Is it a RP thread? Is it a shit/fun-post thread? Is it a bantz thread?
Its all 3. Welcome to Mixed Nuts, where we do wtfe and have fun (mostly) doing it, while doing our best to coerce and manipulate one another and see what kinda shit we can get away with, while seeing what kinda shit we can get one another to do.
Don't deny it faggots.
The party's latest venture was BTFO'ing Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Nancy Pelosi, and Dianne Feinstein (who eats poo BTW). There's still an awful-big building floating in the water, and the party has designs to try and get inside, but I'm not about to even start that shit until the weekend, cuz in true form, the moment I leave for meat-space there's another 200+ posts when I get back.
These faggots,....
Anyhow, please note that while players are called faggots, blatant and obvious and unquestionably gay shit is not permitted. It is role-play, but keep it hetero, or u will die.
New players are welcome, to start or just to pop in and shitpost, but don't get mad when,....
Pic cuz I fucking felt like it. Xp
1019 replies and 151 files omitted.
>>41899What about the deck beneath the balloon?
>>41898The smoke isn't magic (i think), but she stops anyway.
[2d20 = 17]
Torc fires a quick volley from where the shooting is coming from, then runs towards Tracy and Trump
>>41903Transform into non-magical mud pony. It's the only way to be sure
>>41898She transforms into a heavy warhorse.
>>41905>>41906Mudponies are magical. Warhorses are not.
"Arrrr, ar ar ar ar ar, Arrrrrrr, ar ar ar ar ar," it almost sounds like someone is laughing.
>>41904He's still plenty out of range. The 'field' has only just been lifted and no one has had (or expressed) the chance to close distance. The airship floats off not too=far, with its side facing the party, so 14 canons.
>>41907Because she's smol and he wouldn't be able to ride her properly.
>>41902*fires breath weapon at the balloon thing above the ship*
>>41910Uh... I guess we should approach now. And in a direction that avoids line of fire of the cannon
>>41909Well fug.
*starts smoking again*
>>41912Trump, pull out your goddamn shield and use it for cover while she tries to land on that thing.
>>41912*does so*
>>41909Oh, I'm still confused but okay.
Torc teleports to Thez and Infernius before he becomes a fine red mist
>>41911what element is your breath weapon again?
>>41911As the flames - even napalm ones - dance along the length of the corded and braided cables that connect the balloon to the ship, one gets the impression that the person designing thought of that, and that it would take exceptional effort to detach the balloon from the "chassis"
>>41916>>41913NOW is an excellent time for smoke
Draws Bee shield
Pulls out ever smoking bottle and releases the cap, because fuck it
>>41914Me too, but some ppl are charging the shit.
>>41915Its both acid and flame, thus napalm
>>41918Nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning
A resounding and almost yodelling horn pierces the otherwise quiet surroundings, followed by a series of cheers and appreciative sounds, all emanating from the ship.
>>41915Are Tracy and Trump able to land on it yet?
>>41917Use the Tower shield to cover them while she moves forward.
You can drop it later if you want.
>>41915Napalm
>>41918>Lenos is a Gold and Black Dragon. At the same timeDefinitely making my bizarre request
>>41922Fuck it. Draws Tower shield for cover. pls move out of line of fire
>>41920Imma' kill everyone on this ship regardless of alignment, just saying that now.
>>41925They're mount and rider. Do their kills count for eachother?
*Speeds towards to ship so she can start slitting throats already*
>>41926No, it's one with no back ground and her back is arched up I think?
>>41927Who knows
>>41929*Readies full round attack*
>>41914Nice pali
At this point, Thez is dissatisfied with Infernius, and Infernius is dissatisfied with (?).
>>41930Shit.. Idk what you were talking about..
Let me look... Was it colored?
>>41933Yes, with a blue tracy but no colored back ground. Tracy is kind of smiling, but I think in a kind of ball like position. You tend to use it to show happy or "innocent" Tracy
>>41934Oh it's just banter. You'll be fine
>>41934Torc poofs in right next to the married couple.
"There is a giant floating ship with a popped balloon if you wanna see"
>>41939
>>41942
this is the path to infernuis' punishment game turn back now.
>doesn't even know which way to push it
Uhm,... who?
