/vx/ - Videogames and Paranormal

[1d20 = 5]
>>5899
I jab at Soros while he is down

>>5902
He's still up
Infernius goes skittering to the side, not particularly damaged, just propelled.
"Hmmm. There is fight in these. But how fares these towns-people?"
"Oh fuck," Thez says, looking at all the onlookers.

>>5903
"OUT OF THE STREETS," Trump yells

[1d20 = 9]
>>5902
P-ting! The tip bounces off the same field.
"Hilarious! Let ME try!"

[1d20 = 7]
>>5903
oh, okay
>I jab at him standing up

[1d20 = 4]
>>5903
infenuis rolls to intimidate the towns folk to runaway

[3d6 = 14]
George stabs Torcuil with his clawed finger.
"DO struggle a bit won't you?" He clenches his teeth sadistically.

[1d20 = 16]
"So I guess we're attacking the old man?"
With all his might and fury, Trumpaladin slashes at George with Vanderiem

>>5907
You don't have to tell them twice, they're fukkin OUT (screaming and clutching their books, hoping beyond hope that this isn't their last day).

[1d20 = 11]
>>5908
i scream hitler did nothing wrong then i charge at soros again (gore attempt 2)

>>5909
To his incredible surprise, George Soros experiences pain. I mean, when Thez hit him it kinda hurt, I mean it DID do damage, but this HURTS.
"THE WRATH OF HEAVEN DO FALL UPON YE YA SHRIVELLED DEMON-TURD"

>>5908
SHEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT
I guess I fall back stuned

[4d20 = 35]
>>5909
*takes cue to launch a triple-weilding assault, after kicking soccer ball*

He is knocked back a few feet, and is struck by Infernius who doesn't gore him, but has him in a grapple. For an apparently old man, he has INCREDIBLE vitality.

>>5914
Soccer balls have bad karma...

[1d20 = 6]
>>5915
>Incredible Vitality
Unfortunately for him, Trumpaladin has SUPER MALE VITALITY!!!
Trumpaladin slashes at George once again while chuckling, "You have to go back"

>>5915
slash a cross into his left asscheek and a swastika into his right

>>5913
Don't unicorns have some type of healing ability in mythology?
If so I need it now

>>5919
She's watching you squirm like the cunt she is.

[1d20 = 2]
>>5914
The soccer ball bounces off his head, disrupting his hair and visibly agitating him. He throws Infernius to the side.
"Such IMPUDENCE! Know ye not who you behold? Then BEHOLD AND TREMBLE!" He says, growiing in size, distorting in appearance, until he is about 40' tall, entirely demonic in appearance, and radiating evil, malice, corruption, and despair.
He lets out an incredible bestial/demonic ROOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR

[2d20 = 5]
>>5919
Oh please, he just stabbed you, its not that bad.
>>5918
Dice for Tracy's attack

K, since you didn't roll nor did you know he was going to go ultra-mega-zord, I'll consider that a miss.

[1d20 = 16]
>>5914
Rogues have precision and combat reflexes, right? Can't I make an extra attack in that turn?
*slashes at sinews*

>>5921
I cast alter-self on trump, he grows to 64' tall and the beauty of the American people
>>5922
But where did he stab me?

[1d20 = 3]
>>5921
"CITIZENS OF PORT BARRY! BRING OUT YOUR BALLISTAS, AND DEFEND YOUR NOBLE CITY!"

[9d20 = 85]
"Since you lot seem so resistent to submit, I'll simply destroy this lovely city!" He screams.
"Get fucked you glorified raisin!" Thez says, teleporting in and launching a full-round attack-flurry.

[1d20 = 15]
>>5924
Continues to go for the same heel, with intent to cut through the tendon

[1d20 = 5]
>>5925
Trumpaladin is Pleased by this development.
>>5927
"We will do much worse to you than waterboarding!"
Trumpaladin swings at Megasoros, hopefully now as MegaTrump

[45d8 = 207]
>>5924
THAT one lands.
>>5925
>alter self
>other person
Please revise your request
In the shoulder by the way.
>>5926
A few of the soldiers get your meaning and begin rushing to battle stations. They've never had to point the ballistae INWARD, but its worth a shot,....
>>5929
Whoa now, Torcuil made an error in judgement. I'll wait a moment to determine what happens next so it can be revised.
Meanwhile, Thez is still going apeshit at him.

[1d20 = 10]
In response to Thez's vicious volley (holy shit, she wasn't this strong last time) he is taken aback, and launches 4 large meteoric spheres at her.

