/go/ - Golden Oaks

I wish I was making this up.

>>4045
slacktivist tbh

>>4047
u wot m8?
That isn't the entire work, that's one chapter of my work.

>>4045
Channeling your inner Rand there.

>>4045
>words
I meant characters

>>4049
Beat me to it.

It hardly has to be said, but you're not really "sneaking a redpill in" at this point, OP. You could be the most amazing author who ever lived for all I know, but if it were me I'd be having doubts about if anyone would bother reading it.
You might want to consider a rewrite if the goal is influencing the reader. Or put in a [politics goes here] placeholder, move on with the story and come back to it later.

>>4045
Characters getting into open arguments doesn't sneak in much of anything soince the whole point to to express ones point of view as loudly as possible. Sneaking in a red pill would be like a one or two phrase comment or statistic that directly relates to the events taking place or a clever comeback/joke to show displeasure for anothers line of thinking.

Here's an example that was explained to me by someone who watched Steven Universe, the mc is a cry baby bitch, but when he finally man's the fuck up instead of crying about issues he gets his powers or whatever. Another one was that the place they live in which is lead by a woman and has heroes which are all women is consistently falling to shit.

Of course I can't vouch for how accurate it is since I don't watch the show but if it is true that is a good example of how to do it.

>>4049
The pubbies strike again.
>>4051
>>4052
Don't worry, HClegend btfos this idiot all the time.
Watch as he gets triggered.

>>4053
You're still here, Hclegend? You're still lying? And you're still salty about getting told to stop spamming Glimmer by me a year ago?
That's actually pretty funny.
I, Battlebrit, diagnose you with Ligma.

>>4045
It's funny that you think you're a good writer.

>>4045
post pastebin nigger

>>4056
>namefagging/one post by this ID
You DO know Reuben's a moderately popular green writer, right? And unlike you, people read his shit.

Seriously can you quit hurr durring about how everyone that doesn't like you is muh libtard that you somehow pwned epic style?

>>4058
This nigger doesn't even have pastebin. He thinks fimfic is the only place he can post his shitty fics at.

>>4047
This. You're not Voltaire. You're not this ingenius political commentator. You're an anon who can't shut his mouth. Nobody is gaining enlightenment from your circlejerking and so far nobody here has even expressed mild interest.

Fuck off to r/the_Donald, Nigel.

>>4061
He actually regularly uses reddit and in a similar manner I'd imagine a twelve-year old 'expert modder' would.
He is so desperate for attention he basically tries to suck people off for it in these self-congratulatory premature reddit OPs or whatever they're called.

>>4062
H I G H I Q

>>4054
I, Battlebrit, am I prematurely self-congratulatory bitch.
I l-o-o~o-ve to act as if I actually think my words mean something coming from myself.

>>4064
#MeToo

>>4066
The first time he told us about his budding fimfic career I found his story with >muh autism based on his (wussy humblebragging) stat brags >muh likes and dislikes >muh ratio
You'd think a retard who'd by that point would know it's probably a good idea to stop prodding the autists, nope, shits up the main-board with two or three threads shilling his dumb fucking story. With random OP images too.
Must've interpreted my digging as positive encouragement.

I have his name, I have photos of him and if he hadn't returned with this 'new' story about Glimmerniggertry I might not have those (archives galore too).
Fuck you, fat piece of shit.

>>4065
Oh sweety. #YouToo
\r

>>4067
Whoa now. No need for doxing. Just contact a mod to get him banned if he persists. I believe in free information and that means not encouraging doxxing and threats of forced silencing.

>>4068
I know right? I honest-to-god thought there was only one vril anon posting on the board this entire time.

>>4068
>>4070
There can be only one Vril. The Vril you see now killed the former Vril and ate every organ that was spherical, thus transferring the awesome powers into a new vessel.

>>4067

You should see Nigels "high IQ" youtube channel. We have the spiritual child of DarkdysePhil here in our mids. over 5.000 (!) videos with literally no views.

>>4072
OMG
LINKS
NOW

I remember offering up writing advice to you, many months ago. A shame then, that you were never interested in improvement, only in crowing about your 'talents'.
Remove yourself from my board.

>>4070
Idiot. Cycle theory encompasses the subject study of many.

>>4069
On the subject of anonymity:
Look, I don't want him banned, he's hilariously fun to poke, just to see if or how he'll sperg out.
I won't dox him either. (mods are based - (would spank)).

I believe in free information too and especially the importance of preserving anonymity (in an age where it is slowly on the down-trend and dying).
I'm not going to dox him, I hardly want to dox him, there's nothing particularly interesting to be garnered by doing it and it's an important value to me.

On the issue of Silver:
I just want to poke him and see him sperg, oh, mods will spank me for saying his name? but I only do it because it's hilarious and I wanna see him sperg.
It's not even a dox, I did nothing illegal to obtain it, didn't call his ISP and abuse a loophole in the flow of information to find out more about him or anything like that. This is all pretty public stuff (he has a very heavy footed internet-presence and history).

Let's call it what it is leddit (-dox's, doxx's and doxxx'es, oh my!) it's glorified web-page crawling.

When he first shilled his shit here I poked fun at him with his name and I fully expected him to remove his name from the public, instead he ignored it. If I was all '''dox'''-happy I would've already done it, if anything I'm being kind, for example; I have no interest in getting other people involved (who can't do it themselves) into digging around about 'EpsilonuuFivuuSevenruu' and I fully expected him to shoa his internet presence after something as profound (but uncompromising to his anonymity) as his name.
Considering this is the internet that kind of kindness, weakness and mercy is something nobody would usually expect or rely upon.

>(but uncompromising to his anonymity)
Did I mention his real name is a dead-end? His 'personal information' only goes so deep before abruptly stopping.
His name isn't some kind of gateway to further gathering of his personal information, it's basically just an identifier.
>muh anonymity
It's no more anti-thetical to his flexibility of anonymity on a site like mlpol.net than if I was to call, label and name him a 'dysgenic faggot' every-time I think it's him posting.

Besides, this is what he gets for saying I 'follow him around on old people subreddits' on fimfiction.net that one time!
DIE BARBIEFAG. THIS IS YOUR MINDSET!

>>4074
Cute pony. Would-
>-cuddle

>>4075
I wasn't meaning to say you were already doxxing him, I was just saying don't take things too far. You can never be too sure with some people.

Also I wasn't defending his shitty behavior, and I wasn't saying anything about his heavy-footed history. I haven't even gotten into seeking info on him because it's not worth it to me. I just don't want to see something like what happened to Vernaculis on youtube, where his family and personal life totally concealed from his personality were put on blast because he said he was going to make a video about a controversy.

>>4076
I'm speaking to everyone at large, you're being sound-boarded, I want my position to be clear infidel.

>>4077
Oh hey, this is being bumped. Trying to give the impression that this Nontroversy is a far-reaching epidemic, are we?
The only far-reaching things I see are the butthurt Glimmer fans in the other thread. And this one, too, I suppose.

>>4078
Nah, I just want my position to clear, you can read?

>>4079
Your irrational self-congratulatory position on an issue you dreamed up out of nothing? Why would anyone care about your position on this nontroversy?
Stop the presses, everyone: MLP Fimfiction writer pisses off local Glimmer fancult by writing a chapter in which she is beaten up and called a loser.
Surely, this has never happened before.

>>4080
You shouldn't have pissed us off six months ago, or six months before that, hell, you probably pissed us off before even that latter one at the conception of /mlpol/, you fucking degenerate.

You should respect Sunset Shimmer.

>>4081
Oh, no, I should not have pissed off the mighty 9gag army by...
Tell me you're joking.
Is there some kind of confusion here? Because I like Shimmer.
Sunset Shimmer is how you write a generic shit Gary Oak Knockoff villain and then salvage her through a well-written redemption arc that makes her a compassionate and considerate person who deserves her own show.
Horse Schoolgirls lost all its potential to be its own "Sunset Shimmer In Humanville Adventures" show by overselling the human version of the mane six: five shit knockoffs of the real deal and one alternate take on Twilight. That alternate take would be interesting, if she was allowed to develop in her own way, but all this "You must embrace the magic, forget science, and be like pony Twilight" crap just makes Sci-Twi feel like yet another Twilight Knockoff in a franchise already bogged down by an overabundance of Twilight knockoffs.
There are more Twilight knockoffs in MLPFIM than there are Ryu knockoffs in the Street Fighter series.
And Starlight Glimmer is just a Knockoff Sunset Shimmer used as a mask for shit writers who want to live out their "Tomoki from Heaven's Lost Property" fantasies in this show, of all shows.

>>4082
Do you have a loicense for that post mate?

>>4082
You shouldn't have pissed of the mighty 9/pone/ army, we will destroy you.
Sunset Shimmer is a poni you like? Nobody cares.
Eat more cum shitheel, EQG isn't cannon and Sunset Shimmer is better as a villain, redemption arcs are overdone.

Trixie should have been redeemed at the end of her arc, Sunset should have been the main character antagonist, instead you get no competing character interests and character conflict between the protagonists and antagonists who should have vested interest and provide the main source of character conflict.
Instead you get one-hit wonders like Tirek to shake things up and provide conflict in general, sad.

But I'm talking to somebody who actually watches a children's show and expects better from it and thinks what they currently have is or was ever good. What an idiot.

Die, barbiefag, this,
this is your mindset.

>>4084
*dabs on hater*
You'd be just as pissed as you are now if I only included a 100-word scene where Silver laughs about the time he conned a corrupt government official out of cash and Glimmer laughs about the time she conned her idiot fanbase at Our Town out of their lives.

Silver Star leaned against his totally awesome motorcycle and stared pensively up at the sky. The mares were all staring at him again, but that was to be expected.

"Everywhere I go," he sighed heavily to himself. And it was true. Ever since he had unmasked the nefarious scheme perpetrated upon this universe by the evil monster-in-pony-form Starlight Glimmer, and saved Equestria from a fate worse than death, all the mares in Ponyville were constantly staring at him as if they wanted to jump him and ravage his tasty no-nos, even more so than was usual for him. He sighed heavily again. Sometimes it was rough being a rich and handsome superpowered genius who was an all-powerful magician and time-travelling quantum physicist who could bend time and space to his will and was also the world's greatest ninja. He sighed heavily a third time, and cursed himself internally. He had noticed that the mares always got quivery in their no-nos whenever he sighed heavily while leaning against his super-awesome motorcycle looking moody, and had vowed never to do it again, if only for their benefit, yet here he was forgetting himself.

"Such is life," he said ruefully, pushing up his rad sunglasses with one hoof. Several mares swooned.

It had already been a month since he defeated the evil, horrible, no good awful yucky sweet Celestia I hate her so much Starlight Glimmer, and he realized that he was still just as glad to be rid of her as on the very first day he had sent her rocketing off to do penance for her evil ways. He recalled the sight of her stupid pony face, her ugly dum-dum mane with its stupid green highlights, the smugly-satisfied look of pure evil that was on her face every time she booped herself, and again he was filled with rage.

"I hate you so much, Starlight Glimmer!" he muttered, to nopony in particular.

He realized he needed to calm down. Just thinking of Starlight Glimmer always awoke in him feelings of uncontrollable rage, and he knew it was not good for a pony of his awesome power to forget himself like this. He could already feel the earth quaking beneath him as he inadvertently summoned powers so great they could destroy the entire universe, and he knew that he must not do this, even by accident, for to do so would make him almost as evil as that stupid ugly evil horrible no good pony Starlight Glimmer god I hate her, who was, as all ponies know, and as he had proven irrevocably to all who had not yet been enlightened, truly the worst pony of all.

To calm his nerves, he reached into his pocket dimension and pulled forth the gem. The orange gem. His gem. The gem belonging to him, Silver Star. Silver Star's gem, the gem that was his, the gem that was orange. A gem that had a particular color, and that color was orange, belonging to none other than Silver Star, the pony of that name. Him. He. The owner. The owner of the gem. The orangest of gems. Silver Star, who was he, the owner of that gem, pulled forth a gem belonging to him, and it was none other than that very gem. The orange gem, gemlike in nature, orange in color. Owned by he, him, Silver Star. The gem whose coloration was orange, and whose owner was none other than he, the pony known as Silver Star, owner of the gem. That gem. The gem of orangest orange, orange in color, orange in hue, saturation and value. Orangest of all orange was that gem, and it was in the possession, currently, of a pony. And that pony was he. Him. The pony named Silver Star. Who was, of course, the gem's owner. Which gem you ask? Why, the orange one of course. The orange gem, that is.

So lost was he in his contemplation of the gem that he almost didn't see Twilight Sparkle trotting eagerly towards him. Not wanting to accidentally blast her off into another dimension with his super cool magic gem, the orange gem, the gem containing magic power that was orange, and owned by he, Silver Star, he put it back into his pocket dimension.

"Oh, hello there Princess," he said casually, still leaning against his awesome motorcycle. He gave his rad sunglasses another push with his hoof and watched in mild satisfaction as Twilight's no-nos visibly quivered. "What are you doing here?"

Twilight stopped short.

"W-w-what?" she stammered, looking as if somepony had just kicked her in the crotchteats, "Aren't you here to pick me up?"

"Sorry," he said, "I forgot all about you. Sometimes I just like to park my totally awesome motorcycle outside random magic schools and lean against it while looking moody and cool. I just happened to be doing it here, at this moment, as you were getting out of this particular magic school where you were giving a lecture on the super-complicated magic spell I used to hurl the evil and horrible worst pony Starlight Glimmer into that alternate dimension!"

>>4086
Twilight's lower lip began to quiver. Her eyes filled with tears, and her flanks shook with embarrassment. Inside his head-quarters, one of the tiny Silvers enjoyed a hearty chortle at his mirthful teasing of his luscious little bride-to-be, so beautiful, so unlike that awful Starlight Glimmer god I hate her so much. Another tiny Silver raised his head above the cubicle wall in alarm.

"Hey! Cool it! You're going to blow it!!" he stammered.

"I can't help it! She's so cute when we tease her like this," another Silver laughed casually from a third cubicle.

"Still, we don't want to tease her too much," said yet another Silver, often the voice of reason among the group. "Just look at her."

The Silver Star of the non-meta world looked and saw that this Silver was right, for Twilight now looked as if somepony had just told her that the horrible Starlight Glimmer was going to be taking her out to dinner instead of him, the handsome and talented millionaire Silver Star. Tears were now streaming uncontrollably down her adorable, non-Glimmerlike face.

"Hey, dry those tears Princess! I was only foolin'!" laughed Silver, giving her a mirthful tap on the shoulder with his hoof. "Of course I'm here to see you, you goof! You didn't think I'd forget our date, did you?"

Twilight sniffled cutely, in a way that made Silver's no-nos expand a little.

"Oh, Silver," she said, "I know you wouldn't forget. You're too amazing to do that. It's just that...I saw you earlier. With Trixie."

Silver threw back his head and laughed heartily.

"Oh, is that what you were worried about? Don't give it another thought. That was one of my Silver Spares! You see, Trixie has been lonely and vulnerable ever since I showed her how wrong she was to not think that Starlight Glimmer was totally icky and the worst pony ever. I sent one of my Silver Spares to service her no-nos and comfort her through the grieving process, as only I know how to do."

"Do you mean it, Silver? I've seen the way the other mares look at you, and I just...I don't want anypony else to make your no-nos quiver like I make your no-nos quiver."

Silver laughed again.

"Rest assured, m'lady, that my no-nos are saving themselves for your no-nos, and your no-nos only."

Twilight could barely contain the shivering in her no-nos, and had to sit down. However the expression on her face was pure joy.

"Oh, Silver!" she cried, "You've made me the happiest mare in the world!"

Two hours later, they were sitting at a booth in the swankiest restaurant in Ponyville, eating the most expensivest meal.

"...and then I said to him, 'You're wrong! Glimmer is the worst pony ever! And then I told him why!"

They both laughed.

"Oh, Silver. You always know how to make me laugh." said Twilight, wiping a mirthful tear from her eye with a foreleg.

"But seriously though, Glimmer is the absolute worst pony ever." said Silver, his face getting all serious for a moment. "You can't ever forget that. Not even for a second."

"Yes. Of course. She is just awful."

"Terrible."

"Dreadful. Worst pony in Equestria."

"Worst pony in the multiverse you mean!"

They laughed again.

>>4087
Then, suddenly, the ground around them began to shake. All the plates and dishes and stuff in the restaurant began to shake, rattle and roll. All the ponies began to flee in hysteria as a portal to another dimension opened up, and out stepped a pony that Silver thought he would never see again.

"It...it can't be!" he cried, clenching his hooves with rage. "It's impossible! Literally impossible! The spell I cast should have made it so you could never return here!"

The pony smiled.

"Oh, that?" she said. "That little spell of yours was easy enough to break. Foal's play, actually."

She trotted casually forward and booped herself. When all the other ponies saw who she was, they all screamed and ran out of the restaurant.

"You should have realized, Silver. You can't Shim Sham the Glim Glam!"

Starlight Glimmer booped forth, booping Silver with a mighty boop that would have shattered the soul of a lesser pony. Twilight cried out in terror as her beloved Silver was thrown back through the restaurant, knocking over all the tables and stuff so that there was a terrible mess on the floor that somepony would probably have to clean up later. A second later he hit the wall, and it became apparent that nopony would have to clean up the mess after all, not now, not ever; for Silver hit the wall with such force that a shock wave radiated out, destroying the entire restaurant.

Most ponies would have been killed, shattered into thousands of pony pieces, but Silver Star was made of sterner stuff. He was on his hooves in an instant, staring across the rubble-strewn wasteland that was once the most fashionable restaurant in Ponyville.

"Heh. Not bad." he said, pushing up his rad sunglasses. "I might have to use a tenth of my power to take you out. And this time, you're gonna stay down! Kōmon Shōkaki!"

In a flash, his zanpakuto sprang forth from nothingness, wielded probably with magic or something as horses do not have opposable digits and it is dumb to arm one with a sword in the first place. Glimglam laughed evilly, and summoned her own blade.

"Enough talk. Let us kung fu fight!"

She charged, rising up into midair in a flash of magical power.

"Inkei wa kuso de ōwa rete iru!" she cried, and her tetsusaiga burst forth into a thousand Glimmer legs, each one booping the boop of a thousand boops.

Undeterred, Silver charged to meet her midair, dodging the boops with lightning speed so that to Twilight, everything looked like a purple and silver blur. One of Glimmer's boops connected with Silver's Kōmon Shōkaki.

"Chokuchō no kaze!" cried Silver, and a burst of magical energy exploded from the blade, sending them both flying back. They both landed on their hooves and slid backwards until grinding to a stop in a cloud of dust, facing each other.

"Not bad, not bad." Silver said again. "I can see you had some tricks up your horse-sleeve that I didn't know about. But let's see how your power holds up against my super-secret attack!"

