I need some critique of small short fanfics i'm writting, fictional papers on equestria's creatures, magic and other stuff, anyone care to give me their honest thoughts?
Shapeshifting beings actually work in quite a different manner than those of us who lack abilities as drastic alteration of one’s appearance by the use of sheer will.
A shapeshifter's mind works with the pretense that no form he is or will ever take is actually his real form, for this reason a shapeshifter might identify with all genders, no genders or a single gender; The way in which the identification occurs is solely dependant on the shapeshifter as the ability to radically alter one’s body also means radical alteration of hormonal balance within such body as well as bodily functions. (1)
Study of neuronal pathways upon a living shapeshifter subject have shown that gazing into a mirror, picture or drawing of self will activate neural pathways hithero associated with entertainment as opposed to usual pathways associated with identification of the self. (2) This phenomena can be explained by Hooman’s study of shapeshifting pregnancy particularities (3) which proves that despite the common belief that a shapeshifter's natural form is actually his or her "real" form, it is actually a form assigned by his or her mother at birth. Despite this known fact within the equestrian scientific community, attempts to enforce traits on a shapeshifter's natural form have proven futile hitherto (4)
New physiological studies have suggested that previously stated particularities on a shapeshifter are a direct causer of certain common personality traits such as extrovertion, dissociation, carelessness and irresponsibility. (5) Further studies are being developed regarding the evolutionary advantage of such personality traits.
1.Micin L. 1327. Chemistry of reward and punishment. In: Althon D, editor. ed. Shapeshifters and Alogology. Ponyvile Health Service Publication No.000200400002-5.
2. Sugardash S. 1330. Recognition of pictures and shapes under monitored, regulated circumstances. Brain Research 152-106.
3. Hooman A. 1325. The psychology of birth. Alogology 225-350.
4. Loopo P. 1330. Forward and reverse genetic approaches to facies commutata in the development phase. Science 125:1724-1733.
5. Scooter B. 1330. Follow-throught study on the daily life of a shapeshifter. Behaviour and Cognition 35(2), 437–458
The mechanism in which the cockatrice's petrifaction works has been proved to derive from the modification of inactive stem cells within the observer.(1) Such modifications have been theorized to happen thanks to quantum paths put in place by a specialized organ under the cockatrice’s eyes hithero known as geranofyra autopsy of dead instances of cockatrice show thatsuch organ also takes on the function of the animal’s tear ducts.(2) An in-depth study upon the quantum interactions leading to the infection of stem-cells on victims of the cockatrice are yet to be approved, any information regarding the subject is to be sanitized.(3)
Post-infection, the infected victim’s stem cells will perform the following two actions:
2.Alter it’s own genetic structure to match the subject’s bone-cells.
Infected cells mutate at an anomalous rate causing visible changes within the body after seconds of infection. The forced acceleration also causes imperfections on the new bone-cell giving it it's characteristic “stone like” color and hard but brittle properties (4), despite the resemblance, victims of the cockatrice are not stone solid but entirely covered by a very similar yet genetically different material. (5)
A study of cockatrice attacks on controlled laboratory conditions have proven to give useful data towards determining how much control the beast has over it's victim's mutation;
The beast possesses the ability to stop the process at any point within a range of 15 square meters from it's victim, cockatrices at greater distances struggle when commanded to halt the process and fail at a rate of 70% leaving the petrifaction process to continue indefinitely reintroduction of the cockatrice to the 15 meter radius does not restore the animal's ability to halt nor reverse the process; This has been theorized to happen due to the breaking of quantum paths controlling the mechanism of infection.(6)
Autopsy on five victims of a cockatrice with infection time periods varying from a day to a month weeks have shown that subjects stay on a suspended state for a period of three days to four weeks before vitals are compromised and irreparable damage is made. (7)
Giddy A. Methods of action on petrifaction spells - Addiction Magic. 1331:947–954.
Starshine F, Sunrise K. Study of the unknown organs found on animals. Magno incognita. 1325:148–156.
Royal decree, canterlot archives "Regarding mass-destruction spells" COT-PCC79B00552F000200070-4
Cottoneye J. Forced growth and mutation over mice. Canterlot's Journal of Health. 1335;34:275–285.
