/go/ - Golden Oaks

>>3843
No, it's more like "you're criticizing me wrong commies, not a single one of your criticisms is valid because you didn't create my entire fic for me even if you did suggest alternative ways of writing" followed by a swift "go fuck yourself, you don't get to choose how you get criticized anymore."

>>3844
>20 chapters from now
>20 unbearable, repulsive chapters
Please, for the love of Celestia give up writing long novels and try a short story.

>>3770
One more thing...
I haven't been judged by my peers.
I've been judged by the sad, pathetic group of ten or so Glimmer fans who are harassing me on this site, and multiple other sites.
If you seriously got duped by their "Yell bad words and hope they stick" tactics, well... Do you fall for that shit often?
Trump is regularly "Judged" by a fuckton of liberals and liberan news outlets to be this bad word and that bad word and so on. Should we all pretend consensus=fact?

(Wrong. You have been judged and found wanting by long-standing, productive, users in good standing who actually contribute to the site)

>>3845
That's how you choose to view this? That's how you choose to (ir)rationalize away my points? Sad, but I can't stop you from misreading my posts. But I can stop caring about your posts.
Take a step back, drop the mob mentality you've been goaded into, and look at what's happening here.
Of course Commies won't like a story in which a pro-capitalist battle mage earns his way from rags to riches. Why should I care when they call my character "Toxic" and "Transphobic" and why should I care when they call me a "Racist" "sexist" "egotistical" "incel" and "lolcow"?
I know about the charity work I've done, I know about the lives I've saved, I know about the good things I've done for this planet and western society and if they do know about it, they certainly wouldn't admit it or tell you about it, because it goes against the "Guys, look at CWC 2! Even worse than CWC 1!" narrative they're trying to build up so you don't think too hard about what I'm saying.
They're liberals, shouting liberal words liberally.
They keep repeating the "Your fanfic is the worst, you should get better at fanfic" and "You are the worst person, you should be a better person" lines, but if I listened to them… How would I improve?
I wouldn't. If I listened to their "Advice" and wrote what they feel entitled to read, I'd end up writing on the level of that "And then Glimmer came back and molested Silver" story.
And if I listened to their "Advice" on how to be what they consider a "Better" person, what would I become? I'm already treating them far better than they're treating me. Would it change their view of me, if I used nicer words to describe the people threatening me, harassing me, and trying to dox me over fucking ponies? No, I'm a "Thoughtcriminal", I have "Sinned" by saying too many mean things about their horse, and I must be shamed on this site with these tumblr callout posts. After all, all the redpilled users apparently gave up on this site at some point, so the voices of the raiders are once again the loudest.
But even if I was this horrible man who needed to improve as a person…
One, what are my crimes? Writing a fanfic in which Glimmer loses. But her fans hated me and harassed me long before I wrote the chapter in which she showed up. Oh, and I made a thread on a redpilled site about a fanfic in which a commie uses. Well, two threads, one about making it and one in which I post it. Truly, I am like fifty Hitlers right now.
And two… There are pedophiles, on the internet. There are feminists, on the internet. There are parents who abuse their kids and proudly upload footage of this on the internet. There are Antifa members and supporters who proudly proclaim that they want the western world to die.
These people aren't doing anything about those people, because they're busy with someone who is, in their heads, "Worse".
And what do these people consider the worst man on the planet? What are they dedicating their free time to harassing, abusing, and trying to dox?
Some semi-former My Little Pony fan who doesn't like their favourite pony.
THESE are your "Moral Authorities"? These wannabe Commissars look like moral, rational, trustworthy people to take seriously? These crying children are the people we're all supposed to just trust blindly?
Look at that "Monarchy VS Communism" picture, in which an anti-communist argument is reduced to something almost as absurd as pro-communist arguments.
The Liberals have to dismiss my criticism of them. The Liberals have to dismiss my criticism of their ideology and behaviour. The Liberals have to dismiss my criticism of their criticism. Because they can't handle it. They can't handle dissent. They can't handle mature debate or discussion, and they are projecting onto me because that's what cowardly bullies do. They want to shout down at me and tell me what I am and should be, and they want me silenced so I can't speak out against them.
Antifa tactics on a supposedly redpilled site. Gee, I wonder where the mods are.

>>3843
>>3844
>>3847

Jason, in case your twisted pea sized brain has forgotten, your former masters have publicly disavowed You, the very admin of this site has declared you fagola non grata.

You have no power here any longer. Your lunacy, your reactions, your professional victimhood, your newfaggotry and the putrid ichor erupting from every volume of the excepts you puke onto the digital space are self evident of the inexcusable perversion that is your author career. Im almost inclinded to print your story out just to do a ritual bookburning of this filth.

>>3849
Wow, many words.
Now, decide if I'm...
>that man who ruined your last Glimmerspamming raid on /mlpol/ years ago
>some new guy

>>3850

i dont care who you think you are, but i know what you are going to be.

This might not fit the tone of the thread at all, but sometimes, I think a story where a young Star Apple tests out and practices his magic and experiments with the creation of the magitek stuff he'd sell as an adult, does other backstory stuff(spoilers), then he "Becomes" Silver Star and goes to the Canterlot Academy of Magical Duelling, pretending to be a rich pony as he tries to make friends and navigate social situations and learn combat magic and stuff, would be a better story than "Silver goes on a macguffin quest with the Mane Six, forms a relationship with Twilight after they get over their fangirl/fanboy phases, and they help him get over the emotional issues he thought he'd already gotten over".

>>3853
I mean, okay? Doesn't change what was, especially since you're the author of the story.

>>3847
Check your post faget

>>3832
>20 chapters from now
OH GOD I'M NEVER GOING GET ANY REST AM I

>>3848
>That's how you choose to view this?
As usual, the best way to respond to you is to throw your own words back at you.

>Of course Commies won't like a story in which a pro-capitalist battle mage earns his way from rags to riches.
Again: "That's how you choose to view this?"
You honestly think that's why you're being shit on? Nigel, how many times do you need to be told this: YOU ARE BEING SHIT ON BECAUSE YOUR WRITING IS TERRIBLE.