>>5930
Fine,
I cast
Alter-other
done
shoulder aint bad

[1d20 = 1]
>>5928
*slashing intensifies*
Can I get a crippling blow to incapacitate this leg?

[24d6 = 81]
... Which land, (she's in midair btw) obscuring her in an inferno of smoke and fire.

>>5933
Fuck me!
>>5934
Not as bad as that one though, kek

[1d100 = 42]
>>5933
o_o
>>5932
NOW Trump grows to

... 42' High. Not full Soros height, but able to challenge.
Trump, you were saying?
"Oh lets GET him!" Vandereim seems to be drooling.

>>5936
Trumpaladin's size is almost as big as his ego. He tries to think of something memey to say, but instead just slashes with Vanderiem


()

>>5921
40'
>>5937
42'
>Not same height
Explain mutherfucker

[1d20 = 20]
*continues to eat into this leg, triple wielding*
Have I cut through his sinew yet?

[9d6 = 30]
>>5939
Whoops, I thought I made him bigger. Okay, Trump is larger, sue me.
>>5940
Oh yeah you do. As Trump approaches, George buckles on the side that Tracy is going to town at.

To his (and Thez') immense surprise, George is actually seriously wounded at this point. What the fuck? he thinks to himself. These are MORTALS!

[1d20 = 20]
>Achilles style K.O.
*duck out of the way before he falls* but not before pickpocketing one of his monster sized shekels

[1d20 = 15]
>>5941
Trump lifts Vanderiem over his head and casts him down upon the nnow stumbling mecha-soros
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeZC67Qr-68

[1d20 = 20]
>>5945
Way ahead of you, Trump hacks and hacks

[1d100 = 34]
>>5946
Uhhhh,...

>>5946
>that dice role
As beautiful as a map of Pennsylvania in the 2016 elections

[1d20 = 18]
>>5943
>giant shekel acquired
*carve a swastika into his asscheek*

>>5946
With the righteous might of Football, the combined will and hopes of Port Barry, his own resolve, and a ridiculous bastard (sword) designed SPECIFICALLY for this type of scenario, Trump cuts George's arm off at the shoulder (including part of his pectoral area).

[1d20 = 12]
>>5950
WAY more greviously wounded than he EVER expected, George does not even have the vitality to speak Blasphemy. He immediately teleports away to a distance of 300' above ground. He also reverts to man-form.

>>5950
"You have received but a small taste of what we can deliver" Trumpaladin says to Sorosaur, who hopefully is in the process of bleeding to death

[1d20 = 19]
>>5951
*dangle stolen shekel in a cocky manner, sticking out tongue*

[1d20 = 12]
>>5951
"Fire you Ballistas at him!"

He casts a contemptuous glare at the whole party, particularly Trump, who is unlike any paladin he's ever faced (and he's faced LOTS).
"THIS ISN'T OVER!!!"
And with that he vanishes.

>>5955
"Your reign of tyranny is over," Trump says not really to Soros so much as to the citizens of Port Barry, who are looking out of their homes
\r

>>5955
OH SHIT
WE DID IT

>>5954
The soldiers, finally making their way to the ballistae, fire comically into the air below where George was stationed. They REALLY need to modify those for elevation.

>>5955
Did he notice I took his shekels?

For a moment, silence descends upon Port Barry. The city-folk, unaccustomed to such,... excitement, are initially fearful to emerge from their homes.
Thez, limping a bit over to Trump, whispers "This is your chance."

>>5959
He's a jew, he wouldn't CARRY shekels,....

[1d20 = 12]
>>5950
infernuis impressed, good job trump.

>>5961
Then what did I get via pickpocket? I rolled a 20

>>5963
A magnificent assortment of pocket lint. Also a dry-cleaning stub.

>>5960
"WE HAVE DEFEATED THIS PRETENDER!" Trump yells, arms raised out, and rock music starting to play
"We'll win so much, you'll get tired of winning. Believe me."

>>5964
Check the dry cleaning stub

>>5965
The city folk begin to slowly emerge, fearful that something else will come raining down on their heads.
"I think they need a little more than that," Thez whispers (you can cinematic if if you like).
>>5966
Its a dry-cleaning stub. What do you expect to find?

>>5968
Oh, you just tried to steal from a jew. They've thought of that. They won't ALL be jews.

*loot severed arm for fabric* (Soros wears only the best silk suits)

So about that cut in my arm with the jew germs

>>5969
"TODAY BEGINS A NEW ERA. YOU WILL NO LONGER SUBMIT OR COWER BEFORE FORIEGN POWERS, BUT STAND PROUDLY, AND ASSUME THE PLACE YOU DESERVE AMONG THE GREAT CITIES OF THIS PLANET."

