RP/Shitposting thread - D&D 3.5 base rules, subject to interpretation, review, and elaboration. Open for all to spectate, bantz, shitpost, or full-on play.
We begin this thread in anticipation of the weekend, where most of the party is gradually infiltrating the grand city of Cardishore. With disguises varying from an Emu, Barney the dinosaur, and a mexican clown,... as well as Fae who is entirely without costume, Trump, Tracy, and Infernius try to get a handle on whatever the hell is going on in Cardishore now or in general.
Meanwhile, Torcuil is working to get that damn cannon fixed on the Stray Cat. Meanwhile Stix returns (to the tower?) with not many answers, an over-sized acorn, and definitely no other surprises.
Meanwhile Thez,... poor forgotten and alone Thez who is babysitting the port so that none of the party's enemies see their departure and think "Wah ha ha ha! With them gone I will destroy their precious city!" I mean she gets it,... but still.
>sad dwelf noises
1511 replies and 107 files omitted.
>>59858I don't say that because they're not formidable. It's just that one of these things sounds like a pretty fucking boring encounter for a lvl 10 party.
I mean, they're dull as fuck: effectively mindless creatures. It was easy to figure out that they wouldn't hurt you if you presented an ID card, and I bet they could be easily deceived in other ways.
I'd approach them altogether as more of a trap or puzzle than as combatants in terms of CR, but then again, I am the rogue. I figured the objective of the encounter was to figure out how not to be fried, than to take on the bots.
Taking them on in a group is certainly a difficult encounter though, so the feat of actually taking them on would probably have a high CR.
>>59843You sure you wanna cast obscuring mist? It'll blind you too, and any fire attack will disperse it.
>>59860The area of affect is much too small to cover the bots directly. The idea is that Fae will take note of the location of a bot, cast the spell, then move to the bot, in the process leaving the misted area and able to see it better with her own eyes, and same with Trumpaladin when he makes his attack. The idea is that the bot on the other side won't be able to see them over the mist. So while 2 or 3 of the bots will be able to see them the next round, 1 or 2 will not, and one will be disabled by Trump's attack.
>any fire attack will disperse itLet them disperse it. If I have to chose between a stream of fire dispersing a mist that Trump and Fae no longer occupy, and a flame attack hitting Trump and Fae forcing a saving throw or extreme damage, I will chose for the flame to hit the mist. Fae can cast the same spell again after that, and Trumpaladin has an ever smoking bottle. Whatever frustrates the enemy is good, whatever obscures the vision of any one is good, whatever forces the enemy to waste an attack is good.
>>59860>I figured the objective of the encounter was to figure out how not to be friedTrumpaladin had no way of not being fried. He could either wait until he was exposed later and get killed by all 12 bots, or he could try to take them on with Infernius and by sneaking up on one. There was no way for him to acquire an ID. He has no thief skills, and couldn't steal anyways. He has diplomacy, but all the dice in the world would not allow diplomacy to work in Cardishore. The only options were to fight and to run.
>>59861What exactly is your objective for this encounter? Did you want to take out the robots, or advance into the city?
>>59863What was it though? Did you plan to engage right off the bat, or wait for an opportunity?
The party could probably take these out, but more will be coming..
>>59864I just wanna know, because if everyone just wants to keep fighting these things as we encounter them, I'd rather just escape and try again some other day.
>>59864The original plan was to try to talk to an administrator and claim he lost his ID when his girlfriend ran off or whatever, and he needed a replacement. This probably would have required killing at least two bots, but I thought it would be possible to gain respect after that and claim to be a performer. But this was not possible because there was no apple store and there were no administrators. There was no way to contact an "agent." There was nothing at all to do but wait to fight the bots.
Then Infernius pulled his stunt. It offered the best chances of a fight working. More importantly, it would have been cowardly to just watch Infernius die. So he would stay engaged with the bots until it became obvious that further engagement would result in death. After that, he would either fly on Fae through the hole in the dome, or run out of the park, either to hide in a house or to go to the hole in the wall
>>59866>replacementYou never had an ID though. Pretty sure That Bitch probably would've just had you killed on the spot too unless you rolled a 20 on Bluff.
