/go/ - Golden Oaks

>>4191
>>4111
>>4120

I'm going to dispense with the bold-face headings for a bit since the last section was titled Jesus Christ Please Save Me From This Autism and I think that is going to be an appropriate title for a while yet. Just assume that that is the section we are on until I tell you otherwise.

Okay, so. At this point in the story, Silver has Glimmyglam pinned down on the floor. An interesting detail that I didn't notice before is you specifically mention him slamming her face into the "crystal" ground. If I'm following the increasingly convoluted sequence of events correctly, what happened is, Silver "genie of the weenie" Star asked Ponk to pull a party out of her ass in Applejack's barn for Twilight, summoning everypony except Twilight to the party (whether or not Applejack was ever consulted about the use of her barn is never mentioned but whatever, that hardly matters at this point). The purpose of said party was to distract Twilight to keep her out of the house while clones of Silver rob her of all her worldly possessions so they can install a new hot tub (a detail that isn't explained until later, all we know presently is that Silver's doppelgangers are ransacking her house). Whether or not Twilight is actually attending the party is still unclear. Silver sees Glimmer at the party eating cake and minding her own business and decides to randomly attack her because that's what any reasonable pony would do, causing the party to stop with a literal record scratch.

So, if I'm following this correctly, this scene should be taking place at Applejack's barn, right? So why is the floor crystal? Why mention that detail? Why would AJ's barn have a crystal floor? I mention this because the only place in Ponyville I can think of off the top of my head with a crystal floor would be Twilight's castle. Are they supposed to be in Twilight's castle now? The very castle that is being ransacked by the clones, that Twilight, for whom this party was thrown, was supposed to be kept away from? Because the way it looks to me is there are only two possibilities: either the party has inexplicably moved to Twilight's castle, or the eternally practical AJ had a crystal floor installed in her barn for some unexplained reason. Neither scenario makes sense. Explain yourself.

Anyway, next Rainbow Dash, so far the first character you've introduced who does anything sensible, becomes angry at Silver "hot cross my buns" Star for randomly attacking one of her friends and charges him full-speed. Naturally, one of Silver's thousands of powers is to somehow become a rigid body incapable of being moved regardless of force, described "as if he were made of titanium" in the text, so of course Rainbow crashes into him and falls to the floor without doing any damage or even moving him slightly. Considering Rainbow's famous speed and strength, it seems like the effect here would be similar to crashing a car into a retaining wall; I find it hard to believe that Rainbow wouldn't have sustained some sort of serious injury. However, I'm just going to chalk this one up to cartoon physics and move on.

Naturally, another of Silver "Squeeze me I'm full of custard" Star's thousands of powers is to perform some kind of Vulcan mind-meld with a ghost version of himself that springs from his horn and allows him to read the minds of other ponies. Oh, also this:

>Meanwhile, his spell was just one of many ways he could read her. Light blue numbers and lines appeared in his sight and he saw her heart rate, the size of her pupils, her pulse, her brain activity, and if she even twitched a little, anywhere on the body, a subconscious muscle contraction that would tell him she would be about to move or lie, he would know.

So I guess he also has cyborg eyes or something. Naturally. So, anyway, he reads the thoughts of Rainbow Dash and notices that her mind is answering questions differently than she answers them verbally, or some other kind of crazy shit like that. Hm, sounds like the game is ahoof, Dr. Watson. How is our super-sleuth going to get to the bottom of this mystery?

This is my favorite part. Starlight Glimmer, apparently deciding that the line of questioning is delving too deep into her past, volunteers her entire backstory as a justification for her actions. Silver listens to her, and is surprised to discover that he can't get angry enough at Starlight Glimmer and finds himself wondering why. I have to say, that is a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan. Of all the developments in this story I would have expected, your OC, who is endowed with every superpower in this or any other universe, being unable to be as angry as he would like at Glimmer is not on the list. Could this be his kryptonite?

No, it isn't. Turns out that actually, Glimmer is some kind of anomalous being, a creature with the ability to warp reality around her and force ponies to like her, and apparently she does it without realizing it. Nopony is supposed to actually like her, they just like her because they are forced to. Her entire redemption is explained away with this flimsy device, thus setting the stage for Glimmy to be justifiably beaten to a pulp by the ever righteous Silver "I swallow if I'm thirsty" Star. Before we get to that though there's a paragraph that frankly deserves an entire post dedicated to it.

Oh, also: it looks like you do specifically mention Twilight "proudly" watching SS and SG make up (though she doesn't intervene in the fight), and the barn is again mentioned, reinforcing it as the location for the scene. So, looks like Twilight is at the party, and AJ's barn has a crystal floor. Whew, glad we cleared that up or I wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight.

>>4197
>>4111
>>4120

Alright. This next post is going to delve specifically into one of your trademark dense, unnecessarily verbose paragraphs that I think deserves to be pulled apart piece by piece, as it may just provide us some valuable insight into your twisted psyche. First, I'm going to post the entire paragraph in its entirety for the benefit of everyone else in the thread, because just summarizing it really doesn't convey the proper effect, you really have to read it for yourself. Then, we'll get down to brass tacks and start picking it apart.

