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Creative Title Referencing Nuts
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.44896
44905
What it is? Its an ongoing thread-based fantasy RPG
What it do? Players do their thing based off dice scripts and 3.5e D&D as a rules baseline.

Throughout the week we shitpost at one another and on weekends we kill shit or surmount some form of obstacle. New players always welcome.

The party currently has a trebuchet, a series of cannons, and an airship with another series of cannons aimed at a floating black pyramid just out from the docks of Port Barry. Its not actually a pyramid, its an octahedron, but its half submerged. Some quick thinking from the resident Mage kept it from teleporting away and escaping, and now the party is looking to crack that bitch open and see what sorta toys are inside. And kill shit.
1348 replies and 120 files omitted.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46157
46158 46159
>>46152
Thez pokes her head out of a shadow on the ceiling.
"I'm here."
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46158
>>46157
"You okay need healing?"
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46159
46160 46166
>>46157
"Where we you when Torcuil got killed?"

>>46155
Looks at her
"yes..."
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46160
46161 46162
>>46159
"You were really awesome with all that slashing back then, ~Flashy."
*humps leg*
"It was really hot."
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46161
46163 46164 46169
>>46160
"She right brad it was hot."
*laughs in husbando theif*
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46162
>>46160
"Intense physical activity wearing a robe, chainmail and plate in a poorly ventilated room was a bit warm, yes"

*flexes fingers*
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46163
>>46161
"Wa?"
T2++T
?
No.46164
[2d20 = 28]
>>46161
[defensive pony noises]
*Stares literal daggers*
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46165
46168 46172
Torc waits impatiently, and feels cold without his robe
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46166
46169
>>46159
"I didn't know he was gonna collapse and turn to dust,...." she says shrugging.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46167
46170
*continues pouring loot into bag*

Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46168
46171
>>46165
Its about now that Lenos will have finished laughing. Just for the side-splitting laughter, Lenos would set up a gate to the entrance of the building. From there, Torcuil can naked-wizard run through the ancient temple to rejoin the party.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46169
46174
>>46161
>>46166
"Well, yeah... The combat was straight up heavy melee which is what I and Fae are good at, so we weathered it well, but poor squishy Torcuil, I could have cast a spell...

The experience left me with a mild fear of horses"
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46170
>>46167
How many rounds does this take?

"Some of this stuff is pretty swank. They've got some awesome jewelry here."
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46171
46175 46176
>>46168
"Thanks"
Torc runs like a bat out of hell, while screaming
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SHIT?"
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46172
46173 46177
pepe-the-frog-animated.gif
>>46165
"Torc dead?!"

Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46173
46181
>>46172
Finally, someone actually shows some emotion about it
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46174
46179
>>46169
"Oh, I didn't see the fighting, I just decided to look in and found you talking. Then Torcuil died. Its not the first time something like that has happened, so I just kept watching."
1s5P2
?
No.46175
46180
[1d20+23 = 29]
>>46171
"YOU'RE BACK!"

Hug of Opportunity on Wizard
T2++T
?
No.46176
46179 46180
[1d20 = 12]
>>46171
*tosses burlap sack of your stuff*
at you
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46177
46178
>>46172
"Turned to dust. I saw it."
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46178
>>46177
"He was a great friend, me keep him in my heart forever."
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46179
>>46174
"Eh... Okay"

>>46176
*tries not to get hit by bag while hugging Wizard*
4k+jL
?
No.46180
46182 46183
[1d20 = 6]
>>46175
"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU GAY ASS BITCH"
>>46176
Catch check
"Thanks Tracy"
Torc dresses quickly before arranging he gear and petting Mr. Snek
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46181
46182
>>46173
"Its like me can almost hear him."
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46182
46184
>>46180
>6
Oh no
>>46181
"I'm right here"
1s5P2
?
No.46183
[1d20 = 15]
>>46180
"I Love you too!"

Continues hug
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46184
46185
>>46182
"His voice me can still hear it. Me will truly miss him."
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46185
46186
>>46184
"Infernius you fucking idiot, I'm right here trying to get dressed. But this fucking faggot wont let go of my necked ass."
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46186
46187 46188
>>46185
*looks down*

"oh"

*lets go*
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46187
>>46186
*compensation hug*
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46188
46190 46193
>>46186
"Thank you"
Torc finishes putting on his robe and aranging his gear before walking over and slaping Infernius
"Is that enough to prove I'm alive?"
[Happy snek noises]
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46189
46191
images (1).jpg
"I guess we should proceed later"

*sits down*

*rocks*
Anonymous
T2++T
?
No.46190
46191
>>46188
*comforts*
"There, there.. If you're tired, we can always go home now, Flashy."
*rubs fluff against his side*
Anonymous
T2++T
?
No.46191
>>46190
meant for >>46189

Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46192
Did Snek get XP for the mummies?
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46193
>>46188
"Ow tooth ache!"
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46194
46196 46197
Infernius, you should Awaken your doggo and make him a Cleric or something.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46195
*Pets Kitty*
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46196
46197 46198
>>46194
"Me can do that?!"
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46197
46198
>>46194
>>46196
He's eligible for a cohort, but you don't just get infinite NPCs with player classes
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46198
46202
>>46196
Awaken is a 5th level spell, so you can use Miracle to turn him into a magical talking doggo.
>>46197
He doesn't have to be a cohort. He's a pet.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46199
46200 46201
Thez pokes her head in the coffin room. "Its a good thing no one lit any torches, or cast any fire effects!" she says thoughtfully.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46200
46206
>>46199
"Why?"
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46201
>>46199
"... What's in that one?"
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46202
46203 46204
>>46198
"Danke."
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46203
46204
>>46202
Do the same thing with Tracy's birds after they're mature.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46204
46205 46215
>>46202
Why are you responding in character?

>>46203
Fuck off
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46205
46215
>>46204
What's wrong?
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46206
46207 46209
>>46200
Thez leans back into the hallway and smiles. "The whole room would'a blown up." ^_^

Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46207
46208
>>46206
"Explosives?"
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46208
46209 46210 46211 46212
>>46207
"Dust."
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46209
>>46206
"Why?"

>>46208
"And?"
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46210
46213
>>46208
"Dust?"
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46211
>>46208
As in, the dust would've caught fire and exploded (actually thought of this when I considered transforming her, even sawdust will go boom if it fills a room) or was it explosive powder?
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46212
>>46208
"Ah, good ol' dust explosion"
>Torc's fag passes out
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46213
>>46210
"Dust. You can do it with lots of kinds of dust, but when its fine enough and kicked up into the air, it becomes explosive. Mineral dust in particular is bad about it."
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46214
46216
>tfw Trump would've lit a torch and killed everyone, possibly destroying their equipment, if his hand weren't crushed
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46215
46223
>>46205
>>46204
Seriously though, what's the issue here?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46216
46217
>>46214
You insufferable fucking nigger, he would have fought in the dark using detect evil and Fae's darkvision except that YOU, YOU insisted on a light.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46217
>>46216
Does magick sense allow you to bypass darkness concealment?
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46218
46219 46220 46221 46222 46223 46247
So yeah, the party shrewdly avoided not only waking up in the Entertron (mostly) but also avoided blowing up a whole bunch of cool items (and most of their own).
21k gold, 2.1k platinum 30 gems 48 art, and:
A thick parchment scroll
A potion
A Trio of small goats
A Rod with lots of buttons on it
And, a Thickly bound old tome
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46219
sex with goats.png
>>46218
>Trio of small goats

Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46220
46247
>>46218
Claiming Tome! I think
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46221
46223
>>46218
... I could use a stat boost.. especially in Wis..
Anonymous
1KuxI
?
No.46222
>>46218
Ill take the rod no homo
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46223
>>46215
My character doesn't have six gorrillion sneak attack damage or seven gorillion strength, nor the giant list of spells of either a cleric or a sorcerer, and Infernius is his equal in followers even though Trumpaladin has higher charisma and more time spent trying to woo the townsfolk. The only advantage, besides a very high AC - the only way in which he is unique at all - is a powerful special mount. A fucking Roc at base is stronger even than a buffed dragonne or most of the party members

>>46221
Oh just take the periphat. The wisdom is still easily enchanced

>>46218
Alright, what are these things?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46236
46237
If you didn't try to cheat the game a literal three new and significant times a day, I don't think I would care so much, but you do

I don' want to be left behind from cheats and from abuses
Mrs. Sentry
aCNYO
?
No.46237
46238 46239 46240
>>46236
How is using a canon spell to teach birdies to talk (months from now; I wouldn't do it to them when they're small) a cheat?
And how is opening a monster ranch leaving you behind? Both you and Infernius have established churches and small task forces, I just want to gather cool animals, and not even for work-related shit. I mentioned near the beginning of the game that Tracy wanted to buy-up land in a rural area to raise her child, why can't I have a ranch to go with it?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46238
46241
>>46237
The cheating is on everything else. But those eggs were just handed to you when you should have thought up a strategy to actually find them. Or handle the dad. Or how to get them back. Rather than "she flies and goes ethereal for 20 minutes and Thez carries them back"

The DC to rear a Roc is 33 and you can't retry. Have you rolled for each bird yet?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46239
46241
>>46237
Each of those Rocs is stronger than 13 or 15 level 5 fighters combined
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46240
46241
>>46237
If you want to Awaken an animal with as many Hit Die as a Roc, you'll have to succeed on a Will Save roll of 28, in addition to the 250 xp it will cost you
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46241
46243
>>46238
M8, do I police you on your nonexistent Use Magick Device rolls every time you you a bought scroll to try to calm the emotions of a character you previously killed (DC 22 minimum)? I asked 6 gorrilion questions about animal-rearing, and it was said that it was feasible. They don't have anywhere near 18 HD at this age either (maybe 2 max)
>>46240
>Awaken
It was just an idea for future thought, and I already know the cost.
>>46239
They're not fighters; they're her babies. She's not going to use them to do her dirty work.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46242
*goes to bed*
1s5P2
?
No.46243
>>46241
I'm absolutely holding you to it, if you're going to get attack animals out of it that are each more powerful than individual player characters. Roll a 33 on Handle Animal

