Read "Corny Nuts"
Which brings us into the next edition of the Game thread! For newcomers, this is an RP thread thats been ongoing for,... shit, 3 months now. How time flies.
Anywhow, its based on a very loose and permissive rendition of classic D&D 3.5 edition as a baseline, and includes whatever additions can be effectively (and not too ludicrously) included; basically whatever players want that also makes some sense.
The party has just made some character and story developments. Trump and Tracy discover that when their powers combine they form Captain Planet,... or rather, Tracy gets uber-sized and most ferocious.
Infernius and Thez have successfully tracked down and captured a Dark Elf who had been masquerading as the proprietor of the Bazaar (there is no proprietor) who were responsible for jacking all their shit.
What happens next? I have some idea, which probably means its not going to go anywhere near how I expect.
908 replies and 56 files omitted.
*steam rises off of comfy pony*
I miss my wifi...
>>24647gems would have been much better info, honestly"City? What city? I know nothing."
my internet sucks too "That ring-shaped city on the other side of the mountain. It seems odd, but there doesn't look like very much activity either."
>>24650Are you doing this on purpose?
>>24650"Can you tell me anything about this city's inhabitants? What about any other locations in the area?"
why are you so stingy with information? You stand nothing to benefit, and it probably harms you in the long run. All it does is drag out meta gaming and makes me ask more questions to get the same information, which is miserable when my internet doesn't work >>24652GM leans over "Your line is: "Its a communist mining city."
>>24653I was telling it how I thought she would. She doesn't find the topic to be very interesting."I don't know very much about them, but from the books it seems like some kind of isolated mining community. They don't seem to like outsiders very much. I think they might be commies or something. Seems pretty boring to me, imo."
*Offers outdated book*
For the sake of Grace, assume she relayed everything revealed in the last thread, when asked the right questions.
still phone-posting, waiting for wifi to work...
>>24655>>24656*urge to kill Bolsheviks rises*
He's really fucking weirded out by the steam, it's just so unnatural
"Alright, thank you"
Trumpaladin now goes to see Thez
Thez is still waiting for Infernius to wake his bull-ass up, since he bothered to comment about her being gone. Not sure where the sexin' took place (the vault? a room? several rooms? on the side of the tower?) but that's where she is.
>>24657Really? THIS is the most unnatural thing he's seen so far?"Okay.. Have a nice day, Flashy."
*Continues sewing cloak while reciting BG incantations*
>>24660*Content sigh*
Can she have the materials for a Ring of Animal Friendship ordered? (It seems like the most appropriate thing to put on her clasper, even if it doesn't work for her)
>>24659he never liked her transformation, everHe's going to find out about the gems from someone else nowI have the perfect revenge for that, so it's okay I guess>>24658To Thez
"I thinkInferius followed the lead on Ben's missing gold to the bazaar. I haven't seen him since, but he normally talks to you, so... Did he find anything?"
>>24661Clasper? Like a shark penis? I hope she doesn't have one of those
I'm sure Infernius wouldn't have just dropped the hand somewhere. Let's say he took it with him.
They could've set it in front of him during the night so that he could watch it ooze, knowing that each moment it's not attached to him makes it less and less likely to be reattached.
>>24662Thez gets up and heads toward Trump, who is clearly indicating a desire to speak with her, probably by calling out or some other obvious effort.
"Yes, he was able to determine one of the Dark Elves was actually that bald fellow who had been leading characters around in the Bazaar. We have him tied up in the vault for safe keeping. We haven't interrogated him yet, though he did lose a hand in the process of chasing him down and capturing him. He hasn't said much of anything except cheek, but his name is Darkemter Vrees. This is the first I've seen him in this reboot, but our paths have crossed in previous."
>>24665Lets say he didn't, cuz he's not into hoarding body parts, and since parts can be mended, regenerated, or outright restored (entertron, etc.) there'd be no point.
Use detect evil if necessary to find her. Jesus, walky-talkies are the most useful equipment we could possibly get the group. I'd rather have it than guns. At least pigeons that could track people and not just . I'd rather have super-homing pigeons than guns, and goddamn I'd love a Thompson sub-machine-gun. Like seriously, canwe get WW1 homing pigeons but magically enchanted or something to be able to seek out persons?