>His horn lighting up in blazing blue, he started to work on fine-tuning a spell to deal with what he saw, and he talked while he worked. “She’s one of those strange anomalous life forms, with the ability to unconsciously warp reality around them. Almost as if reality itself is favouring her. She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings. No one being will be allowed to get mad at her, and nopony that gets mad will be allowed to stay mad at her, unless he or she is the bad guy in this character’s ‘Story’, either temporarily or permanently. Her backstory will make little to no sense, as if she just popped out of the blue one morning and made something up on the spot when questioned. It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans. Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit. Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap. Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification. It’s as if this anomalous entity emits some kind of mind-altering field that forces others to react how the anomaly wants. The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial. This being doesn’t follow the rules of her own universe, and problems will be generated around her with obvious solutions a child could think of. If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce, so she could fix Celestia’s issues in under a few minutes. And if she wanted to conquer Equestria, she would only need to enter the country before Celestia herself was warped into an unrecognizable tyrant her loving citizens have suddenly always secretly loathed and longed for freedom from. It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist. And I’ve seen what happens to universes where beings like this are allowed to exist, running around and eroding away the fabric of the universe with each subtle act of warping reality. Many cultures across the multiverse have names for this concept, and I remember selling some gear to a group that hunted these beings for sport, and to maintain the stability of the multiverse. They called these beings Anomalies on paper, but they had some unpronounceable nickname for these beings, it was mare... Something, but my own name for this type of impossible breed of eldritch creature is... Outlier.”

>>4191
>without a [...] to his poor waifu, Nigel's OC zeroes in on Starlight and attacks her
I've often thought that Nigel secretly likes Glimmer and hates himself for it

>>4188
>eating Golden Corral buffet fare
Anon what the fuck, you some obese rural retard nigger?

>>4198
>>4111
>>4120

Nigel. Are you paying attention? You need to pay attention. The paragraph I greentexted (see quoted post) is probably one of the most important paragraphs you've ever written. In it is distilled the very quintessence of your autism; the fact that you wrote it completely without irony and fail to see any of the connections between what you wrote and the protagonist you created, is the key to explaining to you just why your story sucks so bad and everyone hates it. If you can truly comprehend what I am about to say, you may just be able to move on from this tragedy and redeem yourself.

>It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans.
I want you to read this quotation carefully. Several times. There is something here that you need to see. Have you guessed what it is yet? No? I'm guessing everyone else saw it immediately. Read it a couple more times. Got it yet? No? Well, I'll spell it out for you then.

This is your character. Everything you wrote in this paragraph describes your OC, verbatim, spot on. Everything you claim to hate about Glimmer, every last horse-fucking word of it could be applied to your garbage-tier OC. In fact, the line quoted above could probably be called the thesis, the quintessence, the core, of your OC.

Coolest backstory the creator could think of? Check (well, to be fair, it also says 'sympathetic', which doesn't really describe your OC, but since you clearly intended for him to be sympathetic but failed miserably at it due to your inability to interpret the emotional cues of others, I'm going to count it).

Infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer? Check.

>As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans.
Check, check, double check, triple check. Check that shit one more time just to be safe. This is Silver "my gaping, ruined anus can literally be used to play skeeball" Star in a fucking nutshell.

>Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap.
>Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification.
Check, check.

>The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial.
This is your approach to writing your own character in a nutshell. Knowing that you probably still don't see it, despite having it thrown right in your face...you can't possibly imagine how maddening that is for me. I'm seriously going to do my best to explain it to you here, because oh God, if you could just grasp this, you could understand so much...

>If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce...
If your novel were printed, and I was asked to write annotations, this is almost the exact wording I would use to describe your OC's relationship with Twilight.

>It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist.
I would put that on the dustjacket. In huge, bold type. Right on the front, where anyone who was even thinking about buying this book would see it and realize what a horrible mistake they were about to make.

Do you see, Nigel? Have you figured it out yet, or do you still need it rammed through that dense fucking skull of yours at sonic-rainboom speed? Everything you claim to hate about Glimmer: her unearned powers, her unearned likeability, her unearned redemption, these are all things that could be said about your character. In fact, they apply to Silver "Down on the Docks is Where I Hunt for Cocks" Star much more than they apply to Glimmer.

I'm going to delve more into your hatred of Glimmer before we go any further, because there are a few things that are really bugging the crap out of me.

>>4200
I...I felt like having a particularly cost effective meal to make up for missing breakfast and the previous dinner.

.-.

>>4198
>His horn lighting up in blazing blue, he started to work on fine-tuning a spell to deal with what he saw, and he talked while he worked. “She’s one of those strange anomalous life forms, with the ability to unconsciously warp reality around them. Almost as if reality itself is favouring her. She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings. No one being will be allowed to get mad at her, and nopony that gets mad will be allowed to stay mad at her, unless he or she is the bad guy in this character’s ‘Story’, either temporarily or permanently. Her backstory will make little to no sense, as if she just popped out of the blue one morning and made something up on the spot when questioned. It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans. Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit. Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap. Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification. It’s as if this anomalous entity emits some kind of mind-altering field that forces others to react how the anomaly wants. The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial. This being doesn’t follow the rules of her own universe, and problems will be generated around her with obvious solutions a child could think of. If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce, so she could fix Celestia’s issues in under a few minutes. And if she wanted to conquer Equestria, she would only need to enter the country before Celestia herself was warped into an unrecognizable tyrant her loving citizens have suddenly always secretly loathed and longed for freedom from. It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist. And I’ve seen what happens to universes where beings like this are allowed to exist, running around and eroding away the fabric of the universe with each subtle act of warping reality. Many cultures across the multiverse have names for this concept, and I remember selling some gear to a group that hunted these beings for sport, and to maintain the stability of the multiverse. They called these beings Anomalies on paper, but they had some unpronounceable nickname for these beings, it was mare… Something, but my own name for this type of impossible breed of eldritch creature is… Outlier.”

HE LITERALLY DESCRIBED HIS CHARACTER TO A T! INEXPLICABLY AND IMPOSSIBLY POWERFUL, LOVED BY EVERYONE, DATING THE LITERAL PRINCESS OF THIS REGION, WITH KNOWLEDGE SURPASSING CANON PRODIGIES OF MAGIC, AND INCAPABLE OF BEING WRONG MORALLY OR INTELLECTUALLY. AND WHEN SOMEONE DISLIKES HIM, IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE THE VILLAIN OF HIS STORY, A GOMMIE SJW AND ONLY EXIST TO BE FOILED BY THE GOOD GUY!