>>5971
Now THAT is a good idea.

>>5976
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>5974
Well said

>>5974
Slowly, beginning from the walls and towers, increasing amongst the citizenry, until the entire town is swept up in its wake, begins a chant of "Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP,..." and so it crescendos into a wave of celebration and revelry easily topping the previous rally's. You did not plan this, but it could not have worked more in your favor. Port Barry is now devoted to Trump, to Elway, to Rockwell, and whomever the shiny and awesome ones (not Thez, "HEY!" shush) should indicate.

>>5977
Also, you die from jewness. I'm kidding, he didn't attempt to poison you, he didn't consider you a threat. If he did, he'd have slashed you with claws. That was one of those 'bitch plz' moves, where he stops you with a finger.

>>5979
That doesn't mean the target has anything of use ON them. Try pickpocketing a homeless man

>>5982
Okay....

>>5978
>Pat trump on the back
You deserve this

>>5978
infenuis put trump on his sholders

>>5983
It was a nice roll, I accede, but you have access to sufficient resources that you could craft/build far more exciting things than you might find from pickpocketing. Thing BIGGER ^_~

>>5987
Friendship is Magic. Xp

Alright! Since the fight is over, bantz and cinematics and all sorts of shenanigens are open season. Questions? Comments? Elucidations?

>>5990
What can I gain from these events?

Also, you all gained a level on that one. I don't even have to look at the numbers to know that. The benefit of being underestimated is being underestimated. Still, you won (and more soundly than I thought possible)

>>5992
So...
Who and what is where now?

>>5991
Respect, admiration, approval, (not just from the city folk, Lenos is quite impressed, and he's second to 1 guy as far as crafting magicz)

>>5990
i liked that we cut off soros's arm.

>>5993
trumps on my shoulders.

>>5993
Good question. Trump stops being super-giant (its a duration spell) and rejoins the crowd (I didn't realize that a giant-Trump would help rally the people, cuz I'm an idiot).
The city is won (hearts and minds, they feel that these peeps will protect, serve, and enable them to make themselves great, which will make their city great, which will make the world great (they don't k now 'again' cuz that was generations ago).

>>5992
Level 14?
>can now see invisible/hidden enemies
>>5994'
*recoils at prospect of normies knowing her name*
>>5996
"HHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

>>5995
Nice pali. I didn't plan it, the dice spoke

>>6000
Who's the gets-thief NAO?

>>6000
>>5999
STOP STEALING MY GETS

>>5998
why you hiss we all celebrate, be happy tracy.

>>6004
If his ass is going to be on anyone's back, it's going to be mine.

>>6002
Where did you last see her?
>>6004
Yeah, Thez is with this. "We should be glad to have survived. If he had said Starl--- I won't say it, but if he had said it, even I might have died. Its a blessing he underestimated us."

>>5978
Trumpaladin holds out his arms. He is not yet done

"Great citizens of the great city of Port Barry, you have seen so far two of our efforts to Make Port Barry Safe Again from threats domestic and foreign. We have killed the rats who sought to control your city. We have cleaved the arm and sent fleeing a man who an hour before thought himself an invincible emperor over half the planet. But just as your needs do not end at freedom from fear, our plans do not end at freeing you from tyranny. For far too long this city - once a center of commerce and commercial activity - has decayed and languished under reduced economic activity. Commerce and industry have waned. But we hear your call and we understand your needs. No longer shall this city decay and its ports remain empty. No. We shall make Port Barry Work again! I have met with leaders of business and the forge, and will begin contracts for new weapons productions at the forge. This will put many citizens back to work, and increase trade at the harbor. And many have in this time pointed to the sad state of Port Barry's education system. To this end, I have contracted the construction of a new library, which will be filled with the accumulated magical knowledge of centuries. Nor will I end there. I have commissioned the beginning of the Mile High Monastic Order, which will offer a free education to every citizen, from plow usage to long bow practice to metalurgy.

But all of this is but a subset of a larger issue I am here to talk to you about tonight. You see, we are not but individuals seeking our own interests, but agents of a higher power, and it is that higher power who guides us all, and who helped me defeat the foriegn pretender tonight. That higher power is Football. It is He we serve, and He who helps us. To this end, I have commissioned the construction of a Stadium - to be constructed by Port Barry Labor - to the worship of Football. Football shall bring meaning to your lives, as it has to mine. And finally, I have commissioned a mendicant order to teach you all of Football, and to teach the whole world of Football. Port Barry shall be the instrument to teach the world of its power, and Port Barry ships shall sail to every continent to spread its word.

