What...
the...
Hey ponyfrens! Welcome to the grand re-opening of the Pony Pub, a thread I was eventually gonna get to re-bump and troll with after it hit 1000, but someone got tired of!
This is a casual thread to reference 'legitimate' threads/posts from, without derailing.
Out bartender/chef is a tulpa, and she and OP are just this side of batshit! But her food is amazing, so deal with it.
272 replies and 53 files omitted.
<Ye couldnta,... ye had'te dinyu
>Yep
<Alrigh', seeitappens'
>The gentle sound of mild rainfall fills the empty bar in the morning. The bartender - her dredlocked mane haphazard, mismanaged, and in a bit of a weird shape - wanders in a bit bleary-eyed. Fucking with her phone for a moment, the on-screen changes and starts to blast hyp musichttps://youtu.be/it-ywA9amZ8?si=mxmhVdLlzdkyqFlV [Embed]
<Ah got some peak '16 fer ye tadey. Shame Ah couldnta finded a proper PMVhttps://youtu.be/UMzmKojqi_U?si=qY1bTxXb-fVlaDgo [Embed]
Fuckit, its "not problematic if its my thread" right?
Alright, lets get into it.
Its a big knot.
Yes, gm could nudge us in the right direction,... but thats gay. If you cant be arsed to figure it out, maybe die. If all you tangental poli-sci faggots cant...
At the same time GM, [i]we dont know the scope, and speaking personally, I am in serious doubt my character is going to pull through, and thats A. the only thing I want anymore and B. Why hes facefirst with pounds of explosives.
Theres also something to be said for the fact that "In character" it SHOULD be nearing 10pm, and levels of character exhaustion might become applicable.
None of this is to criticize you. Youre doing amazing, and we (I assume to say) are as captivated BECAUSE. We're not knowingly making it hard, we're just stupid. Take all the time you need, and if I or (again presumptively) anyone else can make things easier for you/anyone, you have but to ask.
With love, Lacey's faggpt
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>the bartender looks at the observer
<Eemajjin sharin headspace weeth thissur cunt
An ode to an old friend
<Feck off, its me own thread
Fun fact. Part of the reason I got into cooking was cuz one faggot was going on about potato recipes, so I got into a thing where EVERY DAY I would post a new potato recipe. After a while I started reading the recipes, and before long I was like "wait, I can do this,...." and before long, Potatoes Romanoff is now one of a handful of recipes I dont even need instructions for.
Part of my problem with the divide between myself and Posey is, he's been there for me in alot of ways and it really nothers me that we're at odds. I know, as I am freely observed to, I get a kick out of conflict. But that doesnt mean I'm happy. This os (hyperbolically?) killing me. Im not saying anyone is 'doing it', but I am saying that I havent been able to digest my food properly for months, easily and readily correlatable.
To anon: I genuinely didnt realize what I was doing, I'm sorry that I did it. Tell me which vein to cut and I will splatter 'myself' across the floor.
<Chorizo?
This bitch,....
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Malice
Disregard/Obliviousness
Incompetence
These are the 3 causes by which one person does harm to another. Never eliminate any as a possibility, but never neglect 2 in favor of the one you know best, when you are assessing a situation.
And for anyone paying "extra-curricular" attention, I'll be relegating my shitposts and otherwise nonsense here, to avoid any post-deletion confusion
Edit: the exception is if I forget to either image or sagepost; in those cases I will delete as soon as I register the error
<Say it
And cus its kinda what this thread was created for. Oh come on, you remember how Nigel was that one time
>>187243Just saying, this thread was born of a desire to troll Nigel without derailing threads, by cross-linking replies.
>>>/ub/8246 →<A fermentrd egg yolk is all ye need te be betin thus fooker's recipeHe made me mad, I wanna destroy him (with flavor)
I'm choking on the egg yolk!
ACK---
>I fail to see how that's my problem
<MATE
A cute unicorn pone steps into the bar. Is it dimly lit? She walks up to the cashier desk or whatever looks like the most welcoming for customers to order. If there is a bell and nopony is around, she pings it.
"Hellooooo," she calls out and looks around. "I heard I could order food here."
Her body is covered in a sick pitch black cloak with yellow, zigzagging lines taking the shape of a branch of thunder. She removes her swell hoodie and reveals a spiky pure white mane, as if RD's and Vinyl Scratch's mane style had a child together. Her extra furry fur is in zinc and her eyes are blood red. She's moe levels of cute. ^^
>>187640>The bartender awakes with a start<Fookin-ell, the fool tiem asat?>bleary-eyed she wipes her face and lights a cigarette, staring at the new arrival<The fook didye find yerself here lass? Aye theres food, but ye aint seemin the type te be headin' fer the hells or the pits,...
>checking the time, the bartender says
<Ah, tha's why. We're usually no open fer 'nother hour er so, but c'mon in, gimme a moment te open up an get the oven burners on.
>she walks around turning on the surrounding wall sconces and overhead lighting, disappearing through the double doors in the back, before reemerging moments later.
>The whole place looks like a dingy American corporate restaurant, without all the obnoxious kitsch and sigmage covering the walls.
