Can you review this fanfic?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13107414/1/Fallout-Equestria-Sunrise-Stardust-and-The-Burned-World
Pic unrelated but I like it.
/mlpol/ - My Little Politics
Archived thread
I'll read your story when I have time, I promise. Please don't post porn with grossly exaggerated features; have some class.
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>>195415
>Please don't post porn with grossly exaggerated features; have some class.
Ponk is painfully thicccc and i love it
>Please don't post porn with grossly exaggerated features; have some class.
Ponk is painfully thicccc and i love it
>>195410
>Can you review this fanfic?
im not much of a critique but ill give it a read a little later today.
>Can you review this fanfic?
im not much of a critique but ill give it a read a little later today.
>>195428
Sometimes I think the current media-encouraged obsession with "Thicccccc-ness" is an attempt to get people okay with "tee negro's way of sayin words n sheeit, which succs" and an attempt to get people to want overweight negroid women.
Sometimes I think the current media-encouraged obsession with "Thicccccc-ness" is an attempt to get people okay with "tee negro's way of sayin words n sheeit, which succs" and an attempt to get people to want overweight negroid women.
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>>195454
>Overweight negroid women
As a latino, I feel like if I had just been handed a double-edge broadsword.
I mean, have you seen those asses? FAT.
I want to help the white race, but at the same time those bodies were meant to breed.
>Overweight negroid women
As a latino, I feel like if I had just been handed a double-edge broadsword.
I mean, have you seen those asses? FAT.
I want to help the white race, but at the same time those bodies were meant to breed.
>>195461
As a latino who is now in africa.
I can't stand fat asses, they look like fucking niggers.
Literally every girl in this shithole country has a MASSIVE ass and GIANT tits.
They have "10/10" bodies by media standarts, the "ideal" body is literally a nigger.
As a latino who is now in africa.
I can't stand fat asses, they look like fucking niggers.
Literally every girl in this shithole country has a MASSIVE ass and GIANT tits.
They have "10/10" bodies by media standarts, the "ideal" body is literally a nigger.
>>195463
>I can't stand fat asses
woah there slow down a second, sure niggers are disgusting and sure (((they))) want everyone loving fat nigger ass. But you have to admit that White girls with big asses are fucking hot.
>I can't stand fat asses
woah there slow down a second, sure niggers are disgusting and sure (((they))) want everyone loving fat nigger ass. But you have to admit that White girls with big asses are fucking hot.
>>195465
>I am personally of the opinion that there is just something wrong about wanting a woman who is thicc
if by thicc you mean that she is like 400 pounds then sure that is terribly unhealthy.
But im talking about gif related
>I am personally of the opinion that there is just something wrong about wanting a woman who is thicc
if by thicc you mean that she is like 400 pounds then sure that is terribly unhealthy.
But im talking about gif related
>>195466
She should probably spend less time shaking her ass at a camera and actually put that exercise ball to good use.
She should probably spend less time shaking her ass at a camera and actually put that exercise ball to good use.
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>>195464
I feel there's a thin important line between a thicc and fat ass.
Girls with no ass are horrible, and so are girls with disproportional asses.
I feel there's a thin important line between a thicc and fat ass.
Girls with no ass are horrible, and so are girls with disproportional asses.
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>>195514
Pretty good. although i think you should mention the zebras eat each other. just like their real life counter parts do.
Pretty good. although i think you should mention the zebras eat each other. just like their real life counter parts do.
>>195523
I know IRL zebras can't be trained or bred for domestication because they lack the genes that give them family values, but holy shit.
I know some tribes put shit on their knives/spears before battle for the sake of infection. That's going to be a thing zigger tribes do. The abundance of ziggers in Equestria will be addressed later in the story in a way that destroys multiculturalism.
I know IRL zebras can't be trained or bred for domestication because they lack the genes that give them family values, but holy shit.
I know some tribes put shit on their knives/spears before battle for the sake of infection. That's going to be a thing zigger tribes do. The abundance of ziggers in Equestria will be addressed later in the story in a way that destroys multiculturalism.
>>195822
Hehe, Nigel. Can't you be a bit more subtle about this. Why not give us a short non-spoiling description of your story instead.
Hehe, Nigel. Can't you be a bit more subtle about this. Why not give us a short non-spoiling description of your story instead.
>>195823
Your VPN's glitching again. In any case, here's the description.
War has changed, but Sunrise Stardust has a plan to make Equestria great again. He simply needs to stage a coup in his overpopulated bunker, lead his Black Stars to victory against the Tribals, Raiders, and worse who made the Equestrian Wasteland their home, and take back Baltimare, the heart of pre-war Equestria's steel industry, all in under two months.
Your VPN's glitching again. In any case, here's the description.
