You finally get to go to Equestria. It's just as you always imagined it, you get to stay there forever, the ponies all love your company and befriend you. However, the condition is that you are married to Twist. You cannot divorce her, you cannot cheat on her. Your penis physically will not work if you attempt relations with another mare. You are required to make love to Twist at least three times per week, and you have to do it like you mean it. Twist will live as long as you will. If you murder her, you are guaranteed to be caught and will get the pony electric chair.
Hard Mode: Your waifu lives nearby and is madly in love with you. She sighs and gives you a heart-wrenching, longing gaze whenever you walk by and you are always aware of it. However she respects the institution of marriage and will rebuff any affection you try to show her. She will not talk to you or spend time with you because she does not trust herself around you.
God Mode: Your waifu kills herself within 1 month of you arriving because she is heartbroken at the thought that she can never come between you and Twist.
/mlpol/ - My Little Politics
Archived thread
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>>285795
Any neat stuff per extra hard mode or is it just for bragging rights?
Oh boy time to try to break this challenge.
>You finally get to go to Equestria. It's just as you always imagined it, you get to stay there forever, the ponies all love your company and befriend you.
This is the single best piece of news.
>However, the condition is that you are married to Twist.
Okay.
>You cannot divorce her, you cannot cheat on her.
That's fine.
>Your penis physically will not work if you attempt relations with another mare.
Going to need some clarification, but this is still workable.
>You are required to make love to Twist at least three times per week, and you have to do it like you mean it. Twist will live as long as you will.
Nice, undying waifu.
>If you murder her, you are guaranteed to be caught and will get the pony electric chair.
Way wayy too much effort, and she's a poner. There are other means and methods.
>Hard Mode: Your waifu lives nearby and is madly in love with you. She sighs and gives you a heart-wrenching, longing gaze whenever you walk by and you are always aware of it. However she respects the institution of marriage and will rebuff any affection you try to show her. She will not talk to you or spend time with you because she does not trust herself around you.
<Respects the institution of marriage
<maddly in love
<social isolation
<running away if you do direct action
Excellent. I can work with this. On a journey to rules lawyer, and to achieve supreme happiness for every poner, including Twist. Supernatural fuckery or not
>God Mode: Your waifu kills herself within 1 month of you arriving because she is heartbroken at the thought that she can never come between you and Twist.
Well that sucks, it's time to conscript Twist and guilt triping for timeline shenanigans to save all the waifus.
In that time respect the spirit of marriage and the sanctity of life by ensuring nopony dies. If all else fail necromancy is one hell of a drug.
Any neat stuff per extra hard mode or is it just for bragging rights?
Oh boy time to try to break this challenge.
>You finally get to go to Equestria. It's just as you always imagined it, you get to stay there forever, the ponies all love your company and befriend you.
This is the single best piece of news.
>However, the condition is that you are married to Twist.
Okay.
>You cannot divorce her, you cannot cheat on her.
That's fine.
>Your penis physically will not work if you attempt relations with another mare.
Going to need some clarification, but this is still workable.
>You are required to make love to Twist at least three times per week, and you have to do it like you mean it. Twist will live as long as you will.
Nice, undying waifu.
>If you murder her, you are guaranteed to be caught and will get the pony electric chair.
Way wayy too much effort, and she's a poner. There are other means and methods.
>Hard Mode: Your waifu lives nearby and is madly in love with you. She sighs and gives you a heart-wrenching, longing gaze whenever you walk by and you are always aware of it. However she respects the institution of marriage and will rebuff any affection you try to show her. She will not talk to you or spend time with you because she does not trust herself around you.
<Respects the institution of marriage
<maddly in love
<social isolation
<running away if you do direct action
Excellent. I can work with this. On a journey to rules lawyer, and to achieve supreme happiness for every poner, including Twist. Supernatural fuckery or not
>God Mode: Your waifu kills herself within 1 month of you arriving because she is heartbroken at the thought that she can never come between you and Twist.
Well that sucks, it's time to conscript Twist and guilt triping for timeline shenanigans to save all the waifus.
In that time respect the spirit of marriage and the sanctity of life by ensuring nopony dies. If all else fail necromancy is one hell of a drug.
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>>285795
I'll take God Mode.
Horses are not monogamous, marry sunhorse into my herd since she will not violate an existing marriage as an outsider. Because she's madly in love with me from Hard Mode, I should be able to pull it off within the one month time limit, if not instantly. Where's my fucking prize?
I'll take God Mode.
