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Glim Glam Steams Up Edgequestrian Style Hams, Part IV
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For anyone who stumbles across this thread and is wondering what it is, this is a literary review thread for pony fanfiction. We take an MLP fic, read through it, and shit all over it discuss its literary merits.

We are currently reading Fallout: Equestria by kkat.

Thread number four. We are nearing the end of the tunnel, thank God.

Previous thread: >>304714 →

Currently on Chapter 38: Peace in Our Time

Continuing from previous post.

>>311555 →

Page bweak. Littlepoop falls unconscious, has a flashback, and drones on about how shitty she thinks her life is for literally eleven paragraphs. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Littlepoop wakes up in a filthy, unfamiliar bed in some abandoned cottage somewhere. I'm sure kkat is writing from personal experience here. She whines for several more paragraphs about how miserable she is, even claiming to have PTSD from losing a rib, even though she stated earlier that it had been healed with magic and she will sustain no permanent injury other than a scar.

>The heart-rending blow of watching Applejack step out of that elevator… and realizing that Applesnack had intended to propose to her that very night, and she was anticipating it… oh Goddesses.
This is another continuity error along the lines of what I pointed out in the previous chapter. By her own admission, she did not view the orb whose events she is referencing here until after Canterlot, and unless she's been losing herself in orbs during battles again, she would not have had time to view it between their escape from Canterlot and the present. She should not have witnessed these events yet.

LP can hear her friends talking in the next room. Apparently they found some new armor for SteelHooves from somewhere, or found some armor they could use to repair his existing armor, or something along those lines, because they are discussing rehabilitation for him. He can't move properly at present, but should be fine in a bit. Also, Xenith is there, so presumably they are back at Glyphtown or whatever that place was called.

Anyway, SteelHooves gives a schmaltzy speech about how Applejack learned to love zebras, and so he figures he could learn to love them too. You may or may not remember that SteelHooves doesn't like zebras, or doesn't trust them, or something. At least I think that was a thing with him. Anyway, the significance seems to be that he's over it now, and he and Xenith can be friends I guess. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Littlepoop is still sick or injured or something, so is Velvet, and SteelHooves presumably hasn't learned to walk again yet, so it seems they will need to rest for a couple of days. Xenith comes in and rubs ointment into Littlepoop's horribly painful bum-wounds, and tells her that she is not allowed to get out of bed until she is rested enough to stand on her own and keep down solid food.

For some reason, LP is in a huge hurry to resume her mission all of a sudden. It's been about twelve chapters since Red Eye first gave her the task of killing the Goddess, and told her that there was a bomb in Tenpony Tower that would explode if she didn't do his evil bidding incidentally, how is that situation coming along, anyway? bomb still tick, tick, ticking away?. Since that time, LP has done nothing but goof around and go on side missions, stopping to help every random pony she bumps into, no matter how trivial and mundane their problem is. She's still done absolutely fuck-all in terms of progress on this mission, though to her credit she did finally complete the mission the Goddess tasked her with, when she agreed to do a mission for her instead of killing her, which was the original mission.

So, what's the big hurry all of a sudden? Why not rest, take a few days off, heal your injuries, which for some reason you can't just shrug off by downing a potion this time around? You were willing to spend several days goofing around in Tenpony immediately after Red Eye gave you this assignment, so what exactly is the issue?

Anyway, they talk about Xenith's daughter for a bit. Seems like she's being basically written out of the story so that Xenith can rejoin the party. Since she wasn't much of a character in the first place, I don't think anyone is really going to miss her that much. After this, Littlepoop proceeds to mumble to herself about the usual nonsense until eventually the scene ends.

She embarks on one of her annoying little self-doubt episodes, bemoaning that she is about to lead her friends on a mission but she doesn't even know what the plan is since she erased her own memory. Then, she remembers that she is Mary Sue, the Chosen One, and nothing bad could ever possibly happen to her.

>I’ve told everypony their parts, and just their parts.
>Every pony...
>…because the Goddess couldn’t read zebra minds.
>A smile broke across my muzzle. Ooooh, I was a clever pony!
Has it been established that the Goddess can't read zebra minds? This is actually a serious question; I really can't keep track of even half of the ridiculous rules that have been introduced into this story thus far, but kkat is generally more less consistent when it comes to these kinds of details. Anyway, it looks like LP's plan is going to revolve around Xenith somehow.

Page break. It looks like someone else might have pointed out the continuity error with the memory orbs to kkat, because this scene starts with an angry rant from Calamity about LP viewing a box of memory orbs while he was off getting the Fart Cruiser. If I'm interpreting it correctly, the idea is that LP watched all six of the orbs while she was in the warehouse, sometime between Calamity's exit and the basement explosion.

This one is a draw, as far as I'm concerned. +1 to kkat for recognizing and correcting a continuity error, -1 for doing it in an idiotic, clumsy and illogical way.
488 replies and 232 files omitted.
>"A Balrog's chasm," doesn't really make much sense
I know. I thought about that a few seconds after I posted it. I was referring to the chasm that Gandalf and the Balrog fell into, which now that I think about it probably wasn't all that wide. Depth was really the central feature there. In my defense, I've been up all night.
It's fine. I just wanted to prod you.
I'm excited for your final posts.
>maybe there isn't some magic switch you can flip that toggles between "wasteland" and "pastel utopia."
Ironically (I think? Still not sure how irony works) that's exactly what LP's final actions accomplish in this shit story. She makes everything better again, and eventually ponies who are allowed to use the Gardens Of Equestria flip that magic switch for her.
I can't imagine what Kkat's thought processes are right now.
Did he feel it would be too easy if LP organized sixish friends capable of using the Elements Of Harmony to de-Wastelandize the world?
If you hate the cloud covering so much, say that's an unavoidable consequence of turning the EOH on, which takes food-making power away from the Enclave naturally and gives it to the ponies.
He can't have thought this magic switch was too easy for LP because he introduced another magic switch in the form of the SPP anypony could use with Spike's help, given enough plot armor aka "Destiny".
The logic for how it all worked stumped Kkat but it would be easy to just say "Spike's fire breath sends things where they need to go. If he destroys something that needs to be destroyed, it doesn't go anywhere, it just stops existing. That Enclave bitch he burned? Needed to go to hell, according to magic and/or the universe and/or destiny so she ended up there. A letter to Celestia? Whether its writer wants it sent or not, if it gets burned by Spike it's going to Celestia. And Littlepip? She's going where she needs to be: Inside the chamber of the magic machine that fixes everything in return for one noble act of self sacrifice".
Just fucking say magic's a self-aware mystical force like Star Wars's The Force that can do what you tell it to and do whatever it wants, holy fuck, it's not hard to think of this shit.
Did Kkat think the Elements Of Harmony weren't good enough for LP, because they required six ponies to give nothing up while the SPP requires a sacrifice from the star of this shitshow?
That must be it. I don't like to speculate on the motives of trash media creators because it's easy to speculate that everything you don't like has an evil reason behind it. Plenty of reviewers of books and games out there say "He must have made this chapter to piss me off, he must have given this woman huge tits because he's a pervert who hates women, he must have put the option to kill innocents in this video game because he's a demon who hates babies kittens puppies and sunshine". But if you view this story's events with the assumption that Kkat wanted to do his best to precisely engineer a product to get Littlepip "Over" with the audience and make her this eternally-beloved self-sacrificing mary sue murderhobo supreme, a lot of bizarre inexplicable choices about this story suddenly start making sense.

Still, Kkat didn't even do a good job of that.
He should have said there's a virus going around in the Wasteland, a bioweapon made in a Griffon lab built by an evil Private Military Contractor that's running around fucking shit up in the Wasteland "For Science!".
Maybe the virus was supposed to devastate nations built for the sake of deterrence, maybe it was a failed attempt to make a drug to turn wimpy weak soldiers into hardcore killing machines without moral restrictions or self-preservation instincts. That would suit the "Good intentions can go bad" themes.
This virus dies in sustained sunlight but thrives in the darkness of the cloud cover. Afflicted ponies get edgier over time. They become stronger stupider edgy violent cunts with sharp rows of sharklike teeth and bleeding eyes and destroyed psyches. It's incurable, only death can release those afflicted with this sickness from their curse.
The Enclave don't give a fuck about the virus or how their cloud covering makes things worse because Power Armour makes you virus-proof and they rarely visit the surface world anyway. Any Enclave troop who does get infected faces the firing squad and is called a weak faggot who deserved it, though this policy causes infected Enclavers to conceal their infection and spread it amongst their troops and generals faster.

Therefore, LP is practically morally obligated to kill the feral Raiders for being feral beasts that spread the giga-rabies virus by existing, eliminate the Pegasus cloud covering for keeping the virus around, and eliminate anypony in her way. Maybe eliminate an evil-for-fun mad scientist too just for the hell of it, because a mad scientist doing evil shit for Science!(TM) is awesome and dark and the perfect excuse for anything horrific in post-apocalyptic settings like new viruses, zombies, monsters, and any awful event you want to come out of nowhere and ruin the hero's time. Bonus points if Doctor Sciencefag insists he's doing everything for the ultimate greater good: knowledge, and once LP kicks his ass she gets to use his sick resource-generating problem-solving superscience -inators to solve problems without needing the SPP or Gardens Of Equestria.

Obama's pure evil, he has to be. Remember "Operation Fast And Furious"? That wasn't a misguided idealist making the best out of a bad situation, that was a calculated operation planned from the start. Fucker armed the cartels with tracker-free guns and then his team preached for gun bans in areas harmed by his plan, or something like that.
Idealistic self-sacrificing heroes on a quest to save the world, whether it wants to be saved or not, seem to work best when their goal is unambiguously good, and preferably entirely apolitical.
Stopping Dark Lord Doom Badguy from taking over the world, or blowing it up, or summoning Satanic McCthulhu, anyone can get behind that. Hero can save the day, kill shit, and retire to his farm and hyperimpregnate his trad qt waifu.
But taking over and rebuilding the world in your own image, redistributing food via altering the effectiveness of farmland with a weathermachine, playing god? That's "What is your tax policy? Why should I support you, you power-mad conqueror?" tier.
I thought about saying something like...

>If Kkat wanted to get the audience to like and support LP, he should have tried harder to make her not just the biggest shooty cunt in the land of shooty cunts but also Equestria's only hope.

>LP shouldn't just be some faggot who feels she has the divine right to fuck with others. She shouldn't have the option of giving up. Maybe she should think "Maybe I should just let this shit wasteland die" during the obligatory story arc where Achilles fucks off to his tent and feels bad until it's time for his triumphant return to heroism. Circumstances should force her into her quest and give her no way out. Aside from an obligatory moment near the end where she undergoes "The Final Temptation" to give up her quest and then decides not to give up until the job's done, stop the sad music and cue the sweeping orchestral score that swells like my dick when I see Twilight Sparkle. The Wasteland shouldn't just be at war with itself, it should be facing certain doom unless she uses the Gardens Of Equestria/SPP/whatever in time. In a wasteland full of dumb cunts too wrapped up in their short-sighted little problems to think about the bigger picture, LP should be the wandering reluctant hero that gets wrapped up in a bigger deal than she ever expected. She should be reluctant until character growth makes her want to be a hero. Maybe she could have her ass saved by an inspiring badass who dies horribly and is murdered by the villain, making this personal for LP and giving her somepony to emulate. Of course, such a choice would make LP emulate the heroism of another which would get in the way of making her the object of dicksuckery for the author.

