This begins thread #7 of the ongoing RP game that has 6 previous editions. You know who you are, and and anyone wanting to play just post "I'd like to play," or "Can I join?" or "Here,".
No faggots. When I say faggot, I'm being roman; be not utterly worthless in appearance or demeanor and you will not explode. If you are not disrupting others to an inexcusable degree, you are not welcome.
>Can't believe I have to put that part in now. Lee, u still has splainin'
So aside from there being a minotaur-shaped blood-splat on the ceiling, everything seems relatively calm and chill amongst the party. Their faggots have engaged in low-effort, high-yield shenanigens, and are in high spirits.
It really is a shame about Yak Lee though.
356 replies and 46 files omitted.
>>4706Sure! As a cleric of your level (I haven't specified exacty, I was going to go into detail after the next big encounter).
>>4707Lol, somehow I missed that.
>>4708... you have a wealth of spells you haven't even bothered to inquire about, sad!
>>4681What do I see by the stream?
Also, I took every knife in the shop: do any of them do anything?
>>4707>>4708"yea me a priest of Adolf"
>>4709ive got some experice playing d&d my dude
>>4710Well, I outlined the best ones (the Shifter's Blade, the Wicked Blade, and the Defender), pretty much the rest are some form of 'masterwork' (+1 non-magical).
>>4711Oh. Well then you're a 12th level cleric, among your assortment is Hallow, which will do nicely.
>>4713hey thez me been think, you must be strong cleric, you bring me back to life.
>>4717Sure, its neither deep nor wide. As for detection, you can hear crickets buzzing, but nothing else.
>>4716"Technically, that wasn't my doing. Rather, it wasn't my magic. My magic is more like a sorceror's, in that I have limited ability and control, and mostly it only works on me."
>>4719thez before me set up shrine me want to get drink and talk with you.
"For example, I can get BIGGER," she says, growing in height until she stands eye to eye with you. "But, I can't make YOU bigger,"
>>4720"Booze? You said the magic word! To the Sticky Wicket!" she whoofs away.
>>4722You arrive at the Sticky Wicket, and see Thez behind the bar looking for something 'apt'. She settles on something greenish, with a mottled bottle.
"There doesn't seem to have been much traffic here since we left, so for the time being the place is ours, given our arrangement with the townsfolk. The locals all prefer the Rusty Duck anyway (btw, they have AWESOME blue-cheese burgers!)."
>>4723they make infernuis blue cheese chicken sandwich?
She looks at the bottle. "Alde baran? Whatever," she takes a swig. "WHEW, that'll do."
>>4724"I'm sure they have more chicken than beef, so sure!"
[1d20 = 16]>>4725perception for the best alcohol in the bar.
>>4726She's holding it. "Here," she says putting up a pair of glasses before flipping herself over the bar and plomping onto one of the barstools. She then fills both glasses and places the bottle on the bar, then picking up one of the glasses.
"Careful myah, this one makes my nose tingle."
>>4717I'm still following if you wish to proceed, just that I hadn't filled out this area much aside from what comes next.
>>4728so thez tell me about you.
>>4730"Me?" she adopts a coy posture. "Whyever would you want to know about me?"
>>4731you different from anyone infernuis ever meet and me think you cool.
>>4732She drinks half of her glass. "I take that as a compliment, but I can't take all the credit. I've experienced some outrageous fortune, on both ends of the spectrum."
>>4733what happen you tell infrnuis a story?
*excited puppy dog eyes*
>>4734She gives him a wry look, sloshes the rest of her glass and then drinks it. "Alright, but I gotta ask a favor first."
"Admit it, Lenos cheated didn't he."
>>4736uh, yea i only let him because im to big to ride on the horse we have back at the pyramid and i couldnt find you.
please dont say i said.
>>4737On the other side of the stream is a short expanse of neat grass, leading to a single tree of intricate size and proportion. It is as though the roots are exposed, winding to and fro about the base of the tree. Several birds nests are nestled in the branches, with squirrels occasionally running up and down it's trunk. At the base of the tree is a solid-white unicorn, which is looking unmistakably at you. (yes, you're still stealth).
>>4738"I fucking KNEW it! There's no WAY that shoddy motherfucker beat me!" she pours herself a drink. "Okay, tit for tat; I was born the slave-child of a princess who had been captured by an opposing king."
>>4738She pauses to gauge reaction.
>>4739infernuis was cast out by his family.
>>4741"Curious, we may have something in common then," she begins to display the tell-tale characteristics of intoxication. "For why? Were you in some way, dicibably not what was expected?"