I'M NOT EVEN LAUGHING ANYMORE, I'M JUST SO OUTRAGEOUSLY MAD AT THIS EGO THAT I CAN NO LONGER COMMUNICATE IN LOWERCASE!

>>4203
Deep breaths anon, we'll get through this

>>4204
It's not going to be okay until I get my USB pre-loaded with Linux delivered so I can get my computer back and revel in the atmosphere of Borderlands again.

I need vidya therapy having read that absolute, mind-rending, madness-inciting, elder god of the ego that Silver Star calls a motherfucking paragraph.

>>4205
I am absolutely speechless. What can I even say? There is not a drive large enough to store my distilled, pure reaction to it. Terabytes - no, googolbytes of gibberish and screams from an unnamed tongue. The Adeptus Administorum would find it and either think it was the ramblings of a Tzeench-worshipping heretic, or a heavily encrypted cypher using old technology harvested straight from the site of the webway in its infinite processing power.

>>4206
Wait no I misnamed it, it's Administratum. I admit my only knowledge of WH40K comes from the TTS series and the emperor's podcasts.

>>4201
>>4111
>>4120

Let's look at it analytically here. What are your gripes against Glimmer exactly? Let's go through them, based once more on the contents of your thesis paragraph.

>She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings.
So you're saying...she's overpowered? She has unearned accomplishments? How is she overpowered? She's basically written as being at a magic level comparable to Twilight's. The only ability she has that might count as overpowered is her ability to steal others' abilities, which she stopped using once she learned her lesson. Contrast that with your OC, who has EVERY FUCKING POWER THERE IS, even ones that don't exist anywhere in the canon universe that you either made up or ripped off from anime just so your OC could have ALL THE ABILITIES.

>accomplishments
What are Glimmer's unearned accomplishments? She became powerful at magic the same way Twilight did, through obsessive, rigoruous study. Even the evil things she did she learned how to do on her own, they weren't powers that were just bestowed upon her by the universe. Contrast that with your OC, who basically gains a new power every time you need him to do something in the story. He needs to be able to tell if a pony is lying about something? Well shit, he's got a magic mind reading ghost inside his horn and also fucking x-ray robot eyes! He needs to btfo somepony in a fight? No problem there, he's a world class ninja! Did I also mention that he's the world's handsomest millionaire? Because he is!

You know, while we're on the subject of unearned abilities here, just how did your character get this powerful anyway? I mean, think about it for a second. Age isn't really discussed in MLP, but most people generally age the Mane 6 at whatever the pony equivalent of late teens to early twenties would be. For the sake of convenience authors generally just use human years to describe their age, and most people seem to put them at around college age. How does someone who has only lived for about 20-25 years manage to become not just good, not just proficient, but the MASTER of multiple disciplines in that span of time?

Twilight is basically a magic prodigy, but she spends all of her time studying. She earned her ability. Ditto for Starlight as far as I'm concerned. Rainbow Dash is athletic and devotes all her time and energy to that, and that's how she became the best. Rarity spends all her time on her fashion designs and building her business. She earned what she has. AJ has her farm and her family, Ponk puts all her energy into social stuff and baking cookies I guess, Flutters has animals. Point I'm making is they all have their own special things that they put all their energy into mastering. How did your character manage to master hand to hand combat while also studying magic and science? How did he develop his interdimensional time travel ability? When did he get his goddamn robot eyes installed? You have no fucking idea, because you never thought about it. You just gave him those powers because you thought it would be cool for him to have them. Your character sucks.

The myth of the polymath is that he's the pinnacle of all achievement. The truth is, most polymaths don't end up accomplishing much more than a couple of significant works, because they never spend enough time developing any one skill to truly master it. DaVinci was a famous polymath, but the vast majority of his projects were never completed. Contrast him with someone like Raphael, who only painted, but has hundreds of works credited to him. He grew fairly wealthy from commissions too, whereas DaVinci had almost perpetual money troubles. That reminds me, just how did your character become wealthy, anyway? Seems like he wouldn't have much time to work or run a business if he was constantly practicing kung fu and studying complex magic.

Also:
>Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit.
This one's been bugging me. Literally what are you even referring to here? Name a specific instance.

Anyway, I never liked Glimmer much, but my reasons are mostly just that I find her clumsily written and awkwardly inserted into the cast. Writing this analysis has made me realize she's actually not all that bad when you ignore problems the show itself has and examine her purely as a character. Congratulations, Nigel, you've made me unironically like Glimmer. That is your legacy. Through your actions, you convince people to believe the opposite of what you try to convince them to believe. You're like the Barack Obama of pony fiction.

Bottom line, Glimmy has her faults and nobody is saying you have to like her, but your hateboner for her is over the top and stupid, particularly since the reasons you give are pretty much bullshit. Her character is written basically to parallel Twilight's. They both were OCD bookworms who devoted all their time to studying. Glimmer just took a wrong turn, which could arguably be attributed to lack of guidance. After all, Twilight had Celestia teaching her. She also had Spike for companionship. Starlight basically had nobody, and just spent all of her time sitting by herself brooding over shit that made her angry, sort of like you. And, like you, she wound up reaching some misguided conclusions about the world and decided to do some terrible things; in her case enslaving a town of ponies, and in your case writing horrendous Pony fanfiction. The two of you really have more in common than you realize, the only difference is: Glimmer realized the error of her ways and eventually redeemed herself. Will you?

>>4208
>>4111
>>4120

Okay, so, moving on. After this long and dense paragraph, which was incidentally spoken out loud by one of Silver "your scrotum is my lucky totem" Star's fucking clone guys to one of his other clone guys, one of the clone guys fires a lightning bolt which apparently strips away Glimmer's (ugh) "Eldritch" status. Now that they are no longer held under a spell, every pony in the barn can now see Glimmer for the horrible icky monster she truly is. Her "Eldritch" status, incidentally, becomes some kind of giant bubble and goes floating off somewhere for some fucking reason or another.

