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File: 1536618478945.jpg (48.7 KB, 1191x670, Niggafinallyagoodpic.jpg)

2f236 No.170668

What this thread is about.

This thread is dedicated to reviews about Books, fanfictions, music, drawing/paintings, and anything really. There are, however, reviews that don't have a place in this thread. Reviews about things that don't even have a remote connection with the mlp or pol sphere.
This thread is also writefag thread. I think it is good to have these two different types of threads merged together since it becomes very natural for the reviewfags to review the writerfags' stories. But If you want them, by all means, make a write- or review- only-thread yourself.
I decided to write a review to start this thread off. That way I hope to inspire others, who usually don't write reviews, to write one themselves. Since if a swedcuck can write one then you can! No, but on a serious note. You don't need to write something with a high word count. Just write something about something you like. You can spend like four hours altogether on writing why you like something or why you didn't. It is very easy and it can be a lot of fun too.
I am going to write mostly episode reviews. I want to explain why the first two seasons are considered the golden age of mlp by many by showing why they were good. It is something people often say when some anon not from this board asks how we can be watching little girls show. We say the first two seasons were great but often leave it at that. Of course, it makes sense, one can't write a large summary on what made those seasons so great everytime someone asks.
Also, no reviews about Silver Apple Star and his adventures or whatever because I fear it would only derail the thread's purpose in that it would turn into another Nigel vs "the Glimmer internet defense force" thread. Every anon is welcomed however and you are also allowed to "shit" on the material you review.

2f236 No.170669

A short summary of the synopsis.

To summarize the episode is about: *Spoilers* Twilight is visited by herself from the future who has come to warn her about something. Before she manages to tell her however she is brought back into the future. Twilight is left in the present wondering what her future-self wanted to warn her about. Based on future-Twilight's messy look, she figures it has to be some sort of disaster. The rest of the episode is spent on Twilight trying to prevent the disaster from happening. Every time she thinks she made a breakthrough she realizes that the future hasn't changed because she is looking more and more like her future counterpart. In the end, she doesn't manage to change the future before Thursday morning but learns on Thursday that it is just a normal Thursday morning. She, therefore, decides to go back in time to warn her past self not to worry and you see where this is going. So yeah, terminator-paradox but the rest of the episode is coherent. I am actually referring to Twilight's thinking here. The solutions she comes up with to solve the problem at hand are great even if they end up failing. It almost felt like she at any moment would start to carry a lab coat and use the phrase: ”El Psy Congroo.”

2f236 No.170671

The plot: What makes it so good.

Twilight is a proactive main character in this episode. The whole episode centers around her and her actions make up the whole story. The only time Twilight is just reacting on someone else, except her future self, is when Cerberus comes to their town.
Since she misunderstands her future self's message and thinks that there will be a disaster coming on the next Tuesday morning, she must invent a plan to stop it from happening. It becomes a problem that Twilight has to solve. Her first try to stop it is to simply to control and fix if needed, things that could potentially cause disasters like the dam breaking flooding ponyville in the process or having to little water in the water tower, which could result in ponies dying of thirst. Later we see her musing over if she is missing something. This is a good question since she can only know for sure that her plan succeeded on Tuesday. Then Cerberus show up and Twilight bring him back to Tartarus. Twilight is now confident that she has solved the problem at hand and is at ease. Then she gets a papercut from a scroll and she quickly realizes that her future self had a papercut in the same manner that she does now. This means, she realized, that the disaster is still going to happen.
This is how the plot continues for the rest of the episode. I will go through it all to the end but I wanted to stop here to highlight this. The plot goes like this: There is a problem that Twilight has to solve. She comes up with a potential solution. She tests it. There is something added on to her outlook, which is another sign that the future hasn't changed its course. She tries something new. That is the basic gist of it.
Her next plan is based on what her future self told her. She had specifically told her this: "Twilight, whatever you do, don't-" before she had been brought back to the future. Therefore Twilight figures that if she doesn't move to next Tuesday, she can't possibly do whatever her future self didn't want her to do. Of course one could consider not doing anything an action but whatever. Anyway, she gets hit by dragon fire and her mane stands up just like her future self's mane did.
Her new plan is based on the fact that she doesn't know what kind of disaster she needs to stop. She, therefore, decides that find out about it is a good plan. Therefore she goes to madam pinkie. Yeah, she probably gets tricked out of her bits by the way. Pinkie has some glass orb which she pretends to read the future with. Twilight actually listens since she just like the autistic viewer (Me) remembers that pinkie sense is canon and that it can predict the nearby future. Twilight, therefore, tells Pinkie to use it and Pinkie tells her sense only told her about vague yets specific things like things falling from the sky but not what or when. Then he tails twitch and a flowerpot hits Twi in the head causing her to wear a bandage just like her future self.
Her next plan is similar to the first one but I would argue that is a different approach. I think Twilight based on the previous experience with the pinkie understands that she can't prophesize the future but she still realizes that repairing everywhere isn't a viable option either, therefore she decided to monitor everything. She does this because she still wants to first figure out what the disaster might be before making an attempt to mend it. She also does this so she can analyze as much information as possible to find something out of order.
Anyway, she looks through a telescope at the sun and it hurts her eye. Pinkie gives her an eyepatch, which was also a thing her future self wore. Twilight, learning that Tuesday is the very next day, comes to her final solution to the problem at hand: To stop time. Great comedy btw. This is also a great characterization since Twilight is thinking about this problem completely abstractly. It is practically impossible to stop time but theoretically if that were an option, then yes that would solve the problem since then Tuesday will never come. Twilight, knowing that the time-travel spells are in the canterlot archives due to her future counterpart telling her this, sets out to find a spell that allows her to stop time. It is sort of foreshadowed that the mission fails right from its beginning since Twilight is now wearing the latex body suit her future self did, which tells us at the beginning of the mission that her future self also did this.
Anyway, they don't manage to find the spell they need before the sun goes up and it is Tuesday morning. Twilight, who actually assumes that there will be no disaster a bit too quickly considering that Tuesday morning has just begun, bla bla bla decided to warn her past self that she doesn't have to worry and you see where this is going.

2f236 No.170672

The comedy. This episode is hilarious.