My original objective was to get to the plaza ahead of time so Tracy could assess the situation in stealth. After I figured the party needed fake visas, I intended to swipe a few. After Infernius made his dramatic entrance, i intended to take advantage of the chaos to assassinate That Bitch, figuring her card would have some useful info, but I didn't expect Brad, and more importantly the undisguised Fae, to jump into the melee. After I realized that both Fae and Infernius had been exposed, I gave up altogether, figuring that the chances of infiltration were nil at that point, and only wanted to escape.
>>59868>You never had an ID thoughWhat else was he to do?
>That Bitch probably would've just had you killed on the spotShe'd have to make it through the combined strength of Infernius and Trumpaladin's Blood, Steel, and Faith first
>my object was...I'm going to stop reading right there, because you could have said something through empathic link at any point, or could have stayed in a group, and you chose not to.
>>59868Tbh, I threw the dust on Brad so that he'd have the chance to re-enter lawfully if things got out of hand (my fallback idea), since that way the guards would be looking for an ostrich and not an armored humanoid. Idk about Infernius and Fae though; they're could've already been marked by Cardashil security as domestic terrorists, and all those Dramaqueens might've easily captured them in their selfies.
>>59870I'll admit that I dropped the ball on communication, but you (or your character) could've just
asked what she was up to. I thought, erroneously, that the plan to steal IDs was obvious, but I still apologize for not communicating that.
>>59872>>59870They were definitely strong enough to take the bots on, but after that the party would've had to choose between fighting wave after wave of security bots, or escaping without accomplishing anything...
>>59873I mean, even in character, she might not be so quick to relay things ahead of time if her plan involved burglary and potentially murdering someone, but she would've bluntly admitted it if he were to ask her.
>>59874You are released from duty
1. When the enemy is dead;
2. When your allies have withdrawn safely; or
3. When you are dead
What else could they do? It was a mission that required a rogue, but they didn't bring Darkie and the one they had ditched them to do her own thing.
>>59876>ditched them to do her own thingOh come on, you know it wasn't like that. I just needed space for stealth, and I figured she could move ahead since her speed was much faster than the rest of the party (I expected her to arrive several rounds earlier).
I still remember having everyone tread over my back during that last dungeon crawl, when she was searching for traps and whatnot.
>those 3 optionsFug that LG bullshit. My goal was never to kill or be killed, or at least not until she got her knives back.
>>59869>>59877D'aww!
>>59878Oh she can do as she does. I'm talking about Trumpaladin's options
>>59876Also, when did the residents of Cardishore become our enemies? Sure, they're not allies, but they didn't seem malignant either, or at least not those drama-stricken noncombatants we just saw.
>>59880I personally don't want these people as allies.
>>59880>residents of CardishoreThe bots. The bots became enemies when they started trying to kill Infernius
>>59879>Trumpaladin's optionsAsk his waifu to steal a card for him: it's more in-code than lying about losing one.
>>59881Neither do I, although they don't seem ebil for the first part, just full of themselves. Figured the priority would be to avoid unnecessary grief for innocent civilians
(except for Tracy, who want to hurt people for the sake of hurting them).
>>59883>Ask his waifu to steal a card for himWaifu abandoned him and he was and is angry at her for it. Also, it's implied that those who have their cards stolen are eventually killed by the bots, which is definitely not in code
>>59884>it's implied that those who have their cards stolen are eventually killed by the bots, which is definitely not in codeShit, that code is restrictive... Not to mention the obligation to help all those in need would also apply to those who had their cards stolen..
This is why I prefer being a Rogue.
Maybe he could have tried seduction on That Bitch?
He's immune to disease right?
>>59885I prefer fighter generally.
>>59887In terms of weapons and combat, Fighter is best.