>>187642>>187643^^
"Ah," the zinc mare says as he eyes light up. "Well, my half-brother, Silver Star Apple you might have heard of him, recommended this place for it's 'beef jerky'. Not sure what that is but he said I'd love it, so I trust him."
She close her eyes and they form two upwards pointing bows.
She reaches out a hoof towards the bartender.
"I'm Fair Star by the way."
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>>187642>ye aint seemin the type te be headin' fer the hells or the pits,..."Well," Fair says and scratches the back of her neck. "Uhh... I mean, I try to be nice to other ponies and I'd like to meet my mom in Paradise so I'll try to avoid things that would land me with ticket to Tartarus. Hehe."
Fair looks a bit unsure.
Is your Minotaur bigger than the regular mare? Then she's bigger than Fair. If so, Fair is a bit intimidate by the cowtaur.
>>187645>The bartender raises an eyebrow <Ah heard of the Apple family, but Ah'm drawing a blank ona Silver Star. A pleasure te meet ye miss Fair. Me name is Addy, welcome to the Loser's Club. Let me knaur whatcher fancy is, be it food er drink.I can cool it with the accent, if youre trying to translate :3
>>187646Shes proportionately comparable to arizona
>>187646>she looks up toward the upstairs loft anf shouts<Someone is gonna have to figure out something more refined, there can't just be two doors!>she turns back to Fair Apple<Sorry about that, ongoing argument with the building designer. Anyway, its funny you mention a ticket to Tartarus, cuz its through THAT door there, take a left when you get to the 9 hells. Through THAT door is the infinitely levelelled pit of the Abyss. And the only way I know of in and out of here is with this.>she pulls out a small pistol-looking devicewith a green flask sticking out of the top<So while your business is your business, you don't owe me any explanations,... I am a bit curious how you found yourself here. Still, you're here now. Pretty much anything you can think of is on the menu
>>187647>I can cool it with the accent, if youre trying to translate :3That's perfectly fine. It's fun. I don't always have to understand. It's fun to discover new weird ways to express English.
>>187649"Ah, that's fine. I'm not from the Apple family though, that's just on his side. I'm of a one-hundred percent pure unicorn breed," she says and dance a bit on the spot.
Her tail lifts up the cape of her cloak and reveal it's shape. It's like a rope near it's root before it turn into a cotton candy ball of hair, leading into spikes. Her front hooves split just slightly into cloven ones and you can see the almost golden nails on them. Tuffs of fur are just above her hooves.
Then she realize where she is and quickly adds, "Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a dir-mud-earth pony." She clears her throat and grins sheepishly. ^^
"Uhh, anyway. Is beef jerky on the menu?"
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>>187650>weird way for englishUh, its not a legit way of speaking, its a jumbled mass of accent sterotypes. Its structured so you kinda have to sound it out in your head. Like the Pikey from the mlvie Snatch, if youve seen it.
<We certainly do,... how fresh do ye like yer meat?
>>187649>Learns she can get to hell through nearby doors. Fair scrunches.
"Okay, soooo... If I need to go to the little fillies' room, which door do I open so I don't wind up in hell?" Fair asked nervously. ^^
>>187653<Oh, restrooms are to the right of the Kitchen doors>she points behind her absently
>>187652She looks mildly amused and tilts her head.
"Oh, you really serve that. Isn't that like cannibalism? Do your serve carnivorous here as well," Fair says and looks over her shoulder looking for her in search for a predator.
>>187655>there's a slight twinkle to her eye<Well that's an awfully personal question when first meeting a cow,... but yes, cow is delicious; Id be a fool not to, and Beef is sometjing of a specialty here. Not sure why someone recommended the jerkey though, the Korean BBQ ribs are the most popular
<Ordinarily, I'd throw open the doors now, open from 2a-6a
<But I don't think you're ready to meet 'the regulars' yet, so I'l hold off for a minute. Suffice it to.say, our only refular vegetairans (and ugh, vegans) come from the abyss
>>187656>>187656>Well that's an awfully personal question when first meeting a cow,... but yes, cow is deliciousFair takes a step back in shock.
"What?!" she shouts out, looks around hoping she didn't disturbed any of the other guests, and then continue in lower tone. "Bu-bu-bup. Noway." She regains her confidence. "Your just pulling my hoof. "
She lays her fore-hooves onto the desk between them and leans in. Her eyes are half-lidded and her tongue glazes up her upper lip.
"You know?" she whispers. "I thought the
beef jerky was an innuendo or pun for some--" She nods towards Addy."--
beef --"She make a masturbatory gesture in the air."--
Jerky."
"Is this place not a brothel?"
*Sigh.* I don't know who this character is clearly. Is she a racist or is she a race-mixer. Is she innocent or a pervert. Well, this post will answer that question tho. ^^ Sry. I can't stop myself... [Read more]
>>187658>pulling my hoof<I wouldnt dream of it. Beef is my favorite type of meat to eat>Brothel<Heavens no! Not yet anyway, we're still working on the licencing and logistics for that, plus the zoning requirements for... anyway when the time comes the correct term will be "Strip club", but theres still alot of details to iron out
>>187660^^
She still looks sultry but a playfulness tinge her features.
