I had a story in mind that I started writing, then I thought I'd experiment with an idea that I have had. So I decided that I'd listen to a song from this playlist while writing a chapter. Then it became in chronological order too.
So here's the playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXt6_qRmXHE&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y
First song for first chapter and so one for the next chapter if you feel like listening along while reading.
/mlpol/ - My Little Politics
File (): B0A08AF639EF10110CC553D43BCAE631-734084.png (716.9 KB, 4350x4000, 2376845__safe_artist-colon-pencilsparkreignited_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-point+blank_unofficial+characters+only_earth+pony_pony_braid_button+up+sh.png)
File (): 518D465B1FAC9B8F2DA6CF97A499713E-2814626.jpg (2.7 MB, 2688x1796, 3373301__safe_ai+content_derpibooru+import_machine+learning+assisted_machine+learning+generated_prompter-colon-midnightdashie_screencap_stable+diffusio.jpeg)
File (): E476C182FB52D74CC4DE0B1334DBA41B-111490.jpg (108.9 KB, 1334x789, 3296433__safe_artist-colon-aaathebap_derpibooru+import_oc_unofficial+characters+only_fallout+equestria_clothes_cold_contemplating_desk_fallout_fog_imag.jpeg)
File (): FA4342836E303FFD3856AD4BF192BF76-131736.jpg (128.6 KB, 1072x1262, 2373020__safe_artist-colon-another_pony_derpibooru+import_queen+chrysalis_changeling_pony_bust_female_grin_image_jpeg_mare_smiling_solo_western.jpeg)
File (): DD88214B25FF04A7C77C4B5B5063219B-106868.jpg (104.4 KB, 473x1300, 275619__safe_artist-colon-muffinexplosion_derpibooru+import_carrot+top_golden+harvest_pony_drunk_exploitable+meme_female_ferry_jack+sparrow_meme_newspa.jpeg)
File (): 074919ED2D806C9CC0472CDFBB520406-5012186.png (4.8 MB, 2151x3075, 3395177__safe_artist-colon-hallowraith_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-ghislaine_oc-colon-ghislaine+(sireland)_unofficial+characters+only_gryphon_com.png)
>>379388
Ch. 1 Esoteric Knowledge
Song for chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXt6_qRmXHE&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=1
Cluck cluck, the waves of the lake tapped into the steel-hulled ferry. The water was grimy, with sub-marine clouds of dirt whirling around the bow of the ferry as it parted the waters. Sometimes two-headed crocodiles with serpentine, long bodies would reveal themselves as they'd breach the surface and scurry out of the ferry's path. They were known as nay-n-yays by the locals. It was based on a ghoul folktale were a pony ghoul was challenged to a game of riddles by a radioactive nay-n-yay. They were also pink and grey like hippos.
A midnight blue unicorn mare stood on the bow of the ferry; she gazed ahead at the coastal city of Bubbly Lake, The Cooked Mare. The frills hanging down from her black cartwheel hat waved in the, just faintly cool, breeze. A bouquet of poison joke flowers stuck to the side of the hat. Her face lit up every time she inhaled and disappeared every time she exhaled; the light revealed two narrowed cyan eyes with eyebrow like butterfly wings and black freckles on her cheeks, and when her face disappeared, it was due to silver smoke escaping her mouth as if she was a snoring dragon. Between the mare's teeth sat thin wooden rod. Delicate carvings depicting flowers spiral along it's barrel. The tip had a small metal contraption where one could fasten things, like the makeshift cigarette that glowed every time the mare took a breath. I looked like something between a cigarette holder and wand of sorcery. A tome was strapped with pair of belts to the left side of her barrel and a saddlebag was strapped to the other. There was also a holster for a chromed pistol with a long barrel attached to her right hoof while her left had wrist band of bullets around it. Only the very tip of her back tail that curled in spiral could been seen as the rest was obscured by mult-layered black and blue skirt. Her mane was tied into a bum but a few spirals of hair rested down her forehead. In her ears hung tiny silver sheriff stars.
The mare turned her head to the source of the waves. Into the distance and at the very center of the lake, the surface boiled. Year in, year out. At the eye of the this "storm", the surface acted as if it was something between a bubble bath and a fountain. A stable mound of foam, giant bubbles, and water broke the surface of the lake and as just much of navigation aid as the big silhouette of the clock tower that rose two "heads" above the other buildings in The Cooked Mare ahead of her. The ripples from this boiling mess were big waves. If one got too close with too weak of a ship, one would capsize into boiling hot water.
The locals didn't know why the middle of the lake was so hot but they certainly appreciate it. The fact that it was winter and yet you could barely feel it this far up north had meant a lot and would continue to mean a lot for the city bot economically and in terms of living conditions. Bubbly Lake was one of the few places in the Wasteland where settlements and civilization were if not blooming, at least budding.
The mare with the cartwheel hat, on the other hoof, knew why the lake was so hot. There magic radioactive waste at the bottom. Or rather and more accurately, there was non-active mega spell there. She knew this because she had encountered a non-active, aka snoozing, mega spell before back when she was part of the Broken Horse Shoe. She had taken note of its magic waves back then and so now when this lake gave of the same frequency she felt sure in her guess.
The energy it gave off was the lifeblood of The Cooked Mare and other settlements around the lake up here in the cold north and her prize. She was a bad mare.
Ch. 1 Esoteric Knowledge
Song for chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXt6_qRmXHE&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=1
Cluck cluck, the waves of the lake tapped into the steel-hulled ferry. The water was grimy, with sub-marine clouds of dirt whirling around the bow of the ferry as it parted the waters. Sometimes two-headed crocodiles with serpentine, long bodies would reveal themselves as they'd breach the surface and scurry out of the ferry's path. They were known as nay-n-yays by the locals. It was based on a ghoul folktale were a pony ghoul was challenged to a game of riddles by a radioactive nay-n-yay. They were also pink and grey like hippos.
A midnight blue unicorn mare stood on the bow of the ferry; she gazed ahead at the coastal city of Bubbly Lake, The Cooked Mare. The frills hanging down from her black cartwheel hat waved in the, just faintly cool, breeze. A bouquet of poison joke flowers stuck to the side of the hat. Her face lit up every time she inhaled and disappeared every time she exhaled; the light revealed two narrowed cyan eyes with eyebrow like butterfly wings and black freckles on her cheeks, and when her face disappeared, it was due to silver smoke escaping her mouth as if she was a snoring dragon. Between the mare's teeth sat thin wooden rod. Delicate carvings depicting flowers spiral along it's barrel. The tip had a small metal contraption where one could fasten things, like the makeshift cigarette that glowed every time the mare took a breath. I looked like something between a cigarette holder and wand of sorcery. A tome was strapped with pair of belts to the left side of her barrel and a saddlebag was strapped to the other. There was also a holster for a chromed pistol with a long barrel attached to her right hoof while her left had wrist band of bullets around it. Only the very tip of her back tail that curled in spiral could been seen as the rest was obscured by mult-layered black and blue skirt. Her mane was tied into a bum but a few spirals of hair rested down her forehead. In her ears hung tiny silver sheriff stars.
The mare turned her head to the source of the waves. Into the distance and at the very center of the lake, the surface boiled. Year in, year out. At the eye of the this "storm", the surface acted as if it was something between a bubble bath and a fountain. A stable mound of foam, giant bubbles, and water broke the surface of the lake and as just much of navigation aid as the big silhouette of the clock tower that rose two "heads" above the other buildings in The Cooked Mare ahead of her. The ripples from this boiling mess were big waves. If one got too close with too weak of a ship, one would capsize into boiling hot water.
The locals didn't know why the middle of the lake was so hot but they certainly appreciate it. The fact that it was winter and yet you could barely feel it this far up north had meant a lot and would continue to mean a lot for the city bot economically and in terms of living conditions. Bubbly Lake was one of the few places in the Wasteland where settlements and civilization were if not blooming, at least budding.
The mare with the cartwheel hat, on the other hoof, knew why the lake was so hot. There magic radioactive waste at the bottom. Or rather and more accurately, there was non-active mega spell there. She knew this because she had encountered a non-active, aka snoozing, mega spell before back when she was part of the Broken Horse Shoe. She had taken note of its magic waves back then and so now when this lake gave of the same frequency she felt sure in her guess.
The energy it gave off was the lifeblood of The Cooked Mare and other settlements around the lake up here in the cold north and her prize. She was a bad mare.
File (): 7F5AAA80EACB7A917AA1D1234CBBF832-8177593.png (7.8 MB, 2042x2671, 1452541__safe_artist-colon-jamescorck_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-appleale_unofficial+characters+only_earth+pony_pony_fallout+equestria_fallout_femal.png)
File (): 9A6EF22EEE7DCE287C2ED784BDD7B6AD-212544.jpg (207.6 KB, 1608x1588, 1726878__safe_artist-colon-amarynceus_deleted+from+derpibooru_derpibooru+import_oc_unofficial+characters+only_gryphon_pony_zebra_griffon+oc_western_wip.jpeg)
File (): 059D345987EE030423E9F539AD3339FB-545605.png (532.8 KB, 1320x990, 3376518__safe_artist-colon-aaathebap_derpibooru+import_oc_unofficial+characters+only_zebra_fallout+equestria_background_black+and+white_bottle_city_com.png)
>>379389
Ch. 2 Hunted and Haunted
Song for chapter:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko8hZ4wXfF8&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=2
She was looking at herself but not through a mirror. But via a white and black poster stuck on a telephone pole alongside dozen other posters regarding all kinds of matters. "Wanted. Dead or (mostly) Dead," the poster read above her face portrait and below it said, "LOOD LOOT. Reward: 1000 C-caps." which was her bandit name within The Broken Horse Shoe.