Now, and thank the heavens for this, Silver "I got an infection from that last beef injection" Star is free from the naggling constraint of being magically compelled to be nice, and can get as angry at Glimmer as he wants. Should we hope he uses this power wisely? No, thanks to your writing, Nigel, the concept of hope no longer exists for me.

Oh yeah, here's another little gem culled directly from the text:
>She was a little surprised that he could just say a horrible Bad Word like that, but that made him a bad boy, which clearly excited her, and made him, in her eyes, somepony she wanted to impress.

Yes, anons in the gallery, you read that correctly. Even Glimmy, the pony that Nigel despises more than Satan himself, is hot for his OC in this story and wants to fuck him. His OC is just that cool. There is not a mare alive who can resist the throbbing beefy dong of Silver "I can't resist throbbing beefy dong either though" Star. Yet another fascinating glimpse into the cobwebbed corridors of Nigel's twisted little mind.

Anyway Nigel, we haven't even gotten to the politics yet and I'm already sick of this conversation between Glimmer and Silver. Ugh, I haven't even read half of this, either. The problem with this whole scene so far is that, in typical Nigel-esque fashion, the points you present are not so much examples of Starlight's actual evil derived from show canon as they are instances of your hateboner projecting itself onto the character. To put it simply, you are just making shit up. For one thing, your chronology is bizarre. You mention that Glimmer spent about 20 years studying the spell to extract cutie marks. You then describe how she took over this village and ran it for years and years, maybe decades, taking cutie marks of ponies and saving them until they grow old and die. The way you describe it, it sounds like multiple generations of ponies lived and died in this village under Glimmer's rule while she absorbed their magic and grew more powerful. How old is this pony supposed to be in your world? She doesn't look that old, is she supposed to be immortal like Celestia, or using the cutie marks to preserve her youth or something? You also mention her bullying ponies to commit suicide and stealing their marks that way. I have to be honest here, I don't remember any of that from the show. Seems like that's the kind of thing someone might have raised a flag about before it aired, idk maybe you've got the director's cut or something.

This is important because it goes back to what is probably my central theme here: that you have no idea why you're even writing this. It's your story so you can take creative liberties with the source material if you want, but it seems like it would work against you to do that here. As far as I can tell you're basically trying to convince the reader of two things in this scene: that Glimmer is an objectively evil pony and should not be liked, and that her ideology is morally abhorrent. If you're trying to convince people of the first point, it doesn't really serve your interests to embellish or invent things. The show canon exists for everyone, your headcanon exists only for you. If you want the reader to conclude that Glimmer is evil, you need to show that the canon Glimmer is evil. If you prove that your headcanon version of Glimmer is evil, what did you accomplish?

>>4210
>>4111
>>4120

Every time I want to move forward and address the broader issues presented in this scene, I come across some little snippet of something that is just such a fine example of how absolutely insufferable you are as both a writer and a human being that I just have to stop what I'm doing and examine it.

In this section of text, Silver "I think Dan Harmon is actually a pretty great guy" Star is listening to Glimmer gleefully talk about how evil she is while going over her myriad crimes against ponykind. As usual, it contains glaring hypocrisies that once again reveal that you have absolutely no capacity for self awareness whatsoever.

Here is the list of Starlight Glimmer's crimes:
>Theft, from innocents. The exploitation of innocents. Lying, for a bad cause. Creating a cult. Hypocrisy. Repeated and intentional malicious alteration of the timeline, creating who even knew how many bad alternate timelines full of ruined lives and likely-dead ponies who should have lived. The destruction of not just any Equestria, but HIS Equestria, more than ten times in a single day.
Okay, fair enough. She actually did all those things. Pretty good so far, right? But then you drop this one on us.

>And an insufferable, selfish, arrogant little ‘I am smarter than you, only I am right, only I know what is best for all, and any who seek to oppose me are wrong’ attitude. With a heaped tablespoon of ‘I am what I am and wanting me to change that is wrong’, with salt and ‘Tee hee hee I love being evil, it’s so fun to be bad’ to taste!
I'm honestly getting a headache just having to explain the same things to you over and over. What's more, everything I have to say about this has been said several times over by several other anons in this thread, and STILL YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN. Well, what the hell, let's have another go.

>an insufferable, selfish, arrogant little ‘I am smarter than you, only I am right, only I know what is best for all, and any who seek to oppose me are wrong’ attitude
this is literally your attitude.

>I am what I am and wanting me to change that is wrong
this sums up your response to every piece of criticism you've ever received.

>it’s so fun to be bad
As far as I can tell this is basically your attitude toward writing.

And, doubtless against the advice of your inner muse, who no doubt told you to give up and stop writing years ago so you tied her up and locked her in a closet in the deepest corner of your mind, right next to your humility, you continue:

>He wouldn’t mind the arrogance so much, if she had a reason to BE arrogant.
This is how literally everyone feels about you and your work.

>She wasn’t intelligent, she wasn’t cute, she wasn’t funny, and she wasn’t a pleasant pony to be around.
You, you, you, and you.

>The egotism of this spiteful little overgrown and mentally-underdeveloped foal made his skin crawl, and the pony part of his mind was screaming at him to give this animal enough Magical Friendship to make a small crater where she used to be.
Amen, brother. Wait, were you still talking about Glimmer?

>“You know, you’ve said a lot of interesting things to me, today,” Silver said, “And I’d love to write them down in a book some day, I’m sure it would be a great seller. It’d be a great book. Just... The best book, ever. I’ll write it a few days from now."
I would actually be curious to read Silver's book about his conversation with Glimmer. There is no possible way it could be any worse than the one I'm reading right now.

