>Mixed Nuts
To some, its a delightful role-playing venture based (loosely) on 3.5e D&D rules. To others especially a particular german poster,… love you btw its the worst thing to happen to Mlpol (which is saying something, cuz there's,….).
>What it do
On weekends we engage a dynamic storyline based largely on the GM's capacity to create and illustrate the situation. Sometimes he's a faggot tho.
>What about me?
New players and shitposters are always welcome. We have prohibited excessive >lewd, and non-players can assume casual roles as available (at the moment the world is a desolate wasteland tho so not for a bit). Ordinarily we have several side-characters with their own existing backstories, as well as a few player contributions including a very sad Alex Jones or Yak Lee, a literal MLP yak trained as a monk. If wanting to play, make a post about it in thread and there's plenty of anons who can steer anon in the right direction.
For the time being the party has successfully conquered the Gigajew, and through the tunnels beneath has all-kinds-of tortured to almost death (there will be more) James Alefantis and several patrons/staff of Comet Ping Pong. Through this tunnel network, there is only one direction to go, and that is the upper path, which seems to lead toward the usurped Trump Tower.
1021 replies and 21 files omitted.
>>64350"Say again Thez? Focus on what?"
>>64349>"Shit..." Tracy thinks, as she slowly creeps through the darkness, preparing to dodge the first wave of the oncoming blood-orgy.>>64350"Umm.. ugh, okay."
*focuses*
"Whooof, whish, swoop, whaff, swish, floooo" whisles as Thez exerts herself.
Nex\\t is Trump, Snek, Fae, and Tra
>>64350"Me not so good at focusing"
>>64357Glowing, radiating with the power of Football, Trump swings and decimates every sequential foe. Vapors and whisps of opponent drift along him like dust, as his attacks render the zone safER
Amidst the barrage, and in the absence of phantoms and phasms, the battlefield - that is, the tower - seems clear
>>64359Don't get cocky
[4d20 = 32]>>64355Tracy has no idea wtf is going on, but instinctively stabs whatever is ahead of her.
>>64361At least the last roll should've hit...
>>64362Possible crit too.
"Uh so, we gonna attack them?"
>"Yes"
>>64363What weapon? You said "chain" last round
>>64365She's using her sword now.
As Stix readies his bow, as Tracy lunges forward with battle-lust (not my idea Xp), as Trump and Fae and Torcuil and Lenos and Kiyne gradually invade the ambient darkness, a sound issues throughout.
"Youoweusmoney!"
"ThsFUCKINGhuman!"
"ItISthatfuckinghumanISN'Tit!?"
"Thisisallyourfaultyouknpw?"
All the while, a whooshing sound resonates and echoes throughout
>>64367If the room is evidently cleared, Fae peers out, and walks out towards the stairs
>>64367Torc looks like an arrow has been shot in his chest.
"M-my fault?"
"I have no idea what I'm doing..." Tracy mumbles as she advances forward, clueless and nervous, but confident in her reflexes.
"Weweresupposedtobesidecharacters!"
"IrrelevantNPCs,"
"ButNO,thisfuckinghuman,"
"NOWLOOKATUS!"
As tje last of the whispering voices finishes, a single solitary figure seems to stand before the bulk of the party, amidst the main area of the tower.
>>64372*stares awkwardly at figure as faggot tries to make heads or tails of the situation*
"... Eheheh.. Hello.."
[4d20 = 61]>>64373Before Tracy, dangling from several different length chains, are several otherwise small figures smothered in black leather with a hint of blood throughout. Oh, one of them has their face exposed by hooks. They're all gnomish in height, and there seem to be four of them, who dash off with a chuckle as soon as they're observed
>diceall 4
>>64372>"Torc? Torc?! SNAP OUT OF IT"Snek slaps Torc across the face
"-IT'S BULLSHIT, I DID NAWT... Oh, Hi Snek"
Torc then notices the strange figure
"Oh"
"What the fuck..?" Is all Tracy can make out before an attack hits her
So we gonna fight now? Or are we gonna pretend that the creepy almost-gnomes are friends?
Everyone, roll for initiative.
Plz keep in mind visibility is magically minimal, and darkvision is currently negated
[1d20 = 5][1d20+6 = 24]>>64377ROLLING INITIATIVE!!!
[2d20 = 28]>>64377Rolling
Highest is Snek
[1d20+7 = 13]>>64377Rolling.
Damn, that's some high AF initiative rolls
[1d20 = 1]>>64377Stix initiative.
