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nuts3.jpg
Show Nuts #54
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58626
58627 58644 59336
RP/Shitposting thread - D&D 3.5 base rules, subject to interpretation, review, and elaboration. Open for all to spectate, bantz, shitpost, or full-on play.

We begin this thread in anticipation of the weekend, where most of the party is gradually infiltrating the grand city of Cardishore. With disguises varying from an Emu, Barney the dinosaur, and a mexican clown,... as well as Fae who is entirely without costume, Trump, Tracy, and Infernius try to get a handle on whatever the hell is going on in Cardishore now or in general.
Meanwhile, Torcuil is working to get that damn cannon fixed on the Stray Cat. Meanwhile Stix returns (to the tower?) with not many answers, an over-sized acorn, and definitely no other surprises.

Meanwhile Thez,... poor forgotten and alone Thez who is babysitting the port so that none of the party's enemies see their departure and think "Wah ha ha ha! With them gone I will destroy their precious city!" I mean she gets it,... but still.
>sad dwelf noises
1511 replies and 110 files omitted.
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58849
58856
>>58847
Can i hear the noise?
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58850
58852
>>58847
Trumpaladin enters the crowd. He watches and listens to the Raven haired woman
AzCrm
?
No.58851
58854
>>58841
Rounding a corner and proceeding through a doorway, Stix makes visual contact with the intruder. Around them several of the troops are down or incapacitated, while a trio are attempting a coordinated defense.
"You should have held your fire! You might have had a chance in that event!" they arrogantly shout as they wade in taking several attacks of opportunity. Stix has not been detected.
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58852
58856
>>58847
>>58850
Dismounting and standing immediately next to Fae so he isn't as obvious
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58853
58856
>>58839
I thought Druids and Rangers were the only classes that could cast divine spells without a divine focus.
tbRzj
?
No.58854
58855 58882
>>58851
Stix attempts to sneak up behind the intruder for a strike.
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58855
>>58854
Doesn’t surprise me at this point... 9,8, then 7...
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58856
58860 58863 58868
>>58845
I would consider it, but you'll need to do more than just carve it,... I mean there would need to be some sort of sanctification ritual involved for that to work,... but that fits into one of the plot devices that I was going to work in.
>>58853
Oh yeah, I forgot about them.
>>58849
Yes
>>58848
>>58852
Drawing slight glances, but no particular scrutiny, both make their way into the assembly to hear the address.
"Before we kick off this year's Extravaganza, there are a few points that I need to go over. First," she says, retrieving an elaborate and fine card-pendant from her neck, "NEVER GO ANYWHERE without your identification. We have had a string of intruders lately, and so we've amped up security. This here," she says, walking to the edge of the stage where several of those weird robots are positioned, "is our security detail. If you are found without identification, you will be summarily killed. Nothing personal," she says, caressing the dome of one of them.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58857
58858
Tracy disguises herself as a two-headed naga.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58858
58859
>>58857
She hides first though.
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58859
58861
>>58858
She can't hide while standing amidst a crowd. e_e
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58860
58865
>>58856
Shit.
Tracy searches the crowd for a goy who looks like he'd be easy to pickpoket.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58861
58862
>>58859
I meant to have her do that before she got up there.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58862
>>58861
It's not important though.
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58863
>>58856
*flies that way*
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58864
58867 58869 58871 58874
Trumpaladin enters a state of existential horror: he is the illegal alien without documentation
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58865
58866
>>58860
What are you looking for?
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58866
58870
>>58865
Someone I can steal an id from, and them promptly disguise myself as.
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58867
1520325547816.png
>>58864
Fucking jej!
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58868
>>58856
Trumpaladin listens, and switches the ring shield for the ring of fire resistance
Anonymous
yPY8d
?
No.58869
>>58864
RIP in peace Trumpaladin
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58870
>>58866
Which you will return once you are done if he is white.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58871
>>58864
Better go back and go get your visa lawfully, m8. I kid.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58872
Tracy stands back from the crowd and makes herself scarce, waiting for the performance to start so that she can swipe an id while everyone's distracted.
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58873
*changes back into wojack*
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58874
1505603111692.png
>>58864
kek
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58875
58878
Can I get a better description of the raven-haired woman?
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58876
58877
The woman goes on to describe the workings of the city. Rather than using any particular form of transportation, the city employs a network of teleportation gates. In this way, they are not required to landscape or modify existing structures, instead they can erect a doorway than connect it to other areas. The city that is apparent is actually the top-floor of a city that expands underground, and the full capacity of the city is many times larger than it appears. But that's all for the mundane performers. The city level is for the finest of talent, and everyone (here) has been selected for their merit and ability. She describes that the gate system is linked to their identification, enabling access to whatever facilities that their particular position (ala a hierarchy) that the individual is authorized to utilize.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58877
58878
>>58876
Does she give any hint on where new residents can pick-up their possessions from security?
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58878
58879 58880 58881 58884
thatbitch.jpg
>>58875
>pic
>>58877
No, this doesn't seem the sort of crowd that would need to know something like that. As she continues her address, she describes more mundane shit that has little relevance, about how to contact agency representatives and such, finally concluding the address with an invitation to all to enjoy themselves, and to get ready, as this is the latest group that will change the way that the world views entertainment.
Oh, and she introduces herself (by name) as "That Bitch".
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58879
58885
>>58878
>How to contact agency representatives
Desire to know more intensifies