The comedy in this episode steems, again, from Twilight. Who is pretty much involved with every joke in this episode. My definition of a joke is a little vague. I will have to come up with a better definition unless someone can point me to a better one. It is pretty much a contradiction that was intentional made to sound funny, irony or a misunderstanding is also included it should just be obvious that the writers intended for it to be a joke. By that definition, I have counted that there are sixteen jokes in this episode, which is quite impressive for a few reasons. The first being that this episode is so plot focused and serious in its tone that it doesn't really have time for jokes in it. They managed to solve this by having the joke be in the plot. This is done by having Twilight's obsessive and freaked out personality being the end of many jokes. The episode is also twenty-two minutes which means that it is closed to being one joke per minute.
Spoilers ahead. I am going to list every joke here and explain how they work as a joke. I know the expression that explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog; No-one wants to see it. But this is an old episode and we want to know what makes up a frog and a joke.
The first real joke in the episode is when Spike misunderstand what Twilight is saying. She says: ”Frankly, I can't understand how YOU can sleep at a time like this?” The text I wrote in cursive is what's important to understand the joke. She says that figuratively but Spike response with the literal answer, which makes Twilight look silly since three a.m. is a normal time to be sleeping.
That's what Spike answers. He says: ”Three a.m?”
Before I go onto the next joke I will address why I wrote ”real” earlier in the text. It was because there was a scene, the first scene in the entire episode, about Spike dreaming he introduced Rarity to an ice-cream house. This is a sort of endearing and sort of funny but I don't think it is a joke though. Not even a visual joke to me. There is no twist to it. I guess you could say that it is funny to see his character's desires taken to the extreme like this but I still don't see it as a joke. Why I tell you this is because I want you to know that I might not include everything that you would consider funny. The episode might actually be funnier than I describe it.
The next joke is something I suppose to be funny but I am not American so I can't tell for sure. The joke goes like this. Twilight gives Spike an Almanac and says: ”There, now do you see what's wrong?” Spike replies: ”We forgot to celebarate arbor day?” I don't know if you celebrate arbor day or not. From my perspective, it would be more of a nice idealistic thing you do but not something you celebrate like you do on Christmas. So it sounds like Spike is being sarcastic
Also, the contrast between this characters is funny. Spike has just woken up and is still sleepy while Twilight is running around shouting frantically. So the sarcastic jokes, which he uses, fits well with him being a little grumpy I looked back at the episode. He doesn't look grumpy at all. Excuse my headcanon interference.from being awaken for what he considers to be a non-problem.
The next joke is on the morning. We see Twilight working with her schedule. It seems to be implied that she was awake throughout the night. The idea that she didn't go to sleep this night is reinforced later, might I add, when we later in this episode learn that she did so on another night. This means it is not something unthinkable for her to do.
Anyway, I will have to trim this down later since I keep losing focus.
Twilight talks to herself, I decided to stop quoting everything because it will only make this section longer, on how she could get time to spare for scheduling the next month. Her plan is the joke. As she states that if she can read two things at the same time then she will have time to spare, which obviously is impossible.
The next is after future-twi appear. Our Twilight goes up to her and tells her that she is not scientifically possible, yet she is obviously standing there.

2f236 No.170673

Part 2 comedy.
Joke number five is old-Fluttershy's sarcastic remark. I think it can be categorized as sarcastic but I am not sure. Fluttershy carries a lot of packages with party supplies and walks behind Pinkie who holds a bunch of balloons. Their dialog is almost necessary for the explanation of this joke so I will include it.
”Come on, Fluttershy! The party can't start before the party supplies get there,” Pinkie says.
”Happy to help but can I carry the ballons next time?” replies Fluttershy. Since balloons float and aren't a thing that you carry, it seems like a sarcastic remark to me. Then again her voice and her face don't match up with that description.
Nr. six. Twilight bumps into Fluttershy as she runs by. A pair of joke glasses with a funny (human) nose and mustache lands on her head. Unaware that she is wearing glasses she runs up to a crowd and tells them to listen up. As fast as they see her glasses, they begin to laugh. That is not the joke for the audience. The joke is after she takes off her glasses and tells them that there is a crisis and that she had just been visited by herself in the future. Here the crowd laughs again due to the fact that they think that she was just joking again and we, the audience, laugh because poor Twilight isn't getting her message through.
The next joke is like number seven or whatever. I will stop my counting. You just have to trust me that there are sixteen of them.
The next joke is when Twilight explains their newfound crisis for the rest of the ponyfolk. Aj: ”What kind of disaster?” Twi: ”I don't know. I got sucked back into the future before I could explain.” The Pinkie says the joke: ”Run for your lives!” The joke is that since she doesn't know what kind of disaster it is, she can't run from it.
In the montage that follows the ponyvillens disaster-proof Equestria. There are two visual jokes in it. The first one is actually a self-aware joke about the world-building of Equestria and everyone loves those, maybe? Big mac holds the end of a rope that is tied around pinkie with his mouth. He stands on a bridge while she hangs off this bridge from this rope while screwing some screws tighter. Earth ponies are bound to use either their hooves or mouth to grab thing with. The meta-joke comes when Big Mac says: ”Eyup,” when Twilight checks off the chore on her list. Since he opens his mouth to speak, he let go of his hold on the rope and pinkie falls in the water below.
The other is when pinkie's hair is being cut by Rarity. She cut a specific strand of hair in her mane. It is funny because the ponies in ponyville think that if pinkie's hair isn't properly cut, it can cause a disaster.
Cerberus appears in ponyville. Pinkie tells them to follow her lead as she starts screaming and running.
Twilight thinks that Cerberus leaving the gates of Tartarus is the disaster that her future self is talking about. It actually is brought up in season finale four because Celestia assumes that Tirek must have escaped during the time Cerberus was gone from his post. Anyway, Twi is therefore Thrilled at the prospect that she had finally figured out the problem at hand. So when she explains to spike that the creatures that live in Tartarus can now escape and destroy Equestria and he repeats the last part with fright in his voice, she answers with: ”Yes, isn't it great?” Obviously, it is not.
There is a running gag in this episode that appears firstly while Cerberus is in ponyville and later on while Pinkie is at Twilight's library. The joke is that Pinkie stashes things for emergencies all over ponyville that are actually for playing rather than emergencies.
The next one is the fact that the Cerberus, you know the three-headed dog that is as big as a house and guards the gates of Tartarus, is interested in a ball. The funny part about this is that it follows the logic that: "Cerberus is a dog" + "Dogs like to hunt balls" = "Cerberus Likes to hunt balls". Twilight uses a ball as some sort of bait to lure him back to Tartarus.
Twilight gets hit by a scroll that Spike breathes out and gets a papercut. She realizes quickly that it is the same as the one on her future self's cheek and therefore goes to check it in the mirror. As she realizes this she shouts out the word no. Spike misinterpreted her actions as a reaction to the contents of the scroll. He, therefore, says this: ”It is only a lost dog flyer. I guess Celestia hasn't heard we found Cerberus yet.” Kek. Have you seen this three-headed dog which is probably bigger than your house? He answers to: ”AAAAHHHHHH!!!”
The next joke is exactly the moment after this. Twilight shows Spike her cut and he answers: ”A papercut. You really need to toughen up. Just clean it out and you will be fine.” She obviously refers to the fact that she now resembles her future self more but since Spike wasn't present when her future self visited he doesn't know this.
It is actually about how the jokes start to thin out in the episode for the to return with more force in the end/climax of the story. Until this point jokes had come like a constant stream.
One could say that the solution that Twilight comes up with, the one were she plans on not moving a muscle till next Tuesday also is so ridiculous that it is a joke. Which many of her solutions becomes in their own way…. We may never know what I intended to write after this point.

So yeah, I didn't manage to include everything i wanted to include but such is life. We will see I add more things to this review.

endearing moments in the episode.
Eating icecream in front of Twi
Ice-cream running joke
I ain't got time for any more of your lectures spike My lectures?
Fourth wall joke flowerpot.
Twi contrast RD PP and Spike

2f236 No.170674


2f236 No.170678

>>170669
>Woops, this section should have been posted before this one.

The episode and why I picked it.

The episode I am going to review is called: ”It's about time” and it is the twentieth episode of season two. It is written by M.A. Larsson who has written a lot of great episodes.
It is my favorite episode of them all. It has both a great plot and it is hilarious to watch.

e5ce3 No.170686

File: 1536623523018.jpg (47.39 KB, 921x458, FIMFIC - UNRELEASED 7TH CH….JPG)

But we already have two of those!

2f236 No.170693

>>170686
No
>Also, no reviews about Silver Apple Star and his adventures or whatever because I fear it would only derail the thread's purpose in that it would turn into another Nigel vs "the Glimmer internet defense force" thread. Every anon is welcomed however and you are also allowed to "shit" on the material you review.