Horses are not monogamous, marry sunhorse into my herd since she will not violate an existing marriage as an outsider. Because she's madly in love with me from Hard Mode, I should be able to pull it off within the one month time limit, if not instantly. Where's my fucking prize?
>>285810
If sun hoers neccs herself it would be bad times for all pones.
>Horses are not monogamous
^^^^^^^
>into my herd
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Getting Twist, and mare that will do anything for you and has a reliable moral standard would be pretty slick.
The one month time limit might be rough.
Looks like it all checks out.
If sun hoers neccs herself it would be bad times for all pones.
>Horses are not monogamous
^^^^^^^
>into my herd
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Getting Twist, and mare that will do anything for you and has a reliable moral standard would be pretty slick.
The one month time limit might be rough.
Looks like it all checks out.
>>285805
>There are other means and methods.
I forgot to mention this in the OP post, but as you are not allowed to murder Twist you are also not allowed to be abusive to her, you have to treat her decently.
Since this started as a shitpost when I was half-asleep but now I'm actually thinking about it, here is some further clarification:
The situation is basically that you are bound by a conditional magic spell. Celestia or Twilight or whoever is running Equestria these days wants all of her little ponies to be happy and find love, and she knows that nopony is going to want to marry Twist, because she's Twist for God's sake. Not even Snips and Snails will touch that shit. So, she found some human who wants to travel to Equestria and cut a deal.
The conditions are as I described. Here are some more details:
Twist is not under a spell, and is allowed to break up with you if she wants. If this happens, your obligations are considered fulfilled and the spell ends; you can stay in Equestria for as long as you like and be with anypony you want. So long as Twist grants you a legal divorce and the marriage is formally dissolved, your waifu is fair game after a socially appropriate grace period assuming she hasn't an heroed.
However the catch here is that Twist has to leave you of her own volition. As I said you are not allowed to abuse her or do things to her to intentionally make her hate you. She doesn't know about the spell; she has false memories of how you met and fell in love implanted in her mind and thinks it's a real relationship. You can't tell her about the spell or the false memories, but if she reaches this conclusion on her own, it's fair game. Your waifu can't tell her either, but she wouldn't anyway.
The things that you are not allowed to do you are physically prevented from doing by the spell. If you try to do any of them the spell will take over your body and mouth and make you seduce Twist instead, saying whatever would make her fall even deeper in love with you than she was before. Also, forget the bit about the pony electric chair; if you attempt to murder Twist you will be physically unable to do it. No matter how perfect your murder plan is, it will go off the rails and end with sweaty ball-banging Twist sex.
>Your penis physically will not work if you attempt relations with another mare.
>Going to need some clarification, but this is still workable.
Part of the spell is that you physically can't get it up for any pony besides Twist. Even if you're horny as hell, even if a mare is waving her genitals at you and begging for human cock, it is physically impossible for you to get an erection unless you're intending to put it inside Twist. If you generate an erection using intent to fuck Twist and then try to turn around and use that erection on a different pony, you will instantly go limp again. You are allowed to masturbate to whatever you want, but you can only initially get an erection by thinking about fucking Twist. Also, you must meet your thrice weekly obligations to fuck Twist; failure to do so will cause searing pain in your balls.
>>285810
>Horses are not monogamous
There is no evidence of polygamy in Equestria that I am aware of, and there is canon monogamy (Shining Armor/Cadence, Mr. & Mrs. Cake, the parents of the Mane 6). Institution of marriage is therefore assumed to be the same as in most Western nations. You are welcome to plead your case if you think you can prove otherwise, but in any event it's irrelevant; your waifu will still rebuff you as long as you're married to Twist, and you will not be able to have sex with anypony besides Twist.
>There are other means and methods.
I forgot to mention this in the OP post, but as you are not allowed to murder Twist you are also not allowed to be abusive to her, you have to treat her decently.
Since this started as a shitpost when I was half-asleep but now I'm actually thinking about it, here is some further clarification:
The situation is basically that you are bound by a conditional magic spell. Celestia or Twilight or whoever is running Equestria these days wants all of her little ponies to be happy and find love, and she knows that nopony is going to want to marry Twist, because she's Twist for God's sake. Not even Snips and Snails will touch that shit. So, she found some human who wants to travel to Equestria and cut a deal.
The conditions are as I described. Here are some more details:
Twist is not under a spell, and is allowed to break up with you if she wants. If this happens, your obligations are considered fulfilled and the spell ends; you can stay in Equestria for as long as you like and be with anypony you want. So long as Twist grants you a legal divorce and the marriage is formally dissolved, your waifu is fair game after a socially appropriate grace period assuming she hasn't an heroed.
