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Glim Glam Steams Up Edgequestrian Style Hams, Part IV
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For anyone who stumbles across this thread and is wondering what it is, this is a literary review thread for pony fanfiction. We take an MLP fic, read through it, and shit all over it discuss its literary merits.

We are currently reading Fallout: Equestria by kkat.

Thread number four. We are nearing the end of the tunnel, thank God.

Previous thread: >>304714 →

Currently on Chapter 38: Peace in Our Time

Continuing from previous post.

>>311555 →

Page bweak. Littlepoop falls unconscious, has a flashback, and drones on about how shitty she thinks her life is for literally eleven paragraphs. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Littlepoop wakes up in a filthy, unfamiliar bed in some abandoned cottage somewhere. I'm sure kkat is writing from personal experience here. She whines for several more paragraphs about how miserable she is, even claiming to have PTSD from losing a rib, even though she stated earlier that it had been healed with magic and she will sustain no permanent injury other than a scar.

>The heart-rending blow of watching Applejack step out of that elevator… and realizing that Applesnack had intended to propose to her that very night, and she was anticipating it… oh Goddesses.
This is another continuity error along the lines of what I pointed out in the previous chapter. By her own admission, she did not view the orb whose events she is referencing here until after Canterlot, and unless she's been losing herself in orbs during battles again, she would not have had time to view it between their escape from Canterlot and the present. She should not have witnessed these events yet.

LP can hear her friends talking in the next room. Apparently they found some new armor for SteelHooves from somewhere, or found some armor they could use to repair his existing armor, or something along those lines, because they are discussing rehabilitation for him. He can't move properly at present, but should be fine in a bit. Also, Xenith is there, so presumably they are back at Glyphtown or whatever that place was called.

Anyway, SteelHooves gives a schmaltzy speech about how Applejack learned to love zebras, and so he figures he could learn to love them too. You may or may not remember that SteelHooves doesn't like zebras, or doesn't trust them, or something. At least I think that was a thing with him. Anyway, the significance seems to be that he's over it now, and he and Xenith can be friends I guess. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Littlepoop is still sick or injured or something, so is Velvet, and SteelHooves presumably hasn't learned to walk again yet, so it seems they will need to rest for a couple of days. Xenith comes in and rubs ointment into Littlepoop's horribly painful bum-wounds, and tells her that she is not allowed to get out of bed until she is rested enough to stand on her own and keep down solid food.

For some reason, LP is in a huge hurry to resume her mission all of a sudden. It's been about twelve chapters since Red Eye first gave her the task of killing the Goddess, and told her that there was a bomb in Tenpony Tower that would explode if she didn't do his evil bidding incidentally, how is that situation coming along, anyway? bomb still tick, tick, ticking away?. Since that time, LP has done nothing but goof around and go on side missions, stopping to help every random pony she bumps into, no matter how trivial and mundane their problem is. She's still done absolutely fuck-all in terms of progress on this mission, though to her credit she did finally complete the mission the Goddess tasked her with, when she agreed to do a mission for her instead of killing her, which was the original mission.

So, what's the big hurry all of a sudden? Why not rest, take a few days off, heal your injuries, which for some reason you can't just shrug off by downing a potion this time around? You were willing to spend several days goofing around in Tenpony immediately after Red Eye gave you this assignment, so what exactly is the issue?

Anyway, they talk about Xenith's daughter for a bit. Seems like she's being basically written out of the story so that Xenith can rejoin the party. Since she wasn't much of a character in the first place, I don't think anyone is really going to miss her that much. After this, Littlepoop proceeds to mumble to herself about the usual nonsense until eventually the scene ends.

She embarks on one of her annoying little self-doubt episodes, bemoaning that she is about to lead her friends on a mission but she doesn't even know what the plan is since she erased her own memory. Then, she remembers that she is Mary Sue, the Chosen One, and nothing bad could ever possibly happen to her.

>I’ve told everypony their parts, and just their parts.
>Every pony...
>…because the Goddess couldn’t read zebra minds.
>A smile broke across my muzzle. Ooooh, I was a clever pony!
Has it been established that the Goddess can't read zebra minds? This is actually a serious question; I really can't keep track of even half of the ridiculous rules that have been introduced into this story thus far, but kkat is generally more less consistent when it comes to these kinds of details. Anyway, it looks like LP's plan is going to revolve around Xenith somehow.

Page break. It looks like someone else might have pointed out the continuity error with the memory orbs to kkat, because this scene starts with an angry rant from Calamity about LP viewing a box of memory orbs while he was off getting the Fart Cruiser. If I'm interpreting it correctly, the idea is that LP watched all six of the orbs while she was in the warehouse, sometime between Calamity's exit and the basement explosion.

This one is a draw, as far as I'm concerned. +1 to kkat for recognizing and correcting a continuity error, -1 for doing it in an idiotic, clumsy and illogical way.
338 replies and 156 files omitted.
If you think I hate this fic, ask me about Friendship Is Optimal. Or worse, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. I said everything I hate abour FIO already but I think I feel a more personal anger towards those two pieces of LessWrong shit since when I was a teen I was almost suckered into joining that cult. Almost. I could also rant about what I hate about Harry Potter and its fandom but that would spoil shit. and be off topic probably. Just like a rant on Sasuke/Itachi and Naruto's worst writing mistakes in general.

I would love to write a better rewritten FOE some day, but I'm too busy with projects right now to think about it for anything other than fun. Plus I didn't want to announce I was even thinking about that until after this story's analysis is complete. You could improve FOE by trimming the fat, improve it more by rewriting the exposition dumps and altering the order of events to make things flow better, and you'd make a good Fallout and Ponies crossover by getting a good grasp of the themes of Fallout and FIM before combining them in a smarter way than Kkat.

I know this story is subjectively not to my taste. But whose taste is it for? Someone who wouldn't complain about the taste of the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk as long as it was popular? Subjectively the fight scenes aren't to my taste but objectively long-winded explanations of battle saddles and sonic Hellhound controllers and Alicorn varieties who share the same abilities anyway and LP's rambling inner monologues and meaningless nonsense about corrupted kindness and why the Hellhounds dislike ponies and the backstories of the locations LP slaughters enemies in get in the way of the samey shootouts somebody here for those enjoys. Subjectively I didn't enjoy the part where LP found Little Macintosh but objectively why did the author bother with that gun and the offscreen training with Crane when the telekinesis she was born with and her overpowered friends ended up doing most of her work anyway? So much of this story could be cut out because it never fundamentally mattered to the tale or world and the story can't commit to setting up a cohesive and proofread world for further adventures or one big adventure in this world.

There are many villains scheming against each other but the Stone Prison arc was full of confused convoluted writing that could have done a better job setting up all three factions and making them fight in entertaining ways. Instead the Enclave still basically come out of nowhere despite getting wasted screentime now and then. When they met Spike The Watcher it wasn't to introduce the Enclave and its ponies or set up any conflict involving Calamity and his feelings towards his old family, it was just to watch Spike melt an Enclave poner that never mattered.

The pacing's fucked, LP's visit to the diamond dogs was sandwiched into a random spot in the "working for Red Eye to kill Trixie" arc because he was about to introduce the Enclave after countless words where Alicorns and Slavers and Raiders are just wasteland enemy NPCs. This story just couldn't put off telling us what Kkat did with the dogs for so long. Kkat couldn't resist waving around an idea that never came up again in a way that mattered. It was the perfect setup for adding a good Hellhound to the party and it didn't happen because Kkat instead wanted some Killing Joke aka Poison Joke but edgy to kill a Hellhound by turning him into a pony. That's all the species was really here for. Not for playing a major role and contributing one party member to a mare who's SUPPOSED to be searching for other elements of harmony, even though like Twilight she is "the spark that brings elements together". We're told she's not magic even though she clearly has great magic and being the spark is literally the role of magic aka friendship. This is just one of many missed opportunities to improve the story or its setting or its pacing or characters or any number of things.

I know I'm not an absolute authority on writing. I am but one humble man, one of many voices here who did not like this fic. Anyone here can contribute. Anyone here can disagree with me about this story. I do not mean to give the impression that I think I am a better writer than Kkat. I know everybody in this thread is a better writer than Kkat. Why else would anyone be here, in a thread dedicated to analyzing this story? Worse writers than Kkat would suck his dick and call him "the best female writer of 2006" or whenever this was abomination was penned.

I know this fandom's full of bad writers. I used to be one of them :3

I hear a while back, someone trolled the entirety of FIMfiction by pretending to be retarded and writing a bad HIE fic full of cliches copied from the most popular HIEs. He also made friends who defended him and his haters weren't used to that. He pissed off so many people on that site, a "better" story was penned by one of his haters to try and "show him how it's done". It ended up in the feature box and it was nothing but boring shameless smut where Twilight notices her sleeping human roommate has a big dick and sucks it without consent.
Not played for laughs.
Not written as a parody.
Just that guy's best attempt at writing something "better" than a fic meant to offend people
Sometimes I wonder what happened to that guy. Did he move on to fucking with other fandoms?
Or did his real life become interesting enough to pull him away from fandoms and fandom drama? Wherever he is I hope he's proud of what he's done.

To tell you the truth during my early years in this fandom I read this fic and thought it was good. I don't think I finished it because I eventually noticed it was bad. Anyway I feel a moral obligation to shit on this story and I feel an obligation to myself and everyone who helped me come this far to prove I've come a long way when it comes to writing knowledge.

I'm probably opening myself up to being called a huge faggot for opening up like this. Sorry.
Yes, very intresting but even though you wrote this entire post in response, you didn't actually answer his main point, which was that:
>Judge the book by what it is. Judge the implementation, judge the pacing, dialogue, and story, judge what it did (poorly) not by what it 'may have done better under completely arbitrary circumstances which are literally not possible so its all hypothetical'.

If you did this intentionally, it's called, "gashlighting". If you did this unintentionally, it's called, "bad reading comprehension".

>Paragraph one of your post: I don't hate this fic as much as I hate other.
<What he wrote in his post: Not a dig, but you DO seem to have an abnormal animus toward some faggot's work that the fandom ate up and celebrate to this day.
<some faggot's work
I think should be pural but the apostrophe seems to be place wrong but some indicate more than one, so Idk.

>I'm too busy but one day I'd love to write a version of FE.
<Unless YOURE gonna rewrite FoE, in which case I can see why youre so on about it.

>I know this story is subjectively not to my taste. But whose taste is it for? Someone who wouldn't complain about the taste of the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk as long as it was popular?
Again, his point wasn't that you should find something more suitable for your tastes to criticise but that sugguesting hypothetical alternatives to the story that are the equivalent of saying, "What if we were reading a completely different story instead?"

Whether or not you agree with his post and if he is right is irrelevant. What matters is that you don't fail to response to his question.
Would it be fair to judge this story based on what its fans say it is?

They love to call Kkat "the master of the chekovs gun" because he likes to create questions and mysteries answered slowly over time or answered suddenly out of nowhere.
But that isn't what Chekovs Gun means.
It is the principle that every detail in your story should matter. If Chekov has a gun on his fireplace it should be fired by the end of the story.
This story is full of details that fail this principle.
When this story introduced a robot factory and the robobrains early on it never came up again. Robobrains were not a frequently faced foe. Little Macintosh didn't do anything special one revolver she picked up in Ponyville could have done. Even the concept of keeping pony brains alive in jars didn't come up again, because when the ZAX Crusader Maneframes were introduced they were just supercomputers able to think for themselves or simulate copies of the brains of living poners.
Did we need to learn about New and Old Appleoosa, Derpy and her Absolutely Everything store, Red Eye Spritebots, Spike The Watcher and his love of communicating through temporarily hacked Spritebots, the BOS of AppleSteel Rangers and their goodie-baddie split and attack on LP's vault, the mad doctor with the experiments and Manticores, all the extra fat involved in the DJ's excuses for filling the same role as 3Dog...
When Team LP dragged the corpse of old man whatshisface around did any of that matter?
Why bother establishing Tenpony Tower as a location that trades overpriced luxiries for scavenged supplies while the idiot mayor hates DJ Pon3 and doesn't know it's Homage but a secret society keeps Homage in control of the radio and in the penthouse floor of the tower which was once a prewar surveillance system and also Homage owns an Alien StarBlaster(tm) somehow and once had a friend called Jokeblue who died from blue Poison Joke on the way to the tower? Did any of these details come up again in a way that mattered, besides learning she had an Alien Blaster which she took the power supply from and rigged to a bomb at one point? Why bother with all that crap about Monterry Jack and the laws of the tower and the drug plotline and LP ever taking drugs in general if all it ever did was bloat out a story that never planned a satisfying ending to any of these story arcs? LP had her addiction to PTMs cured instantly and then used them again a few times when necessary after that while M-Jack basically went out like a bitch and suicided just to piss LP off and make her explain what happened to a family rendered homeless by his pointlessly selfish and nonsensical actions. And to fucking think Kkat called him "corrupted honesty". What's honest about any of this? Wouldn't a better corrupted honesty candidate be a liar, or an authoritarian murderous judge and executioner who loves surveillance states and executing anyone who even slightly lies?
Kkat's setting is harmed by his need to make the heroes succeed constantly no matter how much they don't deserve it and his story is harmed by the constant exposition about setting details that could easily be made relevant to the story but weren't.
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>Would it be fair to judge this story based on what its fans say it is?
to clarify, it is fair to refute those claims and illustrate how they are fallacious. Technically speaking it isnt the story you are judging, its the fanaticism and their entirely subjective claims and the reputation they've given the book. Because if their claims were valid, it would play out that way when non-fanatics read the book, but thats not how it goes.
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So if we were reviewing Twilight, we wouldn't be able to judge those shitty vampire novels based on its undeserved accolades as "the most famous love story ever before Fifty Shades came along"?
Could we judge it based on what we think made it so appealing to feminist and unfeminist women all over the world? When mocking its prose could we at least mention that these books made sixty nine million dollars and won eighty Emmy awards and twelve Oscars and a glowing endorsement from Peter Rabbitson and a foreword by Dan Green and four Gold Medals or whatever the fuck books get?
Twilight isn't just a book series. It's a significant cultural phenomenon. Twilight Mania might not have been as big as Pokemon mania but it still kickstarted a genre's worth of ripoffs and gave generations of new writers shit to intentionally strive for or intentionally avoid. To this day vampire fiction mentions that their vampires don't sparkle. To this day people have opinions on this series yet they've forgotten all about the Game Of Thrones tv show or Artemis Fowl.
Fallout Equestria is undeniably smaller than Twilight. It's not even close. Book ranking websites probably have no-name first-book cliche-ridden mini-novels with more purchases than this book has free readings.
At the same time in the tiny incestuous echo chamber that is the mainstream brony fandom criticism of this book is seen as unthinkable heresy of the highest order. This fic deserves to be taken down a peg. It has been held up as the gold standard "the best pony fanfics can be" for too long.
Fans of this story are still, after more than six years, building incompetent teams of the first amateurs who said yes and claiming to work on Fallout New Vegas mods and/or entirely original Unity games based on Fallout Equestria. And they've seen less progress than the average Pokemon fangame.
Fans of this fic deserve to be shown the flaws of this story AND the lies in their praise.
You can judge the accolades, but the accolades are separate and apart from the story its self. All you would be doing is judging the people who made those claims, not the work its self. As with FoE, a fandom says alot about a work but thats not something that can be constructively criticized; who likes a thing isnt always an easy thing to determine, vs. the target audience (re: MLP).
Attack (judge) the arguments, not the individual(s) whether theyre FoE fans, twilight, MLP, Rick and Morty, or some random obscure asshole who wont leave you alone on a nazi hoerswhispering forum.
>t. random obscure asshole who wont leave you alone on a nazi hoerswhispering forum
Real talk. I dont dislike you. I never have, though Ive postured that way at interval. I want your arguments to be unassailable. You arent wrong about FoE et al, but critical review isnt about what could have happened, its about what did happen. Hypotheticals may be intellectually stimulating but thats a positive exercise (as in, "I posit that the story would be better if these things were done for these reasons") whereas critical analysis is about breaking down the story from a writing-mechanical sense. Positivity is the antithesis of negativity, and while I'll again acknowledge that hypotheses are intellectually stimulating, the point of the thread is to break the story down. If desired it can be re-built with all these criticisms in mind, but thats an exercise for a later date. Oh shit, Im still spoiler texting.
That's not the point though. The point is that tangible citations can be made one way or another about the fans' claims and your claims.
Through research and well constructed prose you can explain your position.
You talk around your points.
>holy order of based crusaders who want to murder their way out of this hell or die trying and end up in heaven.
adding the latter would improve the story by providing a counterpoint to LP's murderhobo antics and asking what the world would be like if everyone could "fight their own wars against the world" like LP. Only Senator Armstrong from MGR asked Raiden that question as far as I'm aware. His goal was to create a world where anyone can fight their own wars, where the strong survive anything and the weak die. Has any other piece of media raised that question in that way? Direcrly challenging the hero and his methods by making the creation of more of him the goal of the villain?

>it's all about LittlePip the shit and stroking the 'awesomeness'
it doesn't do it that well in the first place
>See Finished product would still be marred by the dogshit, but let's clean that up

The references are attempts to explain a principal in literature, games, movies, or even life. However those moments Do have principals deep ones. A whole methodology, mythology, legend, life lesson, story, shared experience, everything. It doesn't always have to be deep, but yugio card that is edgy because story also edgy too robs everyone including you of an opportunity to say more with less.
You know what would be a better comparison, Kirby. Dark Edgy universe, murder hobo, ragtag group of side characters, evil bad guy. Ect ect ect.
Better yet Stigyan (darkness host cuck) and the Nightmare.
Or an in show screencap that talks about (shows or lack of) your topic.

Okay so what can be done is examine the story fans thought they read vs what is actually there.
The things the fandom focuses on and the fan interpretations and what they avoid is telling about what they imagined to be 'reading'.
To do a comparison and analysis. This too is also unfair, but the reasoning can be backed up with fans' logic and stuff.
What it does do it show how much salt is needed when someone highly recommends a work. Positively or Negatively.
This. A study of fans and the reaction to a work is different than the work itself.

>Fans of this fic deserve to be shown the flaws of this story AND the lies in their praise.
But why though?
Anyway, I feel we need to move back to what the thread is suppose to be about. So long as Nigel hypotheticals don't get completely absurd they don't need to be all bad either.
Regardless, what this site needs the least is stricktness with what can and cannot be posted on it.
Been thinking about this story from another angle, the romance.
LP and Homage get together because both are ideologically aligned lesbians. No entertaining dynamics there.
Red Eye's only relationship is with his cyberdog yet he dreams of becoming the alicorn prince of weather and uniting everyone.
Trixie loved only herself. The Goddess didn't act like an unhappy compromise between a neurotic bookworm and an egotistical desperately lonely showmare, it just acted like a bigger Trixie. Her goal was supposedly to get male alicorns and she hoped tbe Black Book of blood and darkness magic could help with that somehow... I think? I forgor
What relationship does this story focus on sometimes?
Calamity and Velvet.
Sometimes they sing. Sometimes they bicker over him sniping rapey colts. Sometimes she goes on myopic moralfag murderboner m'rampages. Sometimes they compliment each other or complain about each other and how these characters see each other doesn't remotely match up with reality.
But this got me thinking
Maybe if Calamity was a proud Enclave soldier for most of this story, assigned to hunt down and kill LP
But at one point his life is saved by Velvet. Maybe twice. And they dont know it.
Early on, could introduce The Calamity, an armoured pegasus badass who never speaks and only focuses on killing
LP flees from him early on and gets to New Appleoosa where the locals tell her his name
LP fights him 2 more times and eventually shoots him down
he goes down and seemingly crashes
then at the next location Velvet heals a nice dying Pegasus called Deadshot who's hiding his Enclave affiliation.
The two bond. Calamity never expected to meet a "fucking filthy ground-pounder" (geddit like pounding sand but also pounding the ground with hooves because you lack wings) who isnt an illiterate barbarian raider or selfish travelling trader/mercenary.
and when he finds out Velvet is on Team LP he is torn.
Next time they fight Calamity takes off his armour. He and LP talk. They have a proper argument over the benefits of a military dictatorship built on the ruins of the wasteland vs a free trade union of the least shit citystates still standing after LP is done murderhoboing.
Eventually Calamity Deadshot decides the best thing he can do is team up with LP and kill General Cunt in charge of the Enclave because he's turned the isolationist technologically advanced micronation of the Pegasus Enclave into a pointlessly evil expansionist military force that's wasting lives which goes against the core principles the Enclave was founded on.

The Pegasus Enclave would also need a better backstory than "all pegasi fucked off and nice ones like RD are so rare they get branded and exiled". Maybe Fluttershy or RD was put in charge of a batallion despite her military incompetence and when a ton got killed the 69th Wing Division decided to occupy an old but self-sustaining military base and call itself a seceeding micronation. Tons of Pegasi fucked off over there because war bad or soldier pay low or super-low taxes or "because griffons made media that said so" or whatever. Depends on the individual. The Pegasi become a soldier revolt intent on fucking off and living alone away from a nation that's lost its way and keeps making war blunders with the lives of drafted soldiers who never wanted to be here and volunteer soldiers sick of their shit supplies and nepotism/cronyism in the govt.

Kkat clearly wanted Pegasi to be rare in the wasteland because superspeed flight makes long distance travel easy but making damn near all of them join the Enclave wasnt the answer.
How fucking hard would it have been to say "because the world is sadder and has less life and friendship its magic has become weaker therefore Pegasi and Unicorns are no longer OP"?
If you're going to make one pegasi pull the Sky Bandit, sure, they are OP and should be rare. But this is a solvable problem.

Anyway I think Calamity and Velvet's overly-easy yet boring bickering-filled romance would be better if Calamity started off a villain but became a hero when the heroes were nice to him because "yay friendship and love bringing warring sides together" or something.

If nothing else, it would improve the pacing if LP avoided random dungeon crawls because "The Calamity is hot on our tail and could start shooting at us any moment".
Ideally Calamity and LP would unite to make a Service Guarantees Citizenship nation because that's awesome and it would be a wild departure from the usual "solve problems with violence for your boss and fuck off or get rewarded handsomely" route Fallout player characters usually take. Teaming up to make the villains less evil then using their army to civilize the wasteland? That's not something traditional heroes do.

Although any story direction could be taken with the building blocks here, I think this configuration of "Calamity as an enemy agent who turns to the side of good" would help flesh out and humanize (ponify, whatever) the Enclave before they become a footnote in Red Eye's schemes.

Although if the heroes stumbled into an Enclave operation involving General Autism it would be a good place to introduce him. Alternatively save time and build him up by making traumatized characters LP encounters rant about the shit they've seen and what evil shit they saw General Autism do.

Perhaps it would improve the story if LP constantly heard "Red Eye is pure evil, he's like a ticking time bomb that could blow up any second' from numerous other characters before meeting the dignified, shockingly mature, driven character he's supposed to be. It would be a shocking moment. Perhaps every scene involving him as a non-villain would have the Hitchcock time bomb effect? It would make this story morally greyer if Red Eye's policy was "criminals and raiders become my slaves because what else are we going to do, make a nice safe prison and feed and clothe them 24/7?" instead of "he is slavery because Ashur was".
Unusual question time

Would it harm the story if every mention of Battle Saddles were removed completely, and the "how do ponies use guns" question was answered with "unicorne have telekinesis in their horns and everyone else makes do with the tactile telekinesis that lets their hooves lift heavy objects and finely manipulate their naturally prehensile tailhairs. Ponies can run and gun with revolvers lifted by their raised tails, hairs around triggers firing at will"?

Battle Saddles seem a bit silly in retrospect. How they work never matters to the story. The heroes aren't special for liking or disliking them. Nobody's overclocking their saddles or struggling to maintain it or upgrade it. No slaves have battle saddles grafted into their bodies to penetrate their bones in a way that permanently makes them weapons of war unable to look at anypony without also aiming their guns at them. Nobody goes out of their way to risk their lives for a sicker cooler battle saddle in a way that says a lot about them as people.

The battle saddle mechanism is an overcomplicated immersion-breakingly silly handwave for a question with simpler answers and far more creative answers.
In a similar vein of questioning, would it harm the story if everything involving magical enchanted stat-boosting statuettes were removed and the Mane Six statuettes were just tragic keepsakes LP feels like collecting rather than invincible stat-raising videogame powerups infused with chunks of Rarity's soul and the copied soul data of her friends? The setup for those items, how they are wedged into the backstories of different poners, how that Brotherhood Of AppleRanger Steel guy wanted to put his soul into a ZAX Crusader Maneframe supercomputer hoping to become immortal and make his computer shell invincible but that never really went anywhere, would this story lose anything valuable if this idea was pruned by a professional editor looking to bring this work's word count to a more normal number?
As much as I detest them (battle saddles), I think they're one of those story concepts you can simply drop in with no explanation and have things function fine. Would they not function at all in a realistic scenario? No, and they absolutely crumble under scrutiny. But as a writing device they're a "Good enough" and so-so solution to the problem of how do ponies use guns. They don't warrant an explanation because the story doesn't go into or need to go into depth about them.

That being said, they DO hold a very strong purpose in the story, and make little sense, so perhaps they may warrant more scrutiny. I think it functions fine enough as a handwave so long as you don't emphasize it or put story focus on it. However, certain mentioned details can make concepts stick out as being extra-retarded. A good example is the specific mention of mouth guns, tongue-triggers, and ponies trying to speak while mouthing a pistol. All these elements lead the reader to thinking about the how's and whys, and that is where it becomes an issue.

Actually this is kind of a mess, because Calamity does similarily retarded shit by flying around and swooping about while firing an anti-material rifle slung under his belly with saddle, so who fucking knows anymore.
That's the problem. A good handwave is used to handwave away a problem with a good-enough explanation. We don't need to know how the health potions work, we just need to know that they do.
How do the health potions work? An alchemist did it.
How does this floating island float? A wizard did it.
It's fine for "How can everyone understand Roranoa Zoro with a sword in his mouth" to be answered with something silly like "because he speaks from his heart" because One Piece is that kind of setting.

If there's a plotline where everyone is getting addicted to a drug and the hero scientist creates an addiction-curing drug we don't need to know how it works but it's nice when the answer is something scientific like "It bonds to neurotransmitters and blocks the addiction craving signals while restoring the usual dopamine balance".
"The ponies can use guns built for human hands using their tails" is a short and sweet handwave.
"The ponies use a mechanical gun mount bolted to a saddle and operate it with mouth triggers and... oh shit I have no idea how it aims or is reloaded. Uhhhh magic. Also I have no idea how they talk with these mouth triggers in tbeir mouths and never thought of that. Oops" seems like bad writing to me.
"Why would ponies design American guns at the same time? Why would they build things ergonomically designed for appendages they lack? Also Fallout is alt-history america with weird guns but AJ just invented them all in a few years for no reason" is a plot hole
It could be answered with something like "Daring Do saw some ancient ponegyptian heiroglyphics about a human with a gun being summoned to save ancient egyptian poners from giant monsters and sent home so she wrote a book about meeting a human with a gun and this gave AJ the idea for a gun upon accidentally discovering a brilliant gunpowder recipe. Twilight tried designing a smarter gun ergonomically designed for horse hooves but they didnt catch on because everyone wanted le cool human revolvers and shotguns as seen in Daring Do"

a handwave can even be something retarded. "AJ's company made a shitton of money making stupid guns and the atupid battle saddles necessary to operate them and she owned a legal copyright on the concept of guns forever so making ergonomic guns for horse hooves seemed like a waste and all guns literally came from her factories or black market bootleggers with cheap chinese zigger knockoffs"

Also I'm the same british guy I just moved.
>"The ponies can use guns built for human hands using their tails" is a short and sweet handwave.
Not, really. It's seems like they're both equivalent to me. How does it make more sense that they hold a human gun with their tail and then somehow firethat thing, by what? Whipping it in the air in the direction they want to shoot. Sorry, but both seem ridiculous.
>"Why would ponies design American guns at the same time? Why would they build things ergonomically designed for appendages they lack? Also Fallout is alt-history america with weird guns but AJ just invented them all in a few years for no reason" is a plot hole
I..? Yeah, but it would have worked if they used their tails?
>Daring Doo guns
That could be a fine answer yes, but again, so could a billion other answers but I do suppose that this provews kkat doesn't have excuses.
>Also I'm the same british guy I just moved.
Well, I'm flummoxed.
I don't think I've explained it well so far. (also I am that british guy again)
A glock is built for human hands ergonomically.
If ponies invented their own guns it would make no sense for them to build their guns like that unless they had some way to mimic the human hand.
Sure, Unicorns can use glocks telekinetically.
But Pegasi and Earth Ponies?
Maybe Pegasi can fly to free up their forehooves and aim/shoot guns like that.
But Earth Ponies?
Either say their tails can lift and aim the guns and pull the triggers and reload their guns just fine, or you have to write a lot about the mechanisms and operation of "Battle Saddles" before the audience can understand how they work and follow fight scenes where they are used.
Kkat thought he was clever when he designed a saddle with metal bars that hold guns up and a mouth trigger to bite on.
And then he ran into questions (how does the horse reload? How does the horse aim?) he couldn't answer with such a convoluted system. So he decided the battle saddles should be enchanted to make them less retarded. Now the battle saddles can autoaim and teleport ammo from your backpack into the weapon.
Nobody acts like they have auto-reloading auto-aiming guns because that would make them far deadlier than enemy Fallout 3 NPCs with pool cues and handguns and rebar clubs and shotguns.
If you're going to answer a challenging mechanical question with "uhhh magic" anyway, why bother with any part of the mechanical solution?
Why use battle saddles enchanted to autoaim and autoreload the guns they mechanically hold while a mouthpiece squeezes the trigger when bitten?
A battle saddle enchanted to also magically lift and aim the guns without any metal gun mounts would require less metal, less crafting time, it would be easier to repair and maintain, and if the battle saddles were enchanted to squeeze the trigger when the wearer wanted, the silly mouth trigger wouldn't be necessary.
At this point the "battle saddle" is basically just a necklace that lets whoever wear it use unicorn telekinesis on their own guns. But not on rocks or the guns of others for some reason. Maybe Twilight designed it that way because she didn't want to make Unicorns less special. Or didn't want a Zebra stealing one and becoming a gun-stealing god of telekinetic death before eventually being put down.
Magic can do anything. That's why relying on it to solve mechanical problems is cheating. Still there are times when "because magic" is the fastest and most elegant solution to make your story happen the way you want to tell it.
But half-assing a clunky and inconvenient and uncreative mechanical solution and then wallpapering over every challenge it faces with "I don't have to think about that question because the answer is magic"?
That stops Kkat from revising his battle saddle and thinking of interesting solutions to the reloading problem like "the guns are designed to make reloading easy for hooves" or "the guns are always belt-fed from large internal ammo drums".
There is beauty in simplicity.
In short answers that do a lot of problem-solving and convey a lot of vital information in as few words as possible before letting the story get on with the plot now that the audience is caught up enough to know things necessary to understand the story. Things like "raiders bad, heroes good, nobody farms because radiation and cloud covering, Enclave bad and they made the cloud covering, Red Eye's goal is to become an edgy red and black cyborg male alicorn OC".
You've seen at least one gun ergonomically designed for horse mouths, right? Creative fans willing to reimagine the Fallout guns for ponies to let "Fallout with ponies" firefights happen ended up with more unique and interesting guns. Littlepip's Little Macintosh is just a scoped handgun with a cutie mark. But it would be more unique and iconic if it was designed for tactical horse operation.
Kkat didn't feel like reinventing the guns to suit the setting even though that would have been more creative and original. He just wanted to shove iconic Fallout guns into ponyland after making it like the Fallout wasteland but uglier.
Kkat wanted his characters to run and gun despite being horses...
And instead of designing guns a horse could invent and use or designing a way for horses to use guns meant for human hands like wearable magically-moving fake arms of wood or steel with interesting extra bonus enchantments on the rarest and most expensive best arms...
or a tail with hairs so naturally manipulatable Milia Rage is seething with envy as she reads this and Flank Worship And Tail Jobs General...
This unhappy compromise between "shut up magic lol now lets get back to the story" and "allow me to grind this story to a fucking halt as I infodump at you about the machine I designed to help horses carry glocks even though it adds nothing to the story and doesn't go anywhere interesting or enhance the fight scenes or help tell a vital part of the story I want to tell" was the best he could think of at the time and he never felt like improving upon it.
We actually talked about this in the first part in this review series and no, prosthetic limbs with hands attached to ponies somehow is just plain stupid looking. I'm autistic enough as is. Next, you'll tell me that they should have plates just below their neckand when a button is pushed a pair of red boxing gloves shoots out by power of springs.

While I appriciate the effort posting, your explaination didn't add any information I already didn't know. I will just stand by my former point and say that both are handwaves that are equivalently illogical or at least both are illogical enough for me not to care which is the most unreasonable.
I suppose it's intresting to wonder why Kkat start with something mechanical like a battle saddle but then settled before deciding on how such a thing should function in world with ponies.
It's still one thing to say that the battle saddle is illogical and another to say that a better illogical solution would have been better. Like why? Why would it be better if ponies used their tails to fire guns rather than battle saddles?
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The author wants the FIM ponies to fire recognizable Fallout guns.

He could have just let the ponies use their tails to fire guns. Quick and simple. "the horses use their prehensile tailhairs to aim and fire guns".

But instead he wasted a lot of time talking about battle saddles. A mouth trigger is autistic as fuck. A saddle with metal mounts for guns is autistic as fuck. It can't even reload or aim without the use of do-anything magic handwaves.

But if you're going to rely on the handwave we call "magic" why bother introducing battle saddles in the first place instead of letting magic horses use their tails to manipulate precise tools like lockpicks and guns?

We are expected to believe 200 years after the bombs fell damn near every Earth Pony and Pegasus in the Wasteland is firing their assorted weapons with the aid of Battle Saddles in absolutely perfect condition. No gun jams. No mouth trigger degradation. No glitches in the magical autoaim system. No friendly fire. The enchantment that teleports ammo from your saddlebags to your gun never fuck up and load the wrong ammo, resulting in your shotguns firing buckshot when you wanted slugs or blowing themselves up by teleporting a missile inside your shotguns and triggering it.

"Enchanted wearable arm necklaces" are quick and easy to explain.
"pony tails are prehensile enough to fire and reload guns" is quick and easy to explain. It lets you spend one sentence describing a horse tail lifting and firing a gun before reloading, and boom. All horses can do that. LP could remark "I didn't know we could do that" only to be told "most unicorns never bother using their hooves or tail for anything their horn can do. But an Earth Pony named Applejack invented guns specifically for Earth Pony tails, and she started with revolvers because those are the easiest things for a beginner to fire and reload".
"The horse guns were built for horse hooves/horse mouths" would require an explanation for how each gun is designed to be operated by horse mouths or hooves.
"The Battle Saddles(tm) let ponies use whatever human guns they want"... this requires an explanation of this device and because it is the only canon way for non-unicorn ponies to use guns it means functional Battle Saddles in the post apocalypse literally have to be more common than canned food. This is a larger stretch than anything else I just said. This stupid fucking contraption lacks any obvious way to aim the guns without relying on the user to physically lift and rotate his body so that at least one gun will be trained upon the target even if that means balancing on one leg and sticking much of his body out of cover.

For the ponies to invent arm necklaces they first need to know what human or humanoid arms and hands look like and then design accordingly. And that isn't much of a stretch compared to the battle saddles and their fixed mechanical limbs.
Monkeys canonically exist in FIM and ancient heiroglyphics could always depict long-dead humans with firearms to provide the inspiration. The result? Horses that can flip you off. Perform other hand gestures. Perform military tactical hand gestures. Pet other poners. Masturbate. Write. Punch. Shoot guns and swing weapons and lockpick. Speak sign language. Build shit. And do so much more. The wearable set of arms... Such a revolutionary device would be loved by disabled and abled ponies. It would be entirely reasonable for many of these things to survive 200 years after the nukes fell. There could even be rarer enchanted arms that do bonus things like shoot laserbeams from the fingertips or blast fiery tornadoes out of the palm. Introducing these arm necklaces let ponies do all sorts of things with their hands that ponies couldn't do in most stories. Some characters could even give themselves multiple arms.

But Battle Saddles are stupid and cumbersome awkward devices that are difficult to maintain and aim and utilize. They are the dumbest shit possible. And they are only useful for shooting. Why would these be so omnipresent 200 years after the bombs drop?

I would sooner respect the retarded blind tanks in Fallout 4 that lack windows for the driver and lack Drive Sprockets necessary for making the tank treads turn which is necessary for making the tank move. Please, watch this https://youtu.be/_fspez15Pkk so you will know I am not kidding. This stupid fucking tank sucks gay nigger dicks in hell. There are obvious design flaws but a lazy creator could handwave those away with "do-anything sci-fi future tech solves all issues I can't be bothered to solve". That would not make this a good tank. Time was spent designing the tank. Time was spent making it look "unique". Just like with the battle saddles. They were not necessary and better options were available. But laziness resulted in design flaws like "battle saddles cannot reload or aim" and they were handwaved away with "magic".

But if you are going to reject the challenge to create a purely mechanical solution to the "poner hoofs cant shot gunz" problem why bother half-assing it when you could just say "their tails can use guns, each hair is like a trained snake"
or "hoof telekinesis means they can pick up guns and pull their triggers and spin their chambers without needing to touch them. Tactile telekinesis bitch! If an earth pony touched a piano his telekinetic field could hit whatever notes he wanted without moving a muscle".

Kkat wanted to be praised for his mechanical solution even though it had so many holes he could only think to patch them with magic
Every stupidfucking Fallout Equestria fic is forced to include these stupidfucking things
There are simpler answers to the "how do pony shot gun?" question like "with their tails"
and more interesting answers like "with wooden or plastic or steel prosthetic arms attached at the shoulders to necklaces ponies can wear to control those arms"
Battle Saddles are a worse solution for "hoof no fit in revolver cant shoot" than a lazy option
So they=gay
Use of tails as a usable limb is played for gags/convenience in the show. Just like magic the point isn't the functionality it's a setpiece for moral story telling.
The battle saddle is an attempt (a poor one mind you) to merge the aesthetic of Fallout (kkat's thoughts about the franchise) to force MLP FiM into filling those shoes. Without changing everything (which kkat did anyway).
Is a set piece to be the manifestation of an icon and symbol. As an actual tank, yes it's crap. The problem is that it's all about aesthetics. It's not a practical problem, because the stories don't deal with practical problems only philosophical conundrums with practical set pieces.
In that case the practical is akin to magic or tail usage or Pinkie doing Pinkie stuff or Twilight burning in white fire for a moment or Starlight Glimmer doing a thing or Discord or the Tree of Harmony or Flurry Heart or any number of competent ponies/creatures/things.
MLP FiM does a down to earth practical step by step consideration to assist in friendshiping good, because it's messy and real.
Fallout as said earlier is an exploration of ideals, dreams, and stereotypes combined in a way to explore them in such a combined setup.
Neither are overly mired with being sidetracked with said practical practicalness, it's about the story and the characters.
Kkat doesn't have characters nor does he have a complete story.
It's a piece of work that has the illusions of being something by the merits of what it takes things from.
I've said this multiple times it pulls from the reader to make itself 'more complete'.
When it uses Kkat logic there is no warning it's either solution or problem. Resolving 'off-screen' meaning YOU have to fill in the gaps between A and B. A Kkat logic barges in and breaks that suspension with something stupid.
Fortunately both franchisees deal with problems and questions and situations pertaining to not physical concerns. As such Kkat has his solution violance, but done poorly. That's the solution everytime the question is who will the violence be enacted upon usually that's the audience and then a character or two.
The battle saddle for what it could do is not limited to just violence, but it is.
This isn't about how things work or about solutions that make sense or even about moral positions.
It tries signaling that it's either, but at the core this is a story about Kkat (and a few others that polished the shit).

The story is definitely for someone and if you fill in the blanks it's alot more enjoyable and skip over a few works/sentences/paragraphs/ect.
Fo:E is about appearances not any substance only appearances. Top to bottom inside and out its about appearances and if you see depth that's because you (or any audience member) put it there.
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I understand that fictional weapons and vehicles don't have to be perfectly optimized before we can take them seriously. Zeppelins can be a big deal in settings where nobody's invented RPGs yet or energy shield tech (or its magic equivalent) has rendered zeppelins invincible.
When you really want giant robots or swordfighting in your modern or scifi setting it can be necessary to handwave away problems with these things. Mechs can be lighter and tougher and faster than they should be because of magic or some impossible alloy. Swordfighters can see the future and deflect bullets and lasers and slice through anything with their laser swords. For this BS to make sense on the battlefield it has to be as good as a tank or better.
Tanks can look cool by having too many small guns even though one big gun with more ammo is better for tanks. But just as the tank in that video lacks any way to propel itself or see the outside world because the artists never thought of that (or did but some colleague or boss fucked the tank up) the battle saddles lack any way to aim or reload.
If a pony can aim and fire her gun with her tail she can reload it too. But a battle saddle? If her hooves and tail can't reach the guns held out by the metal bars of her saddle, how is she supposed to reload it?
Battle Saddles could have used a mechanism for reloading similar to the Walker Gears from MGSV. Mechanical arms for guns plus ammo storage mechanisms.
But giving the pony mechanical drone arms connected wirelessly to your PipBuck or magically animated metal arms would have been too smart for Kkat.
So instead we get this bullshit. Instant ammo teleportation from the saddlebags, except for no apparent reason this doesn't turn all firearms into ultra-speed rapid-fire full-auto things.
I think duct taping exercise bars to the hips of an upright man and then taping glocks to them and building a mouth trigger for him to bite down on would be almost as absurd as these battle saddles. It would still be too stupid to do, just like battle saddles.
The thought of the battle saddles getting undue praise sickens me. Whenever I'm working on my game or pony fanfic and start doubting myself, I think of this story and its unearned success just because it shamelessly pandered to the right consoomers. That pisses me off and motivates me.
What argument can there possibly be against replacing battle saddles with mechanical or magical arms? They would allow for more interesting fights where characters aim and fire from behind cover without needing to be Unicorns.
It's not like giving the ponies human arm substitutes will make this story feel less like FIM and more like Fallout. FIM was never important to this story at all, aside from the "fim but edgy" aesthetics.
This is already a story about violent asshole OCs killing NPCs all over the place for fun and loot in a mishmash of Fallout 1-NV elements we're told used to be Equestria. The horses already shoot their guns like humans because Kkat put no thought into how the positives and limitations of the quadruped equine body plan plus magic and guns and battle saddles would significantly reshape battles.
FE OCs don't fight like awkward horses doing their best with clunky graceless gun mounts. They don't fight like super-fast horses trading perfectly-aimed shots from their autoaim rapid-fire instantly-reloading bullshit machines. They fight like gun-toting action movie humans with varying degrees of plot armour, some of whom have telekinesis or flight or both plus magic shields, because Kkat decided "because magic" should make all battle saddles into autoaiming god machines that make ponies as good at fighting as humans and no better.
If you're just going to make nonhumans move and act and fight and talk and think like humans, why bother making them ponies in the first place?
If you need your ponies to hold guns, why not give them unique equine ways to hold guns like prehensile tailhairs or localized psychic fields around the hooves, or just give them prosthetic arms? It's a simpler and more elegant solution that means fewer words spent on how the ponies shoot their guns so you can get back to the words where they shoot their guns.

Is Glim enjoying his vacation? I miss him. I wonder what he thinks of battle saddles.

I was also thinking about the memory orbs and terminal entries...
Kkat loves to drop these sometimes-unfinished short stories in at random even when they have nothing to do with anything going on now thematically or directly. He likes using them for exposition on background details too.

If Kkat promised himself he'd keep all memory orb scenes in optional bonus chapters and simply have characters who use them quickly summarise what they saw and learned for them, it would help this story's pacing and infodump rate.
Kkat would be forced to write in a way that ensures everyone can understand the story even if they skim or skip memory orb scenes.
Kkat finds a diary, her eyes zoom across the screen, now she knows the computer terminal password. Bonus chapter covers what she read in that diary. Or all of it.
Can do the same with LP activating a memory orb. Her eyes go blank for a while, then she recovers and blurts out what she just personally learned or thinks of what she saw.
Plus Kkat could do longer bonus chapters without having to worry about his target audience getting bored after a few thousand Littlepip-free words. Instead of juggling the present and past in this awkward "I found six memory orbs and watched them at inappropriate times before returning to the middle of a fight" way be could save the past for bonus chapters and restrict what LP learns from viewing them to the present.
He could even write bonus chapters where books and terminal entries and other information sources LP finds are printed in full outside of chapters that had their pacing damaged by the sudden introduction of new throwaway side characters and their bullshit stories.
It's not even being feasible for even logical it's about what it represents.
Because it's not about how it actually functions its the story element represented. Both should be valid and combined, but this is Kkat.
>If you're just going to make nonhumans move and act and fight and talk and think like humans, why bother making them ponies in the first place?
So you tap into the fictional market.
>I think duct taping exercise bars to the hips of an upright man and then taping glocks to them and building a mouth trigger for him to bite down on would be almost as absurd as these battle saddles. It would still be too stupid to do, just like battle saddles.
Because if it was the point of being actually viable... such things would matter.
At that point being a battle saddle pony would make LittlePip valid. But again that's not the point.
>He likes using them for exposition on background details too.
Yeah all his story elements are lacking.
>Kkat wanted to be praised for his mechanical solution
Again, like your last theory about Kkat specifically designing something, I think you're giving them too much credit or reading too far into things. The full extent of Kkat's thoughts on battle saddles probably amount to "Hmm how do ponies use guns? Idk i guess they'd be mounted on their side". At no point have I gotten the impression that they wave around this concept as some kind of insurmountable technical achievement. It's more than likely just something they thought of and moved on.

Tail guns sound way dumber than battle saddles to me. Battle saddles are a way easier to accept solution, though imperfect. It even sounds pony-like, on the surface: Horses mounting guns on saddles, an item built for and used on horses throughout history. However it all breaks down when you actually look at it deep enough, but again it's a quick and simple solution that you can then move on with the actual important story.
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This is an excerpt from an essay I just wrote which I'll paraphrase here:
>Those pics on mgs and dmc are not related. This is not hard.
>This is proof that you do not change and this time I really understood that you won't.
>I suppose you don't think that these unwritten rules that us, your peers, keep refering to are worht a damn and sure we don't have any authority and could just be talking out our asses but please tell us so in that case so we don't go around with the impression that yo're trying to change according to these rules.
>My criticism of you doesn't come from a place of ill will but from a place of good will, since I do think you do make insightful and clever posts at times.
>While it's true that one shouldn't be so insecure that you never post due to that you doubt it won't be good enough it also true that one should force oneself to post as a means to increase activity, like you do with this thread. It's fine. More activity doesn't equal higher quality. Case in point, these battles saddles posts of yours, which I would deem more trivial than nitpicks.
>I promise myself I won't explaining my criticism in a extensive manner to you anymore since it doesn't go through to you anyway and I'm just wasting my time.
>If you continue to be a spazz(which you obviously will), then I don't know. Maybe I'll start calling you names or something.

I couldn't bring myself to post it in it's entirety for some reason.

>Is Glim enjoying his vacation? I miss him. I wonder what he thinks of battle saddles.
He probably still agrees with the sentiment that putting prothetic arms on ponies is goofy like he did in the very begining of the first thread in this review series.

That's because it is. You keep repeating the same argument that they are a more elegant solution. You know what would have been a more elegant solution something that wasn't also a handwave.

Why would prothetic arms be a better solution than batle saddles? I guess it could be, but not by much. You talk about how battle saddles logistically don't make sense like, "How they have to reload through magic," and shit. But like, I'm reminded of, "What came first: The chicken or the egg?"

Ponies needs these arms to manipulate small devices because their hooves and mouth don't cut it, therefore they build them? How did they build these intricate robo arms in the first place?That seems way more difficult than for them to hold a gun. Was it the unicorns that did it for them? Aren't we back at square one with the whole magic solves everything and the other races must rely on unicorns for everything?

And while I'd enjoy reading a fic where ponies thrust and shake their hips just above cover as Deagles are whipped by their tails back and forth while the gun muzzles flash and go, "BAM! BAM! BAM!" it's again both asthetically silly and logically nonsensical.
>it also true that one should force oneself to post as a means to increase activity
Maybe I should just ignore all this. Idk anymore. I tired of talking about this and that's why I promise I won't go too deeply into this. I guess if you post a bunch of trash post in thread that doesn't really destory the thread either. They can just be ignore.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. I really can't tell at this point.
But the horse gun saddles aren't used like horse gun saddles. They magically autoaim but not like a cheating aimbot-using Tf2 player, because that would cause the ponies to fight better than Fallout NPCs which harms the story's ability to rip Fallout off. they autoaim exactly like a human would normally aim. Nothing positive is added to the story by the battle saddles, yet it stretches the suspension of disbelief for all these battle saddles to still operate perfectly 200 years after a goddamn apocalypse. There are probably more battle saddles in the Edgequestrian Wasteland than there are male ponies. In a world with such common Battle Saddles why wouldn't PipBucks be even more common?

If ponies used guns with their tails, how they fire could depend on who they are. How strong and fast and smart they are. Whether they fight with endless aggression or methodical caution. Whether they prefer covering fire to make fights safer or running into melee with a shovel to conserve ammo. But when everyone uses battle saddles everyone fights the same because machines are doing all the work and aiming for them. That's why this story relies on giving enemies silly powers and awful strategies it's the only way to make enemies that deal damage but can't kill the heroes or meaningfully wound them. Remember those Alicorns that held water back until the heroes got close and then teleported away? You know instead of doing something smart like opening fire on the heroes with miniguns while using shield magic to keep foes still and cut off their escape.routes... Something smart magic beings in a hive mind could actually do...

Come to think of it, Twilight is supposedly a part of The Goddess along with two twin OCs, even though Goddess is just ugly Trixie and she has a Corrupted Twilight flying around doing nothing now. But a big black book of evil magic is Trixie's best hope for turning Alicorn chicks into dudes/futas for the sake of alicorn repopulation, rather than Twilight and her encyclopedic magical knowledge? This seems silly. Perhaps if The Goddess actually acted like a confused mix of Trixie and Twilight struggling to manipulate the world around themselves to get an edge over the other and LP was sent into Canterlot for a brain-hacking device, LP could use it to jump into The Goddess and purge Trixie from Goddess so Twilight and her OC twin subordinates can take things from there. Or perhaps save Twilight from The Goddess, pulling her out of there as a tulpa now in LP's head to boost her magical power and justifiable plot importance. That would be a more creative way to work pony elements into the Fallout universe.

Right now Fallout Equestria feels like a fucking stage play. The Master is played by Trixie and the role of the obligatory wise d mentor is played by Spike and the mane six are arbitrarily handed roles in fucking everything up for the future but none of this organically feels like anything these ponies would ever dream of doing outside of stupid outdated fandom memes where Pinkie is a crackhead and Fluttershy is a tree and AJ loves her guns almost as much as she loves inbreeding.

Anckent fandom memes like "20% cooler" and "hahaha fluttershy wants to be a tree ahahaha" might only be about a decade old but I'd sooner laugh at a twenty year old meme like "Judgement Nut" or a thirty year old meme like "So long gay bowser".
The pics were examples of outdated shit memes in other fandoms. Seemed fitting for the story that unironically did Fluttertree. Sorry.

The Earth Ponies invented gunpowder and coal and kickstarted the industrial revolution. But for some reason they designed guns that only human hands can use. And then built awkward metal contraptions to help them hold and fire these guns... and then begged unicorns to enchant them to autoreload and autoaim.

I want to give Kkat the benefit of the doubt and say he tried to avert the usual "Unicorn master race" thing. Red Eye and his all-Earth Pony stable invented cyborg upgrades for people and dogs after all.

But then Kkat gave Unicorns better achievements, like inventing better Super Mutants(alicorns) and supercomputers that can simulate brain-copies of someone forever or get the soul of someone shoved within it to make the computer invincible and possessed by that guy's soul.

And the guns thing kind of falls apart once unicorns are needed to make the battle saddles work anyway.

It's just ergonomically retarded for horses to design guns for human hands instead of horse limbs. How hard can it be to design a mechanism strapped to a horse limb with velcro that, when the wrist is flicked in a certain way not normally done when galloping, will fire the gun? Sitting down behind cover to reload with both hands wouldn't be that hard. Or you could flick your wrist another way to make the ammo clip eject and fall out of the gun only to slam your gun down on another ammo clip held in place by your bulletproof vest. Rapid tactical one-armed reloads by a horse.

Purely mechanical AI arms that read the wearer's brainwaves or stab themselves into the shoulder joint to read nerve signal data would let ponies have arms and fire guns and build more precise things without needing any unicorn help. Though unicorns able to magically reshape any material would be immensely helpful in any factory.

Magically animated mannequin arms on a magic necklace would be a purely unicorn and lower-tech solution, both of which still allow a reason for ponies to fire guns without needing to rely on prehensile tails.

