Thread number three. Last one is apparently at bump limit.
Previous thread: >>336928 →
I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.
Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.
So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.
Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.
This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.
Read this again, because it's important:
This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.
I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.
If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
/mlpol/ - My Little Politics
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Dale Gribble has some new chapters added:
https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3
Also Sven, I'm going to get to work on our thing soon, I just wanted to add a bit to this since I haven't worked on it in awhile.
https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3
Also Sven, I'm going to get to work on our thing soon, I just wanted to add a bit to this since I haven't worked on it in awhile.
Starting my story with a scene of the protagonist as a kid before a timeskip where he grows up would probably help. Seems like tons of good stories do that but I don't know why. Does anyone here know why stories like doing that?
>>366323
Probably because this scene impacts their mc's life but the rest of the story is when they are an adult so there's no reason to show the rest of the mc's childhood.
Probs ^^
Probably because this scene impacts their mc's life but the rest of the story is when they are an adult so there's no reason to show the rest of the mc's childhood.
Probs ^^
>>366328
That sounds right.
Hey to solve the problem where my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student, what if the protagonist was an amnesiac soldier or ignorant farm boy who needed other characters to infodump to him? I think seeking out knowledge is cooler than already knowing everything.
That sounds right.
Hey to solve the problem where my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student, what if the protagonist was an amnesiac soldier or ignorant farm boy who needed other characters to infodump to him? I think seeking out knowledge is cooler than already knowing everything.
>>366329
>my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student
This is a thing most authors intentionally avoid, as it makes the protagonist less relatable. It's preferable to have a protagonist be clueless and have things about the world explained to him than it is to have the protagonist dump information. Any time your protagonist dumps information about the world in character that the audience doesn't know, it divorces the perspective of the protagonist from the author. This is part of the challenge of writing "smart" characters, as them info-dumping facts about the mileau and bringing them up in character inherently distances their immersion for the audience. You want your audience to associate with your protagonist, so it's better to make it more subtle so it feels like the audience is learning alongside the protagonist.
>my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student
This is a thing most authors intentionally avoid, as it makes the protagonist less relatable. It's preferable to have a protagonist be clueless and have things about the world explained to him than it is to have the protagonist dump information. Any time your protagonist dumps information about the world in character that the audience doesn't know, it divorces the perspective of the protagonist from the author. This is part of the challenge of writing "smart" characters, as them info-dumping facts about the mileau and bringing them up in character inherently distances their immersion for the audience. You want your audience to associate with your protagonist, so it's better to make it more subtle so it feels like the audience is learning alongside the protagonist.
>>366332
Seconded. Expositing every detail of the world is sloppy and less engaging. Amnesia, while cliche, is one method of making searching for information more interesting. A good example may be Ghost Trick with its protagonist being a ghost who has until sunrise to solve his murder before his soul disappears. Characters drop small details, not long exposition dumps (with the exception of Ray, since he has to explain some of the gameplay to the player).
Think of it this way, is it more engaging for an injured survivor in a zombie apocalypse to grab the protagonist and exposite about cures and weaknesses, or for the protagonist to find cryptic or small clues that the reader might put together before the protag does?
Seconded. Expositing every detail of the world is sloppy and less engaging. Amnesia, while cliche, is one method of making searching for information more interesting. A good example may be Ghost Trick with its protagonist being a ghost who has until sunrise to solve his murder before his soul disappears. Characters drop small details, not long exposition dumps (with the exception of Ray, since he has to explain some of the gameplay to the player).
Think of it this way, is it more engaging for an injured survivor in a zombie apocalypse to grab the protagonist and exposite about cures and weaknesses, or for the protagonist to find cryptic or small clues that the reader might put together before the protag does?
That makes sense. If the amnesiac protag gets occasional flashbacks every so often that could be good. Could deliver info during downtime to help the audience understand the next scene. Or the hero could never get flashbacks, and seek out the information himself anyway to be a more active protagonist. But without flashbacks to confirm memories can they be trusted? And flashbacks could show days from the protagonist's past. Moments when the facts he saw and situations he experienced disproved the lefty liedeology.
A thought occured.
What if a human from earth was isekaied into a fantasy world, gifted chosen one status and magic power and importance by a loving but flawed goddess full of regrets in her dying moments, and assigned the job to save the Light Elves from the Orcs to stop them from overrunning the world and ruining it and summoning satan?
An Elf who has lived in this world his whole life can tell the human protagonist, and through him, the audience, all about the world we beings of light live in, and how we are preyed upon by creatures of darkness because we are too soft and gentle and submissive for our own good.
The human from earth has to choose between two women who want him: a tradwife, and a tomboyish muscular tradwife, both of whom have perfectly legitimate reasons to hate Orcs just like everyone else who wasn't brainwashed into loving Orcs. If anything stands out about this story it would be that there is no homosexual option or 1000 year old child option in the love quest and that there are only two genders.
The isekai structure might be more familiar to people these days than the sound of a grand piano. And isekai stories these days are all about sucking the audience off and telling them they hold hidden talents and would prosper in a violent magical realm. Western media dominated by wokeness seeks to tell the audience they are never woke enough, while anime wants to sell waifus. Writing from the natsoc perspective is harder than drawing an anime girl, giving her big tits, and randomizing her hairstyle and hair and eye colours.
On one hand I want to portray an ethnically homogenous Elf society as a good thing but on the other hand Monster Girls are awesome and cute and I think it would be funny if Orcs said dumb Orc shit like "Your team has no diversity, unlike ours! You have a a Lamia, a Centaur, a Harpy, a Drider, and a Slime, but our team has six Orc men!".
Maybe there could be multiple countries with different kinds of people like in Avatar The Last Airbender. Except instead of sandbenders in the desert there are snake people in the desert and centaurs in the plains and harpies in the mountains and spidertaurs (or "Driders") in the caves and Elves in the forest and the kitsune in Japan.
>Elf. Snake. Harpy. Centaur. Drider. Kitsunem Slime. Long ago, the seven nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Orcs attacked. Only the Chosen One, master of all racist magic, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he died. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Chosen One, an Isekai'd former weeaboo named... Mark. Though his magic and european sword skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe, Mark can save the world.
Perfect. I'm so good at this.
Maybe there should be an evil Dark Elf emperor with four or more kids to turn good like Zuko but different. Zuko had his own journey but it would help the message better if their journey from "but it's the LAW! I can't rebel against the empire!" to "regime change and rebellion are necessary when the government stops serving the race, king emperor dad's a jewed cuck hurting the Elf race with his war of conquest aided by the Orcish hordes" relied on the heroes and their wisdom.
What if a human from earth was isekaied into a fantasy world, gifted chosen one status and magic power and importance by a loving but flawed goddess full of regrets in her dying moments, and assigned the job to save the Light Elves from the Orcs to stop them from overrunning the world and ruining it and summoning satan?
An Elf who has lived in this world his whole life can tell the human protagonist, and through him, the audience, all about the world we beings of light live in, and how we are preyed upon by creatures of darkness because we are too soft and gentle and submissive for our own good.
The human from earth has to choose between two women who want him: a tradwife, and a tomboyish muscular tradwife, both of whom have perfectly legitimate reasons to hate Orcs just like everyone else who wasn't brainwashed into loving Orcs. If anything stands out about this story it would be that there is no homosexual option or 1000 year old child option in the love quest and that there are only two genders.
The isekai structure might be more familiar to people these days than the sound of a grand piano. And isekai stories these days are all about sucking the audience off and telling them they hold hidden talents and would prosper in a violent magical realm. Western media dominated by wokeness seeks to tell the audience they are never woke enough, while anime wants to sell waifus. Writing from the natsoc perspective is harder than drawing an anime girl, giving her big tits, and randomizing her hairstyle and hair and eye colours.
On one hand I want to portray an ethnically homogenous Elf society as a good thing but on the other hand Monster Girls are awesome and cute and I think it would be funny if Orcs said dumb Orc shit like "Your team has no diversity, unlike ours! You have a a Lamia, a Centaur, a Harpy, a Drider, and a Slime, but our team has six Orc men!".
Maybe there could be multiple countries with different kinds of people like in Avatar The Last Airbender. Except instead of sandbenders in the desert there are snake people in the desert and centaurs in the plains and harpies in the mountains and spidertaurs (or "Driders") in the caves and Elves in the forest and the kitsune in Japan.
>Elf. Snake. Harpy. Centaur. Drider. Kitsunem Slime. Long ago, the seven nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Orcs attacked. Only the Chosen One, master of all racist magic, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he died. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Chosen One, an Isekai'd former weeaboo named... Mark. Though his magic and european sword skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe, Mark can save the world.
Perfect. I'm so good at this.
Maybe there should be an evil Dark Elf emperor with four or more kids to turn good like Zuko but different. Zuko had his own journey but it would help the message better if their journey from "but it's the LAW! I can't rebel against the empire!" to "regime change and rebellion are necessary when the government stops serving the race, king emperor dad's a jewed cuck hurting the Elf race with his war of conquest aided by the Orcish hordes" relied on the heroes and their wisdom.