"Sooo. Who is the better chef, you or Iron Will?" she asks.
>>187661<Iron Will is a chef? I thought he was a bullshit motovational speaker? Or wasnt there something about a cruise line? Anyway, I'm not technically a chef; a chef has a team.of other chefs, and is more of a captain. I do it all myself without assistance.>^_~<Regardless, I am. Only one cook who can beat me....
>A pounding sound can be heard from both of the front doors, with the doors rattling slightly from someone pulling repeatedly. Addy's expression sours, she rolls her eyes, pulls out a long and slender knife (a sushi knife, to be specific) and storms to both doors. Throwing the locks and kicking both doors jn, she waver the blade angrily
<If you motherfuckers think you're going to bully me about my own operating hours, you can think twice. You're gonna wait patiently and you're gonna like, or I swear to Starlight Glimmer's sweet ass, I'll send your sould back home, and by the time you regenerate, we'll be serving your corpse as a special! Now keep it down, I have a special customer who knows how to behave!
>She slams the doors shut, relocks them, and returns to Fair Apple.
<Sorry about that,...
<Addy and Fair Apple will have had ample opportunity to finish their conversation, as well as for her to order something - it doesn't have to be beef, theres plenty of vegetable options.
<I hate vegans
>Eventually though,she will have the opportunity to something she hasn't been able to yet.
Describe to a witness what daily service is like in her establishment.
>Opon being reunlocked and opened, through both doors starts streaming one after another of the most foul and infernal creatures you wouldn't,... well,... you WOULD expect streaming in from both the Abyss and the 9 Hells
>There being limited occupancy, the line continues out the door
Assuming Ms. Apple doesn't feel inclined to look in the foyer were she to do so she would see several very large signs laminated to a middle wall. The foyer appears to have been a single room once, but has had a middle divider added, and the whole room appears recently reovated.
<Almost like these mother fuckers can't be trusted to not be playing games and shit. Its not technically fighting in the restaurant!
<Or
Thats a breach of contract!
<Arseholes
The signage is a white background with bold red lettering with a border and swirling designs accenting; it's written in the languages of Common, Abyssal, Diabolical, and Ponish. On either side of the wall is a sign-in book, and the door won't open until the person touching the door has signed.
The signage its self is very intricate, and upon close inspection reveals that the designs and scrollwork, heck even the border is the very microscopic fine print of a very exactingly crafted contract between the proprietor and the customer
>The bartender lowers the lights a bit as customers find their seating, before fading into nearby shadow to appear next to the first table
<Goin' fer anuthur piece a me arse tadey, faggot?
"Excuse me, I'll have you know I underwent conversion therapy; I'm a PROPER catholic!"
<So the brisket then?
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>>187661In that the restaurant was opened "after Addy and Fair Apple finished any resulting conversation", we can continue with the dialogue as previous if you like. However, I will try to have "the bar" open from 2a-6a (my time, sorry
>>187655 was 2a my time) and participants will have the option to interact with the other customers, but you will want to read the rules in the foyer
>the rulesYes, Im working on them, thats why Addy isn't unlocking the doors until after their conversation ^_~
>>187666
Of course I forgot to sage the satan post. Oh well
Each day will be it's own independent episode, though description only occurs when theres a witness, so I won't be bumping this thread except in response, and any further details I add later will be saged. Its basically something there if anon wants something to do, in a roleplay context.
The pic I forgot to reupload
>A sign greets you as (you) approach the bar
PRIVATE ENTRANCE-ONLY EVENT
>>187828(This is because the dialogue with Fair Apple remains unresolved)
<Ahh for fucks sake, you know I was just taking the piss by pretending to not know who Silver Star Apple is? Im probably his biggest 'fan'
https://youtu.be/dOHH52iB_VQ?si=to9JvDk0fwASSHsS [Embed]<Whale, Ahm knaurin whichbine Ah'ma use whane ther time comes
<Not only did ye fook up the hitler trips, but ye posted to the wrong fooking thread!! Me fookin' word yer pathetic!
So, what I tried to say in thr ooc thread, but failed because Im retarded was:
For a multitude of reasons, I am attempting to see how long I can go without posting to the thread, though by proxy this is both proxy to and insular against. Still, 1 time.
To business then. I particularly want to be on hand when Garv is doing his thjng with the guns because Brie has a mix of exposition, theorizing, and cheeky banter in mind. It will be fun, I promise
>tfw you get your laptop back from your brother after 3 months (who needed it for his new 80k/y job, so yes of course, take it), who wiped it clean and is USING FUCKING CHROME REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
<Ah greeate, naur y'all got 'im taskin' ME wit' makin' a "No Homo" sign,... ffs
I put a magnets inna gloves, so I dont have to grip the 'cigarettte" ^_^
Next up is replacement etebrows (theres six magnets in the forehead)
<Fooling sheit, I need a fookin adult! Fillies arent supposed to die >;_;<
>me right nowhttps://youtu.be/p8U6x9ClAss?si=bjXh157c_7HMhTuF [Embed]Sorry, a filly is no longer and I need a minute