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Dysfunctional Nuts
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.51841
53658
Can the party avoid tearing each-other's throat out? Can they successfully complete the dungeon and rid Port Barry of the giant glass octahedron that sits motionless a short way off the docks? Will GM have an aneurysm from it all?

Welcome back to the Nuts RP thread, where new faggots (players) are always welcome and previous faggots interact based increasingly loosely on D&D 3.5e core rules.

This thread begins with Thez completing a marvelous and unplanned concert now that she can cast "Dancing lights!" again, and a large crowd has formed around the square, where both Infernius and Trump appear to be intending to address the crowd, Thez having vacated the impromptu stage with several bouquets of flowers and adoring cheers from the crowd.
She has obscene skill pertaining to "Perform"
1730 replies and 191 files omitted.
Anonymous
LJZcR
?
No.52765
>>52754
Torc offers Death a drink.
Anonymous
C6gcl
?
No.52766
52768
>>52764
The dice hate me
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52767
52770
>>52763
*Sucks more and more energy out of the Paladin, drinking generously from his well of power*
[Happy Fiend noises]
"~Hmmmm...! That's right; let it all out into me, Flashy.. Good boy.."
*Hind muscles vibrate with enhanced fervor*
BK2bC
?
No.52768
52769 52776
[1d20 = 16]
>>52766
Observably, its uncanny.
C6gcl
?
No.52769
52771
[1d20 = 9]
>>52768

Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52770
52773
>>52767
"Ah fuck" Trumpaladin cries out, as he is no match for the muscular contractions of the mighty horse
*more fluid he didn't know he still had escapes from him*
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52771
52772 52774
>>52769
Okay, that's it. I'm going to ask the developers if there is some sort of curse on your IP
LJZcR
?
No.52772
52782
[1d20 = 12]
>>52771
Test
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52773
52775 52777
>>52770
"Yes, yes, YES! Give me more..!"
*Bounces up and down repeatativly, mimicking the motions of a water pump*
C6gcl
?
No.52774
[1d20 = 13]
>>52771

Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52775
>>52773
*sneaks in hand to perform lay of hands on own penis to prevent it from entirely falling off*
*rubs horse vagina with other hand just because sexy*
C6gcl
?
No.52776
[1d20 = 13]
>>52768
*drinks somemore dead soviet*
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52777
52778 52785
>>52773
*Pours out more fluid*
C6gcl
?
No.52778
52779
[1d20 = 11]
>>52777
Czeched
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52779
52781
>>52778
"Try to cheer up. I mean, I hope you do," Thez says as GM prepares to depart.
GTyOx
?
No.52780
52785
[1d20 = 15]
Strength check to lift up demon horse
Anonymous
C6gcl
?
No.52781
>>52779
"k"
Mrs. Sentry
PHGLm
?
No.52782
52783
>>52772
>>>/test/
PHGLm
?
No.52783
52784
[1d20 = 12]
>>52782
test
Anonymous
C6gcl
?
No.52784
52786
>>52783
>>52783
??
Mrs. Sentry
PHGLm
?
No.52785
52787 52790 52828
>>52777
Tracy puts on a look of ecstasy as she crackles with energy, and strangely seems somewhat bigger than she was before, although Brad dismisses it as a figment of his imagination.
"At least now we don't have to worry about you outliving me." she says in horse-speech, too quietly to hear
>>52780
"Are you uncomfortable, Flashy?"
*lifts one enormous, soft rump-cheek, as to allow him the space to escape if he so desired*
Mrs. Sentry
PHGLm
?
No.52786
>>52784
I was just rolling because everyone else was.
Anonymous
C6gcl
?
No.52787
52788
>>52785
Hey since Infernuis lived among hores he know hores right?
Also did you watch hellstorm?
Mrs. Sentry
PHGLm
?
No.52788
52789
>>52787
No, that was common.
Horse speech is a sekrit language, like druidic: you'll lose your pony magick if you teach it to a non-pony.
>did you watch hellstorm?
Tracy's faggot was unlucky ennough to catch the flu on top of whatever the hell else has been ravishing his body, and ended up sleeping most of the day. I'll watch it when I discover the energy to give it the attention it deserves.
Anonymous
C6gcl
?
No.52789
>>52788
88 checked
Anonymous
+4u0W
?
No.52790
52791
>>52785
*escapes from demon horse*
"Well What was that about?!"
Mrs. Sentry
PHGLm
?
No.52791
52794
>>52790
*nuzzles chest affectionately*
"I was just thinking how lucky we are to be together for the rest your our lives, Flashy."
[appreciative pony noises]

Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52792
52795 52824
Wait a minute, if Torc couldn't cast 9th level spells, how did we defeat the Tarrasque in the first place?
*shoots self for for being an insufferable rulecuck*
Anonymous
+4u0W
?
No.52794
image.png
>>52791
*suspicious and nervous stare*
Anonymous
LJZcR
?
No.52795
52796
>>52792
GM told me to do that
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52796
>>52795
Yeah, I remember.
It's still alive anyway I guess.
+4u0W
?
No.52797
52798 52827
image.png
[1d20+27 = 42]
Trumpaladin does a full sense motive on demon horse
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52798
52799
>>52797
*nuzzles*
Trumpaladin gets a hunch that Tracy feels like going outside to practice her acrobatics, and she's like him to ride her.
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52799
52800
1512632098297.png
>>52798
Trumpaladin is not at all assuaged, but he mounts the horse. What else could he do?

He sings to himself:
"'cause they've got to ride forever on that range up in the sky. On horses snortin' fire... as they ride on hear their cry"
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52800
52802
>>52799
Make a ride check to begin performing.
Anonymous
LJZcR
?
No.52801
52824 52828
>Torc quickly feels uncomfortble having Death stare at him doing nothing.
Meanwhile, Snek finishes recharging the staff and heads back towards Torc
GTyOx
?
No.52802
52803
[1d20+20 = 28]
>>52800
"Yipee aye ay"
PHGLm
?
No.52803
52805
[1d20+29 = 41]
>>52802
"Yahoo!"
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52804
Idk if you add his ride check to her performance, because the rules are unclear when using a trained animal to perform, but either way, it's an Extraordinary performance.
Anonymous
+4u0W
?
No.52805
52806
image.gif
>>52803
"Yippee eye oh"
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52806
52807
>>52805
*does back-flips and barrel rolls and skywriting and all that cool stuff*
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52807
52808
File (hide): 0.0 (0.0 bytes, 0, )
>>52806
*Trumpaladin contemplates just where in his life he went wrong*
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52808
52809
>>52807
Wut?
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52809
52810 52812
1510691__safe_artist-colon-jucamovi1992_screencap_flash sentry_lesson zero_alone_colt_funny face_hi girls_male_not creepy_pegasus_pony_simple backgroun.png
>>52808
"Carry on"
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52810
52811
>>52809
*nuzzles*
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52811
52813
>>52810
*is nuzzled*
Anonymous
C6gcl
?
No.52812
52814
>>52809
"H-hey Brad look at me,I'm a pickle brad."
*hick*
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52813
52814
>>52811
*licks*
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52814
52815
My feelings on this.jpg
>>52812
Pic

>>52813
"What do you want horsey?"
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52815
>>52814
>wants to throw him off of her back and molest him in front of the crowd that just gathered
"Nothing, just glad to be with you today."
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52819
52821
новый-коллаж__700.jpg
>Implying the 1 will just go away if you delet it
*drags Brad away, who just barfed all over himself when attempting to speak*
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52821
52822
>>52819
Just what the fuck dude?
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52822
52826
stare.jpg
>>52821
Pic
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52824
52825
>>52792
Limited Wish
>>52801
Sorry, meatspace

