR's weak enough to consider an even better option at the bargaining table.
Right now, running straight into Fortification Hill and shooting Caesar and getting out is too easy. Caesar should have more presence, perhaps a Moving Legion Capital that's extremely ornate. Then again Obsidian probably didn't have time for that. It sucks that this dumb writing thing was probably thrown in due to time constraints, considering there's already cut content involving your chase with Benny. I think it cuts through some cut Vault 21 areas? or at least cut areas in Benny's casino.

Also fuck the "Fly me to the moon" quest for having so many "Go get mundane crafting items for me" moments. The engine was designed to rely on quest markers and one-off quest items, the level design just isn't there for "Now go gather items in the real world" to be fun.

also FNV should have:
An option to (after killing Benny) challenge Swank to a knife fight and win to take over the casino
An option to renovate the Lucky 38 and release the lower level to the public, release one of many upper levels to VIPs, design another level above that for super-VIPs and then never let anyone into it, and get "Owning and ruling this casino" as one of the "Serving/Killing House" perks since if you kill House the NCR takes over this place and shuts it down.

and a way to earn a house in Goodsprings, farm crops outside, and enjoy a nice hilltop view. I really like house mods. I once tried to make my own with an incredibly ambitious built-in companion with a shitload of custom dialogue and psychic powers and a long backstory and the ability to ask her about the rest of the world so you can hear my takes on what other post-apocalyptic countries would be like(at the time, they'd be different now), but the file corrupted so I gave up.

And it could do with another Archimedes, too. No idea what it could be but I am a slut for extremely powerful guns and a bigger slut for superweapons.
As long as they actually make some sort of sense. Archimedes's "We use this solar power plant to get energy, and we beam it into a space satellite laser via microwaves so it has enough solar energy to shoot a big solar beam down once a day! We use a little laser pistol that looks like a toy gun to aim the laser!" shit was pushing it.
Archimedes and Euclid's C-Finder was amazing but while the quest to repair Archimedes was great, the quest to get the "Range-Finder" gun that aims the Archimedes solar laser kill-sat was stupid. Just walk up to a kid conveniently running around shooting it and pay him for it or haggle the price? Lame! Plus if you turned Archimedes on already, shouldn't firing that thing kill people? It's not like the C-Finder needed a special recharging plus-size microfusion battery only you could get from the Archimedes computer after fixing it and turning it on.
also "we distribute the power from the Nevada Desert to our space station laser via microwaves" is dumb. I have no idea what could work better.
Why not just give the space satellite enough solar panels, or add more Archimedes Beta Satellites just there to gather more solar energy and send it to the main one via cables?

Even though it lacks a main quest that lets you earn this thing, I love the Archimedes Mod for Fallout 4.
it's a cooler-looking laser gun that can fire a charged blast, a continuous short-range laser, or serve as the rangefinder for the Archimedes satellite laser. Hold the beam steady for 3-at-minimum (after upgrades) seconds and it calls down a big space laser. You're limited to one shot every 10 minutes(with enough upgrades). also you can turn off the safety limiter to call down multiple Archimedes solar lasers without any cooldown time, which is amazing.
Best of all, every time you equip the gun from your inventory, if it's the only Archimedes laser in your inventory (and it should be) you can select which mode to fire it in!
THIS MODDER ACTUALLY IMPROVED THE ARCHIMEDES GUN, while making all its old weaknesses and downsides optional! You could probably go through the whole game with just this laser! and a melee weapon mod because canon F4 melee weaps suck.
Holy shit, this thing's almost as cool as some of the masterpieces I've seen in the Doom mod "Russian Overkill"!
I've been thinking about Littlepip as a character...

I don't think she's a well-written character at all.

She has moments where she's a horny lesbian.
She has incredibly rare moments where she is frightened or in danger.
She has moments where she's as cold and calculating as a videogame protagonist for whom the geneva convention is a suggestion.
She has moments where she swears like a wannabe-edgy theatrefag furry on Xbox live trying to impress people by mixing Thor and Zeus and furry shit into cliche swears to get "By the moon! By Odin's balls! Ten thousand cocks in my tailhole! I'll rip out your spleen and shit right up your ass!" talk.
And she has moments where she blathers about hope and truth and justice and the Equestrian way.

But she doesn't have one core personality trait everything else hinges on.

It's impossible to describe the most important aspect to her in a short sentence.

You can explain the everything about Camilla from Fire Emblem Fates easily:
This beautiful and amoral sadistic dragon-riding axe-wielding eldest sister of the Nohrian royal family tried to make up for the lack of motherly affection in her life by playing the part of a doting motherly gothic big tiddy GF to her siblings, especially Corrin(You).
But the most important aspect? Her tits.
Just kidding, although they are quite big.
It's her devotion to Corrin, something so strong that it trumps ethnic tensions and national borders unless you outright betray her and her family and her country at the same time by rejoining the nation you were born in, a nation at war with Nohr.

For a FIM example...

Twilight Sparkle!

How would you describe her?

Obnoxious friendship-obsessed autist? Kind-hearted scientific-minded hero? Adorable little dork? Fucking nerd? Waifu material? Momfu material? fuckable sisterfu material? Someone out there wrote doujins about that, probably

You can describe her personality in all sorts of words, kind and unkind, without describing her role in the story or what she looks like or what she's done onscreen.
You can describe her in a lot of ways without just mentioning that she's a protagonist, praising her for not doing bad things like giving up on her adventures or raping others, and talking about cool shit she did onscreen.

But that's all Littlepip fans are able to do when describing Littlepip.
>"She's the main character and she can lift a boxcar and she never gave up and she defeated a lot of baddies and did a lot of cool things!"

