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File: 1553308153740.png (1012.87 KB, 1280x720, First place woah dash very….png)

df175 No.213469[Last 50 Posts]

So yeah, if you are new to this here is a brief rundown of what this thread is about and what happened in the last one.
In this thread wannabe writers posts their stories and those stories are then judged accordingly by a jury, which after some thought gives it a score. The Story with the highest score wins. Simple.
In the last thread,>>197973, an anon named Placeholder won with his short story about marines, who probably has never seen the sea, and therefore the abstract and conceptual cup of /MLPOL/ writefagging is currently in the Anonfilly camp. Hopefully, it will end up somewhere else before it becomes too gay. I shudder at the thought of what they might be doing with it.

For the competitors/writers.

This challenge is different from the previous one. Here we won't write short stories but actual novels. This means that both the minimum word count has been increased and the days you have at your disposal has increased. An entry has a minimum length of 10k words and then let's say that you have forty days to write it so the first of May will be our deadline.

There is actually an extra condition for this competition this time around to make it more interesting. The inspiration for it came to me when I was watching some anime review and the e-celeb said something about how the quality for the stories in anime is so low is because they go by a mold which, unless your name carries weight, your story must fit through. Basically, they think that since this kind of story was popular once we can simply rehash it again and again and they don't take their chances with something they don't know will get popular. There is probably a lot one could say about this, and it's totally fine to bring it up in the thread if you like, but the thing that I got stuck on was the underlying idea that quality is held back by this mold.

That is what I want to prove wrong and I am going to use you, unsuspecting sheep, to do it.

The scenario goes like this: You are an aspiring author who along others like you have been called into the headquarters of Netfux's new animation studio, which they own together with Hasbro (yeah, roll with it). They started it because they want a piece of that anime market. They have hired in an editor from A-1 pictures or whatever. You meet him and he tells you what you must write. He, who has been into anime too long, doesn't know that stories for boys doesn't necessarily need to be shonen [read: series of actions sqequnces] and has a few demands for your stories. You have to choose five tropes from a list of marketable tropes. These tropes must be in the story for it to be accepted but after that, it will be a jury who decided the fate of your work.

Also, not to forget, you are supposed to write it in my little pony universe because the producers for this cocktail of madness wants to cash in on the brony fandom as well.

So there you have it. You realize that even though you want to spend time expressing your own unique tales that this is a chance that you simply cannot miss. If you have an animation studio behind your creative work, you can let your dreams truly unfurl.

Here is that list:
1 The OP MC
2 The self-insert
3 Harem
4 The underdog
5 A concrete battle system
6 Mind games
7 Revealing female battle armor
8 The kududere
9 The Yandere
10 The Tsundere
11 The imouto character
12 The mentor
13 The school setting
14 The rival(s)
15 Discovery of character lineage
16 The character with some dark edgy power nobody else has
17 The artifact with enormous powers
18 Tournament Arc
19 Free for all/Battle royal
20 The character with a quirky gimmick
21 The redemption seeker
22 The avenger
23 The flashbacks
24 A great evil has risen again
25 And this evil will either destroy the world
26 Or take over it
27 A guy walks in on a naked girl and gets killed
28 Moe stuff
29 Constantly talking about one's goal and how one needs to get stronger in order to reach it
30 Training montage/or just scenes with characters practice is better.
31 The infuriating comic relief/or just the comic relief
32 The puppet master
33 Manicial laughing crazy edge character
34 The nerd A.K.A. the jew (every single time in every movie)
35 Pick a trope of your own choice just make sure to tell us which one you picked before you send in your final entry.

To summarise, to compete you need to write a story that has some anchor to ponies. It can be a ponies on earth story or a "Humans in Equestria" story both are okay. However, you can't write a story about some brony who lets mlp influence his average day that is not enough.
The other condition for your story is that it needs to be at a minimum of ten thousand words long. Another thing is that it must be made during the time of the competition but that's up to your conscious.
The last condition for this story is that is must be some kind of adventure/actions story since it is supposed to be in shonen format. I accept stories about characters playing sports for their action scenes, even playing games, and cat and mouse stuff but I draw the line against anything that isn't any of this.
You also have to choose five tropes of the thirty-five in the list above. Think about how to execute them well and remember that it is okay to subvert them and play around with them as well since that also counts as using them.

df175 No.213471

The goal with this exercise.

The goal of this exercise, excluding the obvious to get better at writing, is to learn to execute ideas. Another reason for why I choose the format shonen moreover the one already stated was because it is an already established mold from which stories are easy to make from.
I think that new writers often, talking for myself here, have a problem of developing their ideas and finish their stories. My thought process was, therefore, to use this already existing mold as a crutch for exploring and finishing one's ideas. To have a simple narrative well executed so one could move onto harder ones afterward.

For the judges

This is the instruction part. I will get to the part on how we will choose judges later.
As judges, you will read through the stories and given the story a numerical value from zeroSilverStar-tier to tenStarlightGlimmer-tier if you want to give it a more precise score, it is okay to write stuff like 9.0000000003 or something but honestly, please refrain from it since it looks fucking stupid.
You determine the score by evaluating how well the story manages to do two things: The execution of its tropes, and it's quality in general. I don't have a ratio for you to follow on the importance of these things. I will leave that to you.
If the story is below ten thousand words and/or the story has nothing to do with ponies what so ever, then it is disqualified. Let me clarify. Ponies on earth is okay and humans in Equestria is okay but mc is horsefucker who is merely influenced by watching mlp daily is not okay.
Also, if you can prove that a story has been written in beforehand of this date today, it is also disqualified.

Now for the part where we choose the judges. Here is the thing, I would like to have three, max four judges in the jury for this competition BUT something tells me it might be more popular than that and I don't wanna hold back anyone from doing what they like doing. While I will admit it will look kind of funny if there are more judges than writers in this competition if it is so, so be it. It could be a funny meme.
Anyway, I will call up some anons that I could see as reviewers. If I miss someone who likes to do it as well don't be shy and speak up. In the end, I don't care how this ends up you wannabe judges can solve it for yourself. (A great politician in the making; Ducking all responsibility, lol.)
Anyway, I know Glimglam accepted my request and will be one of them. I would like my maple syrup slurping friend to be one as well (you know who you are). And these anons as well, >>211874, >>198853, and >>213451.
Remember you can always make an appealing argument to me since I am OP if you want to be a reviewer, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtEd4M6ULs4 .


Before we start I want to remind everyone that we are doing this for fun nothing else. I have seen this too many times when I have read some fanfiction. At chapter six the story goes on hiatus and the guy apologizes, someone writes in the author's notes that they are sorry because the chapter was too short, or they came off schedule and whatever. I have done similar things too so I will just say that I don't want to see that stuff. Don't put pressure on yourselves. You are, on your free-time, providing us with a nice story entirely free and from your own visions. You don't owe us anything and not many others are providing something either so they can't complain.

This thread is also supposed to be comfy and passionate about writing. Do ask questions if you need help. One of the reviewers or some other writer might help you and generally, don't feel like the things you post need to be of any real quality. Literal shitposts are okay to spam in this thread. Take the Anonfilly thread as an example. Most of their posts are just banter. The thread is seriously 70% trash ;^p

Anonfilly thread: ”Filly is cute”, ”No U!”, ”Haha, Filly a cute=Filly acute”, ”That's big filly”, ”4 u”, ”Filly is not for sexual”, ”Filly is too for sexual”, ”Reee” ”reeeeee!!!”, ”Purple!!!!”, ”>ywn:”a fucking list””, and last but not least ”I like to have filly pee in my mouth”
Me: >pic
Really, though. I wanted to have a clip here instead. But it became too much of a hassle to deal with.

df175 No.213507

File: 1553322815570.png (1.28 MB, 1475x2225, Sasuke_Weapons_Loaded_Rend….png)

I realize that you, Nigel is a (you)-magnet so I thought about what type of bait I could provide for you to mosey on over here to this thread.

How about I put on a nice and juicy Naruto rant on this meat hook here.

Here is my Nigel-tier rant about Naruto that no one asked for.

I think Naruto is good. When I say good I mean in relation to other animes. I like it as much as I like My Hero Academia. They both have their pros and cons but here is the thing about them, I think anyway. They are both anime. All anime that aren't completely incoherent and even some who are, get a positive response from the anime community because I suppose the bar is set so low. Seriously, Akame Ga Kill has 7.9 on IMDB but I guess in that case it is more that anyone who actually liked it would bother to rate it. It is as E;R said, ”Only most animes are trash.” And yeah, a lot of animes are okay or good in my eyes but very few are amazing.

Take an anime I actually like, Tokyo Ghoul. Why do I like it? Because I think most of the ideas being presented in the story and its visuals to be inspiring but if I take a moment to look at the plot of the thing I will notice that it is a very contrived tale. That relies heavily on conveniences (I am not even counting the first convinces since I see it as the setup for the story's premise.) such as: Touka finding Kaneki just before he can devour Hide, and… you know what it was quite a long time ago I watched it. But really though, watch the first season and think about how characters end up where they are. Like how Touka ended up in the church where Nishiki and Kaneki are fighting Tsukiyama. It really stood out to me how many moments like that there were in the show and objectively that sort of stuff isn't good writing.

That brings me back to my thoughts on Naruto. Naruto's pros are its ideas and its cons are its execution of these ideas. The ideas of chakra and finger sign to perform magic and having this world with martial artist battlemages were intriguing to me. I also like Naruto's character, Sasuke's character, and most of the tactical ideas in the fights that transpired in the series. Yet the keyword here is ideas the execution of these fights, for example, are lacking.

Take the first fight against Zabuza. Zabuza is holding Kakashi hostage in a water prison, and Naruto and Sasuke are trying to free him. Now, I won't go through the entire thing but I will focus your attention on one of the problems with their plan so if you ever watch this scene, it will become more apparent to you.
Zabuza is using one hand to imprison Kakashi and has one free hand. A shuriken is thrown towards him by Sauske. Sauske's shuriken is grabbed by Zabuza's free hand. Then another shuriken comes flying towards him, which was apparently hidden in the shadow of the former. Here is one of the problems. The plan relies on the idea that since Zabuza's hand now is occupied he cannot grab the next shuriken. They literally forget that he can just drop the one he is holding and grab the next one.