Deja vu all over again
>>64382Why do I consistently roll 6's on every initiative?!
Except Stix. Not ur fault, but dude
>>64384Rest in peace dude
So naturally, Stix goes first. The party is beset on all sides by weird-creepy-vaporous wtfe's. Your move?
Now in dealing with creepy-weirds previously, Stix probably knows that the sanctity of the weapon/object/site determines the strength of the opponent, so aside from immdediate zombies he knows that undead want to eat and not get eaten. Thez and Snek to follow
[3d20 = 16]>>64388Umm... ok?
“We are surrounded!”
Stix shoots the closest... thing three times with his magic bow
9/9/4 modifiers
I should also indicate that among the protagonists are 10 targets, in order:
1 Thez
2 Addy
3 Infernius/Stix
4Tracy/Torc
5 Trump
6 Stix
7 Lenos
8 Kiynen
The list is not time-specific, but its close.
>>64392A rasping sound issues from the darkness, nothing else seeming relevant.
[1d20 = 7]
[4d20 = 26]
CGB1> 4x Grapple
Addy> Sunder strike!
So as something, evident only by a whirling sound for most of the party, yet obviously adversarial, begins to encroach, neither its strikes nor Addy's strikes are successful. Lucky dice on that too. Xp
[3d20 = 35]>>64395Full round attack on the ankle biters
@ancap
There's 2 above, one ahead, and one back and to the left. All have concealment
[1d20+11 = 30][1d20 = 12]>>64397Yes but that's not what I'm asking.
Fuck it.
Snek mlems a couple times to sight his target, then fires.
+11 is the shot, the one without modifiers is the mlem check.
<blam> echoes throughout, as Snek cuts the silence and motion with the sound of a gat. A slow shuffling suggests that something collapsed(ed) followed by a low an reverberating REEEEEE
>>64399Very nice shot actually.
The mlem check isn't as good tho...
>>64400Oh hey that actually worked
>"I've always wanted to shoot a gnome, you can help me cook him later""Fine,
this one time"
[3d20 = 24][4d20 = 42]>>64400Trumpaladin swings at the one ahead, or at least, at the one nearest
"Get out of my tower!"
Add Divine might because like 5 or 4 uses remain today, so why not?Fae lunges at a different one, perhaps one above if she can reach, and one to the back if she cannot.
[3d20 = 23]
Tracy makes a full round attack at the nearest creature with her chain.
"...."
"...."
"!!!!"
"REEEEEEEE!!!"
"--EEEEEEEEE--"
"--whooooosh--!"
[12d20 = 134]>>64406Ahem. Amidst the darkness, only one figure presents its self, which promptly gets skull-capped (thanks Snek). Otherwise, chains dart out from the darkness.
[4d4+16 = 27]
[2d4+8 = 16]
Fae takes damage, Trump takes damage, and <whoof, strike, wrestle> Thez takes damage. Thez is engaged in a grapple.
Infernius and Stix have next move. Visibility is blocked, commotion is evident, and threats are immediate, though not visible.
>>64410"MRAAAAAAA!"
"Son of a.... That hurt!"
>>64411I cast true seeing.
>>64413Infernius's vision sharpens, to determine that there are 4 humanoid shapes in the mix, one of which is excessively skinny. They seem to be attacking without direct physical involvement.
Stix?
Then Tracy/Torc
Trump
Lenos/Kiynen
A ruby glint catches Infernius' eye as his spell takes shape, the form darting in a swirl of shadows and detritus.
[3d20 = 36]
Stix takes another three shots at the closest target.
[1d100 = 27]>>64416The first arrow flies off wildly but the second <thhhhunk> <SCREEEEEEE> seems to be effective, as is the third, except drawing less of a response.
>>64416Good shot
>>64414>>64415Can i use my move action as a attack?
A smallish pale figure darts from view as is struck by 2 of Stix' arrows. A low and gradual growl/hiss issues from the darkness.
>>64419Never can a move be swapped for an attack, only vice verse and in lieu of no other attacks.
[5d4+5 = 16]>>64420Well, I guess Torc can do something now.
He decides to fire some recreation Magic McMissiles
trademark pending at the strange humanoid thing.
Rollin damage
>>64421He's lucky those aren't attack rolls e_e
https://youtu.be/miomuSGoPzI
>>64421>recreation Magic McMissilesKek
>>64422>1While entertaining, wtf was that video
>2 If those hadn't had been d4's I would have given up
[1d20 = 7]
Tracy takes a move action to gain concealment with cloak dance, and a standard action to make an attack towards the creature that Torc just shot balls of light at.