Because Littlepip isn't really a character. Nor is she a good vessel for the audience.
She starts out too uncool for a good power fantasy story and she starts out too lucky/unrealistically-skilled for a good "Zero to hero" story.
Her knowledge of the world is too inconsistent for her to be a good "Fish out of Water" type, because the world she's familiar with (alternate equestria history that diverges from S1 onwards and ends in ziggergeddon) is not familiar to us, and she's not willing to ask questions about it to let us know more about it early on.
Her personality is nothing to write home about because it's barely there, and she doesn't have interesting interactions with her friends.

Compare that to Robin from Fire Emblem Awakening.
He's an amnesiac Blank Slate and your avatar. He's the Tactician for the Shepherds Army, second only to Chrom the leader.
You can customize how Robin looks, fights, sounds, whether he's a guy or girl, and more.
Personality-wise? It's very barebones.
He's a smart and calm guy. Likes reading books, playing strategy games, and becoming a better tactician for his army. He's usually the straight man, but he can still be roped into silly situations by his friends, and while he enjoys helping his friends he also enjoys pissing people offf.
He's a good audience surrogate. He has entertaining reactions to unusual shit like Kellam's lack of presence, Virion's excellence in chess and cowardly chess tactics, Miriel's cartoon-autism, Frederick's excessive dedication, Nowi's childish behaviour that's unbecoming of a 900 year old dragon princess, Gregor's silly accent, Maribelle's haughty attitude, Panne's hateboner for humanity, his own child's retardity, Henry's Ebil-Pinkie shtick, and Sully's desperation to prove her negative-six-inch dick is the biggest.

You can reliably count on Robin to be the normal one in most of the conversations he's in, because he's surrounded by wacky and quirky characters who are far more "Out there".
And most of these characters have hidden depths revealed over time.
Vaike's not a dumb thug with a massive ego, he's a lower-class hero to the people of his shitty hometown and he wants to be a hero to them. And bring his pay from serving in this army home. His one-sided rivalry with Prince Chrom and his constant demands for Chrom to spar with him... He's like this because he wants to get better at being an axe-swinging powerhouse.
Edgy obnoxious Lon'Qu would be generic if not for his literal fear of getting physically/emotionally close to women, since he failed to protect his childhood crush.
Henry, at first, seems like a "Haha! I love blood and violence!" meme character. Then it turns out this is a coping mechanism to deal with his tragic past. Then it turns out he enjoys being cheerful and finds people trying to "There there" him or psychoanalyze him annoying. Then he tells you some happy stories about his childhood, like how nicely he was treated by all the evil Plegians you killed during the course of the game. Turns out they're not pure evil after all. IT'S SO FUCKING DEEP!

There is a surface to the Vaike character (Annoying strong guy who calls himself Teach a lot and insists he's a master axeman) and hidden depths (Wants to do good for others)

It's really basic, I know

Fire Emblem Awakening has more than 30 playable characters so most of them have 5 character traits tops and rely on standard archetypes/cliches already in the viewer's mind before they have their hidden depths revealed.

It's still better than Littlepoop.
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To briefly elaborate further on the Littlepip stuff without bringing up anime,

During that "Get through Twilight's house to get two books and the sniper" mission, Littlepip does not act like a scared little child. She's as detached from the murder as a gamer deciding to nuke Norway during a game of Civ V. She's so detached, she starts quipping about how stupid her foes are and how all the stupid little things they do get in the way of their effectiveness as baddies. She rants to herself about how pissed off she is at all the horrors and ugliness and evilness around her, while she's already slaughtering without a second thought. She isn't a scared rookie covering things up with forced bravado and the worst profanities she can think of, she's a generic action movie protagonist who's able to quip at villains about how ineffective they are.

I know this child-sized character's age is ambiguous but she's a civilian with precisely no combat experience. She should act like a scared little child right now.
Or a scared little child who's snapped past the breaking point, so the only thought in her head is "KILL!" or at the very least, "Get this shit over with".
But no, she stops to quip and she lectures a Raider on being bad at holding ponies hostage before she grabs some convenient nearby grenades and threatens to shove grenades up assholes
It's not as if the Raider knew he had a weapon in his mouth, between his teeth, and growled something through his partly-missing ugly teeth like
Or expected Littlepip to see the Raider with a hostage, see the weapon in his mouth held to the hostage's neck, and figure it out herself using context clues and facial gestures.
the baddie just gets into a hostage situation, the author realizes "Oh wait he's holding a weapon in his mouth so he can't speak, haha", and decides to have Littlepip quip about this.
because of course
these professional raiders use weapons designed for human hands, and not...
>brass knuckles fitted for horse hooves
>metal boots more effective than any brass knuckle'd human fist could ever be
>rusty-spiked horseshoes
>backwards-facing rusty blades strapped to their hooves
>spiky leather-and-steel-spikes armour actually weaponized by charging horses

For fuck's sake, she stops in the middle of genociding this Raider den to loot part of it, something only a very forgetful game who knows the limited "Aggro Radius" (Radius in which an enemy can notice you and start attacking you) of every foe on the floor.

Littlepip isn't a consistent or coherent character, so she can't grow or change over time.

There is no clear-cut vision of who Littlepip is at the start. You can mention her only personality traits like "Hated by others" and "Is a lesbian" and "good at hacking" and "Is short" and... Oh wait, these aren't personality traits. The closest she ever has to a consistent personality trait is her stubbornness, which never fucks her over directly and never causes her to make stupid decisions and never gets in the way of her taking good advice and never matters.