>>41944Wouldn't you lose your class abilities if he actually denounced Hitler-ism?
>>41945it WILL happen.
>>41947im surprised i still have em desu.
>>41949Eh, if Trump is allowed to keep his, i don't see why Infernius can't keep his own.
tbh, I haven't really been keeping Tracy ebil enough to fill the Blackguard roll...
>>41949Well I wasn't sure how severe you were being with it.
Infernius effortlessly and apathetically tips off of Uatchit and streaks toward the ground.
*upon reaching the deck of the ship lenos changes back to his brownie form and casts emerald flame fist
https://dndtools.net/spells/complete-arcane--55/emerald-flame-fist--496/*>>41950I just have a very lenient God.
>I haven't been keeping Tracy evil enough to be Black guardDon't you have to be lawful for that? In any case her marriage is more important
>>41952I can do it in two months. Let me get my cohort
>>41954>Don't you have to be lawful for that? That's just in pathfinder. The onlt requirement in 3.5e is ebil.
It's hard being ebil when most of the party is good though...
[1d20 = 7]>>41953404 Page Not Found FAIL
>>41955"You WON'T... <whooof> {catch} "die on me!!"
>>41957Um... can Tracy land on the deck?
So how fast is the ship falling?
>>41955>>41951>>41957Wuts going on?
>>41951Have we reached the deck?
>>41959Infernius is being emo again.
>>41954>a very lenient GodPaladins are not the same as Clerics: worshiping a lenient god doesn't normally allow breaking code, but we diverge..
My character has three modes: Talk, kill, and have sex. Let me do one of the two or I will do the third
>>41962What even is this code and when have I allegedly broke it
[18d20 = 158]>>41958No, I haven't rolled for the volley of missiles that sprang forth when 'the bubble' got 'popped'.
>>41959The ship isn't falling, pay Infernius and Thez no mind.
Also, you remember that automatic weapon I mentioned? A whirring sounds begins from the ship's front side
>>41960Not yet
>>41961"You," squinted eyes
>>41963this
Just let me kill something already
>>41967Well, you're within arrow range which means 2 rounds at cautionary advance, or 1 round at less cautionary
>>41965>three 20sUh... 50% miss chance at total concealment from multiple layers of smoke screen
>>41969what is cautionary advance and what is less cautionary?
>>41969Tracy charges forward, disregarding the fire, smoke and cloak activated, Trump still using his sheild for cover.
We light brigade nao
Faggot frays that Trump's faggot rolls high enough to negate attacks on Tracy.>>41970You can take cover with the shield and roll to negate attacks on Tracy.
Tracy charges.
So Trump and Tracy have first attempted move on the rapidly-firing airship, Lenos is on hand with crazy burning fists, And Torcuil is flying about keeping everyone informed.
Its not Torcuil's fault either. He misinterpreted popping the magic field for popping the balloon.
>>41970Less cautionary = -2 to ac and no dex
>>41971charges = less cautionary
[1d20 = 14]>>41971You have 26 AC even without armor or mounted combat. You're fine. And by "you're fine" I mean you've got the HP to take it
>>41972I guess ready attack and spot check the deck? How many creatures and what do they look like
>>41975They could be druids for all we know.
Let's just kill something already.
>>41976If the persons on deck are rogues, should we be worried about sneak attacks if we charge? Or do you care more about being shot in an extra round?
>>41977I'll go with that. Full charge with -2AC and no dex it is
>>41978The robe also increases concealment on her each round.
Casts Bull's Strength on self and horsey
is lenos close enough to a pirate to attack?
>>41981+ Enchancement bonus to Str
>>41982Heavens no, he's back and to the left like in JFK
>>41981Give them Eagle's Splendor next chance you get.
>>41984Are we at least w/in 60 ft? Can Tracy stab bitches with her chain yet?
Now I rolled for it earlier, and tempted though I am to use those 20's, only the first set of rolls applies, and its for cannonballs hitting the tower.
>>41964I'm showing 2 canons hitting with 2 malfunctioning
>>41986I've explained this to you like three times. Your character can move 180 feet a round in a charge. Just get us close enough to sword fight
>>41989Uh... post number 41988 is sort of a 1488 anagram?
