Holy shit, I've come out of that English worldview and into something like the Kant/Hegel worldview through my own thinking (and use of psychedelic drugs).
It started in high school when I learned that color was something your brain imposed on the world. Uncontroversial fact. That seed began to germinate and extend towards things like sound, light, etc. I had the world of experience on one hand, then what I called the "Dark World", which was lightless, soundless, and made of physical objects bumping into each other.
Now, getting comfortable in my adulthood and starting to feel mature, the Dark World began to dissolve, and I started to see the world as a totally human thing. The world became one thing again, the "Human World", although I never named it that until now. I figure there probably is a "real world" out there, behaving mechanistically, but there doesn't need to be, and it wouldn't "look" anything like our world, or even have much bearing on what matters to us.
Now I'm turning from a straight Atheist-materialist into some kind of weird occultist (see pic). I can't help but feel like a retard though, especially having gone through a fedora-tipping phase. I still have all of that Rationality in me, screaming at me, but I also feel the icy cold of the godless world that Nietzsche elucidated in his madman parable. An excerpt:
"How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whoever is born after us—for the sake of this deed he will belong to a higher history than all history hitherto."
I HAVE to try to exist in that "higher history" and make my own religious system, but I'm human! I can't trust myself, or any other human, to establish or identify a source of divinity. That's why the god of Christianity is all-knowing and all-powerful. Even if it's all bullshit, it gives believers a point of absolute reference from which they can build a coherent and meaningful life narrativPost too long. Click here to view the full text.