>>64425Um.. that should be a +24 modifier, with BAB, Dex, and Enhancement bonus..
>>64424Chicken attaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Tracy
Trump
Lenos
Kiynen
The opponents have large or complete concealment, excepting the one already hit
>>64425Tracy scores a glancing blow, causing minimal but not insignificant damage. The shadows reel with a hissing sound.
>>64422>Druids in a nutshell
[3d20 = 36]>>64427Trumpaladin uses a quick action to draw out his blackberry, the one he gained from Cardishill, and tweeets out "Recreational McMissiles wand for sale," so as to be the first to make use of the mark "Recreational McMissile" in use and commerce, and so the senior user under trademark law
With his standard action, Trumpaladin casts Dispel Magic in the area of the creatures to end this damn darkness spell
Fae pounces the one that is already in the light
>>64429Zozzle
>>64431Oh come on
>>64431>NO SERVICEThe dispel however is effective. For a 60' radius, the darkness vanishes. The ambient darkness begins to encroach, but for the time being, the area around Trump has standard (unobstructed) visibility.
[2d20 = 34]
[1d20 = 11]
Fae erswhile, charges after the visible one, in pounce-mode
... and subsequently noms on a face
>>64436Despite Trump's satisfactory glance/gaze, Lenos and Kiynen both unleash a full-fury breath weapon behind the party. "We don't have time to play GAMES," Lenos insists, in demonically deep-voice, not familiar to the party.
>>64437Tracy steps forward, making another full round chain-attack at the nearest gnome-thing.
>>64438Newp. Trump, Lenos, kiynen, Thez, and Addy in rotaion
[4d20 = 63]>>64440"DIE. YOU. HOME INVADING BASTARDS!"
Slash Slash Slash Slash
I'm'a use divine might again for +8 damage per hit, even though the number of uses left in the day are depleting fast
>>64441Don't use that on gnomes..
>>64441I'm gonna say one target took 2 hits, while others took 1 respectively.
>>64442Uhm
this, there's no entertron in this world
As the pseudo-matirix-flesh-stripped-but-still-stylish-gnomes continue to take assaults from the party, one of which - who looks oddly like Agent Smith, but who sounds like the leader of the gnomish trio,....- says in a groaning voice. "Jesus wept,....."
So, what happens next? I thought Lenos/Killy were next, but I'm not sure if that attack consumed their turn.
Okay, on review I kinda nossed the battle order. If anything, its definitely the gnomes and co's turn to attack, when we're all here
Well to start things off, let me take a moment to better describe the CeGnomebytes. None of this would come up in dialogue, so I'll just mention it for posterity.
During George Soros' conquering of the game world, he inevitably came across the gnomes. The Gnomes never work for free, which did not set well with Soros, and what's worse is that they are insanely autistic when it comes to operating, crafting, modifying, etc. magical devices.
... like the Tower.
So Soros turned them into something worse, where they would do his bidding. They still have their original personalities, except now they are in constant and lastingly excruciating pain. Also, they can't control their bodies. So when the Tower was abandoned, Soros set the newly-altered CGB's to commandeer the Tower, such that it could be used for his purposes. Of late, the entertron in particular had been used to allow interested clients from Comet Ping Pong to indulge snuff fantasies and then "fix" the individual who got snuffed. Fun facts.
But anyway, yes. The CGBs are all kinds of disturbingly mangled and contorted. They climb around/along the hanging chains unnaturally, not unlike a spider.
>>64455That sounds disgusting and horrifying.
I want their chains.
Whups. Left sage in the name space.
Of particular note in this case is that - in spite of my drunken GMing last night - none of the CGBs are in range, they're all somewhere along the chains. All dealt damage still applies, but its not going to be as simple as just doing full round attacks.
>>64455Welp, I'm slightly more tramatized than when we began.
>>64459That was the idea,....
[17d20 = 178]
To get the ball rolling, the CGBs are attacking. First off, Tracy needs to roll a will save, which is the first dice. The rest are attack rolls.
Lucky, Tracy's spiked chain was not taken control of. However, I'm seeing several hits. In fact, I'm seeing Trump, Tracy, Thez (again) and Infernius need to make opposed grapple checks (d20+str).
[1d20+3 = 22]>>64462Rolling
But there should be +17 base attack bonus
>>64464Bab is only for the touch attack to start a grapple.