He lept into the air, summoning forth the mighty power of his ancestors, who were also all super powerful genius scientist ninjas and also Grand Mages. Channeling their hatred for the eternal Glimmernigger into his blade, he called forth the name of his lethal final attack.

"Silver Star Anti-Glimmernigger Ninja School Finishing Move: Watashi no kao o benki ni tsukatte KUDASAI!!!"

A burst of cold blue fire exploded from the center of the blade. Lightning crackled all around Silver as he summoned his power, then sent it forth in a single, terrible wave of destruction that none could possibly stand against. He somewhat hoped that Twilight wasn't still standing around watching the fight somewhere within the blast radius, because it occurred to him that it would totally suck if she got vaporized before he even got to play with her no-nos.

The mighty blast shakes the heavens and earth for what feels like eternity, bathing everything in a blinding blue-white light of pure destruction. As it subsides, Silver stands on all four hooves, breathing heavily, peering into the impenetrable cloud of swirling dust that whirls around him in the wake of the destruction.

>>4088
Surely, nopony could have survived that... he thought.

He sees the soft edged silhouette of a female pony walking towards him.

"Twilight?" he says hopefully.

The pony stops just before him. She reaches out her hoof and--

Boop.

A soft boop. A light boop. A mocking boop. The dust settles, and Silver can finally see who the pony standing before him really is.

"No...it can't be...!"

Silver fell down onto his haunches, all of his strength expended in that last attack. Glimmer stood before him, completely unharmed, looking down at him with open disdain.

"I tried to warn you, Silver," she said. "You can't Shim Sham the Glim Glam!"

She booped him again, hard enough to sap the last shreds of his strength.

Silver collapsed completely to the ground. The fight was completely gone from him. He could only stare up helplessly as she stood triumphantly over him.

"And now it's time for my finishing move." She booped herself again for good measure. "You see, as it turns out, you're not the only one who understands quantum interdimensional travel, Silver! I can play that game too! And now, I would like to introduce you to a little place I like to call 'The Universe of a Thousand Dicks!'"

Glimglam trotted gaily around and stood over him, her no-nos just above his haunches. He couldn't move his body, but he turned his head and gazed in horror as Glimmy's no-nos began to change...and expand. Naturally, Silver, being the world's handsomest millionaire, was also the most well-endowed pony in all of Equestria, in this universe and all the universes; however, it now seemed that he had dropped to second place.

Silver could only groan helplessly in protest as Glimmy mounted him from behind.

"Time to Glim Glam in your jim jam!" she said pleasantly, and began to push her hateful, evil, Glimmyglam stallion no-nos into his bad place. A crowd of mares had gathered around, probably because the giant cloud of destruction was not something that was often seen in Ponyville. Also, it was still dinnertime and many ponies were probably coming to the restaurant to eat, only to find that it had been destroyed.

"Wow, it sure is a shame that the restaurant was destroyed!" said Lyra to Bon Bon, who were both approaching the restaurant hoping for a nice hot meal. "We saved up all our bits for a month just so we could come here and get the expensivest meal!"

"I know!" said Bon Bon. "Also, what's that going on? Is that Silver Star? And...Starlight Glimmer?!?"

All the ponies were there, standing in a circle around the ruins of the fanciest restaurant in Ponyville, watching with curiosity the scene unfolding before them. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Trixie, Lyra, Bon Bon, Derpy, and all your favorite cartoon pals were there, staring as Starlight Glimmer performed her strange new magic show. Princess Twilight Sparkle clambered her way up from under a pile of rubble, searching for her lost love.

"Silver? What happened? I almost died in that blast of destruction you caused but fortunately I remembered that you are supposed to duck and cover in those situations so that's what I did, and--oh! What's going on, Silver?"

She stood watching curiously as Starlight Glimmer pushed her long, throbbing, impossibly thick wrong-gender no-nos deeper and deeper into Silver's bad place while Silver could only groan in protest. Suddenly a stallion trotted into view and all the ponies turned to see who it was.

"Twily!" called Shining Armor. "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but Cadance got all tingly in her no-nos thinking about how super awesome Silver Star is, and she sent me down here to find one of those Silver Spares to service her for a while. She's gonna be pretty mad if I come back without one. Any idea where I could find--hey, wait a minute, what's going on here?"

He stopped short and joined the crowd of onlookers. Silver groaned in pain and humiliation and tried to cover his face with his hooves, but Glimmer batted them away and pinned his front legs down with her own.

"None of that now!" she cried gleefully. "We want everypony to see, now don't we?"

"I've got one last trick up my horse-sleeve, Glimmer!" Silver stammered out. "S-silver Spares!"

He threw his last ounce of strength into summoning as many Silver Spares as he could. They appeared and started charging their power to attack, but Glimmer only laughed.

"Oh, that's right. I can do that too! Glimmy Glam Glam Glozzle!"

She tore open a rift in the space time continuum, and thousands upon thousands of Glimmers, from every conceivable version of reality, poured through, booping themselves and each other. Each of them sprouted a mighty Glimdong, and soon the Silver Spares were pinned down in a fashion as humiliating as the original.

>>4089
"No...you can't do this...you can't....you're......worst......pony......"

In Silver's headspace, red siren lights were flashing and alarm bells were ringing as tiny Silvers ran around in panic and confusion.

"The enemy has breached the perimeter!" cried one Silver. "Any news from the front?"

"Forget the front! It's the back we're concerned about!"

Suddenly, a door burst open and one of the Silvers from the basement levels sprang into the control room.

"Sir!" he cried to nopony in particular. "The...the enemy...it's too late...advanced so far, there was nothing we could do...the rear guard is completely wiped out! Annihilated!"

"What do we do?" cries a panicked Silver, nearly in tears, who just a couple of hours before had been so smugly amused at the teasing of a young Princess.

"There's nothing we can do!" cried the basement crewman in despair.

Full pandemonium broke out. Multiple Silvers were abandoning the office, gathering up as much sanity as they could lay their hooves on and diving out through any opening they could find, never to return again. Back in the real world, the original Silver Star was lying on the ground in a semi-catatonic state, a thin ribbon of drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth, making unintelligible noises as the Glimglamming intensified. Most of the Silver Spares were gone now, and the thousands of Glimmers were standing around booping each other.

"Ah...yes...there we go..." Glimmer was panting hard now, lost in the ecstacy of triumph. "Almost there...and a one, and a two, and a....Glim Glam Sha BAM!!"

Her mighty Glimdong exploded into the depths of Silver's body. Silver Star let out an ear piercing shriek that could be heard all the way to Canterlot as Glimmy filled up his bad place with literal gallons of best pony. The ground shook. The ponies gathered around, now numbering in the thousands (not even counting the thousands of Glimmer clones) stood and watched in silent awe as Glimmer pumped the last of her mighty load into Silver. The defeated Silver lay on the ground, panting, groaning unintelligibly. He would never be the same again.

Glimmy pulled out and stepped back, her massive, dripping no-nos already receding into the void from whence they came, returning to the regular no-nos of a mare. Princess Twilight approached her timidly, her eyes cast shyly at the ground.

"Wow, Starlight! I never knew you could do that!" she said, her no-nos visibly quivering to Silver's dismay. "Would you...would you like to hang out some time? I don't know why, but it...it just seems like you're a really great pony all of a sudden."

"Yeah!" chimed in Applejack. "Starlight, you are the best pony Equestria has ever known. We'll always be friends with you."

"Coolest pony in Equestria!" cried Rainbow Dash.

"Hear hear!" boomed a familiar voice.

"Princess Celestia!" cried all the ponies in unison.

The Princess of Equestria descended from the heavens and landed gracefully, tucking her wings to her side and approaching Starlight.

"Starlight Glimmer," she said, "For the valor you have shown today, I hearby relinquish my title and pronounce you Princess of all Equestria, which shall from this day forth be called Glimmernigeria! All other Princesses are now subordinate to you, and you may do with them as you please!"

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward shyly.

"As the Princess of Friendship, I hearby pledge my no-no regions to you, now and forever. Do with me as you please! And that goes for all of my friends as well!"

"Hear hear!" cried Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

The ponies of Equestria all bowed and paid homage.

"All hail best pony! All hail best pony! All hail best pony!"

Pinkie Pie suddenly pulled a party cannon from some dimension beyond the stars and blasted confetti all over the place.

"Hey everypony! Let's all head back to Sugar Cube Corner and have us a Glimmer is Best Pony Par-TAY!!"

The ponies cheered, raised Glimmer on their backs triumphantly, and trotted gaily off towards Sugar Cube Corner, a crowd of 1000 Glimmer clones trailing behind, booping themselves in rhythm as they marched. Silver watched them go, still unable to move. He threw back his head and let out a mighty wail of despair, except that all the sound he could muster was a tiny, almost inaudible moan.

"Pssh. Are you still here?" He looked up to see Lyra Heartstrings standing above him, glaring down with an irritated look on her face. "What are you lying around for? Start cleaning up this mess you made with your stupid battle scene!"

Bon Bon trotted into view and glowered at Silver alongside her friend.

"Yeah. We saved up all our bits for a month just to eat at this restaurant, and then you go and destroy it with a dumb anime battle. Good thing Best Pony was here to save the day!"

"Yeah!" cried Lyra, and they both trotted off, laughing gaily to each other.

Silver closed his eyes, a single tear rolling down his cheek. After what felt like hours, he heard the sound of hoofsteps next to his head. He opened his eyes.

"S-Sunset Shimmer?" he croaked out, as the pony standing before him came into focus. "I-I always liked you. Please help."

Sunset Shimmer glared down at him, and spat.

"You suck, Silver Star."

~FIN~

>>4090
/thread.

/go/?

>>4091
I agree

>>4086
>>4087
>>4088
>>4089
>>4090

http://archive.fo/LPCrz

Stunning and Brave. An instant modern classic of equine literature and a new hallmark of MLPOL. Finally, Social Justice has been served. I hereby vow that I will republish this on every website I know, with references to the author and his works.

All hail Queen Starlight Glimmer and the Banana Republic of Glimmernigeria!!!

Can I steal that and upload it to Fimfiction?
Because if you won't do it I think someone should, it's too good not to disseminate with optimal comedic timing.
Although Silver Star would have to become Star Silver.

>>4085
>derails self

>>4086
>>4087
>>4088
>>4089
>>4090
Words cannot express the love I have for thee at this moment.

>>4093
I get that you probably wanted me to be pissed off over this, but the first chapter was actually kinda funny. I'll read the rest later.
Great job, man! I'm glad I inspired you to be creative.

>>4096
Seems he always has been while your work still lacks

>>4097
Alright, I read the whole thing, and it went downhill quickly.

I thought you were going to do something creative with the whole "this character thinks he's the coolest" thing, but then you didn't. You just wrote the self-indulgent fapfic you believe my work is. You wrote what my work appears to be, in your eyes. And then your Glimmy tulpa felt slighted by my work, so you added a scene where Glimmer magically recovers from losing my magic and molests someone bigger and physically stronger than her. It's kind of disappointing, really.

Portals aren't exactly complex, Glimmer lost most of her magic near the end of the chapter in a way that would allow me to write a "Glimmer learns moral lessons as a weakling who cant magic her way through everything and might gain a cutie mark in temporal repair" story if I ever felt like it, I'm not familiar with Bleach(Zanpakutos are from that, right?), and Silver's Spares barely have 1hp each, they would break apart into wisps of magic blue smoke if you patted one on the back too hard.

But the comedic timing of the first chapter was good. Get over your blind love for Glimmer and desire to whiteknight for her, and you could be a great writer some day.

>>4099
I don't get it

>>4098
Why did autocorrect change "her magic" to "my magic"?

>>4100
It's a satire portraying the immaturity and low level of your work, it took you a considerable amount of time to realize that *maybe* you will not like what he wrote.

>>4102
But that isn't how satire works. To use simple terms, you smeared shit on a canvas and said that's what my art is.
Sure, that's what it is to you. But it isn't for you, and I could only make this for you by making my story into exactly what y'all wrote: more nonsensical "Glimmer is teh best" trash.
You didn't even parody my work right. It started off as one, painting Silver as a motorcycle-riding bad boy everyone lusts over, but...
It seems that you pissed yourself off while writing this. Emphasizing his ego to the point of absurdity was funny, but emphasizing how much he hates Glimmer... There are jokes that can be made about this. But you didn't make any jokes about it. You just emphasized Thrackerzod's skin tone- I mean Silver's dislike of Glimmer and called it a day.
Well, you didn't exactly call it a day. You wrote "Glimmer sucks" so many times, you had to write a "Glimmer molests him and is loved by all" fapfic to calm yourself down. Then you called it a day.
I mean, really. You could have made the obvious joke, you could have had Silver take Glimmer's sue status and end up the way he was before you derailed your own fic, that would have been funnier.
I get that this was written to "totally btfo me", but this is leftist-tier comedy.

>>4103
Trump. Donald Trump. Dolan Thrackerzod.
Hmm...
Soy. Is that also censored here?

>>4086
>>4087
>>4088
>>4089
>>4090
This. This is true art.

>>4103
>not getting any sort of lesson

>>4094
Save it, it's all yours my friend.

>>4096
>>4098
>>4103
Wow. For just one brief, fleeting second it almost looked like you were going to learn something there.

>more nonsensical "Glimmer is teh best" trash.
>You just emphasized Thrackerzod's skin tone- I mean Silver's dislike of Glimmer and called it a day.
>leftist-tier comedy

Hahahaha! HAAAAAA HAHAHAHA!

>Get over your blind love for Glimmer and desire to whiteknight for her, and you could be a great writer some day.

The unbelievable, universe-shattering, sides-obliterating salt on display. This was probably the best thing to wake up to in months. No, years. You sir, are the right-wing equivalent of the chick who attended Trump's inauguration to scream "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" So absolutely unaware of any facet of personality, worldview or politics beyond yourself that anyone who isn't an exact clone of your idealized self with the same taste in media, the same caveman's range of words, the same pleb-tier understanding of nationalism, fascism, social justice retardation, race, and muh horseshoe must be a harcore SJW who has a life-sized Glimmer they bought from BigSexyPlush.

I would rather spend my life as a human-interests editor at Al Jazeera than edit a single one of your works. That mockfic had you down pat.

>>4108
What am I supposed to learn here? That a bunch of whiny and hypocritical Glimmer fanboys love to project? I already knew that.
What, exactly, am I supposed to "Learn" from you "Enlightened Commissar Teachers"?
That I'm a fool for not loving Glimmer and Communism as much as you? That I'm a fool for not being what you consider cool? Why do you feel entitled to not only my respect, but my reverence?
You children barely have the comedic understanding that made Epic Movie what it was.
What am I supposed to say, "Haha wow ok sorry guys looks like I made Silver too much like your version of him"? He acts cooler than he is, that's an aspect of his character. Something that flew over your head, it would seem.
You'd say that no matter what his name was, because that's the level of literary understanding you pseuds operate on. If it has Bad Tropes, like The OP OC, it is a Bad Story. It should include Good Tropes that you like, instead.
You say you hate it when writers "Won't take your criticism", but what you really mean is that you hate it when writers won't take your criticism as gospel.
You aren't entitled to representation. You aren't entitled to a pat on the back and a "Good job!" for saying you don't like the taste of OCs because of what your circlejerk says about all OCs, regardless of quality. You aren't entitled to my time. And I don't really care what words and tropes and other badwords you call me on this site or any other site. You aren't my target audience. Do you know who does want you as their target audience? Youtubers who post slideshows of reddit screencaps.
If you want me to turn my story around and rework it for your precious, delicate sensibilities, pay me.

>>4094
>>4107
Also if you need a profile image, I would urge you to use this one, of my personal OC Silver Star. Silver Star is a super ultra rad motorcycle bad ass with a heart of gold. But he's also humble. And a scientist. Did I ever tell you about the time he went on a date with Twilight Sparkle and spent the whole date talking about troll physics? Man, it was great. There's really a lot you can learn from this OC, I hope you like him.

>>4098
>>4103
>>4111
I don't know who you are or why you're on this board impersonating me, but I really think you need to get over yourself. All I wanted to do was post a piece of original fiction I wrote that I think has a really great message if you give it a chance. You seem to be interpreting it as some kind of satire of your work. Sorry, but I'm afraid I've never heard of you. My name, though, is King Battlebrit, and I am a prolific author of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic-inspired original fiction, and I think you could learn a lot from my work if you give it a chance. Allow me to provide an in-depth explanation of this work for you, so that you may better understand it and possibly even further advance the quality of your own work, if you're indeed a writer that is.

As I mentioned, you seem to think this work is some kind of low-effort satire of your work. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a completely original piece of fiction written to make a complex statement on the subject of urban decay, featuring my ultra-rad OC Silver Star, whom you seem to have misinterpreted as some kind of ironic parody of a similar character you came up with. Again, I apologize if you misunderstood, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to claim independent invention here. See pic related if you would like a visual reference, I'm sure it should clear up any misunderstandings about similarities to your work.

In any case, the central focus of this story is the restaurant, and it's eventual destruction by forces outside the control of its management staff. The phrase "less is more" has always been a central tenet of my literary philosophy, and I always like to incorporate elements into my work that you don't always see. This particular restaurant is, as the story mentions, the best restaurant in Ponyville, neigh Equestria. It's owner, an aging Earth Pony by the name of Emerald Whiskers, is a tough-as-nails old pony who has seen it all. He is, might I add, rather famous for his emerald colored whiskers. He spent his whole life building up that restaurant, in an endless, Sisyphean struggle against hostile government regulation, mob interference and the like. Read Atlass Shrugged by Ayn Rand to get a better picture of what I am talking about. In the end, though, it was all in vain as his restaurant was eventually destroyed during the ebin battle between Starlight Glimmer and my personal OC, Silver Star.

To add to the tragedy, Lyra and Bon Bon, a pair of hardworking mares who scrimped and saved for an entire month just to enjoy one single meal at a fancy restaurant, arrive finally on the day they had set, only to find the restaurant in ruins. Can you imagine how crushed they would be? Not even by the flying debris that was launched through the air during Silver's final attack, although that would cause the tragic death of several ponies, who were regrettably unable to attend Glimmer's eventual coronation due to being dead. No, they were metaphorically crushed, emotionally damaged beyond repair, all because one selfish pony wanted to have an ebin anime battle in the middle of Ponyville's expensivest restaurant.

Incidentally, if you would like to learn more about the art and craft of writing, I would direct your attention to the subtle plot building I did near the top of post >>4088, where it says, and I quote: "Twilight cried out in terror as her beloved Silver was thrown back through the restaurant, knocking over all the tables and stuff so that there was a terrible mess on the floor that somepony would probably have to clean up later." At the end of the narrative, you'll note that Silver is then tasked with the moral burden of cleaning up the rubble of the restaurant he destroyed. And the ponies who give him that task are none other than the unintended victims of his actions, Lyra and Bon Bon. It's a literary technique called "foreshadowing," and it sets the tone early on for the eventual resolution of the moral conflict the story introduces. Read The Turn of the Screw by Henry James to get a better picture of what I am talking about.