Prehensile tailhairs would be the simplest way to let ponies use guns built for human hands if you don't want to use that "just strap guns to horse hooves that fire with one wrist flick and eject their ammo clip or drum with another flick" system.

If you've seen Pinkie Pie pick things up with her tail or Millia Rage from Guilty Gear reshape her hairs into weapons or Tangle The Lemur from the Sonic IDW comics pick things up with her tail you know what I'm talking about. It would be silly if pony hair acted like human hair and required ass shaking, but if pony hair could move freely like countless octopus arms it wouldn't be any sillier than a horse flying fast enough to break the sound barrier with impossibly tiny wings.

All of these options are less cumbersome and time-consuming to write about than Battle Saddles, which are so omnipresent and all-consuming that they rob individual gunfighters of their personality and individual capability.

This isn't even used for a symbolic intentional bit! Imagine if LP called it symbolic that all these horses have to use mechanical tools before they can handle guns they were never meant to use. Every gunfighter relies on their simplified, rationalized machinery to kill with the same precision and speed as everyone else. Individuality and equinity dies as the Battle Saddles effectively make mechanically assisted predators out of all ponies in this world, the act of biting down upon a mouth trigger symbolically referencing the act of a wolf biting down on the neck of helpless prey. If this story WANTED battle saddles to be symbolically retarded to make a statement it would be good writing. But the author doesn't seem to find anything wrong with these half-handwaved half-TMI shit machines.

This may be a retarded nitpick.

I might be running out of shit to talk about regarding FE.

But an easier and faster option results in less headaches and suspension-of-disbelief-straining than omnipresent clunky identical battle saddles somehow more resistant to the ravages of time than Equestria, its ideals, and the equine spirit itself.
>The pics were examples of outdated shit memes in other fandoms. Seemed fitting for the story that unironically did Fluttertree. Sorry.
Well, I don't feel bad about what I say if that's the case because honestly, how was I suppose to know that? I'm pretty sure you didn't even mention Fluttertree in that post so it wasn't really related to it but I guess it was to the thread overall. It's fine I guess.
But holy shit. This is the kind of thing you put a detective on. Even if I was involved in these fandoms, which I'm not and even if I knew about the fact that they were outdated, it would still be unlikely for me to piece together that you were refering to Fluttertree.

>Battle Saddles.
<If you've seen Pinkie Pie pick things up with her tail
Yeah, sure I get how you imagine it now. Still don't like it aesthetically. Instead they will basically all have scorpion tails, it's also that that was kinda Pinkie Pie'sthing because she's Pinkie. I suppose other ponies could do it as well but still.

So here I'm still voting for battle saddles or well neither I guess.

But you make a point later that since these battle saddles are machinary they remove the skill involved with using firearms, like aiming. That is a good point. If there is no skill in how you aim with these battle saddles, then a it would be preferable if the ponies used their tails.

>I might be running out of shit to talk about regarding FE.
That's fine. I lost instrest in this fic forever ago. I'm just lurking for GG and the folks here. This fic is a slog. Your Silver Star story back in the day was way better because at least things fucking happened in that story.

This whole story is a just a blur to me. I don't really recall much but specific events but even of those I don't remember in which order they came.
this story is terrible so don't beat yourself up for not remembering stuff. I've been writing notes with a text document, writing down everything that happens and colouring text differently if it never mattered again ever or only ever "mattered" once or twice more in the sense that characters mentioned it once or twice again.
The author has no idea what to emphasize and what to skim. Just a barrel of bad ideas to chew up and vomit back at us.
What even happened to that old BOS AJ Ranger fag who wanted to possess a computer or something? If Spike was the one kept alive via Crusader Maneframe for getting Dragon AIDS it would explain why he hacks spritebots and give him an excuse to never leave his cave. "I want to defend the Red Herring GOE" is stupid. By making Spike already inside the machine Kkat gets to explain how soul-jar ZAX Crusader Maneframes work without having to introduce the BOS of AJ Rangers or write them giving LP the "carry the old man somewhere" quest.

Remember the rock-breaking prison arc? A total clusterfuck. Diamond Tiara ran a prison and poners spontaneously became evil cunts once shit hit the fan. Villains were... sort of fighting, I think? Someone turned out to be a giant dragon whose existence would be impossible to hide and LP killed it. I think memory orbs were offered as a reward only for that to be changed after the deed was done?

And it's all easily revised into "This was a gem mining camp but they found a sleeping underground dragon and covered it up and stopped mining and sold the land. Then it was used for a penal labor camp for war criminal soldiers but they escaped when the bombs fell and the prison guards fled or died. Now this place is used by Red Eye as a training ground for penal labour, this is where new slaves are sent to be "broken" and trained to obey. But the boss in charge of here, a unicorn named Mr Big, discovered the dragon and wants to awaken it and magically make a Soul Jar of it to possess it and make it invincible and become the biggest baddest king of the wasteland. Talon Company are there providing defense but one Talon was killed by Mr Big for uncovering the truth, this pissed Gawd off and made her want to rebel against Red Eye. LP stumbles into the area blindly and Velvet is captured as a hostage by the Talons to force Calamity and LP to try and assassinate Mr Big with stealth. Gawd expects them to fail and they do because the goal is to get herself close enough to kill Mr Big. She does, the end, Gawd takes over the prison camp and is about to release Velvet when Red Eye says "Thank you for killing that traitorous pawn I always knew about. Gawd, LP, I invite you two to my sick mansion to talk further".

Now LP gets to visit Red Eye without all that "The BOS of AJ Rangers help LP sneak into Red Eye's lands disguised as a slave unarmed and naked except for her PipBuck and she does sidequests for him until she decides to rebel and eventually get to talk to him anyway" bullshit.

Red Eye sends Gawd to Tenpony Tower with an alliance request, her focused personality means no spa day sidetracking bullshit or lesbian degeneracy or retarded Monterry Jack misadventures.
Red Eye also convinces LP to help Red Eye kill Goddess by taking Xenith with a Nuke Timebomb to the Goddess tomorrow while LP's memory of the plan is erased so Goddess can't read it. Xenith tells a memoryless LP "just go to the Goddess or the bomb Red Eye put in your cunt explodes" then vanishes because StealthCloak. LP provides the distraction and Xenith does her thing.
Everything goes as planned and now Red Eye's in charge of the only remaining Alicorns because HE decided to blame the Enclave. War breaks out, he also cyberized and soul-jar'd that Dragon from earlier everyone forgot about. The invincible mind controlled dragon is his and the Soul Jar invincibility now matters to the plot without any need for Pony Statuettes or a Black Book in Canterlot. It no longer comes out of nowhere.
Now it is actually foreshadowed and LP does not have a retarded "kills a giant dragon then struggles to deal with pony raiders" scene. Skip Zebratown, skip Red Eye's Thunderdome and Fluttershy's Thunderdome, skip Arbu, skip fucking everything until we get to where we are now with Red Eye's alicorn weather plan and Colonel Autism the Literal Who in the same room as actual characters like Red Eye and LP.
Giving Autumn plot relevance before he shows up here would mean making up new shit and this story needs less shit since so much of it is meaningless tedious filler.
Hmm... maybe Autumn could be the voice of Enclave Radio which is constantly calling LP a faggot and reinterpreting her actions to make her sound like a wimpy stupid selfish murderous bleeding-heart anarchotyrannist twat?
If Autumn also talked about good shit the Enclave did on the other side of the continent it would help make the Enclave more of a credible threat and alternate possibly-good viewpoint for where the future of Equestria should be taken. Could even give Calamity and Velvet some more development by making them yell at the radio together. Or yell at each other when they disagree about what True Enclavist Radio has to say.

Come to think of it while I'm changing shit I'd personally prefer Tenpony Tower to be the "Capitalism good, free markets based, radio musician earns her keep" location instead of the "hurr durr capitalism and rich people bad, laws stupid, non citizens lack rights and their words mean nothing, these rich cunts trade away overpriced luxuries and 200 year old canned meat disguised as small-portioned fancy cooking to gain money it spends on 200 year old canned meat, secret society appointed the radiowhore of Supreme Surveillance Tower and she didn't have to earn the right to shittalk the tower's in-name-only mayor or replay the same 4 songs or shittalk the rest of the wasteland too". But my personal preference isn't a valid reason to change that. "my AnCap Tenpony is more realistic" would probably be tho.
Is it right for me to say "This could be cut" and "This should be cut" and "the story would flow better if LP avoided that town entirely since nothing important happened there and the end of chapter 6 could be half the length and neatly flow into the start of chapter 14 if all filler was removed"?
On one hoof it seems reductive and mean to say "Fallout Equestria would be better if there was less of it".
But on the other hoof this story is over 620k words, most of which is first-draft stream-of-consciousness drivel and bad ideas never thought through and vapid nonsense that never matters to the character or plot or themes.
If you read at 200 words per minute like an average person (wtf thats so slow) that's 3100 minutes. Or 51.66666 (repeating of course leeroy jenkins) hours.
Watching all 222 MLPFIM episodes (22 minutes each) back to back would take 4884 minutes or 81 hours.
All good LOTR movies extended? Over 600 minutes, 11-12 hours total.
That's still an extreme time investment and Glim deserves a goddamn medal for leading us through this. If he wanted someone else to take over the next book club session or story or choose a good book to work through together instead of Harry Potter 1 or an overhyped fanfic I'd understand completely. This is more than I'd ever have the patience for. Over 50 hours... Holy shit, that's too much. We all deserve a goddamn medal each, and Glim deserves more than one. This story is held on a pedestal by a fandom of pseudointellectual tweenagers full of edge and confusion signifying nothing.
The only thing harder to do than getting through Fallout Equestria is saying something positive about it.
Besides "Kkat is HIV positive".
>But the horse gun saddles aren't used like horse gun saddles

That wasn't my point. My point was that saddles are a longstanding piece of horse equipment, so the average person would probably accept "horses use this key component of horse equipment integrated into their weaponry" and not think twice about it. I know how retarded these devices are in actuality, I was just offering an idea of how this concept would probably be taken by the average person.
>muh anime drama
literally no one cares, also, this is a pony website which is from an anime website.
Yeah, saddles are a longstanding piece of horse equipment and guns built for human hands aren't. I understand why Kkat thought "just strap guns to the saddles and add a biteable mouth trigger and- oh fuck now they cant reach or reload or aim their guns. Durrr magic solves those problems I swear" was the best option available.
I still think it was gay.
Making tails into prehensile hair masses would let ponies manipulate all sorts of tools including guns made for human hands without needing mechanical or magical enhancements of any kind. Giving them hands via magical or mechanical means would also require less magic.
Sure you'd need magic in a factory that makes wearable wooden prosthetic arms. But after that it's all mechanical.
meanwhile the autoaim and autoreload enchantments should be turning bolt-action snipers into instantly-reloading cheat guns. But of course, the existence of Battle Saddles and their magical reality-warping capability didn't influence the shape and style and function and evolutionary path of guns in Equestria at all. Because why would 200 to 350 pound horses in heavy armour and sometimes even power armour carrying over 80 pounds of guns and ammo each collectively decide all-piercing big guns are better than tiny handguns that barely dent a radscorpion's hide?

Ever read The Martian? It would be a very dull book if the hero wore a Space Saddle that magically met all his bodily needs.
>I want some okay stuff. --GG I'm paraphrasing.
This is my recommendation.
It's short too.
I recommend this fic with awesome flying pony combat https://www.fimfiction.net/story/24736/ace-combat-the-equestrian-war

You don't have to know anything about the Ace Combat plane games to enjoy this fic about awesome Pegasi doing awesome military things.

I think this is the superior way to crossover ponies and a video game.

Fans of pony can enjoy Rainbow Dash and pals being awesome even if they don't care for planes. It might even attract new fans to the series.

Fans of cool planes and military shit can enjoy tactical plane action reinvented by pegasi in Equestria, even if they haven't played every Ace Combat game enough to get all the subtle references.

Fans of Ace Combat will appreciate it all.

But there will never be a moment where you say "why the fuck is this happening?" prompting xXx_SoloWingPixtynine_XyZ to explain "He's copying everyone's least favourite part of Ace Combat 4: The Quest For Peace only he's trying to make it less retarded by overcomplicating it" or "because it happened that way in Secret Mission 7 of the Genocide Route of Ace Combat 10: Fast-10 Your Seatbelts". References are exactly that, just references and not all-consuming cancers that damage all aspects of the story. Looking at you, Fluttertree and the Statuettes.

Fandom memes should be tasteful and subtle so those who don't get the reference won't realize there was a reference. Like if Rainbow Dash showed up for a party in full military getup and a character commented "Rainbow Dash always dresses in style! ...When she's not naked" that would be peak comedy. People who don't know about the fandom meme with older-gen RD can still laugh because a pony said naked.
I hope Glim doesn't feel like this was all a colossal waste of time. Because this was a good time. And a good deed.
Sure, Kkat might never read this and use the knowledge here to write a superior shorter smarter rewrite named Fallout: Equestria: Re:Write: Ultimate Wastelander: Storm: Super Legends: Ultra Hyper Turbo 358/69 Days Edition.
But the writing lessons taken from this dumpster fire of a story will always be useful to anyone who reads them now, or ten years later when going through the archives nostalgically.
We didn't know we were making memories. We just thought we were having fun.
But we will always treasure these memories.
I will never forget how funny it was when Littlepip levitated a cumstained blanket under herself when flying into the rock-breaking prison because she thought this would result in a less suspicious silhouette against a cloud-coated sky barely any guard would be likely to see in enough detail to notice her either way.
I will never forget when Calamity immediately dove for cover under that cumstained blanket and shot at enemies from it.
And I will certainly never forget when LP used the cumstained blanket as a burial shroud for one of the many dead fuckers present in a show of maudlin self-aggrandizing fake compassion from a pony so bloodthirsty not even being "tricked" into using intimidation and murder to get something for ponies she never bothered to investigate (who turned out to be cannibals) and slaughtering them all could fundamentally shake her out of her ways or shake the author out of his glassy-eyed empty-headed consoomer-goomer button-mashing trance.

Gentlemen, it has been an honour. Fillies and Gentlecolts, this review has been an experience and this thread has been a wild ride.

While we're recommending fanfics, this https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebAnimation/DiamondInTheRoughTouhou takes the piss out of self-insert fanfiction written for Touhou.

Turns out their fandom writes HIE crap too.
With a surprising number of badfic cliches in common with this fandom's badfics.
And this fanfic shits on their cliches cleverly by making a tragedy out of things.
Basically the overly influential universally beloved hero guy is an idiot who has no idea why he is here.
He is being played by someone who wants this fantasy world to become less trusting of outsiders.
Other stuff happens too but anyway you don't need to know anything about touhou to appreciate it.

I wish something like this existed in the mainstream brony fandom's consciousness.
A deconstruction of the typical HIE/OC "my guy in Equestria gets all the bitches and is a god and probably a human or former human turned poner" formula.
Maybe it would turn people away from the trite and easy emotional porn and literal porn that gets into the feature box on fimfic.
Imagine waking up every day only to eat breakfast and then spend the rest of the day reading HIE wish-fulfillment drivel and wanking except when eating or sleeping or giving bad writing advice and expecting to be taken seriously.

I once wrote a HIE parody where a human goes to Equestria and decides the only logical course of action is to become so godly and beloved no good story could ever be told involving him because he wants ro force a permanent happy ending for the story he found himself in and all ponies involved. It works.
Unfortunately a constant barrage of pop culture namedrops turned people away, probably. I assume that's why it didn't get popular. Maybe the premise alienated fimfic.net consoomers who want simple HIE and anyone who'd like it didn't feel like reading what seems like HIE ponyfiction.

Anyway, I love all of you. Even my "biggest fan".
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Anyway, Littlepoop seems to have figured out the essence of Red Eye's plan and revealed it to the reader through her inner monologue, so the conversation really doesn't need to keep going. It should therefore come as no surprise to anyone that kkat keeps it going for several more paragraphs.

>“As did I,” Red Eye told him. “Poor, little Autumn Leaf. A middle child, trapped between the perfect son, the loser and the mistake. So you took the only path left: the over-achiever.
>“You have the drive, the ambition, not to mention the charisma and force of will, to become the leader of a massive military force. One of the highest ranking officers in your entire country. And yet… it’s all born out of a desire for approval.”
This armchair psychoanalysis of Autumn Leaf is probably accurate enough, and I'm sure it would be gripping if kkat had bothered to establish him as a significant character. However, since we hadn't even heard this faggot's name mentioned prior to Chapter 41, it's awfully hard to give a shit. Red Eye might as well be talking about his Great Aunt Mel here.

After a short back and forth, Colonel Rumplebumpkin gives a standard "I will never join you" response to Red Eye's plan. Obviously, Red Eye anticipated that this would be his answer and thus gave him no choice; a nearby cup explodes, detonating some kind of disruptor grenade thingie I've completely given up trying to keep track of all the ridiculous devices in this story and what they all do exactly that incapacitates his armor somehow and renders him immobile. And Jesus Christ, this conversation that should have been over at least half a page ago just keeps going and going. Colonel Farty-Pubes "Rue" McClanahan keeps right on talking shit to Red Eye even though his cyborg armor is disabled and he is effectively paralyzed.

>“What you are planning is nothing short of annihilating an entire country’s crops. Your megalomania threatens the pegasi with massive famine and starvation. You are attempting to become the greatest mass-murderer in Equestria’s history just so you can claim credit for a sunny day!”
Well, at least we kinda-sorta know what Red Eye is planning to do. We still don't know why he's doing it, or what ultimate end he is trying to accomplish, but we understand the 'what' at least. It seems that as soon as Red Eye has control of the weather machine, he intends to remove the cloud cover, effectively decimating the Enclave's method of food production.

>Oh Goddesses. Is that what I was doing too? My own plan was not so far different.
What exactly was LP's plan again? Something about wandering around the wasteland slaughtering random strangers, until something-something-Equestria-is-saved, as I recall.

>Was that the cost?
That, plus about tree fiddy.

Anyway, it seems like the basic idea is that both Red Eye and Littlepoop are in agreement that the Enclave's cloud cover needs to come down, because the world needs sunlight (I guess) and because the Enclave needs to be stopped from doing whatever they are trying to do exactly (I guess). However, while LP had simply not considered the sort of tragedy this might inadvertently inflict on the Pegasi, Red Eye seems to be well aware of it, yet is callously indifferent. It seems the author is trying to draw yet another half-assed parallel between his protagonist and his (I guess) main villain. "Corrupted kindness" and so forth.

And sweet mother of merciful nigger dicks, these buttnards are still fucking talking. The evil-villain-banter goes on for a few more paragraphs, and then Red Eye concludes by tying up the last logical loose end in his plan.

One might wonder, since he is planning to combine three individual consciousnesses into one, how he plans to ensure that his will be the dominant personality in the new Goddess. Logically, one would assume that one of the other two could just as easily end up in charge. Even more logical would be to assume that the combination of the three personas would give birth to a new fourth persona that would have attributes of all the other three, but would not be any of them individually.


However, it seems Red Eye thought of this in advance:

>“Four ponies became the templates within the Goddess, but they didn’t form the Goddess equally. The Goddess was dominated by one mind, one will. And it wasn’t the most powerful of the four. No, that would have been Twilight Sparkle. Instead, it was Trixie. And not just Trixie, but Trixie the Showpony. The most charismatic of the four.
Knowing kkat, he probably means that literally the pony with the highest charisma stat gets to be the leader. If this is the case, Littlepoop should just pop one of her stupid mints before diving into the goo; that would learn him good.

>“I’ll be sharing Godhood with a martyr who wants to save everypony and a gutless tool.” He smirked. “I’m feeling pretty confident in my chances.”
Which one is which again?

>Red Eye turned his gaze up towards the cage. “You can come out now.”
>What? my little pony stammered. I… but… oh, forget it. Her head slumped in defeat. I disengaged the StealthBuck and stared down at the wasteland’s other Stable Dweller.
Wait, did she honestly think that Red Eye didn't know she was standing there the whole time? You'd think after wandering around this shitscape for 400,000 some-odd words she'd have a slightly clearer picture of how these kinds of hackneyed scenes are supposed to work.

At this point, one would expect Red Eye to wrap up his evil monologue and activate whatever overly-elaborate mechanism he plans to use to stitch the three of them together, so that LP can thwart him and we can move the fuck on. However, it's kkat writing, so it seems we are going to have to endure yet another lengthy armchair psychoanalysis from Red Eye. This time, it's Littlepoop's turn on the couch. Stay tuned, we'll have plenty more of your favorite cartoon pals after these messages.
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Red Eye informs LP that, unlike Colonel Sanders, he is giving her a choice as to whether or not she wants to become part of the new Goddess. In a somewhat-amusing blow to her self esteem, he tells her that the reason for this is because she is not at all special. He has an entire cage full of unicorns behind her, all of whom have been carefully selected to ensure their suitability, so he doesn't need her specifically. Plus, he doesn't want to have two-thirds of his new body at war with the remaining third, so he wants to ensure that the unicorn part is either someone who agrees with his aims (whatever those may be exactly), or, at the very least, is someone he could easily dominate.

>Twenty-five hoof-picked chances for a good unicorn template. One of them is bound to be sufficient.
Though Red Eye's overall plan makes sense more or less, we're beginning to veer off again into kkat-land with the haziness of some of the details. How does this work exactly? The implication here seems to be that if LP says no, he's just going to keep trying unicorn after unicorn until he gets one that does the trick. Would that even be possible? I might be misunderstanding how this process works exactly, but the way I picture it, all three of them have to get dunked into the goo at once in order for the synthesis to happen; seems like this would be a one shot deal. But whatever; we'll see what happens I guess.

>But you…” He snorted bemusedly. “You’re a sure thing. Imagine my surprise when fate dropped you right in front of me at the seventh hour.
The expression he's thinking of here is actually "the eleventh hour." He is probably getting it mixed up The 7th Guest, another video game, the sequel to which is called The 11th Hour. Both are probably better games than Fallout 3, if this story is an accurate barometer of its content.

Anyway, with the preamble out of the way, he gets down to business with the armchair psychology. Red Eye's entire plan was essentially a calculated gamble: he wagered that because LP's aim is apparently to save the wasteland, she would readily volunteer to become part of his wacky scheme. As a backup plan, he wagered that even if she didn't want to volunteer, she would anyway, simply to prevent the nasty consequences of having a Goddess comprised of Red Eye, some apparently evil pegasus she just met two chapters ago, and some random third unicorn who may or may not be evil, I guess. It's a carrot-and-stick approach: if she says yay, she gets a say in how the new Equestria operates; if she says nay, she only gets a powerful new enemy to fight.

>“Oh very true,” Red Eye told me. “But I’m not the one who will be ruling Equestria. I told you before, I’m too much of a monster for the world we are creating. I have no place in it. That will be your job, remember?” He chuckled. “Besides, I’m going to have my plate full controlling the sun, moon and weather.”
>My jaw dropped.
>”Oh dear,” Red Eye laughed. “How else did you think I was planning for you to take over my work? My forces and my followers aren’t going to be loyal to a new leader just because I tell them to. But they will be loyal to the new me, and any part of me.”
At this point I have once again lost track of what the fuck is even going on. Is the "Goddess" supposed to be one pony, or three? How is this division of labor between the separate personalities supposed to work, exactly? Do they take shifts? What is Colonel Flappy-Cheeks supposed to do in this arrangement, just sit there being a moody bitch while Red Eye and LP run Equestria? If that's the case, why does Red Eye insist that he specifically needs Autumn Leaf for the pegasus portion, but is willing to give LP the option to say no? There are so many what-ifs here.

>"Really, Littlepip, did you ever take the time to seriously think this through?"
Did the author?

>I felt numb, removed, like the world was a distant, far-away place. I was in a cocoon of else-ness, staring out at reality through hazy gauze.
I don't have any remarks here; I just wanted to highlight this passage as yet another example of the kind of horseshit prose I've been slogging through for the past year of my life.

Anyway, if Red Eye thought he could cage LP with something as simple as a logical argument, he's obviously never met this psycho. In a surprise twist that should surprise absolutely nopony, LP decides to go for Option C: whip out Little Macintosh and start poppin' caps.

>“You’re kidding.” Red Eye looked up at me, shock dissolving into contempt. He stared down the barrel pointed between his eyes. “You’re kidding, right?”
Hurr durr that's what Nightmare Moon said to Twilight Sparkle; cue stock footage of bronies clapping their hooves together and giggling like retards. Although I will say that as the references to the show in this story have gone, this is one of the least obnoxious. At the very least, it's subtle and fits with what's happening in the scene right now. Red Eye's exclamation here makes sense in context; he isn't just randomly spouting dialogue from the show just so the author can reference something herp derp it was under E!!!1!.

>“No,” I told him sternly. “I’m taking option three. The one where I don’t have to worry about what the ponies in the Godhood are like because there isn’t a new Godhood at all.”
>“Take the shot!” Autumn Leaf growled. We both ignored him.
Why is LP ignoring him? Autumn's suggestion is perfectly reasonable. The smart thing to do would be to simply kill Red Eye before he has a chance to react, but instead LP elects to continue arguing with him after pulling her gun. Why? There is no reason for her to do this beyond kkat's desire to keep the scene going. If he wants this "dramatic" moment to play all the way out then fine, but if that's the case he should finish the conversation and then have LP pull her gun and start shooting.
Welcome back!
I understand that Kkat wants to write a parallel between LP and RE by giving them both the "eliminate the Pegasus race's cloud cover even though they farm in it because the cloud cover blocks sunlight the ground could use to farm, hopefully if the Skylanders have to rely on the Groundlanders for their food they will be friends and won't just eat or enslave the ground-bound and steamroll their settlements to make room for farms" plan.
But LP just looks stupid here for not thinking that countless Pegasi may die waiting for the barren Wasteland, hellish monster-filled Everfree Forest, or burned-down ashes of the Everfree might need to become a functional farm. If they ever do wait for the Wastelanders to make farms and don't just try to conquer the ground to fight for scavenging rights or war to reclaim weather control.
Surely if you had control of the weather you could poke holes in the cloud cover where there are no farms and build farms on the ground that's getting sunlight?
Or you could just take some mind-enhancing drugs and invent sun lamps to render the whole argument moot.
Red Eye is a cyborg with industry and slavery in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. To make a villain like that work he needs to represent everything good and bad (or just bad) about industrialization, modernization, and industrial society and its future. The elimination of tribes and communities that grew over 200 years as they are dragged into a gruelling grind for the sake of old-world ambitions. Kkat's constant attempts to make him "the hero of his own story" and "Just like LP" get in the way of actually making him a coherent character and making LP a coherent rejection of Red Eye-ness with her own goals and ideals.
Kkat couldn't think of a good thing for LP to fight for and he forgot about the Gardens Of Equestria completely so he thought of one evil "destroy enemy farms to make them rely on ours" plan even though as far as we're aware Edgequestria lacks farms and even though it's not guaranteed to work, and he thought it would absolve LP morally if she simply never thought about the consequences of (or morality of) inflicting starvation on a nation and destroying its self-sufficiency to manipulate it?

Perhaps if the Gardens Of Equestria required six special Mane Six statuettes designed to work like nuclear keys and carry shards of each Mane Six pony's soul, the villains could have a coherent and easily understood race to find them and war over them to determine who gets to hold Equestria's future hostage and de-nuke desired areas at will while the heroes want to denuke all of it at once. None of this bullshit about becoming an alicorn and Enclave weather control machines and "cloud seeding" and warring personalities and personality fusions or Soul Jars and invincible Crusader Maneframe computers and Black Books and wannabe-futa Alicorn Trixie with Twilight and two OCs along for the ride or Rarity copying soul data to make many statuettes just so the hero can randomly obtain one of each for no real reason at alll. Just a simple clear goal for the heroes and villains to have as they clash over a set of Jackie Chan Talismans or whatever.
>Is the "Goddess" supposed to be one pony, or three?
Spoilers? for a 20+ year old game, but the Master that Trixie (The Goddess) is based upon seemed to have a primary, driving consciousness, and the other personalities that were assimilated occasionally cut in and interject during his speech, but he very much was in control. For example, when he's speaking angrily about something, an angry male voice will interject, or when he's speaking of kindness, a soft female voice cuts in. But it all "flows" in such a way to imply that there is a primary control personality with the others acting as integrated parts of it that flare up occasionally.

I guess that's what Kkat wanted to refer to the reader's knowledge here for. If I remember correctly, though, the Goddess used the royal we and spoke of themselves in the third person, so I guess the idea is they merge into a new "whole" consciousness?
Always enjoyed what you do.

Anyway, instead of doing the sensible thing and just capping this cyborg sumbitch, as she's done to hundreds of nameless baddies throughout the rest of this story without a second thought, LP continues her banal argument with Red Eye.

>“Really, Littlepip?” Red Eye asked. “Would you doom the ponies of Equestria to the Wasteland? To another two-hundred years of futile struggle, poverty and hardship… all ending in death, usually at the whim of the Wasteland’s raiders and monsters? They need us, Littlepip. Where will they be without our leadership? What will become of them without our guidance?”
As I've said before, the author's efforts at having these two characters' motivations run parallel to each other has been hit or miss, with an emphasis on miss. That said, while I'm not sure about "corrupted kindness" and all that, the one thing these two do have in common is an ego larger than the diameter of kkat's well-traveled rectum.

>“They don’t need us. They don’t need a God to save them. They can save themselves.”
>"I admire your faith, Littlepip. So… childlike. But now it is time to grow up.”
>Was it? Was I just being naïve? “No,” I said slowly, not sure where my thoughts and words were going. “Maybe… I think… it’s time for them to grow up.”
I think this was meant to be Littlepoop's big "revelation" moment; Red Eye finally holds a dark mirror up to Littlepoop and she realizes that she's the same as this lunatic, and that she needs to change. Not necessarily a bad idea, but as usual the execution is bad. What's at issue here is Red Eye's megalomania and hubris, not necessarily his methods; LP doesn't seem to realize this, so as usual she ends up learning entirely the wrong lesson.

Red Eye has essentially made it his life's mission to "fix" the wasteland by subverting all of reality to his will through force. His view is that, in the prewar era, the two Princesses were responsible for maintaining order or harmony or something, but they lost control somehow and everything went to shit. He sees himself, and maybe Littlepoop as well, as some kind of reborn version of Celestia and/or Luna, destined to assume godhood and put everything to right, with "right" defined by his own ideals. His faith in himself is unshakable; he was chosen by God, or Fate, or whatever you want to call it, to "fix" the wasteland. Thus, any act, no matter how heinous, is justified as long as it is done towards achieving that end.

While LP seems to recognize on some level that Red Eye is completely nuts, and is disturbed that her own goals (such as they are) seem to mirror his, she still fundamentally agrees with Red Eye's worldview. Her "revelation" here doesn't change this; the only thing the two of them disagree on is methodology Even this is a bit murky. Neither of them have a problem with unrestrained murder and mayhem; the only difference between their values is that LP draws a couple of arbitrary lines in the sand at things like slavery and cannibalism. The basic tenets of Red Eye's worldview she takes for granted: that the state of the present world is "wrong" somehow, that reality needs to be fundamentally altered in order to return it to its "proper" state, and that only the enlightened can see this and take action.

This could potentially be interesting if the author was going somewhere with it, but I don't get the impression he is. Kkat takes Red Eye's worldview for granted too; it's baked into the very logic that his world operates on, and it causes problems from the ground up. Let's take a closer look at this line:

>“Would you doom the ponies of Equestria to the Wasteland? To another two-hundred years of futile struggle, poverty and hardship… all ending in death, usually at the whim of the Wasteland’s raiders and monsters?
This takes us back to one of my earliest questions about FoE: why is it that after 200 years these ponies are still eating old expired cans of beans and living in rusted-out buses and crumbling ruins? Why are there roving gangs of edgelords running around in bad Warriors cosplay, decorating their houses with guts and making foals fight each other to the death? It may be unrealistic to expect the idyllic Equestria we know from the series to have been rebuilt, especially with the aftereffects of the megaspells and whatnot, but you'd think that in 200 years at least some semblance of civilization would have begun to reassert itself, right?

The problem is that kkat, and by extension most of his characters, see the state of the world as an all-or-nothing type deal. On the one hand you have Edgequestria, where everything is dark and gloomy and irradiated, and on the other you have the happy Equestria of Yore, which resembles what we know from the show. The world can only either be one or the other; there's no middle ground. Subtle nuances of culture and economics, which might explain why things like slaver groups and raiders have come to exist in this world, are never explored; it's just assumed that if Equestria is in its "bad" state, then everyone and everything in it will be "bad" by default until someone "good" comes along and fixes it.

It's a little easier to explain if we delve into the next thing LP says:

>I thought of the Twilight Society sitting on a treasure of magic and not using it to help anypony. Of the Steel Rangers preying on other ponies in their selfish drive to hoard the technologies of the past. Of New Appleloosa willing to trade with slavers and not lifting a hoof about the horrors of Old Appleloosa not so far from their door.
In other words, the various factions that make up the wasteland are at fault for its general crumminess, because they use the resources at their disposal to achieve their own goals, instead of directing them towards building the world LP wants. Her fundamental view of herself as wasteland savior hasn't changed at all; she's just transferring the responsibility for building her utopia onto others now.
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I'd actually like to look at this last statement of LP's in a little more detail.

>I thought of the Twilight Society sitting on a treasure of magic and not using it to help anypony.
The Twilight Society, as far as I can tell, is a mostly-harmless group that likes to larp as freemasons or something. I've never been clear on whether they are meant to be the actual governing body of Tenpony Tower, or else some kind of shadow-government that runs things secretly from behind a puppet regime. It's one of many, many details that kkat was not especially clear on.

However, what is clear is that Tenpony Tower is probably the closest thing Edgequestria has to a functional society, and the Twilight Society has played a significant role in creating and maintaining it. My understanding is that they keep their trove of prewar technology a secret partly to prevent it from attracting invaders like Red Eye, and partly so they can research it and learn a little more about how it works before attempting any practical use of it. Both of these seem like reasonable positions to me; I'm not sure what LP is getting at with her criticism here. As I said above, LP's latest revelation hasn't altered her fundamental worldview at all; she still views herself as the "wasteland savior" tasked with rooting out all the badness in the world and putting things to right. The only thing that's changed is that now she's pushing the responsibility for creating her utopia onto others.

It's also interesting that she criticizes "The Twilight Society" as a whole, but doesn't say anything about her little girlfriend's role in this group. Homage is a member of the Society and operates her radio show with their blessing. She also uses her show to openly criticize Tenpony Tower for hoarding resources instead of using them to "help" the wasteland at large. She clearly shares LP's "ideals" about how the wasteland needs to change, and has the power to affect this change at least in part. However, instead of using her position to take action, she just sits in her ivory tower doing her radio broadcasts. She badmouths Tenpony Tower from the safety of its penthouse, not only enjoying the protections of its government but a role within it, which she notably does not use to advance her own stated ideals. She also actively deceives her listeners by presenting herself as some kind of "voice of the people," when in reality she's about as privileged as it's possible to be in Edgequestria. No wonder she and LP got together; they're pretty much cut from the same cloth. These two insufferable narcissists deserve each other.

>Of the Steel Rangers preying on other ponies in their selfish drive to hoard the technologies of the past.
The Steel Rangers have always been a half-baked idea in this story. As I've said numerous times, I've never completely understood what their mission is supposed to be in the first place, or why they are carrying it out. It seems to be one of those areas where kkat expects his readers to be familiar with the Steel Brotherhood from Fallout that he's referencing, and to fill in the blanks on their own. From what kkat has given us, it's not really clear why exactly the Steel Rangers are so interested in hoarding prewar technology, nor is it clear what they intend to do with it. Thus, it's a little difficult to form an opinion of their actions one way or the other.

>Of New Appleloosa willing to trade with slavers and not lifting a hoof about the horrors of Old Appleloosa not so far from their door.
The Old Appleoosa slavers were another hazy area that kkat fudged a lot of the details on. It was never clear just what the relationship between the two towns was supposed to be. They apparently had some kind of trade deal going on that involved sending a train back and forth, but what exactly was traded? Old Appleoosa was presented to us as basically an armed compound that served no purpose beyond corralling slaves; it wasn't even a proper town. We are told, albeit in vague terms, that the New Appleoosans didn't particularly approve of the slavers' practice, yet it didn't seem that any other industry of note went on in Old Appleoosa. What exactly did they trade for? For that matter, why did the slavers bother to trade with NA at all? Why not just invade them, capture all their citizens, and sell them to Red Eye as slaves?

I've already given extensive commentary on that part of the book and how the relationship between the two towns could have been better fleshed out, so I won't go into detail there. The important thing here is that once again, despite outwardly attempting to distance herself from Red Eye's worldview, LP displays the same kind of hubris that he does. Her criticism is that NA focused on the well-being of their own town by forming a mutually beneficial trade agreement with OA, instead of invading OA and slaughtering everyone the way she did. She takes it as a given that her views on the evils of slavery are a universal moral constant; she condemns New Appleoosa for prioritizing the needs of their own community over fighting for her universalist ideals.

In her own words:

>“It’s time for the ponies of the wasteland to stop being so selfish and short-sighted. To start caring about their fellow ponies. To raise their hooves in aid and communal support. To work together to build something bigger and better, not because they’re being forced to, but because they want to, for themselves and for their children...”
In other words, LP's personal ideals are still the gold standard that define morality for everyone, as far as she's concerned. She hasn't changed her basic view that it is her destiny to "fix" Equestria, she's simply decided to change her approach. Instead of it being her life's work to go around slaughtering baddies and imposing her will upon reality, she's decided that it's everyone's responsibility to do this. Her goal from here on out is to ensure that this is what they do.
Perhaps this story would have turned out better if Kkat played Fallout 4 before writing this.
F4's story is a mess of stolen cliches and half-baked ideas but most of the gameplay in the game is clearing out Enemy NPC-infested locations before building them into Settlements, places you control where you can build houses and walls and water pumps defense turrets and trading stalls. Can even set up trade routes between settlements. You recruit to your settlements by allowing in any wandering cunt who wants to join and be assigned a job as farmer/trader/guardsman/whatever. It's incredibly basic without mods but if LP actually used her OP telekinesis to build something now and then instead of roaming blindly and destroying whatever she encounters like a rampaging freed wrecking ball, she'd be a better protagonist because she'd actually help to "Build back better" instead of just berating other groups and settlements for not doing so.
It would also help provide a purpose to those random encounters where LP stumbles upon enemies and slaughters every last one of them instead of killing who she has to while sneaking through as quickly as possible. It would help random slaughters feel more like a plot-relevant goal. It would add valuable worldbuilding info and characterization for each location.
More like "I must clear the scorpions out of the cave locals mine and make gunpowder in" or "I must clear the feral glitchy robots out of this factory so a nearby allied settlement can repurpose this place to build war robots for defense" and less less like Flashpoints from Saints Row 4(an open-world-game activity type where you visit a place and slaughter all enemies before moving on to the next one).
We're often told LP is this beloved "Wasteland Saviour" and New Appleoosa's mayor suffered for not being a loving fan of hers, but if she formed an army of NPCs she could order around and build houses for and even call upon in battle, her reputation as a world-changing hero would feel more earned and meaningful. If you're going to give your heroes infinite ammo why not say scavengers that love her for killing so many raiders are told by Homage to put that ammo in collection boxes at towns that like LP? And if she had her own faction helping and funding her and maybe even offering her training, it'd be more realistic that she'd be so good at killing her way anywhere she wants to go. Homage and her Bullshit Tower Society can handle the day-to-day mundanities of running the organization whenever LP is off killing again, and it would make LP less of a sue if she was canonically a figurehead manipulated by a radio host and secret society that wants to rule the new world with its own evil(?) plan.
Of course this would mean more characters to write and Kkat isn't good at writing those.

Couple more things in this section and then I'd like to move on. If I can manage to finish this book by Christmas I'll consider it a gift to myself.

>I remembered the words of Life Bloom: This is us helping.
Italics are the author's. I've complained about this quite a bit, but it's worth mentioning again: kkat has a very bad habit of referencing obscure parts of his own text and assuming the reader will just remember what is being referenced. Even the most attentive and interested reader which is not me at this point is going to have a hard time keeping track of everything that happens in this book, and without a photographic memory it's pretty much impossible to remember every single line of dialogue from every single scene. Life Bloom is a minor character who doesn't appear very often, and this remark is presented without any context whatsoever. What are we supposed to take away from this exactly?

Thanks to my old friend Ctrl-F, I was able to locate this line in Chapter 41. This is from the scene where Calamity comes up with his goofy plan to kidnap the Enclave ponies and force-feed them Littlepoop's memories. Life Bloom is offering to come along with them in order to conduct the memory-feeding spell due to its complexity. LP asks if he is sure he wants to risk his life like this, and Life Bloom replies that she asked the Twilight Society for help, and this is his way of helping.

Even in context it's a little unclear why this particular line is being quoted. Essentially, Life Bloom is saying that he approves of LP's mission and wants to help, which seems to paint the Twilight Society in a more positive light (from LP's perspective, at least). A mere two paragraphs earlier, LP was criticizing the Twilight Society for hoarding magic and refusing to help the wasteland, and this quote doesn't do much to reinforce her point.

All in all the meaning of this quote is ambiguous, and it diverts the reader's attention away from what's presently going on in order to reference a fairly unimportant event from the past. If I were kkat's editor, I'd probably suggest he cut this.

>“…It’s time for the ponies to tell the wasteland to buck off!”
This line probably sounded a lot better in kkat's head.

Anyway, LP blathers on for several more paragraphs, and it's really just more of the same. She recalls a few other out-of-context passages from earlier in the story: something about the Steel Rangers, and something from one of Homage's broadcasts. She concludes with yet another display of massive hubris, thinly cloaked in her trademark false humility:

>“And you know what?” I continued. I couldn’t have stopped; it was like an avalanche had started inside of me. “I think they want to. They’re ready to. You’ve shown them that rebuilding is possible. I’ve…” I’ve what? I knew what. I’d been an example. I couldn’t listen to Homage without her drumming it into my head. But saying it, accepting it, was another thing entirely. I knew I was nothing special, but my reputation had become something powerful.
>“…I’ve been their Lightbringer.” I said finally, coating the concept in Homage’s words and hoping it didn’t sound conceited. “We’ve done what we can…”
This line is hilarious enough on its own, but I'd like to remind everyone that she has had a gun pointed at Red Eye the entire time she's been babbling autistically about what an inspiration she's been to the wasteland. I have no idea whether or not she still has any actual intention of shooting him, but in any case the element of surprise is long gone. Red Eye could have made himself a hot sit-down breakfast in the amount of time it's taken her to get through this speech.

However, it doesn't matter much, because everyone in this story is fucking retarded. Red Eye continues to stare politely down the barrel of Littlepoop's gun while his erstwhile captive continues to prattle on. Littlepoop ends her less-than-inspired speech on this lame note:

>“…and now it’s time for Daddy Red Eye and Mommy Littlepip to get the fuck out of their way.”
I'm guessing this line also sounded a lot better in kkat's head.

And Jesus-almighty-tit-fucking-Hindu-Christ, they're still fucking talking. Seriously; I'm starting to wonder if the remaining 100,000 some-odd words of this story are going to consist entirely of this one conversation. At this point I don't care whether Red Eye tosses the three of them into the rainbow goop, or if Littlepoop blows Red Eye's brains out, or if all the two of them decide to just stop fighting and fuck already, but for the love of God, somebody fucking do something.

Anyway, I'm going to move as quickly as I can through the rest of this scene, or we're going to be here until Ragnarok.

Red Eye, who I will remind you still has the barrel of a goddamn revolver pointed squarely between his eyes, responds to LP's pseudo-philosophical babbling with some pseudo-philosophical babbling of his own. His position is that blah blah blah, if the NPCs of the wasteland could save themselves they would have by now, they need us, herpity derp derp, yada yada yada, eat the pudding. Littlepoop responds with a herp and a derp and a derp-de-derp, because we all make mistakes, and we all have flaws and weaknesses, and we're all stronger together because we all flibbidy dibbidy floopy woop doop, I'm-a-gonna-eat-dat-pudding. Derp.

This goes back and forth in exactly this fashion for several paragraphs, and then, finally, Red Eye decides to end the conversation and go back to what he was doing before all of this started. LP cocks her gun and tells him that she will drop him if he doesn't promise to stop doing what he's doing and cleanse the doo-doo from his icky soul. This threat would have probably had a lot more impact if she hadn't been talking his ear off for the last 25 minutes or so. Then, Red Eye reveals the latest exciting twist in the story, which will have to wait until the next post because space. Eat the pudding.

It is at this point that Red Eye reveals his final ace-in-the-hole to ensure that LP does what he wants: he has placed a bomb collar around his own neck, programmed to detonate in the event that he is killed. His collar is linked to the identical collars worn by each of the caged unicorns, who have apparently been standing quietly in the background while all of this was going on. Presumably, the idea is that if LP kills Red Eye, she also kills these random NPC unicorns. Plus, if 25 bomb collars exploded at once in close proximity to each other it would probably cause a lot of collateral damage, and kill LP and Autumn Leaf in the process. However, I'm not sure if this matters or not, because I'm still not 100% convinced that kkat understands how explosions work.

>“You’d have to disarm them all simultaneously,” he told me. “You? You might just be good enough with telekinesis to perform separate delicate operations on two dozen devices at the same time. But how skilled are you with explosives?”
>He had me. Dammit, he had me!
Ayyo, hol up. What you sayin' is...what you sayin' is...that there's actually...there's actually...something...that Littlepoop...isn't the absolute best at?!? I am shocked and appalled, sir.

Anyway, it looks like the gist of this is that Red Eye has Littlepoop by her metaphorical balls, and she now has little choice but to do what he says and dive into the goo. Despite the fact that he's already won, Red Eye elects to pointlessly inform her that he also has her friends tied up or captive or something somewhere, and that he can also do butt stuff or whatever to them. This reminds me: I've completely forgotten where the fuck all of the other characters in this train wreck are supposed to be right now. I remember they all split up for some reason shortly after the Dr. Glue incident, but I don't remember why, or where everyone else was supposed to be going.

At this point, LP goes off on another of her rambling inner monologues, where she babbles incessantly to the reader about anything and everything. I'm assuming she still has her gun pointed at Red Eye, though by now she is probably just staring off into space and drooling slightly as her derailed train of thought goes plunging into the goddamn ravine, so I doubt he's particularly worried about being shot. In the space of a single paragraph, her narration jumps from SteelHooves, to Friendship City, to the Arbu massacre, to Monterrey Jack, to the crack mints, to the bloody-butt-fucking-Princesses Celestia and Luna. I once again have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on in this story, but it looks like she's having another of her flashes of pure autism that will enable her to save the day somehow.

>Red Eye was appealing to my virtues, both corrupted and true; he knew me better than I knew myself. He always had.
>But what Red Eye did not understand -- had never understood -- was friendship. Alone we were weak, at the mercy of our failings. But together, as friends, we were strong. We buttressed each other. We shared our strengths, protecting each other from our vulnerabilities. Even when apart. I thought of my friends, and I thought of their virtues. Loyalty and kindness, perseverance and humility. Red Eye’s offer flew in the face of all of them.
This is what kkat actually believes he's been writing about this entire time. Incidentally, I'm still not quite clear on what everyone's 'virtues' are even supposed to be.

Anyway, it gets even dumber from here. Red Eye attempts to jump into the goo, on his own for some reason, without taking either of his two captives with him, and is suddenly caught in LP's levitation beam.

>“Forgot you might do that,” he admitted. He sighed again, giving me a plaintive look. “Why?”
Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently, this Machiavellian mastermind anticipated every possible outcome for this scenario, but somehow forgot the single most prominent and obnoxious thing that LP can do, that she literally does all the time, at every possible opportunity, to get herself out of nearly every goddamn problem she encounters. Seriously, could he not think of anything to counter her levitation spell? Disruptor field? Some new kind of wacky anti-magic grenade? Something?

And believe it or not, this still isn't the end of it:

>“There is something else you are forgetting,” a voice called up from below us. Autumn Leaf had been silent long enough that I’d forgotten he was conscious. “Scissors beats paper.”
This line probably sounded a lot better in kkat's head.

Anyway, for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom, the magical shield trapping the three of them in this room is suddenly broken by a bunch of hellhounds wearing goddamn Enclave armor. They kill the alicorns casting the shield, and then start fucking up the room with lasers or something I guess. Red Eye gets hit, and LP panics because if he dies he will explode and so will the unicorns and they will all die probably. Also, the Enclave airship that was parked outside is now bombing the fortress.

Naturally, LP thinks of a solution in the nick of time. She pulls out one of those haunted broadcaster radios, which she has for some reason, and plugs it into her PipBuck. The broadcast makes everyone start bleeding from their eyeballs metal af, and disrupts the collars so they can't explode. Red Eye falls into the vat; it's not clear if he's dead or not. Meanwhile, LP uses her stupid levitation magic to pick the lock on the cage and lift all 25 unicorns into the air. Being her usual magnanimous self, she wants to leave Colonel Fudgecake to die, but he convinces her that she needs him to disarm the collars.

>I glowered, staring at the pony who had been behind the destruction of the Canterlot Ruins, the murderer of Star Sparkle.
As an aside, it's still unclear why the Enclave blew up the ruins of Canterlot; there was no obvious motivation, and the author hasn't explained it.
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>I glowered, staring at the pony who had been behind the destruction of the Canterlot Ruins, the murderer of Star Sparkle. The pony who had ordered his own brother, my best friend, to be hunted and killed. Who had sent the Wonderbolts after us. Ordered the attacks on Friendship City, New Appleloosa, and more.
I'm going to say this one last time: if kkat wanted Autumn to be a significant character, he should have made him one. He was not even mentioned in the story prior to Chapter 41, and he didn't appear in a scene before (I think) the current chapter. We're supposed to sympathize with LP here, as she wrestles with the *cough* difficult moral choice of whether or not she should kill this guy. It doesn't work, because we have not been given enough time with him to form an opinion; all we have is a short list of offscreen events that he is supposed to be responsible for.

Anyway, LP agrees to take Colonel Autumn Poon along with her on one condition:

>“Tell me how to rig that star blaster’s battery to explode!” I ordered.
Literally what? What star blaster? Is she talking about that weird ray gun that Homage has for whatever reason? Why does she have this with her? I'm completely lost.

>Doctor Glue had indicated there were tunnels beneath the Cathedral. The hellhounds were already spilling taint into them. How much worse would the Everfree Forest become once this room was torn apart and all of this, a million tons of pure I.M.P. released into the environment? I couldn’t even imagine what that would do to Equestria. It would be more devastating than a megaspell.
Yeah, this explanation doesn't clarify much. As far as I can tell, the issue here is that the Hellhounds spilled the taint-vats while they were fucking up the room, and LP is concerned that it's going to get into the catacombs underneath the fortress and then seep into the ground. So, I guess she wants Colonel Alistair "Creamy Buttocks" Saucy-Sam McFudgington "Poopy-pants" Smith-Hutz-Terwilliger "Additional Silly Nickname" Bandersnootch-Pumpkin-Tits-McClure to rig up some kind of space-bomb that will stop it. The fact that blowing up the tunnels would probably just make the situation worse seems completely lost on her; again, though, I'm not 100% sure that kkat understands how explosions work.

Anyway, finally, this ridiculous scene comes to an end. I think that was supposed to be the climax of the story or something.

Page break. We rejoin LP an indeterminate amount of time later, in what was formerly Dr. Glue's office. She has managed to remove all of the collars from all of the unicorn NPCs, presumably under the direction of our good friend the Colonel. She keeps them from exploding by switching on her haunted radio for the few seconds it takes to remove each one. Some of the NPCs died during the process of collar-removal, and she's all sad about it; her attitudes towards the preservation of life seem as bipolar as ever.

>I crawling over to him, turning my attention to the alien fire blaster. “Okay. One more bomb to deal with, and then I’ll set you free.”
First of all, this should say "I crawled over to him." Second, can anyone tell me what this alien fire blaster business all about? I feel like I might have actually missed something here. These kinds of super-autismo details are usually the ones that kkat gets right, so I'm sure that this blaster was mentioned at some point, but I can't for the life of me recall where or when. The only alien space blaster I remember appearing in the story is the one that Homage had in her apartment for some reason or another, which she used to kill an alicorn or something that was attacking Tenpony Tower. By my recollection, LP should not have this weapon.

>Removing the alien fire blaster and rigging its power core was far more complex than I had imagined. It spoke volumes to me, realizing how skilled Homage was to have done what she did.
Okay, it seems that she really is talking about Homage's blaster, but I'm not sure why it's in LP's possession now. Also, I'm not sure what act of Homage's she's referring to here. What did she do that required so much skill?

Anyway, whatever. She whips out the mysterious space laser's flux capacitor, and rigs the hoohah to the hoosafudge, glim glams the jim jam, and gives it a good hard blast from her spice weasel. Bam! She's got some kind of quantum interface bomb or some shit now. Alrighty, then.