2f236 No.170694

>>170686
And in those there is no point in bringing up any other fic than Nigel's since they are not part of the thread.

b5f96 No.170820

I'll give this a bump because I think it's a great idea. I may have a contribution in the near future, but I want to ask OP if the Nigel drama threads inspired me to attempt a serious (non-shitpost) fanfiction that used Nigel's story and characters as a jumping off point, could I post it here when it's in a readable state? I think it has actual merit as writing and I would like real input on it, but I don't want to derail your thread because of potential for Nigel drama spilling over.

5638c No.170825

>>170820
>Spoiler
Fuck what OP wants. The best threads usually ignore OP and call him a fag. Fucking do it faggot.

No offence, Sven.

c490f No.170838

>>170820
Sounds interesting. I've never had someone write a fic I'm writing at the same time before, it should be cool. Good luck with that!

8127a No.170842

File: 1536697360697.png (594.21 KB, 786x870, 1497912715470-2.png)

I'll go ahead and repost the Orange-Anon greens I wrote for the last writefag thread. Man, can't believe that was almost half a year ago.

><><><

>Three years.
>Three years of seeing those pointy-beaked bird-kikes fleece Equestria for all it was worth.
>And who knows how many years they've done it for, before you got here?
>How many decades?
>Well, it doesn't matter.
>Because today will be the day that (((they))) pay for their crimes against the people of this world.
>Readjusting the heavy tank resting upon your back, you march onwards towards Griffonstone.
>To think, these kikes live in shitty, hostile environments, just like the kikes from your world.
>Even in Equestria, they're shit at planning for the future.
>Otherwise, they'd have stopped you long ago.
>You must be a mile away from the town, by now.
>Your hands begin to shake.
>You can't help but develop a wicked smile, brushing a hand down your moustache.
>Who'd have thought the handlebar moustache would go so well with the orange skin?
>Ah, but there are more important things to focus on.
>Like the sounds of hundreds of bird-kikes screaming in unison.
>You're unable to keep your hands from trembling, as your grip around the flamethrower intensifies.
>No guards are seen near the gate, as you make your approach.
>Of course (((they))) wouldn't think to guard their precious enclave.
>You briefly ponder torching the entire gate, but decide to try and push the door first.
>To your surprise, it actually does swing open.
>That's strange.
>Could this be a trap?
>The pilot light of the flamethrower sparks to life.
>You step into the town, fully prepared to torch any bird-kikes that dare to make themselves known.
>The town is run-down, filthy, and clearly has never had any kind of proper infrastructure put into place.
>But more importantly, it appeared to be empty.
>Oh, you get it.
>They're hiding away in their little dirt hovels, aren't they?
>Laughing about how they've fooled another good goy, no doubt.
>Well, you'll have to agree, it is very funny.
>It'll be even funnier, seeing them covered in napalm and screaming in agony.
>You point the flamethrower to the nearest house, and pull the trigger.
>The flames shooting up along it, cloaking it in liquid flame, is pure pleasure to watch.
>As the building begins to burn down, you move to another sad excuse of a structure, giving it the same flame treatment.
>You move around the entire town, torching building after building.
>But your enjoyment of this purge was slowly arrested by one key detail.
>No screaming could be heard.
>Not a sound, other than the crackling of flames, and the occasional collapse of a building.
>Where are they?
>Where are they?!
>Where did they go?!

>The door to your house can be heard being thrown open rather violently in the background, just as you were about to descend into your secret trapdoor.

>Oh, great, looks like Twilight came back to accuse you of--
>"Where are you, Anon?!
>Nevermind, it's worse than Twilight accusing you of harbouring evil changelings.
>Groaning, you shut the trapdoor, reconceal it, and open the door leading from your office, heading towards the living room.
>"I know you're here!"
"No, I'm here."
>He jumps badly, just like every time you sneak up behind him.
>"Gah! Anon, what have you done?!
"Nice to meet you too, Annoying Orange."
>"I'm not in the mood for your little jokes!"
"And I'm not in the mood to talk, yet here we are. What do you want?"
>"You set me up! There were no griffons there, at all!"
"Oh, there weren't?" comes your insincere reply. "Well isn't that funny?"
>"There is nothing funny about this, you wretched kike-lover! Tell me where they are!"
"First of all, I don't love those 'kikes'. Assholes keep jacking up beef prices, ever since we moved into town."
>"They're liable to do much worse! Now tell me where they are!"
"Oh, they've been… taken care of."
>"What?" comes his surprised response, soon flipping back to indignant anger. "What do you mean, 'taken care of'?"
"Oh, the wife rolled in about a week ago, scoobied them all up."
>It's so nice, seeing other-Anon at a loss for words.
>"You mean to tell me that you knew they were gone, this whole time?" he says with gradually building anger.
"Mmhm," you reply, trying your best to keep the shit-eating grin off of your face.
>"And you gave me the details on their location, knowing full well I would arrive to find no griffons to kill?!"
"Yep."
>He looks about ready to blow a fuse.
>"Why?!"
"Why?" you reply with a pointed grin. "Because I haven't forgotten about the one time you ate my entire goddamn anchovy pizza, you fucking douche."
>"What?! You still--"
"So I'd say this makes us even."
>"You sent me on that wild goose chase for nothing more than a petty grudge?!"
"Aren't you the guy who holds a monster grudge for those kikes cutting up your junk?"
>"Wha-- How are those two even remotely comparable?!"
"Eating my soul food was like circumcising my very soul, you filthy soul-kike. Know my pain."
>"What--"
"Yes, I'm sure 'what' is a very lovely country this time of year, but I'm afraid we're fresh outta time for today. I've got shit to do."
>More specifically, a wife to do.
>"I'll remember this, you disgusting, bug-loving degenerate!" he hollers as you swagger off, back towards your office.
"Hey, if you know a wife who can give you a hundred kids every time you make sweet love, please, point her out."

8127a No.170843

File: 1536697397749.png (225.57 KB, 1007x1150, 1524785207749.png)

>>170842
>"For the last time, Anon, I am not interested in ponies!"
"Listen, asshole," you start, looking this orange nigga straight in the eyes, "Everyone and their mother can see you need to get laid."
>"I do not need to 'get laid', and I certainly am not about to share a bed with another race!"
"See, this is what I'm talking about! If you were any more wound up, I could use you as a Beyblade launcher!"
>You sidle up to the mustachioed man, throwing an arm around his shoulder.
"Come on, man, I'm offering to help a nigga out here."
>"Your 'help' entails race mixing!"
"First off, it's species mixing."
>"You fuck--"
"No, seriously, it's like porking aliens. And ponies are way, way hotter than asari, too."
>"Th-that doesn't change a thing!"
"Sure it does. Second of all, well, exactly that! Those gals are smoking!"
>"Your wife isn't even a pony!"
"No, she isn't, and don't get any ideas, fucko."
>"What--?"
"Back on topic. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a filthy, disgusting thot?"
>"What kind of question is that?!" he yells at you. "I had to deal with their ilk far too often!"
"Yeah, back on Earth."
>"And--"
>Ahh, activating his almonds always shuts him up.
"Now, when was the last time you saw one of those skanks, in the body of a pony?"
>He thinks for a moment, before raising his finger.
"That wasn't Rarity."
>And down went that finger.
>"Damn it."
"Yeah, never. Trust me, these gals have got it all!"
>"Even if you do have… some kind of a point there, what makes you think I would simply sleep around with them?"
"Aww, you're a romantic!"
>"No, but 'hooking up' is degenerate beyond measure!"
"It's settled, then! We're hitting the town, tonight!"
>"Wait, what?"
"Bring your best suit and your pocketbook, pal-io, because we're gonna find you a date!"
>"I never agreed to any such thing!"
"Less whining, more dating!"
>"You insufferable bastard…!"
"In the flesh, in Equestria, and the only friend you've got here. See you at the club!"