"You crossed paths with him before? What do you know about him?"
>>24668"He's a pompous asshole for one, and avoids conflict if at all possible. He's got some kind of suit, blessed by Spooder,... excuse me,... Lloth, that allows him to chameleon with his surroundings, and his stealth ability rivals my own. Beyond that, he's an excellent assassin, both in temperment and skill, but one should never
ever fully trust him."
>>24668>Pigeons that can be taught to trackI already looked into that: only animals with Scent can be trained to do that...
Of course, there's a spell for everything too.
Pls let Tracy know when the interrogation is about to start
>>24671Trollestia quips "I'll get right on it," rolling her eyes.
>>24669"So I'm guessing he knows what happened to Ben's gold?"
>>24672"..I'll be right back."
>fast travel to the vault or wherever"Did I hear something about an elf who won't open his mouth?"
>tfw no wifi so can't use the custom reaction images I shopped for this
>>24674"Its a safe assumption. Whether he'll admit to it or give any information out is another matter," she shrugs.
>>24675No she hasn't heard. She has not been told yet
>>24677Say she followed him, and overheard.
>Pony senses >>24676*goes to the vault to check on him*
*returns almost immediately*
"Where the fuck is the gold?"
>>24679"Oh yes, that. It seems that Ben wasn't the only one who has been robbed recently. Don't tell Lenos, he'll be MAD."
>>24679*Is in the next room, evesdropping*
>>24678Bullshit, she stayed on the eggs because that's what she does and you should have said that 30 minutes ago.
Mention the gems you kike
[4d20 = 35]>>24680"Aww hell no!"
Goes into vault
"Where's the fucking money?"
Draws out letter opener, the keened one
"Where is our money you sand nigger!"
Stab, stab, stab, stab, because damn I wanted to do this. Target is legs.
>>24684Aside from wincing with each stab, he seems thoroughly unimpressed. "Greetings "fine sir". A pleasure to meet you."
Thez <whooof> appears. "Careful not to cut the bindings, we wouldn't want him getting away,... again."
>>24687Thez whispers "Trump is trying to intimidate him with a letter opener."
"Flashy, why didn't you tell me about this? You know I'm good at these kinds of things."
*Draws wicked-looking curved dagger*
>>24683She could say the following and get a pat on the head:
As he's leaving the room, she can say to him
"You're worried about money, Flashy? Don't be. Remember how I said "I have assets"? Thez left a number of gems to me, and I wanted to keep them in reserve, in case she changed her mind or we had a situation like this one. Unfortunately that weird dog from a few days ago tore through the place I was keeping them - you know, out of sight from people like him. They could still be retrieved though if you're willing to sift through the dirt. In a cavern off the ant cave - dog killed them, unfortunately. Now, is this guy bothering you?"
>>24689>>24685"Nice to meet you again as well. Now, I know for this I'm supposed to take you to the sunny paradise of Cuba first, but I'm a bit short on resources. Meet my associate, Tracy Cage. She will be taking over from here"
Leaves room, saying something to Tracy as necessary
Oh yeah. Cast ZONE OF TRUTH
Thez thinks for a moment. "Interrogating him won't work, nor will diplomacy; he'll just goad you into killing him. He's a bit of a nihilist, has been ever since he showed up here (and probably long before). I recommend starving him for a few days."
>>24686"Why not just cut his feet off then? We could heal him to regenerate skin over the wound."
>>24687>phasingGo through the open door and stop trying to be haxxor
>>24695It's more fun this way though...
>>24694"That would keep him from running off, sure. It won't loosen his tongue however." True
D> "And look at you all, rubbing your brain-cells together! Do let me know if there's a spark, I'd love to hear about it!" False
>>24693"How long until his friends show up for the rescue effort? Any other bait we can use?"
>>24693>His goal is to goad you into killing him"Well, then that means we can have some fun with him for a while until he decides to talk."