>With a detached curiousity, he wondered what would happen if somepony like him became ‘Too’ angry.
If the subject of the anger is Starlight Glimmer, both you and your faggot OC live every second of every day at maximum anger. It is not possible for you to become any angrier with this pony than you are already, at least I sincerely hope not. You trying to surpass your own hateboner is like trying to overtake an object traveling at the speed of light: physically impossible. Unless your OC has some kind of power that would make it possible, of course.

Anyway, these unintentionally ironic passages are followed by more boring back-and-forth. Silver "put a saddle on me and ride me to the gay bar" Star continues to lob hypothetical situations at Starlight, who keeps coming up with hypothetical solutions that predictably fall short. Blah blah blah how do you heal the sick with no doctors, blah blah blah how do schools work, blah blah blah what if monsters show up, blah. Nobody cares. Who is this for? You have no idea. You are a massive cum gargling faggot. Please stop writing forever.

>>4211
>>4111
>>4120

So, anyway, Glimmyglam and Silver "Starpunch" Star go back and forth for a while, and then Silver gives her a full indictment. There's no need to quote it here, since it's another huge block paragraph and it basically just sums up events from the show that anyone reading would probably know already. Mostly it focuses on the events of the Cutie Re-Mark episode, where Glimmer fucks with time and prevents Rainbow from doing her sonic rainboom over and over.

The point you seem to be making here is that Glimmer is personally responsible for what happens in all of these worlds; Tirek taking over, Nightmare Moon taking over, changelings taking over, all that shit. That's one way to interpret it I suppose, and to be fair I can see how you reach this conclusion. You're kind of missing the point of that episode, though. Each time something interferes with the Pegasus race and RD fails to perform the rainboom, the Mane 6 fail to become friends and the world ends somehow. This is basically how Twilight demonstrates to Glimmer how important friendship is. Glimmer then sees the error of her ways and repents. Friendship seems to be kind of a recurring theme in this show.

At this point you introduce what I'll admit is actually kind of an interesting interpretation of events. You put forth the idea that all these tragic realities are actually parallel universes, and even after everything returns to normal, these worlds continue to exist, and all the alternate versions of the ponies in those worlds live on. However, blinded by your autistic hateboner for Glimmer as usual, you pin the blame for this solely on her, and argue that she created these worlds through her actions.

I will preface this by saying that I am by no means an expert on quantum mechanics nor do I pretend to be. However, I feel like I understand the pop science of it well enough to take a crack at dissecting your logic. The idea is not that parallel worlds are created or destroyed based on the choices we make, the idea is that the multiverse is a huge webwork in which literally all possibilities exist simultaneously. There's a world where you brushed your teeth this morning and a world where you didn't. There's a world where your faggot OC, Silver "I can fit a whole pineapple in my rectum wanna see?" Star, sucked a dick this morning, and a universe where he sucked two dicks this morning.

The universes where the rainboom never happened exist one way or the other. In fact considering that there are probably any number of things that could have prevented that event from happening, there's probably thousands of similarly unfortunate universes, most of which Glimmer never even touched. Really, if you consider that the entire happy future of Equestria hinges on six ponies making friends with each other, donning the Elements of Harmony, and fighting all the monsters and whatever that threaten the world once or twice per season, and their entire friendship depends solely on one filly performing a difficult trick during a race at a precise moment in time, you really only have one very narrow window for things to go right and a thousand ways for things to go wrong. What about universes where Rainbow Dash's parents never meet? What about universes where Twilight gets distracted and doesn't look out the window?

Glimmer's actions here really don't affect the big picture much. In fact, by focusing the story on your completely petty and arbitrary hate for this one character, you blatantly missed an opportunity to focus on an idea that I guarantee you would resonate better with an audience than "reeee Glimmer is worst pony and I hate her stupid face": that there are probably millions of universes where Equestria dies a gruesome, horrible death, but only a handful where it doesn't. There may even only be one where the proper conditions are met to avoid all this tragedy, and it's the one these ponies live in. And it's a happy world, joyous even. Imagine how much more you would treasure your life and your friends if you learned something like that about your world. That's the lesson Twilight wanted to teach Glimmer and eventually managed to communicate. That's the kind of story you could have told. But you didn't. You chose instead to blather about Communism for 24,535 words and beat up a character you don't like. I feel sorry for the ponies who have to live in your universe.

Also, moving past theoretical physics and back into writing, this scene, like most parts of your story, is executed poorly. Characterization is not done well. After Silver "I'm a mare trapped in a stallion's body" Star concludes his speech, everypony in the room naturally agrees with him that Glimmer is worst pony, and Glimmer shows no remorse whatsoever. This is probably intentional, since the convoluted bit about her being an "eldritch" was basically just so you could erase Glimmer's redemption and make her evil again, then show her as evil to all other ponies and have them agree with you. Basically, you erase the canon, replace it with your headcanon, and have the crude little sockpuppets you made of the canon characters nod their heads to confirm that it is now true. Trust me when I say that literally no one gives a shit.

Lesson: don't force your headcanon on the audience, it's obnoxious.

Going to bed now, have to work later. Don't know when I will get back to this but get back to it I will.

>>4212
I just woke up today to read all that and....holy fuck man. I ACTUALLY want to read a story involving quantum physics/timelines that were doomed and how the singular canon timeline is so fragile and rare from that perspective. That sounds like an emotional trip, a dive into what makes character/personality (environment vs nature), and a real great feels trip.

Honestly knowing now what Glimmernigel could have made, and knowing he doesn't even give that a few thousand words, fills me with a renewed sense of wasted potential.

>>4213
>I ACTUALLY want to read a story involving quantum physics/timelines that were doomed and how the singular canon timeline is so fragile and rare from that perspective. That sounds like an emotional trip, a dive into what makes character/personality (environment vs nature), and a real great feels trip.
Yeah, that actually sounds right up my alley. Especially if you keep it as a relatively short one-off, at least to start.