>>64465And Tracy has 13 strength, not 14. So a +1, not a +2
[1d20+7 = 15]
[4d20+5 = 50]
>>64466Ah
>>64467If I beat the grapple, can Tracy roll to yank the chain towards her?
>>64469Yours is moot, he rolled a 1
Everyone passed, except Trump. There is a barbed blade sticking out of his arm now
>>64470Can Tracy counter-grapple by pulling the chain?
>>64471Pulling does no good. The gnomes aren't actually swinging/attacking with the chains, they're controlling them. The chains are still secured to the ceiling somewhere. Thez maintains a ready stance, prepared to attack any attack that comes near Addy. The dispelled area of darkness around the party shrinks to a 30' sphere, and the gnomes again have concealment.
>>64472With his other arm, can Trumpaladin attempt to sever the chain barbed to him with Suigoto?
Addy however, whispers at Thez, "Why aren't you doing anything? You could skull-fuck these guys." which draws her a stern look.
Infernius/Stix' turn, followed by Tracy/Torcuil, then Trump (if they survive that long)
[3d20 = 23]>>64474“Is at first you succeeded in making a shot in the dark... I guess keep at it.”
Stix launches another volley of three arrows at the next target.
>>64472>>64474I summon a couatl with a stahlhelm on.
>>64476Unsuccessful, gud try tho. Incidentally, we were talking and there's several useful options for nonconventional arrows that Stix will want to look into later.
>>64477With a what now?
>>64478>>64478A Stahlhelm is the standard German issue helmet since late WW1
>>64477Alright, a Couatl by the name of Quetzal appears in a display of magical fireworks n shit.
"Technically, you should be summoning a CG creature rather than a LG one, but Hitler's okay with it." The giant flying serpent quips.
>>64482"Hope your hungry for demonic gnomes"
>>64484Q> "I wouldn't say hungry, but I'm all out of bubblegum,...."
>>64485"Digest them,they let pedophiles rape kids to death then they revived them to start the process over."
Tracy uses a move action to gain concealment with Cloak Dance, and a standard action to cast daylight on one of the chains leading towards the creatures with her Hand of Glory.
"I didn't come here to chase midgets in the dark!" she hisses, frustrated by the gnome's concealment.
>>64486"Now who's the one with the vore fetish?"
Trumpaladin quips
[17d6 = 74]
For the 6 gorillianth time, Torcuil makes a Mike Pence joke while casting an electric spell...
How shocking...
Anyway, Torc casts Chain Lightning on the gnome demons, targeting one and designating the others as secondary targets.
>>64488*displays flacid benis*
>>64490"Oi, put that shit away before the children see it"
>>64490"Put that away!"
A>"Mom, is dad a weirdo?"
C>"This guy summoned me?"
>>64490"'bettin' that won't be so flacid if the gnomes get eaten right in front of you"
>>64493>"Remember to never let me eat anything in front of these guys""I'll try"
>>64492"Oops"
To Q "the paladin made me do it."
>>64493"We will hear a metallic thud from you if we see it."
>>64493"Flashy.." Tracy says with an exasperated sigh
"Can we all talk about our kinks
after we kill-off the home invaders?" she continues, scouring the darkness for any other signs of movement.
Now here's the thing about chain lightning. I looked over the specs. Since they're all connected to the chain, they all take initial AND secondary damage
>>64496"MY ARM HAS BEEN IMPALED BY A CHAIN! What do you want me to do but talk?"
Trump will need to roll a Fortitude save
>>64497>Zozzling intensifies>>64501>Jazz music stopsNow might be a good time to list reasons why I shouldn't be banned and Torc shouldn't be killed
[1d20+21 = 40]>>64502Rolling
>>64503Fae is still alive
>>64504I would say he passed
>>64505Plz not again
"Fuck"
>"I'll prepare the funeral and obituary""I'm sure we can bring him back"
Snek then turns and mlems at Torc a couple times
>"I meant for you you fucking idiot"
>>64504Okay good.
Highly singed, but still quite alive (with very few HP remaining) Trump will be involuntarily twitching for some time, but he's not dead. The Gnomes,... they didn't make it.
>>64505Let's not waste any more spell slots.
>>64507>>64504*cure critical wounds*
>>64508Fae uses fangs and claws, not spells
>>64507If my character can't go after males anymore I am going to be pissed
>>64507>>64505*licks Brad all over to make him feel better*
>>64510I mean healing spells.
>>64515>>64513It's a Pence meme. He doesn't want to
be cured of his chronic faggotry.