>Why should I care when they call my character "Toxic" and "Transphobic" and why should I care when they call me a "Racist" "sexist" "egotistical" "incel" and "lolcow"?
Literally no one has called you or your character any of these things, except lolcow. Well, "incel" probably applies as well, but you're the first one to mention it. I, however, have called your character badly written, obnoxious, egotistical, overpowered, and unsympathetic, because that is literally what he is. I've also spent most of the last two weeks thinking up inventive new ways to call him a faggot. As for you yourself, I have mostly called you a bad writer, which again applies. The shoe fits, Nigel. If you don't want to respond to the criticism you've been given then fine, but please stop making shit up.

>I know about the charity work I've done, I know about the lives I've saved, I know about the good things I've done for this planet and western society and if they do know about it, they certainly wouldn't admit it or tell you about it, because it goes against the "Guys, look at CWC 2! Even worse than CWC 1!" narrative they're trying to build up so you don't think too hard about what I'm saying.
Fine, you do charity work, good for you. That changes literally nothing here, because the topic at hand is your writing, which is still just as objectively terrible as it was before you told us that. The irony here is you accuse all of us of being "leftists" or "SJWs", but you keep using SJW-tier bullshit arguments to defend yourself. Bragging about charity work is a fine example; the belief that good intentions justify any result is a frequent squawking point of leftists and SJWs.

>They're liberals, shouting liberal words liberally.
Liberals, leftists, SJWs, Glimmerniggers, Manbearpig. It's always buzzwords and excuses with you. Get it through your thick limey skull Nigel: YOUR WRITING IS OBJECTIVELY BAD. That is what we are saying.

>They keep repeating the "Your fanfic is the worst, you should get better at fanfic" and "You are the worst person, you should be a better person" lines, but if I listened to them… How would I improve?
You've been given ample advice on how to improve, you just refuse to listen. I've practically written a separate book just deconstructing your shitty fanfic, and I assume you've not even read a word of it. I don't even care; I didn't expect you to read it when I started. You tune out criticism better than leftists tune out crime statistics. At this point it's just writing advice for anyone interested in hearing my thoughts on the subject and entertainment for everyone else. However, I think if you were willing to simply step out of your own ego for a second and acknowledge that you aren't the greatest writer of all time, you might actually learn something.

>If I listened to their "Advice" and wrote what they feel entitled to read, I'd end up writing on the level of that "And then Glimmer came back and molested Silver" story.
Yes, and at that point you would have written something objectively better than "Silver Star Apple and the Quest for YuGiOh Ripoffs and Incredibly Hard Butt Sodomy" or whatever the title of your work is. Ergo, you would have improved.

>I'm already treating them far better than they're treating me.
No you're not. When you respond at all, you're petulant and whiny and act like you're being unfairly ganged up on. I'll remind you that you yourself started all this, just like you started it last year, and just like you'll start it again if you're masochistic enough to remain on this site after this.

>One, what are my crimes?
Against the community or against literature itself? Because the answer to both questions would be "Silver Star Apple and The Quest for Having Entire Cantaloupes Shoved Inside His Ass"

>And two… There are pedophiles, on the internet. There are feminists, on the internet. There are parents who abuse their kids and proudly upload footage of this on the internet. There are Antifa members and supporters who proudly proclaim that they want the western world to die.
Yes, there are. That is relevant to this discussion about the quality of your writing in what way exactly?

>Look at that "Monarchy VS Communism" picture, in which an anti-communist argument is reduced to something almost as absurd as pro-communist arguments.
I don't know what picture you're referencing. You know you can attach images to your posts, right? Anyway, ironically, most of us have said a similar thing about your argument scene with Glimmer. You reduce the conversation down to simplistic strawman arguments; the whole thing is basically just a reddit-tier No U debate.

>The Liberals have to dismiss my criticism of them. The Liberals have to dismiss my criticism of their ideology and behaviour. The Liberals have to dismiss my criticism of their criticism. Because they can't handle it. They can't handle dissent.
I'm starting to think this is unironically what you think is actually happening here.

>Gee, I wonder where the mods are.
Probably eating popcorn and laughing at you, same as the rest of us.

>>3853
LITERALLY ANY CHANGE from what you have now would be an improvement. Your story has nowhere to go but up.

>>3843
I explicitly said a number of things, with simple overall expectations in the resolution.

I'll even simplify them for you:
Even with your 'amazing' image in mind, the critiqued party (implying aggressed somehow lol) should not absolve themselves of responsibility, otherwise they obstruct to some degree their own self-improvement and overall-positive self-interests. Does that remind you of anyone?

Hilariously my response to the image was,
1. Positive, (not POZitive, but in the same vein as a positive-sum game).
2. Specific.
3. The next step is something you've been provided constantly, horse, meet water.

>>3844
>20 chapters from now
>chapter 6
>maybe about done with chapter 7.
>"I'm about 80% done with the story"
Godamn you dont even know how to do basic math. Supposed 80% done with the story and all thats happened is random bullshit in the format of copycatting the show in your own spergy flavor with loosely connected "episodes" and you decided to use staright as a poor "season finale"

>Walking back to Ponyville together, something dawned upon Twilight. “Did we learn anything from that?”

>“We learned there’s a Diamond Dog empire, and it wants to conquer Equestria,” Silver reminded her. "And that this town might be the perfect place for a break from Canterlot."

>“I meant morally.” Twilight explained.

>“Hmm...” Silver thought, and then he started speaking like he was reading a letter aloud. ”Dear Princess Twilight. Today I learned things that seem dangerous can actually be great! Also, Extreme Gears are amazing and you should buy one now!”