>But at the end of the day, that's what this story is missing, a time limit. And a sense of purpose tying all these bullshit events together but that would be harder to add than a ticking clock. We need a ticking clock to add tension and force LP to keep going no matter the odds. Something to weigh on LP's mind, kick her into action, stop her from taking those STUPID FUCKING vacations with Homage at Tower De La Cuntmunchera. Whenever LP feels doubt or fear, she should punt herself in the cunt and say "If I don't save this wasteland, everypony in it dies from Giga-AIDS or Super Poison Joke or starvation or whatever".

Then again, that change would make this story a more effective vehicle for getting LP "Over" with the audience. But it wouldn't necessarily make this story better.

I don't think the greatest writers in the world could turn this story into something good without fundamentally rewriting at least some of the core pieces of idiocy that makes FE what it is.

The pre-war story is a tale of a civilized industrializing nation struggling to help a barbaric race of failures who only want to get high on meth and worship their own hatred of the night sky+spooky shit+meteors+aliens until it and Fluttershy's foolishly suicidal altruism gets everyone nuked, and it feels wrong to end the Wasteland with the descendants of both races (minus the descendants not here because zigger nukes or zigger chemical weapons or wildlife mutated by ziggers or soldier ziggers or rapefugee ziggers killed their ancestors) united around an Equestrian campfire singing cum-on-you or whatever. Cum-by-you? Anyway, if this story is supposed to fundamentally be about good intentions going wrong, it feels absurd that the good intentions of the heroes never go wrong.
They never have to seriously analyze the consequences of their actions, or their motives, or their actions. They don't even have to figure out what their morals are or why they believe they're entitled to their murder sprees.
Despite all of Kkat's blabbering about virtues and having moral lines you won't compromise, one last line you refuse to violate except when you have to, the heroes have patently schizophrenic approaches to morality and what they feel morally obligated to do.
Remember when LP was determined to use violence to save Monterry Jack(even if it meant fighting and killing Guard NPCs), a pony who'd tried to rob LP at gunpoint at her comparatively most vulnerable (when she'd never touched a gun before and hadn't yet transformed into a gun expert instantly) and had almost gotten away with it, a pony willing to commit suicide by cop (with extra steps by confessing to a crime that couldn't be pinned on him, and happened outside the tower guard force's jurisdiction in an area of the wasteland this cheese-seller had no reason to visit while abandoning his family and cheese store) and leave his annoyingly LP-loving family homeless just so LP would have to look them in the eyes and say "Sorry but your dad thinks I'm to blame here"?
LP was willing to get herself banned from Tenpony Tower at best, shot to death or hunted down by bounty hunters/town guards eternally and slandered 24/7 on the radio for trying at worst, if it meant freeing one cunt who happened to have a name and a family. But any capital-R Raiders, or Slavers, or Cannibals, they can go to hell, even if they have families. They're not even life forms, they're targets she has yet to gun down in this gigantic soulless shooting gallery she calls home for no apparent reason.
LP felt morally obligated to save a faggot willing to practically shoot himself in front of LP just so she might feel bad when she told his family the bad news, if she didn't get somepony else to do that.
She felt morally obligated to save the whole fucking wasteland, but not all of the ponies in it, no, she felt obligated to slaughter all the Slavers and Alicorns and Raiders she can find, as if they're mindless killing beasts like Radscorpions.

Fallout Equestria makes me miss infuriatingly preachy books that can't stop soapboxing the author's ideology and political/personal views, because at least those tales have more substance than this sequence of terminally faggoted events.

>She found herself smiling, happy it had found a new Bearer. Although it had taken her a while to grasp the somewhat abrasive mare as a beacon of kindness.
>She wasn’t surprised that the Element had taken a new form. After all, before it was a necklace, it had been a heavy, round rock. And the book did help explain why the Elements chose this new appearance.
Oh, I see. Fluttershy's necklace transformed itself into a PipBuck because Velvet Remedy is the new bearer of the Kindness Element.

>The Book of Littlepip was a good book, she thought, despite some of the darker parts that she had to skim over when reading it to the kids.
Just out of curiosity, which parts of that book does she think are suitable for kids? Or anyone, for that matter?

>It had taken years for her to recover, and she had only been able to find herself again, to put herself back together, thanks to the constant attention and help of her friends -- both her new friends and her old ones.
We don't care. While she may be a significant character in the FiM cartoon series, in this story Fluttershy is an incidental background character at best. She factors into the world's history but not the events of the main story. Protip: the whole point of things like epilogues and afterwords is to tie up loose ends of the story, not to introduce new threads. If you can bring your story to a satisfying conclusion within the space of the main narrative, then you should just do that. If you can't, then an epilogue or a ten-years-later segment can help. However, continuing to drone on about random bullshit involving side characters after the story ends simply because you wanted to shart out more words is just a giant waste of everyone's time. This isn't quite as bad as that god-awful Equestria Girls thing that soulpeener needlessly appended to Sun & Rose, but it's definitely getting close.

>Velvet Remedy had been right. The little statues of her friends had helped her put herself back together. Without them, she probably would have remained broken, insane, forever.
Oh, goody. The fucking statues again. We sure haven't heard enough about these silly things.

Anyway, in typical kkat form, the narration begins to meander from here. We are needlessly informed that Fluttershy was gifted her set of the statues by Velvet, and that she carries them around in her saddlebag with her. We also learn that she sleeps with the petrified corpse of Angel Bunny at night, because that's not creepy or anything. You may or may not remember that Angel Bunny was turned to stone by a cockatrice or some shit; it was one of the hundreds of thousands of tiny, insignificant details scattered throughout the text that kkat expects the reader to remember 30 chapters after the fact.

>As she slid the book back into its place on the bookshelf, she again thought that, yes, it was a good book. Deeply painful at times. But it was nice to feel like she knew Littlepip. So many of her new friends did, and (despite some of her bad times) she seemed like such a nice pony.
>Fluttershy had tried to talk to Littlepip once. But even being in one of the tower stations made her very uncomfortable. The Single Pegasus Project, she had to admit, freaked her out. Littlepip had called it “peaceful”, but Fluttershy had panic attacks at the mere thought of the place -- of being trapped, unable to move, watching helplessly.
Seriously, kkat, are you going anywhere with this shit? Because I have places to be.

Anyway, whatever; Fluttershy used to be a tree but now she's not anymore. She seems to be recovering one day at a time. Good for her, I guess. She gibbers autistically to herself about Spike and eyepatches and the title of Littlepoop's insane autobiography and some other bullshit for a few paragraphs, and then she goes outside. She sees Silver Bell, who we learn is now apprenticed to some literally-who named Palette. I guess they make stained glass windows or something. Good to know.

Flutters keeps walking along and looking at stuff. She sees the children she just scarred for life with LP's terrible book; they are arguing about princesses or something. There's an alicorn filly among them, which subtly informs us that the alicorns have figured out a way to breed. It seems to have something to do with a potion that Xenith made using poison joke extract. I don't remember if that's something we're supposed to care about or not.

Anyway, doot de doot de doo, she keeps walking. She bumps into a few more NPCs whose names we are probably supposed to recognize, and we learn that food production has more or less returned to pre-war levels, though it is still necessary to keep LP strapped in to the weather machine to maintain it. There is also something called the New Canterlot Republic, which I guess is supposed to be some kind of new Equestrian government or something. Whatever has changed in ten years, I don't get the impression that politics in this setting have become any less vague or confusing.

>Rather, the national concern had turned once again to power. The Gardens of Equestria had given back their farmlands, but had stripped them of the radioactive materials necessary to run Red Eye’s engines. For now, most of the energy used by the NCR was generated from devices drawing on star batteries (a donation from Calamity, she had been told). But these resources were finite and heavily strained; the needs of the nation would soon far exceed the limited power they could produce.
Why do they need Red Eye's engines? I don't quite understand why stuff like this is still an issue. Seems like agriculture would be top priority at this point; they can worry about industry later.

>Fluttershy cringed at the notion that Equestria’s power might soon become dependant on irradiated rocks and other materials that could only be found in foreign lands. She’d seen the land she loved go down that road before. It did not end well.
Again, why would this matter? What needs to be powered?
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Fluttershy watches Velvet's pet bird eat a dead mouse, and then a bell rings and everyone goes to see what the fuck is happening. Apparently, the bell signifies the return of Calamity. She is happy to see him, because apparently he is going to escort her to Bucklyn Cross later this afternoon.

>She’d always been a weak flyer, even in her youth. And she wasn’t young anymore. The only pink in her mane now was from the streaks Silver Bell had put in it while practicing cosmetic spells.
>Fluttershy felt confident in flying across Junction Town, maybe even to where they were building the new castle. But not all the way to Bucklyn Cross.
The order of these two paragraphs should probably be reversed.

Anyway, Calamity swoops in and is greeted by Velvet. He tells her that the caravan he was guarding ran into some raiders, which he had to dispatch, and Velvet seems surprised that raiders would still be a thing. The rest of the conversation is just light banter.

Page break. It is now sunset, and Fluttershy is riding in a sky chariot being pulled by Calamity. Through their conversation, we learn that Ponyville is now occupied by displaced hellhounds. Seems a little strange that it would still be called Ponyville, but whatever.

>As Calamity guided the sky chariot towards those hills, Fluttershy knew where they were going. Part of her mind insisted on envisioning this place as it once was. She and her friends had once gone golfing on these very hills, back before the war was even a whisper. She remembered Angel had gotten bored and started gnawing on the canopy of their golf cart until she cajoled him to stop.
How exactly does a four-legged creature go golfing? This sounds like it might be a reference to something from the show, but I can't recall any episode in which the M6 ever played golf. In any case, it's a pretty dumb idea.

Anyway, Calamity touches down on this hill that apparently used to be a golf course for equines, but is now a cemetery, also for equines.

>The two pegasi approached the five tombstones. Fluttershy dropped the flowers at her hooves, letting Calamity pick up several of them to place at the gravestone of Elder “SteelHooves” Applesnack. She scooped up the others, and began reverently placing them at each of the other four graves which fanned out behind that first one as Calamity took a few minutes of quiet with his departed friend.
>A soft pang filled her heart as Fluttershy wished she had found the time to know Applesnack better. She stopped at the gravestone nearest to Applesnack’s, reading the inscription:
>Here Rests
>Brave, Loyal, True
>She gave her life that Equestria may blossom once again.
I don't think I mentioned this, but at the end of the Epilogue we learned that Strawberry Lemonade was killed in the battle. I know, I know; you're all deeply saddened by the loss of this barely-mentioned NPC. The world will never be the same without her.

Also, it makes sense enough that Calamity would want to visit SteelHooves' grave, but why exactly is Fluttershy coming along on this errand? SteelHooves would have technically been her contemporary, but it doesn't sound like they knew each other well or were close. She would have no connection whatsoever to Strawberry Lemonade, and as to the other three stiffs, the author didn't even consider them important enough to give names to. Why does she need to be here?

>The stallion was staring upwards and towards the east. She followed his gaze, spotting the gaunt, flying forms of two ghoul pegasi pulling a water-cart, leading the other water wagons as the caravan flew towards Junction Town.
>She knew one of those lead ghouls would have a golden PipBuck on her foreleg with seven diamonds arranged like bubbles. Ditzy Doo, the Bearer of Laughter. Who ever could have imagined?
Not only does Flutters know the exact number of diamonds on a casual acquaintance's PipBuck, but this is the kind of thing she's thinking about while visiting graves. How severely autistic can one pony be? Also: I still don't get why Derpy is supposed to be the Element of Laughter in the first place (though that hardly matters at this late stage).