This scene illustrates all my thoughts on Naruto; It would have been a cool scene if it hadn't failed.

My Hero Academia is the same. It is the hypest now but when the hype dies down and people look back they might notice things like how Bakugo vs Uraraka is silly match-up and that a series, much like Naruto, whose emotional scenes relies solely on a barrage of flashbacks going off back-to-back in the midst of battle along with the character telling us how he/she feels by inner monologing might not be the best-written piece of fiction ever.

Don't get me wrong I still like this and call them good. They have other things that make up for it but they are not enough to make me call them amazing either.

I was just joking about, ”Anonfilly being mostly 70% trash”. I felt like I needed to clarify myself because it might be misunderstood.

66768 No.213508

Don't worry about drawing us in, I'm already thinking about what my entry should be; it'll just take a hot minute to get it all worked out.

df175 No.213516

Hehe, great. Also, you don't really need to decide that yet. No stress.

df175 No.213523

File: 1553328811091.jpg (338.06 KB, 1280x1024, anime-1551612820600-45.jpg)

This isn't in any way or form required for participants to do. You can literally just lurk until the deadline and post it on the last minute together with a list of the five tropes you choose to use in your story. This is just for the kicks of sharing my idea for a story with you guys.

The five tropes I will use for my story are: I will have a concrete battle system. The story will contain mind games. There will be a mentor character. I am not sure if I will have flashbacks or the rivals as my fourth trope yet. For my fifth and final trope, I will pick, to celebrate the fact that Eromanga Sensei season 2 starts next month, the imouto character trope.

So here is my story's premise. Orbit Light or Orbital light I haven't decided yet. Is a young unicorn filly who by accident ends up in the badlands. Specifically, she ends up in Klugtown, I think is the choice I will make. There she is taken in by Caballeron and she ends up working for him while she is trying to figure out how to get back home to her brother's sweet embrace.

The battle system will be such that each character has abilities that fit their character and the reader will know in beforehand the scope of these abilities and powers. The system is therefore not all-encompassing but divided into several different characters' powers.

The mind games will be an extension of these powers in action. Characters will use their powers with wit to overcome their opponent, most of the time anyway.

The Mentor character will be Caballeron who takes the time to tutor Orbit about some sort of Sun Tzu-ish strategy philosophy.

She loves her Nii-san and that's her sole motivating force behind her trying to return home, lol.

Also, lol. Here I am like, ”Dude, don't stress”, and while I am pushing myself into writing like a madman.

f9159 No.213525

File: 1553329255118.jpg (83.94 KB, 1075x375, Three-Reasons-to-Love-the-….jpg)

>She loves her Nissan
I must admit, I wasn't expecting that in the story

df175 No.213527

File: 1553330211819.jpg (150.61 KB, 1024x576, jeremy-clarkson.jpg)

The greatest big brother… in the world.

6bb7a No.213529

i have my troupes picked
>The artifact with enormous powers
>A great evil has risen and taken over the world
>Discovery of character lineage
>The avenger
>Constantly talking about one'goal and how one needs to get stronger in order to reach it
Although i have a question, i was thinking of setting my story About 80 years after the (((The Great Evil))) has won. would that be allowed?
And i make no promises that it'll be a good story or even as good as nigels.

df175 No.213531

File: 1553336565706.jpg (118.61 KB, 939x1024, b4c5738afd91494a35d9048031….jpg)

>Although i have a question, i was thinking of setting my story About 80 years after the (((The Great Evil))) has won. would that be allowed?
Eh, why not? I will consider it playing with the trope. Mr. Shekelberg nodds as well so, you havve promission.
>And i make no promises that it'll be a good story or even as good as nigels.
Don't worry about it. It is called the bottomless pit because everything can always get worse.

Intresting choices anyway. I get seriously curious now. It is funny because you think that we will all pick the same things but no. I especially liked that you picked the last one. I totally wrote that one because I am annoyed and tired of anime characters who does this :D.

I also just reflected on the fact now when I have this list of tropes infront of me I see that two story who are seen as compeletly different from each other can actually be based from the same tropes. Like Star Wars' hero's joureny is like another story with a hero's journey but different. One never knows how these tropes will play out.

df175 No.213532

File: 1553338595681.jpg (52.92 KB, 400x600, eb059e0d8c51372a78ff899641….jpg)

Now that I think about it. Nigel, this competition's setup should be to your liking since you have not particularly hidden your love for shonen anime. Maybe, you can write a prequal to Silver Star and his quest [insert gay joke here] by having a story about one of his many advantures before he became the grand wizard of every discipline ever.

6bb7a No.213533

That would be Amazing,unironically.

6bb7a No.213534

>Eh, why not? I will consider it playing with the trope. Mr. Shekelberg nodds as well so, you havve promission.
thanks. This is the first time ill be attempting to write a novel.
>Intresting choices anyway. I get seriously curious now. It is funny because you think that we will all pick the same things but no. I especially liked that you picked the last one. I totally wrote that one because I am annoyed and tired of anime characters who does this :D.
yea, i thought it would be Funny to write about and i'm also kinda tired of the troupe in anime as well. Believe it.
>I also just reflected on the fact now when I have this list of tropes infront of me I see that two story who are seen as compeletly different from each other can actually be based from the same tropes. Like Star Wars' hero's joureny is like another story with a hero's journey but different. One never knows how these tropes will play out.
Yea, i think that's what i like most about writing.

df175 No.213536

File: 1553342177317.png (379 KB, 862x865, Dashie smug.png)

>Believe it

df2a4 No.213635

File: 1553395300406.jpg (306.18 KB, 1283x825, Girls und Panzer main char….jpg)

I have been thinking about my story since yesterday. I haven't yet written down my thoughts. I will jot down some notes about them after this but I thought I would update you guys on my progress. I will try to keep it spoiler free, at least for the most important aspects of the story. The things that I will reveal are more general.

I have created four support characters that will be close to the main character, Orbit light (is probably the name I will go with), when she is in the badlands.
So to keep it general. I had the idea that just as there can be more than one rival in fiction there can also be more than one mentor and one pony who views are mc as their little sister. Yeah, I am still going with that trope.

I have been thinking that I might change my tropes later to something that fits more with the story I writing or just include more. However, I don't want to lose focus by adding too many tropes in my story and potentially make it bloated and also, I created the story from the tropes I took. If I move too much away from the core of what my story is about, it again can become bloated, I think. Maybe, if the tropes I add actually complement the already existing tropes in the story it might work.

I realized that I missed a trope such as the over-arching theme but I don't want to add anything more to the list because then will we be here forever. Thirty-five on the list is for that very purpose after all. To make sure that one can include a trope one thinks is missing from the list. Considering what I write, I might use that for an over-arching theme trope later or for the other trope that my story manage to mimic, the magical girl genre. Seriously, a bunch of fillies fighting and some have magic at their disposal.

So how is your progress? Have you like me just been thinking about it or have you actually written something already?

a3d12 No.213641

File: 1553399693110.png (372.31 KB, 830x830, 1470503562890.png)

I still haven't really determined if I really have the free time for something like this, but in the case that I do, I would like to ask a few questions:
1. I'm an autistic fucking faggot who really likes Anonfilly. Could I have the little homo be one of my characters?

2. As long as it's 'action-packed' (pretty much the google definition of shonen) is there really much else that needs to be there besides five of the tropes for it to be considered shonen? I haven't watched much anime, (really only the stuff I've heard is phenomenal, so that's like… OPM, Akira, and most of Studio Chibli's catalog) but I'd like to be able to put the idea I'm considering up to what you would consider a good example concept.
3. Is the format for the story >memearrows, fagfiction (normal) or something else?

df2a4 No.213643

File: 1553400960004.jpg (208.89 KB, 900x511, Anonfilly does weird stuff.jpg)

1 Yes, you can. Anonflly can even be the main characeter. However, this means we others must work harder since now there is two of your kind here. Disaster can't be allowed to strike twice after all.

2 I am not hundred procent sure what defines shonen or not. I have a fair guess and I could do research about it but basically for this competition you only need to have your story be action-packed in someway andd for it to contain five tropes of your own chosing.
>but I'd like to be able to put the idea I'm considering up to what you would consider a good example concept.
>example concept.
I don't really get what you are saying here. Could you clearify?

3 No, the format is of your own choosing. However, with time people will probably need pastebins or to keep the stories in pdfs or something.
>I still haven't really determined if I really have the free time for something like this

No sweat.

a3d12 No.213652

Alright, cool. I'll get to work on it either tonight or tomorrow, though I should probably mention that I'm prone to abandoning concepts at times, I find it a fucking wonder I've kept Chilly going so long…
Anyways, I'll give it the old cooledge try.

df2a4 No.213657

File: 1553411760099.jpg (81.48 KB, 1280x720, Shocked anime girl face.jpg)

Awesome, also

>I'm prone to abandoning concepts at times

Don't you know who you are talking to?

a3d12 No.213660

File: 1553412448154.png (602.51 KB, 3031x1542, 1526350075038.png)

I do, heh. Really though, what you've done is pennies compared to all the stuff I left unfinished under another alias.
Here's a bin of what I've got so far, might give you a bit of a taste of what's to come; if it is to come. Sleep tight poner, I'm hitting the hay.

66768 No.213664

I've gotten a general idea that I think would be interesting to explore, but I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out the tropes that would fit into it well (aside from a few given ones). Once that's out of the way, I should be able to do some writing for once.

df2a4 No.213665

File: 1553415521542.jpg (663.2 KB, 1920x1080, 5centimeterspersecond-1551….jpg)

Okay, great.
Make sure to tell me if it really doesn't workout with the tropes, as in they really don't fit. Maybe we can make a change to a smaller number of required tropes but I don't really want to. However, that might just be me being abstient and obnoxious. If you anons want that, then I will allow it.

But anyway, looking forward to it. Right now I have read what Lone15 wrote once. I will do it once more before i will give him feedback.