Again making use of her ridiculously OP telekinesis powers, she floats her stupid bomb back through the maze of hallways into the late Red Eye's rainbow goop chamber seriously; is there not even a limit on the effective range of this spell?. She sets the timer on the bomb, giving herself ten minutes to escape where does she come up with these numbers, anyway? Last time it was forty minutes.

What she does next is fucked up even for her. She made a simple, transactional arrangement with Colonel Fappycakes: he helps her get the collars off the unicorns and shows her how to make a bomb out of her girlfriend's ray gun, and in return he gets to live. He upheld his end of the bargain. I mean, sure they don't like each other, but a deal's a deal, right?

Well, unfortunately for the dear Colonel, LP's bipolar respect for life has swung back into murderboner territory. She blathers out some nonsense about Applejack that she seems to think is appropriate for this situation, and then shoots him point blank with Little Macintosh. There's no moral ambiguity here at all; she literally just flat-out murders this guy in cold blood after using him to get something she wanted. Moreover, as I've already explained I don't know how many times, this character's death does not have the emotional impact that kkat wants, since he didn't bother to work him into the story until two chapters before he was supposed to die.

I didn't think kkat would be able to make his cunt of a protagonist any less likable, but somehow he found a way.
If Kkat wanted us to approve of LP double-crossing this villain, he should have been established to be a lying backstabbing bastard before this, right? That way the betrayer would die by being betrayed.
Perhaps if he somehow betrayed Calamity when Calamity worked for the Enclave, perhaps if he was the reason Calamity lost his whole squad and was blamed for everything while Colonel Cunt got a promotion out of it, that could work. It'd also make Calamity's backstory less stupid and he could have a "I don't want to get close to new poners just yet... ok now im over it and I love you guys" character arc.
It still seems like a bit much... maybe Colonel Autumn should say something like "Well, that was fun. Time to go do more evil deeds!" or "mwahaha i saw this scenario coming a mile away and rigged it to favor me unless you kill me-ow fuck you shot me-ow oof ouch you shot me again-aaaa the pain-guhhh *dead*".
By the way, the whole reason this bombing of the cathedral exists is because you... bomb the cathedral in the "standard" route in fallout 1's endgame. Just another story beat that exists to be a reference.
I know! Maybe if Calamity was the one to unexpectedly shoot General Autumn despite their deal, it could improve the story. Calamity could be all "What? I know him and I know that look on his face. The second he gets within range of an Enclave soldier with a radio he's going to call up the tsunami of Enclave soldiers in the area and direct them to our location! He's betrayed people before and he'd do it again. Besides, now that I've killed him, I'm the new Enclave general. I'll make sure the Enclave will be a force for good, Pip".
"Littlepip, stop! That's a comical amount of crack mints!"
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>Standing back up, I slid Applejack’s gun into its holster and began floating the twenty still-living ponies in the room.
>For the longest time, I had thought of myself as Red Eye’s reflection (granting one of Pinkie Pie’s particularly warped funhouse mirrors). But I was comparing myself to the wrong pony. I wasn’t Red Eye.
>I was Applesnack.
This comparison probably sounded better in kkat's head.

To be fair, if you try to visualize it from kkat's point of view, it kinda-sorta makes sense. What LP is probably referring to here is the time when SteelHooves, nee Applesnack, pushed AJ's chariot driver off the roof in retaliation for his failed assassination attempt on her. Applesnack probably didn't tell AJ about this because he was worried about it changing her view of him, and similarly I imagine that LP does not intend to tell Calamity that she murdered his brother. I think kkat's basic idea is that killing the chariot driver was a cold-blooded thing to do, but at the same time it made sense strategically, and Applesnack did it in order to protect someone he cared deeply for. LP seems to believe that killing Colonel Sugar Balls was a similar sort of move made for similar reasons, in that she was killing someone who hurt Calamity, and simultaneously preventing him from doing further harm.

There are some pretty obvious issues with this, of course. Applesnack killed his girlfriend's would-be assassin in direct retaliation for an attempt on her life; LP killed Calamity's brother for no reason beyond the usual laundry-list of arbitrary moral shortcomings she uses as justification for all her other killings. Autumn Leaf has not directly harmed Littlepoop or her friends in any significant way during the course of this story (this can mostly be attributed to his having had virtually no role in the story at all). He and Calamity had their differences, but all of that is part of Calamity's past and has nothing to do with Littlepoop. If anyone has a right to take revenge on Colonel Poon Pounder, it would be Calamity; LP greatly overstepped her bounds here, and her excuses for doing so are pretty flimsy. She is being extremely generous to herself in comparing her own actions to Applesnack's.

Personally, I would rewrite her monologue at the end of this scene as follows:

>But I was comparing myself to the wrong pony. I wasn't Red Eye. I wasn't even Applesnack.
>I was Littlepoop. And that is the worst kind of poop you can be.

Page break. We rejoin LP outside in the yard again. We are told that she somehow managed to gallop up through several levels of sub-basement, as well as the main levels of the Cathedral which is presently being bombed into oblivion by the Enclave airship, while carrying 25 unconscious full-grown unicorns in her horn aura. How she managed to do this is left entirely up to the reader's imagination.

While the actual fate of Red Eye himself is still technically unknown (last we saw him he was falling into a vat of taint; we were told that he was "dying," but not necessarily dead), it seems that his empire is basically finished. The Cathedral is in ruins now, and most of his soldiers have scattered to the winds. Calamity asks about his brother, and LP informs him that he died, though she omits the details of how it happened. Calamity seems slightly pained but not surprised.

The team shuffles back inside their new flying wagon, which you may remember is called the Tortoise, and prepare to head home. Apparently, the Enclave either doesn't notice them or isn't interested in trying to stop them. LP observes that the hellhound they rescued is still on board with Velvet Remedy, and that he has a new cybernetic leg for some reason. There is some brief explanation of what happened while LP was doing her dungeon crawl, but I can't really make sense of it. As I mentioned earlier, I lost track of where all the other characters in the story were supposed to be while LP was exploring the Cathedral, and in any event it doesn't seem terribly important. The present situation is this: Velvet, Life Bloom, and Calamity are manning the ship, Reggie is receiving medical attention, the hellhound is unconscious and/or sleeping, and Xenith is back at the jungle hut with Velvet's pet bird.

They are about to take off, when they notice that one of the Enclave Raptor ships is behaving erratically. LP, who is literally, physically incapable of minding her own damned business, tunes into the Enclave's radio channel and listens to their chatter. The rogue ship is apparently named the Lenticular, and the main Enclave ship, which the Lenticular is trying to ram, is ordering them to stand down or be fired upon. The Lenticular ignores its orders and continues full speed ahead. The Enclave fires on it, but to no avail. They punch some holes in it, and it begins to leak Pink Cloud, but it doesn't stop. It is at this point that LP realizes that, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, the Lenticular is filled with Pink Cloud.

The Lenticular collides with the main Enclave ship, and the resulting explosion destroys both ships and causes the Cathedral below to get swallowed up in a mess of Pink Cloud. It is at this point that Calamity wisely decides to start flapping his little horsie wings and pulling them all to safety. Meanwhile, a strange voice shouts "for Canterlot!" over the airwaves, and LP observes the silhouette of a lone pony escaping out the back of the Lenticular using a pair of bat wings. Not quite sure what that was all about, but I suspect we'll hear all about it in due course.

Page break. They make it almost the entire way back to Zecora's old hut in the Everfree Forest, when they are suddenly shot down. Calamity takes a hit in the wing, and everyone falls out through the back of the wagon. Littlepoop breaks a few ribs (basically nothing in this story), and then she bumps her head and loses consciousness.
This assassination could be made to work if this was LP's character arc: going from a goody two shoes who respects deals and gets fucked over for it to someone willing to bloody her hooves even if it means she'll hate herself for it later. General Ironcunt could be all "Well that was fun. Same time tomorrow? Let's have a big honourable war tomorrow, with you and all your friends and all your settlements against by Enclave. The perfect crescendo to this climax! Oh, it'll be everything you and I ever wanted, Pippy. Mass death, incalculable bloodshed, a glorious meat grinder of a battle full of war crimes, all survivors will have survivor's guilt, we'll have an epic battle for the fate of the world just like good heroes and villains and whoever wins will be justice and the hero while whoever loses will be called the evil one, we'll be legendary generals for all time!"
Then LP could say "No. No more epic battles. No more war. At this point I'm ready to end all of this one way or the other". and shoot him.
Better yet, shoot him and THEN say the line.

LP wakes up, and finds that Velvet has already healed her broken bones with magic. The party is currently surrounded by Wonderbolts; it was actually one of them that was responsible for shooting their wagon down.

From here it gets pretty weird. Calamity is facing off against a Wonderbolt named Gutshot, who is described as his exact doppelganger, down to the voice. For some reason, Gutshot is dead set on killing Calamity. He claims that this is because of the mission they were given, but the other Wonderbolts claim that the mission has been canceled, or the time limit ran out, or something. It seems like Gutshot's motivation to kill Calamity is personal. He keeps talking about how "Deadshot" (Calamity's Enclave codename as I remember) is a traitor and needs to die. My best guess at this point is that he is going to turn out to be Calamity's twin brother or something; idk. This story is pure weapons-grade autism.

Anyway, somehow, for some reason, somebody shoots Regina Grimfeathers. Also, it seems that those blue rape vines from earlier are crawling in again, so they've got that to worry about, too. From here, the narration gets pretty confusing and I can't guarantee that my summary of events is accurate.

Littlepoop levitates herself, Velvet Remedy I think, and Regina into the air, while Velvet casts a shield spell that keeps the rape vines pinned to the ground. LP hollers for Life Bloom, who immediately casts some kind of spell on Regina to keep her from dying I guess. Suddenly Calamity uses Little Macintosh, which he has for some reason, to shoot Gutshot's battle saddle and disable it. Gutshot tries to tackle Calamity, and Calamity shoots him in the leg, which seems to stop him. Calamity makes a lame joke about shooting yourself in the foot when your plans go awry, and then this extremely weird and baffling scene comes to an abrupt end.

Alright, I went back and reread a couple of paragraphs, and I think I understand the doppelganger business at least. Gutshot is not Calamity's biological twin; he's just an ordinary Wonderbolt. He first appears in the story in Chapter 21, when the Enclave shows up at Spike's cave and starts trouble. It's not clear if he's one of Calamity's blood relatives or not, but they clearly know each other. However, the reason he looks exactly like Calamity in this scene is because of this:

>“Ya fell inta the blue plants, didn’tcha Gutshot?” Calamity snapped back wryly. “Ah knew it burned yer feathers t’ be second best, but Ah never imagined you’d want t’ be me!” His voice was slowly rising. “Have ya met me? Have ya seen muh life?”
I'd forgotten about it, but the blue rape vines mentioned earlier are Poison Joke, or whatever Poison Joke is called in this story, and the implication seems to be that Gutshot fell victim to it and it changed him into the twin of Calamity.

The "joke" the plant is playing on Gutshot is that he transformed him into the pony he most wanted to be; the implication being that Gutshot's animosity against Calamity is based on extreme jealousy. In order to understand what he was jealous about, we have to go waaaay the fuck back to Chapter 21, where he first appears:

>“Oh yeah. Winner of the Best Young Sharpshooter competition four years running? You don't forget the pony who beat you."
>"Gutshot?" Calamity whispered, eyes going wide.
Basically, Calamity beat Gutshot in some kind of shooting competition way back when, and Gutshot is still assblasted about it. As usual, kkat is referencing a very obscure detail from literally 20 chapters ago and assuming that we are just going to instantly remember what he's talking about.

Anyway, this scene is confusing and stupid. Nothing in it has any apparent bearing on anything important that's going on, and it relies heavily on the reader's presumed familiarity with the minor details of a minor side character's backstory, none of which have even been mentioned for, again, literally 20 chapters. I don't know why kkat felt compelled to write this scene, and at this point I don't fucking care. Moving on.

Page break. They resume their journey back to Zecora's hut in the forest. It seems their wagon was destroyed in the Wonderbolts' attack, so they have to walk again.

>Velvet Remedy’s shield shimmered beneath us as we walked. Between the crash and the Everfree Forest, we’d lost ten more of the ponies I had rescued, most of them unicorns.
What exactly do these ponies keep dying of, anyway? Malaria? AIDS? Prolapsed rectums? Also, as far as I'm aware, all 25 of the ponies she rescued were unicorns. Anyway, if I'm keeping an accurate count, she should still have about ten of these faggots that she is (presumably) still lugging around using her all-powerful levitation bubble.

>Of those who survived, four had wrapped themselves in cloaks of denial and galloped off.
Welp, it looks like I spoke too soon; she's down to six unicorns now. It looks like at least some of them are conscious at least, so I'm assuming that they don't need to be levitated. Also, I have to ask: is "cloaks of denial" meant to be taken literally? There are so many goofy devices and accoutrements and wearable artifacts in this story that a literal Cloak of Denial doesn't seem like it would be that much of a stretch. In any case, it's a bit of a weird expression. What are they in denial about, anyway?

>Red Eye couldn’t be dead, after all. He was going to be a God. He was going to bring Unity.
It's very clumsily done, but I think I get what kkat is trying to say. Red Eye's unicorns are in denial about their overlord's death, so they go running back to the Cathedral to be at his side, or something like that. The "cloaks of denial" are metaphorical.

Part of what makes it confusing is that the unicorns have essentially been background props this entire time. It was never clear if they were meant to be Red Eye's underlings or simply his victims, so we don't know their loyalty or motivations.

Anyway, here's the current situation: Red Eye is (probably) dead, and the Enclave is...kind of defeated for the moment I guess. The death of their commander and the loss of two major airships probably set them back a little, but I doubt that would be enough to defeat them. Calamity basically confirms this:

>...the Enclave was mounting a massive assault on Fillydelphia. Calamity assured me that the Colonel’s death wasn’t going to prevent that. They had their orders, and another pony was already groomed to step into Autumn Leaf’s position. The Enclave wasn’t like a Canterlot ghoul. It didn’t die when you cut off its head.

In any case, from where I'm standing, it looks like Littlepoop's tasks are basically complete. Red Eye tasked her with killing the Goddess, and the Goddess tasked her with...stealing the Declaration of Independence or something; I've pretty much forgotten what she wanted. Both Red Eye and the Goddess are dead, though, so LP doesn't really have anything else to do in this story, right?

Well, if that were the case, this text would be about 50,000 words shorter and we'd all be a lot saner. However, it seems that this convoluted autism is going to drag on for quite a bit longer. I'm not sure what's next on the agenda exactly, but it sounds like it's got something to do with the Single Pegasus Project.

Anyway, they tromp through the woods for awhile longer, and eventually they get tired and take a break. For literally no fucking reason (again), LP suddenly decides to listen to some random audio recording she has saved on her PipBuck. This one is apparently a message that Sweetie Belle left on Zecora's answering machine way back when. It's literally nothing but a few short lines in which Sweetie Belle informs Zecora that she's been thinking about rocks. I feel like it's hinting at something significant, but I'm not entirely clear what. "Rocks" might have something to do with that magic meteor that fell from space and supposedly caused the war, or it might refer to that rock that was in Zecora's trunk; I'm not sure which. In any case, in his typical style, kkat ends the chapter abruptly, on an anticlimactic and somewhat confusing note.

Chapter Forty-Four: Galvanize

Today's Fortune Cookie:
>“The spark didn’t work.”
>“But it did. A different kind of spark... The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all are my friends!”
As ever, kkat provides no clue as to who the fuck is being quoted here or what the context is. Presumably it all has something to do with friendship being magic.

Welp, here we are. Home stretch. This chapter is about 27,000 words long, the next one is about 10,000, and after that there is an Epilogue of about 2,700 words and an Afterword of about 4,000. This brings the grand total to about 50,000 words. That is, of course, enough words to count as a full-length NaNoWriMo novel, but when you consider the length of the novel overall, it isn't that bad. We're almost there: Mount Doom is in sight, our grim task is nearly complete, and all we have to do is slog across a few more miles of dreary landscape. That cobwebby tunnel that Gollum is leading us through doesn't look so bad; I'm sure we'll be done and out of here in no time.

Anyway, as usual, the chapter opens with one of LP's delusional monologues. This one is about "faith."


There's nothing super-quotable here, but this monologue is a mildly interesting example of just how far this lunatic's perception of herself is from the reality we've been observing. Basically, her whole spiel here is about how important it is to have something to believe in; a feeling to hold on to, if you will.


Alright, I'll stop with the songs now. Point is, this is probably the last subject on Earth or Equus, I suppose that LP has any right to be lecturing anyone on. From the point this story began up until literally this very moment, LP has had no clearly-defined goals she wants to accomplish, and no obvious motivation for doing any of the things she does. What does she have faith in, exactly? As far as I can tell, the one thing this character has real faith in is her deeply-ingrained belief that she is a hero chosen to save Equestria from itself.

What's supremely ironic about this is that she doesn't even consciously acknowledge this; she's endlessly whining about how insignificant she is, and how she's not the wasteland savior and she wishes the ponies would stop worshipping her, and so forth and so on. Her behavior, obviously, puts the lie to this attitude; regardless of how much she might outwardly denigrate herself, she clearly believes that the task of "saving" the wasteland falls squarely on her shoulders. However, again, she won't consciously admit that she feels this way about herself.

This is exactly what makes her such an unhinged character. She doesn't think she's anyone special, yet she behaves as if the world starts and stops with her, and that her every decision she makes is going to alter events on a macro scale. Egotism is the driving force behind every action she's taken in this story.

As an example, consider the situation early in the story, when she decided to invade Old Appleoosa and kill everyone. There was no external reason for her to do this; the situation didn't affect her, and no one involved in it on either side ever asked for her help. However, her thought process basically went like this:
>Old Appleoosa practiced slavery
>I must kill all the slavers and free all the slaves

The action she took was not done out of an outward, conscious desire to be a hero. In her mind, this is just how anyone should respond to this situation. The possibility that she might not have any business interceding in this situation, or that there might be other points of view to consider, never crosses her mind. Running out of space, will continue.
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This attitude persists throughout the entire story. As we've seen, the events of this book are pretty discordant: LP escapes from the stable because she's horny, goes looking for her girlfriend, can't find her, and ends up captured by slavers. She escapes, wanders around for awhile, ends up in some random town, decides to randomly invade a nearby town and go on a killing spree, escapes, decides to go to another random town to go on another killing spree, gets sidetracked on the way, ends up fighting a dragon for some reason, and so forth and so on.

The whole story is just a string of bizarre actions taken by this character: she does one random thing after another, constantly throwing herself into fights that have nothing to do with her, attacking characters who have shown her no direct aggression, continuously putting her own life and the lives of her so-called friends in danger. She has no overarching goal other than a vaguely-defined belief in "good" and an unexplained desire to somehow "fix" the wasteland. However flimsy this belief may be, though, she is clearly quite driven by it, and that drive pushes her from one situation to the next. In other words, her actions make no obvious sense to the reader, but they clearly make sense to her somehow. In short, she's deranged.

The simplest comparison I can think of is this: imagine a story about a space hero who is fighting to save the earth from alien invaders. The aliens keep coming, constantly threatening the hero's life and the lives of the people he loves, and he keeps fighting them. No matter how many of them he kills, the aliens keep on coming and coming. There are piles of dead aliens all around him; he's tired, he's hungry, he's thirsty. All he wants is to go home to his nice little farm in Oklahoma and live a long, peaceful life with his three-legged dog Bootsy. But he can't, because the aliens keep coming and he has to keep killing them, or else the Earth will be destroyed.

Then, the M. Night Shyamalan twist: turns out there were never any aliens. There is no invasion of earth, no threat, no danger. There's not even a farm in Oklahoma. The "space hero" is just some lone schizo who escaped from a mental hospital and shot up a mall.

That's basically Littlepoop in a nutshell: she's not heroic, she's just crazy. If you don't believe me, read her unhinged blather about "faith" at the beginning of this chapter and compare the substance of her words to her actions so far.

It's important to understand that LP's derangement exists separately from any tangible action she takes in the story, and from any tangible consequences her actions produce. Even if she manages to accomplish some kind of overall "good" by the end of the story, she's still deranged, and her motivations for every action she's taken in this story still make no sense. Imagine if instead of shooting up a mall, the schizo from our example had inadvertently wandered into a bank robbery and foiled it. He technically accomplished something good, but does that make him any less deranged or dangerous?

Protip for authors: this is why you need to thoroughly consider who your characters are and what drives them, rather than just narrating their actions and assuming we will naturally grasp the why. It doesn't matter what their ultimate goal is, whether it's saving the world or getting promoted to assistant manager at Arby's; if you can't easily explain why they are pursuing the goal that they are pursuing, then the reader will have no choice but to assume that your character is insane.

As an ironic aside, LP could actually have been kind of a fun character if kkat had actually realized how mentally unhinged she is, and explored it. Unfortunately, this would never happen, since her derangement is actually the product of kkat's.

Page break. It's becoming gradually clearer that LP's first-person narration is actually part of the story. We are now getting some pretty strong hints that she is not telling her story to the reader in the meta-world, but to another character in the story. Whatever final action she intends to take, that (in her mind at least) is the one thing she can do to save Edgequestria from the horrible doodoo that threatens to consume its soul, has yet to be taken. The individual to whom she is narrating this is probably essential to whatever she has to do next, and she felt it was necessary to tell her story to this person before taking the final plunge.

Anyway, this microscene begins with this heading: "two days ago." The gang is apparently back in Zecora's old hut, having some kind of meeting. We are given a brief recap of everything that happened between the end of the previous scene and this one: basically, they kept walking, found the hut, took some healing potions, and rested a bit.

>Several of the ponies from the Overcast’s prison had worked together to dig a grave for the foal who had died in captivity.
I think I'm gradually beginning to remember what was happening in this story before I went on hiatus. When LP talks about the ponies she's "rescued," I've been assuming she is talking about the 25 unicorns that Red Eye had in a cage. Though she did indeed rescue these, she also rescued some captives from the Enclave ship Overcast when they were in there earlier; I'd just forgotten about it.

In my defense, it's partially kkat's fault that I've forgotten about these other captives. Not only because of how long and convoluted this story is, but also because he's been treating these captives the way he treats all his other NPCs: as complete non-entities. These characters have had little, if any, spoken dialogue, only a couple of them were given names, few of them were given more than the most bare-bones description, and literally none of them were made remarkable enough to remember. Their only purpose in the story is to give Littlepoop another batch of random background characters to rescue.
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How do you feel about the fact many fans have been giving this story praise for how it handles its narrator, citing the fact that it's a retelling of events by the protagonist of their journey as her being inherently delusional/ unreliable and thinking of herself to be a hero when she's actually not, and how this is brilliant and well-written? And that the flaws in her characterization and the plot and such are explained by this fact?
Something's been bugging me about this tale for a while now.

How many heroes have "i defend this city/planet/universe because I live here" as their motivation? Batman and Twilight want to protect their homes.
Then there are heroes with something to gain. Edward wants back what Alchemy took from him. Naruto wants the respect of his village.
Then there are heroes with a precious person to protect like how Jotaro wants to save his mother.
There can be heroes with multiple goals. Lelouch hates Britannia and wants his sister safe.
Then there are reluctant heroes just here to do a job like "retrieve that person" or "get this character to x location.
Joel from The Last Of Us just wanted Ellie where the Fireflies wanted her, until they bonded so much he said no in the end and saved her.
And then there's Littlepip.
She was manipulated by Velvet into removing Velvet's PipBuck, helping her escape the vault without any way to track her.
LP was loathed. Felt like she had to go out into the wastes to retrieve Velvet. Even as she's told on her way out "don't leave or you will never be allowed back in".
LP's life was basically ruined at least a little by this selfish bitch. Learning Velvet had a stupid motive and has flexible morals should piss her off nore.
And then when LP stumbles into meeting Velvet they get along instantly.
LP isn't pissed. Doesn't call Velvet a selfish whore. Doesn't try to drag Velvet home kicking and screaming. We don't get a scene where LP is injured and Velvet saves her life by surgically removing the bullet and sealing the wound with a campfire-heated knife on the condition that LP lets Velvet be free in the wasteland and takes her to Tenpony Tower.
We don't get a scene where LP drags Velvet back home only to be told "Velvet the celebrity can come back but fuck off, Littlepip. If we let you come back with awesome tales of murder and heroism everyone will want to leave this vault and be just like you. So fuck off. Sorry, you're a hero and you have to leave", prompting LP to say "fuck this" and leave with Velvet.
Littlepip decides she has to kill all the major faction heads in the area she doesn't like even though she has nothing to gain except ammo and sicker guns.
LP isn't going around looking for a place to settle down. She isn't carrying an all important mcguffin and she isn't one either. LP isn't on a mission with a time limit and stakes. She's on a self-appointed crusade to slaughter everyone she doesn't like for fun and profit.
She's the one who wants to visit the radio tower that sucks LP cock constantly and giving her Velvet's music is a bonus. Going through a monster infested radio tower for old vinyls for said radio tower is also a bonus. She takes it upon herself to sneak into Red Eye's land as a slave hoping to get within killing range of him. It's not like she's a pawn masterfully played by Red Eye or Homage. She's just a wrecking ball out of control, a powergaming munchkin looking for loot and EXP...
EXecution Points.
Littlepip never fundamentally changes enough as a person to start being a coherent hero with coherent goals, she's just a bored murderhobo and there's no reason why a person like this wouldn't have created a more interesting backstory for herself in the Stable.
LP was sold to us as a nerdy cowardly snarky everypony who once woke everypony up at a slumber party in her childhood by screaming after a nightmare about leaving the Stable and falling into the infinite nothingness beyond it. She is also a telekinetic god with maxed stats in everything except Explosions.
But besides occasionally blabbering to herself about a fear of heights or wide open spaces she fears nothing, not even death or the loss of her friends, and the author doesn't seem to see anything unusual about this. Calamity didn't have any complaints when he was dying from poison and LP put off treating him until after she'd looted everything in the chimera "misoginist" stable that wasn't nailed down and blew the place up too. The death of Steelhooves didn't make Velvet question LP's ability to keep her safe or make Calamity doubt his own ability to keep Velvet safe. The slaughter of cannibals and BOStards at Arbu didn't change these ponies fundamentally or seriously damage LP's reputation in anypony's eyes.
Kkat has no idea what kind of hero LP is supposed to be or what kind of better world she's supposed to be creating through the mass slaughter of anyone who doesn't meet her moral standards. She just knows she needs to gun down villains until she is told there are no more villains to kill, while smarter ponies than her do good for the Wasteland and build trade routes and relationships that can form the foundations for a new country. Societal change is big and confusing and it happens offscreen and we're told it's a result of her actions. We're told society made ponies become raiders who decorate their homes with piss and shit and gore and cum splattered beds and we're told society is improving thanks to Littlepip's "inspirational" mass violence. She's never said anything particularly inspirational about peace or war or rebellion or fundamental leaders or human(pony, whatever) rights or building a better world through mutually consensual deals. She's never said anything politically or economically wise enough to inspire anything intelligent like the rejection of monarchy and leaders in general and the birth of capitalism/anarchocapitalism. She has nothing smart to say about how or why Equestria fell. She has no solution to the Zebra problem and if she existed in the prewar era without postwar knowledge nothing she could or would have done would have saved anypony. LP only started killing when she thrust herself into a world of killers to escape her unpopularity in a safe stable.

We're told LP is nopony and LP tells us she is nopony. Then she demonstrates OP violence. Then we're told she is an inspirational wounded hero fighting for a better world.


Kkat can't design one. Or policies that'd build it.
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Anyway, the team appears to be having some kind of war council to discuss Littlepoop's latest deranged plan. For some reason, that hellhound with the robot leg has been allowed to join, and seems to be considered a member of the group now.

LP announces that she intends to pull a reverse Mr. Burns and bring back the sun. Pause for astonished gasps. Her reasoning is that this will kill a few different birds with one stone. The Enclave relies on the cloud cover to grow their crops, and taking it away would deal them a fatal blow, since not only would they no longer be able to feed themselves, but they would also no longer be able to keep their population from descending to the surface.

>“Open the sky and they won’t be able to stop all the pegasi who look down and then decide to buck off the government who has lied to them,” I proclaimed. “Open the sky and they no longer have a reason to slaughter ponies out of fear that one of us might remove their precious clouds.”
So basically, the Enclave has been bombarding its citizens with propaganda for years, claiming that the surface ponies are evil villains who want to take away the pegasi's farm-clouds and starve them. LP intends to expose these lies...by doing the exact thing that the Enclave said she would do, thus proving that their propaganda was actually right all along? Brilliant as ever, LP.

Anyway, the other part of this is that removing the cloud cover will bring the sun back, and everyone can enjoy natural light again. While this would no doubt make the wasteland a bit less dreary, LP seems to have overlooked a couple of details; namely that destroying the Enclave's only food source will probably cause widespread famine and death. We've already been told that the Enclave employs population controls on account of how they can't farm enough food to feed their population. We also know that food is scarce in the wasteland in general, since the population seems to mostly subsist on scavenged prepackaged food from before the war. LP's move will likely double or even triple the number of hungry mouths wandering around the wasteland, without doing anything to improve its food production. But hey, at least they'll all be able to enjoy the warm glow of Celestia's sun again.

Velvet seems to have caught on to this somewhat. She points out that the cloud cover is a food source that the pegasi depend on. However, it seems LP is just too darned clever for both Velvet and myself. She now reveals the cleverest part of her plan: she's not going to blast away the entire cloud cover, just some of it. Her plan, literally, is to "get in there, analyze the situation, and trigger a cloud-sweep from as many of the towers as we can without causing famine." It's okay folks; she's only going to nuke half of their crops.

Calamity isn't quite convinced either. He points out that the pegasi have razor-thin margins on their food supply as it is, which is why they engage in population control. His prediction is basically the same as mine: getting rid of the cloud cover will have a cascading effect that will likely result in even more chaos and bloodshed spreading across the wasteland. LP's answer to that one, naturally, is a song we've heard many times before: "I have a plan, but I can't tell you what it is yet. Just trust me and it will all work out." If the world wasn't a nuclear wasteland, this loony twat would probably be a very successful politician by now.

Since every one of these characters is a complete fucking idiot, this answer is enough to appease them. Life Bloom has no helpful comments at all; he just babbles autistically about how nice it will be to have the sun back, and of course takes the opportunity to heap fawning praise on ol' Mary Sue the Glorious Lightbringer™.

Anyway, with that out of the way, there's nothing else to do but hash out the details of how to gain access to the Single Pegasus Project, a feat which the best minds of Edgequestria have tried and failed to do multiple times. Fortunately, LP has a plan for that as well.

Like all of her plans, LP's strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. She plans to hit the base really hard and really fast with a front-on attack. Her party is of course, ridiculously outmatched in terms of both numbers and firepower, and the chances of this working, even under the most favorable conditions, are pretty much zero. So, Calamity's reaction to it is perfectly understandable:

>“Ah surgical strike,” Calamity suggested, pondering. “Could work. Assumin’ ya c’n find a way past the two shields.”
Well, in his defense, this idea really isn't that much stupider than any of the other ridiculous stunts they've pulled over the course of this ridiculous, ridiculous story. So, what the hell; let's just get this shitshow on the road already.

Anyway, the hellhound, whose accent I already hate even worse than Calamity's, suggests that they enlist the aid of one of his comrades. The name of this character is unironically "Fluffykins." However, if they wish to procure the services of Ms. Fluffykins, they will need to bust her out of the clink first. It seems she was a test subject in some kind of secret Enclave experiment, and she has superpowers probably, and she hates pegasi, and yada yada yada, I'm already falling asleep. At any rate, it looks like we've got another goofy side-mission lined up before the main event.

Speaking of goofy side missions, it seems that before they go running off to single-handedly assault a heavily armed military base in the sky, using only their arsenal of small arms and someone named fucking Fluffykins for crying out loud, LP wants to escort all of the nameless NPCs she rescued to Junction R7. You may or may not remember that Junction R7 is the super-rad base that LP took over from Gawd like 40 forevers ago and then never returned to. Once they get the details of that hashed out, Velvet pulls LP aside for a private chat.
I was joking with the Twilight/Batman thing, I know they fight for more than just the homes they live in. They fight for ideals and that is represented beautifully when the heroes who work together face flawed villains who mistreat their underlings or flawed alliances of villains. Friendship good and evil bad, it feels weird to compare a story written by an "adult" for "adults" and point out what they lack compared to kids shows.

There have been heroes that start with an inherently selfish goal like "retrieve someone who doesn't want to be retrieved so I can get my old life back" but then they grow as a result of new stimuli and life lessons and bonds made with others. They choose new moral missions like "Help this person gets where he truly needs to go no matter what" or "protect this person my old bosses wanted me to retrieve".

LP never goes through the kind of transformative character arc necessary to go from "I'll get Velvet back home and then everything can go back to normal!" to "Velvet and I will change this world for the better no matter what!" and so her character fundamentally doesn't work. Kkat wanted her "perfect" from day one so she's already peak murderhobo despite some grumbling or an odd moment of nerves or vomit here and there. But he didn't understand heart, or the heart of character.

Kkat doesn't understand enough about society and the death or birth of nations and laws to convincingly write about LP's deeds killing a bad society and giving birth to a new one. So we're just told to believe "Littlepip The Lightbringer, Wasteland Savior and Bedfellow of Edgelords" successfully took so many cruel influences away from the few ponies alive in the wasteland that only "kind" influences remain. Forget anything deep this story could say about society and the morality of using force to rebuild society vs letting thriving moral settlements that thrive due to their morality voluntarily form trade agreements and protect each other's interests and hire travelling heroes to solve problems only force can solve. No, this whole story was just a shooting gallery and now that the inherently evil enemies are all dead the remaining "inherently nice" ponies can enjoy life and do their part to fix things without any Raiders or Slavers or Alicorn cunts getting in the way. What a leftist view of the world, to believe that post-apocalytpic nightmares only suck for the inhabitants due to the actions of others, actions that can be undone with the murder of others.

Does the cloud covering maintained by Pegasi farmers prevent other races from farming? Just exterminate Enclave forces until you can take weather control away from them and use it to make your own "good" farms. Do Raiders feed on Trading Caravans? Just exterminate the Raiders as you would a RadScorpion infestation. Murder, murder, the solution is always murder to this blood-soaked pony with blood magic spells, and we're told she's morally superior to all the other killers in this hellhole because she tells herself she only kills "righteously".
As long as there is resource scarcity some will naturally want more. If society has no moral safe avenue for these people to get what they need (like becoming farmers) they will turn to crime. Authoritarian dictators like Red Eye might be able to promise his people full bellies and paved roads and a world without raiders but is it worth it if it has to be forced onto the world at the barrel of a gun held aloft by an Alicorn tyrant who's one third murderhobo, one third cyborg wannabe-dictator, and one third the worst villain Kkat could imagine: A racist food-hoarding Gwneral in charge of the local America stand-in hurting the "poor oppressed peoples" of the Edgequestrian Wasteland that's somehow supposed to also be the Middle East despite also being the ruins of a decadent failed-universalist failed-humanist American state that accepts drug-addicted drug-trafficking zigger rapefugee terrorists?

I wish Kkat found Fee.Org and youtube videos like Out Of Frame and Common Sense Soapbox before writing this, and got over his leftist delusions so he could understand reality for what it is and reflect that better in his moralporn emotionalporn murderporn gorefic for whiny teenagers who think nothing's edgier than Pinkie Pie becoming a crackwhore or a Pegasus with a shotgun saying fuck.
Kind of a reference? but this side mission might exist just to reference the fact that the Enclave in Fallout 3 have a few mind-controlled Deathclaws (the monsters that Hellhounds are based upon) in their possession.
I've really missed this during the hiatus. Welcome back Glim.
Glad to have you back glim glam.

As I've said, I think if kkat actually understood how deranged his character comes across it could be a potentially interesting story. If he wrote her this way on purpose it would be one thing, but again I don't think he actually realizes how crazy his character comes across or how erratic her actions in the story appear. Thus, her derangement is a bug and not a feature.

Having an unreliable narrator can add an interesting layer of complexity; the reader has to learn to differentiate between the character's point of view and what's actually going on. If you have a narrator who is clearly insane, you can use this technique to completely obfuscate the truth and force the reader to merely guess at what is actually happening. A Clockwork Orange does a good job of this.

Though it's not written in the first person, Absalom Absalom by William Faulkner also uses unreliable narrators in an interesting way. The life story of a character the reader never actually encounters is told multiple times by different characters, all of whom have a different opinion of him. Some have never actually met him. Every character is biased in some way and each has a different level of knowledge of the subject, so no account given can be completely trusted. The reader is never given the omniscient version of the story.

We're not quite at the end of FoE yet, so I suppose it's possible that kkat has some kind of twist prepared. However, nothing he's written so far suggests to me that he is capable of writing at that level. As far as I can tell, Littlepoop is intended to be taken as a genuine hero; I don't think there's any kind of bait and switch being prepared. If I'm wrong, it might change my opinion of the book overall. But again, I'm not holding my breath.

At any rate, calling LP an unreliable narrator just to explain away logical inconsistencies in the plot doesn't fly, in my opinion.

Part of what's frustrating about this book is that kkat actually has more to work with than he realizes. I've mentioned several times that he could have made a much more interesting character out of Velvet by exploring her cunty, manipulative side a little better, or at least putting a little more thought into her what drives her, beyond that she likes to sing and kinda-sorta wants to be a doctor when the mood strikes her.

Thanks folks, it's good to be back. Well, not really, but...you know what I mean.
Complimentary ponefish.
Remember that FIM episode where the ponies warred with Buffalo by throwing pies?

You know what is vaguely pie-shaped? Landmines.

These ponies shouldn't be using guns meant for human hands, they should be tossing landmines. Either throwing them like frisbees to deny areas to the enemy or hurling them face-first at enemies to explode on contact.

Landmines should have gone through centuries of evolution in this alternate pone timeline, not guns. Traditional old fashioned landmines, proximity mines, gas mines, frenzy gas mines that makes berserk enemies turn on each other, memory loss gas mines, magical enchanted ice or shrink blasts or even magic waves that turn you into delicious cows, and more. Imagine a landmine that, when readied and triggered, teleports the person who readied the mine to it so they can gun down and loot whoever triggered the landmine. LP could trigger one and it could summon a dead skeleton picked clean of loot and meat. Super spooky and tragic, he died before his trap could be triggered.

Speaking of which it's stupid that in this story the creation of gunpowder and the birth of the first guns and the creation of the "modern-day" (vaguely retrofuturistic and classic to 1960ish era) guns are so close together. It could be justified with all sorts of things (tremendous gun research budget, future-seeing wizards ripping off weapon designs 20 years into the future then checking the future they just changed by advancing their current tech level to see even more advanced weaponry in the future and repeating this process until nukes are eventually discovered and the future mysteriously becomes unseeable, researchers on Mint-Al CrackMints with boosted intelligence drawing equations on walls with Magic Hats Of Metalbending letting them rapidly craft and iterate upon more than ten new gun designs a day per mad genius assigned to the project) but if Kkat thought it was something unusual that needed a justification instead of expecting us to take ponies inventing human guns for granted, he would have provided his own explanation. An overly long and potentially confusing explanation filled with irrelevant details and namedrops for shit to be forgotten now only for it to potentially get referenced again 200k words later.

also its me my wifi is down.

LP follows Velvet outside to see what she wants, but before they can have their chat the hellhound pulls her aside.

>“Leetlepip,” he said with an almost whispering hiss. “Ain’t no small thing, you’re intendeen. Tu bring back the moon und the blanket uf gems.” Blanket of…? Oh, he meant the stars.
I have no commentary here, I just wanted to highlight this as an example of the horrendous dialogue in this story. Every single line spoken by the hellhound has been written this way so far.

Anyway, here's a quick summary of what the hellhound (still no name for this character) has to say:

He is aware that Littlepoop was responsible for the destruction of the hellhound warren that got kerploded when Xenith set off the megaspell underneath Splendid Valley. However, he doesn't hold a grudge against her for this. His reasoning is that the hellhounds and the ponies were at war, so these deaths were merely battle casualties. What he does hold a grudge against her for is her failure to rescue the "Ghost Farm hellhounds."

This part requires a bit of explanation, as it is one of those areas of the story that kkat didn't explain particularly well. However, he has dropped enough bread-crumb hints that we can more or less piece it together.

The Enclave had some kind of project going that involved putting mind-control helmets on hellhounds so they could use them as low-level grunts to do their dirty work on the ground. The evidence of this consists of the radio transmitter the party found atop one of the buildings in that ghost town they visited shortly after they first met Trixie, and the fact that the party has encountered hellhounds wearing mind control helmets at a few points throughout the story. The most recent batch, the ones who broke into Red Eye's basement laboratory, were among these. The implication is that Colonel "Big Mountain" Fudgecake was holding them as a trump card, and summoned them at the last minute to foil Red Eye's schemes. How he was able to do this while completely paralyzed is a question for another day.

The "Ghost Farm" the hellhound mentions is a location that has been referenced once or twice in passing, but hasn't factored into the story in any significant way. If I remember correctly, it is located somewhere in the vicinity of Canterlot, and is supposed to be booby-trapped with a fuckton of landmines. If you don't remember hearing about it you can hardly be blamed.

Anyway, what the hellhound is basically saying is that LP was justified in killing the hellhounds underneath Splendid Valley, since they were arguably her enemy. However, he holds her culpable for the deaths of the hellhounds that died when the Cathedral was destroyed, since they were being mind controlled by the Enclave and couldn't be held responsible for their actions. That LP was directly responsible for the deaths of the Splendid Valley hellhounds, but only killed the Cathedral ones indirectly by electing not to save them, does not seem to factor into his logic.

This seems to be another instance of kkat's wacky moral algebra being put to work. The issue at hand is that LP elected to save a bunch of unconscious unicorns while allowing the violent, mind-controlled hellhounds to die. To me her decision seems logical: she elected to save the unicorns because they were fellow ponies, but didn't consider herself responsible for saving the alien hellhounds (who probably would have attacked her, with or without the helmets, if given the opportunity). However, if you're working from the base assumption that all lives should have equal value to all people, then I suppose I can see how this might create a moral conundrum.

The problem is that when you try to apply these kinds of universal ideals to a splatter-porn survival story like this, you tend to get weird results. As I've often complained, none of these characters have any clear principles of their own. They all seem to just accept some general, vaguely-defined idea that killing is usually wrong, but also that killing certain specific things under certain specific conditions is okay. LP's justifications for killing tends to change on a dime, so it's hard to gage what the author is actually trying to say here.

Anyway, LP spends a few more paragraphs waxing pseudo-philosophical about whatever ethical issue she's supposed to be grappling with, and then she lamely apologize to the hellhound for not being "better" than she is. Her statement is worth quoting, because it actually sums up the vague wishy-washy morals of this story pretty succinctly:

>“Your people have every reason to hate me, but I really am trying to do the right thing, the best I can.” That, I could only assume, was the coldest of comforts. But I had to say it. I had to say something. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to do better.”
"I'm trying to do 'the right thing.' I'm sorry for not 'being better.'" How exactly is one supposed to be "good" when they can't even define their own idea of it?

>Another thought occurred to me. “After this, the pegasi will have plenty of reason to hate me too.” I felt sudden empathy for Scootaloo. “To save Equestria, I’ve become the villain of the piece.”
This statement also reveals more than the author intended it to. Look past her words at what she's actually saying. She isn't empathizing with Scootaloo or anyone else, nor does she actually regret whatever horrible thing she's about to do to the pegasi. She feels sorry for herself, because she's about to do something that she sees as being for the good of all, but in her infinite Mary Sue wisdom she also knows that the poor, stupid rubes she's saving won't see it that way. All she regrets here is that the world won't fully comprehend how noble her efforts to save it have been.

We've seen the phrase "villain of the piece" before, but the way she's describing it "pariah" would be more accurate. With LP, it's narcissism all the way down.
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Anyway, the hellhound tells Littlepoop that while he still holds her responsible for not saving the other hellhounds, he approves of what she is trying to do. He insinuates that if she can accomplish her mission then as far as he is concerned they are squaresies on the whole hellhound-holocaust thing, and because of this he is willing to send someone along to help her. At this point, he asks where they are planning to "gather" in order to attack the Enclave fortress, so he can instruct his friend to meet them there.

LP does not entirely trust him, but at the same time is tempted by his offer of another disposable soldier to drag off to the gallows on her ill-fated holy war against the forces of whatever. Eventually, she concludes that the hellhound can be trusted because Velvet Remedy fixed his leg, so she decides to meet him halfway. She won't tell him where they are planning to gather, but she tells him to have his friend meet them at "a hardware store near a passenger wagon stop in Fetlock."

Page break. It looks like there are going to be more confusing time-jumps in this section of the story, as this one is headlined "today."

>The first shot was fired less than an hour after dawn. I don’t think anypony will ever know by who.
By whom.

Anyway, I have literally no idea what the fuck is supposed to be going on in this particular microscene, nor do I understand why the author felt it was appropriate to skip forward a whole two days just to drop it in. Since it's short, I'm just going to copypaste the whole thing. Take from this what you will, I guess:

>But that shot lit the fire. Two massive armies charged forward over the badlands outside of Fillydelphia.

>The orifices of the Enclave Thunderhead Glorious Dawn opened and spewed a black-carapaced plague that swarmed down from the sky. Hundreds of battle-armored unicorns and earth ponies, a great many of them survivors of The Pitt, galloped to meet them, firing assault weapons and high-powered rifles with enchanted bullets.

>Griffins soared into the sky from the Fillydelphia Wall, anti-machine rifles firing at each target of opportunity. More than a dozen Raptors swooped in, their energy weapons turning Pinkie Pie Balloons into flying infernos. The first four crossed over the wall when Stern unleashed her biggest surprise.

>Though badly wounded, Red Eye’s cyberdragon had survived the fight in Everfree Forest, and for reasons only it could know, it still fought for Equestria. And it was pissed. The first of the Raptors was torn apart in a whirlwind of violence.

>The sound of heavy, cruel thunder drummed the earth as the Glorious Dawn descended into the fray.

Page break. The time-frame is back to being "two days ago," once again raising the question of why the fuck the author randomly decided to skip ahead two days just to dump in a detached scene without context.

Anyway, this scene pretty much picks up where the actual story left off. Having finished talking to the hellhound, LP now turns her attention to Velvet. Velvet tells her that somehow, Calamity has figured out that LP killed his brother. She wants to know if it's true. LP decides to be honest and confesses to the deed.

>I interrupted her silence. “And before you try telling me I should have given him a chance: you didn’t see him down there. And you didn’t see Friendship City.” My voice was slowly rising. “He’d had chances. You have to want to change, or at least show a shred of remorse or decency or something…”
What exactly did he do 'down there' that she found so objectionable? I don't remember him doing much of anything; he argued with Red Eye for awhile and then Red Eye disabled his armor. Again, if this character had been introduced earlier on in the story as a major antagonist, and we'd been given a chance to witness his deeds and form an opinion about him the way we did with Red Eye and Trixie, his execution might have made more sense. As it stands, I still have a hard time understanding why LP felt the need to do what she did, apart from the obvious fact that she is a self-righteous, narcissistic psychopath.

Also, I'm not entirely clear what she means by this:

>And you didn’t see Friendship City.
What happened in Friendship City, and how is it relevant? I remember the Enclave attacked it at one point, so presumably Calamity's brother had something to do with ordering that, but so what? What about that specific incident was so atrocious that it justified executing this guy point-blank?

She goes on:

>Deflating, I said simply, “If I had let Calamity’s brother go, he would most likely have sought revenge on all of the wasteland.
This can neither be proven nor disproven.

>He had no regard for the lives of others
Neither does LP or anyone else in this story.

>and Red Eye gave him every excuse he needed to turn his Operation: Cauterize into something more like Quarantine and Incinerate.”
I don't really understand what she's saying here. Is this a condemnation of Red Eye, the Colonel, or both?

Anyway, LP's thoughts go off on another of her random tangents, and she babbles on for a few paragraphs about stuff and whatever. As it turns out, Velvet isn't even actively condemning her for killing the Colonel, she's just concerned about her. The rest appears to be LP's own conscience nagging her.

After this, they yak about Velvet's decision to help the hellhound and fix its leg. I'm actually still not clear on where she found a cybernetic leg, or how she managed to attach it to the hellhound. Either I missed something big, or it's one of those situations where kkat just expects the reader to piece something together from random pieces of autism he's scattered around the text. Either way, I'm not really interested enough to investigate.

Anyway, the two of them have a long, pointless conversation in which they both give themselves a self-righteous pat on the back for helping ponies and/or creatures that probably wouldn't do the same for them, and then the scene ends.
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hey guys, I'm pretty sure I found that fanfiction about scootaloo on earth that pushes how great socialism is.

Though I won't be able to verify until I get home.

Page break. Time jumps forward to "today" again. For some reason Gawd, her daughter Reggie, and several of the other Talons are helping to clear clouds. Whatever pegasus-devised mechanism created the cloud cover in the first place keeps trying to fill in the gaps, making their effort rather sisyphean. They also appear to be doing this while the battle described in the previous "today" scene is raging below, adding to the-already high WTF levels.

Suddenly, they are attacked by a patrol of Enclave soldiers. They fight for awhile, stuff happens, a throwaway character named Butcher is killed, and Reggie gets hit and falls through the clouds. Nothing else happens.

Page break. It is once again "two days ago." Having apparently finished their conversation, LP and Velvet turn to go back to Zecora's hut. Then, suddenly, a wild alicorn appears.

The alicorns, which apparently still exist because reasons, want to procreate, because reasons. The problem seems to be that there are no male alicorns. They have therefore chosen this precise moment to fly out to this random hut in the woods to ask Velvet Remedy about it, because...you guessed it...reasons.

Anyway, it seems that the alicorns, in their goofy way, have somehow gotten it into their head that Velvet is "the one who helps." They pull out some mangled cybernetic junk and a ruined robot eye, which turns out to be all of Red Eye that survived after he fell into the vat. If anyone cares, the story is that apparently he survived falling into the vat, managed to climb out of it and escape into the tunnels, only to end up being eaten by his own pet dragon.

I don't entirely follow this next bit, but once again, I'm getting pretty tired of trying to follow kkat's autistic reasoning process and I just don't have the energy to analyze it. But I'll try. The long and short of it seems to be that Red Eye had some kind of huge computer array in Fillydelphia, that somehow received memories transmitted by his sprite bots, and the alicorns want Velvet to somehow use this to...actually, fuck it; I have literally no goddamned idea what they expect her to do. This story is approaching levels of autism that shouldn't even be possible.

In any case, Velvet is too grossed out by Red Eye's bloody half-chewed cybernetics sacrebleu! le edge! to agree to this. However, for reasons that only she could understand, she promises the alicorns that she will try to think of a way to help them. The alicorns seem to be okay with this arrangement. Nothing else happens.

Page break. Once again, it has become "today." I'm beginning to smell a pattern here; perhaps kkat googled "foreshadowing" at some point, and decided to give it the ol' college try.

Anyway, the same battle appears to be raging on. This time, we see it from the perspective of the Steel Rangers, who are presently trying to defend their headquarters from some attacking Enclave ponies. The situation appears hopeless, then suddenly one of the Applejack's Rangers the distinction between these two still hasn't been explained all that clearly randomly shows up and starts shooting at the Enclave. The Steel Rangers continue fighting. Nothing else happens.

Page break. "Two days ago." We are told that it is now dawn, because apparently it was night before. The alicorns leave, and LP is now approached by Life Bloom. Through some convoluted chain of autistic logic similar to LP's leaps of Mary Sue intuition, Life Bloom seems to have figured out that LP has access to some kind of "food-production megaspell." Though he does not know about the Gardens of Equestria, he seems to have figured out that something along these lines exists, and that it's part of LP's plan somehow.

He asks to see the spell, and LP informs him that it's not hers to show. He reluctantly accepts this, and then reveals something else that he seems to have somehow intuited (thought this one isn't that hard to guess at) - that LP's plan also involves some final act of self-sacrifice that will result in her death. LP confirms this.

>“Part of me wants to hug you and proclaim you my hero for what you are about to do,” Life Bloom granted. “But part of me wants to drop you, and keep you paralyzed until I can hoof-deliver you to Homage so she can buck some sense into you.”
I can actually sympathize with him a bit here, as I am also a bit conflicted in my feelings towards Littlepoop. Part of me wants to stuff her into a trash can, kick it down several flights of stairs, drag her out of the trash can and back up the stairs by her tail, stuff her into a second trash can filled with rusty nails, weld it shut with no air holes, and then kick that[ down the stairs.

But, another part of me wants to eat a giant Mexican lunch, shit the entire thing down her throat, sew her lips and anus shut, stuff her entire body into Life Bloom's colon, sew his lips and anus shut, toss them both into an oven, slow-roast the shit-and-pony turducken in a patented blend of herbs and spices for several hours, and then drop it off at kkat's house so his mom won't have to cook him a Thanksgiving dinner. Decisions, decisions.