>Everypony laughed, and the episode irised out

>>3848
> Writing a fanfic in which Glimmer loses.
You've completely lost the plot, because your stupidly long and padded with inane garbage fic has literally nothing to do with starlight until chapter 5 where shes just an afterthought of Nigelight. I did a ctrl f for "starlight" in your fic. Not ONE time is she even seen until your autistic sperg out in Chapter 6 where you decided you couldnt bear not letting your hate for starlight to go on any further, and it came out like a pot boiling over full of your own piss. Stop trying to even claim your story has anything to do with glimmer at all, because there is nothing there IS NO PLOT. The that effects your supposed main plot about magic tarot card crap, you know when you plagiarized Team Rocket verbatim? but then decided to bring them back with cards which im sure you plagiarized from some other anime.

>And then the ground beneath them gave way, a pitfall trap leading into a chute that lead into the original one. Silver straightened his body to fall faster and he landed first, hooves flashing orange and absorbing the shock. His right forehoof’s orange energy formed a bouncy castle for the rest to bounce on, something Pinkie loved.

>“How?!” Silver snapped at the tunnel walls, his voice echoing, his bouncy castle vanishing as Pinkie landed on Rainbow Dash.

>The laughter of two haughty rich-pony voices, one male and one female, caught their ears, along with the laughter of a mare from Manehattan.

>Or, at least, they thought these were ponies, until they looked up and saw the silhouetted figures of two Diamond Dogs.

>“Prepare for trouble, here in this cave!” The female figure announced, thin and lithe, with a spiralling catlike tail.
>“And make it double, this could be your grave!” The buff male figure with huge hands announced.
>“An evil as old as the land and sea...” She began.
>“Sent here to fulfill our destiny!” He continued.
>A smaller third figure popped up between them. “And then, there’s me!” The manehattanite voice announced.
>“To eat and drink to our hearts’ content!” Said the tall female.
>“And hoard the rest without paying a cent!” Said the large male.
>One by one, gems around them started to glow upon them like spotlights, properly illuminating them.

But startlight? you waste 30 fucking thousand words on the longest drivel in your fic yet, and for what? Starlight hasnt been introduced as a villain in your story, you just decide to force it on the reader and offload all her crimes you made up with no build up or backstory and then have an autismo narutard anime fight with her as if this is supposed to be a climax of the story and everyone is supposed to be engaged when it just comes completely out of the blue, and your own ass.
You are such a limp dick mother fucker that you wont even show her committing any so called crimes against a pony except your OC.
Learn how to fucking something with Acts in them if you want anyone to give a shit about your retarded ideas. The fact of the matter, is not the idea of Starlight being a commie thats a bad idea, or any of the other crap you made up. It's the fact you did a SHIT JOB at showing that to the reader why she's a villain and you think ONE scene where you unload all your spit raging fury about how you fucking hate starlight is good enough. YOU ARE A SHIT WRITER NIGEL. Walls of Autism about favoritism is not going to convince people to get the idea that Starlight is a bad character, it isnt even going to convince people that shes a villain and it sure as fuck wont convince anyone that your idea for starlight is better than Hasbros either.

>>3859
>As usual, the best way to respond to you is to throw your own words back at you.
See, that's your problem: You aren't acting in good faith. You aren't trying to have a discussion with me, you're trying to berate me and my work until I "Give in" and "Lisun to u".
You aren't listening to what I have to say, liberal, but you feel entitled to be "Listened to" and to have your words taken as gospel.
When I say "Why are you doing x" or "Could you stop doing x", your response is "No ur doing x uwu".
Why? Because you recognize x as a bad thing, and you want people to believe I'm a bad man who has done bad things.
I'm the next Hitler, apparently, because I write fanfiction you don't approve of or enjoy reading.
So far, the only thing worth a damn that's been said about my Silver "Hurr durr he likes penis in his butt" Star story is that one bit where someone complained about the whole "You ask a question, then I ask a question" thing falling apart almost immediately like it does in most realistic conversations.
Good to know that didn't only bother me, I'll consider revising that part.

By the way, Glimmer isn't a season finale for this story. She's a footnote.
As for Glimmer doing evil… I was thinking of having her try to hit him with a Cutie Mark remover spell right after she loses their debate, instead of after he pushes her a little by fighting smarter than her, would that improve the story?
It would certainly make her more in-character. Hell, it's OOC for Glimmer to even last half as long as she did in that debate.
I mean, come on. When she has trouble talking to Big Mac, she forces him to talk(She'd be hilarious and far less detestable if the writers kept her from going beyond this level post-redemption). When five of the Mane Six critique her ideas on how to "Chill" effectively, she brainwashes them on the spot. On purpose, by mixing together some brainwashing spells. You can't even make the "Dark magic made her do it" excuse you could make with Trixie. When problems arise at the Nu-ling hive, she brings a monster that could kill them all. I know you stopped reading this part but you leftists who don't belong here really tip your hand and ruin the illusion when you say anti-commie political talk is something a story shouldn't contain. When Discord pisses her off, she laser-obliterates him and it was probably only an order from the executives that had the voice actor say "Actually no I just banished him so he can come back in the next scene". When her pseudo-boyfriend… did he try to leave her, or something? Anyway she age-regressed him over that. Oh, and she sold Trixie's house or some shit. One of my mates, he did hate Trixie more than Glimmer, but that scene (of all scenes? wtf man lol) made her hate Glimmer as much as me.
I'm probably forgetting some evil shit Glimmer has done. I'm probably leaving out some stuff from numlp episodes I didn't watch.
And despite all of her evil, she gets rewarded for it. She gets to be the Friendship School's leftist student counsellor person. She gets to TEACH TWILIGHT a thing or two about friendship. She gets to encourage Twilight to ignore the checks and balances on power. She gets to have Trixie plucked out of the writer's bin and assigned to her as the designated "Loser friend who makes Glimmer look better and saner". She gets to have a random inexplicable jump in power from "I can't beat one of Twilight's shields, and I can only take her mark if I get lucky" to "Not even the pissed-off embodiment of friendship and magic fighting for everything she holds dear can stop me from killing multiple millions every hour, and she can only get me to stop by offering me amnesty and a nice place at her castle", because the writers wanted her "Redeemed" and shoved down your throat as the "New" protagonist more than they wanted this character's arc to make any kind of sense.
She's already a villain, and you're fooling yourself if you think "The hero said she's redeemed so she's redeemed" works.
She's a fundamentally lazy villain, too. Yet another "Evil Twilight" done badly. Only so badly that someone involved with the show fell in love with her and ruined the show for her sake.