>I'm not familiar with Bleach(Zanpakutos are from that, right?)
Bleach is an epic drama penned by Tite Kubo, whom many regard as the F. Scott Fizgerald of modern Japan. Much like Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto, it is a fascinating tale, essentially Dragon Ball Z but with different characters, that draws upon overused tropes of the Shonen genre without contributing anything significant to it. I deeply feel that it is something you would enjoy.

>>4112
So, this is happening. Great.
Am I "Btfo"d yet?
Jesus, the left really can't meme.

>>4111
>what lurn
Glad you asked!
>He acts cooler than he is, that's an aspect of his character
Sounds like OP to me
>You aren't entitled to representation. You aren't entitled to a pat on the back and a "Good job!" for saying you don't like the taste of OCs because of what your circlejerk says about all OCs, regardless of quality
Ditto, except replace "saying [...] all OCs" with "writing another fic"
>You aren't my target audience
Then fuck off. You say you 'don't care' (or whatever the literal quote is) and yet it is obvious you do by the extraordinary lengths you will go to try and plead your case to an audience which seems increasingly adversarial.
This whole scenario is particularly amusing to me because I've just spent hours bingeing on Gordon Ramsay, and the comparison between you and many of the chefs/owners/managers who he literally has to berate sense into is astonishing.
>>4113
>BTFO
Yes, actually

>t. guy who took you seriously and gave you (and will continue to give) honest suggestions that might help you improve your writing if you'd stop sperging for just one fucking second

>>4112
I love you man holy shit

>>4110
>deleted
What was uploaded there?

>>4111
>reddit
Wubba lubba dubdub my dude. Whenever they lift your ban, I'd love to share my Rick and Morty edits. I even got a shirt, to show my status as a high-IQ reddit friend! :^]

>>4117
It was a screencap of Battlebrit's fic. I think someone reported it :^)

>>4115
>>He acts cooler than he is, that's an aspect of his character
>Sounds like OP to me
Stopped reading there. You really don't understand what the word means. But that's alright, I won't call you out. I'll just skip over posts from this ID.
But could you tell the others here why you feel it "BTFO"s me when some Glimmer fan decides to mockingly imitate what I either am, or seem to be conflated with for the sake of convenience?
>>4114
If that's all you see when you read my posts, why bother reading them? Why not close your eyes, open up Notepad, and type about how hard you're laughing at the cringiest mooiest thing you can imagine there?

And to the other gommies here...
I'm used to debating politics on the internet. I'm used to seeing crying hypocrites claim that I'm this or that, or that I need to stop acting in this or that way, and there's never any substance to these liberal arguments. It's always "I feel you're a X", "I feel you need to stop being so Xish", "I feel you're so triple-hilarious megalmao-level wrong that I don't need to explain why", that sort of garbage.
I wrote a chapter where Glimmer, instead of going back to her home planet, is sent to what her new home planet should be. I knew this would get some crossdressing panties in a twist, and it did. What would I gain by taking their screeching projections seriously?

>>4120
You keep using those words, I no think they mean what you think they mean. Stating an opinion three paragraphs into a factual rebuttal doesn't make it an argument from feelings. Insulting you after showcasing in-depth the sweet nectar that has been spilling from your kek-teat does not make it ad-hominem.

I have an idea: delete system32 and spend a week reading fascist literature. Maybe by the end of it you'll be a bit better at being a member of the alt-right you seem to like gatekeeping for while telling others they're gatekeepers.

Nigel. Honey. Sugarplum. I don't appreciate you insulting my fellow horsefuckers-in-arms like this, much less my Commonwealth brothers from another mother.
You will cease and desist all of your outrageous attacks on the character of my friends this instant, or I will be forced to curse you with my dark, >leafy >green sorcery.

>>4120
Oh right, cuz I can't just reset my router n shit

>>4111

>You children barely have the comedic understanding.
>You aren't entitled to my time.
>You aren't my target audience. (are we "over", too? .0.)
>your precious, delicate sensibilities
>pay me.

Get out of here, Sean Bradley Dickenson. This thread is about King Battlebrit and his glorious Glimmernigeria fanfic. Nobody asked for your plagiarist opinion.

>>4123
He's only worth teasing. No extra energy at this point is worth a penny. Let this thread be a reminder that you should sooner kill traitors and normie plebbitors than an enemy. Out of the three types of NatSocs, he can only qualify as a soldier, and that will take much training that may not even pay off.

>>4125
"Teasing"
Lol gay

>>4126
The true intellectual wit of The Scholar, and the mental fortitude of an Adventurer, clearly exhibited by glimmernigel.

I take it back, you aren't even worth keeping around as a warrior. You would likely Petraeus rather than fight the enemy because without a glimmer, without that thing to fight for the sake of fighting it, you're nothing.

>>4111
>>4120
Listen, you limey autist. I opened your story yesterday and I slogged my way through all ~20,000 words of this dreck (well, to be fair I skipped over like 70% of the argument between Silver and Glimmer because it didn't seem relevant to the story). I'm going to tell you exactly what's wrong with it, whether you want to listen or not.

1. Your OC Sucks
As much as it seems like I'm beating a dead pony at this point, I would like to once again draw your attention to the simple fact that your OC is God almighty fucking terrible. There is not one redeeming feature to this character. Not. One. There is nothing that can be done to salvage this character other than to discard him and start again. Your character is the literal definition of a Mary Sue. If you take Plato's theory of the Forms as gospel, the Form of the concept of a Mary Sue character would be Silver Star, even beating out the original Mary Sue from that Star Trek fic eons ago that the name is derived from. It's honestly like you went to a convention panel called How to Avoid Creating a Mary Sue OC and did everything they said not to do. Let me demonstrate:

>Sometimes it was rough being a rich and handsome superpowered genius who was an all-powerful magician and time-travelling quantum physicist who could bend time and space to his will and was also the world's greatest ninja.
This is a quote from a trollfic some anon probably wrote in an hour while sitting on the toilet. You've accused him of misrepresenting your character, but this sentence literally describes your character verbatim. You literally made your self-insert character rich, handsome, ridiculously overpowered both physically and mentally, a more powerful magician than the canon world's established top magician and protagonist, Twilight Sparkle (who is naturally madly in love with him) an interdimensional traveler who writes books about quantum physics, and literally the world's greatest ninja.

What do you do with a character like this? What is his purpose? Where is his development arc? His struggles, his travails, the things that makes the audience root for him and want to see him succeed? There are none, the only thing the audience (such as it is) wants to see him do is succ.

This character is even bad by the standards of the shit-tier anime you blatantly rip off (Naruto, etc). Most Shonen Jump protagonists are stupidly overpowered badasses with little personality. That is to be expected since these stories are written for nine year old Japanese boys who just tune in to watch battles and explosions. However, even crap anime protagonists have more depth than Silver Star. Those characters are usually at least given some kind of flaw or foible, something to make them human and sympathetic to the audience. He might be socially awkward, bad with women, goofy, silly; the kind of person who can beat any opponent in battle, but in between fights is always making the other characters roll their eyes at him. A good example would be Vash the Stampede from Trigun (a much better anime imo than Naruto or DBZ or any others you rip off actually, but it works well enough as an example here). He is a powerful superhuman with a gun built into his arm, who is literally powerful enough to destroy the world if he wants to. However, that's just in battle. Most of the series he is treated almost like a comic relief character, a goofy awkward sperg who is always fucking things up. By the end of the show you are endeared to him and genuinely sympathize with his struggles. Silver Star? Not at all. From the very beginning he is overpowered and a master at everything he does. His love interest practically worships him. The entire plot arc of the story is nothing but him lecturing another pony. He learns nothing. He doesn't grow. He doesn't struggle. He doesn't have to. He's already the world's richest and handsomest magical super scientist ninja, who all the mares love and all the stallions want to be. His only role in the story is to be awesome.

I'm going to split this into multiple posts because frankly, Nigel, this has been a long time coming and I want to make sure I get everything out that needs to be out.

>>4128
Hooohh shit here we go niggers, I got my popcorn ready after reading that first post. This is gonna be satisfying.

>>4128
>>4111
>>4120

2. Your Insufferable Narcissism

If your garbage fanfic can be said to have any sort of overarching literary theme, it is its egregious, over the top glorification of your own ego. Like most autistic individuals, you exhibit extreme narcissistic behavior, with your own perception of your talents and significance contrasting with reality, as well as a complete inability to see yourself the way others see you. This is ultimately why you respond so negatively to criticism, it's not just that you don't want to see how awful you or your work are, it's that you are literally incapable of it. Well, again, I'm going to explain it to you anyway.

The entire first chapter of your work consists of a "date" between Silver "Massive Faggot" Star and Twilight Sparkle. The focus of the writing should be on the development of their relationship. If you had any talent as a writer you would dial back Twilight's level of interest and dial up Silver "I Chug Stallion Cum" Star's level of spergy behavior, so that he is constantly putting his hoof in his mouth and Twilight is continuously getting offended or weirded out by him. At the same time you would add in a couple of cute flirty moments, and maybe conclude with Twilight learning something about Silver "Anus Gaping From All the Raping" Star that, while she still isn't quite sure about him, maybe makes her feel a little sympathetic to him. You would then conclude the date, leaving the reader feeling as if progress had been made but ultimately looking forward to the next installment of the romantic sub-plot.

However, this is not what you do. As mentioned earlier, Silver "Stick it in my Ponut" Star is already super powered and beloved by all, which Twilight already knows. She doesn't need to learn anything about him to know she is madly in love with him, she already wants his mighty member more than she wants to be the Princess of Friendship. She's only on this date so she can worship him and ask him questions about himself.

That brings us to the crux of the biscuit. While this chapter is ostensibly a date between Twilight and Silver "I can't talk about myself right this second because my esophagus is literally bursting with cock, but as soon as I'm finished I'll go on for twelve pages" Star, that really has nothing to do with what is really going on here. The "date" is really just a flimsy framing device you use to dump in walls of text about the autistic details of how magic and technology in your setting works, and how Silver "Please stick it in deeper you're not even touching my prostate yet" Star is the undisputed master of all of it. Twilight, the love interest of the protagonist, is barely even a presence here. Her only role is to ask questions that serve as preludes to the spergy bullshit you want to crap all over the page, and occasionally interject things like "wow" and "neat" to remind you of how awesome Silver "Balls Against my Chin For the Win" Star is, in case the reader might have forgotten.

In fact, you get so carried away blathering about world mechanics that you don't even want to waste space paying lip service to the flimsy framing device. You start off the date by having Twiggles and Silver "Cum On My Lips and Win a Prize" Star agree to a you-ask-me-one-I-ask-you-one kind of dialog. This is almost immediately abandoned. The entire conversation is Twilight asking Silver "give me two bits and you can slide down the chimney" Star questions about all the amazing things he can do, because apparently she is just so madly fascinated by Silver "never mind the two bits just fuck my throat already" Star that she ends up eagerly asking him question after question, never even stopping to consider that he might want to ask her some questions (what a self-centered cunt, amirite?)

The only questions Silver "I'm starting to run out of gay jokes" Star has for Twiggles are "What is your favorite color?", "Are you single?", and "What was your first day in Ponyville like?" The last question is probably the only one that could indicate this colossal verbal monument to the author's self-centeredness has any interest in learning anything about Twilight, and naturally the story cuts off before she even answers. The chapter ends with Twilight "owing" Silver "I'll never run out of gay jokes because this character will never run out of gay" Star I think, six questions? I honestly stopped counting because honestly, who the fuck even cares? You'll never get back to it.

>>4128
>>4130

DID I MENTION THIS THREAD NEEDS TO GO IN /go/ BECAUSE THIS GUY JUST MANAGED TO SURPASS EVEN KING BATTLEBRIT

>>4128
>>4130
>Silver "Massive Faggot" Star
>Silver "I Chug Stallion Cum" Star
>Silver "Anus Gaping From All the Raping" Star
>Silver "Stick it in my Ponut" Star
>Silver "I can't talk about myself right this second because my esophagus is literally bursting with cock, but as soon as I'm finished I'll go on for twelve pages" Star
>Silver "Please stick it in deeper you're not even touching my prostate yet" Star
>Silver "Balls Against my Chin For the Win" Star
>Silver "Cum On My Lips and Win a Prize" Star
>Silver "give me two bits and you can slide down the chimney" Star
>Silver "never mind the two bits just fuck my throat already" Star
>Silver "I'm starting to run out of gay jokes" Star
>Silver "I'll never run out of gay jokes because this character will never run out of gay" Star
This thread HAS to go in /go/, if not for the fic earlier than it absolultely has to just for this list of nicknames for Silver "If It Ain't Gay It Ain't the Way" Star.

>>4045
>100k words of muh glimmer is a commie
You have to be pretty fucking creatively bankrupt to base your entire story on a meme and then go into neck deep into political sperging which nobody wants to read.

>>4130
>>4111
>>4120

2a. Clumsy World Building

I'm including these sections as a subscript to my section on your narcissism because it relates to your handling of the Silver-Twilight date.

I'm going to say this bluntly first and foremost: DUMPING HUGE WALLS OF TEXT INTRICATELY EXPLAINING HOW MAGIC AND SCIENCE AND WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE IN YOUR WORLD WORKS INTO QUOTES AND HAVING IT SPOKEN BY THE MAIN CHARACTER IS NOT HOW YOU FUCKING WORLD BUILD. This cannot be overemphasized. Nobody wants to sit and read all that dreck. Nobody cares enough how magic in your universe works to sit and read all that, and even if someone did, they wouldn't want it explained to them all at once.

The shit you wrote about magic and whatever is not something you publish for the reader. You write it all out for yourself, save it into a text file on your hard drive, and use it as a reference to maintain continuity whenever something in your story happens that uses those mechanics. Even if your intention was to write a plotless, shallow, Shonen Jump-ripoff action story completely devoid of character building and feeling (mission accomplished, btw), the kind of autists who read that sort of garbage and obsess over all the stupid details like what power such-and-such character has, and who would win in a fight between so-and-so, don't want to be spoonfed the details all at once. They want to watch battle after battle after mind-numbing battle, and have the mechanics demonstrated so that they can obsess over the details themselves. I seriously doubt even the most brain-dead Narutard would give even two fucks about your stupid GOD FUCKING AWFUL OC (I'm just going to point to >>4128 again because I really want to emphasize that your OC is horrendous), but if you took the time to do it properly you could probably salvage your world mechanics and build a better story with a better MC. And when I say better I mean better according to the standards of your chosen genre, in which fortunately for you the bar is really not set all that high.

Incidentally, what I mentioned would apply equally in a quality story with actual literary value. When writing a story focusing on romance or politics or attempting to make a moral commentary you will want to downplay battles and world mechanics in general since your audience probably won't care. However if you want to write out world mechanics for continuity it's probably a good idea. However in your case I would not attempt writing anything good before at least managing to successfully write something that isn't god-awful.

2b. Disrespect for Canon Characters

This also relates directly to your handling of the Twilight date. As I mentioned earlier, Silver "Semen Please Daddy" Star spends the entire date blabbering about himself and shows essentially no genuine interest in Twilight at all, other than the dumb scene taking place in his head in which he makes le awkward comment and freaks out internally. This is probably intended to be funny but it falls short, mainly due to its having no effect on the conversation whatsoever; Twilight's level of interest doesn't change and she just keeps asking him tedious questions about how he gallops and how time travel works and whatever the fuck else.

If you made your character a narcissistic asshole on purpose you could use that as a plot building device by having Twilight react appropriately to Silver "I don't care if your dick has Zebra shit on it I want it in my mouth" Star's egotism and storm off, similar to Rarity's reaction to Prince Blueblood's behavior in the Gala episode. This would then present a fine opportunity for Silver "Help Me I Am Literally Drowning In Cum" Star to do some self-reflection, realize he might not be as great as he thinks he is, apologize to Twilight (if you want to make the reader actually give a shit you should probably have her act like a tsundere bitch for a couple of chapters and make him work for it before she forgives him), thus setting the stage for the second date, which if done properly the reader would care about. However, this would unfortunately require a level of self-awareness that you don't seem to possess.

There is not even a hint of irony to how Silver "You know what on second thought don't help me, just give me more cum" Star behaves in this story. You, the author, are genuinely as narcissistic as he is, and seem to honestly believe that the reader is more interested in how Silver "Mrrmphrrrgarblgarblgarbl that's the sound I make when choking on half-breed donkey cock" Star manages to travel between worlds and split the human genome and how he totally kicked the shit out of Goku that one time, than he is in the mare he is supposed to be on a date with.

>>4135
>>4111
>>4120

2b. Disrespect for Canon Characters - Continued

This is a hard pill for authors like you to swallow, but the simple fact is that fanfiction audiences are going to care more about the established canon characters than they do about your OC. Even if you knew how to create an OC that wasn't absolutely pure, undiluted warm diarrhea streaming out of the butthole of a Zebra-Griffon-Donkey chimera created through whatever the fuck magic process you autistically described that created your dumb half-horse-half-dragon thing that Silver "Mommy Dressed Me Like A Filly When I Was a Colt and This is How I Turned Out" Star had his long, drawn out mock Naruto battle with to impress Twilight who he is only superficially interested in because the author likes to rub his pathetic knobby limp dick to pictures of her directly into the mouth of the reader whether they want to taste said diarrhea or not (protip: they don't), the reader is still going to care more about how you depict the canon characters than how you develop your OC. It's not an excuse to make a shitty OC mind you, if anything it means you should work even harder to make your OC likeable because you have a steeper grade to climb with him. However, you need to remember that people reading your fanfic are going to be coming into this story with feelings and opinions regarding established characters and they are going to expect you to write them properly. You don't even attempt to do this with Twilight.

Even ignoring the fact that you don't write dialog for her that sounds like anything she would actually say (I feel like someone else in this or maybe the other thread pointed this out to you, and in a rare moment of introspection you actually admitted it was a shortcoming of yours, so I won't focus on it, although how to properly write dialog for established characters is definitely a subject you should research), you write Twilight in a way that is frankly insulting to anyone who even remotely gives a shit about this character.

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't do anything. Her only purpose in this story is to be Silver "Ho ho ho I am Santa Claus, get it? It's because there is semen all over my face and it looks like a beard" Star's love interest, and you don't even treat her with enough respect to even make her effective even as that. I really want to drive this point home. You put Twilight on a date with Silver "I'm not even going to give him a nickname this time as his real name is literally synonymous with sucking cock" Star, and instead of using this as an opportunity for the two to have a meaningful conversation, you turn it into a massive masturbation scene for your garbage OC, who, I would once again like to stress, is just awful.