It's like watching a gamer who decided not to roleplay in a RPG, and just do whatever's optimal. The result is a boring mess of a character who's a goodie-two-shoes sometimes and an evil bastard sometimes depending on what's in it for him, but because the game's mechanics assign rewards to risking your life to kill villains even if those telling you to do it can't pay you, the character will inconsistently accept terrible deals because the not-in-story purely-gameplay rewards are greater.

Littlepip isn't a character, she's the author's avatar. And it's an annoying preachy little shithead.

It reminds me of how badly written Camilla from Fire Emblem Fates was.

The authors never decided where the "Fucking someone like this" fantasy should end and where the "Actually knowing and dealing with someone like this regularly" sad reality should begin.

They weren't sure which of her mental defects and personality quirks made her hotter to waifufags and which should be fixed over the course of four conversations before marriage, since instantly fixing all of a quirky girl's problems is another common male fantasy since men have the natural instinct to build and repair. So she rarely if ever mentally improves in any of her conversations with you or her teammates/siblings, making them all feel pointless. She starts out as "Muh fantasy big-tiddy goth gf yandere waifu" and never gets over the downsides of those character traits. Never stops embarassing you by being overly-horny or overly-motherly and treating you like a child in front of others. Never stops threatening to murder all sorts of people. Never stops threatening to murder her own beloved younger family members if they ever change or leave her. Never grows out of her mommy-complex because everything in Fates is badly-written half-assed fanservice in an attempt to chase the success of Fire Emblem Awakening while misunderstanding everything that made it popular(Simple story with hidden depth, simplified game mechanics designed to make things more forgiving on dumbfuck newbies, bringing back most prior characters as non-canon DLC units, animu fantasy waifu shit, and "Oh hey it looks like Marth from Smash Bros is in thos one!" deceptive marketing on the cover).
oh also imagine blades braided into the tails of Raiders
could be razorblades, sharp metal spikes, even rusty metal spikes, anything like that they could swing around to puncture, rake, wound, and maim their foes.
sicker than your average nigger killer.gif
>Sex demon? If there's any pornography in Depravity/Project Valkyrie I haven't seen it yet.
I meant it as a metaphor for how mods aren't my cup of tea, i haven't really been playing games that much lately other than a couple old original Xbox games, the classics.
>They're quest mods, I'm only running into difficulty because I'm a fucking idiot who wants these 3-5ish mods to play nice with over 100 mods even though I probably don't need any of them.
Yeah i figured that you would know and have every mod, you give the impression that you are a true gamer.

>I could probably remove all graphics mods, the huge bugfix patch, the two mods that make character customization less terrible, CBBE, playable anime girls and guys: the mod, Wasteland Imports, one to unlock everything in Automatron from the start because fuck this DLC fanmade mods did it better*, one to add Eyebots and one to add Sentry Bots because fuck Bethesda for being so jealous of FNV's success that they ignored Securitrons and limited eyebots to "Resource-gathering paid DLC object that makes the game easier on pay2winfags" tools only, and pretty much everything except for one armour mod, one weapon, and the quests I'm here for.
I have never tried any CBBE or graphics mod, i have never been interested in them.

All fallout 4's DLC's are trash to be honest, i liked fallout 3's a lot more but i think it's because i have sort of nostalgia for them, except for mother ship zeta because it was way too wacky and cliche, point lookout had a unique feel to it and i still think it's the best add on Bethesda came out with, i never liked any other DLC as much as this one by them.
Nuka world felt like a bunch of kids were being babies and you had to babysit only one of them so they could continue being assholes, you take over some fucking coca cola copy of Disneyland for a bunch of complete niggers so that you can be king dickhead, it didn't feel like the reward at the end was really worth going through and activating a bunch of bastard switches, as you can probably tell i don't like Nuka world so i'm gonna pick it apart, piece by piece.
Here we go.
The way you come into there is going through a train station that still somehow works by some dumb fucks who thought it would be a good idea to lure people into their house of shit so that they can have their own bloody version of total wipe out or any other dumb Anglo TV show that includes an obstacle course, so you duck and dive your way through this haunted house and meet the knight in shitting armor, the nigger of the niggers only for his unreliable right hand slave to tell you how to beat him, with a fucking squirt gun, it's fucking dumb but creative so i'll give them that but you make it all the way through them traps just for the boss to be wetter than a mare in mid spring, i don't like how it all felt from the beginning to the end and i knew it was gonna be total shit from after that point.
So you go into the slave market and then talk with a bunch of nigger boys about how oppressed they are by their masters so you can either help free them like a good goy or belittle them, i don't give a fuck about some niggers made slaves by even bigger niggers, so then you can go meet the pimps of each tribe, they are all sort of the same with exactly the same goals in mind but continue to act like kids because they are all greedy cunts who can't get along, i fucking hated how stupid all this shit was and the final thing you do is restore some money grabbing park back to it's former greedy Jewish glory of stealing things, hell i hate this fucking pile of heaping horse shit.
So then you have the choice of joining these edge lords or killing them, you can probably guess what i did if you have an idea of where i'm going with this, i tried to see what it would be like to try and clear a few of these roller coaster rides and each one felt like looking for a needle in a haystack, it was so painstakingly annoying to have completely clear all the shit out because a bunch of wannabe niggers are too busy bickering at each other, i gave up after i couldn't find one of them in the space one because i was fucking fed up with having to do all that shit so i went back to the niggers and killed all of them with their fucking slaves, i felt a ton of pressure relieved from myself after shitting all over them then taking all their goodies, i won't forget how fucking good it felt to massacre all those niggers and finally have cola Disneyland all to myself, FUCK Nuka world, i still haven't completed that garbage after all this time because of how much i hate it.
Anyways i have been waiting years to talk shit about that disgrace of a quest.
Oh yeah fuck Automatron too, it made no fucking sense either all because some nigger bitch wanted to be a goody two shoes and decided to use some sadistic robots to help make America great again but "oh no i never meant for that to happen, how could i possibly have known that i was so blind to ignore all those dead bodies while i sat with my thumb up my ass inside my fortress of metal dildo's" fucking dumb as fuck that they wanted you to sympathize with this whore.
Well now that's over it's time to write about porn mods.