One more thing, if you think Silver Star Apple is a hypocritical egotistical knight templar cunt, it's intentional. He hasn't been through character development yet, and Twilight's still in the "He's so cool and smart, just like the books said he was!" phase.

>>3866
>a footnote
32,000 words. 32,000 words, for a footnote.

>>3867
You don't seem to get that we're not complaining about that. We're complaining about your methods, which are abysmal. If the reader can't tell if you're serious or not and has to slog through thousands of words of mischaracterizing, self-fellating trash to get even the semblance of a plot, there is a serious problem. Rather than reveal Glimmer's problems that actually exist, you hammer in artificial points and somehow make her much more sympathetic than the show ever did.

>>3865
Again, just like one of those "chefs." It doesn't matter if Dickens, Hemingway or Shakespeare himself reviewed your tripe, you'd ignore his advice when you're very deserving of being berated. It's the (vastly more experienced) readers at fault, not you, and you can do no wrong. You deserve as many words of scorn as your glorified toilet paper is long.

>>3868
I get that you, on a fundamental level, don't like the idea of a writer refusing criticism. And it'd be stupid to resent you for that, because I don't like seeing it either.
But criticism isn't this inherently perfect and valuable thing. Each piece of criticism only has as much value as it... well, has.
If someone says my story is shit because I ripped off Team Rocket for a villain group, well... The setting of MLPFIM kinda needs villains, and I like Team Rocket. They're also a godsend in the writing department, as they can be as threatening or as nonthreatening as the episode requires, without any change in their overall characterizations. Is Dinosaur King also shit for ripping off Team Rocket?
And yeah, 32k words is a footnote for me. If you think that's bad, wait until you see the Fequestria fic. Hope you don't like Zebras!

>>3865
>I'm the next Hitler, apparently
Pfft, you wish.

>You aren't listening to what I have to say
Nigger, I've spent literally the last two weeks wading through that river of shit you wrote line by line. I'm glad you've chosen to restructure at least one of the myriad flaws in your brutally awkward date scene, but I notice you still don't address the main point that was made, which is that your character spends the entire date blathering about himself and his mastery of autistic world physics, and pays Twilight about as much attention as he'd pay to a tape recorder he was talking into.

Your disrespectful writing of Twilight is probably my biggest gripe about your story, frankly even more so than your character's obnoxious superpowers and complete lack of interest in overcoming any actual challenge or ever pursuing any level of personal growth. Your presentation of her as some kind of squeaky toy whose only purpose in the story is to serve as something for Silver "hurr durr don't mind the sarcasm I unironically do enjoy penis in the butt" Star to shove his dick in is probably the most objectionable element in a story that is almost exclusively composed of objectionable elements. I am not the only person in either thread to have expressed this view.

>When I say "Why are you doing x" or "Could you stop doing x", your response is "No ur doing x uwu".
I've made any number of specific points about your story that I object to, as have other anons. You never respond to specific points, all you do is make vague generalizations, then complain about being unfairly criticized without addressing any of the criticisms.

When someone says: "Your dialogue is weak and unconvincing" you go off on a random rant about leftists and Glimmer. When someone says: "Your narrative is rambling and unstructured, you frequently dump walls of text about unrelated subjects into your narrative, you frequently break the fourth wall to no good purpose, your story has no overarching theme, central conflict, character development, or even a coherent storyline," you start randomly calling everyone names like "Commissar" and "SJW" and flinging words like "transphobia" around, which nobody but you has brought up. I don't know if the issue is that you're incapable of responding to points made or if you simply don't want to acknowledge that points were actually made, but either way it's the behavior of an immature child who can't handle any level of criticism.

>>170256
>I was thinking of having her try to hit him with a Cutie Mark remover spell right after she loses their debate, instead of after he pushes her a little by fighting smarter than her, would that improve the story?
See, this right here is exactly what your problem is. You don't know how to improve your story because you don't understand what's wrong with it in the first place. As I've said before, you write like a high school kid. You have no fundamental idea of how to build a story, your idea of constructing a narrative is just "I'll take this character and that character and have them fight" and then go on for pages and pages about how they fight. I really don't give two shits how Silver "you don't need no fancy grease, just get yourself some rump release" Star fights Starlight, or what move Starlight counters him with, or what super-cool-totally-not-ripped-off-from-any-anime-franchise final technique he uses to finish her. If you want to put crap like that into your stories once you've actually learned how to write, go ahead. But learn the fundamentals first. Exposition, rising action, climax, denouement, all that shit. Give the Hero's Journey blueprint a try. George Lucas can't write for shit, but he built a multimillion dollar franchise just by following that plan. Learn how to structure a narrative that isn't a meandering river of autism and learn how to write characters that are moving and convincing. Focus on all the dumb anime battle crap once you've figured that much out.

>>3866
>Hell, it's OOC for Glimmer to even last half as long as she did in that debate.
Nigel, the reader can't even make it through half of that debate. I'm surprised Glimmer didn't leave to get a snack halfway through and just let your autistobot OC keep blathering. Cut. It. Down. That debate serves no purpose in your story and nobody wants to read it. Why is this simple concept so hard for you to grasp?

Also, do you even read things before you post them? This post is identical to the one above it with only slight revisions. You do this in your story too; you write a paragraph, then write the same paragraph below it with minor corrections to it. I don't get it, is this something you do consciously or do you just not know how to use your backspace key? You're not writing on parchment here, you can write a block of text, revise it, and then hit post you know.