What is this... Extravaganza?
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58880
58885
>>58878
*contemplates murder*

What about the crowd? What kind of people are around?
More importantly, are they paying attention to what's behind them?
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58881
>>58878
*Degeneracy senses tingling*
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58882
58883
>>58854
Without showing any advance warning and as Stix approaches the for a strike, the figure deftly side-steps his attack and squares on him, ignoring the remaining troops who had braced for an attack. Only one of their strikes had landed, but it doesn't seem to have been effective against whoever this is.
"Well now, this is a surprise," the intruder says. "And where might you have come from?"
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58883
58885
>>58882
“I’m not completely sure on that. I happen to last remember coming from a certain tower. I don’t suppose you know about it do you?”

He takes a step back and braces for combat.
/s2+g
?
No.58884
>>58878
*reeeeees*
*spaghetti flys out of pocket at mach 2*
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58885
58886 58887 58889 58891
>>58879
Its essentially a welcoming party. All along the sides of the park are kiosks and booths with a variety of food and entertainment.
>>58880
All sorts of artsy/contemporary/fashionable individuals. There are even some non-human races in attendance, and the level of gaudiness would make Thez blush.
>>58883
"Another one from the tower then? Unexpected. Well let's see what you're made of!"
Stix gets an attack of opportunity as the figure darts toward him with incredible speed.
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58886
58890
>>58885
Alright, Trumpaladin nears a booth to see what it contains. What is this entertainment like?
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58887
58890
do you have a visa, tanya.png
>>58885
Having understood the importance of acquiring a visa, Tracy steps back and bides her time, eyeing each individual and contemplating when she'd get a chance to swipe a high-ranking card.


Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58888
"I'll get those knives if it's the last thing I do.."
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58889
58892
>>58885
"Reeeeeeeee b-burn the c- coal pay the t- toll"
AzCrm
?
No.58890
58892 58893 58907
>>58886
Knick-knacks and trinkets, party favors and accessories. Jeweled cases for the "ID cards", one booth says something about "Why Fie",....
>>58887
And almost on cue, That Bitch signals for a number of performers to take the stage. Some are vocalists, others are coreographed dancers, with musical accompaniment from the edge of the stage. The performance has the effect of drawing pretty much everyone's attention.

tbRzj
?
No.58891
58894 58895 58898
>>58885
Stix lunges at the figure with his dagger, aiming for his throat.
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58892
58898
>>58890
Please that be because i interrupted with >>58889

Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58893
58898
>>58890
All these people are new to the city?
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58894
58895 58896 58897
>>58891
I hate luck based gameplay! It is just not good except on rare occasion...
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58895
>>58891
Use the double-ended shortsword. You can attack multiple times.
>>58894
You can rank up your skills.
Rangers have a high base attack bonus too.
2OBux
?
No.58896
58899 58900
>>58894
Trumpaladin rolls
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58897
>>58894
How do you think i feel? Ive been doing that for like 6 months.
AzCrm
?
No.58898
58901 58902 58907
>>58892
>trying to get himself killed
>>58893
With the exception of the current performers, yes
>>58891
The figure effortlessly side-steps the dagger, and in fact grabs the tip of the blade (disarm).
"Oh no no no, you'll have to do better than that!"
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58899
58900
>>58896
Your not making me feel better...
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58900
>>58899
>>58896
I know that feel too.
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58901
58903
>>58898
And there was almost no one elsewhere in the city on this level?
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58902
58903
>>58898
“Hmm... I see you went to disarm me instead of stiking me down. Why is that?”

