RP/Shitposting thread - D&D 3.5 base rules, subject to interpretation, review, and elaboration. Open for all to spectate, bantz, shitpost, or full-on play.
We begin this thread in anticipation of the weekend, where most of the party is gradually infiltrating the grand city of Cardishore. With disguises varying from an Emu, Barney the dinosaur, and a mexican clown,... as well as Fae who is entirely without costume, Trump, Tracy, and Infernius try to get a handle on whatever the hell is going on in Cardishore now or in general.
Meanwhile, Torcuil is working to get that damn cannon fixed on the Stray Cat. Meanwhile Stix returns (to the tower?) with not many answers, an over-sized acorn, and definitely no other surprises.
Meanwhile Thez,... poor forgotten and alone Thez who is babysitting the port so that none of the party's enemies see their departure and think "Wah ha ha ha! With them gone I will destroy their precious city!" I mean she gets it,... but still.
>sad dwelf noises
1561 replies and 114 files omitted.
>>58896Your not making me feel better...
>>58898And there was almost no one elsewhere in the city on this level?
>>58898“Hmm... I see you went to disarm me instead of stiking me down. Why is that?”
Stix draws his double sided short sword.
>>58901I'm not sure I follow. There's a couple hundred people in attendance, of which maybe 20 are
not new arrivals. There's undoubtably others throughout the city, this is just the newbie-party.
>>58902Taking the dagger and <thunk> tossing it into a nearby support-beam, the figure assumes a particularly self-assured posture.
"You'd prefer I finished this quickly? What fun would that be?"
>>58903“Eh... not fun maybe, but it seems a little soft if you ask me.”
He takes another swing at the intruder.
The troops are quite bewildered, and more of them (from the other flanking position) are filling in behind Stix, forming a loose perimeter around him and the figure. They look nervously from Stix to the figure, and to one another.
>>58903I see.
Trumpaladin approaches a new arrival
"Why hello there"
>>58890>>58898I was going to wait until Infernius created chaos, but after moving away from the crowd to change herself into something vaguely humanoid, Tracy discreetly moves through the crowd and attempts to pull an ID card off of the classiest-looking goy she can see.
Rolling Sleight of Hand
>>58904Reaching up with one arm, the figure blocks the incoming strike, emitting purplish sparks as the weapon makes contact, but not seeming to cause damage.
"I'd planned for them, " indicating the troops, "You however, are something of a wild-card in this."
The intruder does an exaggerated back-flip, to land squarely on thin air, now positioned slightly outside the wall (but otherwise held aloft by artificial means). One hand begins to glow with a dark-purple energy.
>>58906"And who are
you supposed to be?" they look at Fae. "Sigfried and Roy?"
>>58907Success, but not without bumping into the individual such that they become agitated. "Hey, you, watch where you're going! Do you have any idea who I am?" they accuse, drawing looks from those around.
>>58909"Oh, you think you're better than me?"
>>58909"Shes better than some race mixing whore!"
>>589111. Tracy is still disguised
2. you're probably not that close
3. There is no context for that statement
>>58909“Why are you destroying the place? Did one of the soldiers here steal your wife?”
Seeing the glow, Stix immediately thinks of unicorns charging a blast. He ducks for cover.
>>58913I’m just about fed up with this...
Wait. Are there ponies in the crowd?
>>58909*Tips hat* (she's disguised as a leprechaun btw)
With the card in her pocket, Tracy bows apologetically, stepping back towards the mailboxes.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm new to this land. Do you perform?" she asks, with a flattering tone
>>58912You're still an ostrich.
>>58911Trump isn't talking to That Bitch, she's left the stage. Trump is talking to some random cunt.
>>58910"Ha! My dog," she says indicating a small poodle, "is better than you!"
>>58913You don't need to roll to attempt to take cover, but since you rolled a 1, we'll assume that he lost his footing and doesn't have the opportunity. They seem amused at the suggestion about a soldier stealing their wife.
"Why? Cuz I do what I want!