>One more thing, if you think Silver Star Apple is a hypocritical egotistical knight templar cunt it's intentional. He hasn't been through character development yet
Yeah, I get that. See, the problem is, your story goes on for easily twice the length of a regular novel, and from what I gather you're not even past the exposition yet. That's nuts. Nobody is going to want to sit and read something like this for this long with a character that is this unlikable. I get the overall direction you seem to be going with this, that Silver starts off as an asshole and eventually learns friendship or something, but so far we haven't seen him be anything but an asshole. This goes back into what I have told you probably hundreds of times at this point, that you don't know what you're trying to write. You probably have some general thread of a storyline somewhere in that rat's nest of a brain that makes sense to you, but you just write scene after scene after mind numbing, disconnected scene, and it's nothing but Silver "I use bowling balls as anal beads" Star being a complete dick to everyone. There is no other interpretation anyone can reasonably make about this character based on what you've written.

>Twilight's still in the "He's so cool and smart, just like the books said he was!" phase.
Why is it a given that she would even be in this phase to begin with? It's as I've said: you either have no respect for Twilight whatsoever or completely fail to understand her character. Twilight is highly intelligent, and since you're writing about her at a post-princess-ascension part of the series timeline, she has a grasp of how social relationships work as well. There is literally no circumstance in which this character would ever behave like the kind of ditzy teenage moron you're writing her as. She would not immediately fall head over hooves for someone who behaves like this much of a self-absorbed asshole; even if she liked him or was attracted to him on some level she wouldn't just fawn all over him like a giddy schoolgirl.

And in any event, any romantic subplot in any kind of story is only interesting if there is something to develop. There needs to be tension. The two characters need to be different from each other somehow, they need to have friction points, they need to piss each other off. If you start off with a flawless, dashing protagonist and ship him with a girl who is just madly in love with him from the get-go, you have nothing to work with. Nobody cares about it, you've lost the reader's interest. Everything you write just comes off as egotistical dick-fluffing.

Seriously, go on Udemy and shell out the $20, or pounds or euros or whatever you people have, and take a basic class on how to write fiction. Even just learning a few simple, basic things will help you tremendously.

Let's review!
>>3544
>>3545
>>3547
>>3554
>>3555
>>3559
>>3564
>>3572
>>3577
>>3583
>>3584
>>3586
>>3592
>>3594
>>3600
>>3603
>>3607
>>3609
>>3611
>>3613
>>3629
>>3635
>>3648
>>3652
>>3653
>>3683
>>3685
>>3700
>>3701
>>3706
>>3708
>>3711
>>3713
>>3716
>>3725
>>3729
>>3732
>>3734
>>3736
>>3738
>>3739
>>3740
>>3746
>>3747
>>3754
>>3757
>>3759
>>3761
>>3765
>>3789
>>3791
>>3795
>>3796
>>3804
>>3807
>>3813
>>3832
>>3843
>>3844
>>3847
>>3848
>>3850
>>3853
>>3865
>>3866
>>3867
>>3869
Please refer to this complete list of Nigel's posts ITT if anyone is maintaining any illusions of getting through to him

>And yeah, 32k words is a footnote for me. If you think that's bad, wait until you see the Fequestria fic. Hope you don't like Zebras!

One more thing. Word count alone is not something to brag about. You talk about writing 32k words as a footnote like that's something to be proud of. It isn't. I'm going to quote you something I wrote about you earlier:
>32,223 words, 24,535 of which consist of a single scene. The argument scene between Glimglam and Silver "yummy cummy in my tummy" Star accounts for about 76% of this incredibly bloated text. For a point of reference, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald clocks in at 48,413 words. Do the math. Your autistic pony story, which can be summarized in its entirety as "MC goes on date, talks about himself, robs girlfriend's house, shim shams the Glim Glam (spoiler alert: you can't shim sham the Glim Glam), the end", is approximately 67% the length of one of the most highly regarded novels ever written in the English language. 24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

If you could write quality works of that length, that would be one thing. Some authors just write long novels, it happens. If a novel is good nobody cares how long it is. But usually long novels are long for good reason. Usually it's because there is a lot of complicated plot to go over, or there are a lot of characters doing different things simultaneously (George R.R. Martin comes to mind). Point is, shit is usually happening in long novels that makes them long. Your novel, or story, or whatever you consider this work to be, is really not complicated at all. You brag about writing 32k words, but virtually nothing happens during the entire expanse of those words. Silver goes to a party, he has an argument, the argument turns into a fight, he wins the fight, the end. You don't need 32k words to say all that.

This, once more, goes back to a point I've already made before: that you have no ability to filter what should and what shouldn't be in the text of your story. You go off on tangents constantly throughout what I've read of this work. Your entire argument scene is nothing but huge walls of text comprised of shit you believe about shit that has nothing to do with the FiM universe, and strawman arguments about shit you don't believe that also has nothing to do with the FiM universe, being dumped into quotes and forced into your characters' mouths. The fact that you slap labels like "Equalism" or "Harmonism" on your points to try to awkwardly wedge them into the universe doesn't help any of it one bit. You could literally chop out all 24,535 words of that argument scene and it would not detract anything significant out of your text. Not a single goddamn thing.

Continuing to use the Great Gatsby as a yardstick for measuring the length of this behemoth, if you subtracted 24,535 from the length of the text, starting from the back, you would be left with a story about a man who moves to New York, has dinner with his cousin and her husband, meets the fat chick his cousin's husband is cheating on her with, and goes to a party. It wouldn't even get you to the end of chapter 3. 24,535 words is the bulk of Fitzgerald's story. 24,535 words is a "footnote" of yours. Think about that.

>>3866
>As for Glimmer doing evil… I was thinking of having her try to hit him with a Cutie Mark remover spell right after she loses their debate, instead of after he pushes her a little by fighting smarter than her, would that improve the story?
>She's a fundamentally lazy villain.
You want to talk about lazy villains? Let's see some lazy, Nigel.

You are fucking lazy ass wannabe-writer.
Having her use the removal spell will not improve your story or even that chapter. It does not change a god damn thing about how you havent set her up as a villain. I won't give a shit about your "hurr starlight is already a villain because I say so" low functioning autism because you lack the ability to discern human emotions and neither will anyone else.

STOP INSERTING YOURSELF INTO EVERY GODAMN CORNER OF FIM.
It's nauseating how often this happens and it's narcissistic as fuck. The fic is RIFE with it, every. single. chapter. From start to finish.