She was displeased. Firstly, she hated her nickname and whoever featherbrained journalist that came up with it. Her leader and the others had immediately pick it up with glee. Eventually her old name was but a memory despite her protests. Her suggestions for a new nickname, like Calamity Bloom, was said to deaf ears. Now, she was simply know as Lood Loot because of one time.
Secondly, was the portrait, why was her nose so big? She looked like a buckin' griffin.
The prize pleased her though, even if it made her throw look behind her, but at least she had a proper bounty on her head these days. She was quite the veteran after all.
"Tch," she clicked her tongue and continue reading further down.
The poster listed her crimes: "Wanted for: Theft, robbery, arson, blackmail, unauthorized dark magic, counterfeiting..." She beamed with pride in her chest and air of superiority swirling around her. "...public indecency..." She wanted to glare at the paper but her mouth twisted into a sausage before she shut both it and her eyes and her cheeks flushed pink. "...blackmail, foalnapping, murder--"
Using her magic, she ripped of the poster, squashed it into a ball, and then set it on fire before dropping it and stomping it. Her head hung low and she panted heavily. Quickly, she pulled out her cigarette holder/wand out from where she kept it in her hat, attached a roll to it, lit it, and took long breath. After a pause, her released her breath in steady steam of smoke. Her face relaxed but her eyes were wide and looked ready to leak.
She needed a drink...
Ch. 2 Hunted and Haunted
Song for chapter:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko8hZ4wXfF8&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=2
She was looking at herself but not through a mirror. But via a white and black poster stuck on a telephone pole alongside dozen other posters regarding all kinds of matters. "Wanted. Dead or (mostly) Dead," the poster read above her face portrait and below it said, "LOOD LOOT. Reward: 1000 C-caps." which was her bandit name within The Broken Horse Shoe.
She was displeased. Firstly, she hated her nickname and whoever featherbrained journalist that came up with it. Her leader and the others had immediately pick it up with glee. Eventually her old name was but a memory despite her protests. Her suggestions for a new nickname, like Calamity Bloom, was said to deaf ears. Now, she was simply know as Lood Loot because of one time.
Secondly, was the portrait, why was her nose so big? She looked like a buckin' griffin.
The prize pleased her though, even if it made her throw look behind her, but at least she had a proper bounty on her head these days. She was quite the veteran after all.
"Tch," she clicked her tongue and continue reading further down.
The poster listed her crimes: "Wanted for: Theft, robbery, arson, blackmail, unauthorized dark magic, counterfeiting..." She beamed with pride in her chest and air of superiority swirling around her. "...public indecency..." She wanted to glare at the paper but her mouth twisted into a sausage before she shut both it and her eyes and her cheeks flushed pink. "...blackmail, foalnapping, murder--"
Using her magic, she ripped of the poster, squashed it into a ball, and then set it on fire before dropping it and stomping it. Her head hung low and she panted heavily. Quickly, she pulled out her cigarette holder/wand out from where she kept it in her hat, attached a roll to it, lit it, and took long breath. After a pause, her released her breath in steady steam of smoke. Her face relaxed but her eyes were wide and looked ready to leak.
She needed a drink...
>>379390
>mouth twisted into a sausage
>sausage
That has to be some kinda correction program that caused that because I remember writing "sausage" in its place.
>mouth twisted into a sausage
>sausage
That has to be some kinda correction program that caused that because I remember writing "sausage" in its place.
>>379392
Apparently, you can't type c-r-i-n-g-e on this website because then it turns into sausage. ^^
Apparently, you can't type c-r-i-n-g-e on this website because then it turns into sausage. ^^
>>379388
>FoE
TY sven! I look forward to it. FoE is an evironment that's rife for new pony content that doesnt suck ass like,... you know the stories. Ill help any way I can
>FoE
TY sven! I look forward to it. FoE is an evironment that's rife for new pony content that doesnt suck ass like,... you know the stories. Ill help any way I can
File (): 22E9704C21965337BE64E8EFC1D73CB3-470850.png (459.8 KB, 1600x1200, 3383879__safe_artist-colon-lizzard_sama_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-dusty+spur_unofficial+characters+only_pony_image_png_sheriff_solo_western.png)
File (): 8A0937D464ACD13FF50433AFA9537829-7104211.png (6.8 MB, 2785x2435, 2884319__safe_artist-colon-t72b_derpibooru+import_limestone+pie_oc_oc-colon-anon_earth+pony_human_pony_backlighting_bullet_clothes_cowboy_cowboy+hat_du.png)
File (): A1F3DA8081ABFC7C05DBB4F947F83708-3000611.png (2.9 MB, 2000x1700, 1767483__safe_alternate+version_artist-colon-sadonax_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-hopple+scotch_unofficial+characters+only_earth+pony_pony_blushing_ce.png)
>>379390
Ch. 3 Ranger Graveyard
Song for chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esHUiQ4Q7YM&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=4
Where's that buckin' tavern? Lood thought as she sauntered through one of The Cooked Mare's many districts, aimlessly.
As she scanned the neonlight signs illuminating and advertising different stores she passed, she walked into somepony. This kicked her instincts into gear and in an instance, her Silver Star Apple 647 colt 647=GAYYh, that's some far-fetched nosense. ^^ was drawn.
The other pony, a stallion, trembled at the gun and opened his mouth to speak. Instead he gasped, as his eyes widen upon seeing her face. Her experienced eyes went from being on high-alert to energy-saving mode upon one single glance of the stallion. She holstered her gun.
"Scram," she said and the stallion crawled away before galloping off.
Her eyes oscillate from one side to the other, taking in the reactions of the surrounding crowd. The ponies, and the few creatures that weren't ponies, stared at her. The act of drawing a gun in public had that effect but she had a feeling at least some of them had recognized her. The gasps and murmurs from them told her that much.
One long in, one long out. She massaged her templates.
She really needed that drink.
"Anypony knows where a mare, in her best years, can get her fill?" she addressed the onlooking crowd.
The herd of ponies doesn't answer and they avert their eyes whenever she looks at them. They know her power. It feels good but also... Bad.
"No, but I know one strong and old oak tree were one hang a vile hag like you from," called a feminine voice from behind the crowd.
Lood turned her head towards voice's origin. The crowd separated as if her gaze was an ice breaker ship and they were floes. As they moved aside, the speaker was revealed: A young mare in stetson hat.
Her stetson had gap in its brim as if somepony had taken bite of it. It was chocolate-milk brown and she also wore a black jacket over white shirt with a red bow tied at her collar. Her fur was beige and her mane and tail were in flake off red color. Her eyes were cyan, like her own. Interesting. They were both unicorns and she also had freckles below her eyes. Her mane was set up into pair of pigtails with white hair bands. Her left eye was covered by mat of soft but bush like hair. Two extra white hair bands divide up her tail into three equal chunks as they were tied along it.
Then she saw the mare's eyes glance behind her for a moment. Lood turned her head and saw how a zebra stallion and another stallion walked out of the crowd. They were armed. They surrounded her in near perfect triangle.
She could see on the way they were dressed, they were rangers.
"Lood Loot, come with us quietly and--" the mare begins but is interrupted.
"And I may hang quietly? What you're gonna threaten me and then read my rights? Heh," Lood asked with a chuckle.
The mare narrowed her eyes at Lood.
"I was getting to that. The authorities don't mind us killin' ya' one bit. But Ah' thought that an honorable mare, such as myself, such offer lowlife like you, some mercy." The mare looked at Lood with condescending eyes.
Crack, came from lood's neck as she bent it to the side as she did, she moaned, "Aah."
A crease appeared between the mare eyebrows and she revealed some of her whites.
"Ugh. Ah' thought Ah'd even ask mah friend, a priestess, to come around these parts so you could ask for forgiveness before the end. But ya' can't expect a rattle snake to feel bad, can ya'?" The mare spat something dark brown onto the ground.
Lood exhaled a line of smoke and then their gazes meet. Both were steely.
"Silly. Filly. I'm old enough to be your mom. Out in the wasteland, experience is all that counts. I'm warning you, you still got so much of you're life ahead of you. Don't waste it." Her face was illuminated as she inhaled the toxic but addictive some from her wand.
"I won't."
The young one's horn lit up first with magic energy.
Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang!
>>379394
Thank you fren. ^^
Yh, FoE is a cool setting if one detaches oneself from being bogged down to the conventions of the first stories. Probably, all I have read of them is from GG's review thread. ^^
Ch. 3 Ranger Graveyard
Song for chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esHUiQ4Q7YM&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=4
Where's that buckin' tavern? Lood thought as she sauntered through one of The Cooked Mare's many districts, aimlessly.