Anonymous
LJZcR
?
No.52825
>>52824
Nah, its fine. I was just being a bit of a metafag
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52826
>>52822
Pic unrelated, I just thought it was funny
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52827
52828
>>52797
Excuse my metafaggotry, but what were you trying to sense?
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52828
52831 52839
>>52801
Pssst,... how exactly does Snek recharge the staff? That requires one to re-cast the stored spells.
>>52827
Pretty sure its to do with this >>52785

Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52830
52831 52832
sleep-paralysis-FI.jpg
Oh, that was mostly shitposting. Trump made a joke about the succubus-pony draining his energy through sex, so I was humoring him.
It was never really stated whether or not ponies and aged differently (I mentioned "pony years" in the any nest, but wasn't really serious), so I just made an ironic joke to semi-settle that.
It probably won't have any actual consequences, unless…
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52831
>>52830
>>52828

Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52832
>>52830
*the ant nest
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52833
52834
Tracy's Mobility training should be done by now, right? She's been at it in a while, even if she's been interrupted a bit.
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52834
>>52833
Assuming Tracy has the Dodge feat, yes
Anonymous
LJZcR
?
No.52839
52844
>>52828
Considering I didn't know that? I guess he doesn't.
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52844
52845
>>52839
He can deliver touch spells at the least.
What spells were you recharging?
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52845
52846
>>52844
The designated staff was Transmutation, which includes a few castings of Polymorph (2), Baleful Polymorph (2),... and the rest of the spells still remain (Expeditious retreat 1, Alter Self 1, Blink 1, and Disintegrate 3)
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52846
52847 52852
>>52845
Has he used anything expect for polymorph? That at least is touch range.
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52847
52848 52852
>>52846
Nope, just polymorph. The first charge of baleful was to turn a rock into gold, and the second turned the 3 rats into gold statues. Alas, those statues, one can only wonder where they have wandered off to,....
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52848
52849 52850
>>52847
I thought we liquidated them or did something with them?
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52849
52851
>>52848
I'm pretty sure Thez requisitioned one for display in the Tower, but naturally Darkie and co ran off with it.
"What? That thing was worth over 2000gp!"
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52850
>>52848
Nah, that'd be gay. Polymorph spells of any kind normally couldn't create materials of intrinsic value.
The pirates or whoever who took them probably loaded them onto their ships only to realize that they were gold-painted lead: even as statues, they were swindlers.
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52851
>>52849
.. Unless I'm mistaken...
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52852
52857
>>52846
>>52847
So could Snek, as a familiar, recharge the Polymorph spells for Torc with his touch-delivering ability?
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52853
52857
I want to go to Cardishore and stab some living bodies soon. Infernius was the first character she Sneak-Attacked in a long time...
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52854
52855
Tracy reads a few more pages from her Tome of Clear Understanding, before getting bored and heading off to feed her birds again.
Anonymous
GTyOx
?
No.52855
52856
>>52854
>A few more
Nigger, you never specified a first time
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52856
>>52855
I could've sworn I did.
Fine, guess she doesn't, if it's an issue.
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52857
52858 52860 52863
>>52852
Potentially
https://youtu.be/yLEMb_RIZ3o
Damn, I need to step up my game
>>52853
Yeah, I'll admit that the pyramid dungeon didn't pan out like I had hoped. I had intended that it present nominal-moderate difficulty, while also including a bunch of plot twists pertaining to the world. Unfortunately, I can't force the party to actually complete it without railroading. And so.

<BOOOOOOOOOOOM> with an earth-shattering, concussive sound-wave, the temple explodes.

As debris from the temple falls all along the dock-side (no Tracy, you have more than enough glassteel bits, you can't have more) a whispering voice issues forth.