>Besides, Skyrim has more sex mods.
They are all sort of a waste of time to go through, i never gave a shit about any of them so i still haven't tried a single one of them after all these years, i have played halfway through Skyrim but got bored every time i reached level 30 because i hated the main quest devoutly so i mostly spent my time roaming the lands bludgeoning and beheading bastards with a great sword and making even shinier gear to make red guards cower in fear, i will admit that it did feel bad ass to fight because i liked the combat more than anything else, i never tried using bows or spells because they were not as satisfying

You must think i'm a sick fuck if you spent the time reading that wall of words and you would be correct in assuming that.
>They're bizarre, people slide/rotate into animations weirdly, and almost all sex content is focused on being a pathetic submissive sexually-abused bitch fucked over metaphorically or literally by NPCs, monsters, and even random shit found in dungeons.
The only experience that i have with these porn mods is watching them instead of playing them, a couple of times i watched them but the animations always looked the same and more plastic looking than a barbie doll, too many conflicting visuals made it pretty funny to watch but never was any of it real wank material for me.
>With these mods installed you can get raped by a skeleton and then open a treasure chest and it's full of BDSM shit that forces itself onto you like the outfit from Kill La Kill so now you're forced to wear that degeneracy.
You can get boned by a skeleton? Seriously though the BDSM gear doesn't belong in games, it sounds funny and looks funny on imaginary characters, If you don't know the main part of BDSM is domination and submission so it doesn't work well in games because of the feeling of detachment.
>I hated how much content focused on getting defeated and raped.
Yeah most porn game community's are all the same, every indie porn game follows the same sort of linear path of playing something with a pussy that gets fucked by a bunch of different random shit, never has it really changed from being the bottom instead of on top,
>Where's the shit for people who want to be on top?
Yeah it would be sort of interesting to something not part of the norm but i doubt any new sort of ideas will be added for a long time due to the modding community being all a bunch of furry's that cum to the same cat girl being fucked by a lizard on 2 legs.
>Where's the shit for men who want a harem of hot bitches to parade around the world while killing monsters?
It would be pretty cool to have a harem of mares in Skyrim, more should have been done with that mod because there is quite a lot of potential with it but too many people are afraid of touching it so the only kind of guy that would do anything with that mod would probably be me but i never bothered much with designing animations so maybe something will happen with it in the future but until then i'm not gonna get involved in modding.
A harem of MLP ponies does sound pretty original but it would take quite a long time to implement all the different animations and shit, it is the right game to add into if it was going to be made but all the mod developers are a bunch of faggots with no taste and copy other creators so it sort is unappealing to get involved in that web of bullshit,
It is quite a interesting concept anyways, if i ever get really bored i might try do something with it, i won't lie but the idea does appeal to me pretty well to have a monogamous selection of different MLP and normal mares.

>They kidnap tandi and you can pretend to be the ghost of the raider boss's dad, right? fun times.
Yeah you got it right.
>You're right, an option to join the raiders would be great.
It's a shame that the modding community would rather focus on the newer fallout games rather than the old, the amount of potential is crazy but sadly most mod makers are faggots.

>Fallout 2... It's great but I don't have a lot to rant about.
A disappointment, i thought you might have had a hard on for it like i do, there is lots of freedom of movement in quests and choices which is why i love it so much, so many possibilities but unfortunately the development of the game was cut short, all good games have a strict production time but all shit games almost always take years, both Fallout New Vegas and fallout 2 were not given enough time to become the masterpieces that they could have been.
>I think the game leans a bit too hard on old Fallout 1 assets but that's understandable.
There wasn't too many improvements over the previous one but fallout 2 was a lot harder than 1 so i think the game needed more quests to acquire more money early on in the game to make it feel more balanced in the start so you wouldn't get screwed over by a pack of wolves or fucking plants so quickly, another location or settlement would have been nice, maybe more stuff could have happened in your home village because everything in the game felt a bit too rushed but another couple of early game weapons could have been added or ammo should have been less expensive, more different ammo variants should have been added like slugs for shotguns.
>New Reno needed more content.
You are spot on, Reno felt like a let down to be honest, i think it would have been cool to tell the NCR about the city's affiliation with the enclave and a battle could have been had out in the streets or something, an actual battle between the gangs would have been cool to see.
>Vault City should have been more "A fascinating look at what 'rich' vault-dwellers are like after forming their successful society" and less "lmao we've got mutated psychic beavers for no reason".
High class cunts run by a high class nigger bitch, it's a shame that everyone in there is shown as being a bunch of softies afraid of liquor and drugs, there should have been an option to make the city better rather than it being a bunch of douche bags scared of dumb zombies, vault city could have actually repaired the nuclear power plant and taken it over so their city could have been given a lot more power but they were brought up in a box so what can you expect.
>I wish you could join the enclave, and I wish it didn't do that "Modyrn Scifi" woke thing where not wanting filthy mutants to breed or spread their corruptive seed is treated as a cartoon-fascist thing only cartoon monsters made to make fascism look inherently evil would ever want to do.
Same, it would have been amazing to be part of a vertibird assault team after you got a promotion after standing guard duty.