As she scanned the neonlight signs illuminating and advertising different stores she passed, she walked into somepony. This kicked her instincts into gear and in an instance, her Silver Star Apple 647 colt 647=GAYYh, that's some far-fetched nosense. ^^ was drawn.
The other pony, a stallion, trembled at the gun and opened his mouth to speak. Instead he gasped, as his eyes widen upon seeing her face. Her experienced eyes went from being on high-alert to energy-saving mode upon one single glance of the stallion. She holstered her gun.
"Scram," she said and the stallion crawled away before galloping off.
Her eyes oscillate from one side to the other, taking in the reactions of the surrounding crowd. The ponies, and the few creatures that weren't ponies, stared at her. The act of drawing a gun in public had that effect but she had a feeling at least some of them had recognized her. The gasps and murmurs from them told her that much.
One long in, one long out. She massaged her templates.
She really needed that drink.
"Anypony knows where a mare, in her best years, can get her fill?" she addressed the onlooking crowd.
The herd of ponies doesn't answer and they avert their eyes whenever she looks at them. They know her power. It feels good but also... Bad.
"No, but I know one strong and old oak tree were one hang a vile hag like you from," called a feminine voice from behind the crowd.
Lood turned her head towards voice's origin. The crowd separated as if her gaze was an ice breaker ship and they were floes. As they moved aside, the speaker was revealed: A young mare in stetson hat.
Her stetson had gap in its brim as if somepony had taken bite of it. It was chocolate-milk brown and she also wore a black jacket over white shirt with a red bow tied at her collar. Her fur was beige and her mane and tail were in flake off red color. Her eyes were cyan, like her own. Interesting. They were both unicorns and she also had freckles below her eyes. Her mane was set up into pair of pigtails with white hair bands. Her left eye was covered by mat of soft but bush like hair. Two extra white hair bands divide up her tail into three equal chunks as they were tied along it.
Then she saw the mare's eyes glance behind her for a moment. Lood turned her head and saw how a zebra stallion and another stallion walked out of the crowd. They were armed. They surrounded her in near perfect triangle.
She could see on the way they were dressed, they were rangers.
"Lood Loot, come with us quietly and--" the mare begins but is interrupted.
"And I may hang quietly? What you're gonna threaten me and then read my rights? Heh," Lood asked with a chuckle.
The mare narrowed her eyes at Lood.
"I was getting to that. The authorities don't mind us killin' ya' one bit. But Ah' thought that an honorable mare, such as myself, such offer lowlife like you, some mercy." The mare looked at Lood with condescending eyes.
Crack, came from lood's neck as she bent it to the side as she did, she moaned, "Aah."
A crease appeared between the mare eyebrows and she revealed some of her whites.
"Ugh. Ah' thought Ah'd even ask mah friend, a priestess, to come around these parts so you could ask for forgiveness before the end. But ya' can't expect a rattle snake to feel bad, can ya'?" The mare spat something dark brown onto the ground.
Lood exhaled a line of smoke and then their gazes meet. Both were steely.
"Silly. Filly. I'm old enough to be your mom. Out in the wasteland, experience is all that counts. I'm warning you, you still got so much of you're life ahead of you. Don't waste it." Her face was illuminated as she inhaled the toxic but addictive some from her wand.
"I won't."
The young one's horn lit up first with magic energy.
Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang!
>>379394
Thank you fren. ^^
Yh, FoE is a cool setting if one detaches oneself from being bogged down to the conventions of the first stories. Probably, all I have read of them is from GG's review thread. ^^
File (): D9F992BAFF02972F062596266DD985B8-12418306.png (11.8 MB, 3840x2160, 3340827__safe_artist-colon-wolfiedrawie_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-drew_unofficial+characters+only_deathclaw_pegasus_pony_fallout+equestria_blood_cl.png)
File (): 4939DE3B7860F9F3EE957EC47077F38B-2963670.jpg (2.8 MB, 2129x2816, 2291398__semi-dash-grimdark_artist-colon-grimmyweirdy_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-glyph_unofficial+characters+only_zebra_comic-colon-grims+weird+adve.jpeg)
File (): A80C1F05219293040AB8D66092B91450-562853.jpg (549.7 KB, 600x800, 502203__safe_artist-colon-raikoh_derpibooru+import_twilight+sparkle_twilight+sparkle+(alicorn)_alicorn_pony_arcane_electricity_eyes+closed_female_m.jpeg)
>>379395
Ch. 4 Rat Run
Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhrgOIYMXE4&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=4&ab_channel=StevenLynn
"Quickly. She went this way!" a colt's voice bounced on the walls in a network of back alleyways.
Cloppity clop, Lood's hoofsteps sounded as she galloped at full speed on the straight corridors while being quick to break and spin around corners whenever they came up. She had not direction in mind as long as she got away from her pursuers that was all that mattered. She didn't let the decisions on where to go next halt her progress and instead just pick a path whenever a new alleyway presented itself at some crossroad.
Strewn on her back was the unconscious form of the young mare she beaten in the standoff. Well, sort of beaten...
As she carried this mare, she ran into a dead-end. Somepony had cut this path off with a chain-link fence. She grinded her her four frogs against the ground as she slid to a stop before it. It was three times her height. For a moment, she considered dumping the mare here and try her luck at climbing it but she quickly dismissed the idea. She like the kid.
A bandit takes whatever she likes, she thought with a smirk before licking her lips.
She heard yelling from where she came from. Shook her head and frowned. There had to be a solution. There usually was. The hard part was only coming up with it in time.
Her gaze fell upon a nearby window. Her smirk returned. In a blur her Silver Star flipped out of its holster, fired off a shoot with a accompanying sound and fire, and then dove straight back into its holster again.
A spider web of cracks appeared in the window before the cracks before an invisible pair of scissors cut along them and turn the window into an avalanche of transparent floe.
The sound had been loud, of course, and if her hunters had lost her tail, they certainly had gotten back on it again. Yet, she still took the time to step carefully around the puddle of glass crystal on the ground to get to the window.
She climbed in and was careful as to not get cut or let the jagged glass shards still stuck in the window's frame to hurt the mare she carried.
The room she'd entered was some kind of storage room. In it stood a broom, a shelf filled with buckets, and at the end stood a desk with dissected gizmo just laying there.
She tested the door leading out but in further into the building. It was unlocked.
She enter into a corridor. Looking around, she found the first steps of a spiraling stair case, going upwards. A lay followed the stair case by laying in it's center. Brown, wooden railings with tan veins tagged along the stair case's edge.
She set off for it. Her hooves were muffled on the rug but when she stepped on the chalk-white marble stone floor, they left resounding clops after them.
Like a tornado, she spun upwards through the spiraling stair case, until she reached the top. There was a door there. It too was unlocked. Her best guess, if she were to guess, would be that since she was on the inside of the building it granted her more access than if she had tried to open them from the outside.
She walked through the door and was surprised as she entered the roof-balcony of the building.
She glanced back at the mare on her back. She wasn't moving and she hadn't moved back when she fired her gun either. At least, she hadn't felt it.
Is she dead... Or, is she just sleepin'? she wondered.
She laid down on the floor and cautiously rolled the other mare off her. She moved her hoof to her neck.
...Uh... ...Yes! She still gotta pulse.
She glanced back at the door she came from. She kicked it back into frame and set her horn a blaze with arcane energies. She fired off a laser-beam from it and welded the lock stuck by melting it all into one thing.
Lood walked back and got down before the strewn form of the young unconscious ranger mare. She took out her wand out of her mouth and unbuckled the belts around her tome.
Hold on filly.
Ch. 4 Rat Run
Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhrgOIYMXE4&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=4&ab_channel=StevenLynn
"Quickly. She went this way!" a colt's voice bounced on the walls in a network of back alleyways.
Cloppity clop, Lood's hoofsteps sounded as she galloped at full speed on the straight corridors while being quick to break and spin around corners whenever they came up. She had not direction in mind as long as she got away from her pursuers that was all that mattered. She didn't let the decisions on where to go next halt her progress and instead just pick a path whenever a new alleyway presented itself at some crossroad.
Strewn on her back was the unconscious form of the young mare she beaten in the standoff. Well, sort of beaten...
As she carried this mare, she ran into a dead-end. Somepony had cut this path off with a chain-link fence. She grinded her her four frogs against the ground as she slid to a stop before it. It was three times her height. For a moment, she considered dumping the mare here and try her luck at climbing it but she quickly dismissed the idea. She like the kid.
A bandit takes whatever she likes, she thought with a smirk before licking her lips.
She heard yelling from where she came from. Shook her head and frowned. There had to be a solution. There usually was. The hard part was only coming up with it in time.
Her gaze fell upon a nearby window. Her smirk returned. In a blur her Silver Star flipped out of its holster, fired off a shoot with a accompanying sound and fire, and then dove straight back into its holster again.
A spider web of cracks appeared in the window before the cracks before an invisible pair of scissors cut along them and turn the window into an avalanche of transparent floe.
The sound had been loud, of course, and if her hunters had lost her tail, they certainly had gotten back on it again. Yet, she still took the time to step carefully around the puddle of glass crystal on the ground to get to the window.