Sugarquest M. Composition and comparison of magical elements: An analysis of published data. 1341;298:784–788.
D'Gateau B. On weaponizing magical creatures. 1320;4:55–59.
Redheart M.D. Treatment and prevention: On magical creatures. 1328;85:150–160.
For an unicorn to use his or her horn the brain’s mageia cortex has to come into action (1), concentrating currents of biological energy from the unicorn’s body on the tip of his or her horn. After transport, the energy will resonate accordingly to said unicorn’s magic, determined by crystal fragments found close to the tip of said horn. When the unicorn’s biological energy resonates at the right frequency, it is finally become “magical” energy. (2)
Extreme magical concentration, the vibration of said crystals might cause severe burns, headache and possibly death. Unstable energy and or high concentrations of magical energy around the horn can also lead to adverse effects such as sparks, spontaneous ignition and or loss of control.(3)
Magical constructs are a rarity among unicorns as they require too many calculations but every unicorn is capable of lifting objects with magic easily. In reality levitation magic is also a form of magical construct, a simple one yet a stepping-stone for higher tiers of magic. As recent studies on the nature of levitation magic have been released, it has been proven that as the complexity of the task at hand and the energy required for holding an object increases, the stress put on the mageia cortex becomes greater in order to keep up with the demand. It is for this reason that picking up an Apple is extremely easy, while picking up water proves to be a gargantuan task with standard methods of levitation. (4)
It has been documented even grand masters like Princess Twilight Sparkle prefer to just use an object as aid to lift water as to avoid the unnecessary stress that is levitating such troublesome substance. (4) In current recorded history, the only being observed to hold water into the air without any stress on their part was the God of chaos Discord. (5)
Surprisingly, an unicorn’s vision has no influence on their magical capabilities. As studies have suggested that, certain tiers of magic are impossible to perform without training the unicorn’s ability of detecting and successfully interpreting the oscillations between the aura emitted from their horn crystals in relation to the environment around them. (6)
Any commoner unicorn with enough training will be capable pf performing high tier magic, yet to his or her dismay, certain magical abilities require greater levels of vibration and energy than what a normal unicorn’s horn is capable of generating.(7)
An Alicorn horn, contrary to common belief, are not bigger to “go along” their bigger bodies, a bigger horn allows for greater wavelength within the magical vibrations and a higher level of energy to be contained within, allowing the alicorn to cast “world magic” a feat impossible for a single unicorn.(8)
Tampering with one’s horn is ill advised since causing too much stress on the mageia cortex might cause undesired effects such as ceasing brain or heart activity on the subject.(9)
1. Dr.Appulz Lg. Alogology: The unicorn (revised) 1315;15–24.
2. Achepon S. In-Depth anatomy: How does magic works. Canterlot: The Stationary Office; 1320
3. Ribbon M.D. A report on common magical injuries. 1324;19–23.
4. Twilight Sparkle HRH. Magic and you. 1342;18–34.
5. Cherry B. The day? it rain? milk. 1337;61:12–26.
6. Star S.TB. Benefits of blindness on magic students. 1112;25:S3–S8.
7. Twilight Sparkle HRH. Magic and you. 1342;188–194.
8.Fluff MJ. The alicorn question. 1319;15:51–69.
9. Amonds G's notes (non-sanitized version) Canterlot reading room 13XX;CIF-CIRD000100010016
As the “air-tank”, theory of 1213 led by professor Eagle D. I (1) is hitherto deem obsolete as it was disproved by the experimentation and subsequent data gathered from the paper “hoof holding on non-airtight conditions” (2) further research upon the mechanism of work of an equestrian’s hoof proceeded to be conducted for the following years, now displayed in this compilation:
As previous studies have pointed out, direct contact with the stratum medium, epidermal laminae or the body of the sole is required for holding to occur, while the heel holds no capability of holding onto objects of any kind by itself. (3)
Experimentation on small objects (bits, pebbles and confetti) have been documented to “stick” to the hoof when a subject tries to pick it.
For bits, only those in direct contact with the hoof seem to stick, while for confetti, quantities of up to 15 pieces have seen to stick to the hoof suggesting weight/material variances having an effect on the hoof’s capability of holding objects.