The more i reflect back on 2 the more i realize how many opportunities were missed and how much potential this game had to be fantastic.
ponified frank horrigan.jpeg
>I wish you could join the enclave, and I wish it didn't do that "Modyrn Scifi" woke thing where not wanting filthy mutants to breed or spread their corruptive seed is treated as a cartoon-fascist thing only cartoon monsters made to make fascism look inherently evil would ever want to do.
The main objective of the enclave is better than any other faction in any other fallout game, restore America to the greatness it was before the war but the developers were a bunch of thickheaded peace lovers who couldn't grasp the idea so they made them out to be bad, instead of expanding upon the idea of ridding the earth from mutants and abominations they cut it down so that the world would forever be a nuclear wasteland plagued by radiation and all forms of terror from the savagery of uneducated tribal life and raiders, if the enclave had better leadership by a man who wasn't too busy staring at his secretary's ass then maybe someone who didn't think with their dick could have followed out the restoration plan better than any other group known to the wasteland, too bad the ending had us blow up the oil rig rather than restore America we doomed it, fallout was meant to end with number 2 but it carried on for greedy reasons of corporations wanting more money, the last remnant of the old world has been destroyed and there is no one else who could have made as good of a job of helping the world than the enclave, they had everything at their disposal, they had better gear than the brotherhood and were more organized than they ever could be.
The ending of fallout 2 was sad for me because i knew that the world was now only left to a bunch of wannabe Californians who were no where near as close to restoring the world to it's original place than the enclave, the New California Republic didn't have power armor for every soldier nor do they have the ability to create GECK's like the enclave did, the enclave had the ability to destroy all life on the west coast so what was stopping them from restoring it? They had access to every vault because they were the government of the united states so they therefor had the ability to collect every GECK from every one of them, they already had a GECK on the oil rig for goodness sake what was stopping them from getting more? Were they really that evil to want to rid the earth of it's ailments and restore it to how it was previously? The enclave was the last and best hope for humanity because they truly were the last of old humanity, now the world is unable to be restored to it's former glory all because of some egotistical tribal's that stole the GECK from the enclave and blew them up.
The only thing that stopped them was us and we were the ones who doomed humanity thereafter, it was the decision of the developer to have the enclave portrayed as evil, rather than actually making a change to the world the main character made sure that the world would forever be irradiated, beastly and stuck in time.
The ending of fallout 1 and 2 were both an example of how ignorant and uncooperative humans are to each other, in fallout 1 you were the guy who helped save your vault then was exiled for the fear of being made a model by the people so a selfish leader banished you from ever returning, in fallout 2 you were the great grandson of him so you set out to follow his footsteps and save your village too, but in the process you yourself were selfish for being uncaring about the goals of others, you save your village but doom the rest of the world to being uninhabitable, you try to help the world but instead ignorantly choose to destroy it without realizing the repercussion of your actions, you were the selfish one instead of being the hero that you always aspired to be.
It's a tragic story but a good example of how people don't get along with each other.
>In Fallout 1 everything felt really connected in tone, even though what you did in some places wouldn't affect other places much.
It all fit perfectly but there was something missing to all of it but i'm still not sure what, you go around helping everyone or killing everyone but for what purpose? They will all meet the same fate of death eventually but you help them anyways even though no one cares about you at all, you do not belong to any settlement nor do you fit in anywhere, you destroy the one guy who was attempting to make the human race more genetically superior so that your own home vault may live on normally but then again you are forever forsaken to attempting to help but actually detriment the world around you so that you may be seen as a saint, none of it even matters in the end because you are forced to leave the ones that you killed for behind then turn your back and walk away.
It's a very sad ending that no matter what you try to do people will always have their own goals in mind, no matter how you try to help others it will never matter because we all meet the same fate even if we wish to escape it we will never be cared about in a world of endless torment, so we try our best to help and live but deep down inside we know that it is all pointless.
It's a very doom and gloom meaning but it's the harsh reality we live in so we can only fight against it until there is nothing left to fight for and in this case there is nothing left to fight for.