She climbed in and was careful as to not get cut or let the jagged glass shards still stuck in the window's frame to hurt the mare she carried.
The room she'd entered was some kind of storage room. In it stood a broom, a shelf filled with buckets, and at the end stood a desk with dissected gizmo just laying there.
She tested the door leading out but in further into the building. It was unlocked.
She enter into a corridor. Looking around, she found the first steps of a spiraling stair case, going upwards. A lay followed the stair case by laying in it's center. Brown, wooden railings with tan veins tagged along the stair case's edge.
She set off for it. Her hooves were muffled on the rug but when she stepped on the chalk-white marble stone floor, they left resounding clops after them.
Like a tornado, she spun upwards through the spiraling stair case, until she reached the top. There was a door there. It too was unlocked. Her best guess, if she were to guess, would be that since she was on the inside of the building it granted her more access than if she had tried to open them from the outside.
She walked through the door and was surprised as she entered the roof-balcony of the building.
She glanced back at the mare on her back. She wasn't moving and she hadn't moved back when she fired her gun either. At least, she hadn't felt it.
Is she dead... Or, is she just sleepin'? she wondered.
She laid down on the floor and cautiously rolled the other mare off her. She moved her hoof to her neck.
...Uh... ...Yes! She still gotta pulse.
She glanced back at the door she came from. She kicked it back into frame and set her horn a blaze with arcane energies. She fired off a laser-beam from it and welded the lock stuck by melting it all into one thing.
Lood walked back and got down before the strewn form of the young unconscious ranger mare. She took out her wand out of her mouth and unbuckled the belts around her tome.
Hold on filly.
>>379395
Okay so far Im loving it, but before I go ch4, I have a VERY small gripe:
>The herd of ponies doesn't answer and they avert their eyes whenever she looks at them. They know her power.
>It feels good but also... Bad.
This wouldnt seem to be her first time playing her shenanigens. Shes probably pretty good/practiced at it. If ANYTHING she might have an interior monologue about when she DID feel bad about how good it feels. Loving jt
Okay so far Im loving it, but before I go ch4, I have a VERY small gripe:
>The herd of ponies doesn't answer and they avert their eyes whenever she looks at them. They know her power.
>It feels good but also... Bad.
This wouldnt seem to be her first time playing her shenanigens. Shes probably pretty good/practiced at it. If ANYTHING she might have an interior monologue about when she DID feel bad about how good it feels. Loving jt
>>379410
>If ANYTHING she might have an interior monologue about when she DID feel bad about how good it feels.
Yeah, I think that makes sense.
>If ANYTHING she might have an interior monologue about when she DID feel bad about how good it feels.
Yeah, I think that makes sense.
>>379409
Ch. 5 Hold On, Hold Out
Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY_NELGE0QE&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=6&ab_channel=StevenLynn
Yh, so I don't know how much these songs fit what is happening in the story. I'm just trying to be influenced by them by listening to corresponding track while thinking of the current chapter and writing it. Not sure if it changes anything to be honest.
I loop them so after a while I hate the song but it's also stuck in my afterwards. ^^
Out of a side pocket to Lood's saddlebag, she pulled out a piece of white chalk, a tiny sample tube in glass, a bundle of post-it notes, an ink-pen, a needle and a syringe, and a metrnome. Then she open it's main pocket and brought out a knife, a pair of pliers; a roll of bandages, a roll of barbwire; four clothing pegs of rubber; a large drafting compass; a large expandable ruler; an angle ruler; a metal sheet with holes in it that acted as mold to draw precise symbols from; and a dirty, transparent, rubber tube containing four flash bees in all their blue and yellow glory.
The rubber tube lit up as the bees buzzed with irritation and let loose high-voltage charges. Lood ignored them and set about her work.
First she attached the chalk to the drawing compass and drew a circle a whole pony in radius. Then she drew slightly smaller circle inside it with the same tool. She proceeded to use the metal sheet to draw various symbols within in the new ring on the floor. She followed this up by filling the inside of the ring with the normal ruler and the angle ruler to; she drew smaller discs with symbols in them and and straight lines bouncing around from "wall" to "wall".
From this intricate circle she'd drawn, she drew five lines extended outwards. Four drawn away from the circle on one side, while the last one point perpendicularly away from the circle on the other side. She draw a circle on each of lines' ends but only on the more isolated line did she draw another circle on the line but between the end-circle and the giant circle.
Magic aura began to swirl around her horn and illuminate her face in an azure hue. However, her very horn began to glow as if it was iron being mended by a blacksmith. Steam rose and slither off the horn. A beam light shot out from it and began to follow the drawing's lines. As the laser of arcane energy had passed the floor, it left a trail of flicking blue aura in it's wake. After a little while and some sweat, a glowing blue magic circle had been formed on the ground. Blue colored smoke trailed off each line of the construct.
She places the metronome on the utmost circle of the isolated branching-off line. She jabs herself in neck with the needle and syringe and suck up some blood before she proceeds to take some more blood with the same syringe from her hoof and belly. She patch herself up with some bandages. She then dumps the blood in the sample tube and places it on the other circle on the more isolated off-branching line.
She places the tube of angry bees in her magical grasp. She makes sure to control the inhabitants of it with her grasp as well before unscrewing its lid. She picks up one bee an screws back the lid before putting the tube out of her mind. Her mind is instead focused on clipping off some barbwire and twining it around the bee before clamping down on its antennas with a clothing peg. She places it in on of the remaining four orbiting tiny circles around the main circle. She does the same thing with the rest of the bees.
As she start scribbling down words of power on her post-it notes, she hears a bang on the door leading out on the roof she's on. She turned her head around. She saw the door shook as another bam, followed.
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam! Somepony was hammering away at the door and it had started to show as it bent in concave manner.
Lood gritted her teeth.
Enough! she thought.
She fished up her pistol and fired off twice just above the door frame's roof. The sound of banging on the door ceased immediately and apparently the ponies on the other side though better than trying to force their way through.
Ch. 5 Hold On, Hold Out
Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY_NELGE0QE&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=6&ab_channel=StevenLynn
Yh, so I don't know how much these songs fit what is happening in the story. I'm just trying to be influenced by them by listening to corresponding track while thinking of the current chapter and writing it. Not sure if it changes anything to be honest.
I loop them so after a while I hate the song but it's also stuck in my afterwards. ^^
Out of a side pocket to Lood's saddlebag, she pulled out a piece of white chalk, a tiny sample tube in glass, a bundle of post-it notes, an ink-pen, a needle and a syringe, and a metrnome. Then she open it's main pocket and brought out a knife, a pair of pliers; a roll of bandages, a roll of barbwire; four clothing pegs of rubber; a large drafting compass; a large expandable ruler; an angle ruler; a metal sheet with holes in it that acted as mold to draw precise symbols from; and a dirty, transparent, rubber tube containing four flash bees in all their blue and yellow glory.
The rubber tube lit up as the bees buzzed with irritation and let loose high-voltage charges. Lood ignored them and set about her work.
First she attached the chalk to the drawing compass and drew a circle a whole pony in radius. Then she drew slightly smaller circle inside it with the same tool. She proceeded to use the metal sheet to draw various symbols within in the new ring on the floor. She followed this up by filling the inside of the ring with the normal ruler and the angle ruler to; she drew smaller discs with symbols in them and and straight lines bouncing around from "wall" to "wall".
From this intricate circle she'd drawn, she drew five lines extended outwards. Four drawn away from the circle on one side, while the last one point perpendicularly away from the circle on the other side. She draw a circle on each of lines' ends but only on the more isolated line did she draw another circle on the line but between the end-circle and the giant circle.
Magic aura began to swirl around her horn and illuminate her face in an azure hue. However, her very horn began to glow as if it was iron being mended by a blacksmith. Steam rose and slither off the horn. A beam light shot out from it and began to follow the drawing's lines. As the laser of arcane energy had passed the floor, it left a trail of flicking blue aura in it's wake. After a little while and some sweat, a glowing blue magic circle had been formed on the ground. Blue colored smoke trailed off each line of the construct.
She places the metronome on the utmost circle of the isolated branching-off line. She jabs herself in neck with the needle and syringe and suck up some blood before she proceeds to take some more blood with the same syringe from her hoof and belly. She patch herself up with some bandages. She then dumps the blood in the sample tube and places it on the other circle on the more isolated off-branching line.
She places the tube of angry bees in her magical grasp. She makes sure to control the inhabitants of it with her grasp as well before unscrewing its lid. She picks up one bee an screws back the lid before putting the tube out of her mind. Her mind is instead focused on clipping off some barbwire and twining it around the bee before clamping down on its antennas with a clothing peg. She places it in on of the remaining four orbiting tiny circles around the main circle. She does the same thing with the rest of the bees.
As she start scribbling down words of power on her post-it notes, she hears a bang on the door leading out on the roof she's on. She turned her head around. She saw the door shook as another bam, followed.
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam! Somepony was hammering away at the door and it had started to show as it bent in concave manner.
Lood gritted her teeth.
Enough! she thought.
She fished up her pistol and fired off twice just above the door frame's roof. The sound of banging on the door ceased immediately and apparently the ponies on the other side though better than trying to force their way through.