The universe you are writing in is called "Friendship is Magic", not "Autistic Battle Scenes With Lasers and Explosions are Cool". The whole series is about relationships. I get that some authors like to write edgy or dark stories, or try to put in more action or drama, but ultimately this is a show about friendship. Interaction between characters is important in this world. Whatever else you want to add to the universe by writing fanfiction, you need to learn how to write stories about how characters relate to each other. Nobody, and I mean literally nobody, wants to read a story that is just a huge egotistical jerkoff-fest for a terrible character you created. Learn who your fucking audience is before you start writing, you turbosperg.

Pic related is Twilight this time instead of Glimmer. I want you to look at her. I want you to remember that according to your own rules, by writing this god-awful story, you created a parallel universe in which this poor, beautiful, intelligent creature has been reduced to a flimsy, one-dimensional, empty-headed nothing that you stuck in your story for no reason other than to give yourself a boner, and to prop up your shit-tier OC, one Silver "Fuck My Ponut Until it Tears At The Seams, Resembling A Leaky Raspberry Jam Filled Donut that has been stepped on" Star. This poor pony, once the Princess of Friendship, is wandering around the shitty world you made for her, probably struggling to remember who she was and who she is supposed to be, but all she can think about is how badly she wants to jump the bones of the stupid character you foisted upon her as a love interest. You created that world. Now suffer for it.

>>4136
Oh yeah, one point I wanted to make that I forgot to include:

>His eyes widened. “Out of all the theories I’ve heard, that one’s definitely the smartest.” He said, and she grinned, making that cute little squeaky-toy noise only a pony could make. “But no,” He said, and, surprised, she made that noise in reverse.
I am quite frankly a misogynistic pig who has mentally put ponies into some pretty raunchy situations, and even I think this statement is almost jaw-droppingly demeaning to Twiggles, particularly when taken in context with the rest of this section of the story.

This entire date scene can be summarize thusly:
>Twilight and Silver "I want you to pump my asshole like you've been wandering in the desert and just found one of those old timey water pumps and are desperately trying to get water out of it" Star meet for lunch and "conversation"
>Silver "seriously, I am a colossal faggot have you figured this out yet" Star spends the entire date talking about himself
>asks Twilight her favorite color and whether or not she is single
>beyond this shows no apparent interest in her
>Twilight is compared to a chew toy, reduced to making cute squeaky noises just because Silver "I will suck your dick so hard you will literally turn inside out" Star gave her some superficial praise, not because of anything she said or did, but because she is so far the only pony who seems intelligent enough to understand just how totally awesome Silver "pound my asshole until my hips break" Star actually is
>This is all 100% unironic

I know self reflection is a tall order for you Nigel, but please try to absorb some of this. It really is crucial to your understanding just why everyone keeps shitting so hard on you.

>>4137
Alright, I am off to take a short break to eat something, and then I will resume. If anypony would like to grab a snack or use the bathroom, now is the time.

>>4138
God's work man. I'm on the road but just know I'm loving every last syllable. I only wish I had access to my desktop so I could personally be the one to screencap this thread and spread it like wildfire.

>>4138
Very cogent stuff, friend! Well, for me, at least: can't speak for Nigel. Keep it up!

>>4136
>>4137
>>4111
>>4120

3. Blaming the Audience

This section is less about your work itself and more about your reaction to criticism of your work, but it's all part of the same lesson, and it's just as important for you to absorb if you have any hope at all of improving as a writer (which at this point I'm not even sure is what you actually want).

So far, your reaction to criticism (and frankly, there has been some valuable and insightful criticism made in both threads already, which you sadly seem hell-bent on ignoring because muh ego) has been dismissive and insulting, and shows that you frankly have no idea why you should even want to write fanfiction in the first place. The single recurring theme I am hearing from you over and over again is "this wasn't written for you." This is bullshit.

Even ignoring the simple question of if it wasn't written for us why would you even bother posting it here, statements like "you didn't get what I was going for" or "you're not the intended audience" are the perennial complaint of the talentless hack. Here's the thing, Nigel: you don't pick your audience, your audience picks you. You're asking people to take time away from whatever it is they're doing and devote a portion of it to reading some pile of shit you wrote. If you're going to do that, the absolute least you could do is make it interesting for them. If you can't even be fucked to do that much, the absolute least you could do is not berate them when they tell you to piss off with it.

While it's true that certain stories are usually aimed or marketed at different groups of people, that doesn't really apply here. It can be assumed that since this story is set in the FiM universe and is posted on FiMfiction, you are probably writing a story aimed at fans of the My Little Pony franchise, specifically the FiM series. Thus, if fans of that series and that type of fiction are telling you your story is shit, you should listen.

Here's another thing, Nigel: you say that the story was written for a different audience, but who is that audience exactly? This is a board made up of at least half pony fans, with the other half being /pol/ anons who are at a minimum willing to tolerate pony. Nobody is shitting on your story because it's a pony story. You specifically made the story about politics (a bad choice of theme for this story and you pulled it off poorly, but we'll get into that later), so it's not as if anyone here is criticizing it because of your political stances. If we're not in your target audience, who is?

The crux of the biscuit here is that we are not in your target audience because nobody is in your target audience. This kind of pure, undiluted, 100% homegrown weapons grade toxic-to-human-and-pony-life-alike shit doesn't have an audience. Your target audience is anyone who is willing to wade through the ocean of verbal diarrhea you wrote, suck your dick and tell you how awesome you and your shit-tier OC are. You came here looking to find such people, and surprise surprise didn't find any, so you flip your shit and tell everyone that it's us, not you, who are the ball lickers. Well, fuck you.

Okay, I'm cutting this one short for now because I completely forgot I picked up a shift tonight and have to go to work. I will be back in like four hours. Nigel, I don't know if you're reading this or if you're off somewhere sulking, but I'm going to give you the in-depth criticism of your shit-tier work that you yourself demanded if it takes me all night tonight and all day tomorrow. Remember: you brought this on yourself.

To those in the gallery eating popcorn and enjoying the show, I bid you adieu and implore you to stick around for the remaining acts.

Until we meet again, friends and countrymen.

>>4142
Glorious stuff so far. Can't wait for the political portion of this - the suspense is killing me to hear the portion where you really fucking nail that faggot until he begs you for more.

>>4142
Im learning myself and might give writing another go tbh

>>4142
Oh, I'll be watching this intently, even if I can't do it real-time. Hell, I'm itching to contribute something to the thread myself, should Nigel remain obstinate.
>>4144
You definitely should. Hell, any excuse to reboot the old writefag thread is a good one.

>>4144
I've only posted occasionally for Anonfilly (no offense to you guys, you have some good green and I like anonfilly, but it's not exactly a huge creative venue and were I to write a lot I might slip into a lot of bad habits writing-wise). But lately I've felt like coming up with something either original or pony-based that's politically based but nowhere near what Nigel's been doing.

I was more thinking of a character's slow transition from nihilist to an archetypical natsoc Adventurer. Something like Murdoch, with slightly less comic relief. But I'm going to let it incubate for a while, don't want to rush things or let it take over my work and other things.

>>4146
>>4145
I was doing a story about Humans breaking their isolation to grt help as a storm approached their lands, trying to use all the OCs to give them more background story on how they all met. I ran into a block and kinda gave up on it, but this is some great great advice

>>4093
lol

>>4096
>moments later
>>4098
>noooooo my leeegacyyyyy! iiitsss faaaaaaaadiiiiiiiing noooooooo

>>4142
It's been four hours. Anyone else getting some more popcorn ready for the next act?

>>4149
Hey fellas I'm back, just getting my thoughts together.

>>4150
Please, take whatever time you need to make it exceptional! I'm just getting ready for the show.

>>4142
>>4111
>>4120

3a. You Literally Do Not Understand the Craft of Writing At All

This relates to the previous section about blaming the audience, and will expand upon several points from that section.

One of the most important parts of writing well that is sadly seldom discussed in panels or taught in classes has nothing to do, directly, with writing. It is the art of deciding what to write about, and, once the idea is selected, evaluating whether or not it's something you should actually write. This skill is completely separate from the mechanical task of actual writing. An individual can have all other aspects of writing down: mechanical aspects such as grammar and language, creative aspects such as what I've mentioned before (building good characters, developing good stories), as well as things like pacing and scene structure, and still completely fall flat on his face trying to write anything because he chose an idiotic subject. If I had to pick a single area where you have shown absolutely, positively, 100% for certain no demonstrable talent at all, it would be this area. Which is a shame, because it's the hardest thing to teach, but I will do my best to explain it.

Part of it ties directly into what I said earlier about knowing your audience. In order to write something that will be well received, you have to understand who you are writing for and what they are likely to want to read. It is therefore essential that you be open to criticism, especially when first starting out and testing the waters in a genre you're not familiar with, because the things that people tell you they like or don't like will give you clues about what sorts of things you should do or not do in future projects. If multiple people are telling you they hate the same thing in your work, it's a pretty good indicator that you should stop doing what you're doing, and focus more on things that multiple people are telling you that they like. Since you've demonstrated unbelievable levels of density throughout this thread, I am going to plainly state what would be obvious to any other person: pretty much everyone in this thread has told you that they hate pretty much everything about this work, and so far nobody has mentioned anything that they like. That would be an alarm bell for most competent writers.

That said, there are some things you do well, but the problem is everything you do well is in the mechanical realm. You have a good mastery of the English language (which is impressive seeing as how you live in a mostly African country) and can lay out scenes and describe things well. I think someone in this or the other thread mentioned that already, but it bears repeating because it's a strength. Sadly, it's pretty much your only strength.

Writing fiction is similar to building a physical structure, except you're doing all the work yourself. You need to be both the architect and the builder. If all you can do is mechanically write well, you are a good builder. However, if you don't know what to build or why you're building it, that skill is useless. So, basically, if you want to write something, first you need to select a good idea; so part one of the process is figuring out what to write. Second, you need to evaluate whether or not the idea you have is good and is something that people will want to read. This part is a little trickier and involves a bit of introspection, which unfortunately seems to be a major deficiency with you. Basically you have to figure out why you chose the subject that you chose and what you want to communicate by writing about it. Both parts require you to evaluate and understand both your audience and yourself.

I would like to deal with each of these concepts separately and will begin with topic selection in the next post.

>>4146
Colony fags look at this as well: >>166259
>>4152
>part of this is knowing your audience
Oh no sweety. ^:)

>>4152
>>4111
>>4120

3b. You Have No Fucking Idea Why You're Even Doing This

Let's deal with subject selection first.

As an example, I will take King Battlebrit's fine work from this very thread. Let's see if we can figure out together why he was able to write something that people enjoyed despite it being probably very low-effort and arguably even low-quality, whereas your work, which is much more verbose and probably required greater levels of human effort to vomit upon the page, has earned only scorn and derision. There is an external and an internal component to how this works. We will start with the external, which is the evaluation of one's audience and what the writer thinks he can offer them.

Here is how I imagine King Battlebrit's mind works when choosing what to write:

>Step One: Who is our audience?
Anons on /mlpol/
>who, specifically?
Anons in Nigel's gay-ass thread
>why are they there?
Nigel wrote some stupid fanfiction and is fishing for compliments, anons are gathering to shit on it and trigger him for lols

Alright, so we have an audience. We know who this group of people is, and what the common thread (pun unintentional) between them is.

>Step Two: What do they seem to be interested in?
Based on the above information, we can infer that they probably do not much care for Nigel's work
>what do they like?
making fun of Nigel
>what specifically?
poking fun at his weaknesses and trigger points

Alright, so we know what our audience probably wants.

>Step Three: What do we want to give our audience?
Probably a parody of Nigel's story would get some keks
>how would we execute this?
First we would have to slog our way through Nigel's original work, probably the hardest part of the job. A parody should have the same feeling and texture as the original so as to be recognizable as a parody. This requires a familiarity with the source material. It is also helpful to understand what aspects you want to poke fun at. For this work, we should focus on making fun of the narrative's obvious deficiencies, primarily its overpowered and highly unlikable main character, as well as the author's irrational hatred for Best Pony.
>what elements should we avoid?
Things the audience doesn't care about, obviously. Since we know they didn't like Nigel's story we can probably assume they don't give a shit if our narrative fits into his world or not. Thus we can ignore the complex world mechanics he so painstakingly outlined for us instead of paying attention to poor neglected Twiggles, who for reasons unknown loves his shitty OC anyway, whose name, simply because I haven't mentioned it for a while, is Silver "I'm like a wine connoisseur but with penises instead of wine" Star.

Alright. So, we now know what we are writing, what elements we should prioritize and what elements are less important. Now let's evaluate.

>Who are we writing for?
Anons who hate Nigel and his faggot OC
>What are we writing?
A parody of Nigel's story that makes fun of Nigel and his faggot OC
>How specifically do we want to execute it?
We're going to make our protagonist his OC, with literally nothing changed except the addition of a layer of irony that will probably sail over Nigel's incredibly dense head. We will then have his character get fucked in the ass by Starlight Glimmer with a cock, because Nigel hates Starlight Glimmer and it will be funny.
>Will our story have things in it our audience will like?
Yes
>Can we avoid things they won't like?
Yes
>Will the audience like this story?
Probably
>Should we write this?
Yes

See how easy that was? Now, let's apply the same process to your story's premise.

>Step One: Who is my audience?
My Little Pony: FiM fans
>who specifically?
FiMfiction users (I'll exclude /mlpol/ since according to you we're not part of your audience)
>why are they there?
Because they are interested enough in FiM to read fanfiction of it

>Step Two: What do they seem to be interested in?
Stories involving the universe and characters of FiM
>what do they like?
probably the same things that drew them to the show in the first place
>what specifically?
stories that focus on the show's themes and characters, possibly with original or external elements added for spice and excitement

>Step Three: What do we want to give our audience?
I have this totally awesome OC that I want to show off, he's super powerful and rich and handsome and also the world's greatest magical ninja. I want to write a story where he argues with Starlight Glimmer about politics and also shows Twilight Sparkle how cool he is so he can date her because she is a qt.
>how would we execute this?
Divide the story into two parts. Part One will involve my rad OC telling Twilight about all the cool stuff he can do and having her be amazed at how great he is. Part Two will involve my rad OC telling Glimmer she's stupid and her ideology is stupid and her stupid face is stupid. The approximate length of this will be literally almost half the length of The Great Gatsby.
>what elements should we avoid?
plot, character development, quality dialog

Now, let's evaluate:
>Who are we writing for?
Pony fans
>What are we writing?
A story about my awesome OC beating a character from the show in an argument
>how to execute?
Put everything I want to say about politics and how awesome my OC is into quotes and have the OC say it
>Will I include things they like?
ponies I guess, although they don't factor in much
>Can I avoid what they don't like?
that would eliminate most of the story
>Will the audience like this?
doubtful
>Should I write this?
No

Again, easy peasy. See how much work you could have saved just by evaluating your idea from the perspective of your audience?

Next: Evaluation: Why am I writing?

>>4154
>when you get btfo by a story that only uses third person narration
oh nooooo

Silver where are you now?

>>4155
Probably hugging his shimmy bodypillow waiting for the meanie anon to go away so he can start talking his fic up again :'^)

>>4111
>You children barely have the comedic understanding that made Epic Movie what it was.

Hoping it's sarcasm but with someone like you I frankly cannot tell.

>>4154
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This

Alright, we've covered evaluation of an idea from the audience's perspective. Fortunately for you, this is a largely mechanical process similar to marketing a product, that even an autist like you could probably handle if you gave it a shot. Next is the slightly more mercurial process of introspective evaluation, which experience tells me will probably be next to impossible for you, but what the hell; this is more for the other anons reading this than it is for you at this point, so I will give explaining it a shot and maybe you will pleasantly surprise me one day. This process can basically be summarized as "Why do I even want to write in the first place?"

Writing is a form of communication. That seems obvious (to most of us at least, I'm not sure about you), but it's worth emphasizing. Writing anything, from a letter to a business memo to a novel, is usually done for the purpose of communicating something to others. If you are writing a piece of fiction, then you ought to have some sort of message you would like to convey, be it about yourself, the world around you, something you believe in, whatever. Even if the only objective of your story is to tell an entertaining tale or make people laugh you should still give thought to what you want to convey and keep the story focused on that. A story with no message, or that tries to have multiple messages at once, ends up messy and usually tedious.

Let's take a look at what you wrote. What are you trying to convey here? Well, as far as I can tell, your story has three central messages (listed in order of apparent priority to you):
>Your Silver "Rock Out With Your Cock In My Ass" Star OC is super awesome at everything and everyone should love him
>You hate Starlight Glimmer and by extension so should everyone else
>Communism is a bad ideology with a history of failure

We'll go into each of these at length in a minute. I'll give you a little spoiler though: one of these is actually decent and worth communicating in a story. If communicated effectively, you could theoretically write something of real literary value. The other two are moronic and should have remained in your head. If you can guess which one is the good one, you will win a prize.

You can evaluate messages in a similar way to how we evaluated premises in the previous section. Simply put, the question you need to ask is: What do I want to say, and who, if anyone, is going to care? After that, you will want to ask yourself: How can I communicate this in a way that will make the audience respond the way I want? Giving serious thought to these principles will help guide your writing, and will further assist you when deciding what elements to include in a narrative and what to leave out. It even helps in revision and editing (you do actually do that part, right?), because a lot of times you'll read back over your text and realize that a lot of what you wrote is irrelevant or off-message. If your text is too long (20,000 words for a story basically about a date and an argument is definitely in this category) this will help you trim down what's not important, and you will be left with a text that adequately conveys your message.

Really, now that I think about it, I probably wrote these sections out of sequence. Deciding in advance what you want to communicate is even more important than determining who your audience is, and should be done first. The message you want to convey and who you want to convey it to should be first in your mind before you even start thinking up actual story ideas. Having a clear message in mind will also help you filter out dumb ideas from the get go without even having to fully evaluate them, which again if you'd done you probably wouldn't have written this steaming pile of shit in the first place.

Let's look at your messages from this perspective:
>Silver "I came to kick ass and chew bubble gum and suck thousands of dicks and not do the first two things" Star is totally super awesome at everything he can do, which is literally everything
It should be completely obvious to everyone but you that this is a dumb thing to want to communicate. Who cares about this? Nobody. Nobody cares how awesome you think your OC is. You can make your OC into anything you want since it's just fiction and you're making it up, so there's nothing really amazing about him even if you make him amazing. Here's an example:

"Once upon a time, there was a pony named Jimmy Buttlicker. He was the greatest of all ponies. He could shoot deadly laser beams out of his butthole and also travel through time. One day he traveled back in time to 2009 and shot laser beams out of his butthole at Barack Obama and that nigger died and wasn't President anymore. America was saved. Then Applejack had sex with him because why not I like Applejack. The end."