You see, there is something bigger going on here, bigger than me, bigger than you, bigger than perhaps all of us. An evil entity known as the Terrasque keeps us all in its thralls, and prevents us all from joining the shining Valhalla of Sports Authority Field. We are set on slaying the beast, and freeing us all, and freeing you all. We need your help, and that is why we need your faith in football, your labor in the forges, and perhaps your arms in the field of battle. But in this fight - should you take it on as you own as I have - you will find not only the freedom to live on your own, to make full use of your talents, and to enjoy the fruits of your labor - but you will find all of the glory of freeing the planet, of being a free people."
\r

>>6006
Uhhhhhhhh
Being a bitch

>>6007
Even Thez be like ^;_;^

The cheering of the crowd is near deafening.

>>6003
I'll give it to you, if you make me big again.

>>6011
I never made you small

>>6012
GM nerfed me...

>>6013
Nerfed? Small? Wut? You lost me

>>6015
You said my size change wears off. I want be big enough to carry a victory lap.

>>6014
I'm gonna regret this unicorn thing
>>6013
UHHHHHHHHH FINE BITCH
I make you however tall you want

Oh, you mean the sarcastic checking of gets. Yeah, that was me. ^_^

>>6018
infernuis go to bar with trump still on sholders.

>>6011
I can take GETs too you know

>>6019
*bites*

>>6019
So long as Trump can do business at the bar, then sure

>>6022
*kicks*

>>6017
"You say that,...." Trollestia says into your mind.
... as the party descends into a chaotic brawl

>>6021
"What's mine is yours, Flashy"

>>6025
Well fug

>>6025
*irritation intensifies*
"Oh, this bitch again!"
>>6024
*bites*

>>6028
come at me insano hoers

>>6029
*kicks*

Alright. Its off-topic time, so feel free to attack one another, practice on one another, engage in whatever, dialogue whatever,... theme=whatever (no threats).

>>6027
Is troll horse gonna rape me?
>>6032
I decide to practice with my raiper

>>6033
Trumpaladin casts a charming glance at the Unicorn

>>6030
*rear kicks you to the ground* (as full-sized hoers)
"I. Am. The. Noble. Steed!"

>>6034
"Do you want me to?"
and
"Is 'rapier' a euphamism?"

>>6035
i also think this is a good idea
>upboated lel

>>6036
You have tracy
>>6038
I aint saying either way
No, it is not

>>6037
*grapples thot*

>>6036
>*worried nuzzling*
>>6041
>Trying to grapple an adult mare who's already pissed off
*full form rear kicks you away*

>>6035
Agreed. If you want to do some you can, and I will do some (or all) as needed.
>>6036
um
>>6037
Thez, again with popcorn (there's a machine in the mess hall)

>>6042
full force*

>>6044
>>6042
activates "burn"

>>6043
Thez, can I have some popcorn?
This is entertaining

>>6046
"Here," hands bag, disappears, and reappears moments later with another bag.

>>6045
>escalating the conflict
*draws beef-shaving knife threateningly while looking back with a menacing glare*
"Fuck off, sports drink mascot!"

>>6047
>sits in lawnchair
20 bits on the cleric

>>6049
"I dunno, that pony has some fire in her," nom nom nom

>>6049
Agreed tho, a good bet

>>6048
im not afraid of you cunt, you have no power over me!
*slash*
*slash*

>>6053
"Oh, well NOW the bet is off. Speaking of which!" she exclaims before disappearing.

Trump briefly stops what he's doing to turn to the fight. "You might want this," Trumpaladin says to Tracy, giving her his leather vest to use as lightweight armor (it's too big but it will cover pretty much her whole body)

slashes tracy some more

>>6052

Are we really going to just attack eachother? GM said nothing life threatening.
*dodges with lv 14 rogue evasion*
"BULLS AREN'T FIT FOR RIDING!!"
*cannon-like rear kick*
>>6055
>too big for a full-grown hoers
"Wh-why thank you, Flashy!" *blushes*

>>6058
>the dumb bull's slashes just miss Tracy
>KAPOW
*another rear-kick* right to the chest
*neighs angrily*

>>6059
you attack infenuis first.
*stabs knee*

>>6062
>already has developed evasion and uncanny dodge, with a base speed of 50 ft
*teleports behind you*
"Buffin perso- aww who am I shitting!"
*kicks you in both the asscheeks, leaving permanent tissue scarring (under the fur)*

>>6063
this boring infenuis go carry trump

>>6053
>has finished popcorn
"Are you gonna eat that?"