In Chapter 6 you literally have her show up in a party minding her own business and then your faggot OC attacks her for no reason, wow she's having punch better put a STOP to THAT! The faggot doesnt even know her personally and he has no vendetta against her. You did a shit job on setting up a supposed "hero" and "villain". Starlight's nemesis was Twilight and maybe by association the mane6 would have their own feelings about her since they experienced Our Town. But nobody else on the good side was ever negatively effected by her actions, not even the other princesses and even muh timey-wimey line crap wouldnt actually know it was Starlight that caused it so they arent her enemies either.

>When five of the Mane Six critique her ideas on how to "Chill" effectively, she brainwashes them on the spot.
Hmm where have I heard this exact blogpoint before?
Oh yes. From Silver "Witness me! This open full drum of silver paint is going up my ass" Star
>“And you spat on it! You smirked at it, stepped on it, and spat on it! Twilight gave you new friends to latch on to, AND YOU BRAINWASHED THEM, because when you wanted to ‘Chill out"
Look at that, he has knowledge about something that happened that he was NEVER PART OF. AND NEVER WOULD KNOW OF, SINCE THEY NEVER TOLD HIM. He only just met the mane6, has never met Starlight until this point and suddenly he's going to start offloading all this trash straight out of your mouth about her personal history which is an impossibility for Silver to know, the only reason it's part of the conversation is so you can get all the autistic screeching about her out at once. He's just YOU and your mouthpiece. He knows about this because you know about this. He's angry about this because you are. One can not separate Silver's cock from your asshole and thats why your story tanks. You are an insufferable sociopath autist, and thus so is Silver.

He isn't part of some made up MLP time-police who's watching past present and future, and punishes people who mess with it. Here is no trial for her crimes at the end of the narutarded fight, it's just a self-absorbed decision he makes on his own thanks to your god complex and the same god complex you gave him because he is just YOU. This is why you reject every single piece of criticism. HE IS YOU. And you cant handle the fact everyone fucking hates Silver because you take it personally.

A non-existent backstory of how Silver rose to power through sucking a magical cock off a genie he found in return for infinite power and wealth, but now he's cursed to be thirsty for more dick. The only one who exists in the current dimension that fits the bill of 'nemesis' for redeemed Starlight is Chryalis after screwing over the hive so she has her. Not your faggy ass OC who has NO HISTORY WITH HER, not even one you decide to make up like your forced history of how Silver 'recognized' Twilight from the magic academy.

>Evil Twilight done badly
You criticize it and yet, you arent doing anything better for making Starlight into a better villain. Your idea 'My godly OC removed her ''''universal favoritism'''' so now everyone can hate her like she's meant to be, because I hate her too reeee' and then have a one sided 'debate' over gommunism so she must be evil) is 10 times worse and it's the laziest godamn thing anyone could possibly come up with, it's logic I would expect out of an elementary school kid. But this is someone who thinks copy-pasting Team fucking Rocket who are complete 1-note joke characters is a good villain for MLP instead of coming up with anything original or interesting. A long winded one sided argument of puppets who push the button of autistic sperging about gommunism isnt worth shit as a villain. Your ideas are nothing more than half baked at best, one dimensional cardboard characters or stolen concepts with endless paragraphs of meaningless trival tripe that you think is exposition. Your ideas arent worth shit.

>>3874
>In Chapter 6 you literally have her show up in a party minding her own business and then your faggot OC attacks her for no reason

You know what's even more stupid? Take a moment and look at the OP. See a discrepancy here?
>Who wants to see a fanfic in which, halfway through chapter one, my donut steel OC debates Glimmer and then kicks her ass when she attacks him?
>kicks her ass when she attacks him?
>when she attacks him?

It's almost like OP knows starting shit at a party and throwing the first punch isn't exactly a heroic act. And since he won't shut the fuck up about SJWs, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE PUNCHES PEOPLE WITH OPPOSING POLITICAL BELIEFS WITHOUT PROVOCATION IN PUBLIC SETTINGS, NIGEL

Also >debates and then kicks her ass
Last time I checked Nigel he started the encounter with a Shonen Jump punch.

>>3875
He's trying to reference the point where Starlight is 'seething at how capitalism-pony incarnate is so much better than her.' AFTER he insults everything about her for 20 minutes, and even makes a dig with Starbust so she punches him. AGAIN. ONLY TWILIGHT KNOWS ABOUT HER PAST WITH LOSING SUNBURST. FUCK OFF NIGEL.

Then his shit OC puts some narutist spell on her and 'has a calm debate' on how gommunism is bad. before the full narutoardlet fight breaks out.

It's just as much complete trash as the first time he attacked her out of the blue, and Nigel thinks this is making Silver the 'better pony' who will talk it out. You know AFTER reacting to a single physical punch from her pushing her buttons over and over and reopening wounds withBS knoweldge from the void he couldnt ever know. He reacts to the punch with the threat of INSTANT DEATH. What a hero, totally someone who is worth listening to and getting behind, someone who would ever exist in FiM.

>"FOALS get sad when their friends move away, and whether it takes a few days or a few weeks, they eventually GET OVER IT.” Silver explained. “But YOU... you blamed his departure on Cutie Marks, and you let that hate inside you grow and consume you until you wasted your whole life searching for a way to take revenge on the very idea of Cutie Marks...” He smirked. “When you know in your heart that if he cared for you as much as you cared for him, he would have turned that offer down and stayed with you.”

>Glimmer punched him in the face, but it was like punching a titanium sculpture. Even the area she’d touched seemed to have been transmuted to metal by some kind of spell, though only temporarily. She chipped her hoof, and screamed.