Pretty compelling narrative, huh? See, here's the thing: all of these things would be remarkable if they happened in real life. A pony who shoots lasers out of his butt and then gets laid? Pretty cool. In a story though, it's nothing remarkable, because the character is just the author's creation, and can do whatever the author says he can do. There is a concept called "suspension of disbelief" that basically states that you have to follow the rules you establish within your own narrative (or the rules of your chosen universe if you are writing fanfiction) in order for people to believe it, but aside from that you can pretty much do whatever you want in fiction. That is a power you have to use wisely.

>>4156
nuu muh waifu

He's actually pretty obsessed with using Twilight in his stories actually.
If he told you anything about it he'd probably say, "but that's because i'm parodying self-insert and HIE stories with the main 6," or something like that.

>>4154
You should read some of his parody ideas / stories, one of them is on Fimfic and is the kind of horrendous overblown writing he likes to use. He only ever made on parody that was pretty workable, but that was before he made the Fimfic one and it did use the same overblown style of writing and definitely overused exaggeration of too many literary concepts themselves.

I think he has a badcase of 'never change.'

>>4159
From the way he constantly talks up Barbie shit and defends Shimmy, I coulda sworn she'd be his go-to waif. But then again he wouldn't be a proper lolcow if he didn't ship his self insert with his waifu, would he?

Seriously though how can the guy enjoy a movie centered around a villain whose entire evil plot is retarded? Get the crown? Well this is only school security so you could steal it or wait until the prom queen is....no? You want to win the crown yourself? .....by doctoring photos of one singular competitor who doesn't even know how to human in order to frame and disqualify them?

Shim is even more shit than Glim and I don't even think either of them deserved a redemption arc.

>>4160
OH WAIT, DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT NIGEL

>>4158
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - Continued

Alright, what's next on the agenda?

>You hate Starlight Glimmer
I haven't read anything else you've written, but I'm guessing this is a recurring theme in your work. It's definitely a recurring theme in your posts on this board. Clearly, it is a very important subject to you; Captain Ahab had his whale, Don Quixote had his windmills, Al Gore had Manbearpig, and Nigel has Starlight Glimmer. That is why this next part is going to be very difficult for you to hear, but it is absolutely CRUCIAL for you to get this through your incredibly dense autistic head if you ever want to become even a marginally passable author of fanfiction or anything else, including dirty limericks written in bathroom stalls. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER. I am going to say this again for emphasis: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER. On its own line, in bold, just in case you missed it the first two times:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

Literally. No. One. On. Earth. Or. Equestria. Or. Anywhere. Fucking. Cares. What. You. Think. About. Starlight. Glimmer.

Autistic individuals tend to have warped interpretations of reality and tend to skew events in actual reality to fit those beliefs. In your case, you seem to have gotten it into your head that everyone who doesn't like the dreck you churn out is a covert Glimmer fan and their criticism of you is just damage control because you insulted Best Pony. After all, that's the only logical explanation, right? I mean, it's not like anyone in their right mind wouldn't enjoy a 20,000 word My Little Pony fanfiction where a character nobody ever heard of or cares about beats up a canon character from the show and sends her into another dimension for no better reason than that the author hates her, right? So obviously you can just ignore all criticism because all your critics are just Glimmerniggers; I mean what else could possibly be going on?

Look, past efforts to convince you of these points have proven fruitless and I have no reason to believe that this time will be any different. But it nonetheless bears repeating:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

Bottom line, you can hate on Glimmyglam all you want, that doesn't mean that mere hatred of her is a good or even passable theme for a story. If you ever bother to improve as a writer and somehow, one day, become capable of approaching the subject with enough subtlety to be convincing, you could probably write Glimmer stories that depict her as buffoonish or unlikeable, or make a proper villain out of her. I could probably teach you how to do it. However, you are going to have to prove that you can handle basics before I will feel comfortable enrolling you in the advanced course.

Okay, on to the last message:
>Communism is bad

Do you remember last time, when I asked you to guess which of your three messages was the only good one worth developing? Well, pencils down. Here's the answer. Are you ready? This is the one. Did you guess correctly? If so, here is your prize: Pic related: it's Glimglam

While your story is objectively awful for a number of reasons, this message is a good message and is worth keeping if you decide to do a rewrite (protip: your only other option besides a complete and total rewrite is to kill this story with fire and never speak of it again). I am going to avoid delving into the actual politics here, not because I'm not interested or I don't care, but because it's a separate conversation and I suspect we would mostly agree, and because I want to focus on writing fiction, not political ideology. So, when I say you should keep this because it's a good message, I mean that it is a good, solid message to write a story around. It's something you believe in, that has value to people besides you, and is worth communicating. Now, that said, the way you chose to communicate it is fucking awful, and we will go into that in a bit. But the message itself is good and you should keep it.

The other two messages though? Not at all. These are things that only you care about. People don't want to read about how overpowered your OC is or how much you hate Glimmer. Including these messages in your story just clog up the works and make the reader stop giving a shit. You actually do everything so badly here that you end up conveying the opposite message about Communism and Glimmer, but we'll go into that later. What I want you to take away from this for now is that your OC sucks and, once again:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

>>4159
SHIMMY A COOT!

>>4163
She a QT.

>>4162
>I am going to avoid delving into the actual politics here, not because I'm not interested or I don't care, but because it's a separate conversation and I suspect we would mostly agree, and because I want to focus on writing fiction, not political ideology.

I was hoping you'd go into detail on this Q_Q oh well. I already know there are better political fics out there, especially original works like Animal Farm. Still would have been nice to hear your perspective.

>>4163
Almost every pony in the show a coot.

Shim is no exception but that ain't too high a bar to set.

>>4165
I might yet go into it later, I will see how I feel once I start delving back into the actual text. TBH I skipped most of the argument scene because I found it almost impossible to slog through, so I'm not entirely sure what specific points he made. For now I just want to talk about the craft of writing and how Nigel knows nothing about it. I might have to pick this up again tomorrow, but I should be able to get a little more done before I turn in.

>>4167
Either way this is as entertaining as listening to E;R tear Steven Jewniverse a new one. Take your time, I await with bated breath. For the next couple days I don't really have anything to do, and my desktop is out of commission, so my days are going to be spent refreshing this page and reading Warhammer 40K: Horus Rises.

>>4168
>...this is as entertaining as listening to E;R tear Steven Jewniverse a new one.
Goddamn, I love that video. I wish he'd do more.

>>4169
Bro he just released part 1 of a mini-series on the netflix death note adaptation. Shit's pretty high quality, delves into his infamously autistic detail talking about music, characterization and Da Rules of the note.

>>4170
Literally just watched that, too. Can't wait for the next part.

>>4171
It made my dick rock-hard to know that he made a bitchute and Gab that he now publishes his videos with. What a guy. /ourguy/ even.

Now that pleasantries are over, back to work, slave! ....<3

>>4162
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - Summation

This has been a long section, but it's an important one. Thoroughly understanding what you want to write and why you want to write it is probably the most important part of writing anything. Even someone with horrible grammar and spelling and a tin ear for language can write a quality story if they tell it with passion and conviction. Your story, however, proves that this concept does not work in reverse; no matter how well you can technically write, if you just blather for 20,000 words about shit your autism compels you to blather about, throw in some random explosions and battles because your autism tells you it's cool, and try to work in some disconnected political blathering in the most autistic way possible, the end result will be a steaming bowl of rancid diarrhea made out of the gallons of cum your OC chugs on a daily basis and fragments of 50 Shades of Grey, a novel literally 50 shades superior to anything you have ever written in your life and probably the worst thing I ever read before I picked up your fanfiction.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, how to write like someone who isn't terrible at it. Basically, the problem with your story from a bird's eye view is that it is a convoluted mess of conflicting ideas with no real narrative structure that can't decide on a central theme. Silver "fuck my throat until the choker breaks, then put it back on and fuck me again" Star is the protagonist, but he is written in a way that makes the reader hate him worse than the villain (I know you probably still don't get that he's unlikable yet, but bear with me). His backstory and laundry-list of special abilities dominate most of the dialog, until he runs into Glimmer. Then, the whole thing is nothing but him lecturing her about why her ideology is wrong and she's how she's the evilest pony who ever eviled evil. Then, they fight a little and he sends her into an alternate dimension. Your MC's method of defeating her focuses again on a lot of the magic and world mechanics you devised, which I don't doubt are very interesting to you and maybe would be somewhat interesting to someone as autistic as you, but you spend way too much time explaining how everything in your world works and it detracts from what (I presume) you are trying to say, which is basically that Communism is Bad. Remember: show, don't tell.

Anyway, your clumsy storytelling and insistence on overstating points beyond the level of ridiculousness utterly negates your ability to describe scenes and action decently. After untangling this bloated mess of words, one can reasonably assume that what you are trying to do here is convince the reader of the evils of Communism, embodied here in the character of Starlight Glimmer. Your hero, Silver "can you please get this bowling pin out of my ass doctor I have to poop, put it back in when I'm done though please" Star defeats her, both literally and ideologically, and presumably saves the day for Not Communism. The problem with it though is your execution. Your OC is completely unlikable, and you shit on Glimmer so much that you actually end up making the reader feel sympathetic to her. I don't even like Glimmer and I found myself getting angry at your over the top bashing of her. I now want to go back and rewatch her episodes just to see if I view her differently now. That and writing this autistic criticism is literally all your work has inspired me to do. From a psych perspective, if you're trying to convince someone of something by embodying the negative ideology in a fictional character, then metaphorically defeating her, you need to make sure the person reading it is rooting for the right character. Your problem is you let your personal emotions get too involved in the story. You get so carried away ranting about muh commies and muh Glimglam that you end up repelling the reader from your point of view.

This is ironically the same mistake that leftists are currently making with a lot of their media and behavior. For example that comedian, I forget her name, the one who did the WH correspondents' dinner and got panned, recently had her Netflix show canceled because no one was watching. She did a sketch where she had a marching band doing a "salute to abortion" and all kinds of horrendous unfunny stuff. She got so carried away with her messaging that it never occurred to her that people watching might find her obnoxious, and start to subconsciously move to the other side of the argument just to spite her. Your fanfic does the same thing. Get that through your head. YOU ARE LITERALLY HURTING THE RIGHT MORE THAN THE LEFT WITH THIS STORY BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU WROTE IT. The only redemption is that no one is going to read it because it sucks so badly most people would get cancer from the first paragraph. For those who do manage to read the whole thing, this is a reverse redpill, and it's all because of how you portray your characters.

I'm a little off topic here, I wanted to delve into the political angle later, but this still ties in to thinking about the message and who your audience is before writing. You need to learn how to filter out things that are interesting to you but would not be interesting to anyone who is not you. You need to learn how to make your characters interact with each other. You need to do a lot of fucking things and I only have like 400 chars left. You need to stop being such a fucking sperg. Barbie Glimmer this time because why not.

Also, Shimmer a cute

>>4173
>YOU ARE LITERALLY HURTING THE RIGHT MORE THAN THE LEFT WITH THIS STORY BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU WROTE IT
>She got so carried away with her messaging that it never occurred to her that people watching might find her obnoxious, and start to subconsciously move to the other side of the argument just to spite her

A big part of why the politically inclined of us here are so annoyed! Murdoch sometimes paints a strawman of the leftist, but that's solely for irony and memes in an otherwise thematically and character-consistent story that sends its message well. The Wanserer's Choice posits that the problem with the modern wings are that the right are unkillable but forced to be (((other countries)))' guard dogs, and the left breeds subservience. It portrays this in a manner referencing the deals with the God Hand, since they charge a steep fee for essentially limitless power and brutality. That's actually a good homage with respectable writing. But the more centrist faggots screech SJW at the slightest deviation rom their views, the more the center is eroded and lines are drawn more finely, ironically making the less extreme positions less respected by both sides and putting the potential converts on the defensive.

>>4174
Murdoch uses humor and ironic exaggeration well which is why his stories are both funny and carry a good message. Irony is frankly a topic that is too complex for Nigel and would take forever to explain, he might not even be physically capable of understanding it due to literal autism. However, if you want to write anything humorous or any sort of parody (either a direct parody of a single work, or a parody of an abstract concept the way Murdoch parodies the modern NatSoc movement) it's something you have to learn and master. Like I said Murdoch parodies NatSoc anons perfectly while still arguing on their behalf; that requires you to have both a sense of humor about yourself and your own beliefs, as well as the ability to look at them from an outsider's perspective and guess what things they might criticize about them, then make fun of them before they have a chance to. All things that neither the left nor Nigel are capable of mastering at present.

Also, that comic is very well written. It's a wonderful short story about a pony who wanted to try something out of character to spice things up in the bedroom with Anon, but got so carried away with psyching herself up for it that she forgot the central component, the choker she intended to wear that completed the fetish (or whatever you want to call it). She ends up slipping back into character, which for her is shyness and embarrassment, and ends up being comforted by Anon. Presumably later they still fuck, but you don't even need to see that part. It's both arousing and cute, and endears the reader to Flutters in a way that straight up porn wouldn't.

Nigel, read that comic, it's a good lesson. You should be focusing on telling short, simple stories anyway, it's better exercise than trying to write epics when you don't know what the fuck you're doing. This kind of thing is perfect for teaching the emotional interactions that I was talking about earlier, and you can even fap to it if you want.

Anyway I was going to write another section but it's 4 am and I need to reread some more of Nigel's dreck for the next part which I just don't have the energy to do right now. I will go to sleep now, wake up tomorrow, collect whatever (You)s that have accrued, and resume my work in the morning.

One more Glimglam before I go to sleep though. Goodnight, folks.

It has been a rare occasion in of which i have someone get so absolutely and repeatedly destroyed as Glimmernigel here, be it IRL or on the Internet. this thread took a rocket ride and rose in thread quality. first the detractor fic, now the ER tier deconstruction of Nigel and his fic. I doubt Nigel will ever read a single fucking word of the analysis giving how self-centered and he dismissive he always has been about anything that was not emotional dicksucking, but it has been a highly entertaining display for literally everyone else in here.

This thread is suitable to banish Nigel from the site forever how profoundly it obliterates him on an artistical and psychological basis. He would not want to be in this place anymore, and even if he did, people will never let go of this event and perpetually remind him of it (especially after he publicly went full gamergate against us). My admiration and respects belong to the 2 lolcow butchers who made this thread worthwhile.

>>4176
MODS....
Plz put in /go/...

I would ask how Nigel would ever recover, but I realize dead people can't recover.

>>4178
Im waiting for him to claim everyones a glimmernigger, say hes not bothered and continue his self praise

>>4175
>That wonderful summary of my half-meme half-related pic
You're too good to me, anon. If you live in California I want to buy you breakfast and tea for your time here.
>>4179
Punished Glimmernigel when? Bahahaha

Plz put me in the screencap

>>4175
Maybe after you finish I might go read the fic myself and make a hot-take comparison for stories or parodies. Discussing how overpowered characters can be lovable, especially.

For instance Guts' absolute autismo with Casca, emotional disconnection and difficult upbringing full of loss and near-death experiences cements him as someone who is both pitiable and admirable, and because he's so absurdly strong as to wield a greatsword twice his weight with one fucking hand you can guarantee he'll still live - but the dramatic tension is still there because every major fight scars him, leaves him in grave danger, breaks bones and brings him to a state of...well, Berserk-mode. I mean his armor later on literally forces broken bones into normal shape, even if it shreds his skin and harms his body even further. He's so absolutely, assfuckingly absurd in his destructive behavior that you can't look away. His autismo is a big part of his development and becoming a better man and even knight - when he joins the White Hawks he is a selfish and angry person only driven by instinct and self interests, but as he gets to know Griffith he gains a purpose that strengthens his resolve, he learns about finding a purpose in a world so brutal, and he learns that while pure strength is powerful, teamwork can fell many dastardly foes. When Griffith betrays the hawks, kills every remaining man, rapes Casca and brands both her and Guts with a sacrificial mark that attracts demons, all in the name of regaining control over his life after a year of being stripped of his reputation and independence, Guts regresses into his lone-wolf personality, leaves a traumatized and mute Casca for a small family to take care of her, and starts seeking out his revenge on Griffith. But that revenge is a strange kind of hatelove; Guts admires his power and dedication, and while he can't see why Griffith would do what he did (I mean he saw Casca raped while his arm was torn in half), he understands that the two of them are still friends with competing dreams, they're mutually willing to fight each other to attain.

See, that's some amazing writing for an overpowered character. Blows most fiction out of the water, of most mediums. It's got its messages about organized religion, petty revenge, friendship, motivation, and PTSD, and it goes about telling them in a way that is never condescending, or annoying, or direct. Guts isn't an arbiter of truth - he's a wise man but not very intelligent,and while his author shares some views with him, for the most part he's an independent character with his own beliefs that can be wrong or exaggerated without harming the ego of his writer.

Fuck man now I wanna start reading it again. I stopped around issue 110, rip.

>>4128
>>4130
>>4135
>>4136
>>4142
>>4152
>>4154
>>4158
>>4162
>>4173

Brilliant. I came to milk a lolcow and stayed to learn about writing.

>>4183
I'm up for unironically turning every Glimmernigel thread in future into a writing advice/review thread.

>>4184

I doubt there will be much more of them from this point onwards. If Nigel does not outright leave MLPOL after ousting himself (which he pretty much already did), he will never post about fiction here again. He*s trapped in a devils cycle of rejecting criticism and being entrenched in his overarching glimmernigger conspiracy. I guess he will just leave for another community, maybe erect a hugbox on fimfiction. I also heard a rumor that he's a drug addict on top of all this narc autism, so dont expect any rational reaction from him.

In any case, i suggest you and the other writers take what this thread offered and transplant it into a dedicated writing thread.

>>4185
Yeah, we might not see the poor assblasted bastard for another six months. But still if we see Glimmernigel rear his head again, I'm hype to raid the thread with general writing advice and examples of better work.

>>4173
>>4111
>>4120

3C. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - seriously the final

Good morning everyone. And a good morning to you, Nigel, if you're still here.

In just a moment I am going to tear myself away from this beautiful August day and plunge back into what soldiers during the Vietnam War darkly referred to as "The Shit," which in this case means holding my nose and delving back into the actual text of your story, but I just have a few final thoughts on last night's subject.

As I said before, writing is a form of communication. If you are going to write anything at all, you need to understand what it is you want to communicate and who you would like to communicate it to. With fanfiction, you really need to stop and give extra special consideration to this question, before beginning any project. Why am I writing this? It sounds like a simple question to answer, but it really is very complex.