Anyway, the long and short of this is that LP plans to either die inside the SPP, or else fuse with it somehow and become some sort of living weather-machine; I'm not really clear on which (or if it's actually some ridiculous third kkat thing that I'm not autistic enough to think of). Either way, once she activates it, she doesn't plan on a return journey.

Bloomin' Rectum berates her for abandoning Homage, pointing out that she's already lost one dykefriend and that it will destroy her to go through that again. She responds with her usual "if I don't save the wee turtles who will" pablum. She also claims that Homage will completely lose her "faith in heroes" if LP doesn't save the wasteland somehow, because LP's ego is literally that big.
Got home and apparently I read all but the last chapter of this fanfiction. Didn't read any of the sequels.
Scootaloo was adopted by a couple of faggots that were "married" apparently.
Was skimming the second-to-last chapter, "scootaloo goes to church" and its all about how any kind of "faith" in anything is acceptable, unless you are an actual christian with actual legit values in life.

I seem to recall socialism was interlaced through the whole thing, and pushed pretty hard in at least a few places.
Anyway, somebody was asking about it. I'm about 95% sure this is the one I was thinking of. I am sorry, for whoever ventures into reading it in any capacity. I feel bad for myself for just skimming this one chapter about "church".

This actually looks like it might be kind of funny. I'm going to add it to the maybe pile.
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The rest of this microscene is just Life Bloom simpering and apologizing to Littlepoop for not being as heroic as she is. He accedes that the Twilight Society needs to live up to its name, and do more for the good of Equestria, and blah blah blah eat the pudding.

LP's reaction is worth calling attention to:

>I merely nodded, turning my tail on him and trotting off. As much as my heart felt like it had been put through a blender, this was good. I needed Life Bloom thinking this way. I had a plan. And without Homage, it would be up to him alone to convince the Twilight Society to do their part.
Littlepoop is probably a legit sociopath. She pretty much does whatever she wants whenever she wants, uses whoever she wants however she wants, and justifies all of it through this misguided idea that she's somehow "fixing" or "saving" the wasteland. She never questions her natural right to do this, and any damage she causes is just a trifle before a great mission. It isn't just strangers or adversaries she takes advantage of either; she has shown repeatedly that she has no problem taking advantage of her allies, her friends and even Homage in order to get what she wants.

Her ultimate goal, as I've repeatedly stated, has never really been clear. Whether or not the wasteland will end up any better off as a result of her actions remains to be seen, but either way this entire project of hers is nothing but insane self-aggrandizement; everything she says about doing it for others or for some warped notion of common good is just her delusion.

One thing I will note here is that I'm beginning to see the intended parallels between LP and Red Eye a little more clearly now. It was still clumsily handled, but I'll admit that the author probably deserves more credit than I've given him for developing these two characters as mirrors of each other. The main issue is that (I suspect) Red Eye was intended to be a dark mirror of LP; the goal with his character was to show how thin of a razor's edge LP is really walking, and how it would only take a slight nudge to make her just as evil as he is. That isn't exactly how it worked out.

If anything, the problem is that there isn't enough of a distinction between the two characters. Red Eye isn't LP's dark mirror, he's just a slightly more obviously evil version of her. If anything, Red Eye is the more sympathetic of the two; at the very least he owns his sociopathy and doesn't try to deceive himself about what he's doing or why he's doing it. LP hides every insane, self-serving thing she does behind a veneer of noble selflessness, and what's more, she does it without even being conscious of it. She's such a talented sociopath she even manages to charm herself.

Anyway, let's move on.

Page break. It is once again "today."

We are now inside Tenpony Tower, in one of the hidden ritual chambers that Homage showed to LP. We are told that the last time this particular chamber was used, it was to cast some kind of sun-harnessing megaspell that completely destroyed several zebra-occupied islands.

At present, the chamber is being used by a group of robed ponies who are almost certainly members of the Twilight Society. It's not clear what they are up to exactly, but from the last few "today" scenes, we're beginning to get the first faint glimmer of the larger picture. Here is what is most likely happening:

Earlier, we saw Gawd's mercenaries punching holes in the Enclave's cloud cover. This would be a futile effort in and of itself, but the object here is probably to allow just enough sunlight through to power the spell that the Twilight Society is trying to cast. It's not quite clear what's happening down below, beyond that there is a huge battle going on, but all of this seems to be part of one of LP's intricate, wacky schemes. Unfortunately, the only way to find out exactly what's going on will be to keep reading.

Page break. "Two days ago."

>I concentrated as best I could. This time, it was my turn to fly Calamity over the treetops of the Everfree Forest. We were going to locate the Tortoise, and I was going to levitate it back with us to Zecora’s Hut, the only safe place to really work on it.
This doesn't make a whole lot of sense. The only reason to bring Calamity along on an errand like this would be to have him fly the Tortoise back to the hut once it was located. However, it was established earlier that Calamity has a broken wing and can't fly, which is presumably why LP is levitating him. Since she's going to transport the ship back by levitating it, Calamity's presence here shouldn't be necessary; if anything, it's just going to give her one extra thing to levitate on the way back.

Anyway, as they are walking, they are suddenly attacked:

>Even so, I was absolutely not ready for what swooped out of the sky in front of us. I found myself staring into the eyes of a reaper pony!
What is a reaper pony? We haven't encountered one of these. Although LP immediately explains it in the next paragraph, this passage is worth calling attention to, because LP hasn't encountered one before either. Thus, logically, she ought not to know what it is any more than we do, and shouldn't be able to identify it by name. This goes back to one of my earliest complaints: it's never been clearly established just how much knowledge LP is supposed to have about the world she lives in.

Anyway, here's what a reaper pony is:

>It had the body of a dead pegasus -- gaunt, coatless, its body a pale and sickly white -- but the eyes of a dragon -- fierce, glowing-yellow irises with cat-like pupils, full of power and fierce life. From behind its shoulders sprouted large, leathery, bat-like wings. And nightmarish armor growing out of its flesh.
Honestly I don't see much difference between this and a ghoul, other than the bat wings and the eyes. I'm going to take a wild shot in the dark and assume that 'reaper' is another blatantly plagiarized Fallout thing.
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>My heart seized. The reaper ponies were real! I mean, really real! Oh Goddesses, I wasn’t ready to die! Not now!
This is also confusing. Is a reaper pony supposed to be something significant in the world's mythology that we should recognize? Again, kkat tends to be pretty murky about details like this.

My old friend Ctrl-F reveals that the earliest mention of a "reaper" is in Chapter 19, in one of the end-of-chapter footnotes:

>New Perk: Reaper Pony’s Gallop – If you kill a target while using S.A.T.S., 25% of your AP are restored after dropping the spell. This will usually refresh your targeting spell enough to use it again immediately for at least one more attack.
This unintelligible vidyagame autism seems to confirm my theory that "reaper" is something distinct that Fallout players would recognize.

The word is also peppered throughout quite a few of the earlier chapters:

>By Luna, we look like grim reaper ponies.
Velvet Remedy, in Ch. 23

>I grimaced. Not that I minded looking like a reaper pony to raiders (I damn well ought to!), but because Velvet’s comments brought back memories of the twisted view of us that SteelHooves had once professed to Calamity.
LP, same chapter, reacting to Velvet's assessment of their appearance.

>The reaper pony had come to take him home.
LP, in Ch. 24, describing her "host" in one of the memory-orb interludes.

There are a few more examples I could quote, but it's just more of the same. Point is, prior to this chapter, the word "reaper" has always appeared in a generic context: a simple avatar of death. Most people reading the above passages would just take "reaper" as a figure of speech; basically just a colorful and poetic reference to the concept of death itself. Here, however, it seems that he's referring to a specific type of creature, called a "reaper pony."

This is one of kkat's bad habits. Several words in this setting, most notably raiders, slavers, ghouls, zombies, and now apparently reapers, refer to creatures or character classes that are specific to this setting. However, these are also common words that have an established meaning in common parlance. Kkat uses them casually, without giving the reader any hint that he is referring to anything specific to his world; thus, the reader is going to naturally assume the common definition of the word. Usually, when he does this, it means he's talking about some direct reference to Fallout that he just assumes the reader will pick up on.

This is a bad writing habit and you shouldn't do it. Even if it's a safe bet that most of your audience has played the video game you're referencing, you still want to make sure your text could be understood by someone uninitiated. You don't have to autistically explain every detail of what a "ghoul" is, you just need to make it clear to the reader that "ghoul" in your story is the proper word for a specific type of creature, and not simply a general term for something nasty, interchangeable with "monster," "goblin," "spook," and so forth. For example, Tolkien in The Hobbit uses "goblin" to describe a unique type of creature, distinct from trolls, ogres, and other words that might be used interchangeably with "goblin" in ordinary speech he later retcons "goblins" into "orcs," but the basic concept still applies. From the very first time it appears, he uses the word in a way that makes it clear that it refers to something world-specific, and that the word applies only to these specific creatures.

Anyway, the scene becomes only slightly less confusing as it progresses. The question of what a "reaper pony" is turns out to be irrelevant anyway, as it appears Littlepoop was mistaken; what she thought was a reaper is actually a Canterlot ghoul (I guess), and for some reason it knows who LP and Calamity are. It refers to Calamity as "Lionheart," and Calamity rather cryptically refers to it as "the demon."

It gets pretty bizarre from here. I get the impression this scene is meant to be light and comical, but either the humor is too autistic for me to get, or else kkat is directly spoofing a Fallout moment I'm not familiar with. I'll do my best to summarize what happens.

This weird, undead ghoul-like creature, that may or may not be something called a 'reaper,' speaks in a very loud voice. The reason for this appears to be the armor it's wearing: the creature says that it was enchanted by Luna so that the pony wearing it will always speak in the Royal Canterlot voice. This seems like a bit of an impractical and silly enchantment, but we'll put a pin in that for now. It keeps referring to itself as "we," and Calamity initially makes the mistake of assuming it means the royal "we."

However, it soon becomes apparent that there is a second member of its party:

>In response, a tiny white field mouse with cute little pink eyes scurried up the Canterlot ghoul’s hideous neck-armor and perched on his head, squeaking. The little fellow’s whisker’s wiggled cutely...
>…and for some reason I couldn’t fathom, the tiny mouse struck an even deeper note of terror in me than the apparent reaper pony had.

Using her Mary Sue divination powers, Littlepoop immediately deduces that 'Lionheart' must be this mouse's name. The character was mentioned briefly in one of her dykefriend's long-forgotten broadcasts:

>I have a tale here of two such heroes taking down one of those warships just south of Stalliongrad. Left a calling card: Lion & Mouse. Well, tell you what, Lion and Mouse. Drop by Tenpony Tower sometime.

So, if I'm following all of this correctly, these two are some kind of dynamic duo; presumably the ghoul-reaper-thing is the Lion, and the mouse is the Mouse. Though it is not at all clear how they did it, it seems that these two managed to down one one of the Enclave's giant airships on their own. Alrighty then.

I wish I could say this is the most autistic thing that has yet happened in this story, but I think we all know that's pretty far from the truth.
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Anyway, the rest of this scene is just LP going off on another of her spergy internal monologues, in which she connects various random bread crumbs dropped throughout various random points in the text, and in so doing divines the origin of these two very strange characters who suddenly appeared out of literally fucking nowhere. Here is a brief summary:

Lion and Mouse are two vigilantes, who appear to have just randomly decided one day that it was their mission to wander around the wasteland blowing random shit up. Sounds a little familiar. Anyway, their attacks on the Enclave attracted the attention of DJ Pon3/Homage, who invited them down to her studio for an interview. They showed up, and immediately forged a bond with her over a mutual love of random, pointless acts of destruction thinly disguised as heroism.

Homage appears to have enlisted their help in her own quest to commit random acts of pointless destruction (I've honestly forgotten what she's supposed to be doing exactly), and after tearing around the wasteland blowing up Enclave ships and whatnot for awhile, she appears to have sent them LP's way to aid in her mission of random, pointless destruction. As proof that they were indeed sent by Homage, they present her with a gift: a memory orb and a note that simply reads "#8." Presumably, this is one of the memories that LP recorded and then had erased. I'm not 100% sure about this, but I think #8 is supposed to be the dirty one.

>The mouse snorted, just a little, blasting the air with yard-long streams of terrifyingly solid pink.
My best guess here is that for some autismo reason that only kkat could comprehend, this mouse is able to exhale pink cloud every time it blows its nose. I think the basic idea is that they both somehow survived the Canterlot attack, and were mutated by it or whatever. I don't even know what the fuck anymore.

Page break. "Today."

We are now treated to a glimpse inside one of the Enclave battleships. The regrettably-named Ensign Fancy Lad is overseeing the bombing of what appears to be whatever's left of Red Eye's slaving operation. Then, suddenly, one of those haunted radios appears to go off, infecting the headsets of all the crew members. An elevator door opens, releasing pink cloud into the cockpit or bridge or whatever the fuck this thing has kkat doesn't describe the interior of these ships any better than he describes anything else, and standing in the midst of it are two characters who bear a striking resemblance to the pair we encountered in the previous scene. Nothing else happens.

Page break. "Two days ago."

>“Whut?” he asked, at least feigning ignorance. “Killeen joke turned uh male hellhound entu uh female pony.”
Well, it looks like we finally learned kkat's origin story.

Anyway, as far as I can tell, they are all back at Zecora's hut again. Whether or not LP and Calamity accomplished their original mission of recovering the Tortoise is presently unknown.

For whatever bizarre reason, hearing the albino cyborg hellhound talk about magically-induced sex change operations gives Velvet Remedy an idea. In a completely out-of-character moment, she channels Rarity (who has been dead for 200 years) and cries "I-dee-ah!" in a shrill singsong voice. Then, she runs up to LP and randomly asks if they can return to Stable 29. I've completely forgotten which of the stables is which, but I think 29 is the one the Steel Rangers took over.

LP accedes to her request without even bothering to ask why she wants to go there, because apparently her own zany plan calls for going there anyway. Lionheart (this name seems to be rather ambiguously applied to both the reaper/ghoul pony and its mouse friend) enters the room and greets everyone, and for some reason this freaks out the hellhound. The text doesn't offer any hints as to why, but I suspect it has something to do with the volume of its voice.

At this point, Calamity asks LP if she would like to explain at least some of her ridiculous plan now, and LP decides that she might as well. Here is a brief summary:

To pull off whatever insane thing she intends to have them attempt, the party will need the help of seven of their allies. LP has already taken the liberty of using Spike's sprite-bot network to summon all of them. The only name given is Life Bloom, who is already with them. However, we can logically deduce that this "Lionheart" character was sent by Homage since (for some reason I've forgotten) she won't be able to join them herself. I'm also going to take a wild guess and assume that Gawd is one of the mysterious seven, so that leaves four names still unaccounted for. I can't tell if kkat is intentionally keeping us in the dark here, or if this is another of his bread-crumb puzzles that he assume's we'll just figure out; either way, I don't care enough to spend any more time on it. We'll find out in due course, I guess.

Oh, also, Xenith just woke up.

Page break. "Today."

This very short microscene seems to be hinting that Pyrelight has once again bathed in cum radiation and gotten huge. Presumably, this will be important later. Nothing else happens.

Page break. "Two days ago."

For some silly reason, the first thing Xenith does after waking up out of her coma is yell at Zecora's old pet rock. You may or may not recall that there was a small rock stored in an old trunk in this hut somewhere, along with some recordings and some other assorted crap. Apparently, this rock was supposed to be part of the meteor that crashed into Equestria thousands of years ago, and somehow killed all the zebras or pissed them off or scared them or something, and I think it also started the war somehow. I literally don't even fucking know anymore. Anyway, Xenith is mad at this fucking rock for some dumb reason, and she stomps it into pieces. After this, she announces that she is going to whip up some healing potions. Nothing else happens.
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Ensign Fancy Lad seems to be named after "Fancy Lads Snack Cakes", a consumable item that can be found in Fallout 3 and its sequels.
No actually, Grim Reaper's Sprint is a notoriously broken perk in Fallout 3. The idea is it is meant to chain your kills together when using the auto-targeting mode, completely refilling your targeting points upon a kill, letting you stoop time and kill entire groups easily. The idea Kkat was going here wasn't referring to any kind of mythology or the perk, only wishing to have Littlepip freak out about seeing something that resembled the traditional Grim Reaper coming for her. Nothing more. This ghoul just happens to be a unique character.
>>and Red Eye gave him every excuse he needed to turn his Operation: Cauterize into something more like Quarantine and Incinerate.”
>I don't really understand what she's saying here. Is this a condemnation of Red Eye, the Colonel, or both?
Operation Cauterize has the Enclave descend upon the wasteland and obliterate everything for funsies.
*vomits because I said funsies*
LP is mad at the Enclave guy she killed for not turning "Operation kill absolutely fucking everyone in the wasteland and destroy everything like cartoon supervillains for no real reason" into "Operation quarantine the Bad Areas arbitrarily deemed to be Bad by LP's moral code like Raider Dens and Slaver Towns and locations full of mindless Hostile NPCs like Feral Ghouls and Radscorpions and then slaughter them with overwhelming violence while leaving designated non-hostile "good" NPCs and Nice(tm) settlements with Innocents(tm) and Civilians(tm) alone".
The irony that General Cuntornado arbitrarily deems the entire Wasteland to be bad and in need of slaughter by his arbitrary moral standards which are shared by much of the Enclave is lost upon her.

also my wifi is FUCKED by setting up my own wifi hotspot machine I accidentally stole the house's wifi and disabled their phone line by enabling my own wifi. Not that my wifi works anyway. Those bitches on the phone lied to me. "It'll be done by midnight" ny fucking arse I've practically waited a whole month for this and the situation's only gotten worse. The bitches on the phone said this wouldn't happen. Renting a house sucks. All this waiting for nothing. Now we both have to start over and I have to get a guy over to give my room a separate line if I want wifi in my room. Until then I must ration my mobile data carefully.
>The regrettably-named Ensign Fancy Lad
This reference to Fallout's "Fancy Lad Snack Cakes" is really out of place
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Page break, "Today."

Stern, the late Red Eye's military commander or slave overseer or something, has for some reason just killed her former boss' cyberdragon, which for some reason her side was fighting. Then, suddenly, a wild zebra appears.

The zebra, of course, turns out to be Xenith. Stern immediately recognizes her:

>Stern stepped back, considering the zebra. “Wait. I know you,” she said after just a moment, her eyes lighting with recognition. “You’re that fighter from The Pitt. The one Red Eye let go.”
Thanks to the helpful comments provided by my readers, I know that "The Pitt" is the name of the Fallout DLC that kkat ripped off in order to wedge his silly Thunderdome arc into the story. If I didn't know that, I would be wondering why the fuck he is spelling the word "pit" with two 't's, and why, if he wanted it styled this way, he didn't start using this spelling until a couple of chapters ago.

Anyway, it's not really clear why Xenith is here or where she came from, but I assume we are not supposed to have the full picture yet. At any rate, Stern tells her that she is too busy to deal with her right now, and flies away. Xenith uses the bloodwing talon necklace she made to magically grow a pair of wings and chase after her. Nothing else happens.

Page break, "Two days ago."

>The day seemed to pass in a montage; I slipped in and out of sleep several times, mostly in transit aboard the Tortoise.
Oh, rad; looks like they did manage to retrieve that thing. Nice of kkat to keep us filled in on the important details.

Also, we learn that one of the potions that Xenith whipped up at the end of the last "two days ago" segment was to heal Calamity's wing, so it looks like he can fly again now. Another debilitating injury sustained by a character has been magically cured with potions the moment it became inconvenient for the author. Fancy that.

Anyway, in the interim space between scenes, they traveled to Tenpony Tower for some reason or other, and from there to Junction R7, to drop off all of the nameless NPCs that the author no longer needs because Mary Sue has already rescued them. Fancy that.

>It could have been worse. I had been concerned about taking a ride with “mouse”. She may no longer be a gigantic, terrible, teeth-gnashing, sharp scaled, horned, pink-cloud-snoring, could-eat-a-pony-in-one-bite dragon, but she was still one of the most dangerous creatures in the Equestrian Wasteland.
I think I may have missed something vital about this "Mouse" character. I checked the wiki, and here is what it has to say:

>Mouse was formerly a Dragon that lived beneath Canterlot. (hinted to be the mother of the dragons born in Canterlot prior to the Last Day: including Spike) Prior to her transformation, she had been fused with her hoard by Pink Cloud, and infused with enough of it that she began breathing it instead of fire or smoke.
>As a curative measure, a crazed Alicorn devised a spell to turn the dragon into something that would pose less of a threat. This spell was tied to a fireworks display in Princess Luna's chambers, and triggered by Littlepip.
>It is unknown how Mouse and Lionheart first encountered each other and became partners.
I remember something about a dragon in the Canterlot arc, and I remember being rather confused by the whole thing.

So it looks like there was a dragon living under Canterlot, and then something-something-pink-cloud happened, and it somehow fused with its treasure pile and became even more of a monster. If my memory serves, that dragon was responsible for exhaling most of the pink cloud that was floating around Canterlot, and LP decided that they should kill it because it was an environmental hazard or something.

Anyway, Calamity or SteelHooves or someone went off at one point to go kill it; I remember commenting how passing strange I found it that kkat would put an event like killing a dragon into his story, yet make it into something minor that happens off-camera. It looks like the dragon-killing spell that was used was somehow connected to some fireworks that were set off from Luna's bedroom. I don't remember all the details and I really don't want to go back and re-read that section of the book; the main thing I remember is that I found it really bizarre and confusing.

Anyway, as far as I can tell, this mouse character is supposed to actually be the dragon that was under Canterlot, so presumably that fireworks spell they set off transformed it somehow. Since the whole "dragon under Canterlot" business always felt a little tacked on, I suspect it was written in solely because kkat wanted to introduce this character later. Why on earth he, or any writer, would have ever thought that a mouse that fires poison gas out of its nose would make a good addition to this, or any other, story is a very good question; however, it's also the kind of question that I really need to learn to stop asking, if I want to make it out of this novel with my sanity intact.

The autism is pretty thick in the next few paragraphs, so I'm going to try to blow through these quickly. LP babbles incoherently to herself about how the dragon was transformed into the mouse, and then Lionheart, for some reason, shows her a small glass marble that I guess the mouse...lives in? I think? I honestly can't make heads or tails of this autism. Moving on.

They land at Fetlock, which I think is in Manehattan somewhere. The place is completely deserted; no friendlies, no hostiles. Velvet opens the manhole cover that (I think) leads to Stable 29, and then LP suddenly notices that the place is not as empty as she thought. She overhears what sounds like a drug deal taking place. Someone calling himself "the Doctor" is selling Dash to what appears to be a hellhound.

Anyway, it turns out that this hellhound is an old, senile, partially deaf one named Barkin' Saw. I think we met him somewhere earlier.
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Anyway, it sounds like we've met this Doctor character before, but I can't place where or when. Probably, it would have been whatever chapter their last trip to Fetlock took place in. We are told that Velvet Remedy "invested" in his business, whatever is meant by that, and now he has a bunch of medical supplies to sell them. Also, I can't tell if this is going to matter or not, but the old hellhound has a griffon and a brahmin traveling along with him. I had to look it up, but a "brahmin" appears to be a two-headed cow; there was one mentioned earlier in the story somewhere.

Page break, "Today."

We rejoin Gawd at the last place we saw her, in the cloud cover above Manehattan. She is presently grieving for her daughter Reggie, who was shot down by the Enclave and is presumed dead. Some Enclave soldiers have Gawd and her friend Blackwing (one of the other griffons; I don't remember which one exactly) cornered, and they are about to execute them. Oh no, the situation certainly looks dire.

Then...wait for it...it suddenly turns out that Reggie is not dead. Hooray. She bursts up through the clouds, guns a'blazin', and takes out some of the Enclave faggots. Pow pow pow. Gawd and Blackwing start shooting. Bang bang bang. All the Enclave soldiers are dead now. The day is saved. Hooray.

Nothing else happens, beyond that Blackwing gets half of her goddamn wing blown off during the fight. But it's okay; Reggie brought healing potions.

Page break, "Two days ago."

Now they're down in Stable 29, talking to Elder Crossroads (one of the Steel Rangers; I don't remember which one exactly). At first it isn't clear what they are talking about, but eventually we learn that Velvet is trying to enlist their help on behalf of the alicorns we met earlier. It was never quite clear just what the alicorns wanted Velvet to do for them in the first place, and it's even less clear why Velvet thinks the Steel Rangers can do anything for them, but for now we're just going to roll with this and see where it goes.

>“We need to do better,” I commented as I stepped fully into the room, my words echoing those of Life Bloom.
What is this, her catch phrase or something now?

>My heart shared his sentiments. He saw how much the efforts of the Twilight Society had fallen short, how paltry they seemed. I was seeing my own in a similar light, particularly where the hellhounds were involved. Seeing Velvet and Crossroads, I sensed we weren’t the only two due for this awakening.
I don't have any notes here, I just wanted to highlight yet another example of how kkat's prose is practically a war crime.

Anyway, it sounds like what Velvet is after here is access to some research notes that one of the Rangers' scientists was working on. It's not clear how she would know anything about the Rangers' research projects, but at this point I've learned not to even inquire about things like that. At any rate, it seems the scientist they are looking for is back at Tenpony Tower, where they just were. Oh, drat. The Grand Wizard of the Rangers (or whatever her title is) tells her that they would be happy to turn over his research notes, but she will need to get the passwords from him.

With that business out of the way for now, Elder Hot Crossed Buns asks Littlepoop if there is anything she needs as long as she's here. LP replies that she needs all available Rangers to be placed under her command immediately. The Elder says okay, and that's the end of the scene.

Page break, "Today."

Xenith and Stern are fighting for some reason. Stern appears to be winning, on account of how it's an airborne battle and she is the superior flyer. Suddenly Xenith's daughter, whose name escapes me for the moment, appears out of nowhere and turns the tide. The day is saved. Hooray.

Page break, "Two days ago."

>Sunset spread out across the Equestrian Wasteland like a heavy blanket, the ruddy colors making the cloud curtain glow like a warning light. It looked like the clouds were bleeding.
Apart from being just a smad too heavy on the similes, this actually isn't a bad visual. Half a point here.

>Elder Cross had given us a full dozen Applejack’s Rangers and offered us access to their armory. I personally declined the latter; this wasn’t a battle that we could win with bullets.
If I'm understanding it correctly, your plan is to attack a heavily-armed military fortress head on. If you're going to win a battle like that, odds are there are going to be some bullets involved. My advice would be to not look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.

Anyway that Paladin we met before, Strawberry Lemonade, is among the hapless bunch of retards that the good Elder turned over to LP for use as cannon fodder. She fills them in on some of what has been going on in Ranger-land since they last saw her. Apparently, the Steel Rangers and the Applejack Rangers are still fighting over whatever the fuck they were fighting about. When the Enclave arrived, the Rangers went and hid because they're a bunch of fags I guess, so now the Applejack Rangers are helping everyone else fight off the Enclave, because that's still a thing that people are doing I guess.

Nothing else happens, really.

Page break, "Today."

There is a big rainbow explosion, and the cloud cover above Fillydelphia breaks open. Conveniently, this also takes out most of the Enclave's remaining air fleet. This business is implied to have been the work of Lionheart. Nothing else happens.

Page break, "Two days ago."

Looks like they are back at Spike's cave now. Spike is pissed off that LP brought a bunch of Steel Rangers with her, because I guess he hates Rangers for some reason or other. I think I vaguely remember that being a thing earlier. LP explains that these are Applejack Rangers, and that they're different from Steel Rangers somehow. Spike grudgingly agrees to let them inside, on the condition that they not touch anything.
Huh. That's kind of odd. The reason it was called The Pitt in Fallout 3 was because it was the ruins of Pittsburgh, and in a kind of joking post-apocalyptic fashion, the city name was based off the faded and damaged sign. The arena itself didn't really have a name, and was literally just a cage in the floor of a steel mill. Is Kkat calling Fillydelphia the Pitt for some reason? Why? How? How would the readers make this connection if they hadn't played the game? Was the arena itself ever referred to as The Pitt in the story? I forget.
Jesus christ. What do you think of all these scene breaks and swapping back and forth between timeframes? I get this is after a few paragraphs each, but isn't this confusing and grating as fuck?
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It's stupid. Surely a good author would only alternate between two timelines like this when there's some artistic reason to do so.
Like if we switched between watching a perfect heist executed by master thieves, and watching the planning stages where the mastermind talks about the challenges each member of the heist crew will face and how to overcome them the easy way.
Then some challenges could make the easy way impossible and force characters to improvise and do things the hard way.

Or we could bounce between watching the present day and memories in the past relevant to it. LP could break her leg and have a flashback to when she rode her trike for the first time as a foal, and broke it and broke her leg and was all alone, and had to pick herself up and limp her way to the hospital floor for a health potion. Ponies called her very brave and tough for her age and wondered why her alcoholic bitch mom wasn't around to help. Then in the present she wins the fight by being very brave and tough despite being outgunned and outmatched.

We could watch Calamity struggle in a firefight and get a flashback to when his old boot camp trainer said "You're shit and you should give up because you're physically inferior to the others, underdog" then Calamity proves him wrong by winning the firefight. Then again Calamity isn't an underdog, he's related to enclave higher-ups and won shooting/flying contests because Kkat didn't want any of these overpowered characters to be underdogs.

Flashbacks enhanced the Rock Lee VS Gaara fight in Naruto so much, people still call it one of the greatest anime fights ever.

But this bullshit... it seems Kkat is only using these flash-forwards because he's impatient, he's afraid his readers are getting impatient, or he didn't trust in his ability to coherently write a string of scenes without frequent timeskips and memory orbs and other forms of bullshit giving the author a chance to leap from one scene he's already written out of order to another and sum up what happened in the meantime if he didn't feel like writing about it. He couldn't write coherently about what LP does on the Day Of Maximum Bullshit so he bounced all over the place between different timelines and characters hoping to imply more action than he was willing or able to write.

pic related because I feel like I'm not going to blue burst or gold burst but instead red burst a fucking blood vessel.
So Glim, after reading the story thus far, do you think the intro rambling about PipBucks was a necessary inclusion for the story?
Utilizing flashbacks for a heist movie would also be a great way to keep exposition in the flashback scenes and action in the present day. My ID keeps changing, should I start using a name in this thread?
I know I'm not Glim but I don't think it was necessary.
LP usually wins fights by shooting her enemies or using telekinesis on something sufficiently dangerous, but she didn't need her PipBuck's AutoAim SATS to justify her instant mastery of aiming when she's already an instant master of aiming and telekinesis without any justifications for those.
The Pipbuck's inventory and stats, I don't think they've ever come up.
She never needs the PipBuck's map because exploration is usually as simple as "A NPC told her to head straight in that direction until she sees a massive settlement she couldn't possibly miss". Not like she's ever using pre-war maps of mountain ranges or modern sonar-generated maps of labyrinthine cave networks/destroyed city streets to figure out which routes lead to dead end and which lead to her desired destination.
She lockpicks using lockpicking tools but she can telekinetically open safes from the inside anyway making lockpicks and the lockpicking skill irrelevant. She usually does her hacking using her PipBuck wirelessly or by plugging her pipbuck into whatever she's hacking but she could easily carry a designated Hacking Tool instead of the pipbuck.
The Pipbuck can glow like a torch, but she could just use ordinary torches or her horn's light whenever she needs a lamp.
I guess there's the enemy-radar feature that marks the direction of enemies as red marks and neutral NPCs/Creatures as yellow ones, but when's the last time that was useful or even mentioned? Wasn't there a scene where a NPC tried to intimidate LP by spinning up his miniguns, but LP could tell she's not in danger because the yellow mark on her enemy radar compass thing hadn't turned red?
Whenever the Pipbuck has a new feature introduced, readers can just remember what it does. Breaking the fourth wall at the story's start to tell the audience what the Pipbuck can and cannot do just seems pointless. Especially since the story could have contained an early scene where somepony enters LP's PipBuck Repair Room and says "I want to replace my old PipBuck 2000 with something new. Is the PipBuck 3000 worth the price?" and then LP could say "Yeah, that's what I wear and I love it. It keeps track of your health and vital signs and limb status and inventory and it can help you aim guns and swing melee weapons and cast spells better. It can hack terminals and robots and read holotapes and play games. It can even glow like a flashlight! It's three hundred ponydollars. But for you, my best friend, three hundred ponydollars."
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> My ID keeps changing, should I start using a name in this thread?
Yes, I can't tell it's you otherwise and identification of the poster is what makes up a good post.
>identification of the poster is what makes up a good post
>On a board that's supposed to be Anonymous (sorry non-Americans)
I disagree, but I still get your point.
No, you didn't. I was being sarcastic for exactly that reason. Also, Nigel could probably use a vpn for his posts and I still would catch who it is that's posting.
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>identification of the poster is what makes up a good post.
My favourite posts are the ones where that one guy screams my name like it's "Dinkleberg!" or "Khan!" in lieu of any argument. I wonder what colour my ID will be this time.
Btw can I get feedback on my FE rewrite?

be littlepip, bored pipbuck repair pony
listening to DJ Pon3 on the Wasteland Radio introducing the basics of the world outside the vault at the start of the story, exposits about how Red Eye's Legion are evil
one colleague is such a faggot LP monologues to herself about everything that makes her a typical Stable-Dweller consoomertard and everything LP doesn't want to be
LP is based, she eats healthily and exercises and shoots guns at the gun range and has a crush on a sexy dreamboat there named Sunny whose handgun takes over 5k words to visually describe
the other two are arguing politics and who should be elected as Overmare of the stable, this seamlessly and naturally exposits everything there is to know about vault life and the past
The two Overmare candidates have wildly different views on whether the Great War was the fault of ponies or zebras, libtard brings up how ponies stole land from Diamond Dogs and Buffalos
while cuckservative neocon brings up how all ziggers were drug-using dipshits that did all the war crimes including how the rapefugees Sandy Hooked Littlehorn and reacted to an act of Fluttershy's mercy (firing the first megaspell, a healing blast, at a battlefield ponies just won and sent the wounded ziggers fleeing from) by turning around and fighting some more
Neocon wishes Equestria nuked Zebrica first and libtard wishes they could all just get along
by getting all this exposition out in chapter 1 there is no need for any memory orbs or terminals about the past EVER
LP thinks they're both faggots because they love outdated status-quo solutions and the only sustainable future is what her crush wants: a decentralized system of based communities and privately-owned nukes and voluntary interactions without government force or Alicorns or all-controlling ministries
faggot karen enters room, demands you fix her pipbuck but has no idea what's broken
LP tests every useful pipbuck function, demonstrating it all for the audience, then deletes 500TB of gay porn from the hard drive for slowing its processor down, LP returns the pipbuck and says "you had a virus, a virus deleted your files"
LP paints a mural on her wall of something based
LP's cunty boss enters the room and calls LP a faggot and makes her stay behind to clean the mural off the wall
LP is the only pony around when Velvet comes in
Velvet is a popstar famous for also being a telekinesis master, she tricks LP into removing her PipBuck then leaves the Stable
everyone blames LP because Velvet can't be tracked via PipBuck
LP gave Velvet a homemade knitted doll with a GPS tracker because she's a creepy little shit who doesn't respect boundaries and regularly hacks into everyone's emails and lockpicks their lockers to rifle through their belongings and even spies on Sunny in the shower to admire him
Velvet's big brother Sunny, that hunk LP met at the gun range, also wants to help because he wants his sister back
LP leaves the vault with Sunny plus the neocon cuckservative and libtard who are blamed for being her colleagues, and an overly aggressive StableSecurity thug also joins her party but they all die horribly and are killed by raiders
But LP and Sunny are saved by a wandering cynical old badass who teaches LP how to shoot right
the three bond like a family, it's heartwarming
the heroes go on a murder spree fighting countless enemies on the way to Tenpony, doing good along the way
Sunny helps struggling settlements get based, making him a world-renowned hero
they meet a cynical medic woman who tags along
in one place they watch The Calamity slaughter raiders like they'd done him wrong
The Calamity is a deadly Pegasus in Enclave Power Armour, not that anyone on the ground knows what that is. they think he's a mutant
many more fights later...
old man badass dies like a hero facing impossible odds and sacrificing himself so he can get his newfound kids to Tenpony Tower, which is where Velvet went
LP meets Velvet and demands answers
Velvet was contacted by "Twilight Sparkle" in her dreams telling her to visit Tenpony Tower and help the Twilight Society.
The tower's president DJ Pon3 (who isn't named homage, and is instead the daughter of a family that's ran this radio station since before the bombs fell. This tower originally had a secret govt shelter made here by the private military contractor Allbright Intelligent Defense Systems but when Twilight found out about this shelter built for her she had it converted into a survivalist shelter and college for the best and brightest around the world) has no fucking clue what's going on
There is no Twilight Society
Tenpony Tower is overrun by Red Eye, whose wife The Goddess has her alicorns help his slaver army which is called the Red Legion.
The Goddess explains everything
those dreams of Twilight?
it was actually The Goddess baiting her into being capturable
she wants to absorbtion vore Velvet for being really fucking strong and the next Element Of Magic
over the years she's absorbed many poners including reincarnated Elements Of Harmony and Magic is all that's left
Red Eye tricks her and absorbs his wife and 108 of his strongest male unicorns instead, becoming a male alicorn who calls himself Red Overlord
Red Overlord VS LP and Velvet and Sunny, fucking epic fight
jk it's a one-sided slaughter, the situation seems hopeless but the heroes never give up
The Enclave arrive with giant mechs made of storm clouds and flying powersuits faster than jets
epic pony war
The Calamity saves LP, says "Your goodness inspired me to be a hero, we Enclavers were waiting for the perfect time to save everyone but NOW'S THE TIME!!!"
also old man badass survived
With 6 heroes united, they EOH blast Red Eye+the world, un-nuking the world
the end

I cut shite

what if nukes were never developed and instead meteors fell to devastate the planet? Dust fills the skies and blots out the sun. Grass doesn't grow. Poison Joke doesn't become "the Killing Joke", instead it just stops joking around and starts fatally growing inside poners and ziggers parasitically to kill them. Some poners/ziggers want to keep the war going and some want it to end, and The Enclave is the remnants of the Equestrian Military which banded together under one heroic sexy badass genius general named Wolf Tornado who said "no more foreign wars for the Griffons, we fight for our homeland to protect Equestrians from raiders now".

Or all this Alicorn shit and red eye/enclave stuff could go out the window.

LP could get involved in an awesome conflict where she is saved by a military batallion and joins it, it is led by the sexy badass genius guy Wolf Tornado but life is hard and killing Raiders is hard even with an army. Then the batallion gets dragged into a war with ziggers by a mad general of evil who's pinned over nine medals to his flesh while earning none of them. The heroes should fight a batallion of insane ziggers who loathe and envy ponies but get slaughtered by ponies for being evil. And find a good batallion of zebras who dont want to be evil and want to join the heroes. But they turn out to be evil and betray the heroes because you can't trust an inferior creature as it will always be envious of you unless it's smart enough to recognize why working for you for real as a truly good guy is better for its health and better for everyone. The mad general is half-griffon and has STDs and is serving a secret cabal of jewish griffons and he represents the faulty idea that one should blindly serve their nation no matter how shit it gets or treats innocents, and he wants to force everyone else to serve him because he's a fat faggot with a cuck fetish who loves forcing others to do as he says. Then the general of evil does something so evil the heroes and ziggers team up to take him down. Maybe he tries to rape littlepip. Better yet maybe he takes Littlepip to his rape camp which is like a concentration camp but it's all hot babes and soldiers guarding and sometimes raping them and he imprisons LP there and rapes different mares each day alphabetically until he gets to LP so she can get more afraid as he goes through more mares. Eventually she is freed but for at least five chapters it should really seem like the author's really going to do it. Anyway Wolf Tornado kills the mad general of evil. He needs a name so uh... Darkness Fall is his name. Then with no baddies left they all end up fighting Allstar Allbright the leader of the PMC Allbright Intelligent Defense Systems, he's a mad scientist who's trying to stop society from rebuilding so he can do all the mad experiments of evil he wants. He also has a family including a hot psycho tsundere daughter Sunny's age voiced by Azula, they bang and he purifies the evil from her and that pisses Allbright off. Allbright is also not based and thinks all society is for faggots because he refuses to consider the possibility of a based society AND he's a smug intellectual CUNT who thinks his 240IQ gives him the right to dictate life for millions of others and sacrifice whoever he pleases for pleasure or scientific bullshit even though Sunny has an IQ of 300. Allbright did EVERYTHING wrong and he is to blame for literally everything bad ever. He altered the Poison Joke into becoming what it is, he infected Darkness Fall with a STD that damaged his genes and made him more Griffony over time, the jewish cabal are his shareholders and the bankers, maybe he is even to blame for the meteors too by summoning them via a magic satellite? Anyway there is a massive war and eventually he loses after using a ton of awesome military superweapons including gigantic tanks with over seven main guns and stealth bombers bigger than cities also capable of manufacturing new AI controlled military units to protect itself and adapt to the war as it unfolds around itself. He says the real villain was society all along because it let retards vote retards into power instead of making him king and Sunny says the real villain all along was actually stupidity because stupidity makes people too stupid to tell what is moral and what is evil. The villain, he's shot in the head and LP expects this to magically unfuck everything. But Wolf Tornado says "no, the world doesn't work like that. We have to clean this world up and rebuild" and they do. Giant air filters are built to suck up atmospheric dust and Pegasi help using tornadoes. Timeskip 30 years, a better world has been built but the scars of damage inflicted by villains still linger in some places. The world wasn't just magicked better by a spell so big it's as if nothing bad ever happened. The world is getting back on its feet (hooves, whatever) and a better society that's truly learned lessons from the past remains. Some say war never changes. Some say war changes every time a new dominant weapon or tactic is invented. Some say war changes people, makes them into beasts obsessed with plundering treasure. But the truth is, the real war was inside us all along, between our base desires and our based thoughts, and the real treasure was the friends we made along the way and the better world we can make without bad ideas.
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>my favorite posts are the ones
Is that why you cry like a girl when they happen?
>My favourite posts are the ones where that one guy screams my name like it's "Dinkleberg!" or "Khan!" in lieu of any argument.
It kinda seems like a non-sequiter response to what I said. I guess it could follow but you response to me saying, "You don't need to identify yourself more cause you can already be easily identified," with, "This guy haresses me due to my identity. His posts are my favourites," doesn't seem to flow.
I suppose you concur that you don't need a name for identification then? Or are you saying you want a name as to farm more of your favourite posts?
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based god hitler.jpg
You have such a bizarre ability to redefine words and your own memories at will.
Why do you talk to others, if you have no interest in reality?
Why do you seek my approval and validation by trying to drag me into tiresome and pointless shouting matches with a histrionic jew like you?
I'm the most important person in your life, and that's pretty sad.
I can always tell when it's you with a new ID, coming in out of nowhere to make the exact same baseless personal attacks against me with the exact same redditor tone and the exact same lack of any mature argumentation one could engage in proper debate. Nobody coming into this particular thread for the first time would prioritize talking exactly like you and reminding everyone what you baselessly believe over talking about Fallout Equestria or the image at the top of this thread. Nobody else would carry your childish grudge against me for this long. Nobody cares about your feelings except you, so if someone bursts in with (1) post by this ID bellyaching about your feelings, I know it's you or someone as immature and fundamentally worthless as you.
You are a jewish NPC obsessed with your escapism and your reputation, and the fact that I see right through you eats you alive. You've never had anything intelligent to say about politics or ponies, and while you might insist Christianity is jewish and everything else you hate is jewish now and then, you'll resort to your old jewish redditor tricks whenever you want something or feel threatened.
Does it bother you when I post signs of progress upon myself or my personal projects? Is that why you keep telling yourself I cannot change, when you're the one who can't change anything about yourself?
Why not sit in a dark corner of an empty room and redefine your memories alone, until you feel like an important and successful person whose opinion matters?
It was sarcasm, I find those "Hey, you, you're Nigel! Fuck you!" posts tiresome.
They are always irrelevant to the topic at hand, always bad-faith attempts to waste my time with antifa-inspired slander and turn productive entertaining interesting threads into a shouting match the jew will blame on me if enough people complain about the shouting while forgetting who started it.
If the blatant and obvious lies like "Last thread you were in, you cried and embarassed yourself and I won the argument!" go unchallenged, newfags with no idea who to believe might assume the bold overconfidence and "Chutzpah" of this lying jew must mean that his unchallenged claims must be right. In truth, if these claims go unchallenged by me, it means I didn't feel like dignifying them with a response, which means he'll keep on being a source of noise until he gets his precious dose of attention from someone.
The jew will fuck off only if someone other than me catches on and tells him to fuck off. They have to make it clear that they won't be a part of the jew's games, and make it clear the jew will have no luck trying to fool anyone. People too smart for jewish tricks are great at catching on when the jew starts his usual routine.
When he feels like someone else is taking his side, even if it's only a compromise between the truth and his lies that has someone blame us both for antics the jew targeting and harassing me started, he practically orgasms. It's like sex for him. It feels like a victory for him and his lies, and he relies on his lies to keep his self-esteem up. But when others catch on, he recoils back as if struck. That spiteful coward with patently jewish tactics feels like his reputation is in danger, and he feels like his attempt to start a dogpile on me to derail the thread has failed, so he fucks off. Sometimes I wonder if he should have some cutesy name assigned to him, but it doesn't seem worth it. I don't need to shout any names whenever his crappy legendary bullshit begins once again, everyone knows exactly who's trying to start the same petty years-old beef yet again. He's got a chip on his shoulder and he can never get over it. But when he feels like he's lost, he fucks off, and that's a good thing.
He might return in a few days or a few weeks to start his jewish noise tactics again once he thinks everyone's forgotten about his embarassing failures and disgraceful behaviour in the past, because he never learns, never grows, and has never made a single argument in good faith in his life. He will tell any lie, even if it's blatantly false, even if it hypocritically contradicts what he's already said. Everything's just another step in his endless struggle against the demonic "Nigel" living rent-free inside his head. Whenever he feels like he has to engage in criticizing the story in this thread, so he can keep up appearances and not make it too obvious that I'm the only reason he's here, all he can do is describe it negatively or repeat what smarter people have said.
If you'd like, you could scroll up and compare how many on-topic posts I've made in this thread to the only posts that guy feels like making, off-topic personal attacks as me. The number might be funny.
I do hope this isn't the part where someone makes the "You are imperfect and therefore you are not qualified to judge the merit of anyone else ever" personal attack. Everyone's flawed, no human is without sin, that faggot is without merit.

What if, in the Fallout Equestria rewrite, there were no ziggers and instead Civil War overtook Equestria somehow? The story would need the Alicorns and Mane Six out of the way so they don't fix everything in under thirty minutes
From there, assorted factions could war over the future of Equestria with or without Fallout iconography filling the story
There could be a Nature faction that wants everypony to live in cottages
an Industrialist faction that wants more factories
a magic faction
an anti-magic faction
and a fifth and sixth diametrically opposed faction
Then a heroic poner could leave her Stable and join one faction and beat the others. Or make lasting peace.
Starlight Glimmer Cutie Mark Vault .jpg
>It was sarcasm, I find those "Hey, you, you're Nigel! Fuck you!" posts tiresome.
So I assume you concur with the idea that you don't need a name then?
Anyway, the rest of your post has nothing to do with what I asked about but I guess, the more you know.
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The gathering at Spike's cave is basically a who's-who of all the literally-who's that have appeared in the story up to this point. Pretty much every minor character that we've long since forgotten about is here for some reason: Silver Bell, Gawdyna, Blackwing, Morning Frost, Sunglint, Xephyr, some anonymous unnamed character referred to as the "amber-maned Wasteland Crusader;" the list goes on and on. Apart from the first three, who have made regular cameos at various points throughout the story, I honestly have no memory of who most of these ponies even are.

Anyway, the main focus of this scene is a conversation that takes place between Gawd and Littlepoop. Since (I think) this is the first time the two of them have been in the same scene together since Gawd's son Kage died, the author apparently feels that now is the time to get that particular elephant out of the room. We can dispense with it quickly and move on.

Gawd's attitude is about what you would expect: she is torn between feelings of regret and sadness over the loss of her child, anger at the parties responsible for his death, and an understanding that he was a mercenary and that this was the life he chose. Reggie tries to convince her to cheer up and be proud of Kage, which is apparently the way she herself has chosen to handle it, because the cause he died for was a good one and blah blah blah. Littlepoop, for her part, has nothing but half-assed platitudes to offer:

>“He died like a Talon,” I offered, my words feeling lame as they slipped off my tongue. “Brave and steadfast to the very end.”
He died like a bitch, as I recall. He was basically a faceless red-shirt who was dragged along by Littlepoop on one of her minor side errands, and died a predictably incidental death, killed by some crossfire during one of the scuffles. His only role in the story was to get killed, and he didn't do it in a particularly memorable way.

Anyway, the author tries to set this up as a conflict between Gawd and Littlepoop, which is really what it ought to have been. Unfortunately, it fizzles out almost immediately due to the author's outright refusal to allow any character in this story to find serious fault with his Mary Sue protagonist. Gawd makes a show of getting angry, but is quickly talked down by her daughter. Reggie reminds her that they were fighting the Enclave long before LP got involved (something about the Enclave invading the Griffon homeland; I don't remember if this was mentioned anywhere but it sounds familiar). Of course, she immediately moves on to talking up the accomplishments of LP and her friends, and concludes by telling her mother that she should be proud of Kage: he had the high honor of standing in the august presence of the great Mary Sue herself for all of five minutes, and was even allowed to get a couple of shots off before he was sent to join the choir invisible. Truly the highest honor an NPC in Edgequestria could ever hope to achieve.

Naturally, Gawd slurps up every last word of this nonsense as if it were the glistening cum of Jesus Christ almighty, and the room erupts in a thunderous standing ovation. The scene ends on a lame joke about how the old hellhound is hard of hearing.

Page break, "today."

This next "today" scene appears to be narrated by Littlepoop herself. This actually seems like a good time to mention something that's been bothering me: it's unclear whether or not these flash-forward interludes we've been reading are supposed to be taken as part of Littlepoop's actual narration, or if this is some artistic license being taken by kkat to fill us in on essential details that LP herself would not be privy to. In either case, it's very clumsily done, and imo is just further evidence that first-person narration was a bad choice for a story this large and complex.

Anyway, Spike flies up and BTFOs yet another of the Enclave's airships; that's about all that happens in this scene.

Page break, "yesterday."

The next morning, everyone is sitting around Spike's cave eating breakfast and bullshitting with each other. Nothing of any serious importance is discussed; basically, the Talons found some kind of secret stash of old zebra weapons, and they're bragging about it. However, there is also this:

>Xenith identified the strange weapon immediately. “A crossbow,” she intoned. “An assassin’s weapon. Silent and deadly.”
>“Like a fart?” Reggie snarked. Then suddenly her eyes lit up. She turned towards her mother.
>Gawdyna pinched the bridge of her beak with her talons, her eye scrounged shut. “No.”
>“No what?” Reggie protested. “I haven’t…”
>“No,” Gawd re-iterated. “I ain’t lettin’ you have a crossbow so you can name it The Fart.”
>Reggie whined, “But mom!”
>I felt myself blush as I was suddenly reminded that the gun slinging griffin hero was indeed just an adolescent. I refocused on eating my flowers. Good flowers. Yes. Pretty and tasty.
This happened, and we all let it happen.

Anyway, it just goes on like this for awhile. Eventually it descends from fart humor into cringey jokes about LP's sexual orientation, in this case dealing with the rather obvious euphemism of "eating flowers." Like most of kkat's jokes, it goes on for several paragraphs longer than it needs to, and isn't particularly funny.

The rest of this scene is just irrelevant side-babble from various characters that could easily have been deleted from the text at no cost; I won't bother detailing any of it. About the only important takeaway is that Gawd plans on taking over Fillydelphia once the Enclave is dealt with and the remainder of Red Eye's operation is broken up. Apparently this is her "asking price" for assisting in whatever LP's latest stunt is.

It looks like her overall goal is to rebuild some semblance of civilization, which apparently no one in Edgequestria ever thought of doing before LP came along. I guess they were too busy decorating their houses with entrails and making foals fight to the death.
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Anyway, Jesus H. Christ; this scene is still going, and these characters are still talking, and the conversation still isn't going anywhere. This entire scene is autistic and random even by kkat's standards; all sorts of disconnected factoids about the world are introduced and then abandoned. We learn that apparently the buffalo from S2-episode-whatever (which have not been mentioned in the story at all up to this point) still exist somewhere, and that Xephyr's zebra tribe has rebranded itself as "The Angels" due to their town's connection to "Doombunny." You may or may not recall that the town the zebras lived in was once the home of Angel Bunny's meth lab. Also, Velvet Remedy wants to help with Gawd's rebuilding of Equestria, and help build hospitals and schools and shit; I guess she plans on using the alicorns somehow. Still not clear on what the fuck is going on with all that exactly.