File (): 0FC34050DC70D1A23BE2EC3F11ACD9EE-225824.jpg (220.5 KB, 1164x1600, falloutequestria2.jpg)
File (): E046528CF5A07C45865AB73E86ACCBB2-3449959.png (3.3 MB, 2320x2035, 2884327__safe_derpibooru+import_limestone+pie_marble+pie_earth+pony_pony_bipedal_cigar_clothes_cowboy+hat_glare_gloves_hat_hoof+hold_image_limited+pale.png)
File (): F163F2F0CCB1121F5935766D4A9859E3-2049827.png (2.0 MB, 3830x4040, 3365656__safe_artist-colon-anime-dash-equestria_derpibooru+import_lyra+heartstrings_pony_unicorn_g4_alternate+hairstyle_clothes_cowboy+hat_female_gun_h.png)
File (): 544DE631F9BD3A53E713C5E0520FFE13-6363111.png (6.1 MB, 2550x3509, 3301970__safe_artist-colon-pridark_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-chosen+heart_unofficial+characters+only_crystal+pony_earth+pony_pony_fallout+equestria.png)
File (): FFAC10929A3EA3E2624C0E2055F7CFE7-1009695.png (986.0 KB, 960x1027, a17e3on9f8j51.png)
>>379440
Continuation:
---
Her focus returned to what was important: Saving this filly.
Speaking of which, she walked over to her and grabbed her tail and dragged her over. She placed her in the center of her magical circle, pushing even the tail back within its border. She picked up her knife and stuck it under the thick layer of wrapped bandages around the mare's chest. She partly ripped, partly cut it off the white cloth.
That turned out to be bloodied on the outside as did the fur around the mare's chest. The hole for where the bullet entered in the chest had been clogged up by thick, blue jelly-esque substance. She reach out with a hoof and caressed the blue nub of jelly. It vibrated pleasantly back.
Lood knew that blue essence was the whole reason the mare was still alive by now. Her shot had hit the mare square in the heart and destroyed it. She was stable now but still not conscious.
Flap flap, her rotated to the sound.
Th-th-th-ththththth!, the spray of bullets skipping across the floor behind her made her act on her well-honed instincts of a wasteland gunslinger. She spun around towards the edge of the roof. She drew her gun in the same motion and the exact moment she came to a halt she fired off one, and then, two shots. Her gaze had just briefly registered the head of the pegasus and its motion before she fired at it. As a cloud of blood burst out from behind it and it fell, she had already fired off a second, now unnecessary shot, hitting the triangle or death on the pony, straight through both the lungs and the heart.
The pegasus with its pair of saddle-sub-machine guns fell out of sight below the edge.
The snake of smoke coming of her pistol hissed at her. She let out a breath she was holding. Without her slime familiar on her, being shot at was adrenaline pumping to say the least. That was super close. Had the pegasus just taken another flight path so her wings hadn't alerted her too early or if she'd fire a bit later, Lood would have been the dead mare instead.
But it had just been slightly sub-optimal that had been all it was. In general this is how fights between unicorn and pegasi gunslingers went down. Due to unicorn's magical grasp, their dexterity knew no equal and made them superb at aiming shots, therefore they usually fired guns that were either powerful or with a long range, or both. Meanwhile, pegasi lacked the same level of motor skills but made up for it with mobility so they strapped on saddle-worn sub-machine guns on their backs that didn't hinder their aerial maneuverability but still spread out a lot of damage in a general direction. They called it a blitz. To blitz their enemies before they could react. In unicorn versus pegasus showdowns like this, usually one party died before the their bullet(s) landed.
Her focus went back to the other unicorn. She cut off another worm-length thread of barbwire with the pliers and plunged it into the blue jelly substance, or her slime familiar that current worked as replacement heart of the parts of the mare's heart that been obliterated by her silver spare bullet.
She went back to jolting spells onto post-it notes. Sometimes she opened her tome to double check that she had indeed written the right word and the symbols in her magical scripture. She stuck them on the pony but also seemingly randomly in the glowing circle.
As the started to whirl up the key on the back of the metronome, the floor shook followed directly by a terrifying sound; it had two stages: First it sounded the whining of metal, then it sounded like a refrigerator falling over.
The rumbling sound and tremors continued as if they were... Slow hoof-falls of a giant.
She turned towards the door she entered the roof from. The ponies who'd been there had clearly left but now, she could hear that whatever sent quakes through the building eminated from there. And it was coming closer.
She narrowed her eyes; she knew what this was.
Earth pony gunslingers, having neither dexterity nor mobility, relied massive area of effect damage and massive defense. They had invented something that had both of these things. Something called a, Power-armor.
The incapacitated flash bees jumped a little in place with each tremble coming from the stairs, these tremors only grew in volume and power.
After putting the metronome back in its circle, she freed the bees' antennas from the clothing pegs with her magic.
Tick tock tick... the metronome blathered as the bees immediately released fully loaded zaps towards the Lood only for it to be redirected in the air and connect with the wire sticking out of the mare in the circle. Zigzagged lines of electricty danced as they connected with the mare's chest.
"Set: The twins dance in a ring. Let them dance in reverse. So more of life we may wring. Before I finish this verse," Lood said as if she was reading out aloud. "Now!"
Her horn flashed and the magical circle reacted in kind. The bees zaps of electricity turned into chains of light that bound around the mare that began to levitate in the now radiating circle as the sound of a ticking clock but all other sounds in the background. Bubbles of blue slime floated out from the mare's bullet wound as her heart slowly repaired itself and pushed out the slime in its way.
But despite the obnoxiously loud ticking from the magically-amplified metronome, Lood heard identifying sound of a power-armor's Gatling gun starting it warm-up whirling behind the door.
She inhaled through her teeth and didn't even notice the beauty in her own mage craft as the container holding her blood burst and her blood dove into the other mare's heart.
Continuation:
---
Her focus returned to what was important: Saving this filly.
Speaking of which, she walked over to her and grabbed her tail and dragged her over. She placed her in the center of her magical circle, pushing even the tail back within its border. She picked up her knife and stuck it under the thick layer of wrapped bandages around the mare's chest. She partly ripped, partly cut it off the white cloth.
That turned out to be bloodied on the outside as did the fur around the mare's chest. The hole for where the bullet entered in the chest had been clogged up by thick, blue jelly-esque substance. She reach out with a hoof and caressed the blue nub of jelly. It vibrated pleasantly back.
Lood knew that blue essence was the whole reason the mare was still alive by now. Her shot had hit the mare square in the heart and destroyed it. She was stable now but still not conscious.
Flap flap, her rotated to the sound.
Th-th-th-ththththth!, the spray of bullets skipping across the floor behind her made her act on her well-honed instincts of a wasteland gunslinger. She spun around towards the edge of the roof. She drew her gun in the same motion and the exact moment she came to a halt she fired off one, and then, two shots. Her gaze had just briefly registered the head of the pegasus and its motion before she fired at it. As a cloud of blood burst out from behind it and it fell, she had already fired off a second, now unnecessary shot, hitting the triangle or death on the pony, straight through both the lungs and the heart.
The pegasus with its pair of saddle-sub-machine guns fell out of sight below the edge.
The snake of smoke coming of her pistol hissed at her. She let out a breath she was holding. Without her slime familiar on her, being shot at was adrenaline pumping to say the least. That was super close. Had the pegasus just taken another flight path so her wings hadn't alerted her too early or if she'd fire a bit later, Lood would have been the dead mare instead.
But it had just been slightly sub-optimal that had been all it was. In general this is how fights between unicorn and pegasi gunslingers went down. Due to unicorn's magical grasp, their dexterity knew no equal and made them superb at aiming shots, therefore they usually fired guns that were either powerful or with a long range, or both. Meanwhile, pegasi lacked the same level of motor skills but made up for it with mobility so they strapped on saddle-worn sub-machine guns on their backs that didn't hinder their aerial maneuverability but still spread out a lot of damage in a general direction. They called it a blitz. To blitz their enemies before they could react. In unicorn versus pegasus showdowns like this, usually one party died before the their bullet(s) landed.
Her focus went back to the other unicorn. She cut off another worm-length thread of barbwire with the pliers and plunged it into the blue jelly substance, or her slime familiar that current worked as replacement heart of the parts of the mare's heart that been obliterated by her silver spare bullet.
She went back to jolting spells onto post-it notes. Sometimes she opened her tome to double check that she had indeed written the right word and the symbols in her magical scripture. She stuck them on the pony but also seemingly randomly in the glowing circle.
As the started to whirl up the key on the back of the metronome, the floor shook followed directly by a terrifying sound; it had two stages: First it sounded the whining of metal, then it sounded like a refrigerator falling over.
The rumbling sound and tremors continued as if they were... Slow hoof-falls of a giant.
She turned towards the door she entered the roof from. The ponies who'd been there had clearly left but now, she could hear that whatever sent quakes through the building eminated from there. And it was coming closer.
She narrowed her eyes; she knew what this was.
Earth pony gunslingers, having neither dexterity nor mobility, relied massive area of effect damage and massive defense. They had invented something that had both of these things. Something called a, Power-armor.
The incapacitated flash bees jumped a little in place with each tremble coming from the stairs, these tremors only grew in volume and power.
