/vx/ - Videogames and Paranormal

>>43365
>twice Fae's speed
No she's not

>>43366
She is with her horseshoes.

[2d20 = 18]
>>43365
*quick draws keen-edged letter opener*

*Stabs at medusa tentacles*

>>43367
>>43364
Let's see where he goes though.
*tentacles flail*

>>43367
What are you alleging her ground speed to be?

>>43368
You slash the tentacle clean off.. but they just grow back, two-fold! The hydra-hairs wriggle in pain and fury with an eldritch hissing sound.
>>43370
Last time I heard it was 50 base speed, but idk.
>>43371
Bring us there.

>>43372
>Hydra fluff
reeeee!!!!

Tracy finds the trail leads her down into Port Barry. Across the bridge where the activist judge was killed - again, through the Northern Gate. Past around empty lots and new developments. Past the monastery. And then... to Mile High stadium

>>43373
Tracy continues to pursue her husband, her gargantuan mass of fluff wriggling in every direction.
"....~Flaaaaaaaaaaaashyyyyyyy..!"

>>43372
>>43373
>>43374
Through the front gate, past the ticket booth. Cuts through some doors onto the lower level. Onto the field, and - what's that you see over by the 50 yard line? A Gatorade water keg?

>>43375
*tentacles reach out and grab the kek, the wriggling monstrous hairs parched for fluids of any kind*

>>43376
It does have the electrolytes plants crave

"Sanctus Footballus Elwayus Americanus" They say in unison

>>43378
*tentacle heads turn towards the voices, with an eldritch hissing hsound*

>>43334
Oooh Pali

>>43380
The gargantuan expanding mass of man-eating fluff barrels towards the source of the sound.

>>43382
"~Flaaaashy... Come out now... My fluff won't hurt you, ~silly.. Don't you want to cuddle?"

>>43380
>>43383
Trumpaladin and Fae now turn to face the Tentacle monster. They grab the keg, already grabbed and elevated by the tentacle monster, elevating it higher, and removing the lid

They stare down the tentacles
"Oh blessed Elway, who art football, who created the universe with that Football he stole from Peyton Manning, and who was the very first to cum inside rainbow dash, and did so from the 30 yard line, bless this holy gatorade that purifies. For as we anoint our super bowl victors with it, so to do we cleanse evil with its holy electrolytes"

Pours Holy Gatorade onto tentacles, pony, pony fluff, and into open mouths

>>43384
'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' Go the sentient hair tentacle, as half of the colossal mass is burned away by the holy nectar

>>43385
"Praise be to Elway" as Trumpaladin and Fae drink holy Gatorade from red solo cups, and several Generals come in with with more kegs of the blessed electrolyte-filled liquid

>>43384
In a last-ditch effort, the remaining half of fiendish fluff reaches out to grab the paladin.
"....Become one with me, Flashy.. We'll rule the Plane of Fluffiness together..! Come with me, and I will make you God Emperor..."
*tentacles bow their heads, as two tiny green lights shine through the colossal jungle of fluff*

[3000d20 = 31372]
>>43386
>>43387
Also, there's 6 gorrillion tentacles, any you only burned 3 gorrilion, so the remaining half make grapple checks.
>site won't let me roll 3 gorrilion, so rolling 3000

>>43388
>3rd dice roll is a 3
The rest are fail cuz fumble

*a 1

>>43387
Trumpaladin hears the offer. He ponders the offer. He starts to speak...

And then Fae and two Generals poor more Gatorade onto the fluff "Back to /qa/ where you belong tentacle monsters. This is a Broncos Neighborhood

*Fae glares at Trumpaladin*

>>43388
*Pours more Gatorade*
"We got a hell of a lot more red solo cups where that came from," the sexually frustrated kitty priestess proclaims

>>43390
>>43389
My sides!

>>43391
*tentacles flail, wriggle and scream in pain, appearing not unlike salted snails.
'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'

>>43394
That 17 is a good roll though. Is crazy-tentacle-Tracy(?) holding on for dear life?

>>43395
Of course it is. It's not letting go any time soon.

*tentacle suspends Trumpladin high in the air flailing him around, but seemingly unable to absorb him without the combined fluff of its sisters*
It lets out a tenacious hissing sound.

"Oh Blessed Elway, give me guidance"

*Fae sprinkles more holy Gatorade from a red solo cup onto Tracy, splashing her in the face*

"O Football, creator of Love and Life, ye who hath banished Basketball and the Oakland Raiders from thy sight, and expunged all false football from thy Heaven, hear now the prayer of your humble servant"

>>43397
"Ack!"
*tentacle collapses, dropping Trumpaladin on top of Tracy before fizzling away*

>>43398
[gatorade-smelling pony noises]
*shivers*

>>43399
Tentacle is also deafened, for as Trump spoke the holy word of Football in such context, he did speak the holy word, which if the tentacle stuffs were to be considered equal HD (which they probably wouldn't be) then the minimal side affect is deafness (temporary)

>>43401
[deaf tentacle noises]
*thrashes as it dissolves on the football field*

>>43402
Into?

>>43399
>>43400
>>43402
Pointing at the monster/tracy, he proclaims

"This creature is evil in mine eyes, o Football. See ye this foul presence, which hath strayed from the path of Football and possibly even Baseball, going thence into Volleyball and possibly even down the path of Foosball; this presence in the world which should not be."

"I call forth the everlasting light of Football and summon His Almighty Majesty, John Elway"

>>43404
"Come forth, John Elway, expunge this false football from the world, journey forth from thy alternate dimension and punt this cuck over thy goal post of righteousness. Make thee now a field goal that shall resound with thy everlasting glory, and shall echo throughout the very furthest reaches of space and time; a sonic rainboom of pure Football, which is now and shall evermore be The Denver Broncos."

>>43403
Frothy slime and matted goo.
It looks like shampoo.

>>43404
*shudders*
[wet pony noises]

>>43405
A rainboom from where you might ask? From motherfucking Rainbow Dash, that's who. Learn about it, while all you cucks have been trying to come inside Rainbow Dash, this balla-supreme is the only one too 1337 that he wanted to come OUT of Rainbow Dash. And so he did, which was the penultimate birth of Football. For Football had existed, does exist, and shall exist forevermore Football, this was whence Football was to be revealed, unknown even to those of what would become Denver.

>>43408
Amen.

And with that <dramatic flourish> I bake

*goes to bed*

Elway gives his approval of Fae. Specifically, he approves of the fact that Fae is dander-free
"it's good that the lion is dander free; if there was dander involved this sort of exorcism could get complicated"

But he issues a warning to Trumpaladin
"just out of curiosity what was the dander situation with the fluffy pony that turned into the tentacle monster? I feel like you might not want to touch your eyes after that one. When I was just a small Elway, I once touched my eyes after petting a fluffy camel that was only 34% Football, and my eyes puffed up to twice the size of Peyton Manning's forhead, which caused my skull to explode, and long story short that's what created the situation that liberals are calling global warming.

I would be careful with those dander particles if I were you
sometimes they can bore your way through your eyeballs and into your brain, and if they can figure out how your brain works they might be able to control your body and make you dance a hearty jig"

Trumpaladin promptly leaves to wash his hands and clothing, and to purify it of pony dander

>>43407
Fae says

"You've never been baptized, have you?"

*poors another red solo cup onto pony*

>>43409
>>43408
Praise American

>>43416
Uh... better to cumshot ponies with?