66768 No.213670

Alright, I think I've worked out what I'm going to use from your list to make the story work:
>Powerful Artifacts
>Asshat trying to take over the world
>Comic relief (good and/or bad, I have no idea how well I write humor)

df2a4 No.213674

File: 1553420619258.webm (289.76 KB, 500x282, Mako Makhanshok.webm)

Glad to see that it worked out. Hope it doesn't hurt your vision too much to add that trope.

Looking forward to it as said. To write humor is something I haven't done before either. Like I have written shitposts stories before but the jokes in those are all basically metajokes that break the fourth wall. However, in more serious stories one wants the reader to be immersed so breaking the fourth wall isn't the best way to go about it. Then again, it depends on what type of story one is telling.
I guess, usually, in those types of stories, it is the chemistry between characters that generate most of the funny situations. Maybe, it was wrong of me to have a trope that focused solely on having one character to be funny.
Regardless, I guess the technique that one would use, or one of them, is to have one character be absurd and then have the other characters be the straight men to all the jokes.

66768 No.213675

Well, there's no way to get better at something unless you try it, and you learn more from failure than from success!

df2a4 No.213677

File: 1553421356906.jpg (Spoiler Image, 16.98 KB, 480x360, Madbull 34 granads.jpg)

I guess a good thing about comedy is that if you fail it is funny because of how terrible it is.

66768 No.213678

Either that or it's just regular bad.

d94dd No.213749

File: 1553475476885.png (17.28 KB, 1280x1024, 968456__artist needed_safe….png)

Well I certainly picked a good time to come out of my Internet hibernation, didn't I?
I'm actually a little bit torn on what I should do this time around: on one hand, I wouldn't object to passing my (piss poor) judgments again, hopefully to some measure of completion this time around (and refine my feedback capabilities in the process).
On the other hand, I've got half a mind to go out and write something myself. I got mighty inspired a while back to try my hand at some poner-themed Greek tragedy, and I've been meaning to try something other than 2nd person >green anyways.

e24da No.213799

File: 1553491051622.jpg (368.65 KB, 1366x768, anime-1551606626302-8440.jpg)

Although your story's narration is very telling as in not just describing what is happening in the scene right now but also what has happened, what relationship the characters have, and how they are feeling etc, it has subtle gems littered throughout. In my ideal writing, everything is so subtle that the story could be directly adapted from that into a movie. However, I realize that writing is creative in its form so different approaches to writing may exist. I think that this style could have its merits and I think it is neat.
As stated earlier, there are gems of subtle in this first draft of a story. What I mean by that is that there are things that are not explicitly stated but by interpreting the text you find that these things are implied or suggested. While some of these things are actually both sated explicitly and implied in the text, such as Derpy and Nonny being poor, there also those things that are left completely subtle.
I will try to showcase these things.

>The self-insert

>That’s the very first thing you hear when you wake up.
> (you)<<<<
>You have a bit of an excuse for that though, a bit of the filly body you now inhabit seems to have bled into your mind.
>”I love you so much, Nonny.”
>Fucking cartoon physics…

Here I will theorize about these citations so if my conclusions are correct, it will mean I will spoil it for anyone else reading this. So do not read the spoiler if you don't want that.

So since I know that you choose to play with the trope of a self-insert, a trope a put in without thinking about what that even means in this context, and you wanted Anonfilly to be a character in your story, I realized when I saw that the format was in a second person green that our mc was anonfilly. It was quite neatly done, I'll say. Then you go and confirm this later in the text.

>“Amnesia, remember?”

”Amnesia, remember?”, hehe, cute. To me, this seems to contradict with the feel of the character so far. This anonfilly we are following knows that she was previously humans but how can she do that if she has amnesia. At least that is my thought process. So it suggests that Anon just told Derpy that when she found her in this world all alone. Probably in response to the question, ”Where are your parents?” and since we know Derpy is a bit dim she would buy that. But I am getting ahead of myself or I am giving you too much credit.

>When you first saw her you thought of her like a pigeon

>You feel a slight depression in the bed next to you as your adopted mother gets up and carefully climbs into the bed next to you, wrapping her soft feathery wings around you.

Derpy isn't Anonfilly's real mother and they meet at some point in time.

>”It was my nickname in high school, I have no idea why. I was the kind of pony you wouldn’t even give the task of handing out papers for fear of them flying everywhere.”

>You simply nodded a bit, admiring the handiwork.
>”My best friend had it made for me as a graduation present. I love that scarf quite a lot,
Were her friend only mocking her by being sarcastic? Woah, what a life or am I misunderstanding something? Maybe it has something to do with Derpy being caring. I wonder if it will come into play in some way.

>the small window in the room you share with the washer and dryer.

This line seems to indicate that our protagonist doesn't have a room of her own yet. This suggests in turn that Anon is either very new to living with Derpy or that Derpy is too poor to get her her own room.

>Growing up and getting that job as a combat mage you’ve always wanted.

This suggest that our protagonist is a unicorn because how else would she do magic.

>She’s certainly still a bit… slow though.

>You love her to death, but if you wanted to take advantage of her…
>You certainly easily could.
>But you don’t.
If mind games are to come is this an indication that our filly is quite bright?

>Something about those deep yellowish-orange eyes makes you feel like some sort of monster if you even go to bed five minutes late.

Filly has a large heart or she feels especially for Derpy? Only time will tell.

>It was a great Hearthswarming present, <<<Also the present is a comforter which is only needed if you are cold.

Here you foreshadow the cold.
>were it not for the biting cold coursing through your body.
And here, you don't explain why it is cold since it if one remembered the line above one should be able to piece it together.

e24da No.213800

File: 1553491128543.jpg (1.04 MB, 1920x1200, anime-1551610922101-1729.jpg)

[Part 2]

>Even with her full-time job at the postal service, wage cuts have been tough this year.

>She works so hard to support the two of you but only so much can be done as a single mother.
>You look at the deflated birthday balloon in the corner, one of your only presents from the week prior.
>Two cheap toaster waffles in the toaster later and the two of you are sitting across from you.
>the room you share with the washer and dryer
>The aforementioned wings quickly follow you and blanket you in warmth, though not quite enough.
>Seemingly reading your mind, Derpy soon pulls the soft comforter of your bed over the two of you.
>It was a great Hearthswarming present, you were ecstatic when she got it for you.
Poor and cannot afford to hold her house warmth. Although, this is also explicitly stated at times as you can see.

Her motivation is clear from the getgo.
>With one wish, Derpy could pay off her debt and the two of you could live in comfort for the rest of your lives.
>On the other hand, if you were to die Derpy would be completely broken.
>You don’t have many friends.
<<<So derpy is her motivation kinda like the nissan in my story.

What does this mean? I genuinely didn't get what she meant.
>”You fight the other fillies to the death. The survivor is rewarded with a single wish, but by the end of it half of them have been far too gone to even make it…”
>Your ears perk up at that.

>”Sorry, we had it drilled into our heads for history. Equestria lost to a very ancient and powerful Evil about one-thousand years ago, but it decided to be benevolent. In exchange for allowing the empire we live in to grow and expand, the Evil only required that we give up fifty fillies and colts of no younger than seven and no older than eighteen. You… fit the description.”

Also, one more thing.

I like that you chose battle royal as one of your tropes. From my lurking in the filly thread, I have noticed your reputation as a more… excentric content provider. I have seen anons say stuff like, ”Killed thread by the courtesy of Lone,” so it is kind of fitting then that you took just battle royal over, for example, the tournament arc. I would say that even though those tropes seem to be quite similar they are generally always applied in their respectively certain way. The battle royal trope is mostly, I would even go so far as to say always with a few exceptions, the deadlier and more menacing of them. This is true even if it is in the same series. Take Naruto for example, there in the chunin exams, the tournament, which is the third examination, is after the second examination, which was the battle royal. The tone shift is evident since the in the Forrest of Death where the battle royal is played out people are allowed to and actually kill each other. While in the tournament arc, their teachers step in when the match goes too far.

There are some exceptions to both of these positions. Like some tournament arcs are fights to the death and some battle royals end by having characters lose by being hit three times with rubber balls. But this is generally speaking and I think that this is because battle royals; unlike tournaments, whose matches end when one of the contestants is subdued; firstly, doesn't end when one opponent is subdued and secondly because of the chaotic state of having everyone fight everyone at the same time. Unless, you have some way of making sure they are out of the match, making them go unconscious will just open up for the possibility of a rematch. So I guess most writers just don't want to bother figuring out a way around that. I also think that those who write tournament arcs are people who were inspired by such arcs before they went pro and vice versa with the battle royals. Basically, they replicate something they themselves like in their own stories.

So anyway, it is funny that you found your soulmate-trope, edge-filly.

Also, also. I await eagerly for the filly to ask this thousand-year-old evil this question, ”Are you entertained?”

e24da No.213804

File: 1553493747481.png (148.68 KB, 500x553, 1478280262069.png)

>Well I certainly picked a good time to come out of my Internet hibernation, didn't I?
You certainly did.

>I'm actually a little bit torn on what I should do this time around

I know you know this already but you don't need to be a judge if you don't want to. Even with only Glimglam as a judge, the competition can still happen. Anyway, my point is that you don't need to feel forced into doing it.

>I got mighty inspired a while back to try my hand at some poner-themed Greek tragedy, and I've been meaning to try something other than 2nd person >green anyways.

It is funny that you mention it because I had this collab idea that I at one point thought I share with you but it didn't happen. It was basically the storyline of Date A Live but with ponies. To sum it up briefly, it was about this Canadian, lol I even set the story in your country to try to appeal to your senses ;^). In Canada anyways spacial quaks, yeah I ripoff it hard this time but I will get to the kicker, have become commonplace. They happened when ponies appear in this world. It is up to this Canadian to seal their powers away, which causes them to stay in this world and become human. How does he seal their powers away you may ask? Well, that's where you come in, pun unintended, and write the more… Steamy scenes.
Anyway, to connect with what you talked about with the greek stuff. There are only four mares in this story and well, the codenames that they have been given by the military are the mares of Diomedes. Our anon's codename within the organization that wishes to save the mares is, Hercules. And you see Hercules feed the mares of Diomedes meat and… Yeah, I was pretty proud of that euphemism for a while.