Individuals like you, Nigel, tend to write fanfiction for the stupidest and most autistic reasons, which, unsurprisingly to literally everyone but you, usually result in stories that are god-awful and have no serious value at all, that unless they are exceptionally well written are usually dismissed or ridiculed by audiences. Usually these individuals select premises from the source material revolving around some completely superficial imagining of the world or its characters that relflects no deeper understanding of that world or characters, or any of the themes and ideas present in the original work. These are the same kind of people who sit around arguing over whether an Imperial starship from Star Wars could beat The Enterprise from Star Trek in a gun battle, or who would win in a fight between Goku and Inuyasha, shit like that. Individuals like this also tend to be the ones behind the self-gratifying cringey romance stories that usually just serve as an embodiment of the author's fantasies, with an appropriately bad OC that is just a stand-in for the author himself (protip: read back over what I wrote about your "date" scene between Twily and Silver "can you get AIDS from French kissing a male camel's butthole? asking for a friend) Star if you would like an example of the latter kind of story).

This isn't to say that these kinds of stories can't be fun or that you shouldn't write them, it's just crucial to understand what you're writing, who you're writing it for, and why you're writing it. If you just really want to get your dorky fantasies on paper and don't care if it has literary value or not, then God bless you, there's nothing wrong with that. In that case, basically, the audience is you, and you're writing it purely because you want to. You don't need to worry about impressing anyone else in that case. I do plenty of this myself, I'm sure we all do. It can even be good exercise. Stories that are just pure action and not intended to be deep aren't necessary off limits either. A story about Darth Vader's fleet vs. a Federation fleet could be exciting and fun if told correctly, and you wouldn't necessarily have to know anything except the technical capabilities of those universes' respective technologies and how their commanders behave in battle. However, if you tried to sneak a serious message or emotional subplot armed only with that knowledge your story would probably veer off into cringe town and OP would be eternally branded a faggot.

Writing porn is a virtually identical to writing all-action stories, in that you only need to be able to superficially describe what's happening to do it effectively. You could write or draw pony porn without having ever seen a single episode of Pony; however, if you want the content to resonate emotionally, you have to understand the characters. Don't attempt this if you haven't given serious thought to who these ponies are and why they're doing what they're doing. If you just try to compensate for your lack of understanding by layering on sappy dialog, you'll fail and be mocked. If you just project your own fantasies onto characters you don't understand, you'll fail and be mocked.

If you want to learn characterization, writing greentext from a prompt is a good way to practice. You start out with a simple premise and are not bogged down by trying to write anything of any great length or complexity. "Rarity and Rainbow Dash are lost in the woods, Rainbow's wing is broken." Okay, why are they there? How did they get lost? How did Rainbow break her wing? Technical questions about what's happening and why. Then go deeper. Who are these ponies? How do each of them react to this situation? Do they work together well or do they get on each others' nerves? Go back and rewatch the show, entire episodes have been built around these premises.

Once you understand how to do shit like this, you can start creating larger stories with more characters and more complex premises. But above all, you need to give thought to the following no matter what you want to write or how big or small the project is: what am I writing? Why am I writing it? Who is it for? Learn to answer those questions correctly and OP will never be a faggot again.

>>4187
>morning
Bahaha, I'm eating Golden Corral buffet fare while reading. Morning to you too, mister windowless-bedroom. I still like you though, don't worry uwu

Also wew lad, I've never gotten such an extensive crash course on such a specific field of pre-writing and planning.

>>4187
>>4111
>>4120
4. Burglary isn't Romantic, plus One (1) Thing You Did Well

Alright, back to the rancid meat of your text. Before we get too deep into the argument/fight between Starlight Glimmer and Silver "grab me by my flanks and launch me into orbit, Rocket Man" Star, I just want to say a few words about the short interlude between the date scene and the party.

There is a short, somewhat confusing, segment broken by dividers in which Silver "fist me Daddy" Star and his Silver "there's ten of us now so let's make an equine centipede" Spares apparently show up at Twilight's crystal castle, summon Spike out of the house and take him off somewhere, presumably for some kind of butt stuff, and then proceed to ransack the castle for unknown reasons. This section, and its subsequent follow-up at the end of the story, are a prime example of you having, on some level, some innate instinct for how to build a scene and pique reader curiosity, but your autism keeps getting in the way of your understanding what's a good idea and what isn't.

Basically, as I mentioned, the setup here is that the clones all show up and ransack Twilight's house for reasons that are not explained, leaving the reader to wonder why. You then ask them to set that curiosity aside for, sweet Pony Jesus, 24,535 words, before you get back to it.

Okay, hold on, stop the presses for a moment. I'll get back to this in a second, but holy shitcock. I have been operating thus far on the assumption that the length of your entire text is, give or take, 20k words long. This is based on >>4046 where your screencap shows a total document length of 19,129 words; I hadn't bothered to do a word count of my own. In the OP post you claim a length of over 100k words, but you seem to have confused word count with character count so I ignored that boast. However, I need to look deeper into this, hold the fuck on for a second.

The complete word count of this story is 32,223. Let's all take a moment and let that sink in.

32,223 words, 24,535 of which consist of a single scene. The argument scene between Glimglam and Silver "yummy cummy in my tummy" Star accounts for about 76% of this incredibly bloated text. For a point of reference, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald clocks in at 48,413 words. Do the math. Your autistic pony story, which can be summarized in its entirety as "MC goes on date, talks about himself, robs girlfriend's house, shim shams the Glim Glam spoiler alert: you can't shim sham the Glim Glam, the end", is approximately 67% the length of one of the most highly regarded novels ever written in the English language. 24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

Anyway, back to what I was on about. After the bloated fight scene, if anyone is still reading and still remembers what happened earlier (protip: this is literally no one), you then provide the payoff for the earlier scene in which poor Twilight, as if her cad boyfriend didn't treat her badly enough to begin with, gets her house robbed by Mr. Smith style copies of him.

The cliffhanger payoff, for anyone who cares (protip: this is literally no one), is that it turns out Silver "if this van's a rockin it's what I'm suckin cock in" Star wasn't robbing the place, he was actually remodeling her house and installing a hot tub. I'm sure that in the dark, twisted maze of your creepy little autistic brain, this probably seems like some kind of sweet romantic gesture. Well, I'm going to give you a piece of advice that may one day save your life, in the event that (God save us all) you ever end up with an actual, human girlfriend: it isn't. Breaking into a woman's house in order to install major features that will affect home value, mess with plumbing and rearrange her furniture isn't romantic or sweet. It's insane. She will call the police.

In any case, I don't doubt that Silver's motivations here, like the rest of his (and your) motivations in this story, are completely self-serving. If I had to predict where you were planning to go next with this, I'd say you were going to have poor little Twiggles become even more smitten with her dashing faggot of a boyfriend, and no doubt reward him for his kind, sweet behavior with a romantic hot tub scene. Weren't you, you perv? This scene would no doubt also last the length of another great American novel, and would probably also be filled with lengthy novellas about Silver's time travel abilities dumped into quotes.

Oh yeah, there was one other thing. In the interlude space between the date and The Shit, in a rare moment of actual thoughtfulness, Silver "just stick it in, the cum from the last guy is lube enough" Star asks Pinkie Pie to throw Twilight a party, and she uses her typical cartoon logic to accomplish this. Silver is then left trying to analyze how she did it. This is actually pretty clever. Trying to analyze cartoon physics from the perspective of actual physics is always fun and can make for some good gags. This is good, I would keep this. Just don't get carried away.

>>4189
>Breaking into a woman's house in order to install major features that will affect home value, mess with plumbing and rearrange her furniture isn't romantic or sweet. It's insane. She will call the police

There is only one fictional character I can recall who's that creepy without it being ironic or a horror story.

>>4189
>>4111
>>4120
5. Jesus Christ Please Save Me From This Autism

I was almost starting to feel sorry for you and was thinking about easing up for a bit, so I went back and reread some of your posts in this thread. Now I'm better. I will now resume mercilessly raping your anus, so that you and your shit OC can finally have something in common beyond an overinflated sense of self-importance.

Also, the more I dig into this story the more in awe I am of just how deep this rabbit hole actually goes. I had come into this assuming that this story was a self-contained work. A greater part of a longer narrative, perhaps, but still a standalone work. But no, this story is just Chapter 6 of an even greater, longer, ongoing story. 32k words for one chapter, and there's five other chapters before this one. The more I unravel this, the more fascinated I get. You are like the Black Dahlia of autism cases. It's almost unsettling to think of how long this work probably is already and how long it will eventually be if you keep writing it. It's like sitting in a dark room and giving serious thought to just how large the gaseous planet Jupiter actually is, and then imagining yourself falling it and being consumed. I'm unironically disturbed here.

Okay, so here comes the big one. The people will now hear the case of Starlight Glimmer v. Silver "fist my asshole and use me as a boxing glove to fight Antifa, it's literally all I'm good for" Star.

>Silver’s eyes locked on to the pinkish mare with a purple mane with pale greenish highlights and a Cutie Mark of a falling star. He recognized her. He doubted there was a pony alive who wouldn’t.
>Silver began to rush forwards and his horn lit up as he leapt, and he teleported. He reappeared in the air just behind Starlight, his forehooves grabbing the back of her head and pulling it down as his horn’s magic destabilized her front legs by pushing them apart, slamming her face into the crystal ground as he landed beside her. He turned and glared at the screaming mare while his horn blazed with blue magic, a flick of his horn’s power tossing the mare up and flipping her over twice in the air before letting her fall on her back, the angle and point of rotation calculated to rotate her head and inner ear as much as possible for the effort the move expended.

So, right off the bat, we have Silver "are people still laughing at these?" Star walking into a party he had Pinkie throw for Twilight. As usual, Twilight is completely ignored in the narration; she may not even be attending the party that was thrown in her honor. I'll keep an eye out for her as I read this though. It can be like Where's Waldo, which incidentally is one of any number of books I would much rather be reading than this dreck. Anyway, without even a "Hey, how you doing, want to talk about how great I am?" to his poor, inexplicably faithful waifu, Nigel's insufferable OC immediately zeros in on Starlight and attacks her.

The basis for this is apparently supposed to be that Silver "I'm so Reddit I drew a Pickle Rick face on my dick to surprise my dad" Star sees Glimmy at the party, recognizes her as the infamous dictator who ruined the lives of so many ponies and blah blah blah she's evil, and his super-sweet ninja instincts kick in and he immediately does a super-sweet ninja move to pin her to the ground. Already we've got a number of issues.

For one thing, assuming this world follows the same basic trajectory of the series, we can assume from the fact Glimmy is at this party and the way other ponies react to Silver's actions that we are probably at a point in time shortly following her redemption story. So, season 6 somewhere I think? Let's go with that for now, if we can nail it down as we delve deeper we'll adjust. At this point in the series, Glimmer is not just a regular fixture around Ponyville, she literally fucking lives in Twilight's house. The same one which, incidentally, Silver "I'm not gay I just suck a lot of zebra dick" Star's minion-clones are currently tearing the plumbing out of. Apparently though, this is the first time Silver has noticed her. Given the amount of attention this character typically pays to his girlfriend, or really anypony that isn't licking his balls and telling him how awesome he is at any given moment, it's actually unsurprising that he hasn't noticed a particular pony around town before. However, considering the author's, and by extension his terrible OC's, raging hate-boner for this particular pony, it's a little surprising he didn't notice his arch-nemesis living in his girlfriend's fucking house. But I digress.

The other issue here is that he describes her as some kind of universally reviled dictator, known far and wide across Equestria.

>He recognized her. He doubted there was a pony alive who wouldn’t.
His exact words. It's been a while since I've watched the later seasons of the show so I might be remembering it incorrectly, but I don't remember Glimmer ever being anything on the level of a famous dictator. She basically enslaved one town of ponies and that was it. The Mane 6 would know her of course, the townsponies she enslaved likely don't have a high opinion of her at this point, and I imagine her reputation has spread somewhat around Ponyville. That seems like that would be about the extent of her infamy though. Really, attributing this much infamy to her seems less like something that would really happen in-world and more like another distortion of reality brought on by Nigel's raging hate-boner.

Aaaaaaaand I have to go to work again. I will pick this up in a few hours.

>>4191
>Silver "are people still laughing at these?" Star
Yes, yes I am. But if you're running out of jokes, I don't blame you for stopping. There's only so many ways you can call him a faggot while intimately detailing every way in which he is a faggot, hah.

>upheaves a party like Tommy Wiseau because his archnemesis suddenly seems to have shown up in the town in which she lives, when he should have met her earlier and likely had this exact encounter months prior
Jesus christ, I knew this fic would be autistic but that's beyond the pale of peak autism. We really will need a new spectrum for this level of 'tismus.

Anyway, you go tend to your real life, still avidly enjoying this takedown and await with bated breath still. It's surprisingly calming to listen to the music playlist thread while reading all this.

>>4191
Godspeed Anon, we eagerly await your return.
Maybe Nigel can expend a couple brain cells to write a coherent reply to your criticisms while you're gone.

>>4193
>implying more than two brain cells to spare
lel nah

>>4191
>>4192
>Yes, yes I am. But if you're running out of jokes, I don't blame you for stopping. There's only so many ways you can call him a faggot while intimately detailing every way in which he is a faggot, hah.
Same here. I haven't replied much because I want to see the full extent of this literary breakdown.

>>4191
>>4111
>>4120

I'm going to dispense with the bold-face headings for a bit since the last section was titled Jesus Christ Please Save Me From This Autism and I think that is going to be an appropriate title for a while yet. Just assume that that is the section we are on until I tell you otherwise.

Okay, so. At this point in the story, Silver has Glimmyglam pinned down on the floor. An interesting detail that I didn't notice before is you specifically mention him slamming her face into the "crystal" ground. If I'm following the increasingly convoluted sequence of events correctly, what happened is, Silver "genie of the weenie" Star asked Ponk to pull a party out of her ass in Applejack's barn for Twilight, summoning everypony except Twilight to the party (whether or not Applejack was ever consulted about the use of her barn is never mentioned but whatever, that hardly matters at this point). The purpose of said party was to distract Twilight to keep her out of the house while clones of Silver rob her of all her worldly possessions so they can install a new hot tub (a detail that isn't explained until later, all we know presently is that Silver's doppelgangers are ransacking her house). Whether or not Twilight is actually attending the party is still unclear. Silver sees Glimmer at the party eating cake and minding her own business and decides to randomly attack her because that's what any reasonable pony would do, causing the party to stop with a literal record scratch.

So, if I'm following this correctly, this scene should be taking place at Applejack's barn, right? So why is the floor crystal? Why mention that detail? Why would AJ's barn have a crystal floor? I mention this because the only place in Ponyville I can think of off the top of my head with a crystal floor would be Twilight's castle. Are they supposed to be in Twilight's castle now? The very castle that is being ransacked by the clones, that Twilight, for whom this party was thrown, was supposed to be kept away from? Because the way it looks to me is there are only two possibilities: either the party has inexplicably moved to Twilight's castle, or the eternally practical AJ had a crystal floor installed in her barn for some unexplained reason. Neither scenario makes sense. Explain yourself.

Anyway, next Rainbow Dash, so far the first character you've introduced who does anything sensible, becomes angry at Silver "hot cross my buns" Star for randomly attacking one of her friends and charges him full-speed. Naturally, one of Silver's thousands of powers is to somehow become a rigid body incapable of being moved regardless of force, described "as if he were made of titanium" in the text, so of course Rainbow crashes into him and falls to the floor without doing any damage or even moving him slightly. Considering Rainbow's famous speed and strength, it seems like the effect here would be similar to crashing a car into a retaining wall; I find it hard to believe that Rainbow wouldn't have sustained some sort of serious injury. However, I'm just going to chalk this one up to cartoon physics and move on.

Naturally, another of Silver "Squeeze me I'm full of custard" Star's thousands of powers is to perform some kind of Vulcan mind-meld with a ghost version of himself that springs from his horn and allows him to read the minds of other ponies. Oh, also this:

>Meanwhile, his spell was just one of many ways he could read her. Light blue numbers and lines appeared in his sight and he saw her heart rate, the size of her pupils, her pulse, her brain activity, and if she even twitched a little, anywhere on the body, a subconscious muscle contraction that would tell him she would be about to move or lie, he would know.

So I guess he also has cyborg eyes or something. Naturally. So, anyway, he reads the thoughts of Rainbow Dash and notices that her mind is answering questions differently than she answers them verbally, or some other kind of crazy shit like that. Hm, sounds like the game is ahoof, Dr. Watson. How is our super-sleuth going to get to the bottom of this mystery?

This is my favorite part. Starlight Glimmer, apparently deciding that the line of questioning is delving too deep into her past, volunteers her entire backstory as a justification for her actions. Silver listens to her, and is surprised to discover that he can't get angry enough at Starlight Glimmer and finds himself wondering why. I have to say, that is a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan. Of all the developments in this story I would have expected, your OC, who is endowed with every superpower in this or any other universe, being unable to be as angry as he would like at Glimmer is not on the list. Could this be his kryptonite?

No, it isn't. Turns out that actually, Glimmer is some kind of anomalous being, a creature with the ability to warp reality around her and force ponies to like her, and apparently she does it without realizing it. Nopony is supposed to actually like her, they just like her because they are forced to. Her entire redemption is explained away with this flimsy device, thus setting the stage for Glimmy to be justifiably beaten to a pulp by the ever righteous Silver "I swallow if I'm thirsty" Star. Before we get to that though there's a paragraph that frankly deserves an entire post dedicated to it.

Oh, also: it looks like you do specifically mention Twilight "proudly" watching SS and SG make up (though she doesn't intervene in the fight), and the barn is again mentioned, reinforcing it as the location for the scene. So, looks like Twilight is at the party, and AJ's barn has a crystal floor. Whew, glad we cleared that up or I wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight.

>>4197
>>4111
>>4120

Alright. This next post is going to delve specifically into one of your trademark dense, unnecessarily verbose paragraphs that I think deserves to be pulled apart piece by piece, as it may just provide us some valuable insight into your twisted psyche. First, I'm going to post the entire paragraph in its entirety for the benefit of everyone else in the thread, because just summarizing it really doesn't convey the proper effect, you really have to read it for yourself. Then, we'll get down to brass tacks and start picking it apart.

>His horn lighting up in blazing blue, he started to work on fine-tuning a spell to deal with what he saw, and he talked while he worked. “She’s one of those strange anomalous life forms, with the ability to unconsciously warp reality around them. Almost as if reality itself is favouring her. She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings. No one being will be allowed to get mad at her, and nopony that gets mad will be allowed to stay mad at her, unless he or she is the bad guy in this character’s ‘Story’, either temporarily or permanently. Her backstory will make little to no sense, as if she just popped out of the blue one morning and made something up on the spot when questioned. It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans. Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit. Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap. Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification. It’s as if this anomalous entity emits some kind of mind-altering field that forces others to react how the anomaly wants. The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial. This being doesn’t follow the rules of her own universe, and problems will be generated around her with obvious solutions a child could think of. If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce, so she could fix Celestia’s issues in under a few minutes. And if she wanted to conquer Equestria, she would only need to enter the country before Celestia herself was warped into an unrecognizable tyrant her loving citizens have suddenly always secretly loathed and longed for freedom from. It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist. And I’ve seen what happens to universes where beings like this are allowed to exist, running around and eroding away the fabric of the universe with each subtle act of warping reality. Many cultures across the multiverse have names for this concept, and I remember selling some gear to a group that hunted these beings for sport, and to maintain the stability of the multiverse. They called these beings Anomalies on paper, but they had some unpronounceable nickname for these beings, it was mare... Something, but my own name for this type of impossible breed of eldritch creature is... Outlier.”

