>>188949>will likely devote the remainder of my NaNoWriMo this year to reading and commenting on works that others have posted, so if you've written something and would like some feedback on it, feel free to post.
Sorry to disappoint you but that isn't what will be happening. Instead, I will read your work and give feedback to it.
It is not that my story doesn't lead anywhere. It does and It has an ending. Its plot is basically finished already. The reason for why I won't focus on it now is because: 1) I won't make it in time. 2) You have already provided this site with a complete work once before without much attention given to it and I won't let that happen again. That is why I will dedicate some time to review your work.
I haven't read the entire story yet. We will get to it. So at the beginning of this review of your epic, there won't be any structure. I will jump back and forth as I please. Bare with me.
So to immediately contradict myself I will start to criticize the opening of your story. I do this to remain traditional since I did this once before on your other story.
It is both good and bad. The good parts are the first two paragraphs.
I will take the bad part first to get it out of the way. My main gripe is paragraph tree. It tells us that our mc is watching a homeless woman shiting on a street. I don't like it on a personal level. I have a bit of fondness over horror games such as Amnesia and Penumbra. However, I can't stand to watch slasher movies. I might be a bit of a goreophobiac. The same applies here. I get disgusted and using myself as the standard, I don't think others are not. While it certainly is a unique way to start and I can't say others don't get hook by it, I got discouraged to continue reading. The opening is also setting the tone for the rest of the book since we expect to get more of what we got in the beginning. We expect to get more shit. Evidently, that might not be ideal.
However, there is another side to this. Your setting is very bleak and so is your mc's outlook on his life. It fits then in a metaphorical way. One does, after all, say: This is shit when things are bad.
Do you like my reddit spacing? I got it from GlimGlam.;PPost too long. Click here to view the full text.