That's my analysis of the original endings, Bethesda could never attempt to create anything half as meaningful as these 2 games because Bethesda is blind.
>Fallout 2 had a more varied tone, and the dumb references were too much.
Yes they relied a lot on 90's references a bit too often, it would have been better if they stuck to the realist approach of the first game instead of trying to make it appeal to a wider audience, the cruelness of the first made it a complete dystopia so i think they tried to cheer the atmosphere of the game up too hard so it came out too forced and over the top, still not as goofy as fallout 4 with all the stupid fucking dialogue choices.
caesar has something wrong with him.png
I have made the choice that i'm not gonna go through absolutely everything here because i would be here for a month.
>Would it have killed House to open the doors to a fake room containing destroyed robot parts and then block the rest of the vault with a rubble wall his robot army could easily pull apart on the day of the Dam War?
House was obsessed with money and couldn't get over his nostalgia for wealth, his goals were not for the benefit of mankind but instead for himself, he is a liar that wants to use the courier so that his empire of money will grow, is it not obvious that he is greedy? I don't like him either.
He has good goals but he relies too much on the past rather than creating his own amalgamation of ideas he copies a order that was not designed to exist in a futuristic setting, he has a promising objective but he fails in carrying it through fully for he does not understand the world around him, if anything i admire how they implemented the Romans because it works to a certain extent but falls short on facing other more up built factions.
If the enclave faced against the legion they would be reduced to a mere pile of ashes, you have the option of having a enclave remnant team assist you on the dam so imagine what the original enclave could have done to them,
Arcade Gannon was just a faggot with naivety lodged into his head of how cruel the world is and pitied the weak for being weak, he was childish to believe that he could help everyone with the help of the NCR because the NCR has only corruption at it's core.
Yes Man was a slave who enacted the selfish interests of the player to create complete anarchy, if anything anarchy only leads to further chaos and without true order anarchy is without a helping goal, complete anarchy only helps people fight others and fighting only results in sadness and anger, it is pointless bringing the Mojave to this state of chaos because there is nothing you can do at this point to help it. Anarchy is an extreme form of freedom but a man with too much free time loses track of his main objectives due to having no real goal in mind, freedom is a virtue but too much creates a unbalance of order and chaos, anarchy is only able to succeed in hand with order for order without freedom is only an order with only restriction as it's main goal, likewise anarchy without order is simply freedom without any form of path for a mans desires tempt him too much so he strays from the path of true life, there has to be a harmony between the 2 where man is more tempted on the path TO freedom rather than being completely free for he must first set himself straight in order to be worthy of being free.
What does this have to do with a game about different factions? Well i'm trying to tell you Yes Man is gay so complete anarchy is thus equally homosexual.
>What if letting Benny escape meant you needed to chase him down before he got to the tent,
It would have worked but it might have made a couple of people cry so the developers didn't include it, fist fighting Benny would have been difficult for anyone with low melee but i do agree that it would have been fun to kick the shit out of that double dealer.
>I get that you're supposed to meet Caesar and then decide if you serve him or not even though he has given you no reason to serve him, but could they have done this any other way?
There would have been a few other ways like fighting your way out of a replication of the Colosseum (a bigger version of that excuse of an arena) which would have just been a pit so you had to prove your worth to him then replace Legate Lanius after defeating him in battle.
There was a lot of things that could have been done with the legion but unfortunately no one has done anything, i like the legion the most but it feels a bit too underwhelming but with enough effort the legion could easily become a formidable force.
Gonna cut this a bit short so i'll pick apart the things that stand out the most to me.
>House's robot cunts
They never really interested me that much, it was a bit of a dumb idea to have a giant army of them underneath fortification hill and never release them against the legion, i agree that they should have done more with them.
>Caesar should have more presence
I'm not sure how this could have been implemented because it might have made them a bit too threatening, but i wish that there was more stuff you could do around the east side of the river, maybe go to a location south of fortification hill instead of that death claw nest which could have been another legion base then do a bunch of thing there then go meet Caesar after doing favors for them, so that you are shown as being trustworthy instead of waltzing into his tent and shoving the end of a barrel in his face so that first you are required to be proven worthy of his presence.

>An option to (after killing Benny) challenge Swank to a knife fight and win to take over the casino
It would have been interesting to be able to own a casino, mods should be able to do that but no is very creative anymore in modding.

>I really like house mods.
>I once tried to make my own with an incredibly ambitious built-in companion with a shitload of custom dialogue and psychic powers and a long backstory and the ability to ask her about the rest of the world so you can hear my takes on what other post-apocalyptic countries would be like(at the time, they'd be different now), but the file corrupted so I gave up.
How much time did you put into it? Where was the house going to be put? How long ago was this?

Yeah i wish that they did more with it other than just having it be some handheld weapon, maybe the NCR could have used it to beam down on Caesar's hill or something so that you could watch it from the other side of the dam, the whole place felt like it had no purpose so there could have been more done with the solar weapon.

I'm gonna leave it here because i don't know fuck all about little shit or Fallout Equestria.
Speaking of shit that ain't hot shit and is just total shit, there's this story's treatment of Ponyville.

Early on, this fic makes a big deal out of how fucked up Ponyville is... And then glosses over it way too quickly. We don't get to see all the Mane Six's homes-

Even though it'd make that chase scene way more interesting if it was a chase through several buildings, because running away in a straight line from enemies with guns is a death sentence.
Imagine her entering Pinkie's Bakery that's been transformed into an edgy butcher's store with dead ponies hanging from meathooks dangling from the ceiling with their guts hanging out. So Littlepip starts off throwing bent and destroyed cooking supplies at the Raiders pursuing her, then maims some with meathooks fishhooks-style and runs,
Then they end up at Applejack's fucked-up barn where Applejack hides behind some dead trees to avoid gunfire, then she notices some black and twisted trees with glowing green apples so she force-feeds these acidic poisoned apples down raider throats for an audibly acidic noise and agonizing scream so disgusting that they make Littlepip vomit again
then they go through Fluttershy's cottage which is full of feral animals that leave Littlepip alone because she tossed them some food and then ran so they'd eat the baddies pursuing her
Also Littlepip picks up some decapitated/literally-fucked Carousel Boutique models and beats some Raiders to death with it via telekinesis at Rarity's (Or does the dead-cat-in-dress landmine fake-death thing I mentioned)
That sort of thing
It could build up to Twilight's house as "The place with the final boss sniper dude".
Though since Rainbow Dash's house is made of clouds they probably couldn't get to that. Unless it was destroyed and all her stuff fell to a trashheap in the center of town.

But as soon as Littlepip escapes this place and frees their captives, that's it. Nobody in town says "It'll suck when those raiders come to try and get these captives back".

It's over and done with way too soon.