>>4212
Stop anon, this level of rape is forbidden by the geneva conventions
I just realized you can't quote ID's here, that would be cool

>>4211
>He wouldn’t mind the arrogance so much, if she had a reason to BE arrogant.
Excuse me but didn't he already list the 'accomplishments'? Dooming timelines, creating a cult, theft and exploitation, and 'decades' of stealing cutiemarks and ruling the village until they grew old and died? Even if you took away the noncanon bs, if starlight was aware of all of what she did and boasted about it instead of regretted it, that's still more than enough reasons to "be arrogant" and more accomplished as any villain in MLP save for Tirek's back story of enslaving the crystal ponies and causing negativity to spread throughout Equestria for generations. So Nigel can't even keep a consistent story within his own world without contradicting himself in his Silver "Self-insert? What's that? I dont care just insert it into me" Star over his hate-boner for Starlight.

I haven't read a single line of his story but I could already pick up on this in one thread I appreciate all your breakdowns and look forward to the end (but then kind of want it to never end)

>>4208
I'm going to do something similar to what you've said except using the dragon fight
(shown in the other thread >>166716 ), but I think the barn scene was a better example.

This actual part of the scene itself:
And instead of the joke being a repetition of events! A chain loop! The joke becomes the repetition itself.
I shouldn't have to explain why that's fucking awful GlimmerNiggerNigelNigeria, write some variation, some diagonal animu slashes, literally anything and the joke will still be apparent, people will find the humour and react on their own.
The boringness and the simplification killed the joke (and more importantly the audience).

What else is chronically wrong with his writing across the board that I dislike?
-Characters don't vary in most scenes by reacting (like interesting real characters with depth... Nigel).
-The environment is entirely ignored.
-In this example the actual characters themselves are ignored for le epic maymay battle (missed character exposition and building opportunity??? fuck me, we'll never know).
-Characters (and you've brought this up in the time it's taken me to get to this, using specific examples like Twilight(the lack of) in the barn scene) -seem to disappear.

I was originally going to use the example of Twilight being vacant for most of the 'Dragon-Mare' scene and highlight her lack of reaction and interaction to break up and vary the extended joke section.
=All she does is say a dialogue line (w/ said tag) then the Dragon-mare says something (and an action interacting w/ Twilight), then Silver says something (and an action interacting w/ the Dragon-Mare). And you just repeat those two latter ones (except even worse because Twilight isn't mentioned)= and that's the entire joke.
Twilight is used twice and it's to do generic things, no interruption? No character thought? Third person character narration?

And that's just part of a larger fight scene that's basically a bunch of anime maymays and relies heavily on character dialogue (rarely varying) to deliver these epic maymays everyone wanted to read.

The abilities themselves?
Could be interesting if they ever got used to do something interesting. Spoiler: They don't.

At some point I typed something like this out, but, forgot to post it because I'm documenting other lolcows at the same time right now, It's been a busy week, good job taking lead of the funposting autism-writer Anon.
My addled brain actually thought I posted my thoughts on this scene. I'd like to say he does this all the time = making a post with some Fimfic link and a random OP picture. Terminal attention-seeking syndrome with a bad case of 'no effort' or even attempt to actually provide something while attention-seeking.

>>4216
We ran out of funding for his gravestone ^:(
RIP - Sample Text by Shutter-stock.

>>4219
F.

>>4219
F

Ah, the childish "He stopped talking to us! That means we win, right?" bullshit of the subversive communist left never gets old. Sorry, but the kids "Shitting this site up" aren't really a high priority for me. When shit comes up IRL, I have to deal with that shit.

Sometimes, I wish my life was so peaceful and quiet that I had the time to go full SJW and get Infinitely Offended over some fanfic writer committing wordcrime and thoughtcrime and breaking your personal rules on what is and isn't ok in fanfiction.

>>4217
You didn't get what Silver was saying? You didn't get that he doesn't consider brainwashing a town, killing ponies(That Cutie Mark wall was full. There were more Cutie Marks on that wall than there were living ponies in her town. Glimmer gaining magic from devouring stolen Cutie Marks is the only way to explain why this Mary Sue is stronger than the living paragon of friendship and magic, and Ponies simply turning to dust after being Gray for long enough felt more merciful than her actively sacrificing them to Moloch like the average leftist in power), ruining the timeline a few dozen times, and causing incredible pain and suffering to multiple worlds... to be something anypony should be proud of doing.

The meaning of that line went over your head? Damn, guess that's going to put a dent in your "x is a hipocrit becuz x" leftylie. And your ego, too. Haha you belong on r/whoosh lmao. However will you convince people here to take me less seriously and not engage me in debate or discussion now?

>>4222
Hey guys, look, Glimmernigel's back!

Thats a short rant then his normal stuff. His anus must be bleeding pretty hard

>>4222

Nigel, these 2 threads are your Julay moment.

>>4225

>Mister Metokur Tells Vee How He Became A lolcow
https://youtu.be/iHG1P-6f1DQ
45 minute cut from a stream on the gypsies channel

"...but if you keep feeding this its never gonna end. It's going to escalate beyond what it is now and its going to go from trolling and fucking with your family to life ruination shit. And when it reaches that level, your are going to have an ED entry about the meltdown of Vee Monroe. It's just going to escalate." - Jim

>>4222
What a retarded defence.
>You didn't get what Silver was blah blah blah
God, it's almost like you didn't communicate your story effectively.
Almost like it's way too long for its linguistic and simplicity and lack of, well, literary concepts.

Ever read The Great Gatsby?
>>4189
>24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

>>4222
>Sometimes, I wish my life was so peaceful and quiet that I had the time to go full SJW
Oh anon, your life must be so, so busy, oh poor you anon, no one else here has a busy life and still manages to lurk this site for hours and hours.
Everyone here has a free, peaceful life.
Absolutely. Everyone.