092c5 No.213814

you fucked up the link to the last winner

e24da No.213818


092c5 No.213819

File: 1553496706962.jpg (2.44 MB, 2128x2160, c4ac319a5b1914ff9fee9c6f12….jpg)

you're welcome, competitions are great for giving yourself motivation to improve so thanks for making these.
I probably wont participate though, too depressed to write anything.

e24da No.213823

File: 1553497386728.jpg (231.08 KB, 1590x2070, Loli with unicorn plushy.jpg)

>so thanks for making these.
No problem.
>too depressed to write anything.
I don't know if you want to talk about it but I will wish you good luck on your recovery. I also suffer from a depression that doesn't want to give up its grip on me. So I can't offer any advice because I can't even help myself.
Have a loli.

092c5 No.213826

File: 1553498534322.png (2.3 MB, 2000x2000, b827d5890266a63b657b3f79e4….png)

interesting. I was going to keep it to myself, but since you're depressed too il share. I've been researching the chemical side of it, depression and creativity and how they're interlinked. unfortunately what I was taking wasnt meant to be taken on a compromised immune system or it can boost the bacteria and I was a bit sick but ended up spitting up blood from a sore throat and sick for over a month.

I'm mostly recovered from that but since I stopped cold-turkey on what I was taking (SAM-e) due to the bacteria problem then apparently it has a nasty effect of having the depression hit depression harder than before taking it if you dont ween off it. something to do with brain dependency on it, but it can really a lot help when I'm not ill.

SAM-e improves synthesis of neural bonds, like dopamine which is key for creativity and getting out of depression. There's other things that can increase dopamine more directly like L-dopa and L-tyrosine. Green tea is supposed to help as it can breach the blood-brain barrier. Daily rigorous exercise also helps raise dopamine "runners high". Well food for thought.

Regardless, im in the low end of dopamine deficiency right now so I have depression and no creativity until I can get it normalized.

092c5 No.213827

>example concept.
>I don't really get what you are saying here. Could you clearify?
I'm pretty sure what Lone is asking for is good examples of shonen anime. probably for research purposes. (I'm sure Nigel will have a say on this) maybe an example of each trope? that would be pretty detailed.

092c5 No.213829

That scene playing out with Zabuza being unable to avoid the shiruken is extremely common in shonen by the way, it's so the heros feel like they truly aced the impossible odds through ingenuity and its a trope in itself. As much as heroes getting ample time to talk to eachother in the middle of a crisis or battle to work out a plan to the point where it would be stupid if you analyzed it on a realistic level, we're talking people stop dying as the threat pauses off screen while they chat. Shonen though doesnt usually hold itself to that kind of high bar since it's just entertainment for adolescent boys. Hollywood plays loose and rough with realism taking a back seat to entertainment and shonen just takes that up another level often breaking the suspension of belief which is why you just kind of learn to accept thats how things are going to be for the genre. Another immensely popular shonen trope is "leave ___ to me" as lower ranking people clash with lower ranking team mates so the MC can battle the big bad.

25, 26 and 27 is just one trope, not sure why you padded the list.

e24da No.213833

File: 1553502449505.jpg (49.36 KB, 600x423, Maze the mega burst space.jpg)

Well, that sucks. I was once on medication that made me extremely tired so I can relate to some degree but I didn't get depressed just tired.
Then I might try that green tea sometime. Thanks for the tip.
So were you depressed before you went cold turkey? Like I understand that one can get seriously tired of being sick a whole month but what I mean was that all? Not in an insensitive way. You don't have to tell me but what I wonder is if there was an instigator for your depression moreover these things, like a problem you had on your mind. Or if it is "just" that you have been sick for a month and have abstinence problems?
Anyway, I hope you get well soon. If you need advice on braindead and bonkers anime I can provide you with a list. It can be quite relaxing to watch.
I will return to these later.

e24da No.213834

> If you need advice on braindead and bonkers anime
Lol wat?
I mean you want something fun to watch.

e24da No.213835

To cheer you up.

092c5 No.213950

Just for some clarification, defining shonen doesnt stop at 'action packed'.

At the core it's usually about making new friends, strong bonds, self improvement, achieving or pursuing big dreams, determination and hardship. Being action packed and tournaments is just the vehicle that's used to drive things like the main characters manning up against a big enemy and keep the audience entertained. And they are only able to become strong through the support of their friends, often time it's reciprocation after the MC supported them for so long that they also start to pick up the slack because they need to help too.

Some examples of shonen concepts in anime
>Black Clover: Asta is a magicless peasant wants to become the Wizard King and right the wrongs and prejudice that people look down on the lower class. Throughout the anime he encounters people who would mock his goal but his commitment to himself and others shows that eventually his character is someone worthy of the title rather than be born into magic nobility.

>DBZ: Goku steps in to rescue his friends at the last second before Frieza kills them off, and before that they were all pushed to their limits to stop Frieza from gaining the dragonballs terrorizing the planet. They even working with Vegeta who would eventually switch sides.

>Naruto: Sakura and Hinata eventually pick up the slack much later in the anime and start their own specialized heavy training because they believe a burden always being rescued or useless and they need to get stronger for everyone when Naruto and Sauske are always on the front lines. Sakura becomes a medic specialist which saves the lives of many others because of her wish to make a contribution to supporting the village.

>TTGL: Starting off literally hiding underground, the MC's curiosity and desire for something more starts the chain reaction of events. They win repeatedly against impossible odds facing humanity, and never settle for what they already have always striving for more. The MC's idol dies but his memory and life is used as motivation after a period of grief.

>One Piece: The straw-hats influence and reach out to many lives for the better while everyone else pursues their own desires, through all the small gestures the ones they help end up being the deciding factor tieing up the enemy fodder so the strawhats can deal with the main threats.

>Tenshi Muyo: From an outsiders perspective he's the luckiest guy around with many girls wanting his dick. But through all the chaotic life of a herem, Tenshi unlocks his potential only through being a protector. He sees them as friends and family he cares for rather than property and someone to take advantage of. They all care for him too such as the longer conflicting history he has with Ryoko than anyone else.

>HxH: After becoming an expert, Gon pushes his body past the breaking point to stop an enemy, they succeed but he's utterly crippled and hospitalized as a result with no way to recover having burnt out his body completely. Eventually he recovers anyways only thanks to his friends hes made and he's ready to take on a new adventure.

>Bleach: Rukia is taken away from the MC and sentenced to death while the MC is left to die powerless to stop it. After training and recruiting more people the new team storms a foreign world where they would be outclassed and outnumbered just to rescue her. because "giving up on someone" no matter how bad it gets is diametrically opposed to shonen ideals.

>My Hero Academia: Regardless of how much Bakugo is an asshole, the MC still looks up to him, sympathizes with him and wants to be equally as strong or further as his rival. He saves Bakugo's life a number of times even when he's chewed out or they get into a violent fight. He's apologetic and empathetic instead of headstrong and angry.

>YuYu Hakusho: Early on in the anime Yusuke (a delinquent) dies and gives up his only chance to return to normal life in exchange to save his childhood friends life from burning down in a house. The selfless act indirectly allows him to return to life for a second chance later but he has new insight and powers from having experienced the afterlife. And with that comes more responsibilities to deal with evil. Which is common in shonen "I cant sit by and do nothing" now knowing there's something bad from happening that could be prevented if they someone acts now.

092c5 No.213951

A lot of the things listed as tropes for shonen in the OP aren't really specific to the genre but more all encompassing anime tropes that could be used anywhere. Now that I gave you more concrete examples of what it entails you can either take it into consideration with what you're writing or just plow ahead with thinking it's just 'action packed' like you were before. In a way it's kind of funny if you think about how the theoretical corporate Sheckleberg Mc Hasjew doesn't know much about shonen but wants you to write shonen and cash in on it so I think it's okay for everyone to do either and just have fun, but if you want to try to write a real MLP shonen I'm not going to stop you.

>A common man called to the cause realizing there was an injustice being done
>Throwing off the underhanded tendrils threatening to attack those he cared about
>And discovering the root cause, sucking the life and all that was good out of the world
>Rising to leadership & bonding with all the races of the world against this festering sickness that was enabled by the corrupt
>With strong morals to support his men and a commitment to make his home and the world a better place
>Vastly outnumbered by the enemy and never wavered in his character inspiring all who sided with him.
In a way one could say that Hitler's story vs the jews could have in effect be like an IRL shonen…IF he won.

5ee5e No.213953

Hitler was our Kamina.

a3d12 No.213966

File: 1553557593246.png (162.47 KB, 657x541, 1524472355061-0.png)

Thank you for taking the time to read through it. A lot of your analysis has given me new ideas, and I hope the direction I go in is pleasing to you even if it's about to get pretty fucking dark
Alright, thank you. I'll be sure to approach this with those examples in mind, though I can't necessarily promise I'll be able to come up with anything quite as impactful.

4e40a No.213967

File: 1553557831769.jpg (74.64 KB, 600x847, 20b9605fbda5573fd8f86737f9….jpg)


I can see your point somewhat but I disagree with some of them. I will return to this later. Right now, I wish to shift the focus to the competition.

The purpose of this competition was to take a simple storyline and make it into a novel. This is because I feel that new writers often take water over their head and fail because the stories they write are to complex for them. This is because there is a lot to think about for a newbie. They don't understand that writing a simple hero's journey well takes actual effort and therefore underestimate the challenge of a harder story. I do this mistake all the time. It is because of that, but also because I want to create something unique and something from my own vision.

So I tried to keep it simple this time.

I use shonen and action-packed interchangeably because of reasons I will go over later. If it is not correct to do so, then I will change the contest into a writing contest between action-packed mlp stories. The point was to have a simple type of story-line and a few tropes to focus one's energy on as not to get confused about where to go with the story. It was also to use this simplicity as a crutch for the story.

I might have fucked up there, I see now since I included a bunch of trash anime tropes. I Included shit like the harem trope and such because they would take extra effort to do well. It kind of contradicts with the purpose of the contest.

I will rectify this but also want to keep with the core ideas of this thread so I will make it so there are two more 35:s on the list. This means that you only need to choose two of the tropes in the list. They aren't all bad after all but I can agree that I missed a few potential tropes that really could be an in an mlp action-packed story. "The power of friendship," for an example.