"This is not over."
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52858
>>52857
>no Tracy, you have more than enough glassteel bits, you can't have more
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Anonymous
+4u0W
?
No.52859
52860
God fucking damn it
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52860
52862
>>52857
I could step up mine too. Haven't really played my character's roles well.
>>52859
Don't worry, they'll be plenty more skeletons to come in the future.
>[DOOT]
>>52857
*is tempted to ask if any other cool stuff rained down from the sky*
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52861
1415914174402575245.png
I wonder if the tower also has a self-destruct mechanism...
Anonymous
qFUya
?
No.52862
52864
>>52860
Fuck you
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52863
52865 52866
>>52857
Tracy stares at the beautiful explosion with an awed expression on her face
>pic
*looks down at undead-bane maces that were in their way to becoming Disrupting weapons*
"Well that's a waste."
*tosses onto pile of other half-made items that'll probably never get finished*
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52864
52866
>>52862
rude
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52865
52866
690987__semi-dash-grimdark_edit_screencap_pinkie pie_the cutie mark chronicles_animated_-colon-d_explosion_happy_mushroom cloud_open mouth_reflection_s.gif
>>52863
forgot pic
Anonymous
qFUya
?
No.52866
52869
image.jpeg
>>52864
>>52863
>>52865
Fuck off
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52867
52868 52878 52887
Consider yourselves fortunate. I had planned that the party would have been in the midst of that explostion, waking up in the entertron with all their equipment destroyed.
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52868
52870
rpgdigademestre.jpg
>>52867
Oh shit..!
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52869
877965__safe_artist-colon-slowcoloringfag_pinkie pie_oc_oc-colon-tracy cage_boop.png
>>52866

Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52870
52871
>>52868
Except with a better grasp of what they're up against, why, and how to progress,....
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52871
52872
>>52870
I, for one, am slightly relieved. Now we can explore and find some victims enemies that Tracy can actually use her class abilities against.
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52872
52873
>>52871
Also, I can finally send Tracy off to Cardishore.
Anonymous
qFUya
?
No.52873
52874
>>52872
F U C K Y O U
U
C
K

Y
O
U
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52874
52875 52878 52888
File (hide): 0.0 (0.0 bytes, 0, )
>>52873
Oh, stop it.
Up until this point, the armies you've fought been almost entirely composed of enemies your class is specialized against. Don't get butthurt just because of a plot twist to shake things up. There will be plenty of new places with things to kill and loot to steal.
I've been wanting to go back to Cardishore for months now.
Anonymous
+4u0W
?
No.52875
52877
>>52874
That's not why you want to go there
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52876
52877 52878 52880 52889
TBH, the main reason the temple exploded is because as a pressing "adversary/obstacle", I got a little tired of the degree of nonchalance the party affected to it. This is/was a sinister element, literally on their doorstep, which the party seemed totally content to treat as an abandoned building to be scrapped and resourced. In reality, the contents of the temple were vastly more than sufficient to wipe the party out outright, depending on how it was role-played. Heck, several rooms were just a couple dice rolls away from death and dismemberment. In spite of this, the degree of "meh, when we get to it" kinda ruined it for me.
Additionally, I am a little irritated at the degree of vast research and investigation that the party is perfectly (and evidently) capable of doing, only for me to have to correct or weigh in on very basic details and issues, simply because that same due diligence was not applied. No offense, but Tracy is a perfect example of this, being far more fixated on what pretty-shiny could be had, rather than maximizing the pretty shinies (abilites AND swag) that has already been given. Trump has yet to have a moment with Vandereim. Tracy - the master of blades - has not once even bothered to figure out the correct usage of Korak's sword. I could go on.
Anonymous
PHGLm
?
No.52877
>>52875
Yeah, I also want to retrieve Tracy's knife collection, and stab some warm-blooded creatures.
>>52876
I guess you're right about all that..
I'll try to do it better from now on..
Anonymous
LJZcR
?
No.52878
52879
>>52867
Would Mr. Snek be okay at least?
>>52874
This. I wanna go get a gnome quest, do some more exploring. I'm sick of just sitting around Port Barry shitposting.
>>52876
Hey, I suggested blowing a big ass hole right down the middle, I even did all the math, but nooooooooooo something about "muh loot" and other bullshit.
Sorry
Anonymous
BK2bC
?
No.52879
52882
>>52878
No, snek would have been kill