>>4222
Nigel! Nice to see you, pal! Happy to see you're not off sobbing in a basement somewhere. Let me get you up to speed.

>>4128
>>4130
>>4135
>>4136
>>4142
>>4152
>>4154
>>4158
>>4162
>>4173
>>4187
>>4189
>>4191
>>4197
>>4198
>>4201
>>4208
>>4210
>>4211
>>4212

>>4212
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

6. This Should Go Without Saying, But This Story is Way Too Long

Okay, this shit goes on for like 40 forevers. There's quite a few more quotable bits that would be fun to dissect a bit, but it would take me until Christmas and really I would just be going over points I've already made.

When I say that you need to trim this down, Nigel, I really do mean it. You need to fucking trim this shit down. Even if you obstinately refuse to take any of the rest of the advice you've been given and want to keep going with this train wreck of a fanfiction, at least trim this scene down.

For instance, this paragraph:
>“You know, Starlight... I follow a comic series named ‘Vitreous and Fern’. It prominently features an evil background character who’s supposed to be evil and utterly pathetic. He’s supposed to have a hilariously shallow to perform evil acts, such as stealing his town’s garden gnomes, and deflating every inflatable in town, and trying to block out the sun. And every time, he’s stopped by a heroic secret agent, a Platypus. He’s supposed to be a joke, and yet despite everything he’s done and tried to do, you’re worse than he is, and you have less of a reason to do any of it. You’re more pathetic than Doctor Daydreamsmiles! But while that fictional loser is written to make me feel sorry for him, you... you make me sick!

If there were an award for how far outside the narrative you can go to make a point about nothing, I would nominate you for it, because this would be a good entry. What is the point of this paragraph? Glimmer is worse than a character you made up from a comic you made up? What purpose does this serve? You're comparing Starlight to a character no one could possibly be familiar with. For a comparison to make sense people need a frame of reference. Who is Doctor Daydreamsmiles and why do I give a shit?

>Heck, why am I bringing up fictional characters when I could bring up Sombra, or better yet, Tirek!
You really should have taken your own advice here. You know what, scratch that, the next paragraph about Tirek isn't much better. You just reiterate more events from the show that readers would already be familiar with and then bash Glimmer some more. Cntrl-A + Backspace is the best editing tip I can give you.

Really, most of this scene should just be cut out. I can't even tell you specifically which paragraphs to cut out because the only solution here is to just cut all of it and rewrite it AND MAKE IT MUCH SHORTER. We haven't even gotten to the political ideology section yet and I am already sick of reading this. This whole conversation is just classic Nigel letting his hateboner run wild. You keep making the same points over and over and referencing the same examples. So far I've seen at least three separate instances where you compare Glimmer to Tirek, and it's the same shit every time. Tirek stole magic, Glimmer stole magic; we get it. Very incisive observation, you don't need to repeat it 80 fucking times. I'm guessing you probably go down the list and compare her to every goddamn villain in the series, and I'm also guessing the end conclusion is that she's worse. Brilliant.

Even if you keep everything else about this train wreck of a story the way it is, you could still improve it just by paring it down to an appropriate length. Your problem, as always, is that you have no understanding of who you're writing for and no ability to filter out what your audience probably won't be interested in reading. Nobody reads fiction because they want to be lectured, if you just want to lay out all the reasons you think Glimmer is awful you should just abandon the fanfiction and write an essay instead (more on that once we get to the part about politics).

Here's what you should do: instead of just sitting down at the computer and typing everything that comes into your head, sit down, take a deep breath, and think about everything you want to say first. Make a list with bullet points if that helps you. Make each point concisely, once, and move on. Don't repeat yourself, most people won't even want to read what you have to say once, let alone fifty times. There is no reason on earth this party scene should go on for more than a page or two.

When you consider that, again, this is not a self-contained work but merely ONE CHAPTER of a larger work, there is no excuse for the length here. Literally all that happens in this chapter is Twilight and Silver "oh shit I'm out of butt lube and the butt lube store is closed today this is the worst Christmas ever" Star have a date, Silver ransacks her house as a "surprise", a party happens, Silver meets Glimmer and they have a fight. There is absolutely no reason this chapter should exceed 10,000 words. Even that may be excessive. Once again I want to remind you that the overall length of this is about 32k, with the party scene accounting for about 24k. Cut that scene out and your whole chapter is around 7,000, which is reasonable for what you have. I would give yourself a limit of about 2,500-3,000 words for the party scene and do a rewrite. If it exceeds that length, cut stuff out. Hold yourself to the limit. It's good exercise.

>>4230
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

When I called this story a train wreck, it really wasn't an exaggeration. I want to look away from this but I just can't.

Let's see, what happens next. Your character gets mad at Glimmer for some stuff that happened in your story that isn't canon: "brainwashing" the Mane 6 (I assume you're talking about that spell or whatever you had her cast to make ponies like her, otherwise I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about), laughing and joking about her evil deeds (happened just now in your scene)...

Oh, wait a minute, what's this?
>Silver seemed to calm down. “Look, I know I’m not the nicest pony on the planet. Not a lot of ponies ever called Silver Star nice.
Is that...could it be? Humility? In MY Silver Star dialog?

>I beat the evil out of bad guys, more than I really have to. Most are still trapped in stone, or cards, and the rest are still in the hospital. If I go to a fancy restaurant and the food is bad, I make it a policy to teleport away and leave them with the bill.
Nope, turns out even his analysis of his "flaws" is just more bragging, and I think that bit about skipping out on restaurant tabs was an attempt at a joke.