However, I do want to point out that your story can have friendship in it without this trope. The point with these tropes is just to know where you put your energy and focus. This is because the judges will look at the tropes you choose and judge how well, you executed them.

4e40a No.213970

File: 1553558531021.png (Spoiler Image, 646.75 KB, 750x511, Why you shouldn't watch Ge….png)

No, problem. It was fun.
>A lot of your analysis has given me new ideas

From the other thread it is known that I am not into edgy stuff. If this were the anonfilly thread, I would probably be in the comfy camp but I have no problems with you writing it. Well, I might not let you see my children but you understand right? ;^P
So how dark are we talking? Pic related?

4e40a No.213971

Should I bump the other writing thread so we have it as refrence point? I already have it saved. Do guys think it would be useful to have it on board at the same time as this one?

4e40a No.213973

File: 1553559370325.jpg (65.57 KB, 1280x720, black_bullet-01-enju-initi….jpg)

Thanks for taking the time to offer your perspective anyway.

4e40a No.213978

File: 1553562516217.png (1008.23 KB, 2958x3264, 1490488__safe_artist-colon….png)

>my children
If I had any, that is.

d94dd No.213980

File: 1553563346859.png (467.08 KB, 432x653, 1491380486156.png)

I decided to look up what this "Date A Live" was, and not gonna lie, doesn't really sound like my cup'a tea. Then again, I do admit a heavy bias against animu 'romance' and harem shit. Might be worth a shot, but I'm not 100% sold on the concept.

I'm gonna have to further disappoint you (especially in light of >>213970) and say that I had a little drunken mistype from my last post. When I said 'Greek tragedy', I meant to say 'Shakespearian tragedy'. And when I say 'tragedy', I mean full-on Macbeth shit. Ivan the Terrible level of shit.
I also come from the school of writing thought that dictates never to reveal my plans before writing, as it murders all suspense, buildup and tension for the (potential) future readership - rather important when channelling Shakespeare. So you'll just have to find out what it's gonna be about when/if I get around to it.

Since the thread has gotten a whole lot animu uwu sugoi desu~, I made an attempt to rewatch Naruto during my little period of exile. Then I had anterograde Vietnam flashbacks about all this entertainingly bad shit getting retconned and shitfucked to hell and back later on, so I switched gears to rewatching Attack on Titan instead. Shit was pretty sugoi desu. May attempt the Danganronpa anime at a later date, if for no other reason than to see if it's as bad as the Ace Attorney anime.

4e40a No.213994

File: 1553569304116.jpg (1.13 MB, 1920x1080, datealive-1551607638512-60….jpg)

Date A Live is a trashy anime but it is my favorite harem trash anime there is. It is one of my many guilty pleasures.

I guess it has some selling points. Those would be the harem's main girls: Touka and Origami.

Their characterization is weirdly subtle something I have claimed before is very unusual for anime to pull off. For example Touka is in fact quite dim but it is never actually stated anywhere in the story. This is only something I have picked up throughout the series by interpreting her actions. The few jokes that are about this are also not demeaning of her either. She is just dumb nothing more.

Origami is this genius autist but it is only stated once that she is smart in the series. The rest of the time we get these character traits played out as a part of her character. Well, the autistic part anyway.

And generally, I like the shenanigans that happens on screen while I watch it.

I don't know if I would recommend it though. It is harem after all.

>Shakespearian tragedy

I have never actually read anything Shakespearian. I know a few plays by name and I know about what they are about but I have never experienced them myself. Yesyesyes, I know. I know.

I assume that they aren't play exclusive and have actually been adapted to the novel format. So maybe I should read it at some point.

> never to reveal my plans

I agree one shouldn't do that.
That's why I find descriptions to be hard to write since if you are too vague or too general you don't stand out. Nobody is going to invest in your story in either time or money. However, you can't just tell them what is going to happen because then there is no point in watching it. Well, almost no point anyway.

The idea I think is to find a balance where you tell them enough of your idea to make the potential reader curious but keep some cards on hand to reveal in the story. Also, on the topic of description, I think that they should impress the reader more than anything. This is because, I know myself when it comes to stories, before I am immersed in a story, I think about the writer rather than the story. I question if the writer is any good because if I don't think so, then I see no reason to continue reading. Well, I do because I am like flies, I love shit. But to get back to the point if the reader has no faith in the writer's abilities, then they are not going to waste their time reading their story.


Yeah, I know I do the same with some animes, like Bleach.
I have actually never seen Danganropa or Ace Attorney. Are they fun?


Also, is your tragedy vision compatible with the OP's premise of entries? As in, will your story be an action-packed mlp story with five chosen tropes to focus on or will it not?

I made this contest in this manner for two reasons: Firstly, to have contestents make similar stories. This is to prevent mystery novels to be compared with romance novels. I did this because they kind of try to achieve different things but I guess you can still judge them on how well they achieve these things. It was also to eliminate potential genre biases from the judges.

Maybe my first point was a moot point. I don't know.

Regardless, the second reason was because of something you told me. You said that more precise threads, I am paraphrasing but whatever, were better threads. This was because they were focused on the gaol the thread.

Honestly, I have faith in your judgment. What do you think of my thread so far?

This question kinda goes out to anyone who has something they want to get off their chest.

61d39 No.214265

Where would the ideal place to write the story for this?

2b37e No.214397

File: 1553741954313.jpg (470.94 KB, 1188x1920, animegirls-1551612096567-1….jpg)

What do you mean? Like choosing pastebin or pdf? Or do you mean in which setting your story should take place?

Well, if you are asking the first question, then I am okay with both. I don't think anyone of them has a major advantage over the other.

If it is the second question, you must ask yourself, "Which setting is the mostfitting for the story I am making?"

2b37e No.214398

File: 1553742377826.jpg (146.68 KB, 676x1050, cover-deathnote.jpg)

Progress update.

Yesterday, I spent time developing the concrete battle system. I put forth few rules regarding one spell. That way since the spell, it means that it is limited in what it can do even if it is powerful. Not it is up for my chracters who are using this spell to apply it in suc ha way that their constraints work for them rather than against them.

2b37e No.214399

I will work more on it now infact. I would like to start writing the first chapter so I get anywhere. I know about how i want the first chapter to be. I just need to think a bit more about the chracters involved.

61d39 No.214419

File: 1553757549444.pdf (24.89 KB, Benjamin Battle Chapter 1 ….pdf)

Posting first chapter of the word vomit from the computer.
Should i wait till the final day to post everything? (I only have this chapter so far.)

d94dd No.214527

File: 1553827724703-0.png (Spoiler Image, 144.7 KB, 981x386, 300ConfirmedPones.png)

File: 1553827724703-1.png (Spoiler Image, 1.49 MB, 2534x1585, 1476126940162.png)

File: 1553827724703-2.png (Spoiler Image, 255.31 KB, 1309x1438, 1476128369606.png)

File: 1553827724703-3.png (Spoiler Image, 424.8 KB, 915x1827, 1480733045486.png)

File: 1553827724703-4.png (Spoiler Image, 225.29 KB, 1354x804, 1483155978259.png)

>I have never actually read anything Shakespearian.
Can't say that I blame you. Most English (or Swedish in your case I guess) classes botch their coverage of the man's stuff, so a lot of folks block it out of memory when it's over and done with. Read on it's own however, it's some fantastic stuff, and you can really see the mark it's left in the things it's gone on to inspire.
I'd suggest putting it on the reading list. I'd suggest the originals whenever possible, but you may get lucky and find a good (and hopefully faithful) adaptation as well.
>I have actually never seen Danganropa or Ace Attorney. Are they fun?
Your first mistake was asking if you'd seen them before. They're visual novels, and fucking excellent ones at that. Except maybe Justice for All, but even that has it's moments.
Ace Attorney's anime adaptation was shit. It's only decent if you'd never played the VN before, and even then only serves as a colossal spoiler to the VNs if you plan to play it later. No idea if any of that's true of the Danganronpa anime as well, though all I know is my gut says "probably, yeah".

>Honestly, I have faith in your judgment. What do you think of my thread so far?

I think it's a damn solid start, and I do so very love that your putting out a follow-up competition to keep everyone engaged. Although, I should make clear the issues it has.
It's true that I said that threads being precise was a good thing, but being overly precise is damaging in it's own right. There's a lot of detail in your OP posts that quite frankly I just glossed over. The scenario? Glossed over. The trope list? Glossed over. The 'can-and-can-nots'? Glossed over.
Precision's not enough; being concise is important as well. That's how writefag prompts take off as well as they do: they're focused enough to keep things from being a chaotic free-for-all where nothing gets done, but vague and open-ended enough to let imaginations run free.
All the images I've attached are prompt thread caps that illustrate exactly this effect taking place, ready for Desuarchive corroboration. Hell, check the Gale Dribble thread and my piece over on /go/ for proof right here on /mlpol/.

If I were whipping up an OP, this would be my concise bullet-point list of what the OP should announce:
>/mlpol/ writefag competition!
>The challenge this time is to write an entire novel (a minimum of 10,000 words), with a submission deadline of the 1st of May.
>The theme of this competition is action: we're looking for action stories this time, whether that be sports action, swords and sorcery, shonen anime stuff, whatever you'd prefer.
>The goal of this challenge is to better develop our ability to execute ideas: to develop and create a full narrative out of your ideas in a timely fashion.
>The stories will be judged on a 10-point scale on two factors: how well they executed their ideas, and how good the story's quality in an objective sense is: the style, formatting, syntax, et cetera. The judges will also identify the tropes employed in the story, how they were executed, and with information on what was done well, and what could be improved on later.
Insert other conditions and qualifications as needed.

To be honest, I see where you're coming from with the idea of tropes, but like I'd explained to GlimmerNigel a while back, you've got the idea of tropes backwards: they're outside observations of patterns that exist in stories. Setting out to focus on tropes to write around, I think, is the wrong way to do things: it's the readers and reviewers who pick up on the tropes. And remember: having tropes isn't a bad thing, it's always the execution of the trope that means anything.