>Wow.

>This wasn't going nearly as well as you'd hoped.
>"You're a fuckingh liar, Ahnon," other-Anon slurs. "Theresh no pohnies here for me!"
>Well, he's not wrong.
>Most of the mares hanging around the club didn't want too much to do with either of you.
>And the few that were interested, were summarily scared away by his talks of gassing griffons.
>And lynching zebras.
>And replacing the diarchy with a national socialist system.
>That one really didn't go over well with Rainbow Dash.
>Only thing that got him to stop nursing the bruise, was drinking.
>And man, did you have to rein him in, to keep him from drinking himself into a stupor.
>"You fuckin' cuuuuck…"
>Funny, you'd think a guy like him could hold his liquor better than that.
>Oh, well.
"Hey, douchelord. Hang tight for a tick, I've gotta take a piss."
>"An-and you're gonna talk about the Mighty Duck movies, after?"
>Huh, so there is some memery in him, after all.
>Anyways, you give his shoulder a few pats, and make for the bathroom, hoping and praying that he doesn't spot Zecora hanging around in the back.
>Okay, you need a new plan.
>The direct approach clearly isn't fucking working.
>But what is there, even?
>You guess you could hunt down some other ponies, but man.
>About the only thing you're likely to find is lonely NEETs, uptight bitches, and Starlight drinking alone.
>Not the best odds.
>Ah, fuck it.
>Mama didn't raise herself no dirty quitter, no siree!
>One way or another, that asshole's getting his dick wet!
>You barge out of the bathroom, striding over to the loner's corner of the bar.
>You will find someone to--
>crash
>"Yew bucking schtatist cuuuuck!"
>Hello there, who's voice is that?
>Making your way over to where the glass was heard breaking, you're met with the sight of a very drunk Starlight, unsuccessfully fighting off another mare.
>A very yellow mare, her mane half black and even more yellow.
>"I-it haschn't been t-tried, yet…"
>"I oughta throw ya out'f a chopper…!"
>Wait, what did she just say?
>"Hey," the bartender yells, "Cut that out, both of you!"
>"Bucker…"
>"And Leslie, you're not getting anything else, until you pay your tab!"
>"I doooo pay it!"
>"All except the tax!"
>"Tahxation ish theft!"
>You can't keep the smile off of your face.
>Pony God has answered your prayers, tonight.
"I'll take her from here, barkeep."
>"Anon? The heck's this all about?"
"The will of chaos, my good booze-slinging friend," you say while sliding some bits over to him. "Consider her tab paid off."
>He rolls his eyes, but takes the money all the same, while you start leading the pony in question along.
>"Am I beingh d'tained?"
"No, girl, you're being volunteered."
>You spin around, kneeling down to look her in the eyes.
"You're Leslie, right?"
>"Leeshlie Faaaair."
"So, what brings you to the bar, tonight?"
>"Good timesh… nopony wants to stop the schtatist cucks…"
>She's perfect.
"Perfect! Listen, listen, I've got something to tell you."
>You keep leading her towards where you left other-Anon, who thankfully is still there.
"I've got this buddy with me tonight, right? Hates cucks and degenerates like you wouldn't believe."
>"Mmmmmh?"
"Anyways, he's super duper shy, but let me tell you, he thinks you're the hottest thing since recreational McNukes™."
>The second she starts blushing, you show her to the man, himself.
>"Thish big, ohrange cuck?"
>"Hey, who you calling cuck, cuck?"
>"N-no, you're a cuck!"
>"No, you!"
>"You!"
>They go from calling each other cucks, to sucking face in the middle of the bar.
>You smile, even as the bar staff kicks you all out.
>And as other-Anon takes the fair maiden home, you offer some thanks to Pony God.
>Your work here is done.

8127a No.170844

File: 1536697565592.png (372.63 KB, 1553x900, 1525068998322.png)

>>170843
Oh yeah, there's also a pseudo-followup to this story over at the latest n' greatest porn thread (>>164927).
I wouldn't mind writing more about our friendly neighbourhood O-non, but alas, I'm running a little low on ideas for things involving him.

aa865 No.170846

File: 1536698434400.jpg (32.52 KB, 302x475, 230733.jpg)

A really interesting book, if you like philosophy, politics or simply wonder if humans are as arrogant as you think they are, this is a book for you.
The author is quite an extremist when making his statements, for such, a lot of people take this book as being an edgy book, but there's no real argument on those screams of displeasure, as the author has a solid base for his claims, most of the time.

Of course not everything in this book is right, nor everything that is written here is the hard truth, but it is a good read, i recommend this to anyone that has a like for philosophy and politics.

558f5 No.170850

Anybody have a pdf of "The Plague Dogs" saved? I've been meaning to get to it for a while now and I can't find any sites that offer it without Jewing out or putting me on a waiting list. Local libraries also have nothing.

5468e No.170855

>>170820
Just as the poster said under you. Fuck me. To be honest since no-one posted on this thread after more than three-quaters of a day I thought no-one was intrested so I should just be happy if anyone post on it so disregard that shit rule. Let the shitposting commence. I don't have any power anyway and even if I did it wouldn't matter since I am swedish. I sit on the toilet when I take a leak and never speak up.

aa865 No.170940

>>170855
Just pee on the sink like a normal person, man

852e3 No.170947

>>170850
Found it in Norwegian in the National Library archive (not that it helps). But I will keep on looking. I want to read it or have it read to me myself (tempted at going for Audible trial account to get the audiobook for free)
>if you don't mind reading the print (for a limited time) your local library should be able to order it (at least that is how I understand it)

b5f96 No.170997

>>170940
>pee in the sink
Does your country not have empty plastic jugs or something?

b5f96 No.170999

>>170855
Also, thank you. The first draft should be finished by the end of the month, I will post it when it's in a readable state.

>>170838
Thanks for being a sport about it, Nige.

aa865 No.171005

File: 1536775810985.jpg (Spoiler Image, 3.42 MB, 3120x4160, IMG_20180912_195429_HDR.jpg)

>>170997
S-shut up

29044 No.171195

>>170999
>I will post it when it's in a readable state.
Okay. If you feel like you want any input on it, feel free to post here.

29044 No.171216

>>170844
Wanna do a collab? I write the a first part of a story and you contiune it in anyway you want and than I or someone takes over after that. We create writting chain.
It will have to wait till later thougth. I got to do somethings before.

29044 No.171285

>>171216
I have written 500 words now and i know where i am going now but it took more time than i expected.

50cbd No.171290

>>171216
I just saw this without following the rest of this thread. Depending on its general content I'd be up for that.

8127a No.171302

File: 1536917939809.jpg (46.31 KB, 900x566, 152540__safe_artist-colon-….jpg)

>>171216
Just like my old chatroom LARP days?! Sign me up!