War has changed, but Sunrise Stardust has a plan to make Equestria great again. He simply needs to stage a coup in his overpopulated bunker, lead his Black Stars to victory against the Tribals, Raiders, and worse who made the Equestrian Wasteland their home, and take back Baltimare, the heart of pre-war Equestria's steel industry, all in under two months.
>>195875
>Your VPN
Vad kallar man en chokladboll?
En Gambiaskalle! Badum diz.
But you are right it is me, HClegend. Your arch-nemesis. I come back like a... um... what were does called again? That's right! A cycle. Got'ya.
Your story seems to have a nice premise for an action story. I hope that after I had my exams I may get time to read some of it. However, I have some other stories that I want to finish before that so it might take longer.
I do think that your story doesn't stand out enough. I imagine if I were to browse through the catalog of fanfiction.net and see your story I might just continue scrolling through.
Now, I do want to underline that this is just friendly advice. I am not saying this to undermine you. I see you as my peer and I don't see you as some inferior writer than myself. I don't want you to feel as if you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Since some anons have at the time deemed you to be our lolcow it is very easy to target you for petty and nitpicky things. What I bring up could be seen as nitpicky but it is my honest opinion with the intention to help you.
The important difference between your story and the usual fallout Equestria stories is that your character is not going out on an adventure in the wasteland but is on a quest to change his home. FE stories are, since the first one, have their focus on, primarily, the main character. They are even a lot of times written in the first person perspective. My point is that your story will be character driven and so should your description be as well.
Give us something like this:
War has changed. How could it not have? When there are no foals playing hide and seek anymore. When civilians cease to exist. When Peace ceases to exist, then war takes on a new form, chaos.
But I, Sunrise Stardust, plan to fight the chaos and make Equestria harmonious again.
I have obviously not read your story so I don't know your character and what drives him. I understand if you don't want to reveal too much too quickly in the story. But anything that hooks us on the character since he will be the thing we will read the book for. My interest is mostly on him. Okay, I am a bit interested in how the coup will turn out. But mostly on him. I am all about hooks and standing out in fiction.
>Your VPN
Vad kallar man en chokladboll?
En Gambiaskalle! Badum diz.
But you are right it is me, HClegend. Your arch-nemesis. I come back like a... um... what were does called again? That's right! A cycle. Got'ya.
Your story seems to have a nice premise for an action story. I hope that after I had my exams I may get time to read some of it. However, I have some other stories that I want to finish before that so it might take longer.
I do think that your story doesn't stand out enough. I imagine if I were to browse through the catalog of fanfiction.net and see your story I might just continue scrolling through.
Now, I do want to underline that this is just friendly advice. I am not saying this to undermine you. I see you as my peer and I don't see you as some inferior writer than myself. I don't want you to feel as if you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Since some anons have at the time deemed you to be our lolcow it is very easy to target you for petty and nitpicky things. What I bring up could be seen as nitpicky but it is my honest opinion with the intention to help you.
The important difference between your story and the usual fallout Equestria stories is that your character is not going out on an adventure in the wasteland but is on a quest to change his home. FE stories are, since the first one, have their focus on, primarily, the main character. They are even a lot of times written in the first person perspective. My point is that your story will be character driven and so should your description be as well.
Give us something like this:
War has changed. How could it not have? When there are no foals playing hide and seek anymore. When civilians cease to exist. When Peace ceases to exist, then war takes on a new form, chaos.
But I, Sunrise Stardust, plan to fight the chaos and make Equestria harmonious again.
I have obviously not read your story so I don't know your character and what drives him. I understand if you don't want to reveal too much too quickly in the story. But anything that hooks us on the character since he will be the thing we will read the book for. My interest is mostly on him. Okay, I am a bit interested in how the coup will turn out. But mostly on him. I am all about hooks and standing out in fiction.
>>195894
>I have obviously not read your story so I don't know your character and what drives him.
I meant: I have not read your story so I don't know your character and waht driives him.
Fuck, I continously make anons think that us swedes are cucked because of posts like this one.
>I have obviously not read your story so I don't know your character and what drives him.
I meant: I have not read your story so I don't know your character and waht driives him.
Fuck, I continously make anons think that us swedes are cucked because of posts like this one.
>>195894
Oh yeah, Hclegend exists. I actually thought it was the drowning girl shit game guy instead at the time. I remember thinking I had a funny joke lined up if you were him, but I don't remember what it was.
Also, good idea! I went with the third-person description to differentiate it from most stories, but I think I probably have enough things that differentiate it from other stories. I'll keep the description change thing in mind.
Oh yeah, Hclegend exists. I actually thought it was the drowning girl shit game guy instead at the time. I remember thinking I had a funny joke lined up if you were him, but I don't remember what it was.
Also, good idea! I went with the third-person description to differentiate it from most stories, but I think I probably have enough things that differentiate it from other stories. I'll keep the description change thing in mind.
By the way, who here enjoyed the Pokemon scene?
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