>>366353
I dislike monarchies because they are artificial power structures that encourage the accumulation of power and wealth and privilege at the top while leaving nothing to the peasantry. Peasants have no way to force the monarchs to be good without taking up arms and forming angry mobs with pitchforks and torches and hoping this works against trained armed mercenaries and soldiers and everything else the ruling elitists have to keep them safe from their slaves. The people need guns and politicians need to be scared of people with guns. If all monarchs were wise and all-knowing and fundamentally good people as they so often are in fiction, laws and checks and balances would be unnecessary to keep the monarchs in check and working for the good of his race.
There could be a holy good kingdom of Elftopia conquered by the Orcs decades before the story begins, and the audience self insert character could help the undercover princess with chosen one powers retake the continent and send the Orcs home and swear to be a good leader after her journey teaches her the true meaning of friendship and what a good monarch is and isn't. Or why monarchy sucks gay anus and small racist govt is best govt. Or search the world for seven Important Stones to get the power to wish all Orcs back to hell for another thousand years. If the story ends with one character saying "The evil may return in a thousand years" another character can say "We must always remember to fight evil and we must build a civilization that can stand the test of time so we can destroy it".
And there could be people who like being in orc occupied Elftopia. And people who were born after the conquering and don't know things were once better. And people forced to rebel because the cost of living too high or they had to protect their family from the orcs. There could be museums dedicated to slandering the elves and praising the orcish "inventions". The heroes might get screwed over by treasonous woke cucks who hate their race so often the audience would start to hate race traitors too. There could be one "good" liberal character who keeps seeing evidence liberalism is failure until eventually he wakes up and understands the nazis were right. He has good motives but keeps struggling to put two and two together to get four because he was raised to see five. But eventually he gets it. Like when Veronica the good Brotherhood of Steel member kept seeing evidence the BoS suck balls and are wrong and have no good future for themselves or the world. Eventually she quit and they killed all the charity people she tried working for and she realized the Brotherhood really are too far gone. Calling the Brotherhood techno-fascists is an insult to fascists. Fucking wokies really think that jewish Starship Troopers film is an accurate depiction of fascism and rational mockery of it. I should buy the rights to a commie book and make the movie about retarded commies in clown costumes shitting their pants and failing at life. Except I shouldn't because I don't have that kind of money and even if I did it wouldn't work.
How many lefty propaganda films only have the man get the girl once he becomes cucky and woke enough for her while optionally also overcoming a great ordeal for her? Sending the message that you could get a trad wife if you were based enough (and should want a trad wife) sounds good. And whites really would prosper in a world without orcs. A chosen one with incredible power and the blessing of the gods and a gun would make fixing everything easier. Then again the audience might want to take a wife from one of the monster girl races. Perhaps if this was a videogame, the player could choose his race at the start of the game, deciding which characters he can and cannot marry at the end of the game. As a joke I could make black player characters use low Intelligence dialogue like in Fallout 1 and 2.
Maybe the audience self insert character could get a kid, too. People loved Atreus and Elizabeth Bioshock and Lucina and the kid from TLOU.
Come to think of it, "In another world but I have a daughter to take care of" might be something Isekai anime has never done. Knowing Japan that probably wouldn't exist but "In another world with my new harem and my daughter is in it" probably does exist. Such a disgusting tendency to corrupt the beautiful idea of found family into something purely carnal or at best just useful for the protag.
How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
I dislike monarchies because they are artificial power structures that encourage the accumulation of power and wealth and privilege at the top while leaving nothing to the peasantry. Peasants have no way to force the monarchs to be good without taking up arms and forming angry mobs with pitchforks and torches and hoping this works against trained armed mercenaries and soldiers and everything else the ruling elitists have to keep them safe from their slaves. The people need guns and politicians need to be scared of people with guns. If all monarchs were wise and all-knowing and fundamentally good people as they so often are in fiction, laws and checks and balances would be unnecessary to keep the monarchs in check and working for the good of his race.
There could be a holy good kingdom of Elftopia conquered by the Orcs decades before the story begins, and the audience self insert character could help the undercover princess with chosen one powers retake the continent and send the Orcs home and swear to be a good leader after her journey teaches her the true meaning of friendship and what a good monarch is and isn't. Or why monarchy sucks gay anus and small racist govt is best govt. Or search the world for seven Important Stones to get the power to wish all Orcs back to hell for another thousand years. If the story ends with one character saying "The evil may return in a thousand years" another character can say "We must always remember to fight evil and we must build a civilization that can stand the test of time so we can destroy it".
And there could be people who like being in orc occupied Elftopia. And people who were born after the conquering and don't know things were once better. And people forced to rebel because the cost of living too high or they had to protect their family from the orcs. There could be museums dedicated to slandering the elves and praising the orcish "inventions". The heroes might get screwed over by treasonous woke cucks who hate their race so often the audience would start to hate race traitors too. There could be one "good" liberal character who keeps seeing evidence liberalism is failure until eventually he wakes up and understands the nazis were right. He has good motives but keeps struggling to put two and two together to get four because he was raised to see five. But eventually he gets it. Like when Veronica the good Brotherhood of Steel member kept seeing evidence the BoS suck balls and are wrong and have no good future for themselves or the world. Eventually she quit and they killed all the charity people she tried working for and she realized the Brotherhood really are too far gone. Calling the Brotherhood techno-fascists is an insult to fascists. Fucking wokies really think that jewish Starship Troopers film is an accurate depiction of fascism and rational mockery of it. I should buy the rights to a commie book and make the movie about retarded commies in clown costumes shitting their pants and failing at life. Except I shouldn't because I don't have that kind of money and even if I did it wouldn't work.
How many lefty propaganda films only have the man get the girl once he becomes cucky and woke enough for her while optionally also overcoming a great ordeal for her? Sending the message that you could get a trad wife if you were based enough (and should want a trad wife) sounds good. And whites really would prosper in a world without orcs. A chosen one with incredible power and the blessing of the gods and a gun would make fixing everything easier. Then again the audience might want to take a wife from one of the monster girl races. Perhaps if this was a videogame, the player could choose his race at the start of the game, deciding which characters he can and cannot marry at the end of the game. As a joke I could make black player characters use low Intelligence dialogue like in Fallout 1 and 2.
Maybe the audience self insert character could get a kid, too. People loved Atreus and Elizabeth Bioshock and Lucina and the kid from TLOU.
Come to think of it, "In another world but I have a daughter to take care of" might be something Isekai anime has never done. Knowing Japan that probably wouldn't exist but "In another world with my new harem and my daughter is in it" probably does exist. Such a disgusting tendency to corrupt the beautiful idea of found family into something purely carnal or at best just useful for the protag.
How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
>>366354
Fuck, I misspelled a word in the second part and deleted the post and posted the fixed version while replying to the deleted version not the first part.
Fuck, I misspelled a word in the second part and deleted the post and posted the fixed version while replying to the deleted version not the first part.
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>>366158
I'm currently doing something new that might help you. I base this on the fact that it help me ^^. Right now, I'm writing a story offline that's just for myself and for myself alone. I won't be sharing this story with anyone. It's a simple adventure kinda story. My mc woke up in a fantasy world and is just randomly fight goblins in a dungeon but it's kinda fun to write without having to worry about how this will appear to others. I'm not really worried about quality or anything, I just set a timer on five min and when it goes off, I type some stuff into it and then when I feel done with that for the moment I just set the timer again.
>>366354
>How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
You have. Print it, man ^^.
I'm currently doing something new that might help you. I base this on the fact that it help me ^^. Right now, I'm writing a story offline that's just for myself and for myself alone. I won't be sharing this story with anyone. It's a simple adventure kinda story. My mc woke up in a fantasy world and is just randomly fight goblins in a dungeon but it's kinda fun to write without having to worry about how this will appear to others. I'm not really worried about quality or anything, I just set a timer on five min and when it goes off, I type some stuff into it and then when I feel done with that for the moment I just set the timer again.
>>366354
>How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
You have. Print it, man ^^.
Second guessing the idea of a chosen one.
The myth of the chosen one is stupid. It takes the responsibility of fixing the world and puts it all on one set of shoulders. If Gotham burns thanks to Joker and Firefly teaming up it doesn't mean the Fire Department sucks balls, it means Batman didn't try hard enough that night. Only rhe Avatar can defeat the Fire Lord in single combat. Inspiring an army of people to deal with the rest of the Fire Lord's shit is a bonus.
On the other hand people feel powerless. So they turn to fiction. And the ultimate power trip in fiction is being the chosen one who must save the world. Or the villain who can do anything, but fantasizing about the hero adds bonus feel good fuzzy feelings.
White men want to be heroes, with responsibility and power, if they're good people. They want to have swords and guns and they want to slay monsters and protect themselves and their loved ones. Fiction offers an escape from reality where they can imagine themselves as heroes and think about what it means to be a hero and what a society worth saving looks like.
My work here would probably be better to me if it had a hero without chosen one powers, a working class man overthrowing the system and proving he can be a hero, but people these days really fucking love isekai so I think that's the safer bet.
The myth of the chosen one is stupid. It takes the responsibility of fixing the world and puts it all on one set of shoulders. If Gotham burns thanks to Joker and Firefly teaming up it doesn't mean the Fire Department sucks balls, it means Batman didn't try hard enough that night. Only rhe Avatar can defeat the Fire Lord in single combat. Inspiring an army of people to deal with the rest of the Fire Lord's shit is a bonus.