After putting the metronome back in its circle, she freed the bees' antennas from the clothing pegs with her magic.
Tick tock tick... the metronome blathered as the bees immediately released fully loaded zaps towards the Lood only for it to be redirected in the air and connect with the wire sticking out of the mare in the circle. Zigzagged lines of electricty danced as they connected with the mare's chest.
"Set: The twins dance in a ring. Let them dance in reverse. So more of life we may wring. Before I finish this verse," Lood said as if she was reading out aloud. "Now!"
Her horn flashed and the magical circle reacted in kind. The bees zaps of electricity turned into chains of light that bound around the mare that began to levitate in the now radiating circle as the sound of a ticking clock but all other sounds in the background. Bubbles of blue slime floated out from the mare's bullet wound as her heart slowly repaired itself and pushed out the slime in its way.
But despite the obnoxiously loud ticking from the magically-amplified metronome, Lood heard identifying sound of a power-armor's Gatling gun starting it warm-up whirling behind the door.
She inhaled through her teeth and didn't even notice the beauty in her own mage craft as the container holding her blood burst and her blood dove into the other mare's heart.
Maybe I can manage an update for today but I got busy with irl stuff today so we'll see.
>>379440
>Out of a side pocket to Lood's saddlebag, she pulled out a piece of white chalk, a tiny sample tube in glass, a bundle of post-it notes, an ink-pen, a needle and a syringe, and a metrnome. Then she open it's main pocket and brought out a knife, a pair of pliers; a roll of bandages, a roll of barbwire; four clothing pegs of rubber; a large drafting compass; a large expandable ruler; an angle ruler; a metal sheet with holes in it that acted as mold to draw precise symbols from; and a dirty, transparent, rubber tube containing four flash bees in all their blue and yellow glory.
Constructive critic hat on; this paragraph needs a few modifications. When you're writing lists, you tend to only put an 'and' before the last item listed, as well as separating items with commas; semicolons like that are for addendums to the previous, often coming after such lists but generally only used once in a sentence.
Additionally, there are yimes where you vary from 'present' tense to (iirc) 'perfect' tense (GG prolly knows). Its okay to use either, but generally not good to switch between them. I suggest asking chat cpt to look for grammatical errors and such things. In fact, chat gpt suddenly occurs as a brilliant proof-reader/editor
>Out of a side pocket to Lood's saddlebag, she pulled out a piece of white chalk, a tiny sample tube in glass, a bundle of post-it notes, an ink-pen, a needle and a syringe, and a metrnome. Then she open it's main pocket and brought out a knife, a pair of pliers; a roll of bandages, a roll of barbwire; four clothing pegs of rubber; a large drafting compass; a large expandable ruler; an angle ruler; a metal sheet with holes in it that acted as mold to draw precise symbols from; and a dirty, transparent, rubber tube containing four flash bees in all their blue and yellow glory.
Constructive critic hat on; this paragraph needs a few modifications. When you're writing lists, you tend to only put an 'and' before the last item listed, as well as separating items with commas; semicolons like that are for addendums to the previous, often coming after such lists but generally only used once in a sentence.
Additionally, there are yimes where you vary from 'present' tense to (iirc) 'perfect' tense (GG prolly knows). Its okay to use either, but generally not good to switch between them. I suggest asking chat cpt to look for grammatical errors and such things. In fact, chat gpt suddenly occurs as a brilliant proof-reader/editor
>>379440
Oh, and the metal-sheet shapes thing is called a stencil
Other than that I have 0 gripes, its coming along great. The descriptions flow nicely and the spelling errors are both negligable and infrequent. Solid work anon!
Oh, and the metal-sheet shapes thing is called a stencil
Other than that I have 0 gripes, its coming along great. The descriptions flow nicely and the spelling errors are both negligable and infrequent. Solid work anon!
>>379450
>>379451
>Constructive critic hat on
Thanks for bothering at all fren. <3
>When you're writing lists, you tend to only put an 'and' before the last item listed
I'm aware of that rule. The reason I wrote it that way was because I figured that since
>a needle and a syringe
is more of a noun-clause, I think, that it is a whole item that is part of the list of items.
>as well as separating items with commas; semicolons like that are for addendums to the previous, often coming after such lists but generally only used once in a sentence.
I do think it's correct to use semi-colons this way in lists. I believe I learnt it from a grammar video how, if you use commas in lists which do not count as elements in that list you proceed to separate the elements of the list with semi-colons instead.
>there are yimes where you vary from 'present' tense to (iirc) 'perfect' tense
I actually noticed that and I'm sorry. I noticed that somewhere by the end (I think?) of the text and at that point I just wanted to finish the chapter. I just felt was a such a hassle to amend.
> I suggest asking chat cpt to look for grammatical errors and such things. In fact, chat gpt suddenly occurs as a brilliant proof-reader/editor
Yeah, I'll look into it. Good eye, as you Americans say. ^^
>Oh, and the metal-sheet shapes thing is called a stencil
Thanks. Couldn't find a translation for what I wanted.
Sometimes, this site that I use: https://tyda.se/ isn't accurate or its limited in its help.
>Other than that I have 0 gripes, its coming along great. The descriptions flow nicely and the spelling errors are both negligable and infrequent. Solid work anon!
Thanks. That means a lot to me. c:
Thanks again for putting the time to give me feedback.
>>379451
>Constructive critic hat on
Thanks for bothering at all fren. <3
>When you're writing lists, you tend to only put an 'and' before the last item listed
I'm aware of that rule. The reason I wrote it that way was because I figured that since
>a needle and a syringe
is more of a noun-clause, I think, that it is a whole item that is part of the list of items.
>as well as separating items with commas; semicolons like that are for addendums to the previous, often coming after such lists but generally only used once in a sentence.
I do think it's correct to use semi-colons this way in lists. I believe I learnt it from a grammar video how, if you use commas in lists which do not count as elements in that list you proceed to separate the elements of the list with semi-colons instead.
>there are yimes where you vary from 'present' tense to (iirc) 'perfect' tense
I actually noticed that and I'm sorry. I noticed that somewhere by the end (I think?) of the text and at that point I just wanted to finish the chapter. I just felt was a such a hassle to amend.
> I suggest asking chat cpt to look for grammatical errors and such things. In fact, chat gpt suddenly occurs as a brilliant proof-reader/editor
Yeah, I'll look into it. Good eye, as you Americans say. ^^
>Oh, and the metal-sheet shapes thing is called a stencil
Thanks. Couldn't find a translation for what I wanted.
Sometimes, this site that I use: https://tyda.se/ isn't accurate or its limited in its help.
>Other than that I have 0 gripes, its coming along great. The descriptions flow nicely and the spelling errors are both negligable and infrequent. Solid work anon!
Thanks. That means a lot to me. c:
Thanks again for putting the time to give me feedback.
>>379455
>I do think it's correct to use semi-colons this way in lists. I believe I learnt it from a grammar video how, if you use commas in lists which do not count as elements in that list you proceed to separate the elements of the list with semi-colons instead
Huh. I have no reason to doubt, but this is news to me.
>sorry
Nigger please, anything I mention is not about any sort of discipline, its about pffering observations so you can refine the product. I imagine you're gonna more formally post to like FiMfic eventually,....
>Thanks again for putting the time to give me feedback.
Again, nigger please. Thank you for your time, effort, diligence, and tons of other descriptives, in offering content ^_^
>I do think it's correct to use semi-colons this way in lists. I believe I learnt it from a grammar video how, if you use commas in lists which do not count as elements in that list you proceed to separate the elements of the list with semi-colons instead
Huh. I have no reason to doubt, but this is news to me.
>sorry
Nigger please, anything I mention is not about any sort of discipline, its about pffering observations so you can refine the product. I imagine you're gonna more formally post to like FiMfic eventually,....
>Thanks again for putting the time to give me feedback.
Again, nigger please. Thank you for your time, effort, diligence, and tons of other descriptives, in offering content ^_^
>>379456
>Huh. I have no reason to doubt, but this is news to me.
I'll see if I can find it. It's good to be sure for me as well if I'm gonna continue to do so or not.
>anything I mention is not about any sort of discipline
Thank you. Yeah, I just sounds a bit bad to post something that you know is incomplete.
>I imagine you're gonna more formally post to like FiMfic eventually,....
Yeah, you're right. I thought I'd get an account there and just re-post what I post here and so on.
>Thank you for your time, effort, diligence, and tons of other descriptives, in offering content ^_^
^^
>Nigger please
>Again, nigger please.
My mind now:
>Hitler: "nigga nigga, hah?"
<Driver: "It means, like, friend."
^^
>Huh. I have no reason to doubt, but this is news to me.
I'll see if I can find it. It's good to be sure for me as well if I'm gonna continue to do so or not.
>anything I mention is not about any sort of discipline
Thank you. Yeah, I just sounds a bit bad to post something that you know is incomplete.
>I imagine you're gonna more formally post to like FiMfic eventually,....
Yeah, you're right. I thought I'd get an account there and just re-post what I post here and so on.
>Thank you for your time, effort, diligence, and tons of other descriptives, in offering content ^_^
^^
>Nigger please
>Again, nigger please.
My mind now:
>Hitler: "nigga nigga, hah?"