96440 No.171373

File: 1536959125891.jpg (88.9 KB, 1280x720, Ididntfindamorefittingpic.jpg)

>>171290
>>171302
”So what did you want to discuss, Scruti?” The voice of a brown earth pony said. The voice was harsh.
”I have a job for you that I think you will find most pleasing. Doctor Caballeron,” a mangy old grey griffin with a collar of ragged white feathers answered him.
>Black and grey was the brown earth pony's mane, which was slicked back. Two bushy eyebrows partly covered his green eyes. He had a shirt with a lot of pockets and a red scarf with white dots that stuck out around his neck. On his flank was a golden skull.
>Around Caballeron was a three bipedal demi-humans; a fat fish guy, a hunchback dog man, and a ripped tiger guy. They were all keeping their eyes on him.
”Your oldest daughter has caused the king trouble as of late. She stole some scrolls of incriminating nature from the king's library archive. That is why I am here. I have been ordered to find them for him and now I am delegating that job to you,” Scruti cawed out the words.
>Scruti had a constant smirk on his beak, which sounded impossible since he had a beak yet he somehow managed.
>His eyes were yellow and his right eye's iris was stuck in a completely dilated position.
>Black feathers covered his head seemingly mimicking some kind of hair. They were all ruffled up. ”So what? I have no reason to help you. I rather die!” Caballeron spat out.
>The griffin pointed at a dark corner of the basement. There three ponies with their heads covered by bags were bounded and over them stood another demi-human lifeform.
>When Caballeron saw them, obvious fear and anticipation displayed on his face.
>Scruti made a gesture towards the badland goon with the hostages. The goon saw it and removed the bags off their heads.
>It was a mare and two foals; one was a filly the other was a colt. They all had cloth bound around their head and over their mouths.
>Caballeron recognized their faces immediately and they recognized him. The mare shouted something towards him but it became inaudible due to the cloth muffling her.
”Leaf!” he shouted as he meets the gaze of the mare who had a pleading look on her face.
”I got them back for you,” said Scruti.

96440 No.171374

>>171373
>Caballeron turned back to him. Through gritted teeth, he panted quickly and loudly. His eyes were wide opened but stared into the dirty floor below.
”I cannot exchange Daring's life for the rest of my family. I love them all.”
>Massaging his forehead, Scruti answered.
”As I already told you, I want the scrolls. I don't care about Daring. If you bring me them, we will forget about her crimes.”
”Even if that is true, I am not stupid enough to believe that you will hold your end of the bargain.” He pointed at the three bounded ponies but glared venomously at Scruti. ”Who do I know that you will you will release my family if I give you the scrolls, huh? I don't have any leverage in this situation!”
>Scruti was waving his claw like he was deflecting his words.
”I want you to calm down and listen now. I am going to dangle a carrot in front of you now, livestock.” He pointed back to the three ponynapped. ”They will be leaving with you after this meeting is over.”
”Wha?”
”The rules for this mission are as follows you bring me these scrolls before Daring Do reaches Equestria. She must not be allowed to bring them to the princess you see.” Scruti walked up to a chest and opened it. He grabbed a small that was filled so much that it stretched the sack. It made a tinkling sound when took it. ”Without the scrolls, there is no proof and then doubt Celestia will believe her anyway but I leave that to you as well. You should know that if Celestia learns of the contents of these scrolls or if you try to cross me in any way,”-Scruti was in front of Caballeron now and looked at him from the side; inspecting him with his right, iris-dilated eye.-”I will make you regret it.”
>They stared at each other for a moment. Caballeron opened and then closed his mouth.
”Or do you believe that you will be safe in Equestria?”
”No.”
”That is good to hear because you would be a fool otherwise, Doctor.”
>Scurti handed him the bag and it rustles gently. Caballeron grabbed it between his hoof and his chest.
”That is a more than ten-thousand badland shells. That and they-” Scruti motioned for the goon with the hostages to bring them here. The goon complied and cut their binding off only keeping the ropes that were tied around there neck left to use a leach as he leads them forward. ”-are your parting gifts.”
>When they came close enough to each other Caballeron and the other three ponies embraced each other. When Caballeron tried to remove the cloth on his wife, Scruti spoke up.
”Ugh, have your family reunion later. I am not done talking business with you.” Caballeron stopped and turned his gaze towards him.
”Your daughter was last sighted in a market district in the town Seagull Horn Port with a bipedal creature my spy could not recognize. Not that I blame the griffin. These badland creatures all look the same to me.” He looked at his lackeys with distaste. ”I assume that she is going through the jungle to the Fang Wood city that borders were she can pass the Equestrian border and that this creature is her guide.
>Caballeron seemed to contemplate this for a moment.
”What if there is an information leakage?” he asked.
”It is of no concern. No one takes stock in badland rumor and the badland creatures couldn't utilize information if I gave them a step-by-step tutorial on how to do it. They are that dumb.”
>A whimper came from the fish guy. His mouth was big as a pizza oven and he was pouting profusely.
”Yeah, that's right,” Scruti said towards the fish guy and then he turned towards Caballeron again.
”I want to remind you to not cross me. I have eyes everywhere and they will report to me if you do something suspicious,” Scurti said.
>Caballeron nodded.
”Now let me explain what is in these scrolls and how they look like so you don't bring me the wrong ones. It would be embarrassing.”



You can continue this if you want, however you want but I imagine that this scene cuts here and that the next scene is with Daring Do and Anon.

8127a No.171393

File: 1536970994971.jpg (289.27 KB, 941x935, 1522214419716.jpg)

>>171374
N-no fair, you didn't tell me this would be third person! H-how dare you make me try something different!