>Ponies don’t just call me a hero because of my charity work, they call me a hero because I channel my appreciation for destruction and ruination constructively. I hunt down the rich and powerful and politically untouchable, and I ruin their evil plans and take everything they have, to make this world and other worlds into better places.
>I’ve taken on thieving outlaws, thugs, con artists, bankers, white-collar criminals, golden-collar criminals, crime syndicates, loan sharks, phony future-seers, evil alternate universe versions of great heroes, Changeling co-conspirators, art thieves, underworld kingpins, and more tragic monsters than anypony would expect...
Damn dude, don't be so hard on yourself.

>”QUIET!” Starlight roared, her face contorted with fury, a vein bulging in her neck, shocking most of the ponies around her.
Thank you, Starlight. Nice to see somepony around here with some sense. Now if only he'd listen...

Anyway, blah blah blah, more shitting on Glimmer for the evil things she did in the story you wrote, nothing to see here...oh, wait, here's something. Looks like we get a glimpse into Silver's backstory. This should be good...

>“I didn’t inherit this money, you idiot.” Silver growled. “What, do you think my father gave me a small loan of a million bits, and I got lucky on where I invested it? No, my parents were farmers, and so was I! I worked the fields, I farmed crops, and I fertilized them myself! When I was a young colt, I fought Cattle Rustlers with my own bare hooves and a horn that could only cast three spells! And when I got older, I made my own vehicle and rode it from my hometown to Manehattan, where I got a job at an antique store. I saved my money, so I could take a taxi to Canterlot, where I EARNED my spot at The Royal Canterlot Academy for Magical Duelling, and I studied harder than anypony else in that college ever did! I didn’t whine about how unfair destiny was to make some ponies into magical dieties and make others into farmers! I took destiny into my own hooves and I made it give me what I wanted, and what I wanted was a better life, and a place where I could give others better lives, and do more good than I could as some Frontier Town’s Sherrif. And now I run the biggest company in this corner of the Multiverse, ponies in sixty worlds grow up WISHING they were me, I made my own place at the top and I earned it.”
Wow, the Equestrian dream. Remember colts: just keep your nose to the grindstone and work hard and beat up cattle rustlers, and maybe one day you too can grow up to be the world's sexiest millionaire who is also a ninja and a scientist and a time-traveling wizard. Oh yeah, and don't forget to fertilize your own crops.

You misspelled "dueling" and "Sheriff" by the way.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more stuff happens...Glimmer punches Silver in the face but naturally he's made of titanium so it hurts her instead...he pops a balloon for some reason, not quite sure why he did that but who even gives a shit at this point...okay, here we go. Looks like we're finally ready to start the political debate. And my scroll bar is only halfway down the page, oh goody. Looks like Silver casts a truth spell on Glimmer, naturally, because obviously we all need a guarantee that the words you're about to shove in her mouth are genuinely hers.

Stay tuned, kids. Up next: politics.

>>4231
Oh, shit, I just noticed. You also misspelled "deities."

>>4231
Two points I want to make:
>"What, do you think my father gave me a small loan of a million bits, and I got lucky on where I invested it? No,"
I'm pretty sure that was a dig against Donald Trump. That's not a bad thing in and of its self, but it is very telling that he has to script his OC to the degree that Donald Trump is inferior.

My second point is simple. I looked at one of Nigel's OTHER Silver "Tell the Doc I crave the cock" Star's stories, it's 91k words. 91k. At that ratio, with two stories he tops the Count of Monte Cristo, and I'm sure his combined exploits will easily top the unabridged CoMC. Let that sink in.

>>4233

I think after this much public deep level research on him and his conartist works it is fair to say that Glimmernigel is objectly speaking mentally insane. He creates fiction to volumes that put historically achieved authors to shame, just to inflate his already gargantuan ego to astronomical levels. Essentially writing about himself and circlejerking about how great his fantasy represent is.

I have never seen or encountered a narc of this magnitude. it defies nature how he even made it to this age without getting beaten to death by someone getting sick of his shit. Even Low Tier God and Chris Chan at his worst are more humble than this.

>>4233
I just got here to note, 91k words is something around 200 pages with an arial 12 font.
200 pages of autism.
200 pages.

>>4234
>Essentially writing about himself
He doesn't even write about himself. He puts himself in the story, but that's not the same as writing about himself. Writing about yourself requires self-awareness, which Nigel doesn't have. He imagines himself this way and inserts his fantasy-self into the story as Silver "does this dildo in my ass make my ass look fat?" Star.

I'm honestly beginning to wonder if he's ever even been outside or actually had a non-online conversation. Because he writes like someone who has lived his entire life behind walls, with only a steady diet of pop culture to inform him about the world outside. His entire body of work is just a bunch of cliches strung together haphazardly, yet he seems to believe they're original ideas. It's like he's never had an original thought in his life, but he doesn't know it.

>>4235
And he's only on chapter 6.

I'm going to start tripfagging since this is now spread across multiple threads and something tells me shit is about to get real.

>>4222
>but the kids "Shitting this site up"
>x is a hipocrit becuz x" leftylie. And your ego, too
Oh look being a hypocrite again with no self awareness, and reacting like a tumblrite. You are the one shitting up the site with your constant attention whoring and thread spam, nobody else and everyone on this site thats actually from imageboards is enjoying seeing your story get ripped to shreds just like everyone enjoyed the parody. And you are the one with the biggest ego here, you suck a dick because I will never read a single page you write.

>r/whoosh
I'm sure you know so much about who belongs on which sub reddit having such a good long history with it.

>You didn't get what Silver was saying?
>to be something anypony should be proud of doing.
'Proud' is not the word you used, faggot arrogant is, which is a negative form of pride. Arrogance doesnt get referred to in a positive light. You used the wrong words to get the emotion across that's your own fault as a failure of writer not mine.

>>4240
Amen.

>>4240
A beautiful poem

>>4240
So mote it be.

By the personal and direct decree of Lord Atlas himself, it shall henceforth be known that Nigel is a faggot.

>>4244
How not to love this place?