My particular vision is action-packed by necessity, but I never focus on what tropes it falls under: I just focus on writing my story, how I want to write it, while noting the conditions I'm working under. To put it into quote form:
>"When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong." --R. Buckminster Fuller
I just write. After writing, when I look it back over and I'm not happy with it, I fix it until I am happy with it. After all, if I'm not happy with it, how the fuck is anyone else going to be happy about it?

TL;DR: Don't overthink this shit. Literally just sit down and do it.

369da No.214656

I will get back to this sometime in the weekned.
Thank you for this. It was really helpful.

I will return to this as well in the weekend. I have things to do now but I will change so that this is the new OP from now on:
>/mlpol/ writefag competition!
>The challenge this time is to write an entire novel (a minimum of 10,000 words), with a submission deadline of the 1st of May.
>The theme of this competition is action: we're looking for action stories this time, whether that be sports action, swords and sorcery, shonen anime stuff, whatever you'd prefer.
>The goal of this challenge is to better develop our ability to execute ideas: to develop and create a full narrative out of your ideas in a timely fashion.
>The stories will be judged on a 10-point scale on two factors: how well they executed their ideas, and how good the story's quality in an objective sense is: the style, formatting, syntax, et cetera. The judges will also identify the tropes employed in the story, how they were executed, and with information on what was done well, and what could be improved on later.

d94dd No.214681

>I will change so that this is the new OP from now on
Nigga, no. Don't just copy-paste whatever I do. Replicating whatever I do because you happen to like the cut of my jib is the very last thing I want.
If you think there's something good in what I'm suggesting, then make it an inspiring force to draw from, not a template.

369da No.214691

File: 1553955653489.png (688.84 KB, 1280x1474, _rarara hmmmmm.png)


So I could go over why I don't think the idea of help vampirism applies here. I am too lazy to do so. The argument becomes quite the convoluted mess to structure otherwise.

I will just write the OP like you said I should since that is easier this time than explaining myself.

The rules for this competition are: To write a novel with at least ten thousand words; the point with this competition is to develop so that regardless if we write simple or complex narratives we do it well, therefore the focus should be on the execution and quality rather than the ideas of the story; this time action is hip-and-cool and your story better contain it, no matter if it is over nine-thousand, ponies versus zombies or Silver”Guess, which contest I am the world champ in” Star clones himself and wins the Equestrian games for Canterlot; and the reviewers are going to look at how well you write your story and less on the originality of your ideas but I will leave that to the reviewers. If one of them feel your idea makes up for the rest of your story, then they call the shots in the end.

I am going to start thinking about it though, not to copy others.


>Danaganropa and Ace Attorney

I have wanted to play a Visual Novel for a while now. I haven't actually played one before. I only know of two other recommended ones: Stein's Gate and the Fate Stay Night.


>but vague and open-ended enough to let imaginations run free
I agree. The way it is now people are too constrained. Their stories have to be in the intersection between all of these five tropes, which means that if they get inspired to focus on one part of the story, they can't solely focus on it. They can't cut it out from their vision and therefore most incorporate it with the rest of the story instead of cutting it out like excess. This causes their vision to be compromised. This might even end up making them less motivated in writing the story since it is no longer their story. The allure of writing is, after all, in the freedom it prrovides for the writer, Yeah, that sound vague, deep and gay enough to be something I would say..
I was just thinking about how it could help beginners if they wrote something with the ideas for the story already laid out in front of them. However, now I know that it is a double-edged sword. It becomes easier but it also probably makes for a story that nobody wants to write.

I liked and agreed with everything else you wrote after your example of an alternative OP. I am very grateful for this help.

369da No.214692

File: 1553955727146.gif (17.36 KB, 500x468, _luftkrieg jumping.gif)

I a going to read it now and when I have read it like three times, I will give you some feedback.

369da No.214701

>Setting out to focus on tropes to write around, I think, is the wrong way to do things
Believe it or not but I share this view with you. That is one of my reasons for my little bit of bashing on the shonen genre since I get the feeling that is how they are created. Not from a vision but by a list of what must be in it due to statistics.

61d39 No.214704


d94dd No.214722

I get the feeling I sent the wrong message to you with my last post. All I counsel for you is feedback. I just don't want you to rush into doing things just to please me, is all.
Don't trip yourself up trying to get senpai to notice you. Just do you.
I'm also somewhat surprised you even remember the help vampirism thing in the first place.
Anyways, enough outta me on that front. I'm way outta practice and I've gotta start mindmapping my story idea. I mean, how else am I gonna 1-up Lone on the crippling depression factor? ^:)

>I get the feeling that is how they are created. Not from a vision but by a list of what must be in it due to statistics.
Yeah, that's pretty much how the industry operates. Nobody wants to take risks. I dropped anime for many years precisely because of the amount of recycling that goes on there.

>I have wanted to play a Visual Novel for a while now. I haven't actually played one before.

Well you're in luck, those two are legendary.
AA's been around since 2002 (for the GBA, mind you), and got it's fair share of remakes. Grab the ROMs for the DS version (the best) and give the original trilogy a play. Franziska best grill
Danganronpa is one of the best games I've experienced from a narrative perspective. Haven't played the second yet, but it's supposed to be even better than the first, which is an insane thought to me. I'd suggest the Steam release; the translation you can take or leave, but it's got great English voice acting to back it up. Junko best grill

5d724 No.214819

File: 1554062184332.jpg (846.04 KB, 1500x1061, anime-1551606952820-481.jpg)

So I have read it several times now. I am not sure how many but more than three times anyway. I think I got most of that is going on now.


From my understanding, the narration is also what Celestia is thinking. All text in between quotation marks is what the ponies in the real world say but also when Benjamin says something inside Celestia's mind. You don't use said tags so one has to use context to understand who says what.

I will return to this again with some more in-depth analysis but I got get a better understanding of this before I do and I also need to sleep.

6a63f No.215697

File: 1554553848329.jpg (54.93 KB, 500x380, tsundere jesus.jpg)

So how are you guys faring?

I have to admit that I haven't gotten anything written yet. I have mostly been indecisive about what to write but I now know what I should write. I was deciding between a simple story or a bit more ambitious project. Ironically, because I spent so much time think about this, I have to make the simpler option. But it is okay, it will be nice anyway.

So get ready for the pony version of the expendables.

I will publish the first chapter on monday since I will be busy through out the rest of the weekend.

>I just write.

Not to fellate the sap out of this canadian but I think there is point to that. Even Nigel has still written somthing. Death Note became a mega hit but even it has its second season. It doesn't have to be perfect just get to writing it is probably a good advice to anyone struggeling with this.

Anyway, I hope this competition isn't putting unneceassry pressure on anyone.

>Don't trip yourself up trying to get senpai to notice you.
Pic related.

When I get the time, I will try those games out then.

Lol, maybe I will get to write down my thoughts on this someday.

61d39 No.215743

File: 1554583979142.jpg (69.47 KB, 617x800, 1538552478438.jpg)

I believe in you. I just need to get my body ready for monday.

66768 No.215791

Currently sitting comfortably past the 1/3rd mark for overall qualification while being about 1/5th to 1/8th through the actual story part. Outlook is hopeful.

098f7 No.216085

I've been stressed as hell lately as well as my normal practice of procrastinating the fuck out of things, I know what I want to do but I don't know how to execute it in a way I feel is adequate. Not a bad spot to be in overall considering I'll have a lot of time to knock shit out next week, though.

66768 No.216130

Bro, same! Up top!
Life is pain…

6bb7a No.216135

I'm gonna be honest with you,Anon. I've been in a state of Depression for awhile now. i haven't written a Word yet.

d94dd No.216198

Mindmapped the entire plot of my story, which was nice to finally do. Got a bit more comfortable with my mindmapper while I was at it. The trick, as it turned out, was not to overly complicate it with every little detail, and let my imagination do it's damn job.
I'll follow up on this in a bit, since I think mindmapping is a good practice, one that I wish I had known about when I'd started writefagging.

d94dd No.216207

File: 1554947990792-0.png (126.65 KB, 605x540, 247812468.png)

File: 1554947990792-1.png (217.41 KB, 2560x1021, compendiumng in action.png)

So, you want to try and write something! But you've got a fuckton of ideas flittering around in your head, you can't get shit organized, your plan keeps changing, or some other excuse. And for whatever reason, you don't want to just jot it down in a text file.

Enter mindmapping.

In my mind, it's the literal interpretation of pic #1: creating a map of your story to follow along with. Connecting events, adding details, all of it done quite literally and in a way that's not just easy to follow, but easy to change as well.
If you do a lot of rewriting, or are prone to changing certain elements of your story a lot, mindmapping can be a real godsend, as you don't have to just erase everything you've already written: just make a new chain of nodes and keep your old storyline for reference on the side, reconnecting plot details as you go.
It's also great for structuring arguments, as well as aiding in critical thinking in general, if you're into that sort of thing.

Now obviously I can't very well show my map of what I've done for this thread's upcoming story, so for the sake of example I'll instead spoil a little bit of my side project for the friendly neighbourhood porn thread, courtesy of pic #2.
You can see how it works in this particular example: just making quick nodes, giving short descriptions, and tacking on extra details as needed. It's very easy to get into a flow of just making nodes and continuing to map things out. And like I said before, it's easy to 'rewrite'; just drop a new line of nodes. Way, way easier than keeping a table, or having a plot skeleton in a text file.

d94dd No.216208

File: 1554948051933-0.zip (30 MB, CompendiumNG-pt1.zip)

The particular mindmapper I'm using is CompendiumNG, an older bit of software developed with some actual academic background in issue mapping. Meaning it's easy to use, very powerful when dug into, and isn't made unusable by some programmer's rampant autism, since it actually needs to be used in professional environments. It also comes with very detailed documentation, so there's no need to dig through a Wiki to figure out how to use it.

d94dd No.216209

File: 1554948111239-0.zip (25.44 MB, CompendiumNG-pt2.zip)

It's no longer downloadable as the project is too dead to notice their build server's been retired, but I was able to compile the installer myself. Sharing it in two posts because /mlpol/'s reply form got really impatient with me trying to upload all at once.
You just need at most Java 8 to run it, in either Oracle or OpenJDK varieties. If you can run Minecraft, you can run CompendiumNG.

Hope this helps!