On the other hand people feel powerless. So they turn to fiction. And the ultimate power trip in fiction is being the chosen one who must save the world. Or the villain who can do anything, but fantasizing about the hero adds bonus feel good fuzzy feelings.
White men want to be heroes, with responsibility and power, if they're good people. They want to have swords and guns and they want to slay monsters and protect themselves and their loved ones. Fiction offers an escape from reality where they can imagine themselves as heroes and think about what it means to be a hero and what a society worth saving looks like.
My work here would probably be better to me if it had a hero without chosen one powers, a working class man overthrowing the system and proving he can be a hero, but people these days really fucking love isekai so I think that's the safer bet.
Remember when Children Of Man tried to depict that guy in the "fascist racist white" government as an evil violent vice-loving corrupt irrational asshole in his limited screentime, to further characterize the white government as a bunch of evil dumb uneducated corrupt lying vice-loving hypocrites? He drove a bus or truck or something, right? Or am I remembering it wrong?
It might be a good idea to put one "good" member of an evil group in my story so I can show even the "good" ones are bad too. Classic anti-Christian propaganda film Saved started by attacking the cafeteria christians and their shallow desire to be hip and modern, then attacked the rest of them even though they were all nice to the invasive subverter jew.
I liked Worf from Star Trek. He humanized the warlike Klingons. You can be tough and violent without being an evil cunt about it. Before I knew about Jews, the Ferengi character was comedy gold to me but now I feel conflicted about enjoying that show knowing it was intended to be leftist propaganda for midwits who think abolishing cash would get them spaceships and free food and space adventures. Worf wasn't evil or part of a fundamentally evil race.
That beach episode in Avatar: The Last Airbender humanized Azula and her friends, which was neat, while showing how badly the Fire Nation grindset has fucked her up, which was neat.
In Fallout 4 every Super Mutant you meet is a bloodthirsty cannibalistic monster who attacks you on sight (before and after the mission where you mow them down with a helicopter minigun COD style) except Vergil the genius scientist artificially turned into one recently who hates his violent mutant body and wants to be cured, and a violent psychotic retard joke character named Strong who heard "the milk of human kindness makes humanity stronger" and now tries and poorly tries to comprehend concepts like kindness and relationships while also being a murderhobo. If there was a tribe of Super Mutants who don't attack you on sight and instead say "we dindu nuffin wrong and humans wrongfully persecute us. Here, want some fresh human meat? Only 40 caps. No? More for me. OM NOM NOM" that would have helped complete the picture of super mutants as fantasy monsters fundamentally impossible to live with. That's how bethesda wanted to portray them, while also portraying Ghouls as people "only bigots would dislike" except when the Ghouls are feral enemy mobs who attack on sight or disgusting drug-addicted degenerates who accomplished nothing of note in 269ish years. But outside of Bethesda's Fallout, the Super Mutants are more than just monsters. They're people, just sometimes fighting for the wrong side. I really liked Marcus, he was a well written character. But if I portray any Orcs as people, I'm not being authentic to their real-world inspiration. Feral Bantu invaders are preying upon insufficiently armed and organized white people in Africa right now and eating their corpses as I type this.
Every good Helghast in Killzone was usually half-human. Should the obligatory one good Orc character in my work be half-Elf and half-Orc? The only redpilled non-white person I ever encountered in person was mixed-race and far more proud of the white side.
The Last Of Us 2 had that short-haired lesbian character quit the christian hate group to "be herself" and push the "Those damn dirty Muslims- I mean Christian extremists who want to take the Middle East- I mean America for themselves hate us for what we are, but we hate them for what they choose to be, and revenge is bad and we jews never do revenge and we jews are willing to accept them if they cut their hair short and disobey their elders and become lesbians and betray their tribe for us because we're just soooo tolerant as long as we can have everything our way" message. Insert joke about jewish Earsgiving (Eid al-Adha) here.
But I'm not sure if my story could have one "good" Orc join the heroes or help the heroes during an important scene, even if it's to show that there are no good orcs. Are "good" Orcs even possible, or is their existence an oxymoron just like cold lava?
The only black youtuber I was subscribed to went from "we black conservatives should love Trump and hate those racist DemoKKKrats, hahaha look at this woke retard on twitter" to full woketard when I wasn't looking, he attacked the creator of Rich Men North of Richmond and everything. I unsubscribed to him and the other black who liked comics but also went full woketard for some reason. Do blacks get a black version of dementia if they survive past 30? They turned their backs on what got them very slightly famous to chase wokeness.
I don't think anyone could believe any orc would willingly go back to Liberia and give up any chance to steal from whitey, let alone help to force other orcs into Liberia along the way, and while I abhor the use of force (especially government force) a tremendous amount of force is what it will take to banish the demons from our realm and save the future of our race (our children) from the existential threat of the demon horde.
Part of the fantasy of fantasy worlds is that these are worlds where problems bigger than individual men are solved by good men (and maybe also good women) doing the right thing. It really can be as simple as slaughtering armies, beheading tyrants, smiting demons, slaying monsters, completing the ritual, getting the girl, and destroying Death Stars/Magic Rings to defy fate and fulfill their heroic destiny. Maybe even spontaneously end famines/droughts/plagues in the process. Just kill the right person and everything gets better. That's an appeal of fantasy few want to talk about, because saying "hurr durr fantasy bikini armor unrealistic and real world problems are more complex" gets upvotes.
I want to tap into that primal beauty.
Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this. People might doubt I made this if they were missing.
It might be a good idea to put one "good" member of an evil group in my story so I can show even the "good" ones are bad too. Classic anti-Christian propaganda film Saved started by attacking the cafeteria christians and their shallow desire to be hip and modern, then attacked the rest of them even though they were all nice to the invasive subverter jew.
I liked Worf from Star Trek. He humanized the warlike Klingons. You can be tough and violent without being an evil cunt about it. Before I knew about Jews, the Ferengi character was comedy gold to me but now I feel conflicted about enjoying that show knowing it was intended to be leftist propaganda for midwits who think abolishing cash would get them spaceships and free food and space adventures. Worf wasn't evil or part of a fundamentally evil race.
That beach episode in Avatar: The Last Airbender humanized Azula and her friends, which was neat, while showing how badly the Fire Nation grindset has fucked her up, which was neat.
In Fallout 4 every Super Mutant you meet is a bloodthirsty cannibalistic monster who attacks you on sight (before and after the mission where you mow them down with a helicopter minigun COD style) except Vergil the genius scientist artificially turned into one recently who hates his violent mutant body and wants to be cured, and a violent psychotic retard joke character named Strong who heard "the milk of human kindness makes humanity stronger" and now tries and poorly tries to comprehend concepts like kindness and relationships while also being a murderhobo. If there was a tribe of Super Mutants who don't attack you on sight and instead say "we dindu nuffin wrong and humans wrongfully persecute us. Here, want some fresh human meat? Only 40 caps. No? More for me. OM NOM NOM" that would have helped complete the picture of super mutants as fantasy monsters fundamentally impossible to live with. That's how bethesda wanted to portray them, while also portraying Ghouls as people "only bigots would dislike" except when the Ghouls are feral enemy mobs who attack on sight or disgusting drug-addicted degenerates who accomplished nothing of note in 269ish years. But outside of Bethesda's Fallout, the Super Mutants are more than just monsters. They're people, just sometimes fighting for the wrong side. I really liked Marcus, he was a well written character. But if I portray any Orcs as people, I'm not being authentic to their real-world inspiration. Feral Bantu invaders are preying upon insufficiently armed and organized white people in Africa right now and eating their corpses as I type this.
Every good Helghast in Killzone was usually half-human. Should the obligatory one good Orc character in my work be half-Elf and half-Orc? The only redpilled non-white person I ever encountered in person was mixed-race and far more proud of the white side.
The Last Of Us 2 had that short-haired lesbian character quit the christian hate group to "be herself" and push the "Those damn dirty Muslims- I mean Christian extremists who want to take the Middle East- I mean America for themselves hate us for what we are, but we hate them for what they choose to be, and revenge is bad and we jews never do revenge and we jews are willing to accept them if they cut their hair short and disobey their elders and become lesbians and betray their tribe for us because we're just soooo tolerant as long as we can have everything our way" message. Insert joke about jewish Earsgiving (Eid al-Adha) here.
But I'm not sure if my story could have one "good" Orc join the heroes or help the heroes during an important scene, even if it's to show that there are no good orcs. Are "good" Orcs even possible, or is their existence an oxymoron just like cold lava?
The only black youtuber I was subscribed to went from "we black conservatives should love Trump and hate those racist DemoKKKrats, hahaha look at this woke retard on twitter" to full woketard when I wasn't looking, he attacked the creator of Rich Men North of Richmond and everything. I unsubscribed to him and the other black who liked comics but also went full woketard for some reason. Do blacks get a black version of dementia if they survive past 30? They turned their backs on what got them very slightly famous to chase wokeness.
I don't think anyone could believe any orc would willingly go back to Liberia and give up any chance to steal from whitey, let alone help to force other orcs into Liberia along the way, and while I abhor the use of force (especially government force) a tremendous amount of force is what it will take to banish the demons from our realm and save the future of our race (our children) from the existential threat of the demon horde.