>>6064
"Not with that magnitude of butthurt, you aren't!"
*struts ahead of you*

>>6065
I already did

why you so crazy hoers? what happend that make you snap? maybe infernuis can help you.

>>6067
You DID? Splendid!
You start to feel woozy, unable to maintain your balance and coordination.
"Oh dear, you don't look so good. Here, let me help you to someplace quiet."
>whoof
>rape

GM is ROFLMAO

>>6069
God damned unicorns
>that feeling when my haggis has been stirred twice

>>6068
"Learn some boundaries, you stupid bovine! Some things are meant to be left between married couples!"

>>6072
>>6068
If u 2 are still at it in a few minutes, Thez will be more than happy to join in.

>>6055
>*nuzzles back*
"Want to go for a victory lap now, Flashy?"

>>6072
TRACY YOU NO MARRIED. HE NO LOVE YOU!!!

>>6043
A crowd of people surround Trumpaladin trying to reach him. A fight or something breaks out in the bar, which distracts some people, but not all. Trumpaladin sees a blonde haired man trying to reach him, though too far away. He recognizes the man, as being one of the citizens who surrounded him when the rats were killed, and as being a leader of the Ballista teams, trying the hardest to reposition and aim the devices. From all his years of experience, Trump can tell just by looking at this man he has motive and skill. He signals to the men around him to let the man come closer
"Nice to meet you trump, really impressive what you did back there" he says
"what's your name kiddo," Trump asks
"Terry," he answers
"Nice to meet you Terry,"
"I've been thinking about what you said. I don't want to be slave to any false king, or any cabal. But those who gave you the power"
"aye. Football"
Terry is a bit stunned at the name
Trump says "you saw the video didn't you?"
"what?"
"The Video of Super Bowl XXXII"
"Yes. Yes I did... that tackle"
"The Helicopter takle?"
"Yes"
"Left me in awe first time I saw it too."
"Is there... More?"
"There's so much more."
Trumpaladin produces a copy of Superbowl XXXIII, made on VHS home recording that day back in '97.
"Take this" he says. "and show it to all you know."
"You'd give this to me."
Trump asks a question already sort of knowing the answer "What do you do?"
"Well I used to be a team leader loading and unloading ships on the Dock. When the Economy crashed I helped my family on the farm, directing oxen teams. I've recently become involved in the militia. I'm Sargent of a siege team."
"I see you have quite the talent for leadership." Trump pauses "Listen. I can't do this alone. This is a very big project, and I need help. Tell you what. I'm starting a new mendicant order. An organization dedicated to spreading the word of Football. I want you to be a leader of it"
"But I scarcely know Football myself!"
"You recognize the power and the glory. That is what it takes. Faith. It's a learning experience for us all. you shall learn more when you see Superbowl XXXIII and when we organize our first game. And you shall learn more about leadership as we go along. But I can see you have the talent. You have the faith. You've got what it takes"

>>6075
stop being delusional.

>>6074
Trumpaladin pushes away a horse nuzzle, eyes still on Terry

>>6074
Thez and Torcuil whooof back, the latter appearing disheveled.
"Do we have a winner yet?" she says, slurring a bit.

>>6081
>it wasn't the unicorn
My haggis doesnt feel that good after being stirred

>>6081
It was never a contest. Nobody wants to ride a fucking bull around town for their victory lap.

>>6083
>Victory Lap
We've only just begun. I'm building an empire

>>6079
[anxious hoers noises]

>>6083
he not want ride you. hed rather "ride" that unicorn tracy,

>>6084
[excited hoers noises]

>>6086
*ignores for the good of everyone in the vicinity*

>>6088
it not good to be this blind tracy, infernuis just try to help make sane.

>>6089
>walks away looking fpr trollestia
I said it omce and I'll say it again
Feckin' children, the both of ye

>>6089
>*threatening glare* (bandit-style intimidation)
[irked hoers noises]

>>6091
tracy adolf wouldnt want you insane, he loves you.

>>6092
[angry hoers noise]
"Go look for followers for your little cult somewhere else, BBQ bull!"

Trumpaladin leaves the bar, in search of still more young souls to recruit

>>6094
*follows after, in stealth*

While walking, Trumpaladin casts a charming glance at Trollestia

>>6096
Go shag ye own horse

>>6096
[heart-heavy hoers noises]

>>6097
That's exactly what I'm doing
You're going to have to cast a spell to make Tracy look like pic related if you want me to leave Trollestia alone

>>6099
what a dick.