Stix draws his double sided short sword.
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58903
58904 58906
>>58901
I'm not sure I follow. There's a couple hundred people in attendance, of which maybe 20 are not new arrivals. There's undoubtably others throughout the city, this is just the newbie-party.
>>58902
Taking the dagger and <thunk> tossing it into a nearby support-beam, the figure assumes a particularly self-assured posture.
"You'd prefer I finished this quickly? What fun would that be?"
tbRzj
?
No.58904
58909
>>58903
“Eh... not fun maybe, but it seems a little soft if you ask me.”

He takes another swing at the intruder.
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58905
The troops are quite bewildered, and more of them (from the other flanking position) are filling in behind Stix, forming a loose perimeter around him and the figure. They look nervously from Stix to the figure, and to one another.
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58906
58909
>>58903
I see.

Trumpaladin approaches a new arrival
"Why hello there"
OuvwY
?
No.58907
58908 58909
>>58890
>>58898
I was going to wait until Infernius created chaos, but after moving away from the crowd to change herself into something vaguely humanoid, Tracy discreetly moves through the crowd and attempts to pull an ID card off of the classiest-looking goy she can see.
Rolling Sleight of Hand
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58908
>>58907
Fuck! That was close.
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58909
58910 58911 58913 58917
>>58904
Reaching up with one arm, the figure blocks the incoming strike, emitting purplish sparks as the weapon makes contact, but not seeming to cause damage.
"I'd planned for them, " indicating the troops, "You however, are something of a wild-card in this."
The intruder does an exaggerated back-flip, to land squarely on thin air, now positioned slightly outside the wall (but otherwise held aloft by artificial means). One hand begins to glow with a dark-purple energy.
>>58906
"And who are you supposed to be?" they look at Fae. "Sigfried and Roy?"
>>58907
Success, but not without bumping into the individual such that they become agitated. "Hey, you, watch where you're going! Do you have any idea who I am?" they accuse, drawing looks from those around.
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58910
58918
>>58909
"Oh, you think you're better than me?"
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58911
58912 58918
>>58909
"Shes better than some race mixing whore!"
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58912
58914 58917
>>58911
1. Tracy is still disguised
2. you're probably not that close
3. There is no context for that statement
tbRzj
?
No.58913
58915 58918
>>58909
“Why are you destroying the place? Did one of the soldiers here steal your wife?”