>>4742Of course, the unicorn isn't looking at the heads, you're in an eye-stare now.
"Welcome," appears in your mind.
>>4743yes actually most if not all minotuars are usally brown or blue. they saw me as an abomination and they leave me in mountains when me was boy, me never have any friends.
>tfw REALLY don't want to kill anymore horses tonight, but must stay in character... Will avoid at all costs
>>4746Mutters something about electricity. "Well then, you deSERVE a drink!" she says, slightly overflowing his glass. "See, I'm the daughter of this high-folutin' gray elf princess who decided "You know what, I'd rather go home to my people and live out in ignominy the shame of being captured, sired and forced to give child to a gray-dwarven king who was SUPPOSED to be infertile,...." she's clearly drunk at this point.
>>4745"Why do you have weapons," comes the inquiry to your mind.
>>4749thez, that make infernuis sad, me sorry.
>>4750>Had to ask her about the knives"Because fuck you, that's why!"
*takes a couple steps back*
>>4746"Long story short, I can see what you mean and to a degree, where you're coming from. That shit's BULLSHIT!" she says, drinking her whole glass.
>>4752"Is it truly me you wish to "fuck"? Not being lewd, of course. You seem quite accustomed to telling others how you feel with your blades. Have you other methods?" the unicorn inclines it's head.
>>4754>Starting to get pissed off god, no more killing"I-.. I just really like knives.. And no, I don't feel like "fucking" you! I'm busy right now.."
So I guess Trumpladin continues his quest to explore more of the Pyramid, and learn its secrets. He takes along Vanderiem, unsheathed, essentially as a guide
>>4755"You don't appear busy, you appear to have been frolicking in an open field before wandering about a stream, and most erratically at that. You're not accustomed to being unreserved are you?"
>>4753WHY PEOPLE HAVE TO SUCK SO MUCH!!
>>4757>Irritation grows"W-well.. No..! I'm just a bit confused as to what I'm looking for right now.."
>>4760There's one, there's a salt and pepper stallion with face-wrappings.
>>4759"But you're not confused at all. You're looking to either play or slay, correct?"
>>4760DW, I got you too.
>>4761*we don't have any horses*
>>4764He was killed
>>4762Good thing too. Who here wants to be judged for their character?
>>4764>Is Increasingly peeved by Yodacorn's prying questions and invasive mind-rape"Wh-What is it to, faggot?! Why won't you speak normally?!"
>>4764>there's a salt and pepper stallion with face-wrappings.No there isn't. He died via critical hit. I'm carrying his severed head.
>>4766i like to be judged on both.
>>4766>>4768And yet, there is a salt and pepper mare in the stable.
>>4767"Would speaking normally have an effect? Your mane and fur has traces of blood; were they speaking normally?"
>>4772>And yet, there is a salt and pepper mare in the stable.Fuck! Now I gotta re-think my gameplay.>Y U do dis, Yodacorn? The real Tracy would've just attacked two posts ago*stares for a long time, and draws knife*
>>4758I KNOW right? MF'ers got what they deserved!
>>4774parents testified against me in court. and had me tried for Treason because i spoke against (((lord Wiemar))).
>>4775Thez knows nothing of a Lord Weimar. "Thats some shit. My paternal family all died. I don't know what happened to my mother, but she was exchanged between families. Of course, no one bartered for her multi-race child (a sign of her weakness and failutre).
>BRRAAAAAAAAAP >>4773Yodacorn seems unimpressed.
"Has there been a situation where you have not relied on your knives?" it asks, genuinely curious.
>tfw missing out on all of these deep explorations of character
>>4779>deepI wouldn't go that far Xp
>>4777>Gets increasingly furious"What's it to you, whyte boi?"
>>4778Good thing Thez has 'decided' 2 times now ^_~"Spilled milk, we're here now," she says refilling her glass and then swigging the whole thing. "Hoohah. Tha's like,... that's not cool. You're good. I like you. You're good. You should,... I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was thinking "This guy, he's good he is."
>>4782"The better question is, who are YOU? This grove is, after all, my charge. I would hate to have to,... prevent you from doing harm."
>>4784>notices change in tone*stares for a long time, before taking first step on turf*
"And by that, you mean...?"
>>4785"I bay me drunk, bt ahm not so drink that I cunt see what're you gett'n at." She says, both blushing and elusively stumbling away from her barstool. "Its whey too much early for that kinda thknkification," he whoofs away, and moments later you hear disjointled piano keys in the lobby.