<Driver: "It means, like, friend."
^^
>>379457
>Nigger means friend
Yes, I may need to be sure to emphasize that better, butbyes its a term of familiarity and rapport in this case
>Nigger means friend
Yes, I may need to be sure to emphasize that better, butbyes its a term of familiarity and rapport in this case
>>379458
Hehe, no worries. I got that, fren. ^^ I was just referencing this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiuesTpIPVQ
Hehe, no worries. I got that, fren. ^^ I was just referencing this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiuesTpIPVQ
>>379460
LOL! Seen parts of that, but not that one.
One of the fancy things about why the term Nigger is so versitile is that when used in the context I was using, the meaning is "Yo, my friend, you just said something I disagree with so much that I want to make a joke about it"
Thats what "Nigger, please" means. Obviously it can also be used in an adversarial context, but theres nothing adversarial about our exchange.
LOL! Seen parts of that, but not that one.
One of the fancy things about why the term Nigger is so versitile is that when used in the context I was using, the meaning is "Yo, my friend, you just said something I disagree with so much that I want to make a joke about it"
Thats what "Nigger, please" means. Obviously it can also be used in an adversarial context, but theres nothing adversarial about our exchange.
In context, you thanking ME for READING your work PALES in comparison to you writing and presenting it to be read. I know you appreciate it, I'm not disparaging that, but take a bow.
File (): 7AC4E4539C7FD149954FB546B48360D5-339152.jpg (331.2 KB, 800x1115, 800px-Jack_and_the_Beanstalk_Giant_-_Project_Gutenberg_eText_17034.jpg)
File (): 84118D8EFC53FFE27B717B3051E5A7B3-760024.jpg (742.2 KB, 2000x1328, M61_Vulcan_nose_mounted_6-barreled_Gatling_cannon_(11472816163).jpg)
File (): 6F57AF19285BB47AF7CE53E98711770C-2575605.png (2.5 MB, 1920x1080, Moi-quand-je-me-reincarne-en-slime-saison-2-report.png)
File (): 5036A270234CC22F0E954284C262854C-196902.jpg (192.3 KB, 1024x768, 3371674190_eed88f04cc_b.jpg)
Ch. 6 Pinned to Life
Idk why I even bother with these songs anymore. This one I didn't even listen to while imagining this chapter. ^^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GpghkK9e14&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=6
R-r-r-r, the warm-up revving prickled her ears as she stirred the contents of her saddlebag with her hoof. Her teeth clenched while her eyes darted from one object to another. Then they landed on a jar of filled with beige seeds, small like pearls but in the shape of garlic.
She blinked at it and then her eyes went wide. Her flipped her tome open and perused the index on the last pages. While she did this, her right hoof continued the searching with feel alone. She skipped to the correct chapter, a recipe on a hex-brew called, "Fermented Foundation." She checked off the ingredients list both mentally and physically with her hoof. She then found the last pieces to her puzzle: A egg, a bottle of water, and bag of rocks.
-r-r-rrrrrrrr, the horse-power Gatling-gun picked up on speed and started to grate on her ears. She cupped her ears down and ignored it but her hooves blurred as she went about her tasked with renewed vigor.
She fished up the bottle of water, it was made of glass. Using her knife, she chopped its head off with a crack. Some water spilled out and the edge of the now, make-shift jar, was uneven but would have to do. Her magic did the work while she read so she: Pulled out a mortar, poured the rocks from the bag in the bowl, dumped the seeds in there as well, cracked the egg (It glittered and had a duo color-scheme of wriggling lines of purple and green eggs.) and tried to only drop the yolk in before she plucked a petal from the poison Joke in her hat. She placed it over the blunt end of the pestle and then proceeded to grind the mix in the mortar to a gooey dust.
-rrrrrrrrrrrrrr, the space between her eyebrow crinkled as it seem to suck in the skin of her face into one single point. She cringed in pain as the sound drilled into her head.
Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! a new sound assulted her but from the same source. She couldn't help herself and peeked; the indent in the shape of hooves the size of foal heads popped up on the door with each 'Bam.'
Using her magic aura, she flicked forward to a subsection of the recipe called, Spell Casting: Horn movements. A matrix of simplistically drawn unicorn head followed with arrows and other indications guiding the read in how to preform somatic component of the spell.
Like she'd been possessed, she began to bob her head from shoulder to shoulder, spin her horn in a few loops, and finally whipping it forward as her horn shoot out a bolt of arcane energy into the grey, glittering, and wet dough of the mortar. Small lines of smoke began to drift off it.
Simultaneously as she did the horn component of the spell, she did the verbal component:
"Set:
With the thaumatic secrets I learnt in my coven.
May these rocks ferment like buns in an oven.
But enough small talk.
Grow like a beanstalk.
Go!" she said and finished right before firing of her magic into her magical slurry.
Bam! BAM! BAAMMM! The door slammed into the wall as it swung open.
A Trojan horse, or an earth pony piloting a black power armor stood, well not in since it, whatever sex it was underneath all the metal, was too large to fit in the doorway. Not a single part of the earth pony wasn't covered in few inches thick armor. The only reason the earth pony could carry this equipment at all was because both they were the strongest of all of pony kind and the many engines and pistons built in and around the body suit, helping its occupant in its movements.
The barrel-sized Gatling gun is in full-speed spin, going -RRRRRRRR!!! All that's missing are the bullets.
Using her magic she return slammed the door shut before emptying the contents of the mortar into the broken bottle. As it mix with the water grey and dirty looking foam rise out of the broken bottle. She grabbed it in her magic grasp and toss it onto the door. It shatters, spreading foam over it and the wall.
The foam expanded but in almost cyclical manner as foam would surge forward in all directions for one moment before there was a pause as the foam would crystallize into grey stone with holes in it like a sponge, before new foam would seep out from the holes and start the process anew.
Idk why I even bother with these songs anymore. This one I didn't even listen to while imagining this chapter. ^^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GpghkK9e14&list=PLE7zb29jG-Zcf5b5EW7ODa1zRqDHMky4y&index=6
R-r-r-r, the warm-up revving prickled her ears as she stirred the contents of her saddlebag with her hoof. Her teeth clenched while her eyes darted from one object to another. Then they landed on a jar of filled with beige seeds, small like pearls but in the shape of garlic.
She blinked at it and then her eyes went wide. Her flipped her tome open and perused the index on the last pages. While she did this, her right hoof continued the searching with feel alone. She skipped to the correct chapter, a recipe on a hex-brew called, "Fermented Foundation." She checked off the ingredients list both mentally and physically with her hoof. She then found the last pieces to her puzzle: A egg, a bottle of water, and bag of rocks.
-r-r-rrrrrrrr, the horse-power Gatling-gun picked up on speed and started to grate on her ears. She cupped her ears down and ignored it but her hooves blurred as she went about her tasked with renewed vigor.
She fished up the bottle of water, it was made of glass. Using her knife, she chopped its head off with a crack. Some water spilled out and the edge of the now, make-shift jar, was uneven but would have to do. Her magic did the work while she read so she: Pulled out a mortar, poured the rocks from the bag in the bowl, dumped the seeds in there as well, cracked the egg (It glittered and had a duo color-scheme of wriggling lines of purple and green eggs.) and tried to only drop the yolk in before she plucked a petal from the poison Joke in her hat. She placed it over the blunt end of the pestle and then proceeded to grind the mix in the mortar to a gooey dust.
-rrrrrrrrrrrrrr, the space between her eyebrow crinkled as it seem to suck in the skin of her face into one single point. She cringed in pain as the sound drilled into her head.
Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! a new sound assulted her but from the same source. She couldn't help herself and peeked; the indent in the shape of hooves the size of foal heads popped up on the door with each 'Bam.'
Using her magic aura, she flicked forward to a subsection of the recipe called, Spell Casting: Horn movements. A matrix of simplistically drawn unicorn head followed with arrows and other indications guiding the read in how to preform somatic component of the spell.
Like she'd been possessed, she began to bob her head from shoulder to shoulder, spin her horn in a few loops, and finally whipping it forward as her horn shoot out a bolt of arcane energy into the grey, glittering, and wet dough of the mortar. Small lines of smoke began to drift off it.
Simultaneously as she did the horn component of the spell, she did the verbal component:
"Set:
With the thaumatic secrets I learnt in my coven.
May these rocks ferment like buns in an oven.
But enough small talk.
Grow like a beanstalk.
Go!" she said and finished right before firing of her magic into her magical slurry.
Bam! BAM! BAAMMM! The door slammed into the wall as it swung open.
A Trojan horse, or an earth pony piloting a black power armor stood, well not in since it, whatever sex it was underneath all the metal, was too large to fit in the doorway. Not a single part of the earth pony wasn't covered in few inches thick armor. The only reason the earth pony could carry this equipment at all was because both they were the strongest of all of pony kind and the many engines and pistons built in and around the body suit, helping its occupant in its movements.
The barrel-sized Gatling gun is in full-speed spin, going -RRRRRRRR!!! All that's missing are the bullets.
Using her magic she return slammed the door shut before emptying the contents of the mortar into the broken bottle. As it mix with the water grey and dirty looking foam rise out of the broken bottle. She grabbed it in her magic grasp and toss it onto the door. It shatters, spreading foam over it and the wall.