After pages upon pages of random schizophrenic babbling, this scene finally ends on a random and schizophrenic note. Velvet agrees, for some reason, to name the school she plans to found in Fillydelphia "The Followers of the Apocalypse." I have literally no fucking idea what this means or what the name is meant to signify, but apparently it has something to do with Kage.

Page break, "today."

This one also appears to be narrated by Littlepoop. They have arrived at what I can only assume is the cloud fortress they were planning to attack. If this is where these "today/tomorrow" segments were supposed to ultimately end up, I don't know why the fuck kkat chose to use this gimmicky and overly complicated time-skipping structure; events would have been far easier to follow if he had just kept the scenes in their normal chronology.

Anyway, LP and the gang have apparently busted into the fortress using Spike to fly them there. I think I'm gradually beginning to figure out what LP's plan was supposed to be: she basically summoned all of the various NPCs she's befriended throughout the story and had them all attack various parts of the Enclave at once, so that they would be dealing with multiple simultaneous threats and couldn't direct their firepower at the small group trying to infiltrate the cloud fortress. Not a bad idea in and of itself, but I still don't see why kkat had to break the story into these obnoxious alternating today/yesterday/tomorrow/a week from next Tuesday segments. Protip: unless there is some specific reason why you need readers to witness asynchronous events concurrently, save them a headache and just put your goddamn scenes in the proper chronological order.

Anyway, there's nothing of note here other than what I can only assume is meant to be a romantic, heart-rending parting moment between Velvet and Calamity. Like most of kkat's attempts at this sort of thing, it comes flying from completely out of left field, collides head-first with the wall, and lands flat on its ass.

A big part of the problem is that we only have the vaguest idea what's going on in this scene, so we're not quite sure how to react to this. Is this Velvet and Calamity just saying "goodbye until I see you again?" Or is a final goodbye; a "one or both of us probably won't survive this ridiculous mission we're on, so farewell my love" kind of moment? Since this is just a glimpse of some disconnected scene from the future, we can't really be certain what's going on. Again, the particular way kkat chose to structure this chapter does far more harm than good.

Page break, "yesterday."

We rejoin LP at some undefined point in the future which is also the past, relative to the present, which is also the future. They appear to still be in Spike's cave, holding some sort of pre-mission briefing. Homage is participating remotely via sprite-bot. Naturally, hearing the tinny voice of her dykefriend sets LP's nether regions a'quivering, and we are subjected to yet another of kkat's clumsy, cringey attempts at expressing intimacy between his characters. LP flings herself around Spike's ankles and thanks him in an exaggerated gesture of gratitude, which is of course witnessed by everyone present, and of course this causes her great embarrassment when she realizes it. Cue the laugh track.

Anyway, it sounds like we're finally going to get the full rundown on whatever insane thing LP intends to do, as well as the insane convoluted logic that allows her to justify it to herself. So, let's have a look-see:

>“The Enclave will annihilate every living soul in Fillydelphia and bury the industrial progress made there under melted rubble if they aren’t stopped,” I reminded them. “If Red Eye’s forces win, the surviving pegasi will end up enslaved or with their heads on pikes.”
This is probably more or less true, though there are still quite a few things that aren't clear. I'm not sure why the Enclave is still intent on attacking Red Eye's slave compound, for one thing. My understanding is that the whole beef between Red Eye and the Enclave was that Red Eye was trying to gain control of the SPP, which the Enclave needs for food production. Since Red Eye is dead this shouldn't be an issue anymore, so there's really no reason for the Enclave to continue their invasion.

Really, I never quite understood what the objective of "Operation Cauterize" was supposed to be in the first place. It sounds like it was mostly about Red Eye, so I still don't get why they wanted to bomb the ruins of Canterlot and occupy the wasteland and all the rest of the silly shit they've done. Also, it's unclear why Red Eye's settlement in Fillydelphia would still exist. It makes sense that LP killing General Poopypants McGee wouldn't stop the Enclave any more than assassinating Dick Cheney would have stopped the Iraq war, but Red Eye was just a lone kook leading a cult. Why would his underlings still be fighting for him after his death? There is still so much about this story that doesn't make sense.
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>I'm the most important person in your life, and that's pretty sad.
Kittystyles used to sing the same tune. It was a sad and vain attempt to assuage his wounded pride, and it will age just as well from your mouth.
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>“And Stern’s Talons aren’t likely to stop with just one successful victory,” Gawd added. “With Red Eye gone, she’ll be looking to take over his whole operation. Defeating the Enclave’s biggest force? She’ll take the war back to the clouds once she smells weakness.”
This kind of offers an explanation for why Red Eye's operation is still holding together, but we don't really know enough about Stern as a character to ascertain whether this is true or not. Also, I didn't know that Stern had anything to do with the Talons.

Again, I think one of the biggest cascading problems in this story is its use of first-person narration from a single perspective. With a third-person omniscient narrator we could get a glimpse of this world from many different sides, and have a better understanding of why all of these characters and organizations take the actions that they take. As it stands, we only see the world through LP's eyes, and since she has had very little direct interaction with Stern we don't really know that much about her. Ditto for Gawd; she seems to know a little more about Stern, and her perspective could be useful here, but LP hasn't even had a scene with her since forever ago.

Part of the reason I find the details so hard to keep track of is that there is a lot of information in this story, and literally all of it gets funneled through this single character's viewpoint. The whole story focuses on LP's adventure, and everything else is presented as incidental; however, some of the incidental stuff is also plot critical, but it's impossible to tell when you're reading it which details you should note and which details you can forget. Unless he were invested enough in this world and its characters to remember all of it, no ordinary human could possibly keep track of all the wacky bullshit that's happened in this story and still retain his sanity.

>“Do we have any idea when the Enclave are going to attack?” one of the Applejack’s Rangers asked.
>“Yes,” I told him. “Tomorrow morning.” The news was greeted by several voices of dismay.
How does she know this? Also, where are they going to attack? And why are they going to attack that particular target? From what we've seen in the future so far, it appears the answers to these two questions are "Fillydelphia" and "because reasons," but I don't see how that could be deduced from the information available to LP and the others right now.

Anyway, she spends the next several paragraphs explaining what we already know: she intends to invade the Enclave base at Neighvarro and take control of the Single Pegasus Project. This, of course, is met with regulation gasps of astonishment. How could such a suicidally suicidal undertaking possibly be undertook?

>“Most of the troops won’t be at Neighvarro,” I claimed. “We have two advantages going in. First is the element of surprise. The Enclave isn’t expecting forces from below to actually attack them on their home… turf?” Had to be a pegasi-appropriate word for that. I pushed forward. “This will be an unexpected tactic.”
>“Second is the fact that tomorrow morning Neighvarro will be functioning on a skeleton crew,” I revealed. “Every available pegasi from Neighvarro has been used to bolster the military force poised to hit Fillydelphia. Until that battle is over, there will be almost nopony left at the base.”

>I looked to Gawd. “This is the information Kage gave his life for. The one opportunity, the one window of weakness that we can exploit to take the over the S.P.P. and kill the Enclave for good.”
I guess this explains it, kind of. I'm guessing this is one of those kkat moments, where some insignificant detail he slyly dropped into this endless ocean of autism several hundred thousand words ago suddenly becomes plot-critical out of nowhere. Tvtropes generously calls these "Chekhov's guns;" I just call them "infuriating."

I remember that the particular mission they were on when Kage died involved infiltrating some kind of building or fortress or something that the Enclave was occupying for some reason or other, and that it ended with LP retrieving some kind of information from a computer there. Presumably the information included the Enclave's battle plans, or the specs of the Neighvarro fortress, or something that gave her some kind of intelligence she can use here.

Anyway, the rest of this is as hokey as a Michael Bay script, and doesn't really merit going over in detail. Basically, LP confirms what we've already guessed from the glimpses of the future kkat has inexplicably chosen to give us: the plan is for LP and her friends to infiltrate the Neighvarro fortress and take control of the SPP, while everyone else helps Fillydelphia fight off the Enclave. Or, maybe they're helping the Enclave fight Fillydelphia. Or, maybe they're just going to run around blowing shit up for no reason beyond that kkat is mentally disturbed. Yeah, probably the third thing.

There are a few minor details from the briefing that are probably worth noting:
>Ditzy Doo is supposed to do a sonic rad-boom in the middle of the fight to clear the clouds over the battle zone
>Life Bloom is supposed to convince the Twilight Society to fire up some kind of battle spell called Celestia One
>Gawd is supposed to clear the sky over Tenpony Tower so the Twilight Society can work their voodoo
>LP still has some kind of secret thing she's also planning to do but won't explain just yet, but it's totally going to cure world hunger or something

All of this we basically knew already, due to the author's baffling decision to break away from the main story at intervals to show us all of it in advance. However, at the very least we now know what the fuck has been going on for the last several scenes.

Oh, also, LP promises to give Gawd that stupid cheese store she inherited in return for punching holes in the clouds or whatever. Not sure whether or not that will be important.
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Am I supposed to know or care who that is? Well, at least you've stopped trying to erroneously conflate me and CWC. If this was a Liberal site you'd try to conflate me with Hitler or Alex Jones. Same liberal tactics, same liberal worthlessness. You keep on reminding me what you think of me, without providing any excuse why, but it doesn't matter because I don't care what you think of me. You as an individual lack value and maturity. Your disgraceful behaviour is why I do not care about you or your opinions. You feel entitled to my respect but you've constantly failed to earn it. How can legendary idiots like you look at yourself in the mirror without bursting into laughter? Honestly. Christ. You'd have to have some original opinions on the thread topic for me to take your opinions on it seriously. But you've already demonstrated your "Flexible" relationship with reality so many times, I think it's a good thing that an individual as petty and eternally spiteful and envious as you loathes me. You'd only admire me if I was like you, and I'm glad I'm not you.
You're right, there's no reason for me to give myself a name in this thread. What do you think of these final chapters of Fallout Equestria? Do you think they're the "epic grand finale" Kkat's going for? Do you think Lion And Mouse should have featured earlier on in this story, so he wouldn't need to ham-fistedly introduce them during the period any competent author would spend wrapping up old plot threads instead of introducing new ones, or do you think they should have been cut from the tale completely?
Have you noticed how this story treats civilization as an all-or-nothing affair?

Either ponies are Civilized and therefore Good: They're honest, trusting, well-equipped, and despite the wasteland setting they're never forced by a lack of supplies to start raiding other "Good" settlements or tribes. They respect goodness and know it when they see it. They hand out sidequests and don't shoot the heroes on sight. Civilization means buildings without gore decorations.

Or they're Uncivilized. Cruel, stupid, dirty, short-sighted egomaniacs who'd only ever want to rebuild society so they can enslave others and torture slaves for fun, make slaves battle in thunderdomes, maybe even sacrifice others in an uncertainly-fated quest to become the Gods of it. They decorate their homes with entrails or rape for their own amusement, they eat ponies, they eat strangers, and they exist to be shot at and never seriously thought about.

Gawd the Griffon wants to "Rebuild society" and be the next king on top for the next revolution's turn of the fucking endless wheel of faggots in charge vying for absolute power over the lower classes made of those less gifted in importance and violent aptitude, but no serious thought is put into what that looks like, or what it entails.
Building shelters? Organizing hunter-gatherer parties to sustainably hunt RadGators and RadScorpions for their meat and raid shopping malls infested with capital-R Raiders?
Setting up and maintaining hanging stations or prisons for ex-slavers of Red Eye and any captured Prisoners Of War?
Roaming and patrolling her territory with her mercenaries to execute anypony who breaks any law she sets out?
What does her tax plan look like?
How does she recruit new members to her organization, do you have to be born a Griffon or at least half-Griffon or is it enough that the boss thinks you're a sufficiently qualified hired gun with sufficiently upright motives and morals?
This story treats civilization so shallowly, obliterating Red Eye's civilization and stamping out his culture of Red Eye-style behaviour like Red Eye worship and slavery and pointless stupid fucking thunderdomes will be as effortless as gunning down a sufficient number of Red Eye supporters before declaring yourself Divine Absolute God-Emperor of the rest, making them effortlessly fall in line and work together without question or complaint or competing agendas to build a fucking democracy with universally-held universalist libtard values where a totalitarian despotic slavery-loving madman used to rule.
We don't need to know Aragorn's tax policy to know his excellently-written fairytale-style mythic and universal story tells us he's a "Good King who rules fairly and justly", but for a story like this that concerns itself with the fate of rapefugee-loving resource-hungry interventionist liberal nations eager to change the nation of druggie ziggers and warring with said backwards brainless ziggers who feel their absurd beliefs about the moon are entitled to respect simply for being beliefs, concerns itself with warring in the ruins and mud of a nation nuked by the failure of Mutually-Assured Destruction in the face of ziggerian religious lunacy(HA! MOON PUN!), even concerns itself with new warring factions eager to build their own vision of a perfect world upon the war-torn remnants of the old, we need to know exactly what this character wants so we can know if she's morally-good and a smart constructive heroic influence on the world or simply an opportunistic mercenary doing what's best for her Griffon tribe in the moment.
But of course, Kkat doesn't bother with any of that.
He doesn't bother fleshing out Gawd as a character, or fleshing out her organization. I wouldn't expect anything as deep as FNV's critical look at the Brotherhood Of Steel but even Fallout fucking Four's Minutemen were looked at in a deeper and more realistic light than this. This shit's archetypical fairytale caricature masquerading as mature deep edgy fiction for smart adults. Gawd doesn't need motives or deep character analysis or a coherent ideology or even coherent morality in Kkatland. Gawd is simply the "Badass leader" of a "Good mercenary organization" that wants to rule, and it will, once sufficient violence has been carried out for political gain, and her rule will simply be "fair and just" even in a democratic nation because Kkat says so.
>The Followers of the Apocalypse
Just more stolen Fallout iconography. https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Followers_of_the_Apocalypse
The FOTA in Fallout were a secular tribe formed in the Boneyard(settlements made within the destroyed Los Angeles), with the goal of educating humanity about the horrors of the Great War, hoping humanity would never repeat those atrocities again. Then they stopped preaching in favor of doing medical treatment and charity. They're also partially responsible for Caesar and Caesar's Legion in FNV but this story decided to make Zebra Caesars a thing and make them a pre-war thing.

In Fallout Equestria, before the megaspells went boom, Fluttershy was a pony who constantly preached in favor of peace and single-handedly ran an organization called the "Ministry of Peace". From what I recall it mostly made posters of Flutters begging poners to "Do Better" and not do war and be mean and shit, except it somehow also invented Megaspells on its own, even though Applejack's gun-inventing (i think?) ministry needed to work together with Twilight's ministry of Arcane Science to invent... was it energy weapons or Power Armour?
Anyway you'd think a pony like that plus the kind of war Equestria went through plus the naturally-good nature of Equestrians would have resulted in an anti-war movement, maybe an organization like the FOTA forming before the war, or after it.
For fuck's sake, First Aid boxes around the Wasteland still have Fluttershy's Cutie Mark on them.
But letting Fluttershy inspire a generation to detest resource wars/holy wars and want peace and/or inspire the creation of the FOTA or even build it directly...
That would mean not letting Kkat's shitty fucking OCs take all the credit for everything good that ever happened in the Edgequestrian Wasteland, a shithole where ponies decorated homes with gore and made kids and slaves battle in thunderdomes when not raiding or raping each other or living off canned corn for over 200 years.
Twilight made the Alicorns, Velvet made them Good(TM).
Applejack made guns, Edgequestria's heroes used them for Good(TM).
Twilight built the surveillance tower and emergency radio broadcast system at Tenpony, but the tower ended up full of cartoonishly retarded rich poners while Homage used the surveillance system and radio for Good(TM).
The Pitt was a lawless hellhole before Red Eye came along to spread the ways of slavery and thunderdomes for "Goodish", but he's still mean to LP so he's Evil(TM) and LP killed him for Good(TM) and now Gawd is going to build a "Better" country for Good(TM).
Fluttershy invented nuke megaspells, and LP used one for Good(TM) against The Goddess aka Trixie but mutated by Twilight's fuckups.
Everything bad in Edgequestria can be blamed on canon characters, and everything good is something to thank an OC somewhere for.
What a blatant way to suck off your OCs at the expense of FIM, Kkat. No wonder your fandom's a distinct entity separate from FIM willing to throw canon chars under the bus whenever their Fallout Equestria knockoffs - oh sorry "Side stories" - need an excuse for something bad to exist or happen.
I almost miss the trashy fanfic I wrote years ago where canon characters gushed openly about my OC. It was less disrespectful to canon than this, probably. I guess it depends on your point of view. I still can't believe I thought that shit would get audiences to stick with him as he grows and becomes less of a cunt. If I want audiences to think there's something good in him I should show him doing good things, and show him doing more good things as the heroes make him nicer.

Also I should have said this sooner but Kage is a really fucking stupid name for a Griffon. Either it's the Japanese "Kage" as in shadow, which is an edgy retarded name no Japanese person over the age of 10 would use, or it's "Cage" but spelled with "Xtreme Kool Lettrz". Which is retarded for different reasons.
A man named cage, whose mercenary organization fought slavers... That's just lazy.

Also, it's ironic that LP knows and cares so little about Stern due to a lack of screentime, even though Kkat already put Memory Orbs into this story, which could give Gawd the perfect excuse to pull one of those flashback orbs out of nowhere and give it to LP so she could experience Gawd's memories of being fucked over by the memorably evil Stern at some point in her life, right? These lore orbs and even random documents and audio logs are the perfect excuse to make an omniscient narrator out of LP's limited single-person first-person perspective but Kkat just doesn't get it.
Done projecting?

Take it to /sp/
Are you suggesting a new lolcow thread?
Ngl, the idea has merit
>What do you think of these final chapters of Fallout Equestria?
I don't know. Before GG's break, I could jump in and drop out of the story whenever I wanted but now it was bit harder. I assume it's because the plot has developed somewhat or it could just be that I didn't give it enough of a try.
It seems to me that LP is gathering, or that they have gathered, al the acquaintances from her journey and intend to march on The Black Gate with this army. Who's black gate? I don't really know. It's probably Red Eye's.
But if I read more I'll probably get the gist of it.
This finale sequence is meant to sort of be a merger of Fallout 3 and New Vegas's endings, so yet another big reference.

The Fallout 3 bits are how you suit up for an offensive about the enclave establishment, with the intent of wresting control of their core, important magical machine. The New Vegas bit is how you gather all the factions you helped along the way and some important characters to lead the final offensive assault.
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Finally, LP gets down to brass tacks. One of the literally-whos, an NPC named Morning Frost, was apparently stationed at Neighvarro once, so she has a map of it on her PipBuck. Not sure why she has a PipBuck, but since I have no idea who this character is, I can't really say whether or not it's appropriate for her to have a technical device usually reserved for the stable ponies. At any rate, Neighvarro is about what you'd expect: a large, heavily guarded floating fortress being patrolled by a large airship (I believe these things are called Thunderclouds or Thunderheads or something like that) and four raptors.

Anyway, there is nothing else to do except work out some technical details. The rest of this conversation is just rambling autism, so for the sake of expedience here is a quick summary of what is discussed:
>Twilight Sparkle had some kind of cloud walking spell, which Spike now has for some reason, that will enable all the pones participating in the Neighvarro raid to walk on clouds
>Xenith is going to make bloodwing talismans for everyone, but will not be participating in the raid as she needs to find Stern and kill her because revenge I guess
>Stern and Xenith have some kind of history that apparently makes this revenge a big deal; I guess Stern murdered Xenith's family or something (this sounds familiar but I don't remember where it was mentioned)
>the Applejack Rangers that LP recruited on her way here, despite being obviously the most valuable fighters in terms of firepower and training, are not going to be participating in either the Neighvarro raid or the attack on Fillydelphia; they have been given the garbage detail of guarding Spike's cave
>the reason Spike's cave needs to be guarded is because Spike won't be in it; they need to use him to get them past the Enclave battleships and into Neighvarro
>a group of literally-whos called the Wasteland Crusaders are also going to stay behind and guard Spike's cave (I have literally no idea who these characters are, but they were mentioned by name so I'm going to assume they're important)
>Spike can break through one of the shields surrounding Neighvarro, but there is a second one that he can't break for some reason, so LP needs to figure out a way past it

The scene ends with some more cringey sex banter between LP and Homage.

Page break, "today."

Velvet Remedy breaks into some broadcast station that is in the cloud fortress I guess. For some reason she is now an ultra bad-ass ninja, and is able to quickly subdue everyone in the room using her anesthetic spell. She goes over to the broadcast station and fires it up, once again overriding Homage's broadcast signal. There are any number of perfectly reasonable technical questions about how and why something like this would work that I'm just not even going to bother asking. The rest of this scene is pretty ridiculous.

Velvet goes on air and announces to everyone in the wasteland still listening to the radio that she is about to start singing. Before she can make good on this threat, however, a bunch of soldiers burst in and interrupt her, proving that there may actually be something resembling a God in this post-apocalyptic hellhole.

>Velvet Remedy looked put out, pouting with her lower lip and fluttering her eyes. “But boys, I don’t need guns or magic. I have something with me that’s much more powerful than those.” Velvet smiled pleasantly. “Kindness.”
Have I mentioned that I really, really hate this character?

Anyway, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, an alicorn suddenly appears out of nowhere and BTFOs all of the guards.

Page break, "yesterday."

We rejoin LP at some indeterminate point in the future and/or past. She is telling Spike that she wants to show everyone the Gardens of Equestria spell, because reasons I guess.

>I expected resistance. Instead, Spike agreed readily. “I’ve already shown Ditzy Doo,” he confessed. “As one of the spirits of the Element of Harmony, she deserved to know.”
So Ditzy Doo is one of the Elements of Harmony now? When did that happen? What element is she supposed to be? How did Spike figure this out? Literally nothing about this shit makes any goddamned sense.

Anyway, she takes them all into the Butt Sex Room, which has since been repurposed into an Elements of Harmony room, and shows them Spike's big fancy computer. They all ooh and ahh over the Elements and whatever.

>Ditzy Doo sat at the pedestal holding the Element of Laughter, staring reverently at the necklace with the little balloon-shaped gem.
>Calamity was the first to speak. “The spirit o’ Loyalty?” He seemed overwhelmed. “That’s… a lot. Ah’ll try t’ live up t’ that…”
So...Derpy is the Element of Laughter and Calamity is the Element of Loyalty? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this? Sure; why the hell not?

I'm honestly not sure why Spike had such a difficult time tracking down bearers for these Elements; it seems like LP is just handing them out at random to her various friends. Maybe it's a trick that only works when Mary Sue does it.

>“Kindness?” Velvet Remedy sounded faint. “But… Are you sure?” She leaned closer to me, speaking hesitantly. “In case you haven’t noticed, Pip, I can be a bitch sometimes.”
We have noticed that, Velvet; thank you for pointing it out. Also, it looks like Velvet is supposed to be "Kindness." Welp, that's three of them down. Who will LP pick as the Elements of Generosity, Magic and Honesty? Ms. Crabtree? Chef? The 1991 Denver Broncos?

However, it seems we won't get to find out immediately. Instead of addressing who will carry the remaining three elements, the conversation devolves into some rambling autism about whether or not Fluttershy has actually become a tree. Once this is concluded, LP announces that their job tomorrow will be to find the bearers of the remaining elements. I'm assuming this just means they are supposed to go down to the bus station and find three random ponies who would like to earn five bucks.
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>Meanwhile, I had unpleasant news to break to the others. “After tomorrow, your top priority will have to be finding the two remaining ponies with the virtues needed to use the Elements of Harmony and set off the Gardens of Equestria. By your estimation, Calamity, you’ll have about a year before things get really bad. I hope you can do it by then.”
It's interesting that she says "finding the two remaining ponies." By my count we have three elements still unfilled:

>Velvet Remedy - Kindness
>Ditzy Doo - Laughter
>Calamity - Loyalty
Yep, that's only three out of six that are spoken for.

Given the absurd amount of significance this story places on its "hero," the logical assumption would be that the Magic element will be filled by LP herself. However, it sounds like her plan is to sacrifice herself inside the SPP, leaving the Gardens of Equestria to be set off by her friends in her absence. Also, she has hinted numerous times that she considers Homage to be the actual wasteland hero for some reason. Though it's never been clear what she bases this on (other than the fact that she wuvs her so much), we can probably assume that Homage will be the Magic element instead. So I guess that just leaves Generosity and Honesty? Who the fuck even knows; I've completely given up trying to follow kkat's logic.

>“Wait,” Calamity waved a hoof. “Y’all say that like yer not comin’ with us.”
>My heart felt like it was being squeezed. “I’m not,” I said, feeling tears. “I can’t.” I explained to them, as I had to Life Bloom, that the Single Pegasus Project needed a pony. And that saving Equestria required that pony to stay.
>“Why you?” Velvet complained.
This is actually a pretty good question. Seems to me that the keyword in "Single Pegasus Project" is "Pegasus." I've never entirely understood why LP is supposed to be the one going into the box, just like I've never understood why Homage was selected to be the hero of the wasteland. The only explanation is that, as the author's beloved Mary Sue protagonist, it is naturally LP's job to valiantly sacrifice herself for the good of all; the fact that she's not a Pegasus and thus fails to meet the literally one requirement for participating in the Single Pegasus Project seems to be beside the point.

>I sighed heavily. “Because of all this.” I glanced around at the Gardens of Equestria. “Because, in the end, I’m expendable. And you’re not.”
Because reasons, basically. Seriously; I know I've said this a thousand fucking times now and you're all probably getting tired of hearing it, but this makes absolutely no sense.

Presumably, when LP says she is expendable compared to her friends, she means that all of them are meant to be bearers of the Elements of Harmony, whereas she is not. But how was any of this determined? The logic for selecting the Element bearers has never been clear. Why does Ditzy Doo embody Laughter better than any other pony in the wasteland? Because she "laughs at adversity" or some hokey shit like that? Why is Velvet the embodiment of Kindness? Because she likes Fluttershy and occasionally helps others? Why is Calamity Loyalty? Because he doesn't have enough of a personality to question just why he's been palling around with this psychopath Littlepoop for all this time?

And for the last bloody time, just what exactly are Homage's qualifications to be the Element of Anything? Other than being LP's girlfriend, there is nothing remarkable about her at all. She has spent most of the story doing literally fuck-all except sitting in her comfortable penthouse gibbering about bullshit on the radio. If any character in this story is expendable enough to be tossed into a magic weather machine and forgotten about, it's Homage.

Anyway, the conversation takes a predictable turn from here. LP gets all bleary-eyed and angsty, talking about how useless and unremarkable she's always been, and how she's finally "found her virtue," which, since she doesn't say what it is, I'm going to just assume is "being a self-righteous cunt." Velvet cries, and Calamity is also sad, but accepts LP's decision. He gives her his hat as a parting gift, and Velvet gives her the Fluttershy orb, because if there's one thing LP doesn't have enough of, it's memory orbs.

At this point Spike suddenly realizes something. I can't make hide nor hair of this autism, so I'm just going to dump what he says verbatim:

>“I told you that your group wasn’t the one that was needed because it was obvious to me that you and SteelHooves weren’t ever going to be Bearers,” he explained rapidly. But it takes more than just being loyal or honest to be a Bearer…”
Why exactly was it obvious that LP and SteelHooves were not bearers? This has never been explained, any more than it has been explained why the others actually are qualified to be bearers.

>“…just like it doesn’t require that the Bearers be perfect paragons of their Virtue. There’s more to it than that.” He looked at us all. “I mean, it’s not like the ‘destined few’ just happened to all live in Ponyville. Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity... I’m sure there were plenty of ponies with the same virtues, but it wasn’t enough to just have the virtues. That wasn’t what made them suitable to be Bearers.
>“It was only when they accepted the call to act, and became friends in the process, that they became worthy in the eyes of the Elements.”
So basically, if I'm reading this correctly, pretty much anyone can be an Element of Harmony, so long as they kinda-sorta embody that element, and have five friends who kinda-sorta fit the other ones. How has it taken 200 years to find six ponies that meet these incredibly general requirements? Like I said; just go down to the bus station and grab six ponies.

Anyway, Spike keeps babbling for awhile, but the long and short of it is that Littlepoop's role is to be the "spark" that brings the elements together. As to what this means, we will have to delve into it in the next post.
Funny how leftists fundamentally see niceness as a type of manipulation that can be used to get their way and make powerful others do things for them.
It even works that way in their fiction.
Sheer cowardice is all that keeps Kkat from admitting LP was written to be the element of Magic. She has tremendous magocal power, has friends, and brought all her friends together and supposedly brought out the best in them. She has Twilight's role as "the spark that brought her friends together" and yet Kkat feels actually calling her the element of magic would be the straw that breaks the camel's back and makes everyone cry "Marey Sue".
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The way it's explained is rather convoluted, but I think I'm basically starting to see where kkat is going with this. In the canon series, during the initial battle with Nightmare Moon, the magic of the Elements of Harmony only kicks into gear when Twilight Sparkle realizes that her friendship with the other five is the spark that makes the magic work. At this point the sixth Element, Magic, reveals itself, and they can BTFO Nightmare Moon.

Here, Spike explains that the nature of the "spark" is different every time. For Twilight, the spark was an epiphany when she realized how the Elements worked. This time, the spark is apparently a pony: good ol' Mary Sue herself. The basic idea is that you bring five of the six Elements together along with the spark, and then the sixth Element reveals itself. It's not entirely clear if the sixth Element is going to be Magic again or some new thing, but I suppose we'll find out in time.

>At that moment, I finally realized what most of you probably figured out right from the prologue: the true meaning of my cutie mark.
Yeah, totally; the prologue was absolutely 1000% crystal clear about that. But, uh, you know, for the sake of people who aren't quite as quick on the draw as you and I, could you maybe explain how all of that endless droning on about the technical specs of PipBucks explains the true meaning of LP's PipBuck cutie mark, and how that has anything the fuck to do with the present situation?

>A feature not to be forgotten: PipBucks keep track of the location of tagged objects or people. If a pony somehow got lost, it could help find them.
>Like I had found the Ministry Mares. Their stories, which cried out to be remembered. And through the statuettes created through Rarity’s sacrifice, the mares themselves.
>Like I had found Velvet Remedy, even without the aid of a tag. And I had found each of my friends… and a whole lot of good, heroic people, many of whom were gathered in the main room of this very cave.
>I had gotten my cutie mark when I had found that little foal and reunited him with his parents, the first worthwhile thing I had ever done in my life.
>My special talent was finding the right people.
This is a stretch. Even by the standards of this story, this is a stretch. A big stretch. Huge, even.

In kkat's defense, I can kind of see how this logic would might make sense to someone with a gamer's mindset. If I remember correctly the "PipBuck" is this story's analog of the "PipBoy," which serves as the user interface for one or more of the Fallout games. The map is probably the feature that is going to be used most often by the player, so they might logically associate a PipBoy with a map or with the concept of locating things in physical space. However, kkat's logic is again based more on the reader's external knowledge of the Fallout games more than on the internal logic of this story.

The prologue that is supposed to make all of this so bloody obvious is mostly just LP droning on for pages upon pages about all of the features this device has, one of which happens to be a map. The device does plenty of other things, and she uses most of these features as often or more often than the map. For instance, without the auto-aiming bullshit this character would have died many times over before she even made it to Appleoosa. She is constantly using it to listen to audio, both the recordings she finds all over the place and her girlfriend's radio show. And, though I've never been 100% certain about this, I think she uses it, or at least some device that attaches to it, in her hacking of terminals.

Taken purely in the context of its use in the story, a PipBuck isn't really symbolic of anything other than itself; it's a multi-function gizmo comparable to maybe a smartphone, that is designed to do any number of things, including but hardly limited to finding people. Granted, cutie mark symbolism tends to be a little vague in the MLP universe for instance, Rarity's mark could easily be interpreted to mean that she is an expert jewel thief, but expecting the reader to instantly connect an image of a PipBuck with the concept of finding people ponies, whatever is, again, quite a stretch.

Now, if the PipBuck's sole feature was its map and locator system, this would make sense. However, that would mean that LP would not be able to rely on it to hack terminals and aim guns and listen to music and do all the other crazy shit that she can do. This, of course, would mean that kkat would need to think up another way for LP to win gunfights, or else have someone besides his beloved Mary Sue be the expert fighter, and it's hard to imagine him going for that. It would also mean that his entire system of revealing the world's intricate backstory would need to be rethought (which would be a good idea, but again it's hard to imagine kkat actually doing this). But I digress.

In any event, none of this changes the fundamental idea that LP's job is (apparently) only to bring the Elements together; she is (apparently) still not an Element herself. So, in her own words, she's still "expendable."

Page break, "today."

Calamity blows up Neighvarro's solar array. As a side note, it's curious that in this supposedly impenetrable fortress they have encountered almost no opposition so far, save the battleship that Spike effortlessly blew up, and the single platoon of inept guards that Velvet's alicorn (apparently) took out by herself.

>Calamity sniffed at the air. “Well, what do ya know. It’s like the end o’ an empire… with radishes.”
I don't get this joke. Was the solar array made out of radishes? Are there radishes nearby? Do burning solar arrays smell like radishes for some reason? We need a little more to go on.

Anyway, it looks like I spoke too soon about the lack of opposition. Spike is still fighting some of the raptors apparently, and I guess Calamity blew up the array in between fighting some pegasi that are chasing him.
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Oh, before we go on, I actually have one more quick observation about LP's cutie mark business.

Her explanation of her mark is that her "special talent" is finding people, and that the PipBuck symbolizes this because of its radar function. However, she relies entirely on said radar function to people and/or things, just as she relies on its auto-targeting system to fight her battles for her, and (presumably) relies on some kind of app she installed on it to hack terminals for her, and so forth.

The PipBucks are standard issue in the stables as I understand it, meaning that literally anyone who has one of these could use its features to do literally everything that LP has done in this story; thus, nothing she uses it for really counts as a unique ability. Thus, if you really think about it, her special talent is really just relying on this device to do everything for her. Thus, her cutie mark is actually appropriate for her, just not for the reason she (or kkat) thinks. Noodle that one for awhile.

Anyway, back to the present, by which I mean tomorrow. Calamity gets shot at by some pegasi recruits that he doesn't want to kill, because they're his old brothers from the Enclave and all that. So, he dodges them instead, heading for some kind of side door or something that turns out to be locked. Then, suddenly, the door bursts open and a guard jumps out. Calamity whangs him over the head and ducks through the door, dragging the guard in with him. Presumably his pursuers have been outwitted, as they don't appear to follow.

The room he enters turns out to be full of batteries or something; not sure what the significance is, but this seems to impress Calamity.

Page break, "last night."

Littlepoop, despite her earlier whining about how she is never going to see Homage again and would do anything just to hear her voice again, chooses to spend this last moment she's been granted apologizing to her. Not for the obvious reason you'd expect, ie the fact that she made a decision to die without seeing her again and didn't tell her about it the last time they spoke, but because she failed to meet her own lofty expectations for glorious Mary-Suedom. There are still ponies in the wasteland she hasn't saved, and her efforts to be a hero haven't been nearly heroic enough, and blah blah blah eat the pudding.

Anyway, Homage tells her to stop being so glum, because it turns out she's not actually going to die at all. Her plan is to plug herself into the SPP, which uses the same network of radio towers that Homage relies on for her broadcasts. Thus, she will be able to communicate with Homage any time she wants. Well gee whiz, I guess that all just works out fine and dandy then, doesn't it?

So, once again, it seems that kkat's effort to introduce (real) sacrifice into his story has fallen flat, due to his outright refusal to have his protagonist suffer any (actual) loss. All this time, we've been led to believe that she will be sacrificing herself nobly for the good of all, severing herself from the love of her life and plunging into the cold abyss of death in order to save the wasteland. However, this noble act turns out to be a huge nothingburger as usual; she's not sacrificing herself, at least not in the mortal sense, and she won't even be separated from Homage.

As far as I can tell, this effort isn't going to actually kill LP or even harm her in any way that actually matters. I was until recently under the impression that throwing herself into the SPP would somehow cause her to fuse with it or be consumed by it or something; that her body would die, and she would basically merge with the machine and become a disembodied consciousness like SteelHooves' old retarded grandpa wanted to do. From the way it's being described here, it sounds like all she's really doing is just locking herself inside the cockpit. Did they not put a door handle on the inside or what?

And, naturally, kkat can't help but end the scene with yet another cringey sex joke: Homage offers to start showering outside so LP can watch.

Page break, "today."

With the guards thwarted, Velvet is now free to sing her dumb songs over the radio.

Meanwhile, LP is listening to this garbage while running down the hallway inside the fortress. She has her invisibility thing on again, so she encounters no opposition whatsoever. Mighty convenient, that.

>I reached the cell block with a few minutes of invisibility to spare. A quick sweep of the area told me all I needed to know. The cell doors had no accessible locks. They were operated entirely from the terminal in the guard office. It had a cloud-interface.
>Fortunately, I could do those now.
It seems that she can now suddenly hack cloud terminals for some reason. Mighty convenient, that.

Anyway, she hacks easily-hackable terminal #4,648 and locates the cell of "Fluffykins." You may or may not remember that Fluffykins is the name of the ally that the hellhound promised would help them. Apparently, the prisoner they need to help them bring the cloud fortress down is being held within the cloud fortress itself. Mighty convenient, that.

The info she finds is a disposal order; apparently, the Enclave intends to execute Fluffykins this very afternoon. However, it would seem that LP and her friends broke into the fortress just in the nick of time. Come on, everyone, say it with me:


Anyway, whatever; she goes to the dumb hellhound's stupid cell and opens the door somehow and lets her out, then hands her a note with some instructions from the other faggot-ass hellhound on it.

Page break, "last night."

>Tonight was the last night before a big battle. One that would define the future of Equestria. And many of them might not be coming back. The party had been Silver Bell’s idea, naturally. But none of them were going to spend their last night reading a good book.
Thanks to kkat, I certainly won't be.
This might be a sad thing to post, but...

Not even the concept of the Enclave's Operation Cauterize is truly original.
>"Operation: Cinder is to begin at once. Resistance. Rebellion. Defiance. These are concepts that cannot be allowed to persist. You are but one of many tools by which these ideas shall be burned away."
―A posthumous message from Emperor Palpatine, to a select group of Imperial officers
Operation: Cinder was the code name for the orbital bombardment campaign devised by Galactic Emperor Darth "Creamy Sheev" Sidious, who sought to punish the Galactic Empire (His own side) for failing to prevent his death.
Following the Emperor's demise during the third Star Wars movie, his posthumous instructions were relayed to loyal Imperial officers.
They targeted various planets across the galaxy, including Vardos, a world known for its loyalty to the Empire, and the Emperor's homeworld of Naboo. Although Naboo was saved during the Battle of Theed, Vardos was devastated by satellites that ravaged its ecological balance.
Operation: Cinder was the first part in the Emperor's Contingency; the Empire was to be rebuilt in the Unknown Regions while Sidious was secretly revived on Exegol.
The plan was undermined by Grand Admiral Rae Sloane, who killed the Emperor's protégé in a battle.
The widespread destruction caused by Operation: Cinder also resulted in Iden Versio and Del Meeko—Imperial Special Forces commandos of Inferno Squad—defecting to the New Republic Defense Force.
Despite these setbacks, the Contingency succeeded in ensuring the Empire's revival as the First Order, a military junta determined to recapture the Imperial legacy by ending the New Republic Era offscreen just in time for the Disney Star Wars sequels.
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Anyway, it looks like all the NPCs in Spike's cave have decided to throw a gigantic party, because why the hell not? LP is trying to get some shut eye, but Spike comes in and wakes her up and tells her to join in the festivities, so she does. A good time is had by all.

Life Bloom passes LP a "gift" he created at her behest; apparently she intends to give it to Fluffykins when she meets him in the previous scene, which, even though we've already read about it, won't actually happen until tomorrow. Have I mentioned that the way kkat structured time in this chapter is retarded?

Anyway, we still don't know exactly what the gift was, but it will probably become apparent later on. The rest of this is just LP and Calamity gibbering back and forth about the ethics of saving hellhounds and how Calamity's brother was apparently a douche.

Page break, "today."

We rejoin Calamity in the future, ie the present, ie the past, ie I don't even know anymore. He is presently futurely? stealing batteries or something from that storage closet we left him in, when suddenly his dad walks in. Initially his dad thinks he's just some random Enclave recruit, but Calamity announces himself.

What follows is a scene that could potentially have been a pivotal moment in Calamity's character arc, had the author bothered to actually give him one. As it stands, it's mostly a confusing confrontation between Calamity and some sketchy nameless character that is apparently his father, whom we've heard about in passing but have never seen. It's evident that these two characters don't see eye to eye on most subjects, and presumably their tense relationship played a significant role in shaping who Calamity is today. However, it's hard to actually give a fuck, since Calamity is basically a background pony, and his father, much like his brother, has not had a significant enough presence for us to form much of an opinion.

Anyway, they yak for a bit. Calamity's father is even more of a hee-haw redneck stereotype than Calamity himself, but other than yell he doesn't do much. There's no fight here; Calamity just maintains a condescending indifference while his dad yells at him about whatever. I don't really have any reaction to it; it's just a low-energy confrontation between a character we barely know and a character we don't know at all. There's a bit about Calamity's mother at the end, but we know even less about her than we do about the rest of his family, so it's hard to really feel anything there either. Naturally, kkat takes the opportunity to toss in a random show reference that is completely inappropriate for a moment like this:

>“Ya got her mane, y’know,” his father said softly, letting his traitorous son past. “Ah really liked her mane.”
>Calamity spread his wings and flew away, saying nothing.
Whatever. If kkat isn't going to put any effort into writing this shit, I'm not going to put any effort into reviewing it. Moving on.

Page break, "this morning."

The time to depart for battle has come. This moment would have more poignancy if we didn't already know what was going to happen.

I know I've mentioned this repeatedly already, but I really don't understand why kkat chose to write these scenes out of sequence like this. I remember I also complained earlier, when LP was losing random fragments of time and everything kept skipping forward in a surreal way. However, there ultimately turned out to have been a reason for that: LP had actually lost fragments of her memory, so she was simply recounting events the way she remembered them. As much as I hate to give kkat credit for anything at this point, I'll admit it was a more or less clever way of handling that.

Here, though, we have yet to see any reason why events should be structured this way. Kkat has chosen to tell us the story of the battle concurrent with the story of the day before the battle, when they were sitting around planning the battle. Why? Not only is it confusing, it takes away any impact that either storyline might have. The battle scenes have been mostly disjointed and lacking punch due to us having no frame of reference for what's going on. The planning scenes all take place after we've already read the battle scenes, so all it does is fill us in after the fact. It's like writing a story about a trip to Disney World, opening with a scene about riding Splash Mountain, and following it with a scene about standing in line for Splash Mountain.

In the late 90s there as a movie called Memento. I don't remember what it was about exactly, but its primary claim to fame was its gimmick: it started with the ending, and told the story backwards until it finished with the beginning. It wasn't a terrible movie as I recall, but the annoying thing was that it immediately spawned a whole slew of copycat projects; suddenly, telling a story backwards became this trendy thing to do, and everyone was doing it, regardless of whether or not it was appropriate for the story being told. That's basically what this reminds me of.

Generally speaking, unless there's some concrete reason why your story needs to be told in a non-linear way, the most sensible thing to do is to just order your scenes chronologically. It makes things much easier to follow, and enables you to properly build suspense and tension and so forth. Kkat basically sabotages himself here; his battle scenes are incoherent and lack punch, and by the time he rewinds to explain what we just saw (and the characters are about to see), we've already seen it and don't care anymore.

Anyway, they saddle up Spike and head out. They fly past the remains of a Pegasus stable, because those existed apparently, and a Pegasus city. Oddly enough, despite the supposedly heavy security of the Enclave and the 200 year old taboo about traveling through the cloud barrier, nopony seems all that concerned about the gigantic dragon flying around up here.
Starlight Sparkle flows better, I agree
Just for that, I'm going to use this image for every single one of my posts from now on until the book is finished.

Page break, "ten minutes ago."

Good, the two timelines are moving closer and closer together. Hopefully we can be done with this nonsense soon, unless kkat decides to randomly have his "past" storyline bypass the "present" entirely, and the sequences alternate between "today" and "a week from Tuesday."

Anyway, this scene is short. The Twilight Society fires up their Celestia One spell, and uses it to surgically target the "worst, the most dangerous, on both sides." As usual, we get no explanation for how "worseness" or "dangerousness" is determined, and nothing about how this spell works, even at a black-box level. We are simply told that the Twilight Society feels that they "did the right thing."

Page break, "right now."

Seriously, this had better be it for these idiotic time jumps. Anyway, we're almost at the end of the chapter, so let's sally forth.

>My hoof hit the hard red barrier, sparks of energy crackling out from it. The shield felt as solid as a steel wall under my hoof.
>I reared up and slammed my hoof against the shield surrounding the S.P.P. Central Hub once again, and fell on my tail when I rebounded.
>I wasn’t going through!
>But… But I had been so sure! I was three-fifths alicorn. More importantly, I had something nopony who had attempted this had brought: I had a perfect replica of the soul of Rainbow Dash!
Seriously? Was this her actual plan?

She just assumed, because she has that silly statue of Rainbow Dash in her backpack, and also because kkat's taint turned her into some kind of alicorn mutant or something I guess, that she would just be able to effortlessly waltz through this ultra-powerful shield that has baffled the greatest minds in Edgequestria for 200 years? Seriously, the arrogance of this character is just unreal. If I remember correctly, someone once even tried bringing the severed head of Rainbow Dash to this shield, and even that wasn't enough to bypass it. Well, whatevs; at least we get to watch LP eat a nice big slice of humble pie for once.

>If the bones of Luna hadn’t been enough to get through, if the Enclave’s goal to use the severed head of Rainbow Dash had been attempted and failed, then it stood to reason that the shield’s bypass was designed to register something much more important than mere genetics.
>I had to be the one who could get in. I had been promised this. I had it all worked out!
>This was my purpose. My destiny!
Seriously, how delusional can she get? It's like I said before, this character is completely nuts. None of what she says here makes any sense. Why does she believe that this would be her purpose or her destiny? Who promised this to her? If the shield requires a deeper connection to Rainbow Dash than mere genetics, then why would she even imagine that she was qualified to pass it? She has no connection to Dash at all from what I can tell. This whole thing just smacks of some gigantic delusion of grandeur.

LP has convinced herself that it is her holy calling to save the world, and she intends to do just that, no matter what reality has to say about it. Well I'm sorry, bitch, but that's just not how these things work. Only King Arthur can pull the sword out of the stone, so if you tug on the sword and it won't come out, all it means is that you ain't King Arthur. I'm sure your kindergarten teacher always told you that you were special, and this must be a giant blow to your self-esteem, but I'm afraid that's just the way it goes sometimes.

>I began to cry. Right now, so many were fighting, probably dying, because they had faith in my plan. Faith in me.
>How could I have been wrong? Again?
>Sunshine and rainbows, she had promised. I heard the sound of explosions and massive energy discharges from the remaining Raptors. My crying became weeping.
Lol, it was almost worth slogging through 650,000 words of unreadable dreck just to enjoy this moment. Poor little Mary Sue, it must be so crushing for her to learn that she's not the center of the observable universe after believing it for so long.

Seriously though, I do have a couple of notes. First of all, "my crying became weeping" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. What I think the author means here is that she was crying, and now she's crying even harder. However, "crying" and "weeping" are essentially synonymous with each other; I'd probably say something along the lines of "my crying turned into bawling," or something to that effect.

Second, I'm a little curious about this line:

>Sunshine and rainbows, she had promised.
Who exactly is "she"? I'm sure this is just referencing something from earlier that I'm not remembering, but I honestly can't think of anyone that might have promised her that any of this would work. To my recollection, this entire plan was cooked up by LP and LP alone; nobody told her that she could pass this shield, she just assumed that she could.

>Don’t listen to her! the potted plant had insisted. She just wants you to fail.
The potted plant? What the fuck is she on about? She got this idea from a talking plant? I'm lost.

Alright, I enlisted the help of my old friend Ctrl-F, who directed me back to Chapter 37. There is a particularly autistic scene in which LP dives into a memory orb belonging to Pinkie Pie, and ends up having a pseudo-conversation with a coked up Pinkie, because Pinkie is hallucinating talking to LP in the future, and is giving her advice. Or something. This is apparently where she was told that everything would come up "sunshine and rainbows."

The scene is even harder to follow the second time around, but as far as I can tell, there's nothing in here about passing this shield or anything specific. Pinkie merely assures her that if she "faces the fire" then everything will work out for the best in the end.

Well, I guess I can understand LP's disillusionment. I mean, if you can't trust the drugged-out hallucinations of a centuries-dead crack addict, then who the hell can you trust?
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Anyway, as much as I'm enjoying watching LP twist in the wind, I think we all know that this isn't going to last. This should be roughly the point where she racks her brain, finds the crucial piece of the puzzle that eluded both her and everyone else who has attempted to bypass this shield in the last 200 years, and pulls some ridiculous solution out of her ass that saves the day. Let's read on and see what moronic illogical thing she comes up with.

She goes over Pinkie Pie's delusional ravings from the memory orb as if there ought to be some kind of crucial clue in there, and zeroes in on the bit about "facing the fire." Considering kkat's total lack of imagination, I'm just going to assume that the solution will probably involve literal fire.

>“Spike!” I shouted, waving my forearms desperately! “I need you!”
Yep, that definitely seems to be the direction this is headed. Also, ponies don't have forearms.

She calls Spike down, and tells him that she needs him to breathe fire on her. Naturally, he considers this request to be ill-advised, and refuses. LP now has to try to convince him:

>“I lied,” I told him.
>“What?” He looked confused, hurt and deeply worried. In the middle of all this…
>“I lied about Twilight Sparkle,” I confessed, my heart ripping apart.
>I told him the truth. The whole truth, every awful, soul-wrenching detail.
>“All…” Spike stammered finally, his voice just a whisper. “…all this time…”
Remind me, what exactly is "the truth" about Twilight Sparkle again? Is it something actually serious, like she fingered Spike's butthole and then wiped it under his nose while he was asleep one time, and that's why everything smelled like poop that one day? Or is it just another nothingburger truth, like "the truth about Fluttershy" was for Velvet? As in, she invented some bombs and did some horrible stuff 200 years ago in an era when literally every other canon character was inventing bombs and doing horrible stuff, and LP felt like she needed to shield one or more of her friends from discovering this because it might destroy their perception of their favorite pony?

Oh, who the hell even cares? Whatever the "truth" about Twilight Sparkle is, it serves its purpose well enough here. Spike gets pissed off and blows fire on her exactly like she wanted, because like every other character in this shitpile he apparently has an IQ several degrees below room temperature and can't see through even the most transparent manipulation.

>I was blinded by the blast of greenish flame. The pain was beyond unbearable. I screamed, and my lungs filled with fire. I could feel my skin bubbling and searing away.
If it turns out that LP was completely wrong about everything, and gets burned to a crisp and dies right here, without saving the wasteland or accomplishing anything else of note in all of her pointless, empty life of mayhem and destruction, I will literally take back every gay joke I have ever made about kkat and propose this book be nominated for a Hugo award.

Anyway, LP's fate is, of course, left ambiguous for now. Her last thoughts are of some random bullshit that Homage said to her at some distant point in the who-gives-a-fuck past, and the scene ends with her losing consciousness. End of chapter.

Chapter Forty-Five: The Virtue of Littlepoop

Today's fortune cookie:
>“But it was not until the end of this long road that the Stable Dweller learned the true meaning of that greatest of virtues: sacrifice.”
Well, I can't speak for the Stable Dweller, but about the only thing this long road has taught me the virtue of is alcohol.

Anyway, this is it; the final chapter. Just 10,519 more words to go, and we're at the epilogue.

As with all of the preceding chapters, this one opens with another rambling monologue from Littlepoop. This one, of course, deals with the concept of sacrifice. It's nothing but the usual pseudo-philosophical drivel that we've come to expect from kkat and his obnoxious little mouthpiece; however, I will quickly go through the bits that caught my eye.

>Every day is a struggle against the forces that attempt to compromise and erode anything good in your heart. It helps to have a cause, a purpose; but I have seen too many who have put their faith in those alone and been lead grievously astray.
As I've stated I don't know how many times, there is a gulf the size of the Grand Canyon between LP's view of herself and how she actually comes across. If she has ever had anything resembling a cause or a purpose at any point in this endless clusterfuck, I would be hard pressed to explain what it is. She's in no position to be criticizing how anyone else deals with life in the wasteland, or anywhere else for that matter.

>Raiders are those who failed to weather the moral ravages of the Wasteland. Velvet Remedy was wrong: they do have a reason for existing. The Wasteland is the cause to their effect.
As I've also stated I don't know how many times, the "raiders" are one of the silliest, most comically overstated edgelord elements of this story, and their existence makes no sense.