The layout of the ship is pretty 1/1 divided. There's a fierce collection on the forward/rear section, of comparably able man-power. Its like the crew split up into 2 equal teams, one on the front (the right, perspectively) and one on the back (left)
>>41989Order Vanderiem to do a detect alignment on any single person
>>41992what do the two teams look like?
>>41991I just want to kill something tonight.. it's 12:30..
>>41991>anagramI thought the same about
>>14988 →>>41993There seems to be a "really pretty" one (officer) who tells ppl to do stuff, while others with either small crossbows or large bows cover the perimeter. There are a couple who don't put their swords away also.
>>41994Then stop sexin' up the build-up. Just sayin'
>>41996>OfficerWe'll keep him alive and ask him questions
Reminder of need for dragon poner
>>41999He can come back after we revive him. I'm putting everyone in the ground.
>>41990Greenish wisps of flame begin to dance along Lenos as he makes some weird gestures.
>>41999>>42000>>42001e_e
>>42001>>42000Why do you keep doing this?
>>42004Charge and kill! *waves sword*
>>42005To claim the dragon poner of course
>>42007>claim the dragon poner... You honestly think you'll get it by ruining every GET?
Also, wait till you get to epic level.
So just to make sure I'm visualizing correctly; Trump/Tracy are in full charge (the chad charge, essentially), while Torcuil was poking at the perimeter defense spell (which quickly popped), while Lenos is squaring up and is pissed-off dragon-mode (cus reasons) and while Thez and Infernius slap-fight with words. Yes?
>>42008>You honestly think you'll get it by ruining every get*shrug*
>Wait until epic levelOh a shape-shifting greater Chromatic dragon (silver or gold) is the perfect epic level cohort. I just wish I had a clear path to 25 Charisma to actually take the Epic leadership Feat. Also that may take a lot longer than just to get to level 20...
[4d20 = 39]>>42011Yes. Full round attack on whatever the hell comes close enough!!
[1d20+21 = 34]>>42011Can I make a demoralizing Intimidate check from this range?
I want to do something..
>>42013Trumpaladin's Combined attack bonus with Bull rush is now +31/26/21/16 against evil +29/24/19/14 against non-evil
[18d20 = 171]>>42013You don't have the time or opportunity to attack, all Trump can do is dramatically flip onto the ship's deck, which is firing at him and Tracy.
>>42017Uh... AC is now 35 with +5 bracers of armor
[5d8 = 19]Three of the seamen hit Trump (a map?) while two hit Tracy; 3 longbows and 2 crossbows.
>>42018In a fighting stance, yes. Atm he's doing stuff that requires focus.
>>42018She has 26 natural armor, plus 3 with the bracers.. And there's the robe combined with smoke...
Shit... You did take that Mounted Combat feat, correct?
Both Trump and Tracy sustain minimal damage and have successfully occupied the center-point of the top-deck of the ship. Either character can move or maneuver but there's lots of enemies.
>>42020Oh that feat wouldn't give you more than 29 or 29 AC
>>42021Can we kill something this round?
[1d20+21 = 33]>>42021Tracy, due to her faggots impatience,is in full genocide mode. Kill everyone in sight.
Rolling to Intimidate (demoralize)
Cast Cause Fear, because why not?
>>41990Uhm, that's a touch attack spell
>>42022No.
>>42023That dice roll. You see it don't you?
Though she shouldn't be able to, Tracy does some weird voodoo shit that makes herself seem more fearsome than she actually is.
[1d20 = 18]>>42024Quick draw bow shoot target of opportunity. Unless something wants to talk first
[16d20 = 166]
So the assembled and organize pirates on both sides of the ship from Trump and Tracy,....
Keep their fuggin' distance and fire range weapons.
[1d20+21 = 38]>>42023Also, Search check to look for the fastest way to Hindenburg this goddamn boat.
>>42026>That's exactly how I'd use themRemind me to hire some pirates
>>42027No. We take her a' prize
[4d20 = 53]
[1d100 = 22]
2 shots hit both, one being a crit (that one to Trump).
>>42028We'll salvage the wreck out of the water later.
[2d8 = 9]
[4d8 = 11]
First bit is SUPPOSED to be Trump's damage
>>42030No. That will destroy more than half it's value, we can't fix an airship, we don't know how to fix an airship, and it would cost more money to fix than money we have.