When subjects were order to “grip as hard as they can” on objects laying on their hoof for extended periods of time, subjects have reported a feeling of “tiredness they can’t explain” while control subjects just holding the object’s weight without applying pressure presented no visible stress, reporting “I could do it all day” when questioned. (4)
Methods of real-time imagery have proven evidence for the medulla oblongata as well as the motor cortex to be at play whenever a pony tries to hold onto an object with their hooves while regular mouth-holding and regular holding of objects over the hoof is presents no abnormalities. (5)
The speculative existence of “Holton’s particles” (6) have been theorized to be at play within the hoof as a low-grade magical spell. Analysis of the electromagnetic spectrum around the hoof at time of holding have yet to prove any meaningful data.
Experimentation regarding the hoof phenomena around 0 gravity scenarios have proven useful data supporting Holton’s theories by determining that the hoof possesses a weak gravitational pull, it is theorized that Holton’s particles are stored inside of the hoof’s cartilage providing a plausible explanation for the movements presented the soft tissue of a hoof whenever holding an object. (7)
Further studies upon the composition of the hoof are hitherto impossible due to technological restrictions.
1. Eagle D. I. My Little Hoof Study. 1213;1–1.
2. Whimsey B, Sparkle DH. A scientific take on mountain climbing. 1213:24–48.
3. Seedgraves RT. Considerations for a better identification of a performer's center of gravity. 1217;7:90–95.
4. Manehatan Psychiatric Association. Effects of the psychological. 1216:438-440.
5. Boatree D, Maquintosh CG, Chen J, Cloudream E. Brain Med. 1212;7:1668–1686.
6. Holton. On gravity. Transl C.M. QE. 1150:563–575.
7. Nasa P. Reexamining the hoof holding upon astral bodies. 1218;43:63–65.
That's all i wrote till nowalso my plan was to either inspire people to write their own or give writers ideas for their own fics
This is great I love it.>>122482>On hoof-holding mechanicsH-how lewd!>>122483
That sounds like a good plan.
Interesting. I need to take a look at these
definitely interesting, I hope you write more!>base level critique
I understand that english isn't your first language and for the most part it's all very well written, but occasionally a word is forgotten, so maybe run it through some sort of spelling/grammar checker? Other than that, it's all great, keep it up!
This is academic stuff OP.
>>122486>maybe run it through some sort of spelling/grammar checker?
I'll get someone to proof read it at some point, you see i already
do run it throught two
grammar checks but yeah sometimes i just forget words>>122484>>122490
>>122496>you already run it through two grammar checkers
That's already more dedication than me, you're guaranteed to go places like that!
Excerpts from “Magic and you” Twilight Sparkle HRH. Ponyville, 1342; 12-16
Previous studies on an unicorn’s magical capabilities have determined that the levitation of an object must follow three essential rules to occur:
The weight of an object should never surpass the previously determined “safe” weight-handling amount for the unicorn in question, as assigned by Equestria’s school of magic affairs.
The size of an object should not surpass the previously tested “maxed out” magical aura of the unicorn, as previously determined by Equestria’s school of magical affairs.
A line of sight or previous knowledge of the object’s general spatial position within a room is required for levitation to occur.
With those three principles in mind, a healthy unicorn should find no trouble exerting telekinesis.
Failing to follow one or more of these principles can cause adverse reactions to the practitioner including failure to generate a meaningful magical aura, magical dwindle disorder, the slingshot effect and or the Holum Belum syndrome.
(…) The need for an unicorn to perceive the exact spatial location of an object is a well-known phenomenon caused by the interaction of the occipital and temporal lobes with the mageia cortex; In short, a pony needs to know where it is (in space) before taking a step forward.
Unicorns exerting telekinesis on familiar environments do not always require sight of the object in order to manipulate it as they rely mostly on spatial memory. This is especially true for the workplace, in which certain tasks perform in an almost automatic manner.
Hitherto no proof of levitation without the previous knowledge of the object’s location exist.