THATS why!" they say, loosing a small fireball at Stix.
>>58917"Hold on a second, I'm not done with you!" the fellow says, drawing more attention. "What's your name! I demand an apology!"
>>58916No
As the fireball zips in and collides with Stix, another fireball erupts around the figure, sending it flying outside the city wall.
"Bullseye!" yells a relatively dainty-looking unicorn, standing next to a large war-machine, positioned just around the corner of the wall, to maintain concealment (kek, a concealed trebuchet)
>>58918"My name.."
*takes a step towards mailboxes*
"..Is Bridget Cloverfield.."
*takes another step*
"May I have the privilege of knowing yours?"
>>58921"Well now MISS Cloverfield, you've offended me, you've disrupted my fine clothing, and you've disturbed an otherwise delightful party! I demand satisfaction!" he says storming in the direction of one of the Shazbots.
>>58919"Look at this guy! He's actually entertaining challenging a
dog!"
>>58920“Augh!”
Stix falls to the ground and starts to panic.
“Please, stop the burning... anything to stop it!”
>>58922"So you came here to prove your dog's talent?"
>>58922"Oh, I beg your pardon, fine sir. If you'd just tell me your name..?" The young leprechaun says quickly stepping to the side.
>>58926"Oh don't you worry, you'll be getting much more than my name!" he says shaking his finger at Tracy, while approaching the Shazbot. "You there, I require your assistance."
"INTRUDER DETECTED" the bot says, opening up a hole.
>>58924"What a noob! Are you even in the right place? You MUST have been misclassified!" the random cunt laughs.
>>58927Bridget nervously steps back as the bot aims it blast.
>>58927Trumpaladin shrugs, and walks away
>>58929And the random fellow is summarily reduced to a pile of ash. The concert/performance is momentarily stalled, as everyone's attention is drawn to the spectacle of the guy getting burned alive before their very eyes.
That Bitch emerges from the crowd near the Shazbot. "Fool, I literally just finished telling him to keep his ID on him,...."
>>58931"O-oh.. What a shame.." Bridget says quietly, backing away slowly
>>58923From his position on the wall, Stix can see that the figure has landed outside the wall, and is in a smouldering heap, its robes torn to shreds revealing a grey-skinned female with vibrant-red hair.
"Damn Slovenia, that wasn't a normal shot was it?"
>>58931How many shazbots are there?
>>58934In the entire area? A dozen maybe?
>>58933Are the new entrants essentially enjoying a concert?
Bridget sneaks off to a corner, and reads the Fancy Anon's ID tag
>>58933Stix, after his panic attack, runs out to continue the fight.
“Where did you go off to? You think I’m going down that easy?”
>>58936After That Bitch's dismissal of the guy who "forgot his ID", yes. The concert resumes.
>>58938Alfonzo G. Gorplemonger
Before Stix' eyes, the dainty unicorn smugly walks up to the grey-female. "No it wasn't, and you're lucky too. That was just a clay-pot filled with lamp oil. If that tartan-fellow ever completes my refined munitions, then you'll REALLY be hurting." Slovenia and Thez make their way back into the town. The troops who were downed are roused and awakened by the remaining troops, and Stix realizes that though knocked unconscious, no one was actually harmed. Limping slightly, the grey-female (Thez, hereafter) approaches Stix. "You showed a great deal of courage. We haven't met yet, but you've already mentioned that you came from the tower."
Well that was unfortunate timing
>>58940Now what are the people attending doing?
>>58942Varying. Some are watching the show, some are talking into their ID cards (think smart phones, so I can stop being implicit), others are engaged in shit-talking with each-other not unlike the random cunt was.
>>58940Stix eyes twitch.
“What are you talking about? You just attacked this place... I... if this was all some act, why the hell shoot me with fire?”
>>58943Now surely there must be a place to repair or update or what gave you IDs?
>>58943Observing this, Tracy attempts to activate Alfonzo's card.
>>58945You probably get yours at the front gate.