Oh, also, we find out that Derpy is now for some reason married to Lionheart.

>As if reading her thoughts (a very disturbing notion!), Calamity stepped next to her, expressing, “Ah ain’t normally the religious type, but Ah’ve seen ‘nuff t’ know souls exist. So part o’ me likes t’ imagine that somewhere up there, SteelHooves an’ his gal are smilin’ down on those two.”
>Fluttershy nodded quietly.
>The winds continued to blow, making the trees creek and the water of the lake lap at the shore.
This is the end of the scene. It makes for a nice visual, but what exactly was the point of this? As I said before, Fluttershy really doesn't have a deep enough connection to any of these dead characters to justify an entire scene dedicated to her visiting their graves. Other than kkat presumably wanting to casually drop in some irrelevant side information about Derpy being married and whatever, I don't really understand why this scene was written.

Oh, also:
>making the trees creek
Should be "creak."

Page break. The two of them are now at Bucklyn Cross. We learn that nearby Arbu has since been turned into a prison. Personally, I think turning it into a restaurant would have been funnier, but what are you going to do? Anyway, we finally learn why Flutters had Calamity fly her all the way out here: she is planning to build a sanctuary for the hellhounds, because the ponies have hunted them to near extinction, or something. Isn't that just so Fluttershy? Cue stock footage of bronies applauding. The story concludes on this note:

>“In a world filled with misery and uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is a light in darkness.”
>Fallout: Equestria

Aaaand...that's the end of the text. Well, wasn't that special? Stay tuned for final thoughts; I'll return in a bit.
>this hill that apparently used to be a golf course for equines, but is now a cemetery
Hah. Of course it is.
>in the end, there is a light in darkness.”
I keep reading this as, "Light in the darkness," but I don't know. I think it's because, "The darkness," emphasizes a specific darkness but this sentence reads like this is a common-knowledge fact that you can find light in darkness. However, light is the opposite of darkness so there shouldn't be any light in it. Right?
I'll leave...
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Mormon Mummy.jpg
Remember all that "Light in the darkness" stuff The Burned Man said about his Mormon God?
It feels wrong for Kkat to try and steal that shit for vague "Hope is good and Littlepip is the light" shit.
Once I read a "Rationalist" story where the hero kept calling himself "The lightbringer" just because he believed he was a smart guy destined to figure out smart solutions to problems hurting his world like "Many countries fight for control, child soldiers are the norm, people are cunts," and so on. But he'd never really thought of anything particularly clever and lacked solutions for problems he swore he was the only one thinking about. He lacked smart solutions to any of the problems he was presented with. He just went with whatever seemed best at the time and didn't prepare all that hard for bad situations. He had a few smart ideas but nothing spectacular. Despite overthinking things and filling the story with unreadable blocks of concentrated pseudointellectual neo-autism at a moment's notice, he wasn't really that smart, just surrounded by dipshit NPCs and occasional smart characters the author gifted the right to think clearly.
Kind of like this story, with how the enemy NPCs act in absurdly stupid ways so amateurs like LP can outwit and outfight them before LP became telekinetic OP hypergod sue supreme, and only named characters are allowed to think of blatantly obvious shit.
Oh, right. I haven't played the games but that's one of the npcs quest givers in Fallout New Vegas, right?
Did Kkat really just plaigarize the last sentence of his fic? That's actually pretty sad. What's the point in writing a story, fan-fiction or otherwise, if you're not even gonna make it a personal deal? I guess, he liked that qoute but still, I mean, not even a paraphrased version of it but an exact copy of it?
>he believed he was a smart guy destined to figure out smart solutions to problems hurting his world
>But he'd never really thought of anything particularly clever and lacked solutions for problems he swore he was the only one thinking about. He lacked smart solutions to any of the problems he was presented with
>Despite overthinking things and filling the story with unreadable blocks of concentrated pseudointellectual neo-autism at a moment's notice, he wasn't really that smart, just surrounded by dipshit NPCs and occasional smart characters the author gifted the right to think clearly
Dog-earing this for later
Joshua "The Burned Man" Graham isn't just one of the quest-givers, he's the star of the Honest Hearts DLC and he's Caesar's Legion's former second-in-command. When he failed at the first Battle For Hoover Dam he was burned alive and sparta kicked into the grand canyon but he got better and kept being Mormon. If I was still overexplaining everything I'd write it all here but https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Joshua_Graham
The worst part about Kkat plagiarizing his "It's comforting to know there's a light in the darkness" speech is that Joshua was talking about his religion. His God. While dealing with aggression from the Nigger Legs tribe.
But here's the story ripping off that pro-god line and using it after the darkness is gone to call Littlepoop the speshulest pony in the universe for sacrificing herself in a way literally any pony could have pulled off if destiny made them as fireproof as Littlepip.
Come to think of it downing some healing potion would probably be enough to let you survive being burned alive by Spike's fire anyway, it's destroyed battleships but those stupid fucking healing potions can fucking fix anything.

To elaborate, the character had just gone through a conversation with a captured bad guy in an attempt to interrogate the baddie.
Because yeah, it makes ALL the sense that the hero kid amateur ninja guy would be allowed to speak with a captured baddie and debate philosophy.
The baddie went into a "this world is cruel and darkness is the only way, you're a faggot from the nicest biggest village but it's done mean things before. also in this world it's kill or be killed" speech that threw the hero for a loop and made him doubt everything except his own ego.
I shit you not, the hero had this little crisis of faith moment only thinking "I'm the smart sexy mega-genius Lightbringer who will solve all the world's problems and bring light to this darkness because I said so!" could restore his faith in himself and help him cope with the "shocking" facts he just heard.
Now the characters said things like "Man, it sure sucks that we live on a continent with many rich cunts who hire ninjas to do their bidding and five big nations with ninja academies and many smaller nations without big ninja academies and child soldiers are the norm and bandits are everywhere and power+cruelty seems to be the only way you can defeat your enemies and scare them into not fucking with you"
But he had no real answers for any of these problems. Didn't consider a system of international sanctions from government alliances, or new types of ideologies with smaller governments and less governance, any way to subvert the rich and reduce their stranglehold on the economy, didn't think of a combination Forward Operating Base and Fortress for his country that could take in poorfag farmers and protect their livestock for taxes instead of leaving farmers to the bandits until they can afford to pay ninja to kill said bandits, couldn't think of a new method of warfare with new weapons like inventing flintlock pistols and eventually revolvers so rich cunts start preferring cheap armies of conscripted farmers to edgy expensive ninjas with tragic backstories.
Say what you will about "Maybe if one superhero/my nation took charge and conquered everything there would be peace under his absolute rule" but at least it's a solution to the problem of war and enemy nations.
Some may hate that option but it's certainly an option.
This faggot couldn't think of anything, he was just so certain he'd eventually think of something that it got him out of a downwards spiral mentally that almost made him lose it completely.
There was also this gigafaggoted bit where his girlfriend's dad tried to make him drink poisoned tea or something and they blabbered over it for at least a thousand words when the obvious solution was "Make a copy of yourself with magic just in case the tea is poisoned, magically swap yourself with it, drink the tea. If he slaps the clone to death and calls the real you a paranoid faggot, say he's paranoid for checking if you're a clone, edgy ninjas in a poorly-written world of smug edgy cunts respect paranoid faggots more than idiots willing to be poisoned to seem polite in front of their potential father-in-laws. If he bullshits you and calls you a faggot for not trusting him, say there's a chance he was replaced by an assassin impersonating him with magic because this is a fundamentally fucking broken setting where the three beginner-level spells any recently-graduated-from-the-academy child ninja can pull off are: Limitless physical transformation via absolute shapeshifting*, illusionary intangible copy creation, and limitlessly substituting yourself with any non-alive object or consenting person, and yet walking on water and walls is considered a higher-level technique for more advanced ninja kids, and yet all fights are still settled by which DBZ character is tougher and punches and fireballs harder eventually".
*many fans headcanon that shapeshifting "only makes you seem changed" because limitless shapeshifting is so OP yet nobody uses it. Many badfics say that Naruto's perfectly ordinary transformation spell now makes him special because everyone else is using a worse one and "by incorrectly trying to copy a fake shapeshift spell he invented a real one" just makes ALL the sense. But this headcanon doesn't line up with canon at all. This is a setting where anyone can shapeshift and nobody ever thought of using it outside of naruto and sasuke's double-shuriken-but-the-second-one-is-naruto trick. Oh and that time Gamabunta told Naruto to shapeshift him into something with "fangs and claws" and immediately thought of his own fox Fursona.
Well damn I took a long break from the site not sure when Glim Glam would get back and returned to see this God forsaken fan fic almost being finished. Crazy to think how much has happened since he started this story. Moved to a new state, working on becoming a certified plumber and service technician. Just glad this story is going to be over.

Glim's commentary has been a riot but after awhile the story just kept repeating the same stuff so there wasn't much new for us to comment on unlike Sun and the Rose. Really glad Glim and all of you stuck it out to the end though. All the MLP groups I'm in worship Fallout Equestria with a zealous reverence so it felt like a bastion of sanity.

Not sure what Glim will review next but here's to hoping it'll be a fun read like the last story when we were all being wow'ed by new developments and jokes like the ambassador pill or the main character being a rat catcher. Plus the sparks of good ideas and scenes that story had so it was fun to discuss the merits it had.

Hats off to you Glim Glam for finishing the fight and look forward to what you review next unless it's a story about an op lesbian unicorn or any lesbian stuff in which case I'll take a shotgun cocktail.
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>Legate Graham
>Pic related
Man, it's crazy that the Raiders went to Vlad The Impaler's landscaping company. I guess they wanted to get aHEAD in the competition. Sorry if that joke was a bit gore-mless, I held it in for way too long.
I know there's a chance I won't like the answer to this question, but I want to ask it anyway. My rewrite of my old shit is almost complete, and I want to know how this shit stacks up to my old shit.
Glim, do you think Fallout Equestria is better or worse than the FIMfic I wrote almost a decade ago?
You know, the one with the hoverboards and the bad anticommunist rant and the clusterfuck of a backstory invented to justify all the OC's bullshit powers?
Now that I think about it, I think my old shit had a few of this story's mistakes.
Ranting about Pipbucks and the world's history just because the hero has a pipbuck and characters from history will show up eventually, VS ranting about hoverboards and my OC's backstory just because the hero has a hoverboard and characters from his history would have shown up eventually.
I wrote much of the mane six as annoying fangirls smitten with my OC, while in this story everyone's head over heels in love with Littlepoop except for the villains and the mane six become war criminals and morons whose ineptitude and good intentions doomed an equestria only Littlepoop's good intentions are allowed to save.
My OC started off overpowered and got stronger with each card he'd get (unless it was needed to make a villain threatening or a weird chapter possible), while LP started off pretending to not be overpowered and then she stopped pretending, eventually becoming a fucking half-alicorn unicorn and thinking this and her RD statuette with a chunk of Rarity's soul imitating RD's soul in it would grant her entry to the SPP.
Both stories made the Unicorn protagonist overpowered, but while the shit Star story had fun putting him in over-the-top anime fights, this story pits a regenerating canonically-plot-armoured fireproof half-alicorn boxcar-tossing blood mage and expert sharpshooter against a bunch of starving faggots with sticks and weak guns and under-utilized cheat abilities and at best gay power armour before pretending this is totally balanced. My fight scenes weren't shakespeare but at least some could be called fun.
Star was an irritating cunt even in scenes where he was supposed to be nice or cool to show he isn't always an irritating cunt, but Littlepoop is always an irritating cunt even in scenes where she isn't supposed to be one. But worse because she has that annoying fake-modesty shit. Whenever Star would use fake-modesty it would be a joke, he'd tell people to stop praising him and then tell them to continue if they did stop, comedy gold.
And while Starshit tried to justify his overpoweredness with a convoluted backstory involving ninjas and farms and thieves and foxes and more bullshit I had to cut from his new version so I really could "Shorten it to 20 words or less" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPmXmMpNuPU and at the time I thought he had to be strong because the story was about his growth(I made some particularly retarded assumptions on how stories "Had to be" based on what little I saw of stories before writing one)...
This story chooses to pretend the overpowered Littlepoop is actually nopony at all, even though she is pointlessly overpowered in a way that regularly harms the story, even though none of her overpowered abilities were necessary and anypony with destiny's blessing and Spike's help (or hatred) could have survived the trip to the SPP and fired it up.
LP was often wounded and then healed by bullshit magic potions and other healing items, Star was never wounded in a way that mattered sidestepping the issue entirely.
Both stories were written by idiots with a child's idea of what cool is, but I was a teenager when the Star story started while Kkat was over thirty and pushing fourty, maybe older.
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Squilliam Fancyson.