Differences between magical bodies
Despite the lack of a mageia cortex, the manipulation of bioelectricity within a pony’s body is a known trait within the pony species; such manipulation plays a big role defining racial traits between the four different races. (1)
For pegasi to reach supersonic speeds, protection of the soft tissue, reinforcement of the bone structure and negation of G-force effects are required skills in order to ensure the subject will not succumb to the harsh conditions experienced under said flight speeds, making pegasi and alicorns the only pony races capable of supporting the effects of supersonic flights. (2)
Studies upon pegasi flying habits have shown that upon reaching dangerous speeds, activation of the medulla oblongata will occur, triggering the subject’s protective mechanism (3); a grid of interlaced atoms extends from the subject’s body, hovering part from his or her body at 50 to 65 µm. A mechanism similar to that for stepping on clouds without falling.
The grid generated around the subject’s body successfully protects him from the adverse effects of supersonic travel thanks to the generation of a magnetic field similar to that found around a pony’s body. The magnetic field generated around a pegasi weakens G-force effects while effectively supporting the pressure generated by faster-than-sound speeds.
Studies upon earth ponies have concluded that their bodies passively absorb energy from the earth through their hooves; allowing them to recover faster from wounds and illnesses, a faster recovery from physically demanding activities as well as giving earth ponies the ability to determine a plant’s current condition and its needs.
Under life-threatening scenarios, an earth-pony’s body enters a defensive state, increasing the subject’s energy levels as well as giving their physical performance a boost. (4)
1.Fluff MJ. The alicorn question. 1319; 15:24–48.
2.Cookies and cream, Silver D, Peachy JR. Effects of aerial travel on unprotected bodies. Hello physics. 1330; 65–140.
3.Sugardash S. 1330. Effects of stressful situations upon the brain on monitored conditions. Brain Research 210-266.
4.Randolph J. In-depth analysis upon the causes and effects of racial traits. The big question. 1332;7–124
Memorandum for: ██████████
Subject: Action to safeguard information regarding reality-bending abilities within artifacts and or individuals.
As noted in many discussions during the past several months, you and your department or agency have an obligation to safeguard records regarding reality-bending capabilities. Reality bending phenomena include:
Any and all individuals or artifacts capable of conjuring, summoning and or evoke artifacts and or individuals into this reality by using level V or higher methods of magical manipulation.
Any and all individuals or artifacts capable of affecting the space-time continuum regardless of magical manipulation level.
Any and all individuals or artifacts capable of physically interacting, communicating and or listening to other planes of existence, dimensions or realities.
Classified information, regardless of its age, that could reasonably be expected to assist in the development or use of reality-bending abilities, including information about the current locations of stockpiles of artifacts that could be exploited for use in such abilities should not be disclosed inappropriately.
I personally asked the Acting Director of the Information Security Office to prepare a guidance for reviewing information in your department or agency regarding reality bending. Their guidance is attached and it should be distributed to appropriate officials within your department or agency, together with this memorandum to assist in your undertaking an immediate re-examination of current measures for identifying and safeguarding all such information at your department or agency.
[Insert horizontal rule here]
Since its creation, the Equestrian school of magical affairs has divided magic into four categories in order to facilitate its study; Said categories encompass all the known methods of magical manipulation within Equestria, separated in four different fields and sorted by magical power:
I Passive manipulation of the body's bioelectricity.
II Active manipulation of the body's bioelectricity.
III Passive manipulation of mainstream sources of magic.
IV Active manipulation of mainstream sources of magic.
This division of magic as listed by the Equestrian school of magical affairs is known as the basis of magic, or “Mainstream” magic for short, encompassing direct or indirect manipulation of any energy source within our realm by direct or indirect means.
Advanced magical practise known as Category V or level V magical manipulation was discovered within the battle with the Chaos god Discord, forcing the creation of a new category, hidden from the public eye.
The fifth category of magic is characterized by the manipulation of dimensional energy, also known as “fourth wall manipulation”, “fourth wall breaching” or “breaking of the fourth wall” this effect takes place when an entity capable of exerting changes on higher dimensions does so with the purpose of altering ours.
Interrogation of Discord, the god of chaos, has provided little useful information about the nature of such mechanism, stating that the actual magic at play is as simple as a levitation spell.(1)
An experiment conducted under the supervision of Twilight Sparkle HRH has proven capable of altering an object’s size and mass by moving it on a fourth dimensional space using only mainstream magical manipulation methods.