"Evil" is not some miasmic substance floating around in the air, turning anyone who breathes it into a mindless psychopath. There are only actions and the results of actions; the goodness or evilness of any action can only be evaluated subjectively based on results. The writer's job is simply to understand the motivations and personalities of his characters, and determine which actions they would be likely to take. If he does this correctly, the reader can make their own assessments of which characters are good and which ones are evil without needing to be told.

With that in mind, what exactly is the motivation of the raiders? What drives these otherwise normal ponies to suddenly don ridiculous Mad Max cosplay and run around disemboweling strangers for no reason? The "horrors of the wasteland?" That's not good enough. These guys are the horrors of the wasteland, so what was the prime mover there?
I'm sure what I suggested earlier about the Raiders could have worked. If they started life as farmers or adventurers or worthless idiots or town-dwelling twats before failing at life and running into a choice between starving and becoming gangs of thieves, these gangs could have fought over territory. Some criminal gangs could devolve into tribes with superstitions and mythologies as hazing initiation rituals to weed out the wimpy grow crueller with time. Some gangs could rely solely on violence as a lifestyle and culture while others run drugs and sell slaves for food money with violence reserved for making examples of anyone who pisses them off. And over time the "typical" practice of sticking enemy bodies/heads on sticks around the borders of your land to show you mean business (and attract big Radroaches to eat) accelerates into making examples of those bodies/heads to scare other gangs into leaving you alone and scare nearby functional settlements into fearfully paying you tributes of food and purified water to leave them alone. Some motherfuckers invent thunderdomes to keep their skills sharp with practice duels when not making a big show out of duelling captured enemies to death/offering them a spot in the gang if they win. Some motherfuckers make a big gore pit with a trap door out of their town's destroyed sewer systems and love shoving enemies into it to die. Eventually assorted Raider tribes become so edgy and evil they've forgotten all the perversely barbaric showmanship in their rituals and evolving cultural traditions over 200 years initially started as a tool to avoid violence and get what they want (food) without risking their lives.

Also, it pisses me off that LP is relying on Spike's teleporting fire right now. That's such an obvious thing to try. How did nobody try this in over 200 years? Plus we saw Spike's fire obliterate an Enclave soldier ages ago. So as an audience unless we've watched the show and know Spike used to be able to teleport things we'd have no idea he can teleport things now until it's used as an asspull to solve this retarded issue.

Question: if LP found the frozen severed head of Rainbow Dash when running through an Enclave base and kept it, then leapt into Red Eye's Alicorn goo with herself and Calamity and an Earth Pony friend (Steelhooves? Maybe Life Bloom if he was an earth pony?) while clutching RD's head and statuette, and the resulting part-RD alicorn was able to access the SPP, would that make for a better story?
For such a tale to work I think the story would have needed to focus harder on these chosen three characters and their character growth over the course of the tale so we can feel something about their resulting fusion. I'm sure a competent author could make the audience cry at how Calamity's final thoughts as an individual would be of his love for Velvet.
But I still think it would be less retarded than relying on how taint conveniently made LP part-alicorn for no reason when taint usually fucks poners up. Sure that plan failed LP but it's retarded that the universe put her in a position to try it in the first place. She had Spike on her side long ago, asking him to teleport somepony into the SPP (maybe calamity?) should have worked back then making all the bullshit that happened after the heroes met "Watcher" aka Spike pointless.
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>I had finally discovered my virtue.
Yes, and unfortunately, since you're still talking and the book isn't over yet, it doesn't seem to involve being burned to a crisp the way I had hoped. Looks like kkat can kiss that Hugo goodbye.

Anyway, she's been saying for some time now that she's discovered her virtue, but I'm still not quite clear on what it's supposed to be. We learned in the previous chapter that her "special talent" is using her PipBuck to find people finding people, but I don't think that "special talent" and "virtue" mean the same thing in this story. My best guess is that her "virtue" will have something to do with selflessness or sacrifice, since that seems to be the kind of character that kkat believes he's writing about.

>I should have realized it when I first looked into the mirror of the soul. But I was too blinded by what I saw -- a blood-coated, dying raider -- to recognize what the mirror was actually showing me: the first time I truly acted in the spirit of sacrifice.
Yep, called it.

Anyway, the long and short of all this is that LP, continuing to trace the downward nautilus path of her own delusions, now genuinely believes that her purposeless murder-spree across the wasteland has been an act of noble self-sacrifice. She has more or less always believed this, but her most recent epiphany seems to have banished the last vestiges of self-doubt she was struggling with. Her narcissism stat is completely maxed out; nothing can stop her now. She has become GigaSue, Destroyer of Worlds.

>I believe in Pinkie Pie, in sunshine and rainbows. But of all the Ministry Mares, I think it has been Rarity, not Pinkie Pie, that I’ve felt the greatest connection to. The mare whose last act was to save her dearest friend. Who tore apart her own soul for those she loved.
I'm highlighting this passage mainly as an example of kkat's autismo, rambling writing style. This guy cannot pick a subject and stay on it to save his life; he just bounces around from thought to thought and word-vomits whatever idiotic thing pops into his head. Here, watch:

>My feelings are not surprising, for sacrifice and generosity are closely tied. But generosity is a much grander virtue with a much wider scope. I am not generous. I have never given anything but myself; and upon reflection, my sacrifice was often selfish -- a vehicle to protect those I love from facing harm even when it was their right to do so. My mistakes in Fillydelphia are perhaps the most brutal example.
Initially, she was talking about "sacrifice" and how this is her virtue. She then brings up Rarity for no good reason at all (her personal connection to any of the M6 is tenuous at best), which leads her off on a tangent about generosity. She then re-focuses on herself (which is really all she ever thinks about or talks about), babbling about how her acts of sacrifice were selfish and therefore she doesn't embody generosity. Did anyone ever ask if she embodied generosity? Did anyone ever ask her to compare herself to Rarity? The answers are "no" and "no." So why is this in the book?

Everyone who has ever attempted to write anything has probably wound up rambling at some point. I may even be rambling right now. However, the important thing is to learn how to focus your thoughts so you can avoid it as much as possible. If you don't catch it while you're writing, try to catch it in revision. Almost this entire opening monologue could have been cut. Anyway, my point is: try not to ramble.

>After my final discourse with Red Eye, I began to realize that I had been like an over-protective mother, stifling the growth of those I loved. Only now, finally, was I learning to let go. And still, it was the hardest and most painful thing for me to do. Sending my friends into battle against the Enclave without me… putting Ditzy Doo, the spirit of laughter and one of the most beautiful souls in the Equestrian Wasteland, on the front lines… it tore my heart out to not merely allow others to sacrifice, but to ask them to.
Or, alternatively, you could follow LP's example and do the exact opposite of not rambling.

Seriously, look at this shit: Red Eye -> being an over-protective mother -> learning to let go -> sending her friends into battle -> Ditzy-goddamned-horse-fucking-Doo -> the spirit of laughter -> heartbreak. This is her thought process. What is the point of telling us all of this? What are you trying to communicate, you loony twat?

>No, I was not truly generous. I was not Rarity, not even Red Eye.
>Nor was I truly Applesnack. But sacrifice lies in that space between generosity and perseverance -- between the desire to give so that others don’t have to and the drive to never give up, no matter the danger, no matter the cost.
"Am I like Rarity? Or am I more like Applesnack? Red Eye, maybe? No, after spending nine and a half paragraphs mumbling to myself about it, I don't think I'm really like any of those characters. So which character am I truly the most like? Ms. Crabtree? Chef? The 1982 Denver Broncos?" Blecch. Friendly reminder that this drivel is unironically one of the most highly-regarded works in the entire fandom.

What I think grinds my gears about this more than anything else is not just that she rambles, but how utterly narcissistic and self-absorbed this character is. She's not really talking about Rarity or Applesnack or her friends or anyone else she mentions here; this whole monologue is just about herself, and her perception of herself, and how much she's learned about herself, and how she's grown, and yada yada yada. It's nothing but vapid self-affirmation masquerading as deep reflection. We might as well be reading some millennial girl's Facebook posts.

Anyway, it just rambles on and on like this, and there's no point in delving much deeper. Here's a quick rundown of the topics she covers from here: corrupted virtue, friendship, Monterrey Jack, generosity again, sacrifice again, facing the fire.

Anyway, while it's still not clear what's actually happening yet, we are given the (hardly surprising) impression that even though LP "died" at the end of the previous chapter, through some kind of deus ex machina she has both survived and managed to bypass the shield.

>Faith doesn’t require you to be willingly blind or dogmatically stupid. I knew as I faced the fire that it was going to be more painful than anything I’d suffered before, and I was almost certainly going to die. But I also knew there was a chance, if only just a chance, that death might be… survivable. And Pinkie Pie had promised me sunshine and rainbows. Faith does require that you take risks. Sometimes, you have to risk everything.
If I were compiling selections from LP's memoirs to use as evidence to have her committed into psychiatric care, this one would probably be the centerpiece.

Let's back up and take a closer look at this:

When LP was poking around in the ruins of Canterlot, she came across an old memory orb belonging to Pinkie Pie. The memory shows an obviously drug-crazed Ponk having a bizarre hallucinogenic conversation with herself. Now, the fact that she addresses Littlepoop by name in the memory serves as pretty strong evidence that LP is witnessing something magical, intended specifically for her; there is likely a psychic connection between Ponk and Littlepoop, and LP is right to assume that there is an important message for her in here. However, the actual message Ponk gives her is completely vague: "face the fire."

"Face the fire" could mean any number of things in any number of situations. Maybe she's supposed to rescue a friend who finds herself in a dangerous situation. Maybe she is supposed to stand up against bullying or peer pressure. "Facing the fire" could be a metaphor for virtually any kind of difficult challenge.

Now, it's worth remembering that kkat is probably a middle-aged man who has spent the bulk of his adult life sitting in his mother's basement wearing adult-sized footy-pajamas and playing video games, and as such he is probably too autistic to think in metaphors or to use metaphors in his writing. However, even if we were to assume that the phrase "face the fire" means that LP will, at some point in the story, need to literally face a literal fire, there are still an endless number of things that this prophecy could refer to. Maybe there's a burning building that she needs to go into; maybe some final objective will be blocked by a pony armed with a flame thrower; maybe she'll find herself in a hopeless situation where arson is the only escape, and there is a very real possibility that she will die in the conflagration. Hell, maybe all it means is that one day she's going to have to hack through an extremely difficult firewall.

Point is, there is no way of knowing exactly what "face the fire" could mean, because it could mean literally anything. Nothing in Ponk's message suggests a specific situation or set of circumstances in which this message would be directly applicable.

Now, this kind of vague-message-that-turns-out-to-be-foreshadowing is a common enough device in fiction. However, the way it usually works is the character will be given a cryptic message which makes no sense at the time, but as soon as they encounter the situation it applies to, the meaning suddenly becomes clear. Unfortunately, the best example I can think of off the top of my head is the M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs (spoilered in case you haven't seen it and for whatever insane reason you actually want to): Based Mel Gibson is a former priest who lost his faith while watching his wife die. His wife's last words were "tell Michael to swing away," which he interpreted as just brain-tumor-induced gibberish and evidence that there is no God. However, towards the end of the movie, there is an alien attacking him, and his son Michael is standing behind it with a bat. He tells Michael to swing away, which he does, and it BTFOs the aliens and saves the day. Faith in God: restored. Is this a completely moronic story twist? Of course, and M. Night Shyamalan should be tarred and feathered for it. But, at the very least, it makes sense. Character is given a cryptic message, dismisses it as nonsense, suddenly finds himself in a situation where it applies, and uses it to solve an important problem and overcome a personal hurdle.

With Ponk's prophecy, this is not how it works. When she is trying to break the shield, LP has no indicator that she needs to face any fire. The shield is not made of fire, there is no fire present in any other aspect of the problem, and there is nothing indicating that fire would be helpful. Neither literal nor metaphorical fire has any relevance here.

So here is what happens: LP wants to break this shield that no one in 200 years has been able to break. Being the arrogant Sue that she is, she just assumes she will automatically be able to do it, because destiny and stuff. She comes up with a perfectly idiotic plan that pretty much anyone with half a brain could tell her was not going to work: basically, just walk up to it while carrying that stupid Rainbow Dash statue, assuming that fate or destiny or whatever would do the rest, because friendship and magic and whatever. Naturally, this plan fails.

Now, instead of simply realizing that her plan was stupid, or maybe just considering the possibility that she wasn't chosen by destiny to break this shield after all, she decides to suddenly call down her dragon friend and order him to set her on fire, for no reason beyond that 8 chapters ago she watched a memory orb where an obviously deranged Pinkie Pie said some crazy bullshit about facing fire that could have meant literally anything. This isn't brave, nor is it heroic, nor is it a leap of faith or intuition; it's just flat-out random and insane. Only a lunatic would do something like this and think it would have any positive effect, faith or no.
I kind of want to call the "The mirror wasn't showing LP an edgy copy of herself, she was showing herself the first time she sacrificed for another: When she defended whatshisname from Calamity!" a clever twist but it falls apart when you think about it.
Even with Kkat's attempts to mislead the audience with LP's bullshit about hearing negative voices or feeling like bad poners tell her to do bad things or repeating "corrupted kindness" over and over, it still falls flat because LP's been sacrificing herself before this point.
She sacrificed her peaceful home in the Stable to go out and bring Velvet home.
She risked her life fighting the Raiders of Ponyville and exterminating them just because Watcher/Spike asked her to.
She's wearing Raider armour in that scene specifically because she took it from raiders after a load of self-sacrifice and life-risking.
Kkat wanted this big dramatic reveal that recontextualizes earlier information but it just doesn't work unless you come up with some stupid illogical argument for why earlier good deeds didn't count but this one did.
An idiot could but he shouldn't, he should get a job and learn to code instead.
If anything, this act of self-sacrifice should count the least. She sacrificed her comfortable stable life for the Wasteland. After escaping the Raiders she turned around and went right back into hell for Watcher. But when losing and dying to Calamity, she defiantly threw herself into his sights and glared just so she can feel like she's dying a hero defending another, without actually giving up anything heroic or giving anything up to guarantee the win. It was sheer fucking luck that Calamity happened to be nice and recognize her attempt to protect whatshisface for what it was BEFORE blasting her brains across five counties.
When all of this started I thought it would be cool to make a fixed version of FE but after all this text I've realized you'd make this story less awful by trimming unnecessary bullshit and you'd make it good by replacing the bullshit with better ideas.
But at that point it would be a fundamentally different tale.
not a meandering confused mess but a cohesive quest with a goal and a non-sueish protagonist with an arc and motivations and a realistic level of importance and competence that only goes up when he earns it.
How you fundamentally change it...
By ripping off Fallout and FIM better or ripping off an obscure source your target audience would never know of like an old DS strategy game?
By giving the hero more entertaining powers and battles or removing the focus on violence?
By making the hero someone you can enjoy looking at and reading about, or someone you can't stand and then forcing the hero to grow out of it?
That's up to you. Almost anything can objectively improve the story but choosing what to go with is too subjective to certainly say what would make this objectively "Fallout Equestria the definitive superior fanmade edition".
How beholden should any good Fallout+Ponies crossover writer be to the ideas of FE when Kkat is such a faggot?
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Anyway, kkat seems to have more or less realized how random his idea was here, because he attempts to justify it with wacky kkat logic. Unfortunately, his explanation just makes it worse:

>I said I would burn It, Rarity had insisted to Applejack after the other mare had called her on still having the Black Book. And I tried… I even tried to have Spike burn it. All that did was send it to Princess Celestia.
>The Black Book. A soul jar bound with a living soul. If It could survive the trip, soul intact, then there had been a chance, if just a chance, that so could I.
So basically, because this magic zebra book was able to survive being burned by fire, that must mean that LP can also survive being burned by fire, because...uh...friendship...and, uh, destiny...and...uhhhh...something about sunshine and rainbows...and...uhhhhhhh...wait a minute. What exactly is kkat trying to say here?

Anyway, whatever; hopefully it will all become at least somewhat clear if we keep reading.

Following the deus-ex-machina-bullshit playbook to the letter, LP awakens, completely unburnt and unscathed, in a completely new location. She looks around a little, and finds that she is inside some kind of refrigerated chamber that does indeed appear to be the interior of the Single Pegasus Project. There are some computer terminals, a frozen bottle of soda, and a sign that says "winter vestibule" for some reason. And of course, because it just wouldn't be FoE if it wasn't, the room is full of fucking skeletons.

So, kids, I guess the lesson of this episode is this: whenever you find yourself in a hopeless situation, just do something completely reckless, nonsensical, impulsive and dangerous, and everything will just magically turn out the way you want it to, because fucking reasons. I can only imagine the look on Celestia's face when she finally reads Littlepoop's letter.

Anyway, whatever; she pokes around the dumb room and looks at all the skeletons and junk.

>I winced as my hoof came down on the metal clamp of a clipboard. Looking down at it, I was struck by nostalgic memories of Calamity and SteelHooves joking about Stubbornite.
Who? What? What the actual fuck is...oh, whatever; it's probably just some long-forgotten bullshit detail from 36 chapters ago. Why am I even asking?

>Spike had, to my knowledge, never sent anything to anypony other than Princess Celestia. I had only my faith in Pinkie Pie’s words that, this time, his fire would take me where I needed to be in order to bring sunshine and rainbows back to Equestria. I could not deny that the reason it might do so is because that location, and Celestia’s final resting place, might be one and the same.
Alright, I think I'm finally beginning to get a faint glimmer of what was on LP's mind when she had Spike set her on fire. Canonically, Spike has the ability to send messages to Princess Celestia by breathing dragon fire on them and incinerating them. So, if you carry this idea to its most ridiculous logical extreme, theoretically anything that Spike incinerates with dragon fire would be magically transported to wherever Celestia is. If you ignore the fact that there is no guarantee that this would still work if Celestia is no longer alive to receive the message, and the fact that there is no reason to assume Celestia's corpse would be located in this room of all places, and the fact that there is certainly no reason to assume that a living creature being transported in this manner would actually survive the journey, I guess it kinda-sorta makes sense, in an absolutely-pants-on-head-retarded sort of a way.

Incidentally, didn't Spike use his dragon fire to roast a Steel Ranger alive at an earlier point in the story? I actually seem to remember that event provoking some discussion about this power of his; in fact I think there was even something spoilered that related to the scene we're on now. If LP was able to survive this journey, then logically, shouldn't the Ranger have survived as well? Shouldn't there be a Ranger wandering around in here? Couldn't that Ranger just as easily activate the SPP and dick around with the weather in the same manner that LP plans to? And if this is the case, and Spike understands what his fire can do, wouldn't it stand to reason that he would want to be a little more careful about who and what he sets on fire? I mean, if his fire breath is basically a one-way ticket to the single most important location in all of Edgequestria, would he really be so cavalier about spitting it at anything and everything that pisses him off? Kkat probably thinks he's being clever here, but all he's really doing is opening up a series of gigantic plot holes I could probably make a gaping anus joke but at this point I can't even be bothered.

>The shield around the S.P.P. was designed to let either of the Princesses through. And I had never found Her bones in Canterlot. It seemed to me that if She had died there with Her sister, then Nightseer would have probably been wearing both. Although perhaps not; perhaps, as the alicorn’s name suggested, she had a particular affinity for the Princess of the Night and Moon.
So basically, LP just assumed that because neither she nor Nightseer were able to find Celestia's skeleton in Canterlot, that means it must be here, in the lobby of the SPP? As opposed to, oh I don't know, literally any of the hundreds of thousands of other places it could possibly be?

Here is my personal headcanon: Celestia died on the crapper, became an environmental storytelling skeleton, and LP burns herself alive only to end up transported to a mares' room stall buried under rubble, deep in the bowels of Canterlot.

Anyway, it turns out I got it slightly wrong; the other pony that Spike fireblasted here was an Enclave soldier, not a Steel Ranger. LP finds her corpse frozen nearby. Why LP survived the trip and this pony didn't remains to be seen.
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Everyone reading this remembers last time Spike spat fire at someone while fully intending to kill them, and it melted that Enclaver without sending him/her(dont remember or care) anywhere, right?
Everyone reading this remembers how the Soul Jars (Objects somebody put a fraction of his soul into) are invulnerable specifically because somebody's soul-chunk is inside them, right?

KKat's insistence that "Because X happened before and you accepted it then you must accept it now" reminds me of when Kkat pulled off several once-impossible feats at once in the thunderdome.
Levitating radioactive liquid, using it as a shield to block bullets, self-levitation and levitating a passenger, opening a lock from the inside via telekinesis to make her lockpicking skills irrelevant*, these were all bullshit moments that made smart viewers scream "If she could always do that, why hasn't she done such absurdly useful things before?"

But those examples were still logical extensions of abilities that already existed and were established. What's preposterous was how far they were being pushed, and that they were all being pushed at the same time.

Using telekinesis on things you can't see? LP already used it to pull pins from grenades she was telekinetically carrying but couldn't see. I suppose it isn't much of a stretch to say she could do it again with something more complicated than a grenade.
Telekinesis can lift things. Can it lift yourself? Sure if you want your OC to fly. Can it lift sand or water molecules? probably if you're skilled. Can it keep radioactive liquid goo together forcefully enough to block bullets like you're Gaara Of The Sand and it's time for your bullshit sand shield fursona/momfu? Fuck it, sure, why not. Might as well give these OP abilities to your sue while you're at it.
Making lockpicking as a concept and the very existence of locks a moot point via instant easy telekinesis? Fuck it, sure, why not, locks were already meaningless for this whore. Who cares if it raises questions like "Who the fuck would bother with locks in a world where a third of the population can psychically unlock anything from the inside without needing to see it".

I don't know if Kkat forgot how the rules of his own story work, or if this is some intentional sleight-of-hand where he's hoping his fans will associate invincible objects with LP and believe she can be invincible if he mentions them closely together and suggests this BS should work, but it doesn't work.

Even if it all did work, it's still a pointless moment of faked death for the sake of shocking and confusing the audience's retards. Like the obligatory fakeout death most shit stories have.

It would be easy for LP to yell "Hey, Spike! Flame-breath me inside that thing!" and hope it worked. Would be fast and easy.
But no, she had to be dramatic.
Had to mislead the audience and pretend LP is just sooooooo brave and self-sacrificing for making this choice even though she's not facing any real danger.
Had to build up false tension in a desperate attempt to build hype.
Had to give her another fucking opportunity to monologue and call herself Sue supreme.
Had to piss Spike off with a single line, making him lose his shit and attempt to murder Lightbringer The Sue right then and fucking there in the middle of a war everypony designated "Good" by the author is fighting for her sake because they all sincerely believed in her ability to fix shit and save the day. Holy shit, did Kkat realize what this stupid moment does to Spike as a character? If it wasn't for bullshit plot armour, Spike would be responsible for roasting alive not just any pony, but a pony this world considers its last best hope, right in the middle of a battle she organized and planned from the start, just because she said she lied about Twilight once or something. If this blatant act of manipulation that effortlessly played Spike like a fiddle didn't work out the way LP hoped, this story would end in a tragedy for this world's inhabitants and comedy for us as the target audience shits themselves in shock and rage because they felt entitled to a ridiculously sappy happy ending where everything just effortlessly works out perfectly on its own now that enough designated good people have sacrificed themselves for special deeds we're told were good, special deeds so special only the sufficiently special and eternally deserving of praise could ever hope to do them, and all the bad people have been sufficiently murdered (The Liberal fantasy, really, minus the anti-white asswitzes and gulags and white slave plantations).
One more thing!

Remember how Princess Luna's corpse had been defiled in this story, and her skull was worn as a necklace by some edgy darkly-coloured Alicorn OC? I think LP also used that skull to kill the alicorn, I forget, and I forget if she remembered to bury Luna afterwards.

What the FUCK was Littlepip planning to do if Celestia's body had been similarly defiled, split apart, or was located deep underground, perhaps in a magically-sealed stone tomb with a lid so massive and heavy even her telekinesis couldn't break her out of it?

Then she'd just be trapped forever with Celestia's skeleton and nothing to eat.

I swear, if this Sue didn't have plot armour, she would have been gunned down for her supplies after stepping out of the vault faster than Spongebob and Patrick lost the Patty Wagon in the Spongebob Movie.
Does anyone here think this story would be improved if LP's meeting with Red Eye had him utterly destroy her narcissistic violent pussy libtard mindset and leave her questioning everything?

Even when she escapes, his words would haunt her, control her. Even when she tries not to do as he says, she's still letting him control her.

Only when she figures out a superior ideological alternative to absolute rule under Red Eye or Gawd or any other faggot OC can she actually beat him in an argument on politics.

I think if she had to grow like that, a scene where she beats him in the argument would be an excellent way to show her growth. Not that LP had any growth in the original but anyway back to the grind. Those titties won't animate themselves.
Surely there should be a scene where some villain is allowed to be right about LP, allowed to point out the hypocrisy she takes for granted, even if only so she can insist she's going to do what she wants anyway.

She never questions Gawd on what kind of society she wants to create, she simply takes for granted that because Gawd seems to be a decent (by her standards) creature, the civilization she creates won't be a shitshow.
She simply takes for granted that she and her friends are Good(TM) and any amount of murder and death they carry out for their own "greater good" simply must be for the good of the wasteland and its inhabitants. She fucking deserves a last-second story twist where it turns out Gawd was a cunt all along who wanted to create a cruel civilization full of everything LP hates like slavery and rape. She's so eager to throw her life away for the wasteland without any fucks given about what the wastelanders might want, she deserves to be told by Homage over the radio, minutes after a permanent paralytic immortality-granting "And I Must Scream"-style entombment within the SPP, that Gawd's a cunt who's taking over the world in the resulting power vacuum with the Enclave and Red Eye's twats gone.

Kkat tried so hard to make Red Eye into this charismatic, powerful, dangerous foe with infinite resources, infinite supplies of soldiers willing to die for him and infinite supplies of prisoners to pull out of his ass, and so on. Kkat did every cheap trick he learned from cheap stories and bad video games (strong guy, unfair resource advantages, generic take-over-the-world motivation, a hint of a cliche theme to set the character apart from every other similar villain out there) he knew of. And yet he isn't allowed to put up any real opposition against Littleshit The Sue or point out anything wrong with her plans. He can't even find fault in her! Or challenge her ideas through dialogue.

Would it really be so hard for Kkat to write Red Eye saying "In this wasteland, it's kill or be killed! There are no Alicorns, no gods, and no masters! Everypony is free to do whatever they want in chaos, and this is chaos. But I can bring order! I can bring stability!"

"By force!" LP should say. "Governmental power should come from the consent of the governed, not from the threat of force! Your nation of ex-raiders turned slavers is actually full of cunts who create inefficiency by abusing slaves, also slavery is bad for many economic reasons I'm going to list for at least six thousand more words-"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch! The Wasteland is a playground for strong ponies like you, it's a shooting gallery where you can gun down anypony at any time and quip about it afterwards. No guilt, no regret. You can't fire a gun into a crowd of Wastelanders without hitting at least one rapist, cannibal, raider, or cannibalistic rapist raider. Ponies can do whatever they want in a world of chaos, and you love gunning down ponies that choose violence and theft because it makes you feel morally superior, even if they only chose theft and violence out of desperation! If a pony's choice is to starve on the spot or steal from another, what right do you have to gun him down for not choosing the slow death?"

"Bullshit!" LP should say. "Everypony has a choice! The cloud covering is preventing large-scale farming but I've seen self-sustaining settlements that could handle many more good and useful members. There are still monsters to hunt for their meat, along with whatever they eat. We can still eat mushrooms and moss and bugs. Ponies don't have to gun each other down for 200 year old tins of beans! Still, I'd show more mercy to a petty thief than a Raider, one who makes a lifestyle and a career and even a tribal culture out of being a spectacularly disgusting serial murderer who makes gore art for fun. Are you telling me you don't think they deserve death?"

"They deserve to be worked to death in my mines, or my factories, or my Thunderdome! They should be used like resources for the greater good of the collective, dear Littlepip! Life is nothing but another resource to spend."

"What good is a collective if it won't let people choose whether they want to be a part of it or not, Red Eye? Nobody should own another's life, not a General, Slaver, or Government. The Wasteland's settlements thrive on a system of voluntary association and barter. Travelling badasses take on sidequests for rewards, it's great. We don't need large-scale armies or governments any more, we're making steps to rebuild the Wasteland into a better society without your cruel machinery!"

"You're just doing this because you're a bored twat who feels morally obligated to peek her nose into the business of others and kill whoever doesn't meet your standards!"

"Maybe," LP shrugged. "Serial rapists, slavers, mass murderers, none of them meet my standards. And if I don't kill them, who will? Maybe I'm just a bored wanderer who forgot why she was wandering in the first place thirty chapters ago. But I have the ability to set things right for others, so why shouldn't I do it?"

"Now you're speaking my language! I have the ability to build a new nation founded on slavery, industry, and glorious ruthless expansionism! We're a lot alike, you and I! We both feel we're doing this for our own greater goods."

"But you're just repeating the sins of the past! Governments caused the fall of Equestria, through cronyism and foolishness and war. Small self-governing settlements too economically dependent on one another to fight, this is the way forward for ponykind and zebrakind. No more warring nations, just homes."

"Foolish mare... When supplies are low, when times are bad, you fools will turn on each other and fight for scraps. Ideals die first when times are tough."

"My ideals will never die! Maybe I'm not some perfect goddess doing this out of the kindness of her heart, maybe I really do love the attention. But I'll fight for my better world anyway."

"As will I, Littlepip. As will I."
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>I… didn’t understand.
>Why was she here? And if she was, then why wasn’t the room full of propeller parts and everything else consumed by Spike’s breath?
At this point, it's starting to look like kkat has realized that his little dragon-fire-transportation angle makes things a lot more complicated than he had initially thought. He is now racking his brain, trying to remember all of the things that he has casually made Spike breathe fire on over the course of this story. He has realized at last that if books, scrolls and even ponies can transported hospitably to wherever Celestia's bones happen to be, and if Celestia's bones happen to be in the entrance chamber of the most powerful weapon in Edgequestria for some strange reason, then Spike's fire breath is a less than ideal weapon. Kkat basically has two options:

1) go back to every single place in the book where Spike has breathed fire on something or someone, and remove any instance that might complicate the story; or,
2) remove the fire-transportation angle entirely, and figure out another way for LP to get past the shield.

Unfortunately, kkat seems to have chosen a third option: hastily shart out a bunch of inner-monologue-diarrhea from LP, in which she attempts to wrap her head around how Spike's magic works, but ultimately concludes that she has no idea. Then, just move on with the story while leaving the problem completely unresolved. Kkat has a bad habit of acknowledging problems but refusing to try to solve them.

>I stared at the decomposing body of the mare in confused dismay. I had faced the fire of a dragon based on faith, thin evidence and a cripplingly desperate lack of options. If she was sent here the same way, then something must have made her different, just as something had made me different. But she wasn’t guided by a precognitive voice from the past. She wasn’t the Lightbringer. She wasn’t even a message.
Here, kkat seems to have realized that if LP can be burned by Spike's fire and survive the journey to Celestia, then logically the Enclave mare he burned earlier should have survived as well. However, if she did not survive, then logically LP should not either. This creates a conundrum for him: either both mares survived, which means that the Enclave mare should have been alive and well inside this SPP chamber all this time (which means she could have jumped the gun on LP and fired up the SPP on her own), or else neither mare survived, which means he needs to recruit a new protagonist to finish out the last chapter of the story. Instead of doing either of these things, however, he has once again chosen Option 3: just have the mare be dead for some mysterious reason, have LP wonder about it for a few paragraphs, and then move on without explaining it.

>Did forces such as destiny, purpose and intention play a part in dragon magic? If so, then it was not in the way ponies conceived of such things. Maybe they mattered in a more mysterious and nebulous existential way. I doubt Spike intended to send this mare anywhere… any more than he had planned to send the Black Book.
Here, kkat seems to be flat-out admitting that he didn't really think any of this shit through before he started writing, and that he really doesn't have an answer for why LP is alive and this other mare is not. It seems that the best thing he could come up with is "LP was chosen by fate or destiny or whatever, so she was protected; this other mare was just some random pony that Spike killed so she was not." At least that's what I'm getting out of this.

>I felt a sudden weakness in my knees as I glimpsed the breadth of my lack of understanding. I felt suddenly like I had taken my leap of faith without even grasping the idea of gravity.
Here, LP seems to be flat-out admitting that she doesn't understand how any of this shit works, either.

>The chill of the room began to seep in as I stood over the Enclave mare, deep in thought. I recalled part of a tale Spike had told us: how a hiccup had sent a bundle of scrolls tumbling down on Celestia’s head. It was an accident… but they were scrolls. Their purpose was to bear messages. The Black Book itself desired for its influence to be spread.
Here, kkat is saying...actually, I'm not quite sure what he's saying here. The Zebra Necronomicon made Spike dump some scrolls on Celestia's head, I guess? I really don't know.

>Or maybe this dead mare wasn’t who I believed she was, and I was just spinning nonsensical wheels in my head.
>How does she get in and out? I had asked Lionheart, looking at a pink-warped glass ball which had, centuries before, been designed to hold a small pet.
>Dragon magic.
>I winced, an unpleasant ache in the back of my brain. Dragon magic. One more thing to add to the list of Stuff That Makes My Head Hurt. Right up there between Enclave politics and rock farming.
>But still below pony-pulled train engines.
Here, kkat's autism has completely taken over, and he is once again bouncing randomly between various subjects that have nothing to do with each other.

Anyway, after she finishes gibbering like a mental patient, LP moves past the dead mare towards the door at the end of the room. But oh noes! The lock is made out of clouds. She has a spell that lets her walk on clouds, but it won't let her pick locks that are made out of clouds. So, she decides to look around for a key, which I guess is also made out of clouds.

Meanwhile, a security screen kicks on and an image of Nightmare Moon appears, telling her to stop doing what she is doing. She refuses, and continues to hunt around for the key. Then, it turns out that Nightmare Moon is actually Celestia. At first, LP thinks it is just an elaborate security system. Then, it turns out that it's actually the real Celestia, who I guess has become a computer program? Or maybe she's in some deeper part of the SPP, using the screens to communicate? I honestly don't know; hopefully it will get clearer as we read on.

As the conversation progresses, we begin to get a clearer picture of what's going on.

It appears that Celestia is still alive; she has been inside the SPP for all this time. She has been observing the wasteland using the equipment in here, the same system that LP was going to use to watch Homage shower. She appears to already know Littlepoop:

>“…But I do remember watching you before,” Celestia interrupted my epiphany, her voice taking on a motherly tone, almost gentle but not without an edge. “You are Littlepip, she of the colorful vulgarities, am I right?”
This is what Celestia considers to be the most memorable thing about Littlepoop? Not the murders, not the ridiculous overuse of teleportation magic, not the chaos and destruction she's sown everywhere she's gone? The naughty language is the thing that sticks out in her mind? Just checking.

>Of the…?! EEEP! Celestia knew me… and for that?! I wanted to hide. But there was simply not enough everything in the universe to bury myself under.
Cue the stock footage of bronies clip-clopping their hoovesies together and cackling like retards.

>“I put Luna to rest,” I told Her quickly, wanting to ease the harmful memory. “I burned Luna’s bones, and slew the monster who desecrated Her.”
>My words felt weak and pathetic in my muzzle, but the expression on Celestia’s face was of such undeserved gratitude that I found myself bowing before Her just to escape it.
Being the Mary Sue that she is, it's only natural that LP would be shown gratitude by the setting's literal god. And how humble she is, too! Truly a worthy heroine.

>“Rise, my little pony,” Celestia chided softly. “I am no one worth your deference.” I glanced up in surprise at Her melancholy words, not moving from my position. “There are too many dead because of me for any pony to show me such reverence. I would bow to you if I could.”
It just keeps getting better and better, don't it?

>My nerves felt covered in ice. My eyes burned. I felt the heat of a tear trickle down my right cheek as I began to cry for my Goddess.
Seriously; 161 Nazi officers were tried and convicted at Nuremberg for "war crimes," yet somehow this faggot is allowed to keep writing prose like this.

Anyway, they yak for awhile about how the war started. Celestia of course blames herself for what happened, and LP of course tries to convince her that it wasn't her fault, and it just sort of goes back and forth like this for awhile. It's all pretty maudlin; Celestia details how she and Luna were trying to save ponies during the gas explosion or whatever the fuck happened in Canterlot, and how Luna "died in her arms" ponies don't have arms btw, and so forth and so on. Cue the sad violin music. The long and short of it is that after her sister died and everything got kerploded, a grief-stricken Celestia fled to the Single Pegasus Project and took refuge inside.

>Celestia seemed mildly thankful for my effort. “...and as a reward, I have been trapped here, in My prison, My purgatory. Listening to the victims of My sins, unable to act. Unable to help.” She seemed to look past me, Her gaze shifting across the bones. “I’ve done what I could to prevent anypony from becoming like me. And to prevent those camped outside from gaining access to this place.”
Just out of curiosity, why hasn't Celestia fired up the SPP and did whatever LP and Red Eye both intended to do; take control of the weather and all that? This is such a glaringly obvious question that not even kkat could miss it, so I'm assuming he's going somewhere with this; still, I thought it was worth calling attention to.

Anyway, they keep on yakking. For some bizarre reason, kkat decides to call the reader's attention to the first broadcast that LP heard on the night she left the stable, the one about the guy whose son ate a poisoned apple and died. Apparently it has been playing non-stop in here since forever ago. The significance seems to be that the guy's son died from poison that Celestia unleashed; the zebras launched some recreational McNukes™ at Canterlot, and Celestia diverted them into Whitetail Woods, where they kerploded and infected everything in the area with radiation or taint or whatever. I guess it's supposed to be tragic; Celestia is forced to listen to a broadcast on endless repeat that showcases the consequences of her sin, or something to that effect.

In relatively short order, we are given an answer for the question I posed above. Apparently, Celestia decided to go the same route that SteelHooves' old retarded grandpa had planned on taking: she uploaded her consciousness into one of the Maneframe I still hate this word computers in order to become immortal. Since she's been alive for 1000 years, I had assumed she was basically immortal to begin with, but we'll put a pin in that for now. In any case, she is now a disembodied consciousness trapped inside the computer system; she can observe everything that goes on in Edgequestria, but she is incapable of action.

"But," I can hear you asking, "If Celestia is inside the computer, and the computer controls the SPP, then shouldn't she still be able to control the weather?" Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but kkat thought of that as well:

>None of that download-your-brain nonsense, Rainbow Dash had explained to Luna. I had them disconnect all that stuff. I want a living pony running Equestria’s weather, not some machine that thinks it’s a pony!
>“Rainbow Dash… Apple Bloom…” I said weakly. “Celestia… they disconnected the mental download system from the controls. That was part of the design.” I had known this, but I had imagined they would have removed that part of the Crusader Maneframe completely, not left it intact but severed.
So basically, it was all Rainbow Dash's fault. For some reason, instead of just trusting this system to a sentient computer that could run indefinitely, she wanted a live pony to be trapped in here until they died, working the controls manually.
>(which means she could have jumped the gun on LP and fired up the SPP on her own)

This could actually be an interesting angle of conflict, if done and set up better. The Enclave would ABSOLUTELY not want this system to fire off. So what if the mare who was sent back ages ago, a loyalist to the enclave, had sabotaged the system herself in an act of final sacrifice, and Littlepip had to undo said sabotage somehow with her pipbuck repair autism, giving her a purpose and also posing an interesting conflict where she's undoing the "final, noble sacrifice for their cause" of someone else? Dunno. Just gave me a thought.

And Celestia is indeed "alive as a computer program". This is one of the final references of the story, and this time to New Vegas's Mister House. Their consciousness is inside of this computer, somehow, despite presumably dying together with her sister in Canterlot to seal the Pink Cloud inside of the city. However to be fair i'm not sure if anything requiring her to be stuck in the city was stated, so that's a big shrug I guess.
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>Spike had once asked me: Have you ever heard the old saying ‘The portal to hell is opened with the incantation of good intentions’? If there was a moral to their story, I guess that would be it.
>It was the story of Equestria’s fall in miniature. DJ Pon3’s words rang in my head. The one great reality of the Wasteland, the truth of the matter: every pony has done something they regret.
These passages are worth highlighting, simply because it seems like kkat has been trying off and on to work this in as a major theme. All of the canon characters seem to have tried to do good, and ended up doing bad instead. It's a rather simplistic message, but it's suited well enough to a setting like MLP, and is probably not terrible in and of itself. The problem is that the events of this story, particularly the pre-apocalypse portion, are so convoluted that it's hard to assess whether or not it actually applies.

"Oh, if only Rainbow Dash hadn't inexplicably severed the AI override controls on her weather machine, because for some reason instead of automating it she wanted to entomb a live pony in there until they presumably starve to death; otherwise Celestia wouldn't have gotten trapped inside with no power to control the weather after she diverted a nuclear explosion into the woods where it inadvertently poisoned some random guy's kid and also destroyed the world or something! Oh, if only the zebras hadn't flipped their shit because Nightmare Moon's armor was made out of meteors or something and then fired a bunch of nukes at some school that Princess Luna had built, where Celestia had placed a bunch of children in order to make some dumb joke to her sister about sending children to the moon; otherwise the ponies wouldn't have fired back and started a gigantic war with lots of blood and guts explosions, pew pew pew!" This isn't exactly the kind of life lesson that can fit into a one-page scroll to Celestia.

Anyway, from here kkat's autism once again takes control, and the conversation veers off sharply into some pretty ridiculous territory. Through a random autistic chain of reasoning, Littlepoop decides to suddenly ask about the Zebra Necronomicon, and it turns out that yes, Celestia had read it at one point and that is how she got the idea to alchemically transmute herself into a living computer program. For reasons that would only make sense to kkat, this makes LP suddenly think about dragon fire, and she asks Celestia if she learned how to use that too, and if that was how she sent messages back to Spike way back when. Celestia confirms this. She also irrelevantly adds that the dragon that used to live under Canterlot, the one that was transformed into Mouse, was the dragon that taught her how to do this.

>No wonder the shield around the S.P.P. Central Hub was so invulnerable. No wonder it had lasted so long. It was being powered by Celestia’s soul.
I thought the shield was something that Rainbow Dash had set up, and that it had existed already before Celestia even got there?

Anyway, with all that silliness out of the way, LP now decides it's time to get down to brass tacks and do the thing she came in here for. She opens the door to the weather control chamber, but before she goes inside, she asks Celestia to show her images of her friends, so she can at least verify that they are okay. Turns out everyone is fine: Ditzy Doo freed all the slaves in Fillydelphia, Xenith was wounded in her fight with Stern but is being tended to by her daughter, Gawd and the other griffons are forming some kind of government council for Nu-Edgequestria that has Life Bloom representing the ponies, Velvet is singing her dumb songs and playing nursie as usual, and Homage has been hiding out in a cave in the middle of nowhere for the last several weeks.

>Then, impossibly, Homage shifted. She looked up. Right up at the camera that was high on a tower so far away that she couldn’t possibly see it.
>Her muzzle opened. And she mouthed the words: “I love you, Littlepip.”
D'aww, how cute. It's so adora-worable that you can almost ignore how utterly preposterous it is.

>“Homage has been using the towers for a long time,” Celestia reminded me. “She knows them.” And somehow, my Homage… the mare who had seen ghosts, found weapons from space and had encounters with strange ponies who lived in blue boxes… could feel that she was being actively watched.
Well gee whiz, I guess that explains it perfectly. There's certainly egg all over my face now.

Anyway, Celestia now informs Littlepoop that, due to the autism about dragon fire that was covered a few paragraphs ago, she is able to send her back to the other side of the shield the same way she came in.

Since Celestia is a disembodied consciousness trapped in a machine, I find it a little curious that her magic would still work just the same as when she was a live alicorn. I'm also a little curious why, if this is indeed the case, she wouldn't still be able to operate the SPP's controls. The most basic form of magic, that can be carried out by even the most magically unskilled unicorn, is the simple manipulation of objects using a magic aura. If Celestia was capable of raising and lowering the sun and moon back when she was a corporeal alicorn, it stands to reason she would have had no trouble using magic to pull a few levers and push a few buttons. And if she is able to use the same magic now that she had when she was corporeal, it stands to reason she would still be capable of this action. Just food for thought.

In any case, it doesn't seem to matter much, because LP naturally declines Celestia's offer, electing instead to simply send a message back to Spike reassuring him that he didn't kill her when he set her on fucking fire, so he can stop worrying about that. However, that is not the end of it; the conversation meanders for several more paragraphs, and I will have to cover the rest of it in a new post because space.
I guess I should use this opportunity to be in somekind of faux-outrage at your quirky quip but I'll just point out the fact photoshopping in Glimarkle Spimmer into dfferent images isn't really the same as using the same image over and over again as you said you would.
It's really funny though. It creates this silly narrative of Spimmer running around the world.
Also, because I know you love Twist and anthro.
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The conversation meanders quite a bit from here, but the basic gist of it is that LP is now faced with her big moral dilemma. She can either abandon her deranged mission and return to the life she had, or she can give up that life in service to the world. If she does the first thing, she gets to go back to her friends and Homage and all that, but the state of the world does not change. If she does the second thing, the world is presumably saved, but she has to sacrifice the rest of her life in order to give that future to others.

Celestia points out that the choice is actually not so cut and dry. Her point of view, after 1000 some-odd years as a pony and 200 some-odd years as some kind of talking screen saver, is that you should just enjoy the life you have. She argues that the ponies out in the wasteland are probably going to die one way or the other, and there is really no guarantee that LP's actions are going to change anything for the better. Her advice is to just shrug off this whole insane idea and go lick her girlfriend's snootch.

This is a surprisingly well-reasoned point of view; it's amazing an idea this sane made it into this book at all. To be fair, though, kkat buries it under a pile of the usual sort of autism: there's a lot of meandering bullshit about Twilight Sparkle and other events from the show that have little bearing on anything that's going on, and ultimately LP rejects Celestia's advice anyway.

She decides to stay behind and go through with her silly mission, not because of anything that has to do with the moral choice that was presented, but because Celestia's disembodied consciousness is all alone up here without any friends. So, LP decides to stick around and be Celestia's friend, while simultaneously going through with her goofy plot to destroy most of the Enclave's cropland and screw around with the weather, because kkat is literally this autistic.

With this matter more or less resolved, Littlepoop goes inside the SPP's control room, where she finds Celestia's skeleton strapped into the controls. Whew, that's a relief; it's been almost an entire subchapter since I've seen a skeleton, and I was starting to get worried. Celestia now asks LP to burn the bones in some kind of ritualistic funeral pyre, which she does. Because she has severe autism, she also feels compelled to do the same with all of the other skeletons in the room, before ascending to the control platform. For some completely unexplained reason, the artificial weather inside the room changes from simulated winter to simulated summer once the burning is complete.

From here, the text meanders into an irrelevant side-monologue about Winter Wrap Up. Once this concludes, LP finally climbs into the goddamn driver's seat of the stupid pegasus thing. She opens her saddlebags and takes out a bunch of mementos that she wants to keep with her while she's in her weather-magician coma: Calamity's hat, her gun, those silly M6 figures, some crayon drawing that Silver Bell apparently did for her eons ago that I'd forgotten about, the ashes of that anonymous dead filly that she's still carrying around with her (because that's not creepy or anything), her raunchy memory orb, and so forth and so on.

At this point I really wish she would just flip the damn switch and get this over with already, but it seems that kkat wants to draw things out a little longer. Because she has severe autism, LP now asks Celestia to show her what Calamity is doing right now. Why she didn't ask to see him back when she was asking to see all of her other friends is beyond me. She asked for Life Bloom by name, even though he is a casual acquaintance at best, but the pony she apparently considers her best friend she forgot about until literal seconds before coma-time. Whatever, who cares; we're almost done with this.

In any case, Calamity is doing his usual bullshit: zipping around, dodging missiles, capping bitches left and right, and so forth and so on. Spike appears to have received LP's message about not being dead, so the two of them decide that now is the time to get back to Spike's cave. They reason that the Enclave will want to counterattack it because they all recognize Spike and know where he lives, and they need to get back there and protect it because something something the Gardens of Equestria. After pointlessly monologuing to herself about how similar she thinks she is to Scootaloo, LP asks Celestia if it will be possible to send her friends a last message. Celestia tells her that no, it's not possible; however, since LP is a skilled "toaster repairpony" nice to see that tired old joke making one last appearance, she can probably nigger-rig something.

This is good enough for LP, so she puts on some kind of memory-extracting helmet that is in here for some reason, and begins reciting:

>If I’m going to tell you about the adventure of my life -- explain how I got to this place with these people, and why I did what I’m going to do next -- I should probably start by explaining a little bit about PipBucks…

Aaaaand....that's it. That's the end of the chapter, and the story. Turns out this whole thing was just some narcissist's incoherent autobiography, dictated into some kind of wacky weather machine.

It's been obvious since Chapter 1 that the narrator was telling her story to someone; the mystery was just that we didn't know the who or the why. I've been intermittently wondering what the reveal was going to be; I've even suspected the whole text might just be an extremely long "Dear Princess Celestia" letter. Though I'm glad that kkat at least had enough sense to avoid such a brony-cliche ending, I still have to say: as far as big payoffs go, this one was pretty meh. There are no surprises here; presumably LP just climbs into the weather machine like she planned, and that's that.

Anyway, we still have an epilogue and some other shit to get through. Sit tight; we're almost done.
>Sit tight; we're almost done.
Wow! Glimmer! Great moves!
Wow! Glimmer great.
It's a good day to have a good day.
It's a good day to have a good day.
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I feel that it's common for the ending of a long story to be lackluster for ametuers. They probably wrote from the seat of their pants till the end but since they're pretencious a normal ending isn't enough so they start spouting psuedo-philosophy.
To cover up that their ending is the normal, "Good guys win and bad guys lose."
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Though, a bit of an unfair assessment of me since I haven't even read GG's leastest recaps that throughly. I just assumed this would be the case.

>Celestia points out that the choice is actually not so cut and dry. Her point of view, after 1000 some-odd years as a pony and 200 some-odd years as some kind of talking screen saver, is that you should just enjoy the life you have. She argues that the ponies out in the wasteland are probably going to die one way or the other, and there is really no guarantee that LP's actions are going to change anything for the better. Her advice is to just shrug off this whole insane idea and go lick her girlfriend's snootch.
>This is a surprisingly well-reasoned point of view; it's amazing an idea this sane made it into this book at all.
Though, counterpoint (I might not really know all the circumstances to this still) to die to improve the well-being of the world is pretty good way to go. Really, the only problem is that she isn't leaving someone (A child of her own) to continue her bloodline. Otherwise, what should we die for?
Though, I guess one could argue that LP isn't that good and the idea that this character would sacrifice herself for others is questionable. But again, I don't feel as if I know her enough to make a statement like that but that could be why you feel this scene doesn't work, assume.
A thought occurs.

F1, you were chosen for a "get your Vault a new Water Chip" quest. Then it became "deal with the Super Mutant menace before it kills us all".
F2, you're looking for the Geck to save your irradiated tribal village and fighting the Enclave along the way.
F3, you're looking for your dad and happen to stumble into the Good Brotherhood's war with the Evil Enclave, eventually following the Brotherhood and your giant robot friend as they fight for you so you can get to the Magic Water Purifier.
FNV, you're a mailman shot in the head for your Platinum Chip because Benny is betraying House who needs the chip to hold onto his Vegas during the upcoming NCR vs Legion war for Hoover Dam. You're thrust into the role of the most important person who does sidequests for your chosen faction to prepare for your victory over the dam.

Fallout Equestria, a celebrity tricks you into taking her tracking device off and she flees the Stable. Fags blame you so you decide to head into the Wasteland to bring her back home. You immediately forget your goal and risk your life fighting slavers and raiders for no apparent reason until you eventually stumble into Velvet singing for and healing the slavers you're effortlessly genociding. Then you have nothing to do. Also you stumble upon Spike and the Gardens Of Equestria. So you decide to talk to the radio whore who loves you. She sends you to get her some CDs. At one point the Brotherhood Of Applejack's Steel Rangers slaughter your vault except not really and then decide to have a goodies vs baddies civil war over whether their organization should be goodies or baddies. There was a rock prison that never mattered again and wasted many words and LP blowing up a dragon meant nothing because Red Eye had a CyberTech Dragon the whole time. And at one point the Brotherhood sends you into Red Eye's lands as a slave hoping you'll work your way to the top and then kill him but you fail and flee with a zigger slave who's now your property and is conveniently unmindreadable. You go to the Goddess who tells you to get the Black Book and eventually your invisible zigger friend nukes her land with a nuke you somehow talked Red Eye into giving to you also you erased your memories of this dumb obvious plan. The explosion happened to catch some Enclave fags in it so they're trying to obliterate the whole wasteland like they think they're the fucking Fire Nation from Avatar showing off for Sozin's Comet. Red Eye always wanted to be a male alicorn but LP killed him and the boss of the Enclave and now she wants to take over a weather machine that will hopefully crown her god of the wasteland. She could have done this with Spike's fire breath at any moment but first she wanted a big war to distract the Enclave so she could see if being very similar to RD and carrying her Statuette would let her into the SPP even though supposedly a poner carrying RD's severed head couldn't get in. Ponies sacrificed and bled on the Day Of Littlepip's Bullshit based on a hunch when all LP had to do was ask Spike to teleport her to Celestia and hope for the best the second she met Spike. All of this could have been avoided. So much of this story was pointless and it doesn't feel like an intentional comedy or tragedy.