Take out your frustration on the people shooting us. Leave the loot alone
\r
Rather the second bit. Oh well, that wasn't much of anything. These pirates are sucking balls. Lenos is first. I think. I can't find the post that says
>>42033I don't know. They've already done like 20+ HP of damage and our characters haven't even done anything to them yet. These are probably very low level NPCs designed mostly to ferry around larger cannons, yet they still do some damage and will take time to kill all of. This is why I appreciate ranged weapons on low level NPCs
And yes, Lenos is first.
>>42024ok I must have read it wrong I thought it lit the path behind the charging character. so instead he uses the brownie burp at the closest group of pirates (switching back to phone computer is glitch)
>>42015"What,... then," she takes a knee on one side. "I don't,... who, how should, this doesn't make sense."
>>42035Oooh, still out of range for that. The only ones who are in combat range are Trump and Tracy.
[4d20 = 44]>>42033Trumpaladin's move is to ready full round attack at enemies that are adjacent to him once horsey closes range. Trumpaladin orders horsey to attack group of pirates that are close together and have been shooting at them
Quick Draw Vanderiem also
Rolling now for the attack because why not
>>42036"me know . me most likely going to lose powers."
[3d20 = 31]>>42037Extend cone to fuck up the attack rolls of anyone who gets close.
Strike at the archers with chain.
>>41928So this didnt get him onto the deck?
>>42039Horsey didn't move close enough to attack the enemy?
>>42038"I,... I've lost powers,... its,... its not so bad when,...." her face betrays emotions she is otherwise trying to shield and restrict,
>>42040No, because I get a 404 error every time I try and load that page, so fail
>>42041She moves where she's directed to (as a default), but she still attacks.
You could make ride checks to control her movements if you want (idk if the check is necessary). I'm going to get pretty passive because it's really late, but she'll still attack everything she sees.
[1d20+10 = 27]>>42042>>42043Ride check to make the horse get Trumpaladin close enough for him to use his sword and her to use her stronger and more powerful natural weapons and sword
>>42042"me would give up my powers 1000 times to protect you and addy."
"Zone... Of... PEACE" calls a voice from the captain's wheel. Waves of enervating energy removes any trace of hostile motion or intention from Tracy and Trunp's intention. Both are able to move or declare any action except attacks/combat.
>>42044I used the chain because range.
[1d20+34 = 35]>>42046>Can't attackFuck it I'm talking then. Attempt diplomacy
[1d20 = 16]>>42048Trump, attempting diplomacy, stumbles in his stirrups and has to spend a moment righting himself. Meanwhile, Tracy attempts to set fire to the flying craft which has surely been warded and guarded against basic flamability.
Detect alignment on ship captain or officer
>>42053Did Tracy's intimidation phase them?
*Walk straight up to the faggot who cast the spell*
>>42054>>42055Which is it?
>>42056No, there's more than a dozen per side, each bolsering the saving throw of the other.
>>42053As Tracy is doing that, may as well say "Hello"
>>42057Detect alignment and "hello"
how far away from the ship is lenos
>>42058>>42059A 1 - 59 = lose a turn, meaning Trump can engage pleasantries next round.
>>420603 rounds out without incurring an AC penalty.
"Whistars! Fayntesh! Do your thing," calls the same voice from the captain's direction.
Spell scroll-work weaves its way along the deck fortifying all those aboard, including Tracy and Trump.
>>42061So not within range to cast firestorm on the deck of the ship?
[1d20+21 = 38]>>42061Can Tracy find/approach the guy who cast the spell?
Listen check to discern where the sound of casting came from, and walk right up to the guy who cast it in a totally non-aggressive matter.
>>42062Captain?
Fug the Spellcaster, go to him instead.
>>42062>>42062Um... what's spell scroll-work, and what sort of fortification?
Also, tries "hello" again
>>42066>What sort ofHe wouldn't know without a spell craft check, so there's no point in being meta.
*Goes to the captain*
>>42067As in, within nose-touching range.
>>42063In range, yes, but no line of sight. The ship is still significantly elevated.
>>42065>>42066The crew assembles around Trump and Tracy. "Wouldn't want ye to trip or fall. Please excuse the lads," says one of the pirates, more to give a personification to the retention-pattern than anything.