"Ayy, Tempie!" the jacket-clad green creature called into the tele-payth booth, much to the displeasure of the nearby creatures. "What's shakin', hot stuff?"
>"Call me 'Tempie' again, and I'll lash you to the bow of my airship," a vexed yet sensual voice called back, in the usual echoing quality of a tele-payth booth.
"Ooh, moving up the list? Should I bring the ball gag, too?"
>"FOR THE LOVE OF--!" the voice hollers after some spluttering, before cutting off into deep breaths.
"Yes, for the love of what? Aphrodite? Slaanesh? Pizza the Hutt? C'mon, don't leave me hanging here!"
>Grumbling was heard, followed by hoofsteps, some quiet murmuring, and then a different voice making itself known:
>"Anon, you've got to stop teasing her so much," calls back the voice of a certain little hedgehog. "One of these days, she's gonna snap."
"Grubber, has there ever been any problem I couldn't solve with ear scratches and some kung-fu? C'mon."
>"Pfft, your funeral."
"You're invited!"
>"Thanks. Anyways, did you get to the town?"
"Yesiree!" Anon gestures, as if the booth was capable of watching, towards the rest of the bustling market square. "Have I ever not been to my spots on time, lil' buddy?"
>"Guess not. Did you find the target yet?"
"Teensy bit tough finding a target that wasn't explained to you beforehand."
>"W-wait, what?! You don't even know who you're looking for?!"
"Yeah, pretty nuts, huh? Man, what I wouldn't give to reincarnate as a mindflayer…"
>"You didn't even look at the case files, did you?!"
"Oh," Anon starts, pulling something from his back pocket in wide, exaggerated motions, "You mean, the big files that say 'Do not open without orders,' those ones?"
>"Ohmygosh, you're impossible," Grubber mutters, before clearing his throat and regaining his volume. "Yeah, the case files which you are now ordered to open."
"Sick!"
>With childlike glee, Anon tears into the packet like a Hearthswarming present, poring over it's contents in silence.
>His smile grows even bigger, his glee reaches new heights, when he scans through his target's profile.
"Dude, a celebrity?! Geez, Tempie should've told me to open this earlier! I would've at least gotten some eau de Maulwurf sprayed on!"
>"Listen, we just need you to get her within Equestrian borders, all right? She's got some--"
"Very important documents jacked from our lovely avian friends," Anon drones, adlibbing the lines from the document. "What, Cadie run out of gossip material already?"
>"Would it kill you to take this seriously?!"
"Grubber, I take all my assignments seriously! Never took you for such a savage, dawg!"
>"Look, just bring her down to Fang Wood, will you?"
"What, did Tempie get allergic to Klugetown or something?"
>"She said, and I quote: 'I'm not letting that stupid ape turn my ship into a mobile stripclub again'."
"Hey, those sky pirates totally fell for it! Never even saw me stealing their ship!"
>"No Klugetown flights, Anon."
"Killjoy."
>"Anything else?"
"Just one," Anon chirps, folding the documents back into his pocket now that he was done reading them. "What's my exfiltration method?"
>"By hoof. That flare is a last resort, understand?"
"So now we're hopping borders, Mexicolt style? I'll make sure to pick up a mariachi costume while I'm in town!"
>"I… I don't even know where to--"
"Thanks, buddy! Catch you later! Oh, and tell Tempie she better choose me, before she loses me!"
>"What--?"
"Ciao!"
>And with a flourish, Anon presses the button on the Tele-payth booth to hang up.
"All right," he whisper-shouts to himself, spinning in place and gyrating with glee, "Time to pick me up some chicks!"
>With the swagger of a baker's dozen of G's, Anon strides into the middle of the densely populated square, scanning through the crowds for any sign of his daring quarry.
>Of course, he knew that she'd be in disguise, so this was going to require some delicate stealth procedures.
>Cupping his hands around his mouth, he takes a deep breath.
"Yoohoo! Daaaaaring! Daring, where you at? Daddy needs your daring self in his daring life!"
>Truly, he was the pinnacle of stealth.
>Not that that was ever really an option, given some of the parties he'd picked out in the crowd.
"Tell you what, Dares! The Flagon Wagon, drinks on me! Got a vodka cran with your name on it, babe!"
>Because as Anon knew all too well, you can't go wrong with the vodka cran, unless you happened to be one Tempest Shadow.
>Striding over towards said mobile bar, Anon takes a seat and orders his drinks, though thankfully he doesn't have long to wait.
>"Don't move, wise guy."
>Right on cue, a hooded pegasus mare sat next to him, the telltale pressure of a wing blade pressed up against his side.
>"You've got ten seconds to tell me what you're--"
>In one swift motion, Anon swipes the wingblade aside, grabbing the mare by the withers.
>She recoils as if expecting a strike, but wasn't quite expecting Anon to immediately start kissing her, freezing whatever motion she was about to make.
>And, by extension, allowing him to pick her up, one hand very unsubtly grabbing hold of her rump, and break for a nearby alleyway.
>She thrashes against his hold, but such simple moves do little to deter the experienced lady killer.
>It's only when he's gotten to the alcove hidden behind the dumpster that he finally breaks lip contact.
"Heh, was it as good for you as it was for me?"
>A loud SMACK rings out as her hoof collides with his face.
"No horseshoes in this desert? That's hardcore, Dares."
>"Who the hay do you think you are?!" the mare growls, glaring daggers at the tall green man.
"Very glad you asked, ma'am," he chirps, flashing his ID. "Special S.M.I.L.E. agent Anon, and your ticket outta this dump."

Expect more on the morrow. Maybe.

c048c No.171395

File: 1536971075202.png (285.09 KB, 539x720, flip ferrari and the odiou….png)


8127a No.171397

File: 1536971413768.jpg (47.29 KB, 1280x720, 1499071603209.jpg)

>>171395
>battlebrit
LIAR

ca668 No.171398

>>171397
My VPN keeps fucking up my flag. Let's see if it worked this time.

30c7b No.171399

>>171398
God fucking dammit

30c7b No.171400

>>171399
well whatever at least I got dubs

96440 No.171468

>>171393
I LOVE IT!
Well, I would dislike your Anon irl but as a character his actually funny and add nyaunce to the story even if he is a little rapey. I guess it could be because I am a cucked Swed as well. Myabe I should try that sometime start off by molesting a stranger. It is at lest efficent. I mean if they don't like it then you can move on faster.
>"No, but 'hooking up' is degenerate beyond measure!"XD
Anyway, as I said I think that your Anon character adds somethng to the story which I couldn't have done myself.
Understandd what I mean when I write this. I can only write serious characters that is characters that take things seriously. This is because I only want to write serious characters and because I have hard time believing they could exist.
Your anon doesn't take anything seriously and just lives for the moment.The personality type that I have the hardest time to deal with. Anon is seriously the rogue character to a T and he makes this feels like and adventure novel. He and Daing Do are a rogue duo. Anon is likeable and funny rogue and perverse. Daring is the dashing heroic rogue. All we need is a trickster rogue in this and then we have all the rogue tropes Although, I am not a fan of tropes sincei want to write unique things or at least that I did not intended to copy an already existing story line.. At least the ones that I can think of.
Also, because Daring, Grubber and Tempest all react to Anon's hyperactive spaz behavoir negatively, my suspension of disbelief isn't broken. Even if at some point Daring and Anon become couple, it would make sense that Daring in this situation she, even if she was the most promiscous mare ever, is in wouldn't be intrested in a one-night stand when is on such a mission but i could be wrong.
I know am blathering sorry.
These were some great jokes:
>"What, Cadie run out of gossip material already?"
>So now we're hopping borders, Mexicolt style? I'll make sure to pick up a mariachi costume while I'm in town!"
>Truly, he was the pinnacle of stealth
Hehe, admit it you wish you were as good at world building as me. My names are are the very definition of creativity.
>"Look, just bring her down to Fang Wood, will you?"
"What, did Tempie get allergic to Klugetown or something?"
>"She said, and I quote: 'I'm not letting that stupid ape turn my ship into a mobile stripclub again'."
"Hey, those sky pirates totally fell for it! Never even saw me stealing their ship!"
>"No Klugetown flights, Anon."
"Killjoy."
Also, you are way better at expressing yourself and your are so wordy but that is to be expected.
Also, I like how you added Tempest and her crew into this. They can be potential support characters and dependeding if we want or not we can say that the storm king either exist in this fic.
Also, I noted this.
>That flare is a last resort, understand?"

96440 No.171469

>>171395
Great pic. Made me laugh. I love the pony creator oc.

8127a No.171520

File: 1537026756622-0.jpg (1.67 MB, 3840x4780, MLP_The_Movie_background_a….jpg)

File: 1537026756622-1.jpg (2.5 MB, 2067x2125, 708242__explicit_grotesque….jpg)

>>171468
Glad you like it, Sven. Leafy aims to please.
Guess this is the part where I offer some feedback of my own, huh?

I don't mind at all that you want to hit a more serious angle with your particular side of it: in fact, one of the reasons I went with the jokester rogue archetype is precisely because it contrasts heavily with that other angle, giving both that little extra oomph. Don't let my madness dissuade you, my man, just keep doing your thing. It's all according to keikaku.
Having said that, I've noticed that your descriptions of events tend towards 'tell' more than 'show', which makes things read more like an instruction manual than it does a story. I'm pretty shit at explaining things, since I'm more of a 'teach and learn by example and allegory' kinda guy, so I'll pick out some sections and rewrite them to better reflect what I mean.