>keking subsides
Alright. With the sound of a rattling of chains, three distinct thuds occur around the perimeter of the pyramid structure. Slowly the darkness dissipates, revealing the upper area of the tower, which has been covered in all sorts of weird tubes and giant wires, not to mention the piles of chains hanging everywhere.
>>64507After covering Brad in burn-curing saliva, Tracy walks up to one of the corpses and inspects it.
>>64517I shove them in my bag.
"Oh would you look at the time, Mr. Snek and I have to go do something"
>"No we don't"
>Kick
The Sorcerer runs like a gnome who reports on YouTube drama and Snek sighs before following close behind
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee exudes from Trumpaladin as the barb is removed by Fae, and maybe Stix, and Fae sets him on her back
>>64519"Hey, wait. I didn't even get to see what they looked like."
>>64521*licking intensifies*
>>64523*is licked by Tracy Apparently*
>>64521*cure critical wounds*
>>64522"Trust me you dont wanna."
>>64519C> Cast Cure Moderate Wounds on Trump until fully healed
"So, was there anything more you needed from me?
As he says this, a whooshing sound, that same whooshing sound that was there all along, increases, and sounds to be coming closer, from the base of the stairs.
>>64526"There are more enemies around no doubt."
>>64525"Reeee! I'll be the judge of that!" Cries the criminal body-snatcher.
"By the way, what the fuck is that whooshing sound? Do we need to call an AC repairman?"
[1d20+28 = 43]>>64524"I'm sorry, I stumbled while casting the spell and it hit you too. I swear it was a complete accident, and I am deeply sorry"
Did someone say Bluff Check? Of course, cause I did
[1d20+27 = 30]>>64530*Stares*
>>64531>Jazz music resumes>Keking intensifies
Whoooosh
Upon the party turning to look, which I would assume they might, at the base of the staircase stands bones. Except, well, he's a little different.
With all those nails in his face, he can't >doot anymore. He's charging up the stairs now.
>>64530+28?
>>6453320 ranks in the skill, 5 from Cha, 3 from a snake familiar
"Uh, is that a skeleton with nails in his face?"
[3d20 = 23]>>64532Fae Pounces the Sorcerer of Lightning, who stands in the shadows
20/18/18
[3d20 = 49]>>64532Stix shoots three arrows at the clearly guilty sorcerer of lightning.
You don’t bluff only one player and expect to get away with it.
>>64535Fuck you
>>64536And fuck you in particular
AC is 24
"Uhm guys? Could you kill him later?"
*lenos casts force cage around fae and stix*
>>64538"Oh no it's fine, I'm quite used to it at this point"
>>64537Fae:
"Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were an enemy"
>>64538"Then it would be premeditated"
>>64540You've got to admit this whole thing has been pretty funny
>>64541 Fae's int must be lower than Infernius'Sorry, did you guys hear something?
>>64539At least someone isn't being a dickhead to poor Torc
Meanwhile, Bones is attacking,....
FUCKING POWER OUTAGES!!! I hate this state's shitty infrastructure.
"REeeee! What'd they do to my butler!?"
[1d20+6 = 10]>>64543Takes more than a 16 apparently
>>64544OH SHIT! TURN UNDEAD!
>>64536>>64535HEALING SLOTS!!!
And he beat you in that bluff
>>64546REEEE Don't destroy my skeleton!
>>64547He beat
TrumpaladinI've still got Lay of hands points left, calm down
>>64548You don't have blackguard powers anymore right?
Besides, Tracy needs to lose
something in this timeline to give her incentive to go back in time
>>64533Tracy attempts to trip Mr, Bones with her chain, seeing as how he was a 1 HD skeleton last time she met him.
>>64550Save those slots for when you need them.
>>64551No, Trump very clearly turned him. He would blow up quite quickly and effortlessly
>>64533>>64542"Reeeeee bones!"
>>64553"WHY?!" Tracy screams, clearly upset
Trumpaladin heals the poor wounded Sorcerer with Lay of Hands points
>>64542Ill be finding spliting fae in half later hilarious.
>>64553Wait, THAT'S what turning does?
>>64555"And what would you have done? Reasoned with him? Like the Gnomes? This isn't our world anymore. That's
why we're doing this."
>>64558Depends on the circumstances. In this case, he's high enough of a level that destroying a 1hd undead would be simple
Tracy sweeps up the remains of her butler in a little pile, her lip quivering.
>>64559Tracy just hangs her head, still clearly upset.
So, wait, why did Fae attack Torc?