/sp/ - Football

1/?

Denver Broncos are the best footballing team ever. There is no one on earth who can do footballs as good as the Denver Broncos. Many others have tried and failed to be as football. You think you can football like these guys? Heh, get in line, cuck. You'd need to get up about 12 hours earlier and spend all morning and all afternoon being football to football like the kings of football, the Denver Broncos.

The Denver Broncos cannot be joined, the Denver Broncos join you. They take all the footballs and splice them together with genetics to make John Elway, and John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning.

John Elway is the king of all that is and was the Denver Broncos. John Elway is the alpha and the omega, also known as scootie puff senior the Doom Bringer. He has so many footballs you won't know where to put them all.

Do you want to know how to spell John Elway's name in ancient Hebrew? No, you don't, because it would convert you instantly into football and you would explode into all football. Football for everyone? Yes, but not for you.

In the days of yore there was no football, and no Denver, and no Broncos. There was however John Elway, for John Elway is eternal. And God said unto John Elway, thou shalt build me an ark, only it won't be an ark so much as it will be football.

And John Elway did build football 40 cubits wide and 40 cubits deep with a circumference of 40 million cubits and a football. The football was pleasing to the God and the American, and he said unto Moses: You should be more like John Elway you raging faggot.

And Moses said unto the Lord: Fuck you I'm a Patriots fan.

And God did smite Moses for his faggotry and there was much rejoice and football was had for all. And John Elway did make more football and put football on the moon and put all the footballs in space which made the world for the third time that day.

John Elway is the king of all football and creator of the Denver Broncos. He was cast in bronze and forged from iron 12,000 years ago by the almighty god Dan Reeves, who came inside Rainbow Dash one fateful December night and created Hurricane Katrina which blew all around the world and killed all the black people but unfortunately they came back to life and asked for money.

However John Elway was also born that night, and he grew into a mighty demigod who then set forth on the road to become a full god as soon as he had lunch, and then he became football through the divine will of Jesus Christ and much to the awe of the American he went on to create football in his image.

John Elway was born in December over 1000 years ago, in a time before there was time, because football is time and this was a time without football. It was a dark time, obviously, since football is light and light is friendship and friendship is magic.

Then, Dan Reeves did befriend and seduce the Lady Dash, and came inside her, and she burst forth a football, who was the football for all time, John Elway. And John Elway did proclaim himself to be football and exploded into football and then there was football for all time.

The main thing you should really know about John Elway is that John Elway is football. John Elway is all football, John Elway is the Denver Broncos and the Denver Broncos are the football for all eternity. If you were John Elway you know what you would do? Nothing, because you could never be John Elway you double nigger.

Long, long ago, in the days when the Universe was empty and there was no John Elway, the people were without direction and hope, for there was no football and no Denver Broncos. But then, lo, the angel Gabriel appeared, and said to them: be not afraid, for I bring unto you tidings of great football, which shall be for all people. For today in the city of Denver is born unto you a savior, he is John Elway. Praise Jesus and Praise American.

Amen,
Football.

2/?

You know what's never happening, even if a thousand years were to pass and the seas dried up? The Denver Broncos ever not being football.

Denver Broncos are football now and forever. Open your heart to football, my friend. You see, when football was in its infancy and the world was without form, the heavens did open up and the lord said unto Moses: Suck my fucking dick you faggot. And Moses did say unto Abraham, You heard him faggot, suck his dick.

And then Dan Reeves came inside the Lady Dash, and there was football. And a burst of rainbows did spring forth from his almighty dong, and was converted into pure football, and the Lady Dash did give birth to John Elway, who was football. And the world was with football, and football was with John Elway.

And so it was that John Elway did create the Denver Broncos to be football now and forever.
Amen. Praise footbal.

3/?

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

Thus spoke Zarathustra in the year 200 AD, when he did venture into the fabled city of Denver and glimpse there the glory and wonder of Football.

John Elway, the anointed prophet of football, was seated there, at the right hand of Princess Celestia, and lo, he did raise his mighty fist, and with a cry of DEFENSE DEFENSE DEFENSE he did split open the heavens. And there was a great rending, as of a mirror breaking, and thence did the sky split apart, and the sky did rain football, and the ponies of the realm did tear open Zarathustra and feast upon the sweet gooey meat within.

And so it came to pass that in the year 200 AD the City of Denver did behold Football, and thus the ponies did become infused with the power of football, and became The Denver Broncos.

Praise American.

4/?

In days of old, when knights were bold, the Princess Celestia did decree that the Princess Luna must be imprisoned in the moon. And it was on the moon that the Princess Luna did discover that all the moon was football, and the glorious light of John Elway did light up the heavens.

Yea, and John Elway said unto Princess Luna: be not afraid. I bring you tidings of great joy. For today, I am going to totally make like 700 touchdowns and punch the Oakland Raiders in the dick.

RIGHT. IN. THE. DICK.

And so it came to pass that the Oakland Raiders were punched in the dick, and there was football for all time. Amen.

5/?

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I'll tell you: NOTHING. And do you know why? Because you're paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear at the awesome magnetic hypnocock of the one and only JOHN ELWAY.

John Elway is the beginning and the end, the Lord of heaven and earth. Pete Townshend once asked John Elway if he could teach him how to football, and John Elway did punch him right in his preposterous nigger dick, and his balls exploded into football. From that day forward, Pete Townshend was known throughout the land as Jimi Hendrix, and his guitar exploded into sapphire bullets of pure football.

All the footballs shall come to ye if you just pray to Elway for strength. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the football forever. Amen.

6/?

Our Elway who art in Denver; hall-of-famed be thy name. Thy touchdown runs and PAT'S be done, on away games as it is at home. Give us this day our daily Footballs and forgive us our shitposting as we forgive those who shitpost against us. And lead us not into dub-thievery, but deliver us from Hebrews. For thine is the fandom, and the trolling of all the Footballs together. Football.

>>5607
6/6

I know it's short but does anyone still have the tippity top kekkles one? Tippity top kekkles guy, are you still around?

>>5612
Where's that thread GR15 was posting in a few weeks ago? Someone quoted that in full

Bump so we dont lose this important piece of history