>>4191
>without a [...] to his poor waifu, Nigel's OC zeroes in on Starlight and attacks her
I've often thought that Nigel secretly likes Glimmer and hates himself for it

>>4188
>eating Golden Corral buffet fare
Anon what the fuck, you some obese rural retard nigger?

>>4198
>>4111
>>4120

Nigel. Are you paying attention? You need to pay attention. The paragraph I greentexted (see quoted post) is probably one of the most important paragraphs you've ever written. In it is distilled the very quintessence of your autism; the fact that you wrote it completely without irony and fail to see any of the connections between what you wrote and the protagonist you created, is the key to explaining to you just why your story sucks so bad and everyone hates it. If you can truly comprehend what I am about to say, you may just be able to move on from this tragedy and redeem yourself.

>It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans.
I want you to read this quotation carefully. Several times. There is something here that you need to see. Have you guessed what it is yet? No? I'm guessing everyone else saw it immediately. Read it a couple more times. Got it yet? No? Well, I'll spell it out for you then.

This is your character. Everything you wrote in this paragraph describes your OC, verbatim, spot on. Everything you claim to hate about Glimmer, every last horse-fucking word of it could be applied to your garbage-tier OC. In fact, the line quoted above could probably be called the thesis, the quintessence, the core, of your OC.

Coolest backstory the creator could think of? Check (well, to be fair, it also says 'sympathetic', which doesn't really describe your OC, but since you clearly intended for him to be sympathetic but failed miserably at it due to your inability to interpret the emotional cues of others, I'm going to count it).

Infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer? Check.

>As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans.
Check, check, double check, triple check. Check that shit one more time just to be safe. This is Silver "my gaping, ruined anus can literally be used to play skeeball" Star in a fucking nutshell.

>Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap.
>Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification.
Check, check.

>The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial.
This is your approach to writing your own character in a nutshell. Knowing that you probably still don't see it, despite having it thrown right in your face...you can't possibly imagine how maddening that is for me. I'm seriously going to do my best to explain it to you here, because oh God, if you could just grasp this, you could understand so much...

>If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce...
If your novel were printed, and I was asked to write annotations, this is almost the exact wording I would use to describe your OC's relationship with Twilight.

>It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist.
I would put that on the dustjacket. In huge, bold type. Right on the front, where anyone who was even thinking about buying this book would see it and realize what a horrible mistake they were about to make.

Do you see, Nigel? Have you figured it out yet, or do you still need it rammed through that dense fucking skull of yours at sonic-rainboom speed? Everything you claim to hate about Glimmer: her unearned powers, her unearned likeability, her unearned redemption, these are all things that could be said about your character. In fact, they apply to Silver "Down on the Docks is Where I Hunt for Cocks" Star much more than they apply to Glimmer.

I'm going to delve more into your hatred of Glimmer before we go any further, because there are a few things that are really bugging the crap out of me.

>>4200
I...I felt like having a particularly cost effective meal to make up for missing breakfast and the previous dinner.

.-.

>>4198
>His horn lighting up in blazing blue, he started to work on fine-tuning a spell to deal with what he saw, and he talked while he worked. “She’s one of those strange anomalous life forms, with the ability to unconsciously warp reality around them. Almost as if reality itself is favouring her. She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings. No one being will be allowed to get mad at her, and nopony that gets mad will be allowed to stay mad at her, unless he or she is the bad guy in this character’s ‘Story’, either temporarily or permanently. Her backstory will make little to no sense, as if she just popped out of the blue one morning and made something up on the spot when questioned. It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans. Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit. Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap. Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification. It’s as if this anomalous entity emits some kind of mind-altering field that forces others to react how the anomaly wants. The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial. This being doesn’t follow the rules of her own universe, and problems will be generated around her with obvious solutions a child could think of. If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce, so she could fix Celestia’s issues in under a few minutes. And if she wanted to conquer Equestria, she would only need to enter the country before Celestia herself was warped into an unrecognizable tyrant her loving citizens have suddenly always secretly loathed and longed for freedom from. It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist. And I’ve seen what happens to universes where beings like this are allowed to exist, running around and eroding away the fabric of the universe with each subtle act of warping reality. Many cultures across the multiverse have names for this concept, and I remember selling some gear to a group that hunted these beings for sport, and to maintain the stability of the multiverse. They called these beings Anomalies on paper, but they had some unpronounceable nickname for these beings, it was mare… Something, but my own name for this type of impossible breed of eldritch creature is… Outlier.”

HE LITERALLY DESCRIBED HIS CHARACTER TO A T! INEXPLICABLY AND IMPOSSIBLY POWERFUL, LOVED BY EVERYONE, DATING THE LITERAL PRINCESS OF THIS REGION, WITH KNOWLEDGE SURPASSING CANON PRODIGIES OF MAGIC, AND INCAPABLE OF BEING WRONG MORALLY OR INTELLECTUALLY. AND WHEN SOMEONE DISLIKES HIM, IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE THE VILLAIN OF HIS STORY, A GOMMIE SJW AND ONLY EXIST TO BE FOILED BY THE GOOD GUY!

I'M NOT EVEN LAUGHING ANYMORE, I'M JUST SO OUTRAGEOUSLY MAD AT THIS EGO THAT I CAN NO LONGER COMMUNICATE IN LOWERCASE!

>>4203
Deep breaths anon, we'll get through this

>>4204
It's not going to be okay until I get my USB pre-loaded with Linux delivered so I can get my computer back and revel in the atmosphere of Borderlands again.

I need vidya therapy having read that absolute, mind-rending, madness-inciting, elder god of the ego that Silver Star calls a motherfucking paragraph.

>>4205
I am absolutely speechless. What can I even say? There is not a drive large enough to store my distilled, pure reaction to it. Terabytes - no, googolbytes of gibberish and screams from an unnamed tongue. The Adeptus Administorum would find it and either think it was the ramblings of a Tzeench-worshipping heretic, or a heavily encrypted cypher using old technology harvested straight from the site of the webway in its infinite processing power.

>>4206
Wait no I misnamed it, it's Administratum. I admit my only knowledge of WH40K comes from the TTS series and the emperor's podcasts.

>>4201
>>4111
>>4120

Let's look at it analytically here. What are your gripes against Glimmer exactly? Let's go through them, based once more on the contents of your thesis paragraph.

>She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings.
So you're saying...she's overpowered? She has unearned accomplishments? How is she overpowered? She's basically written as being at a magic level comparable to Twilight's. The only ability she has that might count as overpowered is her ability to steal others' abilities, which she stopped using once she learned her lesson. Contrast that with your OC, who has EVERY FUCKING POWER THERE IS, even ones that don't exist anywhere in the canon universe that you either made up or ripped off from anime just so your OC could have ALL THE ABILITIES.

>accomplishments
What are Glimmer's unearned accomplishments? She became powerful at magic the same way Twilight did, through obsessive, rigoruous study. Even the evil things she did she learned how to do on her own, they weren't powers that were just bestowed upon her by the universe. Contrast that with your OC, who basically gains a new power every time you need him to do something in the story. He needs to be able to tell if a pony is lying about something? Well shit, he's got a magic mind reading ghost inside his horn and also fucking x-ray robot eyes! He needs to btfo somepony in a fight? No problem there, he's a world class ninja! Did I also mention that he's the world's handsomest millionaire? Because he is!

You know, while we're on the subject of unearned abilities here, just how did your character get this powerful anyway? I mean, think about it for a second. Age isn't really discussed in MLP, but most people generally age the Mane 6 at whatever the pony equivalent of late teens to early twenties would be. For the sake of convenience authors generally just use human years to describe their age, and most people seem to put them at around college age. How does someone who has only lived for about 20-25 years manage to become not just good, not just proficient, but the MASTER of multiple disciplines in that span of time?

Twilight is basically a magic prodigy, but she spends all of her time studying. She earned her ability. Ditto for Starlight as far as I'm concerned. Rainbow Dash is athletic and devotes all her time and energy to that, and that's how she became the best. Rarity spends all her time on her fashion designs and building her business. She earned what she has. AJ has her farm and her family, Ponk puts all her energy into social stuff and baking cookies I guess, Flutters has animals. Point I'm making is they all have their own special things that they put all their energy into mastering. How did your character manage to master hand to hand combat while also studying magic and science? How did he develop his interdimensional time travel ability? When did he get his goddamn robot eyes installed? You have no fucking idea, because you never thought about it. You just gave him those powers because you thought it would be cool for him to have them. Your character sucks.

The myth of the polymath is that he's the pinnacle of all achievement. The truth is, most polymaths don't end up accomplishing much more than a couple of significant works, because they never spend enough time developing any one skill to truly master it. DaVinci was a famous polymath, but the vast majority of his projects were never completed. Contrast him with someone like Raphael, who only painted, but has hundreds of works credited to him. He grew fairly wealthy from commissions too, whereas DaVinci had almost perpetual money troubles. That reminds me, just how did your character become wealthy, anyway? Seems like he wouldn't have much time to work or run a business if he was constantly practicing kung fu and studying complex magic.

Also:
>Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit.
This one's been bugging me. Literally what are you even referring to here? Name a specific instance.

Anyway, I never liked Glimmer much, but my reasons are mostly just that I find her clumsily written and awkwardly inserted into the cast. Writing this analysis has made me realize she's actually not all that bad when you ignore problems the show itself has and examine her purely as a character. Congratulations, Nigel, you've made me unironically like Glimmer. That is your legacy. Through your actions, you convince people to believe the opposite of what you try to convince them to believe. You're like the Barack Obama of pony fiction.

Bottom line, Glimmy has her faults and nobody is saying you have to like her, but your hateboner for her is over the top and stupid, particularly since the reasons you give are pretty much bullshit. Her character is written basically to parallel Twilight's. They both were OCD bookworms who devoted all their time to studying. Glimmer just took a wrong turn, which could arguably be attributed to lack of guidance. After all, Twilight had Celestia teaching her. She also had Spike for companionship. Starlight basically had nobody, and just spent all of her time sitting by herself brooding over shit that made her angry, sort of like you. And, like you, she wound up reaching some misguided conclusions about the world and decided to do some terrible things; in her case enslaving a town of ponies, and in your case writing horrendous Pony fanfiction. The two of you really have more in common than you realize, the only difference is: Glimmer realized the error of her ways and eventually redeemed herself. Will you?

>>4208
>>4111
>>4120

Okay, so, moving on. After this long and dense paragraph, which was incidentally spoken out loud by one of Silver "your scrotum is my lucky totem" Star's fucking clone guys to one of his other clone guys, one of the clone guys fires a lightning bolt which apparently strips away Glimmer's (ugh) "Eldritch" status. Now that they are no longer held under a spell, every pony in the barn can now see Glimmer for the horrible icky monster she truly is. Her "Eldritch" status, incidentally, becomes some kind of giant bubble and goes floating off somewhere for some fucking reason or another.

Now, and thank the heavens for this, Silver "I got an infection from that last beef injection" Star is free from the naggling constraint of being magically compelled to be nice, and can get as angry at Glimmer as he wants. Should we hope he uses this power wisely? No, thanks to your writing, Nigel, the concept of hope no longer exists for me.

Oh yeah, here's another little gem culled directly from the text:
>She was a little surprised that he could just say a horrible Bad Word like that, but that made him a bad boy, which clearly excited her, and made him, in her eyes, somepony she wanted to impress.

Yes, anons in the gallery, you read that correctly. Even Glimmy, the pony that Nigel despises more than Satan himself, is hot for his OC in this story and wants to fuck him. His OC is just that cool. There is not a mare alive who can resist the throbbing beefy dong of Silver "I can't resist throbbing beefy dong either though" Star. Yet another fascinating glimpse into the cobwebbed corridors of Nigel's twisted little mind.

Anyway Nigel, we haven't even gotten to the politics yet and I'm already sick of this conversation between Glimmer and Silver. Ugh, I haven't even read half of this, either. The problem with this whole scene so far is that, in typical Nigel-esque fashion, the points you present are not so much examples of Starlight's actual evil derived from show canon as they are instances of your hateboner projecting itself onto the character. To put it simply, you are just making shit up. For one thing, your chronology is bizarre. You mention that Glimmer spent about 20 years studying the spell to extract cutie marks. You then describe how she took over this village and ran it for years and years, maybe decades, taking cutie marks of ponies and saving them until they grow old and die. The way you describe it, it sounds like multiple generations of ponies lived and died in this village under Glimmer's rule while she absorbed their magic and grew more powerful. How old is this pony supposed to be in your world? She doesn't look that old, is she supposed to be immortal like Celestia, or using the cutie marks to preserve her youth or something? You also mention her bullying ponies to commit suicide and stealing their marks that way. I have to be honest here, I don't remember any of that from the show. Seems like that's the kind of thing someone might have raised a flag about before it aired, idk maybe you've got the director's cut or something.

This is important because it goes back to what is probably my central theme here: that you have no idea why you're even writing this. It's your story so you can take creative liberties with the source material if you want, but it seems like it would work against you to do that here. As far as I can tell you're basically trying to convince the reader of two things in this scene: that Glimmer is an objectively evil pony and should not be liked, and that her ideology is morally abhorrent. If you're trying to convince people of the first point, it doesn't really serve your interests to embellish or invent things. The show canon exists for everyone, your headcanon exists only for you. If you want the reader to conclude that Glimmer is evil, you need to show that the canon Glimmer is evil. If you prove that your headcanon version of Glimmer is evil, what did you accomplish?

>>4210
>>4111
>>4120

Every time I want to move forward and address the broader issues presented in this scene, I come across some little snippet of something that is just such a fine example of how absolutely insufferable you are as both a writer and a human being that I just have to stop what I'm doing and examine it.

In this section of text, Silver "I think Dan Harmon is actually a pretty great guy" Star is listening to Glimmer gleefully talk about how evil she is while going over her myriad crimes against ponykind. As usual, it contains glaring hypocrisies that once again reveal that you have absolutely no capacity for self awareness whatsoever.

Here is the list of Starlight Glimmer's crimes:
>Theft, from innocents. The exploitation of innocents. Lying, for a bad cause. Creating a cult. Hypocrisy. Repeated and intentional malicious alteration of the timeline, creating who even knew how many bad alternate timelines full of ruined lives and likely-dead ponies who should have lived. The destruction of not just any Equestria, but HIS Equestria, more than ten times in a single day.
Okay, fair enough. She actually did all those things. Pretty good so far, right? But then you drop this one on us.

>And an insufferable, selfish, arrogant little ‘I am smarter than you, only I am right, only I know what is best for all, and any who seek to oppose me are wrong’ attitude. With a heaped tablespoon of ‘I am what I am and wanting me to change that is wrong’, with salt and ‘Tee hee hee I love being evil, it’s so fun to be bad’ to taste!
I'm honestly getting a headache just having to explain the same things to you over and over. What's more, everything I have to say about this has been said several times over by several other anons in this thread, and STILL YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN. Well, what the hell, let's have another go.

>an insufferable, selfish, arrogant little ‘I am smarter than you, only I am right, only I know what is best for all, and any who seek to oppose me are wrong’ attitude
this is literally your attitude.

>I am what I am and wanting me to change that is wrong
this sums up your response to every piece of criticism you've ever received.

>it’s so fun to be bad
As far as I can tell this is basically your attitude toward writing.

And, doubtless against the advice of your inner muse, who no doubt told you to give up and stop writing years ago so you tied her up and locked her in a closet in the deepest corner of your mind, right next to your humility, you continue:

>He wouldn’t mind the arrogance so much, if she had a reason to BE arrogant.
This is how literally everyone feels about you and your work.

>She wasn’t intelligent, she wasn’t cute, she wasn’t funny, and she wasn’t a pleasant pony to be around.
You, you, you, and you.

>The egotism of this spiteful little overgrown and mentally-underdeveloped foal made his skin crawl, and the pony part of his mind was screaming at him to give this animal enough Magical Friendship to make a small crater where she used to be.
Amen, brother. Wait, were you still talking about Glimmer?

>“You know, you’ve said a lot of interesting things to me, today,” Silver said, “And I’d love to write them down in a book some day, I’m sure it would be a great seller. It’d be a great book. Just... The best book, ever. I’ll write it a few days from now."
I would actually be curious to read Silver's book about his conversation with Glimmer. There is no possible way it could be any worse than the one I'm reading right now.

>With a detached curiousity, he wondered what would happen if somepony like him became ‘Too’ angry.
If the subject of the anger is Starlight Glimmer, both you and your faggot OC live every second of every day at maximum anger. It is not possible for you to become any angrier with this pony than you are already, at least I sincerely hope not. You trying to surpass your own hateboner is like trying to overtake an object traveling at the speed of light: physically impossible. Unless your OC has some kind of power that would make it possible, of course.

Anyway, these unintentionally ironic passages are followed by more boring back-and-forth. Silver "put a saddle on me and ride me to the gay bar" Star continues to lob hypothetical situations at Starlight, who keeps coming up with hypothetical solutions that predictably fall short. Blah blah blah how do you heal the sick with no doctors, blah blah blah how do schools work, blah blah blah what if monsters show up, blah. Nobody cares. Who is this for? You have no idea. You are a massive cum gargling faggot. Please stop writing forever.

>>4211
>>4111
>>4120

So, anyway, Glimmyglam and Silver "Starpunch" Star go back and forth for a while, and then Silver gives her a full indictment. There's no need to quote it here, since it's another huge block paragraph and it basically just sums up events from the show that anyone reading would probably know already. Mostly it focuses on the events of the Cutie Re-Mark episode, where Glimmer fucks with time and prevents Rainbow from doing her sonic rainboom over and over.

The point you seem to be making here is that Glimmer is personally responsible for what happens in all of these worlds; Tirek taking over, Nightmare Moon taking over, changelings taking over, all that shit. That's one way to interpret it I suppose, and to be fair I can see how you reach this conclusion. You're kind of missing the point of that episode, though. Each time something interferes with the Pegasus race and RD fails to perform the rainboom, the Mane 6 fail to become friends and the world ends somehow. This is basically how Twilight demonstrates to Glimmer how important friendship is. Glimmer then sees the error of her ways and repents. Friendship seems to be kind of a recurring theme in this show.