>>4786"I mean, you're not permitted to do harm while you are here. Your blades and techinque, impressive though they may be, will do you no good. Violence is simply not allowed."
"Though given your temperment, you're welcome to try," the unicorn chortles.
>>4789*takes two more steps forward, still staring and saying nothing*
>>4760I want to bury my head in her chest fluff.
>>4790The unicorn seems amused. "How many have you felled with such a stance? You have a remarkable resolve you know. Its a pity I suppose."
>>4792*Just keeps walking towards Yodacorn, admiring the softness of the grass*
>>4788Thez is awkwardly playing at the keyboard. "You know, you're going to have to do better than ask a few questions and play cute if you wanna 'know more' (she says as though it hasn't already happened).
>>4795*keeps walking until she's just a couple paces away from the unicorn, looking up at his beard*
[1d20-4 = -2]>>4796>minotaur dancing, with that roll"You're not bad for an amateur, but please."
I'm neglecting the drunkedness, but she's still smashed.
"Let me show you how its done."
She begins to dance sensuously.
I didn't plan this, but its consistent w/ character Meanwhile, the unicorn remains unmoved, laying in the grass beneath the tree, its hooves crossed in front of it. It inclines its neck, almost beckoningly.
>>4799>layingFug, I thought he was standing...
*Walks right up to the unicorn, and stares*
>>4802"You probably don't know, but on the shadow-plane I'm a STAR!" she says sliding down a non-existent stripper pole (she's quite skilled with Airwalk).
She finishes her routine before sauntering back to the bar. "So what's up with this Well Rock guy? Is he,... mustard? deliberate reference
>doesn't respond
*is literally a breath's distance away from the unicorn now*
>>4805he ascended hes with the fhurer now.
i wish (((they))) didnt kill him
*sobs violently*
>>4806"I mean, is he the kind of guy that the townsfolk will benefit from? I'd hate to hear that they were wasting their time on some form of ridiculous icon,... there's plenty enough of that going around. Oh, thats too bad.
>>4807Yep, and its neck is exposed.
>>4810Nope, she's (its a she) is expecting you to attempt to cut her down.
>>4809he will grant people protection from (((them))),he speaks the truth of the world hes not just ridculis icon. hes a fanatic he says if a cause is worthy its ok to be fanatic about it, and the fight against (((them)))is a worthy one.
>>4811*Scissors keen-edged knives on either side of the unicorn's horn, not to do damage, but still grazing enough to send lightning bolts of pain through the sensitive tissue*
(monotone)"That's a really nice horn you've got there, cunt. It would be a reall shame if someone.. removed it."
*eye contact*
>>4812"Definitely sounds like someone who would've gotten axed by his opponents. Sounds decent!"
>>4813"I'm not resisting," the unicorn seems almost expectant.
>>4814*slowly begins to saw into horn*
>>4815Except, the blades pass harmlessly through.
"Do try again," the unicorn suggests.
>>4812"Alright then! Sechs!" Thez rudely calls, and to your surprise Sechs VierSeiben pops out of a corner.
"Get this here Minotaur whatever he needs! We're building a Well Rock!"
>>4817The unicorn stands up and brushes past you (as in, there is obvious physicality, in spite of the apparent etherealness of her horn). "I can save you some time if you prefer."
>Trumpaladin won't be able to fuck the doubtlessly sexy unicorn
>>4820He's the towns-person who took the forefront when the rats were eliminated. He's not elected, but he does represent the town.
>>4821Not if he doesn't want a shit-storm,....
>>4819*Looks after, confused*
'That usually works with the hornheads back in Equestria...' She thinks
I'm here, and ready to drink bleach.
So what are we doing tonight
>>4822good to meet ya, do we have a building to work with already or we need to build one?
>>4824We're here to explore the Pyramid and discover its secrets!
>>4823"You're not in Equestria anymore. The 'rules' here are far different. For example, killing defenseless mounts is generally frowned upon here,...."
>>4824>>4826Rly? You want to explore now? I don't have a lot of time,....
>>4828I'm sure it will be overlooked.
>>4829"Are all the ponies here such insufferable douchebags?"
>>4829I never said that, I just asked what we were doing.
>>4827Eh, why not
>>4826First, shrine
>>4829It's called willful destruction of property and it's illegal
We need to unlock the secrets if Trumpaladin is ever to get home, damn it!
>>4831I know, right?