Part of the fantasy of fantasy worlds is that these are worlds where problems bigger than individual men are solved by good men (and maybe also good women) doing the right thing. It really can be as simple as slaughtering armies, beheading tyrants, smiting demons, slaying monsters, completing the ritual, getting the girl, and destroying Death Stars/Magic Rings to defy fate and fulfill their heroic destiny. Maybe even spontaneously end famines/droughts/plagues in the process. Just kill the right person and everything gets better. That's an appeal of fantasy few want to talk about, because saying "hurr durr fantasy bikini armor unrealistic and real world problems are more complex" gets upvotes.
I want to tap into that primal beauty.
Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this. People might doubt I made this if they were missing.
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>>366369
At this point, its fine for me if you just wanna dump your random thoughts one media in this thread (I think, but maybe I'm shortsighted). I guess this is the most relevant thread for such thoughts that currently exists. Though, while I was op of the first ones this thread is basically a writing general thread so it really doesn't belong to me in any form, imo. So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.
However, you really don't need to pretend that these random thoughts are absolutely relevant to your current story you're writing. Yeeeeah. About that ^^.
At this point, its fine for me if you just wanna dump your random thoughts one media in this thread (I think, but maybe I'm shortsighted). I guess this is the most relevant thread for such thoughts that currently exists. Though, while I was op of the first ones this thread is basically a writing general thread so it really doesn't belong to me in any form, imo. So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.
However, you really don't need to pretend that these random thoughts are absolutely relevant to your current story you're writing. Yeeeeah. About that ^^.
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>>366369
>Remember when Children Of Man tried to depict that guy in the "fascist racist white" government as an evil violent vice-loving corrupt irrational asshole in his limited screentime, to further characterize the white government as a bunch of evil dumb uneducated corrupt lying vice-loving hypocrites?
>Remember when Children Of Man tried to depict that guy in the "fascist racist white" government as an evil violent vice-loving corrupt irrational asshole in his limited screentime, to further characterize the white government as a bunch of evil dumb uneducated corrupt lying vice-loving hypocrites?
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>>366369
>Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this.
Honestly man? I agree with Sven at this point. I think you should just go buck-wild on this. You do you. I think I'm finally done trying to influence your way of thinking or trying to give you serious advice. No matter what happens, we always end up right back where we started, so...whatevsky. It's your project, do it your way. Fill your story up with slime girls, big-tiddy Pokemon, simplistic racial analogies, autistic references to obscure media few have heard of and fewer actually care about, massive infodumps wedged into block paragraphs spoken by characters, terrible grammar, massive run-on sentences; whatever you want. Just do your own thing with it. Rant about niggers to your heart's content. Throw your ridiculous Silver-Star-recolor fox OC in there. Bring back magical flying skateboards. The bar for aspiring writers has never been any lower than it is right now, in this century, so who knows? There might actually be a reader base out there for whatever the hell you're trying to do.
>Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this.
Honestly man? I agree with Sven at this point. I think you should just go buck-wild on this. You do you. I think I'm finally done trying to influence your way of thinking or trying to give you serious advice. No matter what happens, we always end up right back where we started, so...whatevsky. It's your project, do it your way. Fill your story up with slime girls, big-tiddy Pokemon, simplistic racial analogies, autistic references to obscure media few have heard of and fewer actually care about, massive infodumps wedged into block paragraphs spoken by characters, terrible grammar, massive run-on sentences; whatever you want. Just do your own thing with it. Rant about niggers to your heart's content. Throw your ridiculous Silver-Star-recolor fox OC in there. Bring back magical flying skateboards. The bar for aspiring writers has never been any lower than it is right now, in this century, so who knows? There might actually be a reader base out there for whatever the hell you're trying to do.
>>366370
>>366371
Wasn't gonna say anything because at least his stream of consciousness isn't just ranting about other media being antiwhite and he seemed to be writing his actual storyline...but seconded. 99.9999% of this stuff is just bloviating about points we all agree on in that Michael-Moore-screaming-on-a-megaphone kind of way, or utterly impenetrable walls of text.
On one hand, you do you. On the other, good lord, download OpenOffice or use a Notepad doc for your outline notes. You spend longer on your 'advice seeking' begs for validation than on writing.
>>366371
Wasn't gonna say anything because at least his stream of consciousness isn't just ranting about other media being antiwhite and he seemed to be writing his actual storyline...but seconded. 99.9999% of this stuff is just bloviating about points we all agree on in that Michael-Moore-screaming-on-a-megaphone kind of way, or utterly impenetrable walls of text.
On one hand, you do you. On the other, good lord, download OpenOffice or use a Notepad doc for your outline notes. You spend longer on your 'advice seeking' begs for validation than on writing.
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>>366370
>So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.
I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
On the other hand. I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something. I don't know how long he's been told to stop doing so either.
I guess I concur with the rest. >>366372 >>366373
>So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.
I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
On the other hand. I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something. I don't know how long he's been told to stop doing so either.
I guess I concur with the rest. >>366372 >>366373
But this stuff really is connected to my writing. I've read a lot of books and seen a lot of shows but when I think of "propaganda" I think of all the times jewish shit attacked whites and whether it slipped past the defenses of people or got noticed. And all the JRPGs where you kill a somewhat christian-looking god in the end but that trope's as commonly copied without understanding it as superheroes wearing capes to convey movement and so writers dont have to draw as many muscles so it doesnt count. It's hard to figure this writing shit out and I know I'm still no good at it despite how long I've spent trying. How can anyone look at the truth and not get it? How does anyone still have any faith left in the jewish system? How can I write something for the mind who doesn't get it? How can I help them get it when I don't get why anyone wouldn't get it? When I think "maybe my work is too boring and I should add fun stuff", what do people like? Sex and violence and displays of power and sports I guess? Game of Thrones seemed to throw a sex scene or titty shot in there whenever they feared they went too long without one. Is that the approach I should take? I mean it worked for them but I don't think I'm that good a writer so I should probably include more sex. Then again do normal people want to fuck lamias or am I in the minority there? It was learning about the feminists taking over and ruining comics and gaming that made me oppose feminism and eventually someone told me about the jews and islamic rape gangs and all the other stuff. It wasn't one piece of fiction that made being libertarian look really good. So how can I make something that makes libertarian ideals so good it makes people get it and get called nazis by communists?
Last time I tried to write something deep, introspective, and mature, it turned out to be a really fucking gay My Little Pony fanfic. I don't want a repeat of that. When I remember all the former friends I had who loved gaming but hate "drumpf" it pisses me off. I don't even like Trump any more but they were completely brainwashed by lefty propaganda and so were tons of other people. The world needs anti-propaganda. Adnagaporp. I need to create adnagaporp so effective it will snap people out of it. I just don't understand how I'm going to do it.
Last time I tried to write something deep, introspective, and mature, it turned out to be a really fucking gay My Little Pony fanfic. I don't want a repeat of that. When I remember all the former friends I had who loved gaming but hate "drumpf" it pisses me off. I don't even like Trump any more but they were completely brainwashed by lefty propaganda and so were tons of other people. The world needs anti-propaganda. Adnagaporp. I need to create adnagaporp so effective it will snap people out of it. I just don't understand how I'm going to do it.
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>>366391
>but this is related to my writing
>immediately followed by a drunken and derailed train of thought about JRPG depictions of god/s
>"How does anyone still have faith in the Jewish system?"
Jesus christ, my head.
>but this is related to my writing
>immediately followed by a drunken and derailed train of thought about JRPG depictions of god/s
>"How does anyone still have faith in the Jewish system?"
Jesus christ, my head.
>>366393
It feels like anti white propaganda when you kill god in japanese games but it doesn't seem maliciously targeted towards whites. Only Final Fantasy X said fuck religion. And maybe others I never played.
It feels like anti white propaganda when you kill god in japanese games but it doesn't seem maliciously targeted towards whites. Only Final Fantasy X said fuck religion. And maybe others I never played.
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>accusing others of being narcissists when you have been hijacking writing threads with "advice seeking" that goes nowhere for years
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>>366441
I didn't have to use the word narcissist to trigger haters. This is a writing thread, and I am a writer using the thread for its intended purpose: Writing discussion. Bitching at me for posting is not the thread's purpose. I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that. "Who asked" me to talk about my writing in the writing thread? "Who asked" them to talk about their feelings in the writing thread? Hating someone to this degree is a parasocial relationship on par with lusting after who you believe a vtuber to be. You made good on-topic posts before.
>>365710
I've never met a role model in person. I had negative role models growing up. I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs". Trying to imagine what a role model is after all this jewish subversion... I'd have an easier time imagining a flying pig. If I want to imagine a "good" person I have to recall fiction. Lord of The Rings is a good example of "good", right? And Game of Thrones had some good characters, but it liked shitting on those characters as if the world wanted to break them and make them compromise. Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate faked being role models for men, but they're both too jewish. The former said "You can slay dragons and get your life in order" and the latter said "You can get bitches and cars" but neither is able or willing to be pure. I need a purer role model character for my protagonist to look up to. Maybe he should die getting a moral victory, sacrificing himself for the future generation's future, audiences love that and it allows characters to struggle to live up to him and make up for his absence.
>>366335
Looking at my current work I think there are too many scenes where characters exposit their backstory or their world's backstory to the reader/the protagonist. Thankfully no villains dump their whole backstory on their deathbed. Always hated that cliche.
Small clues... I'll keep that in mind.