This isn't a story! It's just a sequence of events!
>seen ghosts, found weapons from space and had encounters with strange ponies who lived in blue boxes… could feel that she was being actively watched.
Holy shit, is that a motherfucking Jojo's reference? You know because Dio can tell when he's being watched?
It's also a reference to Fallout and Doctor Who. At this rate I'm surprised that stupid fucking Doctor Who cameo wasn't added into the story as a story-swallowing "Doctor Whoves" reference. Come to think of it if the Tardis exists in this story LP's goal should be to avert Edgequestria's destruction, unless the laws of wibbly wobbly writer retards say so.
The scene is incredibly maudlin. Celestia is the last pony who'd encourage another to give up on their dreams and not go for a heroic sacrifice. Even after fucking up, she'd still only offer "want to give up and go home?" if she was testing a pony to see if their heart was true.

Celestia is the last pony who'd ever say "we're all going to die some day so why not give up on the wasteland and bury your face into horse pussy until your heart gives out?".

In good sequels that use the "character from the original has become old and cynical and powerless" cliche, a young idealistic hero brings back their power and determination and hopefulness using a heroic speech full of trite cliches. Or the young hero calls the old faggot a faggot and gives up, only for the old faggot to fly in at the last second saving the day like Han Solo yelling "I changed my mind, kid!".

Celestia has been turned into a prop for this story. A plot device. An object to help LP make herself look good by saying "I want to be her friend". It's pointless. She didn't have to be here like this. She's just a way to force some last second exposition into the story and pay off some """chekovs gun""" about poison apples that never mattered because it never happened to a character who mattered. In the moment everyone assumed "virus or radioactive apples or poisonous pesticide" and moved on with their lives. Bur Kkat wanted to pretend this was some genius twist. It fuckinf wasn't.

also Kkat just read something about the Temptation stage of the Hero's Journey where the hero is offered the chance to give up and fuck off and chooses not to. Or more likely, he watched one movie or game or episode of a TV show that used this cliche and decided his "oh so noble and self sacrificing" OC would look even better if he ripped it off.

I recall seeing it used cleverly in Legend Of The Seeker. The hero didn't really get the chance to give up on his quest, he was just trapped in the villain's Genjutsu and made to think his quest was all just a dream so he'd hopefully give up vital intel to Rahl.
>Sit tight; we're almost done.
>Doesn't post.
Kek. Imagine not finishing what you start.
Add this, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/13565/naked-singularity to your list. I think it'll be up your alley. Hint hint: You're a fucking degenerate! :CCC
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It's probably worth expanding a little on what I was talking about, since it basically touches on some stuff I was going to talk about anyway.

As I've said before, the problem with Littlepoop is that her motivations or goals have never really been clear. She just sort of wandered outside one day, decided that the world was hopelessly fucked-up, and took it upon herself to put things right. The author seems to take it as a given that the reader will just instantly see the sense in her point of view and agree with it, and that her character requires no motivation other than a vague desire to do the "right thing" and "save" the world.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I see Littlepoop as having an attitude similar to someone like Barack Obama. For no reason other than hubris, she takes it upon herself to fundamentally transform the world she lives in according to her own whims. Nobody asked her to save the world, and it never occurred to her to ask the world if it wanted saving; she just decided one day that she could make everything better, and assumed that destiny had given her carte blanche to do whatever was required to bring her ideals to life.

These kinds of people are the ultimate narcissists. They never recognize themselves as such, because they always see themselves as humble servants of some greater good. However, their arrogance always comes through in their actions. Look at Littlepoop: was there any logical in-world reason for her to assume that she would be able to penetrate the impenetrable shield, or that she would have any natural ability to operate the Single Pegasus Project which you literally have to be a pegasus to operate; it's in the name ffs and control the weather? The answer is no on both counts; yet she never once doubted that it was her destiny to do both of these things. Her only motivation is this arrogant belief that she alone has the power to re-create Equestria as an idyllic utopia, but she frames this as an act of humble self-sacrifice. God has called her to die for the sins of the world, and even though she doesn't want to die, she is willing to do so if it will redeem others; this is how LP and her creator fundamentally sees her role.

What I like about Celestia's remarks here or at least my interpretation of them; it's likely that kkat didn't intend for them to be taken this way is that she's essentially telling LP that she's full of shit. She points out that her actions may not produce the results she intends; she's basically destroying the only food source that the pegasi have, and her actions will completely upend life in the wasteland. There's no telling what ultimate effect this will have; it's entirely possible that she will make things worse, or that nothing meaningful will change. She implies that LP is probably sacrificing herself for nothing.

Here is exactly what she says:

>“Life,” Celestia remarked sadly, “is not always a gift. And death is inevitable. Or, at least it should be. Even my Sister died.” The melancholy in her voice was unbearable. “That’s the real evil of the Black Book. It changes that. It steals death from you and calls it a gift. It’s lying. I’ve lived so long, alone, watching ponies die. I’ve seen more than you could know. Please, trust Me when I say that the ponies you save by sacrificing yourself will die soon anyway.”
>I couldn’t believe my ears. This was not the Celestia that I worshipped. “What are You saying?”
>“I’m saying… isn’t it better for the gift of a slightly longer life to be given to those who have truly earned it, who deserve it most? Isn’t it better to hold onto those you love?”
Basically, the pones of the wasteland are the architects of their own fate. There's no miasmic evil floating around turning ponies into raiders and slavers and whatnot; they chose that life for themselves. She basically calls LP's entire worldview into question: maybe the world isn't just black and white, and maybe there isn't some magic switch you can flip that toggles between "wasteland" and "pastel utopia." Maybe the world just is what it is, and ponies are going to make their own decisions with or without her input. Above all, maybe LP isn't fate's chosen one. Maybe she doesn't have the power to change the world, and even more profoundly, maybe she shouldn't try to change it even if she did have that power. Maybe she should just set aside her wacky, purposeless, self-aggrandizing quest, and simply live life for what it is. Solid advice, imo.

Anyway, that's basically my take on it.

Epilogue: Of Forgiveness and Fallout

No more fortune cookies, it would seem.

Anyway, the epilogue starts off with a very large block of italicized text. Since LP's role as narrator is presumably over, I'm assuming this is going to be some kind of supplemental narration from the perspective of some other character, probably one of the nameless NPCs that Littlepoop labored so hard to save, that gives us a quick glimpse of what took place after LP's story ended. My best guess is that this will take the form of a letter, a journal entry, or some other type of communication.

>It’s been two weeks since the afternoon that Wastelanders everywhere have come t’ call the day of sunshine an’ rainbows. The day that massive surges of rainbow light an’ sound -- sonic rainbooms -- burst from twenty-three of the great towers, clearin’ away the blanket of clouds that had covered the skies above for all our lives, an’ the lives of everyone an’ everything born after the great war.
I find that "sonic rainbooms" are a bit overused in this story. I'll admit that the toxic-colored rainboom that Derpy pulls off at one point was kind of a neat idea, but it loses a bit of its novelty each time it happens. Once was probably enough.

In any event, my understanding of a rainboom is that it was an after-effect of Dash flying fast enough to break the sound barrier, and the rainbow color of the explosion was, at least partially, an optical illusion created by her rainbow-colored mane flying at an extremely high speed. Derpy shouldn't even be able to make one; her "boom" should be colored grey and yellow or the color of rotted flesh, or whatever she's supposed to look like in this story. I don't see any reason why the towers should be able to produce this effect.

Anyway, the yet-unnamed author goes on to explain that he/she will always remember seeing the rainbooms firing off, and the clouds clearing away, and the sunlight bursting through the dispersing cloud cover, and so forth and so on. The visuals are decent.

>And then, I spotted a balefire phoenix, her coat a majestic, iridescent emerald an’ gold, dancin’ an’ cavortin’ amongst the ephemeral rainbows forming all across the sun-drenched sky.
This pushes it a bit over the top, though. Velvet's bird doesn't seem to have played any significant role in the final battle; I'm not sure why it's being mentioned here other than providing a pretty visual.

Next, we get a quick synopsis of everything that happened after the rainbooms went off. Conveniently enough, the few remaining Enclave airships I'm not sure how many there are even supposed to be at this point; it seems like the Enclave fleet keeps getting totally wiped out, yet they always seem to have more ships are destroyed by the same force that takes down the cloud cover. Those that aren't completely destroyed begin firing on the civilian pegasi, who for some unexplained reason have suddenly decided to rebel against the Enclave. We also learn that a faction of Red Eye's troops have regrouped as some kind of new army, and they're determined to carve out their own empire, and blah blah blah. As ever, the motivations of these various factions remain vague.

>Hope brought t’ us by our Lightbringer, yes. And more importantly, hope brought t’ us by ourselves. By our embrace of our nobler nature. Over the last few weeks, the actions of so many of you have shown more brilliantly than the sun itself, so much that it’s made this ol’ DJ cry. Children, ol’ DJ Pon3 ain’t never been prouder of ya.
This seems to clarify that the speaker is none other than Homage. I should have known better than to assume that kkat would give any of his NPCs a significant speaking role.

Anyway, the rest of this is mostly fluff. Homage goes on to lecture her listeners about not being prejudiced against the pegasi, because they were (apparently) also victims of the Enclave. As I've said many times already, it was never quite clear what the Enclave was ultimately trying to do, or why they wanted to do it; we just get sort of a vague assurance that they're bad guys, and we should root against them. In any event, Homage draws a distinction between the Enclave and the regular pegasi, ordering her loyal followers to continue blindly hating the former while making an effort to befriend the latter. She also explains that the alicorns are not bad anymore, because reasons.

To save time and space, here is a quick synopsis of the other topics she covers:

>the Everfree Forest is no longer on fire
>the Applejack Rangers have announced plans to cultivate it somehow and turn it into farmland
>the Steel Rangers and the Applejack Rangers are no longer fighting, because reasons
>Fillydelphia remains a war zone for the time being, due to the continuing conflict between the Talons and Red Eye's remaining forces, who are still organized and fighting for some unknown reason despite Red Eye being dead
>Homage has somehow become aware that Celestia is still alive and is living inside the SPP with Littlepoop
>LP has successfully nigger-rigged some kind of communication system so that ponies on the ground can talk to both her and Celestia if they want
>Life Bloom has received an extremely long and convoluted message from Littlepoop, and is presently attempting to transcribe its autism into comprehensible speech
>presumably, this "message" is the 620,000-word-long clusterfuck we just finished reading

The author also subtly implies that Littlepoop is now essentially a Goddess on-par with Celestia herself. Also, it sounds like Homage has some kind of quest to fulfill; presumably she's going to do whatever-the-fuck with the Gardens of Equestria. It was never quite clear what her role in all of that was supposed to be, but LP seemed convinced for whatever reason that Homage is the true "wasteland hero."

When all this is concluded, she invites Velvet Remedy into the studio for an interview, which we will cover in the next post.
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>Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I see Littlepoop as having an attitude similar to someone like Barack Obama.
Barack Obama seems to me like a corrupt man not a misguided idealist.
> For no reason other than hubris, she takes it upon herself to fundamentally transform the world she lives in according to her own whims. Nobody asked her to save the world, and it never occurred to her to ask the world if it wanted saving; she just decided one day that she could make everything better, and assumed that destiny had given her carte blanche to do whatever was required to bring her ideals to life.
>These kinds of people are the ultimate narcissists. They never recognize themselves as such, because they always see themselves as humble servants of some greater good.
When it comes to LP this might all be true and she might have both been a fool in her ideals and in the execution of those ideals, however, I don't think that people who sets out to change the world for the better need to do so out of hubris. Take Gandalf, his goal in middle-earth is to lead the world into a better place but he's humble. You can believe in your own capabilites and your values while fighting for an alturistic cause without being a narcissist.
that is one big pile of shit.JPG

As it turns out, Velvet's interview is nothing but she and Homage jerking each other off and trading cringey banter. It was probably meant to be a clever and humorous exchange, but the dialogue is badly written even by the standards of this story. Neither character speaks in the voice we're accustomed to hearing, and the jokes are just the usual kkat-cringe-fest about threesomes and whatnot. Here is a quick synopsis of the essential information:

>Velvet and Calamity will be accompanying Homage on whatever journey she is undertaking (presumably it has something to do with the Gardens of Equestria)
>Calamity had some kind of surgery recently (though hopefully not the same kind that kkat had)
>Velvet also has some kind of wacky plan to save Fluttershy (you may or may not remember that Fluttershy has been transformed into a tree and now presumably suffers a horrifying living death)
>this plan will involve some kind of potion that Xenith whipped up
>killing joke, which transformed Flutters into a tree in the first place, is no longer a problem, because reasons
>because they all have severe autism, they made some kind of tape recording that they think is going to somehow help wake Fluttershy up
>if it doesn't work and Flutters dies, they are going to erect a gaudy, ostentatious grave marker for Flutters and rig the tape to play automatically once per week for ten years, because that won't be annoying as all fuck or anything

And...that's about it. Homage rambles on about some more irrelevant bullshit, and concludes by playing one of Velvet's angsty jingles for the 7,000th time. Just for fun, I'll dump it here:

>“I want to calm the storm, but the war is in your eyes.
>How can I shield you from the horror and the lies?
>When all that once held meaning is shattered, ruined, bleeding
>And the whispers in the darkness tell me we won’t survive?”

>“All things will end in time, this coming storm won’t linger
>Why should we live as if there’s nothing more?
>So hold me ‘neath the thunderclouds, my heart held in your hooves,
>Our love will keep the monsters from our door.”

>“For I know tomorrow will be a better day.
>Yes, I believe tomorrow can be a better day…”

Wow, pottery. A morbidly obese self-harming thirteen-year-old could hardly have written better. Here it is set to music:

Welp, it looks like that's it; that's all they wrote of Littlepoop and her merry band of nitwits. I was kind of hoping the Epilogue would have tried to wrap up a few of the story's many loose ends; at the very least I thought we'd get a synopsis of the Gardens of Equestria business. It's still not clear what's supposed to happen there, or what exactly everyone's roles are, but apparently kkat decided to leave it to the reader's imagination. Either that, or he just assumed that we've been following his autism and will just instinctively understand where it was headed. I can't honestly say I give a rat's ass at this point, but it was a bit disappointing nonetheless. Kkat went to all the trouble of penning an epilogue, yet chose to waste the extra page space on Velvet blabbering about Fluttershy being a fucking tree. After that it just sort of peters out. Whatever; the entire story up until this point has been nothing but random, meandering bullshit, and I suppose there's no point changing horses at the very end of the race.

Anywho, that's it for the main story, but it looks like there's an Afterword as well, so we might as well take a look at that while we're here.

Afterword: Ten Years Later

>Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...
>Ten Years Later…

We switch to a third-person narration. A mystery mare is presently reading Littlepoop's autismo autobiography to a group of helpless foals. It probably would have been less cruel to make them fight to the death.

>“Then I began, thinking…” she said softly, reading the very last lines of the book. They were also the first lines, although she wasn’t sure if any of her listeners had noticed. The story had come full circle.
>“…If I’m going to tell you about the adventure of my life -- explain how I got to this place with these people, and why I did what I’m going to do next -- I should probably start by explaining a little bit about PipBucks.”
>“What?” whined the little apricot pegasus sitting in the center of the other foals. “That’s it? It can’t end there! That’s a lame way to end the story!”
I'm inclined to agree. It was a shit opening line, and it's even shittier as a closing line.

After some bickering back and forth between the children, we eventually learn that the mystery mare reading the story is none other than Fluttershy. Not Velvet, not Homage, not Derpy, nor any of the other main characters. We are hearing from Fluttershy, a minor incidental character whose only significant role was being part of the world's backstory.

Anyway, it's clear enough from the foals' banter that whatever the fuck LP's friends did with the Gardens of Equestria, it was successful. The world outside is described as peaceful and sunny, and most of the foals seem disinclined to believe that Equestria ever actually looked like the dark and edgy world described in Fluttershy's tale.

We learn that Fluttershy lives in a place called Junction Town, presumably built on the site of Junction R7, the fortress that LP acquired as a residence at one point in the distant past and then never did returned to. We learn that the ponies here call themselves the Followers of the Apocalypse for some faggy-ass reason, and worship Fluttershy for some other faggy-ass reason. Velvet Remedy is apparently their leader.

>She lifted a forehoof and waved. Fluttershy waved timidly back, her eyes catching the ornate golden PipBuck, encrusted with a nightingale-shaped gemstone, on Velvet Remedy’s foreleg. She remembered when that had been a necklace. Her necklace.
I'm not sure what the significance of this is meant to be. Velvet made a PipBuck out of Fluttershy's necklace? Why?
>Barack Obama seems to me like a corrupt man not a misguided idealist.
Why not both.jpg

>When it comes to LP this might all be true and she might have both been a fool in her ideals and in the execution of those ideals, however, I don't think that people who sets out to change the world for the better need to do so out of hubris. Take Gandalf, his goal in middle-earth is to lead the world into a better place but he's humble. You can believe in your own capabilites and your values while fighting for an alturistic cause without being a narcissist.
I'm not necessarily saying that every act of altruism is motivated by narcissism. I'm pretty cynical, but not quite that cynical.

The problem in FoE comes down to Littlepoop's motivation, or rather her lack of one. Kkat never really establishes what LP's stake in the world's fate is; he just sort of takes it as a given that this generic mare would just be so horrified by all the edge in Edgequestria that she would just naturally want to do whatever it took to purge the world of all its ickiness, and that this would serve as sufficient motivation for her. As has been brought up before, she's basically written like the main character in an RPG: a blank slate for the player to make into whatever the fuck kind of character they want to play as. In an interactive medium this works, because it allows the player to do what they want; however, in a novel it comes across as the protagonist just taking random actions for no reason, which can produce weird results. In this case, it made LP come across as narcissistic and insane rather than heroic, and the fact that kkat didn't seem to even notice this was one of his book's biggest flaws.

In LOTR, Gandalf was established as sort of a wandering guardian; his fate was entwined with Middle Earth and he frequently involved himself in its affairs, often at great risk to himself. He also knew the stakes of the quest that the party was on, and that they absolutely had to make it out of Moria alive if everything was to play out the way it was supposed to at least I think it was in Moria that Gandalf "died;" it's been a regrettably long time since I've actually sat down and read those books. His sacrifice was completely in-character and it made sense given the stakes, so it comes across as a noble act. The gulf between something like that and LP's obsessive, illogical, completely unmotivated quest to take control of Edgequestria's weather is wider than a Balrog's chasm :^)
khazad dum.jpg
>Why not both.jpg
I precieved him as corrupt materialist like every other politician higher up in their hierachy, however, I'm no Obama expert so it might just be my democracy cynicism that shines through which makes me think he was a puppet and a materialist form the get go. But again, I can guarantee that you know more about him than I do so maybe I'm wrong.
>I'm not necessarily saying that every act of altruism is motivated by narcissism. I'm pretty cynical, but not quite that cynical.
Well, then we agree on the essential point at least.
>Lp paragraph
Probably. She probably sucks. I don't doubt it. You would again know more about it.
>is wider than a Balrog's chasm
If I was you, I would had been you right now I'd be pedantic about this metaphor. I'd say that the phrase, "A Balrog's chasm," doesn't really make much sense. While it is true that, at least more than one of them, fell into a chasm; I'm unsure if these Balrogs felt possesive of them. So it's a good thing I'm not you ;^P
>"A Balrog's chasm," doesn't really make much sense
I know. I thought about that a few seconds after I posted it. I was referring to the chasm that Gandalf and the Balrog fell into, which now that I think about it probably wasn't all that wide. Depth was really the central feature there. In my defense, I've been up all night.
It's fine. I just wanted to prod you.
I'm excited for your final posts.
>maybe there isn't some magic switch you can flip that toggles between "wasteland" and "pastel utopia."
Ironically (I think? Still not sure how irony works) that's exactly what LP's final actions accomplish in this shit story. She makes everything better again, and eventually ponies who are allowed to use the Gardens Of Equestria flip that magic switch for her.
I can't imagine what Kkat's thought processes are right now.
Did he feel it would be too easy if LP organized sixish friends capable of using the Elements Of Harmony to de-Wastelandize the world?
If you hate the cloud covering so much, say that's an unavoidable consequence of turning the EOH on, which takes food-making power away from the Enclave naturally and gives it to the ponies.
He can't have thought this magic switch was too easy for LP because he introduced another magic switch in the form of the SPP anypony could use with Spike's help, given enough plot armor aka "Destiny".
The logic for how it all worked stumped Kkat but it would be easy to just say "Spike's fire breath sends things where they need to go. If he destroys something that needs to be destroyed, it doesn't go anywhere, it just stops existing. That Enclave bitch he burned? Needed to go to hell, according to magic and/or the universe and/or destiny so she ended up there. A letter to Celestia? Whether its writer wants it sent or not, if it gets burned by Spike it's going to Celestia. And Littlepip? She's going where she needs to be: Inside the chamber of the magic machine that fixes everything in return for one noble act of self sacrifice".
Just fucking say magic's a self-aware mystical force like Star Wars's The Force that can do what you tell it to and do whatever it wants, holy fuck, it's not hard to think of this shit.
Did Kkat think the Elements Of Harmony weren't good enough for LP, because they required six ponies to give nothing up while the SPP requires a sacrifice from the star of this shitshow?
That must be it. I don't like to speculate on the motives of trash media creators because it's easy to speculate that everything you don't like has an evil reason behind it. Plenty of reviewers of books and games out there say "He must have made this chapter to piss me off, he must have given this woman huge tits because he's a pervert who hates women, he must have put the option to kill innocents in this video game because he's a demon who hates babies kittens puppies and sunshine". But if you view this story's events with the assumption that Kkat wanted to do his best to precisely engineer a product to get Littlepip "Over" with the audience and make her this eternally-beloved self-sacrificing mary sue murderhobo supreme, a lot of bizarre inexplicable choices about this story suddenly start making sense.

Still, Kkat didn't even do a good job of that.
He should have said there's a virus going around in the Wasteland, a bioweapon made in a Griffon lab built by an evil Private Military Contractor that's running around fucking shit up in the Wasteland "For Science!".
Maybe the virus was supposed to devastate nations built for the sake of deterrence, maybe it was a failed attempt to make a drug to turn wimpy weak soldiers into hardcore killing machines without moral restrictions or self-preservation instincts. That would suit the "Good intentions can go bad" themes.
This virus dies in sustained sunlight but thrives in the darkness of the cloud cover. Afflicted ponies get edgier over time. They become stronger stupider edgy violent cunts with sharp rows of sharklike teeth and bleeding eyes and destroyed psyches. It's incurable, only death can release those afflicted with this sickness from their curse.
The Enclave don't give a fuck about the virus or how their cloud covering makes things worse because Power Armour makes you virus-proof and they rarely visit the surface world anyway. Any Enclave troop who does get infected faces the firing squad and is called a weak faggot who deserved it, though this policy causes infected Enclavers to conceal their infection and spread it amongst their troops and generals faster.

Therefore, LP is practically morally obligated to kill the feral Raiders for being feral beasts that spread the giga-rabies virus by existing, eliminate the Pegasus cloud covering for keeping the virus around, and eliminate anypony in her way. Maybe eliminate an evil-for-fun mad scientist too just for the hell of it, because a mad scientist doing evil shit for Science!(TM) is awesome and dark and the perfect excuse for anything horrific in post-apocalyptic settings like new viruses, zombies, monsters, and any awful event you want to come out of nowhere and ruin the hero's time. Bonus points if Doctor Sciencefag insists he's doing everything for the ultimate greater good: knowledge, and once LP kicks his ass she gets to use his sick resource-generating problem-solving superscience -inators to solve problems without needing the SPP or Gardens Of Equestria.

Obama's pure evil, he has to be. Remember "Operation Fast And Furious"? That wasn't a misguided idealist making the best out of a bad situation, that was a calculated operation planned from the start. Fucker armed the cartels with tracker-free guns and then his team preached for gun bans in areas harmed by his plan, or something like that.
Idealistic self-sacrificing heroes on a quest to save the world, whether it wants to be saved or not, seem to work best when their goal is unambiguously good, and preferably entirely apolitical.
Stopping Dark Lord Doom Badguy from taking over the world, or blowing it up, or summoning Satanic McCthulhu, anyone can get behind that. Hero can save the day, kill shit, and retire to his farm and hyperimpregnate his trad qt waifu.
But taking over and rebuilding the world in your own image, redistributing food via altering the effectiveness of farmland with a weathermachine, playing god? That's "What is your tax policy? Why should I support you, you power-mad conqueror?" tier.
I thought about saying something like...

>If Kkat wanted to get the audience to like and support LP, he should have tried harder to make her not just the biggest shooty cunt in the land of shooty cunts but also Equestria's only hope.

>LP shouldn't just be some faggot who feels she has the divine right to fuck with others. She shouldn't have the option of giving up. Maybe she should think "Maybe I should just let this shit wasteland die" during the obligatory story arc where Achilles fucks off to his tent and feels bad until it's time for his triumphant return to heroism. Circumstances should force her into her quest and give her no way out. Aside from an obligatory moment near the end where she undergoes "The Final Temptation" to give up her quest and then decides not to give up until the job's done, stop the sad music and cue the sweeping orchestral score that swells like my dick when I see Twilight Sparkle. The Wasteland shouldn't just be at war with itself, it should be facing certain doom unless she uses the Gardens Of Equestria/SPP/whatever in time. In a wasteland full of dumb cunts too wrapped up in their short-sighted little problems to think about the bigger picture, LP should be the wandering reluctant hero that gets wrapped up in a bigger deal than she ever expected. She should be reluctant until character growth makes her want to be a hero. Maybe she could have her ass saved by an inspiring badass who dies horribly and is murdered by the villain, making this personal for LP and giving her somepony to emulate. Of course, such a choice would make LP emulate the heroism of another which would get in the way of making her the object of dicksuckery for the author.

>But at the end of the day, that's what this story is missing, a time limit. And a sense of purpose tying all these bullshit events together but that would be harder to add than a ticking clock. We need a ticking clock to add tension and force LP to keep going no matter the odds. Something to weigh on LP's mind, kick her into action, stop her from taking those STUPID FUCKING vacations with Homage at Tower De La Cuntmunchera. Whenever LP feels doubt or fear, she should punt herself in the cunt and say "If I don't save this wasteland, everypony in it dies from Giga-AIDS or Super Poison Joke or starvation or whatever".

Then again, that change would make this story a more effective vehicle for getting LP "Over" with the audience. But it wouldn't necessarily make this story better.

I don't think the greatest writers in the world could turn this story into something good without fundamentally rewriting at least some of the core pieces of idiocy that makes FE what it is.

The pre-war story is a tale of a civilized industrializing nation struggling to help a barbaric race of failures who only want to get high on meth and worship their own hatred of the night sky+spooky shit+meteors+aliens until it and Fluttershy's foolishly suicidal altruism gets everyone nuked, and it feels wrong to end the Wasteland with the descendants of both races (minus the descendants not here because zigger nukes or zigger chemical weapons or wildlife mutated by ziggers or soldier ziggers or rapefugee ziggers killed their ancestors) united around an Equestrian campfire singing cum-on-you or whatever. Cum-by-you? Anyway, if this story is supposed to fundamentally be about good intentions going wrong, it feels absurd that the good intentions of the heroes never go wrong.
They never have to seriously analyze the consequences of their actions, or their motives, or their actions. They don't even have to figure out what their morals are or why they believe they're entitled to their murder sprees.
Despite all of Kkat's blabbering about virtues and having moral lines you won't compromise, one last line you refuse to violate except when you have to, the heroes have patently schizophrenic approaches to morality and what they feel morally obligated to do.
Remember when LP was determined to use violence to save Monterry Jack(even if it meant fighting and killing Guard NPCs), a pony who'd tried to rob LP at gunpoint at her comparatively most vulnerable (when she'd never touched a gun before and hadn't yet transformed into a gun expert instantly) and had almost gotten away with it, a pony willing to commit suicide by cop (with extra steps by confessing to a crime that couldn't be pinned on him, and happened outside the tower guard force's jurisdiction in an area of the wasteland this cheese-seller had no reason to visit while abandoning his family and cheese store) and leave his annoyingly LP-loving family homeless just so LP would have to look them in the eyes and say "Sorry but your dad thinks I'm to blame here"?
LP was willing to get herself banned from Tenpony Tower at best, shot to death or hunted down by bounty hunters/town guards eternally and slandered 24/7 on the radio for trying at worst, if it meant freeing one cunt who happened to have a name and a family. But any capital-R Raiders, or Slavers, or Cannibals, they can go to hell, even if they have families. They're not even life forms, they're targets she has yet to gun down in this gigantic soulless shooting gallery she calls home for no apparent reason.
LP felt morally obligated to save a faggot willing to practically shoot himself in front of LP just so she might feel bad when she told his family the bad news, if she didn't get somepony else to do that.
She felt morally obligated to save the whole fucking wasteland, but not all of the ponies in it, no, she felt obligated to slaughter all the Slavers and Alicorns and Raiders she can find, as if they're mindless killing beasts like Radscorpions.

Fallout Equestria makes me miss infuriatingly preachy books that can't stop soapboxing the author's ideology and political/personal views, because at least those tales have more substance than this sequence of terminally faggoted events.

>She found herself smiling, happy it had found a new Bearer. Although it had taken her a while to grasp the somewhat abrasive mare as a beacon of kindness.
>She wasn’t surprised that the Element had taken a new form. After all, before it was a necklace, it had been a heavy, round rock. And the book did help explain why the Elements chose this new appearance.
Oh, I see. Fluttershy's necklace transformed itself into a PipBuck because Velvet Remedy is the new bearer of the Kindness Element.

>The Book of Littlepip was a good book, she thought, despite some of the darker parts that she had to skim over when reading it to the kids.
Just out of curiosity, which parts of that book does she think are suitable for kids? Or anyone, for that matter?

>It had taken years for her to recover, and she had only been able to find herself again, to put herself back together, thanks to the constant attention and help of her friends -- both her new friends and her old ones.
We don't care. While she may be a significant character in the FiM cartoon series, in this story Fluttershy is an incidental background character at best. She factors into the world's history but not the events of the main story. Protip: the whole point of things like epilogues and afterwords is to tie up loose ends of the story, not to introduce new threads. If you can bring your story to a satisfying conclusion within the space of the main narrative, then you should just do that. If you can't, then an epilogue or a ten-years-later segment can help. However, continuing to drone on about random bullshit involving side characters after the story ends simply because you wanted to shart out more words is just a giant waste of everyone's time. This isn't quite as bad as that god-awful Equestria Girls thing that soulpeener needlessly appended to Sun & Rose, but it's definitely getting close.

>Velvet Remedy had been right. The little statues of her friends had helped her put herself back together. Without them, she probably would have remained broken, insane, forever.
Oh, goody. The fucking statues again. We sure haven't heard enough about these silly things.

Anyway, in typical kkat form, the narration begins to meander from here. We are needlessly informed that Fluttershy was gifted her set of the statues by Velvet, and that she carries them around in her saddlebag with her. We also learn that she sleeps with the petrified corpse of Angel Bunny at night, because that's not creepy or anything. You may or may not remember that Angel Bunny was turned to stone by a cockatrice or some shit; it was one of the hundreds of thousands of tiny, insignificant details scattered throughout the text that kkat expects the reader to remember 30 chapters after the fact.

>As she slid the book back into its place on the bookshelf, she again thought that, yes, it was a good book. Deeply painful at times. But it was nice to feel like she knew Littlepip. So many of her new friends did, and (despite some of her bad times) she seemed like such a nice pony.
>Fluttershy had tried to talk to Littlepip once. But even being in one of the tower stations made her very uncomfortable. The Single Pegasus Project, she had to admit, freaked her out. Littlepip had called it “peaceful”, but Fluttershy had panic attacks at the mere thought of the place -- of being trapped, unable to move, watching helplessly.
Seriously, kkat, are you going anywhere with this shit? Because I have places to be.

Anyway, whatever; Fluttershy used to be a tree but now she's not anymore. She seems to be recovering one day at a time. Good for her, I guess. She gibbers autistically to herself about Spike and eyepatches and the title of Littlepoop's insane autobiography and some other bullshit for a few paragraphs, and then she goes outside. She sees Silver Bell, who we learn is now apprenticed to some literally-who named Palette. I guess they make stained glass windows or something. Good to know.

Flutters keeps walking along and looking at stuff. She sees the children she just scarred for life with LP's terrible book; they are arguing about princesses or something. There's an alicorn filly among them, which subtly informs us that the alicorns have figured out a way to breed. It seems to have something to do with a potion that Xenith made using poison joke extract. I don't remember if that's something we're supposed to care about or not.

Anyway, doot de doot de doo, she keeps walking. She bumps into a few more NPCs whose names we are probably supposed to recognize, and we learn that food production has more or less returned to pre-war levels, though it is still necessary to keep LP strapped in to the weather machine to maintain it. There is also something called the New Canterlot Republic, which I guess is supposed to be some kind of new Equestrian government or something. Whatever has changed in ten years, I don't get the impression that politics in this setting have become any less vague or confusing.

>Rather, the national concern had turned once again to power. The Gardens of Equestria had given back their farmlands, but had stripped them of the radioactive materials necessary to run Red Eye’s engines. For now, most of the energy used by the NCR was generated from devices drawing on star batteries (a donation from Calamity, she had been told). But these resources were finite and heavily strained; the needs of the nation would soon far exceed the limited power they could produce.
Why do they need Red Eye's engines? I don't quite understand why stuff like this is still an issue. Seems like agriculture would be top priority at this point; they can worry about industry later.

>Fluttershy cringed at the notion that Equestria’s power might soon become dependant on irradiated rocks and other materials that could only be found in foreign lands. She’d seen the land she loved go down that road before. It did not end well.
Again, why would this matter? What needs to be powered?
322217 322218 322494

Fluttershy watches Velvet's pet bird eat a dead mouse, and then a bell rings and everyone goes to see what the fuck is happening. Apparently, the bell signifies the return of Calamity. She is happy to see him, because apparently he is going to escort her to Bucklyn Cross later this afternoon.

>She’d always been a weak flyer, even in her youth. And she wasn’t young anymore. The only pink in her mane now was from the streaks Silver Bell had put in it while practicing cosmetic spells.
>Fluttershy felt confident in flying across Junction Town, maybe even to where they were building the new castle. But not all the way to Bucklyn Cross.
The order of these two paragraphs should probably be reversed.

Anyway, Calamity swoops in and is greeted by Velvet. He tells her that the caravan he was guarding ran into some raiders, which he had to dispatch, and Velvet seems surprised that raiders would still be a thing. The rest of the conversation is just light banter.

Page break. It is now sunset, and Fluttershy is riding in a sky chariot being pulled by Calamity. Through their conversation, we learn that Ponyville is now occupied by displaced hellhounds. Seems a little strange that it would still be called Ponyville, but whatever.

>As Calamity guided the sky chariot towards those hills, Fluttershy knew where they were going. Part of her mind insisted on envisioning this place as it once was. She and her friends had once gone golfing on these very hills, back before the war was even a whisper. She remembered Angel had gotten bored and started gnawing on the canopy of their golf cart until she cajoled him to stop.
How exactly does a four-legged creature go golfing? This sounds like it might be a reference to something from the show, but I can't recall any episode in which the M6 ever played golf. In any case, it's a pretty dumb idea.

Anyway, Calamity touches down on this hill that apparently used to be a golf course for equines, but is now a cemetery, also for equines.

>The two pegasi approached the five tombstones. Fluttershy dropped the flowers at her hooves, letting Calamity pick up several of them to place at the gravestone of Elder “SteelHooves” Applesnack. She scooped up the others, and began reverently placing them at each of the other four graves which fanned out behind that first one as Calamity took a few minutes of quiet with his departed friend.
>A soft pang filled her heart as Fluttershy wished she had found the time to know Applesnack better. She stopped at the gravestone nearest to Applesnack’s, reading the inscription:
>Here Rests
>Brave, Loyal, True
>She gave her life that Equestria may blossom once again.
I don't think I mentioned this, but at the end of the Epilogue we learned that Strawberry Lemonade was killed in the battle. I know, I know; you're all deeply saddened by the loss of this barely-mentioned NPC. The world will never be the same without her.

Also, it makes sense enough that Calamity would want to visit SteelHooves' grave, but why exactly is Fluttershy coming along on this errand? SteelHooves would have technically been her contemporary, but it doesn't sound like they knew each other well or were close. She would have no connection whatsoever to Strawberry Lemonade, and as to the other three stiffs, the author didn't even consider them important enough to give names to. Why does she need to be here?

>The stallion was staring upwards and towards the east. She followed his gaze, spotting the gaunt, flying forms of two ghoul pegasi pulling a water-cart, leading the other water wagons as the caravan flew towards Junction Town.
>She knew one of those lead ghouls would have a golden PipBuck on her foreleg with seven diamonds arranged like bubbles. Ditzy Doo, the Bearer of Laughter. Who ever could have imagined?
Not only does Flutters know the exact number of diamonds on a casual acquaintance's PipBuck, but this is the kind of thing she's thinking about while visiting graves. How severely autistic can one pony be? Also: I still don't get why Derpy is supposed to be the Element of Laughter in the first place (though that hardly matters at this late stage).

Oh, also, we find out that Derpy is now for some reason married to Lionheart.

>As if reading her thoughts (a very disturbing notion!), Calamity stepped next to her, expressing, “Ah ain’t normally the religious type, but Ah’ve seen ‘nuff t’ know souls exist. So part o’ me likes t’ imagine that somewhere up there, SteelHooves an’ his gal are smilin’ down on those two.”
>Fluttershy nodded quietly.
>The winds continued to blow, making the trees creek and the water of the lake lap at the shore.
This is the end of the scene. It makes for a nice visual, but what exactly was the point of this? As I said before, Fluttershy really doesn't have a deep enough connection to any of these dead characters to justify an entire scene dedicated to her visiting their graves. Other than kkat presumably wanting to casually drop in some irrelevant side information about Derpy being married and whatever, I don't really understand why this scene was written.

Oh, also:
>making the trees creek
Should be "creak."

Page break. The two of them are now at Bucklyn Cross. We learn that nearby Arbu has since been turned into a prison. Personally, I think turning it into a restaurant would have been funnier, but what are you going to do? Anyway, we finally learn why Flutters had Calamity fly her all the way out here: she is planning to build a sanctuary for the hellhounds, because the ponies have hunted them to near extinction, or something. Isn't that just so Fluttershy? Cue stock footage of bronies applauding. The story concludes on this note:

>“In a world filled with misery and uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is a light in darkness.”
>Fallout: Equestria

Aaaand...that's the end of the text. Well, wasn't that special? Stay tuned for final thoughts; I'll return in a bit.
>this hill that apparently used to be a golf course for equines, but is now a cemetery
Hah. Of course it is.
>in the end, there is a light in darkness.”
I keep reading this as, "Light in the darkness," but I don't know. I think it's because, "The darkness," emphasizes a specific darkness but this sentence reads like this is a common-knowledge fact that you can find light in darkness. However, light is the opposite of darkness so there shouldn't be any light in it. Right?
I'll leave...
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Remember all that "Light in the darkness" stuff The Burned Man said about his Mormon God?
It feels wrong for Kkat to try and steal that shit for vague "Hope is good and Littlepip is the light" shit.
Once I read a "Rationalist" story where the hero kept calling himself "The lightbringer" just because he believed he was a smart guy destined to figure out smart solutions to problems hurting his world like "Many countries fight for control, child soldiers are the norm, people are cunts," and so on. But he'd never really thought of anything particularly clever and lacked solutions for problems he swore he was the only one thinking about. He lacked smart solutions to any of the problems he was presented with. He just went with whatever seemed best at the time and didn't prepare all that hard for bad situations. He had a few smart ideas but nothing spectacular. Despite overthinking things and filling the story with unreadable blocks of concentrated pseudointellectual neo-autism at a moment's notice, he wasn't really that smart, just surrounded by dipshit NPCs and occasional smart characters the author gifted the right to think clearly.
Kind of like this story, with how the enemy NPCs act in absurdly stupid ways so amateurs like LP can outwit and outfight them before LP became telekinetic OP hypergod sue supreme, and only named characters are allowed to think of blatantly obvious shit.
Oh, right. I haven't played the games but that's one of the npcs quest givers in Fallout New Vegas, right?
Did Kkat really just plaigarize the last sentence of his fic? That's actually pretty sad. What's the point in writing a story, fan-fiction or otherwise, if you're not even gonna make it a personal deal? I guess, he liked that qoute but still, I mean, not even a paraphrased version of it but an exact copy of it?
>he believed he was a smart guy destined to figure out smart solutions to problems hurting his world
>But he'd never really thought of anything particularly clever and lacked solutions for problems he swore he was the only one thinking about. He lacked smart solutions to any of the problems he was presented with
>Despite overthinking things and filling the story with unreadable blocks of concentrated pseudointellectual neo-autism at a moment's notice, he wasn't really that smart, just surrounded by dipshit NPCs and occasional smart characters the author gifted the right to think clearly
Dog-earing this for later
Joshua "The Burned Man" Graham isn't just one of the quest-givers, he's the star of the Honest Hearts DLC and he's Caesar's Legion's former second-in-command. When he failed at the first Battle For Hoover Dam he was burned alive and sparta kicked into the grand canyon but he got better and kept being Mormon. If I was still overexplaining everything I'd write it all here but https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Joshua_Graham
The worst part about Kkat plagiarizing his "It's comforting to know there's a light in the darkness" speech is that Joshua was talking about his religion. His God. While dealing with aggression from the Nigger Legs tribe.
But here's the story ripping off that pro-god line and using it after the darkness is gone to call Littlepoop the speshulest pony in the universe for sacrificing herself in a way literally any pony could have pulled off if destiny made them as fireproof as Littlepip.
Come to think of it downing some healing potion would probably be enough to let you survive being burned alive by Spike's fire anyway, it's destroyed battleships but those stupid fucking healing potions can fucking fix anything.

To elaborate, the character had just gone through a conversation with a captured bad guy in an attempt to interrogate the baddie.
Because yeah, it makes ALL the sense that the hero kid amateur ninja guy would be allowed to speak with a captured baddie and debate philosophy.
The baddie went into a "this world is cruel and darkness is the only way, you're a faggot from the nicest biggest village but it's done mean things before. also in this world it's kill or be killed" speech that threw the hero for a loop and made him doubt everything except his own ego.
I shit you not, the hero had this little crisis of faith moment only thinking "I'm the smart sexy mega-genius Lightbringer who will solve all the world's problems and bring light to this darkness because I said so!" could restore his faith in himself and help him cope with the "shocking" facts he just heard.
Now the characters said things like "Man, it sure sucks that we live on a continent with many rich cunts who hire ninjas to do their bidding and five big nations with ninja academies and many smaller nations without big ninja academies and child soldiers are the norm and bandits are everywhere and power+cruelty seems to be the only way you can defeat your enemies and scare them into not fucking with you"
But he had no real answers for any of these problems. Didn't consider a system of international sanctions from government alliances, or new types of ideologies with smaller governments and less governance, any way to subvert the rich and reduce their stranglehold on the economy, didn't think of a combination Forward Operating Base and Fortress for his country that could take in poorfag farmers and protect their livestock for taxes instead of leaving farmers to the bandits until they can afford to pay ninja to kill said bandits, couldn't think of a new method of warfare with new weapons like inventing flintlock pistols and eventually revolvers so rich cunts start preferring cheap armies of conscripted farmers to edgy expensive ninjas with tragic backstories.
Say what you will about "Maybe if one superhero/my nation took charge and conquered everything there would be peace under his absolute rule" but at least it's a solution to the problem of war and enemy nations.
Some may hate that option but it's certainly an option.
This faggot couldn't think of anything, he was just so certain he'd eventually think of something that it got him out of a downwards spiral mentally that almost made him lose it completely.
There was also this gigafaggoted bit where his girlfriend's dad tried to make him drink poisoned tea or something and they blabbered over it for at least a thousand words when the obvious solution was "Make a copy of yourself with magic just in case the tea is poisoned, magically swap yourself with it, drink the tea. If he slaps the clone to death and calls the real you a paranoid faggot, say he's paranoid for checking if you're a clone, edgy ninjas in a poorly-written world of smug edgy cunts respect paranoid faggots more than idiots willing to be poisoned to seem polite in front of their potential father-in-laws. If he bullshits you and calls you a faggot for not trusting him, say there's a chance he was replaced by an assassin impersonating him with magic because this is a fundamentally fucking broken setting where the three beginner-level spells any recently-graduated-from-the-academy child ninja can pull off are: Limitless physical transformation via absolute shapeshifting*, illusionary intangible copy creation, and limitlessly substituting yourself with any non-alive object or consenting person, and yet walking on water and walls is considered a higher-level technique for more advanced ninja kids, and yet all fights are still settled by which DBZ character is tougher and punches and fireballs harder eventually".
*many fans headcanon that shapeshifting "only makes you seem changed" because limitless shapeshifting is so OP yet nobody uses it. Many badfics say that Naruto's perfectly ordinary transformation spell now makes him special because everyone else is using a worse one and "by incorrectly trying to copy a fake shapeshift spell he invented a real one" just makes ALL the sense. But this headcanon doesn't line up with canon at all. This is a setting where anyone can shapeshift and nobody ever thought of using it outside of naruto and sasuke's double-shuriken-but-the-second-one-is-naruto trick. Oh and that time Gamabunta told Naruto to shapeshift him into something with "fangs and claws" and immediately thought of his own fox Fursona.
Well damn I took a long break from the site not sure when Glim Glam would get back and returned to see this God forsaken fan fic almost being finished. Crazy to think how much has happened since he started this story. Moved to a new state, working on becoming a certified plumber and service technician. Just glad this story is going to be over.

Glim's commentary has been a riot but after awhile the story just kept repeating the same stuff so there wasn't much new for us to comment on unlike Sun and the Rose. Really glad Glim and all of you stuck it out to the end though. All the MLP groups I'm in worship Fallout Equestria with a zealous reverence so it felt like a bastion of sanity.

Not sure what Glim will review next but here's to hoping it'll be a fun read like the last story when we were all being wow'ed by new developments and jokes like the ambassador pill or the main character being a rat catcher. Plus the sparks of good ideas and scenes that story had so it was fun to discuss the merits it had.

Hats off to you Glim Glam for finishing the fight and look forward to what you review next unless it's a story about an op lesbian unicorn or any lesbian stuff in which case I'll take a shotgun cocktail.
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time for talk has passed.jpg
>Legate Graham
>Pic related
Man, it's crazy that the Raiders went to Vlad The Impaler's landscaping company. I guess they wanted to get aHEAD in the competition. Sorry if that joke was a bit gore-mless, I held it in for way too long.
I know there's a chance I won't like the answer to this question, but I want to ask it anyway. My rewrite of my old shit is almost complete, and I want to know how this shit stacks up to my old shit.
Glim, do you think Fallout Equestria is better or worse than the FIMfic I wrote almost a decade ago?
You know, the one with the hoverboards and the bad anticommunist rant and the clusterfuck of a backstory invented to justify all the OC's bullshit powers?
Now that I think about it, I think my old shit had a few of this story's mistakes.
Ranting about Pipbucks and the world's history just because the hero has a pipbuck and characters from history will show up eventually, VS ranting about hoverboards and my OC's backstory just because the hero has a hoverboard and characters from his history would have shown up eventually.
I wrote much of the mane six as annoying fangirls smitten with my OC, while in this story everyone's head over heels in love with Littlepoop except for the villains and the mane six become war criminals and morons whose ineptitude and good intentions doomed an equestria only Littlepoop's good intentions are allowed to save.
My OC started off overpowered and got stronger with each card he'd get (unless it was needed to make a villain threatening or a weird chapter possible), while LP started off pretending to not be overpowered and then she stopped pretending, eventually becoming a fucking half-alicorn unicorn and thinking this and her RD statuette with a chunk of Rarity's soul imitating RD's soul in it would grant her entry to the SPP.
Both stories made the Unicorn protagonist overpowered, but while the shit Star story had fun putting him in over-the-top anime fights, this story pits a regenerating canonically-plot-armoured fireproof half-alicorn boxcar-tossing blood mage and expert sharpshooter against a bunch of starving faggots with sticks and weak guns and under-utilized cheat abilities and at best gay power armour before pretending this is totally balanced. My fight scenes weren't shakespeare but at least some could be called fun.
Star was an irritating cunt even in scenes where he was supposed to be nice or cool to show he isn't always an irritating cunt, but Littlepoop is always an irritating cunt even in scenes where she isn't supposed to be one. But worse because she has that annoying fake-modesty shit. Whenever Star would use fake-modesty it would be a joke, he'd tell people to stop praising him and then tell them to continue if they did stop, comedy gold.
And while Starshit tried to justify his overpoweredness with a convoluted backstory involving ninjas and farms and thieves and foxes and more bullshit I had to cut from his new version so I really could "Shorten it to 20 words or less" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPmXmMpNuPU and at the time I thought he had to be strong because the story was about his growth(I made some particularly retarded assumptions on how stories "Had to be" based on what little I saw of stories before writing one)...
This story chooses to pretend the overpowered Littlepoop is actually nopony at all, even though she is pointlessly overpowered in a way that regularly harms the story, even though none of her overpowered abilities were necessary and anypony with destiny's blessing and Spike's help (or hatred) could have survived the trip to the SPP and fired it up.
LP was often wounded and then healed by bullshit magic potions and other healing items, Star was never wounded in a way that mattered sidestepping the issue entirely.
Both stories were written by idiots with a child's idea of what cool is, but I was a teenager when the Star story started while Kkat was over thirty and pushing fourty, maybe older.
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Squilliam Fancyson.

That's what this story needed to tie it all together.

Every time this story had to bend over backwards to blame some aspect of the Wasteland's awfulness on a beloved canon character, Squilliam could be there to take the heat.

Every time this story murdered or beheaded or tortured a beloved canon character, Squilliam could have been blamed for each one.

Kkat wanted so badly to blame human nature, pony and zigger nature, and the idea of evil itself on the environment and the important ponies who make it what it is. But there was always one option.

Squilliam Fancyson, immortal bastard running around with a machine gun ruining everything for his own fun. Spite for Rainbow Dash for being a more talented guitar player than he's a clarinet player convinced him to destroy everything she ever knew and cared about and then shit on her irradiated front lawn under the cover of clouds and dust. Because why derail a pony character like Fluttershy into inventing nukes or Applejack into inventing guns when Squilliam comes from a setting where Spongebob and Patrick can make functioning World War weaponry out of sand proving such weapons already exist and they know what they are? Everything this story ever did could be fixed by making Squilliam Fancyson responsible for everything bad that ever went wrong and then making Littlepip kill him in a sick nasty fight at the end with over four phases marked by transformations including one where he glows and gets wings and one where he drinks a radioactive smoothie of nanomachines and popeye's spinach to become a giant dragon and one where he becomes a gigantic squid unicorn bigger than the universe and he says "Now I'm a big guy" and she whips out her gun and says "for you. How about a kiss from this?" and he tries to bitchslap the planet into the sun but Littlepip uses her trusty revolver to shoot his giant hand into nothingness by fanning the hammer fast enough and then she fires her gun at the sun to ricochet her bullet off it into his eye and then she fires her Little Macintosh(tm) at his other eye and then fires it faster so the second bullet pushes the first bullet in midair making a bigger faster bullet big enough to penetrate his other eye and I'm fucking with you I don't actually think this would work at all. No, instead, the real culprit behind everything that ever went wrong should be Dio Brando, whose evolved stand The World Over Heaven lets him do whatever he wants and overwrite reality freely just like in Eyes Of Heaven only not gay. Dio was fucking bored and felt like fucking with FIM so he created Fallout Equestria but not even sans undertale could stop him from stealing the infinity stones and that magic book from Jackie Chan Adventures and the Ultimatrix's upgraded form The Absolutrix. It's called that because it's the absolute best watch possible. No wait that's stupid. Call it the Bestrix or the Perfectrix or the Magictrix or the Infinitrix or the Overclock. With the power of Axel's Overclock he becomes more powerful than Nick Bolton even with his tactical blactical black flashlight and hyperlink blocked. He can take your fucking kromer. He's even stronger than lunafell and her magictrix which is an omnitrix but with magic. Like he's more than 1000% of shaggy's power level and I'm kidding this is retarded, all of it, it's all fucking retarded. Some grown fucking man out there wept when Han Solo died and wept when he read Fallout Equestria and if I rewrite Fallout Equestria into something that appeals to big brain geniuses like us it won't have mass appeal like Fallout Equestria did. He cried when he saw what he convinced himself to love out of the sunk cost fallacy and if he saw a better version of FE he would zealously loathe it for not being the version all five hundred pounds of him feels nostalgic for. His dick's so small it inverted to penetrate his own asshole creating a quantum singularity of gayness. A singaylarity if you will. But if I made an even gayer piece of media he'd cum buckets for it. An even bigger gayer crossover with less artistic integrity and artstyle consistency than a child's first sprite comic on comicfury. Is art dead? Is there meaning in trying to make anything good or even your dream project if something with less soul would get more fame and money?