However the catch here is that Twist has to leave you of her own volition. As I said you are not allowed to abuse her or do things to her to intentionally make her hate you. She doesn't know about the spell; she has false memories of how you met and fell in love implanted in her mind and thinks it's a real relationship. You can't tell her about the spell or the false memories, but if she reaches this conclusion on her own, it's fair game. Your waifu can't tell her either, but she wouldn't anyway.
The things that you are not allowed to do you are physically prevented from doing by the spell. If you try to do any of them the spell will take over your body and mouth and make you seduce Twist instead, saying whatever would make her fall even deeper in love with you than she was before. Also, forget the bit about the pony electric chair; if you attempt to murder Twist you will be physically unable to do it. No matter how perfect your murder plan is, it will go off the rails and end with sweaty ball-banging Twist sex.
>Your penis physically will not work if you attempt relations with another mare.
>Going to need some clarification, but this is still workable.
Part of the spell is that you physically can't get it up for any pony besides Twist. Even if you're horny as hell, even if a mare is waving her genitals at you and begging for human cock, it is physically impossible for you to get an erection unless you're intending to put it inside Twist. If you generate an erection using intent to fuck Twist and then try to turn around and use that erection on a different pony, you will instantly go limp again. You are allowed to masturbate to whatever you want, but you can only initially get an erection by thinking about fucking Twist. Also, you must meet your thrice weekly obligations to fuck Twist; failure to do so will cause searing pain in your balls.
>>285810
>Horses are not monogamous
There is no evidence of polygamy in Equestria that I am aware of, and there is canon monogamy (Shining Armor/Cadence, Mr. & Mrs. Cake, the parents of the Mane 6). Institution of marriage is therefore assumed to be the same as in most Western nations. You are welcome to plead your case if you think you can prove otherwise, but in any event it's irrelevant; your waifu will still rebuff you as long as you're married to Twist, and you will not be able to have sex with anypony besides Twist.
>>285887
Hmmmm tricky.
>no abuse
That's fine.
>Twist can break it herself.
Oh that changes things.
>Monogamy
<except if it leads to excellent story time
Hmmm.
Time to get some legal fuckery going on.
Hmmmm tricky.
>no abuse
That's fine.
>Twist can break it herself.
Oh that changes things.
>Monogamy
<except if it leads to excellent story time
Hmmm.
Time to get some legal fuckery going on.
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>>285887
>There is no evidence of polygamy in Equestria
Neither is there no evidence that there's not. Monogamous marriage is a christian value, and horses are not monogamous, as per Faust's statements about the setting, it is very "horsey". Nowhere is it stated that polygamy is an impossibility.
Your wording was very specific as well.
>She respects the institution of marriage
You never specified monogamy.
>And will rebuff any "affection" you try to show her
A marriage proposal is a question, not affection.
>She will not talk to you.
She doesn't need to verbally confirm a yes, a nod will suffice.
>Or spend time with you
This one is tricky, but it says she "will not", not that she "cannot" and therefore is subject to violation if she is an unwilling participant. A hard ask.
>You will not be able to have sex with anypony besides Twist
Define sex. If you mean specifically benis in bagina, you are correct, you stated clearly that my "penis physically will not work if (I) attempt relations with another mare". Not that other sexual acts were impossible, sunhorse is a big mare and I have two arms and a mouth. A challenge, to be sure, but a welcome one.
Not enough for you? This is where it gets convoluted. Under waifu rules agreed upon by the majority of waifufags and viciously defended the internet over, you may only have one and you may not be disloyal to her. Marriage to Twist, even by a challenge such as this, constitutes a violation of those rules and therefore disqualifies my waifu from being my waifu. One of two things happens in such a case, she zero sums from existence as a logical paradox that the rules of waifufaggotry and those of your challenge cannot reconcile, or she is simply disqualified from being my waifu, and therefore is no longer subject to Hard Mode and God Mode rules.
With the waifu problem partially solved for, now the real work can begin. We know canonically that Equestria exists as a single linear timeline that is subject to alteration by time travel, see It's About Time for a clear cut disproval of parallel timeline theory and the Cutie Remark for a less clear example as per Zecora's explanation. The solution is simple, employ a unicorn and time travel shenanigans to interrupt Twist's parents on the night of conception. Altering the timeline so that Twist does not exist does not constitute murder in the legal sense, so I cannot be caught or tried for the act as per your rules. Assuming scenario two of the waifufaggotry rule conflict, this alteration means I'm no longer married to Twist in the present and therefore me and my waifu are free to court without the interference of the marriage conditional clause that hinders our interactions.