Maybe starting the story mid-war with an amnesiac unsure why he's fighting isn't the best way to do this. "Why did this war happen?" is a complicated subject and so is "What can we learn from it?".
I need to come at this from another angle. Too many scenes fighting the evil invading army for being bad, it's getting in the way of tying this to a political message.
School?
I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school. The moral: fuck communism, libtards, etc.
He wants to make money for his family and village because the government fucked the farmers over. In that sense, the rural white man forced into the city is more of a true "economic migrant" than any of the mudslime gimmiegrants with ten state-sponsored kids going to state-mandated anti-whiteness classes and explosion lessons at the sandjew mosques. The protagonist at this school wants to learn while also solving the problems of others. Maybe it's medieval and slavery's legal, would result in a funny scene if a slave-selling market was next to a bookstore and that bookstore had angry libtards outside malding over "offensive fiction" while children are being sold nearby and they don't care. Or bought some.
There is no one class dedicated to infodumping about the world's history or explaining why everything is shit, that'd be clumsy writing, right? Instead it's conveyed subtly through the problems the hero experiences and tries to solve. His way is always the right way unless he's not truly libertarian enough yet.
His growth as a man would mirror the political journey from "these liberals sound nice" to "liberals are hypocrites and not true liberals" to "liberalism is a bad joke" to "I just visited ancapistan and holy shit fuck the lolbertarians who let bad things happen in the name of profit" to "I like libertarianism on paper but it only works in ethnically homogenous societies, secessionists should have the right to make an ethnostate via national divorce and be left alone, and the invaders should be sent home by force".
One evil overlord puts a name and face to complex social issues. Yeah, my work should have King Tard, puppet of the Jewish Guild, overthrown by the heroes.
Hogwarts was retarded. Bringing it up might piss people off but it's the first people think of when they think "magic school". Slytherin, Griffindor, the others, fucking retarded. No future evil overlord wannabe should ever want to be in Slytherin(it tells the world you're evil, segregating you from potentially useful pawns while keeping you with the other evil schemers and their flying monkeys), and how many true intellectuals versus midwits who want to seem smart would go to Ravenclaw? But people FUCKING LOVE this cliche. No idea why. Is it a tribal identity thing?
If it works as intended it segregates mentally compatible kids together and fosters healthy competition, and if it fails it segregates friends and family apart and fosters backstabbing and evil while distracting kids from work. Then there are schools where the "Houses" just segregate kids based on ability or economic status and treat them better or worse accordingly, I could mention more respectable examples from famous media but Obelisk Blue vs Slifer Red is more obvious even to someone who has no idea what I'm talking about. At least in FE3H you had the excuse that these kids were from different parts of the country at a school dominated by the church and the wishes of rich noble families. Maybe my story's school should have a shit school house system that exclusively causes problems by forcing incompatible students together in the name of equality, and shit gets better when this stops.
I didn't have to use the word narcissist to trigger haters. This is a writing thread, and I am a writer using the thread for its intended purpose: Writing discussion. Bitching at me for posting is not the thread's purpose. I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that. "Who asked" me to talk about my writing in the writing thread? "Who asked" them to talk about their feelings in the writing thread? Hating someone to this degree is a parasocial relationship on par with lusting after who you believe a vtuber to be. You made good on-topic posts before.
>>365710
I've never met a role model in person. I had negative role models growing up. I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs". Trying to imagine what a role model is after all this jewish subversion... I'd have an easier time imagining a flying pig. If I want to imagine a "good" person I have to recall fiction. Lord of The Rings is a good example of "good", right? And Game of Thrones had some good characters, but it liked shitting on those characters as if the world wanted to break them and make them compromise. Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate faked being role models for men, but they're both too jewish. The former said "You can slay dragons and get your life in order" and the latter said "You can get bitches and cars" but neither is able or willing to be pure. I need a purer role model character for my protagonist to look up to. Maybe he should die getting a moral victory, sacrificing himself for the future generation's future, audiences love that and it allows characters to struggle to live up to him and make up for his absence.
>>366335
Looking at my current work I think there are too many scenes where characters exposit their backstory or their world's backstory to the reader/the protagonist. Thankfully no villains dump their whole backstory on their deathbed. Always hated that cliche.
Small clues... I'll keep that in mind.
Maybe starting the story mid-war with an amnesiac unsure why he's fighting isn't the best way to do this. "Why did this war happen?" is a complicated subject and so is "What can we learn from it?".
I need to come at this from another angle. Too many scenes fighting the evil invading army for being bad, it's getting in the way of tying this to a political message.
School?
I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school. The moral: fuck communism, libtards, etc.
He wants to make money for his family and village because the government fucked the farmers over. In that sense, the rural white man forced into the city is more of a true "economic migrant" than any of the mudslime gimmiegrants with ten state-sponsored kids going to state-mandated anti-whiteness classes and explosion lessons at the sandjew mosques. The protagonist at this school wants to learn while also solving the problems of others. Maybe it's medieval and slavery's legal, would result in a funny scene if a slave-selling market was next to a bookstore and that bookstore had angry libtards outside malding over "offensive fiction" while children are being sold nearby and they don't care. Or bought some.
There is no one class dedicated to infodumping about the world's history or explaining why everything is shit, that'd be clumsy writing, right? Instead it's conveyed subtly through the problems the hero experiences and tries to solve. His way is always the right way unless he's not truly libertarian enough yet.
His growth as a man would mirror the political journey from "these liberals sound nice" to "liberals are hypocrites and not true liberals" to "liberalism is a bad joke" to "I just visited ancapistan and holy shit fuck the lolbertarians who let bad things happen in the name of profit" to "I like libertarianism on paper but it only works in ethnically homogenous societies, secessionists should have the right to make an ethnostate via national divorce and be left alone, and the invaders should be sent home by force".
One evil overlord puts a name and face to complex social issues. Yeah, my work should have King Tard, puppet of the Jewish Guild, overthrown by the heroes.
Hogwarts was retarded. Bringing it up might piss people off but it's the first people think of when they think "magic school". Slytherin, Griffindor, the others, fucking retarded. No future evil overlord wannabe should ever want to be in Slytherin(it tells the world you're evil, segregating you from potentially useful pawns while keeping you with the other evil schemers and their flying monkeys), and how many true intellectuals versus midwits who want to seem smart would go to Ravenclaw? But people FUCKING LOVE this cliche. No idea why. Is it a tribal identity thing?
If it works as intended it segregates mentally compatible kids together and fosters healthy competition, and if it fails it segregates friends and family apart and fosters backstabbing and evil while distracting kids from work. Then there are schools where the "Houses" just segregate kids based on ability or economic status and treat them better or worse accordingly, I could mention more respectable examples from famous media but Obelisk Blue vs Slifer Red is more obvious even to someone who has no idea what I'm talking about. At least in FE3H you had the excuse that these kids were from different parts of the country at a school dominated by the church and the wishes of rich noble families. Maybe my story's school should have a shit school house system that exclusively causes problems by forcing incompatible students together in the name of equality, and shit gets better when this stops.
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>>366375
>I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
>On the other hand.
>I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something.
^^
Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?
>>366372
Cute girl. c:
>>366439
It's more that ur post, >>366407 wasn't what he question in his post, >>366393 so your answer, >>366407 wasn't relevant to what he was talking about therefore he asked >>366417
Jfyi ^^
>I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
>On the other hand.
>I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something.
^^
Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?
>>366372
Cute girl. c:
>>366439
It's more that ur post, >>366407 wasn't what he question in his post, >>366393 so your answer, >>366407 wasn't relevant to what he was talking about therefore he asked >>366417
Jfyi ^^
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>>366375
I'm working on a thread idea for writing myself. Not promising anything as always but I'm proud of the idea. It's gonna be like one of those prompt threads you can see on /mlp/.
I'm working on a thread idea for writing myself. Not promising anything as always but I'm proud of the idea. It's gonna be like one of those prompt threads you can see on /mlp/.
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>>366450
> I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that.
Oh dear, are those haters still after you? Still off somewhere in the shadows, plotting against you on their secret discord servers? Dang, that's rough. You just hang in there, buddy.
>I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs".
So, instead of being obsessed with shitty autistic MMORPGs you're obsessed with shitty autistic fighting games, and instead of chugging booze you chug cum. Wow, you sure showed him. You're truly an inspiration to us all.
>I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school.
You've "considered" thousands of ideas at this point, and they're basically all the same idea just rearranged slightly. At this point no one is really that interested in the specifics. Just something to consider if, you know, you ever want to save yourself a bit of typing for whatever reason.
And if you ever decide to actually sit down and write this epic novel of yours instead of just blogging about it, here is what you should do: take a bunch of /pol/ memes about how Jews and niggers suck, combine that with a bunch of random ideas culled from cartoons and video games plus maybe the one or two books you've actually read in your life, and then just think about that stuff while mashing your keyboard over and over until it's hundreds of thousands of words long. Oh, and don't forget to put some slime girls with big boobs in there somewhere, that part's really important.
> I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that.
Oh dear, are those haters still after you? Still off somewhere in the shadows, plotting against you on their secret discord servers? Dang, that's rough. You just hang in there, buddy.
>I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs".