>>4832*Trumpaladin and Tourcil proceed towards the shrine, where they investigate the structure and any clues it may provide the the Pyramid's history, origins, and powers*
>>4832Infernius is finishing up on some bantz and setting up a Chaotic-Good aligned shrine over at Port Barry. Tracy is facing off with a unicorn in the tranquil grove. You're still back at the pyramid, having somehow tricked the computer into telling you where the Manual is along with Trump, and,... Thez is hammered.
>>4834>unicornSHIT MY RIDES HERE
TRACY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
>>4833"You have a curious interpretation of property. Does one own the ground they walk on?"
>>4834Or we can proceed straight to the manual. Probably easier. Also,
>computer>>4835She's mine >>4836"Technically I am a lessee, and also on the second floor"
>>4832"I'll tell you what. I can tell you are not one who is readily controlled or controllable, but I'll make you a deal. Stop killing the hoers, and I won't put that one you have in your mouth up ur butt," the unicorn seems to smile, in spite of its words.
>>4837Hey, I called a unicorn mount first for my scottish character>>4840>smack talking unicornI-I actially no idea what that thing said.
At all
>>4831*just charges chi for no reason, as frustration grows*
[1d20 = 4]
>>4841
The unicorn sighs, while a glimmer of magic appears about its horn. At the same time, the dagger in your mouth suddenly jerks free and starts floating on its own.
>>4846That's just the unmodified die-rollThe Defender wanders dangerously toward ur butt.
>>4843Tracy stumbled across a Unicorn in the tranquil grove, and is failing to intimidate it. In fact, it seems to have quite the upper hand.
[1d20 = 17]>>4848Wait, when did I have a unicorn?
I had a plain horse...
Nvm, I give up
>>4851Heheh
But what did it say
In the mean time
Roll to stop the kmife in midair
>>4849"We COULD continue on course, rousing though that might be, or we could consider ourselves at an impasse, and in exchange for NOT putting the knife in ur poot, you could lay off killing otherwise essential NPCs?" the Unicorn suggests mirthfully.
[1d20 = 5]>>4840>>4836The unicorn seems to be telepathically communicating across distance
Trumpaladin attempts to telepathically grab her by the pussy
>>4853Nice roll, but ur back at the pyramid. This is solely between Tracy and the Uni.
>>4855There will be plenty of time for that later. e_e
>>4854"B-b-b-b-b-butt..! They were total assholes!"
*Slumps off saddlebags, letting severed heads roll across the turf*
"And what the fuck is an NPC?!"
>>4858We proceed towards the Steam room! Or where ever it was. Next to the treasury
>>4859"To understand that, you'll have to realize the nature of the Character and the Player (or, the person and their faggot). As for whom specifically was 'an asshole', I think you'll recall that neither party is guiltless, though one can be observed to have gutted the other."
>>4858No worries, as usual I logged in to fill out details and information and one thing led to another. Sorry about last night by the way, I totally missed the continuing FIreflies references.
>>4860According to the map, the only way to the treasury (aside from phasing through physical objects, which u can't) is through the Ant's lair.
>>4861>anger begins to overwhelm the fear of impending sodomy"Who the fuck are you, anyway? What makes you think you know what's going on?"
>>4859"Are we in agreement? No killing hoers, and in exchange, no knife-buttsex?"
>>4864"Unicorns are part of the very fabric of nature and existence. Where there IS structure and harmony, there is a unicorn (or several). We are bound to life and existence, and as such are privy to its secrets."
>>4863>>4862We proceed to the ant colony entrance! But not before finding moldy food in the work-cafeteria so we have something to barter with
>>4867Wait JUST a sec? Or perhaps, check the stables.
>>4868Why would we check the stables? There's nothing there but Trump's disappointment in Thez and Tracy
>>4864"Better idea! I'll stick around and make sure you DON'T!" the Unicorn says with a chuckle, before reality begins to warp around you dizzyingly. Stars mix with light from the stream, the grass mixes with the sky, and before you know it,....
Tracy and the Unicorn appear in the stables with a flash of light. Strangely, the Salt and Pepper stallion, who is glaring at Tracy and gesuring to "shush".
>>4865>Irrationally angry"It wouldn't be the first time I've had a knife rammed up my ass! Wanna shove a baseball bat into my uterus while you're at it? It's already in tatters!"
>>4866>unicorns too OP. Pls nerf >>4873"It wouldn't be the first time,...." is the first thing that Trump and Torcuil hear upon your appearance. They're not in the stables, but they're in earshot. Also
>unicorns too OPIts the best method I can come up with for keeping YOU from killing them, while sparing me exhaustive detail with regard to the terrain they SHOULD be speeding over.