61d39 No.216230

File: 1554966851032.png (8.1 KB, 500x250, Oekaki.png)

All hail the mighty Action Curve may it save us from writing hell.


afdc3 No.216261

Inkscape is pretty damn good for mindmapping, I reckon.
It's what I use.

dc5bc No.216349

File: 1555031937557.jpg (183.9 KB, 1280x828, tumblr_ojby73dhTw1tv5myeo1….jpg)

I have written 3k words now. I expect the first chapter to sit on about 4k words.
The story's main plot points are established but not the details.

c7942 No.216471

File: 1555096759696.png (118.56 KB, 433x404, 1550234807172-1-1.png)

Man, I have done this now but I got to proofread and edit. Gaaayyyyy!

baead No.216524

I'm proud of that pic but fuck, I forgot to shop in a mouth trigger for the guns.

d9c30 No.217009

File: 1555283259406.pdf (75.19 KB, Glowing Hot Horseshoes.pdf)

So hehe, I am late mister. Plz, don't punish me.
I am sorry to tell you that I won't post that story. Well, for this thread anyway. Hope, that the story I will write instead is good enough for you.
Don't be stressed Anons. I say, having being seriously stressed over my repeated failures to plan this weekend. But seriously, this is suppose to be fun first and foremost. If any of you don't make it to the deadline, post what you got. It is not like Glimglam can't review a story with less words.
There will be more competition threads like this one or other types of threads like this one. However, there will be a longer pause before the next one since I want to think about how to improve it and so on.
Yeah, planning is something I have rescently started to really think cloesly about.
Intresting, I will look into it. I think this can really be helpful. Thanks!
Well, pacing is probably good to think about but I don't write "my stories" after them. Well, not intentionally anyway.
I will think about it. Regardless, thanks for your inpute.
Nice, thanks. Will look it up.
It is nice pic. Too bad about the triggers.
>Word Vomit Fest
Ehh, I cringe internally now when I look at that title name. *Sigh*

d9c30 No.217010

The pdf is not edited yet so it is what it is.

d9c30 No.217011

My descriptions are too long, I think.

61d39 No.218151

Just read it once so far it's looking good.
Using Chekhov's gun to cut down is a handy way to decide to keep something or not. Foreshadowing future events makes random pieces of information more meaningful on the second time reading it can also clue in the subconscious to events going on.
>I'm not a writer although I am trying harder to practice it.

61d39 No.218155

Use in building is almost always good. Whether it's the world, the characters, or meta stuff.
Every action has consequences and can reveal more about the character, or the world.
(Who is Character, and what would they do, and what happens during and after. Tends to answer most things)

098f7 No.218910

Alright, I concede… I was hoping to get some work done this week but I'm swamped with life related shit and faaaaar from where I need to be. Best of luck to the rest of you all, I'm sorry I can't deliver.

d94dd No.218971

File: 1556062425989.gif (42.16 KB, 500x471, 1479495525159.gif)

So, sorry to have to say this, but I'll have to take a rain check on my particular entry for this competition.
I've been buried by life lately and have been unable to invest time into writing until just a few days ago, and what I have done (which was actually pretty substantial) was for my other stories, just to get back into the flow of things.
So sadly, I won't be able to bring about my tragic story like I thought I would, at least not for this contest. I'll keep it on the back burner for any upcoming ones though, see if Father Time and Papa (((Coincidence))) treats me better by then. Consider yourself lucky, Lone ^:)

66768 No.219015

Okay, so I'm having some trouble getting the time to write as well. The deadline may need to be moved back a bit.

890d8 No.219068

I have an idea on how to dea with this. I will post it tomorrow. Until, then let's postpone the dealine for now.

fe351 No.219689

So the idea I have in mind is for us to post one chapter each second week so fourteen days from now we each post the first chapter of our stories. This way, we get more time to plan and make the story, we get a feeling of progress in the our project by doing this, and it doesn't become such a burden.

So what do you guys think? Do you feel up for trying again?

I had the same problem as you guys btw.

66768 No.219777

I've been making good progress actually, I think I might be able to post the entire thing in the next week or so as long as I work hard and take care of any necessary college shit quickly. I'm fine with just a deadline extension, dunno about the others.

e8f0c No.219885

File: 1556643010333.png (291.28 KB, 400x598, sigh let's get it over wit….png)

>I think I might be able to post the entire thing in the next week or so
Well, if you do that, I guess you win by default.

098f7 No.219962

>>219777 (Checked)
Yeah, looks like this is it for me. I might try the next contest, but for now I'll just be another writefag in the filly thread. You all stay frosty.

d94dd No.219964

Hate to keep piling onto the train like this, but at my rate I'm just trying to get back into my usual flow of things. In no real state to branch out and experiment with my not fun concept right now.
I remember when I was posting 2 story updates every week. Now I'm down to, what, once every month? Gotta get the fire back in me first, y'know what I'm saying?

7e7f5 No.220171

File: 1556825959722-0.jpg (15.65 KB, 400x242, fudge.jpg)

File: 1556825959722-1.jpg (104.4 KB, 899x806, 1556790039454.jpg)

Hey everyone, I haven't been following the thread all that closely but I still intend to duly perform my judgely duties upon the entries in this contest. Sounds like the deadline is possibly being extended, so I will just hang back for now until everyone's entries are uploaded and ready to go.

If you are participating in this contest, please reply to this post with a link/file attachment of your final entry, or a link to your posts if your entry is already in the thread. Sven, if you would like to also make a post letting me know when the contest is officially over and the judgement can begin, I will then go down the list of replies and dissection shall commence.

54bb4 No.220189

I will get back to these later.
Placeholder, this is merely a suggestion but you could post these chapters in your story one chapter per week. The reason why I suggest this because I remember how KingBattleBrit wrote two novels about 50k each and they basically went under the radar. They might not been masterpieces but, while I can't speak for the Flip Ferarri one, the one with Tips"If John Elway created Denver Broncos, who created John Elway?"Fedora, the autistic hobby detective was actually good. I had some problems with it but when isn't that the case? They were also minor.

The point I am trying to make is that it was a longer work with a lot of effort put into it and I honestly think it didn't get the recognition it deserved. I mean I not blaming anyone. No one is obligated to read anything here. I just think that reminding people that your story exist isn't bad.

Most series released one episode per week to gain new readers. New readers are the one you catch by simply being present. While already existing fans would gladly binge anything you produce. New readers can get scared off from reading something huge since it is such a commitment. Like I don't even consider reading Fallout: Equestrian because of this but also because I don't think it will be for me.

But you do you.

069a3 No.220227

File: 1556870656867.gif (1.7 MB, 639x533, 1417763099161.gif)

>They might not been masterpieces

66768 No.220228

I understand your concerns, and I'm entirely willing to do the weekly posting framework (or however often it should be posted). When should I start, or should I start once I'm finished writing it all?

fca62 No.220412

File: 1556970610914.png (1.21 MB, 1146x947, 1526956888681.png)

btw Sven, sorry I kind of dropped the ball on this, but if you're still doing that audiobook project I've finally compiled all that stuff I said I'd get together. A lot of the music I had was copyright protected, a little ironic in the context of the story, and I had to figure out how to remove it. Then I got sidetracked and forgot about it until the other day.

Anyway, this zip file has the latest draft of the manuscript, as well as a "soundtrack" containing all of the albums referenced in the text. At least I think I got all of them, let me know if there's anything missing. I also designed a cover for the book which you can have as well.


8ba3b No.221846

File: 1557887181277.jpg (127.58 KB, 512x512, jdnh-1553651684-76233-512.jpg)

Np. I am the one who is sorry. I don't know why I never answer your posts in a reasonable amount of time. I feel so embarrassed about it. Like really bad.
I still want to do it but it is buried beneath the many things that I want to do. However, I feel optimistic about its completion. It shouldn't be that hard to accomplish but who knows?
Thanks for the zip file.
>copyright protected, a little ironic in the context of the story
Yeah, hehe.
I was thinking about making a progress diary thread on /ub/ to keep you updated on the project.
Anyway, nice to hear from you again.
Post them whenever you feel like it. If you know you won't change the beginning anymore, then you can post it even if you haven't finished it.
I am quite excited to read this story of yours.
It seems most contestants have forfeit including myself. The only one I don't know of their status is (you)>>216135 but I think it is safe to say that he won't. Otherwise, Placeholder is the only one with a finished or soon to be finished story. So he is the winner by default so whenever he has posted his entire story, he will post them with a weeks interval, you can post your review. You are still not obligated to do anything after all so you choose how you will post your review about his story. What I mean is that if you want to post a small review for each chapter he makes a big one for the whole story or nothing at all.
Well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to fate/stayponies. It looked promising.
I haven't read your main anonfilly story but have read a lot of your one-shots. They are often good so I will be looking out for them in that thread and yes, I will stay frosty.
>I remember when I was posting 2 story updates every week. Now I'm down to, what, once every month?
Hehe, I just imagine you doing one of those, "Retired athlete who is overweight trains to get back in shape" montages.
Mm, you do that. I have read some of that Flurry story that you are writing. I like the main idea if I have interpreted it correctly, which is: That the main pairing consists of two people who due to their social standing have trust issues. Yeah, there is probably a less convoluted way of saying that but you get my point.
However, I feel that the execution almost work. With emphasize on almost. To me, scenes and characters miss their mark just with hair. For example, Cadence and Anon's father (All Might) are too alike. They are basically replicas instead of being similar people. While it is fun to see them have chemistry and shared past while their partners look on confused as they spaz out, it also feels contrived. I don't really believe what I am reading. The same thing happens with Flurry and Anon. They are the same person and while I think that they can totally share the same issue the difference between them is their sex. I kind of just wish that this issue would express itself differently for each one of them because they are of different sex.
Another thing is the fact that Shining Armour is treated so shittily. Basically, neither his daughter or his soon to be son-in-law respects him. It is not like Anon will ask for his blessing before sexing his daughter up. I cannot, not be a disturbed by this and generally I begin to rut for their coming relationship to be a complete bust, you know. It doesn't help that Shing Armour is one of my favorite horses as in I like his mane.
Otherwise, while I still got some more complaints, I like it and I also believe that my complaints can possibly be addressed later in the story.
Anyway, it is too bad that you didn't manage to make it for this competition as with all the others I am curious about this tragedy you have conjured up.