>>24697*Carefully rolls-up the drops pants*
>>24697"That's fine. I'm in no hurry after all."
*sizes up elf, as if inspecting an expensive slab of meat*
"No hurry at all.."
>>24698"I doubt they will, Dark Elves have no loyalty to one another. I'm sure they're making every effort to be certain he
can't lead us back to them." True
"If we had anything of significant and obvious value, we could attempt to bait them, but other than what we have on us, I doubt it would be enough considering the amount of wealth they've already stolen. We'd be better off scoping out places that have an existing cache of wealth and fine equipment." True
>>24699"Uhm,...."
>>24700>>24699"Cut him or burn him or whatever, but
you are not allowed to rape anyone anymore"
Shows ring to her
>>24702"Existing wealth? Where are we going to find that?
...
Any chance Korak knows where to find the Drow?"
>>24704"Fugged if I know!" (to both) True
"Now.."
*cuts both Achilles tendons*
"Wouldn't want you running off now. It's been a while since I've had a chance to do this, and you came at just the right time."
>>24703"Oh, I know. I had some more ~interesting things planned..."
*Licks blade edge*
>>24706"Easy on the foreskin darling," he smirks. Its almost like he doesn't feel pain.
What's he wearing, btw? Any place he could be hiding items that he could use to slip away?
[1d20 = 4]
Sense motive on Sand person
>>24708He's veritably bundled in rope. "No, we retrieved his weapons (a fine rapier, and a short-sword), but he was not suited for venturing when we found him so his other 'tools' are probably being kept elsewhere," Thez sighs. "Watch out for these little guys also," she says squishing a tiny spider that had wandered out of the bindings and was working its way down the chair leg.
"Sorry spooder," she genuinely says. >>24710This faggot has maxed-out bluff. There's no way that'll help.
This could take days.
Waiting on that clothing description.
>>24712Its a fine mesh of intricate webbing, occasionally linked at points with some form or other of exotic metals. Its unlike anything seen previously, though for the meta-player comparison, it is very much like the Dark Spider-man suit.
FYI, I'm about to cripple him so he can't get away, but I want to know what he's wearing first so I won't fuck up when the bindings are cut.
>>24715You mean beyond cutting his achilles?
D> "Where DID you find these two? And that Bull-fellow? I say the God's must have lowered their expectations to endorse this lot for the Game," he says to Thez
>>24715>>24716To Thez and to Tracy
"You know, I'm not skilled in the art of inflicting suffering, nor am I really allowed to engage in such things. But if I were, I would say you should strip him completely naked and lower the temperature of the room, so he is deprived of dignity, cold, and most importantly, we could loot him"
>>24714*Pulls out hammer from the forge*
>SLAM>SLAM*Breaks both shins halfway below the knee*
"You won't be needing these anymore."
*Takes dagger and slowly amputates 1/3 of each leg, between the broken bones*
"We'll save those for later..
Flashy, if you would..?"
*Gestures to paladin to regenerate skin over remainder of legs*
>>24718Trumpaladin uses LAY HANDS to regenerate skin
>>24716"Thez, um, do we have any money of any kind left anywhere? I think I might need some for display purposes. Just a lot of gold coins to look impressive, or maybe gems, not actually anything more than say 1000gp"
>>24718As the flesh is rent, the suit mends over the wounds. "Oh MY! Careful with the threads!" he says in mock outrage.
>>24717"Uhm,... I'm not sure that will work (looting/stripping). Again, I suggest starving him," Thez responds.
>>24719"Considering what they've already stolen, I doubt that would garner a response from his cohorts, especially since they no doubt know we have him. Its a shame no one has done any research into the various communities and might have stumbled across some mention of a city relatively nearby that is swimming in wealth, cuz that would be damn useful."
>>24720"I wasn't intending on getting the gold for the elves, but now that you mention it..."
"Yeah, but starving him will take days"
>>24722You'll have to untie him to do that
>>24723I'm not doing that until I know Tracy has disabled him and until I can cast a magic resistant circle. Can Paladins cast circles that are zero-magic zones?