>>4874If ur mad, kill the ninja again. Xp
Anyway, I'm out for the night
I forfeit so much sleep 4 the board in general and this thread in particular >>4870>vomits"..I hate being teleported..!"
>sees the pussy who got one-hit KO'd*makes cocky, threatening gesture at stallion, in a sense that says 'u want sum moar, cuck?!'*
P.S. Infernius, you and Thez are finished setting up the shrine. You haven't cast Hallow yet, but all but.
>>4873Patch 4.2.0
>Nerfed Tracy>Fixed bug where frogs wouldnt do anything>Made Unicorns do 999.9 damage with knife fucking rather than 1000>Fixed bug where GM didn't get meme refernce>>4874Torcuil walks towards sound, confused
>>4871>>4868Tourcil and Trumpaladin arrive at the hive entrance. Trump addresses the hive
"Greatings fine non-football appreciating denizens of this purgatory dimension"
*refrains from vomitting at that sentence*
"We apologize for doing you harm upon our first appearence, and rest assured that was not intended. We have an offer for you now of these 5 loafs of bread, spiced with a naturally occuring fungus, to exchange for your pardon. We have also another request: That you may allow us passage through your hivce to the lower reaches of this facility, specifically, to an area near the treasure room. We wish to leave this limbo, and we believe the pyramid holds the secrets to our departure"
*grasps at a VHS copy of Superbowl XXXII in the event the ants do not respond favorably*
>>4878"psst! That will still be here when we get out. Every minute we wait is one more minute we're stuck in this purgatory"
>>4883Trumpaladin goes on a long walk... a very long walk, and eventually ends up at the bar next to Inferius
"So... Inferius, tell me about yourself. What sins did you commit to merit assignment to this purgatory?" He looks away for a minute. "I'm still trying to figure out what mine were"
>>4884all me do is tell the truth, and me get hanged for it.
>>4885"What truth did you tell? What was so horrible even the gods sought to punish
you for uttering it?"
>>4886me tell the truth about (((them))), the leader didnt like it because he was one of (((them))). to tell you truth that just how me died. me not know why im here. maybe the sin of being born a freak?
>>4887"What exactly is the truth about (((them)))? Who exactly are (((they)))?"
>>4888its simple... its the jews, and they arent as pleasnt as you think they are,trump.
>>4889Trump gives a bedazzled look
"Now what did the Jews have to do with your land and you leader?"
>>4890i dont know how that got there and they were very different from the (Rat)jews, theyre called griffions where im from, and they did what jews do the took over the leadership and where controling it.
>>4891*Trump is curious at this suggestion*
You don't suppose there could be some sort of inter-dimensional conspiracy? Perhaps why we are here?? Perhaps they are responsible for the Terrasque?
>>4892enter-what??? what a turask?
>>4893"I see, you must not have been informed of what happened before. The drunken Scottish sword revealed something to me. As mentioned before, we are being held captive in this dimension, sometime after our original deaths, and are prevented from being united with Football... err... Rockwell... by this creature called a Terrasque. It was never really described except as a mindless unintelligent creature. But appearently it's keeping us all trapped here in this purgatory, and not letting us move on the sports authority field. Elway of course is powerful, and still shines through into this realm. He wants me to kill this beast and for us to liberate ourselves... and perhaps others. There was a previous party many, many years ago trapped here who tried to kill the beast. They Built the pyramid to facilitate this process. You know that Thez - the snake demon - was among them. She was their healer. She has incredible healing power, enough to help a party kill the monster. But when they needed her most, she ran and left her comrades to die. I don't imagine it was simple cowardice. She must have sabotaged the mission. I think she likes it here - likes the freedom - to "reign in hell" I suppose. She must not be too optimistic about her chances of admission into any pleasant afterlife"
>>4894no, i know thez she no do that.she must have forgot a potion at the base.
>>4895"It's what the sword told me - I don't doubt him. I'm not sure she really has the motivation to leave. This world is probably an improvement for her over what she left behind"
>>4896thez been nice to me, how i know sword not lying?
>>4898what the Fhurer is a Scotsmen?
>>4899"The freedom of a barbarian with the intellect and cultural productivity of a Brit"
>>4901"I don't think so. They do what they want and say what they want. Which gives them very little reason to lie. In any event, sometjing is keeping us from freedom, and that pyramid... And thez... Hold the key to getting us out"
>>4902what about lennos he seems like hes in charge.
>>4902i gotta go trumpanon, i have a dentist visit tommorow. sorry i kinda stole the spot light.
Its friday bitches!
Someone's in the kitchen bakin' bread