Seeing the glow, Stix immediately thinks of unicorns charging a blast. He ducks for cover.
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58914
>>58912
Its fine
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58915
>>58913
I’m just about fed up with this...
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58916
58918
Wait. Are there ponies in the crowd?
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58917
58918
>>58909
*Tips hat* (she's disguised as a leprechaun btw)
With the card in her pocket, Tracy bows apologetically, stepping back towards the mailboxes.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm new to this land. Do you perform?" she asks, with a flattering tone
>>58912
You're still an ostrich.
AzCrm
?
No.58918
58919 58921
>>58911
Trump isn't talking to That Bitch, she's left the stage. Trump is talking to some random cunt.
>>58910
"Ha! My dog," she says indicating a small poodle, "is better than you!"
>>58913
You don't need to roll to attempt to take cover, but since you rolled a 1, we'll assume that he lost his footing and doesn't have the opportunity. They seem amused at the suggestion about a soldier stealing their wife.
"Why? Cuz I do what I want! THATS why!" they say, loosing a small fireball at Stix.
>>58917
"Hold on a second, I'm not done with you!" the fellow says, drawing more attention. "What's your name! I demand an apology!"
>>58916
No
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58919
58922
>>58918
"Care to prove it?"
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58920
58923
As the fireball zips in and collides with Stix, another fireball erupts around the figure, sending it flying outside the city wall.
"Bullseye!" yells a relatively dainty-looking unicorn, standing next to a large war-machine, positioned just around the corner of the wall, to maintain concealment (kek, a concealed trebuchet)
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58921
58922
>>58918
"My name.."
*takes a step towards mailboxes*
"..Is Bridget Cloverfield.."
*takes another step*
"May I have the privilege of knowing yours?"
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58922
58924 58925 58926
>>58921
"Well now MISS Cloverfield, you've offended me, you've disrupted my fine clothing, and you've disturbed an otherwise delightful party! I demand satisfaction!" he says storming in the direction of one of the Shazbots.
>>58919
"Look at this guy! He's actually entertaining challenging a dog!"
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58923
58933
>>58920
“Augh!”
Stix falls to the ground and starts to panic.
“Please, stop the burning... anything to stop it!”
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58924
58927
>>58922
"So you came here to prove your dog's talent?"
Anonymous
/s2+g
?
No.58925
>>58922
"F- fuck you cunt!"
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58926
58927
>>58922
"Oh, I beg your pardon, fine sir. If you'd just tell me your name..?" The young leprechaun says quickly stepping to the side.
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58927
58929 58930
>>58926
"Oh don't you worry, you'll be getting much more than my name!" he says shaking his finger at Tracy, while approaching the Shazbot. "You there, I require your assistance."
"INTRUDER DETECTED" the bot says, opening up a hole.
>>58924
"What a noob! Are you even in the right place? You MUST have been misclassified!" the random cunt laughs.
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58928
leprechaun_girl__by_sanjiko.jpg
>pic of Bridget
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58929
58931
>>58927
Bridget nervously steps back as the bot aims it blast.
Anonymous
2OBux
?
No.58930
>>58927
Trumpaladin shrugs, and walks away
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58931
58932 58934
>>58929
And the random fellow is summarily reduced to a pile of ash. The concert/performance is momentarily stalled, as everyone's attention is drawn to the spectacle of the guy getting burned alive before their very eyes.
That Bitch emerges from the crowd near the Shazbot. "Fool, I literally just finished telling him to keep his ID on him,...."
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58932
>>58931
"O-oh.. What a shame.." Bridget says quietly, backing away slowly
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58933
58936 58937 58939 58958
>>58923
From his position on the wall, Stix can see that the figure has landed outside the wall, and is in a smouldering heap, its robes torn to shreds revealing a grey-skinned female with vibrant-red hair.
"Damn Slovenia, that wasn't a normal shot was it?"
Anonymous
c3XZj
?
No.58934
58935
>>58931
How many shazbots are there?
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58935
>>58934
In the entire area? A dozen maybe?
Anonymous
c3XZj
?
No.58936
58940
>>58933
Are the new entrants essentially enjoying a concert?
Anonymous
OuvwY
?
No.58937
>>58933
Topkek!
Mrs. Sentry
OuvwY
?
No.58938
58940
Bridget sneaks off to a corner, and reads the Fancy Anon's ID tag
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58939
>>58933
Stix, after his panic attack, runs out to continue the fight.
“Where did you go off to? You think I’m going down that easy?”
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58940
58942 58944
>>58936
After That Bitch's dismissal of the guy who "forgot his ID", yes. The concert resumes.
>>58938
Alfonzo G. Gorplemonger

Before Stix' eyes, the dainty unicorn smugly walks up to the grey-female. "No it wasn't, and you're lucky too. That was just a clay-pot filled with lamp oil. If that tartan-fellow ever completes my refined munitions, then you'll REALLY be hurting." Slovenia and Thez make their way back into the town. The troops who were downed are roused and awakened by the remaining troops, and Stix realizes that though knocked unconscious, no one was actually harmed. Limping slightly, the grey-female (Thez, hereafter) approaches Stix. "You showed a great deal of courage. We haven't met yet, but you've already mentioned that you came from the tower."
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58941
Well that was unfortunate timing
Anonymous
c3XZj
?
No.58942
58943
>>58940
Now what are the people attending doing?
Anonymous
AzCrm
?
No.58943
58945 58946
>>58942
Varying. Some are watching the show, some are talking into their ID cards (think smart phones, so I can stop being implicit), others are engaged in shit-talking with each-other not unlike the random cunt was.
Anonymous
tbRzj
?
No.58944
58949
>>58940
Stix eyes twitch.
“What are you talking about? You just attacked this place... I... if this was all some act, why the hell shoot me with fire?”
Anonymous
c3XZj
?
No.58945
58947 58949
>>58943
Now surely there must be a place to repair or update or what gave you IDs?
Mrs. Sentry
OuvwY
?
No.58946
58951
>>58943
Observing this, Tracy attempts to activate Alfonzo's card.
Mrs. Sentry
OuvwY
?
No.58947
58948
>>58945
You probably get yours at the front gate.
Anonymous
c3XZj
?
No.58948
>>58947
I asked GM