There isn't a quest to Retake Ponyville, even though now would be the perfect time to arm yourself to the teeth with better guns bought with bartered crap and form a strike force to retake the land because... I don't know, there was some good shit buried somewhere in Ponyville or under Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe Berry Punch had a damn good wine cellar that's also an apocalypse bunker.

What do the Raiders eat? What do the Raiders drink? Applejack's apples are poisoned now thanks to radiation, so was that large colony of predators really subsisting solely on shit stolen from nearby prey?
Were they giving nearby towns the old protection-racket routine?
Why? Who would buy these guys as a credible threat instead of sniping them from the guard towers around your mud-and-alabaster-and-scrap-wall settlement?
That was a fucking retarded group of Raiders.
Raiders? More like Retarders.
Nobody could consider these fags a threat. Even a rookie like Littlepip was able to lecture them on how they "Should" have fought and acted, and you know she's right because she's the main character.

Imagine if Ponyville had a water fountain that's enchanted to purify all water within it
so it's enough water for a decent-sized settlement and its crop needs
>"but xXx_sexchampion69_xXx you handsome devil, plants can't grow after a nuclear bombing!"
It's magic radiation in a world where at least a third of the population has magic. Surely if you transformed some purified water into dirt via magic, you'd get purified dirt free from radiation. Toss that in long clay pots and you can grow some shit. Magically turn some rocks into fish and fishbowls so you can get your fish to shit on the plants. Vertical farming, hydroponics, greenhouses, and artificial solar lights (Or small magic suns) are chad farming things.



Go and watch Shrek 1 if you haven't seen it yet

I'm not kidding

After watching Shrek 1, watch the Halloween special "Scared Shrekless" and admire how this short film takes Shrek back to Duloc and turns those singing puppets from the first film into a spooky decayed broken thing, excellently twisting your nostalgia for Shrek 1 like a knife. It's not outright scary or anything(I'm too old to get scared by anything, even horror games just piss me off), but neither is a story full of prancing polkadot ponies and shitty edgy Sonic OC-tier ponies shooting each other to death over tins of beans and ancient superweapons and retarded sidequests in the Fallout Wasteland.

That Shrek halloween special does a better job perverting the familiar and wholesome into something unnerving and ugly than this fanfic.
And it's a fucking Shrek product released after the franchise stopped being good.
a made-for-TV/DVD shrek holiday special for fucking Halloween did something better than what mainstream bronies will call "The greatest fanfiction ever written by brony hands".
Fun easter egg: Those Fortification Hill Securitrons do get activated during Hoover Dam. In the distance, you see Caesar's shitty camp burn because of them but only if they are alive.

I put over 50 hours into the mod, the plan was:
>Meet faggot at Goodsprings looking for fighters
>accept a job offer
>get warped to a new area near the map's center
>fight some guys in an arena for a reward
>fuck off, open fire, or join their faction
>join their faction and you get to meet the biggest Mary Sue I ever wrote holy shit
>it's a chick who has shitloads of clones of herself, and because she's a psychic mutant these born-adult clones immediately enter her hive mind. This Vault's experiment was "Lmao let's clone people" but they accidentally made braindead flesh. Fortunately this psychic girl can force her mind into others to make them part of her hive mind too. So she turns her retarded clones into non-retarded clones
>guys is there such a thing as a fetish for clones? my favourite Helltaker girl is Cerberus
>anyway you then recruit as many of her as you want as a companion
>there is literally a button that spawns more of her with no cost or limit
>the Main Girl has a custom Power Armour suit, the rest spawn in Vault Suits but you can buy each one more PA suits at the faction's huge collection of stores
>seriously I put way too many merchants into the town outside because I thought giving each one a specialty and establishing the place overall as a popular trading outpost would be more lore-friendly
>within me there are two wolves. one is smart and the other one thinks MORE is a substitute for logic. sometimes the second one wins.
>then you go to Dead Money and do it quickly without the horror shit. It's now just a generic combat zone because I wanted to see how this horror zone would be as a generic combat zone
>your reward? All the cool shit Elijah wanted and then some
>I made some really cool guns by reusing hologram shit, ghost people shit, and more code.
>you can buy immortality
>I like the gun I built with code from the Archimedes C-Finder and that Boomer Artillery. Can designate a target for an artillery barrage from the faction of hot babes in power armour
>after beating Dead Money: Micheal Bay Edition you can now buy This Faction's Unique Power Armour for yourself and your girls
>also that PA is upgraded to summon Holograms at 90% health and dismiss them when combat ends
>then you can sneak into the Gun Runners and steal their plans for this faction
>and once you've finished, the faction has finished renovating your new room in their vault and integrating matter-reconstituting tech from Dead Money into their Vault.