Original:
>Around Caballeron was a three bipedal demi-humans; a fat fish guy, a hunchback dog man, and a ripped tiger guy. They were all keeping their eyes on him.
Revised:
>Scruti's pointed look wasn't alone: three other sets of eyes kept a close watch on Caballeron from all around, each pair belonging to what could only be demi-humans. A quick scan of his eyes showed them to be a portly fish-man, a hunched-over wolfman, and a particularly muscular half-tiger.
Big takeaway:
Describe, don't explain! Explanations are for manuals, descriptions are for stories. It's a common beginner's mistake, and sometimes it's unavoidable, so don't get too hung up on it. Just keep an eye out, and re-read your lines to try and catch this!

Original:
”The rules for this mission are as follows you bring me these scrolls before Daring Do reaches Equestria. She must not be allowed to bring them to the princess you see.” Scruti walked up to a chest and opened it. He grabbed a small that was filled so much that it stretched the sack. It made a tinkling sound when took it. ”Without the scrolls, there is no proof and then doubt Celestia will believe her anyway but I leave that to you as well. You should know that if Celestia learns of the contents of these scrolls or if you try to cross me in any way,”-Scruti was in front of Caballeron now and looked at him from the side; inspecting him with his right, iris-dilated eye.-”I will make you regret it.”
Revised:
"The rules for this mission are quite simple," Scruti intones, turning towards a chest against the wall behind him. "Bring me the scrolls before they reach Equestria."
>Opening the chest, he pulls out a small sack stuffed so full, it almost prevented the contents from jingling as it was swung around.
"Naturally, we can't risk her telling Celestia about the contents of the scrolls, even if you do retrieve them," he continues, walking back towards Caballeron. "While I doubt the princess would believe her, it's not a chance I'm willing to take. I will leave solving that problem at your discretion."
"However," he snaps, turning his head to glare at him with his widened eye, "Should the princess learn of their contents, or if you try to cross me in any way, I will make you regret it."
Big takeaway:
First, build on the last big takeaway on describing and not explaining.
Second, break your paragraphs up! Walls of text just cause the reader to blank out and skim through it, very bad if there are important details hidden within. The general rule is to keep it to one paragraph per action. You already look like you know about the 'one speaker per paragraph' rule, and this is very similar to that. To extend on that, one speaker and action per line would be a better way to put it. Cramming more than one into a line needlessly elongates it, and makes it a chore for the reader!
Third, the thesaurus is your new Holy Bible. Phrases such as 'intone' and 'snapped' carry more meaning and flavour beyond 'said', without extending into 'said in a dull tone' or 'said angrily'. Use these synonyms well, but make sure you don't go overboard, too: nobody ever uses 'cantillate' and 'verbalize' in place of 'said', for example. A little more minor of a detail, but worth keeping in mind.

Next up, some more general observations.
>Although, I am not a fan of tropes sincei want to write unique things or at least that I did not intended to copy an already existing story line
Everything has tropes, my friend. Trying to avoid them isn't the trick: it's owning the tropes that makes things work. You take those tropes and make them your bitch, show them who's the top in the relationship. As long as you know what you want to do, ain't no trope gonna stop you.
>you are way better at expressing yourself and your are so wordy
It's partially my style, but it's mostly experience talking, since I've been writefagging for the better part of a couple of years now. Just keep plugging away at your stories, and you'll pick up the ropes and tricks just through perseverance.

Oh yeah, and don't worry too much about needing to make whole new towns, areas, items, characters, and concepts. Pic #1 is a great reference for in-universe places I use constantly, and the MLP Wiki is great for digging up and reusing what's already there. If show canon's there, why not use it?
>I like how you added Tempest and her crew into this.
>They can be potential support characters
>"That flare is a last resort, understand?"
Here's another trick for you: what you don't describe is just as important as what you do. I could leverage her and the flare at any point later on, but since I left it intentionally open-ended and explained indirectly through inferral, I could just as easily not use them at all. A handy trick to use if you want to dodge writing yourself into a corner.

>I know am blathering sorry.

Don't you apologize, Sven. Our nations are cucked enough without having to apologize for making genuine observations. Hope this was helpful to you!

d0285 No.171795

>>171520
I won't post anything in the begining of this week. I am a bit behind in my studies so I going to catch up. When I have done that I will start to contribute to this again. I have even intended to make my writefagging my only hobby for the the comming month.
This was really helpful. I will return to why on a later date.
Also, I am kind of hype over the possiblities of this.

13dc9 No.172115

File: 1537265814192.png (59.95 KB, 406x438, brele.png)

Is it acceptable to post premise/summary instead of a full story here?
I have some ideas to the story that I'll probably never write cause I'm lazy that I want to run through others to see if they aren't too autistic and maybe get some ideas back.
I remember that I wrote that summary once somewhere and it was like 7-8k words long (though it included shit like character summary etc.) so it's like small story itself.

b1e89 No.172176

File: 1537294245428.jpg (55.08 KB, 604x550, Warnstuff.jpg)

>>172115
Yes, that sounds great. Pls do.
>>170825
Threads has changed

13dc9 No.172180

>>172176
Tomorrow tho, it's too late today.

13dc9 No.172474

File: 1537383702720.png (617.53 KB, 600x592, autism_labels.png)

Here goes autism
Ok, so first thing first, it’s gonna be HiE. Just small warning for those who aren’t too found of that type of stories. There is some waifufaggotry but it’s gonna be important for the plot in more ways than just >Anon fucks one of M6 (also I just want to include it).

Our main guy is a ruskie (gonna call him here Anon but he’s probably gonna have some normal name), veteran of both Chechen wars and student of some decent uni, so he has some mechanical knowledge.
Equestria in this setting is advanced more on a level of early seasons, so not much in electricity department, lack of an industrial base, most of the stuff is hoof or horn-crafted and more advanced devices are rather product of magic than tech.
Also magic isn’t some all doing force but rather tool that can be used to do many things and solve many problems, but not everything.
Also pic related

>This all is happening before story starts:

After being killed either during his second deployment or some time after, Anon lands in Gryphonia. Right in the middle of their civil war. He gets roped into the conflict on the rebel/independence side and to some extent helps to win it. I’m not talking about him introducing any human weapons or anything like that but rather smaller things, more advanced command chain, ways to encrypt messages etc. Biggest impact on the conflict he has thanks to basic knowledge about biology, after sharing it with griphon they are able to develop some crystals/runes that can simulate earth pony magic and in quick time secure food supply thus removing their biggest weakness. He also gets fascinated by magic and coupled with his earlier interest in machines and weapons he starts to experiment with it (to the extent that non magic user can so things like crystals and runes).
After that development war rather quickly comes to a stalemate and rebels gain de facto independence. During his few months in that land Anon learns about the new world, gains some money, some powerful friends and some powerful enemies.
But he also builds some distrust towards Celestia, Equestrians had long-lasting friendship with griffons so when rebellion started ponies supported loyalists side, stopped trade with insurgent provinces which almost led to starvation.
During peace conflict on the field changes in conflict in the court, so he decides to move away from his enemies and from country destroyed by war into more hospitable land: Equestria.
He finds place away far away enough from Canterlot to not be found by Celestia (who probably won’t take too kindly to someone who fought against Equestrian ally) but also close enough to have access to all comforts that those living in the Equestrian heartland have. Also steady supply of meat (Everfree).
So Ponyville. He orders construction of a house there, fills all necessary documents and after some wait embarks on a journey to Equestria.