That's what this story needed to tie it all together.

Every time this story had to bend over backwards to blame some aspect of the Wasteland's awfulness on a beloved canon character, Squilliam could be there to take the heat.

Every time this story murdered or beheaded or tortured a beloved canon character, Squilliam could have been blamed for each one.

Kkat wanted so badly to blame human nature, pony and zigger nature, and the idea of evil itself on the environment and the important ponies who make it what it is. But there was always one option.

Squilliam Fancyson, immortal bastard running around with a machine gun ruining everything for his own fun. Spite for Rainbow Dash for being a more talented guitar player than he's a clarinet player convinced him to destroy everything she ever knew and cared about and then shit on her irradiated front lawn under the cover of clouds and dust. Because why derail a pony character like Fluttershy into inventing nukes or Applejack into inventing guns when Squilliam comes from a setting where Spongebob and Patrick can make functioning World War weaponry out of sand proving such weapons already exist and they know what they are? Everything this story ever did could be fixed by making Squilliam Fancyson responsible for everything bad that ever went wrong and then making Littlepip kill him in a sick nasty fight at the end with over four phases marked by transformations including one where he glows and gets wings and one where he drinks a radioactive smoothie of nanomachines and popeye's spinach to become a giant dragon and one where he becomes a gigantic squid unicorn bigger than the universe and he says "Now I'm a big guy" and she whips out her gun and says "for you. How about a kiss from this?" and he tries to bitchslap the planet into the sun but Littlepip uses her trusty revolver to shoot his giant hand into nothingness by fanning the hammer fast enough and then she fires her gun at the sun to ricochet her bullet off it into his eye and then she fires her Little Macintosh(tm) at his other eye and then fires it faster so the second bullet pushes the first bullet in midair making a bigger faster bullet big enough to penetrate his other eye and I'm fucking with you I don't actually think this would work at all. No, instead, the real culprit behind everything that ever went wrong should be Dio Brando, whose evolved stand The World Over Heaven lets him do whatever he wants and overwrite reality freely just like in Eyes Of Heaven only not gay. Dio was fucking bored and felt like fucking with FIM so he created Fallout Equestria but not even sans undertale could stop him from stealing the infinity stones and that magic book from Jackie Chan Adventures and the Ultimatrix's upgraded form The Absolutrix. It's called that because it's the absolute best watch possible. No wait that's stupid. Call it the Bestrix or the Perfectrix or the Magictrix or the Infinitrix or the Overclock. With the power of Axel's Overclock he becomes more powerful than Nick Bolton even with his tactical blactical black flashlight and hyperlink blocked. He can take your fucking kromer. He's even stronger than lunafell and her magictrix which is an omnitrix but with magic. Like he's more than 1000% of shaggy's power level and I'm kidding this is retarded, all of it, it's all fucking retarded. Some grown fucking man out there wept when Han Solo died and wept when he read Fallout Equestria and if I rewrite Fallout Equestria into something that appeals to big brain geniuses like us it won't have mass appeal like Fallout Equestria did. He cried when he saw what he convinced himself to love out of the sunk cost fallacy and if he saw a better version of FE he would zealously loathe it for not being the version all five hundred pounds of him feels nostalgic for. His dick's so small it inverted to penetrate his own asshole creating a quantum singularity of gayness. A singaylarity if you will. But if I made an even gayer piece of media he'd cum buckets for it. An even bigger gayer crossover with less artistic integrity and artstyle consistency than a child's first sprite comic on comicfury. Is art dead? Is there meaning in trying to make anything good or even your dream project if something with less soul would get more fame and money?

Although, all gayness asside, consider the following...

If the story started with LP being bullied by someone like Squilliam Fancyson only a pony, we'd feel bad for LP. If Filliam Ponyson left the Stable after LP left it specifically to murder LP in a lawless place and make life harder for her along the way it would make her adventure harder. Everything's too easy for Littlesue supreme, crank that difficulty from Couch Potato to Exterminator so things can be cool, that'll fix all the problems. Well at least some of them. Probably none of them. Self doubt consumes me and pretending to be invincible is my hobby because secretly I'm very lonely and entirely insecure. Every good hero needs a well written rival, someone to push them forward and measure their progress and success with. Like Sasuke before the author derailed him completely and ruined the story. Rewatching the kai recut of the show made me realize that's when shit falls apart for good for this character. Once he loses his revenge quest he breaks as a concept but becoming an object in the Orochimaru arc was the start of his downfall as a character. But that isn't happening here because Squilliam and Sasuke will be used as inspiration for a rival character who doesn't ruin the show. Littlepip needs an edgy evil rival character who's better than her at everything. Take all the "we're the same" villain speech shit from Red Eye and give it to the edgy rival OC who exists to be maximum Satsuki x100 with huge tits. Because rivals should look bigger than the hero and it would be funny if the edgy rival had milky way tiddies yet was still peak wasteland murderhobo supreme instead of LP.
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Final Thoughts:

Welp, at long last, we have reached the end of our journey. Checking the post dates of the original thread, I see that we have now spent over a year of our lives slogging our way through this ridiculous pony fanfiction; so, what have we gained as a result of this experience?

Well, on the downside, I have spent over a year of my life slogging my way through this ridiculous pony fanfiction. Considering all of the quality books on my shelf that I still have yet to read, that is a not-insignificant opportunity cost. However, on the upside, if anyone ever asks me: "What is the most objectively terrible work of fiction ever written in the English language, and why is it Fallout: Equestria by K 'my asshole is such a raging AIDS inferno that I can literally shit molten dildos' Kat?", I will be able to provide a thoughtful, detailed, well-reasoned response. It is also my hope that, as a result of my efforts, you can do the same.

So, after everything we've read, how would I summarize my view of Fallout: Equestria? It should be clear enough to anyone who has been following these threads that this story wasn't really my cup of tea, but does it have any redeeming "virtues" see what I did there? at all?

Well, let's try and start with the positives. As much as I hate to admit it, kkat probably deserves at least a small amount of credit simply for attempting a project this large and seeing it through to the end. As incoherent and poorly-written as this story is, it's clear that the author put quite a bit of work into it, and word-vomiting something of this size is admittedly not as easy as it looks. Also worth noting is that it maintains a surprising level of internal consistency.

Though the worldbuilding is shoddy at times, it's clear that kkat put quite a bit of forethought into mapping out the world's backstory before he sat down to write, and there are remarkably few continuity errors for a story of this size. To compare, Peen Stroke openly admitted in an interview that Past Sins was just word-vomited without any advance planning, and the result was that his text was mostly a complete mess. For all this story's size and complexity, kkat clearly employed a more disciplined writing method, and the results of this discipline can be clearly seen.

Taken purely as a work of MLP fanfiction, while I certainly wouldn't say that I thought this was good or that I enjoyed reading it, I'll admit that there are probably worse things out there. Having now read several of these pony stories, more than one of which are considered fandom classics, I think I can safely say that the bar for pony fiction is not set tremendously high, and kkat probably clears it as well or better than many of his peers. He is a more disciplined writer than Peen Stroke, his grammar is significantly better than soulpeener's (though I did notice a few glaring errors here and there), and he is a much, much better storyteller than Assman (though that is an extremely low bar to clear).

At the same time, however, there are areas where the other writers we've looked at clearly outshine him. Despite soulpeener's piss-poor grammar and tryhard prose, he managed to tell a (more or less) complete story from start to finish, while keeping the length reasonable and not veering off on too many silly tangents. By contrast, kkat's text is absurdly bloated and unfocused; if someone asked me to sum up what it was about in a few brief words (without referencing either Fallout or MLP) I don't think I'd be able to do it. There is no plot worth speaking of; it's just an endless narrative about an dull, undeveloped character wandering around a world performing increasingly nonsensical actions. As Nigel succinctly put it: it's not a story, it's just a sequence of events. Soulpeener's work also had better developed and more likable characters. Though I don't recall being overly fond of his protagonist, "Moody Rat-phobic Medieval Guy" didn't inspire anywhere near the level of visceral hatred for me that Littlepoop did.

As to Peen Stroke, his prose was generally a bit better than kkat's, and his work was at the very least the product of his own imagination. By contrast, FoE appears to be mostly a clumsy pastiche of storylines from various Fallout games with a thin coat of pony applied to it. Kkat has demonstrated little real imagination or creativity; his main talent is being able to keep track of an insane number of details. While Past Sins failed in that it missed its own point by a wide margin, FoE more or less makes the point it was trying to make (I'll get into this in detail in a minute); however, the point it attempts to make is far simpler, and it uses about 500,000 more words to do so than were necessary.

And Assman? Well, I remember saying that the thing I liked best about Friendship is Optimal is that it was short. I definitely can't say the same for FoE.

Anyway, however well it might hold up against other fandom works, if we treat Fallout: Equestria as literature we have to judge it a bit more harshly. Even before I became interested in MLP, I remember hearing bronies arguing that many of their fandom's works have genuine literary merit, and deserve to be taken seriously outside of the fandom. FoE was one I specifically remember being cited as an example on multiple occasions. For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature.

It's probably better to start a new post for this, even though I've still got a couple hundred chars left. I'll be drawing from an EqD interview with kkat that I found, for reference it can be accessed here:

I'll address this in a bit.
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>Anyway, however well it might hold up against other fandom works, if we treat Fallout: Equestria as literature we have to judge it a bit more harshly. Even before I became interested in MLP, I remember hearing bronies arguing that many of their fandom's works have genuine literary merit, and deserve to be taken seriously outside of the fandom. FoE was one I specifically remember being cited as an example on multiple occasions. For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature.