>>59887You character sounds like more of the barbarian type, desu.
>>59891I think that's his actual intention. To be a religious Barbarian
>>59892I meant in terms of combat style.
>>59893*falls asleep in fluffpile*
>>59894She ain't out of Cardishore yet
>>59895It's non-consequential. She could've done it whenever.
>>59897Just dive right in anytime, ~Flaaashy.
>>59903*fluff crawls over brad like a cocoon*
"I love you so much, Flashy...!"
>>59904"uh.... what are you doing?"
>>59905"~Nuuuuuthing..!"
*fluff balloons out from chest and covers brad*
"Just making us ~comfortable..."
>>59907*says nothing*
*kisses*
*fluff obscures the outside world in a pale blue maelstrom*
>>59908"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
>>59909*fluff cancels out noises completely*
*tendril creeps across the room and locks door*
"Let's become
one, ~Flaaaaashy...!"
*room is entirely consumed by fluff*
>>59911*RUNS AS FAR AND AS FAST AS HE IS ABLE*
"ELWAY SAVE ME!"
>>59910Your baptisms could never hope to stop the fluff, only delay it.
>>59912You run down a blue corridor, but the door only seems to be getting further away somehow. The room seems to be getting visibly darker, and.. softer.
A frightening aura emanate from behind you.
"It's been a while since we've had some privacy together like this, ~Flaaaaaaaaaashy...!"
>>59917*door gets further and further away until the entire corridor visibly deteriorates into fluffy madness*
*more
things grab each of your other limbs*
*the room darkens*
"~Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!" echoes ominously behind
>>59918"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"
Trumpaladin turns and rips into the fluffy walls of the corridor with both hands, hoping to rip an entry to free himself
>>59919>implying you can escape*darkness intensifies*
*
things violently grab at parts of your body from every direction, stripping various pieces of plating and clothing from you until you're in your boxers; you hear a subtle hissing sound*
Then suddenly, it stops, the space around you is almost too dark too see anything at all, and it's imposible to even tell what direction s up anymore, and a certain "warmness" begins to creep up from your legs to your waist.
The malignant aura however, has only grown to horrifying proportions
"
We missed you.. ~Flaaaaashy...!" echoes an alien but horrifyingly familiar voice, from a direction you assume is behind you
>>59920"Fuck"
He cries out to Fae to help him, as she did last time
>"Fae, help me!">"Is this another one of your sexual escapades turned against you?>"Uh, No...">"It's Tracy again isn't it?">"Maybe">"....">"Uh... Fae?">"Help yourself this time">"Fae? Fae?"He can almost hear a phone clicking noise
>>59921He knows what may save him. Holy water, to burn away the fluff. But the big water coolers of Gatorade are far away, separated by impenetrable walls of fluffiness. There would be no accessing it. Nor did he bother to bottle any containers of holy water - water, blessed by Elway himself, and with the electrolytes plants crave.
But wait, he's a Paladin! He can bless water himself! Yes, that's it, he'll bless water himself! Now, for the bottles of water, where are they. He didn't pack any. Oh bother. But... Flasks of alcohol! Blessed alcohol like the Russians. Wait. Where is his robe? Did the vile tendrils of the fluff monster remove it already? Damn! He's out of fluids. Except... he
isn't out of fluids yet, now is he?
Trumpaladin knew what he had to do
>>59921*[the fluffy
warmth quickly spreads up from your waist to your chest, to you neck, until if feels that only your flace is exposed*
You boxers seem as though they've
vanished somehow, and the fluffiness seeps into every corner of your body.
The space around you is almost entirely dark, with only a dim blue light allowing a subtle view of strange amorphous shadows shifting all around you. You thrash with all of your might, but you find it increasingly difficult to move at all. The more you move, the more it drains you as the fluff constricts you.
lurking around in a space between spaces, you sense an aura, no several(?), lurking around in the unknown like sharks after dusk, circling you at an alarming speed.