>>42066"Yesh me lord?" says one pirate, while several chortle amongst themselves.
>>42067We can get a visual description of whaat's happening even if there's no clue what the magic effect is
>>42069*forces pony to stay out of booping range*
>>42070"Why have you been shooting at our base and at our city?"
>>42070Fly right over their heads towards the captain.
F> Wall of Force
The captain area is covered by a spherical bubble of magical force.
"Now then, if you'll be so kind as to avoid any foolishness, welcome aboard the Sloppy Cunt"
>>42073"May I ask who is speaking?"
>>42073Walk straight towards the captain and get as close as possible.
>>41916Just curious but wouldnt being able to do this put lenos closer then 600 feet away from the ship?
>>42080>"I want to find out what the hell is going on first">>42073"And welcome to Port Barry. Would you be so kind as to tell us why cannon balls were being hurled at our city and our base?"
Meta question because I gotta sleep
Is it going to be mostly talk for the rest of the session? Tracy would let him talk; otherwise, she'd be a killing machine.
>>42082Tbh, I was hoping to at least pause at this point
>>42077Yes, but not necessarily in view of the deck of the ship, else he'd have been far more shot-at than he was.
>>42084Pausing sounds good ill be back in the morning
>>42082FOUND IT! Color feels a bit off though
>>42045Thez, waiting patiently for meta-time wanders her way over to Infernius
"I... gave up,... my powers,... its not so bad, not when,...." she betrays emotion.
>>42087*hugs*
"you dont have to say it."
>>42087>Not present but still want to say it anyways"You're cured Thez. You're better this way"
>>42088>>42087"me now you miss them, but even if we both lose our powers we will be together."
>>42092"Its not about missing anything,..." <whooof>
>>42094Thez reappears high above the pirate ship, which Trump and Tracy are tenatively "guests" onboard, and pulls out what looks like a folding saw shaped loosely like a bird,... or maybe a snake,....
With a flick of her wrist and a KLACK sound, the blade pops out, revealing a scythe-like weapon.
"I will welcome and fight alongside all who do not stand in my way, and any who would stand between us are in my way,"
Her words (said as she disappeared, but taking time to register) dawn on Infernius, as she looses an otherwise simple and unassuming Kama.
That's my last move for the night. Anyone else?
>>42095"Hello Thez. Guessing their magic can't be that powerful if you came aboard. Are these friends of yours?"
>>42096Not aboard, high above the ship, outside the spell range (Thez doesn't even know there's a spell yet)
>>42098I'm meta-saying that to you, so that you know where she's at.
>>42100I mean are the words in quotes in
>>42095 addressed to F and intended to actually be heard?
>>42101No, those are iterated to Infernius - by creative license - as Thez teleported to engage the opponents.
Morning
>>42048>+34H-how?
>>42073>Sloppy CuntI didn't know pirates named their ship after themselves
>>42095>Torc sees everyone else disappear to the ship"Aw fuck, here we go"
Torc teleports onto the deck, next to the rest of the party
Tracy is going to tear this abjurer apart from the inside next time she gets the chance.
I won't be able to play until later this evening.
>>42106>>42073If possible during her next turn, she phases through the deck/floor to travel underneath the wall of force, to get up-close and personal with the captain.
If not, Trump, use your Help to get us up close and personal.
She's casting Doom at this captain every turn with her lenses.
Gas all shieldfags
>>42108WHY
Jesus, just let me ask basic questions that I've been waiting hours and hours to ask
>>42110If he has something to say, she can say it right to their faces.
Tracy is already determined to move from point A to point B. She's not attacking in any way; she's just getting close.
Remember to make him pay for the damaged tower.
>>42111Eh.... fine. Horsey can try her intimidation tactics. I guess she's got to do
something to impress the captain into buying her
She may have to deflate if you want dimension door to work. If that thing is a wall of force, both going around it with eternalness and dimension door will get around it >>42112I don't normally bother looking up how to get past spells, barriers, etc. because my character wouldn't know anyway, so there's no point in me knowing.
She's just pissed that the faggot who interrupted her day is hiding behind some invisible shield in non-stabbing range.
Lenos would like to cast meteor swarm at the balloon to try and pop it
Alright then, before we do anything else, I'm gonna bake