>>24720Upon seeing the wounds heal, the pale pony giggles like a filly in a candy store
"We are going to have so much
fun tonight."
*lets loose with the hammer all over his legs*
>>24725*hands fire iron to pony*
>>24725I didn't say they heal, I said that the suit mends its self over the wound.
>>24724Newp
>>24720*produces cleaver*
"If I chopped your legs off, would you die?"
>>24727Break all the bones in his legs.
Cut off his feet.
>>24728"Please, you haven't the stomach for that sort of method,..."
"He's just provoking you,...." Thez warns.
>>24729Didn't you just cut off 1/3 of his legs a few posts ago?
GM wishes Thez - or anyone else in the room - had an appreciation for the degree of torture invulnerability that most high-ranking Dark Elves are forced to endure/learn so we could be past all this,....
>>24730"Thez, I was hoping to make a trip to Spinitar or the Court City soon. Now that you mention Cardishore, add that to the list. Just scouting and diplomacy, nothing serious. I was going to ask Inferius if I could borrow Uatchit for the journey. Since he is unavailable, is there a horse I can borrow for the journey? Something reasonably fast, but doesn't scream 'I am dangerous, and by the way, here is what I can use to hurt you if you want to attack me.'
>>24731>>24730Shhh! Let Tracy have her fun
>>24730>Not getting the Bane joke*blank expression* (she really wants to know if she can cut them off without losing her toy)
"Well? Would you?" she inquires in monotone
>>24733*pets pony*
"Don't worry sweetie, if he does die, I can resurrect him so you can kill him again. And he'll be in a state of hysteria the whole time too."
>>24733"Would you be so kind? Please, don't stop on my account," he replies.
>>24732"Fine, but this is getting nowhere." then to Tracy. "Make sure that you don't loosen his bindings, no matter how much you cut him up," then back to Trump. "There's Trollestia, but Slovenia and Ponimaru are probably too small. I could take you quite quickly if you don't mind the wind messing up your hair, but I can't guarantee I'd be much use once there. Why not Fae anyway?"
>>24736That IS a retarded idea! I already said, its the suit - not the dude - who is regenerating.
Speaking of which, he slips into unconsciousness. (He's been bleeding this whole time)
>>24737ReEEEEEEEE don't die on me!
Is he unconscious yet? Can I take his pants?
Also, is the vault door closed?
>>24737Lay Hands on elf to keep him from bleeding to death
>why not Fae"Simple. We defeated the Rats, Soros, and Kefka, for absolutely no other reason than that they underestimated what they were up against. What has been accomplished by accident,I now intend. If I am ambushed or attacked, I want the first time they learn I can summon an enhanced dragonne - or a friggin' cauchemar - to be when claws and flaming hooves are in their faces, and I am already flying away. I can summon either almost at will anyways.
Just taking me straight there would be fine.
Tracy can come too, if she wants, although she needs to remain innocuous"
\r
>>24738Yes, he is unconscious. You'll have to untie him in order to take his pants. Yes, the vault is closed.
>>24740>>24738"I want his Rapier and suit... I like fashion and I need a weapon that can do piercing damage..."
>>24741Thez' eye twitches, before reiterating "DON'T untie him, you'll probably regret it," True
>>24741>fashion>gross spider jumpsuitYou've got a fancy chainshirt suit, but I won't object..
I g2g for a bit.. sorry..
>>24743It's a gross spider jumpsuit? Eww. Nevermind
>>24744Thez breathes a sigh of relief. "So then, assuming that no one disturbs what will very shortly be his corpse, he's probably going nowhere. I'm not sure how he did it, but he's escaped literal death before. I'd say he's a vampire, but he scoffed at a rebuke attempt by an exceptionally outranking caster. Although, if he's dead then hunger won't weaken his resolve or ability to disregard further interrogation and torture."
>>24746Casts HEAL SERIOUS WOUNDS? HEAL MODERATE WOUNDS?
>>24747Serious is better.
Darkie wakes back up with a start. "Morning already, can't I sleep in a bit? I hope there's tea,...."
>>24748"... Do you like Chamomile?"