Finally, I have my waifu, but there's still a problem, my penis physically will not work, and there is no conditional clause to say otherwise no matter what I do to Twist or her existence. But therein lies the solution my friends, your penis will not work, and so we need to employ a little body swapping magic to get a new one! Finding a volunteer will be difficult, but I'm sure there's a pony out there willing to swap places with a human. In case you're not following, I'm referring to Lyra, but what's this? That's a mare, she does not have a penis. Well shit, Anon, no she doesn't, but in Magic Dual, Twilight tricks Trixie when she turns a mare into a stallion. While this is definitely a trick, it suggests that Twilight knows the spell to do this is possible, and you just require more Unicorn Juice™ and no one has more Unicorn Juice™ than Celestia given that she teaches at her own school.
And there you have it, look upon my works, ye mighty and despair. God Mode complete. Where's my fucking prize?
>There is no evidence of polygamy in Equestria
Neither is there no evidence that there's not. Monogamous marriage is a christian value, and horses are not monogamous, as per Faust's statements about the setting, it is very "horsey". Nowhere is it stated that polygamy is an impossibility.
Your wording was very specific as well.
>She respects the institution of marriage
You never specified monogamy.
>And will rebuff any "affection" you try to show her
A marriage proposal is a question, not affection.
>She will not talk to you.
She doesn't need to verbally confirm a yes, a nod will suffice.
>Or spend time with you
This one is tricky, but it says she "will not", not that she "cannot" and therefore is subject to violation if she is an unwilling participant. A hard ask.
>You will not be able to have sex with anypony besides Twist
Define sex. If you mean specifically benis in bagina, you are correct, you stated clearly that my "penis physically will not work if (I) attempt relations with another mare". Not that other sexual acts were impossible, sunhorse is a big mare and I have two arms and a mouth. A challenge, to be sure, but a welcome one.
Not enough for you? This is where it gets convoluted. Under waifu rules agreed upon by the majority of waifufags and viciously defended the internet over, you may only have one and you may not be disloyal to her. Marriage to Twist, even by a challenge such as this, constitutes a violation of those rules and therefore disqualifies my waifu from being my waifu. One of two things happens in such a case, she zero sums from existence as a logical paradox that the rules of waifufaggotry and those of your challenge cannot reconcile, or she is simply disqualified from being my waifu, and therefore is no longer subject to Hard Mode and God Mode rules.
With the waifu problem partially solved for, now the real work can begin. We know canonically that Equestria exists as a single linear timeline that is subject to alteration by time travel, see It's About Time for a clear cut disproval of parallel timeline theory and the Cutie Remark for a less clear example as per Zecora's explanation. The solution is simple, employ a unicorn and time travel shenanigans to interrupt Twist's parents on the night of conception. Altering the timeline so that Twist does not exist does not constitute murder in the legal sense, so I cannot be caught or tried for the act as per your rules. Assuming scenario two of the waifufaggotry rule conflict, this alteration means I'm no longer married to Twist in the present and therefore me and my waifu are free to court without the interference of the marriage conditional clause that hinders our interactions.
Finally, I have my waifu, but there's still a problem, my penis physically will not work, and there is no conditional clause to say otherwise no matter what I do to Twist or her existence. But therein lies the solution my friends, your penis will not work, and so we need to employ a little body swapping magic to get a new one! Finding a volunteer will be difficult, but I'm sure there's a pony out there willing to swap places with a human. In case you're not following, I'm referring to Lyra, but what's this? That's a mare, she does not have a penis. Well shit, Anon, no she doesn't, but in Magic Dual, Twilight tricks Trixie when she turns a mare into a stallion. While this is definitely a trick, it suggests that Twilight knows the spell to do this is possible, and you just require more Unicorn Juice™ and no one has more Unicorn Juice™ than Celestia given that she teaches at her own school.
And there you have it, look upon my works, ye mighty and despair. God Mode complete. Where's my fucking prize?
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>>285894
>tfw your waifu is a hole in space time
>the children always make yo momma jokes
>the waifu hole wobbles in comfort
>tfw your waifu is a hole in space time
>the children always make yo momma jokes
>the waifu hole wobbles in comfort
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>>285795
To be fair we all know harberverse is non canon so twist can still grow up to be a hot nerd.
To be fair we all know harberverse is non canon so twist can still grow up to be a hot nerd.
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