Although, all gayness asside, consider the following...

If the story started with LP being bullied by someone like Squilliam Fancyson only a pony, we'd feel bad for LP. If Filliam Ponyson left the Stable after LP left it specifically to murder LP in a lawless place and make life harder for her along the way it would make her adventure harder. Everything's too easy for Littlesue supreme, crank that difficulty from Couch Potato to Exterminator so things can be cool, that'll fix all the problems. Well at least some of them. Probably none of them. Self doubt consumes me and pretending to be invincible is my hobby because secretly I'm very lonely and entirely insecure. Every good hero needs a well written rival, someone to push them forward and measure their progress and success with. Like Sasuke before the author derailed him completely and ruined the story. Rewatching the kai recut of the show made me realize that's when shit falls apart for good for this character. Once he loses his revenge quest he breaks as a concept but becoming an object in the Orochimaru arc was the start of his downfall as a character. But that isn't happening here because Squilliam and Sasuke will be used as inspiration for a rival character who doesn't ruin the show. Littlepip needs an edgy evil rival character who's better than her at everything. Take all the "we're the same" villain speech shit from Red Eye and give it to the edgy rival OC who exists to be maximum Satsuki x100 with huge tits. Because rivals should look bigger than the hero and it would be funny if the edgy rival had milky way tiddies yet was still peak wasteland murderhobo supreme instead of LP.
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Final Thoughts:

Welp, at long last, we have reached the end of our journey. Checking the post dates of the original thread, I see that we have now spent over a year of our lives slogging our way through this ridiculous pony fanfiction; so, what have we gained as a result of this experience?

Well, on the downside, I have spent over a year of my life slogging my way through this ridiculous pony fanfiction. Considering all of the quality books on my shelf that I still have yet to read, that is a not-insignificant opportunity cost. However, on the upside, if anyone ever asks me: "What is the most objectively terrible work of fiction ever written in the English language, and why is it Fallout: Equestria by K 'my asshole is such a raging AIDS inferno that I can literally shit molten dildos' Kat?", I will be able to provide a thoughtful, detailed, well-reasoned response. It is also my hope that, as a result of my efforts, you can do the same.

So, after everything we've read, how would I summarize my view of Fallout: Equestria? It should be clear enough to anyone who has been following these threads that this story wasn't really my cup of tea, but does it have any redeeming "virtues" see what I did there? at all?

Well, let's try and start with the positives. As much as I hate to admit it, kkat probably deserves at least a small amount of credit simply for attempting a project this large and seeing it through to the end. As incoherent and poorly-written as this story is, it's clear that the author put quite a bit of work into it, and word-vomiting something of this size is admittedly not as easy as it looks. Also worth noting is that it maintains a surprising level of internal consistency.

Though the worldbuilding is shoddy at times, it's clear that kkat put quite a bit of forethought into mapping out the world's backstory before he sat down to write, and there are remarkably few continuity errors for a story of this size. To compare, Peen Stroke openly admitted in an interview that Past Sins was just word-vomited without any advance planning, and the result was that his text was mostly a complete mess. For all this story's size and complexity, kkat clearly employed a more disciplined writing method, and the results of this discipline can be clearly seen.

Taken purely as a work of MLP fanfiction, while I certainly wouldn't say that I thought this was good or that I enjoyed reading it, I'll admit that there are probably worse things out there. Having now read several of these pony stories, more than one of which are considered fandom classics, I think I can safely say that the bar for pony fiction is not set tremendously high, and kkat probably clears it as well or better than many of his peers. He is a more disciplined writer than Peen Stroke, his grammar is significantly better than soulpeener's (though I did notice a few glaring errors here and there), and he is a much, much better storyteller than Assman (though that is an extremely low bar to clear).

At the same time, however, there are areas where the other writers we've looked at clearly outshine him. Despite soulpeener's piss-poor grammar and tryhard prose, he managed to tell a (more or less) complete story from start to finish, while keeping the length reasonable and not veering off on too many silly tangents. By contrast, kkat's text is absurdly bloated and unfocused; if someone asked me to sum up what it was about in a few brief words (without referencing either Fallout or MLP) I don't think I'd be able to do it. There is no plot worth speaking of; it's just an endless narrative about an dull, undeveloped character wandering around a world performing increasingly nonsensical actions. As Nigel succinctly put it: it's not a story, it's just a sequence of events. Soulpeener's work also had better developed and more likable characters. Though I don't recall being overly fond of his protagonist, "Moody Rat-phobic Medieval Guy" didn't inspire anywhere near the level of visceral hatred for me that Littlepoop did.

As to Peen Stroke, his prose was generally a bit better than kkat's, and his work was at the very least the product of his own imagination. By contrast, FoE appears to be mostly a clumsy pastiche of storylines from various Fallout games with a thin coat of pony applied to it. Kkat has demonstrated little real imagination or creativity; his main talent is being able to keep track of an insane number of details. While Past Sins failed in that it missed its own point by a wide margin, FoE more or less makes the point it was trying to make (I'll get into this in detail in a minute); however, the point it attempts to make is far simpler, and it uses about 500,000 more words to do so than were necessary.

And Assman? Well, I remember saying that the thing I liked best about Friendship is Optimal is that it was short. I definitely can't say the same for FoE.

Anyway, however well it might hold up against other fandom works, if we treat Fallout: Equestria as literature we have to judge it a bit more harshly. Even before I became interested in MLP, I remember hearing bronies arguing that many of their fandom's works have genuine literary merit, and deserve to be taken seriously outside of the fandom. FoE was one I specifically remember being cited as an example on multiple occasions. For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature.

It's probably better to start a new post for this, even though I've still got a couple hundred chars left. I'll be drawing from an EqD interview with kkat that I found, for reference it can be accessed here:

I'll address this in a bit.
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>Anyway, however well it might hold up against other fandom works, if we treat Fallout: Equestria as literature we have to judge it a bit more harshly. Even before I became interested in MLP, I remember hearing bronies arguing that many of their fandom's works have genuine literary merit, and deserve to be taken seriously outside of the fandom. FoE was one I specifically remember being cited as an example on multiple occasions. For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature.

I know you have another post coming, but I have a genuine question i've always been curious about: How do you feel about this fandom's overall level of quality when it comes to horsewords? You've judged "The best of the best" and found them to all be horribly lacking, to say the least. Do you know of any works you'd regard as genuinely great? Stuff you'd wager outperforms even above average when it comes to published literature? Or is this fandom as a whole populated with mostly trash?
I wonder who could be behind that post.
I bit bitter, aren't you?
Huh? I've been posting throughout this thread for months now as the only Canadian poster (I think) here. Im curious as to what Glim thinks of overall ponyfic quality, because to me it seems like there's a whole lot of "meh" and i'm not sure what ones would be considered quality. I guess I need to read a lot more pony fics to sift through it all and figure it out myself.
Despite all the fanfics I've read I think they were all at least a bit shit. They all had problems that got in the way of me recommending them to anyone as real literature. Even stories I liked or even admired as a kid, I can admit they aren't anywhere near the quality of a real-ass good book. Obvious mistakes (some I noticed back then, some I notice now thinking back on them) keep me from calling them perfect or genius like an excellent game or tv show or movie or book or manga can be. If I had more access to real books as a kid I would have read those instead upon experiencing good books, but my internet access was highly limited and the handmedown ipod I got from a friend as a teen could have text from fanfiction.net loaded onto it.
If I had to choose one for "least shit fanfic ever" candidate I'd choose The Sun Soul (a pokemon fanfic) for having worldbuilding and depth and being more than just a sequence of events in which a child of ten or younger travels a country fighting gym leaders and eventually the elite four and champion just because that's what kids in pokeymanz land do. This one's got a cool main quest that justifies the hero running around fighting strangers and it's got exciting twists. It even does something unexpected and ballsy like killing off the hero's girlfriend and giving him a new one and starting the story with Ash fighting Team Rocket only for them to turn out to be good guys and it had an ending much smarter than the usual "and then the hero defeated every baddie and lived happily ever after" thing. Even leaves things open for a spinoff featuring May and Hoenn I haven't read yet. May's character was a bit flat but she didn't have much screentime compared to others. Maybe it's recency bias talking but I just don't remember any fanfic for anything else I could unironically recommend.

Plenty of fanfics are still better than Fallout Equestria though. Especially that Smash Bros Brawl fanfic that's over four million words long.
>For this reason, I think it's fair to take the kid gloves off and analyze this text as literature
>This is the moment you've all been waiting forrrrrrrrrrr!
Well, this shitpost was shit. Too many refrences to shows you like for one, as if it was a commercial or something. Maybe you should ask John Elway about the ins and outs of shitposting.
>I removed the vid with the former post. Felt unfair since you have been trying to improve.

Sorry, I know you've asked this question a couple of times already, I've been meaning to respond. There have been quite a few posts made that I've meant to reply to but haven't.

I haven't come across anything that's impressed me terribly, but at the same time I haven't really read that many pony fics. Apart from what I've reviewed here, I've only read a couple of short random things that were linked on /mlp/ or something; it doesn't really seem fair for me to say that everything the fandom has produced is shit based on such a small sample of what's available. However, based on what I've read so far, coupled with what I know about the way that amateur writing projects in general tend to turn out, I do think it's fair to say that most of what the fandom has produced is probably shit.

One thing I have noticed is that lighter, shorter stories that are intended to be satirical or funny tend to be a little better. For instance, awhile back I remember someone suggested I read a short one called Would it Matter if I Was? or something to that effect. It dealt with Fluttershy being a changeling. While the story itself was pretty meh, I remember I also read a parody of the same story that I thought was better done than the original. Part of it is probably that it's easier to riff on something than it is to come up with an original idea, but I also tend to think that the less seriously you take yourself the better your chances are of producing something good.
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So, how to go about assessing FoE at a literary level? I don't see much point in rehashing the myriad small complaints I have about the text, as I feel like I've covered all of that pretty extensively. Probably a good starting point would be to ask the author what he thinks he was writing about, and then assess how close to the mark he actually came:

>Fallout: Equestria is a story about standing up against evil no matter the cost. It is a story about lighting candles in the darkness. About the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
>Fallout: Equestria is definitely not for everyone. It contains darkness and mature (in the true sense of the word) themes, not to mention a great deal of violence. However, these things are used in service to a story that puts the themes and morals of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to the acid test and shows how they stand up… and even shine.
Basically, from kkat's point of view, this story is a treatment of the same ideas found the FiM cartoon series: that strong friendships are the key to enduring whatever challenges life might throw at you, and that having the support of good friends can mean the difference between hope and despair. However, while the cartoon deals with these topics in a lighthearted format aimed at children, FoE attempts to address them from a more adult perspective, bringing in issues like death and rape and world destruction that would be inappropriate for a children's show.

So, let's tackle the issue of "mature themes" first. There's a common belief held mainly by hacky amateur writers and readers with no taste that just because a story has content that would be inappropriate for children, this automatically makes it "mature." This is demonstrably false; loading a story up with sex and violence doesn't give it more depth or maturity, it just means your story has a lot of sex and violence in it.

As a quick example off the top of my head, the Friday the 13th films are nothing but sex and violence, and I don't think many would critics would call those films mature, or argue that they had anything terribly important to say (though they are admittedly fun to watch). Meanwhile, The Lion King is a retelling of Hamlet, packaged as a G-rated cartoon aimed at children. There is violence and death in TLK, certainly, but it is tastefully downplayed. We don't need to see graphic depictions of Mufasa getting trampled or Scar getting eaten alive by hyenas for those moments in the story to have the intended impact. Conversely, if you cut all the tits and blood out of Friday the 13th, all you'd be left with is a weak story about a serial killer in a hockey mask. Which of the two stories seems more mature?

This might seem like a silly comparison, but it's important to keep this distinction in mind when looking at Fallout: Equestria. For all of kkat's claims about this story having mature themes, one of my earliest observations was that his treatment of good vs. evil was overly simplistic, and the excessive gore and violence did little to mask this. Personally I would argue that, far from being a more "mature" depiction of the FiM setting, FoE is quite a bit more juvenile than the cartoon. In trying to present itself as edgy and dark simply by amping up the gore and profanity, it becomes less mature, not more. If MLP:FiM is Equestria from a child's viewpoint, then FoE is the same setting from the viewpoint of a moody, edgy, comically self-important teenager.

In one of the earliest episodes, in which Littlepoop is captured by slavers who are then set upon by raiders, I remember being very confused. It was not clear who the "raiders" were, or why they were attacking; my initial assumption was that the word "raider" was meant to be taken at face value, and that these guys were just ordinary brigands or robbers. Their cartoonish, over-the-top sadism struck me as more comical than frightening, and it continued to be comical even after it became more or less clear what the deal with them was. Up until about midway through the story, when characters like Red Eye and the Goddess were being introduced, all of the villains were the same: just generic baddies who performed acts of wanton destruction and cruelty for no reason other than le edge.

If the Ponyville raiders had just been simple brigands who attacked weak ponies and took their stuff, it would be less edgy but more believable. It would be a simple and obvious cause-and-effect relationship: times are hard, supplies are scarce, you have to do what you can to survive. The Monterrey Jack character didn't do anything as horrid as what the raiders did, but his motivations were more believable; or at least they were, until kkat decided to graft all that weird shit about "corrupted honesty" or whatever the fuck to his character.

Realistically, in a world with scarce resources and no formal authority, unsavory trades like slavery and banditry would be commonplace, and presumably there would be an uptick in rape and child molestation and so forth simply because people who are into that kind of thing would no longer fear reprisal. However, it's unlikely that otherwise-normal people would suddenly start decorating their houses with guts and murdering people for the fuck of it simply because "friendship" and "harmony" had gone away.

Kkat uses overblown violence in the same way that Peen Stroke uses overblown sadness: he just dials it up to eleven and uses shock to compensate for an inability to move the reader in any other way. A more nuanced and plausible Edgequestria would have made for a much better setting, but the tradeoff would be that the bloody horror-show would need to be dialed back quite a bit. Kkat is either incapable of realizing this, or unwilling to make the trade; either way it shows a significant lack of maturity.
>In trying to present itself as edgy and dark simply by amping up the gore and profanity, it becomes less mature, not more.
>Realistically, in a world with scarce resources and no formal authority, unsavory trades like slavery and banditry would be commonplace, and presumably there would be an uptick in rape and child molestation and so forth simply because people who are into that kind of thing would no longer fear reprisal.
Mmm, maybe.

Looking forward to the rest.
Can anyone here remember all the times (or any time) friendship as a concept was important or useful in Fallout Equestria, as opposed to simply friendship with the correct people?
Leftist writers subconsciously (or consciously if they are subliminally messaging their target audience) tend to promote the idea that friendship isn't this wonderful universal thing but simply a way to get powerful useful individuals to do what you want, making you powerful.
I think that's why Golly Filly from late-season FIM never met a silly useless pony who emotionally helped her or in some other manner taught her how friendship can be good even if you can't exploit the hell out of it for personal gain. How friendship can be good without having to exploit the hell out of it for personal gain.
>Can anyone here remember all the times (or any time) friendship as a concept was important or useful in Fallout Equestria, as opposed to simply friendship with the correct people?
This. LP's group are hardly friends.
Come to think of it, did LP ever show any interest in anypony who wasn't obviously useful to her or in a position of power?
She didn't feel like getting to know Mouse And Whatshisname or Gawd and her Griffons as people. Just ordered them around once they joined her gay nigger faggot army.
She only felt like talking to Crane when she heard he was a powerful telekinetic and assumed he could give her tips.
She listened to the mayor of WhoCaresville rant about how "karma" fucked him over for letting Littlepip run around fucking up the Slaver operations even though she gave him a nuke or something, but she didn't bother with the politics of that other town that only existed to be destroyed by the Enclave.
Only felt like visiting Tenpony after she wanted to know how the radio whore knew so much about her and why she was sucking her useless lesbian negative-six-inch cock* so hard over the radio.

*You know what they say about small weak men with small dicks? Imagine a smaller weaker man with a negative six inch dick, and you've got what shit women effectively are when they reject cute helpful femininity and try to compete with men but can't intellectually/physically compete with the average man fairly because they're not in the top percentage of women. If women won't do the only job God wanted women to have (breedable housewife) and instead seek to pretend they're men the result is an inferior imitation of a real man full of neuroticism and rage and foul language and denial of the fact that she'll never measure up to even the men artificially placed below her literally or penisually. Littlepip's horny inner narration as an ass-obsessed lesbian isn't cute at all, lesbians are cute when they're adorable shy little sweethearts who blush at the thought of hand-holding before marriage and still want to be good women anyway. At most, one can be a tomboy(as long as she's a legit one with the positive qualities of a man and not just a failed woman eager to cosplay a man), but the other one has to be extra adorable to make up for it. It's the difference between idealized yuri sweetness and messy sloppy femoid pussylust, which this story has. Fucking hell, Homage's idea of post-fucking pillow talk is "You're going to fucking die out there in the wasteland lmao, you'll be eaten alive and forgotten after barely accomplishing anything". That's in the sex scene, just so Littlepip can reply to that Supervillain "Cancer always wins in the end" speech with a trite speech about never giving up even if it means "floating her body down the river styx to make the wasteland choke to death on her" or some shit.
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About the only nod to maturity I've found in the entire story occurs at the very end. The Afterword, which tells the story of a revived Fluttershy visiting some strangers' graves and then traveling to Bucklyn Cross to inform a bunch of Steel Rangers that she is opening a hellhound sanctuary, takes place about a decade after the events of the main story. It's a fairly standard "this is what the world looks like as a result of the hero's actions" segment that makes more sense as an epilogue than an afterword. Really, the author would have been better served by deleting the existing Epilogue, which consists of a dumb and irrelevant exchange between Homage and Velvet Remedy and little else, and using the "10 years later" story as the Epilogue instead. But I digress.

What I noticed is that, while Edgequestria has become noticeably less edgy during the interim period, there are still hints of trouble lurking in the shadows. The Enclave is apparently still something of a threat, Red Eye still has loyalists who continue to fight for his cause for some unexplained reason, removing radiation from the air has eliminated a vital energy source and this is causing conflict, and so forth. Basically the idea is that, while the bulk of the world's problems were solved by Littlepoop's actions, as well as whatever the fuck the "Gardens of Equestria" did exactly, there are still traces of old problems that haven't been completely resolved, as well as new, unanticipated problems that were unintentionally created when solving the existing problems. While there is still plenty of stuff I can nitpick, I'll say that it's actually one of the better-written sections of the text, and it was a more tempered and reasonable ending than the "everything is magically fixed" ending that I'd spent most of the story expecting.

Anyway, we'll tackle this part next:

>Fallout: Equestria is a story about standing up against evil no matter the cost. It is a story about lighting candles in the darkness. About the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
What exactly is the "evil" that Littlepoop stands up against? What exactly does standing up to that evil ever cost her?

As I said, kkat's treatment of the concept of good and evil is childishly simplistic. For the first half of the story, Littlepoop's only antagonists are random monsters and generic, cookie-cutter bad-guys who pop out of the shadows and attack her for no reason. I remember observing that these early battles resemble video game fights, in which swarms of generic baddies keep attacking the player until she can destroy the spawn point. There is never any attempt at humanizing these characters or even giving them a basic motivation for doing what they are doing; the raiders and slavers are just mindless zombies that do horrible things because they're horrible. Most of the early fight sequences are used as opportunities for gratuitous violence and edge, and to give the author's insufferable OC a chance to level up.

Kkat himself even seems at least partially aware of this:

>I recommend reading the first dozen chapters. They are short and easy to read. (The third chapter holds the worst of the gore in the story, so if you can get through that, you have nothing to worry about.) If the story hasn’t caught your interest by the chapter “Must Go On”, leave it be. You’ve given it a true chance. But if it has… well, then you are in for a treat, because the story only gets better and better from there.
Though he and I clearly have some different ideas about what "short and easy to read" means, what's telling is that kkat seems to acknowledge that the earliest parts of the story are basically just mindless level-grinding, and that you have to slog through twelve whole chapters before anything important even starts happening. Incidentally, the total word count through Ch. 12 is 85,009; this is enough text to constitute its own novel.

Eventually, once all the stuff about "virtues" starts becoming more central to what I will generously call the plot, we are given a little more of an explanation for why the raiders and slavers and whatnot behave the way that they do. Every pony apparently has a "virtue," a concept which is never fully explained, but is probably analogous to the Elements of Harmony concept from the cartoon series. Your "virtue" is what defines the core of your being, and following it is the path to a happy and meaningful life. However, a "virtue" can (somehow) become "corrupted," at which point you begin to follow a dark path that (somehow) reflects a warped or inverted version of your "virtue."

Again, like quite a bit of what's in FoE, the "virtue" idea is never fully explained, so we have to infer quite a bit. However, I think the basic idea is that, due to the lack of friendship (or something), ponies in the wasteland (somehow) had their virtues corrupted, and began to follow dark inversions of their virtues that (somehow) led them to conclude that shitting all over their mattresses, decorating their homes with intestines, and organizing caged death matches between foals was rational and sensible behavior.

Even if we take all of this at face value and just roll with it, we still don't have an answer to the fundamental question: why? By explaining the raiders' behavior in this way, kkat seems to open a path to redemption for them: it's not entirely their fault that they wound up the way they did, they just need some kind of guiding light to bring them back on the right path. Ditto for Red Eye and Trixie and the other "bad" characters; they aren't necessarily evil, just misguided. This is in line with the spirit of the show; most of the villains who appear in FiM are presented as misguided souls who can be redeemed by the power of friendship (or something). Okay, fine. But this still doesn't explain just what causes "virtue" to become "corrupted" in the first place.

I'll continue this thought in a new post.
You like how the story ended?
Get ready for another Charlie Brown football moment.
The hero sacrifices himself to turn on a big machine that de-irradiates the country and gives it pure drinking water, that's from Fallout 3 and its Geck/Project Purity thing in the main quest.
All Fallout Equestria did was copy it while changing pure water to food. The cloud covering problem is still solved. LP just goes into a weather controlling machine separate from the GOEden while in the original the GECK powered Project Purity which deirradiated all water*
Littlepip fights the Enclave and fights her way into The SPP instead of Project Purity but she still fights The Enclave to get into a thing that fixes most of the Wasteland's problems.
There are still enemies to shoot because in the Broken Steel DLC that lets you pay money for the right to continue playing Fallout 3 after the main story is complete, there are still enemies to shoot.
The only thing I can really call original is how the lack of radiation is somehow causing power/resource problems for some retarded reason. Does... Does Kcrap think nuclear power plants generate power by taking in radioactive waste goo barrels and burning it like coal to turn it into electricity? Fallout's exploding nuclear cars (which "inspired" this story's nuclear chariots so much, ghoul melee strikes can glitch cars into exploding randomly) don't use radiation as a fuel source. Radiation is generated as a byproduct when the nuclear engine is on.

*even though it's actually pretty easy to deirradiate water without needing magical scifi energy-blast machines that magically do impossible things. And even though there isn't much point deirradiating the Pachamac River - I mean Ptolomac - if you're only going to dump that purified water back into the irradiated riverbed. Bethesda just really wanted you to look for a GECK during the course of the story because you looked for one in fallout 2, and they wanted you to find a vault full of radiation and super mutants so you can befriend Fawkes the overpowered invincible OC with a gatling laser and no character depth. Bethesda's Fallout relies on iconography stolen from earlier fallouts and other scifi media, no wonder it inspired Kkat to steal Fallout and FIM to write this.
Speedrunning FOE idea

>be littlepip
>bored as fuck
>leave stable one day for literally no reason besides "i want adventure"
>oh shit oh fuck adventuring in the wasteland is hard, desperate non-edgy pitiable raiders are starving and trying to rob you and shooting them feels morally wrong
>get kidnapped and taken north of your stable straight to a Red Eye prison camp built out of a pre-war insane asylum that used magic to make PTSD cures for soldiers
>LP tries to flee and accidentally plugs herself into a memory alteration machine that fills her head with over sixty terrabytes of combat experience and gunplay stolen from mindwiped soldiers
>LP kills slavers epicly and is hired by Gawd's Griffons, former Red Eye mercenaries now working for the now-heroic enclave because Red Eye's violating Gawd's moral code also Gawd is a dude now and a pegasus because fuck griffons
>Gawd makes the plan to get Littlepip into the SPP Red Eye took over. LP is just a pawn in her game and an angry underling of Gawd calls LP a lucky talentless faggot who's only special because of her PipBuck and high luck stat
>Littlepip falls in love with Gawd
>Red Eye trying to become an alicorn to get into it and succeeds becoming a sick final bossfight while stealing a cryogenically frozen experimental lone alicorn babe's wings and horn but not absorbing her fully because if he did that would make him partly a girl and that's gay. All traces of gay were removed from this story.
>Red Eye says enslaving others is optimal and he stole the magic from countless slaves to become an alicorn. Gawd calls him a faggot and says friendship and kindness and teamwork and mutual cooperation are better
>Red Eye said the meteors that fell to earth ending equestria are a challenge from Gigasatan to become even crueller than darkness itself because only evilness can make you strong and then he injects himself with darkness to become buff
>now he's a big guy (for Littlepip) and worshipping Gigasatan gives him powers because he's evil. His shadow rises up to make him bulletproof or something so LP and Gawd have to get creative.
>LP and Gawd win a sick fight scene with Red Eye using the power of friendship and Red Eye kills himself in an ironic way by his own hand (hoof whatever) due to lacking friendship
>gigasatan betrays Red Eye and sacrifices RE to summon himself but LP fires a rainbow blast of friendship to kill gigasatan.
>LP takes over the SPP and eliminates the dusty cloud covering Red Eye set up over all the wasteland except his slave-filled farmland. Now rain washes the dust away. Or maybe Red Eye was using the SPP to make everywhere a desert except his farmland and LP fixes that instead while magicking away the dust cloud covering.
>story over, Gawd sacrifices himself to turn the SPP on saving the world, LP cries and rebuilds Equestria with the heroic enclave's help in his name. Or maybe the other way around, LP sacrifices herself and he carries on for her.

no alicorn army. No foal thunderdome. No gore decorating houses. No time spent working for red eye as a slave. No pre-war surveillance tower somehow full of snooty retards who make their living by trading luxuries like massages and small portions of irradiated scavenged beans to wastelander visitors who lack rights while they're in the tower and also the tower contains a secret society that put Velvet in charge of the radio tower just because her family has passed down a voice-sex-changing blackface-voice-impersonating spell down through her family line for generations. No killing joke or futanari potion made from it. No fluttertree or crackhead pinkie. No zigger or calamity or velvet or homage or radio or other stables or experiments or Scootaloo lore or Flutternukes. No giant dragon secretly in the rock breaking prison and no bonus giant cyberdragon and no Canterlot and no zigger nuclear war and no edgequestrian war backstory, LP is from the only stable in Edgequestria and Manetanner built it as a tax writeoff not expecting it to see use. But LP's ancestor snuck in and lived there in secret while pregnant for the lulz and free food and robot servants until one day meteors and the doors sealed automatically. Yep.

Speedrun. I skipped and cut out as much bullshit as I could think of while replacing anything convoluted ot unnecessary with the simplest thing possible or the easiest to explain.

It's no shakespeare but it's a FIMfic. They'll only be shakespeare if a professional patreon-having fanfiction author decides to rip off Lion King next.
>I recommend reading the first dozen chapters. They are short and easy to read.
>If the story hasn’t caught your interest by the chapter “Must Go On”, leave it be.
>You’ve given it a true chance.
No. At that point, It's been given way more than that.
While it's too hardcore to hook readers by the first sentence, as a writer you still have a responsibility to engage your readers. It's their time they spend on your story, not yours.
Well, in a way it's merciful of him not to hook his readers with false promises of potential in the earlier parts of the story since we know that it doesn't, "gets better and better from there."
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Far from humanizing or redeeming the raiders, attributing their insane behavior to some kind of vaguely-defined corrupting force just buttresses the argument that they are nothing but mindless cardboard-cutout monsters that don't serve any purpose in the story beyond giving the hero something to shoot at. I observed fairly early on that a lot of this story is just mindless splatter-porn, and that its half-baked morality is only meant to provide the reader with a flimsy excuse for enjoying the senseless violence. The modern civilized world frowns upon reveling in such violence; however, there's still some residual animal part of the human imagination that enjoys it anyway.

In order to allow the reader to have their violence and condemn it too, a writer can designate a certain group of characters as "bad," and have most of the story's violence caused by and/or directed towards them. The baddies are always the instigators of any violent conflict, while the hero is never violent by nature; she is always just an ordinary person who, through some injustice perpetrated by the "bad guys," keeps getting roped into situations where she has to defend either herself or others. The more evil you can make the bad guys, the more righteous the hero's vengeance against them will appear, and the more the audience is likely to root for the hero and give your story a good rating.

In this way, the reader not only gets to enjoy the splatter-porn aspect of the story, they can double-dip and enjoy it from two perspectives. They get to vicariously partake in whatever original evil is being perpetrated by the bad guy, which is usually thrilling on some level, and then they get to watch the righteous hero ride in and brutally revenge herself upon the villain, which is not only thrilling but makes the reader feel like they somehow contributed to her victory by rooting for her. It allows the reader to indulge their thirst for mindless violence, while at the same time feeling morally superior for having done so.

This type of story is called "melodrama," and it's one of America's most successful and enduring varieties of entertainment. It should come as no surprise that most of it is pure lowest common denominator. The "bad guys" are usually thinly-veiled metaphors for whatever sort of person the writer expects the audience to hate already. At various points in history, this role has been filled by Indians, cowboys, blacks, whites, Republicans, Democrats, Jews, Germans, the Irish, Christians, Muslims, people who don't support the war, people who do support the war, rich people, poor people, immigrants, citizens, and so forth and so on; basically, whatever swath of the population has most keenly drawn the ire of the mob at the time of publication. Meanwhile, the hero represents the opinions and values of the average audience member, with the added benefit of being stronger, prettier/more handsome, wittier, smarter, more resourceful, and generally more "heroic" than the average audience member is likely to be in real life. In short, it's a type of story that validates what the reader already believes, and makes them feel like they've learned something or grown as a human simply because they read it and agreed with it.

In Fallout: Equestria, the baddies are all representative of things that the average reader can be safely expected to disapprove of. The raiders are mindless blood-gluttons who engage in pointless cruelty that goes quite a way past absurd. The slavers are cynical, amoral flesh-peddlers who engage in the icky-doo-doo practice of depriving cute widdle pony-wonies of their liberty-wibberty. The Enclave is a vague metaphor for American imperialism or something I guess, and Red Eye is just your typical, run-of-the-mill insane dictator. There's not really a whole lot of depth or moral ambiguity to any of these characters; it's a pretty safe bet that few readers are going to sympathize with a bunch of foal-murderers and slave-traders, so they're all safe to kill. Thus, the kind of person this story is aimed at, presumably bronies in the mid-to-low IQ range who share the same soft-liberal middle-American values as its author, are likely to derive at least some enjoyment from booing its assorted villains and cheering for its intrepid protagonist. This might be entertaining enough for some people, but is there anything actually valuable to be gained from watching an insane lesbian run around disemboweling generic thugs for roughly half a million words?

Well, here is basically what kkat thinks we can gain:
>these things are used in service to a story that puts the themes and morals of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to the acid test and shows how they stand up… and even shine.

Remind us again: what are those themes and morals exactly?
>the value and vulnerability of virtue, and the necessity and strength of friendship.
Woah, that's a lot of 'v' sounds. Reminds me of Velvet's voluptuous vulva vibrating vivaciously.

Anyway, if I'm following kkat's thought process correctly here, the basic idea is that having strong friendships is the key to weathering hardship and keeping yourself on the righteous path. It's a little simplistic, but it's more or less in keeping with the spirit of the show, so it's probably fine as a message for something like this. The story kinda-sorta communicates this message in the end, I guess. However, to me, the relevant question is: did kkat really need this entire 620,000-word convoluted clusterfuck just to convey a simple Aesop-moral that an episode of the show could have easily communicated in the space of 18 minutes? Did all of the over-the-top violence and gore really help to convey this message any better? Was all of the endless autism about meteors and megaspells really necessary? Did all of those purposeless side-quests and dungeon crawls help to drive this point home any better? Personally, I would say no, to all of it.
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>The modern civilized world frowns upon reveling in such violence
It does?
The modern civilized world frowns upon those who engage in violence and aren't given permission from the ruling class to do so.
Niggers stab and rape thousands, muslims bomb and rape thousands, women gaslight and rape their way to the top and steal civilization and opportunities and cash and children from men with narcissistic-authoritarian aka feminist votes, antifa terrorists burn down buildings and tear down the dreams of small business owners, business as usual.
One white guy fights back against the invaders in any way, the system loses its mind.

By the way, does anyone recall the final words of any of the villains in this story?

I was thinking about how the final words of well-written villains usually say something deep about the character.

For example, Light Yagami's final words weren't just "oh shit oh fuck I don't want to die", there was also screaming for help from friends he lost or sacrificed along the way, which is deep. Limping away his mortal wounds bring him down and he can't think of a solution in time to save himself. He even dies on stairs symbolizing how he cannot ascend and won't go to heaven or hell.


But Red Eye, the rock breaking prison's dragon, Goddess Trixie, any significant raider or slaver or other villainous character... What were their final lines? Were they given the decency of good final lines and a decent death scene, or were they treated like afterthoughts to be disposed of once they could no longer serve their purpose as arbitrary obstacles in Littlepoop's way?
You might be right; depending on the situation violence is becoming more acceptable to more people. What I was getting at though is that, by the standards of middle-class liberal morality, reveling in violence for the sake of violence is generally frowned upon. However, "righteous" violence is another matter. If someone says that they read a story about a pony stomping another pony's skull into goop and really enjoyed it, that person comes across as mentally unbalanced. However, if they clarify that the pony getting his skull stomped in was an evil "raider," and the pony doing the stomping was exacting some kind of righteous vengeance because the raider had been organizing caged death matches between foals, then all of a sudden the skull-stomping becomes acceptable.

When I brought up the social acceptability of violence, I was talking about acceptability within the specific context of entertainment; however, this same hypocrisy extends into real life as well. Generally, people in modern, first-world civilizations will outwardly condemn violence, but at the same time will readily endorse extreme violence if it's directed against someone or something that they and other members of their social group find morally reprehensible. This tends to produce weird, contradictory positions: it's a moral outrage for a police officer to use lethal force against a dangerous non-white suspect, but an angry mob burning down a police station is an acceptable act of "peaceful protest." A normie Glen-Beck-tier conservative guarding his house with a rifle while an angry mob marches up the street is an unacceptable act of violence, but a Communist agitator clobbering "Nazis" in the head with a bike lock is fine. It's all rooted in the same basic idea: violence is deplorable except when it's being directed against someone that the herd has condemned for some reason or other; then it's fine and there are no limits.

This attitude is central to kkat's writing, and that's why I'm always hammering him so hard on Littlepoop's weird murderhobo morality. If kkat gets off on writing stories about pastel ponies disemboweling each other in excessively violent ways it's his own business; I don't take any particular offense to the violence in his story in and of itself. For me, the issue is the strange way he attempts to moralize it. His basic formula is this:
>some generic cookie-cutter baddie, a "raider" or a "slaver" or something, engages in some absurdly over-the-top act of sadism for no obvious reason beyond gratuitous violence
>Littlepoop and her friends happen by, are immediately horrified by the sadistic acts being perpetrated, and proceed to inflict equally over-the-top sadism on the perpetrator
>everyone still alive applauds the noble heroes for being so noble

What's curious about it is that kkat never attempts to explore whether or not his heroes' violent actions are justified, nor does he attempt to make any argument about why the raiders and slavers and whatnot in his story deserve to die. He just sort of takes it as a given that they do, in fact, deserve to die, and also takes it as a given that his readers will feel the same way. Incidentally, if you would like to see a considerably less subtle and more insanely autistic example of the same kind of thing, I'd invite you to check out Nigel's 35,000-word-long "Silver 'shove a plum up my bum and make me cum' Star walks into a party and starts randomly beating the shit out of Starlight Glimmer" story.
The moral hypocrisy reminds me of that time some big nigger attacked a white old man, tried to mug him or something, shoved him onto his back, and the white old man opened fire with his gun.
The white man got away with it thanks to Stand Your Ground laws.
A horde of niggers "protested"(Threatened violence that would be illegal if they were white) outside the local police station with signs jewish/whitefemale organizers likely wrote for them saying shit like "Justice for Trayvon". The name was Trayvon, right?
Truth is, Trayvon already got justice when he was gunned down for acting too black instead of remembering to act human. And the white man got justice when he wasn't made into an example by the antiwhite system for defending himself.

Also I know that Silver chapter was shit.
At the time I was going for "Upon seeing her he thinks she's still a villain and tries to take her down, like seeing a famous serial killer free at a violin recital, but then when he's told she's good now, he doubts that. They talk but he questions her about the commie shit because he hates commies and when she attacks him it gets her ass kicked and she's kicked out of his story" with that scene. How'd I do?
I don't remember if she was the first one to attack or not, considering how quick she was to age-regress her boyfriend for having responsibilities that dragged her away from him and brainwash the individuality out of the mane six minus Twiggles for not doing exactly as she wanted when they were supposed to be hanging out casually and having a good time it fits the poorly-thought-through clusterfuck her character was at the time.
I don't know if they fixed her character in later seasons, derailing(Applejack became a meme)+author favoritism made me drop the show. Seeing FIM consumed by the same Steven Universe-style "Friendship is nothing but one of many tools to get powerful allies on your side like Discord/Glimglam and forgiving all their sins is fine as long as they sorta try to be mostly good and serve your side" narrative just left a foul taste in my mouth.
I think they put her in charge of a friendship school for foreigners and had them steal the spotlight?
But now I know if I want the audience to walk away from a scene saying "Fuck communism" the audience needs to see communism destroy things they like and hurt characters they like. I can't just put my character in an argument with a commie for a bit.
The commie needs to unjustly win for a while before the final fight so the audience gets madder every time the commie gets away with being evil.
Plus looking back I really should have focused more on the idea that he wants to protect others from her, instead of just getting really mad at the commie for being a commie and not agreeing with him about the free market. Maybe if she fired a spell at him, he dodged, and it hit somepony he cared about, that could piss him off. If it was Apple Bloom I could have foreshadowed his family relation to Applejack, was I building that up to be a big twist in that version? Maybe there should have been a scene where he tried to get the conversation out of the party so there were fewer ponies around to potentially get hurt.

What I'm not sure how to handle is the black hole of confused bullshit that is Glimmer. It's like there's two of them: A socially-awkward lonely girl who likes kites and gets along best with other misfits like Trixie and Maud because they're popular amongst bronies (cough cough) I mean because they're weird in a way supposedly similar to hers even though damn near every FIM character is weird in their own way.
And then there's a scheming manipulator who knows social situations and the minds of others inside and out.
One struggles to handle any kind of social interaction so badly, fucking Trixie's the normal mature one who whispers something like "Are you okay? Do you want to leave?" in one scene of the show.
The other one's such an unparalleled master of bullshit, she can (in under a minute, right after travelling through time one more time after a long day full of constant levitation and repeated timewarping) convince schoolyard bullies and their victims to stop racing and become friends. In fact, she's so spectacularly suddenly hypercompetent, it magically saps competence from Twilight who fails to think of yelling "Hey, Rainbow, I'm clearly an Alicorn from the future, now do a Sonic Rainboom before everyone you know and love suffers a horrible fate thanks to Glimmer's timebending BS" loudly enough.
When we're first introduced to the hypercompetent manipulator on a pseudomoral crusade against talent as a concept, we don't know her stupid "My friend discovered his talent and moved away to improve it" backstory and that's for the best because it lets everyone conjure up hyper-tragic bullshit on a scale necessary to even slightly explain away lies of this scale. The "Staff of sameness" was just driftwood, she's actually an OP mage who flees from Twilight and pals. Next time we see her, she's flying better than the average Pegasus and fighting Twilight countless times for hours without ever showing any signs of getting tired, she's refucked the timeline countless times (or at least fucked the timeline once, then floated around in Cloudsdale every time the time spell Twilight casts sends them both to the past), it's bullshit.
You're left wondering "If she's so strong, why did she ever bother with lies? If time-fucking was on the table, why did she choose to fuck Twilight's life over specifically when she could have prevented her boyfriend from discovering his talent? What happened to all the show's talk of everypony being important if an autistic butterfly's wingbeat fucking the Sonic Rainboom up ruins Equestria for everypony?".
Glimmer's suddenly stronger than anyone so Twilight's "Only" option can be forgiving and enabling her.
Blaming Glim's OPness on a "Mary Sue Aura" Silver can magically disable seemed smart at the time.
How should I fix it differently?
I know that on one hand, if dogshit was produced what the shitter intended to produce is irrelevant. On the other hand if you know the goal was to produce muffins you can judge the resulting shit by the goal and figure out what went wrong and how.

Perhaps if Littlepip was a robot, and all she remembered about her Stable and the pre-war world was a load of nonsense built from conjecture and bad fanfics written by 200 year old dead ponies who hated the government?

Another glaringly obvious issue is that, if the value of friendship is supposed to be such a crucial part of the moral, the subject is actually addressed rather poorly throughout most of the text.

If the overall lesson that Littlepoop, and through her the reader, is supposed to learn is that building strong friendships is the key to finding and retaining one's virtue, then you would expect to encounter quite a few smaller lessons about cooperation and friendship peppered throughout the story. We should ideally have witnessed a number of episodes in which LP attempts to solve a problem on her own, only to discover that she is not up to the task for some reason or another, and ultimately has to learn that it's okay to lean on your friends. In a story about friendship-building, having the main cast solve the problems they encounter as a group should be a central part of the plot. It would also be consistent with the story's RPG-inspired format, since usually in an RPG you have a party made up of various specialists who combine their unique talents to get through situations that none of them could get through individually.

However, Fallout: Equestria is mostly a one-pony show. Littlepoop occasionally pays lip service to the idea of friendship, or conscripts her friends to perform various roles in her plans, but every time the group encounters a problem, it's always Littlepoop who thinks up the solution and carries it out (mainly) on her own. Since, as I've frequently complained, the author has very little imagination, most of the solutions she comes up with are pants-on-head retarded and usually involve some flagrant abuse of her obscenely overpowered levitation spell. Her friends occasionally play crucial roles in her schemes, such as Xenith planting the bomb under Tenpony or Calamity providing essential air cover, but LP is always the star of the show, and the others never have any significant input; they just follow LP's instructions.

As large and complex as this world and its backstory is, nearly everything in it revolves entirely around this one character. Some of this can probably be attributed to the first person perspective, since the only events we're witnessing are the events that she's involved in; however, very little happens that doesn't directly involve her. Almost every major event in the story is the direct or indirect consequence of some action that LP took. Even the backstory revolves around her; at one point Pinkie Pie is telepathically communicating with LP in the future, implying that her role as wasteland savior was preordained.

Also worth noting is that the other main characters are relegated entirely to supporting roles. They receive almost no development, and everything they say and do usually relates to LP or some problem that LP is trying to solve. They constantly fawn over her and praise her and take a meticulous interest in whatever is going on in her world, but she seldom returns the compliment. For instance, Calamity is a character who clearly has an extensive and complicated backstory, but the author only really gives us the broad strokes of it. Part of the reason that Autumn Blaze (or whatever his name was) made such a poor villain is that we were never really given a sense of who he was. Calamity mentioned in passing a couple of times that his brother was some kind of Enclave higher-up, and that they didn't get along, and that was about it. Then, suddenly, this guy appears out of nowhere and is immediately treated as a major character.

Bottom line is: FoE is not an ensemble show. It revolves almost entirely around Littlepoop, and her various friends and well-wishers serve no other role in the story other than to support her personal growth.

One last issue I'd like to address is the insufferable Mary-Sueness of the main character. The term "Mary Sue" gets bandied about a lot, and I'm as guilty of overusing it as anyone else. However, in the case of Littlepoop, the shoe definitely fits. Honestly, it fits her so well I'm thinking that, as I continue to review stories, any time I encounter such a character I'm going to call them a "Littlepoop" instead of a Mary Sue.

In the EqD interview, kkat is at one point offering tips to aspiring writers. Most of it is generally decent advice (though I'm not sure to what extent kkat actually follows any of it himself), but this one line stuck out for me:

>Be familiar with some of the pitfalls that writers, particularly new ones, fall prey to and make it a point to avoid them. For example: know what a self-insert character is and what a Mary Sue character is and put effort into making sure your characters aren’t either of those.
I don't know to what degree LP is a "self-insert" character, since I don't know that much about kkat personally, but I don't get the impression that he was writing her that way. "Mary Sue" is also one of those terms that doesn't have set-in-stone definition. However, I think I can make a pretty solid case for why LP fits the bill.

We should probably start by settling on a working definition for the term. The one provided by TVtropes is probably reasonable enough. Here is the article on it if anyone wants to have a look:

So, let's take a look at it one item at a time.

>The prototypical Mary Sue is an original female character in a fanfic who obviously serves as an idealized version of the author mainly for the purpose of Wish Fulfillment.
Original female character, check. However, as I mentioned, she probably isn't an idealized self-insert. An argument could probably be made that, being both female and a lesbian, she might represent some kind of wish-fulfillment fantasy for kkat.

>She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name.
This probably doesn't apply either, since LP is never physically described.

To be continued, almost out of chars.
Kkat believes in the current definition of a Sue generally agreed upon in the fanfiction community, and his belief that Littlesue can't be a Sue because she doesn't look like one illustrates the problem inherent to conflating writing mistakes and character traits with writer competence.

It isn't really the sue's sparkly eyes or multicoloured vibrant anime hair that makes her obnoxious, it was never about how she looked.

It's that patented level of author favoritism. Everything revolves around her, nothing is allowed to be bigger than her in a way that matters, everything exists for her, she inherits everything in the past that mattered, characters love her and are willing to die for her, the plot and setting and characters and rules all come second to her in importance, she never faces the consequences of any bad choice she makes in a way that matters, her in-universe appeal is universal and unquestioned, she might he a rookie who just started fighting and she might swear she's a clumsy oaf but suddenly she's slaying all her foes and impressing all the boys. She's a goddess masquerading as an ordinary plain-jane everywoman, she's almost as bad as Rey Skywalker from Disney's Star Wars.

It's easy for an author to say the secret to writing good characters is to avoid making bad ones. That's kind of funny. But imagine if "be careful not to make your character a sue" was the best writing advice you can give! Sues aren't sues because they have one too many positive qualities and one too few downsides to balance it out. Sues aren't sues because they look stupid. It's not the catgirl ears and tail and purple hair that makes a theoretical Pirates Of The Carribean swordfighter chick a sue, for example, it's the way she dominates the story and knows everything and shags Captain Jack Sparrow and outfights all men despite weighing 120 pounds soaking wet and ruins the story by existing in a state so "perfect" it compels the author to break the story and rules of canon for her. Sues aren't sues because they break rules like "one keyblade per wielder outside of very specific circumstances", they're sues because the author is willing to break rules like that for them not because the story requires it but instead for no real reason besides "lmao its my character she can he as OP as she wants".

Sues are sues because they actively harm the story they're in by being so overwhelmingly all-important and perfect that no real story can be honestly told. Any overpowered too-perfect bullshit character who ruins their story could be salvaged by a better author into a better character in a better story because it's not as much a problem with the character specifically as it is the level of amateurish story-breaking favoritism displayed by the author.

Some faggot will probably say "Littlepip is not godlike because she gets beat up sometimes" and "at least she doesn't have purple hair and rainbow cat eyes" and that's bullshit. She's not just a sue, she's more of a sue than many characters consoomers are willing to call sues! She could probably take on Itachi Uchiha and win by force choking him. She lacks any counter for his soul-sealing sword(then again"because destiny" allowed her to survive being burned alive so it would probably save her from that and his edgy black SuperFlame attack too. Yeah that guy's so OP in a world where fire spells do nothing he wields Fire 2TM) but he'd never get in range to use it and she could brute-force his reality-overwriting power like Gaysauce Coochieha did when fighting Danny McArmfullofeyes. Littlepip feels fundamentally dishonest as a character, like the author tried to figure out how he could get the audience to accept her preposterous power. There are excuses for damn near every ability she has, even telekinesis has the "trained with Crane for a bit" excuse, but none of these powers are vital to her as a character or her story. Like Glim said, her PipBuck can find things and it's what she relies on to find things. She never needed a Cutie Mark of a Cutie Mark or overpowered boxcar-lifting telekinesis or her repair skills or anything else because at the end of the day all she really had to do was get teleported by chad Spike and "destiny" into Weather Wizard's secret sex dungeon. Man I'm surprised they didn't think to call him or any other character Weathervain, that name would be sick for an evil Pegasus. Littlepip is the sueist sue who ever sued, and NONE of it was necessary for the story!

The moral of that old woman's 1960s fan-submitted unofficial fan magazine fanfic "A Trekkie's Tale" wasn't "stop making characters like Mary Kirk Picard Janeway Sue", it was "Stop writing stories like A Trekkie's Tale!".
Come to think of it, Littlepip is still Sueishly beautiful.

Not many people noticed this because obvious sues are easier to detect than more subtle ones, but obviously-beautiful sues with huge tits and random anime hair colours are outnumbered by supposedly-average-looking sues who are still treated like they're supremely beautiful anyway.
I hear some call them "middling sues" because they'd get a middling score on a sue litmus test instead of an "Unsalvageable mega-sue" rating. But young adult literature and especially unreadable woman's shit is full of this shit.
She swears she's plain and boring and ordinary and maybe even ugly. She might call herself ugly by whining about subjective physical traits that are appealing to some. Somebody who hates when her hotter female friends whine about spine pain and the envy of ugly girls and the attention of unwanted men told her to never write "I'm so beautiful it's a curse" so she goes for the opposite. "I'm so ordinary looking it's a curse".
And yet she's still beautiful despite what she tells herself. She never gets disfigured. She'd be more likely to be disemboweled and then get better. She never looks ugly, not even after spending months trekking across the country through sewers and swamps and deserts and hyper gore zones. Going months without showering never disgusts any characters who matter. Her scent can't be used to track her. She might supposedly be small and mousy and beneath notice and usually brown or black-haired but she can still catch the eye of ridiculously important attractive characters miles out of her league. In this story we have Homage the celebrity radio whore, and Velvet the celebrity singer once threw herself at LP to try and exploit her crush and piss Calamity off only to be told "No". It's a shame that scene wasn't used to make the characters grow in a way that mattered.
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I've got a simple request, if there is to be more to this review series.
Please, let it be a fic that our resident sperglord hasnt read? Please?
Pretty sure nobody read the one I linked. Again, donno how I managed to get through basically the entire first (of three) books before moving on with my life. If you guys do go with it I'll probably go along with it.

what is the current "maybe" list anyway?
Actually, I have a fic to recommend, Glim:


I remember reading this as it was updating. It saw pretty decent success, but I was incredibly disappointed despite the critical acclaim it received. It read like the script of a crappy, generic-as-can-be zombie movie with forced drama and really bizarre characterization. I'm curious if i'm just crazy and missed something, or what. It's /only/ 110k words, so maybe you could check this out..
>Stop Nigel
You new here?

Though, this rant here is his old what's-a-Mary-Sue? deconstruction, which I actually like or think has merits; especially the Mary-Sues-are-dishonest part. It's similar to what E;R said about Rey in his Last Jedi review.
Though, isn't this typical? The core idea of his post can be intresting but due to his tangential speech pattern it's exhausting to read.
>Some faggot will probably say "Littlepip is not godlike because she gets beat up sometimes" and "at least she doesn't have purple hair and rainbow cat eyes" and that's bullshit. She's not just a sue, she's more of a sue than many characters consoomers are willing to call sues! She could probably take on Itachi Uchiha and win by force choking him. She lacks any counter for his soul-sealing sword(then again"because destiny" allowed her to survive being burned alive so it would probably save her from that and his edgy black SuperFlame attack too. Yeah that guy's so OP in a world where fire spells do nothing he wields Fire 2TM) but he'd never get in range to use it and she could brute-force his reality-overwriting power like Gaysauce Coochieha did when fighting Danny McArmfullofeyes.