>“I’m invincible when I’m angry,” He explained. “Old Pandarian secret. Did I tell you about the time I skipped my Magic College’s Spring Break party in Las Haygas to study magical secrets all over Neighpon and Pandaland? It’s one of a few neat little tricks I picked up, while learning how to control my rage, so it doesn’t control me. I used to have some issues with that. Here’s another one.”
>His horn lit up, and with the accuracy of a Sherrif, he fired a brief, sharp laser at one of the balloons. It pierced right through, but instead of popping the balloon, it remained whole, as if it was a watermelon somepony had shot a laser through. The two holes on either side of the balloon spun and turned black, peeling off the balloon like stickers, leaving unharmed blue rubber behind, and flying through the air like thrown shuriken, before curving and flying at Glimmer. She flipped over a table full of food and used it as a shield, and the holes stuck themselves onto the table, becoming real holes once again.
>She sighed in relief.
>And then, far faster than before, before she could even react, they turned black again and shot straight at her, sticking to her like the icy hands of death itself and crawling across her body like scuttling insects, until one rested on her right Cutie Mark and one rested on the side of her horn.

“All I have to do is think it, and those fake holes turn into real ones,” Silver explained. “The technique in question is called Eye Of The Needle, a technique from a magical martial arts style the Pandas invented.

Knowing Nigel's track record, this spell is probably stolen from World of Warcraft.

>>3875
>attacks her for no reason
Sure, because who would tackle and disarm a known mass-murderer if he didn't also know that mass-murderer had been pardoned?
Didn't he also apologize to her for opening with a takedown, upon learning that she had been pardoned?
If you want to make my story look bad, you should call it unrealistic that he didn't already know about the pardon.

By the way, someone complained about the "The Shining Silver Star of the Apple Family" title.
I get it, and I agree, that's why I changed it to "Silver Star Apple and the Search for More Money, Love, Magic Cards, and the Meaning of Life" a while ago.

>>3877
>mass murderer
Only in your mind, and in your shitty fic
>>3878
You can pour syrup on shit, that doesn't make it pancakes

>>3877
Remember what >>3876 said:
>...and even makes a dig with Starbust so she punches him. AGAIN. ONLY TWILIGHT KNOWS ABOUT HER PAST WITH LOSING SUNBURST.
So, he didn't know she got pardoned of her crimes when he was familiar enough with Glimmer's shared home, Twilight's castle, to install a goddamn jacuzzi into it. He didn't know that someone walking free had been pardoned when she was literally living with Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Fucking Friendship.

He either knows Twilight, or he doesn't. Make up your mind, Nigel.

>>3879
Uh... can you math?
>>3880
I thought I'd already implied enough about how the clones and their shared knowledge works, but Twilight was giving him a quick rundown of her entire life's story while this distraction party was happening.
He knew about the shit castle because he went into it earlier in the story. He decided to fix it up because that's how he's used to impressing mares he likes: Big gifts and a charming smile only Twilight is smart enough to see through.

>>3881
Sure. For example, in the last 4 hours you've uploaded 99 videos to YouTube, 66 of which are WWE2018, consisting of a combined total of just over 2000 minutes - or close to 34 hours - of wrestling video. However, >pic related was the one that really stood out to me.
If anyone is wondering, the complete title is "PONY SLAMS HOOVES ON PIANO AND ASKS IF YOU'RE BIG ENOUGH"
>>3834
You really didn't do him justice. I couldn't see all his videos (my computer doesn't have enough ram) but good god he's as blatantly and completely self-unaware on YouTube as he is in print.
Since it wouldn't be fair to judge him on today's/recent uploads, let's look at his Plague Inc Evolved videos from 3 months ago; 75 videos with 22 combined views (and note, when you upload a video and watch it yourself, you get 1 view).
This cow has a whole shelf full of milk, ready and in stock.

>>3882

If Jason worked in the fertizer business, he would have been a made man. He had that decisive reverse Midas touch: Everything he comes in contact with turns immediately to shit.

>>3881
>>3847

I dont know when this Pseudo Ban notice was added, but suck on that mod slong Jason. Pic related.

>>3881
>I thought I'd already implied enough about how the clones and their shared knowledge works, but Twilight was giving him a quick rundown of her entire life's story while this distraction party was happening.
The clones are actually a big part of your problem. Large parts of this story are just difficult to understand because it's hard to tell who's a clone and who's the real Silver. There are multiple places where I had to read over the same section multiple times because I couldn't figure out what was going on; it sounded like Silver was in multiple places at once, then it turns out "oh, it was his clone." The story gets exponentially more complicated according to the number of Silvers there are in any given scene.

And the thing is, the clones are completely unnecessary. The example you give here only proves that you just use them as fix-a-flat to cover your plot holes and to give your character an excuse for being completely omniscient. It's the laziest, most amateurish hack technique you could possibly use to explain away legitimate questions the reader might have. Beyond that it's just another stupid power that he doesn't need to have; get rid of it and your story will improve.

>He knew about the shit castle because he went into it earlier in the story. He decided to fix it up because that's how he's used to impressing mares he likes: Big gifts and a charming smile only Twilight is smart enough to see through.
Twilight being smart enough to see through his bullshit must be something you have planned for later in the story, because it doesn't come through at all in what you've written. He's done nothing but bullshit her so far, and she's done nothing but suck his dick.

Its evident from all his "content" that he spends an obscene amount of time playing video games and watching anime, and taking everything he thinks is cool and writing it into Semen Star's Story. I could speculate how he manages so much time (probably not unlike CWC) but I don't even want to go there. In any case, its evident that he is neither creative - plagiarizing everything, and poorly at that - and then like shoving it in everyone's face like a soiled diaper who, when called out for his shitty (literally and figuratively) behavior, accuses his detractors of whatever just-as-valid-as-his-perceived-greatness term he can draw from a very loose and non-comprehensive browsing of reddit, 4chan, and other sites.
Oh, but his reputation and reception is a conspiracy against him, let's not forget.

>>3881
Can you world build?

>>3882
Not that I'm defending this fuccboi, but I'll give credit where credit's due: if you go to his uploads and sort by popularity you'll find videos that are actually popular (hard to believe but bear with me). Hell, his most popular vid is an All Star shitpost with 23k views, plus several others that were able to get quadruple digit views. But they're a couple of years old. Why he can't get views like that anymore, who knows, maybe he hasn't adapted to the changing algorithms, maybe it has something to do with the 'throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks' approach to making vids that I mentioned earlier.