This is a good time as any to tell you that I forfeit aswell. Fuck.

Also also. I am glad for the response I got for this thread. It was pretty nice.

8ba3b No.221852

Eh, I think my review of your work Canada-san came off a bit too negative and not representive of my feelings. I do, in fact, like a lot of stuff with it.
Like the setting. Humans are a nation in the same world as Equestria and they have feudal rulership system just like Equestria. Flurry andd Anon are princess and prince respectively and so on. It is a neat take and unusual.
There is more pros and cons but that I have but I don't got time to write it right now.
I don't really know why I wrote the cons first.
Just so you know I will be following it.

61d39 No.221870

Hunh, it has been two months. Time sure flies by.

66768 No.221908

Got it. I'll probably end up doing some tweaking here and there later on down the line as it becomes necessary, but I can post a bit from the beginning to hopefully get you all interested.

66768 No.221909

Here it is, the first blurb or so of my story- Accepting feedback.

>Be Twilight

>It's an average Wednesday night, not unlike the countless other Wednesdays you've lived through
>You're sat on one of the several couches placed in various rooms around your castle with a book on theoretical and applied magic sitting on a table in front of you
>How you'd love to crack it back open and continue reading, but you've got more important things to be working on right now
>Such important things include grading all the homework due for the end of the semester today
>You're still not sure why Celestia asked you to teach at her academy, but it gives you a reason to go outside, so…
>Hm, that brings up a thought: when was the last time you went outside for fun?
>Definitely some time ago, that's about as much as you can remember
>Was it at Spike's 756th birthday?
>Maybe it was during that oddly large phoenix migration last year…
>Oh right, it was when you went to the north pole to observe the close fly-by of that one comet!
>What was its name?
>Eh, you'll remember later
>Now where were you…
>Huh, guess you managed to finish grading those assignments while you were zoning out
>Well, time to read that book!
>You levitate it up to your face and-
>-And proceed to drop it as the castle quakes beneath you!
>What now…
>You open up a nearby window overlooking the city of Ponyville to find a particularly large hydra stomping about near 3rd street
>You're not sure how tall it is, but seeing as how it's currently in the process of chewing on the top of the 300ft wall bordering the Everfree Forest, it's pretty up there
>Not wasting any more time, you jump out the window and ready a spell
>It takes you a second to fly over, and in that time the hydra turns its attention away from the wall and towards the responder team currently trying to wrangle it back towards the hole it made
>They're failing to, of course, but that's why you're en route to the problem
>Once you get there, you get a much better idea of how things are going
>The responders aren't so much wrangling it as trying to move ponies away from it
>Good, that'll make your job much easier
>You land in front of the hydra and grab its attention with a quick laser before shouting up to the responder team
"Finish clearing civilians and then get yourselves out of here too, I got it from here!"
>You're still not comfortable with using the Royal Canterlot Voice™ even after learning how to do it centuries ago, but it definitely has its uses
>Particularly, being heard over loud things
>The responders wave in acknowledgement to you before leaving you to the hydra
>The hydra tries to give chase to a lagging pegasus, but you're already casting your spell
>Within an instant, the hydra is completely immobilized as you begin levitating it up and away
>At this point, you don't even need to watch it as it soars over the Everfree and lands back in the center of the forest
>This is the fifth time in a month that something's gotten past that wall, they should really upgrade it
>Well, you may be royalty, but you're not part of the city bureaucracy
>Your job here is done, so now it's time to actually go and enjoy that book!
>You fly back to your crystal tree castle, inspecting some of the damages the hydra made on the way in
>A sizable hole was left in the wall, but not low enough that anything else managed to creep in
>That's good, the last thing you want right now is for something else to happen that could take advantage of the weakened state of the city
>Fortunately, nothing happens for the rest of the night so you're free to spend it the way you want to!
>You power through the book in a couple of hours, only stopping briefly to reheat dinner in between chapters
>There wasn't much in it that you didn't already know and weren't already planning on proving in the coming weeks, but it was still a few days before the yearly magic summit starts on the first next month
>Plenty of time to gather research and perform experiments, especially since this will just be a formalization of things you've already done for fun
>And after that, you get to see what all the other bright minds of Equestria have done with their time!
>You may even get to see some past students, if you're lucky
>When you check the time, you see the clock resting firmly at around 10:30, so you decide to turn in for the night
>You slot the book back into its place on your shelf before heading back up to your room and climbing into bed
>However, once you get to your bed your thoughts threaten to keep you awake again
>This time, your midnight dwellings take you back to that thought about going outside for fun
>Is it really that big of a problem that you don't go outside much?
>Maybe, but it's not like you have any friends anymore
>Oh well, it's not your fault that you're immortal
>You could still go visit Spike over the weekend, he'd probably enjoy seeing you again
>But how would all of the other dragons take a pony showing up randomly to talk to an Elder Dragon?
>Eh, you should probably clear it up over a few letters first just to make sure
>… Maybe you should go out there and make some more friends?
>After all, that is what Celestia sent you here to do all those centuries ago…
>But how would that even work? Most ponies don't consider you to even be in the same ballpark as them, much less somepony to just walk up to and start up a conversation with
>That's it!
>Your experience and rank have definitely made you beyond friendship with the common ponies, but it certainly wouldn't come off as weird if you decided to take on an apprentice!
>It's settled; you're finding an apprentice to pass on your wisdom to and hopefully create another lasting relationship in the process!
>This is certainly something that you should put more thought into, but it worked for Celestia so why wouldn't it for you?
>Settled in your new plans, you finally find the peace of mind to drift off to sleep
>. . .

92b89 No.222044

File: 1557995121033.png (729.01 KB, 752x706, 1555110313050.png)

I think you do a good job in establishing Twilight's *Spoiler* current character that also fits with what the Twilight we know.
I guess it is done subtly as well or one can call it that. I don't really think it is purely subtle.
Like we nderstand that this is Twilight in the future due to hints spread out throught the text at no point does the narrative go, "By the way Twilight is centuries old," or well again not unprovoct.
Anyway, this is why I don't like inner monologue in writting because the informations you can get is not really subtle and it kind of cheats…
Look I don't have the time right now to continue so I will just post some positive and get back on track.

You also do a good job at explaing her motive for getting *Spolier* an apprantice.

And this is the path to take with a character which arc ended centuries ago I think. There is also a lot of paths to take with this sort of thing. I mean who wouldn't want to be Twilight Sparkle's apprentice. This move of your opens a lot of doors of for the story to go.

I have turned into Nigel. Pic, unrelated.

61d39 No.222066

Looks good! I'm also looking foward to the rest of the story.

The spoilers spoil. Also lots of guesses with no grounding.

Twilight has lots of personal problems. Waring between Before her friends and After her friends. The death of her friends changed her, possibly their children too ect.. Not sure if the other princesses are alive or active. I assume they are.
She is having trouble being who she used to be, cue title, this story I'm guessing will show Twilight's development or the New student / students development possibly both. Guessing now the student becomes an alicorn or dies.

Lot's of questions to be answered. How cannon did this start at? Why and how did it change? How are the events related?

66768 No.222207

I'll answer your spoiler questions that I don't plan on answering in the story itself since the OG prompt is still to make an episode or so of a TV show.
>where in canon does it start
Somewhere between midway through season 5 and before season 9.
>why/how did it change
It changed because quality drop finally made me stop watching the show after Flurry's introduction. In canon, it's probably because the commie never resurfaced and the royal sisters never felt the need to retire because immortality makes time mean nothing.
>how are the events related
The events are related because the friendship school never happened and Twilight was able to go about life with her friends as a part-time hero without any interruption (at least until her friends started to die off).

66768 No.222208

fuck, forgot the name

f0704 No.222209

File: 1558079732514.jpg (158.48 KB, 508x543, 5xcs-1521565247-404210-ful….jpg)

What I was trying to say in my last post about subtlty is more a me thing than a universal rule. It is part my style but I recommand it because it came from somesort of reasoning. My style and the reason for it is: To write in third person perspective and try to only write what is happening and chracter's thoughts. This means that things like Chracter's feelings can only be shown not told about the same about their motivations.

The reason I do this is so that I show don't tell at all times. This is quite diffcult in doing since it requires more thought but I think it will be more rewarding.

It seems I have no more time left.

I will write up what I want to tell you here:

1)boredom or sorrow after friends were lost. Why haven't Twilight thought about getting new friends before all these years.
2)Even iff it fitted in her chain of thoughts the way we learn information is by hearing Twilight's inner monlogue instead oflike we seeing how she doesn't go outsidemuch.
3) You did good in subtly displaying how Twilight defeated a hydra (a creature she ran from season 1) is nothing to her and that she is thinks more about getting back to her book than it.

Notes: Wall around ponyville.

d94dd No.222212

File: 1558090806783.png (213.69 KB, 1000x800, 1520707380203.png)

>They are the same person
Yeah, a definite holdover from my original plan for the tale to be short and smutty. There'll be some distinction as things progress, don't you worry.
>I begin to rut for their coming relationship to be a complete bust
Like I said in >>220953 , events of that particular nature are way down the line now. While it's pretty obvious they will pair up, how they do it is going to be the thing (I hope) will sell it.
>It doesn't help that Shing Armour is one of my favorite horses as in I like his mane.
Yeesh, you really wouldn't have liked my story for this thread, then. [dark cackling]

>I think my review of your work Canada-san came off a bit too negative
Nigga if I didn't want negativity, I'd have gotten my writefagging done over on Fimfic, and not imageboards. I started on imageboards expressly to avoid hugboxing of any variety, anything that could potentially coddle away mistakes and failings I would inevitably make.
If you or anyone else has problems with my stuff, just up and say it. If you think I'm going to be offended by your feedback, my reply is that I'm only offended by your low opinion of me. Not you specifically, you know what I'm sayin' dawg
>Just so you know I will be following it.
Merci beaucoup, monsieur Sven. Have some horrifying degeneracy as thanks.

61d39 No.222224

Looking foward to what you do.
I just need to read more to get more of an idea on what feedback is needed.

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