So, instead of being obsessed with shitty autistic MMORPGs you're obsessed with shitty autistic fighting games, and instead of chugging booze you chug cum. Wow, you sure showed him. You're truly an inspiration to us all.
>I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school.
You've "considered" thousands of ideas at this point, and they're basically all the same idea just rearranged slightly. At this point no one is really that interested in the specifics. Just something to consider if, you know, you ever want to save yourself a bit of typing for whatever reason.
And if you ever decide to actually sit down and write this epic novel of yours instead of just blogging about it, here is what you should do: take a bunch of /pol/ memes about how Jews and niggers suck, combine that with a bunch of random ideas culled from cartoons and video games plus maybe the one or two books you've actually read in your life, and then just think about that stuff while mashing your keyboard over and over until it's hundreds of thousands of words long. Oh, and don't forget to put some slime girls with big boobs in there somewhere, that part's really important.
File (): 123DEED5DD73185AF4D5BE1A28DFB67A-239575.png (234.0 KB, 1336x1574, 1545504755165-2.png)
>>366451
>Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?
Just rainmetall for now. I think it's safe to say it'll be readable this time. There's probably a decent chunk already rewritten. So maybe I should post it soon enough.
>>366452
I'm thrilled to see what it entails. Btw, sorry for shitting up last time. I could've used some practice given I was trying to adjust to what was said by GG. Sorry fams.
>Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?
Just rainmetall for now. I think it's safe to say it'll be readable this time. There's probably a decent chunk already rewritten. So maybe I should post it soon enough.
>>366452
I'm thrilled to see what it entails. Btw, sorry for shitting up last time. I could've used some practice given I was trying to adjust to what was said by GG. Sorry fams.
>>366457
I'd be willing to do another read and review for the new draft if you like; if I can understand what it's about this time I can hopefully give you some better notes.
I'd be willing to do another read and review for the new draft if you like; if I can understand what it's about this time I can hopefully give you some better notes.
File (): 1F8CC569166428DE7A787514AF09DC8B-20633.gif (20.1 KB, 452x329, 1572463398005.gif)
>>366458
That sounds great. I've found myself going back to the thread very often. Thanks for the analysis, it's been very useful.
That sounds great. I've found myself going back to the thread very often. Thanks for the analysis, it's been very useful.
>>366456
You're on a website full of people who have heard leftists use the "Are Antifa and the Woke in the room with us right now? You have a persecution complex!" gaslighting tactic before.
You're on a website full of people who have heard leftists use the "Are Antifa and the Woke in the room with us right now? You have a persecution complex!" gaslighting tactic before.
>>366462
You and another anon CONSTANTLY accuse others of being lefties because they disagree with one part of your beliefs. We are just taking what you say and throwing it in your face because we're annoyed with you. It's not gaslighting.
You and another anon CONSTANTLY accuse others of being lefties because they disagree with one part of your beliefs. We are just taking what you say and throwing it in your face because we're annoyed with you. It's not gaslighting.
File (): 5D96219EC0D7A9382532D5FF4C9EBEE6-279596.png (273.0 KB, 680x619, VTOCRRsxAn1T.png)
>>366463
Lefty tactics are lefty tactics, they're not designed to communicate your point constructively. I can understand if people are pissed that my posts are long. But it's not like there is a global rate limit where my posts prevent otbers from talking about what they want in this thread. If someone else said "Here is my recently finished story, what do you think?" or "What is the best way to handle a pro nazi message in my Twilight Sparkle x Big Mac shipfic?" I would never get angry at that user for talking about his thing or someone else's thing instead of my thing. I'm not ranting about my feelings on Fallout 4 when I say it poorly handled its core theme of mistrust by never making anyone inside the game world, Synth or otherwise, betray you in a way that matters.
By the way bones take 20 years to decompose. It's stupid when 200 year old Environmental Storytelling Skeletons(TM) show up in Fallout Equestria. But it's extra stupid when Shattered Hoof Ridge is jist flooded with 200+ year old skeletons from the day the bombs fell like the matching shoes and wedding rings of a holohoax prop. That's like a metaphor for Fallout Equestria. A red flag for the kind of story you are about to read. All of Bethesda's usual stupidity but even worse. It relies on the inherent tragedy of sad things like friends drifting apart and dead ponies and dead foals and dials it up to 999999999 in an attempt to make anybody feel anything. School massacres, crack addict horses, a skeleton mountain with shattered hooves.
How can anyone look at what happened in the pic and not get the joke? I don't get it. I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right. But if it's only as deep as a political cartoon it will feel like a silly pantomime. My work needs to be higher quality than professionally produced government funded propaganda in TV and games for it to have any positive effect on people used to a steady diet of shoddily produced and expertly produced leftist propaganda. Yeah. Just need to accomplish the impossible. Or what seems like the impossible. Maybe I should give up on the informative angle and just write something cool and fun people who already get it can enjoy. There was never really a point where I was a brainwashed lefty. I don't understand their perspective. I grew up thinking libtards were right and conservatives were dumb then I noticed libtards attacking muh vidyagames then someone told me about islamic rapefugees and jews and the federal reserve and suddenly videogames felt less important. I never felt that kind of otherworldly hatred for whites leftists feel. Never understood what kind of monster could want whites dead or raped or enslaved just for being number one. The feeling that drives a leftist to crave being evil... That's more alien to me than the feeling that drives Elves into forests and Dwarves into caves. I love being in forests and caves. How can I capture that leftist perspective within my work if I am the one who doesn't get it?
Lefty tactics are lefty tactics, they're not designed to communicate your point constructively. I can understand if people are pissed that my posts are long. But it's not like there is a global rate limit where my posts prevent otbers from talking about what they want in this thread. If someone else said "Here is my recently finished story, what do you think?" or "What is the best way to handle a pro nazi message in my Twilight Sparkle x Big Mac shipfic?" I would never get angry at that user for talking about his thing or someone else's thing instead of my thing. I'm not ranting about my feelings on Fallout 4 when I say it poorly handled its core theme of mistrust by never making anyone inside the game world, Synth or otherwise, betray you in a way that matters.
By the way bones take 20 years to decompose. It's stupid when 200 year old Environmental Storytelling Skeletons(TM) show up in Fallout Equestria. But it's extra stupid when Shattered Hoof Ridge is jist flooded with 200+ year old skeletons from the day the bombs fell like the matching shoes and wedding rings of a holohoax prop. That's like a metaphor for Fallout Equestria. A red flag for the kind of story you are about to read. All of Bethesda's usual stupidity but even worse. It relies on the inherent tragedy of sad things like friends drifting apart and dead ponies and dead foals and dials it up to 999999999 in an attempt to make anybody feel anything. School massacres, crack addict horses, a skeleton mountain with shattered hooves.
How can anyone look at what happened in the pic and not get the joke? I don't get it. I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right. But if it's only as deep as a political cartoon it will feel like a silly pantomime. My work needs to be higher quality than professionally produced government funded propaganda in TV and games for it to have any positive effect on people used to a steady diet of shoddily produced and expertly produced leftist propaganda. Yeah. Just need to accomplish the impossible. Or what seems like the impossible. Maybe I should give up on the informative angle and just write something cool and fun people who already get it can enjoy. There was never really a point where I was a brainwashed lefty. I don't understand their perspective. I grew up thinking libtards were right and conservatives were dumb then I noticed libtards attacking muh vidyagames then someone told me about islamic rapefugees and jews and the federal reserve and suddenly videogames felt less important. I never felt that kind of otherworldly hatred for whites leftists feel. Never understood what kind of monster could want whites dead or raped or enslaved just for being number one. The feeling that drives a leftist to crave being evil... That's more alien to me than the feeling that drives Elves into forests and Dwarves into caves. I love being in forests and caves. How can I capture that leftist perspective within my work if I am the one who doesn't get it?
File (): 2EAF6398C31481A959C0E3AA97D8AACD-23516.jpg (23.0 KB, 640x360, Not reading that.jpg)
>be male
>living in world like ours but there are monsters and the aesthetic might be different
>maybe you knew about monsters, maybe you didn't
>get attacked
>the plot forces itself upon you and forces you to become the protagonist or choose death
>save the day with your hidden power
>a woman might be there to notice you and be rescued
>join an organization that fights monsters as its only hope
>it has faceless redshirts and an incompetent boss and named minibosses with silly names and appearances so unique for the sake of trying to look unique you'd swear a character creator's randomize button sharted them out
>you are probably also half monster, making you stronger, and if this bothers your organization they will get over it eventually, and you probably inherited something OP too making you the most chosenest chosen one yet with the power to improve faster than everyone else and pull new powers and powerups out of your ass when needed
>through no fault of your own the final boss is connected to you somehow probably
>and 2+ hoes want you
>you also have one or more inferior male friends, they exist to make you look good if they even exist at all
I see no way to add political messaging to this dumb gay cringe formula for Diet Bleach aka Demon Slayer and shit like it.
I'm going back to the anime school idea.