I made a video with a thousand views in one month literally just rambling to a webcam about how hard bein' a nerd was and how Gamers must Rise Up. I wasn't even a teenager, I was like 11. I quoted KJ-52's song Revenge of the Nerds as substance for my point.

It's seriously not hard to get a thousand views. Never was.

>>3887
You got me there, I was looking at his work in the last year since that pertains to his appearance on Mlpol

>>3884
The clones are there to make his wide arsenal and quickness in obtaining new abilities less impressive. Anyone can become a master at something if they can spend a week pouring over 1000 hours into mastering it, after all.
>>3886
Turn your flag back on and tell me if you know what "14x8" is. Then tell me if it's greater than, or less than, fourty. It'll make sense eventually. Sorry about how smug this sounds, I can't think of a nicer way to word it.
>>3887
I'm not making money from Youtube and I probably never will, so I upload for fun. The game was rigged from the start, so why stress too hard over it? If I get fame and fortune, I can get political power and make the game less rigged.
>>3885
You know, if you word that post differently, do you know what you end up with?
"He plays a lot of video games and watches a lot of anime. He shoves a lot of it into a fanfic he wrote for free. He's mean and he says mean things to people who critique him! He also thinks a group of people who follow him from site to site are following him from site to site."
Scroll up and you'll see one redditor post his own reddit username, while telling someone else to message him there so he can post a link to the Anti-Silver Star Apple Discord Server.
I've been quite nice to actual critics who had something to contribute to the story. But why do the people who complain about the story's genre and fundamental aspects feel entitled to have it rewritten from the ground up to suit them?
You think Silver's too strong? He lost a fight one chapter ago and he'll lose some more fights later on.
You think Twilight's in love with Silver? Give it a minute, he'll fuck it up like the smug autist he is.
You think I share the personality flaws this character has? I don't think I do. My many friends also don't think I do. One friend said I was a bit "Overbearing" in political discussions two years ago, and I respect that guy, so I tried to be less overbearing in political discussions. I chose character flaws from a big-ass list and assigned them to Silver to make him a more interesting protagonist than the typical "Generic human with no character traits goes to Equestria and is loved by all" stories you typically see in the HiE pseudo-Isekai Anime genre.
I don't want to sound pushy, as I'm trying to be a less pushy person. But you're absurdly mad at me for a lot of things that aren't really objectionable at all.

Mind if I check something?

⠀⠀⠀⣴⣴⡤
⠀⣠⠀⢿⠇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⢷⡗
⠀⢶⢽⠿⣗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡧⠂⠀⠀⣼⣷⡆
⠀⠀⣾⢶⠐⣱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣜⣻⣧⣲⣦⠤⣧⣿⠶
⠀⢀⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⡹⣿⣷
⠀⢸⣿⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠀⠿⠃⠈⠿⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠿⠿⠿

⠀⢀⢀⡀⠀⢀⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⡀
⠀⣿⡟⡇⠀⠭⡋⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣟⢿
⠀⣹⡌⠀⠀⣨⣾⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⠔⠌
⠰⣷⣿⡀⢐⢿⣿⣿⢻⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⡤⣴⠄⢀⣀⡀
⠘⣿⣿⠂⠈⢸⣿⣿⣸⠀⠀⠀⢘⣿⣿⣀⡠⣠⣺⣿⣷
⠀⣿⣿⡆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣾⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⣻⡻⠿⠁
⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁

>>3890
>The clones are there to make his wide arsenal and quickness in obtaining new abilities less impressive.
So instead of giving your character every learned ability under the sun, you give your character the ability to clone himself so that different versions of himself can learn every ability under the sun simultaneously and then share the knowledge with each other, and that's supposed to somehow make the whole thing less ridiculous? You honestly believe your character is less of a gigantic, improbable, poorly-written douche because of this? I refuse to believe that even you are this autistic.

The clones are exactly what I said they are: they're a lazy way of explaining away obvious flaws in your story. One of which happens to be: "how could this character become a master of physical combat AND a master of magic AND a master of the sciences AND write 200 books AND communicate with porpoises AND do all the other ridiculous shit he does?" Oh, the answer is he just fucking makes infinite copies of himself and has each copy learn a different thing, well that explains it perfectly doesn't it?

This is the kind of idea a twelve year old would come up with, and a fourteen year old would realize was fucking stupid.

>Anyone can become a master at something if they can spend a week pouring over 1000 hours into mastering it, after all.
No, actually they can't. There are literally 168 hours in a week. It is physically impossible to spend more than 168 hours a week doing anything, and that's assuming every single second is devoted to that task; no eating, sleeping or going to the bathroom. Any one of the disciplines Silver "spray my shitter with liquid nitrogen because I want you to literally wreck it" Star is the undisputed master of would take a lifetime to become the undisputed master of. 168 hours a week is nothing. Hell, 1000 hours is nothing.

If you consider that the average person is awake roughly 16 hours per day, 1000 cumulative hours is about 62 days. Could you become a master martial artist in 62 days? A PhD-level scientist? Master the guitar? No, you couldn't.

Even if Silver "lube your fist up with strawberry jam so the next guy to eat my ass gets a tasty treat" Star could clone himself and use his clones to learn things, it would still take them longer than he's been alive to attain the skill level he's at. Even if you want to make him a polymath with ridiculous powers you still have to use at least a modicum of common sense.

>>3889

>Yandere Simulator
>Sanic
>Undertale
>Steven Universe
>Wrestling
>Shit tier normie memes
>Mr. Enter
>hours upon hours of shit tier gameplay

The absolute state of Jasons Youtube channel. Look at all this autism. If i did not know better id almost think this was secretly Chris Chans. I hated almost all of these things years before i stumbled over you and to know that Jason took time out of his day to make dozens of videos about it is truly the cherry on the shit icecream. How do you even manage day to day life? I recommend you upload a housetour next to educate us on the matter.