The scroll doesn't need a spell a raft check because it's a spell he can cast and is well within caster level. It was used exactly once thus far to calm a character who may not have needed it at all, and who is not a fucking CR9 animal with 207 HP and 34 strength
\r
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46244
>>46421
>bought
It was created. It was created by my character using the scroll machine
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46247
>>46218
>>46220
>tome
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2dTh3iI0is8
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46249
46250
Thez wanders back into the mummy room.
"Hey, this one's still moving," she exclaims.
>fails helplessly
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46250
46252
>>46249
"......"
*walks over to helpless mummy*
*draws long-knife and peers down at the helpless mummy*
"So, big guy. Any last words?"
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46252
46254 46258
>>46250
"You know, we could always keep him,...." Thez shrugs.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46253
Reee I said I killed it
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46254
46255 46256
>>46252
Would the mass cure critical wounds that Torc did not kill the mummy? He is undead and that spell damages undead...
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46255
46257
>>46254
No actually, he's probably still got ~50 hp left. He was supposed to be alot more formidable, until Trump rolled 2 20's in a row.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46256
>>46254
It would have. And if it didn't, >>46065
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46257
>>46255
Ah, figures
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46258
46259 46260
>>46252
"Sure, why not?"
*double-wraps mummy so that he can't move at all*
*stuff in bag*
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46259
duct-tape-mummy.jpg
>>46258
She takes off his armor and Jewelry first though.
"Hey, Infernius! Think this half-plate could fit 'ya?"
*wraps helpless mummy in duct-tape to make a (immobile) duct-tape mummy*

Prisoner acquired!
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46260
46262
>>46258
"We should put a leash on him and have Bones take him for walks!"
Also, someone should divest him of his loot.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46261
46263
Reee! I already specified that I killed him! Stop trying to deprive me of the glory!
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46262
>>46260
"Already covered."
Trump's faggot did say he wanted to try waterboarding, right?
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46263
46265
>>46261
Oh stop it. Even if he's not totally destroyed, you were still the one who defeated him.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46264
image.gif

Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46265
46266 46267
image.gif
>>46263
This slight shall be remembered Tracy's faggot
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46266
46268 46269 46270 46275 46277
Before going any further, I have to give credit. That encounter, especially considering how it began, could and should have gone ever so much worse. The layout of the room, the introduction of the mummies, and particularly the formation they assumed when they became active, should have resulted in the big one buffing the hell out of the smaller ones, while the smaller ones take the party apart, starting with Torcuil (cuz squishy). The wolf boots move was brilliant. Secondly, I'm surprised that no one responded with "Mummies? Fire!" which is the 'conventional' response (good thing Lenos wasn't here). In that event, the room would have been catastrophically destroyed, wiping out most of the items and loot, and ending the encounter in the entertron with no experience (and potentially destroying personal items as well).
Also, I've been thinking. I know Tracy wants a new lair, and I know she's obsessed with it being sekret,... but what about Durpistan? Its an entire city filled with corpses, still painted red all over. And that's without the improvements that have been made since Kiynen moved in.
>>46265
I'm not being contentious about the mummy, but that is what Thez would say, and while I'm open to correction, I don't recall Trump stating to kill that particular one.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46267
xTZXaCn.png
Mit70Hq.jpg
im-a-paladin-i-can-smite.jpg
Paladins-3.jpg
youre-saying-your-paladin-keeps-veering-to-the-side-of-3328332.png
>>46265
You know you can still get XP for defeating an enemy in an encounter even if you don't completely destroy them, right?

Have some Paladin memes for compensation.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46268
46271
>>46266
I want to make it into a new and thriving mining city though

>Improvements since Kiynen moved in
Knew we shouldn't have trusted that fucking dragon
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46269
46270 46271
>>46266
Kiynen's old bog is legit secret though - it isn't obvious, plainly visible, and on the map or highway like Durpistan is. It's also unoccupied and a spoopy bog
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46270
46271 46272
>>46266
Killy moved to Durpistan? I thought she went to the ocean after that stop?
>>46269
Nobody ever goes to Durpistan though.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46271
46281
>>46268
Can't it be a spoopy thriving mining city?
>improvements
Actually, Trump might not dislike it entirely.
>>46269
True, but its alot less spoopy since she left.
>>46270
Durpistan is where she sleeps. She's much more active since she has a stable and constant food supply (the zombies still, but they're ripe now), a proper lair, and doesn't have to barter with Trolls.

Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46272
>>46270
It has a mine. I want to mine resources because that's the missing piece we need for Trade with Krenshall. The forest beyond the bog has Blair Witch and Wickerman shit on it anyways