It's a pretty great player home in terms of features
complete with "Enhanced Hologram Room" that just spawns factionless (or Red Team faction or Blue Team faction) copies of any NPC you select from a console into a room only you can get into/out of, making it easy to watch 5 Deathclaws fight 10 Sentry Bots, 2 Caesars VS 5 NCRs, and so on.
The house was designed to be compact, comfy, and full of inexplicable sci-fi bullshit. I put as much as possible within reach of the player's bed, including a fully-stocked regenerating fridge with a "Refill" button on top. But it's got separate rooms (Jesus Christ, how decadent!) full of other stuff including a personal library, a personal gym, a bathroom with shower and bath, and more.
And the armoury... Don't get me started on the armoury. At first it's empty because you're supposed to fill it with your own stuff. But if you hit a secret button hidden somewhere in the house, the armoury is filled with fucking fucktons of weapons and ammo and armour. There's also a hidden hatch somewhere that takes you to a debug room containing everything in the game for when certain things are needed for roleplaying
And there's a button in my house that spawns hot chicks. You can fuck them if you have a sex mod. There's also a map that teleports you to whichever part of it you touch.
And there's a planning room where you generate caps by selecting options from menus and deciding what jobs your hot babe in power armour bounty hunting unit takes and if you'll come with them to help out
You could theoretically live your whole life in this room. It's got a computer, and a bed, and a fridge that's always full of 999x all food items including OP custom shit thanks to the button on top that refills it. You could eat from the fridge, sleep in the bed, watch the TV at the foot of your bed or listen to the radio on your bedside table or read from your library (all with custom scripts that apply stat buffs with "You watch some pre-war educational documentaries or read some books or listen to some audiobooks or whatever" as the justification) and there's even a bath and shower. Also there was a communal shower full of hot babes but that's separate from your room.
And there's an Auto-Doc that lets you add and remove stat-boosting/perk-granting chips
Although, the town outside your vault is technically also a part of your house. This was designed to be a great player base, so it's placed in the worldspace to make superjumping in/out without loadscreens easier. Its central location makes getting to specific areas easier. And your hive-mind hot-babe NPCs can teleport you to important places via dialogue options.
There's a great doctor here who sells you hyper-expensive OP Chips so I can have something to spend your game-crashingly high amount of cash on
I figured out how to design a chip that makes you immortal in Fallout NV.
Also there's a Robot Station for buying robots because I got sick of RobCo Mod's crashes.

I know there are cooler-looking house mods out there.
And more interesting factions/new towns.
It's not exactly beautiful.
I'm no 3D modeller, so I couldn't do anything fancy. I'm not even a very good programmer, as I'm still learning.
Best I could do was build with the basics: containers, scripts, trigger objects, spawned NPCs, basic quests, and something big made out of Vault parts.
286595 286601
And all of this shit corrupted?
The drive it was on corrupted and I didn't back things up back then. I back things up a lot more now.

I'm quite proud of this one chip I designed. When you buy the chip, it is "Implanted" into you. So a Perk is added to you, and that has the Chip's effects. It sets your Gun Spread as an absolute value to 0. This eliminates RNG from your bullets, so they will always fire at what you're aiming at. Never again will your bullets randomly veer off to the side and curve away from your foe. That's so unrealistic. I always hate it when games do that. You are not that dude from that game where a dude can curve bullets because his parents were assassins so he smashes a keyboard that says fuck you with a tooth forming the U and he has to shoot and curve around his girlfriend. I wish that guy smashed another keyboard on the fat bitch's face too. It's stupid that she gets a "I know you're fat and ugly and pathetic and addicted to comfort eating, fucking loser" speech that makes her cry, but the guy gets hit hard enough to cost him a tooth. Women don't cry. Sort of. They cry at the drop of a hat so it means nothing to them, they've gotten used to it by the time they're young, and only an idiot would think a woman's tears mean anything. They literally seek out emotional porn so they can enjoy performing for their friends and pretending to have hearts as they cry when watching Titanic or some fucking Disney flick. Fuck Disney, I'm drunk.

anyway about the chip
This also makes VATS guaranteed to almost always hit, but only whores use VATS. Cool dudes replace it with Bullet Time.

I thought about giving you a Critical Hit bonus too but a good Locational Damage mod should give enough crit and damage bonuses to the right body parts.
wait we should probably talk about the fic


fuckin uh...

oh yeah the chips

I really don't like how this story treats cybernetics.

In Fallout, Cybernetic Enhancements are easily put into you for a price, and they help.
No downsides.
High Endurance stat = you can handle more Implants in your body.
Want a stat booster? How about under-armour to slightly boost Damage Threshold less than most clothes, or a brilliant health regenerator?
But in this fic, Kkunt decides that isn't edgy enough. So now Cybernetics Eat Your Soul(TM) because TvTropes said they should. Except they only eat the souls of some people. It's inconsistent.
And they never really matter because Littlepoop drinks Bone-Hardening Juice from a Zigger that makes her limbs 25% harder to cripple according to the faggoted story text
Also according to the faggoted story text, it's impossible to combine Bone-Hardening Juice and Cybernetic Implants.


never explained.

guess the beautiful coupling of scientifically-minded fantasy and real hard science doesn't play nice with all that anti-science pseudoreligious shite that's literally lower than Karen's Healing Vagina Crystals For Attracting Wealth, Love, and Sexual Desire, available now for 20% off at KarenThePlusSizeWitch.Tumblr.Amazon.Etsy.Org/Buymyshit/FakePlasticCrystalsForRetards!

but now all Fallout Equestria fanfics (god that concept disgusts me) have to deal with this stupid and incredibly limiting piece of terrible lore thrown in haphazardly by Kkunt.
even though it makes no sense that metal body parts or a liver-enhancing chip would "eat your soul".

What, does it cause some degree of dehumanization and existential mindfuckery once your body is 14% flesh, 88% steel, and over 9000% faggotry?

I fucking wish! That would take skill to write. So that isn't what happens. Getting too many cybernetic implants just makes you a whinier edgier cunt. If you're already the type of bitch to bitch about getting sick mecha-arms that flip tanks and punch through steel and contain powerful lasers, getting them won't "weaken" your soul because it is already too weak.

I don't know if artists drawing Blackjack (Overpowered mary sue from Project Horizons, the most popular and even darker/edgier/crappier Fallout Equestria fanfic) came up with the idea that robotic pony limb replacements should be able to unfold into humanoid hands with fingers on their own or if a story thought of that first, but if Equestria discovered mecha-arms first it could be used to explain why Equestria would design their guns to be for human arms only.