"
We've waited a ~looooooooooong time for you, ~Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaashy....! We've been ~sooooooooooooo lonely....! the voice(s?) echo from an indeterminate direction
>>59922*fluff curls in a spiraling fashion around penor*
"
Don't hold back now.. ~Flaaashy...!" hisses an alarmingly familiar voice before you
>>59924*unintelligible cackling*
>>59925"BY THE POWER OF ELWAY, I COMMAND THEE TO RELEASE ME, DEMON!"
>>59926[Insane laughter echoes all around through the darkness]
"
Soon.. soon.. you will be free...!"
The warm fluffiness wraps around you oppressively, fibers gripping to you skin. You find it increasingly difficult to breath.
"
Freeeeeee.....!" hissses the alien voice
>>59927"Gahhhh.... Show yourself to me! I find freedom in the light and truth of Elway"
>>59928*Crushing pressure intensifies*
At this point, you hear nothing but fuzzy static. The tendrils curling around you body have tightened to a point that is no longer comfy.. as you try to speak again, fluff pours into your mouth in a way that should choke you, but doesn't somehow.
As you're forced to inhale more and more fluff, the fibers creeping across your face spread until only your eyeballs remain exposed.
[Unintelligible hissing]
>>59930You don't even know.
*Hairs seep into pores in your skin, painlessly, but dreadfully noticably*
"~Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaasheeeeee....!" echoes a distant voice through your mind
>>59933As you fight against the restraints, they seem to tighten further, only to suddenly lessen.
Your body feels light and strong, and your able to move again slightly, but a certain familiar warmness seems to be spreading through the core of your body.
>>59933With the brief moment of freedom granted him, his uses his free hand to grab his genitals, and utters a secret prayer as his mouth is free
>>59936*Warmth creeps towards your very bones*
The tightness has vanished around your lower body, and you feel.. light and free somehow.
>>59935The twisting maelstrom around your penor feels less restrictive, as if your whole body we're surrounded and penetrated by a mystical softness.
>>59937Trumpaladin struggles free, and tries to move forward
>>59936As you shout, you realize that you are no longer being forced to inhale fluff, but
breathing it.
>>59938You binding fade away and you move "forward" freely sifting through the warm softness, only to wonder exactly where you're going
>>59939"Gah!"
>>59940Forward. Trumpaladin moves forward. Far enough, and he shall be free
>>59941You tread deeper into the darkness, the alien warmth having completely permeated your being.
It's cozy as fuck.
In the far, far distance, you hear a faint humming.
>>59942To move away, or towards the humming? Away, surely. No creature, living or not in this cozy hell could be good. RUN AWAY!
>run
And so, you turn away, treading through the fluff freely in a way that feels more like wading than running. You can't see shit and the weightlessness of the realm around you is disorienting, being unable to tell which direction is up, if there is an up...
In the back of your head, you feel a slight pain, as if something heavy and hard were weighing down inside your skull.
>>59945>"~Flaaaaaaaaaaasheeeeeee...!"Calls a distant voice inside your head
>"We've been waiting for you..." >>59947>"We miss you, Flashy..."Beckons the voice
You feel a dragging motion in your skull
>>59948[A cacophony of echoing giggling emanates from every direction]
>"You're so cute, ~Flaaashy..." >>59951"Who are you! Show yourself!"
>>59950The voice does not respond to this, but the pulling sensation in your skull intensifies to a painfully degree
You other bones begin to experience a similar tug, in various directions, though not nearly as intense as the griphold on your skull
>>59953"Gah! What do you want from me?"
>>59952[Demented laughter]
>"It's you who's hiding, ~Flaaashy..!">>59954>"We've been wanting to see you again for so long..."Once again, you feel a presence lurking around in the darkness
Holy shit, I had all this crap written out, but I'm dying of exhaustion.
Until next time, faggot.
>>59955Trumpaladin raises his hand towards the presence and forms the sign of the Football.
"Stay back!"