I know you have another post coming, but I have a genuine question i've always been curious about: How do you feel about this fandom's overall level of quality when it comes to horsewords? You've judged "The best of the best" and found them to all be horribly lacking, to say the least. Do you know of any works you'd regard as genuinely great? Stuff you'd wager outperforms even above average when it comes to published literature? Or is this fandom as a whole populated with mostly trash?
I wonder who could be behind that post.
I bit bitter, aren't you?
Huh? I've been posting throughout this thread for months now as the only Canadian poster (I think) here. Im curious as to what Glim thinks of overall ponyfic quality, because to me it seems like there's a whole lot of "meh" and i'm not sure what ones would be considered quality. I guess I need to read a lot more pony fics to sift through it all and figure it out myself.
Despite all the fanfics I've read I think they were all at least a bit shit. They all had problems that got in the way of me recommending them to anyone as real literature. Even stories I liked or even admired as a kid, I can admit they aren't anywhere near the quality of a real-ass good book. Obvious mistakes (some I noticed back then, some I notice now thinking back on them) keep me from calling them perfect or genius like an excellent game or tv show or movie or book or manga can be. If I had more access to real books as a kid I would have read those instead upon experiencing good books, but my internet access was highly limited and the handmedown ipod I got from a friend as a teen could have text from fanfiction.net loaded onto it.
If I had to choose one for "least shit fanfic ever" candidate I'd choose The Sun Soul (a pokemon fanfic) for having worldbuilding and depth and being more than just a sequence of events in which a child of ten or younger travels a country fighting gym leaders and eventually the elite four and champion just because that's what kids in pokeymanz land do. This one's got a cool main quest that justifies the hero running around fighting strangers and it's got exciting twists. It even does something unexpected and ballsy like killing off the hero's girlfriend and giving him a new one and starting the story with Ash fighting Team Rocket only for them to turn out to be good guys and it had an ending much smarter than the usual "and then the hero defeated every baddie and lived happily ever after" thing. Even leaves things open for a spinoff featuring May and Hoenn I haven't read yet. May's character was a bit flat but she didn't have much screentime compared to others. Maybe it's recency bias talking but I just don't remember any fanfic for anything else I could unironically recommend.

Plenty of fanfics are still better than Fallout Equestria though. Especially that Smash Bros Brawl fanfic that's over four million words long.
>For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature
>This is the moment you've all been waiting forrrrrrrrrrr!
Well, this shitpost was shit. Too many refrences to shows you like for one, as if it was a commercial or something. Maybe you should ask John Elway about the ins and outs of shitposting.
>I removed the vid with the former post. Felt unfair since you have been trying to improve.

Sorry, I know you've asked this question a couple of times already, I've been meaning to respond. There have been quite a few posts made that I've meant to reply to but haven't.

I haven't come across anything that's impressed me terribly, but at the same time I haven't really read that many pony fics. Apart from what I've reviewed here, I've only read a couple of short random things that were linked on /mlp/ or something; it doesn't really seem fair for me to say that everything the fandom has produced is shit based on such a small sample of what's available. However, based on what I've read so far, coupled with what I know about the way that amateur writing projects in general tend to turn out, I do think it's fair to say that most of what the fandom has produced is probably shit.

One thing I have noticed is that lighter, shorter stories that are intended to be satirical or funny tend to be a little better. For instance, awhile back I remember someone suggested I read a short one called Would it Matter if I Was? or something to that effect. It dealt with Fluttershy being a changeling. While the story itself was pretty meh, I remember I also read a parody of the same story that I thought was better done than the original. Part of it is probably that it's easier to riff on something than it is to come up with an original idea, but I also tend to think that the less seriously you take yourself the better your chances are of producing something good.
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So, how to go about assessing FoE at a literary level? I don't see much point in rehashing the myriad small complaints I have about the text, as I feel like I've covered all of that pretty extensively. Probably a good starting point would be to ask the author what he thinks he was writing about, and then assess how close to the mark he actually came:

>Fallout: Equestria is a story about standing up against evil no matter the cost. It is a story about lighting candles in the darkness. About the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
>Fallout: Equestria is definitely not for everyone. It contains darkness and mature (in the true sense of the word) themes, not to mention a great deal of violence. However, these things are used in service to a story that puts the themes and morals of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to the acid test and shows how they stand up… and even shine.
Basically, from kkat's point of view, this story is a treatment of the same ideas found the FiM cartoon series: that strong friendships are the key to enduring whatever challenges life might throw at you, and that having the support of good friends can mean the difference between hope and despair. However, while the cartoon deals with these topics in a lighthearted format aimed at children, FoE attempts to address them from a more adult perspective, bringing in issues like death and rape and world destruction that would be inappropriate for a children's show.

So, let's tackle the issue of "mature themes" first. There's a common belief held mainly by hacky amateur writers and readers with no taste that just because a story has content that would be inappropriate for children, this automatically makes it "mature." This is demonstrably false; loading a story up with sex and violence doesn't give it more depth or maturity, it just means your story has a lot of sex and violence in it.

As a quick example off the top of my head, the Friday the 13th films are nothing but sex and violence, and I don't think many would critics would call those films mature, or argue that they had anything terribly important to say (though they are admittedly fun to watch). Meanwhile, The Lion King is a retelling of Hamlet, packaged as a G-rated cartoon aimed at children. There is violence and death in TLK, certainly, but it is tastefully downplayed. We don't need to see graphic depictions of Mufasa getting trampled or Scar getting eaten alive by hyenas for those moments in the story to have the intended impact. Conversely, if you cut all the tits and blood out of Friday the 13th, all you'd be left with is a weak story about a serial killer in a hockey mask. Which of the two stories seems more mature?

This might seem like a silly comparison, but it's important to keep this distinction in mind when looking at Fallout: Equestria. For all of kkat's claims about this story having mature themes, one of my earliest observations was that his treatment of good vs. evil was overly simplistic, and the excessive gore and violence did little to mask this. Personally I would argue that, far from being a more "mature" depiction of the FiM setting, FoE is quite a bit more juvenile than the cartoon. In trying to present itself as edgy and dark simply by amping up the gore and profanity, it becomes less mature, not more. If MLP:FiM is Equestria from a child's viewpoint, then FoE is the same setting from the viewpoint of a moody, edgy, comically self-important teenager.

In one of the earliest episodes, in which Littlepoop is captured by slavers who are then set upon by raiders, I remember being very confused. It was not clear who the "raiders" were, or why they were attacking; my initial assumption was that the word "raider" was meant to be taken at face value, and that these guys were just ordinary brigands or robbers. Their cartoonish, over-the-top sadism struck me as more comical than frightening, and it continued to be comical even after it became more or less clear what the deal with them was. Up until about midway through the story, when characters like Red Eye and the Goddess were being introduced, all of the villains were the same: just generic baddies who performed acts of wanton destruction and cruelty for no reason other than le edge.

If the Ponyville raiders had just been simple brigands who attacked weak ponies and took their stuff, it would be less edgy but more believable. It would be a simple and obvious cause-and-effect relationship: times are hard, supplies are scarce, you have to do what you can to survive. The Monterrey Jack character didn't do anything as horrid as what the raiders did, but his motivations were more believable; or at least they were, until kkat decided to graft all that weird shit about "corrupted honesty" or whatever the fuck to his character.

Realistically, in a world with scarce resources and no formal authority, unsavory trades like slavery and banditry would be commonplace, and presumably there would be an uptick in rape and child molestation and so forth simply because people who are into that kind of thing would no longer fear reprisal. However, it's unlikely that otherwise-normal people would suddenly start decorating their houses with guts and murdering people for the fuck of it simply because "friendship" and "harmony" had gone away.

Kkat uses overblown violence in the same way that Peen Stroke uses overblown sadness: he just dials it up to eleven and uses shock to compensate for an inability to move the reader in any other way. A more nuanced and plausible Edgequestria would have made for a much better setting, but the tradeoff would be that the bloody horror-show would need to be dialed back quite a bit. Kkat is either incapable of realizing this, or unwilling to make the trade; either way it shows a significant lack of maturity.
>In trying to present itself as edgy and dark simply by amping up the gore and profanity, it becomes less mature, not more.
>Realistically, in a world with scarce resources and no formal authority, unsavory trades like slavery and banditry would be commonplace, and presumably there would be an uptick in rape and child molestation and so forth simply because people who are into that kind of thing would no longer fear reprisal.
Mmm, maybe.

Looking forward to the rest.
Can anyone here remember all the times (or any time) friendship as a concept was important or useful in Fallout Equestria, as opposed to simply friendship with the correct people?
Leftist writers subconsciously (or consciously if they are subliminally messaging their target audience) tend to promote the idea that friendship isn't this wonderful universal thing but simply a way to get powerful useful individuals to do what you want, making you powerful.
I think that's why Golly Filly from late-season FIM never met a silly useless pony who emotionally helped her or in some other manner taught her how friendship can be good even if you can't exploit the hell out of it for personal gain. How friendship can be good without having to exploit the hell out of it for personal gain.
>Can anyone here remember all the times (or any time) friendship as a concept was important or useful in Fallout Equestria, as opposed to simply friendship with the correct people?
This. LP's group are hardly friends.
Come to think of it, did LP ever show any interest in anypony who wasn't obviously useful to her or in a position of power?
She didn't feel like getting to know Mouse And Whatshisname or Gawd and her Griffons as people. Just ordered them around once they joined her gay nigger faggot army.
She only felt like talking to Crane when she heard he was a powerful telekinetic and assumed he could give her tips.
She listened to the mayor of WhoCaresville rant about how "karma" fucked him over for letting Littlepip run around fucking up the Slaver operations even though she gave him a nuke or something, but she didn't bother with the politics of that other town that only existed to be destroyed by the Enclave.
Only felt like visiting Tenpony after she wanted to know how the radio whore knew so much about her and why she was sucking her useless lesbian negative-six-inch cock* so hard over the radio.

*You know what they say about small weak men with small dicks? Imagine a smaller weaker man with a negative six inch dick, and you've got what shit women effectively are when they reject cute helpful femininity and try to compete with men but can't intellectually/physically compete with the average man fairly because they're not in the top percentage of women. If women won't do the only job God wanted women to have (breedable housewife) and instead seek to pretend they're men the result is an inferior imitation of a real man full of neuroticism and rage and foul language and denial of the fact that she'll never measure up to even the men artificially placed below her literally or penisually. Littlepip's horny inner narration as an ass-obsessed lesbian isn't cute at all, lesbians are cute when they're adorable shy little sweethearts who blush at the thought of hand-holding before marriage and still want to be good women anyway. At most, one can be a tomboy(as long as she's a legit one with the positive qualities of a man and not just a failed woman eager to cosplay a man), but the other one has to be extra adorable to make up for it. It's the difference between idealized yuri sweetness and messy sloppy femoid pussylust, which this story has. Fucking hell, Homage's idea of post-fucking pillow talk is "You're going to fucking die out there in the wasteland lmao, you'll be eaten alive and forgotten after barely accomplishing anything". That's in the sex scene, just so Littlepip can reply to that Supervillain "Cancer always wins in the end" speech with a trite speech about never giving up even if it means "floating her body down the river styx to make the wasteland choke to death on her" or some shit.
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About the only nod to maturity I've found in the entire story occurs at the very end. The Afterword, which tells the story of a revived Fluttershy visiting some strangers' graves and then traveling to Bucklyn Cross to inform a bunch of Steel Rangers that she is opening a hellhound sanctuary, takes place about a decade after the events of the main story. It's a fairly standard "this is what the world looks like as a result of the hero's actions" segment that makes more sense as an epilogue than an afterword. Really, the author would have been better served by deleting the existing Epilogue, which consists of a dumb and irrelevant exchange between Homage and Velvet Remedy and little else, and using the "10 years later" story as the Epilogue instead. But I digress.

What I noticed is that, while Edgequestria has become noticeably less edgy during the interim period, there are still hints of trouble lurking in the shadows. The Enclave is apparently still something of a threat, Red Eye still has loyalists who continue to fight for his cause for some unexplained reason, removing radiation from the air has eliminated a vital energy source and this is causing conflict, and so forth. Basically the idea is that, while the bulk of the world's problems were solved by Littlepoop's actions, as well as whatever the fuck the "Gardens of Equestria" did exactly, there are still traces of old problems that haven't been completely resolved, as well as new, unanticipated problems that were unintentionally created when solving the existing problems. While there is still plenty of stuff I can nitpick, I'll say that it's actually one of the better-written sections of the text, and it was a more tempered and reasonable ending than the "everything is magically fixed" ending that I'd spent most of the story expecting.