While the study succeeded at proving that mainstream methods of magic can indeed affect the fourth layer, the required magical power for such operation vastly suppresses that of a single individual, requiring three alicorns in order to work. The procedure has been qualified too impractical outside of testing environment.(2)
Despite the improbability of a being from our realm to practice anything higher than level IV magical manipulation, equestrian history provides a record of a small number of artifacts and individuals capable of performing spells that would require level V magical manipulation.(3)
Theoretically, by the appliance of the law of truly large numbers, an individual with the ability to manipulate Level V magical fields deemed to be born at some point in time; A widely accepted theory within the scientific community for the origins of Discord.
At present, only two beings capable of interacting with the fourth dimension are known to exist within Equestria: Discord, the god of chaos and Pinkamena Diane Pie, current element of laughter.
Pinkamena is a normal looking earth pony born under a normal family in Rockville, Western Equestria. Sister of three and reportedly presenting no abnormalities during her childhood, how she acquired her powers is hitherto unknown.
When interrogated, Pinkamena provides no useful information regarding her abilities mechanism of work nor how she acquired them. Subject is capable of activating her powers willingly, stating, “it’s just like tracing back your steps”
Neurological scan of the subject on activation of her abilities under lab conditions is still pending.
Psychological evaluation of subject support the theory of erratic or instable behaviour and mental breakdowns as possible side effects of Level V magic manipulation.
1."Session II" Project brown noodle. 1340. Transcript.
2. Twilight S. HRH. Extending the reach of magical capabilities within an unicorn. 1343.
3. Sunny K, Shining Ice, Thunderhoof H, Velvet C. A comprehensive history of Equestria. 1330;1181–1438.
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1. This report documents an audience with Pinkamena diane pie in compliance with a request from Priness Celestia QE. The purpose of this session was to provide information relevant to the manipulation of extra dimensional energy.
2. The subject’s responses are provided as raw intelligence data, as such have not been subjected to any intermediate analysis, evaluation or collation. Interpretation and use of the information provide is the responsibility of the requestor.
RC: All right, pinkamena, I want you to relax and answer the following questions as detailed as possible. Let’s start with session 1.
PP: Please call me pinkie, all my friends call me pinkie.
RC: Okay. Let’s start with the questions.
RC: Can you pinpoint exactly when did you start presenting abnormal abilities?
PP: Abnormal, like what?
RC: Your friends have reported you can slide upwards on a slide…How do you explain such ability?
PP: That?! Don’t be silly, you just slide down on it but instead of down you go up!
RC: When was the first time you realized that was an option?
PP: Like always I guess, I can’t recall an exact date.
RC: Do you remember your age at the time?
PP: I was young, but already had my cutie mark.
RC: Alright, next question, can you give us an step-by-step explanation on how the process of sliding upwards on a slide takes place?
RC: Pinkie, can you please answer the question?
PP: Sorry! Got distracted.
PP: Ok, alright I got it, you know that feeling when you lose something and just go back your steps all the way back to your room and the thing is lying on the floor? It’s the same thing, you just…Trace back your steps, like you just walked down all the way from your room so you know how to step to the front, all you have to do is take the same step but backwards.
RC: Okay. End of session.
>>122512>Trace back your steps, like you just walked down all the way from your room so you know how to step to the front, all you have to do is take the same step but backwards.
Of course! It's obvious now. Now it's time to go break reality by creating pinkie pony fingers with multiple limbs.
Ooh, I wonder if these revelations could lead the equestrian scientific community to completely change the way they think about magic! >being able to slide upwards on a slide
sounds like fuckery is happening in higher dimensions, a possible relation to the mechanics behind teleportation?
>>122568>I wonder if these revelations could lead the equestrian scientific community to completely change the way they think about magic!
Hm, well without doubt the current revelations will help the scientific community to better understand how discord and pinkie work, but i can't say they will go far before they understand how a seemingly normal earth pony is capable of manipulating a higher dimension.
Maybe it is all within the subject's mind? Who knows, theories will flow like chocolate milk on the table.>a possible relation to the mechanics behind teleportation?
Hmm, well an unicorn does need to develop certain abilities before teleporting. Maybe, maybe it is certainly posible.
I could ask one of my sources for more information, of course an study on such complex issues might take him some time.
>>122577>ask one of my sources for more information
Please do, I'm willing to wait for any amount of time necessary to find results, especially if a connection is found. Even if one isn't found, it's still a good idea to check!