The foam expanded but in almost cyclical manner as foam would surge forward in all directions for one moment before there was a pause as the foam would crystallize into grey stone with holes in it like a sponge, before new foam would seep out from the holes and start the process anew.
File (): 440F01CC852D95F29C0629D164BB367D-129014.png (126.0 KB, 612x400, 3300805__safe_artist-colon-plunger_derpibooru+import_oc_oc-colon-the+mare+with+no+name_earth+pony_pony_alcohol_annoyed_bandolier_female_glass_hat_image.png)
File (): 4C80326FFD5F44923BE54D5CF7AD26E9-102148.jpg (99.8 KB, 1000x1080, alchemical-symbols-vector-6211845.jpg)
>>379486
Continuation:
---
Lood used her magic to guide the rapid growth. She tried to redirect the growth spurts of the fermenting foundation to barricade the door with stone.
Thu-thu-thu-thu, the FF's crystallized parts formed cracks as the foam part sent foam flying her way. If any of it actually landed on Lood she lightning-fast swiped it off. Even then, pebbles grow out from her fur where the foam had hit like tiny stalagmites. It was the Gatling gun firing at full rotation straight into the FF.
Still the FF grew and the flying globs of foam slowly ceased as the rain of fire was too weak to break through the barricade of the FF.
Zap, Lood heard an electrical discharge.
"Ahhhh!" somepony shouted behind Lood.
Lood turned around and saw the ranger mare she was saving floating in the air above the magical circle. Her mouth was open and she flailed her hooves from time to time. She seemed to be sleeping and having a nightmare.
The blue slime spun around in the air as if it was suspended in a lava lamp. It had been pushed out of the mare's chest as the mare had fully healed, or well there was a "star" of bare, smooth, pink skin on her chest now. The slime was an transparent azure color and but inside it were more transparent slime in green that moved like a snake.
"Nonny," Lood called and flipped her hat over.
The green in the slime formed a question mark before it formed a exclamation mark instead. It jumped, somehow, from the airborne field into the her cartwheel hat. She put it back, hiding again that she even had a familiar.
She felt something wet poke her on the rump. She spun around and found a pillar of FF grown in her direction, and was growing. Using her magic she quickly re-directed the growth away from her. But that's when she saw it. The FF had grown into a huge mound of stone with more squirts of foam surging out in random directions. Some even grow off the roof and eventually broke off and fell off on the other streets below.
Lood heard a sequence of tiny explosions in a series. It had the clang of glass to it and as the roof began to tilt towards the mound of FF, she realized it had been the windows of the building on the FF's side that had burst under the weight of all the stone. She could even hear cracking from the very roof she stood on.
Lood ran to the side of the hovering mare, pulled her onto her back with her magic, and carried her on her back on her way to the edge of the building. Lood found no close ledge or lower level that she could safely jump off this clearly crumpling building. She ran over to another corner of the roof and scanned for any potential escape route.
She found nothing and groaned loudly and got a whining, half-asleep groan as an answer. She glanced at the mare on her back who was looking at her with half-lidded grey-blue eyes.
Was she even aware?
New magically replaced muscle mass was usually weaker than the muscle mass it replaced. Eventually since it was new, it would grow to be even stronger than the old one. There were some ponies that had attempted to replace their body with new parts with this magic but it was risky. Since the heart was a muscle and part of the mare's heart had been replaced with new muscle tissues, the heart was a bit weaker but functional for the other mare, right now. So she was a bit out of it.
Lood saw a roof on the other side of the street. The building was about the same height as this one so she couldn't try to jump over to it, however...
"You're a unicorn ranger," she said almost as if saying it would make it so as she turned towards the mare on top of her. "You know how to teleport, right?"
"Tela... Port?" the mare rambled and her eyes crossed.
"Yes, teleport us over to that roof." Lood pointed over to the other roof.
Despite it all the mare's gaze looked in that general direction and nodded.
"A-a..." She swallowed. "Ah, can do. Bu- but wah, tho?"
Her questions were followed by more sounds of cracks and the roof had started to tilt so much now that she had to fight to not slide towards one side of it.
Lood spun around and gestured at the cracks forming in the floor.
"The whole buckin' building is coming down. That's why. Teleport us!" she shouted in anger as Lood's heart sat in her throat.
The mare's eyes went wide but maintain the sort of grogginess a alcoholic would have in one of their stupors.
"Okay, okay." The mare nodded, looked towards the other building, and shut her eyes.
Her horn glowed brighter and brighter. Suddenly, it lit up in a flash; they were gone and reappeared on the other side of the street below on the roof of the other building.
They stood there for a moment looking at the building they just been on. The roof was slowly being twisted around as the buildings walls expanded outward due to the added weight of the house of giant grey rocks on top of one side of the building.
Then after a lot of cracking, groaning, and snapping from the building; it finally gave in. The pressured half crumbled in on itself and out on the nearby streets as well while the other "free" half just fell down on top of it along with mound of newly formed rocks.
Continuation:
---
Lood used her magic to guide the rapid growth. She tried to redirect the growth spurts of the fermenting foundation to barricade the door with stone.
Thu-thu-thu-thu, the FF's crystallized parts formed cracks as the foam part sent foam flying her way. If any of it actually landed on Lood she lightning-fast swiped it off. Even then, pebbles grow out from her fur where the foam had hit like tiny stalagmites. It was the Gatling gun firing at full rotation straight into the FF.
Still the FF grew and the flying globs of foam slowly ceased as the rain of fire was too weak to break through the barricade of the FF.
Zap, Lood heard an electrical discharge.
"Ahhhh!" somepony shouted behind Lood.
Lood turned around and saw the ranger mare she was saving floating in the air above the magical circle. Her mouth was open and she flailed her hooves from time to time. She seemed to be sleeping and having a nightmare.
The blue slime spun around in the air as if it was suspended in a lava lamp. It had been pushed out of the mare's chest as the mare had fully healed, or well there was a "star" of bare, smooth, pink skin on her chest now. The slime was an transparent azure color and but inside it were more transparent slime in green that moved like a snake.
"Nonny," Lood called and flipped her hat over.
The green in the slime formed a question mark before it formed a exclamation mark instead. It jumped, somehow, from the airborne field into the her cartwheel hat. She put it back, hiding again that she even had a familiar.
She felt something wet poke her on the rump. She spun around and found a pillar of FF grown in her direction, and was growing. Using her magic she quickly re-directed the growth away from her. But that's when she saw it. The FF had grown into a huge mound of stone with more squirts of foam surging out in random directions. Some even grow off the roof and eventually broke off and fell off on the other streets below.
Lood heard a sequence of tiny explosions in a series. It had the clang of glass to it and as the roof began to tilt towards the mound of FF, she realized it had been the windows of the building on the FF's side that had burst under the weight of all the stone. She could even hear cracking from the very roof she stood on.
Lood ran to the side of the hovering mare, pulled her onto her back with her magic, and carried her on her back on her way to the edge of the building. Lood found no close ledge or lower level that she could safely jump off this clearly crumpling building. She ran over to another corner of the roof and scanned for any potential escape route.
She found nothing and groaned loudly and got a whining, half-asleep groan as an answer. She glanced at the mare on her back who was looking at her with half-lidded grey-blue eyes.
Was she even aware?
New magically replaced muscle mass was usually weaker than the muscle mass it replaced. Eventually since it was new, it would grow to be even stronger than the old one. There were some ponies that had attempted to replace their body with new parts with this magic but it was risky. Since the heart was a muscle and part of the mare's heart had been replaced with new muscle tissues, the heart was a bit weaker but functional for the other mare, right now. So she was a bit out of it.
Lood saw a roof on the other side of the street. The building was about the same height as this one so she couldn't try to jump over to it, however...
"You're a unicorn ranger," she said almost as if saying it would make it so as she turned towards the mare on top of her. "You know how to teleport, right?"
"Tela... Port?" the mare rambled and her eyes crossed.
"Yes, teleport us over to that roof." Lood pointed over to the other roof.
Despite it all the mare's gaze looked in that general direction and nodded.
"A-a..." She swallowed. "Ah, can do. Bu- but wah, tho?"
Her questions were followed by more sounds of cracks and the roof had started to tilt so much now that she had to fight to not slide towards one side of it.
Lood spun around and gestured at the cracks forming in the floor.
"The whole buckin' building is coming down. That's why. Teleport us!" she shouted in anger as Lood's heart sat in her throat.
The mare's eyes went wide but maintain the sort of grogginess a alcoholic would have in one of their stupors.
"Okay, okay." The mare nodded, looked towards the other building, and shut her eyes.
Her horn glowed brighter and brighter. Suddenly, it lit up in a flash; they were gone and reappeared on the other side of the street below on the roof of the other building.
They stood there for a moment looking at the building they just been on. The roof was slowly being twisted around as the buildings walls expanded outward due to the added weight of the house of giant grey rocks on top of one side of the building.
Then after a lot of cracking, groaning, and snapping from the building; it finally gave in. The pressured half crumbled in on itself and out on the nearby streets as well while the other "free" half just fell down on top of it along with mound of newly formed rocks.