Anyway, we'll tackle this part next:

>Fallout: Equestria is a story about standing up against evil no matter the cost. It is a story about lighting candles in the darkness. About the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
What exactly is the "evil" that Littlepoop stands up against? What exactly does standing up to that evil ever cost her?

As I said, kkat's treatment of the concept of good and evil is childishly simplistic. For the first half of the story, Littlepoop's only antagonists are random monsters and generic, cookie-cutter bad-guys who pop out of the shadows and attack her for no reason. I remember observing that these early battles resemble video game fights, in which swarms of generic baddies keep attacking the player until she can destroy the spawn point. There is never any attempt at humanizing these characters or even giving them a basic motivation for doing what they are doing; the raiders and slavers are just mindless zombies that do horrible things because they're horrible. Most of the early fight sequences are used as opportunities for gratuitous violence and edge, and to give the author's insufferable OC a chance to level up.

Kkat himself even seems at least partially aware of this:

>I recommend reading the first dozen chapters. They are short and easy to read. (The third chapter holds the worst of the gore in the story, so if you can get through that, you have nothing to worry about.) If the story hasn’t caught your interest by the chapter “Must Go On”, leave it be. You’ve given it a true chance. But if it has… well, then you are in for a treat, because the story only gets better and better from there.
Though he and I clearly have some different ideas about what "short and easy to read" means, what's telling is that kkat seems to acknowledge that the earliest parts of the story are basically just mindless level-grinding, and that you have to slog through twelve whole chapters before anything important even starts happening. Incidentally, the total word count through Ch. 12 is 85,009; this is enough text to constitute its own novel.

Eventually, once all the stuff about "virtues" starts becoming more central to what I will generously call the plot, we are given a little more of an explanation for why the raiders and slavers and whatnot behave the way that they do. Every pony apparently has a "virtue," a concept which is never fully explained, but is probably analogous to the Elements of Harmony concept from the cartoon series. Your "virtue" is what defines the core of your being, and following it is the path to a happy and meaningful life. However, a "virtue" can (somehow) become "corrupted," at which point you begin to follow a dark path that (somehow) reflects a warped or inverted version of your "virtue."

Again, like quite a bit of what's in FoE, the "virtue" idea is never fully explained, so we have to infer quite a bit. However, I think the basic idea is that, due to the lack of friendship (or something), ponies in the wasteland (somehow) had their virtues corrupted, and began to follow dark inversions of their virtues that (somehow) led them to conclude that shitting all over their mattresses, decorating their homes with intestines, and organizing caged death matches between foals was rational and sensible behavior.

Even if we take all of this at face value and just roll with it, we still don't have an answer to the fundamental question: why? By explaining the raiders' behavior in this way, kkat seems to open a path to redemption for them: it's not entirely their fault that they wound up the way they did, they just need some kind of guiding light to bring them back on the right path. Ditto for Red Eye and Trixie and the other "bad" characters; they aren't necessarily evil, just misguided. This is in line with the spirit of the show; most of the villains who appear in FiM are presented as misguided souls who can be redeemed by the power of friendship (or something). Okay, fine. But this still doesn't explain just what causes "virtue" to become "corrupted" in the first place.

I'll continue this thought in a new post.
You like how the story ended?
Get ready for another Charlie Brown football moment.
The hero sacrifices himself to turn on a big machine that de-irradiates the country and gives it pure drinking water, that's from Fallout 3 and its Geck/Project Purity thing in the main quest.
All Fallout Equestria did was copy it while changing pure water to food. The cloud covering problem is still solved. LP just goes into a weather controlling machine separate from the GOEden while in the original the GECK powered Project Purity which deirradiated all water*
Littlepip fights the Enclave and fights her way into The SPP instead of Project Purity but she still fights The Enclave to get into a thing that fixes most of the Wasteland's problems.
There are still enemies to shoot because in the Broken Steel DLC that lets you pay money for the right to continue playing Fallout 3 after the main story is complete, there are still enemies to shoot.
The only thing I can really call original is how the lack of radiation is somehow causing power/resource problems for some retarded reason. Does... Does Kcrap think nuclear power plants generate power by taking in radioactive waste goo barrels and burning it like coal to turn it into electricity? Fallout's exploding nuclear cars (which "inspired" this story's nuclear chariots so much, ghoul melee strikes can glitch cars into exploding randomly) don't use radiation as a fuel source. Radiation is generated as a byproduct when the nuclear engine is on.

*even though it's actually pretty easy to deirradiate water without needing magical scifi energy-blast machines that magically do impossible things. And even though there isn't much point deirradiating the Pachamac River - I mean Ptolomac - if you're only going to dump that purified water back into the irradiated riverbed. Bethesda just really wanted you to look for a GECK during the course of the story because you looked for one in fallout 2, and they wanted you to find a vault full of radiation and super mutants so you can befriend Fawkes the overpowered invincible OC with a gatling laser and no character depth. Bethesda's Fallout relies on iconography stolen from earlier fallouts and other scifi media, no wonder it inspired Kkat to steal Fallout and FIM to write this.
Speedrunning FOE idea

>be littlepip
>bored as fuck
>leave stable one day for literally no reason besides "i want adventure"
>oh shit oh fuck adventuring in the wasteland is hard, desperate non-edgy pitiable raiders are starving and trying to rob you and shooting them feels morally wrong
>get kidnapped and taken north of your stable straight to a Red Eye prison camp built out of a pre-war insane asylum that used magic to make PTSD cures for soldiers
>LP tries to flee and accidentally plugs herself into a memory alteration machine that fills her head with over sixty terrabytes of combat experience and gunplay stolen from mindwiped soldiers
>LP kills slavers epicly and is hired by Gawd's Griffons, former Red Eye mercenaries now working for the now-heroic enclave because Red Eye's violating Gawd's moral code also Gawd is a dude now and a pegasus because fuck griffons
>Gawd makes the plan to get Littlepip into the SPP Red Eye took over. LP is just a pawn in her game and an angry underling of Gawd calls LP a lucky talentless faggot who's only special because of her PipBuck and high luck stat
>Littlepip falls in love with Gawd
>Red Eye trying to become an alicorn to get into it and succeeds becoming a sick final bossfight while stealing a cryogenically frozen experimental lone alicorn babe's wings and horn but not absorbing her fully because if he did that would make him partly a girl and that's gay. All traces of gay were removed from this story.
>Red Eye says enslaving others is optimal and he stole the magic from countless slaves to become an alicorn. Gawd calls him a faggot and says friendship and kindness and teamwork and mutual cooperation are better
>Red Eye said the meteors that fell to earth ending equestria are a challenge from Gigasatan to become even crueller than darkness itself because only evilness can make you strong and then he injects himself with darkness to become buff
>now he's a big guy (for Littlepip) and worshipping Gigasatan gives him powers because he's evil. His shadow rises up to make him bulletproof or something so LP and Gawd have to get creative.
>LP and Gawd win a sick fight scene with Red Eye using the power of friendship and Red Eye kills himself in an ironic way by his own hand (hoof whatever) due to lacking friendship
>gigasatan betrays Red Eye and sacrifices RE to summon himself but LP fires a rainbow blast of friendship to kill gigasatan.
>LP takes over the SPP and eliminates the dusty cloud covering Red Eye set up over all the wasteland except his slave-filled farmland. Now rain washes the dust away. Or maybe Red Eye was using the SPP to make everywhere a desert except his farmland and LP fixes that instead while magicking away the dust cloud covering.
>story over, Gawd sacrifices himself to turn the SPP on saving the world, LP cries and rebuilds Equestria with the heroic enclave's help in his name. Or maybe the other way around, LP sacrifices herself and he carries on for her.

no alicorn army. No foal thunderdome. No gore decorating houses. No time spent working for red eye as a slave. No pre-war surveillance tower somehow full of snooty retards who make their living by trading luxuries like massages and small portions of irradiated scavenged beans to wastelander visitors who lack rights while they're in the tower and also the tower contains a secret society that put Velvet in charge of the radio tower just because her family has passed down a voice-sex-changing blackface-voice-impersonating spell down through her family line for generations. No killing joke or futanari potion made from it. No fluttertree or crackhead pinkie. No zigger or calamity or velvet or homage or radio or other stables or experiments or Scootaloo lore or Flutternukes. No giant dragon secretly in the rock breaking prison and no bonus giant cyberdragon and no Canterlot and no zigger nuclear war and no edgequestrian war backstory, LP is from the only stable in Edgequestria and Manetanner built it as a tax writeoff not expecting it to see use. But LP's ancestor snuck in and lived there in secret while pregnant for the lulz and free food and robot servants until one day meteors and the doors sealed automatically. Yep.

Speedrun. I skipped and cut out as much bullshit as I could think of while replacing anything convoluted ot unnecessary with the simplest thing possible or the easiest to explain.

It's no shakespeare but it's a FIMfic. They'll only be shakespeare if a professional patreon-having fanfiction author decides to rip off Lion King next.
>I recommend reading the first dozen chapters. They are short and easy to read.
>If the story hasn’t caught your interest by the chapter “Must Go On”, leave it be.
>You’ve given it a true chance.
No. At that point, It's been given way more than that.
While it's too hardcore to hook readers by the first sentence, as a writer you still have a responsibility to engage your readers. It's their time they spend on your story, not yours.
Well, in a way it's merciful of him not to hook his readers with false promises of potential in the earlier parts of the story since we know that it doesn't, "gets better and better from there."
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Far from humanizing or redeeming the raiders, attributing their insane behavior to some kind of vaguely-defined corrupting force just buttresses the argument that they are nothing but mindless cardboard-cutout monsters that don't serve any purpose in the story beyond giving the hero something to shoot at. I observed fairly early on that a lot of this story is just mindless splatter-porn, and that its half-baked morality is only meant to provide the reader with a flimsy excuse for enjoying the senseless violence. The modern civilized world frowns upon reveling in such violence; however, there's still some residual animal part of the human imagination that enjoys it anyway.

In order to allow the reader to have their violence and condemn it too, a writer can designate a certain group of characters as "bad," and have most of the story's violence caused by and/or directed towards them. The baddies are always the instigators of any violent conflict, while the hero is never violent by nature; she is always just an ordinary person who, through some injustice perpetrated by the "bad guys," keeps getting roped into situations where she has to defend either herself or others. The more evil you can make the bad guys, the more righteous the hero's vengeance against them will appear, and the more the audience is likely to root for the hero and give your story a good rating.

In this way, the reader not only gets to enjoy the splatter-porn aspect of the story, they can double-dip and enjoy it from two perspectives. They get to vicariously partake in whatever original evil is being perpetrated by the bad guy, which is usually thrilling on some level, and then they get to watch the righteous hero ride in and brutally revenge herself upon the villain, which is not only thrilling but makes the reader feel like they somehow contributed to her victory by rooting for her. It allows the reader to indulge their thirst for mindless violence, while at the same time feeling morally superior for having done so.