>living in world like ours but there are monsters and the aesthetic might be different
>maybe you knew about monsters, maybe you didn't
>get attacked
>the plot forces itself upon you and forces you to become the protagonist or choose death
>save the day with your hidden power
>a woman might be there to notice you and be rescued
>join an organization that fights monsters as its only hope
>it has faceless redshirts and an incompetent boss and named minibosses with silly names and appearances so unique for the sake of trying to look unique you'd swear a character creator's randomize button sharted them out
>you are probably also half monster, making you stronger, and if this bothers your organization they will get over it eventually, and you probably inherited something OP too making you the most chosenest chosen one yet with the power to improve faster than everyone else and pull new powers and powerups out of your ass when needed
>through no fault of your own the final boss is connected to you somehow probably
>and 2+ hoes want you
>you also have one or more inferior male friends, they exist to make you look good if they even exist at all
I see no way to add political messaging to this dumb gay cringe formula for Diet Bleach aka Demon Slayer and shit like it.
I'm going back to the anime school idea.
File (): F38191DC320D9A3A4E3332682D75D073-178792.png (174.6 KB, 828x668, confused-pony.png)
>>366469
>Man, here's the most generic and shitty anime storyline I can think of
>How can I associate it with my political beliefs
?
>Man, here's the most generic and shitty anime storyline I can think of
>How can I associate it with my political beliefs
?
>>366469
>be Nigel
>have same pile of turds you’ve had for five years
>come up with 4,876th configuration of turds
>rearrange turds to form new configuration
>still looks like a pile of turds
>magical formula to transform turds into gold still eludes you
>decide to revert back to previous configuration of turds and go from there
>inform /mlpol/ of this decision
Thank you for the status update. We appreciate you keeping us apprised.
>be Nigel
>have same pile of turds you’ve had for five years
>come up with 4,876th configuration of turds
>rearrange turds to form new configuration
>still looks like a pile of turds
>magical formula to transform turds into gold still eludes you
>decide to revert back to previous configuration of turds and go from there
>inform /mlpol/ of this decision
Thank you for the status update. We appreciate you keeping us apprised.
>>366470
Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
>>366471
Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.
Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
>>366471
Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.
>>366472
> Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
Well, obviously.
> So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect
Okay champ, best of luck to you. Thanks for keeping us in the loop.
> Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
Well, obviously.
> So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect
Okay champ, best of luck to you. Thanks for keeping us in the loop.
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>>366460
Great, I'm glad I was able to give you some useful advice. I don't remember exactly what I had to say, but I do remember worrying that a lot of the thread was just me bantzing on your ESL writing without necessarily saying anything helpful. I'll tell you the same thing I told Sven: while I ultimately reserve the right to bantz on people and give them shit, I have a high respect for anyone willing to put serious time and effort into developing their writing skills, particularly if they are trying to write in a language they don't natively speak. You should absolutely keep at it, and I will be curious to see what you produce.
>>366462
>>366464
>>366472
>>366469
You, on the other hand, are a whole different animal. Jesus H. Christ.
>I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right.
This is a big part of your problem. You're not trying to tell a story, you're trying to win a political argument. In fact it's worse than that: you're not trying to argue anything, you're trying to write blatant propaganda. You're trying to use fiction as a vehicle to hoodwink people into renouncing whatever opinions they hold and adopt your point of view instead. The worst part is that on top of all that, you're absolutely terrible at it.
>Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.
You've been a beginning writer for five years now, dude. If you've been working as hard as you claim you've been working, you should at least be intermediate by now. I mean, seriously; after all of the time and energy I've expended, not just on advice given to you personally, but all of the breakdowns and analyses and commentaries and slogging my way through terrible fanfictions, it is genuinely disheartening that this is the conclusion I've somehow led you to. Everything about this attitude is just so, so wrong.
What makes your situation so tragic for you and so hilarious for the rest of us is that for all your lamentations over how impossible you think your task is, what you're actually trying to do isn't even all that hard. As far as I can tell, your goal is to write a conventional action-adventure story set in a fantasy world, using tropes from anime and comics and other popular media, that is aimed at the same audience that comics and anime and whatnot appeal most strongly to; probably teenagers and early-twenty-somethings. The only caveat is that you want to wedge in some simple political allegories: the heroes represent Whites, the villains represent Jews, and there are some low-level thug characters that represent Blacks or Muslims or whatever. The basic idea is fundamentally the same as what Hollywood does when they make similar allegorical pieces: the heroes are analogs of the people the writer wants the audience to feel sympathy for, and the villains represent the people the writer wants to criticize.
Your problem is that you misunderstand what your problem is. You keep searching for some kind of magical plot formula that will somehow cancel out your ineptitude and inexperience and generate a perfect story without you having to do much of anything. Unfortunately, no such formula exists; that's not how this works. Whether you come up with a completely original plot or just use an established well-traveled one isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter if your story is about a normie who gets isekai'd into a fantasy world and is given a quest, or if he's already a part of that world, or whatever. Pretty much any of the random ideas you've thrown out would probably work just fine for what you're trying to do, if you were willing to do the fucking work.
What makes a story resonate with people doesn't come from the particular plot formula the writer employed, it comes from his ability to draw the reader into a fictional world and make them sympathize with the struggles of a completely imaginary person. What specifically happens to that person is far less important than whether or not the author can make the person reading about it actually give a shit. Through the process of telling a story, the author shows the reader his own unique vision of how the world appears to him. There is no guarantee that he will be able to convince the reader to see things his way, but if he does his job well, the reader will at least understand his point of view. This is a subtle, nuanced skill that can't be transmitted as a series of step-by-step instructions that anyone can follow; it has to be honed gradually through continuous trial and error. In other words, you have to be willing to do the fucking work.
The best method is to read and write continuously. You read so that you can witness the techniques other authors have used firsthand, and in the process you absorb and internalize their techniques and make them your own. You write in order to practice these techniques, to see if you can effectively use them to communicate your own personal vision. Then, once you've written something, you show it to another person and have them read it to see whether or not it produces the reaction you wanted. You repeat this process until the reaction you receive is consistent with the reaction you wanted.
If you want to keep spinning your wheels trying to come up with "le perfect idea," I can't stop you. If you want to keep writing long blogposts about every dumbass idea that occurs to you, I can't stop you from doing that either, just like I can't stop the rest of the board from laying into you with 100% justified insults about what a lazy, conceited, talentless hack you are. In the end, though, none of it is going to help you.
Why am I even still replying to you?
Great, I'm glad I was able to give you some useful advice. I don't remember exactly what I had to say, but I do remember worrying that a lot of the thread was just me bantzing on your ESL writing without necessarily saying anything helpful. I'll tell you the same thing I told Sven: while I ultimately reserve the right to bantz on people and give them shit, I have a high respect for anyone willing to put serious time and effort into developing their writing skills, particularly if they are trying to write in a language they don't natively speak. You should absolutely keep at it, and I will be curious to see what you produce.
>>366462
>>366464
>>366472
>>366469
You, on the other hand, are a whole different animal. Jesus H. Christ.
>I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right.
This is a big part of your problem. You're not trying to tell a story, you're trying to win a political argument. In fact it's worse than that: you're not trying to argue anything, you're trying to write blatant propaganda. You're trying to use fiction as a vehicle to hoodwink people into renouncing whatever opinions they hold and adopt your point of view instead. The worst part is that on top of all that, you're absolutely terrible at it.
>Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.
You've been a beginning writer for five years now, dude. If you've been working as hard as you claim you've been working, you should at least be intermediate by now. I mean, seriously; after all of the time and energy I've expended, not just on advice given to you personally, but all of the breakdowns and analyses and commentaries and slogging my way through terrible fanfictions, it is genuinely disheartening that this is the conclusion I've somehow led you to. Everything about this attitude is just so, so wrong.
What makes your situation so tragic for you and so hilarious for the rest of us is that for all your lamentations over how impossible you think your task is, what you're actually trying to do isn't even all that hard. As far as I can tell, your goal is to write a conventional action-adventure story set in a fantasy world, using tropes from anime and comics and other popular media, that is aimed at the same audience that comics and anime and whatnot appeal most strongly to; probably teenagers and early-twenty-somethings. The only caveat is that you want to wedge in some simple political allegories: the heroes represent Whites, the villains represent Jews, and there are some low-level thug characters that represent Blacks or Muslims or whatever. The basic idea is fundamentally the same as what Hollywood does when they make similar allegorical pieces: the heroes are analogs of the people the writer wants the audience to feel sympathy for, and the villains represent the people the writer wants to criticize.
Your problem is that you misunderstand what your problem is. You keep searching for some kind of magical plot formula that will somehow cancel out your ineptitude and inexperience and generate a perfect story without you having to do much of anything. Unfortunately, no such formula exists; that's not how this works. Whether you come up with a completely original plot or just use an established well-traveled one isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter if your story is about a normie who gets isekai'd into a fantasy world and is given a quest, or if he's already a part of that world, or whatever. Pretty much any of the random ideas you've thrown out would probably work just fine for what you're trying to do, if you were willing to do the fucking work.
What makes a story resonate with people doesn't come from the particular plot formula the writer employed, it comes from his ability to draw the reader into a fictional world and make them sympathize with the struggles of a completely imaginary person. What specifically happens to that person is far less important than whether or not the author can make the person reading about it actually give a shit. Through the process of telling a story, the author shows the reader his own unique vision of how the world appears to him. There is no guarantee that he will be able to convince the reader to see things his way, but if he does his job well, the reader will at least understand his point of view. This is a subtle, nuanced skill that can't be transmitted as a series of step-by-step instructions that anyone can follow; it has to be honed gradually through continuous trial and error. In other words, you have to be willing to do the fucking work.