At this point you introduce what I'll admit is actually kind of an interesting interpretation of events. You put forth the idea that all these tragic realities are actually parallel universes, and even after everything returns to normal, these worlds continue to exist, and all the alternate versions of the ponies in those worlds live on. However, blinded by your autistic hateboner for Glimmer as usual, you pin the blame for this solely on her, and argue that she created these worlds through her actions.

I will preface this by saying that I am by no means an expert on quantum mechanics nor do I pretend to be. However, I feel like I understand the pop science of it well enough to take a crack at dissecting your logic. The idea is not that parallel worlds are created or destroyed based on the choices we make, the idea is that the multiverse is a huge webwork in which literally all possibilities exist simultaneously. There's a world where you brushed your teeth this morning and a world where you didn't. There's a world where your faggot OC, Silver "I can fit a whole pineapple in my rectum wanna see?" Star, sucked a dick this morning, and a universe where he sucked two dicks this morning.

The universes where the rainboom never happened exist one way or the other. In fact considering that there are probably any number of things that could have prevented that event from happening, there's probably thousands of similarly unfortunate universes, most of which Glimmer never even touched. Really, if you consider that the entire happy future of Equestria hinges on six ponies making friends with each other, donning the Elements of Harmony, and fighting all the monsters and whatever that threaten the world once or twice per season, and their entire friendship depends solely on one filly performing a difficult trick during a race at a precise moment in time, you really only have one very narrow window for things to go right and a thousand ways for things to go wrong. What about universes where Rainbow Dash's parents never meet? What about universes where Twilight gets distracted and doesn't look out the window?

Glimmer's actions here really don't affect the big picture much. In fact, by focusing the story on your completely petty and arbitrary hate for this one character, you blatantly missed an opportunity to focus on an idea that I guarantee you would resonate better with an audience than "reeee Glimmer is worst pony and I hate her stupid face": that there are probably millions of universes where Equestria dies a gruesome, horrible death, but only a handful where it doesn't. There may even only be one where the proper conditions are met to avoid all this tragedy, and it's the one these ponies live in. And it's a happy world, joyous even. Imagine how much more you would treasure your life and your friends if you learned something like that about your world. That's the lesson Twilight wanted to teach Glimmer and eventually managed to communicate. That's the kind of story you could have told. But you didn't. You chose instead to blather about Communism for 24,535 words and beat up a character you don't like. I feel sorry for the ponies who have to live in your universe.

Also, moving past theoretical physics and back into writing, this scene, like most parts of your story, is executed poorly. Characterization is not done well. After Silver "I'm a mare trapped in a stallion's body" Star concludes his speech, everypony in the room naturally agrees with him that Glimmer is worst pony, and Glimmer shows no remorse whatsoever. This is probably intentional, since the convoluted bit about her being an "eldritch" was basically just so you could erase Glimmer's redemption and make her evil again, then show her as evil to all other ponies and have them agree with you. Basically, you erase the canon, replace it with your headcanon, and have the crude little sockpuppets you made of the canon characters nod their heads to confirm that it is now true. Trust me when I say that literally no one gives a shit.

Lesson: don't force your headcanon on the audience, it's obnoxious.

Going to bed now, have to work later. Don't know when I will get back to this but get back to it I will.

>>4212
I just woke up today to read all that and....holy fuck man. I ACTUALLY want to read a story involving quantum physics/timelines that were doomed and how the singular canon timeline is so fragile and rare from that perspective. That sounds like an emotional trip, a dive into what makes character/personality (environment vs nature), and a real great feels trip.

Honestly knowing now what Glimmernigel could have made, and knowing he doesn't even give that a few thousand words, fills me with a renewed sense of wasted potential.

>>4213
>I ACTUALLY want to read a story involving quantum physics/timelines that were doomed and how the singular canon timeline is so fragile and rare from that perspective. That sounds like an emotional trip, a dive into what makes character/personality (environment vs nature), and a real great feels trip.
Yeah, that actually sounds right up my alley. Especially if you keep it as a relatively short one-off, at least to start.

>>4212
Stop anon, this level of rape is forbidden by the geneva conventions
I just realized you can't quote ID's here, that would be cool

>>4211
>He wouldn’t mind the arrogance so much, if she had a reason to BE arrogant.
Excuse me but didn't he already list the 'accomplishments'? Dooming timelines, creating a cult, theft and exploitation, and 'decades' of stealing cutiemarks and ruling the village until they grew old and died? Even if you took away the noncanon bs, if starlight was aware of all of what she did and boasted about it instead of regretted it, that's still more than enough reasons to "be arrogant" and more accomplished as any villain in MLP save for Tirek's back story of enslaving the crystal ponies and causing negativity to spread throughout Equestria for generations. So Nigel can't even keep a consistent story within his own world without contradicting himself in his Silver "Self-insert? What's that? I dont care just insert it into me" Star over his hate-boner for Starlight.

I haven't read a single line of his story but I could already pick up on this in one thread I appreciate all your breakdowns and look forward to the end (but then kind of want it to never end)

>>4208
I'm going to do something similar to what you've said except using the dragon fight
(shown in the other thread >>166716 ), but I think the barn scene was a better example.

This actual part of the scene itself:
And instead of the joke being a repetition of events! A chain loop! The joke becomes the repetition itself.
I shouldn't have to explain why that's fucking awful GlimmerNiggerNigelNigeria, write some variation, some diagonal animu slashes, literally anything and the joke will still be apparent, people will find the humour and react on their own.
The boringness and the simplification killed the joke (and more importantly the audience).

What else is chronically wrong with his writing across the board that I dislike?
-Characters don't vary in most scenes by reacting (like interesting real characters with depth... Nigel).
-The environment is entirely ignored.
-In this example the actual characters themselves are ignored for le epic maymay battle (missed character exposition and building opportunity??? fuck me, we'll never know).
-Characters (and you've brought this up in the time it's taken me to get to this, using specific examples like Twilight(the lack of) in the barn scene) -seem to disappear.

I was originally going to use the example of Twilight being vacant for most of the 'Dragon-Mare' scene and highlight her lack of reaction and interaction to break up and vary the extended joke section.
=All she does is say a dialogue line (w/ said tag) then the Dragon-mare says something (and an action interacting w/ Twilight), then Silver says something (and an action interacting w/ the Dragon-Mare). And you just repeat those two latter ones (except even worse because Twilight isn't mentioned)= and that's the entire joke.
Twilight is used twice and it's to do generic things, no interruption? No character thought? Third person character narration?

And that's just part of a larger fight scene that's basically a bunch of anime maymays and relies heavily on character dialogue (rarely varying) to deliver these epic maymays everyone wanted to read.

The abilities themselves?
Could be interesting if they ever got used to do something interesting. Spoiler: They don't.

At some point I typed something like this out, but, forgot to post it because I'm documenting other lolcows at the same time right now, It's been a busy week, good job taking lead of the funposting autism-writer Anon.
My addled brain actually thought I posted my thoughts on this scene. I'd like to say he does this all the time = making a post with some Fimfic link and a random OP picture. Terminal attention-seeking syndrome with a bad case of 'no effort' or even attempt to actually provide something while attention-seeking.

>>4216
We ran out of funding for his gravestone ^:(
RIP - Sample Text by Shutter-stock.

>>4219
F.

>>4219
F

Ah, the childish "He stopped talking to us! That means we win, right?" bullshit of the subversive communist left never gets old. Sorry, but the kids "Shitting this site up" aren't really a high priority for me. When shit comes up IRL, I have to deal with that shit.

Sometimes, I wish my life was so peaceful and quiet that I had the time to go full SJW and get Infinitely Offended over some fanfic writer committing wordcrime and thoughtcrime and breaking your personal rules on what is and isn't ok in fanfiction.

>>4217
You didn't get what Silver was saying? You didn't get that he doesn't consider brainwashing a town, killing ponies(That Cutie Mark wall was full. There were more Cutie Marks on that wall than there were living ponies in her town. Glimmer gaining magic from devouring stolen Cutie Marks is the only way to explain why this Mary Sue is stronger than the living paragon of friendship and magic, and Ponies simply turning to dust after being Gray for long enough felt more merciful than her actively sacrificing them to Moloch like the average leftist in power), ruining the timeline a few dozen times, and causing incredible pain and suffering to multiple worlds... to be something anypony should be proud of doing.

The meaning of that line went over your head? Damn, guess that's going to put a dent in your "x is a hipocrit becuz x" leftylie. And your ego, too. Haha you belong on r/whoosh lmao. However will you convince people here to take me less seriously and not engage me in debate or discussion now?

>>4222
Hey guys, look, Glimmernigel's back!

Thats a short rant then his normal stuff. His anus must be bleeding pretty hard

>>4222

Nigel, these 2 threads are your Julay moment.

>>4225

>Mister Metokur Tells Vee How He Became A lolcow
https://youtu.be/iHG1P-6f1DQ
45 minute cut from a stream on the gypsies channel

"...but if you keep feeding this its never gonna end. It's going to escalate beyond what it is now and its going to go from trolling and fucking with your family to life ruination shit. And when it reaches that level, your are going to have an ED entry about the meltdown of Vee Monroe. It's just going to escalate." - Jim

>>4222
What a retarded defence.
>You didn't get what Silver was blah blah blah
God, it's almost like you didn't communicate your story effectively.
Almost like it's way too long for its linguistic and simplicity and lack of, well, literary concepts.

Ever read The Great Gatsby?
>>4189
>24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

>>4222
>Sometimes, I wish my life was so peaceful and quiet that I had the time to go full SJW
Oh anon, your life must be so, so busy, oh poor you anon, no one else here has a busy life and still manages to lurk this site for hours and hours.
Everyone here has a free, peaceful life.
Absolutely. Everyone.

>>4222
Nigel! Nice to see you, pal! Happy to see you're not off sobbing in a basement somewhere. Let me get you up to speed.

>>4128
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>>4212
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>>4222

6. This Should Go Without Saying, But This Story is Way Too Long

Okay, this shit goes on for like 40 forevers. There's quite a few more quotable bits that would be fun to dissect a bit, but it would take me until Christmas and really I would just be going over points I've already made.

When I say that you need to trim this down, Nigel, I really do mean it. You need to fucking trim this shit down. Even if you obstinately refuse to take any of the rest of the advice you've been given and want to keep going with this train wreck of a fanfiction, at least trim this scene down.

For instance, this paragraph:
>“You know, Starlight... I follow a comic series named ‘Vitreous and Fern’. It prominently features an evil background character who’s supposed to be evil and utterly pathetic. He’s supposed to have a hilariously shallow to perform evil acts, such as stealing his town’s garden gnomes, and deflating every inflatable in town, and trying to block out the sun. And every time, he’s stopped by a heroic secret agent, a Platypus. He’s supposed to be a joke, and yet despite everything he’s done and tried to do, you’re worse than he is, and you have less of a reason to do any of it. You’re more pathetic than Doctor Daydreamsmiles! But while that fictional loser is written to make me feel sorry for him, you... you make me sick!

If there were an award for how far outside the narrative you can go to make a point about nothing, I would nominate you for it, because this would be a good entry. What is the point of this paragraph? Glimmer is worse than a character you made up from a comic you made up? What purpose does this serve? You're comparing Starlight to a character no one could possibly be familiar with. For a comparison to make sense people need a frame of reference. Who is Doctor Daydreamsmiles and why do I give a shit?

>Heck, why am I bringing up fictional characters when I could bring up Sombra, or better yet, Tirek!
You really should have taken your own advice here. You know what, scratch that, the next paragraph about Tirek isn't much better. You just reiterate more events from the show that readers would already be familiar with and then bash Glimmer some more. Cntrl-A + Backspace is the best editing tip I can give you.

Really, most of this scene should just be cut out. I can't even tell you specifically which paragraphs to cut out because the only solution here is to just cut all of it and rewrite it AND MAKE IT MUCH SHORTER. We haven't even gotten to the political ideology section yet and I am already sick of reading this. This whole conversation is just classic Nigel letting his hateboner run wild. You keep making the same points over and over and referencing the same examples. So far I've seen at least three separate instances where you compare Glimmer to Tirek, and it's the same shit every time. Tirek stole magic, Glimmer stole magic; we get it. Very incisive observation, you don't need to repeat it 80 fucking times. I'm guessing you probably go down the list and compare her to every goddamn villain in the series, and I'm also guessing the end conclusion is that she's worse. Brilliant.

Even if you keep everything else about this train wreck of a story the way it is, you could still improve it just by paring it down to an appropriate length. Your problem, as always, is that you have no understanding of who you're writing for and no ability to filter out what your audience probably won't be interested in reading. Nobody reads fiction because they want to be lectured, if you just want to lay out all the reasons you think Glimmer is awful you should just abandon the fanfiction and write an essay instead (more on that once we get to the part about politics).

Here's what you should do: instead of just sitting down at the computer and typing everything that comes into your head, sit down, take a deep breath, and think about everything you want to say first. Make a list with bullet points if that helps you. Make each point concisely, once, and move on. Don't repeat yourself, most people won't even want to read what you have to say once, let alone fifty times. There is no reason on earth this party scene should go on for more than a page or two.

When you consider that, again, this is not a self-contained work but merely ONE CHAPTER of a larger work, there is no excuse for the length here. Literally all that happens in this chapter is Twilight and Silver "oh shit I'm out of butt lube and the butt lube store is closed today this is the worst Christmas ever" Star have a date, Silver ransacks her house as a "surprise", a party happens, Silver meets Glimmer and they have a fight. There is absolutely no reason this chapter should exceed 10,000 words. Even that may be excessive. Once again I want to remind you that the overall length of this is about 32k, with the party scene accounting for about 24k. Cut that scene out and your whole chapter is around 7,000, which is reasonable for what you have. I would give yourself a limit of about 2,500-3,000 words for the party scene and do a rewrite. If it exceeds that length, cut stuff out. Hold yourself to the limit. It's good exercise.

>>4230
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

When I called this story a train wreck, it really wasn't an exaggeration. I want to look away from this but I just can't.

Let's see, what happens next. Your character gets mad at Glimmer for some stuff that happened in your story that isn't canon: "brainwashing" the Mane 6 (I assume you're talking about that spell or whatever you had her cast to make ponies like her, otherwise I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about), laughing and joking about her evil deeds (happened just now in your scene)...

Oh, wait a minute, what's this?
>Silver seemed to calm down. “Look, I know I’m not the nicest pony on the planet. Not a lot of ponies ever called Silver Star nice.
Is that...could it be? Humility? In MY Silver Star dialog?

>I beat the evil out of bad guys, more than I really have to. Most are still trapped in stone, or cards, and the rest are still in the hospital. If I go to a fancy restaurant and the food is bad, I make it a policy to teleport away and leave them with the bill.
Nope, turns out even his analysis of his "flaws" is just more bragging, and I think that bit about skipping out on restaurant tabs was an attempt at a joke.

>Ponies don’t just call me a hero because of my charity work, they call me a hero because I channel my appreciation for destruction and ruination constructively. I hunt down the rich and powerful and politically untouchable, and I ruin their evil plans and take everything they have, to make this world and other worlds into better places.
>I’ve taken on thieving outlaws, thugs, con artists, bankers, white-collar criminals, golden-collar criminals, crime syndicates, loan sharks, phony future-seers, evil alternate universe versions of great heroes, Changeling co-conspirators, art thieves, underworld kingpins, and more tragic monsters than anypony would expect...
Damn dude, don't be so hard on yourself.

>”QUIET!” Starlight roared, her face contorted with fury, a vein bulging in her neck, shocking most of the ponies around her.
Thank you, Starlight. Nice to see somepony around here with some sense. Now if only he'd listen...

Anyway, blah blah blah, more shitting on Glimmer for the evil things she did in the story you wrote, nothing to see here...oh, wait, here's something. Looks like we get a glimpse into Silver's backstory. This should be good...

>“I didn’t inherit this money, you idiot.” Silver growled. “What, do you think my father gave me a small loan of a million bits, and I got lucky on where I invested it? No, my parents were farmers, and so was I! I worked the fields, I farmed crops, and I fertilized them myself! When I was a young colt, I fought Cattle Rustlers with my own bare hooves and a horn that could only cast three spells! And when I got older, I made my own vehicle and rode it from my hometown to Manehattan, where I got a job at an antique store. I saved my money, so I could take a taxi to Canterlot, where I EARNED my spot at The Royal Canterlot Academy for Magical Duelling, and I studied harder than anypony else in that college ever did! I didn’t whine about how unfair destiny was to make some ponies into magical dieties and make others into farmers! I took destiny into my own hooves and I made it give me what I wanted, and what I wanted was a better life, and a place where I could give others better lives, and do more good than I could as some Frontier Town’s Sherrif. And now I run the biggest company in this corner of the Multiverse, ponies in sixty worlds grow up WISHING they were me, I made my own place at the top and I earned it.”
Wow, the Equestrian dream. Remember colts: just keep your nose to the grindstone and work hard and beat up cattle rustlers, and maybe one day you too can grow up to be the world's sexiest millionaire who is also a ninja and a scientist and a time-traveling wizard. Oh yeah, and don't forget to fertilize your own crops.

You misspelled "dueling" and "Sheriff" by the way.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more stuff happens...Glimmer punches Silver in the face but naturally he's made of titanium so it hurts her instead...he pops a balloon for some reason, not quite sure why he did that but who even gives a shit at this point...okay, here we go. Looks like we're finally ready to start the political debate. And my scroll bar is only halfway down the page, oh goody. Looks like Silver casts a truth spell on Glimmer, naturally, because obviously we all need a guarantee that the words you're about to shove in her mouth are genuinely hers.

Stay tuned, kids. Up next: politics.

>>4231
Oh, shit, I just noticed. You also misspelled "deities."

>>4231
Two points I want to make:
>"What, do you think my father gave me a small loan of a million bits, and I got lucky on where I invested it? No,"
I'm pretty sure that was a dig against Donald Trump. That's not a bad thing in and of its self, but it is very telling that he has to script his OC to the degree that Donald Trump is inferior.

My second point is simple. I looked at one of Nigel's OTHER Silver "Tell the Doc I crave the cock" Star's stories, it's 91k words. 91k. At that ratio, with two stories he tops the Count of Monte Cristo, and I'm sure his combined exploits will easily top the unabridged CoMC. Let that sink in.

>>4233

I think after this much public deep level research on him and his conartist works it is fair to say that Glimmernigel is objectly speaking mentally insane. He creates fiction to volumes that put historically achieved authors to shame, just to inflate his already gargantuan ego to astronomical levels. Essentially writing about himself and circlejerking about how great his fantasy represent is.

I have never seen or encountered a narc of this magnitude. it defies nature how he even made it to this age without getting beaten to death by someone getting sick of his shit. Even Low Tier God and Chris Chan at his worst are more humble than this.

>>4233
I just got here to note, 91k words is something around 200 pages with an arial 12 font.
200 pages of autism.
200 pages.