This type of story is called "melodrama," and it's one of America's most successful and enduring varieties of entertainment. It should come as no surprise that most of it is pure lowest common denominator. The "bad guys" are usually thinly-veiled metaphors for whatever sort of person the writer expects the audience to hate already. At various points in history, this role has been filled by Indians, cowboys, blacks, whites, Republicans, Democrats, Jews, Germans, the Irish, Christians, Muslims, people who don't support the war, people who do support the war, rich people, poor people, immigrants, citizens, and so forth and so on; basically, whatever swath of the population has most keenly drawn the ire of the mob at the time of publication. Meanwhile, the hero represents the opinions and values of the average audience member, with the added benefit of being stronger, prettier/more handsome, wittier, smarter, more resourceful, and generally more "heroic" than the average audience member is likely to be in real life. In short, it's a type of story that validates what the reader already believes, and makes them feel like they've learned something or grown as a human simply because they read it and agreed with it.

In Fallout: Equestria, the baddies are all representative of things that the average reader can be safely expected to disapprove of. The raiders are mindless blood-gluttons who engage in pointless cruelty that goes quite a way past absurd. The slavers are cynical, amoral flesh-peddlers who engage in the icky-doo-doo practice of depriving cute widdle pony-wonies of their liberty-wibberty. The Enclave is a vague metaphor for American imperialism or something I guess, and Red Eye is just your typical, run-of-the-mill insane dictator. There's not really a whole lot of depth or moral ambiguity to any of these characters; it's a pretty safe bet that few readers are going to sympathize with a bunch of foal-murderers and slave-traders, so they're all safe to kill. Thus, the kind of person this story is aimed at, presumably bronies in the mid-to-low IQ range who share the same soft-liberal middle-American values as its author, are likely to derive at least some enjoyment from booing its assorted villains and cheering for its intrepid protagonist. This might be entertaining enough for some people, but is there anything actually valuable to be gained from watching an insane lesbian run around disemboweling generic thugs for roughly half a million words?

Well, here is basically what kkat thinks we can gain:
>these things are used in service to a story that puts the themes and morals of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to the acid test and shows how they stand up… and even shine.

Remind us again: what are those themes and morals exactly?
>the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
Woah, that's a lot of 'v' sounds. Reminds me of Velvet's voluptuous vulva vibrating vivaciously.

Anyway, if I'm following kkat's thought process correctly here, the basic idea is that having strong friendships is the key to weathering hardship and keeping yourself on the righteous path. It's a little simplistic, but it's more or less in keeping with the spirit of the show, so it's probably fine as a message for something like this. The story kinda-sorta communicates this message in the end, I guess. However, to me, the relevant question is: did kkat really need this entire 620,000-word convoluted clusterfuck just to convey a simple Aesop-moral that an episode of the show could have easily communicated in the space of 18 minutes? Did all of the over-the-top violence and gore really help to convey this message any better? Was all of the endless autism about meteors and megaspells really necessary? Did all of those purposeless side-quests and dungeon crawls help to drive this point home any better? Personally, I would say no, to all of it.
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>The modern civilized world frowns upon reveling in such violence
It does?
The modern civilized world frowns upon those who engage in violence and aren't given permission from the ruling class to do so.
Niggers stab and rape thousands, muslims bomb and rape thousands, women gaslight and rape their way to the top and steal civilization and opportunities and cash and children from men with narcissistic-authoritarian aka feminist votes, antifa terrorists burn down buildings and tear down the dreams of small business owners, business as usual.
One white guy fights back against the invaders in any way, the system loses its mind.

By the way, does anyone recall the final words of any of the villains in this story?

I was thinking about how the final words of well-written villains usually say something deep about the character.

For example, Light Yagami's final words weren't just "oh shit oh fuck I don't want to die", there was also screaming for help from friends he lost or sacrificed along the way, which is deep. Limping away his mortal wounds bring him down and he can't think of a solution in time to save himself. He even dies on stairs symbolizing how he cannot ascend and won't go to heaven or hell.


But Red Eye, the rock breaking prison's dragon, Goddess Trixie, any significant raider or slaver or other villainous character... What were their final lines? Were they given the decency of good final lines and a decent death scene, or were they treated like afterthoughts to be disposed of once they could no longer serve their purpose as arbitrary obstacles in Littlepoop's way?
You might be right; depending on the situation violence is becoming more acceptable to more people. What I was getting at though is that, by the standards of middle-class liberal morality, reveling in violence for the sake of violence is generally frowned upon. However, "righteous" violence is another matter. If someone says that they read a story about a pony stomping another pony's skull into goop and really enjoyed it, that person comes across as mentally unbalanced. However, if they clarify that the pony getting his skull stomped in was an evil "raider," and the pony doing the stomping was exacting some kind of righteous vengeance because the raider had been organizing caged death matches between foals, then all of a sudden the skull-stomping becomes acceptable.

When I brought up the social acceptability of violence, I was talking about acceptability within the specific context of entertainment; however, this same hypocrisy extends into real life as well. Generally, people in modern, first-world civilizations will outwardly condemn violence, but at the same time will readily endorse extreme violence if it's directed against someone or something that they and other members of their social group find morally reprehensible. This tends to produce weird, contradictory positions: it's a moral outrage for a police officer to use lethal force against a dangerous non-white suspect, but an angry mob burning down a police station is an acceptable act of "peaceful protest." A normie Glen-Beck-tier conservative guarding his house with a rifle while an angry mob marches up the street is an unacceptable act of violence, but a Communist agitator clobbering "Nazis" in the head with a bike lock is fine. It's all rooted in the same basic idea: violence is deplorable except when it's being directed against someone that the herd has condemned for some reason or other; then it's fine and there are no limits.

This attitude is central to kkat's writing, and that's why I'm always hammering him so hard on Littlepoop's weird murderhobo morality. If kkat gets off on writing stories about pastel ponies disemboweling each other in excessively violent ways it's his own business; I don't take any particular offense to the violence in his story in and of itself. For me, the issue is the strange way he attempts to moralize it. His basic formula is this:
>some generic cookie-cutter baddie, a "raider" or a "slaver" or something, engages in some absurdly over-the-top act of sadism for no obvious reason beyond gratuitous violence
>Littlepoop and her friends happen by, are immediately horrified by the sadistic acts being perpetrated, and proceed to inflict equally over-the-top sadism on the perpetrator
>everyone still alive applauds the noble heroes for being so noble

What's curious about it is that kkat never attempts to explore whether or not his heroes' violent actions are justified, nor does he attempt to make any argument about why the raiders and slavers and whatnot in his story deserve to die. He just sort of takes it as a given that they do, in fact, deserve to die, and also takes it as a given that his readers will feel the same way. Incidentally, if you would like to see a considerably less subtle and more insanely autistic example of the same kind of thing, I'd invite you to check out Nigel's 35,000-word-long "Silver 'shove a plum up my bum and make me cum' Star walks into a party and starts randomly beating the shit out of Starlight Glimmer" story.
The moral hypocrisy reminds me of that time some big nigger attacked a white old man, tried to mug him or something, shoved him onto his back, and the white old man opened fire with his gun.
The white man got away with it thanks to Stand Your Ground laws.
A horde of niggers "protested"(Threatened violence that would be illegal if they were white) outside the local police station with signs jewish/whitefemale organizers likely wrote for them saying shit like "Justice for Trayvon". The name was Trayvon, right?
Truth is, Trayvon already got justice when he was gunned down for acting too black instead of remembering to act human. And the white man got justice when he wasn't made into an example by the antiwhite system for defending himself.

Also I know that Silver chapter was shit.
At the time I was going for "Upon seeing her he thinks she's still a villain and tries to take her down, like seeing a famous serial killer free at a violin recital, but then when he's told she's good now, he doubts that. They talk but he questions her about the commie shit because he hates commies and when she attacks him it gets her ass kicked and she's kicked out of his story" with that scene. How'd I do?
I don't remember if she was the first one to attack or not, considering how quick she was to age-regress her boyfriend for having responsibilities that dragged her away from him and brainwash the individuality out of the mane six minus Twiggles for not doing exactly as she wanted when they were supposed to be hanging out casually and having a good time it fits the poorly-thought-through clusterfuck her character was at the time.
I don't know if they fixed her character in later seasons, derailing(Applejack became a meme)+author favoritism made me drop the show. Seeing FIM consumed by the same Steven Universe-style "Friendship is nothing but one of many tools to get powerful allies on your side like Discord/Glimglam and forgiving all their sins is fine as long as they sorta try to be mostly good and serve your side" narrative just left a foul taste in my mouth.
I think they put her in charge of a friendship school for foreigners and had them steal the spotlight?
But now I know if I want the audience to walk away from a scene saying "Fuck communism" the audience needs to see communism destroy things they like and hurt characters they like. I can't just put my character in an argument with a commie for a bit.
The commie needs to unjustly win for a while before the final fight so the audience gets madder every time the commie gets away with being evil.
Plus looking back I really should have focused more on the idea that he wants to protect others from her, instead of just getting really mad at the commie for being a commie and not agreeing with him about the free market. Maybe if she fired a spell at him, he dodged, and it hit somepony he cared about, that could piss him off. If it was Apple Bloom I could have foreshadowed his family relation to Applejack, was I building that up to be a big twist in that version? Maybe there should have been a scene where he tried to get the conversation out of the party so there were fewer ponies around to potentially get hurt.

What I'm not sure how to handle is the black hole of confused bullshit that is Glimmer. It's like there's two of them: A socially-awkward lonely girl who likes kites and gets along best with other misfits like Trixie and Maud because they're popular amongst bronies (cough cough) I mean because they're weird in a way supposedly similar to hers even though damn near every FIM character is weird in their own way.
And then there's a scheming manipulator who knows social situations and the minds of others inside and out.
One struggles to handle any kind of social interaction so badly, fucking Trixie's the normal mature one who whispers something like "Are you okay? Do you want to leave?" in one scene of the show.
The other one's such an unparalleled master of bullshit, she can (in under a minute, right after travelling through time one more time after a long day full of constant levitation and repeated timewarping) convince schoolyard bullies and their victims to stop racing and become friends. In fact, she's so spectacularly suddenly hypercompetent, it magically saps competence from Twilight who fails to think of yelling "Hey, Rainbow, I'm clearly an Alicorn from the future, now do a Sonic Rainboom before everyone you know and love suffers a horrible fate thanks to Glimmer's timebending BS" loudly enough.
When we're first introduced to the hypercompetent manipulator on a pseudomoral crusade against talent as a concept, we don't know her stupid "My friend discovered his talent and moved away to improve it" backstory and that's for the best because it lets everyone conjure up hyper-tragic bullshit on a scale necessary to even slightly explain away lies of this scale. The "Staff of sameness" was just driftwood, she's actually an OP mage who flees from Twilight and pals. Next time we see her, she's flying better than the average Pegasus and fighting Twilight countless times for hours without ever showing any signs of getting tired, she's refucked the timeline countless times (or at least fucked the timeline once, then floated around in Cloudsdale every time the time spell Twilight casts sends them both to the past), it's bullshit.
You're left wondering "If she's so strong, why did she ever bother with lies? If time-fucking was on the table, why did she choose to fuck Twilight's life over specifically when she could have prevented her boyfriend from discovering his talent? What happened to all the show's talk of everypony being important if an autistic butterfly's wingbeat fucking the Sonic Rainboom up ruins Equestria for everypony?".
Glimmer's suddenly stronger than anyone so Twilight's "Only" option can be forgiving and enabling her.
Blaming Glim's OPness on a "Mary Sue Aura" Silver can magically disable seemed smart at the time.
How should I fix it differently?
I know that on one hand, if dogshit was produced what the shitter intended to produce is irrelevant. On the other hand if you know the goal was to produce muffins you can judge the resulting shit by the goal and figure out what went wrong and how.