13dc9 No.172478

File: 1537383945021.jpg (153.76 KB, 700x523, factory.jpg)

Previous post happens before the actual story starts and is rather part of a world building but I feel like those things are important to later understand some parts of the plot.
So here is the actual story:
Anon arrives to Ponyville about 10 months before the show starts. He brings with himself most of his possessions, his magical and tech-magical stuff that he gathered during the war, armor, weapons etc. Some of those things not exactly legal in Equestria.
After first few days he gets generally accepted by ponies, he isn’t some alien or guy from Everfree, but someone who has home already built, who uses their money, even his customs aren’t that different. He meets some of the non existing yet M6, starts some initial friendship with RD, AJ distrust him cause she can see that he hides a lot so she tries to avoid him.
When buying furniture and talking with Filthy Rich he notices extremely high prices of iron (another piece of world building: not only iron is rather rare in ponyland but also most iron mines lie on the other side of the country and are owned by group of nobles who artificially inflate prices to gain more money. After war in Gryphonia started and trade with iron rich rebel provinces stopped prices of iron in Equestria skyrocketed and are still very high). Anon mentions that he has some connections in the newly independent state and after some talking decides to start small (at first) trade company. While for Filthy it’s mostly for money, Anon is more interested in acquiring various objects that for various reasons he can’t buy in Equestria but needs for his experiments. He sends some letters and waits for a reply.
Aside from that he hunts in the Everfree, at some point RD notices and also wants to be included in his trips. After some nagging he finally agrees, but she of course doesn’t listen to his orders and gets both of them badly hurt in the process.
At this point I plan to slowly start her change, she’s still blue cunt but I want Anon’s influence to shape her.

Now there are few weeks of peace. Anon learns more about runes, finish construction of his first handmade gun (I’m going for the XIX century vibe later so probably something muzzle-loaded and rifled). His partnership with Filthy starts working, they start with small amounts of iron and some other minerals like coal, they use Anon’s contact to buy it from still in theory hostile country and then Rich can distribute it to buyers. Earnings are so high that they quickly start to expand though it’s still is on a rather local scale. After recovery RD continues to go with Anon but now she listens to him and actually learns something from those trips, they explore forest, at some point also meet Zecora.

Next big habbening is when some foal (I plan to go for Dinky) gets lost in the Everfree. Ponies already know that Anon explores it so they call him for help but not before foal’s father goes to look for her. RD joins him and after some time they find a foal, wounded father and manticore. Anon uses his gun to kill monster and manages to save father (would explain what happened to Dinky’s father/Derpy husband, also why Derpy is retarded in the show – she went bonkers when her husband got killed).

After that whole debacle Anon realizes that Ponyville, town on the verge of the forest filled with monsters don’t have any protection. Mayor Mare explains that he send letters many times to the princess but never got any response – that doesn’t help Anon’s opinion about Celestia, it isn’t her fault, she isn’t the one who reads most of those letters but various ministers but Anon doesn’t know that.
So after some thinking he decides to form militia. Ponies at first are pretty reluctant and only a few joins (RD, Derpy’s husband and some other Anon’s friends) but because at this point Anon is rather respected by other folks and militia isn’t strictly for fighting monsters but also to help during storms and other disasters more ponies start to join and ranks swell to something around 30.
Also RD learns about firearms so Anon is forced to tell her more and more, though he still keeps a lot of his past hidden, but bond between them grows.

At this point it’s 5-6 months after Anon’s arrival and his company is rather big so he decides to sell part of his ownership to Rich and instead to open a factory. He knows that there is a giant market in Equestria for high quality, mass-produced tools among those who don’t have magic so he opens steel mill and tool production. With magic setting this up and construction is quite fast so after short time he’s able to start production. He looks for some ponies knowledgeable about technology, which isn’t common, but after some time he employs Flim and Flam as his chief engineers.
Ponyville start to expand slowly, with all that money from taxes, increased trade and new workplace it starts to turn into small town.

13dc9 No.172481

Changes in Ponyville now became so prominent that it’s noticed by nobles and Celestia.
During his few months Anon made a lot of enemies in the Canterlot, his iron deals destroyed monopoly that nobles had over it, his militia is something unknown in otherwise peaceful country so it’s alarming that government lost their sole control over military power, there are rumors about him possessing unknown weapons and magical devices. While Celestia isn’t really hostile towards him, her whole surrounding and court is so she starts to be quite wary of those new developments.
Nobles try to somewhat stop that change of status quo, but they can’t do much. From the financial side Ponyville has various tax exemption (it was meant to encourage settlement around Everfree). They cut funding for the town but at this point most of the income comes from the local taxes.
They pressure Weather Factory to fire pegasi who are in militia but they are simply reemployed by town or full time enrolled into militia. Only effect that their meddling has is further negativity towards government (and by extension Celestia whose really only fault is that she trust her nobles to don’t do shit like that which worked for past decades) from Ponyville citizens and Anon himself.

Over the course of the next few weeks everything is pretty calm, factory expands, they produce some proper equipment for militia (brigandines, spears, helmets, swords and shields) nothing too extravagant but they are already better equipped than royal guards. After few visits in Everfree with Anon to collect some rare plants/materials for some extra pay and to map and explore the nearest surroundings of the town they saw more action too.

Next important point is when Anon during one of his lone hunts finds Diamond Dogs (not that retarded breed that lives outside of Everfree, they are properly equipped hunting pack). He tries to follow them but they find and capture him. They take him to alpha and after some talking and explaining Anon learns about their misery.
Clans that live closer to borders of Everfree don’t have access to much arable lands, instead mountains and this parts of forest are rich in various minerals. Those clans are forced to almost slave like labor by dogs living up north, who hold most of the fields and fertile land in the forest. For sending north most of their raw and manufactured goods they get food instead.

Anon finds great opportunity here, food in Equestria is dirty cheap, and with trade with griffons stopping to be lucrative because after so much time others also started to import iron from them here he found new, cheap source that also is more or less tax-free.
After promising a deal to alpha he gets released and returns to Ponyville. He pitches idea to Filthy who while at first reluctant finally agrees to his proposition and they start preparations, expansion of railroad towards Everfree and creating stockpile zone next to town.
During Anon’s longer than usual absence RD realizes that she started to worry about him, worry more than about normal friend. It confuses her at first but when she realizes that she starts to develop some feelings for him she doesn’t know what to do and decides to not act and wait.

After that it’s about 1-2 months until Summer Sun Celebration, but nothing of any great importance happens until then. I’m probably gonna focus more here on Anon’s experiments and advancements in his factory, building of more guns for SHTF situation etc. But basically during that time trade with dogs start and Anon gets more interaction with Apples due to him trading a lot of food now.
AJ never stopped to be suspicious about Anon and after she saw all those changes that went against many of her principles it started to grow to enmity. She’s especially sour about RD being so close to Anon and feels like she’s losing a friend because of him. Big Mac on the other hand is happy about new business and as de facto head of the family he’s happy to sell apples to him.

First act ends just before show start and Twilight arrival to Ponyville, with the whole town in frenzy preparing for princesses arrival, Anon worried about meeting a princess and RD whipping preparing militia for the event.
OR after Nightmare Moon is defeated, I’m not sure.

I might write some more, I have another act more or less prepared, or I can do some world building if anyone is interested
It's the first piece of writing that I did in a few months and frankly I feel like doing some more.

cc7c5 No.172536

>>172176
Hey fuck you, I did that first.

1a295 No.172538

>>172536
What did you do first?



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