The best method is to read and write continuously. You read so that you can witness the techniques other authors have used firsthand, and in the process you absorb and internalize their techniques and make them your own. You write in order to practice these techniques, to see if you can effectively use them to communicate your own personal vision. Then, once you've written something, you show it to another person and have them read it to see whether or not it produces the reaction you wanted. You repeat this process until the reaction you receive is consistent with the reaction you wanted.
If you want to keep spinning your wheels trying to come up with "le perfect idea," I can't stop you. If you want to keep writing long blogposts about every dumbass idea that occurs to you, I can't stop you from doing that either, just like I can't stop the rest of the board from laying into you with 100% justified insults about what a lazy, conceited, talentless hack you are. In the end, though, none of it is going to help you.
Why am I even still replying to you?
>Be Mark.
>Your a man with set of balls that demand respect.
>Suddenly fantasy world.
>See elf woman about to get raped by a gang of faeries.
>Runs up and stops them.
>"Aye, yo. Your in our meadows now man, and I'm big D, Daisy Rumpleboop," one the fairies fluttered over to you and says.
>"Yeeh and dat bitch not respectin' dat." Another said as he glided delicatedly over on his butterfly wings.
>You reach into your inner pockets and bring out a flyswatter.
>You proceed to wipe their asses into submission.
>When they lay one the ground, you drop trou behind their prone forms.
"Time for some buck breaking," you say.
>"No... We... Wuz... Kangz... And... Shheeeeeit..." the feary you rape says inbetween moans.
>You look at his dick.
>You scoff.
>So much for the famous pixie dick.
>When you're done, Will'owispIam and his crew lay in a pile.
>Further away, you see some small open cages and the most despicable creature this world has ever seen.
>The gardening gnome.
>Your gazes meet.
"Oy vey, I need to warn the diaspora," he shouts.
>He jumps on his fox.
>But you manages to grab his santa hat and pull him into the air before the fox takes off.
>He's small legs run desperately in the air.
>You put him back onto the ground, remember the beans you eat earlier, and shove his nose suppositorally up your ass.
>Meanwhile you do this, you being watched by a blushing group of monster girls, one is a slime girl with big tiddies.
>They have all been disillusioned by gnomish lie-media after they claimed that the World Tree Center was destroyed by a dragon being flown by a pair of brown-barked, hijacking treants.
>The only sentence comming to ttheir minds right now, as you brap the gnome to death, is: Is he single?
>The gnome falls to the ground a in heap.
>You put your pants on again as you walk off into the sunset.
>If the furher demands it, you might have to return here later to grind the gnome corpse to dust so that there won't be any proof that you killed him.
>You start to sing.
"...We're taking down the ZOG machine, jew-by jew-by jew, and the white marches on."
>Your a man with set of balls that demand respect.
>Suddenly fantasy world.
>See elf woman about to get raped by a gang of faeries.
>Runs up and stops them.
>"Aye, yo. Your in our meadows now man, and I'm big D, Daisy Rumpleboop," one the fairies fluttered over to you and says.
>"Yeeh and dat bitch not respectin' dat." Another said as he glided delicatedly over on his butterfly wings.
>You reach into your inner pockets and bring out a flyswatter.
>You proceed to wipe their asses into submission.
>When they lay one the ground, you drop trou behind their prone forms.
"Time for some buck breaking," you say.
>"No... We... Wuz... Kangz... And... Shheeeeeit..." the feary you rape says inbetween moans.
>You look at his dick.
>You scoff.
>So much for the famous pixie dick.
>When you're done, Will'owispIam and his crew lay in a pile.
>Further away, you see some small open cages and the most despicable creature this world has ever seen.
>The gardening gnome.
>Your gazes meet.
"Oy vey, I need to warn the diaspora," he shouts.
>He jumps on his fox.
>But you manages to grab his santa hat and pull him into the air before the fox takes off.
>He's small legs run desperately in the air.
>You put him back onto the ground, remember the beans you eat earlier, and shove his nose suppositorally up your ass.
>Meanwhile you do this, you being watched by a blushing group of monster girls, one is a slime girl with big tiddies.
>They have all been disillusioned by gnomish lie-media after they claimed that the World Tree Center was destroyed by a dragon being flown by a pair of brown-barked, hijacking treants.
>The only sentence comming to ttheir minds right now, as you brap the gnome to death, is: Is he single?
>The gnome falls to the ground a in heap.
>You put your pants on again as you walk off into the sunset.
>If the furher demands it, you might have to return here later to grind the gnome corpse to dust so that there won't be any proof that you killed him.
>You start to sing.
"...We're taking down the ZOG machine, jew-by jew-by jew, and the white marches on."
>>366478
I'm not sure. ^^
I was thinking I'd make a parody of Nigel's nazi propaganda isekai idea but I feel like I lost the thread somewhere.
Maybe it's a bit gross actually ^^ (my green)
Though, the thought of pretending to be Nigel and writing a story like he would sounds pretty funny. This was not the way to go about it though, lol.
I'm not sure. ^^
I was thinking I'd make a parody of Nigel's nazi propaganda isekai idea but I feel like I lost the thread somewhere.
Maybe it's a bit gross actually ^^ (my green)
Though, the thought of pretending to be Nigel and writing a story like he would sounds pretty funny. This was not the way to go about it though, lol.
File (): 97E747DFFEC2346A18A6DBAC6FC7E835-188483.jpg (184.1 KB, 1920x943, Wish-You-Were-Here-Bring-a-Paddle-hed-2020.jpg)
>>366484
Nah fam, this is solid work; I feel more inspired and redpilled just from reading this brief episode. I only have a few pointers:
>Your a man with set of balls that demand respect.
Keep an eye on your your and you're. "You're" is a contraction of "you are," whereas "your" denotes ownership. Observe:
>You're a man
>Your balls demand respect
Also, watch out for verb tenses and perspective. Most greentext is written in the present tense, usually in either the first or second person:
>you are Anon
>you are doing stuff
>that stuff is happening right now
For the most part you're pretty consistent here, but there are a couple of places where you use the wrong verb tense:
>Runs up
should be "run up"
>one of the faeries fluttered
should be "one of the faeries flutters"
>but you manages to grab
should be "manage to grab" (though this one might just be a typo)
Also, there are a couple of minor spelling errors:
>He's small legs run desperately in the air.
His small legs.
>the gardening gnome
Should be "garden gnome"; the "gardening gnome" implies that the gnome is tending a garden.
>the only sentence comming to ttheir minds
The only sentence coming to their minds.
>If the furher demands it
I'm inclined to give you a pass on this one, since I had to look up how to spell Fuhrer myself probably a faux pas on a site like this in and of itself. However, it should at least be capitalized.
Also:
>You proceed to wipe their asses into submission.
This is rather a poor choice of words. Since he's using a flyswatter, he should ideally be swatting their asses, beating their asses, or something similar. "Swipe" their asses kind-of works; maybe that's what you meant to type. In any event, if this guy really wants to wipe these guys' asses with a flyswatter I personally won't judge him, but...I'm not sure the Fuhrer would approve.
Anyway, that's about all I've got for this; it's otherwise well done. Using blatantly intentional silliness you highlight all of the unintentional silliness in Nigel's premise, while still adhering to the basic outline of it. All of the essentials of a fine shitpost are here.
Nah fam, this is solid work; I feel more inspired and redpilled just from reading this brief episode. I only have a few pointers:
>Your a man with set of balls that demand respect.
Keep an eye on your your and you're. "You're" is a contraction of "you are," whereas "your" denotes ownership. Observe:
>You're a man
>Your balls demand respect
Also, watch out for verb tenses and perspective. Most greentext is written in the present tense, usually in either the first or second person:
>you are Anon
>you are doing stuff
>that stuff is happening right now
For the most part you're pretty consistent here, but there are a couple of places where you use the wrong verb tense:
>Runs up
should be "run up"
>one of the faeries fluttered
should be "one of the faeries flutters"
>but you manages to grab
should be "manage to grab" (though this one might just be a typo)
Also, there are a couple of minor spelling errors:
>He's small legs run desperately in the air.
His small legs.
>the gardening gnome
Should be "garden gnome"; the "gardening gnome" implies that the gnome is tending a garden.
>the only sentence comming to ttheir minds
The only sentence coming to their minds.
>If the furher demands it
I'm inclined to give you a pass on this one, since I had to look up how to spell Fuhrer myself probably a faux pas on a site like this in and of itself. However, it should at least be capitalized.
Also:
>You proceed to wipe their asses into submission.
This is rather a poor choice of words. Since he's using a flyswatter, he should ideally be swatting their asses, beating their asses, or something similar. "Swipe" their asses kind-of works; maybe that's what you meant to type. In any event, if this guy really wants to wipe these guys' asses with a flyswatter I personally won't judge him, but...I'm not sure the Fuhrer would approve.
Anyway, that's about all I've got for this; it's otherwise well done. Using blatantly intentional silliness you highlight all of the unintentional silliness in Nigel's premise, while still adhering to the basic outline of it. All of the essentials of a fine shitpost are here.
>>366478
Comedy gold! Will there be a sequel that parodies Bleach/Demon Slayer cliches from later episodes?
Comedy gold! Will there be a sequel that parodies Bleach/Demon Slayer cliches from later episodes?
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