Perhaps if Littlepip was a robot, and all she remembered about her Stable and the pre-war world was a load of nonsense built from conjecture and bad fanfics written by 200 year old dead ponies who hated the government?

Another glaringly obvious issue is that, if the value of friendship is supposed to be such a crucial part of the moral, the subject is actually addressed rather poorly throughout most of the text.

If the overall lesson that Littlepoop, and through her the reader, is supposed to learn is that building strong friendships is the key to finding and retaining one's virtue, then you would expect to encounter quite a few smaller lessons about cooperation and friendship peppered throughout the story. We should ideally have witnessed a number of episodes in which LP attempts to solve a problem on her own, only to discover that she is not up to the task for some reason or another, and ultimately has to learn that it's okay to lean on your friends. In a story about friendship-building, having the main cast solve the problems they encounter as a group should be a central part of the plot. It would also be consistent with the story's RPG-inspired format, since usually in an RPG you have a party made up of various specialists who combine their unique talents to get through situations that none of them could get through individually.

However, Fallout: Equestria is mostly a one-pony show. Littlepoop occasionally pays lip service to the idea of friendship, or conscripts her friends to perform various roles in her plans, but every time the group encounters a problem, it's always Littlepoop who thinks up the solution and carries it out (mainly) on her own. Since, as I've frequently complained, the author has very little imagination, most of the solutions she comes up with are pants-on-head retarded and usually involve some flagrant abuse of her obscenely overpowered levitation spell. Her friends occasionally play crucial roles in her schemes, such as Xenith planting the bomb under Tenpony or Calamity providing essential air cover, but LP is always the star of the show, and the others never have any significant input; they just follow LP's instructions.

As large and complex as this world and its backstory is, nearly everything in it revolves entirely around this one character. Some of this can probably be attributed to the first person perspective, since the only events we're witnessing are the events that she's involved in; however, very little happens that doesn't directly involve her. Almost every major event in the story is the direct or indirect consequence of some action that LP took. Even the backstory revolves around her; at one point Pinkie Pie is telepathically communicating with LP in the future, implying that her role as wasteland savior was preordained.

Also worth noting is that the other main characters are relegated entirely to supporting roles. They receive almost no development, and everything they say and do usually relates to LP or some problem that LP is trying to solve. They constantly fawn over her and praise her and take a meticulous interest in whatever is going on in her world, but she seldom returns the compliment. For instance, Calamity is a character who clearly has an extensive and complicated backstory, but the author only really gives us the broad strokes of it. Part of the reason that Autumn Blaze (or whatever his name was) made such a poor villain is that we were never really given a sense of who he was. Calamity mentioned in passing a couple of times that his brother was some kind of Enclave higher-up, and that they didn't get along, and that was about it. Then, suddenly, this guy appears out of nowhere and is immediately treated as a major character.

Bottom line is: FoE is not an ensemble show. It revolves almost entirely around Littlepoop, and her various friends and well-wishers serve no other role in the story other than to support her personal growth.

One last issue I'd like to address is the insufferable Mary-Sueness of the main character. The term "Mary Sue" gets bandied about a lot, and I'm as guilty of overusing it as anyone else. However, in the case of Littlepoop, the shoe definitely fits. Honestly, it fits her so well I'm thinking that, as I continue to review stories, any time I encounter such a character I'm going to call them a "Littlepoop" instead of a Mary Sue.

In the EqD interview, kkat is at one point offering tips to aspiring writers. Most of it is generally decent advice (though I'm not sure to what extent kkat actually follows any of it himself), but this one line stuck out for me:

>Be familiar with some of the pitfalls that writers, particularly new ones, fall prey to and make it a point to avoid them. For example: know what a self-insert character is and what a Mary Sue character is and put effort into making sure your characters aren’t either of those.
I don't know to what degree LP is a "self-insert" character, since I don't know that much about kkat personally, but I don't get the impression that he was writing her that way. "Mary Sue" is also one of those terms that doesn't have set-in-stone definition. However, I think I can make a pretty solid case for why LP fits the bill.

We should probably start by settling on a working definition for the term. The one provided by TVtropes is probably reasonable enough. Here is the article on it if anyone wants to have a look:

So, let's take a look at it one item at a time.

>The prototypical Mary Sue is an original female character in a fanfic who obviously serves as an idealized version of the author mainly for the purpose of Wish Fulfillment.
Original female character, check. However, as I mentioned, she probably isn't an idealized self-insert. An argument could probably be made that, being both female and a lesbian, she might represent some kind of wish-fulfillment fantasy for kkat.

>She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name.
This probably doesn't apply either, since LP is never physically described.

To be continued, almost out of chars.
Kkat believes in the current definition of a Sue generally agreed upon in the fanfiction community, and his belief that Littlesue can't be a Sue because she doesn't look like one illustrates the problem inherent to conflating writing mistakes and character traits with writer competence.

It isn't really the sue's sparkly eyes or multicoloured vibrant anime hair that makes her obnoxious, it was never about how she looked.

It's that patented level of author favoritism. Everything revolves around her, nothing is allowed to be bigger than her in a way that matters, everything exists for her, she inherits everything in the past that mattered, characters love her and are willing to die for her, the plot and setting and characters and rules all come second to her in importance, she never faces the consequences of any bad choice she makes in a way that matters, her in-universe appeal is universal and unquestioned, she might he a rookie who just started fighting and she might swear she's a clumsy oaf but suddenly she's slaying all her foes and impressing all the boys. She's a goddess masquerading as an ordinary plain-jane everywoman, she's almost as bad as Rey Skywalker from Disney's Star Wars.

It's easy for an author to say the secret to writing good characters is to avoid making bad ones. That's kind of funny. But imagine if "be careful not to make your character a sue" was the best writing advice you can give! Sues aren't sues because they have one too many positive qualities and one too few downsides to balance it out. Sues aren't sues because they look stupid. It's not the catgirl ears and tail and purple hair that makes a theoretical Pirates Of The Carribean swordfighter chick a sue, for example, it's the way she dominates the story and knows everything and shags Captain Jack Sparrow and outfights all men despite weighing 120 pounds soaking wet and ruins the story by existing in a state so "perfect" it compels the author to break the story and rules of canon for her. Sues aren't sues because they break rules like "one keyblade per wielder outside of very specific circumstances", they're sues because the author is willing to break rules like that for them not because the story requires it but instead for no real reason besides "lmao its my character she can he as OP as she wants".

Sues are sues because they actively harm the story they're in by being so overwhelmingly all-important and perfect that no real story can be honestly told. Any overpowered too-perfect bullshit character who ruins their story could be salvaged by a better author into a better character in a better story because it's not as much a problem with the character specifically as it is the level of amateurish story-breaking favoritism displayed by the author.

Some faggot will probably say "Littlepip is not godlike because she gets beat up sometimes" and "at least she doesn't have purple hair and rainbow cat eyes" and that's bullshit. She's not just a sue, she's more of a sue than many characters consoomers are willing to call sues! She could probably take on Itachi Uchiha and win by force choking him. She lacks any counter for his soul-sealing sword(then again"because destiny" allowed her to survive being burned alive so it would probably save her from that and his edgy black SuperFlame attack too. Yeah that guy's so OP in a world where fire spells do nothing he wields Fire 2TM) but he'd never get in range to use it and she could brute-force his reality-overwriting power like Gaysauce Coochieha did when fighting Danny McArmfullofeyes. Littlepip feels fundamentally dishonest as a character, like the author tried to figure out how he could get the audience to accept her preposterous power. There are excuses for damn near every ability she has, even telekinesis has the "trained with Crane for a bit" excuse, but none of these powers are vital to her as a character or her story. Like Glim said, her PipBuck can find things and it's what she relies on to find things. She never needed a Cutie Mark of a Cutie Mark or overpowered boxcar-lifting telekinesis or her repair skills or anything else because at the end of the day all she really had to do was get teleported by chad Spike and "destiny" into Weather Wizard's secret sex dungeon. Man I'm surprised they didn't think to call him or any other character Weathervain, that name would be sick for an evil Pegasus. Littlepip is the sueist sue who ever sued, and NONE of it was necessary for the story!

The moral of that old woman's 1960s fan-submitted unofficial fan magazine fanfic "A Trekkie's Tale" wasn't "stop making characters like Mary Kirk Picard Janeway Sue", it was "Stop writing stories like A Trekkie's Tale!".
Come to think of it, Littlepip is still Sueishly beautiful.

Not many people noticed this because obvious sues are easier to detect than more subtle ones, but obviously-beautiful sues with huge tits and random anime hair colours are outnumbered by supposedly-average-looking sues who are still treated like they're supremely beautiful anyway.
I hear some call them "middling sues" because they'd get a middling score on a sue litmus test instead of an "Unsalvageable mega-sue" rating. But young adult literature and especially unreadable woman's shit is full of this shit.
She swears she's plain and boring and ordinary and maybe even ugly. She might call herself ugly by whining about subjective physical traits that are appealing to some. Somebody who hates when her hotter female friends whine about spine pain and the envy of ugly girls and the attention of unwanted men told her to never write "I'm so beautiful it's a curse" so she goes for the opposite. "I'm so ordinary looking it's a curse".
And yet she's still beautiful despite what she tells herself. She never gets disfigured. She'd be more likely to be disemboweled and then get better. She never looks ugly, not even after spending months trekking across the country through sewers and swamps and deserts and hyper gore zones. Going months without showering never disgusts any characters who matter. Her scent can't be used to track her. She might supposedly be small and mousy and beneath notice and usually brown or black-haired but she can still catch the eye of ridiculously important attractive characters miles out of her league. In this story we have Homage the celebrity radio whore, and Velvet the celebrity singer once threw herself at LP to try and exploit her crush and piss Calamity off only to be told "No". It's a shame that scene wasn't used to make the characters grow in a way that mattered.
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I've got a simple request, if there is to be more to this review series.
Please, let it be a fic that our resident sperglord hasnt read? Please?
Pretty sure nobody read the one I linked. Again, donno how I managed to get through basically the entire first (of three) books before moving on with my life. If you guys do go with it I'll probably go along with it.

what is the current "maybe" list anyway?
Actually, I have a fic to recommend, Glim:


I remember reading this as it was updating. It saw pretty decent success, but I was incredibly disappointed despite the critical acclaim it received. It read like the script of a crappy, generic-as-can-be zombie movie with forced drama and really bizarre characterization. I'm curious if i'm just crazy and missed something, or what. It's /only/ 110k words, so maybe you could check this out..
>Stop Nigel
You new here?

Though, this rant here is his old what's-a-Mary-Sue? deconstruction, which I actually like or think has merits; especially the Mary-Sues-are-dishonest part. It's similar to what E;R said about Rey in his Last Jedi review.
Though, isn't this typical? The core idea of his post can be intresting but due to his tangential speech pattern it's exhausting to read.
>Some faggot will probably say "Littlepip is not godlike because she gets beat up sometimes" and "at least she doesn't have purple hair and rainbow cat eyes" and that's bullshit. She's not just a sue, she's more of a sue than many characters consoomers are willing to call sues! She could probably take on Itachi Uchiha and win by force choking him. She lacks any counter for his soul-sealing sword(then again"because destiny" allowed her to survive being burned alive so it would probably save her from that and his edgy black SuperFlame attack too. Yeah that guy's so OP in a world where fire spells do nothing he wields Fire 2TM) but he'd never get in range to use it and she could brute-force his reality-overwriting power like Gaysauce Coochieha did when fighting Danny McArmfullofeyes.